BOOKSHELF TEA TIME
Ooolijay, BOOKGASM, CordialCactus are this week's
co-stars. But two comments below, nominally about
books, one by Beardown, one by DoomGrl, would have
caused me to spit tea on the screen had I been
drinking tea.


"on a regular basis"?
B00KGASM: I've been having sex on a regular basis, working,
and studying so I've been pleasantly busy lately.
Creepy Loner: I'm almost drunk.

Looks Like Homework Help:
DinosaurVegan: but is boo radley good or bad? if he is good,
why is he so shy?

Because Kim Jung Il is ill:
B00KGASM: there is no one here to impress.
B00KGASM: i wish there was.
B00KGASM: asian men.
Forkrerereredux: yeah, asian men
Forkrerereredux: tell your make believe shit to some asians

BookSlut Laughs:
B00KGASM: i deserve the wrath of the fat, ugly, and those
suffering from pinching penury.
B00KGASM: * giggle

Onion Disappointed:
carr carter 3: didnt mean to depress anyone...
PatientOnion3: carter, what are you wearing?
carr carter 3: clothes
carr carter 3: why?
PatientOnion3: you should be a writer, you have a way with words!
PatientOnion3: carter you are a natural
carr carter 3: i do write.....
PatientOnion3: I saw this beautiful woman, she was dressed in clothes


Just A Girl Who Can't Say No:
B00KGASM: no friends, no real boyfriend. every night i am tortured
with nightmares of death.
Forkrerereredux: slut, you want me to sex you?
Forkrerereredux: would that make you feel better?
Forkrerereredux: some white boy willy?
B00KGASM: i dunno.


Callin 'em like She Sees 'em:
NoraMcKee525: i am glad my classroom doesn't have windows
Anais3233: nora is a demanding taskmistress
PRobin5478: Nora is strict but fair
CordialCactus: strict but fair is a nice way of saying
"bitch" isnt it?

Odd Op-Ed Page:
B00KGASM: I ALLOW YOU TO COLUMNIZE MY VAGINA.

Non-Ramen Fans:
DoomGrl: the man who invented ramen noodles died
ForestAnimal3: from starvation?
SemiLitterate: choked on a hoodle, I hope

Candice Stretching Her Vocabulary:
CordialCactus: I was just telling my husband that this room
wasnt pervy at all
CordialCactus: and he bought it
RONORELOADED: I am outtie
Forkrerereredux: dear lord
CordialCactus: all part of my dastardly plan.. HA! that was my
first time ever using the word dastardly


Punchline Pending:
Josh94504: i just read "How to have sex and not be commited"
CordialCactus: commited... i know there is a punchline
there somewhere

Candice Aiming to Help:
SolliIja: are any of you lawyers?
CordialCactus: sollija..no, but i slept with one years ago

Expecting an Answer?:
DoomGrl: i so love your quote about the clouds with paws
Ooolijay: why do you sound insane?


Homeless Story's Happy Ending:
SolliIja: I was homeless from Aug 28 until yesterday
SolliIja: it was pretty funny
Ooolijay: things are looking up, then soll
BinxB91: funny how?
SolliIja: that's actually a funny story
Ooolijay: homelessness always cracks me up
SolliIja: the day I became homeless, a girl ran into my car ...
BinxB91: ran into it? with her car?
SolliIja: so after walking around in a daze for 48 hours,
I called an attorney and he got me some money from the
insurance company
SolliIja: which I received Thrusday afternoon
SolliIja: I also got a massage
Ooolijay: i think solls is full of shit


Ooolijays & Ends:

Ooolijay: i like feral things

SolliIja: i called a suicide hotline and the lady yelled at me
and hung up

Ooolijay: we could talk about my hair some more
Ooolijay: that's fun

BinxB91: IM box: "he wanted to make love to me... Strange, huh?"

Phronsie: I don't work well with partners.

CHRISCJAMEZ: I'm looking for a writing partner. Do you want to
be my writing partner?

Ooolijay: i once got a concussion from a dryer door

BlackMagicJones: i love arizona cuisine

MsVictoriaLynn1: I know it in Russian but can't remember it

SteveIzHere1: ever chat naked?

RONORELOADED: I don't see the reason for women wearing underwears

B00KGASM: i have a sleepy hand.



Hobby Corner:

Zenchef2006: lynn? remember me mentioning my sca friend who is
a leathercrafter?
MsVictoriaLynn1: yes
Zenchef2006: well a few years ago at the fabric store he found
some purple shag fabric
Zenchef2006: he bought it and cut out a cookie monster pelt
attatched some googly eyes and had it stretched on his tanning
rack in his shop!!
Zenchef2006: after that he was looking for some green shag fabric
MsVictoriaLynn1: they won't even let kids backstage after a show
so they don't see the characters in pieces
Rafo65: that's odd,
Zen.. I was just looking for a shag myself
Zenchef2006: oscar tanned and cured film at 11
Zenchef2006: what for rafo??
Rafo65: relaxation, zen.. ffs
Zenchef2006: ffs??? what is that?
Rafo65: for f**ks sake, zen

Beth as Bad Student:
RONORELOADED: there are three laws on newton, other than the
graviation law\
Bethliebner: fig newtons are pretty good


David Foster Wallace (1962-2008):
BinxB91: I stopped to read essays by David Foster Wallace tonight
BinxB91: die prematurely and I am more likely to read your books
BinxB91: he was living in Bloomington, Illinois on 9/11
BinxB91: He wrote about how it affected that community
ParaMyrrh: Binx yes his non-fiction was fine But his novels are
so awful I think he killed himself because he couldn't write
narrative to save his life
Beardown100: sad story
BinxB91: ParaMyrrh, that may be true
BinxB91: Did he leave a poorly-written suicide note?


Because Tears Stain the Carpet?:
Ooolijay: brb. i'm going to go weep soflty into the sink

Candice in a Slip:
CordialCactus: the room books fiction had a fake virtual prom
about 9 years ago.. with member made aol rooms for the guests.
the theme was literature (surprise) you were to arrive to the
prom as a famous literary character or writer..
Bethliebner: :-D
CordialCactus: anyway
CordialCactus: maggie the cat made me remember that


The Straightforward Onion:

PatientOnion3: aren't you supposed to say the book/author?
BinxB91: this one was from Lush Life - Richard Price
PatientOnion3: the guy who wroter clockers?
BinxB91: Note the double meaning of "lush"
PatientOnion3: one meaning is enough for me
BinxB91: I suppose I should say the author. But I haven't
had a cease and desisit order yet
BinxB91: One meaning is enough for Onion. He's that
straightforward kind of guy
PatientOnion3: like people who say are you a patient onion or
a patient onion, i say huh?
PatientOnion3: just like richard price
PatientOnion3: lush is lush
BinxB91: lush is rich. A lush is a drunk
PatientOnion3: binky, you should be a writer, you really get into
words man
PatientOnion3: i mean you like sell them too, you are around them
all the time
Lamumsie: I thought we were talking about Candices hair
PatientOnion3: do you ever hear the books talking?
BinxB91: hehe


[Vehemently Patrick continued to speak, not knowing what he
said or why, at this moment, he was driven to say it; the words
long pent-up, the solitude of his life erupting suddenly, in a
passion he hadn't known he possessed. Marianne moved quietly
and surely clearing the table, rinsing the dishes, all the while
listening to Patrick, murmuring words of assent or surprise,
occaisionally wincing as if his sharp words hurt. Somehow
Patrick had swerved from the subject of science's great mysteries
to humankind's collective failure. These were thoughts he'd had
numerous times, in high school even, but he'd never spoken them
before to another person before. "Look, it's so damned
depressing! Why after all this time, all that science has dis-
covered, the human race is so ignorant. So superstitious and cruel.
Consider: the Nazis murdered sixteen million men, women, and
children; Stalin murdered twenty million; even more millions ---
more! --- were victims of Chinese Communist 'idealogy'. Just in
the twentieth century alone. Our civilized century. That's the
mystery, not nature --- why human beings are so vile."
Marianne had come to stand staring at Patrick, her eyes almost
frightened. "Patrick, you sound so angry."
"Shouldn't I be? Why aren't you?"
Patrick had risen from the table, trembling. He'd had no idea
he was so angry, a pulse beating in his left eye, furiously.
Quickly, without a word, Marianne came to him. Gripped his
arms and on her toes leaned on him, pressing her cool, thin
cheek against his. Not quite an embrace but it was comforting,
consoling.
I love you. We love each other. That's enough.]


Fun Couple:
Forkrerereredux: lol
Creepy Loner: Hahaha

Bet Rono Likes Eggs:
BlackMagicJones: I hate eggs
Creepy Loner: I hate eggs, too.
Forkrerereredux: hi rono
Creepy Loner: Ugh, the stalker


DoomGrl's Mistake:
MyStrat: anyone else having trouble getting their email?
Phronsie: i got lots of idiotic email.
DoomGrl: im getting way more junk mail all of a sudden
DoomGrl: i guess my junk mail is clogging up the pipe line
DoomGrl: ever since i visited the Bisexual Twenties room
DoomGrl: what a mistake

Next Time, Disguise Your Handwriting:
MyStrat: this lady at work got pissed at me, she had an ad on
employee bulletin board, Free Kittens, ask Karen, all i did was
write in "for recipes" after her name

As If We Could Like You Any Better:
Creepy Loner: People liked me better when I had a cat picture
in my profile.

Like Hillary Without the Moderation:
Ooolijay: i got lighter highlights on top of the honey highlights
Ooolijay: and i'm fucking awesome now
Ooolijay: i can't keep my hands off myself


Barnes & Noble Classics:
Beardown100: Another good book today from B and N Its a story
about a young girl in Chicago that was left alone after her
parents were killed in a sledding acident

DoomGrl Holding Back:
DoomGrl: an incredible new book is The Story of Edgar Sawtelle,
thats the one i cried so much i almost threw up


Men As Baskin-Robbins 31 Flavors:
B00KGASM: filipinos can be hot.


Rono's Secret:

RONORELOADED: Kan wa, seriously
RONORELOADED: were you not in the arabic room
RONORELOADED: and in th AL?
Kan wa ma kan: ron why do you ask
RONORELOADED: I saw you in the both room
Kan wa ma kan: why are you stalking me
RONORELOADED: no, are you
RONORELOADED: I visit these three rooms all the time
Kan wa ma kan: hi jam, ooo, et al
Kan wa ma kan: cool
RONORELOADED: not with this name though
Kan wa ma kan: what name?>
RONORELOADED: kan wa, in time
Kan wa ma kan: in time?
Kan wa ma kan: why so secretive?
RONORELOADED: (I have my reasons)

Could They Imagine a Son Chatting On-Line?:
Hadachoke: my mom and dad were both born in 1905


What About in the Rain, Or on a Train?:
Creepy Loner: I've never had sex in the same room with a dog.
Creepy Loner: I have had sex in the same room with a cat.

Max's Ringtone:
Max 314159265358: The DFW suicide woke me up
Creepy Loner: Woke you up to what? Your drinking?
Max 314159265358: there's treatment
Creepy Loner: Or did it literally wake you up? Do you get some
funny ringtone warning on a cell phone when a writer dies?


Ed Vega (1936-2008)
Waggonercj: Hada.. i see we lost a former Bookshelfer
Hadachoke: hm?
Hadachoke: who?
Waggonercj: Edgardo Vega Yunque
BinxB91: yes, EVY died
Hadachoke: oh yeah
Waggonercj: saw his obit in The Times
Hadachoke: Vega was a pretty good guy, actually
Waggonercj: Hada.. yes, i know.
Waggonercj: Didn't realize he was 72.
BinxB91: We seem to have a lot of characters like him
Hadachoke: he's the same age as me
Hadachoke: was
BinxB91: "I'm a published author. Deal with it"
Waggonercj: sorry to hear it.
Waggonercj: we were friendly because we were both jazz fans.
Hadachoke: Vega was a pretty good guy, actually


Shoe Exchange?:
DoomGrl: I need some new shoes
Forkrerereredux: so does fork

Girls Gone Mild:
B00KGASM: i want you to understand i am not exaggerating.
Melodramamama22: i'm just telling you what was in
the blah blah blah times


Book Slut's Daughter:

B00KGASM: hong kong garden with strings! oh, siouxsie!
B00KGASM: how the f do you pronounce siouxsie anyway?
B00KGASM: like susie?
Melodramamama22: yeah
MsVictoriaLynn1: Suzie
B00KGASM: interesting.
Anais3233: soooswee
BoreUsYelledSin: Ask the Banshees
BlackMediaJones: sue-see
B00KGASM: i will name daughter siouxsie. or kenley.
B00KGASM: or lima bean.
B00KGASM: whichever.
Forkrerereredux: sex is the primary motivator
Melodramamama22: do not name your daughter lima bean
BoreUsYelledSin: How many children do you plan on having Book?
Melodramamama22: name your dog lima bean if you must
B00KGASM: as many as it takes to maintain my obsession with
buying books.
Anais3233: Lima is a nice name
Melodramamama22: maybe if you pronounce it LEEMA

Prose & Poetry:
Melodramamama22: i know a man who actually jumped off a bridge,
onto an oncoming lorry, week before last
B00KGASM: on the pavement of my trampled soul the steps of madmen
weave the prints of rude crude words.



BookSlut Haiku:
B00KGASM: being the shit out of flamingos, thrashing them against
rocks by their necks. very violent scene.
B00KGASM: my first orgasm.


Women Alone:
B00KGASM: i hold hands with stuffed animals.
Melodramamama22: hey, i never thought about holding my own hand

SuperMom:
CordialCactus: i rode my bike pulling the cart with the kids in
it earlier... they saw the ice cream truck going to other way,
"Mom! you can catch it!"


Melo Not Taking Shit:
Melodramamama22: hyperon, when you can shoot a whole
human being outta your abdomen, then you can talk shit

Her Muse:
CordialCactus: tip from a kid: mom, boogers are sticky like glue
(as she was contemplating an art project at her desk)

Reading Last of the Mohicans:
B00KGASM: i rubbed waterproof mascara on my cheek.


Electric Ooolijay Part I:
Ooolijay: hey guess what i did today for the first time
ever
Ooolijay: i licked a battery
Ooolijay: three times
Ooolijay: yes a 9 volt
Ooolijay: i went to the store to buy one just so i could lick it
LadyMtnMedic: why did you do that?
Ooolijay: 12 and bouls were telling me about it
Ooolijay: actually 12 told a gross joke
Ooolijay: and i asked about the battery
WildCIAagent: He's ishy
Ooolijay: and i'd never done it
Ooolijay: so i did it
CordialCactus: 3 times
WildCIAagent: Did you get a charge?
Ooolijay: yes
WildCIAagent: Did you cut your tongue to reach each end?

Electric Ooolijay, Part II:
Ooolijay: now, as for the head on the fence story..
Ooolijay: we had horses when i was a kid and we had this one
who would jump his fence
LadyMtnMedic: was it on a dare?
Ooolijay: so my dad strung electric wire around the top
Ooolijay: lol no
Ooolijay: but that would have been funny
Ooolijay: anyway, i was in there with him one day, the horse,
not my dad
Ooolijay: and brushing him and talking to him
Ooolijay: and i leaned my shoulder against the wooden part of
the fence
Ooolijay: and forgot aobut the wire
Ooolijay: and leaned my head on it
Ooolijay: it threw my head back
Ooolijay: i thought someone hit me with a rock
LeslieHapablap: i made it home.
Ooolijay: and i screamed "who the hell threw that rock at me?"
Ooolijay: and there was no one around
CordialCactus: ha
LadyMtnMedic: wait... your folks fenced you in?
thats kinda mean


You Look Like a Urinal?:
MsVictoriaLynn1: when we were kids, my cousin peed on one...
(accidentally of course...;)

Leslie's Philadelphia Story:
LeslieHapablap: spoony, i drove through philly and had an epiphany.
Forkrerereredux: don't tell me were you in philly
LeslieHapablap: my epiphany: no wonder fat albert and the gang
hung out in a junk yard. philly is a dump!



Mixed Message:
CordialCactus: lol binx.. shut up