DoomGrl Out of the Closet


Oh Boy!!:
VioletDeliriums: i cant wait to see what the onion does


Well-Adjusted Daughter:
HollyGoI23: my father once told me to go out and fuck because
that was how to make friends.
mourning bread: Did you take his advice.
HollyGoI23: no I shot him
HollyGoI23: in my mind

No Room For Skeltons:
DoomGrl: my dad has almost 2000 record albums stored in the
hall closet


Out-of-Context Blues:

Im2charming: I RATHER SIT AROUND WITH THE BEER AND SMILE AND FART

Toujourspc: it is so odd how something mundane like a bubble
blower or a sewing machine can make you filthy filthy rich

raven of rapha: When I was young my father wroked for the government.

W4p25m25: i still think they'll have football on Mars someday

Gleam1946: Are we not Devo?


Hey, I'm there!:
niontron8: a soft violin song, played live:niontron.com/onekrat.mp3

Goes right to his head:
Melodramamama22: damn. i lol'd alan

Doesn't Work With "Vero":
Melodramamama22: i like it when people say "boca" all nonchalantly

But 'ha ha ha':
quiet scientist: i don't mean to laugh at arthritis or anything

Would you like them on a train, or in the rain?:
ManiacEyeball: i hate 'jokes', i prefer spontaneous humor


Who Loves Ya Baby?:
Melodramamama22: binx, i went to see paranormal activity at the weekend
BlackHeartedCur: I would respond to that, because I'm interested in
that movie, but the comment was directed only at Binx
Melodramamama22: oh.
BlackHeartedCur: So I'll just sit here and drum my fingers on the table
Melodramamama22: cur, i went to see paranormal activity at the weekend.
BlackHeartedCur: Oh, really? How was it?
Melodramamama22: skeery!

IT'S NOT OVER YET!!:
Melodramamama22: i was skeert. i asked this, approx 43 times:
NOW what are they doing?
Melodramamama22: cause i didn't watch a lot of it
BlackHeartedCur: You must have been annoying to watch the movie with
Melodramamama22: yes, hugely annoying
Melodramamama22: but i'm worth it
Melodramamama22: i watched none of the end, and everyone was still
gasping and i was hollering HOW DID IT END?!

What else is scary?:
Melodramamama22: actually i like baseball, but i don't like to watch
it alone


Dance Discussion:
Alansueton: of course not Maniac you should do "The Petulant Child"
ballet and free style your inability to convey your secret to us
ManiacEyeball: i didn't say free style.
ManiacEyeball: you're retarded.
ManiacEyeball: you don't know anything about dance, apparently
BlackHeartedCur: When people decided to break out of the rules of
ballet, it became another kind of dance

Snob Baiting:
ManiacEyeball: arguing about ballet, when you probably couldn't
even describe what a brise-vole is.
Melodramamama22: brise vole sounds like some pickled rodent meat
DoomGrl: its like dancing about architcture
ManiacEyeball: i know, its missing the accent
Toujourspc: brise vole sounds like a jewish rat
Alansueton: brise marine Sea Breeze brise is a breeze wind


What Are You Wearing:
BlackHeartedCur: Jeans and a t-shirt

So Is Brokeback Mountain but ...:
DoomGrl: tits up in a ditch is an annie proulx story

Cue Cards:
Toujourspc: Patient writes for Dave Letterman
PatientOnionSF: i pick out the interns too
Melodramamama22: did he write the part when letterman said "oh fuck"


Uncertain Geography:
Toujourspc: I never realized Wisconsin was so close to Pa until I
got a map for my grand daughter


Beginning the CreepyLoner Quest:
DoomGrl: whats that nice city in Ohio?

Sex With Jeff:
quiet scientist: my roommate is having sex and yelling "nick!"
quiet scientist: this is awkward

Bubble Burster:
raven of rapha: My father is the remote for Howard H.
raven of rapha: At one time the wealthiest man in the world.
raven of rapha: He designed the Cia.
quiet scientist: then he spent a month peeing in jars
quiet scientist: what's the moral of that story?

Halloween Dreams:
DoomGrl: qui, what are you going to be for Halloween
quiet scientist: i don't know yet
PatientOnionSF: what were you last year?
DoomGrl: Howard Hughes?
PatientOnionSF: a scientist again?
quiet scientist: but a lady came to our door yesterday asking me
to sign a petition to ban trick or treating at our apartments
quiet scientist: last year i was an angel
quiet scientist: boring i know

[He stood at the table, looking down at the handkerchief case
and stud box, and was afraid. Upstairs was a girl who was a
person. That he loved her seemed unimportant to what she was.
He only loved her, which really made him a lot less than a
friend or an acquaintance. Other people saw her or talked to
her when she was herself, her great, important self. It was
wrong, this idea that you know someone better because you have
shared a bed and a bathroom with her. He knew, and not another
human being knew, that she cried "I" or "high" in moments of
great ecstasy. He knew, he alone knew her when she let herself
go, when she herself was not sure whether she was wildly gay or
wildly sad, but one or the other. But that did not mean that he
knew her. Far from it. It only meant that he was closer to her
when he was close, but (and this was the first time the thought
had come to him) maybe farther away from anyone else when he was
not close. It certainly looked that way now. "Oh, I'm a son of
a bitch," he said.]


DoomGrl Undercover:

DoomGrl: I feel funny with such a big font. wait a minute

DoomGrl: baby can you blow my heart upmaybe i will be Lady Gaga

DoomGrl: I bought 4 coloring books today

DoomGrl: i am drinks beer

DoomGrl: in my tanks top and jean



BookSlut Just Back From Writing Seminar:
erstwhile mots: Gawd, the Redskins suck almost as bad as the Psycho
remake with Anne Heche.

Scandavian Syndromes:
HollyGoI23: isn't there a psychosis that enables you to fall for
your rescuer? like that kidnapping thing...
Catpower777: like the Stockholm Syndrome?
Hadachoke: Copenhagen Syndrome?
Catpower777: Holly, I think with men it's called horny?

The Answer Man:
Gleam1946: Are you at all cognizant? Is the tail now wagging the dog?

Tolerance:
Gleam1946: Obama is a nice guy who just fell in with a real
nefarious crowd

Stream of Consciousness:
HollyGoI23: I have a hard time with some older films
HollyGoI23: ohh and smell good too

Stop listening to AM radio?:
Gleam1946: When the aliens get here and tell us we are all
sub-human what will the liberals say?

Onion Says "obscene":
PatientOnionSF: across the street from where I grew up was built
the very first mall in america, by that scumbag Taubman, then
about 20 years later they covered it, making it even more obscene


Our Better Angels:
AngelGardn:
AngelGardn:
AngelGardn:
AngelGardn:
AngelGardn:
BinxB91: Angel, white font does not work
AngelGardn:
PatientOnionSF: the only murders we have here are drug/gang related
AngelGardn:
AngelGardn:
AngelGardn:
AngelGardn:
AngelGardn:
PatientOnionSF: angel's font is naked just like herself

[The dinner guests stood up and he looked for Caroline. He saw
she was too far away to have it worth making a point of of going
to her. That turned out to be an error of judgement.]

Onion's World:

PatientOnionSF: empress and her tycoon husband are going to visit
thor and ****** in the spring for some kinda orgy

PatientOnionSF: never try to make mashed potatoes in a food processor,
it gives it a pasty unappetizing texture
PatientOnionSF: just mash 'em

PatientOnionSF: i am testing out a pork filling for bitter melon
stuffed w/pork
PatientOnionSF: i have a friend that likes the bitter flavor, I can
live without it

But Only If I Have a Coupon:
DoomGrl: if they have the swine flu vaccine at the super market,
maybe I will get it

The Real End of the Cold War:
BlackHeartedCur: Binx, lets have more of the Eastern Euro-hotties

DoomGrl at 13:
DoomGrl: johnny depp plays all different kinds of people, like
with scissors as hands and stuff
DoomGrl: and the cuban transvestite
DoomGrl: he was sooo pretty in that movie

Blackmailer:
HollyGoI23: ah...my parents were hippies.... I have photos

One Flew in a Taxi, One Saved Time in a Bottle:
DoomGrl: i get harry chapin and jim croce mixed up

Favorite Book Club:
Fubar817: Say what youwill about Vonnegut, you always get a reaction
MyStrat: you have to be in the right mood to read kurt
Fubar817: Stoned is good

I even got the month of May:
Alansueton: methinks Binx is a SteelyDan fan
Beysshoes: binx isn't a fan of anyone bonbon
Beysshoes: mebbe me. but nobody else.


Deciphering Boulshevit:
Boulshevit: Wow, see, that's why I quit driving
Beysshoes: you quit for alcohol boulsy? alcohol is a jealous lover.
Boulshevit: Yeah, no shit, Beys..she was probably a mean drunk
Boulshevit: Nah, I just quit driving
Beysshoes: just? like 2 hours ago?
Boulshevit: Just like 15 minutes ago
SemiLitterate: (his car reposessed)
Beysshoes: aaah. well, its good you're making such a monumental
effort boulsy
Boulshevit: Hey, you know me, trying to give back
Beysshoes: always the philanthropist.

Attack of The Penis Boys:
Beysshoes: sue sue nobody could zoom in on your teenie peenie
so you be safe
PatientOnionSF: "I can't stop touching it. I can't find it.
Please help me"
Alansueton: I know a small penis is an adaptative advantage if you
wish to masturbate in public
Alansueton: I have availed myself of the advantage on numerous occasions
Alansueton: Onion Im not a Deli side order cook
PatientOnionSF: especially at baskin robbins before they close and
all the soccer moms come in
Beysshoes: thanks for sharing suesue

... and that she's not LadyMountainMedic:
Prospect26: hi beys...do you know that i am a woman?
Beysshoes: yes pros i do.
Prospect26: thanks

Newbie With No Promise:
v70mattg: so do people here talk about books?
v70mattg: lol

Piling On Prospect:
Prospect26: I am reading The Story of Edgar Sawtelle.
PatientOnionSF: you have been reading that stupid book since 2002
Hadachoke: pros, you've been reading that for a year
PatientOnionSF: it is one million pages long?
PatientOnionSF: it's like eating a pizza as big as ohio


The Self-effacing Beysshoes:
Hadachoke: Beyss came to my house once... stood in the doorway
and said "Hi, I'm here to give you super sex"
Hadachoke: I said ok, i'll take the soup
Beysshoes: i did not bobby. i only offerred a bj
Beysshoes: don't exaggerate
KissMyAsterix: what are you clinton
KissMyAsterix: that's not sex?

Group Therapy:
SkylerThompson22: why do you two hate your mothers?

Sexual Confusion:
KissMyAsterix: just because you don't want to talk to someone
doesn't mean you hate them
Beysshoes: egg sackly. you can love somebody and not like them ya know
SkylerThompson22: you cant talk to her?
KissMyAsterix: I prefer the term try not to
SkylerThompson22: because shes overbearing?
KissMyAsterix: mine, no
SkylerThompson22: a busybody?
Beysshoes: its rude to probe skyler.
Beysshoes: unless its sexual probing
KissMyAsterix: nah, and honestly it's shrink stuff.. unless you can
write scripts
KissMyAsterix: eww
KissMyAsterix: beys geez
KissMyAsterix: skyler is still questioning his sexuality
Beysshoes: gina you ingrate
Beysshoes: so be a good citizen and hep him.
KissMyAsterix: he's still in denial
Beysshoes: oh skyler. you're in the perfect chat. a lot of
sexual confusion in here.
SkylerThompson22: mom sent me to a therapist
Beysshoes: not now, but when the trannies get here you'll see

Heard It:
SkylerThompson22: the contraction is "clit"
KissMyAsterix: been dying to use that huh


Flirting 2009:
KimberlysCabin09: hes not into trailer trash like me
Boulshevit: Stanley from Three's Company was kind of creepy
KimberlysCabin09: oh yeah boul
PaIeRlDER2: yer trailer trash too kim?
PaIeRlDER2: mmmmmmmmmm intriguing
PaIeRlDER2: Kim, is it just me or are you a tad 'paranoid'?
KimberlysCabin09: are you trailer trash pale?
KimberlysCabin09: at least youre my equal
KimberlysCabin09: tad paranoid
PaIeRlDER2: I live in a house , I am redneck trash
KimberlysCabin09: oh a house... does it have bugs?
PaIeRlDER2: NO
KimberlysCabin09: good i hate bugs
PaIeRlDER2: and i'm a neat freak
KimberlysCabin09: man i got like nine skeeter bites on the deck OUCH
KimberlysCabin09: does mold make you sleepy and clog your nose up?
KimberlysCabin09: good i like neatness too
PaIeRlDER2: Mold will make you ill
KimberlysCabin09: i think this mold might have been contributing
to some of my health problems
PaIeRlDER2: probably kim
KimberlysCabin09: rescue me
KimberlysCabin09: take me outta this dump
PaIeRlDER2: lol
KimberlysCabin09: see i knew you werent serious
PaIeRlDER2: NOT WITHOUT A LOOK SEE FIRST
KimberlysCabin09: you can see when you prove to me who you are
PaIeRlDER2: OK, HOW COULD I PROVE I AM ME?
Hadachoke: go ahead, Pale, send her the dick pic
KimberlysCabin09: send me 25 grand
princessslayah42: stop yelling, Rider
PaIeRlDER2: she said she dont open mail had
KimberlysCabin09: ill send it back i promise :-D


A Chick Magnet:
PatientOnionSF: kman, you smooth talker you, how do you do it?
Kman3x3: id just do
PatientOnionSF: you are irresistible, a CHICK MAGNET
KissMyAsterix: lol onion
KissMyAsterix: you win
KissMyAsterix: he's all yours
PatientOnionSF: kman, bey is hot too, a hawaii surfer/suntan
lotion model
Kman3x3: o yeah
Beysshoes: yah that's me alright
PatientOnionSF: rub some on her
KissMyAsterix: wait, don't give away my beys
Kman3x3: ]hey bey want to talk
Catpower777: Kman, you faithless cad
Catpower777: you dumped Kiss that easily?
Beysshoes: you mean cyber kman? i already did 5 today. i'm tired.
sorry raincheck?
KissMyAsterix: he knows a good thing when he sees it
Kman3x3: she wasn't talkin

The Chick Magnet Strikes Out:
Kman3x3: so who want to talk to kman
Kman3x3: anybody
Catpower777: Kman, I think you're barking up the wrong chatroom
KissMyAsterix: we can't
KissMyAsterix: we'll fight over you
KissMyAsterix: and no one will win
Kman3x3: why is that
KissMyAsterix: you should save us from ourselves
KissMyAsterix: and well, try another room
Melodramamama22: i hear author's lounge is good for that sort of thing
Chick Magnet Reflections:
Catpower777: Dino hurt him, Bey
Beysshoes: lol he IMd me; dino took him? ty kiss
KissMyAsterix: uh no beys
KissMyAsterix: I closed him
KissMyAsterix: he can't spell what
KissMyAsterix: that's a requirement
Beysshoes: i'm over my quota today, you're so lazy and uncharitable kiss
KissMyAsterix: I am
Beysshoes: oh i see, like me and the toothless. yes, its good
you have standards.
KissMyAsterix: I was already nauseated beys


Svengali?:
Jam7604801: onion you sound jealous
PatientOnionSF: jam, I am only jealous of your charm and wisdom
PatientOnionSF: and your svengali hold you have over book shelf chix

First Question?
quiet scientist: uhhhhhhhh...underwear? :-[
quiet scientist: and to answer the first question i'll have
to say the dartboard

Naked Darts?
Catpower777: ok, sitting there in underwear with a dartboard sounds
more male than "scientist"
Beysshoes: he said he didn't use his undies cat. pay attention pls
quiet scientist: this is just like salem
quiet scientist: weeeeeee
Bgrant444: Salem?
Bgrant444: Are we going to burn a witch?
Beysshoes: cat? are you going over to quiets place?
Catpower777: to play darts in my undies?
BinxB91: Salem? maybe we could just dunk her
Beysshoes: no undies cat
Catpower777: well, I'm not playing darts nekkid
Catpower777: that just sounds dangerous

Niontron Out and About:
Niontron9: I see a chinese lady walking towards me...what do i do
Niontron9: quick
Niontron9: someone tell me quick
Niontron9: the chinese lady approaching
Niontron9: she looks mad
Boulshevit: Run, Nion
PatientOnionSF: she's jewish, they look chinese


Enhance Your Life:
PatientOnionSF: it's gay slang for ****** *************
Beysshoes: ACTDF you mean?
PatientOnionSF: alan wrote a poem about it
PatientOnionSF: *** 2 ******
Boulshevit: ACTDF? Is that an alternate guitar tuning?
Beysshoes: A cock to die for (ACTDF)
Boulshevit: lol jesus
PatientOnionSF: don't be coy bolshevik, you knew what it meant
Boulshevit: Hell, I wouldn't die for my own
PatientOnionSF: you shrekster you
Beysshoes: then i guess you don't got one o' those (ACTDF). so sorry
PatientOnionSF: with your lost beer-encrusted weekends
Beysshoes: not to fret, they have those male enhancements for free now.
PatientOnionSF: enhance your life

Alan's muse:
princessslayah42: i have one incredibly sharp toenail
princessslayah42: i can't stop touching it
PatientOnionSF: sounds like one of alan's poems
Beysshoes: there are better things to not stop touching layah


[They played for another fifteen minutes. On the final play,
after a long steady drive that took the offense down to the
8-yard line, Taft fumbled the hand-off. Defense recovered,
whistles blew, and that was it for the day. The three of us
headed back together.
"Hobbsie laid it right in his gut and he goes and loses it,"
Rector said. "I attribute that kind of error to lack of
concentration. Coloreds can run and leap but they can't
concentrate. A colored is a runner and a leaper. You're making
a big mistake if you ask him to concentrate."
A very heavy girl wearing an orange dress came walking toward
us across a wide lawn. There was a mushroom cloud appliqued
on the front of dress. I recognized the girl; we had classes
together. I let the others walk on ahead and I stood for a
moment watching her walk past me and move into the distance.
I was wearing a smudge of lampblack under each eye to reduce
the sun's glare. I didn't know whether the lampblack was very
effective but I liked the idea of painting myself in a barbaric
manner before going forth to battle in the mud. I wondered if
the fat girl knew I was still watching her. I had a vivid picture
of myself standing there holding my helmet at my side, my left leg
bent slightly, hair all mussed up and lampblack under my eyes. Her
dress was the brightest orange. I thought she must be a little
crazy to wear a dress like that with her figure.]

Unclear on the Concept:
quiet scientist: my friend works at a drug store and the anorexics
steal the laxatives
VioletDeliriums: wow
VioletDeliriums: why dont they just buy them?

"it's like slutty"
VioletDeliriums: i'm a musician...i play stringed instruments
ManiacEyeball: you should not do every genre, it's like slutty

Intellectual:
VioletDeliriums: i like to look at things and think about them

Nostradamus:
HollyGoI23: I knew there would be transformers

Love the One You're With:
Tom Brite: take advantage of being alone and masturbate

Scary Halloween:
DoomGrl: i think i will stay home, halloween was too traumatic last year
erstwhile mots: Doom. Did you become a woman then.
DoomGrl: no, i broke up with my boyfreind, i got angry and broke a
giant mirror and then my dad almost threw me out
DoomGrl: remember?

Why Cur Is Planning a Vacation in China:
BlackHeartedCur: Its probably hard to get a Russian girl drunk

More So When You're Rocking Them With Someone:
Tom Brite: the sounds of rocking springs is so exciting

Warmth:
AmberDevilRay8: I had to get some snacks and a blanket.
AmberDevilRay8: Now I'm all wrapped up. I could use one of those
"slankets" right about now.
AmberDevilRay8: One the bright side, I'm like a toasty cinnamonbun. =)

Rhymin' Simon:
Alansueton: I was "busy"
ManiacEyeball: alan does anyone call you al?
AmberDevilRay8: Would you be my bodyguard?

BOOKSHELF - The Lean Years

Floozie:
ElizavetaTheRed: i was in author's lounge for the last hour

International Beer:
Boulshevit: I work enough to afford to drink, I guess
Various704: oh hey, boul. im drinking beer from thailand.
its like water
Various704: chang beer
Boulshevit: lol, jesus, I had a room mate from Laos, but he
drank bud, lol


Members Only:
DGBALTIMORE: i hate the lounge recently
DGBALTIMORE: too exclusive
BinxB91: How can a chat room be exclusive?
PaIeRlDER2: binx i think he means he types and they ignore him


Uhm, 'where' as in 'State'!:
quiet scientist: alone in my parents basement eating cheetos

No, State!:
DoomGrl: what stadium

What Are You Wearing?:
quiet scientist: uhhhhhhhh...underwear?

Try Sharing the Cheetos:
quiet scientist: i am boyfriendless


Cause and Effect:
PatientOnionSF: A man with his one year old in a stroller
came over to buy a le creuset saucepan from me, my apartment
is FINALLY cleaned up!



Apropos of Nothing:

Bidet Luv: i know shit

DoomGrl: i really think ashley and mary kate are so cool

quiet scientist: what if a bunch of librarians went bowling?

MyStrat: cant use Eharmony anymore, since the incident

Josh Maxwell4: they new guy that sells the chopper is hard
to resist



Hello In There:
Niontron9: in order for your mind to do something the matter
needs to pass thru your level of memories and enter your long
term memory...otherwise your mind avoids the thing that you
want to do or accomplish
Tj34: how many friends do you have, nion?


Bidet IS a Lady After All:
Niontron9: i bet I can give you guys a riddle which none of
you can solve...
Niontron9: you have TWENTY littres of water...how can you move it
from one place to another without putting in a pot or anything...
you have to carry it only using both your hands...
Bidet Luv: freeze it, dumbass

Bidet as Travel Writer:
Bidet Luv: vancouver wa is the cloth diaper capital of the u.s.
Bidet Luv: portland is a smug town


[It must be that for all of us there has to be an apology
available that we can make to ourselves for anything we do.
It doesn't matter so much about an apology to others, pride
may block this, but we must have that one for ourselves, to
be able to say: 'Yes, I did that, but...' If you can't put
the 'but' after what you did then you are in a sort of way
lost. There is no 'but' that I did not know what I was
doing when I went up that path to take tea with Kentaro.
I went knowing what he was going to think of any woman who
accepted an invitation as he had done. In his eyes she was
there to be used. Also, I don't think I really wanted what
was to come, for I had no idea of what this was going to
mean to me. I wanted an end to what I had ...]


What Are You Wearing?:
Mmikea76: I am wearing a hazmat suit...I am paranoid...

How Ann Rolls:
Anncrispin: Ann doesn't talk in here.


The Esoterics:
Alansueton: it sounded like Garbage out of tune
DoomGrl: hey, i like Garbage


The Scotish Rock 'n Roll Scene:
Various704: the MOBO'S were held in glasgow last night. what
a mess some of those acts are. the cult of uk hip hop is
a complete joke now
zomcom81: I haven't heard it :( I'm a slacker
AA Birthday Pony: it's great, don't mind them
Alansueton: Various any awards for God Help the Girl?
Alansueton: (lol)
DoomGrl: i like so many scotland bands, like from glasgow
- like glasvegas, camera obscura
DoomGrl: jesus and mary chain, lol
AA Birthday Pony: isn't the twilight sad from glasgow?
AA Birthday Pony: i just saw them
Alansueton: Belle and Sebastian is still the best and
The Life Pursuit is still one of the best records to come out
of the Isles for years


Globe Trotting Girl:
BinxB91: How did you get into Scottish rock 'n roll
DoomGrl: my dad took me to ireland and scotland and stuff
DoomGrl: he wanted to see sites van morrison song about
DoomGrl: like the streets of arklow an all
DoomGrl: and there were all these skinny dogs
DoomGrl: running about, like where the mic mac indians lived
up in nova scotia
DoomGrl: remember, and the coca cola truck turned over
DoomGrl: and the bears lapped up the coca cola


Ewww:
MyStrat: i had a crush on my teacher when i was in high school,
no big deal, except i was home schooled

Homework Help?
Will C Makepeace: i gotta finish school before i can go forward


Beyond Scottish Rock:
JMax31: Acoustic Rockabilly with Broadway Pizzazz, the paper says! :)
quiet scientist: well there's a genre i've never heard of
quiet scientist: acoustic broadway rockabilly
JMax31: lol well imagine...Ethel Merman and Brian Setzer
JMax31: or Elvis...and you've got us
quiet scientist: yeah i can picture that
quiet scientist: one sings about a jump jivin whale


Onion's Disappointment:
PatientOnionSF: elizaveta bares her naked wrists in a very risque
photo montage

New From Romco!:
BlackHeartedCur: Liz, can you summon the Russian girl somehow?
I like it when you two bicker about eastern european politics
and history
ElizavetaTheRed: no I can't summon her. i dont have a dog whistle
for russian women

Next Time, Try the Meatballs:
Melodramamama22: i tried to watch the seventh seal this weekend,
lasted 5 minutes
Melodramamama22: all that swedish put me into a coma

Join Us:
fragilefirew0rks: hinduism is a beautiful religion. I could never
join though
DoomGrl: i dont think many people "join"


The Texas 500:
Bidet Luv: i probably took 500 pictures at the state fair of texas
this year
Bidet Luv: and one of them, out of all those pictures
Bidet Luv: is frameworthy in a big way
the rest are okay
PatientOnionSF: was george bush doing something homosexual?


All of a Sudden:
Melodramamama22: they have all these brazilian places that serve you
piles of meat
Melodramamama22: all of a sudden, meat meat meat

Sign of Economic Recovery?:
Josh Maxwell4: The price of Trix is outrageous

Women in the Work Place:
KimberlysCabin09: even recently went back and worked a temp job
at a place id worked before and hated
shrtfnnybrunette: so why did you go back?
KimberlysCabin09: i needed some money in august
shrtfnnybrunette: aww august that foul month
KimberlysCabin09: iT was the place where i had to put fruit rollups
in a box really fast on a conveyor belt.. but this time...
shrtfnnybrunette: yes?
KimberlysCabin09: i got to work in the lab room, and make cereal
boxes and shove bags of cereal into the box really fast
KimberlysCabin09: the last time i worked there i couldnt keep up
on the rollup line so they moved me to the little ketchup packet
line and i kept getting packages that were opened and ketchup
all over
shrtfnnybrunette: darn ketchup
KimberlysCabin09: it was like that episode of lucy where her and
ethel work in the chocolate factory
KimberlysCabin09: and they eat the chocolate and stuff it in their
clothes


Norma Rae Lives On:
KimberlysCabin09: it was standing on the cement for 12 hours that
killed me
KimberlysCabin09: and the stupid people that kept goofing off
throwing products at each other
KimberlysCabin09: i think the people was the worst part of it
shrtfnnybrunette: wow 12 hrs standing i wouldn't want to do it
Josh Maxwell4: i worked in a factory one summer. they timed the
pee breaks.
KimberlysCabin09: yep josh, they are hard on temps


We Can Multi-Joke:
Catpower777: hey Binx
Hadachoke: Blonde tells her coworkers "I'm not stupid, tonight
i'm gonna study and memorize all the state capitols... you can
test me tomorrow"
Alansueton: ah Binx is here
BinxB91: A middle-aged woman is walking through the woods and
comes upon a frog
Alansueton: Binx don't step on Hada's joke
Alansueton: please
Hadachoke: Next day one of 'em says "Blondie, ok, whats\'s the
capital of Wyoming?"
Beysshoes: we can multijoke.
Beysshoes: asseries
KissMyAsterix: you know if not even one is funny
Hadachoke: She says "Doh, it's W"
BinxB91: who says to the woman, "kiss me! and I'll turn into
a handsome prince."
Beysshoes: loL bobby
BinxB91: The woman hestitates.
BinxB91: "kiss me! I'll turn into a handsome prince. what are
you waiting for??"
BinxB91: The woman ponders, "at this point in my life I was
thinking I'd be more interested in a talking frog."
Beysshoes: omg binx. you're too fun. i love that! hahaha
Beysshoes: actually, i thought the joke ended 2 lines back binx
BinxB91: LOL Beys
Hadachoke: beys, he hasn't gotten to the punch line yet
Alansueton: (let them die together)
Beysshoes: heee
KissMyAsterix: lol
BinxB91: Beys is the Salvador Dali of joke-telling
Alansueton: More like the Kevorkian


Beysshoes' Gentleman Caller:
Beysshoes: omg binx. what was the title?
Alansueton: Beys if you type omg one more time I will fly to
hawaii and remove those letters from your keyboard


A New Series:
HeRsHeYbAbYxO11: ehh theres still a few gampire books good teen
vampire books. its just repetitive
KissMyAsterix: oh see that alan, a new series for you grampire books


What Are You Wearing?
HeRsHeYbAbYxO11: pj bottoms...whats it matter

Really, That Was Enough:
HeRsHeYbAbYxO11: okie pink pj bottoms and a black cami

I Didn't Ask!!:
HeRsHeYbAbYxO11: .......ummm is the next question what color are
my undies?


Women Love Vampires:
ookish dude 21: not exactly sure why women love vamps so much
HeRsHeYbAbYxO11: iternal love obviously

What Are You Wearing Russian Girl?
Snegurochka Doll: tanks top
Snegurochka Doll: and my jean

Awesome:
Beysshoes: last night it was awesome talking to you about hating
phonies, para.
Alansueton: Beys it was I don't like phonies people who can't
even call their dying father


The Importance of Being Godwit:
Oncewasbird: These people are too happy in their Lexi and gated
communities. Time to roust 'em out.
Oncewasbird: I'm in earnest. We need mass demonstrations.
Alansueton: Once "Earnest" Victorian England code word for
homosexual?
Alansueton: are you trying to tell us something?
AmberDevilRay8: "Earnest" really meant that?
Alansueton: Amber yes



What If Godwit and Niontron Had a Baby?:
Oncewasbird: The doctors should be rioting, but they are just whores.

Jam and Obama Are Like That:
Jam7604801: Wit I have sold about 2,000 lbs of tomatos this year
Oncewasbird: I like Obama. He wants to do things.

Beysshoes' Place of Refuge:
Beysshoes: gina, the pipples in the blog beat me up so i'm here.
KissMyAsterix: which pipples
KissMyAsterix: wasn't me
KissMyAsterix: I wasn't there
AmberDevilRay8: The hell's a pipple?
Tammynet: which pipple should i beat up, beys


Literary Discussion ... kinda:
DoomGrl: lord byron was a rake
ElizavetaTheRed: And then I think he lived in France
Alansueton: the funny thing Lord Byron was a stud and all
But he short and had a club foot He also had barely any hair
on his head at 35
KissMyAsterix: a relative?
Alansueton: he must have had a honker between his legs
Beysshoes: kinda like cheney?
ElizavetaTheRed: I would have a hard time dating a bald guy
SkylerThompson22: wasnt byron gay?
Alansueton: Skyler rumors
Alansueton: he wasn't
Alansueton: the guy f*cked his sister


Poke Him Again:
Beysshoes: is that you godwit?


Either Asexual or Nympho:
ElizavetaTheRed: ALan do you flirt with Judah?
Kat2834d: hi room F/29
Alansueton: Eliza no
Alansueton: I do not flirt with anyone
Alansueton: I flirt with disaster
Kat2834d: :-) aww Alan
Beysshoes: sue sue is asexual
KissMyAsterix: I think that other guy.. condor
KissMyAsterix: but I really don't know
Beysshoes: or multisexual. one o' those
KissMyAsterix: multi but not metro
KissMyAsterix: well that sounded a little gay

What Josh Noticed:
Josh Maxwell4: i notice the interstate sex stores are vacant,
must be the web

Josh Calls For Help:
Josh Maxwell4: had a terrible tuna salad, awful
Beysshoes: was it spoiled josh
Josh Maxwell4: i think so
Josh Maxwell4: i may die
Beysshoes: que josh??? call 611

Sympathy:
Beysshoes: josh do you have benadryl? or just mix baking soda
with water
Beysshoes: do something!
Beysshoes: yoss hep that poor slob!
Yossarian4now: i don't know. i've had my stomach pumped before.
beyond that ..
Yossarian4now: just make yourself hurl, josh
Beysshoes: omg josh vanished. mebbe he died
Yossarian4now: maybe so
Beysshoes: lets plan a funeral then.
Beysshoes: a funeral for friends?


Numberology:
Yossarian4now: skkyer has a fascinating theory, beys
Beysshoes: wats that?
Yossarian4now: he believes that what version you have of aol,
tells you if you have good relationships or not
Yossarian4now: like if you have 9.0, you must have shitty ones
Yossarian4now: because you're a loser or such
Yossarian4now: and if you have 9.5, you must be wealthy
Yossarian4now: and have all good relationships
Beysshoes: hmmmm. josh2 must be like mensa yes?
SkylerThompson22: so far its panned out
Beysshoes: i'm aol 2.0 pick me pick meeeeeeee josh2!

Gomer Pyle Guide to Happiness:
Beysshoes: gutter? my fantasy is to find a quonset hut.
i want to live in one.
Yossarian4now: dream big
Beysshoes: say you want one too josh2!
SkylerThompson22: im sorry for your setbacks beysshoes
Beysshoes: josh2. you just dont understand. i knew a family in
a quonset hut. and they were happy.
SkylerThompson22: whats a quonset hut?
Beysshoes: NO. its like if you cut a cucumber down lengthwise.
turn one side upside down
Beysshoes: voila
Beysshoes: quonset hut
Yossarian4now: with less seeds


Why We Can't Recruit Newbies:
Various704: im trying to figure out what you are all talking
about and failing miserably
Beysshoes: that's because we're not talking about nuttin'
Beysshoes: just throwing lines in space
Beysshoes: skyler just informed us we're losers for not having
aol 9.5 so we don't care.
Various704: ah
Beysshoes: skyler got some poor slob to marry him and bear his
chillens so he counts
Various704: wow. im a loser for more reasons than that. get it
right skyler
SkylerThompson22: im not married
Beysshoes: you lied? omgomgomg
Yossarian4now: someone lying online? the shock
SkylerThompson22: its an old tv show
Beysshoes: tamela you hear dat? skyler fakes being married so you
and me won't harrass him.
Tammynet: like that will stop us?
Beysshoes: tilly boy
Yossarian4now: meg tilly's?

Aim Up and See Me Sometime:
Beysshoes: somebody misses you legs. i forget who though.
Yossarian4now: yeah yeah
Legs029: they need better aim then bey ; )
Yossarian4now: that would be me, beys
Beysshoes: wow you sound even more slutty than tamela



Teaching Onion:
PatientOnionSF: Alan said that Czeslaw Milosz is his great inspiration
ElizavetaTheRed: You cant believe anything Alan says


You Send Me:
Beysshoes: sue sue has begun to comment on my blog onion. so that
leaves you you punk
PatientOnionSF: who is sue sue? alan's poodle girlfriend?
Beysshoes: tamela just did too. don't be such an anal assful pls
PatientOnionSF: he only does it cuz he feels guilty
PatientOnionSF: red only does it for the cash money alan sends her
Beysshoes: guilty about what? that's just stoopid.
ElizavetaTheRed: Alan doesn't send me money, he sends me poems
ElizavetaTheRed: and poems don't pay my rent
Beysshoes: you must cyber with him eliza. then he'll pay.
Hadachoke: lol
Hadachoke: roR
Beysshoes: oh bobby. you're precious.

Picture This:
ElizavetaTheRed: You can insult anyone you like online, but it
has consequences. They won't then send you their pictures


Beysshoes' Suitor:
Beysshoes: sheesh that was so long ago manik
ManiacEyeball: you didn't even read my email
PatientOnionSF: russian is okay, soviet is bad bad evil bad
KissMyAsterix: oh that dwarf thing never did work for me
ManiacEyeball: i'm talking to bey
PatientOnionSF: bey is not a dwarf thing she is 4'9"
ManiacEyeball: i sent her an email, she hasnt read it yet.
Beysshoes: what email manik?
KissMyAsterix: maybe she's discerning
Beysshoes: and when did you send it?
ManiacEyeball: there you go again
Beysshoes: are you still talking like a year back?
SkylerThompson22: dont open it it has a virus
ManiacEyeball: first you pretend not to remember my mom, now you
pretend to not see my email
Beysshoes: i never got an email from you .
Beysshoes: i wouldn't have deleted it manik
KissMyAsterix: she says that when i mail her too maniac
KissMyAsterix: she never reads my mail
ElizavetaTheRed: Maybe it went into spam
KissMyAsterix: I think she tosses me


"send me pics" is an insult:
SkylerThompson22: eliza dont be offended but
SkylerThompson22: could u send me some pics please
ElizavetaTheRed: Skyler I would have sent you pictures but you
insulted me yesterday


Know Thyself:
Beysshoes: you're kinda creepy
KissMyAsterix: I try beys


Not Even Polish Jokes:
ElizavetaTheRed: I'm sure you felt "I'll just rip on this girl,
make her feel bad. It will be fun"
PatientOnionSF: I like the Patroshka, the famous bird-eating shark
of the Piast Dynasty, a pet of Casimir III the Great
ElizavetaTheRed: And that's fine, I can't stop you. But don't now
ask me for pictures
SkylerThompson22: no
ElizavetaTheRed: Or did you think I'd forget in 24 hours?
PatientOnionSF: Those carefree days in Silesia


Your Sex and Preference:
SkylerThompson22: maniac...what is your sex and preference?
Beysshoes: wow skyler. probing.
ElizavetaTheRed: you mean orientation
ElizavetaTheRed: its not a preference
SkylerThompson22: yeah
Beysshoes: skyler everyone knows this is a tranny chat.
Beysshoes: don't be nosy
AngelGardn: amen


If You Have to Ask:
Jam7604801: why are you in a hotel?

On a Scale of 0 to 100:
Jam7604801: beys speak for yourself and don't include me
Beysshoes: i do speak for myself and i never include you jam
Beysshoes: jam, its understood you're sexless. dont fret.
Jam7604801: bs bey i'm 100% heterosexual
Beysshoes: bs? you're bi?


A Truth Then a Hopeless Effort:
Beysshoes: nobody here is cool. stfu onion


Bisexual is cool:
Beysshoes: he's trynna pretend to be bisexual
PatientOnionSF: bey and jam are bi, lady jam and lady bey knock
their tranny sox 2gether
Jam7604801: bey i don't pretend to be anything other than what i
am unlike onion and a few others i will not name
AngelGardn: no one is cool anymore, there's a boycott on cool
Beysshoes: i realize you think that's cool jam. which is pitifuls.
Jam7604801: whats cool?
Beysshoes: you've pushed the envelop a tad too far homer
AngelGardn: bahaha
Jam7604801: bey you're the onion lover not me
AngelGardn: peppers and onions
Beysshoes: everybody loves onion. we're sick in here stoopids




Beys and the Fucktard:
Jam7604801: onion is just mad obama is taking his social
security away and giving it to all the aids infested faggots
Beysshoes: jam you're a fucktard.


Daniellee at the Brawl:
DanielleeLoko78: that was mildly insulting....
PatientOnionSF: Bey, he is just expressing his intellect,
please you are showing disrespect, that is the highest level
of thought the christian right winger can come up with
Beysshoes: bragging on throwing tomatoes at obama.
hillbilly fucktard
PatientOnionSF: white, low self esteem, low iq, low ambition,
bibles, guns, god, nascar
Beysshoes: i have a sweet fantasy that jams son will grow up to
be a tranny like ms vicky.
PatientOnionSF: from jam up onto bush cheney palin, they are backwards
PatientOnionSF: they need their own sewer to swim in
DanielleeLoko78: im confused


Beys in a Street Fight:
Jam7604801: bey if you want asian culture so bad go back to asia
Beysshoes: jam you are too retarded. you're embarrassing yourself
Jam7604801: if blacks want african culture so bad they can go back
to africa
Beysshoes: what about retards like you jam? where do we send you?
back to yoh mommas belly?


Beyond Waterboarding:
EmpressZ21: dear lord they have the golf channel on and
put it in slow motion


The Unexpected Melodramama:
BinxB91: who here is in pain?
Melodramamama22: i am, i have tennis elbow
BinxB91: how did you get tennis elbow?
Melodramamama22: opening a stuck drawer

Kinda Odd:
BinxB91: what do you do to be romantic?
Melodramamama22: the guys are all thinking: "hold in farts"
Boulshevit: lol
KissMyAsterix: kinda odd to bring up romance in the middle of
tennis elbow chat binx

The Unspoken One?
Hadachoke: quick, make up a good lie
Hadachoke: ok, that'll work
KissMyAsterix: the best lie is the unspoken one?


Onion is Never Done:
Mmikea76: Why is Onion obsessed with Penis...
Mmikea76: thats my question
Mmikea76: dude...
PatientOnionSF: mike, cuz i am gay in San francisco, duh
Mmikea76: ah...well...er...more power to you...um...
PatientOnionSF: i had to spell it out for you
Mmikea76: ok I have concluded my chat with Onion...
Mmikea76: one line is enough


Greg Tries:
GregAndru41: are any of you people actually bookish?
PatientOnionSF: greg, just me, the rest are book-hating peasants
Beysshoes: just porn greg
GregAndru41: peasants, so they love Charles Bukowski and hate
JD Salinger? or they Wolverine should marry Jean Grey?
Beysshoes: nobody cares about you greg. or what you read.


They Wanted to Wait Til the Children Were All Dead:
Hadachoke: i was married almost 50 yrs.. divorced now
EmpressZ21: you divorced after 50 yrs?
Hadachoke: yeah
EmpressZ21: wow
EmpressZ21: what goes wrong after 50 yrs
Beysshoes: you're 73 bobby? omg you're the age of my parents.
we prolly should stop cybering yes?


An Argument for Forced Sterilization:
ManiacEyeball: yeah, so i'm asking ever
bookish dude 21: sure
ManiacEyeball: oh ok.
ManiacEyeball: i don't.
ManiacEyeball: teehee
ManiacEyeball: nyc do you?
bookish dude 21: u wanna make a baby with me if i raise it?
CRlSTlNASAYS: I would like to have a baby, but I don't think
I want to be married
CRlSTlNASAYS: I mean I guess I would get married, but I want a baby more
Beysshoes: pitch the marriage. chillens are less work


Love Ya Ride:
Josh Maxwell4: sara wants to have a baby
Beysshoes: whos sara?
Josh Maxwell4: my gf
Beysshoes: are you going to do it josh? shouldn't you fix your
gender issues first? nolo?
Josh Maxwell4: nah
Beysshoes: well, it may be better if you breed before da operation.
Josh Maxwell4: funny
ShanesRide07: do you really believe any of these people should breed???


In Your Dreams:
THEPaierlder4: ok i think im goin ta bed
Beysshoes: xox
THEPaierlder4: i will think of you though bey
THEPaierlder4: ;-)repeatedly
Beysshoes: don't "think" too fast
THEPaierlder4: oh i wont



WTF Are They Talking About:
Beysshoes: you know i was joking in that email right tamela?
Tammynet: of course
Beysshoes: okay. just checking. loLLL
Tammynet: lol
Beysshoes: (i'd never stop cybering bonbon)
Beysshoes: HAHAHA
Tammynet: lol
Tammynet: who would?
Beysshoes: wow. scaring me here.


[John recalled Scott as he had been. Scott had been fat, so
ridiculously fat, John recalled with a keen pleasure, and he
was still fat really, lean and muscular appearances aside.
He closed his eyes and listened to the trickle of the
washcloth twisted over its bowl. She spoke of Scott's life
from the kitchen as she poured him a cold drink, fondly
retold Scott's exploits to his brother without thinking he
would have already heard them, an obtuseness John found
endearing. She spoke of athletic accomplishments that had
never happened, regaled John with acts of adolescents
rebellion he recognized as the feats of their childhood
friends, but all Scott in the leading roles --- Scott's
misaligned fireworks, Scott's outrageous nudity, Scott's
spray paint, Scott's guitar. Now quite near him, she
offered ice water and healthy food, urged him to eat, asked
him what he liked best about California, then (John somehow
knew this was coming next, could have finished her next sen-
tence for her) Maria told the story of the little girl in the
swimming pool after dark who had been saved, but in her version,
wet, clothed John, gasping for air as he dragged the girl to
the deck, metamorphosed into wet, clothed, gasping, dragging
Scott. "It was very bravery, was it not?"
"A brave man, our Scott," he agreed, and touched her cheek.
John sat up straight, as if a weight had been taken from him,
and old wounds scarred up smoothly in time-lapse haste: Scott
had nothing to offer, no furture potential. John had for years
been pursuing a receding back: Now he had caught it, turned it
to face him, and found he had the wrong fellow all along. Scott
wanted John's past? My God, he could have it: John certainly
wasn't using it. John would happily trade it for the present:
It was only too bad that Scott didn't take grasping Maria
seriously, because that would make this even funnier: the flower
scent and her nearness. The licensing smile. Her lips did not
move immediately away. A tentative response. Then a soft cheek,
perhaps a gentle rejection. But then the lips again. His hand
against the outsize T-shirt of his brother's alma mater, the
picture of the college mascot, flaky from careless laundry,
distorted over her shape, itchy against his palm. Her smiling
reference to the clock and the time remaining until Scott's
return: "A brave man, our John."]


If It Helps His Cause:
Kan wa ma kan: alan you disparage the entire female population?

UnButtoned:
DoomGrl: i believe in mystical connections

Then Ask For a Compliment :
Niontron9: hada takes two years to think up an insult and
that is still no good

DoomGrl Worries:
DoomGrl: i think that if everybodies soul srayed it would
be sooo crowded

Conversation Non-Starter:
Tweetygirl21146: does anyone got a pet in painful?

More Stuff Only Rono Knows:
Niontron9: there are many greek "gods" who has the same
profile as jesus...

Tell It, Rono:
Niontron9: the invisible force that controls human origninated
from sumer to greek
Niontron9: that is the same force controlling us to this day

They:
Niontron9: in the begining the spreader of christian used to
worship satan...they were into occult

'you are not right':
Niontron9: you are thinking allah and god is synonyms...you are
not right
Alansueton: Rono is the Official Mullah of the Shelf

Those Wacky Prophets:
Alansueton: I think whores are sacred
Alansueton: Jesus hung out with whores And Muhammad made women
sheltered whores with the Koran
Kan wa ma kan: alan worships at aphrodite's altar
AmberDevilRay8: Those wacky prophets.

And After That I'll Send You all My Money:
Niontron9: alan, I will ignore you permanently if you say
something like that again


When You Assume:
Hadachoke: i've no experience with unspoken lies

I love You


Reflections on an AL'er Visit:
EmpressZ21: i just love when they stomp off

Cyber Only, Thank You:
KissMyAsterix: I found out years ago
KissMyAsterix: that the online experience does not improve
with visual and voice

Hada Went to MIT?:
Hadachoke: i had a tat on my dick.. everyone used to laugh,
cuz it said "MITY"
Hadachoke: then one day i got an erection and it said
"Massachusets Institute of Technology"


William Wallace Lives:
Various704: a boy and his dad were driving trhough a safari park
just outside glasgow.......
Boulshevit: Glasgow?
Various704: they saw 2 lions. one was licking the others ass...
misscalichica90: its in scotland right?
Various704: the boy asked "why is that lion doing that dad"?
Various704: the father replied
PaIeRlDER2: not much gets by you does it miss
Various704: well son, its just ate an englishman and is trying to
get the taste out of its mouth
misscalichica90: well i hear everyone out
Hadachoke: ROFL
Boulshevit: lol, jesus
PaIeRlDER2: jesus
Various704: ah well.

Staying Power or ...:
Various704: hello again, miss
Boulshevit: Wb, Missy
misscalichica90: yes hello agaim
BinxB91: misscali has staying power?
KissMyAsterix: or just bad taste

Bram Stoker Turns in his Grave:
SkyPawnLP: I'm so sick of vampires

Movie Review:
SkyPawnLP: The Hurt Locker?
AmberDevilRay8: Excellent movie.
Waggonercj: The Hurt Locker is scary
AmberDevilRay8: It's probably the most nerve-wracking movie
I've ever seen.
AmberDevilRay8: It's about the bomb squad,
AmberDevilRay8: In Iraq.
AmberDevilRay8: But it has none of that dumb "red wire or blue
wire?!" crap in it.

On Locations:
AmberDevilRay8: It's my favorite movie since "Zodiac"
SkyPawnLP: Zodiac was superb!
SkyPawnLP: I loved! that moved
AmberDevilRay8: After I saw it we went out and made my husband
drive me to all the places where he killed someone.
AmberDevilRay8: I felt morbid. =\
SkyPawnLP: lol. I did that when I moved to Chicago
SkyPawnLP: "this is where Batman made Joker's truck flip over"

"sex" is a 12-pointer:
Bklyngeezer: I like books with thorny good guys and likable
villians
SkyPawnLP: "thorny"?
AmberDevilRay8: You know...
AmberDevilRay8: "vexacious"
SkyPawnLP: dont be throwing words worth more than 8 points in
Scrabble at me

Amber's Oven:
AmberDevilRay8: Two muffins are in an oven. One looks to the other
and says "Hey man, it's getting kind of hot in here, eh?"
AmberDevilRay8: The other muffin says "Holy crap! A talking muffin!"

Trust me:
Bklyngeezer: I am very funny


The Playful Elizaveta:
ElizavetaTheRed: Hello
BinxB91: good evening, Elizaveta
ElizavetaTheRed: good evening
BinxB91: Shouldn't we have a chaperone?
ElizavetaTheRed: yes but they are all drunk

The Cat is a Bitch:
BinxB91: Elizaveta, what music are you listening to?
ElizavetaTheRed: At the moment its quiet in here
BinxB91: quiet?? Is someone sleeping in the next room?
Alansueton: silence is music nobody ever criticizes
ElizavetaTheRed: no I live alone
ElizavetaTheRed: I just felt like having it quiet
Alansueton: it's a oriental bazaar here
BinxB91: you live alone?? not even a cat?
ElizavetaTheRed: she ran away, the little bitch


Book Discussion:
DoomGrl: has TJ been around this week?
BinxB91: I have been reading TJ's stories recently
DoomGrl: which ones Binx?
BinxB91: The Pugilist at Rest
DoomGrl: they are good stories in there
BinxB91: Tj looked very handsome (and a little dangerous) in his
author's picture
DoomGrl: yes, his old pictures are pretty hot
DoomGrl: that one was picked by john updike as one of the best
stories of the century or something
DoomGrl: like that
BinxB91: when reading stories like the ones Tj wrote I wonder things
like how many great novels and poems died right there in the mud
BinxB91: or were created in the hearts of those who survived
DoomGrl: you mean by the potential authors dying?
BinxB91: right, Doom
DoomGrl: TJs stories in the new yorker are probably his best ones,
i think,
DoomGrl: except the doom girl story wasnt in the new yorker
BinxB91: thr doom girl story?
DoomGrl: you dont know about the doom girl story?
BinxB91: no (furrowed brow)
DoomGrl: he wrote it after he met me
Alansueton: Doom you met someone from AOL?
DoomGrl: there is a character in it called Doom Girl
DoomGrl: just TJ alan, you know that

"be still my beating heart":
Alansueton: Doom will you marry me? As part of a practical plan
to convince my parents I am not gay?


Odds and Ends:

ElizavetaTheRed: A sleeping pill sounds nice

DoomGrl: I am so not into S & M

Jam7604801: i sold 125 pounds of tomatos

Prospect26: why would anyone eat poptarts?

NotNycgirl: autism fascinates me


Hiding Her Disappointment:
Alansueton: Doom I don't think we should ever meet
DoomGrl: ok

To be Determined:
Permanent I: what's this room about

Rono Redux:
Permanent I: the summer of love began the long slide into total
degeneration, ending with the modern hipster
Alansueton: Perm sound slike Rono
What Jam Knows:
Prospect26: Jam...as you must know , we've had no summer here
in the East.?

What's to Love About Brazil:
Permanent I: brazilian women have mutated so all their erotic
sensations are in their anuses, their vaginas are numb
Alansueton: Perm I don't agree
AmberDevilRay8: Well...they onviosuly have a tolerance for those
waxes.
AmberDevilRay8: Maybe it's true.
Permanent I: I love the way they sniff glue and shoot one
another in braSil

The Eternal Question:
Prospect26: Jam...so where is Lady?

Lourdes Got Nothing On Her Pool:
AmberDevilRay8: I swam in a public pool once and didn't get sick
for 10 years.

Epiphany:
AmberDevilRay8: You know what I realized...
AmberDevilRay8: ...no one uses the word "morbidly".

Glibberish
BinxB91: David might buy you a slice of pizza ... but then gross
you out so you couldn't eat it
DoomGrl: if you spend 30 dollars at Twist & Shout they give you
a coupon for a medium sub next store
Alansueton: Binx I am a Gentleman
Alansueton: And Im quite Glib
Hadachoke: alan speaks glibberish

Twisted Question:
AlexaSkelexa: you think i'm pretending to be sober?

Looking For a Partner:
Prospect26: So who is drinking here?

Russians Are Like That:
DoomGrl: this russian guy was going to buy my car when i sold it
and so he called me and asked about and i said he should come
look at it and he said he couldnt because he didnt have a car

Short Book Review:
Alansueton: Prospect what book are you reading presently?
Prospect26: Alan...The Story of Edgar Sawttelle,5elle\\\\\\
BinxB91: DoomGrl's review of Edgar Sawtelle:
"I cried so much I almost threw up"
Prospect26: Binx...I have not finished the book.
Please do not comment.
BinxB91: When the book ends, DoomGrl still has her cookies

The Humble David?:
Prospect26: Alan...I am not finished with the book, It is a
first novel and I think it is very large.
Alansueton: Prospect my first time with a woman had quite an
opposite review . First, not novel and not large

Listen to your Webmaster:
ATsnapkik: I created this screen name at the recomendation of
the webmaster for our website

Jailhouse Rock:
AmberDevilRay8: I was a DJ for 2+ years.
AmberDevilRay8: Until I got fired for taking collect calls from
prison inmates making song requests.

James Brown Revisited:
axislovejimi67: if papa's got a brand new bag...what is in that bag?
IonDeSparrow: and what did he do with the old one
IonDeSparrow: and where is mama???? omg, she's in the old bag!!!


Pending:
AmberDevilRay8: I have a 5-year-old cat that I haven't named yet.


Gina's Boy:
KissMyAsterix: my son watched some show yesterday, on animal planet
KissMyAsterix: and this guy had his arm bit off by an alligator
KissMyAsterix: or a croc, I don't know which
Various704: oh dear
KissMyAsterix: but he cried
KissMyAsterix: not because the guy lost an arm
KissMyAsterix: but because they went out and killed the gator


Simon Cried:
EmpressZ21: my nephew simon cried yesterday because his virtual
penguin Floppy ran away D
KissMyAsterix: ran away?
KissMyAsterix: on what, the computer?
EmpressZ21: apparently if you dont put the thing on vacation when
you leave for a while they run away
EmpressZ21: yep
BinxB91: penguins run?
KissMyAsterix: funny
EmpressZ21: well ambled away
KissMyAsterix: waddled off
KissMyAsterix: back to the arctic
KissMyAsterix: penguin's gotta eat too
EmpressZ21: flappin his arms
EmpressZ21: fins
EmpressZ21: wings
KissMyAsterix: that seems cruel, any kid would cry over that
BinxB91: Simon has an interesting future
EmpressZ21: oh he certainly does i see broadway


Poland vs Russia vs Onion:
ElizavetaTheRed: I wanted to see Drag Me to Hell but its gone from
the theatres
Snegurochka Doll: Is that a movie about a trip to Poland?
PatientOnionSF: Drag Me to Hell is like asking someone to take you
to Russia
ElizavetaTheRed: I agree Mr Onion
Snegurochka Doll: Thats to steale my joke
PatientOnionSF: That is the American way
PatientOnionSF: you stole capitalism, i steal your shutkas
ElizavetaTheRed: Thats to conjugate verbs wrong
PatientOnionSF: that's russian for Joke
Snegurochka Doll: america is not capitolist
PatientOnionSF: are you a rush limbaugh doll now?
Snegurochka Doll: no i hate him
Snegurochka Doll: and also Bush
ElizavetaTheRed: Don't start Elena
PatientOnionSF: Elena, I will bake you some xleb tonight
PatientOnionSF: that's russian for bread
Snegurochka Doll: its a kind of russian bred
PatientOnionSF: call me up, you can give me english lessons
ElizavetaTheRed: You don't want that Mr Onion
ElizavetaTheRed: No one will understand you
PatientOnionSF: I speak an international language of delicious
cuisine
PatientOnionSF: Elena is sending her photos to all the men, they
have fallen in love
ElizavetaTheRed: Look Elena, another doll
PatientOnionSF: i am making pizza
Snegurochka Doll: i shold have it a new screen name
PatientOnionSF: and selling books to pay Red's next rent
PatientOnionSF: since she is so busy painting sleeping pigeons
PatientOnionSF: wait till they wake up, boy will they be upset and angry
ElizavetaTheRed: ha
ElizavetaTheRed: they will understand that its art
PatientOnionSF: yes, even pigeons understand the work of a great
Polish Artist
Snegurochka Doll: if you call it art
ElizavetaTheRed: The pigeons understand but the russkies dont
Snegurochka Doll: we know art when we see art


Is it ever logic nite?:
Beysshoes: my neighborhood is dull binx. 'burbs. ick
KissMyAsterix: somehow it defies logic to think there are projects
on the hawaiian islands
Melodramamama22: tell me it's not logic nite
KissMyAsterix: no it's defy logic night

Beys World:
PaIeRlDER2: im named after a toilet
Beysshoes: commode?
Beysshoes: bidet?
Melodramamama22: commode rider!
PaIeRlDER2: JOHN|
Beysshoes: oooooh duh


Twatty:
Melodramamama22: i maintain that logic is like scripture,
and can be tweaked to prove a point
Melodramamama22: no matter how twatty of a point it is

A Team of Oxy:
PaIeRlDER2: omg i heard a spoof on billy mayes on you tube
where he is in heaven selling oxyclean
PaIeRlDER2: trying to get the blood off jesuss robe
Babigurl10155: oxyclean making sure everything is nice an white
PaIeRlDER2: heard one for oxycottin too
Melodramamama22: oh, that oycontin is nasty bidness
Babigurl10155: save that for the oxymorons


Not Regularly Published:
PBowden204: published but not reg basis gri diff inn emm grin

A Milk Junkie:
Melodramamama22: not personal experience, somebody close to me
got a addiction problem
PaIeRlDER2: mel, that stuff runs them down fast
Melodramamama22: ok he was a junkie and i din't know it
Melodramamama22: he kept walking into the house,going straigt after
a quart of milk

Dream Girls:
BinxB91: Last Summer Summary - Starpulse.com
jam7604802: binky, that's your favorite porno?
BinxB91: no ...
BinxB91: but it does involve a sociopathic girl goading boys into
a gang rape
jam7604802: binky is channelling creepy loner
PaIeRlDER2: gawd binx thats my dream girl


But He's Invisible:
jam7604802: occasionally an idiot does sneak in


Author Author Author:
PBowden204: Pale iots a beer can and its down sceww balls
like you spreading rumors not facts bad for USA
AmberDevilRay8: PB is an author?
PaIeRlDER2: a drunk too amber
jam7604802: obviously
jam7604802: multi-platinum best seller his bebo says
PBowden204: Yup biker mags and natur mags and opthers
PaIeRlDER2: hooked on phonics huh pb
jam7604802: amber lives and dies for Biker Chick Monthly
PBowden204: plus know my own mind not tell others how should think
AmberDevilRay8: Why is it that everyone who is an "author" in here is
about as articulate as a can of paint?
jam7604802: lead-based paint?

In Jam's Bedroom:
Jam7604801: she told me to leave them on
LadyMtnMedic: Jam, sometimes you have to think as well
Jam7604801: it was no biggy

In Binx's Bedroom:
NotNycgirl: binx please do not post me


Tough Question:
Melodramamama22: in our paper we have a column called "ask a gay"
Melodramamama22: the question this week was: is it okay for a
straight person to call a gay person bitch
Melodramamama22: answer: no

Lunaticky:
Melodramamama22: one time when my lunatic ex husband was being
especially lunaticky, he tried to convince people i was autistic
Melodramamama22: i suck at math


Melo Can't Resist Lunatics:
Alansueton: Chemical Imbalances etc all hypotheses never proven
Melodramamama22: more claims than any other medical science
Alansueton: Mapping the Brain Hemispheres all quess work
Melodramamama22: can you prove this?


Beysshoes Revealed:
BinxB91: "Last night when we were sitting in the park were you excited?" "Excited?" "sexually excited"
Beysshoes: "yes. sexually excited"
BinxB91: She said she wasn't and decided it was time to leave
Beysshoes: well, binx, i guess she wasn't a slutbag like me.
BinxB91: Beys ....
BinxB91: don't be so hard on yourself
Beysshoes:

When You Peek, You Win:
Catpower777: Bey you live in paradise
Beysshoes: well, as you know cat, i wouldn't know since i dunt
go out.
Catpower777: peek out the window, Bey


ASSonance:
PatientOnionSF: binky dated tons of nuns

[Isabelle enters, radiant in her white dress, walking unescorted
down the aisle, a halo of plae tea roses in her hair.
She ascends the few steps to stand beneath the chupa, and as
she encircles me, gliding around me the requisite seven times,
everything slows down, my vision fractures, and I seem to see
her from all sides at once. It's as though I were standing
inside a perfectly formed circle of light, and an odd feeling
wells up inside my chest. I experience a kind of shattering
in my heart, which, had I only been another person or myself
at another time, I might have recognized as joy.]

The 7-year Itch:
DoomGrl: will you guys all still be here in 7 years?

The Ironic Geneva:
DoomGrl: i have a freind named Geneva, her dad is departmnet
chairman but wouldnt buy her clothes for school, so she worked
as a stripper after school

The Spy's Daughter:
DoomGrl: i had to take apart a computer tonite and destroy the
hard drive so nobody would steal my dads secrets

The Colorful Melo:
Alansueton: guess work I like q's
Melodramamama22: or are you just spouting twatty blather?

Melo Stonewalled:
Alansueton: I don't doubt people are Manic Depressive but
positing a chemical imbalance in the brain?
Melodramamama22: this is like talking to a cinder block

Post This:
NotNycgirl: you know i really like you if i put my finger in
your belly button

The Unavoidable:
SparrowAtPeace: eh we have lots of soul mates
SparrowAtPeace: you cant avoid em lol

THE CUPBOARD IS BARE
Binx is Gay/Onion Overdose/Ta is back/
too much Binx&Beys/soft core/Polish joke


Seeking Balance:
Prospect26: Gosh, it's Friday night. Really wanted some normal
people here.


His Gay Dull Life:
Yossarian4now: you dont find it completely gay, binx, taht you
spend time copying conversations and posting them there
BinxB91: How is that gay?
Yossarian4now: don't you have a life? a hobby? a family?
Yossarian4now: it's sad
BinxB91: sad? Some people laugh about it
Yossarian4now: it's sad you have such a dull life, taht that is
part of it


Bare Your Soul:
BinxB91: OK, the KatyTried files are getting rather thin.
Someone say something stupid ... or clever
LadyQuasi: Poor Binx...
LadyQuasi: the old Mother Hubbard of Bookshelf...


Keep Your Eye On:
IonDeSparrow: well--think I'm gonna head off to bed--got a
12 hour shift tomorrow
IonDeSparrow: loaf, lounge, and retier
Catpower777: night Ion
Beysshoes: we should try to get her to stay cat. you know?
Beysshoes: she keeps the trolls away
Catpower777: Ion is a woman?
BinxB91: Ion is a she?
Beysshoes: omg yessssssss
BinxB91: JINX!
Catpower777: I didn't think so
Catpower777: I've been cybering with "him" for months now, damn it


Ta21l is Back:
BinxB91: and Ta!!!!
Ta21l: hey Binx
Beysshoes: binkyboo
Ta21l: I know, I'm building the ark
Beysshoes: ta os BACL!
Beysshoes: back
BinxB91: and DinosaurVagina!
Beysshoes: is
Ta21l: yeah...the day shift got boring
KissMyAsterix: I like bacl
Beysshoes: i'm overly excited
Beysshoes: lolgina
Ta21l: you can be sexy Bacl...lol

Summer Cuisine:
Catpower777: I wish i had a banana laffy taffy
Jam7604801: ---- eating orange serbert push-up

Saving Food:
AmberDevilRay8: I found a Now & Later.
AmberDevilRay8: Cherry.
zomcom81: lol, where do you find a thing like that amber?
AmberDevilRay8: Stuck to my leg.
BinxB91: Now & Later is a soap opera?
AmberDevilRay8: Nope. Candy.
AmberDevilRay8: It was actually in the jar of pens and pencils.
zomcom81: that's a lot less disgusting
AmberDevilRay8: The leg thing...
zomcom81: mhmm
AmberDevilRay8: ...that's where I find money.


Gonna party like it's 1956:
AmberDevilRay8: Why do they still sell Coke in glass bottles?
AmberDevilRay8: Is it so people can be all
"Oooh, this is just like 1956!" ::glug glug::
zomcom81: do they? i thought that was just in mexico?
AmberDevilRay8: They do here.

The Girls:
Catpower777: Ana - effin- is !!!
Beysshoes: we have miiiiissed you!!!
Anais3233: hello
Anais3233: whores
Catpower777: that ho's to you
Beysshoes: da dum dum


"get it for me":
Beysshoes: binxox! augusten has released a new book
Beysshoes: pulease get it for me please!!!
Catpower777: bey, I saw no evidence of that
BinxB91: augusten has written too many books
Beysshoes: cat its on his blog. what are you jigahos doing here?
IonDeSparrow: augusten??
IonDeSparrow: what does he/she write?
BinxB91: Ion, Burroughs writes about his extremely dysfunctional
childhhod
Catpower777: not just that Binx
Catpower777: he also writes about his dysfunctional adulthood, too
Beysshoes: he's a comedic genius sparrow. kinda like our onion
Beysshoes: but better of course


I need your "stfu"s:
IonDeSparrow: I'd rather do a memoir of my work with DD adults
IonDeSparrow: but I'm not energetic enough
Beysshoes: you doing a book on this chatroom peeps sparrow?
IonDeSparrow: hmmm a book on the shelf--it just might work
Beysshoes: kitkat, say something to help sparrow huney
Beysshoes: you are really lax on your 'stfu's today cat
Catpower777: stfu
Catpower777: twice



What are you reading?:
BinxB91: The Great Man - Kate Christensen
Beysshoes: your third christensen?
BinxB91: my fourth!!!

Hadachoke: Binx has discovered religion
Beysshoes: why do you love her so much binx?
Catpower777: Bey, she's HOT
BinxB91: She includes a small discription of lesbian sex
in a parathesis
Beysshoes: oic that makes sense. binx da jigaho
BinxB91: and i thought, "gee, does that work?"
BinxB91: I need a woman to practice on
Beysshoes: wow binx. smooth.

[My mother jumped in: "Does anyone have any idea how high
the adult illiteracy rate in this country is?" I doubted
she herself knew. Like me, my mother didn't learn facts or
acquire knowledge; instead she had feelings ---
insecurity about not being knowledgeable, for example.
She looked around the table; none of us knew how high the
adult illiteracy rate was.
She said, "Seventeen percent."
I thought, Eighty-five percent of statistics are made up on
the spot.]


Idle Thoughts:
VioletDeliriums: i'll bet if you put "pretty vacant" in a
google search you will find something
Hadachoke: LeslieHapabasketcase
Beysshoes: we're lazy that way violet. we'll just sit here for
months until you tell us.


Gotta Problem? Call the Catholics:
Pheziwig: Have you guys heard much about a little problem we've
been having at a local cemetery?
Catpower777: I saw something about bones protruding?
Beysshoes: oh the grave diggers fezz?
Pheziwig: That's less than two miles from where I live
Pheziwig: It's a fraking circus over there
Catpower777: you have zombies in the 'hood?
Beysshoes: fezz? did you lose your job and get mixed up with
the wrong crowd again?
Pheziwig: Beys, stop sucking pencils
Pheziwig: I don't know how they are going to figure that ouy
Pheziwig: they called in the catholics to take care of the
cemetery
Beysshoes: sprinkle holy water fezz?

[After she told me about losing her virginity to a Swiss ski
instructor, she looked over to me. I knew she she was waiting
for me to tell her my story, and it occurred to me to make
one up. Instead, I admitted that I had never skied.]

Feel the Love:
Rafo65: Cordial! My fave roomie of all time! yaay!
CordialCactus: hi rafo...how are ya?
Beysshoes: wow. is rafo one o' yoh chillens candy?


Onion Through the Looking Glass:
PatientOnionSF: i took a cable car to a safeway and had my
gift card, so i could buy three packs, i forgot i had it and
already started having dreams about finding $20 bills and
running to the crack house
Rafo65: The Onion's back, and you're gonna be in trouble..
Hey now, Hey now, the Onion's back
PatientOnionSF: or i have a dream that right under the bed is
a rock, i wake up, get my crack pipe, and no rock, it was just
a dream, but the dream of an addict in heat is very real.
Beysshoes: onion, i found some high end smokes in my china
stash. i'll send them off okay?
PatientOnionSF: bey, just cigs, i haven't touched the other
stuff since nam
KissMyAsterix: nam lol


Butterflies Are Free:
Rafo65: Patient.. you are not exactly sober at the moment, are you?
PatientOnionSF: rafo, i haven't touched a drop since 1974 moscow
when i was in an orgy with gay balerina dudes
Beysshoes: Rafo, sadly, onion is sober.
PatientOnionSF: i haven't taken a cable car to the end in years,
all the hot tourist guys from euro land
PatientOnionSF: i had my bus pass so it was free
Beysshoes: onion its Friday. you're not allowed to do reruns of
bragging on your bus pass and food stamps



Taking Onion Seriosly:
PatientOnionSF: ask Bobo, her dad was in \our unit
PatientOnionSF: ask thor, he was there in nam with us
PatientOnionSF: thor, remember jam's daddy in our unit?
Pheziwig: guess not
Bobophet1: Patient? My dad was in what unit?
PatientOnionSF: in nam bobo
Bobophet1: Pateint, my Dad isn't an American, and never lived in
this country or Viet Nam.

[She's always trying to fatten me up ---she feeds me constantly.
The rest of the family talks about sports and God and politics,
and Carlene floats above it all like an angel --- and she's
helping with prayer. She really knows how to pray --- and it's
very cool to be able to pray without someone in your family
coming into the room and (a)passing wind and (b)shouting (c)
analysing the 'phoney metaphysics' of prayer (d)singing loudly
(e)laughing]

Amber Wronged:
AmberDevilRay8: This box of cereal has blueberries in the picture.
AmberDevilRay8: But, alas, there are no blueberries in the cereal.
AmberDevilRay8: I feel wronged!

The Godwit Saga:
Beysshoes: so did godwit. he's oncewasabird or something
KissMyAsterix: oh yeah, he said he got tossed by 'queers' or
something like that
Ta21l: really? Godwit?
KissMyAsterix: shocking, since he was so pc
KissMyAsterix: but after they stole his dignity
Ta21l: man I've missed a lot
Catpower777: of COURSE that's what happened
KissMyAsterix: I guess he had nothing to lose
Catpower777: It couldn't be that he said anything offensive
KissMyAsterix: he probably got shitty when they wouldn't meet
him in the park
Beysshoes: omg i wonder if it was ms vicky who reported him. loL
KissMyAsterix: I don't think it was here beys
Beysshoes: some other chat room lets godwit in?


All Girl Group - The One Name Onlys:
Alansueton: goodnight folks "He stopped loving AOL today!
Alansueton: He put a wreath upon his mouse
Alansueton: and then he carried his laptop away
Alansueton: He stopped loving AOL today
Beysshoes: yah bye already
Ta21l: lol...ok, so that was Para?
KissMyAsterix: bey's is throwing dirt on him already
Catpower777: oh yeah
Catpower777: Ta, can you believe Para was tos'd and had to come
up with a new name?
Ta21l: ok, that's it...I'm now forming a club ... "One Name Only"
Catpower777: shocking, isn't it


More Like a Lay-Up:
Tom Brite: Ta, have you a large member?
Ta21l: yes, but he's working now
Tom Brite: lol
Beysshoes: dingdingding 50 points


Soft Core IS a present:
Beysshoes: binx please get me augusten's 'sellavision' okay?
BinxB91: when I fetched it for him and was checking him and
his wife out at the register, his wife teased him about his
mumbling
BinxB91: as he massaged her shoulders seemingly trying to get
her to stop
Beysshoes: wow
Beysshoes: that's like soft porn.
BinxB91: Beysshoes, I'll have to choose between presents for
you and shoes
Beysshoes: okay. just present without the S so one book and
shoes you punk
Beysshoes: sellavision
Beysshoes: its old. you can prolly get a deal.
BinxB91: sometimes couples in love are soft porn ... the woman
kissed her boy friend's bicep two times while he was talking
with me and exchanging money and such
Beysshoes: see what you have done? you're embarrassing peeps
with your cheapness convo here
BinxB91: ... like she couldn't go with out tasting him longer
than 5 minutes
BinxB91: Beys, I am always thinking of stuff you would like
Beysshoes: liar



Artsy-Fartsy:
BinxB91: the idea of giving pleasure as pleasurable
AmberDevilRay8: Is it one of those artsy-fartsy naked people movies?
BinxB91: artsy-fartsy usually means there's too much talking
BinxB91: In this case there's a lot of talking but the characters
are too stupid to say anything deep
Alansueton: Fidelity infidelity choices
Beysshoes: oh binx, you didn't say you were acting in it.
i'll rent it then.
BinxB91: LOL Beys
Alansueton: Binx are you a man?
Alansueton: you laughed at that lame insult?
BinxB91: Binx is a man. Green eggs and ham.
BinxB91: Alan, inside joke
Beysshoes: well, unless that nekkid photo he sent me was fake,
he's a man.


Feel the Love:
Forkrerereredux: beys, i hate you so much
Beysshoes: callate la boca y'tu cavrone chinga tu madre fork

Feign the Love:
KissMyAsterix: go on hada, say it.. I'll feign surprise


Gina Takes a Pass:
Catpower777: Obsession by Gloria Vanderbilt
Catpower777: it was supposed to be erotica
KissMyAsterix: I thought obsession was by calvin klein
Hadachoke: aka clit lit
BinxB91: Anderson Cooper's mom?
Catpower777: yes
KissMyAsterix: I don't know, someone who produced anderson cooper
KissMyAsterix: should they be writing erotica
KissMyAsterix: I feel a little soiled after thinking abou that
BinxB91: Imagine your mom writing erotica
KissMyAsterix: nah I'm gonna pass on that
KissMyAsterix: 'and then she ripped open her bodice and made a
peanut butter and jelly sandwich"
KissMyAsterix: see it never ends well

Catpower's Opening Act:
Catpower777: my favorite band name is "Drive By Spankin' "

Steve's Resume:
SteveIzHere8: I build rapport easily.


Binx's Next Girl Friend:
BinxB91: Elizaveta, you're Polish born?
ElizavetaTheRed: Yes Binx
BinxB91: I'm sweating
PatientOnionSF: Binky the slavofile

Eastern European Musings:
ElizavetaTheRed: My mother's first name is Agata
ElizavetaTheRed: She almost named me Agnieszka
KissMyAsterix: were those the names of the munsters
ElizavetaTheRed: My father wanted to name me Elisabeta,
which is the Romanian spelling

AOL Poland Ignore Feature:
ElizavetaTheRed: Go ahead and talk about me, I'll close my eyes

Just A Water Stop along the Suckathon


Recession Date:
LadyQuasi: We're going to get ready to catch some fireflies.

A Smile:
LadyQuasi: So, Binx, what are you wearing?

My Immortal:
Summers Eve L: Shake it off, Encyclopedia. Shake it off. My work
is a suckathon as well.

Would You Smile If He Said There Was One:
Beysshoes: onion made me cry last night saying my life had no purpose


Hawaiian King Crab:
CordialCactus: i went shopping for swim suits today
NoraMcKee525: were you sober?
Beysshoes: candy i hope you didn't catch any crabs
NoraMcKee525: ewww beys
CordialCactus: oh beys.. you are always worried about crabs


Our Beysshoes - Slow But Not Stupid:
CordialCactus: im not all that keen on getting my girly parts
measured and stuff
NoraMcKee525: girl, when it comes to the twins, i DO got money
CordialCactus: lol nora
Beysshoes: nora has twins??? how old?
Beysshoes: oh duhhhhhhhh


BookSlut Evolving:
BinxB91: Yes, Tea-ja. Have you mellowed at all?
tired faucet: No.
tired faucet: I've hardened.
tired faucet: * giggles *
Gleam1946: The Shelf is the proving grounds
Beysshoes: oh faucet ... has life been unkind to you?
Beysshoes: i'm so sorry.
tired faucet: Bey, I mean Circe. Yes, very. Please let me suckle
your breast to make the past year, two an aberration.
Speechless2009: suckle my balls


Literate Ones:
Oldskewl18: SO IF YOUR ALL BOOKS WHAT TYPES ARE YOU?

Round Table Discussion:
BinxB91: No Nick, Gleam makes Goldwater look like Joan Baez
princessslayah42: with flawless fine features
BinxB91: (sorry for the 60s reference)
Nickvanden1: Binx, I used to think Joan was hot during her
Happy Days stuff
BinxB91: Joan Baez was on Happy Days?
Nickvanden1: is Gleam hot and a female Mechanic?
Speechless2009: Binx, I don't get you
Speechless2009: I don't get you at all


Likes His Jokes ... A LOT:
Nickvanden1: << has need of a femal Genius Hottie who likes
traveling and motel living and money
Speechless2009: must be able to spell female, nick?
Speechless2009: you're a dumb dumb lollipop
Nickvanden1: not necessarily Speech , I dont know how to spell so
what does it matter , Im not wanting her to do my short hand for
me /..... lol .. get it .. short hand .. Gfawwww BwahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHhahahahaha


What's Sexy:
mourning bread: Say something witty and charming with just a hint
of sexual innuendo.
CordialCactus: wOOt
princessslayah42: i am smashing my fingers with a hammer

What's Cute:
Catpower777: my 13-year-old told me today she thinks it's "cute"
that I still say record

What's Random:
LadyQuasi: I'm looking for my random thought for the day to post...
any ideas?
BinxB91: hmmm ...
LadyQuasi: like "Do fish get cramps after eating?"
BinxB91: well, I had some thoughts on anger
KissMyAsterix: angry thoughts?
Catpower777: well, that pisses me off, Binx !


DELightful:
BlackHeartedCur: Women have a lower degree of degeneration
BinxB91: just ask Courtney Love
KissMyAsterix: higher degree of desperation
KissMyAsterix: is that what you mean?
Rafo65: Talkin 'bout De-ge ge generation!

Scruples:
Rafo65: My friend once asked why I don't play tennis.
How, I replied, would I ever want to play a game where love
means nothing?

If It Works For You:
Melodramamama22: i wrote a poem yesterday in which the moon was
a fragile skull boiling with dreams
Melodramamama22: that's a bit overwrought isn't it?


"so I undid that bitch's air tank and watched her shrivel":
Jam7604801: binx i can't wait until Survivor MOON

Your Mom?:
Jam7604801: i write some poetry although not all is good but some
people thinks that the ones i think are bad are actually better


Flip Side of "you had me at hello":
EDruezillaB: i knew you were a liar after one word.

What Are You Wearing?:
PatientOnionSF: a depression era t-shirt and the boxers
of amber's iranian husband

One Natalie's Ex's:
Summers Eve L: "Son what's your name?" "I don't remember."
"Where are you from?" "I don't remember" "Well what DO you
rememeber?" "I. Remember. The Alamo."

Try Turning the Channel On Her:
spanishkid996: mi grandma is boring she doesnt do anything...
EndTheFed09: she may be dead

I Just Look At My Name Tag:
DETRASH: I dont have to think what I am

The Valid Victorians:
DETRASH: lets just say I usually end up teaching the valid victorians
Oncewasbird: What does that mean, Det?
DETRASH: people move thier children for me to teach too weird
Oncewasbird: Hard to believe.
DETRASH: the highest scorer in high school
Hadachoke: 'high scorer' in high school is the guy who gets laid the most...


Godwit, Prospect, and a newbie:
DETRASH: Once I have been asked numerous times to defend my statments
now the other peole envolved in the statements are coming forward and
saying hey I aint no chopped liver
DETRASH: Once conversation different than formal writing
DETRASH: spin yer wheels see where it gets ya
Various704: lala land
Various704: its my spiritual home
Prospect26: Detrash...I have been here for many years.
Various704: consider the lilys of the valley
Prospect26: Once and Gleam...you are new here.
LadyQuasi: Detrash gives teachers a bad name...even if he/she
WASN'T a teacher, but claimed he/she was...
Prospect26: no historyu.
Oncewasbird: Prospect, I am the late Godwit, and so, one who knows you.


Gleam and Godwit:
Gleam1946: to know how to do something that yeilds tangible results
is far superior to "acting"
Oncewasbird: Well, you might not be right, Gleam.
Oncewasbird: I am not sure what you are talking about, Gleam.
Oncewasbird: You said the source was you, Gleam.


Godwit and Trust Issues:
Oncewasbird: Gleam, I don't trust your judgment, after you equated
liberal thought with acceptance of homosexual behavior.

Godwit Experiences Intolerance:
Prospect26: I'm always amazed that people need to change their names.
Oncewasbird: Prospect, I was kicked off AOL by intolerant homosexuals.
That is why I had to change my name.

The Straight Pride Parade:
Gleam1946: To be proud of one's sexuality is tantamount to being a pimp
Gleam1946: who fucken cared? why do you need a parade down fifth Ave?



Captain Kidd? Bluebeard? Jack Sparrow?:
Prospect26: I originally came to Bookshelf to talk about books.
This space has been pirated by ..look at the names.

What About Reading In Bed?:
Gleam1946: Reading is way too much attention unless the author
is present



Putting It In Paula's Thing Is Not For Sissies:
PatientOnionSF: bey i used paula dean's mean chicken machine
last night to make the world's best buttermilk chicken, I won
first prize!
Catpower777: how long did you soak the chicken?
PatientOnionSF: i soak it 8 hours or longer
PatientOnionSF: in buttermilk garlic sour cream and a swirled
mess of sage, salt, dried red chiles & white pepper
Beysshoes: 8 HOURS????
Catpower777: Bey, that's nothing...one chef here soaks it for
24 hours
PatientOnionSF: then i put it in paula's thing, on top of chopped
potatoes, carrots & onions, pour in ALL the buttermilk marinade,
cover it for one hour at 450, take cover off and 45 mins till chicken
is done, and then you have to soak the pan all
Catpower777: was it as tasty as it sounds?
PatientOnionSF: the main flavors are white pepper & sage
PatientOnionSF: so it's not for sissies

What Paula is Afraid To Say:
PatientOnionSF: 50% of the potatoes get burnt to a crisp, they are
just there to keep the chicken from getting burnt, they sacrifice
their spud souls for the chicken



Onion Loves Beysshoes:
PatientOnionSF: white rice is bad, that's why bey couldn't get married
Beysshoes: stfu stoopids
PatientOnionSF: her dowry had 3 tons of white rice
PatientOnionSF: and her fiances wanted brown
Beysshoes: i love jasmine rice. i confess
PatientOnionSF: you can buy brown jasmine rice, white rice is brown
rice that has been ********


La La La La La Land:
PatientOnionSF: I sold my whole wheat twinkies recipe to Hostess
for $4.5 million, now i am looking to buy a wife
Catpower777: everything Onion touches turns to $$$


"lol" after the jokes, thank you:
jknapp689: so what does everyone like to read?
jknapp689: lol
Beysshoes: we're reading augusten
Beysshoes: what else is there???
PatientOnionSF: cookbooks and reagan biographies
PatientOnionSF: the most evil american ever born


As if:
PatientOnionSF: tammy, how was your hot sex date 2nite at the beach?
Alansueton: Tammay?
Tammynet: it was great Onion
PatientOnionSF: i loved your tweets about it, it got me really ****************


Sharing:
Alansueton: I just had an excellent bowel movement
Beysshoes: omg alansue that is bookoo excellente`
Alansueton: it is I feel "light as air"
KissMyAsterix: when don't you feel bouyant alan
KissMyAsterix: what really weighs you down
Alansueton: KMA My feet and some other extremities
KissMyAsterix: want them removed?
Alansueton: no
Various704: like them, dino?
KissMyAsterix: I hate to see you down though
Catpower777: so kind, Dino
Catpower777: offering to separate him from the ballast
KissMyAsterix: well I try


She Once Kissed Harry Chapin:
PatientOnionSF: Beys just got out of the nuthouse, she has
new meds and promises not to take hostages on international
flights ever again
KissMyAsterix: fine, then I'm not flying with beys again

No Top On Her Tease:
Beysshoes: tamela are you cookin' in an IM wid our onion bulb?
Tammynet: nope
Catpower777: aren't we all, Bey?
Beysshoes: liar. you prolly have no top on you tease.
PatientOnionSF: i am always cooking and baking
PatientOnionSF: i don't have time for IMs with regular humans
zomcom81: just the irregular ones?


Knob HillBillies:
Catpower777: you import hillbillies to SF, Onion?
PatientOnionSF: they are everywhere, we have one for governor
PatientOnionSF: my landlady is a chinese hillbilly
PatientOnionSF: my mom is a jewish one
PatientOnionSF: she watches kate plus eight and CRIES!
Catpower777: oh, it's so comforting to know that moms are moms
all over the world


On Michael Jackson's Funeral:
Alansueton: anyone who watched that tasteless spectacle needs to
be taken to a field and shot
Beysshoes: stfu suesue
Alansueton: seriously
PatientOnionSF: alan and me are the hillbilly killers
Beysshoes: MLK's daughter and son spoke.
Catpower777: I wonder if my mom watched any of it
Alansueton: tabloid driven grief?
PatientOnionSF: mlk's daughter is a homophobe
Beysshoes: liar!
Alansueton: yes and they are both criminals and have sued the estate


Raw Meat For the Onion Oven:
MassageGirl82: This is my first day on aol I was wondering if
someone could answer a question for me
KissMyAsterix: the answer is almost always no
zomcom81: sometimes it is 'i don't know'
MassageGirl82: Since I have aol as my internet service provider
do I need to download aim or do I already have it?
PatientOnionSF: massage girl, only i can help you
PatientOnionSF: you need to download it
PatientOnionSF: http://dashboard.aim.com/aim
PatientOnionSF: go there to download it
PatientOnionSF: and then you can instant message everybody
Beysshoes: he means him, naturally
PatientOnionSF: massage doesn't cook or bake



Not Stirred:
PatientOnionSF: brownies isn't food
PatientOnionSF: it's a dessert
PatientOnionSF: you just squeezed them out of a tube
Catpower777: what else would I bother to bake, Onion?
Beysshoes: she made mashed potatos earlier onion
Catpower777: if not something chocolate
Catpower777: no, I actually stirred the batter, Onion
Catpower777: STIRRED
Beysshoes: that deserves a cam session for catpower. HA
zomcom81: indeed, stirring is tough on arms
Catpower777: thank you, Zom
Beysshoes: cat using words like stirred in caps. well, that's
just over the top.
Catpower777: jealous, Bey?
Beysshoes: well cat. look at what you did. onion isn't
talking anymore.
KissMyAsterix: the caps did him in

Quayle Did That:
Catpower777: he's just waiting for someone to mention mashed potatoes
Beysshoes: i thought no E on the potatos kitkat?
Beysshoes: didn't dan quail do that?
zomcom81: no e in potato, e in potatoes
Beysshoes: you sure?
Catpower777: yes
zomcom81: i'm sure
Catpower777: I could make it less stressful Bey and say taters


Peer Review:
JFWaterman: Does Onion have the ability to peer up his own butt-hole?
JFWaterman: Seems so-
Beysshoes: onion is a comedic genius jf
JFWaterman: Indeed, Beys.
KissMyAsterix: do you want to peer up onion's butthole jf?
KissMyAsterix: maybe if you ask him nice
Beysshoes: loL gina you are bad
KissMyAsterix: what
KissMyAsterix: it's a valid inquiry
zomcom81: it's not
KissMyAsterix: is so
KissMyAsterix: he showed an interest
KissMyAsterix: I was merely trying to give him courage to pursue it
JFWaterman: Kiss, Onion likes to show his often enough- can one
help but wonder?
KissMyAsterix: sorry I was trying to use logic, my mistake
KissMyAsterix: I've never once wondered about his butthole
KissMyAsterix: but I get your point
Catpower777: sure, sure, Dino

Onion Finds A Friend:
PatientOnionSF: twisty, you need a gf, you can have mine
TwistyDark98037: sorry i only date boys, can i have you instead
PatientOnionSF: yes, i only date boys too
Beysshoes: omg 50 pointer
PatientOnionSF: we are soulmates
Catpower777: speaking of buttholes, what happened to Para?



A Low GPA Date:
PatientOnionSF: and this hot guy with this hot chick was buying her
dinner at whole foods from the deli section, how sleazy
Catpower777: why was that sleazy?
PatientOnionSF: can't he take her to a restaurant?
Catpower777: oh
PatientOnionSF: he proably wants to take her back to his fancy
apartment and boink her, she looked like she had a low GPA
Beysshoes: onion is so old fashioned.
Catpower777: I see your point
Catpower777: lol
Beysshoes: such a gent he is.
Catpower777: low gpa
PatientOnionSF: yeah, like she would be impressed by a whole foods
hummus salad
AmberDevilRay8: I'd be.


You Are What You Eat:
PatientOnionSF: amber, you are 20 times hotter, and you have
a genius GPA, this chick was slut city
PatientOnionSF: 24.5
AmberDevilRay8: Not as impressed though by...say...nachos
from 7-Eleven.
AmberDevilRay8: And a Big Gulp.
PatientOnionSF: most likely the first time she got her food from
anyplace but taco bell
Catpower777: amazing what Onion can glean in a glance


Envious Onion:
PatientOnionSF: i think she was latin with dyed blonde hair
PatientOnionSF: she couldn't anagram or diagram a sentence
like amber can
Beysshoes: wow you have strong feelings about this chick for
just seeing her in whole foods.
Beysshoes: she steal yoh tamale?
Catpower777: it's his old gf, Bey
Catpower777: he forgot to mention that part
PatientOnionSF: and she had this weird cut out top with bingo
exposure, very low class, Saturday night live style
PatientOnionSF: like bey wore on her first date with binky
Catpower777: lol
Beysshoes: oh well that splains it. shut up you assful
Beysshoes: you laffed too loud cat
Catpower777: I'm going to wake up people here laughing
Catpower777: jinx

Imitation British:
JFWaterman: I'm going to have to whack this cricket.
Catpower777: I've never heard it phrased that way, JF
JFWaterman: The cats won't even get near it.
Beysshoes: no jf. take it outside!


Nevermind the Forecast:
Tammynet: lightening just happened

If You Had Sex For the First Time, Would
you Immediately IM Onion About It:
PatientOnionSF: tammy, apocalpyse is around the corner, thank
god you lost your virginity tonight on the beach


Actually, this is kinda true:
PatientOnionSF: back in the manson days, BEFORE REAGANITE FASCISTS
TOOK OVER, TIME mag had a piece on the manson clan with TOPLESS photos
of the manson chicks


Batter Up:
Beysshoes: doom onion's been waiting for you
DoomGrl: whats onion want?
PatientOnionSF: doom girl, i want the truth
zomcom81: he wants pictures of you stirring batter
PatientOnionSF: once an for all
PatientOnionSF: buttermilk pancake batter
DoomGrl: like for waffles
PatientOnionSF: where are they?
PatientOnionSF: oui, Sunday brunch is just hours away
PatientOnionSF: are you ready?
PatientOnionSF: a chain of denver omelette breakfast huts


Chasing His Tail:
PatientOnionSF: bey, you are always out of touch with reality
for some reason, you gossip monger you
PatientOnionSF: bey makes up chatters, she is easily confused
Beysshoes: gossip monger? que? what are you talking about you assful.
PatientOnionSF: doom, bey is older than your grandmother
Beysshoes: you lying punkass
Beysshoes:
DoomGrl: he just likes other people better than me now
PatientOnionSF: she has surly gray hair
Beysshoes: why do you think he doesn't like you then?
(STFU you mentalcake)
PatientOnionSF: jones just needs new toys, he is easily distracted by
shiny objects
Beysshoes: you're projecting on that one you stoopid ass

[...while most of my junior high school classmates began asserting
themselves through academics, sports or troublemaking, I decided
to follow in the footsteps of the ancient masters, whose
knowledge was described in the fifth century B.C. classic
Tao Te Ching as:
... unfathomable
Because it is unfathomable,
All we can do is describe their appearance.
Watchful like men crossing a winter stream.
Alert, like men aware of danger.
Courteous, like visiting guests.
Yielding, like ice about to melt.
Simple, like uncarved blocks of wood.
Hollow, like caves.
Opaque, like muddy pools.
When I read this passage aloud to my father to acquaint
him with my new philosphy, he didn't respond immediately.
He pushed his coffee cup across the kitchen table, first
to the left, then to the right, then tried to center it
in front of him. When he did this it usually meant he was
about to deliver a sobering lecture. I steeled myself for
his gentle but devestating rational critique of the
unfathomable of old, but it never came. He found a satis-
factory place for the cup, nodded in a way I knew meant he
wasn't enthusiastic but wasn't going to rain on my parade
either, then said, "My son, the block of wood. Let me
know if it works."]


Indiana Wants You:
Anais3233: indianapolis is truly the asshole of the universe
Alansueton: Anais you ever been to Terre Haute?
PatientOnionSF: there is a big statue of alan in TH
Anais3233: yes
PatientOnionSF: he is the poet laureate of TH
Alansueton: Terre Haute smells like a
Anais3233: i've never stopped there
PatientOnionSF: they made his childhood home into a museum
Anais3233: i've been to the state park just south of there.
Alansueton: yeah on 41
Anais3233: i HATE hwy 41
Anais3233: that is the LONGEST drive from evansville to chicago
Alansueton: yes it is
Alansueton: Evansville isn't too attractive either
Anais3233: i like rivertowns
Alansueton: anais you ever had to go to Mooresville?
Anais3233: but no, it's not a purty place
Anais3233: no, i haven't
Alansueton: Mooresville is known in Indiana because it has an
entire Hospital devoted to people with Butt Problems and lower
intestinal tract issues
Alansueton: so if someone is "going to Mooresville" it means
"elbows deep in the ass"
PatientOnionSF: which is 97.5% from frozen corporate processed tv dinners
Anais3233: part of my family moved to evansville, and i moved with them.
Alansueton: it cares for such problems the Hospital does
known and specializes world class
PatientOnionSF: of all the states, Indiana has the highest
consumption level of TV dinners: 92.4%
Anais3233: i didn't know that


Baking Up With Facts:
Alansueton: My cousing Junior had real bad Hemorrhoids I had to
drive him there for surgery
Alansueton: he was embarrassed
Anais3233: i think you're making this up
Alansueton: I am not
Anais3233: junior?
Alansueton: yes he's named after his father Marvin we always
called him Junior

Edie Unamused:
EDruezillaB: poor poor alan with no facts and his pants down

The Telephone Book Is Thick Too:
ThaliaAnna: Reading the pillers of the earth ( its a thick book)

You Had Us At "yo":
Firecrotch5959: yo yo yo

Anais' Kids:
HelenaHandbagg: i'm making the kids do the dishes.
they are laughing way too muchHelena
Handbagg: they're probably pooping in my coffee cup

Anais and the Good German:
HelenaHandbagg: but i can't talk, i have a super large bushfro.
HelenaHandbagg: looks like i'm smuggling the sugarhill gang into
the pool
ThaliaAnna: Watch your language, I´m trying to practice my English
in here
ThaliaAnna: I dont want to learn any nasty words

Rono Screening Imposters:
PatientOnionSF: Thalia, what is your native language?
ThaliaAnna: Patient I told you before, my native language is German
Niontron9: thalia, what is gymnasium
Niontron9: thalia, what is a gymnasium, in german
Alansueton: school
Niontron9: alan, you fool
Niontron9: I was testing her


The Berlin Wall and Transformers:
Niontron9: Ich denke, dass Deutsch eine sehr gute Nation ist.
...but der Brechen der Berliner Mauer war ein trauriges Ding. ..
I Wunsch, der sie zusammen bleiben würden
Niontron9: thalia, what did I say
ThaliaAnna: Niotron on the contrary, it was the greatest thing
that happened, that the Berlin wall was torn down
Niontron9: thalia, I don't think so...
Niontron9: what people believe might be what they want people to
believe
ThaliaAnna: it ment the reunification of Germans in East and West,
it ment freedom for the peopel in Eastern Germany
ThaliaAnna: Niontron, why not?
ThaliaAnna: East Berlin was a communist country, people wanted out
and they made it
Niontron9: i want to watch, the trANSFORMERS MOVIE
Niontron9: the new one..


Hadachoke's Joke:
Hadachoke: NPR interviewd a member of the Dutch air force recently..
He said "I was flying along and three fokkers jumped me" The NPR
lady said "I should explain to the radio audience that FOKKER was
a German Fighter aircraft" Then the dutch
Hadachoke: guy said Ja, but dem fokkers was Mezzerschmidts"


Punk Magnet:
PatientOnionSF: Melo, why all of a sudden does america DESPERATELY
NEED "QUALIFIED" PEOPLE TO FILL THE JOBS, CUZ YOU THINK YOU MIGHT
NOT GET IT? that 's the reason why
PatientOnionSF: admit it punk
BinxB91: Onion called melo a punk??? lol
Melodramamama22: onion, i don't need a job, i already have one
PatientOnionSF: an intellectual punk, pea-brain, hillbilly
Melodramamama22: if i'm not mistaken, an UNEMPLOYED punk!
Melodramamama22: onion, heh
Melodramamama22: yer getting worked up, baby
Catpower777: hey Tammy
KissMyAsterix: hey tammy
Tammynet: Hi Cat
KissMyAsterix: mention punks and in comes tammy


Deep Thoughts:
Kgbirdpaul: chat rooms are safe havens for the terminally annoying

On Cue:
Niontron9: apparently, ding means thing

HEY!!! Many of the Shelfers believed missing have
since made appearances!!
Beysshoes wrote this past week to say:
"I have Nora in an IM box" Given Beys' past,
I was expecting the next line to be a ransom
demand.
Bookslut has a new screen name with only an
oblique rference to sex. Good to see all
that literature has had an effect on her.
Godwit has new screen name but I can't remember
what it is.
Good to see that neither Onion nor David have
modified their screen names recently. Perhaps
budget cuts have reached the witness protection
program.
Someone claimed to have spotted CreepyLoner under
a new screen name. Like UFO sightings though, the
sighting was somewhat dubious.

Onion's Band:
Catpower777: does anyone in here have a yamaha keyboard?
PatientOnionSF: i have a dell keyboard i use for my band,
THE TYPISTS
PatientOnionSF: office waiting room muzak

Quest:
Greeneyecat10: i come here like al the time just to see if
this persom i met is here

"thought she was moisturizing":
Roojerz: The coolest ppl hang out in book shelf, to be sure
PatientOnionSF: roger, then why are you here? we are famous
authors, you are not
Roojerz: oh, someone was talking about that earlier, i thought
she was moisturizing

The Price of Fun:
Kgbirdpaul: I had fun for 5 days, then I spent 3 days in bed

Go Gentile Through the Night:
BobsurAuntTom: NonYids learn how to at least immitate a Jew
when they're in New York.

Catching the Prospect Disease:
Niontron9: I was just checking, if you guys were awake and
noticed that I said hello to a person
Niontron9: who was not here


Why Julie Avoids Office Romances:
oooolijay: it's 9:30 on sunday night. what a sad time
SteveIzHere8: you're sad?
oooolijay: i have to work in the morning
SteveIzHere8: start having sex with upper management
SteveIzHere8: and your job will become easy and fun
oooolijay: upper management is an old guy on a scooter and his
two crazy daughters

[It was sundown in Ohio and Sister Anne Aurora was doing a
special walk around her prayer circle. She didn't do it
everyday. Just when the spirit moved her. She would try to
recite the names of all the people she was praying for in
one very slow revolution, then say them one at a time for
twelve revolutions apiece. Frederick Sydney Harwood of
Berkely, California, I send you my energy and my love, I send
you stength and wisdom. In the midst of your fear I know joy
can grow and flourish. Joy can rise up from fear and overcome
it. Joy is in every atom of creation. It is life. It is
wisdom. Let it in. It wants to be with you. Strength
guards you. Strength heals you. You are not alone. You
are going to make it.
I might start writing down some of my prayers, Sister Anne
decided, stopping at the top of a prayer circle to look down
at the row of crosses, then up into the beautiful skies of
subdown. Some of them are pretty good.]


What Are You Wearing?
Roojerz: a band aid

Evie and the Boys:
KissMyAsterix: Evie!
BlackHeartedCur: Oh look the hot lesbian is back
Sleepy Eyed Evie: thanks?
BlackHeartedCur: AlanSueton put me up to that


BookSlut and the Boys:
tired faucet: My current project? To reduce writing to a seaman's
language. Short, without any unnecessary phrase.
mourning bread: tired faucet is doing what Hemingway perfected.
Speechless2009: you know all about the language of seaman, huh tired?
tired faucet: Laughing, Speechless.
tired faucet: You fuck


Gina Being Discreet:
KissMyAsterix: I met optimus prime today
KissMyAsterix: at bigboy
Forkrerereredux: really?
KissMyAsterix: yes
Forkrerereredux: that makes fork jealous
princessslayah42: wow, was he sexy miss asterix?
KissMyAsterix: sorry, he was quite nice
Roojerz: bigboy is what they call the buxom singles chat
KissMyAsterix: not as sexy as wolverine
Forkrerereredux: did you make out?
KissMyAsterix: no he was surrounded by kids
KissMyAsterix: passing out balloons
KissMyAsterix: but if it's any consolation, he was shorter
than I expected
zomcom81: making out would have been inappropriate
KissMyAsterix: especially near the salad bar zom


Reason to Go On Living:
Tom Brite: larry king is having a jonas brothers special

Sign of the Apocalypse:
Bidet Luv: i have busted out laughing several times, and
i never do that

Unclear on the Concept:
GelasiusIII: so... the whole "Book Shelf" thing, that's just never
acknowleged? lol

In the Nile:
KimberlysCabin09: ha ha im not a bot


Extemes Meet:
JLBorges912: i was drunk and/or high every day in high school
SteveIzHere8: now look at you
SteveIzHere8: you're in a chat room
princessslayah42: i tripped on acid at my prom
JLBorges912: everyone is shocked i am still alive
Alansueton: Jose I know I am
JLBorges912: much less have a hot wife and a cool car, etc.
Madam Mimi: Now look at you.......you're here with me who Never
smoked or drank.....AND graduated yr and a half before my class


[That night Mitzi Ozburt dressed in her most conservative navy
blue pleated skirt and a blue cashmere sweater with a white
collar and cuffs. She looked like a Catholic schoolgirl when
Donovan came to pick her up. She had intended to show him what
a good girl she was, but of course the sexiest thing in the world
to a Catholic man is a woman dressed in something that looks like
a school uniform. If her slip had been showing a little bit or
she had worn saddle oxfords, it might have taken less than an
hour for them to get into Mitzi's cherry four-poster bed, but
as it was they had a glass of wine and talked about feeling
guilty for a while before they made love, and vowed devotion,
and said will you marry me, and this is crazy, no it's not,
you're right, it's not, and do you want some babies, I do,
I do too.
"God forgives everything and we are not sinners," Mitzi said.
"Those old guys who want to keep people from being happy are
the sinners."
"We will live lives that are good," he said.
"And live right now," she answered. "My client, Sui Wong, is
a physicist and she says living in the present is the most
spiritual and Zen thing anyone can do. It teaches other
people to do the same, and if you can teach that to suicide
bombers they wouldn't blow themseves up."
"Amen to that."
"I am really hungry," Mitzi said. "I'd like to go somewhere
and get something to eat, and I mean fast. I haven't eaten
in days, it seems like. Could we go to a fast-food place and
get something if you don't mind?"
"We can do whatever you want."
"Come on. Get dressed. I'll show the real me."
On their way out of the house, Mitzi stopped and picked up a
handful of crackers and ate them on the way to the car.
Fifteen minutes later they were at Arby's Drive-Thru window
collecting roast beef sandwiches and Jamocha milkshakes.
They sat in the car and ate their dinners, and Donovan decided
it was like coming back from a trip to Antarctica and finding
himself in heaven instead.]



Which One of these 5 people is an imposter?:

Tom Brite: i like to watch masturbation but i feel guilty
Bidet Luv: people cannot believe i was and am a good girl
princessslayah42: i want a leg gun
JLBorges912: i like shaving my genitals
Madam Mimi: Do you guys watch Rachel Ray?


David Finds His Limits:
Alansueton: Typographically I can't do accents or the
little housetops

BabyBoomers vs Xers:
AmberDevilRay8: Long live the great baby boomers.
AmberDevilRay8: FOr giving us Vietnam and disco.
FoodSIut2: that's right i forgot 911 and hannah montana are so
much better
FoodSIut2: i am jealous
AmberDevilRay8: Don't look at me!


David Unleashed:
BinxB91: Life, name a favorite book of late
HisUnwantedLife: Jude the Obscure
Tj34: pretty good, life
Alansueton: Teej Ive had a craze for reading Plutarch lately
I started with his Moralia(Moral Essays) and now Im on to his
Lives
Alansueton: great stuff great revisit!
Tj34: i read him way long ago alan
Alansueton: Plutarch rocks
Tj34: yes, and you can't skim with him
Alansueton: seriously the fucker is like Filet Mignon steak
cooked perfctly


David's Jail House Rumination:
Alansueton: I was in jail once and the guy in the bunk next to me
(overcrowded I was on a mat on the floor) was reading the Modern
Library edition of Flaubert's "Madame Bovary"
Alansueton: it made the jail disappear we talked about Charles
Bovary and the first time he meets Emma sets her father's broken
leg
Alansueton: the scene painting it was cool


Pickled:
Niontron9: I am in a dillemma


We'll Have Intelligent Chat Later:

LadyQuasi: All that talk made me hungry.

EmpressZ21: my nieghbor called and i threw out my frozen
snickers bar dammit

LadyQuasi: My dog thinks he's a goat.

EmpressZ21: my dog ate my chair

EmpressZ21: colbert's shaved head makes his ear more sticky outty

Kan wa ma kan: can i tell y'all how excited i am about the new
smiley face bags



Anti-Immigrant:
oooolijay: i hate when al is full

New Discovery:
Kgbirdpaul: the bible has some nice prose poetry


The Anti-Panty:
CordialCactus: purchased! successful swim suit shopping
CordialCactus: and shorts and shirts and sunglasses and bras
CordialCactus: first time ive shopped just for me in FOREVER
NoraMcKee525: are you expecting the pool boy?
CordialCactus: tankinis
SteveIzHere8: I need you.
Beysshoes: cute candy
CordialCactus: almost a one piece but not
NoraMcKee525: tankinis are so CUTE
CordialCactus: its fun to say, too
CordialCactus: tankini

oooolijay absent, Gleam gets his pundit on:
Gleam1946: Dems spend money to investigate the most obscure
iterations of behaviour. It's a sickness

Super Hero:
CordialCactus: omgosh.. i rescued my neighbors cat from the
leash law police

But everything you say sounds weird:
Niontron9: as weird as it sounds, einstein is the one who made
the atomic bomb


Friday Night Fights:
LadyQuasi: Both cats ran off...there is some blood and hair on
the deck.
LadyQuasi: Hubby is cleaning up the mess.
CordialCactus: ladyQ .. big yikes


They're Out There:
Gleam1946: Emmeit Till should have not insulted a white chick

Solipism
Gleam1946: If we cant see it is not real

Gleam's Fellow Traveller:
Speechless2009: you know the french are notorious for being
cowardly homosexuals?


"please do not post me""
NOTNycgirl: its not anethma its anathema
BinxB91: oh oh, NYCgirl is back!!!
NOTNycgirl: no
NOTNycgirl: please binx do not post me
I2DaysInNovember: national anthema

Yes, it's "y":
Katie Ann 010101: upgrading spell-checker

Flip Side of Billie Jean:
Gleam1946: Listen to some M.J. Lyrics and you will learn gems
like "JEW-SUE"

New Sandwich From Sonic:
I2DaysInNovember: I had a huge epiphany today it was awesome

Liberal Bias Joke:
I2DaysInNovember: quick someone say something really stupid
NoraMcKee525: fox news

Why Her Therapist Nods Off:
princessslayah42: i had a dream about apple jacks

Truth in Sales:
I2DaysInNovember: there were two kids that rang our doorbell
earlier this evening. they were selling candybars for a dollar
each. Marie and I bought five
I2DaysInNovember: as we were picking them out they said that
we should put them in the freezer becasue they had melted


What a Fool Believes:
BinxB91: Elizabeth Taylor must have thought she had to marry man
in order to have sex with him
oooolijay: i'm glad i never believed that