Onion On the Cutting Edge:
PatientOnionSF: it's easier to store 500 pieces of paper
than 825 cookbooks

Smuggler's Blues:
princessslayah42: i can fit a two liter up in there

Good Ideas That Weren't:
BinxB91: I have a plan for the next KatyTried --- true
information of various Shelfers who have gone MIA during 2009
PatientOnionSF: name one who was smart enough to leave
Beysshoes: well, one just died onion


Ouch:
Anais3233: do you think binx makes stuff up for his blog?

Secret Shopper:
DoomGrl: i went to staples today and i saw they still call them
jotters, but not t balls


Then again, it's 2010:
Melodramamama22: one day katy tried will consist of this:
Melodramamama22: melodramamama22: hello? hello?

Brando for Breakfest:
HelenaHandbagg: stewart little is packed with big name stars.


Expert Advice:
EmpressZ21: are any of you in the legal field
EmpressZ21: and being arrested doesnt count
I2DaysInNovember: Emp what is legal field?
BinxB91: Summers Eve L works in a Law office, I think
EmpressZ21: yeah i already talked to her Bonx
EmpressZ21: snow storm is coming what happens if youre
subpeoned to court
EmpressZ21: and technically you werent served personally
Melodramamama22: call the clerk of court!
Melodramamama22: well, tomorrow
Melodramamama22: my boss gets subpoena'd a lot, and sometimes
he can't go
Melodramamama22: subpoenaed?
Melodramamama22: subpeonaed?
Melodramamama22: gahhhh
EmpressZ21: how much trouble are you in if you cant get there

"damn straight":
BinxB91: Melo would be a fun co-worker
Melodramamama22: damn straight i'm a fun co-worker
Melodramamama22: my ladies luff me cause i come in with my
clothes on backwards
Melodramamama22: and straighten them out in the front office
Melodramamama22: it's a good job. i get to scare them and then
do stupid shit like the staff stomp routine, which then flips
them out
PatientOnionSF: then the kids go on to college and shoot up
auditoriums

Top This:
EmpressZ21: i once went to work with pantyhose stuffed in the leg
of my pants and didnt know it till like

Turtleneck
Melodramamama22: we went to the thrift store and i got a really
ugly stripey turtleneck sweater
BlackHeartedCur: Turtlenecks are hot.
BlackHeartedCur: Depending.
BlackHeartedCur: On the woman.
Melodramamama22: well, not hot like that
Melodramamama22: they're hot like, they make you tug and pull
to get 'em away from yer neck
EmpressZ21: big hair
Melodramamama22: got the big hair covered
EmpressZ21: aqua net
BlackHeartedCur: Well, that can be hot
BlackHeartedCur: Women tugging and pulling
Melodramamama22: ya, upside down head, half a can of aqua net
BlackHeartedCur: A turtleneck wouldn't be hot on, for example,
Rosie O'Donnell
Melodramamama22: well no. nor would big hair.
BlackHeartedCur: On the other hand, a turtleneck could be hot on,
for example, Kristen Stewart
Melodramamama22: or small hair
BlackHeartedCur: Hmm. Maybe its just the woman who is hot.
Boulshevit: Or Martha Stewart 3 o clock

Turtleneck Bottleneck:
BlackHeartedCur: Did you bust your head while tugging and
pulling at your turtleneck?
Melodramamama22: no, that would have been one small turtleneck neck
BlackHeartedCur: Well you could have accidentally hurled yourself
to the ground, while tugging and pulling
Melodramamama22: that's possible
BlackHeartedCur: And busted your head in the process
EmpressZ21: yeah you know those popcorn looking stuff
Boulshevit: Mels, you drink in a turtleneck?
Melodramamama22: i hate turtlenecks, no!
Melodramamama22: did you ever get stuck in one?? horrible
BlackHeartedCur: Do you ever rock a turtleneck, DoomGrl?
PatientOnionSF: Doom, too many old cooters in the room


Abusing Tom:
Tom Brite: Dont have much time right now. Anyone need anything?
BlackHeartedCur: Yes, we need beer
BlackHeartedCur: And a fast car
BlackHeartedCur: And fake IDs
EmpressZ21: and ice cream peppermint
Melodramamama22: and some money, can you swing by the atm?


Good Morning Sunshine:
Onimesh: things are not what they used to be...missing one
inside of me...
Onimesh: emptyness filling me to the point of agony


Christmas Stand-up:

LadyQuasi: What is the one thing women DON'T want to find in their
stockings on Christmas morning?
LadyQuasi: their husband


LadyQuasi: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa?
LadyQuasi: Claustrophobic

LadyQuasi: Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
LadyQuasi: You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets
all the credit.

BlackHeartedCur: Lady Quasi will be here all week, folks.
BlackHeartedCur: Don't forget to tip your waitress


Incoherence Can Be Hot:
SparrowAtPeace: women in their 40's are the hottest ..at least
until i turn 50
BinxB91: hotness is a quality than can come and go. Who looks
hot when they get out of bed first in the morning?
DoomGrl: i like ok in the morning I think, i like the morning
DoomGrl: that was all messed up, what i said


Vodka Dreams:
BinxB91: HOW old would you be if you didn't know how old you were?
DoomGrl: I like when I wake up in the middle and realize I have
as many hours to stay in bed as I have already been
Melodramamama22: ok, i can't take it no mo. bed with a book,
nite all (34)
bookish dude 21: you would be the same age binx
DoomGrl: you would be the same age I guess. is this a trick question?
BinxB91: In my dreams i tell people I'm 30
Boulshevit: How old would you feel, I think
BinxB91: Doom, I mean like having amnesia
DoomGrl: oh, maybe 19
BinxB91: my daughter says she can't get past 14
bookish dude 21: i think most people feel 18
DoomGrl: thats a good answer, 14
DoomGrl: 14 is an important age
BinxB91: I said "really? So why are you buying Vodka"
DoomGrl: i drank vodka when i was 14
bookish dude 21: people at that age drink cherry vodka
BinxB91: ah, but I bet you didn't talk about it with your Dad
in casual conversation
DoomGrl: no, i didnt


When You Think of DoomGrl What Comes to Mind?:
DoomGrl: if you drink it too fast it squirts out your nose
LadyQuasi: Tequila out the nose burns...a lot.
Boulshevit: If you lose your glasses while puking in the snow,
you can find them by looking for the red spot
bookish dude 21: if you drink it slow you puke
BinxB91: lol dude
BinxB91: ok, DoomGrl, you are banned from ever talking about
liquid through the nose ever again
DoomGrl: oops I did it again

When You Think of Beysshoes ...:
DoomGrl: i forget what I said before a lot, sorry
BinxB91: It's OK Doom it's a funny story
BinxB91: It's like Beysshoes who I barely noticed for a year ...
wasn't even sure that she was female
BinxB91: Until she told a story about getting fired as a shift
manager at a motel
BinxB91: for skinny dipping with some of the guests
BinxB91: after that, I had a fixed-image of her
Boulshevit: Now I do too


Onion Making Friends:
TYOTR: Onion I was never Red Toyota, where did you get that from?
PatientOnionSF: tyot is toyota, and R is red
BinxB91: More than one x indicates a bot
PatientOnionSF: so, red toyota
XkAySiSx: im not a bot,i got distracted,sorry

TYOTR on the Make:
TYOTR: Quiet would you object if I IMed you?
Alansueton: say yes
quiet scientist: we can talk here
Alansueton: good for quiet not hating
TYOTR: okay quiet, but when the time comes I might not be in
this room much longer
quiet scientist: not all that busy
quiet scientist: is bgrant male or female?
Alansueton: i think male
Alansueton: gender is a slippery slope here
quiet scientist: how do you mean by a slippery slope?
TYOTR: So...where you from Quiet?
quiet scientist: are people here easily offended it you guess wrong?
Alansueton: quiet well gender is difficult to apply
Alansueton: quiet yes and it's silly
quiet scientist: from idaho
quiet scientist: originally from michigan
TYOTR: neat
Jam7604801: i da ho?
Alansueton: Boise State got shafted in the BCS
quiet scientist: that's why i always add a "from" in front of it


DoomGrl and Noses:
DoomGrl: this one time, i punched some guy in the nose cause he
called my freind

What Are You Wearing?
DoomGrl: issy miyaki aparkly bunny t shirt, pfleuvog boots with
rococo heels

Make me Simile:
DoomGrl: anne rices books are much better
DisassembIy line: saying anne rice's books are better is like
saying you'd prefer the guillotine to being bludgeoned pinata
style by blindfolded midgets
snickerslol04: weird metaphor
DoomGrl: i met anne rice at the tattered cover. thats where I
met TJ too
Tj34: that one threw me aback
DisassembIy line: technically it's a simile


Flirts:
princessslayah42: are you stalking me fubar?
Fubar817: I wouldn't touch you with Fork's dick

What's Love Got to Do With It?
Forkrerereredux: fork had sex with her
Forkrerereredux: jizzed right in her eye

Beyond the Author's Lounge:
PatientOnionSF: it's like a toilet overflowing when AL'ers
come in here
KissMyAsterix: so otherwise we're just like a toilet


The Virgin Suicides:
zomcom81: The name yvonne reeks of... bad hygine.
Alansueton: Zom she was a beautiful girl nice body beautiful
teeth we were going to go to Spain together had it al planned
everything and then we broke up
PatientOnionSF: she caught you with another blow-up doll?
zomcom81: Beautiful, nice sure... bad hygine.. I can smell her from here
ManiacEyeball: except she dumped you before going to spain
Alansueton: Yvonne did dump me
KissMyAsterix: ee von
Alansueton: because I spent too much time at clubs
PatientOnionSF: alan is still a virgin

Legs:
PatientOnionSF: alan do you still shave your legs?
KissMyAsterix: wax lasts longer
PatientOnionSF: did bey's photo turn you gayer?
Alansueton: Patient I have very little body hair hair
doesn't grow on my legs above my knees
PatientOnionSF: alan cuz you are 64 and it all fell off
Beysshoes: omg para does brazilians on he'self




Beysshoes' Fiancee:
Alansueton: Beys how do you feel about Midget Porn?
Beysshoes: well para. i'm pretty specific about my porn. and it
don't included midgets.
Alansueton: Beys I was just asking about midgets
Beysshoes: the answer was no
Alansueton: okay
Beysshoes: but this guy i was engaged to had sex with a midget
and loved it
Beysshoes: he said it was handy bouncing her in his lap

Word Power:
Alansueton: Beys you're imperious as a spoilt little girl



The Possessive Beysshoes:
BinxB91: Lady Q! Edie! How nice!
BinxB91: did I scare everyone?
BinxB91: Angel's back!
EDruezillaB: good evening binx :)
BinxB91: evening Edie
Beysshoes: you said hi to edie twice. she's not talking
to you binx. and now you scared ladyQ off with your !!!'s
BinxB91: well ...
BinxB91: I'm indelicate
Beysshoes: yes, truism
EDruezillaB: i addressed binx
Beysshoes: nobody cares edrue



The Reader:
Beysshoes: who is henny yongman?
PatientOnionSF: a j*w comedian
Beysshoes: we got some funny genes in here finally?
BinxB91: Beys, you don't know who Henny Youngman is. Last month
you didn't know who Eugene Debs was.
BinxB91: I think I need to come to Hawaii and read to you
BinxB91: like in that movie
BinxB91: beysshoes as Kate Winslett
BinxB91: ... at least we could have a bath


Beys Splayed?
PatientOnionSF: you missed all the fun congo man
Cognomen98: I often do
PatientOnionSF: binky gave the url for his naked shelfer cam
PatientOnionSF: beys splayed on the beach


Edie Has the Answer:
EDruezillaB: beys, i thought you and binky were.. you know.
Melodramamama22: are you?
Beysshoes: you know? edrue? conjoined?
EDruezillaB: beys, yeah!
Beysshoes: well, i didn't want to do jiggy stuff to him so he
is threatening to dump me.
EDruezillaB: beys, that's nonsense
EDruezillaB: don't take that
Beysshoes: he's blackmailing me with my nekkids now.
EDruezillaB: hahahaha
Beysshoes: hit him for me edrue please!
EDruezillaB: i know how to handle that!
EDruezillaB: mass mail them yourself


Roofies:
EmpressZ21: anais come up here and wrap these gifts
Anais3233: I WOULD!
EmpressZ21: ill make you something festive to drink
Anais3233: does it involve a roofie?
Anais3233: if so, i'll have to shave my netherparts
EmpressZ21: heh heh now why would you think i would roofie you
KissMyAsterix: you shave for roofies?

Book Chat:
Cognomen98: it's kind of crazy that there are a thousand
socialization sites on AOL and ONE book chatroom
Beysshoes: there are others ... private ones cogno ... and semiprivate
JonnyDuffy: well, many AOL chat rooms PRETEND to be bookchat rooms
Cognomen98: yes indeed


Her PatientOnion Impression:
Beysshoes: i grilled some sliced sausages on it and it turned
out perfectly. do you hate it?
PatientOnionSF: and practical
Beysshoes: yes, its one that sits on the stove and you can cook all
kinds of stuff on it.
PatientOnionSF: it's good cuz it keeps the food off the bottom and
makes those sexy grill marks
Beysshoes: do you like it? YAY!!!
PatientOnionSF: binky has those grill marks, did he ever send you
a pic of them?
Beysshoes: i'm so happy you like it (oh he told you his ex wife stabbed
him did he?)
Beysshoes: he's not as nice as he seems in this chat room. lol

[She waits her turn in a blush of listening.]

Try a Little Tenderness:
Beysshoes: binky and i fone fuck several times daily.

Wholesale Husband:
EmpressZ21: my husband always gives me a huge box of socks

The Nightjar Blues:
Tj34: i like good writing and cuban recipies