Hillary's Most Excellent Prom/
The Return of Beysshoes/CreepyLoner Findingg
Her Voice/Bookslut Refined/Not Much Else


"they made like special drinks":

Is She Weird 55: well we went to this really fancy place
and danced to kinda bad rap crap that I dont even like
and well, they played some good slow songs... tyler and
i had fun and there were some good drinks and ummm yeah
i saw all my friends.
Is She Weird 55: after prom had lots of games and i
entered some raffles but won nothing. umm visited with
some buddies
Creepy Loner: Good drinks?
Creepy Loner: Such as?
Creepy Loner: Did you get all boozed up?
Is She Weird 55: oh non-alcoholic lol no. but i mean they
made like special drinks


"he's not too much into the rape aspect ...":

Creepy Loner: That's no good...prom is a night that demands
projectile vomit...did you pick up a bottle later?
Is She Weird 55: no, i was too tired. my friends and i all
went to my friends house and they drank but i fell asleep
on the floor
Creepy Loner: Did you wake up with critical articles of
clothing curiously rearranged? For example...was the *ss
side of your underwear toward the front?
Is She Weird 55: hahahahahahahaha
Creepy Loner: [smirk]
Is She Weird 55: tyler was there but um he's not too much
into the rape aspect of life
BinxB91: Was something written on your forehead?
Is She Weird 55: no
Creepy Loner: A giant penis illustration aimed toward your
mouth?


Just Now Getting It:

Is She Weird 55: "I have a dick on my face"
Creepy Loner: I know...I said that just for you, my dear.
Creepy Loner: [grin]


Look Who Wants More Prom Details:

Creepy Loner: HILLARY!
Creepy Loner: STOP IMING YOUR BOYFRIEND!
Creepy Loner: TALK TO US!
Is She Weird 55: yeah i have ADD even on the computer


Really Vintage:

Is She Weird 55: my dress was a 50s vintage prom dress
(really vintage- i got it in a vintage store in cleveland)
and it was black and spaghetti straps, to my feet and a
pink ruffle in the back
CordialCactus: neato daddy-o
Creepy Loner: Did this pink ruffle cover your butt?
Creepy Loner: Were you scared to sit?
Is She Weird 55: yeah it showed off my assets
Is She Weird 55: no
Is She Weird 55: at the restaurant all these old people were
like "you look sooo beautiful oh my god what a cuteeee"
Creepy Loner: [clap, clap]



10/4 Good Buddy:

BooksIut: Also, Cunningham's book The Four Horsemen of the
Apocalypse: Disease, Famine, War, and Death.
Is She Weird 55: no but haha they do that in 10 things
I hate about you

[I took his class once. It was called something innocuous
like Introduction to Cinema, so a lot of frat guys signed
up thinking they'd fulfill the humanities requirement by
watching "movies". You should have seen the looks on their
faces the day we saw the black-and-white film where a
teenage girl gets her period on camera. Or the day we
screened Richard Werner Fassbinder's "Why Does Herr R.
Run Amok?" In it, a humdrum businessman goes about his
humdrum business --- listening to his harpy wife, helping
his son with his homework, talking to his visiting
parents --- for what seems like hours, until the last five
minutes, when he goes berserk and bludgeons his family to
death.
Afterwards, we were supposed to discuss existentialism.
The professor asked if anyone had read Camus. I, of course,
had read "L'Etranger in the original Franch and raised my
hand. I mentioned the protagonist who doesn't care about
his mother's death. Then I said I often washed dishes
with my mom. When she'd hand me the knife to dry, I
would have the fleeting thought that it would be easy to
kill her if I wanted. I should mention that I usually
sat in the back, so when I said this about a hundred heads
whipped around to stare at me. What I should have said
was, "But I don't want to kill her!" What I actually said
was, "Oh, like you never thought about killing your mom."
It was at that moment that I realized how small the
New German Cinema community really was.]


Book Store Customer:
Creepy Loner: I'll take my time with Penthouse Letters II
... fondle the spine a bit and wink at you.


College Mascot Night:

Fleurdelochi: i'm SO sorry. badger away
MlSS lNF0RMATl0N: Am I badgering, Fleurdelochi?
Fleurdelochi: nonono
Fleurdelochi: cactus
CordialCactus: no.. me!
Anais3233: cactus is the badger
CordialCactus: but not really
MlSS lNF0RMATl0N: Ah okay.
Anais3233: yes you are
Anais3233: for real
Fleurdelochi: miss, you're not badgering at all.
just pissing up a rope
BinxB91: Cactus is a Badger
Creepy Loner: Really?
Creepy Loner: Badgers are mean.
BinxB91: C'Loner is Buckeye
Creepy Loner: Cute, though.
BinxB91: Anais is a Hoosier
Creepy Loner: Well...true...I am a poisonous nut.
Creepy Loner: [shrug]
BinxB91: Lamumsie is a Wolverine
Fleurdelochi: >snortlaff<
Anais3233: in the wisconsin state capital, there is a big
huge brass badger, but it looks more like a ferret, it
makes me laugh every time.
CordialCactus: lol anais.. yeah
Anais3233: i was born and raised a badger binx
Fleurdelochi: i'm a COUGAR


A Short Affair:
Creepy Loner: The names that I had picked out when I was
madly in love were Evangeline and Wolfgang...
Creepy Loner: That was as far as I got.


Another Short Affair:

PatientOnion3: what kind of beer do you drink creepy
Creepy Loner: Unibroue.
BinxB91: Unibroue?
PatientOnion3: binx, are you nice?
Creepy Loner: Onion, please, stuff it up your *ss.
Creepy Loner: Drop the routine for five f*cking minutes.


Unclear On the Concept:
BooksIut: I wish I had a pug named Meatball. :(
BooksIut: I have a pitbull.


The Benevolent Cactus:
CordialCactus: i was trying to find a way to divert a certain
persons attention away from another certain person, you know..
as a random act of kindness


[Once, headed uptown on the 9 train, I notice a sign posted
by the Metropolitan Transit Authority advising subway riders
who might become ill in the train. The sign asked that the
suddenly infirm inform another passenger or get off at the
next stop and approach the stationmaster. Do not, repeat,
do not pull the emergency brake, the sign said, as this
will only delay aid. Which was all very logical, but for
the following proclamation at the bottom of the sign,
something along the lines of, "If you are sick, you will not
be left alone." This strikes me as not only kind, not only
comforting, but the epitome of civilization, good government,
i.e., the crux of societal impulse. Banding together,
pooling our taxes, not just making trains that move
underground, not just making trains that move underground
with suprising efficiency at a fair price --- but posting on
said trains a notification of such surprising compassion and
thoughtfulness, I found myself scanning the faces of my
fellow passangers, hoping for fainting, obvious fevers, at
the very least a sneeze so that I might offer a tissue]


Unfulfilled:
BooksIut: I'm going to start sending you stuff to add
to KatyTried, Binx.
BooksIut: I don't think you're accurately representing my
full awesomeness.


Her Full Awesomeness:
BooksIut: My vaginal muscles are strong enough to perpetually
hold Emerson's eye in my lips.
HotGuylnOhio: ;x
BooksIut: So I just stand upside down and see the world for
what it really is.


Creepy Draws a Line:

PatientOnion3: that's why hillary's dad won't let her come in
this chatroom
Fleurdelochi: we could all use the occasion good dick slapping,
i'm sure
Creepy Loner: Not me.
Creepy Loner: I don't want a dick slapping.
WarHorseThor: why not creeps?
Fleurdelochi: >sigh< obstinate woman
Creepy Loner: Uh...'cause I don't want to be hit with a dick?


I'm on TV and I Don't Know Why:

BIDET LIVES: it's a good time to open a cool store in your
neighborhood
BIDET LIVES: no one can afford to leave
WarHorseThor: bidet, I saw that this morning
BIDET LIVES: you watch the today show, thor?
BIDET LIVES: watch it on father's day and you might see me
BinxB91: Why then?
BIDET LIVES: no idea, but they're filming monday and tuesday
at our house


Bookslut Counter-Punch:
BIDET LIVES: hello GOOGLEslut
BIDET LIVES: GOOGLED any BIG WORDS today?
BooksIut: The Lakers spanked the Spurs tonight.


Not Into Normal American Maleness:
Godwit935: WarHorse, you could tear the ass off an elephant!
WarHorseThor: why would I want an elephants ass?


Her Taco Life?:

Beysshoes: holaaa saturday nighters
Godwit935: Beys, how is your taco life?
Beysshoes: godwit terrible. but for this delicious moment of
convo with you...x
Godwit935: Solid, Beys.


If The McLaughlin Group Were a Chat Room ...:
Godwit935: Good night, at least for now, my fellow Americans.
Beysshoes: toxic fumes
Beysshoes: it must be mclaughlin group time for our godwit


Bring Beysshoes Up to Date:

DinosoreVagina: it's been a while, you've missed...
DinosoreVagina: so much of uh
DinosoreVagina: nothing
BooksIut: Seriously.


Tem's Lady:

Tem o Bedlam: "The only thing more tragic than losing the woman
one loves, is winning here, and finding out how shallow she is."


Lowered Expectations:

Beysshoes: gina how are you doing? any action this long weekend?
DinosoreVagina: not so far, but I'm not having a lot of success
with decent excuses to avoid extended family



Beysshoes as Out-of-Practice Chatter:

Creepy Loner: Okay; I'm done with the manicure.
Creepy Loner: It's not perfect, but a hell of a lot better.
Creepy Loner: I didn't paint my nails.
BooksIut: "I'll make a wicker girl and fill her up with tissue
and I'll burn her and think of you."
Billw0314: interesting
Beysshoes: oh creeps. what did you manicure or do we want
to know?
Creepy Loner: [blank stare]
Creepy Loner: My hands.
Tem o Bedlam: Manicure includes it's own definition. What do
you still not know?
Beysshoes: french manicure creeps?
BooksIut: LOL.
Creepy Loner: I cleaned my f*cking nails, Bey.
Creepy Loner: And filed them.
Beysshoes: thank you for sharing such compelling info creeps
Creepy Loner: Oh no, thank you for being way too pushy about it.


Insensitive Shelfers:

BooksIut: 120,000 people are facing famine in S.E. Bangladesh,
"where an invasion of rats led to widespread crop destruction."
SemiLitterate: Only 120,000?
Jam7604801: well book maybe they should start bbqing rats


Best Pun:

PatientOnion3: maybe it's relevant if you bake a loaf of bread
and add olive oil and garlic and salt, or euro sweet butter
and fancy french salt
ThePaIeRlDER: very romantic
PatientOnion3: i only do that for sex dates though
Fleurdelochi: mmm, truffle oil
McLaryn5508: truffles? did I hear truffles?
Tem o Bedlam: Nobody knows the truffles I've seen...


What are you listening to?:

BooksIut: * Shut Up and Let Me Go/ The Ting Tings *
PatientOnion3: * Love Inside the Stud Farm/ The Hollow Heffers *
BooksIut: * Never Gonna Change/ Drive-by Truckers *
Creepy Loner: *F**k Dub Pts 1 + 2/ Tosca*


Random Middle of a Long Saga:

CordialCactus: my husband was hanging out the camper door
oblivious puking up cherry desert

Beats the Movies:
Creepy Loner: That's great. Takes me back to being a wee creep.
I always loved hanging out with friends that had extremely
disturbed families --- better than a movie any day.


[This is how a three-year-old will tell a knock-knock joke:
"Knock, knock"
"Who's there?"
"I've got a bug in my pocket!"]


Women at Rest:

Is She Weird 55: i forget i am here sometimes

BooksIut: Sometimes I just sit back and read...

Creepy Smiles/Beth Talks/Cordial Imagines/
Anais Zinged/Beysshoes & Hillary Stll AWOL/
ED and Fleur Curbing Binx/BookSlut Grows Humble
(I made that last one up)


What's The Problem?:

CordialCactus: binx..i check everyday for a new katytried
Anais3233: no shit
Anais3233: you need to keep up
Anais3233: binx binx binx, it's not like you're writing
the material yourself


Who Needs KatyTried?:

Bethliebner: yank my doodle it's dandy
BinxB91: Beth's just mad because she never makes KatyTried
DinosoreVagina: whatever it is Beth, have another
Bethliebner: im a porn script writer. i dont need to be
on KatyTried


BookSlut BackLash:

BooksIut: Yes, my vocabulary extends beyond my tits.
AnonyMitch: book...i'm shocked at your language.
BinxB91: Bookslut, you'd be taken more seriously if you left
your breasts out of every conversation
BooksIut: Please, Mitch. Don't flatter me. I've Binx here to
do the job.
BinxB91: Bookslut is the muse of my shitty blog
BooksIut: Binx. Oh, you know how tits are, they just pop up
everywhere.
BooksIut: Well, the ones worth mentioning do.
Hickory49: ... women don't mention their breasts enough ...
EDruezillaB: An amusing fact here that I think people overlook
is that Binx brings up Book's breasts just as much if not more
than she does.
EDruezillaB: IN FACT, if she has fails to mention them, he does
Anais3233: yeah, funny, now take your tops off
BooksIut: Ahahaha, ED.
BooksIut: And, ew.
EDruezillaB: Put THAT in Katy Tried.
EDruezillaB: If you dare.


In Order To See BookSlut's Breasts?:
EDruezillaB: Why the hell would people shoplift Prep H

How Would He Know?:
Fleurdelochi: some wit on npr once compared the music of a
spinette to the sound of skeletons copulating on a tin roof


Pharmacists Have No Sense of Humor:

Fleurdelochi: there is a wonderful passage in
"the mercy of thin air"
Fleurdelochi: where a young woman goes up to the pharmacist and
asks to buy condoms
Fleurdelochi: he replies by asking her if she is married


Beth on Skunks:

Max 314159265358: I am drunker than a skunk
CordialCactus: poor skunks get such a bad rap
Bethliebner: interesting
Catpower777: yeah, how did skunks get labelled as alkies?
Lamumsie: I think it's simply the rhyme factor
Catpower777: so unfair lol
Max 314159265358: skunks are such womanizers
Bethliebner: i saw a drunk skunk once
Lamumsie: lol do tell, beth?
CordialCactus: box of rocks... another undeserved bad rep
CordialCactus: how can you be sure, beth?
Lamumsie: socks on fox
Catpower777: lol cactus
Max 314159265358: who carrys around a box of rocks?
Bethliebner: it was drinking a jack daniels on the rocks
CordialCactus: a four legged skunk?
Lamumsie: arent skunks generally 4-legged?
EmpressZ21: are you sure that wasnt a dog beth
CordialCactus: just checking to see if she meant some rotten guy
Bethliebner: well it had a white stripe down its back
CordialCactus: oh yeah.. holla!
CordialCactus: beth... how do you know it was jack daniels
CordialCactus: :)
FoodSIut: she knows her whiskey
Bethliebner: i do
EmpressZ21: maybe she bought the skunk a drink
Bethliebner: because the skunk offered to buy my me one
Lamumsie: did you accept?
Bethliebner: no i was drinking a rum and coke

[As we all clinked glasses, I felt a tennis ball drop
into my lap. It was a nice reminder that I had least
one friend after all.]


How Far Would You Go for an A:
Boulshevit: I took a photo of a train coming at me for a
high school photo class


Criteria for Good Books:
Max 314159265358: it was reccommended by a B&N staffer
so it's gotta be good


The Girls Getting Off:
Sleepy Eyed Evie: You and Dino and Cat and Melissa are going to
come waitress with me and drink Tecate in the parking lot when
we get off
DinosoreVagina: we're mourning the loss of Dr. Sue while Cat
explains how to make a vagina out of ... cat food cans.
Lydiaparn8: But not me?
Lydiaparn8: :o(
Sleepy Eyed Evie: And lydia
McLaryn5508: okay but I don't know what Tecate is
Sleepy Eyed Evie: Its Mexican beer
Lydiaparn8: That's okay, I don't drink Tecate.
Sleepy Eyed Evie: sory lydia you were so quiet i forgot you
were here
Catpower777: oh, you need an athletic sock and some saran wrap,
too, I think
Sleepy Eyed Evie: you have to drink Tecate
Catpower777: if memory serves
McLaryn5508: a cat food can vagina?
Catpower777: Mary, have you ever seen Dr. Sue Johannsen?
Catpower777: she has a sex call-in show on the Oxygen channel
McLaryn5508: Yes, she died???
Catpower777: no
Catpower777: she's retiring
Catpower777: from the show, though
McLaryn5508: oh dear
Catpower777: she did a segment on homemade sex toys
Catpower777: it was hysterical
McLaryn5508: Now where do we learn about these things?
Catpower777: I know
Catpower777: it's sad, isn't it
McLaryn5508: Homemade sex toys LOL
Catpower777: she is so cool
Catpower777: some guy called in trying to mess with her
Catpower777: and she handled it beautifully
McLaryn5508: She always kind of creeped me out, being so old and
tossing around words like, penis, vagina, masturbation, pleasure
McLaryn5508: But, someone has to do it
Catpower777: and I'm left wondering which slang she used lol
McLaryn5508: hahaha
Sleepy Eyed Evie: this girl i used to talk to on here had one of
those little vibrating eggs
Catpower777: Evie was it a prized possession?
Sleepy Eyed Evie: well once she wore it in her panties and went
to a restaurant w/ her bf
McLaryn5508: vibrating egg
Sleepy Eyed Evie: and he would activiate it at random times
Catpower777: omg
Sleepy Eyed Evie: supposedly
Catpower777: knowing things like that makes you wonder about
everybody you see
Sleepy Eyed Evie: well if you see some woman in a restaurant
suddelnly gasping and throwing herself around...



Odds and Ends:

PatientOnion3: it's the best book I have read in 1.75 years

CordialCactus: dammit! witty responses where are you!?

BooksIut: Earlier my boyfriend popped a blood vessel in his eye
masturbating listening to Freezepop.

NIHIT0: When I work very hard, when I have long day,
i can't think straight...that is how I understand why poor
people don't talk wise
NIHIT0: because they are always working hard



Cousin Cousine:

BinxB91: All the pudding girls are svelte, even the pregnant one
CordialCactus: svelte, now that is a word that is doing a darn
good descriptive job
BinxB91: I enjoy typing svelte
CordialCactus: swarthy and svelte are second cousins


BookSlut Being Girly:

BooksIut: I dyed my hair.
Nomdujourxx: Only body piercing can be next
BooksIut: I dyed my hair super super slut blonde with black
stripes underneath.
PatientOnion3: now bookslut's drapes match the carpet
PatientOnion3: bookslut gave herself a zebra slut black & blonde
hair dye job
CordialCactus: you seriously did that to your hair?
BooksIut: Nah, the black chunks are underneath.
BooksIut: Just a couple strands.
PatientOnion3: now everytime she walks outside, cars screech
to a halt and offer her $100.00


How Funny I Am:
BooksIut: Once I told CC I was going to go Christopher Hitchens
on her ass, lol.


Didn't Even Know What a FreezePop Was:
BooksIut: Once I dated a Filipino who had claws for pinky finger
nails. Apparently it's apart of the drug culture. They use their
long fingernail(s) to move cocaine around with.
BooksIut: Yeah... he was not so great a guy.


So Crabby:
BooksIut: Hahahaha. I wish I could be a crab and then I would
scuttle towards my boyfriend, point towards my vagina and clack
my claws together noisily until he acquiesced.


Candy Stripper:
LeslieHapablap: today to work i wore white flats.
LeslieHapablap: white slacks.
LeslieHapablap: pink & white blouse.

If I Were a Rich Girl:
BooksIut: Did I tell you about my recent book acquisitions, Binx?
Nomdujourxx: Book sent in a simple order to Amazon: one of
each, please


Inadvertently:
Vactoria: Years ago a jerk came into a chat room and I asked him
to buy me tampons at the store
Anais3233: eeks
KammaToasted: i inadvertently said "fuck you, you hapless cunt"


The Hygenic Couple:
Creepy Loner: We are a couple...we just don't screw.
Creepy Loner: Well, not anymore.
ParaMyrrh: Creepy very hygienic


Tasteful Ladies:
Fleurdelochi: my kittie likes peach yogurt
CordialCactus: not bad, just slurpin on some pickle juice


Take me out of the Ball Park:

Boulshevit: You guys....I have to work at the concession stand
at the ball park in the morning...any advice?
DinosoreVagina: call in sick?
CordialCactus: what time in the morning?
Nomdujourxx: Don't try to drink all the beer
Connor36: watch out for foul balls
RoderckDhu: Nom - LOL
Fleurdelochi: don't pilfer the cash box
Fleurdelochi: there's an idea
RoderckDhu: That would have been my advice.


BookShelf Through the Generations:

BinxB91: BidetKitty has now annoyed a whole new generation of
Shelfers
Fleurdelochi: there are generations here?
VERBQUEEN: I think there are about 37 generations...
Fleurdelochi: what are you people....fruitflies?
VERBQUEEN: a new one every 3 months
CordialCactus: what year was that, about?
VERBQUEEN: 1997 was my inaugural year
BinxB91: Verb coming to BookShelf now is like George Clooney
doing a guest spot on ER



Food Vs Books:

CordialCactus: with ginger, cinnamon and curry... it was strange..
i bet if i pureed it and added some broth, it would make a good
soup
Fleurdelochi: wonder if cooked lentils would work on a veggie pizza?
Fleurdelochi: sure, fleur, why not?
Bluethoughts: why are yall talking about food in a chat for books
PatientOnion3: Blue, let's talk about what you are wearing instead
Creepy Loner: You still have a chance, Blue - don't give up.
Bluethoughts: just because i don't want to talk about food
Fleurdelochi: blue, i am unbounded in the pursuit of happiness by
the wayward and arbitrary expectations of aol peasants
Fleurdelochi: next
CordialCactus: blue, other than harry potter, what do you like
to read?
Bluethoughts: everything
Creepy Loner: Well...let's get crackin' on "everything" then...

If Only:
PatientOnion3: blue and book slut created a private room
to talk about books


Onion Explains It All:
PatientOnion3: you read books, you don't discuss them unless
you're in a book club or review them

Candice Boarders:
CordialCactus: i want fleur to live in my basement with tem
and onion and creepy


Respectfully Yours:
Fleurdelochi: read cereal boxes? binx will have words with you
BinxB91: Fleur, are you mocking me?
Fleurdelochi: i am poking gentle and entirely respectful fun at you
Fleurdelochi: ;-)
Fleurdelochi: you are my elder, n'est pas?

And Sex is a Substitute for ... ?:
BooksIut: I'm convinced that sex chat is a substitute for
substantial discourse.


CreepyLoner Showers At Her Gym:

Anais3233: your water shut off?
Creepy Loner: No.
BinxB91: why don't you bathe at home?
Creepy Loner: Because I don't want to.
Anais3233: due to her pet dolphin, her bathtub is occupado
Fleurdelochi: silly, that way she doesn't have to scrub her tub
Boulshevit: Is it any wonder you're a loner?
BinxB91: C'Loner, you must talk to a lot of people at your gym


Which River!?! That's Personal!:

Creepy Loner: My parents met one another through some job
service and f**ked by a river, actually.
Creepy Loner: So, here I am.
Anais3233: crone is what i have to look forward to.
Anais3233: ::sigh::
Fleurdelochi: no way
Creepy Loner: Yes way.
BinxB91: Your Mom told you that?
Creepy Loner: Yep.
Fleurdelochi: i'm gonna be a power hungry uber bitch
Boulshevit: Which river?
Creepy Loner: A river.
Creepy Loner: I'm not going to give you an address, bozo.


Binx is So Funny:

Anais3233: i thought she wanted to give you the whatfor in a
sexual manner?
Anais3233: i thought she bought a dildo and named it binx?
BinxB91: Anais?
BinxB91: Anais, you're whack
Anais3233: am not
Boulshevit: Jesus, Ana! it's not all about dildos!
Anais3233: you're right, bouls, you're SO RIGHT!
BinxB91: Besides, what kind of name is Binx for a dildo?
Boulshevit: Really?
Anais3233: Giggle


Twin Peaks:

CordialCactus: thats good tem... i need books, i tried to
quit smoking today.. almost became a mass murderer... i need
books lined up so i can calm my inner wayne gacy
CordialCactus: i used to think that the utility holes on streets
(they were known as man holes then) were the fissures that led
to hell
StarlightStorms: aren't they?
CordialCactus: i peaked once... a man yelled at me, i ran home
crying and blamed the tears on my mean neighbor kim.... thats my
first lie
CordialCactus: peeked
CordialCactus: peaked


BookSlut Goes Out:

BooksIut: "All women have breasts, but some have more than others"
reminds me of the days when Agassi used to have "hair, but more
than others" aka a mullet.
Creepy Loner: I really do believe that Slut has the best boobs in
the room
BinxB91: So, explain why BookSlut never goes out?
Creepy Loner: Perhaps because she has great boobs, Binx.
BooksIut: I go out, sometimes. To Agoraphobia Society meetings.
BooksIut: Great turn out those meetings get..



Literate SWF Seeks Arsonist:
BooksIut: I need a man who isn't afraid to scorch and
burn my pussy.


Overheard at the Office:
AnonyMitch: "what are you doing?" "we're ideating."

[With only dish soap and paper towels, she brought Mark's
place back to livable. She studied herself in the bathroom
mirror as she cleaned the spatter-spots: a thirty-one-year-
old professional soother, three and a half pounds overweight
with red hair eighteen inches too long for her age,
desperate for something to fix. She could rise to this.
Mark would be back soon, gleefully respattering the mirror.
She would return to Cow Computer country, where people
respected the work she did and only strangers asked for her
help. She smoothed her dry cheeks back toward her ears and
slowed her breathing. She finished the sink and tub, and
then went out to the car and checked her backpack: two
pullovers, a pair of twill slacks, and three changes of
underwear. She drove out to Kearny outlet strip and bought
a sweater, two pairs of jeans, and some moisturizer. Even
that much tempted fate.]


Onion Gets Lucky:

PatientOnion3: i got lucky today and made my first fried
dish that was edible
Zenchef2006: onion, use a food processor, add some celery and
fish powder and corn starch
Zenchef2006: pan fry it instead of deep frying
PatientOnion3: what is fish powder? japanese/korean?
Zenchef2006: onion, japanese it is labeled as hondashi



CreepLoner's Neighborhood:

Godwit935: Creepy, how was your day?
Creepy Loner: [gasp]...you DO care.
Creepy Loner: It was lovely. I "mowed" my lawn with a po-mo,
OSHA friendly scythe.
Creepy Loner: [wiggles brows]
Creepy Loner: I was thinking of you...getting my arms and
back strong for you, kitten.
Anais3233: lol a scythe?
Godwit935: You cut your grass with a scythe, Creepy?
I bet your neighbors love you.
Creepy Loner: Why would they be offended?
Creepy Loner: It's soundless, relatively speaking...
Creepy Loner: Not a problem.
Jam7604801: they got offended when you took your hood down


Anais Likes Being Zingged:

Jam7604801: lady comes in now and again
Anais3233: jam lady
Anais3233: jam lady
Anais3233: jam lady
Anais3233: jam lady
Jam7604801: ok draftyvagina
EDruezillaB: Aw Jamlady!
Anais3233: ::ducking::
Anais3233: jam, i have to admit, that was the best zinger
i'd ever heard in here
Anais3233: ::wiping away proud tear:: jam jam jam


Terms of Sevice:

McLaryn5508: No, I thanked all my customers no matter what
Godwit935: You were raised right, McLaryn.
McLaryn5508: Some, yes, in a snide way, but at least i said it
Anais3233: that is so steel magnolias.


Fastest Typist Wins:
Anais3233: if she were fat, she'd be a tome
BooksIut: I was just going to say that, hookertwat.


[I'll get my driver's license in what, four years?
I've entered a new episode of "Why should I do
anything if Annie and Shanna can do it better?"
And all's well, though extremely bizaare. I guess
I've grown up a little. It's all relative anyway.
Nine years is as long as forty years, depending on
how long you've lived. I stole that from my Dad
three years ago. You understand, none of this is
really true.]


The Sensitive Guy:
SteveIzHere1: start talking
SteveIzHere1: I am a good listener.

What Started As Genuis ...:
PatientOnion3: it's some weird indian tomato yogurt potato
thing now on the stove


What's On Your Bureau?

ManiacEyeball: I have a neat frog skeleton.
ManiacEyeball: I actually have a photo somewhere.
Creepy Loner: I have a stuffed piranha.
ManiacEyeball: Do you have pic?
Creepy Loner: No.
Creepy Loner: It's in the cabinet about 10 feet away from
me, though.
PatientOnion3: what's it stuffed with? your ex?
Creepy Loner: I wish.
Creepy Loner: I'm not sure - I haven't cut it open.
PatientOnion3: Bookslut gave it to you for your birthday?
Creepy Loner: It's up there with a lot of expensive china that
I beat my grandmother for...and stole once she was out cold.
Creepy Loner: I've had it since I was a wee Creep.
PatientOnion3: expensive china is fragile
Creepy Loner: That's why I don't touch it. It just sits there
looking expensive.


Onion Pizza/Jam's Creation:

PatientOnion3: uh oh 1130 pm, time to roll out the dough and
pizza pie my oven!
LISABETH28: patient, email me some pizza please
Creepy Loner: [openly snoring]
ManiacEyeball: So M1ZZA.
M1ZZATT1TUDE: yes?
ManiacEyeball: You got any special hobbies?
LISABETH28: creepy, you're a very quiet snorer
M1ZZATT1TUDE: i sing
Creepy Loner: I keep it within the brackets.
ManiacEyeball: What do you like to sing?
Jam7604801: [stuffs bugs in creeps mouth]
M1ZZATT1TUDE: anything i can
Creepy Loner: F off, you redneck sadist.
Creepy Loner: Have you been watching your violent porn again, Jam?
Jam7604801: nah
Creepy Loner: Why not?
Jam7604801: i been researching creep
Creepy Loner: What have you been researching?
Jam7604801: my family history
Creepy Loner: Oh, yes, that's right - you've taken it back to Adam West.
Creepy Loner: I remember
Creepy Loner: The first king of Moldavia?
Creepy Loner: Wow.
Jam7604801: i guess you could call him adam dirt
Creepy Loner: I'd make that a bit classier and call him Adam Dirte.
Jam7604801: adam from dirt married to eve from rib
Creepy Loner: And raped by Lilith from the Sepher Yetzirah...
perhaps you're a demon-spawn, Jam. Most of the badness has been
dulled over the centuries, but there's just enough left to allow
you to maintain an interest in NASCAR and nipple clamps.



Rap Gets On the Map:

Creepy Loner: I like to perform old school rap songs. I'm a
master at Rapper's Delight.
Creepy Loner: A hip hop a hippity hip hip hop and you don't stop
rockin' to the bang bang boogie said up jumped the boogie to the
rhythm of the boogiedy bee.
Creepy Loner: Now what you hear is not a test I'm rapping to the beat,
and me, the groove, and my friends are going to try to move your feet.
Creepy Loner: You see, I am Wonder Mike, and I'd like to say hello,
to the black and the brown, the red and pink, to the purple and
yellow...


Couple of Tools:

Creepy Loner: [digging around in right ear with a toothpick]
Jam7604801: see creep i use a screw driver for that
Creepy Loner: Well, you're a greasemonkey and I'm a half-assed dentist...
Creepy Loner: It all fits.


We Gotta Get You a Woman:

ManiacEyeball: So Jam.
Jam7604801: yeah eyes
ManiacEyeball: I IMed that little redhead o' yours.
Creepy Loner: You spoke to Blowjob?
Creepy Loner: Do tell!
ManiacEyeball: Well.
ManiacEyeball: She denied basically everything Jam has said about her
ManiacEyeball: She didn't even know who he was.
Creepy Loner: Huh.
Creepy Loner: [looks at Jam]
ManiacEyeball: What do you have to say for yourself, son?
Jam7604801: eyeas maybe she thought you was a nutter
Creepy Loner: But she thought you were sane?
Creepy Loner: [raised brow]
Jam7604801: it was my poetry
Creepy Loner: Oh no.
Creepy Loner: Don't...it burns!
Jam7604801: i only post one jam original
Creepy Loner: You do?
Creepy Loner: I think I've seen a few of your poems.
ManiacEyeball: I told her I was a painter named Javier and
deliberately put her on the spot with uncomfortable
questions, but I don't think she thought I was nuts.
ManiacEyeball: In fact, she asked me for my number.
ManiacEyeball: And I gave her it.
ManiacEyeball: I'm expecting a call around midnight.
ManiacEyeball: Asshole.
Jam7604801: creepy i always get them when i say i'm not a
great writer just a good one
Jam7604801: but i'm better than most
Creepy Loner: Well, true...the literacy rate has been dropping,
which is causing the scum to rise to the top.
ManiacEyeball: Well, that's just dripping with meaning.


What She Wants to Be When She Grows Up:

Jam7604801: books wants to be a historian i thought
ManiacEyeball: She also wanted to be a physicist.
Creepy Loner: Slut wants to be mistaken for intelligent.
ManiacEyeball: And a biologist.
Jam7604801: here i have family that goes all the way back to adam
Jam7604801: slut never impressed me much even when she was gratify
ManiacEyeball: Anthropologist. Philosopher. Writer.
ManiacEyeball: It goes on.


Some Poor Lass By the River:

Creepy Loner: The earliest family member I could find was
some putz that was nearly beaten to death with crude farming
impliments in Ireland in the 1700s...
Creepy Loner: He managed to escape and come to America.
Creepy Loner: Screw some poor lass...
Creepy Loner: Years later - Creepy.


Evolution:

Jam7604801: heck creep i go back to ireland
ManiacEyeball: Ouch.
Jam7604801: then back to spain and scotland
ManiacEyeball: Hey, you're both Irish right?
Creepy Loner: And then to the garden of Eden.
Creepy Loner: [rolls eyes]
Jam7604801: yeah creepy
Creepy Loner: Yeah...I'm Irish, Scottish, Welsh.
Jam7604801: creep i don't think you believe me
Creepy Loner: It's not that I don't believe you, it's just
that I find it absurd...
Creepy Loner: I don't care enough about what you're saying to
get riled about whether I should believe you or not...
Jam7604801: i do have documents to prove it creepy
Creepy Loner: Uh huh.
Creepy Loner: I still don't care.
Jam7604801: creepy my family kept better records than most people
Creepy Loner: I'm thrilled sh*tless.
ManiacEyeball: I hope I didn't smear that little creampuff off
the face of our sacred little planet.
ManiacEyeball: That'd be like, a shame.
Creepy Loner: What little creampuff?
Jam7604801: my surname devine is the same as milesians
Creepy Loner: [bored stare]
ManiacEyeball:
ManiacEyeball: M1.
Creepy Loner: Okay, so you're God's favorite greasemonkey, Jam.
Jam7604801: and the milesians came from Magog
M1ZZATT1TUDE: yes?
ManiacEyeball: There ya are!
ManiacEyeball: See my innocent little inquiry up there?
M1ZZATT1TUDE: yes i do
Jam7604801: nah Creepy i can say I'm one of Gods original 12 tribes
ManiacEyeball: It awaits acknowledgement.
ManiacEyeball: PATIENTLY.
M1ZZATT1TUDE: sry, im falling asleep because of jam
ManiacEyeball: If there's anything I don't like to do, it's rush.
M1ZZATT1TUDE: i understand
Jam7604801: creepy it was blind luck i stumbled on to this stuff
Creepy Loner: Look at it this way, Jam...if you're a Christian
and you really believe in Adam and Eve and all that good crap...then
what you're basically saying is that you can "prove" what everyone
else can claim, too...
Creepy Loner: That we're all from the same man and woman.
ManiacEyeball: Kinda sheds light on the fact that I haven't
slashed my wrists yet right?
Creepy Loner: Yippie-f**king-skip.
Jam7604801: i can't say that about you creepy but i can say
that about me
Creepy Loner: So, there was more than one creation of human, Jam?
Jam7604801: creepy there were 12 tribes of 144 you figure it out
Creepy Loner: Nevermind - you're actually too dim to understand
the simple point that I'm making
PatientOnion3: 12 tribes, cleveland was the main one
Jam7604801: creepy its possible there is more than one creation
PatientOnion3: there were 12 creations, one for each tribe
PatientOnion3: that's why the bible has 12 books, and why we
have 12 months, 12 fingers and 12 eyes


Onion Pizza:
PatientOnion3: pizza in oven!!!!!!!!
PatientOnion3: 9 minutes
PatientOnion3: and soon it will be midnight and in 7 minutes
i take a peek at my anchovy, zucchini, jalapeono pepper jack
pizza pie


Don't Be Shy:

M1ZZATT1TUDE: dont like jumping in the middle of conversations
PatientOnion3: don't be shy just cuz we're best selling authors
and very farmous
PatientOnion3: far and near famous
PatientOnion3: and I make spiffy pizzas
Creepy Loner: Yeah...relax.
PatientOnion3: and oh so naughty chocolate
Creepy Loner: What's naughty about your chocolate?
PatientOnion3: Jam is the only one you have to worry about, he is
a soul hunter
PatientOnion3: the effect it has on feemails
ManiacEyeball: M1ZZ. I understand.
ManiacEyeball: I was like that when I was 19.
ManiacEyeball: Kinda.


Waiting in Jam's Family Lines:

Jam7604801: creepy there is a good hour of reading if you want
to read my family lines
Creepy Loner: I don't CARE.
Jam7604801: ok
PatientOnion3: Jam, i already told everybody you can trace
your roots back to a chubby brontosaurus in the Congo
M1ZZATT1TUDE: omg, jam is making me suicidal
Creepy Loner: Hahahahahahah
Creepy Loner: Oh, f**k. I almost choked on my coffee.
PatientOnion3: Barney Brontosaurus
Creepy Loner: Damn you, Onion.
Creepy Loner: ROFL

Onions Softens Creepy:

PatientOnion3: thank goodness i have a pizza timer
Jam7604801: because if you read it and its true then you know
that adam is real there for god must be real and that scares you
PatientOnion3: otherwise it would be up in smoke too often
PatientOnion3: barney is real too, and he is way before adam and god
Creepy Loner: [wiping tears out of eyes]...a chubby brontosaurus in
the Congo...
Creepy Loner: ROFLMFAO
PatientOnion3: what are you afraid of creepy, jam has photos too
Creepy Loner: Stop it...my face is starting to hurt.
PatientOnion3: you heathen harlot
PatientOnion3: 2 minutes!
M1ZZATT1TUDE: i didnt know people took such good genealogy notes
back in the garden of eden
ManiacEyeball: Yeah. You still have a modicum of respect for
human life, don't you, Mitzi?
PatientOnion3: i am making my crust extra thin
ManiacEyeball: You'll get over that soon.
ManiacEyeball: I have a good feeling about you.
PatientOnion3: mitzi, jam can figure out which dinosaur is
your grandpa too, just give him your birthday
Jam7604801: mizz you should read all the begots in the bible then
PatientOnion3: Mitzisaurus!
Creepy Loner: Argh! I can't breathe!
M1ZZATT1TUDE: first of all, i think you mean bigots
Creepy Loner: Hahahahhaha
M1ZZATT1TUDE: lmao
Jam7604801: dinosaurs are chickens onion
M1ZZATT1TUDE: LMAO!!!
PatientOnion3: okay i'm gonna peek at my pizza
Jam7604801: they evolved into food we eat
ManiacEyeball: And sometimes taters, right, Jam?
M1ZZATT1TUDE: what dinosaur did cows come from?
Jam7604801: no eye oil for our cars you know fossil fuel
PatientOnion3: my oven must be rusty, dough is still limp,
300 more seconds
PatientOnion3: cows came from the moo-asaurus
PatientOnion3: it was in national geographic last month


Ambition:
Anais3233: i hope i never kill anyone

FAN MAIL

I received this sweet e-mail message last week:

"Excellent issue of Katy Tried! Nice job!"

.... which caused me to imagine what fan mail might
sound like from the rest of you slackers:

Cordial Cactus: Great Job, Katy!! BRB ... A ginger
snap is calling my name ... and the cat is making
strange noises ... which indicates that the toddler
has gone over the wire


CreepyLoner: (shrug) that didn't suck too bad


Ta21l: I spit tea on myself!! That's OK though,
it's a dark colored shirt.


Beysshoes: OMG OMG, that was so funny ...
'scuze, breezin into a paypa bag here


Bookslut: Binx, Your writings are like Osamu Dasai's
--- before the Decontructionists of course. Your
tone is always sublime if somewhat stupid. By the way,
I have great-looking breasts.

PatientOnion: Your column inspired me to cook
Zinfidel Pork for my naked neighbor. I would
have taken it over to her but how good can it
be with food stamp ingredients and EZ Bake oven?

Godwit: Although I don't understand the purpose
re-posting ephemeral chat room exchanges, I found
nothing in your column to suggest you are less than
a normal male.


IsSheWeird55: BINX!!! Try to catch me driving dirty!!


Anais: Great Column Katy!! It's as if the man in the
boat has been given oars!


SleepEyedEvie: Your column takes directions like a
tennis ball hit off a garage door handle.

Niontron: OK, I won't take this Blog off the net.
But watch it!


AND now the clips -------------

Cordial Cactus blushes:

Lakeshadw: Glo---I mean what is the "essence" of good writing?
Glomawr: that it "moves" me Lake
Lakeshadw: Dearest CC---I want words of wisdom here, from
you"---Yours, Expectantly---M
ManiacEyeball: i know what good writing is, but im not telling
CordialCactus: understandable... with a nice easy flow..
relatable..... if not relatable.. it makes you want to know
more..... so you can relate.... um.... good writing is, in
essence...a coherent intellectual song
CordialCactus: something like that
Melodramamama22: far as i'm concerned, originality and lack of
cliche is tip top on the list tho it doesn't guarantee good
writing
Tallthinjones: good job, cordial
Glomawr: such as a song or a nursery rhyme
Glomawr: lines in a song often get my attention
Lakeshadw: "coherent intellectual song"....wow
CordialCactus: thanks tall
Lakeshadw: CC---that has GOT to bve the best definition I
have ever heard
Lakeshadw: Yours---appreciatively....M.....
CordialCactus: lakes.. gosh..im in a giddy state basking in
the glow of praise
Tallthinjones: you're a genius, cordial
Lakeshadw: CC---it was excellent...truly
CordialCactus: let me copy and paste this and send it to my mom
Ta21l: ok, repeat it please...lol...for those that came late
CordialCactus:


Adorable Accidents:

BooksIut: My boyfriend is adorable.
BooksIut: Once we were wrestling and he "accidently" hit me
in the eye -- so he kissed my black eye bunches.
Creepy Loner: I was wrestling with my ex once and "accidentally"
pants him in front of his friends.
CordialCactus: second date with husband... i accidentally
whacked him hard on the nethers....


The Way of Love:
BooksIut: abed with one's belly on top is to die a martyr of love
BinxB91: Bookslut's boy friend: "can't we just kiss sometime"


Odds and Ends:

BooksIut: I'm going to iron a Harold Ford pic onto my panties.

Anais3233: even if i call you sausage wallet you still like me?

Godwit935: I don't understand why people like talking like this

PatientOnion3: i love the dancng black guys on amy winehouse songs

JFWaterman: I can take apart a remote control- and almost put it
back together.

Anais3233: the wind is coming in my buttflap instead of going out

ManiacEyeball: There was a news story about a seal fucking a king
penguin today in Antarctica.

NIHIT0: and you don't have to be smart or dumb to decide what you
are going to study...

LeslieHapablap: santa monica outlawed styrofoam.
LeslieHapablap: that pleased me.


Origins of Bookshelf Resurgence:

Condorblue: lot of people in the book shelf, is someone
giving away steak knives
BinxB91: Condor, everyone comes to catch the BookSlut Show
Anais3233: no they don't binx, we're all here because they said
you were going to strip for money
Summers Eve L: Wait a damn minute.
Anais3233: ::holding out a paypal account::
Summers Eve L: I heard Binx was stripping for free.
Anais3233: ok, if you're here for the bookslut show, raise your font
BinxB91: I am idly stripping now. Because I haven't changed
from work yet
BooksIut: Binx. I think you give me far too much credit.
Lakeshadw: Book---might do to research the origins of the
Oriental expression for orgasm.."the sun and the clouds"
...just a thought...
Anais3233: if you're here to watch binx strip off his walmart
greeter vest, raise your font
Anais3233: ME!! I AM!
Jennifer Payne: with strategically-placed happy face stickers,
i hope


So There:
Summers Eve L: I think that you are dull, Godwit. I think that
you attempt to make interesting conversation by whining about
not getting the same.


Do You Know Me?:
Anais3233: if people find out you have a lack of self esteem,
pretty soon they are taking advantage of you. midnight steak
and shake runs, buttsex when you're not in the mood, that
sort of thing
Creepy Loner: Anais...you just described my whole life.


Condor Blue? Bleu? Blew?:

Condorblue: I just had a whole boneless chicken at a restaurant
Zenchef2006: what type of restaurant condor?
Condorblue: it was a retro restaurant, quasi fine dining
Jennifer Payne: Entire Chikken Bistro
Zenchef2006: i can debone a whole chicken in under 2 minutes
Jennifer Payne: with your tongue?
CordialCactus: with the chicken intact?
CordialCactus: lol jenn
Condorblue: I thought they had special boneless chickens in
the backyard
Zenchef2006: no cactus, intact would take me about 5
Summers Eve L: Zen. You shouldn't talk so dirty in here.
That's downright racey.
Zenchef2006: jen, well only if the chicken buys me dinner first


Anais Writing Porn:
Anais3233: it's all very sordid and hot, but yeah, me,
godwit and charlie rose


Roz would kick his butt:
NIHIT0: came back from watching Fraiser...
NIHIT0: fraiser shows are boring


You're stupid, no offense:
NIHIT0: I find canadian people more progressive and more
educated than american people
NIHIT0: no offense...


Shooting Animals!?! Tell Me More!:

Nomdujourxx: I watched the Derby today, it was sad that
they had to put that philly down
McLaryn5508: OMG Nom, I cried for half an hour
Godwit935: Nom, how did they do it? Did they shoot the horse
on the track?
Jam7604801: it broke 2 legs what eles could they do
Godwit935: What happened, did the horse run into another horse?


Godwit's Never-Ending Story:

Godwit935: All right, I have a scenario, and I'd like some
opinions on it.
Creepy Loner: [stares at the light of my life]
Creepy Loner: Go on, baby.
Creepy Loner: Do tell.
Godwit935: You go into a grocery store, you order a half pound
of ham at the deli, the guy cuts it and hands it to you, and
says nothing. You say nothing and then he says, "You're welcome."
What do you do?
Creepy Loner: Grin, nod, look at the floor, and beat a
bewildered retreat.
BinxB91: Godwit, deck him
Godwit935: Binx, that is what I felt like doing.
Anais3233: lol you've got issues
Petunia8290: I'd say thank you
Gypsyjo47: Godwit he just sliced your ham for you! Was he
supposed to kiss your ass as well?


CreepyLoner's Mom:

BinxB91: Would your Mom ever call herself something like
"CreepyLoner"?
Creepy Loner: Nah...she'd name herself something like
"StudInPosingPouch" and haunt M4M rooms.




BookSlut Resisting Temptation:

BooksIut: Napsack. I'm reading Wole Soyinka's autobiography.
BooksIut: It's educational -- you learn stuff about African
folklore, but I want to read about houses being blown to
pieces!
BooksIut: I'm temtped to skip right to the stuff on the
Nigerian civil war but I mustn't.



EDruezilla Not Making Trouble ... BOOM:

EDruezillaB: I read the back of the box of Frosted Mini
Wheats today.
EDruezillaB: It sucked. I can't say I recommend it.
BinxB91: ED, you trouble maker!!! Don't act dumb
EDruezillaB: I'm not acting!
EDruezillaB: ...
BinxB91: ah, but Ed, you're attracted to BookShelf, not
StupidCafe
EDruezillaB: Okay. Fine. I laid out and read about
World War I today, happy? I really did. All about President
Wilson (who'se role is very stereotypical in every war..
"la la la la la, we aren't getting involved"
EDruezillaB: "We'll just send our citizens across the
Atlantic and act as if we are "neutral" even though we're
sending supplies and soldiers across the seas... then BOOM!


Never Ask a Question to Which You Don't the Answer:

EDruezillaB: I discussed my propensity to fall apart emotionally
if I drink tonight and also my jealousy at those who are
imbibing tonight with cheer.
EDruezillaB: WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT


The Beginnings Of Addiction:
Anais3233: i know, this is why i can't go to sleep.
i'm afraid someone will say something funny


Hey, I Know That Guy!:
Melodramamama22: somebody got drunk and did some break dancing
at my first wedding
Creepy Loner: Was this person bisexual, male, and wearing
parachute pants?


DisJointed:
Rafo65: Ugly Betty is an inferior version of a German TV show
called Verliebt in Berlin.
BooksIut: Urstinov's depiction of Emperor Nero is hilarious.
Sleepy Eyed Evie: Emperor Nero is on Ugly Betty?


The Discreet One:
NIHIT0: the room became a disaster with all these newbies
(I don't wanna mention any name)

Like a Crucifix to a Vampire:
BooksIut: And I couldn't take her attempt at reconstructing
Jesus' childhood seriously. Couldn't finish it.


I was Going to Use "War and Peace" but ...:
HadleighUS: Rafo65, I'm thinking about writing a short story
entitled "An Uncivil Action" but suspect someone will beat
me to it


If a Tree Falls on YouTube ...:
BooksIut: My professor mentioned a BBC documentary,
"Portrait of a Terrorist" about Mugabe. Have either of you
seen it?
BooksIut: However, I've been unable to find it on Youtube.


Go Dogs Go:

Ordinarymonster: the dogs are beggin for a car ride
EmpressZ21: how do you know they want a carride
EmpressZ21: are they sitting in the car
Ordinarymonster: they carry the keys around in their mouths


Why Dukakis Lost:
KD81785: I remember a time when we had to schedule the
Young Democrats meetings around Wednesday church and Thursday
(or was it Tuesday?) The Cosby Show


Giggling:

BooksIut: The mag that published my crappy short story has a
bunch of porn ads in the back.
Anais3233: (the back pages of magazines are full of tawdry,
trashy ads, in porn mags it's all about phone sex and whores)
EmpressZ21: dear penthouse
EmpressZ21: i never thought this would happen to me....
Anais3233: porn makes the world go round
McLaryn5508: hahaha
Nomdujourxx: up & down anyway
Anais3233: or makes it stickier, whatever
EmpressZ21: :X sorry it was right there


Ugly BookSlut?:

BooksIut: I guess Binx is being mean, again.
BooksIut: I've been on my best behavior, past two days.
EmpressZ21: yeah he really needs new material and insults
Anais3233: it's a good one, you should induldge binx
BinxB91: BookSlut, you're more interested in the rare,
the obscure, the overlooked
BooksIut: Ohh, OK.
KD81785: Than what, Binx?
BinxB91: vice the sensational, the trendy, the current
Ordinarymonster: binx that would be us
BooksIut: I thought you were using some of Thor's material and
calling me ugly.
BinxB91: Bookslut, you are many things, but not ugly

["What kind of music do you play with that thing?" I asked him.
"It's improvised," he said. "I make it up as I go".
"I know what improvised means," I said. "I know this sounds
backward and conservative, but can you control what you do
without being able to revise and polish it later?"
"I try to revise as I go, in the moment," he said, The process
is not all that different from making quote-unquote conventional
kinds of art. You look for the surprising but inevitable in the
chaotic and arbitrary. You try not to be self-indulgent or
obvious, but to take risks and challenge yourself."
"That sounds sort of pat to me," I said, disappointed. "Are
you sure you aren't being pretentious and full of it."
"No", he said thoughtfully.]


Increasing Book Sales:

KD81785: Book, have you read The Thirteenth Tale?
Ordinarymonster: someone just gave me that
KD81785: That's another book that jumped from the shelf and
told me to read it


Women Should Not:

EDruezillaB: Women should not drink when they're sad.
EDruezillaB: It's a mess.
Creepy Loner: Stuff it, Ed.
EDruezillaB: You aren't sad!
Creepy Loner: Oh.
Anais3233: how about women shouldn't be sad


How Bizaare:

Creepy Loner: I remember having some bizarre crying fit when
I was wasted in front of a couple of friends and what may
have been a drug dealer...
Creepy Loner: I'm still unsure about that last detail.
PatientOnion3: did they film it?
Creepy Loner: I don't think so.
PatientOnion3: creepy's bizarre crying fit!
PatientOnion3: on you tube

Taking the Edge Off the Garden:
Lamumsie: I had a glass of wine at Olive Garden
Lamumsie: took the edge off


BookShelf Fun Couple:

Creepy Loner: I would make out with Onion, but I'm too far away.
PatientOnion3: no snogging after sundown
Creepy Loner: Not on the sabbath...hahaha.
PatientOnion3: i have to boil a potato
Anais3233: as penance?
Creepy Loner: We'd be great together, I'm sure...
PatientOnion3: yes, all muslims boil a potato after sundown,
ask rono
Creepy Loner: Distance and poverty will keep us apart.
Creepy Loner: [sniffle]
Creepy Loner: I love you, Onion.
PatientOnion3: you're poor and far away?
Creepy Loner: Yeah, pretty much.
PatientOnion3: what happened to the bag of gold in your path?
Creepy Loner: It's still there.
Creepy Loner: I have to wait about two years.
Creepy Loner: Right now I'm poor.
PatientOnion3: two years, you'll be 6'5" by then, you are
growing fast
Creepy Loner: True.
BinxB91: Onion cooks. What will you bring to the relationship?
Creepy Loner: I will bring the after dinner smokes and drinks.
Creepy Loner: And woobie.
BinxB91: I can imagine C'Loner at Onion's house both with the
lights off crunched down trying to get a good view of Onion's
naked neighbor
Lamumsie: that's weird, Binxie
PatientOnion3: she may be pregnant now!!!!!!!!!
Anais3233: in your imagination, are they naked also binx?
PatientOnion3: she's packing a baby
McLaryn5508: you are the floor show anais
Creepy Loner: I'd enjoy a sold rogering from Onion while we spy
on the neighbor.
BinxB91: rogering?
PatientOnion3: and they have a cat that eats the plants
PatientOnion3: they sleep till 3pm


She Moves With Grace and Lightness:

Creepy Loner: Ow...
Creepy Loner: Damn you!
Creepy Loner: Please hold.
Creepy Loner: I have this coffee table...
Creepy Loner: It's wonderful, really...
Creepy Loner: But I have a knack for hitting my toes on its legs.
PatientOnion3: what's it made of?
Creepy Loner: It's oak.
PatientOnion3: no beer or cigarettes burns?

[As I drank my coffee in my newly bare, tidy room, I discovered
that my mind felt unusually alert and orderly, my emotions clear,
my body at ease. Why had I chosen to live in squalor all these
years, purposefully surrounding myself with decay, disorder,
mess, and the unbeautiful leavings of daily life? All I could
figure out by way of explanation was my psyche seemed to have
undergone, in StarTrek parlance, a phase variation, and now for
some reason I felt like living in a clean room instead.]




Look Sharpie:

Summers Eve L: First one to pass out we make up vicious rumors
about and spread them incessantly so that upon entry the next day
they have lots of splainin to do.
Fleurdelochi: ok, lucy
EDruezillaB: First one to pass out get's SHARPIED.
EDruezillaB: why did I make that a contraction?
JFWaterman: You were in the Army, I can tell, Edruezilla.


Are You Guys Being Funny?:

Summers Eve L: I keep spacing out on this room right now.
Are you guys being funny?
Summers Eve L: I hope not. I so don't want to miss a good laugh.


You Said WHAT!!!:
Anais3233: godwit harassed me for a whole night
Anais3233: it's much more fun when he is not here
Anais3233: i like being evil, but he's just annoying
Anais3233: and self righeous
Anais3233: and called me a bad mom the first time i saw him
in a chat room
Anais3233: because i said Fart
EDruezillaB: You said f _ _ _?


Excuse?:
Billw0314: what would you like to candidly discuss, Edru?
EDruezillaB: Everything I type is candid.


Limits:

Summers Eve L: HamsterPanty. I cannot believe that you spoke
of a telegraph from commander ass to general nostril that a
turd was arriving.
Creepy Loner: [looks up]...what the f**k is with the
"hampster panty" thing?
Anais3233: ::beaming::
Creepy Loner: I can't take it anymore.
Summers Eve L: Anais. is. hamsterpanty. hello.
Creepy Loner: Oh no...
Summers Eve L: I WANT YOU TO DRINK


Bookslut Goes Green:

BooksIut: I think I have food poisoning, goodness.
BooksIut: My tummy hurteds.
BooksIut: I'm not certain about food poisoning Bill, but
my stomach is upset.
BooksIut: And my poop was light green.
EDruezillaB: Blech
JFWaterman: Sweet Zombie Jesus, I didn't need to know
that, Slut.
EDruezillaB: I feel damaged as a human because I know what
color Book's poop was.
BooksIut: green poop and stomachaches |
PoopReport.com My poop was the color of this website's banner.
PatientOnion3: book slut, are the photos up on your blog yet?
EDruezillaB: Book, go outside and crawl on all fours and eat
some grass. It helps my dog.
Anais3233: well, this could be the begining of food poisoning
Anais3233: are you feeling nauseated?
BooksIut: Maybe just a visit by Di Uhreea.
BooksIut: Yes.
Anais3233: are your boobs swollen?


Noted:
NIHIT0: I need to be enlightened on the matters that I want!!!


My Little China Girl:

HadleighUS: Bookslut, the girl I was 'pinned' to in college went
on to get her PhD in Asian Studies and taught at Taichung
University and became fluent in Chinese...she and a girlfriend
(whose parents had been missionaries in China and also
PatientOnion3: you pinned her with your big redneck tool?
HadleighUS: spoke fluent Chinese) used to walk down the street
in Beijing speaking Chinese and freaking out the locals (who at
that time hadn't seen many Americans esp. speaking Mandarin and
Cantonese)
BooksIut: This is sort of off topic but there's a really sobering
article in the current issue of the Washington Monthly about
Asian factory workers.
PatientOnion3: they have factories in Asia now?
PatientOnion3: i thought they just made rice and fortune cookies
PatientOnion3: labor is too high, they are moving factories
inwards where the hillbillies are
BooksIut: Hadleigh. What sort of missionary? Catholic?
Hadachoke: books, the air and water pollution is horrendous
PatientOnion3: just like how they located industries to the
halfwit hillbillies in the south, halfwits work cheap
HadleighUS: There are no fortune cookie bakeries in China (true).
I got one once with the insert reading "Help, I'm being held
captive in a fortune cookie factory." (made that up)
PatientOnion3: they fight the wars too, good cannon fodder
HadleighUS: Bookslut, I'm pretty sure Protestant
Max 314159265358: sober?
PatientOnion3: too dumb to figure stuff out
PatientOnion3: jam, we need a poem


Interestingly:
VeritabIe Sexpot: Interestingly, President Clinton was the
first president to publicly apologize for the Tuskegee
syphilis experiments


Besmirching the Works:
Lamumsie: ok I am not familiar with him, I admit..but as far
as Wright is concerned, he threw a big wrench on Obama's
reputation


Binx Being So Funny:

Anais3233: Ok, if you could be anyone in this world, who would
you be? I'd choose LIsa Ling, she's totally got the best job.
BinxB91: Lisa Ling??? what's her job??
Anais3233: She works for National Geographic Channel
Boulshevit: Does she take those nekid pictures I was always do
fond of, Ana?
BinxB91: oh, I thought Lisa Leng worked for the Daily Planet
on a diversity version of Superman
Anais3233: i don't think so
BinxB91: with Aheem Olsen and Perry Black
Anais3233: lol binx!

Leslie Walks In On a Religion Discussion:
LeslieHapablap: ick, jesus freaks.


She's Not Heavy:
Anais3233: dude, this is all to heavy for me. i'm watching
the Bad Girl's Club on Oxygen channel

New Experiences:
Anais3233: tender?