Boxing Day - Last week I had Beysshoes and Godwit
as swizzle sticks. For this week's too-much-time-
on-my-fans, I wonder what it would be like if
we were all boxers. For assistance with this I
had Rocky Grazziano of Ring Magazine examine old
KatyTried archives (are archives ever not old?) and
imagine Shelfers as boxers in the ring and then
report back. Here are his various sketches:

Godwit - Leads with his chin. Vunerable to
rope-a-dope tactics. Sometimes prevails when
opponets wear out their hands.

Beysshoes - A freewheeling style. Puzzling tactic
of helping opponets up and apologizing after she's
decked them

Oooolijay - Likes to mix it up. Light on her feet.
Looks good in trunks.

Lesliehapablap - An exacting tactician who unravels
when there's blood.

WarHorseThor - a bar room brawler

Dickeszian - Hard to hit but attack is limited to
rabbit punches, head butts, and feints

CreepyLoner - Shrugs and eyebrow rises distract
from her nifty footwork. Often loses interest during
the middle rounds. Though she flops, always gets up.

CordialCactus - Great Counter Puncher. But also
seems to enjoy hitting herself.

ParaMyrrh - Skilled but often fights dirty ...
then whines to the ref when warned.

MsVictoriaLynn - Has some good combinations but poise
goes to hell when fouled

Fork - Couldn't keep watching this fighter after I
saw what he did with his mouth guard

Phronsie - Cannot be knocked down. But will throw
in the scrabble towell when not given a fight.

Anais - Pretends to be a dirtier fighter than she
really is. Seems to only fight so she can enjoy
a long post-bout hug from her opponet.

NoraMcKee - An effective jab but always leaves herself
open for a hook.

Summers Eve L - A hard hitter. But can get tired.

PatientOnion - Given to occaisional greatness where he
hits everything including the ref. Hard to defense.
Doesn't really care if he misses.

Catpower - Steady. A good tactician. Doesn't really
want a shot at the title.

BookGasm - Free swinger. Seems to prefer shadow
boxing though.

Melodramamama - Likes to mix it up. Needs to finish
opponets off.

Bidet - Once a feared opponet. Now quits after one round.

BethLiebner - Don't sleep on this fighter.

Rono - Always fights with a lot of energy but is more
interested in annoying than hurting opponets.

Prospect - Persistent but seems out of her weight class.

LadyMountain Medic - Can punch with either hand. Good
at sidestepping wild hooks.

HadaChoke - Always looking for an opening for an uppercut.

PaleRider - Telegraphs his punches. Don't let him get
you in a clinch.

Now the clips:

Hey You Guys:
Hyperyon3: you guys might be surprised to know this,
but einstein was a women hater
StilIJaded: i am wearing an einstein t-shirt now

Americans Don't Win Nobel Prizes:
Rafo65: One of my fave poets is Gustavo Adolfo Becquer..
I met a Spanish girl once who told me that the only people
in Spain who read his poetry are 14 yr old girls.. geez

Women Without Men:
KD81785: 30 years ago I was in college and brought a
feminist speaker to the college. We took her out afterwards
and one of the committee chicks said, "I like to eat with
women because I can really eat"
NoraMcKee525: ha

Your Tax Dollars at Work:
NoraMcKee525: cactus..is it wrong to shoot craps during a
faculty meeting?

It's Tough Being a Grouch:
BoreUsYelledSin: I'm experiencing exhaustion.


Scar Wars:
Creepy Loner: I have only had brief dealings with camels. They seem okay.
Creepy Loner: I don't like parrots.
Creepy Loner: I was talking to a parrot once and it bit me...on the face!
Creepy Loner: I punched it.
PatientOnion3: I was wondering how you got that scar on your nose
PatientOnion3: i was afraid to ask
Creepy Loner: It bit me on the cheek, Onion. The scar on my nose is
from something else.


St Francis of Assissi (NOT):
CordialCactus: bird and rodents.. anything with a brain the size of
a nut really.. they make me wary
Melodramamama22: i had a greyhound with a brain the size of a nut
McLaryn5508: I was once bitten by a squirrel I befriended.
I have a scar on my left eyelid

But Will You Respect Her in the Morning:
SteveIzHere1: I need to get my pole polished.
SteveIzHere1: I met a really cute dumb girl tonight.
SteveIzHere1: cute and dumb is the best mix


Her Charming Voice:
PatientOnion3: right or left cheek?
Creepy Loner: Left.
PatientOnion3: were you trying to eat the parrot?
Creepy Loner: No. I was trying to coax it into liking me by
using my charming, high-pitched, "you're a cute little thing"
voice.
Creepy Loner: It just sat there like a lump, for about three
minutes, then it turned w/ no warning at all and bit me on
the face. So I punched it.


Creepier Than Buffalo Bill:
Creepy Loner: Fork puts the lotion on his skin. He does this
whenever he's told.
Forkrerereredux: fork is a good girl
Catpower777: have you fattened Fork up, Creepy?
Creepy Loner: No. He's on a diet.
Forkrerereredux: fork likes to be skinny
Melodramamama22: diet coke
Forkrerereredux: borderling emaciated
Melodramamama22: he poo's a lot
Creepy Loner: I need to loosen his skin...so I can make myself
a man suit...out of real men.
Creepy Loner: "Goodbye hoooooorssseeess....are crying over
Fooooooork! [putting sock into panties and dancing around room]"


ParaMyrrh's Women:
ParaMyrrh: I enjoy Phronsie's presence She's authentic and not
afraid to say what she thinks
Beysshoes: are you calling phronsie sarah palin names para?
Phronsie: and I believe in birth control and abortion


Silly:
BinxB91: I went past Menopause once but it was closed
BinxB91: Heard they had great food


Sailor:
BinxB91: I don't use condoms either. I suppose that's how
I became a father
Forkrerereredux: condoms are for sailors and homos
ParaMyrrh: Dr Fork do you use Prosthetics?
BinxB91: My daughter is going to the Dominican Republic tomorrow
BinxB91: boleta emitado favor enviarlo tal qual


And That's a Good thing:
RONORELOADED: Your mind keeps wanting and wanting...


Para as Charmer:
ParaMyrrh: I think I'll drink myself into a COMA
ParaMyrrh: death take your fiddle
ParaMyrrh: play a song for me
ParaMyrrh: play a song we used to sing
ParaMyrrh: a song that brings you close to me
Phronsie: I think it's scrabble time. Y'all have fun.

If You're a Man, Duck:
Summers Eve L: My boyfriend and I broke up (read he dumped
me after I got back in town from burying my grandmother) and
I needed to reorganize my life.
McLaryn5508: Bastard!
Beachpotato01: Damn Nat...sorry to hear that
Jennifer Payne: ugh sorry Eve that stinks
Beysshoes: summers omg what a pig
ThePaIeRlDER: gee summer im crying for you
Melodramamama22: summer, they're all bastards
Beysshoes: yes mama
McLaryn5508: damn, nice timing!!
Summers Eve L: I know, right?
Wilbur6375: It sounds like house cleaning is a great thing,
metaphorically
PatientOnion3: That's why I became a Lesbian, men are jerks


Men Making a Comeback?:
Beachpotato01: NOT ALL men are jerks...Geeeze
PatientOnion3: name one man that isn't a jerk
PatientOnion3: see you can't!
Catpower777: Jimmy Carter
Melodramamama22: okay, okay. alan alda isn't an asshole
McLaryn5508: Paul Newman wasn't a jerk
Beachpotato01: Tom Hanks...Not a Jerk
Catpower777: Surely Johnny Depp is not a jerk?
Beachpotato01: Ron Howard...not a jerk
Beysshoes: cat, you notice we're all mostly naming actors?
CordialCactus: cat.. if they are prettier than most women,
they're jerks
Creepy Loner: Johnny Depp might be a jerk.
PatientOnion3: depp went to high school with fork, and fork
said he was cool
Beysshoes: uhm. no real nonjerk men IRL except jimmy carter. okay


Splitting Hairs:
Creepy Loner: Onion; Sometimes a jerk, sometimes charming.
Beysshoes: onions not a jerk he's an ass. there's a
difference creeps

Maybe It Took 43 Years To Get His Jerk Out:
McLaryn5508: My man is not a jerk
McLaryn5508: But, it took me 43 years to find him


Summers is Native American?:
ThePaIeRlDER: well maybe she was being a tad more bitchey cat
and he could no longer take it
Catpower777: Rider, she just lost her grandmother
Catpower777: she is allowed to scalp him if necessary

MisMatches:
ThePaIeRlDER: why are we focusing on men as jerks and not women
as bitches?
McLaryn5508: We are bitches bc you are jerks
ThePaIeRlDER: GREAT CHIKS DONT GET DUMPED
ThePaIeRlDER: NOR GREAT GUYS
CordialCactus: oh bs
Catpower777: Rider, you are assuming that great chicks hook up
with great dudes


Misheard Lyrics?:
BinxB91: 'Love is a nose but you better not pick it"
Melodramamama22: that's on par with "something in the way she moos,
attracts me like no udder lover"



Odds and Ends:

DoomGrl: i like to bowl

Akuma Gouki San: My grandpa is 80 and has 2 girlfriends

BoreUsYelledSin: I think my favorite story was that one about
the guy that only ate oatmeal. Taht was great.

CordialCactus: have you ever run over a wallaby?

B00KGASM: I do wish that my physician wore a cassock.

Ooolijay: i'd like to train my vaginal muscles to frown

Poor Bidet: i'm not a thug

Glomawr: I took my children to see Metallica



Maybe He Could Be a Stock Broker:
Beysshoes: fezz is too immature to be a frat boy

The Next Dr. Phil:
Hyperyon3: when it comes to human, everybody is equall to me,
as long as they are honest

Rono Is Official:
Hyperyon3: I placed an ad on google today, for my website...
I have officially gone international

The Victorian Rage:
Dickenzian: Where's Uncle Godwit?
MsVictoriaLynn1: buried under Para in the meadowlands
MsVictoriaLynn1: joined at the crotch
BinxB91: Geez, Victoria. You're kind of weird
MsVictoriaLynn1: I am, Binx?
MsVictoriaLynn1: So Binxyboo... why am I only a little weird,
aren't I trying hard enough?
BinxB91: Victoria, that Meadowlands comment
MsVictoriaLynn1: should I have said Gowanus Canal, Binx?


WHOM is she speaking of?:
Summers Eve L: That woman is a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day.
When it's cold outside....she's got the month of May...

Meg wants to share ... and type:
I2DaysInNovember: ~~~I'm so glad, I'm so glad, I'm glad
I'm glad I'm glad
Mg500mv: 12, did yuo have a wonderful day?
Mg500mv: What are you gald about?
Mg500mv: glad

Perk:
Josh Maxwell4: i worked in a place that made vaginal speeculums
Bbrolia: Cool Josh. Did you get to ride in one?

Cunning Little Vixen:
B00KGASM: There is a nasty little spin to a traditional child's
story... the Cunning Little Vixen. The original story is about a
vixen who is trapped by a hunter and attempts to escape.
DoomGrl: i want to be a cunning little vixen
DoomGrl: grrrrr
B00KGASM: The remake is much more sexually charged.

Mimi Undercover:
MsVictoriaLynn1: Mimi... if you felt compelled to correct Lalaland
you MIGHT want to buy your panties a size larger.....
Madam Mimi: what are panties?

Mangos:
CordialCactus: hey ho let the mango through
Gypsyjo47: Ya'll shut up about mangos...that is my favorite fruit
Tem o Bedlam: Mangoes into a bar.

Godwit Analysis:
Akuma Gouki San: There are a million "godwits"
Akuma Gouki San: People who are very fond of themselves and
ready to tell you
Akuma Gouki San: They are simply bores

Consoling BookSlut:
B00KGASM: Why the f can't I be smart and hot and get fucked all
the time like stupid women...
BoreUsYelledSin: Book, obviously you can get fucked anytime you want.
B00KGASM: No I can't, Bore.
BoreUsYelledSin: Sure you can.
BoreUsYelledSin: Book, if an old, fat, unattractive woman can get
laid any time she wants, you can.
BoreUsYelledSin: Ask any women in here... they'll all tell you
just how easy it is.
Rafo65: Boreus.. have u ever considered a career in diplomacy?
OK, how about used car sales?


There's Something About Drowning:
Prospect26: the Edmund Fitzgerald is one my all time favorite songs.

Bengali Betrayal:
Madam Mimi: Binx....I liked the Apu character in the Simpsons

But Not With Quotation Marks:
BoreUsYelledSin: I've pretty much had it with most "ethnic" authors".

But Can She Sing About Drowning?:
MsVictoriaLynn1: As much as I like Gordon Lightfoot, Shania Twain
makes a much prettier Canadian...

Fresh From the Miley Cyrus Room:
JarJarnSnoopy: Thats why I like this room better, much better
topics and intelligent conversations

More Godwit Commentary:
MsVictoriaLynn1: you know how subtle and mamby pampy he can be
with his opinions
DoomGrl: he mellowed after every body started calling him NitWit

Just Like Sex:
Prospect26: everytime I read Toni Morrison I am a bit
overwhelmed and thankful,

Roommate Has Laundry Issues?:
Akuma Gouki San: You can really force nobody to change


How's That Again?:
AnnAsphodel: I prefer interesting kind people
AnnAsphodel: I don't have time for mean people
AnnAsphodel: Mean people usually reveal their meanness.

Lady Had Two Stalkers?:
Verneuker: When I was drinking heavy...this chatroom WAS my life
Prospect26: Vern...you will always be TOC to me...we had many
conversations and similar issues.


BookSlut Clarifies:
Akuma Gouki San: are you a person who views people based on
statistics of what they can offer, their IQ, how beautiful
they are, .. most people dont want to be a number
JarJarnSnoopy: San thats why when Book gets sexual I don't
cyber with her. My comp might catch a virus from that
disease riddled person
Akuma Gouki San: im not saying anything .. just throwing out
questions
B00KGASM: I don't cyber.


GLG Revokes:
Akuma Gouki San: it's easy to be nice to people who are nice to you
GLG32: i agree akuma.
Akuma Gouki San: i just came online to have sex okay
Akuma Gouki San: not for philosophical malarchy
GLG32: i revoke that agreement.

Good Luck Slut!!:
B00KGASM: I want to completely give myself mind and body -
I want to not only release the muscles of my vagina but also
the taught muscles surrounding my heart. I wish to be free!
BinxB91: BOOK, why not just share a cup of coffee first
MsVictoriaLynn1: or switch to decaf


["Are you sure that this is what you want?" I murmered, not
intending to stop.
"Oh, yes," she cried, "yes."
We stopped talking about it quickly because the dialogue was
getting too embarressing. She was blissful. I took care
never to look at her while I preached, though she always
sat in the front row. We did have a genuinely spiritual
dimension. I taught her a lot, and she put all her efforts
into the church, quite apart from me. It was a good time.
To the pure all things are pure ....]

BookSlut on the Curve:
B00KGASM: REMEMBER HOW I THOUGHT I FAILED MY MIDTERM?
B00KGASM: HOLY HEMMORHOIDS!
B00KGASM: I PASSED.
B00KGASM: THIRD HIGHEST GRADE IN THE CLASS.

A mature vampire book? Still waiting:
GLG32: i read deep and mature books but my main love is vampire
and fantasy literature.


Who Knew?:
B00KGASM: I have an ark of stuffed animals.
Ooolijay: little known fact about ooli: she collects boyd's bears

Because Bikers Don't Do Novels:
Dane1066b: Has anyone ever read a book of biker-type short stories?

Beyond Bagels:
BoreUsYelledSin: You'd be amazed at what Jews are responsible for.

I Am Not My Stuffed Animal:
Gleem1946: When first we met you were so demure and soft as
a kitten and now this
Ooolijay: i think you're confusing me with someone else gleem

ParaMyrrh Shares:
Alansueton: Poor Bidet [11:50 P.M.]: alan, you are a genius.
a brilliant man. and your dick!

Pre-emptive Strike:
Poor Bidet: binx, stfu

You'll Die Laughing:
Poor Bidet: kal will kill me one day

Myrrh Puckering Up:
Alansueton: I can't meet people here like Bidet and Ooolijay
They are not at all alike But they are both incredibly vibrant
personalities in their own way
Alansueton: And I am not kissing butt figuratively
Ooolijay: you will be soon, alan

To Call Your Mom?:
Hyperyon3: why should I talk to a woman if it's not a floozie

Hidden
BoreUsYelledSin: I can't be direct as I always have a hidden agenda.
BoreUsYelledSin: I have an openly hidden agenda.
Rafo65: I have a hidden pudenda
BinxB91: I had a hidden agenda. It was under my blotter

Realization:
Prospect26: ah, yes...the jam, lady thing

Night at the Museum:
Hyperyon3: I have seen a Mummy in india, in calcutta museum
Hyperyon3: I bowed the mummy and said, "THanx for coming to us after
4000 years later"
Hyperyon3: but I didn't know when they were alive before they
were mummified

Julie Studies Russian:
Ooolijay: i took intensive russian one summer
Ooolijay: i was dating this beautiful half lebanese photographer
at the time
Ooolijay: and we spent the entire summer getting drunk and high and
going to the track
BinxB91: what made it fun?
Ooolijay: he called me kitty cat
Fleurdelochi: a half lesbian photographer?
Ooolijay: no
Ooolijay: lebanese
Fleurdelochi: [snickers] i know, i couldn't resist
BinxB91: What was his other half?
Ooolijay: i dunno
Ooolijay: something white
Hyperyon3: his other half was monkey!!!!!
Hyperyon3: ooli, just joking


Fetching Her Mouse?:
Tammynet: sorry, i was getting help from the dog

BoreUs Offering?:
Ooolijay: i kinda dig it when a man tastes of alcohol and cigarettes
BoreUsYelledSin: I love rubbing ashes in my chest hair.

Rono Hates Humans:
Hyperyon3: some people are trying to take over two apartments of mine

Anais Swoons:
Anais3233: i used to watch their sermons on sunday mornings
Anais3233: i have actually been moved to tears watching them
Anais3233: but it's so staged, i feel like my tearducts were
raped afterwards

Or Shell Fish Bastards:
BoreUsYelledSin: Selfish bastards.
EmpressZ21: shelfish bastards you mean

[By Sunday the pastor had word back from the council. The
real problem, it seemed, was going against the teachings
of St. Paul, and allowing women power in the church. Our
branch of the church had never thought about it, we'd
always had strong women, and the women organised everything.
Some of us could preach, and quite plainly, in my case, the
church was full because of it. There was an uproar, then a
curious thing happened. My mother stood up and said this
was right: that women had specific circumstances for their
ministry, that the Sunday School was one of them, the
Sisterhood another, but that the message belonged to the
men. Until this moment my life had still made some kind of
sense. Now it was making no sense at all. My mother
droned on about the importance of missionary work for a
woman, that I was clearly such a woman, but had spurned my
call to wield power on the home front, where it was
inappropriate. She ended by saying that having taken on a
man's world in other ways I flouted God's law and tried to
do it sexually. This was no spontaneous speech. She and
the pastor had talked about it already. It was her weakness
for the ministry that had done it. No doubt she'd told
Pastor Spratt months ago. I looked around me. Good people,
simple people, what would happen to them now? I knew mother
hoped I would blame myself, but I didn't. I knew now where
the blame lay. If there's such a thing as spiritual adultry,
my mother was a whore.]


More DoomGirl Fans:
UntilYouCameBy: Doom is a delight...she would never fight...
She is so loveable...with talent to spare That woman is
just right
MsVictoriaLynn1: Yes... what Until said...


Remember the 70s?:
UntilYouCameBy: Remember the song that starts...I'm not Lisa
..My name is Julie ?
Ooolijay: yes i do
Ooolijay: but i thought it was the other way around
UntilYouCameBy: No
Ooolijay: hmm
UntilYouCameBy: I don't think so
Ooolijay: well, i guess i just sort of remember it then

Partyless:
BoreUsYelledSin: I don't think I've been invited to any
Halloween parties.
BoreUsYelledSin: I might be party-less
Ooolijay: do you need to go to a halloween party?
BoreUsYelledSin: Not really.
Ooolijay: do you already have your costume

The Breakfest Club:
AnaisNlNja: Binx, will you sprinkle the dandruff on my landscape sketch?



Re-writing for Julie:
UntilYouCameBy: She's not Lisa..Her name is Julie...Lisa left you..
For another chat...Her eyes aren't blue...Lisa lied to you...
and the truth is...Lisa was fat...lol

Some Columns Are Inevitably Mediocre
(maybe this one is hurt by Godwit's
and beysshoes' absence. Though often
underestimated, individually either can
be the straw the stirs the drink.
Without them we are left with odd sex
talk, battery licking, and bar jokes)


Leslie Logic:
BinxB91: Leslie, what's on at your house?
LeslieHapablap: binxb91, are you referring to the televisions?
BinxB91: TV ... or music
LeslieHapablap: binxb91, the televisions are not on. the
music is not on.
LeslieHapablap: it is quiet.
LeCorbusier912: i would like some questions, please
LeCorbusier912: light bulbs? vaccuum cleaners?
LeslieHapablap: just the click of the keyboard and the hum of the fan.
LeCorbusier912: answer the fucking question
LeslieHapablap: bluemonk912, you stop it.
LeslieHapablap: why would i run the vacuum at this hour?

The Ghost of Shelvers Past:
Josh Maxwell4: in 2000 there was a guy whose real name was alan,
on all the time, forget his screen name

How Far He's Come:
Josh Maxwell4: i was 16 in 2000 and didnt understand alot
LeCorbusier912: a lot is two words, you dick

Steam of Consciousness:
Tallthinjones: was it parker posey in Goodfellas?
LeslieHapablap: oh, daddy, that reminds me. the other day i was at
target picking up some dental rinse and i thought of you. then i
ate french fries.

Hard Question:
LeslieHapablap: do i look like the sort of person who goes around
dropping shoes?

Can't Get No Satisfaction:
MyStrat: used to like stephen king , but its kinda like the rolling
stones...havent done anything interesting for last 15 years..time
to hang it up

Lady as a School Girl:
LadyMtnMedic: koontz
LadyMtnMedic: you know that kid got beat up a lot in school


Girl Talk:
CordialCactus: Did you decide on an engraving
Anais3233: no
Anais3233: maybe, I think i'll get "i love werewolf cock"
Ooolijay: awesome
CordialCactus: remember, this might get passed down to your son
Creepy Loner: You should make that a bit more subtle, Anais...
get it translated into Latin, or something.
Ooolijay: whatcha doin?
Anais3233: celtic
Anais3233: ya
Creepy Loner: Gaelic.
Anais3233: yea that lol
Creepy Loner: [smirk]
PatientOnion3: fork do you dig Gaelic Bread?
Forkrerereredux: yes
CordialCactus: i had a productive day.. i tickled the uvulas
of all the toy boxes, it was time to purge some playthings
KD81785: how did that work for you Cordial?
PatientOnion3: me 2
CordialCactus: do not confuse uvula with vulva
Ooolijay: alright cactus
CordialCactus: please
Ooolijay: i did just for a second


What Creepy Wants:
I2DaysInNovember: Creepy wants me to give her my spawn
NoraMcKee525: i mean, if i'm going young, i like 18 or 19
I2DaysInNovember: he's very handsome
NoraMcKee525: creepy LIES
NoraMcKee525: creeps doesn't want kids
I2DaysInNovember: I don't know what she wants him for
probably to bait other nonsuspecting women : )
NoraMcKee525: it's 18 or 19 or 48-52
NoraMcKee525: to make art f*g jealous
NoraMcKee525: where do you live?
I2DaysInNovember: or maybe she wants to bait unsuspecting gay
metro men looking for some threesome action
NoraMcKee525: omg! LOL
I2DaysInNovember: I have a devious mind
NoraMcKee525: ::cutting and pasting::
I2DaysInNovember: don't you dare

The Past Is Prologue:
CordialCactus: if the past is any indicator of the future
CordialCactus: i will be here

Emoticons Are Not Subtle:
CordialCactus: im looking to see if there is an emoticon to express
the expression i was just expressing
Tem o Bedlam: Pained resignation?

Cheap Imitation:
Phronsie: I miss Linda Hamlton
Phronsie: That's the reason I can't watch the Sarah Connor chronicles
Phronsie: She's not Linda Hamilton

Not Really the Wilderness:
Melodramamama22: hiked 5 miles out into the wilderness, and ran into
a woman from work

Grammar Jokes?:
Melodramamama22: i wish there was such a thing as a turgid participle
Melodramamama22: then we could get a joke out of it

Bubblegum Bait:
Knishofdeath: some day I'll check out the Jonas Brothers!

Hiccups Paralyze Your Left Side?:
KissMyAsterix: oh those were hiccups, I thought it was a stroke

Has Reached Her Limit:
CordialCactus: the word "thong" said often enough,
really starts to sound silly

Someone Not Getting Questions:
LeCorbusier912: the lounge has become terrible

Imagining Monk's Wife:
Melodramamama22: she says: if he asks me to ask him one more
question, imma plant this hatchet in his head

Cheaper By the Dozen:
Tem o Bedlam: You know what this pace needs?
Some really annoying people

Table of Contents:
Melodramamama22: i just missed the ashtray and put a ciggie out
on the table, because it's pitch dark



Odds and Ends:

SteveIzHere1: my cat is up to no good

LeCorbusier912: i should try to publish my myspace profile

DVDMOGUL7: anybody buy bulk at costco?

CordialCactus: i used to have bartending dreams



Misheard Lyrics:
CordialCactus: ha! that one elvis song.. i thought it was
RETURN LUCINDA
CordialCactus: address unknown
Rafo65: or Jimi Hendrix.. " 'Scuse me, while I kiss this guy. "
CordialCactus: with 4 hundred children and a crop in the fields
CordialCactus: i didnt realize he said hungry
CordialCactus: just like a one winged dove

Thank You for Sharing:
LeCorbusier912: i used to listen to the talking heads a lot in junior
high school, was thinking about that today

Men Feel Left Out of This Exchange:
CordialCactus: women of the room.. i have a question.. did you feel
left out or slightly pissed during the whole joe the plumber exchange?

Music Niche:
DoomGrl: although a symphony for 1000 guitars is not exactly minimalist
BoreUsYelledSin: That's ok Doom, I was a huge fan of Pollyrock.
DoomGrl: sonic youth guitarists played fro branca
BoreUsYelledSin: Polyrock
BoreUsYelledSin: Just me though... I was their only fan.
DoomGrl: omg pollyrock. ersatz philip glass
BoreUsYelledSin: Glass produced them.
BoreUsYelledSin: They were great.
DoomGrl: yes
DoomGrl: my dad has there one lp
DoomGrl: polyrock
BoreUsYelledSin: They were like a more intellectual Joy Division.
BoreUsYelledSin: I'm like Dooms father. How sad is that?
DoomGrl: i would not compare them to Joy Division
BoreUsYelledSin: No, Joy Division was raw. Ok, they were far
more like the Feelies.
DoomGrl: **Hugs Boris**
BoreUsYelledSin: The Feelies... now there was a great band.


Melo Alone:
Melodramamama22: lol bout time somebody turned up
Melodramamama22: i've been sitting here by myself for 45 seconds
Melodramamama22: its a bit frightening to be in here alone with hyp
BinxB91: would you like to dance?
Melodramamama22: yes, but i warn you
Melodramamama22: i dance like a white woman
BinxB91: Madonna is white
ThePaIeRlDER: mel ya fuk, you are a white woman
BinxB91: Ginger Rogers is white
BinxB91: Nellie Furtado is white ... though she tries to deny it
Melodramamama22: er, what i mean was, think sheet of plywood w/ feet
ThePaIeRlDER: ellen degeners is white, shes a sucky dancer
Melodramamama22: heh
BinxB91: oh melo, given the right mood, I am sure you have a style
ThePaIeRlDER: rossane barr too
Melodramamama22: ellen's a classic white woman dancer
ThePaIeRlDER: oprah.......
ThePaIeRlDER: i can dance better than ellen
Melodramamama22: binx, given enough alcohol, i have a style


Refuses to Lose:
Melodramamama22: my husband called me maggie one time
Melodramamama22: maggie's his ex wife
ThePaIeRlDER: jesus mel
Melodramamama22: locked myself in the bathroom for some long time
BinxB91: locked yourself in the bathroom?? You should have
locked him in the bathroom
Melodramamama22: i realized that after about 3 minutes
Melodramamama22: but then its too late. if you come out that
quick you look like a loser

Shopping:
12DaysInNovember: Marie and I went to Saks on Michigan Avenue in
Chicago we were shopping for perfume after sampling five
designer scents I couldn't have passed a breathalyzer
Harryshaw3178: Saks is a great store - if you can handle sticker shock
I2DaysInNovember: I had a hell of a buzz
Melodramamama22: harry, gotta pass on the $300 t-shirt
Harryshaw3178: even if I'm buying, Melo?
I2DaysInNovember: Michael the make up artist kept asking for my
phone number and wanted to know what hotel I was at
Melodramamama22: well no. if you're buying and you insist,
i'll have a peach colored one


Binx's Joke (from Esquire):
Raphael11110: room's boring
Harryshaw3178: raphael look for a more interesting room
Melodramamama22: shh, the grownups are talking
Raphael11110: Harr how about you start cracking some jokes
Harryshaw3178: you're here raphael. joke enough
Melodramamama22: i haven't had a good joke since my brown
animals one
Melodramamama22: anybody got any?
BinxB91: I have a joke:
Harryshaw3178: hard a football joke today. doubt if many
football fans in here
BinxB91: a businessman driving to a make-or-break meeting
BinxB91: can't find a parking spot and fears he'll be late
BinxB91: as he grows ever more anxious he begins praying to God
BinxB91: "jesus, help me find a parking space and let me be on
time for this meeting"
BinxB91: "Jesus, give me a parking space and I promise to
attend church every Sunday from now on"
BinxB91: "Jesus, I'll give up drinking"
BinxB91: "Just give me one space and I'll be a better husband
and father"
BinxB91: Just then a space appears right in front of the building
he's going to
BinxB91: So he says to God:
BinxB91: "never mind, I found one"
Raphael11110: Binx in what kind of neighborhood did all this happen?
Melodramamama22: is that it?
ThePaIeRlDER: jesus, that was a crappy joke
Melodramamama22:

MeloDramama's Joke (from her daughter):
Melodramamama22: okay, to hell with it. here's the brown animal
joke again
Melodramamama22: what do you get when you cross a brown chicken and
a brown cow?
Raphael11110: Hillary clinton
KLMackintosh: brown eggs and ham sam i am
Melodramamama22: brown CHICKen brown cowwwwwwwwwww
Melodramamama22: heehee
Melodramamama22: that still cracks me up, and i tell it like
5 times a day
ThePaIeRlDER: yeah dont quit yer day gig
BinxB91: Melo .....
Melodramamama22: everybody's like nooooooo, don't do it again
BinxB91: no wonder your children treat you bad
Melodramamama22: LOL my daughter's who told it to me
Tammynet: i am rethinking the groupie thing
KLMackintosh: how old is your daughter?
Melodramamama22: er 19
BinxB91: and you've been torturing her ever since
Melodramamama22: i'm not sure you guys get it....
Melodramamama22: you must not get it, cause otherwise you'd be
laughing uproariously


Book & Food Chat Combined:
Swami Hoople BVD: Jack Kerouac decided to marry his first wife
Edie when he saw her eat six hotdogs

You Had to Be Here:
Josh Maxwell4: i bought syrrup today for popcorn balls
Catpower777: Schweaty balls, Josh?

Book Chat:
Catpower777: Carson McCullers
CordialCactus: im ambisextorous when it comes to writers
LeCorbusier912: mccullers is crap
BoreUsYelledSin: So doee Holmes.... but she's not a man either.
LeCorbusier912: dickinson is one of my favorite poets
BinxB91: write differently?? I bet I could select 10 pieces of
prose without revealing the author and you couldn't get the
gender of the writer
LeCorbusier912: there have been studies
CordialCactus: i know ive read deaver, thats why his first name
lept to mind, but i dont recall any of the titles
BinxB91: A.M. Holmes?
Catpower777: Binx, he's just trying to piss me off
Catpower777: he really digs female writers
BoreUsYelledSin: Are there other Holmes?
LeCorbusier912: some men write like women
BinxB91: Anne Tyler often seems to write about men
LeCorbusier912: anne tyler is garbage
BinxB91: Jeffrey Eugenides often writes about women
LeCorbusier912: i hate greeks
BinxB91: Cormac McCarthy says he has trouble writing about woman
... almost never does
BoreUsYelledSin: It's not about me, you dork.
LeCorbusier912: i don't care for mccarthy
BoreUsYelledSin: But McCarthy is a good writer.
BoreUsYelledSin: A very, very good writer.
BinxB91: No Country for Old Women ... or any woman
BoreUsYelledSin: ANd Anne Tyler sucks. She's readable... but she's
really not great.
LeCorbusier912: the book birdy just popped into my head
LeCorbusier912: that was good
LeCorbusier912: william wharton, i think
BoreUsYelledSin: Becaause I've read her "type" of book a million
times before. Because her sentences don't grip me. She doesn't
begin to have a unique way of working with words. She doesn't seem
to like words, and how they can be sculpted originally
LeCorbusier912: i couldn't sleep on the plane
LeCorbusier912: bore's drunk
BoreUsYelledSin: I could go on Binx, but maybe you just don't get it.
CordialCactus: depends on how far i was into it.. whether or not
i would just have to finish it.. could you tell it was crap right off?

The Predictable Anais:
Anais3233: what are you eating from your panty?
CordialCactus: lol
Anais3233: (i mean, really... you KNEW i'd say that, right?)


Anais Was Raised in a Frat House?:
Anais3233: i wonder if jimmy buffet ever drops his pants and says
to his wife
McLaryn5508: Open 24 hours
Anais3233: "all you can eat buffet"

Advice:
Josh Maxwell4: i'll be over anais333 -- really, not kidding,
i'm on my way
KissMyAsterix: load the gun

Extential Conversation:
Phronsie: Bored, you are being childish
BoreUsYelledSin: I can live with it.
Blame the Relish: Get out!
Blame the Relish: Right now!
Catpower777: I usually got plain bagels when I lived in NY
BoreUsYelledSin: Relish, por favor.
BoreUsYelledSin: But where did you get them Cat?
BoreUsYelledSin: Did you have a favorite place?
Phronsie: well, one of those existential moments.
I'll leave you to it.

[I had stayed awake for everything except for a few moments
of unconsciousness after the car had hit the ground, and
during the first examination. On the ambulence cart, unable
to speak or sit up, I looked at Ricky and lifted my hands.
I made the motions of someone playing the guitar. I tried
with my face to convey to him that everything was all right.
I could still play. It could have been worse. A tear
rolled down his face. I dropped my arms, exhausted. I
finally slept on the long ambulence ride to
Williamsport.
Although he never said it to me, Ricky has told family and
friends that at some point early on I told him that I
thought it was better that I was paralyzed, not him. That
he could never have dealt with it. I certainly have not
lived to believe that I, better than anyone else, can
"handle" being paralyzed. I can beleive that I might have
said it to Ricky then. He was the poet. He was the rock
star. In protecting him, I would now live in a way that
required no one's premission. I could not know what that
would be. I could only understand that it would involve
a life's work.
I woke up in the intensive care in Williamsport. There
were tubes everywhere. Around me machines were beeping
and humming. I was in severe pain. I tried to
reconstruct what had happened. I knew that I was pretty
badly injured, but I felt unmistakeably that I would
live. I asked the nurse if I was in serious or fair
condition. She said, "Critical". I immediately looked
over at the screen with my heartbeat on it. I decided I
would keep my eye on this just in case.]
m


Julie Is happy:

Ooolijay: haha
Ooolijay: oh! hold on, let me get my licking battery
Ooolijay: ha!
Ooolijay: done
Boulshevit: I think we should have a run down meter..like a
cell phone battery
Boulshevit: lol..Julie has a licking battery
Melodramamama22: thats just weird
I2DaysInNovember: this is your brain on 9 volt
this is yourbain on 18 volt ::drip::
Boulshevit: Mels..you're drunk!
WildCIAagent: men and batteries... I'm just thinkingggggggg
Melodramamama22: i'm not! (if i thought having a licking
battery was normal, i'd be drunk!)
WildCIAagent:
I2DaysInNovember: varrom baby
Bbrolia: Just dont lick one of those big batteries.
I2DaysInNovember: varoom
I2DaysInNovember: rather
Anais3233: happy birthday whore
WildCIAagent: LOL
Melodramamama22: how old are you, ooli?
Boulshevit: Okay..maybe I'M drunk...?
Ooolijay: thanks
Ooolijay: 39
Anais3233: she's thirteen
Melodramamama22: awwwwwl a wee spring chicken
I2DaysInNovember: Bb I got me a Bosch 18volt Brute drill yesterday
I2DaysInNovember: for installing cabinets
WildCIAagent: 39 for the how many times?
Boulshevit: Mels..12 talked her into licking a 9 volt battery a while back
Ooolijay: this is the first time wild
Ooolijay: next year will be #2
Bbrolia: Thats a nice drill 12 Lots of power/
WildCIAagent: They all say that WHORE
Melodramamama22: i've been 39 8 times
Bbrolia: Better thatn the 12 volt.
Melodramamama22: setting in nicely to being 39
Melodramamama22: it starts to feel right after a while
CordialCactus: i think i would be 28 if i didnt know how i was
Rono's Halloween:
Hyperyon3: let us dress up as police officers on halloween
and scare people with a fake gun or an unloaded gun


Cutting Down On His Meat:
Hyperyon3: Tj, I actually understood why people bmeatecome vegans
Hyperyon3: since then I am cutting down on my meat just recently
Tj34: how is that, hyper
Hyperyon3: I will explain it to you later

End of His Line:
Hyperyon3: I don't wand kids...
Anais3233: it's horrendous what kids were wearing to school
in my district
MsVictoriaLynn1: [thank you god]

Maybe Someone Is Bi-Polar:
CordialCactus: i love how someone who has been known to say
"i wish i had a penguin in my tw*t" can say all that above
was disgusting and idiotic

Maybe Someone Is Bi-Polar:
CordialCactus: i still cant shake the memory of making fries
with you, binx
CordialCactus: weird : )

Can You Feel the Love Tonight?


Nora Through the Looking Glass:
Doc Whew: nora are you a lesbian?
NoraMcKee525: yes i am
NoraMcKee525: and anais is my lover
NoraMcKee525: we are pickle canners in saskatoon
Doc Whew: sweet or dill
Anais3233: dill
NoraMcKee525: we worship at the hair of sarah palin


DoomGrl Fan:
Ooolijay: you know who is funny
Ooolijay: doomgrl
Ooolijay: she cracks me up
I2DaysInNovember: she is pretty bright
BinxB91: Doomgrl doesn't intend to be funny though
Creepy Loner: Doom is bright?
Creepy Loner: Do tell, 12.
Ooolijay: doom does too
Ooolijay: she's a smart cookie
Ooolijay: she knows what she's doing
Creepy Loner: She's not smart enough to use a legible font...
how sharp could she be?

She'll Try Anything Once:
I2DaysInNovember: Come On Sucker, Lick My Battery « The Roman Empire
Ooolijay: oh!
Ooolijay: what is that


Female Bonding/Male Exile:

WildCIAagent: CC, you sould see these bee boots.
WildCIAagent: Amazon.com: Western Chief Women's Bee Rain Rubber
Boot: Shoes (Keyword to: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00129EIJW/
ref=s9subs_c3_309_img1-rfc_g1-frt_g1-3215_p-3102_g1-3293_g1?pf_rd_m=
ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=center-2&pf_rd_r=1D6288TGF0712AYNM002&pf_rd_t=
101&pf_rd_p=436518401&pf_rd_i=507846)
CordialCactus: cia.. lol, i didnt know they made them for adults
WildCIAagent: $34.85
CordialCactus: my daughter had lady bug boots
WildCIAagent: What a deal!
WildCIAagent: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh lady bug
WildCIAagent: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
CordialCactus: you're going to buy them?
WildCIAagent: CC, I can dream.
CordialCactus: do you have a matching coat?
CordialCactus: you will need a matching coat
Ooolijay: wild why dont you buy them
CordialCactus: and umbrella
WildCIAagent: Maybe I could get a YEllow and black peacoat.
Boulshevit: I'll just be over here...humming a tune...Hmmm hmmm
Ooolijay: poor bouls
Ooolijay: shoes and tampons
Ooolijay: 12 get back in here
Ooolijay: bouls needs you
Boulshevit: Hmm Hmmmm
CordialCactus: see if you can find the lady bug ones.. then
a black pea coat.. more versatile than yellow and black... i
suppose the black pea coat would go just as well with the bee
boots, though
CordialCactus: bouls... armpit farts
PatientOnion3: with bidet
I2DaysInNovember: Bouls! : ) how about a manly man hug?
CordialCactus: there you go
Ooolijay: hi onion
Ooolijay: hi 12
CordialCactus: a dose of man topic
Ooolijay: hold on let me get my lickin battery
PatientOnion3: hi ooo li jay
Boulshevit: I thought you'd never aske, 12!
I2DaysInNovember: then we can rip out out chest hair just for the
hell of it
CordialCactus: hiya nov.. hello again onion
Ooolijay: wow that one was stronger
I2DaysInNovember: Hi Oooli! : )
CordialCactus: lol i love when you two get all bondy
Ooolijay: i must have hit it harder

Underused:
CordialCactus: whats your favorite underused word?
Raphael11110: Cord that's a sort of contradictory question,
words are just means to an end to describe something so how
can a mean be preferable to another?
Boulshevit: I like "henceforthly" but that is kind of becoming
cliche

Stop and Smell the ...:
CordialCactus: brb.. daughter wants me to go smell the moon sand


Stop and Shop Lit:
CordialCactus: im reading a book
CordialCactus: called legend
CordialCactus: from the grocery store
Boulshevit: "legend from the grocery store"?
CordialCactus: lol no
CordialCactus: LEGEND
CordialCactus: i bought it from the grocery store
CordialCactus: written by
CordialCactus: David Lynn Goleman

"people are crazy":
Raphael11110: there was this girl who was upset that I called
her the 1st 3 letters of her snname
CordialCactus: what were the first three letters?
CordialCactus: butterfly?
Raphael11110: Gene
CordialCactus: sounds overly picky to me
Raphael11110: cord people are crazy


Incite:
Raphael11110: people who like food usually have very laid back
personalities
CordialCactus: thats like sayng people who dont like air are
usually uptight

Cruel:
ParaMyrrh: Palin is cruel she named her retarded son "Trig" but
he'll never learn Trigonometry

Sweet!:
Hyperyon3: operation dessert storm

John Lennon had sisters?:
Nickdee67: who was your favorite lennon sister?


Odds and Ends:

NoraMcKee525: i found money in the street yesterday and took
it to the police station

Melodramamama22: nothing worse than pool boogers

Dickenzian: Why am I awake?

WildCIAagent: ditto to what i said before.

Rietax: i don't like my screenname

DVDMOGUL7: cats are so paranoid sometimes

Ooolijay: tortoises are stupid

Anais3233: i saw sea anenomes they were coolio!



Vacations In Her Room:
Prospect26: I was on vacation and made sure I was in my
room for the debate\

Paul Newman Rememebered:
Gleem1946: Great guy used to buy beers for all the racers
at Bridgehampton

Godwit Bait:
Godwit935: Bidet, would you rather be autistic or not?


Down Boy:
Eat at staples2: this is awesome--i thought we'd be talking
books and crap, and now it looks like a MMA smackdown is about
to begin
Eat at staples2: cool room!
Harryshaw3178: welcome to the shelf, eat

Couldn't We Snuggle First:
Godwit935: Binx, kiss my arse.

Help A Guy Out:
RONORELOADED: I plan to add jokes my site
RONORELOADED: if you have non-dirty but smart jokes you can send
to me
Swami Hoople BVD: I jused to know a lot of violist jokes
RONORELOADED: I will also put food recipies
RONORELOADED: If you have good recipies
RONORELOADED: send it to me

Outdoing Herself:
B00KGASM: Gross.
B00KGASM: Alpaca pubes.


It's OK to Suck:
Anais3233: i told you all about 'a walk in the woods" and
loved it. they are making it into a movie
Anais3233: it should suck
Anais3233: but that's ok.


[After exploring his mouth for a while, she removed her hand
and pulled him to her breast.
"Suck on it," she whispered. "Don't be afraid."
Her voice was patient, almost instructional, and he did as he
was told, not bothering her to inform her that this activity
was not one that frightened him in the least. He had the
feeling that she was trying to teach him something, but he
didn't know what --- a lesson about her body, or maybe just
something about following directions. In any case, he had a
long time to think about it.
"Now the other one."]


Bonding Beyond Words:
CordialCactus: binx, we had a few estrogen bonding moments in here earlierCordialCactus: nothing lascivious
Tammynet: do tell cactus
Tammynet: who bonded with who cactus
CordialCactus: tammy.. you know when the vibe gels, and everyone
plays off one another, the banter is ripe and perfect for the
plucking.. ok.. that sentence annoys me.. but, yeah, it was fun
yet brief
CordialCactus: creeps and i, nora, beys, summer, mclaryn, melo, cat
BinxB91: the banter is ripe?? lol
CordialCactus: pfft
CordialCactus: it annoys me even more when you say it


Iceland's Action? ... or Anais's?:
Anais3233: i have a question
BinxB91: oh oh. Anais has a question.
Anais3233: would you, in the privacy of your own home, Cast your
vagina and make chocolate twats from the cast of it?
DoomGrl: Iceland almost went bankrupt today. They asked the Russians
to help them.
KissMyAsterix: would I, you mean.. when did I?
KissMyAsterix: who hasn't
DoomGrl: isnt that weird


Especially On Franks n Beans Night:
Anais3233: it's so easy for me to get drawn into a fart conversation


Josh Demures:
Avoidingstasis: one of my favorite names is Avigdor, but it's
a guy name. I wouldn't care, but at my age it's late for a change
like that
Avoidingstasis: what names would you all choose
Josh94504: well not avigdor


... and pizza:
Avoidingstasis: the militant fear mongering right is calling
for Obama's death


Natalie at the Movies:
Summers Eve L: I saw the Beverly Hills Chihuahua movie today with
my mom.
Summers Eve L: First time she has been to a movie in at least 10 years.
Summers Eve L: This kid behind me kept pouring skittles down my back.
Summers Eve L: Bless that kid's heart.

And Godwit's Serious:
Godwit935: I like it when people talk like that, and they're
serious. They say, mix CD.
Godwit935: Not even a touch of irony.

Which One Does Not Belong:
Summers Eve L: Just anything and everything that sounds good
to me that I can find on MySpace. Benny Goodman, Louis
Armstrong, Ella Fitzgerald, Fred Astaire, Tommy Dorsey,
Duke Ellington....
Summers Eve L: Squirrel Nut Zippers.


Disgusting Kisses Are Sometimes Good:
Hyperyon3: I watched the movie Brokerback Mountain...I thought
it was good
Godwit935: Hyper, you like to watch men kissing each other?
Godwit935: I rented some Six Feet Under episodes and had to
turn away because the one guy, he's queer, and he kisses other
men onscreen, and I mean disgustingly.

Disappointment:
Judah X 83: i bought a graphic online and it said it sent it to
my cell number..but i didnt get a phone call

Your Friends Are Dumb:
Mrob3333: i came in here so my friends would see where i am at and
think i am smart

You're Dumb:
Godwit935: Judah, I don't go into the Authors Lounge unless this
jernt is empty. I mean, you are taken seriously in there.


It Really Says That?:
CordialCactus: listen to this Urban Dictionary definition for
Author's Lounge
CordialCactus: deep breath and here i go:
CordialCactus: 1. Author's Lounge An online group of supreme
authors who became close friends. The future rulers of the world.
Jane wanted to join the Author's Lounge, but she just wasn't kewl
enough.

Yes, Only Because the Old Shelvers Are All Dead:
Mrob3333: look if anyone comes in here, will binx you pretend i
started the room


Her Own Language:
DoomGrl: we pretended we were nick and norahs infinite play list
and went looking for Wheres Fluffy in Cherry
DoomGrl: we ended up at Dulcinea's 1ooth Monkey. they were
having Asseteria
NoraMcKee525: doom, lately, i understand less and less if what
you say
DoomGrl: its a dance party, with free shots for girls

Denial:
Prospect26: I am not a whiner...I am a shaker and a mover. I read
several neswpapers a day as well as what I as what I watch on
numerous channels.

If Only She Were Full of Candy:
Prospect26: Thank you all for trashing me. Job well done.
Hadachoke: Prospect is our Pinata

Strange Ambition:
Beysshoes: i wanna be the pinata binx!

Candles For Nothing:
Beysshoes: is your son all healed and better pros?
Prospect26: beys..my never needed healing...and is well.
Prospect26: my son
Beysshoes: pros he had broken his arm ?
Beysshoes: i lit candles for him.

On Cue:
BinxB91: Many of us are intelligent. But some of us are not as
intelligent as we think we are
Godwit935: How do you know, Binx.
MsVictoriaLynn1: as if on cue

Dr Pepper:
NoraMcKee525: someone has stolen my dr pepper lipsmacker
NoraMcKee525: noooooo
Tem o Bedlam: Besides, all unclaimed Dr Pepper winds up in the
museum in Waco.
BoreUsYelledSin: I've driven though Waco. There's really not
much there.


Homework Helpless:
Nickdee67: well can the protagonist and the antagonist heve sex?

Victoria As Wise Guy:
Creepy Loner: We're going to drink heavily and hang out in motel
rooms and watch porn!
Creepy Loner: [pleased grin]
MsVictoriaLynn1: Go for it
Creepy Loner: Wurd.
MsVictoriaLynn1: watch the same TV in the same room Creepy, it helps...


Funny:

Josh Maxwell4: why do women want funny?
WildCIAagent: Because we are sick of IDIOT?
BinxB91: because laughter cures depression
Beysshoes: it takes a certain intelligence for wit josh.
BinxB91: and sometimes acts as an aphrodisiac
Josh Maxwell4: does funny trump handsome and hung?
Beysshoes: it depends josh
Beysshoes: when women are young, we're pretty stoopid and
indiscriminate. so no. later, yes
Josh Maxwell4: fortunately i am all three
BinxB91: young, stupid, and indiscriminate?
Prospect26: josh...women want funny because they don't get it.
Looking for an affair? The other will have a sense of humor.
Beysshoes: yes josh. these chatrooms are filled with a&f
men like you.
Josh Maxwell4: lol blinx: hilarious, cute and 8
Beysshoes: bleh
BinxB91: well, Josh, glad to see you don't have any
self-esteem issues
WildCIAagent: I'm always leery when a man thinks he's all
that and MORE...
Beysshoes: HA
BinxB91: what kind of man describes himself as "cute"?
Beysshoes: onion
BinxB91: Richard Simmons
Josh Maxwell4: i'm not gay but if zac efron asked i'd dance with him
Prospect26: Richards Simmons...good to see you/


Rono Nervous:
Hyperyon3: I get really nervous when I meet someone famous
Hyperyon3: I met wisely snipes one day...I was shaking while
I was shaking his hand
Hyperyon3: get it, shaking and shaking hand?
Hyperyon3: wisely snipes talk to everyone...

Sore Loser:
Zenchef2006: anais, you'll have to get in line for the sushi,
summer's eve made me promise to hand feed her sushi
Anais3233: she's a whore

Phezz Brings That Out in People:
BinxB91: Beys and Phezz should appear together on Blind Date
Dickenzian: Beys once threatened to kill me. I think it made
that website
Dickenzian: She even described the model of handgun

Lovin' Beysshoes:
BinxB91: Phezz, she'd tie you up
BinxB91: and leave you
Beysshoes: binx that was not for public consumption. stop pouting.
Beysshoes: its unattractive
Dickenzian: Good luck Binx. Wear a freaking wetsuit


Beys Willing to Share:
Beysshoes: binx, you know you're my boo
BinxB91: I'm your boo? ... and you ask me about my dates. Odd
Beysshoes: why is this odd binx?
Beysshoes: its not like you're cheating online is it?
the date is IRL stoopid.
BinxB91: that you'll share me
Beysshoes: well, youre a lot of work binx.
Beysshoes: we should go mormon really

Still Skinny Dipping:
Beysshoes: don't spread lies fezz. binx found me in the nunnery.
BinxB91: No, I found Beys here
Dickenzian: Shakespear's Nunnery
Beysshoes: shut up binx


On Book Discussions:
Josh Maxwell4: has a book ever been discussed in this room?
Beysshoes: books are discussed on fridays noon.
Beysshoes: first Friday of each month josh
BinxB91: Josh, BookGasm discusses books. Unfortunately,
she only talks to herself.
Josh Maxwell4: has she ever had a nonliterary gasm?


Altered States:
DVDMOGUL7: beys victorialynn is interesting i only see her
in here on the weekends tho
Beysshoes: ms vicky is lovely and incredibly intelligent dvd
Beysshoes: thus, she rarely visits us here

Altered States II
WildCIAagent: Hyper, you seem to have on a new personality tonight.


Compromise:
Dickenzian: Mizzcactus, I think it is time for you to put on
your thong and go go boots and let's turn in
CordialCactus: how about happy pants and a t shirt?


Otis and Anais:
Beysshoes: binxox are you drinking again???
BinxB91: drinking again?? Beys you think everyone is drinking
Anais3233: I thought binx was the room lush, kind of like Otis
from mayberry.
BinxB91: "what in tarnation"
BinxB91: and Anais is the room floozy like ...
Anais3233: I guess you can check yourself in to the metal cell hotel
Anais3233: maybe i was wrong about binx being the room otis
Anais3233: i think someone else might fit that bill better

Caught:
Hadachoke: ahem.. fleur, you're ignoring me
Fleurdelochi: >running leap<
Fleurdelochi: i AM not

Argument Ender:
Josh Maxwell4: newt gingrich is probably the most intelligent
politician of this period
Anais3233: i'm so tired of these rebuplicrats
Anais3233: newt gingrich is a bitch
Anais3233: with a giant head

Anais Crowned Miss Vulgarity:
Tem o Bedlam: Other'n being a liar and a thief, Gingrich is a great
American.
Dickenzian: Gingrich is like Bush with brains
Anais3233: WHOA NUH UH
CordialCactus: and bad hair
Godwit935: I don't understand how young people can like pinch-minded
Republicans. It goes against nature.
Anais3233: i wouldn't fock newt gingrich with Rush Limbaugh's cock.
Anais3233: even if i got to cut it off myself


Hack Like Me:
Josh Maxwell4: obama is no john kennedy and not fdr--
just a conventional chicago hack
Godwit935: Josh, if he were a hack, he wouldn't be where he is.


Manny Ramirez, you twit:
Godwit935: Beys, how do you like that guy that plays for the Dodgers,
the one with the plaited hair, whatsisname?

How to Shut Godwit Up:
Creepy Loner: Ah, Godwit...
Creepy Loner: I thought about you the other night while touching myself.
Creepy Loner: [wink]
Anais3233: did you spank yourself rythmically with a hairbrush while
thinking of him?? just wondering

The Fun Couple:
Creepy Loner: And I fear for your understanding of the opposite sex,
Godwit...but what else is new?
Creepy Loner: Say something erotic to me, baby.
Godwit935: Creepy, just keep all that perversion to yourself,
if you please.
Creepy Loner: Fear thee not, Godwit...I intend to bring a good American
into the world...via a bisexual that sort of hates me.
Godwit935: Must we be so low.


Well ... yes:
Catpower777: Anais what were you thanking me for?
Catpower777: just being me?


Eye-rolling Economics Lesson:
Godwit935: What kind of car do you drive, Beys?
Beysshoes: taurus godwit
Beysshoes: why?
Godwit935: Beys, good.
Creepy Loner: "Good" 'cause it's American.
Creepy Loner: [eye roll]
Godwit935: That is right, Creepy.
Godwit935: Because, Beys, how you spend your money is far more
important than how you cast your vote.

It's OK to laugh, just don't point and laugh:
Creepy Loner: I try to avoid laughing DURING sex.
Creepy Loner: I'm polite like that.

Candice With Priorities Straight:
Dickenzian: Chicago will have one thing other countries around
the world competing to host the olympics won't have. Who knows
what that is, people?
CordialCactus: deep dish pizza?
Dickenzian: yes Cactus and the President of the United States


Barack and Me:
Dickenzian: I was talking to Obama a long time ago about getting
involved in the olympics and starting a commission to establish
a World's Fair in 2033. I wonder if he would remember
Beysshoes: seriously fezz?
CordialCactus: supah!
Dickenzian: Yep
Beysshoes: what did he say?
Dickenzian: He said, "2033?, I hope we make it that far."
Beysshoes: that's a major bummer.
CordialCactus: WE being who, phezz?
Dickenzian: No, he was more receptive than that
Dickenzian: We being him and me


That Mindful Godwit:
Godwit935: Creepy, you parents must have gone way wrong, somehow,
if you don't know what it means to act civilized.
Creepy Loner: I'M ASKING YOU WHAT IT MEANS TO YOU!
Creepy Loner: Are you blind?
Creepy Loner: Stupid?
PaperHatProphet: how is everyone?
Creepy Loner: Respond properly.
Godwit935: Be civil, be mindful of others, Creepy. Be careful of
others' feelings and thoughts.
Creepy Loner: This has nothing to do with my lousy parents, you cur.
Godwit935: You are not the only one in the world, Creepy.
Creepy Loner: Yeah? And?
M3DsRevenge: wow
Godwit935: Creepy, when you start talking about private sexual
matters as if they were normal, or inoffensive, that is a mistake.
Godwit935: That is not being mindful of others.
M3DsRevenge: true...
Dickenzian: Well, her SN is creepy
Creepy Loner: When you take "I'm going to watch tentacle porn
w/ an art f*g" seriously...that's offensive too.
Creepy Loner: Jesus.
M3DsRevenge: though this is a public chat
CordialCactus: and it is after hours
PaperHatProphet: respect is one thing, but its just a chat room.

A Sense of Humor (and Love) Cannot be Bought:
Creepy Loner: Godwit...please...I beg of you...get a sense of humor.
Creepy Loner: Some sweet f***ing day.
Beysshoes: creeps. you must pay him. he charges extra for funny.

Everyone's Question:
Dickenzian: Ok, what is tentacle porn?
CordialCactus: phezz, im not completely sure what tentacle porn is..
but the sound of releasing suction cups is what i think of
Dickenzian: yuk
Dickenzian: Perhaps we could find a way to simulate that sound, Cactus
Tem o Bedlam: Or amorphous probing sorta fingery things...
CordialCactus: nice.. thats a bookshelf moment
Tem o Bedlam: I minored in tentacle...
Creepy Loner: Me too.



Knickers Knotted
HadleighUS: Godwit, where does a wetback like Sheen get off with
a name like that?
Dickenzian: Hadleigh, your Klan robe is showing
Godwit935: Hadleigh, Martin Sheen is a better American than
Ronald Reagan ever was.
HadleighUS: Dick, I was responding to Godwit's absurdity, don't get
your knickers in a knot

Creepy Losin' Her Calm:
Creepy Loner: Is there someone in here that you basically like, Godwit
...that you generally agree w/?
Creepy Loner: Or is everything a f***ing fight?
Godwit935: Creepy, there's a few people in here that I think are
decent, normal, good-hearted Americans, sure. Dick is one. Jam is
another.
HadleighUS: Godwit, but you gotta admit, Reagan had the role of a lifetime
Creepy Loner: Oy vey.
Dickenzian: I got rolled by Reagan

Too Sensitive:
HadleighUS: Someone sent me an e-mail contending it was from aol
complaining about something I said, which was totally not a violation
of terms of service, I wonder what these people have wrong with 'em?


Maybe He Meant Geeks:
Tem o Bedlam: Greeks, actually. a device for secret messages.
CordialCactus: spartans
Creepy Loner: Why did I come back in here?
Creepy Loner: [trying to remember]
CordialCactus: right.. greeks
Tem o Bedlam: Particularly Spartans.
Creepy Loner: *Buckets Of Rain / Bob Dylan*
Beysshoes: candy, ask para. he'll send you a library
Tem o Bedlam: Probly won't be many opportunities to worl this into the conversation...
CordialCactus: lol tem.. worl away
CordialCactus: make the worl go away
Hadachoke: the worl is ending
Creepy Loner: Tem's on target.


Decisive:
CordialCactus: ann crispin.. welcometo the shelf.. the lounge
must be hoppin busy tonight
Anncrispin: hi cactus, yes, it is. Thanks for the welcome.
CordialCactus: i typed that.. then deleted..then typed it again..
then deleted.. was glad you stay for a minute so my effort wouldn't
be in vain

Indecisive:
CordialCactus: the word sex is the most googled word
CordialCactus: and...
CordialCactus: i forgot what i was going to say

WE MUST ALL LOVE ONE ANOTHER
I was sad this week when someone suggested he
had banished 2 or 3 shelvers into their own chat
room. He then expected to be thanked. Jerk.
You're all welcome here. I would miss any of
you if you went away. A Shelf without Rono's
wisdom, Fork's Rape Box, ParaMyrrh's analysis,
Candice's google searches, Phronsie's libido,
CreepyLoner's smirks, Godwit's questions,
Beysshoe's girl talk, Bookslut's popular books,
Bidet's stfu, Nora's whine ---well you get the
idea --- would be less of a shelf.
You're all good. Don't go.
(just kidding, Nora. you are loved.)


Godwit and Ghost Stories:

Vskmjk: A physcopathic killer approaches a young twelve year
old girl while she is doing homework alone in an apartment. He
had snuck in quietly and now approaches her with a butcher
knife raised. It is dark enough that he doesnt believe...
Godwit935: Vsk, it's sneaked.

We All Think That At Times:
Offpat: i believe i have made this room more popular

Forced to Watch:
CordialCactus: sorry... my husband was making me watch
bart simpson skate boarding naked
CordialCactus: yes, this is my life

Aforementioned Cartoons:
Godwit935: King of the Hill is better than any of the
aforementioned.
Toujourspc: too conservative
Godwit935: Tou, it's for higher-minded people.
Godwit935: King of the Hill doesn't stoop to cheap trash
like Family Guy
Godwit935: No wonder Fox doesn't promote King of the Hill.
Godwit935: Stupid people love cheap trash, sure.

Godwit's Mom:
Godwit935: It's my experience that men who talk about fat women
usually have fat mothers.

Redundant Again:
ShadowPhtm: went to a night club after I left the restaurant. but
it was filled with old people but they were all younger then me :-(
SemiLitterate: Maybe you stumbled into a reunion of a 1971 class reunion
SemiLitterate: that was rather redundant
Toujourspc: semi u said reunion twice hehehee
SemiLitterate: that, too

"I think I know where you are":
Tammynet: nora you are a very bad stalker, you cannot keep
track of anyone

Julie the Hut:
Ooolijay: i've gotten so lazy that when i drop things if i can't
pick them up with my toes i just let them stay on the floor


A Book Club of One:

B00KGASM: i got another book in the mail.
B00KGASM: amorous initiation.
Forkrerereredux: sounds like a sex book
B00KGASM: a man's profane love for a woman turns to sacred
love for God.
Max 314159265358: they send books whether you like em or not?
B00KGASM: published 1910.
B00KGASM: france.*

Sex as Spectator Sport:
NoraMcKee525: you should have been in here earlier binx
NoraMcKee525: it was a faux lesbian lovefest

Mimi Prepared to Disperse:
Madam Mimi: RONO my parents have way more money in a bank than
it's insured for........and tomorrow morning I'll have to go down
there and disperse the money into different accts. Im WAY better
now that I was an half hour ago
RONORELOADED: COOOL, mimi!!!
Madam Mimi: Rono.....my parents bank is going Bellu YP
Madam Mimi: NO RONO........NOT COOL
Madam Mimi: freeaking morons everywhere
RONORELOADED: having money is not cool?
Madam Mimi: what freaking moron would say that?
Madam Mimi: I so sick of idiots

Bengali Bop:
Madam Mimi: aye Rono....bouyair shangai giya katha balo
RONORELOADED: Mimi, ami jai...mehoman ashcheh ghore
RONORELOADED: achchah...tai jachchih
Madam Mimi: achaa Rono
Madam Mimi: Rono bouyar shangai giya katha bolo


Are You Strong Enough to ...:
Creepy Loner: I'm afraid of water too, Doc.
Doc Whew: you bathe dont you
Creepy Loner: Rarely.
Doc Whew: egah
Creepy Loner: [smirk]
ParaMyrrh: I shower soaking in my own filth is not appealing
Doc Whew: really
LeslieHapablap: creepy loner does not have a bathtub.
ParaMyrrh: no
Creepy Loner: My filth happens to have that whole "odor of sanctity"
thing going on...
ParaMyrrh: "the odor of Skanktitty"
Creepy Loner: Shush!

Sweet Talk:
Doc Whew: i like fresh smelling women
Creepy Loner: Pet me.
Doc Whew: fresh as a daisy
Creepy Loner: Rub my grease.
Doc Whew: who are groomed
Doc Whew: and estrogenized


Meditation:
PatientOnion3: the mojito chicken is roasted, now it must meditate
and re-juice


Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?:
ParaMyrrh: yes both pics are me the pic dressed as a woman was for
Halloween my girlfriend Lena made me up
Anais3233: para, you look like goddamn boy george in that bottom one
ParaMyrrh: screw you he had a fat face!
ParaMyrrh: and a small mouth
PatientOnion3: Lena is hotttttttttt
ParaMyrrh: Anais, Boy George was never that pretty


The Nasty Girls:
NoraMcKee525: i'm gonna go bathe my cat
Anais3233: does that mean douche?

Oh You Nasty Boys:
NoraMcKee525: no my first name ain't baby...
Anais3233: it's nora
Anais3233: miss mckee if you're nasty


Looking for a Roll in the Hey:
Beysshoes: pls visit my blog you guys and leave me some comments
or heys okay?
NoraMcKee525: link me beys
Creepy Loner: [smirk]
Max 314159265358: Bey, link me
NoraMcKee525: link me hard


Beast?:
Beysshoes: where's our candy cane?
NoraMcKee525: she has SPURNED me
Beysshoes: but why nora? she found somebody new?
NoraMcKee525: yes...her FAMILY
NoraMcKee525: b****
Beysshoes: her IRL is getting in the way here. we should do
some intervention


Godwit's Alternate Screen name:
SingActress: 130/f/enjoys watching gay guys 'do it'


Vicky's M.O.:
Doc Whew: i like ms vicky a lot
Beysshoes: i do as well doc whew
Doc Whew: you guys starting lesbian canadian commune?
Beysshoes: she's a very smart woman
Beysshoes: and quite foxy
Doc Whew: i talked to her for an hour one night
Doc Whew: then she sent her pic
Beysshoes: stop braggin' she does that with anybody doc



Dorm Life Saps Spirit:
Creepy Loner: Hillary was here, Binx.
Creepy Loner: She came in and said almost nothing about her
new life in Chicago, lurked for about an hour, and then
vanished.
CordialCactus: i would think she would be due to gush
BinxB91: Hillary was here??? Had she grown more sophisticated?
Creepy Loner: If "sophisticated" = "affectless"...yeah.
CordialCactus: lol smoking the grass
CordialCactus: that will do it


I'll Get Back to You on That:
Prospect26: Binx...so you want to spend ypou life stoned?

Don't Do as I Did:
Prospect26: hey, you can piss your life off or you can decide
to get serious/ sober

Book Slut Pleasures:
B00KGASM: i buy contacts from korean brand that make my eyes
appear larger like anime character.
B00KGASM: this pleases me.
B00KGASM: i kick cat litter pebbles out of my box i am so happy.

Talk With Me or You're Fired:
Prospect26: I have to fire a man who works for me.
Prospect26: what's with the underline
Prospect26: ?

Remember Me:
Ooolijay: i googled myself the other day and
"shove a hummel up my hooha" came up
Ooolijay: i was so proud

Career Track:
B00KGASM: i've an ecuadorian lover, potentially.
Ig Bear: that is interesting, I have been to Ecuador
B00KGASM: his family owns a hacienda.
B00KGASM: i will probably become impregnated by him.
B00KGASM: and own part of his hacienda.


BookSlut's next Career Track:
Ig Bear: lotsa olive oil and cumin in Moroccan food
B00KGASM: cane liquor.
Ig Bear: know what bisa is
Creepy Loner: [reading]
B00KGASM: bisa, no.
B00KGASM: que es?
FoodSIut: ig, what was your favorite food in morocco?
Ig Bear: it is split pea soup you put an half inch of oilve oil
on top and teaspoon of cumin and eat with flatbbread
FoodSIut: bear, was it pita flat bread or another kind?
B00KGASM: cumin, you say?


Odds and Ends:

WildCIAagent: You should cold shower before chat.

Gypsyjo47: I am here. Entertain me.

Poor Bidet: everyone in texas has a sweaty pussy

CordialCactus: my lactating days are done

NoraMcKee525: beys has that howard beale monologue on her blog

Godwit935: It's super-hip to hate religion, I know that.

SingActress: I'm waiting for my ice cream to soften so I
can eat some and go to bed.

BlackMagicJones: i am inventing two dishes for Wednesday:
Elite Chow Mein & Lamb Samosas

Max 314159265358: Back in the days of Roanoke there were no meds


Cherry Limeade IS the message:
TacoDreamMachine: and the subliminal christian messages they put
on the bottom of the soft drink cups
NoraMcKee525: like what onion?
TacoDreamMachine: 'Jesus is your meat'
NoraMcKee525: that's never at the bottom of my cherry limeade
from sonic

But Where's Sade:
NoraMcKee525: ok...bernadette peters, kathy baker, and
mariette hartley are on grey's anatomy
NoraMcKee525: i've died and gone to 1985 heaven

Ground Hog's Day:
Godwit935: This movie star, this Jack Black, is he Jewish,
does anyone know?

When She Was Bad ...:
Godwit935: When Charlie Rose and Terry Gross are bad, there are
no worse.
Godwit935: And they're often bad.


Rono Knows:
RONORELOADED: the people who worships at peeplands are more
foreward than the one in the church

Thinking He's Still in the Psychic Chat:
RONORELOADED: I like this song

Over-achiever:
RONORELOADED: I have seen henry kissinger
RONORELOADED: he is only five feet tall
RONORELOADED: for the evil things he did around the world
RONORELOADED: he is a very short man


Texture me:

Hyperyon3: They say there is going to be NO PAPERBOOK in
near future...only electronic books...
Hyperyon3: all the books will be in museums only...and people
would wonder thinking about "those days of paper books"
BinxB91: electronic books?? If you drop them, do they break??
Lydiaparn8: I have an electronic book - A Kindle.
BinxB91: Can you safely read an electronic book in the bath tub?
Lydiaparn8: I've been reading my first book from it this week.
Creepy Loner: [shrug]
Creepy Loner: What do you think, Lydia?
Creepy Loner: Is it wonderful?
Lydiaparn8: I like it, Creepy.
Ooolijay: i dont know about those kindles etc
Ooolijay: i'm a texture person
Creepy Loner: Yeah...I'm not quite sold on them, either...
Ooolijay: i like the feel of a book


That's What It's All About:
Hyperyon3: if you work your left brain more, your thoughts
become more coherent and logical...
Hyperyon3: your brain sphere is divided into right brain and
left brain...
AnonyMitch: put your left brain in, put your left brain out,
put your left brain in and shake it all about...


Better Than Voices:
Ooolijay: why am i hearing music


We Doubt You Are Sure:
Creepy Loner: I don't have the world's best memory...but I do have
a keen sense of empathy...although I'm sure the lot of you doubt
that...LOL.

A Bundle of Contradictions:
NoraMcKee525: i am the female, texan (and hot) version of godwit


First Date Thoughts:

BinxB91: I suppose it's good to show up with flowers on a first date
KD81785: I've never dated.
Hadachoke: flowers and condoms, binx
BinxB91: well ... the condoms wouldn't be a gift
FoodSIut: binky, what happened to the love?
BinxB91: Bringing condoms or not bringing condoms on a first date
is a dilemma
BinxB91: If you don't bring them, the woman thinks you can't do
anything right
BinxB91: If you bring them, the woman thinks you're too sure of her
Hadachoke: just bring one binx
FoodSIut: the fact that you have condoms with you doesn't usually
come up in conversation on the first date you tard
BinxB91: uhm, they did once
FoodSIut: "Hi binky, how's the weather, did you bring regular or lubed"
Hadachoke: if you bring a whole box she'll think you're greedy
BinxB91: Onion, if a woman mentions that first thing, she's the 'tard
FoodSIut: "You know Lisa, funny you should ask, I was walking by
Walgreens, they had a big sign in the window, 'CONDOM SALE', so i
figured you being a slut and all, I bought a dozen"
Creepy Loner: She's a 'tard for mentioning a box of rubbers?
Creepy Loner: Damn it...that explains so much of what's gone wrong
in my love-life.

Godwit Knows Rudeness:
Creepy Loner: Hello again, Godwit.
Godwit935: What.
Godwit935: That's what they say over in England, very loudly
and rudely.
Godwit935: They say, "What" for no reason.


Godwit Comes In, Homosexuality Comes Out:
Godwit935: This is why this room is no longer any good.
The homosexuals have taken over.
ParaMyrrh: Fork maybe Godwit is MsVic en herbe?
Forkrerereredux: methinks he meant cock
FoodSIut: GODWIT, I WOULD HAVE NEVER GUESSED YOU WERE A F*DGE PACKER
Godwit935: You can't even get a good argument in here.
Godwit935: The funny thing is, this is Book Shelf.
KissMyAsterix: oh the irony
HardFlower: why is "fudge" asterisked?
FoodSIut: GODWIT, HAVE YOU EVER DATED A TRANNY?
Creepy Loner: I love you, Godwit...ignore these monsters.
BinxB91: I love you too Godwit. I post many of your comments
Godwit935: Binx, post this.
Forkrerereredux: fork models his life on saint polycrap
FoodSIut: POST ME HARDER GODWIT

Nora Paranoia:
NoraMcKee525: god loved me until we got the dna results

Phronise and Satan Go On a Date:
Phronsie: god is caparicious in the extreme
Phronsie: and needs to have the ol' ego stroked 24/7

A River Named for a Rock Group:
I2DaysInNovember: Achilles got to go swimming in the river Styx
I wonder if they had good music back then too

Missed Mr Right:
Phronsie: I have nothing against love.
Phronsie: I just don't see much of it.
ThePaIeRlDER: mary, thats cause you dont hang with the rider :-)

No Consonets in His name?:
Anais3233: I like the greek god IO, he had a raw deal for sure

Too Pretty to be Achilles?
Phronsie: I never thought of Achilles as being any thing
like Brad Pitt
Phronsie: In the frist place, Pitt doesn't look Greek
Phronsie: On the other hand, I never think all that much about it .
Jam7604801: Brad Pitt is from Missouri
Rafo65: well, Phronsie, it's hard to say.. Alcibiades was Greek,
and apparently he was blond
Phronsie: It's not the blondness
Phronsie: It's the facial structure
Rafo65: I would have thought Pittsburgh


Canada Doesn't Suck:
BLUE1989Red: what inspires u.. from canada..
BLUE1989Red: what is so great about canada
BLUE1989Red: why is it differet from here..
Rafo65: for starters, blue, it's not the US, so you don't
get all these goofy wars

Listening to SENATOR Paul Simon:
Free Bard: wow that was far out! I was listening to Paul Simon
Rafo65: nothing as new wave as Paul Simon...
Free Bard: still crazy after all these years

Just Keep Your Pants On:
I2DaysInNovember: I think I was a teenager the last time
I had sex with my pants on
I2DaysInNovember: I was a tennager the last time I had sex


But If Your Co-Workers Could Play Banjo:
MyStrat: jam, read the bio on Billy Redden, the banjo kid in
Deliverance...they have to state that he is not retarded...how
would you like it if they had to point
MyStrat: i don't know why or how i know the name of the banjo kid
in Deliverance...but dont know the names of people i see every
day at work or school

Why Ballot Is Secret:
Anais3233: i just FORCED my husband to register to vote for the
first time ever in his life
Anais3233: i wonder if it's against the law to hold out sex
if he doesn't vote the way i want him to

A Funny Story With an Unfunny Ending:
Anais3233: i have a funny story about voting for nader
NoraMcKee525: no anais...nothin funny about that
Anais3233: I lived in Wisconsin in 2000, and i wanted to vote for
Nader because a two party system sucks, but i didn't want bush to
take wisconsin, so i traded votes with someone in wyoming, which
was going to be taken by bush anyway
AnonyMitch: anais...that almost sounds illegal.
Anais3233: it does
Anais3233: but it's not
NoraMcKee525: anais is that the end of the story?
Anais3233: uh.. bush won

But If Your Brother-In-Law Were ParaMyrrh ...:
MyStrat: when i first met my bro in law, he looked like a
dead ringer for ned beatty, wanted to tell him he had a pretty
mouth, but dont think he would have seen the humor in it


BookShelf as Refuge:
Auntsusiee: Lounge was out of control this evening.... I
was getting beaten up lol

Who's your 2nd favorite?:
Anais3233: omg paul newman died
Jam7604801: Anais he was my favorite racecar driver/actor

Anais's Baby Went Hungry:
Anais3233: i went to a farmers market last night, and the kids
got to bottlefeed a baby cow

BookShelf Stage Always Awaiting Another Entrance:
Auntsusiee: Why are there so many parkers in here?
Auntsusiee: slow moving room due to all of the people just
lurking and taking up space.

The Normal Procedure?:
PatientOnion3: i just paid my rent to the old lady
in the garden


So Why Didn't You Listen?
BinxB91: What did your Mom tell you about sex?
ParaMyrrh: She said it was precious and best kept unspoken

Not In My Bed:
LeslieHapablap: today i stayed in bed and read an entire girly book.
LeslieHapablap: i was not in the mood for the yiddish
policemen's union.

Shrinkage:
XELvonAUR: Cordial you have a 401k?
AXELvonAUR: well guess what
AXELvonAUR: now it's a 201k

Google Addict:
CordialCactus: first on google after typing in "201k" was peta's
ben and jerry breast milk ice cream suggestion
CordialCactus: weird

Jam Without Windex:
Jam7604801: anyone have a messed up screen?

Freak:
CordialCactus: axel.. i couldnt get my husband to try it,
no matter how many double dog dares and intricately
planned bribery schemes

Synchronize Our Cycles:
MsVictoriaLynn1: Hi Leslie
Ooolijay: oh guess what picheesy?
LeslieHapablap: :-D
Ooolijay: i was going to email you
Ooolijay: my lady days started yesterday
LeslieHapablap: you are bleeding between your legs?!
Ooolijay: i don't recall the exact time
LeslieHapablap: next month make note of the time before filing
your report. please.

Leslie's Dull Friend:
LeslieHapablap: "everyday i have been going to the ATM and taking
out cash."
LeslieHapablap: so i said, "why not just go the the bank and
withdraw it all at once."
LeslieHapablap: and he said, "it gives me something to do."
LeslieHapablap: very strange.

Super Hero Sex:
Forkrerereredux: ejaculating on a woman's back and using the semen
as glue to paste the bedsheet to her back is called giving her
a superman
LeslieHapablap: spoony, you always struck me as more of a
snowballer.


Helpful to Whom?:
Forkrerereredux: binx is on fork's buddy list
Forkrerereredux: that's because we are helpful chaps

Try Spanish, You Might Be Funnier:
Hyperyon3: no one gets my highbrow jokes...
Hyperyon3: but I refuse to be a spanish

Needs a Better Hobby:
Offpat: i like to go to the zoo and throw my own poop
at the monkeys


The Anti-Intellectual Onion:
TacoDreamMachine: i love them big words Bedrock, what is your
ring size?
CordialCactus: ha
Bedrock18: lol taco
CordialCactus: i dont know how the economy is dichotomous
TacoDreamMachine: Bedrock does the morphological distinctiveness
or lack thereof of the subjunctive in the English language get
you hot too?
Bedrock18: both, yes
TacoDreamMachine: excellent
Bedrock18: so silly
TacoDreamMachine: The constant misuse of the intertextual moment
in this chatroom makes me want to hurl!
Bedrock18: lol
Boulshevit: You've got nerve
CordialCactus: wow taco
CordialCactus: i didnt realize .... big words! ...
CordialCactus: more more!
Bedrock18: to put it simply . . . the haves and the have nots
Bedrock18: that is the dichotomy that so many see
Boulshevit: Us have nots never use the word dichotomy
KissMyAsterix: hey melo wb
Melodramamama22: ty
CordialCactus: aha..thanks bedrock for the clear explanation
Melodramamama22: heya cactus
CordialCactus: hiya melo
Boulshevit: Mels!
Melodramamama22: hi boul : )
Boulshevit: Staying out of the papers today, Mels?
Melodramamama22: lol, yes
TacoDreamMachine: I adore Kafka and how he is renowned for
prophetic and profoundly enigmatic stories that often portray
human degradation and cruelty, not unlike this chatroom.
TacoDreamMachine: I worship his grotesque vision of the world in
which alienated, angst-ridden individuals vainly seek to transcend
their condition or pursue some unattainable goal, much like
McCain and Mooselini.
Bedrock18: i actually consider it to be a misinterpretation of the
economy as a whole, and one's individual lifestyle
TacoDreamMachine: I love your lifestyle Bedrock.
Bedrock18: sadly indicative of "just a little bit more is all i want"
TacoDreamMachine: you bon vivant marxist oligarch


Gender Issues:
CordialCactus: Speaking of wings, I talked my husband into
running to the store to buy me feminine products for this
first time ever.
CordialCactus: true test of love and masculine security
WildCIAagent: OMG CC, I made my man do that many many years ago!
WildCIAagent: He acted like I had killed him.
WildCIAagent: Yes, CC
CordialCactus: lol cia
Boulshevit: Cord..I bought that stuff through my entire marriage
...chic sales clerks really dug me
Ooolijay: i've always gotten guys to buy that stuff, but i think
they go just to get away from me
Ooolijay: i will always help a lost guy on the feminine product aisle
Ooolijay: and they always look lost
CordialCactus: my brother bought fem. prod. for me once..i was
staying at his house for a weekend.. hes my favorite.. the one
who is now engaged to the lovely filipina
CordialCactus: ooli, thats nice of you
CordialCactus: i told my 2 year old to yell.. my daddy needs
tampons!
CordialCactus: at walgreens
CordialCactus: we practiced
CordialCactus: except it was pads.. but that didnt have the
shock factor that the word tampons has
CordialCactus: i do have an evil streak
CordialCactus: see?

[Katya was a graduate student in mathematics at UC-Berkeley,
the Russian-born daughter of Jews who'd been allowed to
emigrate out of the Soviet Union in the mid-Sixties, both
of them scientists at Cal Tech. When Patrick introduced me
to Katya, she smiled shyly at me from beneath her oversized
Greek sailor's cap, lovely thick-lashed black eyes, and said,
"Oh Judd! --- I have heard so much about you, from Patrick."
I said, "You have? What?"
Katya bit her lower lip. Like a child who has blundered into
inviting more attention than she wished.
Patrick just laughed. "Go on, Katya, tell him. What?"
Amazing how the Pinch-crease had vanished from between
Patrick's eyebrows, as if it had never been. My brother was
more boyish at the age of thirty-five than he'd been at
fifteen.
"Well ---" Katya smiled at me hesitantly, and frowned, and
touched one of her delicate earlobes where a tiny gold stud
gleamed, "---he has said, you are good brother. He loves
you very much."
I laughed embarressed. "Well."
Impossible to say Patrick hey: I love you.
Patrick I'm angry as hell at you, I'll never forgive you
for abandoning us but now you're back, now I've seen you
and touched you I guess I love you again, so that's it.
Patrick laughed, and let his hand fall on my shoulder.
Brotherkly, affectionate. As if I'd spoken aloud]



'looks like we fucked up':
Melodramamama22: we have some kinda weird hurricaney thing that's
snuck up on us
Melodramamama22: nobody said nuthing, and then all of a sudden
the news goes oh, look at this giant thing on the coast!
Melodramamama22: meanwhile the wind is berserk


Two Steps Forward, One Step Back:
Creepy Loner: [spits fingernail across room / starts drinking fancy beer]