2011-BookShelf Has Risen
spiritual relections/'my feelings are confused'/
parrots/(Authors Lounge Sucks)


Eat Pray and Love?:
Melodramamama22: i still want shelf back
Melodramamama22: but i don't know how to do it

Peace Be With You:
DoomGrl: its so nice to be away from authors lounge
DoomGrl: its a mad house in there


Sez You:
KissMyAsterix: proper grammar compensates for many
earthly sins

Modern Times:
LadyQuasi: Slow night...lots of parkers but not much action.
LadyQuasi: A rare thing in modern times

Saint Tom:
Tom Brite: i feel so bad for the way doom treated onion

The Fat Lady Swings:
Asia7384: I was here at the birth of chat and I'll be here
to watch its demise
Traveln on: its happening in here as we speak
Asia7384: the fat lady is clearing her throat
Tammynet: why do you think that is happening?
Asia7384: no profit in freedom of speech Tammy
Tammynet: oh good point


Missing Beysshoes:
PatientOnion1: when is your half asian concubine
from hawaii going to start chatting again?



Fun Couple Reunited:
Niontron9: fork, shut up
Forkrerereredux: you shut up, you filthy dothead
Niontron9: you miserable exvuse of life...
Niontron9: fork is a homo


Dying, Barfing, and Making Odds:
BethBuy3668: oh pullllease get off of the religion subject
BethBuy3668: I'll barf
Die Slow Hero: no one knows whether god exists, we're gonna
find out after we die
Die Slow Hero: 50/50 chance
PixieCommander: at least we'll die slow, hero
Niontron9: die real fast, a creator exist...but he is not "god"


If Only:
JaneDoeIsMe: hi Binx
BinxB91: Hello Jane. I remember you
JaneDoeIsMe: and I remember you
JaneDoeIsMe: you're sweet
BinxB91: Jane, we could have been a couple
JaneDoeIsMe: and kind
BinxB91: (blush)
JaneDoeIsMe: :O)
BinxB91: if only we'd known each other


It's Not About the Dialogue:
oceansandhs: hi congo
Cognomen98: hi ocean
oceansandhs: sorry i misread it a second
oceansandhs: i thought cog was new sn
oceansandhs: i saw cogno
oceansandhs: and thought congo

Hates Twitter and the Previous Post:
Forkrerereredux: i hate when people talk about their
stupid actions like anyone gives a damn


Did It Hurt?:
Cognomen98: Memphis Beat debuted


[She nods and smiles. She is absurdly beautiful. I
start to slip off my jeans and I feel her gaze as I
stand in my bra and pants. Why am I embarressed about
taking off my clothes in front of a robot? I pull the
dress over my head like a schoolgirl, untie my hair,
and sit down. She is smiling, just a bit, as though she
knows her effect.
To calm myself and appear in control I reverse the
problem. 'Spike, you're a robot, but why are you such a
drop-dead gorgeous robot? I mean, is it necessary to
be the most sophisticated machine ever built and to look
like a movie star?'
She answers simply: 'They thought I would be good for
the boys on the mission.'
I am pondering the implications of this. Like a wartime
pin-up? Like truth is beauty, beauty truth? 'How good?
I mean, I'm assuming you're not talking sexual services
here.'
'What else is there to do in space for three years?'
'But inter-species sex is illegal.'
'Not on another planet it isn't. Not in space it isn't.'
'But you were also the most advanced member of the crew.'
'I'm still a woman.'
Manfred's voice comes booming into the room. 'This is
not public-broadcast material.'
I get up to fetch some water, and as I pass Spike, I say,
so low that she can barely hear me, 'Can we switch him
blank?'
As I return with the water, she whispers, not looking at
me, 'Red panel, blue relay.'
I do it.
'We're still on cam cast.'
'What you did Disables Record.'
'So you had sex with spacemen for three years?"
'Yes. I used up three silicon-lined vaginas."
There is a roar from Somewhere, like a dinosaur in space.
Obviously, Record has not been Disabled. 'Sorry, Manfred!',
I yell. 'I know this a prime time family show.'
While my voice is placating Manfred, my feelings are
confused. I want to be outraged on this woman's behalf,
but she isn't a woman, she's a robot, and isn't it better
that they used a robot instead of dispatching a couple of
sex slaves?
And yet. And yet Robo sapiens are not us, but they may
become a nearer relative than the ape.
'Humans share ninety-seven per cent of their genetic
material with apes,' said Spike 'but they feel no
kinship.'
'Do we feel kinship with robots?'
'In time you will, as the differences between us decrease.'
I decide to ignore the vast implications of this statement
as unsuitable for an In-depth One Minute Special. Instead
I press Record and turn, smiling, to Spike. 'I have a
question that will interest many people,' I say, knowing
that nearly everyone would be more interested to hear
about robot-sex in space.]




Forever Onion:
KissMyAsterix: you share everything jam?
Jam7604801: i share anything
PatientOnion1: even his penis with his pets


Beysshoes Claiming the Sanity High Ground:
forkrererereredx: sdex;''
forkrererereredx: drc''
forkrererereredx: d
Beysshoes: fork. you're drinking too much too long. you're
having trouble spelling sex. not good.
forkrererereredx: .l.
forkrererereredx: m
forkrererereredx: lol



She Just Got That:
Catpower777: bey did you watch the david sedaris clip?
Beyssox: yes. wow he looks so straight in that
KissMyAsterix: he does?
Beyssox: he did to me.
KissMyAsterix: I uh.. see
Catpower777: he always looks like that
KissMyAsterix: er
Beyssox: maybe it was his chubby. he's a genius. who cares.
Catpower777: chubby?
KissMyAsterix: his what?
KissMyAsterix: oh god
Beyssox: omgomgomg i just GOT THAT
KissMyAsterix: she did not just say that
Catpower777: she was focused, dino
Beyssox: he used to be skinny
KissMyAsterix: no kidding
KissMyAsterix: yes but..
KissMyAsterix: where
Catpower777: he didn't look chubby to me
KissMyAsterix: and um, sure sure he was
KissMyAsterix: you weren't looking in the right places cat
Catpower777: apparently


...and Came Here?:
oceansandhs: sorry my son is on his computer and sponsering
a kid in africa and needed info


Pitcher and Catcher On the Rye:
Prospect26: Joyce Maynard and Salinger arew synonomous.

Prospect Being Silly:
ObiWCanoli: Hello, room
KissMyAsterix: hey obi
ObiWCanoli: KIss***
Prospect26: hello obi
Prospect26: hello obi
ObiWCanoli: Hiya Cogno
ObiWCanoli: Hello, Prospect
Prospect26: here in nh it's 11:29.


LOOK! Books!:
MyStrat: anyone read a book called "Sims", this company
changes chimp DNA, and creates a type of superchimp that
is used for working menial jobs
Niontron9: You all should read the book "Blue Blood,
True Blood" ...it is about a guy who were kidnapped by
the government and were made to believe that he was
abducted by the aliens



Apropros of Nothing:

Forkrerereredux: mr fork love to get down

KissMyAsterix: mosquito repellant

Will C Makepeace: i gotta finish school before i can go forward



Nothing You Can Sing:
JMax31: Acoustic Rockabilly with Broadway Pizzazz, the
paper says! :)
quiet scientist: well there's a genre i've never heard of
quiet scientist: acoustic broadway rockabilly
JMax31: well imagine...Ethel Merman and Brian Setzer
JMax31: or Elvis...and you've got us
quiet scientist: yeah i can picture that
quiet scientist: one sings about a jump jivin whale


Sexy Soup:
PatientOnion1: i boiled the dry beans 3 hours, let them
soak in their sexy syrup
PatientOnion1: then, sautee onions, garlic, jalapeno, grind
up cumin & black pepper
PatientOnion1: add lemon juice & sesame substance
LadyQuasi: Sexy bean syrup...that just sounds so wrong.


Boys Will Be Boys:
Forkrerereredux: get with a real man: master fork
Die Slow Hero: watching them go into convulsions is
my favorite part

Now Waiting for the Bomb to Blow:
Tom Brite: I pooped and wiped with so much paper the
plunger wouldnt move it

Waist Not, Want Not:
KatesRainyCabin9: a cute little blue top that ties at the
waste and shorts


Katy Did:
Cicadasng1: Hi Pink
Cicadasng1: Remember Me?
Cicadasng1: It's only been 8 years since I've been in the shelf
Perfektes: CICADA
Perfektes: LIKE A BEE?
Cicadasng1: no, like a bug
Perfektes: BEE,,BUG,,CHILL
GEB714: katydid
Cicadasng1: yes, sort of like a katydid
Perfektes: KATYDID NATALIE WOOD

Giving Head?:
Magne164: where are you gals from?
KissMyAsterix: michigan
Beysshoes: tehran
AmberDevilRay8: Beys is risking a beheading by being here.
Go easy on her.
KissMyAsterix: that's brave of you beys


Persian Girls Are Easy:
Magne164: is there a Iran Online?
Beysshoes: well, magne ... we have cyber spots.
AmberDevilRay8: They have one chat.
AmberDevilRay8: "Ahmadinejad is Great"
KissMyAsterix: that's a chat lol
AmberDevilRay8: One TOS in Iran means you get your tongue cut out.
Beysshoes: amber pls do NOT divulge private convo info in chat
KissMyAsterix: well that's a small sacrifice to swear

The Hawaiian Derby:
Kgbirdpaul: bey what did derby get for supper
Beysshoes: cottage cheese, muenster bits,
roast beef bit,s and kibble
Beysshoes: thank you for asking paul
Kgbirdpaul: bey I would eat that myself


Bulgarian Blues:
Jackmando7: where are you people from?
Melodramamama22: lol, ding dong bouls
Melodramamama22: my daughter lives 2 miles from me and
we like it like that
Melodramamama22: we're needy
Jackmando7: pennsylvania here
Melodramamama22: you dang pennsylvanian you
Boulshevit: Iowa, here...dammit, why couldn't I be sober now?
Melodramamama22: next year she's going to live in bulgaria,
and i'm going to have to move
Melodramamama22: to bulgaria too


There's another election soon:
PatientOnion1: take off your panties, believe in jesus christ,
vote for lower taxes for rich people
PatientOnion1: life is a series of selling something to someone
else, unless you live in some cave all alone
PatientOnion1: like jam
forkrererereredx: plz someone fuck me

What Manner of a Man:
forkrererereredx: if you don't drink or do drugs, you're a pussy
forkrererereredx: master fork had the burritos deluxe at el patron
forkrererereredx: one bean and one chicken
Jam7604801: fork i did drugs as a kid
forkrererereredx: jam, you should do them as an adult
forkrererereredx: that's what real men do
KissMyAsterix: well back then you weren't a p*ssy, now you
gotta man up

Two-faced Jam:
Jam7604801: mom drug me to the wood shed and she drug me to church
KissMyAsterix: drug you to the woodshed?
KissMyAsterix: that sounds ominous
Jam7604801: it was a joke bey i never done illegal drugs
Jam7604801: dino to beat my a$$ with a belt
KissMyAsterix: wait, she beat your ass with a belt for not doing drugs?


It's a Dance:
KissMyAsterix: hey stan
SKYSTN: hi
KissMyAsterix: we're doing the twelve steps tonight


Onion Knows Spooky:
KissMyAsterix: onion said some porn dealer was interviewed
in the movie
PatientOnion1: he just had a couple minutes, a spooky white
older guy with a beard
KissMyAsterix: just the porno perspective on parrots
Beysshoes: i want to know if you've been to telegraph hill
onion
PatientOnion1: no, it's just residential and hilly, no reason
for me to go there
Beysshoes: its where the parrots (mark bittners parrots)live!!
KissMyAsterix: see beys, he's not gonna stalk the parrot guy

Armed Parrots?:
PatientOnion1: i go to chinatown, tenderloin, and occassionally
south of market to grocery stores
KissMyAsterix: but onion had a giant parrot
KissMyAsterix: he didn't need the little dinky bittner parrot
PatientOnion1: 2 of them
PatientOnion1: i fed them apples
Beysshoes: you cut up the apples for them?
PatientOnion1: yes, parrots don't carry knives
forkrererereredx: someone please have sex with my anus

Beysshoes Consoling:
Jam7604801: i guess onion isn't going to answer
Beysshoes: onion answers in his own piggish time.
it may take weeks before he does.

Parrot Redux:
PatientOnion1: oh, yes, a great movie, one of the people
who was interviewed is a famous dealer of porn
PatientOnion1: i have no idea how or why he was interviewed
forkrererereredx: alcohol is a nice drug, but i'd rather have
mescaline, lsd, or dmt
PatientOnion1: but they didn't have those giant parrots like I had
PatientOnion1: they were tiny regular ones, and parakeets




Georgia On My Mind:
Beysshoes: did you go to visit CNN in georgia?
KissMyAsterix: the bey inquisition
Jam7604801: no bey
KissMyAsterix: this has bordered on the bey of pigs
Beysshoes: not even to look at them?
KissMyAsterix: look at cnn lol
Jam7604801: i was just laid over there in atlanta
Beysshoes: thats not fair telling me you went to georgia
jam. get me all over stimulated and all.
KissMyAsterix: yeah
Jam7604801: if i had known cat then i would have invited
her up to the airport for company while i waited



Two and a Half Men:
Jam7604801: i don't think my son had ever been afraid
Jam7604801: and he does share
KissMyAsterix: well there you go, they're different
Jam7604801: if he didn't share when he was little i would
tell him i would cut it in half and then there would be 2
of them
KissMyAsterix: you share everything jam?
PatientOnion1: even his penis with his pets
Beysshoes: LOL omg
Beysshoes: sorry for laughing.


Rehash - Fork Not Following:
KissMyAsterix: but onion had a giant parrot
KissMyAsterix: he didn't need the little dinky bittner parrot
PatientOnion1: 2 of them
Jam7604801: i think the parrot guy is gay onion
PatientOnion1: i fed them apples
Beysshoes: you cut up the apples for them?
PatientOnion1: no, he married the chick with the large bingos
PatientOnion1: yes, parrots don't carry knives
forkrererereredx: someone please have sex with my anus


Sensitive Males R Us:
Jam7604801: there a chick call beach brat she lives in flordia
Jam7604801: she has a bum knee over a car crash
forkrererereredx: can she still squat to suck dick?
forkrererereredx: or ride dick on top?
Jam7604801: i bet she could fork
Jam7604801: fork she like anything funny
forkrererereredx: is she fat because of it or has she watched
what she eats?
Jam7604801: fork she love the beach and wears bikinis
PatientOnion1: Jam, your wife?
PatientOnion1: fork's definition of beauty: "skinny & stupid".


Intolerance Am I:
PatientOnion1: a chick in a republican room is stupid, fat,
ugly, that sounds like a perfect soulmate for you Jam.
PatientOnion1: time to warm up that penis and reproduce
another halfwit


Fork Still Not Following:
PatientOnion1: Politics is convincing poor white trash like
jam to identify with the interests of rich people and make
himself poorer
PatientOnion1: and it's very successful
KissMyAsterix: well that's marketing
PatientOnion1: then everything is marketing, love, religion,
politics, trying to convince another person to alter their
behavior
PatientOnion1: take off your panties, believe in jesus christ,
vote for lower taxes for rich people
PatientOnion1: life is a series of selling something to
someone else, unless you live in some cave all alone
PatientOnion1: like jam
forkrererereredx: plz someone fuck me

Mixed Message:
Jam7604801: onion i didn't want lower taxes for the rich
Jam7604801: i wanted the democrats to tax the hell out of them
Jam7604801: they should have to pay 60% of their paycheck just
for being sucessful


The Only Way He Showers:
forkrererereredx: master fork is taking off all his clothes


Godwit Undercover?:
Beysshoes: ew
Beysshoes: flubberdick. wat kind of nicky is that?
Jam7604801: fork look its dickflibber
KissMyAsterix: maybe it's a first and last name
Jam7604801: flubber
KissMyAsterix: Dick Flubber
DickFlubber: oh my jambam kiss and pathetic onion and
the forkster is still alive, wonders never cease



Dr. Gina/ Patient Fork:
forkrererereredx: someone please have sex with my anus
forkrererereredx: i'm starting to not be able to see straight
forkrererereredx: so now is the time to set it up
KissMyAsterix: I'm pretty sure that's not a solution to
seeing straight
KissMyAsterix: or being straight
forkrererereredx: type more, master fork says

forkrererereredx: fork is in love with himself
KissMyAsterix: that's ok, you'll be faithful


Man Up:
forkrererereredx: how are you mr binx?
BinxB91: I am well ... just a little anxious
forkrererereredx: about what?
BinxB91: oh, uhm, just a passing phase. Maybe I just drank
too much coffee today ... or didn't eat enough.
BinxB91: I must sound fragile
forkrererereredx: yeah, you sound like a pussy

Doctor Fork:
forkrererereredx: i'll tell you, the caffeine and alcohol
combination is really crazy
forkrererereredx: drunk as hell but all wired up
KissMyAsterix: yeah
KissMyAsterix: it's really ingenious for a drink
KissMyAsterix: you'd sell more, people are wired and drunk
KissMyAsterix: so they keep going


The Rules of the Game:
quiet scientist: nerd
NotRed1537: dork
BinxB91: dweeb
forkrererereredx: you only lose your turn if you don't
do what you were supposed to do