BOOKSHELF TEA TIME
Ooolijay, BOOKGASM, CordialCactus are this week's
co-stars. But two comments below, nominally about
books, one by Beardown, one by DoomGrl, would have
caused me to spit tea on the screen had I been
drinking tea.


"on a regular basis"?
B00KGASM: I've been having sex on a regular basis, working,
and studying so I've been pleasantly busy lately.
Creepy Loner: I'm almost drunk.

Looks Like Homework Help:
DinosaurVegan: but is boo radley good or bad? if he is good,
why is he so shy?

Because Kim Jung Il is ill:
B00KGASM: there is no one here to impress.
B00KGASM: i wish there was.
B00KGASM: asian men.
Forkrerereredux: yeah, asian men
Forkrerereredux: tell your make believe shit to some asians

BookSlut Laughs:
B00KGASM: i deserve the wrath of the fat, ugly, and those
suffering from pinching penury.
B00KGASM: * giggle

Onion Disappointed:
carr carter 3: didnt mean to depress anyone...
PatientOnion3: carter, what are you wearing?
carr carter 3: clothes
carr carter 3: why?
PatientOnion3: you should be a writer, you have a way with words!
PatientOnion3: carter you are a natural
carr carter 3: i do write.....
PatientOnion3: I saw this beautiful woman, she was dressed in clothes


Just A Girl Who Can't Say No:
B00KGASM: no friends, no real boyfriend. every night i am tortured
with nightmares of death.
Forkrerereredux: slut, you want me to sex you?
Forkrerereredux: would that make you feel better?
Forkrerereredux: some white boy willy?
B00KGASM: i dunno.


Callin 'em like She Sees 'em:
NoraMcKee525: i am glad my classroom doesn't have windows
Anais3233: nora is a demanding taskmistress
PRobin5478: Nora is strict but fair
CordialCactus: strict but fair is a nice way of saying
"bitch" isnt it?

Odd Op-Ed Page:
B00KGASM: I ALLOW YOU TO COLUMNIZE MY VAGINA.

Non-Ramen Fans:
DoomGrl: the man who invented ramen noodles died
ForestAnimal3: from starvation?
SemiLitterate: choked on a hoodle, I hope

Candice Stretching Her Vocabulary:
CordialCactus: I was just telling my husband that this room
wasnt pervy at all
CordialCactus: and he bought it
RONORELOADED: I am outtie
Forkrerereredux: dear lord
CordialCactus: all part of my dastardly plan.. HA! that was my
first time ever using the word dastardly


Punchline Pending:
Josh94504: i just read "How to have sex and not be commited"
CordialCactus: commited... i know there is a punchline
there somewhere

Candice Aiming to Help:
SolliIja: are any of you lawyers?
CordialCactus: sollija..no, but i slept with one years ago

Expecting an Answer?:
DoomGrl: i so love your quote about the clouds with paws
Ooolijay: why do you sound insane?


Homeless Story's Happy Ending:
SolliIja: I was homeless from Aug 28 until yesterday
SolliIja: it was pretty funny
Ooolijay: things are looking up, then soll
BinxB91: funny how?
SolliIja: that's actually a funny story
Ooolijay: homelessness always cracks me up
SolliIja: the day I became homeless, a girl ran into my car ...
BinxB91: ran into it? with her car?
SolliIja: so after walking around in a daze for 48 hours,
I called an attorney and he got me some money from the
insurance company
SolliIja: which I received Thrusday afternoon
SolliIja: I also got a massage
Ooolijay: i think solls is full of shit


Ooolijays & Ends:

Ooolijay: i like feral things

SolliIja: i called a suicide hotline and the lady yelled at me
and hung up

Ooolijay: we could talk about my hair some more
Ooolijay: that's fun

BinxB91: IM box: "he wanted to make love to me... Strange, huh?"

Phronsie: I don't work well with partners.

CHRISCJAMEZ: I'm looking for a writing partner. Do you want to
be my writing partner?

Ooolijay: i once got a concussion from a dryer door

BlackMagicJones: i love arizona cuisine

MsVictoriaLynn1: I know it in Russian but can't remember it

SteveIzHere1: ever chat naked?

RONORELOADED: I don't see the reason for women wearing underwears

B00KGASM: i have a sleepy hand.



Hobby Corner:

Zenchef2006: lynn? remember me mentioning my sca friend who is
a leathercrafter?
MsVictoriaLynn1: yes
Zenchef2006: well a few years ago at the fabric store he found
some purple shag fabric
Zenchef2006: he bought it and cut out a cookie monster pelt
attatched some googly eyes and had it stretched on his tanning
rack in his shop!!
Zenchef2006: after that he was looking for some green shag fabric
MsVictoriaLynn1: they won't even let kids backstage after a show
so they don't see the characters in pieces
Rafo65: that's odd,
Zen.. I was just looking for a shag myself
Zenchef2006: oscar tanned and cured film at 11
Zenchef2006: what for rafo??
Rafo65: relaxation, zen.. ffs
Zenchef2006: ffs??? what is that?
Rafo65: for f**ks sake, zen

Beth as Bad Student:
RONORELOADED: there are three laws on newton, other than the
graviation law\
Bethliebner: fig newtons are pretty good


David Foster Wallace (1962-2008):
BinxB91: I stopped to read essays by David Foster Wallace tonight
BinxB91: die prematurely and I am more likely to read your books
BinxB91: he was living in Bloomington, Illinois on 9/11
BinxB91: He wrote about how it affected that community
ParaMyrrh: Binx yes his non-fiction was fine But his novels are
so awful I think he killed himself because he couldn't write
narrative to save his life
Beardown100: sad story
BinxB91: ParaMyrrh, that may be true
BinxB91: Did he leave a poorly-written suicide note?


Because Tears Stain the Carpet?:
Ooolijay: brb. i'm going to go weep soflty into the sink

Candice in a Slip:
CordialCactus: the room books fiction had a fake virtual prom
about 9 years ago.. with member made aol rooms for the guests.
the theme was literature (surprise) you were to arrive to the
prom as a famous literary character or writer..
Bethliebner: :-D
CordialCactus: anyway
CordialCactus: maggie the cat made me remember that


The Straightforward Onion:

PatientOnion3: aren't you supposed to say the book/author?
BinxB91: this one was from Lush Life - Richard Price
PatientOnion3: the guy who wroter clockers?
BinxB91: Note the double meaning of "lush"
PatientOnion3: one meaning is enough for me
BinxB91: I suppose I should say the author. But I haven't
had a cease and desisit order yet
BinxB91: One meaning is enough for Onion. He's that
straightforward kind of guy
PatientOnion3: like people who say are you a patient onion or
a patient onion, i say huh?
PatientOnion3: just like richard price
PatientOnion3: lush is lush
BinxB91: lush is rich. A lush is a drunk
PatientOnion3: binky, you should be a writer, you really get into
words man
PatientOnion3: i mean you like sell them too, you are around them
all the time
Lamumsie: I thought we were talking about Candices hair
PatientOnion3: do you ever hear the books talking?
BinxB91: hehe


[Vehemently Patrick continued to speak, not knowing what he
said or why, at this moment, he was driven to say it; the words
long pent-up, the solitude of his life erupting suddenly, in a
passion he hadn't known he possessed. Marianne moved quietly
and surely clearing the table, rinsing the dishes, all the while
listening to Patrick, murmuring words of assent or surprise,
occaisionally wincing as if his sharp words hurt. Somehow
Patrick had swerved from the subject of science's great mysteries
to humankind's collective failure. These were thoughts he'd had
numerous times, in high school even, but he'd never spoken them
before to another person before. "Look, it's so damned
depressing! Why after all this time, all that science has dis-
covered, the human race is so ignorant. So superstitious and cruel.
Consider: the Nazis murdered sixteen million men, women, and
children; Stalin murdered twenty million; even more millions ---
more! --- were victims of Chinese Communist 'idealogy'. Just in
the twentieth century alone. Our civilized century. That's the
mystery, not nature --- why human beings are so vile."
Marianne had come to stand staring at Patrick, her eyes almost
frightened. "Patrick, you sound so angry."
"Shouldn't I be? Why aren't you?"
Patrick had risen from the table, trembling. He'd had no idea
he was so angry, a pulse beating in his left eye, furiously.
Quickly, without a word, Marianne came to him. Gripped his
arms and on her toes leaned on him, pressing her cool, thin
cheek against his. Not quite an embrace but it was comforting,
consoling.
I love you. We love each other. That's enough.]


Fun Couple:
Forkrerereredux: lol
Creepy Loner: Hahaha

Bet Rono Likes Eggs:
BlackMagicJones: I hate eggs
Creepy Loner: I hate eggs, too.
Forkrerereredux: hi rono
Creepy Loner: Ugh, the stalker


DoomGrl's Mistake:
MyStrat: anyone else having trouble getting their email?
Phronsie: i got lots of idiotic email.
DoomGrl: im getting way more junk mail all of a sudden
DoomGrl: i guess my junk mail is clogging up the pipe line
DoomGrl: ever since i visited the Bisexual Twenties room
DoomGrl: what a mistake

Next Time, Disguise Your Handwriting:
MyStrat: this lady at work got pissed at me, she had an ad on
employee bulletin board, Free Kittens, ask Karen, all i did was
write in "for recipes" after her name

As If We Could Like You Any Better:
Creepy Loner: People liked me better when I had a cat picture
in my profile.

Like Hillary Without the Moderation:
Ooolijay: i got lighter highlights on top of the honey highlights
Ooolijay: and i'm fucking awesome now
Ooolijay: i can't keep my hands off myself


Barnes & Noble Classics:
Beardown100: Another good book today from B and N Its a story
about a young girl in Chicago that was left alone after her
parents were killed in a sledding acident

DoomGrl Holding Back:
DoomGrl: an incredible new book is The Story of Edgar Sawtelle,
thats the one i cried so much i almost threw up


Men As Baskin-Robbins 31 Flavors:
B00KGASM: filipinos can be hot.


Rono's Secret:

RONORELOADED: Kan wa, seriously
RONORELOADED: were you not in the arabic room
RONORELOADED: and in th AL?
Kan wa ma kan: ron why do you ask
RONORELOADED: I saw you in the both room
Kan wa ma kan: why are you stalking me
RONORELOADED: no, are you
RONORELOADED: I visit these three rooms all the time
Kan wa ma kan: hi jam, ooo, et al
Kan wa ma kan: cool
RONORELOADED: not with this name though
Kan wa ma kan: what name?>
RONORELOADED: kan wa, in time
Kan wa ma kan: in time?
Kan wa ma kan: why so secretive?
RONORELOADED: (I have my reasons)

Could They Imagine a Son Chatting On-Line?:
Hadachoke: my mom and dad were both born in 1905


What About in the Rain, Or on a Train?:
Creepy Loner: I've never had sex in the same room with a dog.
Creepy Loner: I have had sex in the same room with a cat.

Max's Ringtone:
Max 314159265358: The DFW suicide woke me up
Creepy Loner: Woke you up to what? Your drinking?
Max 314159265358: there's treatment
Creepy Loner: Or did it literally wake you up? Do you get some
funny ringtone warning on a cell phone when a writer dies?


Ed Vega (1936-2008)
Waggonercj: Hada.. i see we lost a former Bookshelfer
Hadachoke: hm?
Hadachoke: who?
Waggonercj: Edgardo Vega Yunque
BinxB91: yes, EVY died
Hadachoke: oh yeah
Waggonercj: saw his obit in The Times
Hadachoke: Vega was a pretty good guy, actually
Waggonercj: Hada.. yes, i know.
Waggonercj: Didn't realize he was 72.
BinxB91: We seem to have a lot of characters like him
Hadachoke: he's the same age as me
Hadachoke: was
BinxB91: "I'm a published author. Deal with it"
Waggonercj: sorry to hear it.
Waggonercj: we were friendly because we were both jazz fans.
Hadachoke: Vega was a pretty good guy, actually


Shoe Exchange?:
DoomGrl: I need some new shoes
Forkrerereredux: so does fork

Girls Gone Mild:
B00KGASM: i want you to understand i am not exaggerating.
Melodramamama22: i'm just telling you what was in
the blah blah blah times


Book Slut's Daughter:

B00KGASM: hong kong garden with strings! oh, siouxsie!
B00KGASM: how the f do you pronounce siouxsie anyway?
B00KGASM: like susie?
Melodramamama22: yeah
MsVictoriaLynn1: Suzie
B00KGASM: interesting.
Anais3233: soooswee
BoreUsYelledSin: Ask the Banshees
BlackMediaJones: sue-see
B00KGASM: i will name daughter siouxsie. or kenley.
B00KGASM: or lima bean.
B00KGASM: whichever.
Forkrerereredux: sex is the primary motivator
Melodramamama22: do not name your daughter lima bean
BoreUsYelledSin: How many children do you plan on having Book?
Melodramamama22: name your dog lima bean if you must
B00KGASM: as many as it takes to maintain my obsession with
buying books.
Anais3233: Lima is a nice name
Melodramamama22: maybe if you pronounce it LEEMA

Prose & Poetry:
Melodramamama22: i know a man who actually jumped off a bridge,
onto an oncoming lorry, week before last
B00KGASM: on the pavement of my trampled soul the steps of madmen
weave the prints of rude crude words.



BookSlut Haiku:
B00KGASM: being the shit out of flamingos, thrashing them against
rocks by their necks. very violent scene.
B00KGASM: my first orgasm.


Women Alone:
B00KGASM: i hold hands with stuffed animals.
Melodramamama22: hey, i never thought about holding my own hand

SuperMom:
CordialCactus: i rode my bike pulling the cart with the kids in
it earlier... they saw the ice cream truck going to other way,
"Mom! you can catch it!"


Melo Not Taking Shit:
Melodramamama22: hyperon, when you can shoot a whole
human being outta your abdomen, then you can talk shit

Her Muse:
CordialCactus: tip from a kid: mom, boogers are sticky like glue
(as she was contemplating an art project at her desk)

Reading Last of the Mohicans:
B00KGASM: i rubbed waterproof mascara on my cheek.


Electric Ooolijay Part I:
Ooolijay: hey guess what i did today for the first time
ever
Ooolijay: i licked a battery
Ooolijay: three times
Ooolijay: yes a 9 volt
Ooolijay: i went to the store to buy one just so i could lick it
LadyMtnMedic: why did you do that?
Ooolijay: 12 and bouls were telling me about it
Ooolijay: actually 12 told a gross joke
Ooolijay: and i asked about the battery
WildCIAagent: He's ishy
Ooolijay: and i'd never done it
Ooolijay: so i did it
CordialCactus: 3 times
WildCIAagent: Did you get a charge?
Ooolijay: yes
WildCIAagent: Did you cut your tongue to reach each end?

Electric Ooolijay, Part II:
Ooolijay: now, as for the head on the fence story..
Ooolijay: we had horses when i was a kid and we had this one
who would jump his fence
LadyMtnMedic: was it on a dare?
Ooolijay: so my dad strung electric wire around the top
Ooolijay: lol no
Ooolijay: but that would have been funny
Ooolijay: anyway, i was in there with him one day, the horse,
not my dad
Ooolijay: and brushing him and talking to him
Ooolijay: and i leaned my shoulder against the wooden part of
the fence
Ooolijay: and forgot aobut the wire
Ooolijay: and leaned my head on it
Ooolijay: it threw my head back
Ooolijay: i thought someone hit me with a rock
LeslieHapablap: i made it home.
Ooolijay: and i screamed "who the hell threw that rock at me?"
Ooolijay: and there was no one around
CordialCactus: ha
LadyMtnMedic: wait... your folks fenced you in?
thats kinda mean


You Look Like a Urinal?:
MsVictoriaLynn1: when we were kids, my cousin peed on one...
(accidentally of course...;)

Leslie's Philadelphia Story:
LeslieHapablap: spoony, i drove through philly and had an epiphany.
Forkrerereredux: don't tell me were you in philly
LeslieHapablap: my epiphany: no wonder fat albert and the gang
hung out in a junk yard. philly is a dump!



Mixed Message:
CordialCactus: lol binx.. shut up

KatyTried Struggles On ... Because Anais Insisted

Onion's Past:
BinxB91: She's cool but she still put Onion on instant ignore
whenever she saw him
Creepy Loner: Who were you talking about?
BinxB91: UrbanStarGazer
Hadachoke: we used to chat a lot
FoodSIut: she is boring and tedious, if you don't believe me,
read her blog
BinxB91: boring and tedious are redundant
FoodSIut: i will get you a link to prove it: The Blog
of a Boring Person


Penrod and Ooolijay Getting Know Each Other:

Penrod59: a JACKSON Pollack; now I get it
Ooolijay: shut up
Penrod59: it was too obscure a reference for us
Ooolijay: it was not. you are all just asshole
Penrod59: no, seriously, I didn't get it
Ooolijay: liar
Penrod59: but I am dense sometimes
Ooolijay: dont try to suck up now
Ooolijay: it's too late
ParaMyrrh: calm down
Penrod59: suck up?
Ooolijay: shush
Penrod59: I don't suck up
Ooolijay: get too dizzy
Penrod59: I fawn
Penrod59: I flatter
Ooolijay: i've yet to see you fawn
Ooolijay: you should start fawning
Ooolijay: dammit

Penrod-Ooolijay II:
Penrod59: I'm going to Vermont this weekend
Penrod59: bed and breakfast
Ooolijay: that's awfully girly of you
Penrod59: maybe I'll touch my penis to the objets d'art in our room
Ooolijay: yes you should do that

Penrod in Texas:
Penrod59: "Ha-ow minny hay-and?"
Ooolijay: you suck at that pen
Ooolijay: we hit our r's really hard
Ooolijay: you won't last a second
Ooolijay: you'll be lynched
Penrod59: haha
Penrod59: I've bee to Texas and haven't been lynched once
Ooolijay: well, it only takes once
Penrod59: had diarrhea from the beans

What Attracts Men:
Ooolijay: i just told ozzwhatever his name is to scram!
Penrod59: who is ozz?
Ooolijay: other people have told him to scram
Ooolijay: some guy who im'd me
Ooolijay: i dont know who he is
Ooolijay: he probably saw me say i was going to shove a
hummel up my hoohaa
Ooolijay: and now wants to be my special online firend
Ooolijay: friend
Penrod59: yeah, that attracts men
Ooolijay: dammit
Ooolijay: you'd be surprised
Ooolijay: i slept about an hour last night
Penrod59: I used to go to the Yahoo Hummelinmyvagina room
and pick up girls

The Pause That Refreshes:
Ooolijay: this whole room is on the rag
Ooolijay: except for me
Ooolijay: i'm very sweet
Treeluva: im not on the rag.
Various704: me either. im just naturally unstable

Stoner Joke:
I2DaysInNovember: knock knock who's there?
purple chicken purple chicken who?
oh wow man who's there?

Anais Has the Answer:
Various704: somebody called the shelf a cult earlier.
im wavering on that
Anais3233: maybe they typo'ed and meant cunt



Odds & Ends Overflowing:

Lamumsie: I am having vegetarian vegetable soup

Ooolijay: i wish i had a crack whore to cuddle with

ArabellaRose16: I never considered moving to Idaho

Creepy Loner: *Hit Me Baby (One More Time)
/A bunch of drunken frat guys*

TacoDreamMachine: Faust's existence is antithetical to the
WalMartian mantra of "Have a nice day."

BlDET: i was going to meet 2 people from the lounge for beef on weck

Godwit935: I don't like these hurricanes named after men.
It's not natural.

ParaMyrrh: I am comfortable with my butt

LeslieHapablap: fun fact: mr. hapablap's favorite snack is
apple slices with cheese.

Bethliebner: biting is fun

Forkrerereredux: koreans have the largest heads of all the asians

Prospect26: did we just talk?

MsVictoriaLynn1: I rigged a Neil Diamond show in there back
when I was young and foolish

WEyesShut: i dont get why people live next to places where there's
a lot of hurricaines

Godofodd2: how come it says on the egg carton to refrigerate eggs?



Typos, Misreadings ...:

Creepy Loner: I need some tentacle porn movies...
Anais3233: i have a octopus in my shower and i'm not afraid
to use it
Creepy Loner: I know, Anais...I'm quite upset. I thought that
I was unique in here...
Boulshevit: I have a testicle in my exwifes...ah shit..
the moment's gone
Creepy Loner: Not "testicle"...TENTacle.


Sunbathing Reflections:

Rietax: is sunbathing weather
Lamumsie: nekkid sunbathing?
I2DaysInNovember: Rei I spent all day in Saugatuck it was
only 75 when it was cloudy
Anais3233: saugatuck? that's a funny name
Rietax: i had a niece from europe she did naked
AnonyMitch: do chicks really get naked and go outside?
Anais3233: mitch... of course
Anais3233: why not?
Rietax: neighbours enjoyed it immensely
AnonyMitch: anais...really? i'd like to see that.
Anais3233: don't YOU?
Boulshevit: That's what I thought, Ana..but I didn't have the
nerve to say it
Rietax: next day she said, they don't do that here?
AnonyMitch: no. i don't.
Anais3233: huh
I2DaysInNovember: I have been to nude beaches in California
Rietax: they have a naked beach there 12
AnonyMitch: i haven't been naked in the sun in...well...i'm not sure.
Beatnikspore: america is still very backward
Anais3233: well, maybe you should get a privacy fence. they are
WELL worth the money
I2DaysInNovember: and Rhode Island
I2DaysInNovember: but not in Michigan
Rietax: and a section for men only
Rietax: yes they do
Anais3233: dang 12 you cheeky monkey!
Lamumsie: is there a nude beach on the great lakes?
AnonyMitch: anais...you do that. get naked. then i'lll look
your place up on google images. :-D
I2DaysInNovember: oh right the south end of Oval Beach?
Rietax: Had a cottge rental tell me they do
Rietax: yep


Drunken Confessions:
Bethliebner: various you are the king of the shelf
Yossarian4now: hey
Bethliebner: lf
Various704: no beth im a legend in my own mind though
Bethliebner: lol
Bethliebner: we all are
Boulshevit: Various makes me smile...dammit I'm drunk again!
Anais3233: lol
Various704: boul, was that an accidental gay moment?
Various704: brb
Creepy Loner: *Quicksand / David Bowie*
Anais3233: Boulshevit: Various makes me smile...
Anais3233: Boulshevit: Various makes me smile...
Boulshevit: Ana..that was taken out of context
Anais3233: oooh where is binx??

Obama's Speech and Basic Hygiene:
ZOEaudra: did yall watch obama's speech or not
Creepy Loner: No, ZOE. I don't give a s**t.
MsVictoriaLynn1: no Zoe, I didn't
BinxB91: I watched Obama's speech while I was trimming my toenails
WarHorseThor: binx, that is the weirdest thing I have ever read
Ooolijay: i have to pee
WarHorseThor: me too

Onion's Stand-in:
ArabellaRose16: Hello everyone
PatientOnion3: arabella, are you smart?
ArabellaRose16: depends who's asking
Ooolijay: i think onion is asking
ArabellaRose16: then yes
PatientOnion3: good, then i can leave the room in your hands while
i do the laundry

[... the new bartender, who at first simply gave him the once-over
as he continued to wipe a few wineglasses, then stepped to him as
if picking his way barefoot through broken glass.
And Eric just flipped, flinging himself nearly halfway across the
zinc. "Can I speak with you?"
"I'll be with you in a minute," the bartender said as if Eric was
out of line.
Cleveland, the other bartender, the dreadlocked one, stepped in to
take Eric's order. "What you need, boss?"
Eric waved him away. "You." Pointing at the new guy, now drawing
a draft beer for the reporter. "Right now."
"May I finish serving first?"
Eric waited, embracing the stall to stoke his fury.
"What's your name again?"
"Eric," the bartender said.
"Eric, huh? No kidding. So's mine. So what's your problem, Eric,
you think you're destined for better things?"
"Excuse me?"
"Let me tell you something. This right here isn't about
researching your next role. It's a job. In fact, we're paying you.
And I'm gonna tell you something else. It's proactive. Customers
don't come in here for the drinks, they come for the bartender. Any
bartender worth a shit knows this, but you, you stand there, got a
one-word answer for everything: huh, uh, yes, no, maybe. You make
people feel like losers, like you're their punishment from a jealous
god or something. I swear, Cleveland?" Nodding to the Rastahead at
the far end now. "The guy makes a martini like he's got hooks for
hands, but he's twice the bartender you are because he works at it.
Everybody's a regular with that guy, and he never stops moving, never
comes off like this gig is some demeaning station of the cross on the
way to the Obies. I mean, watching the two of you back here tonight?
It's like a blur and a boulder. And to be honest, right now even
with the traffic the way it is, I'd rather cash you out on the spot,
have him work solo, or draft one of the waiters or even come back
there myself then let you pull this 'I'd rather be in rehearsals'
crap ten more minutes, you hear me?
"Yeah." The guy had gone pale.
"I'm sorry, say what?" Cupping an ear.
"Yes." Wide-eyed. "I hear you."
"Excellent. Just remember. No energy. No gig. Talk. Smile.
Do it. You're hanging by a thread."
"Can I say one more thing?" Half-raising his hand.
Eric waited.
"I happen to be in med school."
"Same difference," Eric said, thinking, Sort of, yeah, no, most
definately even worse, I happen to be, like Little Lord Fauntleroy,
Eric turning away ...]

Mimi Comes Home to Roost:
Madam Mimi: I should have one of you Shelfers read my MS.....
not those idiot loungers

Old Shelvers Reacquainting:
WarHorseThor: mimi, I am iron feliks, voxies minion, you hate me,
I just thought you should know

Know Oneself:
ArabellaRose16: MsVictoria, you sound old. I mean that in a
totally good way I swear, there's just something about how you type,
sophysticated (I know I didn't spell that right) are you a teacher
or something?
Creepy Loner: [laughing]
MsVictoriaLynn1: I have been Arabella, yes
ArabellaRose16: I think everyone in this room is a mess, but that's
beside the point
Creepy Loner: Fair enough, Ara...I can't argue that.

Sympathies:
Max 314159265358: I've lost use of my lower extremities
MsVictoriaLynn1: more of one than you'll ever be, Thor
Creepy Loner: My prayers have been answered, Max.
Ooolijay: hope you're sitting down max


Gender Studies:
WarHorseThor: are you a woman with a dick? or a dude with tits?
MsVictoriaLynn1: you pick the one you like thor, you seem to
be obsessed with my anatomy
Treeluva: gender is a societial determination, not an anatomy
determination
MsVictoriaLynn1: ty Tree
BinxB91: what?
WarHorseThor: so tree, a human with a penis is not necessarily a man?
Creepy Loner: [stares at Tree]so, genitals play no role in gender...
Creepy Loner: Uhh...
MsVictoriaLynn1: pick the version you like, print my profile photos
and have a party thor
Gleem1946: Trees have no gender
Treeluva: creepy, they do in our collective culture
ArabellaRose16: Penguins are cool
ArabellaRose16: they waddle


CreepyLoner as Mentor:
ArabellaRose16: *sigh* why can't I just grow up about three
years all at once?? There's just some stuff that people know
that only comes with age, why can't I just know it now?
Creepy Loner: I'll help you, Ara...bloodlessly pursue anything
that's in your own self-interest and stop having sex.
Creepy Loner: There.
Creepy Loner: You're now older

"is that ironic?":
Max 314159265358: Creep, I may have hit rock bottom
Creepy Loner: Huh; do tell, Max.
Max 314159265358: When B00k questions about why you care about looks..
Creepy Loner: ...what, Max?
Max 314159265358: she actually asked me that
Creepy Loner: She asked you why you care about looks?
Max 314159265358: Yes
Max 314159265358: is that ironic?
Creepy Loner: It's...interesting

Broken-Hearted, Might as Well Cunnilingus:
Creepy Loner: I'm broken hearted...and it's Black's fault.
This means that I'll be going down on Jay soon.
Ooolijay: i guess i should take a shower
Creepy Loner: That's so polite, Jay.
Creepy Loner: Thanks.

Small Achievements:
Raphael11110: my uncle died off brin hemorrage at 50 but he
never I mean never exercised
BinxB91: I'm 51 (sigh)
Creepy Loner: Good job, Binx; you've outlived Raph's uncle.

Just Like You:
BlDET: dallas is a jewel
BlDET: but it's a hard city to get to know

By then, she was done with the a's and b's:
ThePaIeRlDER: got a c in it too
ThePaIeRlDER: 7 yrs later i took the teacher home from a bar

DOOM'S idea of Cybering:
Billw0314: and I'm not lookin for cyber...it's just that Doom
asked me some general questions about Being And Nothingness
when we talked a few days ago



Phezziwhig Distracted:
Dickenzian: I once wanted to find info about screw mount lenses.
Let me tell you, screw and mount are not good keywords
Dickenzian: Frankly, I don't know what that woman saw in that
donkey or why the donkey put up with her

Be Ready:
Creepy Loner: I need some friends.
Creepy Loner: Even if I don't like them.

Rono Remembers TooHotDVM:
Penrod59: I remember toohot, rono
Penrod59: what about her?
Penrod59: she was a veterinarian
Penrod59: she was a nice kid
RONORELOADED: and she fell in love with me but I did not respond
so she left the shelf
Penrod59: hahaha
RONORELOADED: I am telling the truth...
Penrod59: haha oo
Penrod59: of course you are
Ooolijay: i believe you rono
Penrod59: me too

Onion as Family Cicus:
FoodSIut: i just hope god is taking a nap and didn't hear what
you guys said

Fork at Planned Parenthood:
Forkrerereredux: no need to use a condom if the girl is
already pregnant

Julie Once Lived Next to Sarah Palin:
Ooolijay: i lived at these apartments a long time ago and there
was this girl in the laundry room
Ooolijay: she had a load of clothes right out of the dryer
Ooolijay: and tried to balance her newborn on top of the clothes heap

As If I Could Look Away:
Poor Bidet: look at me saying shit

This Just In:
Ooolijay: for god's sake why are my feet sweating

Imagining Your Imaginary Friend:
Prospect26: lady...how are you?
RONORELOADED: prospect, which one is lady?
Anais3233: is lady here?
Anais3233: where's lady?
RONORELOADED: prospect, seriously...you have to
Prospect26: Lady...I almost bought into this.
RONORELOADED: get rid of lady obsession
RONORELOADED: prospect, lady is not here
Anais3233: who is lady now?
Prospect26: rono...lady is not a part of my life.
Anais3233: what screen name is that tricky little minx using
now? she's always hiding behind different screen names
RONORELOADED: prospect, I did not say she is...but you think
lady is here now
RONORELOADED: but she is not
RONORELOADED: we all know each other here
Prospect26: no
Prospect26: no no no no no


Fork Being Schooled on Babies:
Forkrerereredux: there is nothing impressive about a baby
CordialCactus: fork.. the umbilical stump is pretty neat
CordialCactus: and the ability to projectile vomit 2 ounces
of milk, but make it seem like a gallon
CordialCactus: thats cool too


Monk's Questions:
JimJones912: someone ask me some questions, please
Poor Bidet: when is the last time you had anal sex, jim
CordialCactus: best neil diamond song, jim
JimJones912: i had a boner about 30 seconds ago
CordialCactus: bidet's question was my second choice

Lesser of Two Evils:
Poor Bidet: and now we have to hear about binx
Poor Bidet: i'd rather IM with hada

Monk's Trauma:
JimJones912: i don't like neil diamond
JimJones912: i liked the jazz singer when i was 10
JimJones912: made me want to hurt jews, or be one

Why One Should shower Regularly:
Poor Bidet: this kitten keeps touching my feet, and i hate that

They make those?:
MsVictoriaLynn1: THAT explains a lot... Para has a
fisher-price NERF penis!
JimJones912: don't leave that thing out in the rain


Reading Out Loud For ParaMyrrh:
BinxB91: His cock, my ass, unwinding. Divine.
BinxB91: As he enters me I let go
ParaMyrrh: kinky
BinxB91: millimeter by millimeter
BinxB91: of the tensing, pulling, gripping, tightening.
CordialCactus: binx, are you quoting something?
BinxB91: (yes)
JimJones912: cactus, calm down
CordialCactus: (good)
Catpower777: he's quoting Godwit's diary

Ironic:
JimJones912: i don't have to answer questions

Double Meanings:
Phronsie: It's impossible to have anyone inside your body with you.
Ooolijay: um, not it's not phronsie
Ooolijay: i think you just forgot

Not the Flying Nun?:
Poor Bidet: have you seen my picture?
Poor Bidet: i'm a 'spectable woman
Poor Bidet: i'll send it - you send one, too
Poor Bidet: brb
Godofodd2: bidet always sends pics of Sally Field and says they're her

Her Popular Blog:
Poor Bidet: my blog is read by 20 people
Poor Bidet: i linked my popular blog to para's unpopular clever blog



Epicures:
LynBelle: what is good wtih cantalope, just put a scoop of vanilla
ice cream in the hole of the melon and eat it with the melon,
it is yummy
I2DaysInNovember: Lyn oh yeah I'm there
Tammynet: no way, that does not sound good

Sports Fan:
BinxB91: Nebraska is 2-0
LeslieHapablap: yippee!

Plea Bargain:
BD Radical84: Beyss would you like to see something
Beysshoes: nolo bd


Julie's Favorite:
Ooolijay: he's not very old
Ooolijay: but i think he's over 18
I2DaysInNovember: uhhhmmmm yeah
Ooolijay: at least
Ooolijay: i love that store
Ooolijay: bed bath and beyond
Boulshevit: Legal, Ooo...that's important
Ooolijay: yes
Ooolijay: at first i got pissed off when i went in there because
there was just this fat kid behind the counter
IOoolijay: i almost left
Ooolijay: then i saw him helping some guy
Ooolijay: so i hung around and asked stupid questions about headphones
RONORELOADED: does he have any clue about your crush
Boulshevit: THe hot sales guy at the bed bath and beyond..er..wait
a minute
Ooolijay: i dunno. we flirt
2DaysInNovember: Target Tommy right
Ooolijay: man-boy
Boulshevit: lol
Ooolijay: he was walking by when i was looking at the shoes
Ooolijay: and came down the aisle to talk to me again
RONORELOADED: my target works at the Target
Ooolijay: and helped me pick out a pair
Ooolijay: he liked the black ballet flats
Boulshevit: Pick out a pair?
Ooolijay: of shoes
Boulshevit: Oh
Ooolijay: shush
Ooolijay: he doesn't give a shit if i buy stuff or not. i doubt he
gets commission
I2DaysInNovember: his name is Ted
I2DaysInNovember: Target Ted = the object of Oooli's affection
Ooolijay: no his name is tommy

Failed Geology:
WEyesShut: i hate reading about minerals and rocks and how we're
fk up the atmosphere

The Unrequited:
RONORELOADED: the girl that I like is not showing up online

Noted:
B00KGASM: Anyone read Emile Zola's stuff?
B00KGASM: NYBR is coming out with a new translation/edition of
his The Kill.
B00KGASM: I want it

Fork the Destroyer:
WEyesShut: america is 6 percent of the population and uses
30 percent of the worlds resources
Forkrerereredux: i wish we used 100% of the world's resources

And Then Achieve Energy Independence:
FoodSIut: McCain said tonight that he would shut down Katy Tried