Vanda is Back. BookShelf Will Go On.

And without showers ...:

Vanda52: i'll be back after a shower, it's been a
difficult 5 days without the internet

The Paki Girl is still available:

Vanda52: i had no internet or phone for 5 days, im well,
it was interesting if you like solitaire, damn near went
bar hopping and i would of if it lasted much longer
JaneH56: PO said you had married the paki deli girl,
and BLT said you had had a heart attack.
Nowhereinva: i said you and nag were off playing poker
with elvis and jimmy hoffa
Vanda52: i saw jane and alas no, the paki girl is still
selling cigarettes at country valley farms, it would of
been nice marrying the young muslim tho, for a week at
least

Free to screw off:

Nowhereinva: i'm at work tonight
Cecilleej: right now nowhere?
Nowhereinva: yes, cec
Nowhereinva: i'll be here ALL NIGHT
Cecilleej: where do you work where you are allowed to chat
on the internet?
Nowhereinva: i work at a shelter
JadedDremer: shelter? what kinda shelter?
Nowhereinva: domestic violence julie
Nowhereinva: at night there's not much to do except my rounds
Nowhereinva: so i can pretty much screw off to my heart's
content

Blended Families and Mixed Drinks:

Nowhereinva: i wish my step-father would take his drunk ass to bed
Vanda52: i thought he only drank on weekends rag?

Wouldn't Drinking be Healthier:

Vanda52: i need to find some goth porn, that can be my
assignment tomorrow

Just when you thought it couldn't get weirder:

Vanda52: if i was a teen i would go for that goth lookkkkk
Cecilleej: you should try to rock it now Allan
MsJillybeen9: Allan, would you have the face piercing?
Nomdujourxx: The pallid look, eh, Vanda?
Vanda52: i also tend to like necrophilia

Jilly in Black:

MsJillybeen9: some girls look cute in black, i look like someone beat me

Heroism is Stupid:

JaneH56: Rocky, I was sad to hear that dad that left his family
in the car to go for help, was found dead.
LadyMtnMedic: Yes, bless his heart, he did the valiant thing,
however misguided it was
Vanda52: that was sad jane
ParaMyrrh: Jane sometimes heroism is stupid
LadyMtnMedic: the man did what he thought was best for his family,
so you have to give him credit for that
JaneH56: kal. he was from San Francisco, he didn't know about
that weather.
ParaMyrrh: lady nonsense he did something amazingly thoughtless
and irresponsible playign the hero in those conditions smarter
and better for the family to stay put

Crack is Boring:

AnntWb: hey hey
JaneH56: hi annts.
AnntWb: I am going to play Deal or NO deal
BinxB91: Annt?? As in AnntsinHerPantz??
Nowhereinva: ANNTS!!!!!!Nowhereinva: don't you dare leave you hussy!!!!
AnntWb: yes binx you KNOW this MAN
ParaMyrrh: Watching a crass game show
AnntWb: hi lady :)
AnntWb: I am going to play on line M
AnntWb: I am waiting for it to load
BinxB91: MAN?? You've changed sex?
Nowhereinva: annts!!!! you never come play with us anymore!!!
AnntWb: no YOU are MAN, I am WO man
AnntWb: geeze
ParaMyrrh: Annt that's a stupid game I can't believe you
watch that swill
BinxB91: Anntz, you used to be coherent
ParaMyrrh: you're addicted to it like drinking or crack
AnntWb: I know m, I don't get online much, I forgot and didn't
even pay my water bill
JaneH56: I can't stand it Kal.
AnntWb: they cut my water off today :(
Criskingbmx: burrito
AnntWb: too much stuff
JaneH56: why annt?
ParaMyrrh: Jane God Bless You
AnntWb: kal, crack is boring

The Homeless Shelfer?:

AnntWb: I always sleep in my clothes, don't you

SKlein branches out:

SKlein69: The Revolution is here. Howard Stern live and
uncensored only on Sirius Satellite Radio.
ParaMyrrh: SKlein Sirius is tanking
ParaMyrrh: flop
JaneH56: Sklein is still around.
Vanda52: never mind
SKlein69: Everyday is history in the making. Howard Stern
live and uncensored only on Sirius Satellite Radio.
ParaMyrrh: SKlein it's tanking the stock is plummetting
SKlein69: 7 Eleven-Fresh Brewed-Fresh Taste
I2DaysInNovember: IM me if you want to see me on my webcam
Vanda52: i saw something about serius,i forget what it was
SKlein69: Dunkin Donuts-America runs on Dunkin

A Masters Degree ... but not in punctuation:

MsJillybeen9: no, the first comma should have been a colon

All Vanda's stories are the same:

Vanda52: oh i saw a thing about some burger place that has
the waitresses wear sexy nurse outfits i think in texas
NickNox78: every time i hear texas i think spongebob square pants

His idea of a greeting card:

MsJillybeen9: julie, allan sent me the spears twat pic

Home for the Holidays:

MsJillybeen9: janeh, my sister isn't talking to me
JaneH56: why jilly?
MsJillybeen9: i told her that i think she's a bad mom,
apparently it offended her
JaneH56: lol jilly. that will do it.
MsJillybeen9: Jane, she teaches her kids to cuss and
say racial slurs and thinks it's cute
JaneH56: oh no. poor kids.
MsJillybeen9: thanksgiving was grand

Shavings:

Vanda52: cause cat, ive had my fill of porn today, i
had indian porn today, the sub continent indian, no
american indian beaver shots
JadedDremer: allan is obviously spending too much time
porn-surfing
Catpower777: Indian porn, huh?
Vanda52: indian porn ladies dont shave
Catpower777: girls with bells on their ankles, Allan?
PatientOnion3: his wife is paki, his porn is indian
MsJillybeen9: do they bathe, allan?
JadedDremer: uh, delete extraneous letters, please
JadedDremer: allan, a lot of laides don't shave
JadedDremer: i'm part indian, but i don't shave
Vanda52: well julie and this is my personal opinion
I like a hairy pussy, i mean why call it a pussy otherwise
PatientOnion3: cecil what do you wax with?
PatientOnion3: a movie filmed in san fransicko?
Nowhereinva: mcdreamy prefers it au natural
MsJillybeen9: so allan likes hairy beaver but not blow jobs.
PatientOnion3: as michael savage lovingly calls his home
Nowhereinva: i shaved it once last summer because of my
bathing suit and he didn't like it

It's only an expression, Lucerosala:

PatientOnion3: I bought the same book, I read the chapter
called "The Fastest Way to a Woman's Heart is Thru Her TummY"
LUCEROSALA: make sure she is wearing a skirt

Yeah, you would:

ParaMyrrh: I admire that guy who faked retardation

Asexual Yearnings:

ParaMyrrh: Nags if you can somehow feel this asexual
yearning i have for your bitter ripostes!
ParaMyrrh: your insane conspiracy theories!

And the Nominees for Best Shelf Line of the Year:

PatientOnion3: choosy mothers choose JIF, not psychiatric
drugs for their offspring

Urban Renewal/Onionisms

War is profitable:

Sublime Elu: you think that war isn't already
run for profit?
PatientOnion3: Iraq has oil, oil is profitable,
our cars do not run on Iraqi democracy

Kitchen Porn Redux:

Vanda52: im bored and i never hack into computers,
im happy with my porn sites
PatientOnion3: they have porn on the internet now,
when did that happen?
Catpower777: Onion, even kitchen porn
PatientOnion3: turkey basters, turkeys with white meat
breast implants

Spanish makes him nuts:

Beysshoes: vanda we had 4 spanish speaking chatters last
night when godwit was here...you missed a great tizzy fit!
LivZenTx: working on my Spanish, Bey, took it for 14 years,
need to revive!
Beysshoes: yes liv...and be sure to make an appearance when
godwits around!
LivZenTx: ok, Bey, por que?
Beysshoes: for what? liv?
Sublime Elu: brb - dog
LivZenTx: brb, phone call!
Beysshoes: oh he's the resident bigot...and spanish
makes him nuts
Beysshoes: the illegal alien issue
Vanda52: america will be a spanish-speaking country in 40 years

Vanda eliminates yet another potential mate:

Vanda52: Charo's ok but i bet she gets annoying to live with

Adult Homework Help:

Beysshoes: swede needed to know what the clicker on
the top of the pen was...the correct name for it.
do you know?
Catpower777: what a weird question
Catpower777: did he google it?
Beysshoes: its for a paper he's writing. he needs the exact term
Beysshoes: how would one google that?

Urban does not suffer fools:

LivZenTx: It's hard to gaze at stars when you are in Houston
Niontron3: why is it hard in houston
LivZenTx: so many lights, Nion
UrbanStarGazer: Liv -- A good friend of mine just moved
to Houston
LivZenTx: what part of town Urban?
UrbanStarGazer: Liv -- I have no idea
Niontron3: get out of the city..
LivZenTx: lol, big ole town here
UrbanStarGazer: Liv -- All I know is that it is a
"planned community"
LivZenTx: yeah, I hear that is popular in CA
UrbanStarGazer: which, from what I understand, has a
different meaning out there than out here
Niontron3: what's a PLANNED COMMUNITY
UrbanStarGazer: Liv -- What is?
Niontron3: how do you plan a community
Niontron3: you mean the buildings and the whole city
is planned?
UrbanStarGazer: Liv -- We don't have planned communities
out here, we have zoning
Niontron3: you mean the buildings and the whole city is
well planned?
LivZenTx: yeah, Houston has no zoning it is wild and crazy here
Niontron3: I demand to know what is a PLANNED COMMUNITY
UrbanStarGazer: Nion -- I was typing you an explanation but
since you're acting stupid, I deleted it

Your Life is determined by Politicians:

UrbanStarGazer: Liv -- I'm like the Renee Russo character
-- the only woman over 30 who doesn't believe in astrology
Niontron3: only because stars are moving that doesn't
mean your life is changing
Niontron3: your life is determined by politicians...

... and the Messiah:

UrbanStarGazer: I'm waiting for my butter to soften and
my oven to preheat

2 out of 3 liked it:

BinxB91: I once ate a restaurant that was half-German/half-Chinese.
An hour later I hungered for power
UrbanStarGazer: Binx -- LOL, I like that
Cyn9652: very clever, binx
Niontron3: binx, your joke is derogatory to other nation

Signal to start the bread:

Vanda52: there was a picture floating around of some poor
guy with a micro penis, it wasnt nice at all
UrbanStarGazer: Allan -- How small was it?
Vanda52: well urb, there was basically no penis,
it was just a pee hole on the poor guy
UrbanStarGazer: brb gonna go start my bread

Yes but it always starts with gravy mix:

UrbanStarGazer: So, the other day H and I were at
the grocery store and I look in the cart and there
are 3 packets of that packaged brown gravy stuff
UrbanStarGazer: and I asked him why they were there and
he said that I told him to grab it
UrbanStarGazer: so, I'm wondering . . . should I be worried
that he's turning into a schizophrenic who hears voices
telling him to buy bad food?
Epatterson186044: it was only gravy mix

Moon owes her existance to Draft Dodging:

Cecilleej: My friend is frightened the draft will come and
get him
Moonmet: my grandmother married my grandfather civily to
avoid being drafted in WWI

A Cry for Help?:

ParaMyrrh: even when I was a woman I was against Abortion

More silliness:

PatientOnion3: you know why iraq is going downhill? Cause
Lucero's boyfriend is not there, he came home for the holidays,
as soon as he goes back we will win
LUCEROSALA: lol
Vanda52: iraq is going downhill?

Vanda comes to a conclusion:

Vanda52: ive come to the conclusion i like a hairy hootie
Ironfeliks1: not me vanda
PatientOnion3: I love the Hairy Hootie movies, that little
british boy and all those witches and ghosts?