I Supported the Iraq War ... sorry.


OK, Now Turn On Your I-Pod:
Is She Weird 55: i am listening to the clueless theme


A Woman in Power:

Feminine Rant: i cant wait to see the return of the clinton
reign
Feminine Rant: but more, i cant wait to see a women in power!!
ParaMyrrh: Feminine, you like no substance and all soap opera?
EDruezillaB: Feminine, is that your agenda?
Feminine Rant: Oh man,i get all giggly when i think about power
ParaMyrrh: Clintons come to mind
EDruezillaB: "A woman in power" doesn't sound like a very good
platform.
IaintRlGHT: ive had several women demonstrate how powerful
they were on me


Learning to Ride:

Condorblue: hada, how long will it take me to learn how to
ride a motorcycle?
Feminine Rant: depends if you crash or not
Feminine Rant: and how bad the injuries are if you do
Hadachoke: Condor .. depends on you. If you crash a lot, it
could take a week
Condorblue: why the hell would I crash?
Beysshoes: back...condor its easier to find a lover with a bike
and just ride with


Condor - Dream Deflater:

Feminine Rant: i love thunder
Feminine Rant: i should have been a god
LadyMtnMedic: God of what?
Condorblue: feminine, a god is a dead person with a good press agent


Sympatheic Advice:

BooksIut: I have an ear infection.
BooksIut: Hurts like hell.
Phezziwig13: type with something else
Harryshaw3178: Book take antobiotics
KammaToasted: i've never had an ear infection
KammaToasted: WHAT DID YOU DO?
Steppsrider: Bookslut are you taking anti-biotics?
Phezziwig13: I got ear infections when I was little
BooksIut: No RX.
BooksIut: Just sort of happened, couple hours ago.
BooksIut: While I was at work.
Harryshaw3178: get an prescription Book. ear infection
nothing to play with
KammaToasted: good girl...prescription drugs are for pussies
Phezziwig13: Yeah, go right out onto the street for your drugs
PatientOnion3: how do you play with an ear infection?
PatientOnion3: with a q-tip?
PatientOnion3: creepy tried it once, and look what happened to her


An Accidental Book?:
KammaToasted: i refuse to read steve king since the accident


Leslie Leaving Us Hanging:

LeslieHapablap: a single father who gets a call that is 14-year
old daughter has been at a party giving blow jobs to all sorts
of boys.
LeslieHapablap: he rushes to the party.
LeslieHapablap: his daughter is not there.
Catpower777: Leslie, I read that
LeslieHapablap: he beats a boy with a shovel.
LeslieHapablap: that is all the further i am.
Kamperkenii: light reading I see, leslie


Hillary Lennon:
Is She Weird 55: IMAGINE THERE'S NO HEATH LEDGER....
IT'S NOT EASY IF YOU TRY

Imagine There's No Gaps:
Phezziwig13: I IMAGINE THE CONDI RICE BOBBLE HEAD WOULD LOOK
CREEPILY LIFE-LIKE


Try a Clapper?:
Phezziwig13: I currently don't have a girlfriend, kinda like
not being able to find your keys

Tourists?
Eves259apple: Who dies in a New York min?

Not Really a Slut:
BooksIut: Five hundred dollars and I've got all of my books
for this semester.


Alone on a Saturday Night:

Is She Weird 55: i hate the human race
Harryshaw3178: fairly difficult to date outside the human race
Jam7604801: she wants a vulcan boyfriend
Phezziwig13: Don't make the sound of your own wheels make
you crazy


Lie and Tell Her You Went to Target:

Is She Weird 55: i cry when people tell me they go to wal-mart
Rozari: Weird, you must cry a lot.
Lamumsie: have you seen The High Cost of Low Prices, IsShe?
Is She Weird 55: yeah well i'm sensitive to the issue of slave
labor and big box stores
Rozari: I see your point Weird.


Debt Collector's Helper:

CordialCactus: i had a call from a debt collector for a
"jennifer_______" my ex-husbands current wife
CordialCactus: looking for her... or information
Hadachoke: uh oh
CordialCactus: so, i helped him...
CordialCactus: alot


Why Godwit Never Gets Any Tips:
Godwit935: Binx, I would gladly throw coffee on you in a diner.


Sympathy On Demand:

Prospect26: obviously, I would like ti talk about my daughter
and her surgery at the Steadman-Hawkins clinic.
Prospect26: But I know that is boring to all of you.
Harryshaw3178: Prospect is everything alright?
LadyMtnMedic: sorry your daughter is not well Prosp
ThePaIeRlDER: your kid sick prospect?
Prospect26: Harry...she had surgery on Monday. Her ACL was severed.
She is doing well. Thank you for asking.
ThePaIeRlDER: oh my prospect hope she is better soon
LadyMtnMedic: hope she heals fast Pros
Prospect26: Thank you all for your concern.


Jews Don't Like Water:

Godwit935: I can't imagine Lloyd Bridges
was Jewish, with all that swimming he did.
Godwit935: Although Mark Spitz was Jewish, I think.
Godwit935: I just don't picture Jews swimming, I guess.
ThePaIeRlDER: the whole baptismal thing god
ThePaIeRlDER: very messy
Godwit935: I never thought of that, Pale.
Godwit935: I just think, back of my mind, you know, that
Jews don't like to do physical labor, by and large, so why
would they want to swim.
ThePaIeRlDER: um god, they built the pyramids fer christ sake
Godwit935: Pale, but not of their own volition.
Godwit935: Maybe that's when they got tired of it.
ThePaIeRlDER: no but it shows they can do it


Onion, Save Us:

Johnpaperfir: Reading books other than the Bible is decadent
and will make you a homosexual or drug addict
SKlein69: THE REVOLUTION IS HERE. HOWARD STERN LIVE AND
UNCENSORED ONLY ON SIRIUS SATELLITE RADIO.
SKlein69: 7 ELEVEN COFFEE-FRESH BREWED-FRESH TASTE
Harryshaw3178: crap we've got Sklein and an evangelist all at once
SKlein69: VOTE OBAMA 08
Harryshaw3178: Onion do something!!


ParaMyrrh, Inspire Us:

LeslieHapablap: paramyrrh, what is distracting you?
ParaMyrrh: Im chillin
LeslieHapablap: paramyrrh, get your hands out of your pants
and start chatting properly.



Condor With a Plan:

Condorblue: teenagers like to seduce the older shelvers and
get us on the predator show
Condorblue: I have thought about setting up the setter uppers
Condorblue: It would be fun, but a little dangerous



Testing Condor's Theory:
Condorblue: in fact, no other female mammal in the world
has a clitoris, which proves my point that the female orgasm
is a myth
CordialCactus: i think i want to test that theory
CordialCactus: often


By Eating Pastry?:

Millervwmllr: just pretend to be Danish, you'll get a
good thrashing by Muslims
CordialCactus: how does one pretend to be danish?


Why Leslie Loves Vanda:

LeslieHapablap: one of the greatest things about vanda52 is
that he treats an IM like an email. signs off on each
message sent. "blah. blah. blah. regards, allan."


Chattin' Like Vanda:

LeslieHapablap: hi, cordialcactus, how are you?
regards, lesliehapablap.
CordialCactus: lol lesliehapablap, i would like to sincerely
thank you for that polite exchange. cordially, cactus
LeslieHapablap: dear harryshaw3178, how is the packing coming
along? wondering, lesliehapablap.
BinxB91: Dear LeslieHapablap, How is your smart husband doing.
Just Curious. Respectfully Submitted, BinxB91
LeslieHapablap: dear binxb91, mr. hapablap is well. thank you
for inquiring. sincerely, lesliehapablap.
CordialCactus: dear lesliehapablap, what is this i hear of
harry packing? is he planning a move? rudely insinuating
myself into the conversation, cactus
CordialCactus: alright.. i cant do that anymore:)
LeslieHapablap: dear cordialcactus, yes, he is moving back to
new orleans. kind regards, lesliehapablap.
LeslieHapablap: dear creepy loner, i miss you.
love always, lesliehapablap.


Check That Truth Because It Is False:

Millervwmllr: did you know Roswell happened in the same year
Bush, Cheney, and Condoleeza were born
Millervwmllr: creepy
BinxB91: Bush and Cheney were not born in the same year
Boulshevit: I'm saving myself for Condoleeza
CordialCactus: :::required shudder:::::
Bethliebner: thats nice Boulshevit
Harryshaw3178: Miller now i'm worried
Millervwmllr: I knew you would be, just spreading the truth
LeslieHapablap: check that truth because it is false.
Millervwmllr: who cares, it sounds fun!



[CHUCKIE: Are they hookin' you up with a job?
WILL: Yeah, sit in a room and do long division
for the next fifty years.
CHUCKIE: Yah, but it's better than this shit.
At least you'd make some nice bank.
WILL: Yeah, be a fuckin' lab rat.
CHUCKIE: It's a way outta here.
WILL: What do I want a way outta here for?
I want to live here the rest of my life. I want
to be your next door neighbor. I want to take
our kids to little league together up Foley Field.
CHUCKIE: Look, you're my best friend, so don't
take this the wrong way, but in 20 years, if you're
livin' next door to me, comin' over watchin' the
fuckin'Patriots' games and still workin'construction,
I'll fuckin' kill you.
And that's not a threat, that's a fact.
I'll fuckin' kill you.
WILL: Chuckie, what are you talkin'...
CHUCKIE: Listen, you got somethin' that none of
us have.
WILL: Why is it always this? I owe it to
myself? What if I don't want to?
CHUCKIE: Fuck you. You owe it to me. Tomorrow
I'm gonna wake up and I'll be fifty and I'll still
be doin' this. And that's all right 'cause I'm
gonna make a run at it.
But you, you're sittin' on a winning
lottery ticket and you're too much of
a pussy to cash it in. And that's bullshit
'cause I'd do anything to have what you got!
And so would any of these guys. It'd be a
fuckin' insult to us if you're still here
in twenty years.
WILL: You don't know that.
CHUCKIE: Let me tell you what I do know.
Every day I come by to pick you up, and we
go out drinkin' or whatever and we have a
few laughs. But you know what the best part
of my day is? The ten seconds before I knock
on the door 'cause I let myself think I might
get there, and you'd be gone. I'd knock
on the door and you wouldn't be there.
You just left.

---- A beat ---

CHUCKIE: (cont'd)Now, I don't know much.
But I know that.]


C'Loner's Survey:
Creepy Loner: Males of the room - when pleasuring yourselves
in the shower, do you use soap as lube?
BinxB91: C'Loner, I have
Boulshevit: No, Creepy..it stings
Creepy Loner: So, a yes and a no...
BinxB91: Bouls, don't use Lava soap then
Boulshevit: I mean..nevermind
Creepy Loner: Any others willing to answer?
CordialCactus: creeps... creepy family feud survey?
Creepy Loner: Yeah, sort of.
Millervwmllr: I don't even want to fathom where that came from Creepy
Creepy Loner: Even if you tried, you wouldn't guess.
Boulshevit: Miller, you're 17?
Millervwmllr: yes...
PatientOnion3: what was the question creepy?
BinxB91: That was similar to Niontron who wanted to know if she
should insert his finger into a woman. He said he'd tried but
the woman said it hurt. I think he had spilled hot sauce on
his hands
Boulshevit: And you don't know where Creepy is coming from?
PatientOnion3: i have never done it in the shower
Catpower777: Creepy, you waiting until the expert left the room
to ask that question
PatientOnion3: you only use the shower when you live with your
parents or lots of roommates
Creepy Loner: The expert?
Catpower777: Para
Millervwmllr: I'm a nerd, I handg out with people who eat
Jelly Beans and watch Star Wars, I know where he's coming from,
but it doens't mean I want to go there
Creepy Loner: Oohh...yeah, Para.
Creepy Loner: Hm.
Creepy Loner: Well, you guys answered...thanks.
Creepy Loner: That's all I really wanted.
Boulshevit: lol...I know, I was raise Lutheran too, Miller


Reflecting on Creepy's Shower:

PatientOnion3: creepy is making a shower movie
PatientOnion3: a sexual remake of psycho
BinxB91: I thought Psycho was sexual ...
Catpower777: binx, that's just scary
CordialCactus: phezz.. the plastic on my windows is bulging
Creepy Loner: Binx with the good, but alarming, point.
Phezziwig13: I'M GOING TO GET MY KITE
CordialCactus: binx.. ithought it was too, if that makes
you feel better

Playing Nice:

LadyMtnMedic: actually, I politely made a comment,
and politely answered you
LadyMtnMedic: said my bad, never inferred anything
Beysshoes: lady, just being sarcastic ... i do apologize.
Phezziwig13: And I'm sorry that you two are both sorry
Phezziwig13: We're all sorry
Phezziwig13: If I'm wrong about that, I'm sorry

Fight Nights on the Shelf


Parole Break?:
Phezziwig13: MOST PRISON BREAKS DON'T TAKE THREE SEASONS


Wanted a T-shirt?:
IM0Kurknot: My friend just got back from AOL and all I
got was this stupid emoticom.


A Big Left-Handed Salute to BonCheeks:
Phezziwig13: PARA CAN GO FROM AN ASTUTE, WELL READ GUY
TO AN INBREAD SLACKJAWED KU KLUX KLAN MEMBER SCRIBBLING
ON A BATHROOM WALL ALL IN ONE SCREEN


Not Making the Team:

LeslieHapablap: binxb91, how many tattoos do you have?
BinxB91: one tattoo
ParaMyrrh: Im shocked
LeslieHapablap: binxb91, what a relief. i did not want
you on my snuggle team anyway.


Two Minds That Beat as One:
LeslieHapablap: creepy loner is not my translator,
though we are like two wonderful mensa minds beating as
two people.


Forgotten Soft Drinks:

BinxB91: Odd calling her "Tab". Makes her sound like
a diet drink
Ta21l: it's what I'm called daily Binx, what can I say
DinosoreVagina: you're just slimming Ta
Ta21l: and oh so sweet...don't forget that....lol
BinxB91: well, Tab cola is rare these days
BinxB91: It was the drink among women in the 70s
Ta21l: hey, I drink it on occaision
DinosoreVagina: what happened to Fresca
Godwit935: Fresca is still around, I think.
BinxB91: Fresca still exists
Ta21l: yeah, I drink that too
BinxB91: It tastes awful
Ta21l: I like it
BinxB91: you probably spike it
DinosoreVagina: that helps
Ta21l: sometimes....lol
DinosoreVagina: ok fresca is improved by vodka
Ta21l: anything is improved by vodka....
Yossarian270: amen, tab
Hadachoke: i'm not improved by Vodka



Support the Troops?:

BooksIut: Like I said, most Nam vets don't mention their
service.
BooksIut: Except for those guys who hold up the signs,
"Vietnam Vet, hungry."
BooksIut: But I suppose that is neither here nor there.
Beysshoes: Book you sound like bill o'reilly there
Tem o Bedlam: Zoe, I think that's what annoys people.
I didn't serve my country. I stayed out of jail.
BooksIut: Good grief.
ZOEaudra: i do not think that you as a soldier need to
worry about that, tem
ZOEaudra: you were drafted, you'd served, period
ZOEaudra: right or wrong? who knows
BooksIut: Who cares.
BooksIut: Is the question.


Fight Tactics:

Phezziwig13: JF IS A PUNK BUT NOW HE IS A PUNK WHO
IS AMUSING US LESS AND LESS
Ta21l: hey...I like JF
JFWaterman: Why thanks, Phezziwig! I see you have picked
out your first foil to contrast how damned efficient.
wonderful and insightful you are?
Godwit935: Phezzi, this guy knows you!
Hadachoke: if i ignore jf and he still babbles, did the
tree really fall?
CordialCactus: lol hada
Greatteepo4615: its too late for philosophy
Hadachoke: ok
Hadachoke: po....
JFWaterman: Hada, do you even have a tree?
Greatteepo4615: what?
Hadachoke: sure
Hadachoke: lotsa trees
Greatteepo4615: jf....what?
Raskolnkov: great ... just wait, "i know you are but
what am i" is coming up next
Phezziwig13: MY TREE IS BIGGER THAN YOURS
DinosoreVagina: wait, hada has a tree?
Greatteepo4615: once that happens, ill break out the rubber
and the glue
Phezziwig13: MY TREE CAN BEAT YOUR TREE UP
CordialCactus: alright... so, besides all this previous
inflammatory malarkey, whats shakin


If Fork is the Answer, What's the Question:

Creepy Loner: She's a bozo.
Creepy Loner: She was mean to Dr. Fork.
BinxB91: mean to Fork?? why is that bad?
Creepy Loner: Because he's remotely interesting.
BinxB91: uh huh
BooksIut: Am I interesting?
Creepy Loner: You have your moments, Slut...sure.
Kamperkenii: Book, you are by far the most interesting
persona I've ever met on AOL
BinxB91: C'Loner in a diplomatic moment
Kamperkenii: (Yoss, notice how I shameless sucked up?
you might want to write that down)
BinxB91: Kamper's first day on AOL
Creepy Loner: It was an honest answer, Binx - she's not
paying me.
Creepy Loner: F*ck*ss.
Kamperkenii: I amaze myself sometimes
Creepy Loner: [crawling through music library]
BinxB91: well, if she were paying you, it'd be like a job
BooksIut: I am very beautiful.
BooksIut: And smart.
BooksIut: And rich.
BooksIut: So.
BooksIut: I suppose you're on the right track.
BinxB91: beautiful, smart, and rich?? Then why are you here?
Creepy Loner: Why be diplomatic unless there's the implication
of some kind of harm? She doesn't know where I live, my number,
nor can she screw with my money...and so on. Hence, the
"honest answer."
Creepy Loner: Christ.
BinxB91: C'Loner, next time cut the valium in half
Greatteepo4615: or double it
Creepy Loner: Teeheeehee
Creepy Loner: I'll cut the valium in half when you finally
f*ck one of your coworker crushes.
Creepy Loner: How's that?
Creepy Loner: A bond?
Creepy Loner: A bet?
BinxB91: Do you use the word "hence" in actual conversation?
Creepy Loner: Yes.
BinxB91: Do you have actual conversations?
Creepy Loner: What is it with you, Binx?
BinxB91: Talking to yourself doesn't count
Creepy Loner: Why do you insist on riding me?
BinxB91: what is it with me?? You like Fork
Creepy Loner: F you and your kid and your sh*t job.
BooksIut: Binx is a miserable creature.
BinxB91: cry baby
Creepy Loner: I've just blown so much time trying to be
nice to you, and it's one f-ing pointless punchline after
another. You have a problem with Fork? Fine. Keep the
problem there.
BooksIut: This room sucks.
Creepy Loner: Jerk.
Creepy Loner: Off.
Creepy Loner: *sshole.
BinxB91: You can dish it out BUT YOU CAN'T TAKE IT
BinxB91: whiner
Creepy Loner: [laughs]
Creepy Loner: I really do want to know what your problem
is with me. Are you kidding? Is "Fork" the answer?


Homesick for BS:

Ta21l: hello bitches
DinosoreVagina: hello bitch
BinxB91: hello Tab Cola
DinosoreVagina: should that be fellow bitch
Raconteurerudite: cheese debate time!
Ta21l: RAC!!! funny see you in here
Ta21l: HELL YEAH!!!
DinosoreVagina: ok, that makes sense?
Raconteurerudite: you made me homesick for bs
Ta21l: fellow bitch...hmmmmm
Ta21l: really...I would have thought I'd scare
you off....lol


What do You Smell Like?:

DoomGrl: what do you smell like?
LeslieHapablap: jasmine.
LeslieHapablap: delicious jasmine.
Creepy Loner: Ta, what set you off on this whole
"bitches" thing?
Kgbirdpaul: I smell like pine cones


[Pepper love: that's how I think of it. Abraham and Aurora fell
in pepper love, up there on the Malabar Gold. They came down
from those high stacks with more than their cloths smelling of
spice. So passionately had they fed upon each other, so
profoundly had sweat and blood and secretions of their bodies
mingled, in that foetid atmosphere heavy with the odours of
cardomon and cumin, so intimately had they conjoined, not only
with each other but what-hung-on-the-air, yes, and with the
spice-sacks themselves --- some of which, it must be said, were
torn, so that peppercorns and elichees poured out and were
crushed between legs and bellies and thighs --- that, for ever
after, they sweated pepper'n' spice sweat, and their bodily
fluids, too, smelled and even tasted of what had been crushed
into their skins, what had mingled with their love waters, what
had been breathed in from the air during that transcendent fuck.]


British Cuisine:

Catpower777: I can't eat that gamey stuff, either
Catpower777: and stay away from steak and kidney pie !
DinosoreVagina: oh
DinosoreVagina: lol cat
Melodramamama22: the sausage man goes: my venison sausages
are nice, i don't let my deer hang for days like some people!
Melodramamama22: and i was all oh, gee, good to know
Catpower777: I thought it was great until I bit into some kidney


A Misunderstood Thanks:

LeslieHapablap: godwit935, i would not recommend dave eggers
to you.
Godwit935: Leslie, describe what Eggers writes.
LeslieHapablap: godwit935, self-important post-post-modern
fiction.
Godwit935: I don't know what that means, Leslie, but thanks
anyway


Godwit as Rapper:
Godwit935: My favorite music video at the moment is the
McNuggest Geek Rappers.


Beysshoes Goes Ghetto:

LadyMtnMedic: is Beys off AOL?
Avoidingstasis: nah
Avoidingstasis: she's still here
Phezziwig13: Probably just on something else
Phezziwig13: She threatened to kill me once
LadyMtnMedic: Beys did?
Greatteepo4615: big deal
Phezziwig13: Even told me the model of the handgun she was
going to use
Greatteepo4615: she threatens to kill everyone
LadyMtnMedic: Beys does?
Harryshaw3178: somehow difficult to take a cyberthreat seriously
Greatteepo4615: take all cyberthreats seriously!
Phezziwig13: I pissed her off something fierce...Jam was there
Avoidingstasis: no kidding, H
Phezziwig13: Long time ago
Phezziwig13: She was trying to invite her BF into the chat room
or something
Phezziwig13: She IMed me
LadyMtnMedic: lots of cyber stalkers about...
Phezziwig13: Somehow he made it in but she wasn't in yet
Phezziwig13: I told her to say something sexy to me
Phezziwig13: and when she did, I posted it in the room
Phezziwig13: cut and paste
Phezziwig13: then I told the guy I was through with her
and he could have her now
Phezziwig13: He split
Nomdujourxx: Welcome to the Shelf
Harryshaw3178: stasis join the crowd, the lost
Dgl310: avoiding we are discussing fiction
Phezziwig13: 8-)
Greatteepo4615: i have a hat that i draw my comments from
Phezziwig13: It made her mad for some reason
Phezziwig13: She threaten ot pop a cap in my ass
Phezziwig13: She gets ghetto when she gets mad


The Perfect Lesbian Zinfandel Chicken:

Beysshoes: creeps are you soaked? you're so angry tonight.
PatientOnion3: bey, who said you could come in this room?
Beysshoes: STFU les
Creepy Loner: You're so angry tonight.
PatientOnion3: gypsy was confessing his gay love
relationship with godwit and you RUINED it
PatientOnion3: and in 2 hours i will make the perfect lesbian
zinfandel chicken thigh chow mein with noodles boiled in fresh
chicken stock, and not a lot of nasty veggies getting in the
way


You Must Choose:

PatientOnion3: a possum comes into creepy's back yard tonight,
there are 3 piles (1) thawed corn, (2) pepperoni pizza,
(3) 4 twinkies. which does the possum eat first?
PatientOnion3: bey, you nosey passionfruit kniver you
PatientOnion3: a twit or a jerk, you must choose!
Beysshoes: shut up homer
PatientOnion3: you can't ignore the world and be happy
PatientOnion3: you must absorb all that is twitty and jerky to
understand the big picture
PatientOnion3: until you reach the ultimate ignorant state
and you become gypsy, godwit, jam
PatientOnion3: and move to texas


Do Woobies Bite?:

PatientOnion3: bey wouldn't know a woobie if it bit her
on the butt
Beysshoes: yah what is a woobie please?
Beysshoes: londo whats a woobie
Londoj: strangely I don't know
Beysshoes: homer if you dont start talking imma have to IM you


Beth Coulda Had One:
Bethliebner: V8 fusion juice is good


Hollywood Video Insults:
BlackMediaJones: i'm insulted. i just got an automated
call from hollywood video and they suggested i'd probably
enjoy "good luck chuck."


Leslie Making Up Words:

LeslieHapablap: blackmediajones, the other day i IMd
you a link, did you get it?
LeslieHapablap: tom cruise ranting about his scientolobotomy.
BlackMediaJones: OH I LOVE THAT
LeslieHapablap: i just made that word up.
BlackMediaJones: he is a class 1 space cadet.
BlackMediaJones: which i think is an actual ranking in
scientology


Irish Porn:

I2DaysInNovember: anyone see Irish Jam?
I2DaysInNovember: I liked it probably becasue I have a
thing for pretty Irish women. I wonder if they have the
internet in Ireland. We don't get many Irish women here
BlackMediaJones: I'm starting a porn channel in Ireland
that's nothing but redheads being doused with pitchers of
beer


Yes, Woobies Bite:

Beysshoes: i got distressed last night and cut all my locks off.
Harryshaw3178: Beys please tell us you're not Britney spears....
EmpressZ21: oh yikes beys
EmpressZ21: how does it look
BinxB91: all your locks off?
DinosoreVagina: Beys!
Beysshoes: i know empress...it looks like a rat bit it off.
DinosoreVagina: how distressed were you?
Beysshoes: yes ... stoopid.
Boulshevit: Distressed why?
Beysshoes: sociopathology of family members bouls


Unfortunately It's Todd Joyce:
BooksIut: Warning. When I drink, I often slip into post-Joycean
rhetoric with little possibility of making sense.



Pushed Into UnCordiality:

CordialCactus: emp... yeah.. i wanted to tell you thanks
alot for my washer breaking.. and for.. um.. yes for my
gray hair!
ThePaIeRlDER: omg you are greying already?
CordialCactus: oh, bite a dead toad, pale!


Other Than Their Mouths:
Treeluva: It never ceases to amaze me. The children know where
to get the food. But they have no Idea where to put the food.


No, I Said Bring a Tool Not ...:
Treeluva: i so should have gotten some last night. Damnit!
Treeluva: i think I told him it had been a while and I didnt
know if my plumbing would work. lol


Perfectly FINZE:
Is She Weird 55: my mom smoked right when i got home
from the hospital and i am PERFECTLY FINZE



Die Tonight:

Phezziwig13: A lot of homeless will probably die tonight
Godwit935: Phezzi, yes, and countless thousands of birds
and forest animals.
Is She Weird 55: and godwit might die in his sleep tonight
because he is heartless.


Frat Boys in Cold Weather:

Phezziwig13: -11 in Chicago
Jam7604801: phezz if you pissed off the sears tower would
it freeze before it hits the ground?


Masks On:
Condorblue: Let's all try to be civil, although we all
despise one another


The Silly Matter:
BinxB91: oh Godwit, could you be any sillier?
You're PatientOnion's angry twin
Godwit935: Cordial, I am in my place when I keep Binx in his.
CordialCactus: i see
Godwit935: Binx, I am a normal man.
CordialCactus: i love it when grown men call each other silly
Godwit935: I haven't called anyone silly. That's not a word
I would use.
BinxB91: normal how?
Condorblue: cordial, do you like it when men slap each other
on the butt?
BinxB91: You talk silly
CordialCactus: condor, no, i cant say that i have taken any
pleasure in that
CordialCactus: godwit, maybe you should. think you are being
inflexible on this matter
Godwit935: Cordial, a normal American man doesn't use the word silly.
Godwit935: Which matter, Cordial?
CordialCactus: the silly matter



The News From Akron:
Is She Weird 55: my hair straightner just beeped


Is She Wired?:
Is She Weird 55: tom petty's playin at the super bowl
Is She Weird 55: hahahahahahahhahaha
CordialCactus: hillary, are you on drugs?
Is She Weird 55: WHAT? WHY DO YOU ASSUME I AM ON DRUGS?
Creepy Loner: I don't think Cordial wants to ask you if you're
stupid, and that would be the only other possible explanation
for your behavior




Take My Wife, Please:
Hadachoke: at my age, sex is like shooting pool with a rope


You Can Do That?:

Avoidingstasis: OH NO Ann Coulter!!!
Lydiaparn8: huh?
Roanstan: UGGGGGGGGGGGG
Avoidingstasis: it's like being haunted
Avoidingstasis: she's GOT to get off my TV!!!!!
Lydiaparn8: Carolyn, just change the station.
Roanstan: I'd shoot the tv.
Roanstan: and hope it goes through to her.
Lydiaparn8: not a chance and they'd you'd have a mess to clean up.
Lydiaparn8: That's why we have remotes.
Avoidingstasis: change the what??? you can DO that????
Lydiaparn8: Am I going to have to come out to E.H. and show
you AGAIN?
Avoidingstasis: LOL I need a really REALLY thin gun



Undecided ... NOT!:
Bgrant444: Speaking of pigs, you can put a pigs head
on a pole and I would vote for it before any of the
republicans


The Enthusiastic Cat Power:

Bgrant444: besides, Jesus was a Democrat and I can prove it
Beysshoes: bg..do tell
Bgrant444: Beyss, Try to get a Republican to say "Blessed are
the poor"
Catpower777: Bg gets a bj for that one
Catpower777: woops did I type that out loud?
Bgrant444: Cat :-)


Intellectual Spat:

Beth3667: I am reading The Robber Bride
Beth3667: it's boring me
BooksIut: Well, aren't you the little aspiring intellectual, Beth.
Beth3667: Bookslut, you eat alphabet soup for lunch and say I aspire



Tough Love:

CordialCactus: i was actually thinking a bullhorn would be
a lovely gift idea for parents of small children
CordialCactus: HOLD IT RIGHT THERE... I SAID NO...
NO.... HEY... YOU! WITH THE DIAPER! GET DOWN

WRITER'S STRIKE - explanation for Beysshoe's absence
last week. She atones this week by forwarding various
archives. Kind of like watching TV re-runs but not.
Not sure why there's so much discussion of genitalia
this time. Maybe chat just inevitably ends up there.

LeslieHapablap thinks this column should have some useful
purpose. So she suggested I post an APB for TRBinNorth
Carolina(Ted). If anyone knows his whereabouts, have
him contact Leslie immediately.
Leslie also pointed out that "Puffy Taco" is a restuarant
in San Antonio. Though it sounded funny, I guessed it was
something like that. She isn't one to make bawdy jokes.


(Odd)Man Out:

CordialCactus: when i was in labor with my first
they told me i had a demerol drip.. i KNOW they
were lying... i didnt feel a difference at all..
but staidol.. now thats good
Catpower777: Cactus, they told me I had an epidural,
too -- never happened !
CordialCactus: cat... lol.. now thats bad
Katiesofar: i went for the epidural cordial....
Katiesofar: heavenly
DinosoreVagina: oh I had an epidural
DinosoreVagina: that's why the survival rate was so good
Raskolnikov: whats an epidural?
DinosoreVagina: it's what they give you when you're giving
birth Yoss
Catpower777: yeah, I had natural childbirth and paid for
an epidural
DinosoreVagina: omg Cat
Ta21l: that sucks
Katiesofar: got it for free as i work for them....so i said
bring it on!
BinxB91: bring it on? odd thing to say in the context
DinosoreVagina: I think they should hook up the epidural in
the third trimester
Katiesofar: eventually went to c-section though as he was
right at 2 pounds...
CordialCactus: katie.. i did with my 3rd.. i loved it.. but
... i had to have magnesium sulfate to prevent high blood
pressure induced seizures... so .... i dont know where im
going with this
Ta21l: I think that happened when I had my second, cause I
swear, it didn't feel as good as it did the first time
around
Katiesofar: 2 hours of pushing wasnt doing a thing
Katiesofar: eek cordial
Raskolnikov: oh god, not details, please
Raskolnikov: lalalalallalala


Uniquely Squeaky:

CordialCactus: microwave cheese curds and it makes them
squeak when you eat them
CordialCactus: squeek?
Greatteepo4615: squeak
CordialCactus: make a funny high pitched sound*
Catpower777: Cactus, you may be the only person ever
to speak those words in my presence



Ask Miss Manners:

Ta21l: let me ask you guys something...is it wrong to
invite someone to your wedding just because you know
they'll give you a great gift?
Greatteepo4615: no
Greatteepo4615: is it wrong to propose to a complete
stranger
Catpower777: Ta, do you hate the person?


"no, I really L M A O":

CordialCactus: ok.. dumb queston for youse
CordialCactus: when you see lmao... do you real
L M A O in your head
DinosoreVagina: uh
CordialCactus: or lamayoh
Ta21l: lmao
CordialCactus: whatchoo lmaoing for
CordialCactus: or lamayoh
CordialCactus: or laughing my ass off
Ta21l: no, I really L M A O....


"I totally know those":

BooksIut: When I was a kid, I wanted to grow up to
be a lion.
CordialCactus: neato, books
Phezziwig13: WHEN I WAS A KID, I WANTED TO GROW UP CLAWING
MY WAY TO MIDDLE MANAGEMENT
Phezziwig13: ACTUALLY, I WANTED TO BE A COWBOY AND WEAR FUZZY PANTS
CordialCactus: cowboys wear fuzzy pants?
DinosoreVagina: yes, those cow pants I think
CordialCactus: or just phezzy cowboys?
DinosoreVagina: or that
CordialCactus: that wasnt funny.. dont lol
Phezziwig13: YEAH, THOSE THINGS THEY STRAP ON
Greatteepo4615: yeah
Greatteepo4615: i totally know those


Everything Back to Normal:

Eyez Wide Open 9: he invited me to his house
Eyez Wide Open 9: but I thought he was gay
Eyez Wide Open 9: so I didn't go
Vanda52: he may have been if he was in Key West
Eyez Wide Open 9: I don't like gay people.
Vanda52: ok
Eyez Wide Open 9: I am a gay magnet.
Niontron3: I don't like or dislike gay people...
Vanda52: gay guys like me too but my business is
loaded with gays so i just deal with it
Niontron3: they are just people from a distance...
Lamardlth: I'm a girl. I don't like faggy men they bug me!
Niontron3: I observed the opposite...girls and gays become
good friends
Creepy Loner: This is true. Sometimes we get so tight,
we date.
Niontron3: they say "we share the same interest, men"
Niontron3: so sometimes I tell girl I am gay just to be
with them...
Lamardlth: eewww
Niontron3: then later I start to fondle them...
Niontron3: everything is back to normal



Regularity:
Godwit935: Does anyone in here bake cakes or sechlike
on a regular basis?


Regular Visitor to Convalescent Homes:

Godwit935: I have only seen one person die, I mean,
been there at the moment of death. I can't forget it.
Godwit935: I think it is fascinating, to think and to see
that one moment when life ends.


The Logical Rono:

Niontron3: in this world , I will shoot you then
you will die...but in quantum mechanics you might die
first then I might shoot you
Niontron3: sounds crazy but true!!!
DinosoreVagina: logic is a way of thinking, it's a process
Creepy Loner: Nion's way of saying the kitty is alive and dead.
Niontron3: in this world, by physics, everything is cause
and effect
Niontron3: therfore, everything must be LOGICAL


Prison Break:
CordialCactus: toddler escapee... brb


Hoosier Suspect:
KD81785: My brother went to Indiana U for French
KD81785: the best teachers at IU died while my brother was there


Dying to Stay Out of War:

BooksIut: The recruiting center gave me ---let's say
unique--- ideas for losing weight to join the Army as a
chemical engineer.
BooksIut: Basically, I wore two large Hefty bags underneath
two pairs of sweats in triple digit weather here in Vegas.
BooksIut: Then ran two miles.
BooksIut: I dropped 12 lbs in A SINGLE WEEK.
BooksIut: I was eating Jewish rye bread and tuna, nothing else.
BooksIut: And lots of green tea and water.
BooksIut: I kept losing until I weighted 124 lb.
BooksIut: Went up to MEPS,
BooksIut: and,
BooksIut: guess what?
Rozari: you were underweight?
Lpwfuw: You starved yourself, Book
BinxB91: you failed the psychological tests?
Vanda52: 124 isnt that light, are you tall?
BooksIut: I GOT MY PERIOD AND WAS .05% OVER THE
WEIGHT REQUIREMENTS.
DinosoreVagina: that's not good
BooksIut: Seriously.
KD81785: 124 is light unless you are 5 foot tall
Vanda52: i like my girls around 80 pounds
Vanda52: protruding ribs
BooksIut: It's okay.
BooksIut: I didn't want to go to war.
BooksIut: F that.
Vanda52: haha
Lpwfuw: That's because you like 5th graders, Allan
Vanda52: ok
BooksIut: Yea, I was terribly obsessed with my body and
lost an extreme amount of weight in a very short period
of time.
BooksIut: I used to pass out in class from hunger pains.
BooksIut: Not recommended.
BooksIut: But,
BooksIut: I'd do it again.
BooksIut: Like, for my wedding.
Lpwfuw: You endangered your life, Book


Meet Glue Complexion:

Glue complexion: almost wishing i had something to say
in this conversation.
Hadachoke: Glue, jump in
CordialCactus: are you a senior, glue?
CordialCactus: or out of school?
Glue complexion: but i end up feeling a bit naive.
Hadachoke: s'ok
Glue complexion: i'm a senior.
Hadachoke: better'n sounding stoopid like me :)
BinxB91: we're all naive ... just in different situations
CordialCactus: eh.. one thing i learned about chat rooms is
you will never be the biggest dork.. look to the right..
see those names.. i guarantee there is someone more naive
on there....:)
Hadachoke: Hey, GLUE.. I'm a senior too!
CordialCactus: lol hada
Creepy Loner: [points at self for Cord]
CordialCactus: a card-carrying one too
Glue complexion: hahaha, this is true.
CordialCactus: lol creepy
Glue complexion: hahaha.
BinxB91: C'Loner doesn't talk enough to show her dorkiness
Creepy Loner: Sure I do.
Glue complexion: no worries, i get to be a dork in the morning.
CordialCactus: creepy is too cool to be a dork..
Glue complexion: i'm on academic decathalon. \m/
CordialCactus: im the dork silly
Creepy Loner: Binx...I have been trying to organize pictures
on CDs for the last 4 hours.
Creepy Loner: There's dorkiness.
Hadachoke: ok, cc, i can out-dork you any day
CordialCactus: academic decathalon?
Glue complexion: such a brutal competition.
Glue complexion: yeah, a bunch of kids take tests and see which
school has the smartest kids, i guess.
Glue complexion: but my team never studies, and we somehow made
it to regionals. hahha, it's so dumb.
CordialCactus: cool glue... what subjects interest you the most?
Glue complexion: history. social studies. writing.
Glue complexion: i plan to get my masters in social work.
Glue complexion: and work with middle school kids as a school
social worker.


Secrets:
Hadachoke: julie is sometimes called JadedDrooler


Glue Footnote:

Hadachoke: i sniffed glue in school.. and that was before
the weird stuff was put in glue
Hadachoke: i just liked the way my head spun
Boulshevit: I ate paste...but I'm Protestant
DoomGrl: many children eat paste


Southern Manners:

CordialCactus: roz... what does "bless your little heart" mean?
Rozari: it's the same thing, but with more emphasis.
CordialCactus: gotcha... we need to practice this on GNO
Rozari: and then, there is, "Bless your little pea pickin'
heart."
KD81785: Cordial, did I say that to you?
CordialCactus: kd.. lol.. i hope not
Rozari: and that one is usually sincere
CordialCactus: did you?
KD81785: I didn't think so
Nomdujourxx: Sounds like a refugee phrase from Hee Haw
Phronsie: and a bit over the top
KD81785: cordial, it's one of those context things
Phronsie: Nom, I would ag ree
Phronsie: You have to get pretty far away from the media
to hear that said seriously these days.
KD81785: I can't do it
Rozari: see, southern folks never really want to hurt
someone's feelings, so we come up with these phrases.
Nomdujourxx: Tenn Ernie Ford = The Ol' Pea Picker
Phronsie: Sourtherners vary greatly, however,
KD81785: Roz, don't tell the secrets... just hand out the
sweet tea
Hadachoke: i always wondered why mississippi folks said to
me "It's ok, bobby, you can't help it"
Rozari: yup, Hada...that is along the same lines.
DinosoreVagina: what does that mean hada?
DinosoreVagina: I'm lost
Phronsie: Knowing you, Had, that is perfectly understandable
Hadachoke: means i'm dumber than a rock, i think


Missing Each Other:

Phronsie: re Slut
BooksIut: ...huh?
Phronsie: ?
BooksIut: i think phronsie missed me.
Phronsie: missed? No. Just a rehi
Phronsie: Besides which, not much is happening in here.
BooksIut: she's been stroking the arse niche i made
in the sofa since i ventured to the philosophy room.
Phronsie: I'm not a lesbian, Slut. Sorry.
BooksIut: so THAT'S why you put down the bottle.
Phronsie: I'm sympthetic to female causes in general
Phronsie: but women repulse me physically
BooksIut: really? i couldn't tell



Updating Deb:
ExShelfer: has anyone killed kal or ilove yet?
Hadachoke: nah
Hadachoke: those two are unkillable
Hadachoke: just like repUGLYcans


Updating Beysshoes:

ExShelfer: you guys were so cute together!
Beysshoes: oh, so my fantasy that he's gay is untrue
then. i'm so sad.
Hadachoke: bummer....
Vanda52: stop getting weird sarai
ExShelfer: bobby, are we all still friends?
Hadachoke: sure
Hadachoke: why not?
LynBelle: see allan, that is why I hate it when you aren't
here, you keep order
Hadachoke: (i hope)
Beysshoes: allan, all this time i thought his line ins were
satirical. i'm heartbroken.
Vanda52: i see
PatientOnion3: bey has 17 loose screws
Beysshoes: why do you have to murder my fantasy nags allan?
ExShelfer: lol, nags is never not serious
Beysshoes: truly ex? ty so much
LynBelle: nag isn't gay


You Like Me! You Really Like Me!:

Vanda52: where has binx been?
Vanda52: and why doesn't he run a new katy?
Beysshoes: he's working overtime a lot allan
Beysshoes: holiday rush
Beysshoes: he's saving money to buy a house for me to go
live with him in.


Begging Vanda:

Beysshoes: bbl ... allan please stay up tonight with us.
Vanda52: i doubt it sarai
Beysshoes: we'll let you take masturbation breaks allan.
pulease stay up.


Collateral Damage:

DoomGrl: tom kat
IM0Kurknot: Racing guy... Bartender Guy... End of World Guy
... Futuristic Guy
DoomGrl: the interviews on the collateral dvd were good


The Outer Limits/Re-naming Newbies:

Beysshoes: i just came from a private chat with no socios
or pigs and only decent human beings. i'm traumatized.
Nomdujourxx: We can provide what you need to get over
that, Beys
Beysshoes: nom. it was terrifying.
Beysshoes: they truly were chatting regular like.
decent manners. scary.
Greatteepo4615: how did you manage, beys?
Max The Obscure: That is just wrong
Beysshoes: po46 i had to leave.
Greatteepo4615: we can have a normal serious conversation
Greatteepo4615: ...about pie
Beysshoes: piepo ... you seem very sweet and kind.
why do you come here?
Beysshoes: por46 you're piepo now. cus you wanna talk
about pies.
CordialCactus: got that great...you have been deemed piepo



Waiting for Nagual:
LadyMtnMedic: appears to be Naggy
Beysshoes: its not true. i love nags.
Beysshoes: nags could never be this boring.



Uncareful Comments:

Niontron3: it is very hard to understand the politics
of another country from outside
Beysshoes: yes rono. very very true.
TommyGillooly: I can't imagine what would happen in Musharef
was taken out, if they'd be a quick surge of taliban and
al quada taking over
Beysshoes: we should not be there rono.
Beysshoes: yes tommy. i'm terrified.
LABK: Al queda didn't assasinate her; musarrif 's people did,
you fools
Hadachoke: I think Rono should be there....
Niontron3: tommy, your comment was uncareful...pakistan's
nuclear facilities are being guarded by FBI
TommyGillooly: charachi is twice the size of New York City
Niontron3: karachi...

[Mosieur P. was both chef and owner, never married,
probably only forty as I look back, with a pied-a-terre
above the kitchen. I learned quickly of his unwavering
preference for female helpmates, and too late that he
always liked the newest hire best.
He had a way of squeezing past us, never murmuring,
"Pardon" but placing both hands on shoulders or waists to
move us out of the way. Occaisionally he'd land a kiss on
the back of a head or neck, accompanied by a murmered
endearment. An expert at the phony embrace, he'd circle me
with his arms and lift me off the ground for no reason except
to celebrate the punctual arrival of the cheese purveyor or
the successful unmolding of a chocolate russe. At first I
thought, How warm, how enthusiastic, how well we get along.
He's French; the French act this way. They use their hands.
His are the caresses not of a Casanova but the normal
gestures of a European male.]


The Lost Profession:

DinosoreVagina: so I'm in no hurry to read Wicked now
Catpower777: Dino, I enjoyed the first half of the book
Catpower777: I think it needed editing
Catpower777: which, apparently, is a lost profession
DinosoreVagina: it could have ended half way?


Mr Exacto:

Max 314159265358: I may have been Max314159265358
for 9.5 years
DinosoreVagina: 9.5 not 9.8 or 8.4?


Warren Zevon:

Catpower777: Dino, I want to read the book about
Warren Zevon written by his ex-wife
LynBelle: who is Warren Zevon?
Catpower777: Lyn, he was a musician who died about
3 years ago


Keeper:

Billyray33: Eat Pray Love...I am a guy, and I loved that book
DinosoreVagina: Billy, that's your intro?
Billyray33: hell. Din, you have "sorevagina" in your screen
name...I'm doin' OK
CordialCactus: billy ray sounds interesting.. keep him here


Poet:

Billyray33: Again, I must weigh in here...choosing the words
"sorevagina" as part of your screen name....I'm guessing
someone has not had the baloney poney ridden into tuna town
recently
DinosoreVagina: you're a poet at heart Billy?


Bot?:

Dmadlucy2006: everyone look at my profile
Beysshoes: lucy, peeps in here are too lazy


Not Keepers:

EmpressZ21: why do you care why why why
Fleurdelochi: how do you know? how how how?
EmpressZ21: from what he said said said
Beysshoes: get out please
Fleurdelochi: ok, i was indulging in a blonde moment
EmpressZ21: are you calling me blonde missy?



Grosser Screen Name:

Beysshoes: hey what happed to madamehairymole
anyway???
DinosoreVagina: she plucked
Boulshevit: I think she changed her name to
smallanalfungus


No Offense:

LadyMtnMedic: nice to meet you Bill, I am lady,
welcome to the shelf
Billyray33: Lady, are you out there in cyber space
...to rescue me?
LadyMtnMedic: hmm?
Billyray33: you read that correctly....you are a Dr
....animal or man?
LadyMtnMedic: paramedic
Billyray33: people then
LadyMtnMedic: humans
Billyray33: I'm Bill, what is your name?
LadyMtnMedic: Billy, no, I just dont get very personal,
no offense


An Alta Cooker:

Harryshaw3178: go figure i thought Onion was in the
Victoria's secret catalog with Book
LeslieHapablap: i have never seen a fat furry man in
the victoria's secret catalog.
Beysshoes: actually onions a handsome middle aged man but
he's stoopid and poor
Fleurdelochi: stoopid? nah. eccentric, but not stoopid
Harryshaw3178: leslie onion has fooled you? She's a
nubile young nymphomaniac who lusts after old men
LeslieHapablap: harryshaw3178, patientonion3 is an alta cocker.


A Puffy Taco:

Billyray33: Sarah's profile is wildly contradictory
and interesting....probably Carrie.....is my guess
LeslieHapablap: sarah6553212,when was the last time you
had a puffy taco?
Billyray33: I love your profile page....so many
contradictions......we should really talk
LeslieHapablap: what happened?
Billyray33: Sarah is a sweetheart, probably too young for me
Boulshevit: She seems sane
Beysshoes: well, she's new here ... peeps will fix
dat right quick.
Billyray33: Sarah.....have you simnply jumped in your car
and are currently speeding to Palo Alto to be in my arms?
LadyMtnMedic: has Sarah even said a word tonight?
Beysshoes: why isn't sarah talking to us? we're at our
best here. i know lady.
Billyray33: she spoke with moi


Some Things Just Are Pink:

Rozari: where are these pink people coming from?
Rozari: they are annoying
CordialCactus: roz.. they are the bots of 2008
LadyMtnMedic: how come bots never come in blue?


Waiting Room:

Nomdujourxx: <<are well populated24/7
Billyray33: the shelf?
DinosoreVagina: wait, is this it?
Billyray33: ah, I get it
Beysshoes: lollllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
Billyray33: first time here
DinosoreVagina: they overflow Nom
LadyMtnMedic: Nom, wait, this is not a Mental room?
Nomdujourxx: This is where they go when they are off their meds
Beysshoes: this is the waiting room gina
DinosoreVagina: that could explain it


Sarah Wakes:

Sarah6553212: you called me a self centered brat
Sarah6553212: and i said
Sarah6553212: Hey i resemble that
Billyray33: Sarah, are you talking to me> I nevered
said any such thing....
Sarah6553212: because i wrote something "offensive" in
school, she thought i was a brat
CordialCactus: nah.. that's not why silly girl
DinosoreVagina: well we do respect offensiveness
Beysshoes: lordy sarah...that's sweet talk compared to some
other peeps.
Sarah6553212: then why
LadyMtnMedic: she is a pro-shopper
DinosoreVagina: or is it self centeredness


Bookslut's Porn:
BooksIut: I have a funny picture of a cactus that looks
like it has a penis.
Billyray33: dry and prickly?


We All Sound Like Someone:

BooksIut: I am melanin colored.
LadyMtnMedic: ok Books, you just sounded like someone else there...


Don't Push Me:
WhimsicalField: Well sometimes I am whimsical, but rarely on
command :)


BlueMonk as Neil Hamburger:

Neilhamburger912: vaginia
CordialCactus: you clicked the vagina?
Neilhamburger912: some questions, please
Sarah6553212: i like how celine comes up with 15 different
words for vagina so far in death on the installment plan
Billyray33: "clicked the vagina".....new BEST line of the night
Sarah6553212: "pearl"
Neilhamburger912: neil hamburger = 'america's funnyman'
BlackMediaJones: neil hamburger is like the worst standup comic ever.


Deductions:

DedLettr: I had a big penis once
DinosoreVagina: um
Beysshoes: what happed to it ded?
DinosoreVagina: dare I ask what happened?
FoodSIut: he gave it to the smithsonian
DedLettr: it broke
Beysshoes: wow ... was it worth it?
NonPrphet: Bobbit!
DinosoreVagina: I'd say ouch, but...
NonPrphet: SHE GOT YA
FoodSIut: a tax deduction
DinosoreVagina: how much can you write off for that?
NonPrphet: depends on the size
DinosoreVagina: hey, it's nearly tax time
DinosoreVagina: these things matter
DedLettr: its' always tax time, silly
DinosoreVagina: so, size matters then
NonPrphet: i always thought it was the wallet...
DinosoreVagina: that does make up for shortcomings


No Proust, Thank You:
BooksIut: If I make a lot of money, I will send you
all books for your birthdays.



Vanda's Obnoxious Little Sister:

Vanda52: sarai, why cant you post that yourself?
Beysshoes: i dont know how allan
Vanda52: oh jesus sarai, its very easy, im wondering,
why dont you ask your new boyfriend Nagual ?
Vanda52: ill do it but seriously you need to learn how
Beysshoes: "you hurt my feelings" allan


Things You Should Recall:

Beysshoes: the 'flying penis'
DinosoreVagina: I've never heard it called that before
DinosoreVagina: Ded has a flying penis?
DinosoreVagina: and he lends it out?
Beysshoes: well, it broke gina. you forgot
DinosoreVagina: I didn't recall the anti gravity affects beys
Beysshoes: that was from a deux posting ... i think it was ded.
DinosoreVagina: but I'll defer to you're expertise
Beysshoes: it may have been bly tho
DinosoreVagina: these are things you should recall beys


Beys Gets Decked:

DedLettr: WingedPenis would be a good s/n
DinosoreVagina: always thinking Ded
DedLettr: it's all I have left, Va
Beysshoes: ded da genitalia scholar
DedLettr: from your lips, to gods, Bey...


The United Kingdom of Alcohol:

WarHorseThor: tomorrow its on to irish whiskey, then
Saturday is single malt scotch night
WarHorseThor: its not cheap liquor
CordialCactus: lol thor... that's strikes me funny...
bringing the UK together
WarHorseThor: although I drink it as such
WarHorseThor: im like the jimmy carter of alcohol
DinosoreVagina: I'm not sure if that means successful
CordialCactus: jimmy carter is to_________ as you are to alcohol?
DinosoreVagina: habitat?
WarHorseThor: comes in a 750 ml bottle with a nice protective
sleeve
DinosoreVagina: in case you stumble when you're drunk?
WarHorseThor: no, its used to puke into
DedLettr: I like a protective sleeve myself once in a while
DinosoreVagina: so it's protecting others then


Neutralizing Yahoo Remarks?:

DedLettr: I am all over the place, seems to me
Beysshoes: does your wife have you on a behavioral program?
Beysshoes: you must work harder to neutralize the yahoo
remarks
DedLettr: Bey, I am trying to write less there
Beysshoes: cannot you de-escalate after the general election
tho ded?



The Pinko's Sucker:

Beysshoes: allan ... its what i began with you ... is there
any reason i should switch to someone else?
Vanda52: i see sarai. so im to remain the pinko's sucker?
Beysshoes: pinkos sucker? ya callin me a communist?
Vanda52: seems so
Vanda52: but I must go bathe
DedLettr: it was a referance to your aereola, BEys
Beysshoes: ded!
Beysshoes: omg
DedLettr: LOL. calm down now



Beysshoes and Phronise, Together Again:

Beysshoes: sorry clay. i don't take IMs from strangers
Phronsie: Try money
Phronsie: or an offer to let her critique something
Beysshoes: i dont like money phrons. unlike you.
Phronsie: right. Celebrating poverty
Phronsie: still the critique offer would probably be the way to go.



Right All Along:
ParaMyrrh: I am so happy Iraq is really becoming a success!
ParaMyrrh: Dubya was right all along

No Primary Coverage/
Beysshoes & Vanda AWOL ... hmmm?


2 Nations Separated by a Common Tongue:
JFWaterman: SIgn on a British train platform:
"Stay away from the edge of the platform - or
you might get sucked off."

Faranna Sighted:
DoomGrl: OH MY GOD Faranna!!!!!!!
LeslieHapablap: faranna liked me a lot.
Niontron3: I used to respect faranna

It's Your Fault:
R264606: If you look at pictures by Van Gogh and can't
stand them, you better look to your own limitation!

The Downside of Stardom:
ParaMyrrh: Sharapova is 19 I got some upskirt pics of her

Leslie Stays Legal:
LeslieHapablap: i am playing in a sanctioned bridge tournament.


Manly Hugs:

Niontron3: boulshevit is creepy it is stalking me
...it's phone number is 3232298005
Niontron3: boulshevit is creepy it is stalking me
...it's phone number is 3232298005
PatientOnion3: the fbi is stalking you, you sleeper
cell ringleader
Various704: im stalking you freak.
Niontron3: love really costs some people...
Various704: nion my little slumberkitten.......
Niontron3: don't confuse me with your pillow
PatientOnion3: you are a radical islamite, you are
here illegally, you meet with strange men in places
where they serve falaffel
Various704: cuddle up. group hug.
CordialCactus: so
Various704: awwwww... come on, huggle up.
Boulshevit: Thanks, Var..I needed that
CordialCactus: heh
Various704: indeed
I2DaysInNovember: hey who's hand is that on my butt?
Boulshevit: sorry
CordialCactus: scuse me
I2DaysInNovember: I love these group hugs
Boulshevit: can't be too safe
CordialCactus: are you a hugger, nov?
I2DaysInNovember: oh yes
I2DaysInNovember: I come from a big family a long line
of huggers
Various704: i'm a hugger. shoot me please.
CordialCactus: hugging came slowly to me, until i had kids
Various704: :(
Boulshevit: I'm no hugger...but I never turn one down
Niontron3: various had breakfast with sheep stomach
Niontron3: sheep stomach is called haggis
CordialCactus: then i hugged a cactus
PINKCELEB: Hi Leslie, how are you? I am fine
CordialCactus: and had to relearn to hug
Various704: Boul. (((((((hug))))))))
Boulshevit: Ouch
CordialCactus: hi there pink
PINKCELEB: Hi Various
Boulshevit: Ty, Var
I2DaysInNovember: you know sometimes right before
you hug someone there might be an awkward moment?
not with me just hug away
CordialCactus: lol nov.... thats comforting in a long
distance virtual kind of way
Various704: ((((((((((12))))))))))
CordialCactus: aw
Boulshevit: I'm tearing up, just a little
CordialCactus: lol.. better than throwing up just a little
Various704: me too:'(
I2DaysInNovember: Manly hug<<<<<<>>>>>>>
::slap on the back::
Niontron3: that aroused various
CordialCactus: this is so sweet... binx needs this for katy trie


Contrasts:
Knishofdeath: I'm drinking Hennessy out of a vintage
McDonald's Hamburglar glass


Hillary on Journalism:

She Weird 55: because i like knowing and reporting the
truth but i dont feel like talking about it because it
always brings up a debate and i am not in the mood.
Godwit935: IsShe, you are interested in reporting the truth?
Is She Weird 55: we'
Is She Weird 55: we're all choir boys at best
Godwit935: Whom do you mean, IsShe, with your reference to choirboys?
Is She Weird 55: haha it's a song from taking back sunday


Sympathetic Schizophrenia:

Phronsie: I had a schizophrenic friend
Phronsie: He asked me if I heard voices
Phronsie: I had to tell him no. I felt kind of bad about that.
DinosoreVagina: sympathetic schitzophrenia


Let Us Eat:
IMaMALEcourtesan: i was a line cook at a perkins and orders
that were wrong they let us eat, needless to say every shift
there was a tasty .......wrong one


Charlie Rose Update:

Godwit935: Is anyone watching Charlie Rose?
Godwit935: This Adam Nagourney is on Charlie Rose.
He's the political writer for the NYTimes....he has the
saddest looking mouth.
JuanitaCanDance: charlie rose is a very serious
JuanitaCanDance: i'd have to tickle him if i ever met him


Baiting Godwit .... Again:

PatientOnion3: rono/nion disappears, a terrorist act is
committed, if only homeland security was as aware as me
Godwit935: Patient, you might as well go down to the airport
and turn yourself in.
BinxB91: Rono's Terrorist Instructions---- "your mission is
to go into chat rooms and annoy people"
PatientOnion3: godwit goes to the airport every day.
You know why? CAUSE GODWIT LIKES TO BE GROIN FRISKED!
PatientOnion3: he puts a banana down there to look suspicious


What We Don't See:
Godwit935: And people like to ignore the connection between
homosexuality and mental illness. What more do you need to see?


Leslie and C'Loner's Poetry Adventure:

LeslieHapablap: some person shared a poem about
being sickly in love and i told her to see a psychaitrist.
Creepy Loner: Yeah. That was some of the stinkiest, most
obsessive BS I've seen since I was writing bad poetry in
high school.
LeslieHapablap: it was elementary school bad, however, it
had proper spelling.


You Have to Pick One:

LeslieHapablap: creepy loner, with whom would you rather have
sex: john edwards, hillary clinton, bill richardson or
hillary clinton?
LeslieHapablap: you have to pick one.
Creepy Loner: *Le Soleil Est Pres De Moi / Air*
LeslieHapablap: creepy loner, well?
Creepy Loner: Oh, sorry...
Creepy Loner: Umm...
Creepy Loner: Errm...
Creepy Loner: HILLARY. Duh.
Catpower777: Leslie, did you intentionally put Hillary twice?
Creepy Loner: [wink]
LeslieHapablap: creepy loner, her blouse is kermit green.
what a fashion mistake


Hair Matters:

Phezziwig13: This country is in trouble and issues like
Bill Richardson's hair right now is kind of frightening
LeslieHapablap: have you truly examined his hairdo?!
Harryshaw3178: who really cares about his or her hairdo,
color of shirt or blouse???
Ta21l: well, essentially, you'd be looking as the person who
becomes president a lot...do you really want someone who
gives you the creeps?


Except My Mother:

N5159M: women are the wine of life, they guide us
ParaMyrrh: please there's truth in wine
ParaMyrrh: not much in women
ParaMyrrh: in vino veritas not in femina veritas
N5159M: for me, women offer great truth
ParaMyrrh: what truth is that?
ParaMyrrh: they get you all horned up and then
put horn on you?
ParaMyrrh: horns
ParaMyrrh: oopikins
N5159M: truth of life
ParaMyrrh: frippery
ParaMyrrh: women are murder machines if they are not
impregnated they will abort the egg inside them
ParaMyrrh: and it will run out of them in rancid blood
N5159M: have it your way para
N5159M: I will have it my way
ParaMyrrh: caught in a plastic tube or smeared on a pad
ParaMyrrh: they are cruel beasts by nature
ParaMyrrh: and the suffering their beauty has inspired could
outdo all the Hells ever imagined
ParaMyrrh: All women---except my Mother, of course
ParaMyrrh: who was an Angel

Inventory Control:
LeslieHapablap: i have been looking over a card making
supply catalog.
LeslieHapablap: thus far i have found $167 worth of
items i want.

Business Ethics:

LeslieHapablap: i make greeting cards.
Phezziwig13: Leslie, do they have a Happy Belated Groundhog's
Day card?
LeslieHapablap: phezziwig13, no, though i do have a hedgehog set.
Phezziwig13: Leslie, what would you charge for a Happy Belated
Groundhog Card?
LeslieHapablap: it depends on the amount of "flair" and the
amount of time.
LeslieHapablap: what is your budget?
LeslieHapablap: i do not sell any cards for under $5.
Phezziwig13: Well, it is a rather important holiday for Nio
LeslieHapablap: phezziwig13, as much as i would like to help
you out, i would never allow a piece of my art to end up in
the hands of a schizophrenic chatter.

[I had a lover in the Year of Meats. His name was Sloan
and he was a musician from Chicago. A mutual friend had
sort of set us up, but I was never in New York much and he
was always on the road, so it was months before we actually
met in person. Instead we got into this phone sex thing.
I'd call him up from some trucker's motel in Gnawbone,
Indiana, or wherever we happened to be shooting, and we'd
have these libidinous conversations that went on into the
night. Production paid the bills, so it didn't matter how
long we talked. When we weren't on the phone we'd fax,
and I could usually count on a transmission waiting for me
at the front desk when I'd check into a new motel. It made
things interesting, helped marked the time. I always
wondered if the desk clerks read our faxes or listened in
on our calls.
"Exotic? Well, botanically speaking, yes, but not what
you'd expect. I'm more of a hybrid or a mutant ... I'm tall.
Very tall, pole thin ...
"Green eyes, shaped like my Japanese mother's with her
epicanthic fold. My dad's eyes were blue. The green's not
traceable, but Ma thinks it's 'oni' and I'm the devil's
spawn ...
"Brown hair. Usually. Sometimes I dye it when I'm not
working. Short, but respectable. No, like REALLY short.
Like boy short. Yeah with a couple of AWOL parts that stick
out in front ...
"Breasts? Upstanding, small. Never discouraged, never
lethargic. Yes, quite sensitive ... Hmm, yes, some pain
is good ...
"Now? At a truck stop. Lying on the bed looking up at
the drop ceiling ... An old army green-sleeveless undershirt
and brand new boxer shorts from Wal-Mart ... Haven't been to
near a laundramat in weeks. Yes, men's shorts ... more room
to move around in ..."]


SKLEIN Lives On:
SKlein69: EVERYDAY IS HISTORY IN THE MAKING. HOWARD STERN
LIVE AND UNCENSORED ONLY ON SIRIUS SATELLITE RADIO.
SKlein69: BARNES AND NOBLES BOOKS. BOOKSELLERS SINCE 1873
SKlein69: 7 ELEVEN COFFEE-FRESH BREWED-FRESH TASTE

Pajama Chat:
LeslieHapablap: catpower777, do you find you sleep better in
sock monkey pajamas?
Catpower777: absolutely, Leslie
LeslieHapablap: i agree.
Catpower777: and the slippers arrived yesterday
LeslieHapablap: oh, how are they?


Playing With Bots:

MARIENROSTON: My profile OWNZ check it out
Roughrider999999: If anybody wants to see my pics they
are in my profile
Phezziwig13: CHECK MY PROFILE I DO PUSH UPS WITH NO HANDS
DinosoreVagina: sounds painful
Hadachoke: phez fully extends his nose
Phezziwig13: CHECK OUT MY PICS SEE THE NOSE
Roughrider999999: Im looking for a hot guy or girl picz
are in my profile
MARIENROSTON: check my profile and tell me what i should do to it
Phezziwig13: <----LUKE WARM GUY
Phezziwig13: I'M LOOKING FOR A HOT GUY OR GIRL OR MAMMAL THAT
WEIGHS OVER 40 POUNDS

KATY Tried, Beysshoes Testified.

I've been away for a bit but the ebullient
Beysshoes kept me stocked with clips of Christmas
cheer and other emotions.
The happiest news was a marriage proposal that
Beys forwarded to me. Once I realized it was from
Ta21l, I was relieved. But I still didn't understand
why Ta was proposing to Beysshoes ... I mean they
live at opposite ends of the country from each other.

Well, enough silliness. All the best to you
Ta!!! Though I wouldn't recommend your path to everyone,
it's wonderful that you and your fiancee already have so
much between you.

(By the way, Beysshoes has taken over TooHotDVM's old
block maroon font and she talks about her dog a lot.
Please don't anyone ask her what she had for dinner)


Worthy of a Triple OMG:

Catpower777: Bey, Ta has news
Beysshoes: ta? tell us pls!!!
Ta21l: patience is a virtue...especially when it come
to proposals...lol
Beysshoes: omgomgomg ya getting hitched girl???
Ta21l: well, Bey...I'm getting married
Ta21l: he proposed at 1:30 am Christmas morning
Beysshoes: congrats taaa!!! is he worthy? are you happy?
when will you marry? omgomgomg
Catpower777: I knew Bey would show the proper enthusiasm
Beysshoes: cat we gonna be busy planning the shower!!!


I Don't Get It:

LadyMtnMedic: guess you will be changing your SN now TA
LadyMtnMedic: you will now become Ta-Da
Ta21l: lmao Lady...I like it
Ta21l: either that or MrsPbngz...his screen name
Beysshoes: i dont get the ta-da joke. his last name is pbngz?


Let's All Get Married:

CryCrySadViolins: Tab is getting married...The chat room guys
will cry all night...But don't you worry...She's not in a hurry
...To end her single life...and PB will be so happy...until the
honeymoon is through...So why don't we all get married...tooo
Creepy Loner: [smirk]
Creepy Loner: That's good.
ImThePaIeRlDER: i have 5 kids with 5 women, i never got married
Creepy Loner: I'm spawnless and ringless...
Creepy Loner: I got close to getting married once, though.
Creepy Loner: And had a pregnancy scare once.
Creepy Loner: I didn't care much for either experience.
LadyMtnMedic: close a couple of times, but wisened up
Ta21l: come on Creepy...if he wasn't a wonderful creature, do
you think I'd be with him or wait so long for him to propose?
ImThePaIeRlDER: just once creep?
LadyMtnMedic: close to wedding that is
Creepy Loner: In both cases, just once.
Creepy Loner: Not with the same men, though...
that's the dramatic twist.
Niontron3: "Never criticize a man until you've walked a mile in his moccasins. "~Native american proverb.

Wow:

LadyMtnMedic: how long have you been together?
Ta21l: 13 years
CryCrySadViolins: wow
LadyMtnMedic: ditto wow
Creepy Loner: Not bad, Ta.
Ta21l: lol...told you patience was a virtue
Jam7604801: sounds like Gene Simons
Beysshoes: ta he yoh baby daddy?
Ta21l: to both yes
Beysshoes: omg that is too cool ta!
Ta21l: yeah, but even he's not getting married Jam....lol


Christmas Rocks:

DinosoreVagina: I once got engaged for Christmas
DinosoreVagina: but I wanted a puppy instead
CryCrySadViolins: My girlfriend wanted a Rock for Christmas...
so I went out in the street and found her one....Now that is
what you call romantic.
Ta21l: lmao...and do you still have the scar where she hit
you with it?


As a Man ... :

ImThePaIeRlDER: dino, as a mAN i will tell you straight up,
some guys give a ring never intending to marry, just to keep
the woman shutup while he has his way b4 movin on
DinosoreVagina: Rider, if only more women were that lucky.


From the Room Intellectual:
BooksIut: Anyone else up for some Jacuzzi frottage with lil
ole buxom Tea-ja?


Triple Word Score:

Ta21l: ok Bey...all sent
Beysshoes: worth the wait ta. definitely.
Ta21l: oh yeah
Beysshoes: ta, whats with the scrabble board?
Ta21l: that's how he asked...we were playing, I went into the
other room, and when I came back in, he pointed to the Scrabble
board...I turned around and there he was with the ring in
his hand
Beysshoes: omgomgOMGGGGGGGGGGGG
Beysshoes: imma fainting
Beysshoes: oh gina. love still exists. sigh.
DinosoreVagina: love & romance Beys


Kohl in Your Stocking:

DinosoreVagina: my son won't even let me shop at
Kohls for Christmas
Beysshoes: whats wrong with kohls gina
DinosoreVagina: he thinks they sell coal Beys


Beysshoes' Mom:

Beysshoes: mommer wouldn't talk to me cat.
Catpower777: what do you mean, Bey?
Beysshoes: she told sissy she's cooking. which, of
course, is a lie.
PatientOnion3: bey, perhaps if you spoke ENGLISH, and not
your halfwit hillbilly dialect
Beysshoes: mommer speaks whole hillbilly
ParaMyrrh: Onion amen
ParaMyrrh: Bey and she's Asian?
ParaMyrrh: Im not buying it
Beysshoes: she's third generation stoopid
Beysshoes: third gene can learn themselves hillbilly
iffin dey like
ParaMyrrh: doesn't matter Asians are well educated and
speak excellent english by the third generation
Beysshoes: that's prejudice.
ParaMyrrh: they hate affected diction
Beysshoes: you're talking binx now
ParaMyrrh: it is not
ParaMyrrh: Asians are excellent speakers
ParaMyrrh: very intelligent
Beysshoes: so what am i? a mutant?
ParaMyrrh: yes
ParaMyrrh: Asians are not into affectation they have dignity
unless a Game Show is involved


Atonement:

Niontron3: I apologize to the few people I've been nasty with
Beysshoes: Q... are satsumas mandarin oranges?... merrymerry rono!
Beysshoes: rono! i'm so happy to see you so cheerful!
Beysshoes: oh rono! you're like the best xmas gift ever!
Niontron3: Bey, because the problem is gone
Niontron3: unwrap me..


BookSlut Swoons:

Nomdujourxx: Gave my wife a lump of coal one year,
she loved it
Nomdujourxx: The fact that it was sculpted into an owl with
ruby red eyes had nothing to do with it and the fact that
she is a collector of owls, didn't either
BooksIut: Nom. Your font is so pretty!


Spot the Voyeur Below:

Godwit935: Nion, you have to endorse homosexuality to be
okay in your book?
Niontron3: I don't care what people do in their beds
Beysshoes: i do i do . i wanna know.
Godwit935: Beys, you are such a sick foreinger.
Beysshoes: ty godwit
Creepy Loner: Unless that person is Creepy Loner --- then
Nion seems to care with a passion.


Chritsmas Love ... almost:

Phezziwig13: Can you feel the love in the room?
Phezziwig13: Can you feel it?
Godwit935: Phezzi, I am full of Christian love today.
Beysshoes: group hug fezz ... g'wit? rono? creeps? heck even
da bot can hug with us yes?
Phezziwig13: Hark, the herald angels sing
Phezziwig13: Glory to the newborn king
Creepy Loner: Please Beys...I wouldn't touch that maggot with
anything other than Raid.
Beysshoes: which maggot creeps?
Creepy Loner: Nion.
Godwit935: All maggots creep. Haha!
Beysshoes: rono isn't a maggot creeps. he just gets sick
sometimes you silly girl
Creepy Loner: [blank stare]
Phezziwig13: Ring Christmas Bells, merrily ring
Creepy Loner: Jesus.
Godwit935: No slapping on Christmas, girls.
Beysshoes: you want a maggot. i'll go fetch BLT for ya
Phezziwig13: Tell all the world, Jesus is king
Jam7604801: you got that right bey


The Wizard of Odd:
Phezziwig13: Flying carpets are real....
of course a tornado is required

Another Spat:

Niontron3: I worked for MOMA 6 months
Phezziwig13: in 1978?
Beysshoes: what did you do there please?
Beysshoes: so rude fezz
Niontron3: my internship as a web designer
Niontron3: all i did was checked their emails
Phezziwig13: Beys, highlight my SN and click the little
ignore button and all will be sweetness and light for you
Beysshoes: that is a privilege and honor...i think that
is very impressive rono
Phezziwig13: click me
Phezziwig13: g'head
Phezziwig13: I won't cry
Beysshoes: i'm stupidvising what you say to rono fezz so hush.
Niontron3: bey, do not worry...I have phezz on ignore...
Godwit935: Oh Nion, don't be such a sissy


Suck it Up, Boys:
Godwit935: There's plenty of homosexually inclined men who
have through history married and had families and been good men.

Whippet's Chritsmas:
Beysshoes: nova, i baked a raspberry citrus ham for derby's
first xmas dinner


Ham it Up, Girls:

CordialCactus: what's that, ham?
Beysshoes: bragging on me ham again candice...
seems everybody had ham
CordialCactus: yes.. we had regular ole ham
CordialCactus: what was yours called again.. citrus something
Beysshoes: raspberry citrus
Beysshoes: twas the first time derby begged for more dinner. lol
CordialCactus: feel like maybe possibly sending me the recipe?
CordialCactus: purdy please. when you have time
Beysshoes: oh i just made it up on the spot candice
CordialCactus: well.. what did you make it up with? :-D
Beysshoes: glaze = sauteed onions, garlic, raspberry syrup,
fresh lemon and rind
Beysshoes: honey
CordialCactus: ah
Beysshoes: mustard
Beysshoes: (gray poupon and reg)
CordialCactus: lol... you cook like i cook
Beysshoes: cloves naturally
CordialCactus: just guess and grab
Beysshoes: nope, i mimicked a foodtv guy
CordialCactus: oh.. so much for relating then.. heh
CordialCactus: aha... will give it a go possibly..
need to pick up the raspberry stuff and honey... and cloves, though



Vanda With No Follow-Through:

Vanda52: i was basically proposed to tonight
ParaMyrrh: scary
Beysshoes: tell us!
Vanda52: 56 year-old muslim
Vanda52: lady
Beysshoes: was it a bot honey?
Vanda52: at country valley farms
ParaMyrrh: Vanda would you convert? Muslims have a
good hold on their women
Vanda52: nah
Vanda52: it was odd
ParaMyrrh: Vanda I like their sexual division of labor
Beysshoes: why didn't you take her home? how did she propose?
Beysshoes: did she let you peek under her burkah?
Vanda52: oh , you mean i could get a free worker ?
Vanda52: i like that
Vanda52: its too long to explain sarai
Beysshoes: law allan, you are getting so lazy. you cant even
bother to splain stuff no moh

[I really can't tell you what's beautiful anymore.
I passed two fellows on the street the other day.
I know who they are, they work at the garage.
They are not churchgoing, either one of them,
just decent young fellows who have to be joking
all the time, and there they were propped up against
the garage wall in the sunshine, lighting up their
cigarettes. They're always so black with grease and
so strong with gasoline I don't know why they don't
catch fire themselves. They were passing remarks back
and forth that way they do and laughing that wicked
way they have. And it seemed beautiful to me]


Pleasantly Annoying:

ParaMyrrh: Vanda doesn't bey annoy you with her mawkish
concern over you? I mean, doesn't she know you're a man?
Vanda52: nah, i like bey
ParaMyrrh: vanda i like her too but she's annoying
Vanda52: oh god, she's very annoying
CordialCactus: arent we all annoying in some way? take you
two for instance


Dream Home:
Beysshoes: i've always had a dream of living in a quonset house


Don Imus Music Reviews:

WarHorseThor: is tracy chapman a man or woman?
WarHorseThor: I have always meant to find that out
WarHorseThor: I dont like her
Beysshoes: lemme find her link ... she's my ultimate fave!!!
LadyMtnMedic: black gal with nappy hair
Lydiaparn8: She's quite intelligent. I think she went to
veterinarian school.
WarHorseThor: an intelligent vet school grad would be a vet
Catpower777: I know she went to Tufts for awhile
Beysshoes: ain't you kind lady. how christian of you.
Lydiaparn8: Yes, but instead she went into music.
WarHorseThor: dont mouth off to lady beys
LadyMtnMedic: pardon?
Beysshoes: she has dreads. and dont tell me what to say to
your ex's james.
WarHorseThor: ex's?
LadyMtnMedic: dreads?
Beysshoes: dread locks. duh
LadyMtnMedic: what did I say that pissed you off?
Beysshoes: what you notice about a musical genius is her
black and nappy hair lady.
Vanda52: beys is an overwrought nut, pay her no mind


But We Love Ya, Phezz:
Phezziwig13: I WAS JUST IN THE AUTHOR'S LOUNGE.
WHAT A BUNCH OF PUNKS

What the Hell are they Talking About?:

Beysshoes: allan i'm so so so happy fezdora is back.
Vanda52: she must have an odd life
Vanda52: i couldn't do what she does
Beysshoes: she's an adventuress allan. i so admire her
Vanda52: how old is she?
LadyMtnMedic: what is she doing now?
Vanda52: she house and pet sits roc
Beysshoes: young still. lady she's housesitting across the country
Vanda52: and moves from place to place
LadyMtnMedic: ah
Vanda52: apparantly no ties
Beysshoes: something like you allan. except that she moves her body.
Vanda52: i see
Vanda52: you say the oddest stuff
Phezziwig13: IS BEYS BEING RUDE YET AGAIN
Vanda52: i think you have a crush on me


Phezz's Author Lounge Experience Explained:

Phezziwig13: BEYS IS EITHER QUOTING SOME MOVIE OR HAVING
A MELTDOWN
Phezziwig13: I HOPE FOR THE LATTER
Beysshoes: that's not funny
Phezziwig13: I MEAN ANOTHER MELTDOWN
Beysshoes: is that you james? stop it. now.
Phezziwig13: SURE, CALL ME JIM. SEE IF I CARE


Heinous:

Niontron3: Even when all of you are having fun, talking
boisterously, there are people among you who is lonely
and hurting...
Beysshoes: yes. fezz is lonely rono. please go to him.
Phezziwig13: NOT BAD, BEY
Jptos000: *snicker*
Catpower777: heinous is an underused word


Imitation Name-Calling:

Creepy Loner: My mother's not well, I'm tired, Fork left me
...[sniffle]...my day just isn't complete if I'm not being
called a cum-guzzling wh*re on top of all that.
Beysshoes: i'm so very sorry creeps you clamydia ridden ho
Creepy Loner: You're trying Beys, you're trying...
Creepy Loner: But Nion has the magic.
Creepy Loner: He knows where my sweet spot is.
Beysshoes: get a room already you smelly syphillitic skank


Re-Virgin:

Creepy Loner: I haven't had sex in [thinking about this]
...3.5 years?
I2DaysInNovember: Creepy is half way to being a revirgin
Catpower777: 7 years and you're a virgin again?
2DaysInNovember: yes
LadyMtnMedic: seven year itch
Creepy Loner: Yes. Well, that's what a wise gay man once told me.
He said that it grows back after 7 years.
Creepy Loner: I'll take his word for it.
Creepy Loner: He'd been around enough, God knows...he'd have
done the math on this matter.
LadyMtnMedic: how would a wise gay man ever know THAT?
Creepy Loner: Why wouldn't he know that?
Max The Obscure: a gay man knows of hymens?!
LadyMtnMedic: exactly Max
Creepy Loner: Well, Art F*g does...I porked him.
Creepy Loner: And hard.
Beysshoes: wow. you have a weinie to pork pipples with creep?
Creepy Loner: Sure...it straps on, but it's good as gold, Beys.
Creepy Loner: Wanna ride?
LadyMtnMedic: okay Beys, that made coffee come up
Beysshoes: oh creeps thank you so much but nolo


Collapse of Cognitive Armor:

Creepy Loner: Sex is something that I don't really want,
so if I were talked into it, I'd be wrestling with the
collapse of some serious cognitive armor...which would
become a problem for you.
Creepy Loner: Or whoever nailed me.
ImThePaIeRlDER: Ive been looking for a woman like you my
entire life


ADHD:

Weiser120: let's talk about novels
Greatteepo4615: what a novel idea
Weiser120: anyone here watch c-span today
Lydiaparn8: c-span is a novel?

Hard Question:

Max The Obscure: Have you read the Book Reviews at KatyTried?
Lydiaparn8: katy tried is Binx who puts chatroom conversations
on a blog?
Beysshoes: yes lydi
Lydiaparn8: why?


Making the Grade:

StayHomeNsave: I had to work my way through college
Creepy Loner: I had to blow a lot of professors...
StayHomeNsave: that's disgusting creepy
Beysshoes: wow did you get the A's tho creeps?
Creepy Loner: [frown]
Creepy Loner: For the most part, Beys...but I accidentally
"scraped" once...that led to a C.
Creepy Loner: [sniffle]
Max The Obscure: jesus christ
Max The Obscure: Creep
Creepy Loner: [shrugs...goes back to playing cribbage]


Onion as a Child:

PatientOnion3: Barbie is NOT a real female, I LOOKED,
it's smooth
Lamumsie: that IS truly depraved, PatO
PatientOnion3: just like Ken

Dirty Dancing:

JuanitaCanDance: ooo i love to dress up
JuanitaCanDance: get all pretty and go dancing
JuanitaCanDance: honey i put the dirty in dirty dancing!!
ImThePaIeRlDER: the time of my
ImThePaIeRlDER: lifeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
CordialCactus: dont get rider started!


BookSlut Back to Being a Prude:

Catpower777: hey, Pale
ImThePaIeRlDER: hey cat
Catpower777: Did you ever know that you're my hero?
ImThePaIeRlDER: me?
DinosoreVagina: oy
ImThePaIeRlDER: i should get some nookie fer that right?
DinosoreVagina: ok that is not supposed to have a question mark
BooksIut: You people sicken me.
BooksIut: ::hands in fists::


Feel 'em:

JuanitaCanDance: my best friend got her boobs done and they
look awful
JuanitaCanDance: they feel worse
Catpower777: Juanita, ever notice how people always want you to
feel their new breasts?
Greatteepo4615: no one ever wants me to feel their new breasts
CordialCactus: cat... lol... have you?
Catpower777: Cactus, I love women, but not that much
EmpressZ21: my gf did show anyone and everyone
EmpressZ21: when she got hers
JuanitaCanDance: oh she shows them too
JuanitaCanDance: you dont even have to ask!!!
ImThePaIeRlDER: omgawd juanita
DinosoreVagina: I know a guy who goes around showing his
wifes pictures
EmpressZ21: nope she lifts her shirt and wham there they are
DinosoreVagina: I find that really weird
CordialCactus: thats what it was like when i was bartending in a biker bar
Greatteepo4615: no one ever wants me to feel their old breasts either
JuanitaCanDance: yep standing there like two big ol' rocks
ImThePaIeRlDER: how come i never meet anyone like that
CordialCactus: here look at these.... feel em.. no really..
dont they feel real
Catpower777: apparently they want to get their money's worth
DinosoreVagina: I worked in a redneck bar Cactus
ImThePaIeRlDER: redneck women get boob jobs?


Spot the Sober One in the Room:
Lpwfuw: Do any of you ever check a dictionary or encylopedia?
DinosoreVagina: intentionally?


BookSlut's Mom:

BooksIut: My mom is coming home.
BooksIut: So I fibbed.
BooksIut: I said I wasn't feeling good.
BooksIut: So she said,
BooksIut: "OH MY GOD, BABY! ARE YOU OK? DO YOU NEED ANYTHING?"
PatientOnion3: you fibbed to your own mother?
PatientOnion3: you going to set homeless people on fire next?
ImThePaIeRlDER: my god you frikin lied to your mom?
CordialCactus: i think i want my mom
PatientOnion3: and kick harry's dogs?
ImThePaIeRlDER: that's dispicable book
DinosoreVagina: you can have mine
DinosoreVagina: where should I ship her?


Cuteness Demolished:

BooksIut: cute pick-up line: "excuse me, do you have any
raisins? how about a date?"
Greatteepo4615: they're never in my hand long enough to melt
CordialCactus: that's where im going wrong
Greatteepo4615: straight from bag to mouth
DinosoreVagina: ok, THOSE AREN'T RAISINS
DinosoreVagina: but hey, a raisin isn't always a raisin


"I can get any babe I want":

BJ10ACE: Why would you have a chat room dedicated to book shelves?
BJ10ACE: Is there any biches in here?
Boulshevit: Is there?
DinosoreVagina: what's a biche?
Greatteepo4615: is that some sort of food type?
ImThePaIeRlDER: none that want a puny little shrivel dik liker you bj
Greatteepo4615: biche?
DinosoreVagina: bischon?
ImThePaIeRlDER: blow job bj
Greatteepo4615: none of that in here, sorry
Greatteepo4615: we did have fruit loops and trix though
BJ10ACE: I got nothing to worry about, I can get any babe I want


Sexualizing?:

Beysshoes: piepo ... i hope you keep coming here. this room needs
your light touch.
Jennifer Payne: hmm
Greatteepo4615: why thank you
TommyGillooly: labk, you are a sad person filled with vitriol
and rancor and get your kicks from disparagin others
Beysshoes: now jen. dont be sexualizing every remark. oof
Jennifer Payne: that was pretty dirty, byess, admit it hehe


Hillary's Heroes:
Is She Weird 55: wayne and garth are my heroes. along with
dr. dre, jimmy carter, and edward r. murrow.


Rono With No Murano:

Niontron3: I hate most of the people who calls me...
Niontron3: my newly wed friend
Niontron3: who thinks I am always available to go with him
trips that he makes with his wife...and who is always proud
to drive me in his nissan murano
Niontron3: giving the message to Rono "Rono, you can never
ever afford a brand new murano"


MisDiagnosis:
Is She Weird 55: i was once bulimic for an entire week.
turns out i had the flu.


Onion on the Straight and Narrow:

PatientOnion3: WHEN I CAME BACK FROM NAM I GOT A JOB AT THE
CADILLAC PLANT, GREAT UNION JOB, GOT MARRIED HAD TWO
WONDERFUL BOYS
PatientOnion3: STILL MARRIED TO HER
BinxB91: ... had two wonderful boys?
Joed22298: Thats good to hear Onion
PatientOnion3: NOT LIKE BINIX, "OH I GOT DIVORCED", NOT LIKE
GODWIT' "I JUST WATCH CHARLIE ROSE"


Maybe We SHOULD Check Out Charlie Rose:

Godwit935: Anyone see Charlie Rose tonight? Had on that Richard Russo.
PatientOnion3: GODWIT, EVERY NIGHT YOU COME IN AND ASK "ANYBODY SEEN
MY FAVORITE HOMOSEXUAL TV SHOW "CHARLIE ROSE""
Godwit935: Patient, I guess you didn't see it.
PatientOnion3: IT SICKENS ME, FIND A GIRL, BOINK HER, QUIT WATCHING
GAY TV SHOWS
DinosoreVagina: is it a rerun?
BinxB91: Richard Russo wrote "Straight Man"
PatientOnion3: JEEZ LOUISE
Godwit935: Patient, this is Book Shelf.
PatientOnion3: I AM SICK OF ALL THE GAY MEN THAT COME IN THIS CHATROOM
Sweet Disorder 2: Oh....my goodness! Godwit!!
PatientOnion3: WHERE ARE THE MEN WHO BUILT THIS COUNTRY?
Joed22298: Why is that Onion?
PatientOnion3: JUST THE ONES WHO ARE TRYING TO DESTROY IT COME IN HERE!
PatientOnion3: WHY IS WHAT JO-ED?
Joed22298: yeah
PatientOnion3: BE SPECIFIC, I AM NOT A MIND READER SON


Demoting Captain Crunch:

Phezziwig13: I just remembered. I have Cap'n Crunch cereal
Hadachoke: i'm having cookies and scotch
Phezziwig13: I have milk, too
Bunnicqula: cookies are the better bet
Ta21l: great, now I want cookies...brb again....
BinxB91: I have old box of cereal on the Shelf ----
Lieutenant Commander Crunch
Phezziwig13: Taste more like Chief Petty Officer Crunch
BinxB91: Seaman Crunch?
MrsCactusClaus: that is the true breakfast of champions
BinxB91: appreciate the subtlety, candice


Remembering Crapheads:

Hadachoke: asshat?
Jennifer Payne: :: adds "asshat" to vocabulary ::
Jennifer Payne: it does have a nice ring to it
Hadachoke: or ass hat?
Creepy Loner: That's been around for quite a while.
CordialCactus: notice the way it rolls of the tongue, and
pleasant aroma and how pleasing to the palette
CordialCactus: creepy... im not hip and cool like you..
Wurd is still new to me
BinxB91: EnolaJoy used to call us crapheads
Hadachoke: Enola said a lot of stuff
Hadachoke: poor ol' guy
CordialCactus: what happened to him?
Hadachoke: his nurse wouldn't change his diaper when it
needed changing
CordialCactus: i rmember him from when i was canola18
and was mistaken for him a few times
BinxB91: According to Enola himself he should be busy publishing
his study on our pointless existence in chat rooms
BinxB91: He was working on a 5-year study
Hadachoke: I hope he had enough time to finish it, Binx
Jennifer Payne: what's more pathetic than a chatroom? doing a
study about a chatroom.
BinxB91: Touche Jennifer. I wish I'd thought to say that
CordialCactus: What I Learned From Chat Rooms....
CordialCactus: that Im not always going to be the biggest dork


Praising Vanda:

BinxB91: Does Vanda speak anymore?
Jam7604801: he was talking earlier binx
DinosoreVagina: yes, but only for a little while Binx
Kuntmutilator: VANDA HAD A STROKE
PatientOnion3: a stroke of genius


Traitor:
Is She Weird 55: i feel bad that i ate a sub from cosmic subs


Collage Girl:

LSUBABE11292: HEY EVERY1!
BinxB91: LSU?
LSUBABE11292: ??
LSUBABE11292: WUT?
BinxB91: You are a student at LSU?
LSUBABE11292: NOPE LSU FOOTBALL FAN
BinxB91: well good, because LSU does have some admissions standards.
LSUBABE11292: i am gonna go there 4 collage though
Hadachoke: lol
LSUBABE11292: ??
Hadachoke: mean, binx
Forkrereredux: 4 collage?
Forkrereredux: dear, fork doesn't think you'll be getting in
any colleges


Vocaulary Night at the Nerd Show:

LSUBABE11292: what does witty mean?
CordialCactus: witty means jocular
LSUBABE11292: what does jocular mean
DinosoreVagina: lol
Hadachoke: Jocular refers to the jock strap
DinosoreVagina: which is witty
LSUBABE11292: ?? w/e yall make me feel dumb
PatientOnion3: lsu babe, i will make you feel special
DinosoreVagina: witty is humorous, LSU
CordialCactus: jocular can mean ebullient
BinxB91: L'Babe, stick with Onion. He'll teach you about cooking
Jam7604801: and modeling
CordialCactus: im not sure what ebullient can mean
DinosoreVagina: it can mean jocular Cactus
Hadachoke: ebullient can mean a virus....
Hadachoke: from Africa
Creepy Loner: I thought it meant bright, bubbly...
Creepy Loner: Slut would know.
Hadachoke: yes, a bright, bubbly virus
Jam7604801: book has been chatless for 2 days
Phezziwig13: I just heard The Girl from Ipenema
Hadachoke: yer blood turns bright red and bubbles outta yer
opren sores
DinosoreVagina: dictionary says Ebullient is boil or agitated
Hadachoke: see? a virus
Phezziwig13: Where's Uncle Godwit?
DinosoreVagina: perhaps he has come down with ebullient
Creepy Loner: It goes on to say bubbly and overflowing with
enthusiasm.
CordialCactus: exuberant and effervecent are ebullient synonyms...
stop it, you're making my nerd show


Miracle Workers:
Gypsyjo47: If you ever become close to a librarian, they can
work miracles at procuring books that are very hard to come by.


Black Advantages:

Godwit935: Morrison is popular because she is black. Same as
Obama being a champion candidate because he is black.
Eat at staples2: that is so stupid, wit
MaxCady912: godwit sounds like ben stein after a serious head injury


Because There Couldn't be Any More:
PatientOnion3: i love the bookshelf now, it is much better,
less mindless chatter