Sometimes I Want to Cry. But I never do.
BookShelf as Toxic Waste Site:
oooolijay: my god we have a lot of AL spillover
Inaugural Thoughts:
AnnAsphodel: I do love Aretha's hat
CordialCactus: i said this earlier, but want to say it again,
Cheney in his wheelchair looked just like Mr Potter from
Its a Wonderful Life
Doc Whew: obama should make the oreo the national cookie
Onimesh: I am going to miss bush because there is not going to
be bush jokes anymore
AnGeLEyZ1617: ...obama seems so serious and unapproachable...of
course I will never talk to him but I think it helps to have a
pres you can relate to/feel comfy with
Alansueton: the Arizona Cardinals are in the Superbowl wow
Change indeed this Inauguaral is getting scary like
Nuremberg and Triumph of the Will
The Simon Cowell of BookShelf:
oooolijay: who the fuck are these people?
Another Missed Connection:
Prospect26: night room...sorry we did not talk,
Condensed Haiku:
DoomGrl: dont bats bite?
A Woman of Various Appetites:
Anais3233: i'm good! just made chili cheese fries, then brownies
with peanut butter chocolate chips in them and then banana bread..
Table for One:
Tom Brite: i love to dine alone
Planning for the Dry Years:
BobsurAuntTom: I'm crying proactively
He Can Dish It Out but ...:
Alansueton: I am very protective of Culture Club lyrics
oooolijay: that's only because you resemble boy george, alan
Alansueton: no I do not
oooolijay: he's a body double in the videos
oooolijay: or when he's picking up male prostitutes
Alansueton: oooli you are not funny
oooolijay: i'm a little funny
Self-Awareness:
AnnAsphodel: I'm sometimes a witty drunk, at least to myself.
Try Sending it to Switzerland then:
BobsurAuntTom: I just sent a watch back to Germany today.
I don't think I'm ever satisfied.
A Little Bit:
BobsurAuntTom: I'll admit it... I think Binx is a bit of an ass.
Perhaps he's a nice ass.. and a good guy. I just think he's a
bit of an ass.
Alan & Julie, Episode 18:
Alansueton: We were talking about Droooolijay And how she'd be
a great polisher of nobs
oooolijay: i would have spelled that with a k
A MidSummers(Eve L) Night Dream:
Summers Eve L: One time. Coming down these steep mountains in
North Carolina on the way home from Nantahala.
Summers Eve L: I was puking every so often. Because the night
before I drank a bottle of champagne all to myself.
Summers Eve L: Anywho.
Summers Eve L: We get to the bottom and stop at a gas station.
Where I couldn't make it in. I just opened the door and hurled
in the parking lot.
Alansueton: careful ooooli is a sympathy puker
AnonyMitch: ack. sweet tasting vomit. what a terrible thought.
oooolijay: oh god anony
Summers Eve L: I look up and there is, no lie, a midget dressed
like a cowboy looking at ME like *I* am crazy.
oooolijay: he musta forgot he was a cowboy midget
Summers Eve L: I said "What?!"
oooolijay: there used to be a cowboy midget who walked around
my neighborhood in cali
Alansueton: it would've been funny if he said "Howdy pardner."
Summers Eve L: No. He never said anything.
Summers Eve L: Little bastard.
Summers Eve L: He didn't have to.
NomduSemiLLC: or, What's up, Chuck?
I2DaysInNovember: he was probably trying to hold back from
reflex vomiting
Summers Eve L: His beady little eyes said it all.
oooolijay: that woulda been funny
Alansueton: Midgets are fearlessly inquisitive
Reflections on Summers' Story:
NomduSemiLLC: I have seen serial reflex vomiting----not a pretty sight
Alansueton: can we change the subject
oooolijay: from midgets?
oooolijay: no way
Alansueton: no, puking
I2DaysInNovember: Nom we had seven kids in our family
it was awful
NomduSemiLLC: This was in a class room during AF tech school
CordialCactus: nom.. i will ask you about that sometime
CordialCactus: hey, what year and where were you in tech school?
NomduSemiLLC: Greenville, MS, 1964
NomduSemiLLC: you already have the gist of it, not much more to tell
EmpressZ21: im gonna ask now what set off the vomiting
I2DaysInNovember: champagne
EmpressZ21: and how does an adult not get to a bathroom
oooolijay: while you guys are talking about vomit, i'm gonna take
my grape bowl to the kitchen
NomduSemiLLC: Can we go back to our regular convo of hiding the salami,
felching and queefing now?
Glinda saying Goodbye to the Munchkins:
Sleepy Eyed Evie: i have to go to work
Sleepy Eyed Evie: good night everyone
KissMyAsterix: make lots of money and send for me
Sleepy Eyed Evie: haha ok
Sleepy Eyed Evie: i'll save you a tecate
Sleepy Eyed Evie: in the fridge
KissMyAsterix: ok
AA Birthday Pony: tecate
AA Birthday Pony: boo
AA Birthday Pony: dude, any chick beer drinkers?
AA Birthday Pony: i found the best chick import beer ever.
AA Birthday Pony: crap, now i can't remember the name.
AnonyMitch: pony boy is really toning up the room. and i, for one,
am grateful.
Summers Spa:
Summers Eve L: I just completed stage one of my spa night.
CordialCactus: what was stage one?
Alansueton: ooooli you an athlete too?
Summers Eve L: Hot bath, scrub, shave legs, glass of wine, candles,
read a book in my bubble bath.
Summers Eve L: Or some of a book.
Summers Eve L: You get me.
oooolijay: well, not the world class athelete you are, alan
CordialCactus: wow, whats stage two
Summers Eve L: Facial waxing.
Julie Down:
oooolijay: but this particular injury happened when i stepped
off a curb onto broken asphalt
Alansueton: in heels?
Summers Eve L: Hooker heels, Oli?
oooolijay: no
oooolijay: tennies
oooolijay: just hit it wrong
Summers Eve L: Oh. Well hooker heels are always my excuse.
oooolijay: it was at a art fair
Alansueton: you're fragile
CordialCactus: did you end up eating asphalt in public?
oooolijay: yes, cactus
Summers Eve L: I'm a dumbass and I go trotting around at the
grocery in my heels.
Alansueton: Summers because you're looking for men
Tammynet: pick up on aisle 3
Summers Eve L: Right. At the grocery. Because that's where we all
go when we are on a manhunt.
oooolijay: i went down on my right knee, but my left ankle was hurt
oooolijay: so i couldnt' stand up
Summers Eve L: Did someone help you?
oooolijay: i couldn't put any weight on my left ankle, so i just
had to sit there like that
Summers Eve L: Did you squirt some big ol' tears?
Alansueton: ooooli you are a whimp
oooolijay: all these people just walked around me
oooolijay: and dig this
oooolijay: a freakin clown stopped juggling to come help me
AnonyMitch: summers...i'm sure it doesn't look like a dumb one.
i can easily imagine you walking slowly down the frozen dairy aisle.
Summers Eve L: Yes, Alan. I get the general concept.
CordialCactus: aw
oooolijay: i know
CordialCactus: wait.. dont you hate clowns?
oooolijay: not that one
Alansueton: I played one half of a basketball game with a sprained
ankle by the end of the game it had swollen to the size of a melon
Summers Eve L: haha a clown
oooolijay: he was more of a street performer
oooolijay: but he was a clown and doing balloon animals too
Evie's Game:
Sleepy Eyed Evie: i think we should just add the phrase "in bed"
to everything we type in chat rooms
CordialCactus: ok
Sleepy Eyed Evie: that would spice things up. um, in bed.
Boulshevit: That works for me in bed, Evie
BobsurAuntTom: What use it is to have a cell phone with no
working charger?
BobsurAuntTom: I ask of you?
CordialCactus: Evie, you are full of clever ideas, in bed
Sleepy Eyed Evie: see!
Boulshevit: I have to go pee in bed
BobsurAuntTom: Amazing... my fucking cell phone charger decides
to stop working.
BobsurAuntTom: Aint life grand?
Melodramamama22: in bed?
CordialCactus: aw, im sorry, in bed
I2DaysInNovember: I am so glad you all are here to chat with me
I2DaysInNovember: in bed
CordialCactus: Hiya Nov, Whats shakin? in bed
I2DaysInNovember: Hi Cactus! : ) everything inbed
Boulshevit: I couldn't sleep last night in bed
Sleepy Eyed Evie: ok maybe that was a bad idea. now nobody is
talking in bed
CordialCactus: im afraid to say something really perverted in bed
Tom Brite: brb going to go eat a muffin, in bed
Boulshevit: What's different about now, Cord in bed?
CordialCactus: bouls, im confused.. in bed
KissMyAsterix: maybe we could start the sentences with in bed
Sleepy Eyed Evie: damn. they took off tennis and put on basketball
Sleepy Eyed Evie: in bed
Tom Brite: i would like to see creepie loner, in bed
CordialCactus: tom.. TOM! i thought you were new here, in bed
KissMyAsterix: no way tom is new
Boulshevit: In bed?
CordialCactus: its agreeing with you, i am, in bed
CordialCactus: lol bouls
WildCIAagent: Back with hot tea
CordialCactus: in bed
KissMyAsterix: or out of it
CordialCactus: tom could be onion after a severe head injury
CordialCactus: in bed
Garlic Dreams:
CordialCactus: lobster sauce or garlic sauce?
Boulshevit: Garlic sauce
KissMyAsterix: vodka sauce?
EmpressZ21: garlic
Sleepy Eyed Evie: too bad, i like Chocolatenazi
KissMyAsterix: what is it
CordialCactus: 2 for garlic.. cool.. I ordered shrimp with
garlic sauce, rangoon, and egg rolls
CordialCactus: i was torn between the two
Sleepy Eyed Evie: garlic gives you weird dreams
Sleepy Eyed Evie: if you eat too much late at night
CordialCactus: i like weird dreams
Sleepy Eyed Evie: usually weird dreams involving Larry King
KissMyAsterix: larry king?
Sleepy Eyed Evie: and 'garlique'
Sleepy Eyed Evie: ok i'm joking about the Larry King part. but
garlic really does give me weird dreams. either that or i'm
just insane
KissMyAsterix: let me think about that one
Boulshevit: Maybe garlic makes you insane
CordialCactus: ice cream before bed makes me have weird dreams
Sleepy Eyed Evie: but garlic makes me think of Larry King because
he's always talking about that "garlique" stuff
KissMyAsterix: actually retracting the larry king thing, makes
you a little more sane.
Alansueton: Sleepy are you a Vampire?
Sleepy Eyed Evie: Alan: no, i'm a pirate
That Reminds Me:
Sleepy Eyed Evie: and that reminded you of me?
Alansueton: about leeches that crawl up your nose
Sleepy Eyed Evie: what is gris-gris, cc?
CordialCactus: yuck
CordialCactus: i think its a voodoo thing
Alansueton: and the danger of Tics and people almost dying
I don't know what gris gris other than en francais grey-grey
KissMyAsterix: a voodoo thing?
CordialCactus: a voodoo talisman or charm
Boulshevit: Oh, I thought you said boo boo
KissMyAsterix: ok I'm confusing gris gris with leeches
and tics now
Sleepy Eyed Evie: i'm somehow imagining lesbian mormons discussing
gris-gris and leeches on larry king
Fortune Cookies (in bed):
CordialCactus: i need some fortune cookie ground rules
Sleepy Eyed Evie: you are supposed to read your fortune to the
person across the table from you and add the words "in bed" to
the end of it
KissMyAsterix: "you will be admired by many" in bed
BobsurAuntTom: You'll be desired by everyone you have no desire
to be with.
Sleepy Eyed Evie: oh wait that wasnt a fortune
BobsurAuntTom: You'll be wanted for everything but your body
Saving Lives:
Anais3233: i hate driving all the way to campus for just one class
KissMyAsterix: what class anais
Anais3233: anatomy
CordialCactus: how far?
Anais3233: twenty minutes
Anais3233: not too bad
KissMyAsterix: won't it be twenty minutes alone
KissMyAsterix: there
KissMyAsterix: and twenty minutes alone back
Anais3233: yeah
CordialCactus: is education tax deductable?
KissMyAsterix: and maybe a stop off at starbucks or something
SteveIzHere7: you get lonely in 20 minutes?
Anais3233: interest on students loans are tax deductible
SteveIzHere7: big whoopdie doo
oooolijay: no it's a good alone steve
KissMyAsterix: are you insane
KissMyAsterix: she has kids
KissMyAsterix: twenty minutes can save lives
oooolijay: it's precious alone time
KissMyAsterix: forty can save two
["Well, you decided your fate," sighed the young man,
weighing each word. "So you had better know the
consequences of your actions. During the coma brought on
by the pills you took, your heart was irreversibly damaged.
There was a necrosis of the ventricle ---"
"Put it in layman's terms," said the older man. "Get
straight to the point."
"Your heart is irreversibly damaged, and soon it will stop
beating altogether."
"What does that mean?" she asked, frightened.
"If your heart stops beating, that means only one thing,
death. I don't know what your religious beliefs are, but ---"
"When will my heart stop beating?" asked Veronika,
interrupting him.
"Within five days, a week at most."
Veronika realized that behind his professional appearance
and behavior, behind the concerned manner, the young man
was taking immense pleasure in what he was saying, as if
she deserved the punishment and would serve as an example
to all the others.
During her life Veronika had noticed that a lot of people
she knew would talk about the horrors in other people's
lives as if they were genuinely trying to help them, but
the truth was that they took pleasure in the suffering of
others, because that made them believe that they were
happy and that life had been generous with them. She
hated that kind of person, and she wasn't going to give
the young man an opportunity to take advantage of her
state in order to mask his own frustrations.
She kept her eyes fixed on his and, smiling, said: "So
I succeeded, then."
"Yes," came the reply. But any pleasure he had taken in
giving her the tragic news had vanished.]
Animation Review:
Anais3233: you know, for a computer animated princess, fiona has
some saggy tits
Excitement by the Numbers:
oooolijay: i like fives and times you can read backwards...such
as 11:11 or 12:21
oooolijay: when it's 11:11 on 11/11/11 i'm going to pass out from
all the excitement
E-nailing Cactus:
CordialCactus: haha
CordialCactus: i cant breath
CordialCactus: e
CordialCactus: omgosh,
CordialCactus: thank you binx
CordialCactus: that was better than sex
CordialCactus: well
oooolijay: um
CordialCactus: better than some sex
In Bed?:
oooolijay: i say fancy shmancy!
Because They Didn't Fire?:
CordialCactus: like dueling banjos, which we all know is a misnomer
Still Waiting on the Emmy:
Rafo65: Al Gore and G.B. Shaw are the only two people ever to have
won both an Oscar and a Nobel Prize
For Best Alliteration in a Supporting Role:
BletheringMan: The best seductive dance scene was Selma Hayek in
Dust to Dawn
CordialCactus: she's cute in a smirky swarthy way
Based on Experience?:
SteveIzHere7: being nice all the time gets annoying
Two-sided Advice:
BletheringMan: I can hear the music and see her dancing with the
snake in my mind's eye
CordialCactus: blethering, get a hold of yourself man
CordialCactus: wait wait.. disregard that
Lazers Can Be Like That:
BletheringMan: The scene where he is looking a Catherine's tight
butt slipping under the lazer beams was priceless
Author's Lounge Refugee?:
JOKER777773: Stallone bought the movie rights to my last book. wants
to star, direct, write the screenplay
AnGeLEyZ1617: joker you write book?
JOKER777773: yeah, Angel. i have nine bestsellers
JOKER777773: 3 NY times bestsellers. doing okay in the biz
AnGeLEyZ1617: thats cool...what are they called if you don't mind me asking?
JOKER777773: sure, ANGEL. RORA is my best book. you can google it.
Son of a Pun:
MsVictoriaLynn1: No mitch, those big buildings are sitting on
the biggest H shaped steel columns driven to bedrock you have
ever seen, most of Manhattan is called Manhattan Schist, a
type of granite
Mentros: Never take any schist for granite
MsVictoriaLynn1: Hey Mentros... Schist Happens
My Little Runaway:
SteveIzHere7: I knew a gal from Yakima.
SteveIzHere7: met her in New Orleans
St Helens Day Story:
BletheringMan: Mt St Helens ... yes but no one pays attention for
the next 125 years
BletheringMan: I was watching Fiddler On The Roof the night before
it blew
BletheringMan: That next morning I went out for breakfast
BletheringMan: but didn't have any cash for the restaurant
BletheringMan: So I went to a local supermarket to cash a check
BletheringMan: When i ask to cash the check the wide-eyed cashier
said
BletheringMan: "Do you know what happened?"
BletheringMan: ash cloud I said I heard that the mountain blew
another ash cloud
BletheringMan: No she said the whole mountain blew up
BletheringMan: I had asked her to cash a check for $20 when she
told me that
BletheringMan: I said in that case make it for a $1000 bucks
Apropos of Nothing:
AnnAsphodel: I especially enjoy the Mormon Space Doctrine
Onimesh: I like amish life style
Onimesh: I think they do have a point
CordialCactus: you dont mind crimes commited with icicles do you?
Bible Study:
JOKER777773: "Do not loudly bless your neighbor in the morning,
for to him it will seem as a curse."
JOKER777773: Meaning, when someone is just waking up, don't
go "GOOD MORNING!"
JOKER777773: shit. give him a chance to wake up
Homemade Electolytes:
CordialCactus: ive tried the homemade electrolyte solution, they
like that a little more than the pedialyte, but i feel like
something is missing
CordialCactus: but, it's wet
Funeral Reflections:
oooolijay: i've laughed at a funeral before!'
oooolijay: omg
oooolijay: my grandmother's
AnonyMitch: oh, god. i once hit on a girl at her mother's funeral.
AnonyMitch: it was an accident. honest.
oooolijay: i always act appropriately at funerals
oooolijay: except for the laughing
Cat Sports:
EmpressZ21: we have juggled the cat
oooolijay: throwing the cats wouldn't be as bad as catching the cats
Sarah Palin?:
LEELOULOLLIPOP: Anony, yep, for sure....I plan to be a Spirit Guide
in my next life serving God! and helping lost souls on earth with
out having the luxury of actually living on Earth, but a much more
beautiful, crime, disease, war free world!
AnonyMitch: LeeLou...good luck on that.
What Are You Wearing?
EmpressZ21: a crown
EmpressZ21: and a smile
Blondestar86: uh stewie pj's
CordialCactus: two pairs of socks, sweatshirt and wifebeater
CordialCactus: and polartec happy pants
CordialCactus: which, i now know are made out of recycled plastic
Don't Underestimate Yourself:
CordialCactus: i just realized how inadvertently clever that was
End of the Bush-Onion Era:
CordialCactus: i like that tom comes here, sort of a surragate
replacement for our absent strange personalities
CordialCactus: surrogate
KissMyAsterix: he can't replace onion
Jam7604801: you guys should have met nagual4a
Tammynet: no one can replace Onion
KissMyAsterix: no
CordialCactus: he cant replace them, no.. but he can add that
weirdness aura
Jam7604801: nag made onion look bad
Tammynet: Onion is the one who got me to come here...he told me too
KissMyAsterix: no one makes onion look bad
KissMyAsterix: me too tammy
Jam7604801: trust me nag did
KissMyAsterix: well he's the reason I came back
oooolijay: i adore onion
KissMyAsterix: it's not even possible jam, I miss onion
oooolijay: i miss him coming here
Jam7604801: and the funny thing about nag he truely believed
what he said
CordialCactus: some people just dont get onion.. i lurve him
Tammynet: he use to hang out in thinkers..then i left for a
couple of years and soon as i came back he told me about the shelf
KissMyAsterix: that's part of his charm cactus
Jam7604801: the first bush election for instance
Tammynet: exactly dino
oooolijay: onion is brilliant
KissMyAsterix: he really is
KissMyAsterix: amazingly so
oooolijay: yes
Jam7604801: he would not stop saying how bush cheated and on
and on for four freaking years
KissMyAsterix: he's like pinky and the brain, all rolled into one
Jam7604801: just dawned on me i been coming here for nine years
[Their casualties were high, but they could easily have been
worse. Someone later told Vaughn West that when Beahler saw
the list of names he wept, and later someone back at Battalion,
filled with a dumb macho spirit, made a condescending remark
about what kind of company commander broke down and cried, but
West thought when you lost that many men in battle, maybe you
should cry.]
Jam's Joke:
Jam7604801: A blond goes into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender
says "Anheuiser-Bush".
The Blonde replies "Why it's just dandy. Thank you so much for asking.
Hows your cock?".
Binx's Joke
BinxB91: A pirate walks into a bar with the ship's steering wheel
hanging from his penis.
BinxB91: The stunned bartender asks, "do you realize the ship's
steering wheel is hanging from your penis?"
BinxB91: "Aye", answers the pirate, "it's driving me nuts."
AnonyMitch: binx..."ba da boom!"
MsVictoriaLynn1: Oh christ Binx
Tammynet: haha binx
Zenchef2006: binx, i think that punchline is a phallusy
Her Woman Bowl:
WildCIAagent: Emmm I ate my oats in my WOMAN bowl.
CordialCactus: your woman bowl?
JadedDremer: woman bowl?
JadedDremer: wtf is that?
CordialCactus: is it shaped like a boob?
Alansueton: a woman's bowl, big enough for a man, but made
for a woman
CordialCactus: cia, type faster
WildCIAagent: My sis gave me an I AM WOMAN bowl... YOu are
StRONG invinclible You can do anything
CordialCactus: ah
WildCIAagent: I once caught my man with it!
WildCIAagent: I was like.... HELLOOOOOOO
WildCIAagent: I just killed a spider.
WildCIAagent: That bowl makes one powerful!
CordialCactus: cia, put the spider outside
CordialCactus: i double dog dare you
You're Suppose to Look Into Her EYES:
Tallthinjones: i had a girlfriend once with size ten feet and
it was a big turnoff
After All These Years!!:
CordialCactus: no way
ThePaIeRlDER: hillary!
CordialCactus: Hillary!
Is She Weird 55: so i hear you miss me
MsVictoriaLynn1: Hi Hillary
ThePaIeRlDER: yup
KissMyAsterix: hillary!
WildCIAagent: Hi Weird is she
Is She Weird 55: hello everyone
Tallthinjones: does anyone buy online shoes?
Catpower777: how is college, Hillary?
LadyQuasi: Hello Weird
Is She Weird 55: guess what? i'm poor
Rider I:
AnonyMitch: i know a woman who is the granddaughter of one of
Stalin's architects. (building architecture)
ThePaIeRlDER: is she hot?
Rider II:
Melodramamama22: you know who kelly osborne looks like?
Melodramamama22: the campbell's soup girl come to life right
offa the can
ThePaIeRlDER: id do kelly
Rider III:
Susiq2S: I like this room..it's calm and interesting
ThePaIeRlDER: susi do you webcam too/
Her Boss is a Chat Nerd:
Melodramamama22: my boss said on the phone the other day to someone,
this exact thing...
Melodramamama22: "i mean, double you tee eff?"
Book Recommendation:
EmpressZ21: anyone that has anything by jen lancaster know it
Funny ha ha?:
Melodramamama22: i read a hugely funny made up thing that someone posted
on craigslist about having done ann coulter in the arse
But You Look Good in White:
JadedDremer: but it's not just blonde. i have streaks of grey, like the
bride of frankenstein
Alan & Julie - Drooling Banjos:
AnonyMitch: prim tart...that was Your drool? i wish i had known.
i would have saved the pillow from being washed.
oooolijay: i drool
oooolijay: i'm not proud of it
WildCIAagent: I don't drool
BobsurAuntTom: I like droolers.
oooolijay: but i can't help it
Primatart: battery acid drool
AnonyMitch: prim tart...ha.
WildCIAagent: I don't sleep with my mouth open.
BobsurAuntTom: I don't know why... I don't really love sloopy
kissers.. but an occassional drool is very sweet.
AnonyMitch: oooli...why do you think you drool in your sleep?
BobsurAuntTom: When you get too excited to remember to swallow.
oooolijay: sinuses is my guess, anony
Alansueton: Hey ma! Wanna meet my Fiancee? She drools and has
big feet! She also likes guns and is a sympathy puker!
oooolijay: yes, omg
Primatart: im sorry an out of control sloppy kisser is so not
gonna get kissed again by me
AnonyMitch: oooli...hmmm. so you have a lot of sinus problems?
WildCIAagent: Some have nasal problems and they sleep with
their mouths open.
oooolijay: bob, i've drooled wide awake talking to peopole
CordialCactus: bob, sometimes you say the sweetest things
BobsurAuntTom: That's what I mean Oooli. I like that.
Alansueton: Oooli are you a tard?
BobsurAuntTom: I find it extremely endearing
oooolijay: you'd think, alan
oooolijay: but no
oooolijay: sometimes i suck it back in
Alansueton: I like sloppy kissers
oooolijay: as if no one notices
oooolijay: hahaha
oooolijay: my ex used to make fun of me for that
Primatart: really you like a sloppy kisser?
Alansueton: oooli I bet you never have to worry about lubricating
as you perform fellatio?
Primatart: ick
oooolijay: no
CordialCactus: ooli, you're killing me
BobsurAuntTom: My wife does it.
oooolijay: i'm pretty juicy
CordialCactus: in a good way
Alansueton: I bet you make beat boxing sounds because of all
the slobber
CordialCactus: ok, you're tall, what size shoes do you wear?
WildCIAagent: Oooo, you told meeeeeeeee that it was snot, not drool.
BobsurAuntTom: So Oooli, when you kiss does the guy need a dental dam?
Let's Get Lame:
BobsurAuntTom: I can't believe how lame AOL is.
oooolijay: this isn't even aol at it's lamest, bob
CordialCactus: im feeling a creeping lame sensation, myself
Filling the Godwit Void:
AnonyMitch: this guy who played nixon in the movie is waxing
philosophical on the charlie rose show. and he sounds somewhat
like a sleepy, possibly slightly inebriated chatter.
Overheard in Our Bedrooms:
oooolijay: omgomgomg
Anais3233: "fock me like you hate me!!!"
Fleurdelochi: >snortlaff<
WildCIAagent: hahahahasnort
AnonyMitch: we run all over the jungle trying to avoid the lion and
still end up in its mouth.
Too Excited to Type:
Bbrolia: I just put some bracoli in the micro....boiled some linguini
...mixed them together with some maranara sauce, garlic ind some
shrooms.
Goose Bumps are Hot:
Anais3233: IT'S 54 degrees in my bedroom right now
Newbie Auditions:
Susiq2S: I made some veggie chili...
Susiq2S: it's very good
Conspiracy Theory:
Alansueton: The birds that took out the US Airways Plane and made
it land in the Hudson were Muslims!
Alansueton: FOXNews has just reported
Alansueton: A group suicide attack on a plane by Muslim
indoctrinated pigeons! How dastardly!
Alansueton: What's next?
EUPHORICHATE: i would have figured it would have been hard to
spot the turbans
Alansueton: Witness's claim they flew into the Engines with an arc
that formed a Crescent
Alansueton: Obvious
Alansueton: The Birds last calls were "Allahu Akbar!"
EUPHORICHATE: and they were screaming "alalalalalalalalalalalalalala"
Alansueton: ringing over the cold Hudson
Lamumsie: yes not much warmer for a while yet, Bb
Boulshevit: So, do they get to spend eternity with 70 virgin
unlucky pigeons?
Bbrolia: I think the polar bears are to blame...... They arnt eating
enough seals and the seals are eating too much sea weed. Thats
causing a change in the climate,
Alansueton: Boul I don't know if Koranic laws includes Pigeons
Alansueton: Hold on Let me check my Sha'ria Law Guidebook
Alansueton: Nope Pigeons are cited as being "Rats with Rings"
Alansueton: They died for the cause only
EUPHORICHATE: my face hurts from laughing. i neve knew people
online could get me laughing like this
Bbrolia: Alfred Hitchcock must share some of the blame?!!
Boulshevit: What a waste
Alansueton: A lone pigeon flew into the NY Times building and left
a message claiming responsibility
Graduating From Britney:
BobsurAuntTom: I watched some of that Britney Spears show on
TV at the gym.
BobsurAuntTom: I would have preferred to just watch the woman
directly to my left.
Tell Me All Your Thoughts on God:
Jam7604801: i didn't know anyone could die by a visitation of god
oooolijay: if god visited me, i'm pretty sure i'd die
oooolijay: i'd at least be pretty damned embarrassed
CordialCactus: ha
Tem o Bedlam: Depends on which God...
BinxB91: If God visited me, I'd probably ask some dumb question ...
oooolijay: i stopped believing in god and santa clause right around
the same time
CordialCactus: i used to worry that my guardian angels would hang
out in the bathroom with me, or catch me picking my nose or
something
oooolijay: so i'd be screwed
CordialCactus: ah
Tem o Bedlam: You're God? Nice shoes.
"the truck is Eleanor"
CordialCactus: my son just fell in love with the name juniper from a book
oooolijay: juniper is very cute
BinxB91: Juniper is a fun name
CordialCactus: he was going to name his truck juniper, then changed his
mind to save it for a future child
CordialCactus: the truck is Eleanor
Binx's Box:
BinxB91: when I was in college and used to have a mail box which
rarely ever had any mail in it. I used to pretend there was a
post card there and read it to myself. It said:
BinxB91: "Dear Neil, I love you!"
BinxB91: and i'd be so pleased
oooolijay: that's really weird, binx. love, julie
KissMyAsterix: is your name neil
BinxB91: Yes, I am Neil
KissMyAsterix: (it'd be weirder if his name wasn't neil)
John Waters and Me:
BobsurAuntTom: John Waters is creepy
oooolijay: it's the moustache, bob
oooolijay: at least
BobsurAuntTom: No, it's him.
BobsurAuntTom: He's just creepy.
oooolijay: the moustache doesn't help
BobsurAuntTom: The mustache is just stupid
BobsurAuntTom: I used to get Christmas cards from him.
BobsurAuntTom: But, that's not why I got the cards.
oooolijay: okay
oooolijay: why
BobsurAuntTom: I knew him in a somewhat professional manner, so
to speak.
oooolijay: really?
BobsurAuntTom: He did have some damn nice Christmas cards
BobsurAuntTom: Yeah..
oooolijay: why did you get cards from him?
BobsurAuntTom: He's an artist
BobsurAuntTom: On Christmas thing he sent was a tree ornament
BobsurAuntTom: It was a globe... small, plastic globe with a
cockroach in it.
KatyTried Rule:Always Close on a Positive Note:
oooolijay: i'm eating a banana
BookShelf as Toxic Waste Site:
oooolijay: my god we have a lot of AL spillover
Inaugural Thoughts:
AnnAsphodel: I do love Aretha's hat
CordialCactus: i said this earlier, but want to say it again,
Cheney in his wheelchair looked just like Mr Potter from
Its a Wonderful Life
Doc Whew: obama should make the oreo the national cookie
Onimesh: I am going to miss bush because there is not going to
be bush jokes anymore
AnGeLEyZ1617: ...obama seems so serious and unapproachable...of
course I will never talk to him but I think it helps to have a
pres you can relate to/feel comfy with
Alansueton: the Arizona Cardinals are in the Superbowl wow
Change indeed this Inauguaral is getting scary like
Nuremberg and Triumph of the Will
The Simon Cowell of BookShelf:
oooolijay: who the fuck are these people?
Another Missed Connection:
Prospect26: night room...sorry we did not talk,
Condensed Haiku:
DoomGrl: dont bats bite?
A Woman of Various Appetites:
Anais3233: i'm good! just made chili cheese fries, then brownies
with peanut butter chocolate chips in them and then banana bread..
Table for One:
Tom Brite: i love to dine alone
Planning for the Dry Years:
BobsurAuntTom: I'm crying proactively
He Can Dish It Out but ...:
Alansueton: I am very protective of Culture Club lyrics
oooolijay: that's only because you resemble boy george, alan
Alansueton: no I do not
oooolijay: he's a body double in the videos
oooolijay: or when he's picking up male prostitutes
Alansueton: oooli you are not funny
oooolijay: i'm a little funny
Self-Awareness:
AnnAsphodel: I'm sometimes a witty drunk, at least to myself.
Try Sending it to Switzerland then:
BobsurAuntTom: I just sent a watch back to Germany today.
I don't think I'm ever satisfied.
A Little Bit:
BobsurAuntTom: I'll admit it... I think Binx is a bit of an ass.
Perhaps he's a nice ass.. and a good guy. I just think he's a
bit of an ass.
Alan & Julie, Episode 18:
Alansueton: We were talking about Droooolijay And how she'd be
a great polisher of nobs
oooolijay: i would have spelled that with a k
A MidSummers(Eve L) Night Dream:
Summers Eve L: One time. Coming down these steep mountains in
North Carolina on the way home from Nantahala.
Summers Eve L: I was puking every so often. Because the night
before I drank a bottle of champagne all to myself.
Summers Eve L: Anywho.
Summers Eve L: We get to the bottom and stop at a gas station.
Where I couldn't make it in. I just opened the door and hurled
in the parking lot.
Alansueton: careful ooooli is a sympathy puker
AnonyMitch: ack. sweet tasting vomit. what a terrible thought.
oooolijay: oh god anony
Summers Eve L: I look up and there is, no lie, a midget dressed
like a cowboy looking at ME like *I* am crazy.
oooolijay: he musta forgot he was a cowboy midget
Summers Eve L: I said "What?!"
oooolijay: there used to be a cowboy midget who walked around
my neighborhood in cali
Alansueton: it would've been funny if he said "Howdy pardner."
Summers Eve L: No. He never said anything.
Summers Eve L: Little bastard.
Summers Eve L: He didn't have to.
NomduSemiLLC: or, What's up, Chuck?
I2DaysInNovember: he was probably trying to hold back from
reflex vomiting
Summers Eve L: His beady little eyes said it all.
oooolijay: that woulda been funny
Alansueton: Midgets are fearlessly inquisitive
Reflections on Summers' Story:
NomduSemiLLC: I have seen serial reflex vomiting----not a pretty sight
Alansueton: can we change the subject
oooolijay: from midgets?
oooolijay: no way
Alansueton: no, puking
I2DaysInNovember: Nom we had seven kids in our family
it was awful
NomduSemiLLC: This was in a class room during AF tech school
CordialCactus: nom.. i will ask you about that sometime
CordialCactus: hey, what year and where were you in tech school?
NomduSemiLLC: Greenville, MS, 1964
NomduSemiLLC: you already have the gist of it, not much more to tell
EmpressZ21: im gonna ask now what set off the vomiting
I2DaysInNovember: champagne
EmpressZ21: and how does an adult not get to a bathroom
oooolijay: while you guys are talking about vomit, i'm gonna take
my grape bowl to the kitchen
NomduSemiLLC: Can we go back to our regular convo of hiding the salami,
felching and queefing now?
Glinda saying Goodbye to the Munchkins:
Sleepy Eyed Evie: i have to go to work
Sleepy Eyed Evie: good night everyone
KissMyAsterix: make lots of money and send for me
Sleepy Eyed Evie: haha ok
Sleepy Eyed Evie: i'll save you a tecate
Sleepy Eyed Evie: in the fridge
KissMyAsterix: ok
AA Birthday Pony: tecate
AA Birthday Pony: boo
AA Birthday Pony: dude, any chick beer drinkers?
AA Birthday Pony: i found the best chick import beer ever.
AA Birthday Pony: crap, now i can't remember the name.
AnonyMitch: pony boy is really toning up the room. and i, for one,
am grateful.
Summers Spa:
Summers Eve L: I just completed stage one of my spa night.
CordialCactus: what was stage one?
Alansueton: ooooli you an athlete too?
Summers Eve L: Hot bath, scrub, shave legs, glass of wine, candles,
read a book in my bubble bath.
Summers Eve L: Or some of a book.
Summers Eve L: You get me.
oooolijay: well, not the world class athelete you are, alan
CordialCactus: wow, whats stage two
Summers Eve L: Facial waxing.
Julie Down:
oooolijay: but this particular injury happened when i stepped
off a curb onto broken asphalt
Alansueton: in heels?
Summers Eve L: Hooker heels, Oli?
oooolijay: no
oooolijay: tennies
oooolijay: just hit it wrong
Summers Eve L: Oh. Well hooker heels are always my excuse.
oooolijay: it was at a art fair
Alansueton: you're fragile
CordialCactus: did you end up eating asphalt in public?
oooolijay: yes, cactus
Summers Eve L: I'm a dumbass and I go trotting around at the
grocery in my heels.
Alansueton: Summers because you're looking for men
Tammynet: pick up on aisle 3
Summers Eve L: Right. At the grocery. Because that's where we all
go when we are on a manhunt.
oooolijay: i went down on my right knee, but my left ankle was hurt
oooolijay: so i couldnt' stand up
Summers Eve L: Did someone help you?
oooolijay: i couldn't put any weight on my left ankle, so i just
had to sit there like that
Summers Eve L: Did you squirt some big ol' tears?
Alansueton: ooooli you are a whimp
oooolijay: all these people just walked around me
oooolijay: and dig this
oooolijay: a freakin clown stopped juggling to come help me
AnonyMitch: summers...i'm sure it doesn't look like a dumb one.
i can easily imagine you walking slowly down the frozen dairy aisle.
Summers Eve L: Yes, Alan. I get the general concept.
CordialCactus: aw
oooolijay: i know
CordialCactus: wait.. dont you hate clowns?
oooolijay: not that one
Alansueton: I played one half of a basketball game with a sprained
ankle by the end of the game it had swollen to the size of a melon
Summers Eve L: haha a clown
oooolijay: he was more of a street performer
oooolijay: but he was a clown and doing balloon animals too
Evie's Game:
Sleepy Eyed Evie: i think we should just add the phrase "in bed"
to everything we type in chat rooms
CordialCactus: ok
Sleepy Eyed Evie: that would spice things up. um, in bed.
Boulshevit: That works for me in bed, Evie
BobsurAuntTom: What use it is to have a cell phone with no
working charger?
BobsurAuntTom: I ask of you?
CordialCactus: Evie, you are full of clever ideas, in bed
Sleepy Eyed Evie: see!
Boulshevit: I have to go pee in bed
BobsurAuntTom: Amazing... my fucking cell phone charger decides
to stop working.
BobsurAuntTom: Aint life grand?
Melodramamama22: in bed?
CordialCactus: aw, im sorry, in bed
I2DaysInNovember: I am so glad you all are here to chat with me
I2DaysInNovember: in bed
CordialCactus: Hiya Nov, Whats shakin? in bed
I2DaysInNovember: Hi Cactus! : ) everything inbed
Boulshevit: I couldn't sleep last night in bed
Sleepy Eyed Evie: ok maybe that was a bad idea. now nobody is
talking in bed
CordialCactus: im afraid to say something really perverted in bed
Tom Brite: brb going to go eat a muffin, in bed
Boulshevit: What's different about now, Cord in bed?
CordialCactus: bouls, im confused.. in bed
KissMyAsterix: maybe we could start the sentences with in bed
Sleepy Eyed Evie: damn. they took off tennis and put on basketball
Sleepy Eyed Evie: in bed
Tom Brite: i would like to see creepie loner, in bed
CordialCactus: tom.. TOM! i thought you were new here, in bed
KissMyAsterix: no way tom is new
Boulshevit: In bed?
CordialCactus: its agreeing with you, i am, in bed
CordialCactus: lol bouls
WildCIAagent: Back with hot tea
CordialCactus: in bed
KissMyAsterix: or out of it
CordialCactus: tom could be onion after a severe head injury
CordialCactus: in bed
Garlic Dreams:
CordialCactus: lobster sauce or garlic sauce?
Boulshevit: Garlic sauce
KissMyAsterix: vodka sauce?
EmpressZ21: garlic
Sleepy Eyed Evie: too bad, i like Chocolatenazi
KissMyAsterix: what is it
CordialCactus: 2 for garlic.. cool.. I ordered shrimp with
garlic sauce, rangoon, and egg rolls
CordialCactus: i was torn between the two
Sleepy Eyed Evie: garlic gives you weird dreams
Sleepy Eyed Evie: if you eat too much late at night
CordialCactus: i like weird dreams
Sleepy Eyed Evie: usually weird dreams involving Larry King
KissMyAsterix: larry king?
Sleepy Eyed Evie: and 'garlique'
Sleepy Eyed Evie: ok i'm joking about the Larry King part. but
garlic really does give me weird dreams. either that or i'm
just insane
KissMyAsterix: let me think about that one
Boulshevit: Maybe garlic makes you insane
CordialCactus: ice cream before bed makes me have weird dreams
Sleepy Eyed Evie: but garlic makes me think of Larry King because
he's always talking about that "garlique" stuff
KissMyAsterix: actually retracting the larry king thing, makes
you a little more sane.
Alansueton: Sleepy are you a Vampire?
Sleepy Eyed Evie: Alan: no, i'm a pirate
That Reminds Me:
Sleepy Eyed Evie: and that reminded you of me?
Alansueton: about leeches that crawl up your nose
Sleepy Eyed Evie: what is gris-gris, cc?
CordialCactus: yuck
CordialCactus: i think its a voodoo thing
Alansueton: and the danger of Tics and people almost dying
I don't know what gris gris other than en francais grey-grey
KissMyAsterix: a voodoo thing?
CordialCactus: a voodoo talisman or charm
Boulshevit: Oh, I thought you said boo boo
KissMyAsterix: ok I'm confusing gris gris with leeches
and tics now
Sleepy Eyed Evie: i'm somehow imagining lesbian mormons discussing
gris-gris and leeches on larry king
Fortune Cookies (in bed):
CordialCactus: i need some fortune cookie ground rules
Sleepy Eyed Evie: you are supposed to read your fortune to the
person across the table from you and add the words "in bed" to
the end of it
KissMyAsterix: "you will be admired by many" in bed
BobsurAuntTom: You'll be desired by everyone you have no desire
to be with.
Sleepy Eyed Evie: oh wait that wasnt a fortune
BobsurAuntTom: You'll be wanted for everything but your body
Saving Lives:
Anais3233: i hate driving all the way to campus for just one class
KissMyAsterix: what class anais
Anais3233: anatomy
CordialCactus: how far?
Anais3233: twenty minutes
Anais3233: not too bad
KissMyAsterix: won't it be twenty minutes alone
KissMyAsterix: there
KissMyAsterix: and twenty minutes alone back
Anais3233: yeah
CordialCactus: is education tax deductable?
KissMyAsterix: and maybe a stop off at starbucks or something
SteveIzHere7: you get lonely in 20 minutes?
Anais3233: interest on students loans are tax deductible
SteveIzHere7: big whoopdie doo
oooolijay: no it's a good alone steve
KissMyAsterix: are you insane
KissMyAsterix: she has kids
KissMyAsterix: twenty minutes can save lives
oooolijay: it's precious alone time
KissMyAsterix: forty can save two
["Well, you decided your fate," sighed the young man,
weighing each word. "So you had better know the
consequences of your actions. During the coma brought on
by the pills you took, your heart was irreversibly damaged.
There was a necrosis of the ventricle ---"
"Put it in layman's terms," said the older man. "Get
straight to the point."
"Your heart is irreversibly damaged, and soon it will stop
beating altogether."
"What does that mean?" she asked, frightened.
"If your heart stops beating, that means only one thing,
death. I don't know what your religious beliefs are, but ---"
"When will my heart stop beating?" asked Veronika,
interrupting him.
"Within five days, a week at most."
Veronika realized that behind his professional appearance
and behavior, behind the concerned manner, the young man
was taking immense pleasure in what he was saying, as if
she deserved the punishment and would serve as an example
to all the others.
During her life Veronika had noticed that a lot of people
she knew would talk about the horrors in other people's
lives as if they were genuinely trying to help them, but
the truth was that they took pleasure in the suffering of
others, because that made them believe that they were
happy and that life had been generous with them. She
hated that kind of person, and she wasn't going to give
the young man an opportunity to take advantage of her
state in order to mask his own frustrations.
She kept her eyes fixed on his and, smiling, said: "So
I succeeded, then."
"Yes," came the reply. But any pleasure he had taken in
giving her the tragic news had vanished.]
Animation Review:
Anais3233: you know, for a computer animated princess, fiona has
some saggy tits
Excitement by the Numbers:
oooolijay: i like fives and times you can read backwards...such
as 11:11 or 12:21
oooolijay: when it's 11:11 on 11/11/11 i'm going to pass out from
all the excitement
E-nailing Cactus:
CordialCactus: haha
CordialCactus: i cant breath
CordialCactus: e
CordialCactus: omgosh,
CordialCactus: thank you binx
CordialCactus: that was better than sex
CordialCactus: well
oooolijay: um
CordialCactus: better than some sex
In Bed?:
oooolijay: i say fancy shmancy!
Because They Didn't Fire?:
CordialCactus: like dueling banjos, which we all know is a misnomer
Still Waiting on the Emmy:
Rafo65: Al Gore and G.B. Shaw are the only two people ever to have
won both an Oscar and a Nobel Prize
For Best Alliteration in a Supporting Role:
BletheringMan: The best seductive dance scene was Selma Hayek in
Dust to Dawn
CordialCactus: she's cute in a smirky swarthy way
Based on Experience?:
SteveIzHere7: being nice all the time gets annoying
Two-sided Advice:
BletheringMan: I can hear the music and see her dancing with the
snake in my mind's eye
CordialCactus: blethering, get a hold of yourself man
CordialCactus: wait wait.. disregard that
Lazers Can Be Like That:
BletheringMan: The scene where he is looking a Catherine's tight
butt slipping under the lazer beams was priceless
Author's Lounge Refugee?:
JOKER777773: Stallone bought the movie rights to my last book. wants
to star, direct, write the screenplay
AnGeLEyZ1617: joker you write book?
JOKER777773: yeah, Angel. i have nine bestsellers
JOKER777773: 3 NY times bestsellers. doing okay in the biz
AnGeLEyZ1617: thats cool...what are they called if you don't mind me asking?
JOKER777773: sure, ANGEL. RORA is my best book. you can google it.
Son of a Pun:
MsVictoriaLynn1: No mitch, those big buildings are sitting on
the biggest H shaped steel columns driven to bedrock you have
ever seen, most of Manhattan is called Manhattan Schist, a
type of granite
Mentros: Never take any schist for granite
MsVictoriaLynn1: Hey Mentros... Schist Happens
My Little Runaway:
SteveIzHere7: I knew a gal from Yakima.
SteveIzHere7: met her in New Orleans
St Helens Day Story:
BletheringMan: Mt St Helens ... yes but no one pays attention for
the next 125 years
BletheringMan: I was watching Fiddler On The Roof the night before
it blew
BletheringMan: That next morning I went out for breakfast
BletheringMan: but didn't have any cash for the restaurant
BletheringMan: So I went to a local supermarket to cash a check
BletheringMan: When i ask to cash the check the wide-eyed cashier
said
BletheringMan: "Do you know what happened?"
BletheringMan: ash cloud I said I heard that the mountain blew
another ash cloud
BletheringMan: No she said the whole mountain blew up
BletheringMan: I had asked her to cash a check for $20 when she
told me that
BletheringMan: I said in that case make it for a $1000 bucks
Apropos of Nothing:
AnnAsphodel: I especially enjoy the Mormon Space Doctrine
Onimesh: I like amish life style
Onimesh: I think they do have a point
CordialCactus: you dont mind crimes commited with icicles do you?
Bible Study:
JOKER777773: "Do not loudly bless your neighbor in the morning,
for to him it will seem as a curse."
JOKER777773: Meaning, when someone is just waking up, don't
go "GOOD MORNING!"
JOKER777773: shit. give him a chance to wake up
Homemade Electolytes:
CordialCactus: ive tried the homemade electrolyte solution, they
like that a little more than the pedialyte, but i feel like
something is missing
CordialCactus: but, it's wet
Funeral Reflections:
oooolijay: i've laughed at a funeral before!'
oooolijay: omg
oooolijay: my grandmother's
AnonyMitch: oh, god. i once hit on a girl at her mother's funeral.
AnonyMitch: it was an accident. honest.
oooolijay: i always act appropriately at funerals
oooolijay: except for the laughing
Cat Sports:
EmpressZ21: we have juggled the cat
oooolijay: throwing the cats wouldn't be as bad as catching the cats
Sarah Palin?:
LEELOULOLLIPOP: Anony, yep, for sure....I plan to be a Spirit Guide
in my next life serving God! and helping lost souls on earth with
out having the luxury of actually living on Earth, but a much more
beautiful, crime, disease, war free world!
AnonyMitch: LeeLou...good luck on that.
What Are You Wearing?
EmpressZ21: a crown
EmpressZ21: and a smile
Blondestar86: uh stewie pj's
CordialCactus: two pairs of socks, sweatshirt and wifebeater
CordialCactus: and polartec happy pants
CordialCactus: which, i now know are made out of recycled plastic
Don't Underestimate Yourself:
CordialCactus: i just realized how inadvertently clever that was
End of the Bush-Onion Era:
CordialCactus: i like that tom comes here, sort of a surragate
replacement for our absent strange personalities
CordialCactus: surrogate
KissMyAsterix: he can't replace onion
Jam7604801: you guys should have met nagual4a
Tammynet: no one can replace Onion
KissMyAsterix: no
CordialCactus: he cant replace them, no.. but he can add that
weirdness aura
Jam7604801: nag made onion look bad
Tammynet: Onion is the one who got me to come here...he told me too
KissMyAsterix: no one makes onion look bad
KissMyAsterix: me too tammy
Jam7604801: trust me nag did
KissMyAsterix: well he's the reason I came back
oooolijay: i adore onion
KissMyAsterix: it's not even possible jam, I miss onion
oooolijay: i miss him coming here
Jam7604801: and the funny thing about nag he truely believed
what he said
CordialCactus: some people just dont get onion.. i lurve him
Tammynet: he use to hang out in thinkers..then i left for a
couple of years and soon as i came back he told me about the shelf
KissMyAsterix: that's part of his charm cactus
Jam7604801: the first bush election for instance
Tammynet: exactly dino
oooolijay: onion is brilliant
KissMyAsterix: he really is
KissMyAsterix: amazingly so
oooolijay: yes
Jam7604801: he would not stop saying how bush cheated and on
and on for four freaking years
KissMyAsterix: he's like pinky and the brain, all rolled into one
Jam7604801: just dawned on me i been coming here for nine years
[Their casualties were high, but they could easily have been
worse. Someone later told Vaughn West that when Beahler saw
the list of names he wept, and later someone back at Battalion,
filled with a dumb macho spirit, made a condescending remark
about what kind of company commander broke down and cried, but
West thought when you lost that many men in battle, maybe you
should cry.]
Jam's Joke:
Jam7604801: A blond goes into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender
says "Anheuiser-Bush".
The Blonde replies "Why it's just dandy. Thank you so much for asking.
Hows your cock?".
Binx's Joke
BinxB91: A pirate walks into a bar with the ship's steering wheel
hanging from his penis.
BinxB91: The stunned bartender asks, "do you realize the ship's
steering wheel is hanging from your penis?"
BinxB91: "Aye", answers the pirate, "it's driving me nuts."
AnonyMitch: binx..."ba da boom!"
MsVictoriaLynn1: Oh christ Binx
Tammynet: haha binx
Zenchef2006: binx, i think that punchline is a phallusy
Her Woman Bowl:
WildCIAagent: Emmm I ate my oats in my WOMAN bowl.
CordialCactus: your woman bowl?
JadedDremer: woman bowl?
JadedDremer: wtf is that?
CordialCactus: is it shaped like a boob?
Alansueton: a woman's bowl, big enough for a man, but made
for a woman
CordialCactus: cia, type faster
WildCIAagent: My sis gave me an I AM WOMAN bowl... YOu are
StRONG invinclible You can do anything
CordialCactus: ah
WildCIAagent: I once caught my man with it!
WildCIAagent: I was like.... HELLOOOOOOO
WildCIAagent: I just killed a spider.
WildCIAagent: That bowl makes one powerful!
CordialCactus: cia, put the spider outside
CordialCactus: i double dog dare you
You're Suppose to Look Into Her EYES:
Tallthinjones: i had a girlfriend once with size ten feet and
it was a big turnoff
After All These Years!!:
CordialCactus: no way
ThePaIeRlDER: hillary!
CordialCactus: Hillary!
Is She Weird 55: so i hear you miss me
MsVictoriaLynn1: Hi Hillary
ThePaIeRlDER: yup
KissMyAsterix: hillary!
WildCIAagent: Hi Weird is she
Is She Weird 55: hello everyone
Tallthinjones: does anyone buy online shoes?
Catpower777: how is college, Hillary?
LadyQuasi: Hello Weird
Is She Weird 55: guess what? i'm poor
Rider I:
AnonyMitch: i know a woman who is the granddaughter of one of
Stalin's architects. (building architecture)
ThePaIeRlDER: is she hot?
Rider II:
Melodramamama22: you know who kelly osborne looks like?
Melodramamama22: the campbell's soup girl come to life right
offa the can
ThePaIeRlDER: id do kelly
Rider III:
Susiq2S: I like this room..it's calm and interesting
ThePaIeRlDER: susi do you webcam too/
Her Boss is a Chat Nerd:
Melodramamama22: my boss said on the phone the other day to someone,
this exact thing...
Melodramamama22: "i mean, double you tee eff?"
Book Recommendation:
EmpressZ21: anyone that has anything by jen lancaster know it
Funny ha ha?:
Melodramamama22: i read a hugely funny made up thing that someone posted
on craigslist about having done ann coulter in the arse
But You Look Good in White:
JadedDremer: but it's not just blonde. i have streaks of grey, like the
bride of frankenstein
Alan & Julie - Drooling Banjos:
AnonyMitch: prim tart...that was Your drool? i wish i had known.
i would have saved the pillow from being washed.
oooolijay: i drool
oooolijay: i'm not proud of it
WildCIAagent: I don't drool
BobsurAuntTom: I like droolers.
oooolijay: but i can't help it
Primatart: battery acid drool
AnonyMitch: prim tart...ha.
WildCIAagent: I don't sleep with my mouth open.
BobsurAuntTom: I don't know why... I don't really love sloopy
kissers.. but an occassional drool is very sweet.
AnonyMitch: oooli...why do you think you drool in your sleep?
BobsurAuntTom: When you get too excited to remember to swallow.
oooolijay: sinuses is my guess, anony
Alansueton: Hey ma! Wanna meet my Fiancee? She drools and has
big feet! She also likes guns and is a sympathy puker!
oooolijay: yes, omg
Primatart: im sorry an out of control sloppy kisser is so not
gonna get kissed again by me
AnonyMitch: oooli...hmmm. so you have a lot of sinus problems?
WildCIAagent: Some have nasal problems and they sleep with
their mouths open.
oooolijay: bob, i've drooled wide awake talking to peopole
CordialCactus: bob, sometimes you say the sweetest things
BobsurAuntTom: That's what I mean Oooli. I like that.
Alansueton: Oooli are you a tard?
BobsurAuntTom: I find it extremely endearing
oooolijay: you'd think, alan
oooolijay: but no
oooolijay: sometimes i suck it back in
Alansueton: I like sloppy kissers
oooolijay: as if no one notices
oooolijay: hahaha
oooolijay: my ex used to make fun of me for that
Primatart: really you like a sloppy kisser?
Alansueton: oooli I bet you never have to worry about lubricating
as you perform fellatio?
Primatart: ick
oooolijay: no
CordialCactus: ooli, you're killing me
BobsurAuntTom: My wife does it.
oooolijay: i'm pretty juicy
CordialCactus: in a good way
Alansueton: I bet you make beat boxing sounds because of all
the slobber
CordialCactus: ok, you're tall, what size shoes do you wear?
WildCIAagent: Oooo, you told meeeeeeeee that it was snot, not drool.
BobsurAuntTom: So Oooli, when you kiss does the guy need a dental dam?
Let's Get Lame:
BobsurAuntTom: I can't believe how lame AOL is.
oooolijay: this isn't even aol at it's lamest, bob
CordialCactus: im feeling a creeping lame sensation, myself
Filling the Godwit Void:
AnonyMitch: this guy who played nixon in the movie is waxing
philosophical on the charlie rose show. and he sounds somewhat
like a sleepy, possibly slightly inebriated chatter.
Overheard in Our Bedrooms:
oooolijay: omgomgomg
Anais3233: "fock me like you hate me!!!"
Fleurdelochi: >snortlaff<
WildCIAagent: hahahahasnort
AnonyMitch: we run all over the jungle trying to avoid the lion and
still end up in its mouth.
Too Excited to Type:
Bbrolia: I just put some bracoli in the micro....boiled some linguini
...mixed them together with some maranara sauce, garlic ind some
shrooms.
Goose Bumps are Hot:
Anais3233: IT'S 54 degrees in my bedroom right now
Newbie Auditions:
Susiq2S: I made some veggie chili...
Susiq2S: it's very good
Conspiracy Theory:
Alansueton: The birds that took out the US Airways Plane and made
it land in the Hudson were Muslims!
Alansueton: FOXNews has just reported
Alansueton: A group suicide attack on a plane by Muslim
indoctrinated pigeons! How dastardly!
Alansueton: What's next?
EUPHORICHATE: i would have figured it would have been hard to
spot the turbans
Alansueton: Witness's claim they flew into the Engines with an arc
that formed a Crescent
Alansueton: Obvious
Alansueton: The Birds last calls were "Allahu Akbar!"
EUPHORICHATE: and they were screaming "alalalalalalalalalalalalalala"
Alansueton: ringing over the cold Hudson
Lamumsie: yes not much warmer for a while yet, Bb
Boulshevit: So, do they get to spend eternity with 70 virgin
unlucky pigeons?
Bbrolia: I think the polar bears are to blame...... They arnt eating
enough seals and the seals are eating too much sea weed. Thats
causing a change in the climate,
Alansueton: Boul I don't know if Koranic laws includes Pigeons
Alansueton: Hold on Let me check my Sha'ria Law Guidebook
Alansueton: Nope Pigeons are cited as being "Rats with Rings"
Alansueton: They died for the cause only
EUPHORICHATE: my face hurts from laughing. i neve knew people
online could get me laughing like this
Bbrolia: Alfred Hitchcock must share some of the blame?!!
Boulshevit: What a waste
Alansueton: A lone pigeon flew into the NY Times building and left
a message claiming responsibility
Graduating From Britney:
BobsurAuntTom: I watched some of that Britney Spears show on
TV at the gym.
BobsurAuntTom: I would have preferred to just watch the woman
directly to my left.
Tell Me All Your Thoughts on God:
Jam7604801: i didn't know anyone could die by a visitation of god
oooolijay: if god visited me, i'm pretty sure i'd die
oooolijay: i'd at least be pretty damned embarrassed
CordialCactus: ha
Tem o Bedlam: Depends on which God...
BinxB91: If God visited me, I'd probably ask some dumb question ...
oooolijay: i stopped believing in god and santa clause right around
the same time
CordialCactus: i used to worry that my guardian angels would hang
out in the bathroom with me, or catch me picking my nose or
something
oooolijay: so i'd be screwed
CordialCactus: ah
Tem o Bedlam: You're God? Nice shoes.
"the truck is Eleanor"
CordialCactus: my son just fell in love with the name juniper from a book
oooolijay: juniper is very cute
BinxB91: Juniper is a fun name
CordialCactus: he was going to name his truck juniper, then changed his
mind to save it for a future child
CordialCactus: the truck is Eleanor
Binx's Box:
BinxB91: when I was in college and used to have a mail box which
rarely ever had any mail in it. I used to pretend there was a
post card there and read it to myself. It said:
BinxB91: "Dear Neil, I love you!"
BinxB91: and i'd be so pleased
oooolijay: that's really weird, binx. love, julie
KissMyAsterix: is your name neil
BinxB91: Yes, I am Neil
KissMyAsterix: (it'd be weirder if his name wasn't neil)
John Waters and Me:
BobsurAuntTom: John Waters is creepy
oooolijay: it's the moustache, bob
oooolijay: at least
BobsurAuntTom: No, it's him.
BobsurAuntTom: He's just creepy.
oooolijay: the moustache doesn't help
BobsurAuntTom: The mustache is just stupid
BobsurAuntTom: I used to get Christmas cards from him.
BobsurAuntTom: But, that's not why I got the cards.
oooolijay: okay
oooolijay: why
BobsurAuntTom: I knew him in a somewhat professional manner, so
to speak.
oooolijay: really?
BobsurAuntTom: He did have some damn nice Christmas cards
BobsurAuntTom: Yeah..
oooolijay: why did you get cards from him?
BobsurAuntTom: He's an artist
BobsurAuntTom: On Christmas thing he sent was a tree ornament
BobsurAuntTom: It was a globe... small, plastic globe with a
cockroach in it.
KatyTried Rule:Always Close on a Positive Note:
oooolijay: i'm eating a banana
posted by KatyTried | 1:37 PM
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