FAIR AND BALANCED - the other half
of the Beysshoes meltdown below:

ShhJm: hi
ShhJm: I am Mauritcio
Jayceekay3514: asl
ShhJm: 33/m/Puerto Rico
Jayceekay3514: nice
ShhJm: I know
ShhJm: I am a fabulous man
ShhJm: in every manner of the word
ShhJm: I am better than you deserve
ShhJm: even when I masturbate, it's like a threesome
ShhJm: Rono?
ShhJm: I need your help
Niontron3: What's wrong with Blt
Jam7604801: i don't know rono
Jam7604801: i think bey has been wearing him out lately


Ta21 - The Wit of Worchester:

Baker77787: sorry that was politically incorrect.
You ADAD ADHD-hyper-sensetive jackass
Ta21l: wow
BinxB91: Ok, ya Nazi Windbag
Baker77787: cool huh?
Ta21l: not really...
Ta21l: it's ADD and ADHA
BinxB91: Imagine Baker trying to impress women
Baker77787: hey Binx tell us what a Nazi is....
I mean really give your historical analysis
BinxB91: A Nazi? Lets' see ... State Control.
Mind Control. Conformity. Genocide.
Brutish Thugs in the street controlling society.
Ignoramouses running the country. Worship of
militarism.
Ta21l: and the bad guys in Casablanca


An Original Stephen King Manuscript:

JFWaterman: Several years King was walking along
a road in Maine near where he lives- a man in a
van ran him down, broke his arm and thigh. My
company made the medical implants that put him
back together.
JFWaterman: Rods and bone screws and plates for
internal fixation of fractures.
JFWaterman: We have a framed thank-you letter
from Stephen King, along with the signatures of
all of his orthopedic surgeons.


What makes a Book:

Creepy Loner: I had a friend tell me about
Angels and Demons. She said it was funny.
That the female lead in it had "tawny thighs.
DAISYTRAIL: Well, tawny thighs are what make a book.


A Good Deal - no other friends:

Vanda52: i had a steady in high school - my future
ex-wife and i hung out exclusively with her
having constant sex so i really didnt have other
friends
Phronsie: I got married the night after my final exam
in college, and lost touch with nearly everyone I had
been close to, because of marriage
Vanda52: it was a good deal


No Offense:

Bludahlias: puny little italian guy who must be desperate
to date a whiny jewish woman and her brat
Bludahlias: they hate me
Bludahlias: they are in the bed
Bludahlias: no offense against jews
Bludahlias: the non whiny ones at least
Bludahlias: pure and clean hatred
Bludahlias: no doubt


Conversation Starter:

BettaDed: what is the difference between a cantalope
and a musk melon, anyone know?


Knowing Rich People:

Vanda52: ted, i know that whole area where gatsby takes
place here on long island and I have also known many
people who come from that class of people
TRBfrom NC: rich people?
Vanda52: yeah
Vanda52: im an orchid grower ted, orchids were once a rich thing
TRBfrom NC: i know southern rich
Vanda52: not so much anymore
TRBfrom NC: but not northern


Role Playing:

Phronsie: This is the second night I have been running a fever.
Phronsie: And I am sweating like a stuck pig. I hate that.
Asia7384: Phronsie you surprise me
Phronsie: why?
Asia7384: doesn't sound like you
Phronsie: ummmm. i can sound a variety of ways.
BinxB91: of course, you're an actress
Phronsie: Party down guys
BinxB91: Phronsie doing a one woman show as Ella Fitzgerald?
BinxB91: Patient Onion as Ernest Hemmingway?
TRBfrom NC: binx somehow i just don't see that
Asia7384: do me next Binx
BinxB91: BluDahlias as Maria Von Trapp?
BinxB91: Asia as Alan Greenspan?
Asia7384: awfully irrationally exuberant of you Binx
BinxB91: Pen Enchatress as Rosie O'Donnell?
BinxB91: A category of difficult roles to play
BinxB91: Vanda as Neil Sedaka?
Asia7384: bingo
TRBfrom NC: i still think Yassir Arafat and Bella Abzug
missed a bet, they would have made a great couple
BinxB91: Yes, a perfect mismatch
Asia7384: conjoined twins separated at death
Asia7384: I meant birth but works either way
TRBfrom NC: the ugliest Arab in the world meets the ugliest Jew


"RONO, who cares?":

Niontron3: that means you DO NOT know how many popes
were killed for political reasons
Niontron3: jam, don't you think that is huge?
Jam7604801: or how many killed themselves rono
Niontron3: exactly, jam...we cannot find out
Niontron3: and bush visited the last popes three times
during his last tenure
Jam7604801: no rono all catholic priests and nuns aren't
going to heaven anyway
Niontron3: jam...you seem to be missing the point
Jam7604801: rono who cares


Noted:

Vanda52: i love maid uniforms


The Modern young Woman:

Creepy Loner: I miss my gay ex-boyfriend.
I can't find cool stores without him.


RainWoman:

LeslieHapablap: i am an excellent shopper.


Remembering Nagual:

LeslieHapablap: nagual4a would come back if he
knew i were here.
LeslieHapablap: he is in love with me even though
i am not latina.
Niontron3: Only person that liked naguala was EMMA


The root of the RONO bitterness;

Niontron3: In life it is good to distance yourself
from humans
Niontron3: sooner or later every humans hurt you
Niontron3: this is what humans do
SmileISmileSmile: bananas won't hurt you niontron3
SmileISmileSmile: they are soft
Niontron3: I talked to this guy becaue no one else
would talk to him or mingle with him
Niontron3: and because she knew that I am a communist
Knishofdeath: Comrade!
Niontron3: <<<Niontron3: and I became his friend
Forkrereredux: and his name was binx
Niontron3: because no one else would mingle with him
Niontron3: later he used to me...took money from me..
Niontron3: and told people lies about me...
Niontron3: almost everybody I know try to use me..
Niontron3: this girl at my work place, she is from Bolivia,
not that it matters where she is from, she told me she is a
Niontron3: I felt bad for him communist
Niontron3: just to be in the coat check


Why don't you like white bread?:

LeslieHapablap: condorblue, i am still thinking about a
question you asked me pages ago.


Nightmare:

Creepy Loner: I spent most of the day just being cozy.
Although I did go to some bed/bath place to look for
sheets. That was a nightmare. You had to get a whole sheet-set
...some of which were over $200.


Pink Sign Language:

LeslieHapablap: i just said to mr. hapablap, with a question
mark over my head, "mormons tolerate pre-marital sex?"
LeslieHapablap: mr. hapablap, "is everything you read in that
book chat true?"
JaneH56: right pink.


Beauty Knows No Pain:

Vanda52: i dont understand how women can stand makeup,
it would make my face feel dirty and oily
Vanda52: i like a clean face


Phronise 37 ParaMyrrh 1:

Phronsie: It's possible to never suck cocks. I never have
ParaMyrrh: Phronsie no wonder you're so miserable


Same with Pre-School Teachers:

CordialCactus: Im a bartender. My name slurred sounds like cactus
CordialCactus: Nice to meet you, im Candice


Gimme Michner:

Baker77787: How about Faulkner or Hem....or jeez gimme Michner!!!


Boys in a Bubble:

Prospect26: we need to teach our primary school children that
1) no one can touch then...2) even their uncle cannot touch them
and 3) their father cannot even touch them ,,,nor their mother,
Prospect26: I taught my children all of the above. No one touches them.


I'll Save Your Ass If You Want:

Baker77787: ya know I was willing to save your ass...
any you got nothing there but a smart-ass remark
Ta21l: I could make a dumbass remark if you'd like
Ta21l: wait...save my ass?
Ta21l: save it from what?

Quarter to Three/No One in the Place but ...:

Raconteurerudite: the place died
Raconteurerudite: too bad
Lazy Energy: greetins...slow nite?
Raconteurerudite: Come back tomorrow around 10pm central
to get a taste of how this place is when it's in full
motion.
Raconteurerudite: it's only open for a few hours every day.
Lazy Energy: i was in here earlier and it was incomprehensible
Raconteurerudite: lol
Lazy Energy: seriously i couldn't make heads or tails of it
Raconteurerudite: Well, 10pm-2am is the usual hours. Get
here early and you can see how things work.
Raconteurerudite: We have a few key players who have been
here for a few years.
Raconteurerudite: Vanda being one of the oldest.
Raconteurerudite: in all senses
Lazy Energy:
Lazy Energy: good to hear thanks
Raconteurerudite: np
Raconteurerudite: we talk about a wide range of things
Raconteurerudite: a lot of it, since so many of us have
been here for a few years, is layered in inside jokes
Lazy Energy: you make it sound sugar-coated
Raconteurerudite: but we talk about new things as well
and if you hang around for about a week you can start
to get a feel of the place.
Raconteurerudite: well, take off the sugar where you
feel like it's been added.
Raconteurerudite: Everything that i've told you is true
though.
Lazy Energy: maybe i'll try its not often i find chats
with relatively complete sentences
Raconteurerudite: lol
Raconteurerudite: I am just glad that you came on a night
where politics was not one of the hot topics.
Lazy Energy: i try to keep my two cents out of politics
Raconteurerudite: If you do that, on one of those nights,
you won't have much to say.
Lazy Energy: but i love to listen
Raconteurerudite: Then this is your place.
Lazy Energy: mmthanks
Raconteurerudite: We have all sorts in here.
Lazy Energy: how about brlaneo and pen?
Raconteurerudite: Old, young, Democrat, republican, Female,
male, Marxist, capitalist...
Raconteurerudite: new people to me.
Raconteurerudite: I took a few months to travel.
Raconteurerudite: This is actually my first day back.
Raconteurerudite: Not much has changed, just a few new names.
Raconteurerudite: But, I'm headed to bed like everyone else
has done before me.
Lazy Energy: well thank you for the chat
Raconteurerudite: Thanks for checking out the Shelf.
Lazy Energy: very welcoming
Lazy Energy: don't let me keep you up
Lazy Energy: lil' ol' me
Raconteurerudite: It's not much, but it's a drop of sanity in
an ocean of...people. (My opinion of the average person is not
very high at all, especially the ones on the internet chatrooms,
except this one of course.)
Raconteurerudite: ok, but watch out for Godwit, Nags, and there
are a few others but they are lesser evils.
Raconteurerudite: The other ones tend to play nicely.
Raconteurerudite: Goodnight for now. I hope to see you on again.
Lmysterious2u: how is it people
Lmysterious2u: I am drinking coffee in a moment


Jo's daughter:

ParaMyrrh: Jo speaking of romance is your daughter
still a virgin or still giving virginity preserving
blow jobs?
Jhd730: she is dating this very handsome boy..he is
the quarterback for the football team
Jhd730: at first I was thinking "oh no"
ParaMyrrh: Jo Ann, a "Brady" type?
Jhd730: then tory comes to me and says "mom, we aren't
going to have sex but David doesn't want to have sex
til he's married"
Jhd730: he's very religious
ParaMyrrh: LOL what a loser a religious nut
BinxB91: ... and a lousy quarterback?
Jhd730: I breathed a sigh of relief..laughed my ass off
PatientOnion3: you let your daughter date a radical
islmamic terrorist type?
Beautyisfreedom: i think that's good Sex sould be saved
until marrige
ShhJm: joann, :::::warning:::::::: I was using that same
line 25 years ago
ParaMyrrh: his name is DAVID! haha
Jhd730: he is a Brady type...I personally think he's
a raging homosexual
PatientOnion3: homosexual, radical islam, same thing


The End of the Innocent:

ShhJm: bey, were you adopted?
Beysshoes: STFU james
ShhJm: a poor little korean girl with flies on your
eyes and a distended belly, whisked off to america to
enjoy a better life
Beysshoes: you syphillitic maggot.
Phronsie: dear me!
Beysshoes: well thats better than the crabs you got
stuck on your eyes you socio
ShhJm: phrons, bey is a nasty one


Try Pyongyang:

Vanda52: berlin is no longer fun since the cold war ended


Walker Percy Spinning in His Grave:

LiteralTake: knockwood binky
BinxB91: Why call my Binky? I don't call you Litty
PatientOnion3: Binky is a cute name
PatientOnion3: Binx, Bink, Binky
LiteralTake: what would booboo say?
PatientOnion3: it is a character from that book
PatientOnion3: the moviegoer by Percy
PatientOnion3: that's where he got the name Binky from
PatientOnion3: and it stuck to him, like white on rye


There's No Crying in Bathhouses:

TomRiddle12: My Million Dollar Idea: remake the movie
"A League of Their Own" but instead of girl ball players,
they're a bunch of flaming homosexuals
TomRiddle12: and pay Tom Hanks a lot of money for one line,
"Ballplayers? I haven't got ballplayers I've Got Fags"



Talk Dirty to Me:

Forkrereredux: i'm a fascist scum
LeslieHapablap: forkrereredux, tell me more.


Your Diet Gave You Away:

TomRiddle12: Who says I'm antisemitic?
PatientOnion3: you don't like chopped chicken livers,
it's a jewish delicacy
OMCAT1234: Isn't chop liver made with onions and chicken fat?
PatientOnion3: yes it is momcat, i made some last night,
with homemade chicken fat (schmaltz)


PatientOnion as Jeff Foxworthy:

PatientOnion3: 50% of america has been social-engineered
into halfwit hillbilly self-loathing complacency
PatientOnion3: they worship the rich and hate their middle
classness
BinxB91: half-wit hillbillies wouldn't be self-aware enough
to loath themselves
Phronsie: Onion, you are fixated on the "hill-billy " concept
PatientOnion3: if you are not rich and you vote republican
you are a "hillbilly"
PatientOnion3: if you are an islamic terrorist you are a
"hillbilly"
PatientOnion3: if you die or live for the rich and powerful
you are self-loathing and thus a hillbilly
Phronsie: Hillbilly islamic terrorists! What a novel concept
Phronsie: You need to get out of San Francisco a little more


BLT Lyric:

ShhJm: My furious fabulous fork,
comes across as a third person dork,
its rather uncanny,
that a woman named annie,
cant seem to like the taste of his pork.


Real Men Have No Secrets:
ParaMyrrh: I sleep with a big teddy bear


Rono On:

Niontron3: I don't learn ANYTHING from ANYONE
Niontron3: self-taught man
LeslieHapablap: i recommend an esl class.


"You are not getting the context":

Niontron3: Binx, go back to your cage
BinxB91: back to my cage???
Niontron3: stop snarling, now!!!
Niontron3: I always noticed HUMANS ONLY SEE BAD
THINGS IN OTHER HUMANS
TRBfrom NC: but you do that too Rono
Niontron3: ?
Niontron3: when did I say anything negative about
Niontron3: anyone in here
Niontron3: show me
Creepy Loner: "Binx, go back to your cage" is a start
Niontron3: Creepy, you are not getting the context...


From Poor Rono's Almanac:

Niontron3: Don't argue with fools...
people might not notice the difference


Cogno's List:

Cognomen98: I became curious about Pricksongs & Descants
when it was listed in 1001 Books You Must Read Before
You Die


Rono's List:

Niontron3: BInx, fork, PO...all three in the room at
the same time...not a good thing
Niontron3: You three are in my BAD LIST


Tell them to Get a Room:

KimberlysCabin2: someone is hitting my trailer be right back



Oh to Be Young Again:

BlisteredCorpse: And now for a poem...
BlisteredCorpse: Fire burns within my darkened soul
BlisteredCorpse: Everybody is a bastard,
BlisteredCorpse: Everybody is a fucking bastard,
BlisteredCorpse: Dad won't buy me a car
BlisteredCorpse: My soul hurts,
BlisteredCorpse: Explain THAT, mr scientist
BlisteredCorpse: Is
BlisteredCorpse: Shitty
BlisteredCorpse: So don't try to amputate your own hands
Niontron3: blistered
Niontron3: you must be very young


Remark of the Night:

Cognomen98: if only we could all scroll upward... with life


Ayn Rand Chat:

Remocontrol9: I'm working on another book I've been meaning
to read for years... "The Fountainhead"
Cognomen98: oh, I've heard of Ayn Rand
Niontron3: I've never heard of anyone that stupid in my
whole life
Remocontrol9: It's a 700 page book
Cognomen98: a friend of mine told me about her
Remocontrol9: and her other book, "Atlas Shrugged"
is over 1,000 pages!
TRBfrom NC: you sort of catch Ayn Rand, like the measles
Cognomen98: she's a philosopher
TRBfrom NC: and it takes a while to get over her
Cognomen98: talked about 'Objectivism'
Godwit935: Wow, those must be some thick books. Must
be a lot of words in there.
TRBfrom NC: some folks never do
Remocontrol9: That's it, Cognomen98
Cognomen98: there's a movie about her - The Passion of Ayn Rand
PRobin5478: a complex/simple-minded rationalization for
infantile selfishness
Cognomen98: I guess
PRobin5478: Rand is influential. Alan Greenspan was an acolyte


It's OK, I Need the Material:

Niontron3: I don't usually talk this much


In spite of Stupid Pricks:

BinxB91: W'Woman, you sure are energetic
WyzWomn06: I've had the best day of my life, binx!
BinxB91: the best day of your life??? Really?
Godwit935: How can anyone know the best day of your life?
BinxB91: God, it's based on emotion
WyzWomn06: yes....today was our "pinning" ceremony for
the (nursing) graduating class. i'm higher than a kite!
Godwit935: So you can measure emotion, Binx?
BinxB91: Best Day of my Life: April 30th, 1983
BinxB91: It's a subjective choice though
WyzWomn06: the red wine doesn't hurt, of course......
Cognomen98: I don't think you can know the best day of your
life until the day of your death
KimberlysCabin2: still waiting for my best day, sigh
Creole Bean: me too kim
WyzWomn06: tomorrow is commencement......i'm wearing a purple
tie-dyed sundress under my cap and gown...oh, and my "formal"
birkenstocks: black patent leather sandals!
WyzWomn06: <--hippie chick
TRBfrom NC: i feel that way too, wit
Vanda52: my best days were when i was in my 20s and traveled
all over america in a VW camper . saw every state in the union .
I have no doubt I will ever have better days then those were
KimberlysCabin2: i think when i eventually have sex with a great
guy, it will be almost the greatest day of my life... i imagine
that after he sees me the next morning and doesnt run away...
that THAT will be a great day
Godwit935: Wyz, so you are getting a what, a college degree?
TRBfrom NC: allen, that does sound great
WyzWomn06: although my ex has yet to sign the divorce papers.
he is, as is obvious, a stupid prick.
BinxB91: hippie chick AND a nurse?? Can the roles co-exist?
WyzWomn06: no, godwit, i'm a faculty member.
Godwit935: What do you teach, Wyz?
WyzWomn06: nursing.
TRBfrom NC: pricks can be smart or stupid, you see
TRBfrom NC: marie's was a stupid one


"Sex is Funny" starts a fight?:

BinxB91: why is sex so funny?
TRBfrom NC: binx, because it's so emotional
TRBfrom NC: humor is essentially a nervous reaction
Godwit935: Humor is a nervous reaction?
That's ridiculous, TRB.
TRBfrom NC: we make jokes to fend off and control unease
TRBfrom NC: no, it isn't, wit -- it's quite true
KimberlysCabin2: god, lots of people use humor to cope
Godwit935: It's bs, TRB.
TRBfrom NC: love your logic, wit
TRBfrom NC: just keep saying bs and you prove your point
Godwit935: But laughing or making a joke is not a nervous
reaction, that's cowflop.
TRBfrom NC: that's it, wit, keep it up
Godwit935: It might make you feel better, if you are a
nervous sort, to laugh.


What Would the Robot Wear?:

Condorblue: I'd like a robot to feed me


Noted:

LeslieHapablap: i am not a squid.


"It's a strong woman that calls herself a man":

ReconParty: I've met some young lassies recently,
x-marines and x-sailors...the x-marine said she
was a radioman
TorpedoChief: Quartermaster is gone IC is gone.
Lot of rates are going away
ReconParty: the x-navy call is boats
TorpedoChief: We even have female nukes now
ReconParty: I believe it's a strong woman that calls
herself a man without any problems


Searching for God in All the Wrong Places:

Vanda52: i gave up tv , tossed in the trash when
one morning I almost wrote a check to the 700 Club
Vanda52: i was close
Vanda52: poor pat didnt get my money
Phronsie: Good grief, Vanda! Why?
Vanda52: true story phrons, i was searching for god i guess


I hear Money Calling:

Vanda52: i missed my calling not becoming a
televangalist
ReconParty: we think we miss our calling, but we don't.
LeslieHapablap: i heard my calling.
LeslieHapablap: i am doing exactly what i should be doing.
Vanda52: good point recon, but basically im talking money wise



Quest for Nadahead:

ArikTheRead: The first time I came to the shelf there
was someone called Nadahead
ArikTheRead: I forgot to put it on my favorites, so the next
time I wanted to come here I had to look for Nadahead



We'd Expect Nothing Less:

LeslieHapablap: i am going to make 100% whole wheat toast.



... and Chat Rooms:

Vanda52: life is pretty boring actually, sometimes i
think thats why people have wars


There's no Crying in Chat Rooms:
Bludahlias: I hate crying.



News From the Garden State
("schools are often weird"):

GabrielRamos4: my name is gabe. i am 27. i am a
hispanic male and i am currently going for my Masters
in Library Sciences at Rutgers Univ
Phronsie: It's too bad that Leslie left. She would
make you feel very welcome Gabriel
Phronsie: Rutgers! My goodness!
GabrielRamos4: well its nice to meet all of you. i am
actually on vacation from work and noticed how much i
want to go back to work
BinxB91: spell the town in which Rutgers lies.
GabrielRamos4: new brunswick
BinxB91: hehe
Phronsie: My mother at one point was working toward a
master's in Library science
GabrielRamos4: but we have campus in newark and camden
Phronsie: howver, she chose, in the end, to get one in
Business Education
BinxB91: I thought is was Pisquataway (or however it's spelled)
Phronsie: with equivalent hours in English
Phronsie: She loved to go to school
GabrielRamos4: the football stadium is there
BinxB91: oh I see
GabrielRamos4: its weird
GabrielRamos4: cuz my classes are technically in piscataway
GabrielRamos4: but my schedule says new brunswick
Phronsie: Schools are often weird.


Jane's Brother:

ShhJm: Jane, I thought of your brother while I watched
the shuttle launch
JaneH56: did you, he has completely retired from Nasa this year.
Lpwfuw: What did he do with NASA?
ShhJm: He can be proud
JaneH56: director of LBJ space center.
Lpwfuw: Wow!
JaneH56: linda he is a retired 3 star general USMC.
ShhJm: are his heat shields still intact?
JaneH56: we hope
Lpwfuw: Jane, a position such as that could make a person
old before his/her time!
JaneH56: yes linda. 3 months after he started they had the
space ship thingy.
JaneH56: enough to give him grey hairs.
BinxB91: space ship thingy?? what a way for an aviator's
wife to talk
JaneH56: He said it was the hardest job he ever had.
JaneH56: now he is visiting professor at U of Texas living in Austin.
Lpwfuw: We knew what she meant!
ShhJm: Can you imagine "um, sir, we just lost another shuttle"
ShhJm: and he says "lost like you cant find it? or lost like it blew up?"



Vanda Speaking Bushese:

Vanda52: personally withut getting into it all, i think
bush was dealt a very bad hand of cards to deal with



The EVYunq Literary Prize for Humilty was one:

DianaBrit: my book has won three literary awards so far
DianaBrit: I am honored
Creepy Loner: Congratulations, Diana.
DianaBrit: thank you


Would Hand Washing Have Helped?:

Jam7604801: Thyroid Mary killed a bunch of people


Cincinnati Deads:

DianaBrit: Hahn poisoned about a dozen people in
Cincinnati in the 1930s. None was her husband


"the social filter":

ShhJm: I wish I could die, I hope I get cancer
LeslieHapablap: shhjm, no.
ShhJm: I am tired of being alive
Lpwfuw: Jm, you don't want that
LeslieHapablap: how old are you?
ShhJm: 43
Lpwfuw: Go to the doctor and get some pills to make you happy
LeslieHapablap: i know people twice your age.
Vanda52: good blt, get a shot gun , its faster
Vanda52: just the truth pink
BinxB91: YAY Vanda!!
Phronsie: True crime, huh?
ShhJm: I don't care, the world sucks and all of the people
in it are stupid
LeslieHapablap: vanda52, the social filter! put it on!
Vanda52: ok


Trouble with Origami:

Forkrereredux: fork missed class today to stay home
and work on a paper
Forkrereredux: which went no where


That She's typing From a cell?:

BinxB91: L'Energy, tell us a funny story
Lazy Energy: i went to the grocery store today and
just started eating stuff
LeslieHapablap: what does that mean?


Everyone Loves KaLenfer:

ParaMyrrh: well I have to go
ExShelfer: kal, wtf
Vanda52: bye kal
MsJillybeen9: TOC, i own 35% of my house and it's only been
a year, so it's not so bad
Phronsie: The disappearing god
MsJillybeen9: it just takes too much time
ParaMyrrh: I have someone tugging on my shirt
ExShelfer: ah yes...
ExShelfer: kal, tell your mom to wait a few minutes



The Dangling Conversation:

Gypsyjo47: Annie who raped you?
Vanda52: jane?
Sheila222: verb turned me on to ferrol sams
MsJillybeen9: i love janeH, she sent me a picture of her
family, it's on my big wall of stuff
ShhJm: jane raped annie?

How to Talk Dirty and Influence People

I wish I could do like Lenny Bruce once
did and turn the stage lights on the audience
and find out who actually is catching my act.
But maybe that isn't such a good idea since
Lenny discovered some uniformed cops waiting
for him to go too far. Besides, I am
not even a performer. I just cut-and-paste
chat snippets together and --- according to
Emma and Beysshoes --- I don't edit enough.
Oh well. What the hell. At least I did get
a few non-chat e-mails this past week, some
of which I print below:

1. "This Leslie Hapflap seems to be
dominating the room lately. I think the column
has been drawing more people in. It's interesting
what a bit o' fuss will attract." --- yes, fuss is
good. Maybe Joe Biden can hire you to create
some for his campaign

2. "I have to wonder if it isn’t simply time
to let the gossip column go." --- OK, thanks for
your input. But if this is what you wonder about,
you need to find a hobby

3. "Your column is both witty and wise. It's
the one blog on Boodshelf worthy of an award"
--- I made that one up.



Someone else contacted me to ask me why I had
been mean of late. I was surprised to hear myself
described as mean. But there was the evidence
right there. Once again, I had been reckless ...
and the snippet in question was stupid anyway
(sigh).
Yesterday, I received the meanest snippet ever.
But with my meanness radar sharpened, I quickly
deleted that clip (that makes 3 rejections this year).
Thanks, Chris.



Bosom Buddies:

ParaMyrrh: I smell BACON!
ShhJm: Kal!
ParaMyrrh: hey Blt


Milk and Cookies:

I2DaysInNovember: I watched the Titanic on a
HUGE movie screen and was in the front row and
eating chocolate chip cookies. Kate's breast
was about 20 feet across
I2DaysInNovember: I had a sudden and
uncontrollable urge for milk


He's still BLT:

ShhJm: I am in a contest for making OB epidurals,
the fastest person gets a week off with pay



Shelf Love:

ParaMyrrh: hey I love BLT as a male friend like my
lunatic Police Partner a la Lethal Weapon
ShhJm: kal, I love you like mel gibson loves danny glover
Jhd730: Blt...Kal would lift you off a toilet and jump in
a tub with your bare assness to save you from a bomb


Growing older:

Beautyisfreedom: in 18
Beautyisfreedom: i'll be 19 in sep
Jhd730: 22 here Beauty
ShhJm: beauty, I am 74, want to get together?
Beautyisfreedom: i can't wait to hit 22 and i hope
i stay there lol
Jhd730: you will if you drink hard and die fast



What if she wants fries?:
Beautyisfreedom: women who tend to read a lot of
romance have a hard time finding what they want


Huh?:

BooksIut: Like X.J. Kennedy's "Nude Descending a
Staircase," I slink to the tangents of the room
will a "constant thresh of thigh on thigh."



Nothing Against Clit Lickers:

Gypsyjo47: Jhd I have nothing against clit lickers
in general but I don't like fat ugly people who
are also stupid
Jhd730: sshhh your wife might hear


OK, Good to Know:

BooksIut: Pound's Japanese paper napkin fingered
lady's last name was Shakespear.


KaL's Favorites:

ParaMyrrh: Bookslut "The Good Soldier Svejk"--Jaroslav Hasek
"Pickwick Papers"---Charles Dickens "Don Juan"---Lord Byron
"L'Education Sentimental"--Gustave Flaubert



A Nice Story in Harper's:

LeslieHapablap: i read a nice short story in harper's.
by nicole krauss.
LeslieHapablap: i like that nicole krauss a lot.
Tylatoya: Tell us precisely what you liked
LeslieHapablap: her syntax.
Tylatoya: Duh
Tylatoya: I hate to sound well.....about four but you
did put it out there
Tylatoya: Give us a clue
BinxB91: Go on, Leslie, answer her
PatientOnion3: Fetch it Leslie
Tylatoya: Binx makes me think of bunnies
LeslieHapablap: what question?


"do you want your computer hacked?":

ShhJm: langston hughes used little pieces of alliteration
like referring to the winter cold of his unheated shack as
"blue black cold" that one analogy made me fall in love
with literature
TomRiddle12: ShhJm...in modern Literature...it is considered
unwise to use mulitple adjectives
ShhJm: tom, so who writes the laws of writing?
PatientOnion3: how dare you criticize blt, do you want
your computer hacked?
TomRiddle12: For every adjective other than the most important
...it decreases the value by more than half
TomRiddle12: When I say Modern, I mean contemporary...in
Modernist work...adjectives were okay
TomRiddle12: Shh--- just about every book on writing Ive
read...ONLY ONE ADJECTIVE, haha
ShhJm: tom, I used to read only classics, then I realized that
I got the same effect from dean koontz and tom clancy as I
did from tolstoy and dostoyevsky



Bitter Ending:

ShhJm: I learned russian to read Anna Karenina in russian,
and the only time I ever actually spoke russian was to
negotiate the sale of a sled at a garage sale for some
russian woman
PatientOnion3: a regular sled or a magic sled?


BS is what you lack:

TomRiddle12: ShhJm...as a writer develops...he picks
up different things from each mentor. And ignores some
of the stuff you consider BS...I really consider it
to be valid
ShhJm: tom, what you consider bs, might be what you
will lack



Fezz and Binx - Neighbors in Onion's Brain:

PatientOnion3: fezzzzzzzzzzz, that's the one, i get fez
and binx mixed up
PatientOnion3: cuz they both live in chicago in my
stupid brain



"you guys have interesting conversations":

Poet4Theband: hi
BinxB91: Poet, never get up on stage with a tambourine?
ShhJm: poet, I was listening to the counting crows today
and I felt like it was too much poetry for music
ShhJm: like jim morrison on a sunday
BinxB91: or Jim Morrison eating a Sundae
ShhJm: im covered in fish blood and I fell off my boat too
ShhJm: he means that the rest of the poem depends on each word
ShhJm: its like an epiphany of cadence
ShhJm: its not about the poem
ShhJm: but thinking
ShhJm: WCW was a physician and the son of a physician
BinxB91: Poet in search of a mentor?
ShhJm: like lewis thomas
ShhJm: I have to pee, brb
Poet4Theband: you guys have interesting conversations to
say the least
ShhJm: Poet, can you give me your take on
WCW "The Red Wheelbarrow"?
ShhJm: is it just a contrast in colors, or do the
chickens mean something?
Poet4Theband: sorry but I don't care for poem that are
very simplistic
Forkrereredux: you're too good for a simplistic poem?
ShhJm: poet, how is that simplistic?
ShhJm: "so much depends. upon a red wheelbarrow, glazed
with rainwater, beside the white chickens
ShhJm: look at the cadence
Poet4Theband: the thing is I do love poetry but.......
i'm not very perceptive on hidden meanings in those
type of poems. Too stupid i guess
ShhJm: let me explain
Forkrereredux: mr. fork knows that poem
ShhJm: when he says, "so much depends"




The Next Talk Radio Host:

PatientOnion3: with paris in jail ZERO americans have
been killed in Iraq
PatientOnion3: keep paris in jail!
PatientOnion3: support the troops


"im like a little kid":

Vanda52: turns out my ex had a sex change operation
before i knew "her" and never told me, i pointed out
her "thing" looked homemade and "she" broke down and
admitted it
JaneH56: allan, you are such a liar.
LynBelle: allan, stop
Vanda52: before we married
LynBelle: take it back
Vanda52: im like a little kid , im amuzing myself
Phronsie: I have heard that chicks with dicks feel
that they provide a little extra


Angelina Jolie:

Phronsie: Angelina Jolie's pic was on the cover of
our Sunday supplement mag today. Inspirations figure
article
Phronsie: I almost barfed
ParaMyrrh: Phronsie she does so much humanitarian work
she should be celebrated
JaneH56: phrons, the enquirer did a thing on her last week.
she is skinny as a rail.
LynBelle: phrons, you don't like Angelina?
Phronsie: Jane, she is
ParaMyrrh: she does need to eat some sandwiches
ParaMyrrh: Phronsie YOU pity Her? hahah
JaneH56: she has a very beautiful face, but all those tatts.
Phronsie: she's getting good press
Phronsie: the lips are awful
ParaMyrrh: Angelina's lips are real
BinxB91: She goes to the Sudan ... not clubs
LynBelle: but those are her real lips, not fake
Phronsie: they always remind me of the anuses on those
typewriters in'''
BinxB91: Jon Voight had great lips too
Phronsie: in Naked Lunch
ParaMyrrh: believe me I know Ive kissed her
JaneH56: remember when she and her brother were kissing at
an awards show.
Phronsie: they're still gross
BinxB91: Midnight Cowboy. The Mad magazine satire
of that movie never stopped about his pouty lips.
BinxB91: Now almost 40 years later here we are talking
about his daughter's lips



Para vs Phronsie, Round 37:

ParaMyrrh: Phronsie everything displeases you
Phronsie: no. Para
ParaMyrrh: If you jump up and down you won't get pregnant
Phronsie: but I am quite certain about what displeases me
JaneH56: ha kal.
ParaMyrrh: Phronsie what pleases you?
Phronsie: lots of things
Phronsie: Not you, of course
ParaMyrrh: see Phronsie can't name one thing
Phronsie: I like flowers
Phronsie: I like leaves
Forkrereredux: fork likes flowers too
Phronsie: I can get irate about kudzu


KaL knows Cumby's:

LynBelle: I brought home a leaf from one of the gardens
in Savannah, Savannah is unbelievably beautiful
Sweetywittykitty: damn...i've never been to savannah myself
JaneH56: it is lyn. prettiest city in ga by far.
LynBelle: did you see the Mercer house?
ParaMyrrh: Savannah smells like a cumberland farms restroom
with a clogged toilet
JaneH56: lyn, I love those old houses.
Phronsie: Para you are an expert on cumberland farms with
clogged toilets?


Jo-Ann Says:

Jhd730: the bookshelf is having a mini comeback i would say

Thanks for the Editing Assistance, EmmaWrites.
You're a Peach. KillaKaL is composing a poem
in your honor.


Emma is Nice:

LeslieHapablap: emmawrites emailed me.
LeslieHapablap: she is nice.
Beysshoes: what did she want from you leslie?
LeslieHapablap: to tell me she missed me.
Beysshoes: ah
LeslieHapablap: then she asked to borrow money.


Meg Setting Up PatientOnion:

Mg500mv: Dark, you would like Deerksin by McKinley
DarkNinjaErnie: Never heard of it
Mg500mv: Dark, do you like the HP series?
PatientOnion3: i adore the Foreskin series


Onion stays put:

LeslieHapablap: patientonion3, please, go to the
thinkers room. this is prime time over there.
PatientOnion3: thinkers would eat me alive
PatientOnion3: another holocaust


And for Pointers on Being Annoying:

ParaMyrrh: I read Rosie O'Donnell's Blog for my
political opinions


What makes Joann Laugh:

Jhd730: Allan, that picture of yours that keeps
popping up "emma" makes me laugh every time


Overrated?:

Vanda52: kals poem was brilliant
Godwit935: Someone said brilliant.
Godwit935: You can't go a half-hour in this joint,
if there's anyone in here, without someone saying
something is brilliant.


Putting Things in Perspective:

Godwit935: Vanda, you have a hard time spelling.
Vanda52: god its late and my spelling means nothing,
think of thre deaths in uraq when you again go to
critisize my speling, it puts things in perspective


Talk to His Lawyer:

Jhd730: Godwit..does anything make you happy?
Godwit935: Jhd, you'll get no personal information from me.


The TooHot Role:

Vanda52: lord those bread sticks were delishes. they are
called everything breadsticks with salt and poppy seeds
and other seeds. pat you would love this bakery i have


Some Lucky Girl:

Godwit935: All right, I have enough of exposing the
pathology of the inherently disordered. I have to leave.
I have a woman tomorrow who needs me fresh and vital.


And the Paki Girl Would Kill Her:

Vanda52: id date blu but she could never fit into
my bizzare lifestyle



Before the Food Fight:

ExShelfer: I took about 10 teenagers to lunch today and
they got into this serious discussion about religion
ExShelfer: it was odd because half of them were certain
that there is no God


Lee Greenwood's Flip Side:

ParaMyrrh: if you've been to Europe or the rest of the
world you'd recognize that this country is the
least crappiest country in the world


She Did It!!:

LeslieHapablap: patientonion3, you talk too much
PatientOnion3: all jews are chatty, leslie you anti-semite you
LeslieHapablap: no, that is not true.
LeslieHapablap: plenty of jews know how to shut up.
PatientOnion3: yeah the dumb boring ones
LeslieHapablap: you talk like you are on meth.
LeslieHapablap: just shut up for a minute.
PatientOnion3: ok, i will bake urban some cookies


Who Hates Leslie:

Forkrereredux: aww vanda's friend left
Forkrereredux: he hates you
Vanda52: i guess
Forkrereredux: it's ok. fiona apple hates me
Forkrereredux: so does annieinstead
LeslieHapablap: i remember her.
LeslieHapablap: who is this forkrereredux?
Vanda52: for some reason rosa doesnt like you either
LeslieHapablap: who?


Beysshoes as a Mentor:

ParaMyrrh: Hey Phronsie
Phronsie: I read the poem you recommended, and it seems
to me that you have embraced Bey as a mentor
Phronsie: You are definitely emulating her style in that poem


More Stuff only KaLenfer Knows:

ParaMyrrh: Judas was Jesus' favorite Disciple


Turkeys on Turkey:

BooksIut: I want to go to Istanbul.
BooksIut: My professor is organizing a study trip.
Forkrereredux: oh, my, bookslut. that sounds ever so much fun!
LeslieHapablap: you should go.
Forkrereredux: perhaps fork can come alone too
Forkrereredux: i've always wanted to go to arab land
ParaMyrrh: Orhan Pamuk is wonderful
Vanda52: join the army fork
Lpwfuw: Have you seen Istanbul underground on History Channel?
BooksIut: My friend just finished Snow by Pamuk.
ParaMyrrh: and Yashar Kemal
Lpwfuw: Awesome
ParaMyrrh: Linda yes the Water reservoirs, hippodrome
BooksIut: "The City of Cisterns."
Lpwfuw: The Turks seem to be the most civilized of all the Arabs
BinxB91: Turks are not Arabs
LeslieHapablap: they have the best beaches anyway.
Vanda52: are turks arabs? i would think not ?
BooksIut: Some are, Binx.
Lpwfuw: What are they, Binx?
BinxB91: Turks!!!
ParaMyrrh: Lpw the Seljuk Turks hardly ask any Armenian or Kurd
Vanda52: iranians are not arabs either
ParaMyrrh: and they are not Arabs
BooksIut: The Ottoman Caliphate.


Allow me to Disagree:

Forkrereredux: rape porn is never funny
ParaMyrrh: Fork Allow me to disagree
Phronsie: I wonder if Fork is on something, or
is just practicing free association
Forkrereredux: rape victims need a good chuckle sometimes
Phronsie: Actually, rape is the erotic fantasy material
of many people
Phronsie: even by people who disapprove of rape
Forkrereredux: phronsie, that's not funny
BinxB91: How can sex be good when someone is being terrorized
and beaten
Forkrereredux: lol terrorized and beaten is funny
Ta21l: terrorized and beaten is funny...sounds like someone
who needs their ass kicked...you know, just for laughs



Book Chat ad nauseum, et cetera:

BooksIut: I am taking my first French class in the fall.
BooksIut: I want to read Bataille, Sade, Gide, et cetera
ad nauseum in their original forms.
BooksIut: I've read Bataille's erotica, but I find his
aesthetic philosophy more provocative.
ParaMyrrh: Flaubert's Temptation of St Anthony is wonderful
and Joris Karl Huysmans La-Bas
BooksIut: He says that Art cannot be a scarecrow.
ParaMyrrh: Book yes Accursed Share is more sociological
ParaMyrrh: it delves into aesthetics, political economy and
social organization
ParaMyrrh: true but he condemned jean genet stupidly
Jean genet was a true great
ParaMyrrh: Bataille was a quiet librarian
BooksIut: Like Borges.
ParaMyrrh: Book Michel Leiris is good too also Lautreamont


Blaming Vanda:

Beysshoes: minimum stay here is 3.2 hours steve.
so you cannot leave
Beysshoes: cover charge
IamSteve30: ok
Cognomen98: or we could talk about books
Beysshoes: cog. you know the bookchat is only on friday
nights from 11-11:15pm
IamSteve30: hehe
Cognomen98: and we could change that rule
Beysshoes: but alright, since vanda's not here...lets talk books.
risk a fine why not.


Leading Horses to the Beysshoes Well:

IamSteve30: I still have 3 hrs left.
IamSteve30: I can't leave.
Beysshoes: so what are you guys reading?
steve stop whining. its unattractive hon.

Beysshoes: steve, are you just doing your time here?
you will be penalized with an extra hour iffin you don't
contribute to this dazzling convo.


"the hag process is an arduous one":

Beysshoes: are you gay cog? can i be your hag please?
Cognomen98: well, I am gay, but the hag process is
an arduous one
Beysshoes: i'm applying for the position at
augustens' georgia home...but thats a long shot.


Silencing Beysshoes, Altering Godwit:

Godwit935: Owyoudoon Beys.
Beysshoes: i'm silenced by your comment on breasts and
god godwit.
Beysshoes: and why are you talking street godwit?
Godwit935: It's shtreet, Beys.
Beysshoes: godwit, you must stop going to the think tank.
they are altering you.
Godwit935: But I'm a senior fellow there, Beys.


Debate Review:

Godwit935: Jam, John Edwards is the man!
LeslieHapablap: john edwards came off crabby.
Godwit935: Crabby? American workers are more than
crabby, and Edwards knows it.
ParaMyrrh: at least crabby is not rote and shows some passion
Prospect26: I have a great recipe for crabbies...an excellent
appetizer that you can take out of the freezer, pop in the oven
and serve.
Prospect26: Crabbie...gues you meant somrthing else....


News at Eleven:

MadiHolmes: that whole $400 for a haircut thing
was a total dumbass topic
ParaMyrrh: Clinton = the Stepford Candidate
LeslieHapablap: clinton was smiling like she had
a sneaky secret.
LeslieHapablap: obama sounded nice.
MadiHolmes: "News at eleven: rich guy pays a lot
for a haircut"
LeslieHapablap: the remainder had horrible hair.
ParaMyrrh: Gingrich has the charm of a wet fart




He's Just an Enthusiatic Creep:

LyricLemon: Patient Onion's gone.
LyricLemon: He kept trying to IM me.
MadiHolmes: just ignore him
LyricLemon: I finally had to block his IMs.
LyricLemon: they came every split-second.
MadiHolmes: wow
MadiHolmes: creepy
LyricLemon: and did you see what he typed?
MadiHolmes: no
Beysshoes: hes just enthusiastic is all lyric.
LyricLemon: He said well, I tried. Some people
don't want to ever leave Kansas.
LyricLemon: but what's the connection????
MadiHolmes: it's best not to dwell on what he says
LyricLemon: because I won't respond to an IM every
split-second from Onion...
LyricLemon: that means I don't want to leave Kansas????