WE MUST ALL LOVE ONE ANOTHER
I was sad this week when someone suggested he
had banished 2 or 3 shelvers into their own chat
room. He then expected to be thanked. Jerk.
You're all welcome here. I would miss any of
you if you went away. A Shelf without Rono's
wisdom, Fork's Rape Box, ParaMyrrh's analysis,
Candice's google searches, Phronsie's libido,
CreepyLoner's smirks, Godwit's questions,
Beysshoe's girl talk, Bookslut's popular books,
Bidet's stfu, Nora's whine ---well you get the
idea --- would be less of a shelf.
You're all good. Don't go.
(just kidding, Nora. you are loved.)


Godwit and Ghost Stories:

Vskmjk: A physcopathic killer approaches a young twelve year
old girl while she is doing homework alone in an apartment. He
had snuck in quietly and now approaches her with a butcher
knife raised. It is dark enough that he doesnt believe...
Godwit935: Vsk, it's sneaked.

We All Think That At Times:
Offpat: i believe i have made this room more popular

Forced to Watch:
CordialCactus: sorry... my husband was making me watch
bart simpson skate boarding naked
CordialCactus: yes, this is my life

Aforementioned Cartoons:
Godwit935: King of the Hill is better than any of the
aforementioned.
Toujourspc: too conservative
Godwit935: Tou, it's for higher-minded people.
Godwit935: King of the Hill doesn't stoop to cheap trash
like Family Guy
Godwit935: No wonder Fox doesn't promote King of the Hill.
Godwit935: Stupid people love cheap trash, sure.

Godwit's Mom:
Godwit935: It's my experience that men who talk about fat women
usually have fat mothers.

Redundant Again:
ShadowPhtm: went to a night club after I left the restaurant. but
it was filled with old people but they were all younger then me :-(
SemiLitterate: Maybe you stumbled into a reunion of a 1971 class reunion
SemiLitterate: that was rather redundant
Toujourspc: semi u said reunion twice hehehee
SemiLitterate: that, too

"I think I know where you are":
Tammynet: nora you are a very bad stalker, you cannot keep
track of anyone

Julie the Hut:
Ooolijay: i've gotten so lazy that when i drop things if i can't
pick them up with my toes i just let them stay on the floor


A Book Club of One:

B00KGASM: i got another book in the mail.
B00KGASM: amorous initiation.
Forkrerereredux: sounds like a sex book
B00KGASM: a man's profane love for a woman turns to sacred
love for God.
Max 314159265358: they send books whether you like em or not?
B00KGASM: published 1910.
B00KGASM: france.*

Sex as Spectator Sport:
NoraMcKee525: you should have been in here earlier binx
NoraMcKee525: it was a faux lesbian lovefest

Mimi Prepared to Disperse:
Madam Mimi: RONO my parents have way more money in a bank than
it's insured for........and tomorrow morning I'll have to go down
there and disperse the money into different accts. Im WAY better
now that I was an half hour ago
RONORELOADED: COOOL, mimi!!!
Madam Mimi: Rono.....my parents bank is going Bellu YP
Madam Mimi: NO RONO........NOT COOL
Madam Mimi: freeaking morons everywhere
RONORELOADED: having money is not cool?
Madam Mimi: what freaking moron would say that?
Madam Mimi: I so sick of idiots

Bengali Bop:
Madam Mimi: aye Rono....bouyair shangai giya katha balo
RONORELOADED: Mimi, ami jai...mehoman ashcheh ghore
RONORELOADED: achchah...tai jachchih
Madam Mimi: achaa Rono
Madam Mimi: Rono bouyar shangai giya katha bolo


Are You Strong Enough to ...:
Creepy Loner: I'm afraid of water too, Doc.
Doc Whew: you bathe dont you
Creepy Loner: Rarely.
Doc Whew: egah
Creepy Loner: [smirk]
ParaMyrrh: I shower soaking in my own filth is not appealing
Doc Whew: really
LeslieHapablap: creepy loner does not have a bathtub.
ParaMyrrh: no
Creepy Loner: My filth happens to have that whole "odor of sanctity"
thing going on...
ParaMyrrh: "the odor of Skanktitty"
Creepy Loner: Shush!

Sweet Talk:
Doc Whew: i like fresh smelling women
Creepy Loner: Pet me.
Doc Whew: fresh as a daisy
Creepy Loner: Rub my grease.
Doc Whew: who are groomed
Doc Whew: and estrogenized


Meditation:
PatientOnion3: the mojito chicken is roasted, now it must meditate
and re-juice


Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?:
ParaMyrrh: yes both pics are me the pic dressed as a woman was for
Halloween my girlfriend Lena made me up
Anais3233: para, you look like goddamn boy george in that bottom one
ParaMyrrh: screw you he had a fat face!
ParaMyrrh: and a small mouth
PatientOnion3: Lena is hotttttttttt
ParaMyrrh: Anais, Boy George was never that pretty


The Nasty Girls:
NoraMcKee525: i'm gonna go bathe my cat
Anais3233: does that mean douche?

Oh You Nasty Boys:
NoraMcKee525: no my first name ain't baby...
Anais3233: it's nora
Anais3233: miss mckee if you're nasty


Looking for a Roll in the Hey:
Beysshoes: pls visit my blog you guys and leave me some comments
or heys okay?
NoraMcKee525: link me beys
Creepy Loner: [smirk]
Max 314159265358: Bey, link me
NoraMcKee525: link me hard


Beast?:
Beysshoes: where's our candy cane?
NoraMcKee525: she has SPURNED me
Beysshoes: but why nora? she found somebody new?
NoraMcKee525: yes...her FAMILY
NoraMcKee525: b****
Beysshoes: her IRL is getting in the way here. we should do
some intervention


Godwit's Alternate Screen name:
SingActress: 130/f/enjoys watching gay guys 'do it'


Vicky's M.O.:
Doc Whew: i like ms vicky a lot
Beysshoes: i do as well doc whew
Doc Whew: you guys starting lesbian canadian commune?
Beysshoes: she's a very smart woman
Beysshoes: and quite foxy
Doc Whew: i talked to her for an hour one night
Doc Whew: then she sent her pic
Beysshoes: stop braggin' she does that with anybody doc



Dorm Life Saps Spirit:
Creepy Loner: Hillary was here, Binx.
Creepy Loner: She came in and said almost nothing about her
new life in Chicago, lurked for about an hour, and then
vanished.
CordialCactus: i would think she would be due to gush
BinxB91: Hillary was here??? Had she grown more sophisticated?
Creepy Loner: If "sophisticated" = "affectless"...yeah.
CordialCactus: lol smoking the grass
CordialCactus: that will do it


I'll Get Back to You on That:
Prospect26: Binx...so you want to spend ypou life stoned?

Don't Do as I Did:
Prospect26: hey, you can piss your life off or you can decide
to get serious/ sober

Book Slut Pleasures:
B00KGASM: i buy contacts from korean brand that make my eyes
appear larger like anime character.
B00KGASM: this pleases me.
B00KGASM: i kick cat litter pebbles out of my box i am so happy.

Talk With Me or You're Fired:
Prospect26: I have to fire a man who works for me.
Prospect26: what's with the underline
Prospect26: ?

Remember Me:
Ooolijay: i googled myself the other day and
"shove a hummel up my hooha" came up
Ooolijay: i was so proud

Career Track:
B00KGASM: i've an ecuadorian lover, potentially.
Ig Bear: that is interesting, I have been to Ecuador
B00KGASM: his family owns a hacienda.
B00KGASM: i will probably become impregnated by him.
B00KGASM: and own part of his hacienda.


BookSlut's next Career Track:
Ig Bear: lotsa olive oil and cumin in Moroccan food
B00KGASM: cane liquor.
Ig Bear: know what bisa is
Creepy Loner: [reading]
B00KGASM: bisa, no.
B00KGASM: que es?
FoodSIut: ig, what was your favorite food in morocco?
Ig Bear: it is split pea soup you put an half inch of oilve oil
on top and teaspoon of cumin and eat with flatbbread
FoodSIut: bear, was it pita flat bread or another kind?
B00KGASM: cumin, you say?


Odds and Ends:

WildCIAagent: You should cold shower before chat.

Gypsyjo47: I am here. Entertain me.

Poor Bidet: everyone in texas has a sweaty pussy

CordialCactus: my lactating days are done

NoraMcKee525: beys has that howard beale monologue on her blog

Godwit935: It's super-hip to hate religion, I know that.

SingActress: I'm waiting for my ice cream to soften so I
can eat some and go to bed.

BlackMagicJones: i am inventing two dishes for Wednesday:
Elite Chow Mein & Lamb Samosas

Max 314159265358: Back in the days of Roanoke there were no meds


Cherry Limeade IS the message:
TacoDreamMachine: and the subliminal christian messages they put
on the bottom of the soft drink cups
NoraMcKee525: like what onion?
TacoDreamMachine: 'Jesus is your meat'
NoraMcKee525: that's never at the bottom of my cherry limeade
from sonic

But Where's Sade:
NoraMcKee525: ok...bernadette peters, kathy baker, and
mariette hartley are on grey's anatomy
NoraMcKee525: i've died and gone to 1985 heaven

Ground Hog's Day:
Godwit935: This movie star, this Jack Black, is he Jewish,
does anyone know?

When She Was Bad ...:
Godwit935: When Charlie Rose and Terry Gross are bad, there are
no worse.
Godwit935: And they're often bad.


Rono Knows:
RONORELOADED: the people who worships at peeplands are more
foreward than the one in the church

Thinking He's Still in the Psychic Chat:
RONORELOADED: I like this song

Over-achiever:
RONORELOADED: I have seen henry kissinger
RONORELOADED: he is only five feet tall
RONORELOADED: for the evil things he did around the world
RONORELOADED: he is a very short man


Texture me:

Hyperyon3: They say there is going to be NO PAPERBOOK in
near future...only electronic books...
Hyperyon3: all the books will be in museums only...and people
would wonder thinking about "those days of paper books"
BinxB91: electronic books?? If you drop them, do they break??
Lydiaparn8: I have an electronic book - A Kindle.
BinxB91: Can you safely read an electronic book in the bath tub?
Lydiaparn8: I've been reading my first book from it this week.
Creepy Loner: [shrug]
Creepy Loner: What do you think, Lydia?
Creepy Loner: Is it wonderful?
Lydiaparn8: I like it, Creepy.
Ooolijay: i dont know about those kindles etc
Ooolijay: i'm a texture person
Creepy Loner: Yeah...I'm not quite sold on them, either...
Ooolijay: i like the feel of a book


That's What It's All About:
Hyperyon3: if you work your left brain more, your thoughts
become more coherent and logical...
Hyperyon3: your brain sphere is divided into right brain and
left brain...
AnonyMitch: put your left brain in, put your left brain out,
put your left brain in and shake it all about...


Better Than Voices:
Ooolijay: why am i hearing music


We Doubt You Are Sure:
Creepy Loner: I don't have the world's best memory...but I do have
a keen sense of empathy...although I'm sure the lot of you doubt
that...LOL.

A Bundle of Contradictions:
NoraMcKee525: i am the female, texan (and hot) version of godwit


First Date Thoughts:

BinxB91: I suppose it's good to show up with flowers on a first date
KD81785: I've never dated.
Hadachoke: flowers and condoms, binx
BinxB91: well ... the condoms wouldn't be a gift
FoodSIut: binky, what happened to the love?
BinxB91: Bringing condoms or not bringing condoms on a first date
is a dilemma
BinxB91: If you don't bring them, the woman thinks you can't do
anything right
BinxB91: If you bring them, the woman thinks you're too sure of her
Hadachoke: just bring one binx
FoodSIut: the fact that you have condoms with you doesn't usually
come up in conversation on the first date you tard
BinxB91: uhm, they did once
FoodSIut: "Hi binky, how's the weather, did you bring regular or lubed"
Hadachoke: if you bring a whole box she'll think you're greedy
BinxB91: Onion, if a woman mentions that first thing, she's the 'tard
FoodSIut: "You know Lisa, funny you should ask, I was walking by
Walgreens, they had a big sign in the window, 'CONDOM SALE', so i
figured you being a slut and all, I bought a dozen"
Creepy Loner: She's a 'tard for mentioning a box of rubbers?
Creepy Loner: Damn it...that explains so much of what's gone wrong
in my love-life.

Godwit Knows Rudeness:
Creepy Loner: Hello again, Godwit.
Godwit935: What.
Godwit935: That's what they say over in England, very loudly
and rudely.
Godwit935: They say, "What" for no reason.


Godwit Comes In, Homosexuality Comes Out:
Godwit935: This is why this room is no longer any good.
The homosexuals have taken over.
ParaMyrrh: Fork maybe Godwit is MsVic en herbe?
Forkrerereredux: methinks he meant cock
FoodSIut: GODWIT, I WOULD HAVE NEVER GUESSED YOU WERE A F*DGE PACKER
Godwit935: You can't even get a good argument in here.
Godwit935: The funny thing is, this is Book Shelf.
KissMyAsterix: oh the irony
HardFlower: why is "fudge" asterisked?
FoodSIut: GODWIT, HAVE YOU EVER DATED A TRANNY?
Creepy Loner: I love you, Godwit...ignore these monsters.
BinxB91: I love you too Godwit. I post many of your comments
Godwit935: Binx, post this.
Forkrerereredux: fork models his life on saint polycrap
FoodSIut: POST ME HARDER GODWIT

Nora Paranoia:
NoraMcKee525: god loved me until we got the dna results

Phronise and Satan Go On a Date:
Phronsie: god is caparicious in the extreme
Phronsie: and needs to have the ol' ego stroked 24/7

A River Named for a Rock Group:
I2DaysInNovember: Achilles got to go swimming in the river Styx
I wonder if they had good music back then too

Missed Mr Right:
Phronsie: I have nothing against love.
Phronsie: I just don't see much of it.
ThePaIeRlDER: mary, thats cause you dont hang with the rider :-)

No Consonets in His name?:
Anais3233: I like the greek god IO, he had a raw deal for sure

Too Pretty to be Achilles?
Phronsie: I never thought of Achilles as being any thing
like Brad Pitt
Phronsie: In the frist place, Pitt doesn't look Greek
Phronsie: On the other hand, I never think all that much about it .
Jam7604801: Brad Pitt is from Missouri
Rafo65: well, Phronsie, it's hard to say.. Alcibiades was Greek,
and apparently he was blond
Phronsie: It's not the blondness
Phronsie: It's the facial structure
Rafo65: I would have thought Pittsburgh


Canada Doesn't Suck:
BLUE1989Red: what inspires u.. from canada..
BLUE1989Red: what is so great about canada
BLUE1989Red: why is it differet from here..
Rafo65: for starters, blue, it's not the US, so you don't
get all these goofy wars

Listening to SENATOR Paul Simon:
Free Bard: wow that was far out! I was listening to Paul Simon
Rafo65: nothing as new wave as Paul Simon...
Free Bard: still crazy after all these years

Just Keep Your Pants On:
I2DaysInNovember: I think I was a teenager the last time
I had sex with my pants on
I2DaysInNovember: I was a tennager the last time I had sex


But If Your Co-Workers Could Play Banjo:
MyStrat: jam, read the bio on Billy Redden, the banjo kid in
Deliverance...they have to state that he is not retarded...how
would you like it if they had to point
MyStrat: i don't know why or how i know the name of the banjo kid
in Deliverance...but dont know the names of people i see every
day at work or school

Why Ballot Is Secret:
Anais3233: i just FORCED my husband to register to vote for the
first time ever in his life
Anais3233: i wonder if it's against the law to hold out sex
if he doesn't vote the way i want him to

A Funny Story With an Unfunny Ending:
Anais3233: i have a funny story about voting for nader
NoraMcKee525: no anais...nothin funny about that
Anais3233: I lived in Wisconsin in 2000, and i wanted to vote for
Nader because a two party system sucks, but i didn't want bush to
take wisconsin, so i traded votes with someone in wyoming, which
was going to be taken by bush anyway
AnonyMitch: anais...that almost sounds illegal.
Anais3233: it does
Anais3233: but it's not
NoraMcKee525: anais is that the end of the story?
Anais3233: uh.. bush won

But If Your Brother-In-Law Were ParaMyrrh ...:
MyStrat: when i first met my bro in law, he looked like a
dead ringer for ned beatty, wanted to tell him he had a pretty
mouth, but dont think he would have seen the humor in it


BookShelf as Refuge:
Auntsusiee: Lounge was out of control this evening.... I
was getting beaten up lol

Who's your 2nd favorite?:
Anais3233: omg paul newman died
Jam7604801: Anais he was my favorite racecar driver/actor

Anais's Baby Went Hungry:
Anais3233: i went to a farmers market last night, and the kids
got to bottlefeed a baby cow

BookShelf Stage Always Awaiting Another Entrance:
Auntsusiee: Why are there so many parkers in here?
Auntsusiee: slow moving room due to all of the people just
lurking and taking up space.

The Normal Procedure?:
PatientOnion3: i just paid my rent to the old lady
in the garden


So Why Didn't You Listen?
BinxB91: What did your Mom tell you about sex?
ParaMyrrh: She said it was precious and best kept unspoken

Not In My Bed:
LeslieHapablap: today i stayed in bed and read an entire girly book.
LeslieHapablap: i was not in the mood for the yiddish
policemen's union.

Shrinkage:
XELvonAUR: Cordial you have a 401k?
AXELvonAUR: well guess what
AXELvonAUR: now it's a 201k

Google Addict:
CordialCactus: first on google after typing in "201k" was peta's
ben and jerry breast milk ice cream suggestion
CordialCactus: weird

Jam Without Windex:
Jam7604801: anyone have a messed up screen?

Freak:
CordialCactus: axel.. i couldnt get my husband to try it,
no matter how many double dog dares and intricately
planned bribery schemes

Synchronize Our Cycles:
MsVictoriaLynn1: Hi Leslie
Ooolijay: oh guess what picheesy?
LeslieHapablap: :-D
Ooolijay: i was going to email you
Ooolijay: my lady days started yesterday
LeslieHapablap: you are bleeding between your legs?!
Ooolijay: i don't recall the exact time
LeslieHapablap: next month make note of the time before filing
your report. please.

Leslie's Dull Friend:
LeslieHapablap: "everyday i have been going to the ATM and taking
out cash."
LeslieHapablap: so i said, "why not just go the the bank and
withdraw it all at once."
LeslieHapablap: and he said, "it gives me something to do."
LeslieHapablap: very strange.

Super Hero Sex:
Forkrerereredux: ejaculating on a woman's back and using the semen
as glue to paste the bedsheet to her back is called giving her
a superman
LeslieHapablap: spoony, you always struck me as more of a
snowballer.


Helpful to Whom?:
Forkrerereredux: binx is on fork's buddy list
Forkrerereredux: that's because we are helpful chaps

Try Spanish, You Might Be Funnier:
Hyperyon3: no one gets my highbrow jokes...
Hyperyon3: but I refuse to be a spanish

Needs a Better Hobby:
Offpat: i like to go to the zoo and throw my own poop
at the monkeys


The Anti-Intellectual Onion:
TacoDreamMachine: i love them big words Bedrock, what is your
ring size?
CordialCactus: ha
Bedrock18: lol taco
CordialCactus: i dont know how the economy is dichotomous
TacoDreamMachine: Bedrock does the morphological distinctiveness
or lack thereof of the subjunctive in the English language get
you hot too?
Bedrock18: both, yes
TacoDreamMachine: excellent
Bedrock18: so silly
TacoDreamMachine: The constant misuse of the intertextual moment
in this chatroom makes me want to hurl!
Bedrock18: lol
Boulshevit: You've got nerve
CordialCactus: wow taco
CordialCactus: i didnt realize .... big words! ...
CordialCactus: more more!
Bedrock18: to put it simply . . . the haves and the have nots
Bedrock18: that is the dichotomy that so many see
Boulshevit: Us have nots never use the word dichotomy
KissMyAsterix: hey melo wb
Melodramamama22: ty
CordialCactus: aha..thanks bedrock for the clear explanation
Melodramamama22: heya cactus
CordialCactus: hiya melo
Boulshevit: Mels!
Melodramamama22: hi boul : )
Boulshevit: Staying out of the papers today, Mels?
Melodramamama22: lol, yes
TacoDreamMachine: I adore Kafka and how he is renowned for
prophetic and profoundly enigmatic stories that often portray
human degradation and cruelty, not unlike this chatroom.
TacoDreamMachine: I worship his grotesque vision of the world in
which alienated, angst-ridden individuals vainly seek to transcend
their condition or pursue some unattainable goal, much like
McCain and Mooselini.
Bedrock18: i actually consider it to be a misinterpretation of the
economy as a whole, and one's individual lifestyle
TacoDreamMachine: I love your lifestyle Bedrock.
Bedrock18: sadly indicative of "just a little bit more is all i want"
TacoDreamMachine: you bon vivant marxist oligarch


Gender Issues:
CordialCactus: Speaking of wings, I talked my husband into
running to the store to buy me feminine products for this
first time ever.
CordialCactus: true test of love and masculine security
WildCIAagent: OMG CC, I made my man do that many many years ago!
WildCIAagent: He acted like I had killed him.
WildCIAagent: Yes, CC
CordialCactus: lol cia
Boulshevit: Cord..I bought that stuff through my entire marriage
...chic sales clerks really dug me
Ooolijay: i've always gotten guys to buy that stuff, but i think
they go just to get away from me
Ooolijay: i will always help a lost guy on the feminine product aisle
Ooolijay: and they always look lost
CordialCactus: my brother bought fem. prod. for me once..i was
staying at his house for a weekend.. hes my favorite.. the one
who is now engaged to the lovely filipina
CordialCactus: ooli, thats nice of you
CordialCactus: i told my 2 year old to yell.. my daddy needs
tampons!
CordialCactus: at walgreens
CordialCactus: we practiced
CordialCactus: except it was pads.. but that didnt have the
shock factor that the word tampons has
CordialCactus: i do have an evil streak
CordialCactus: see?

[Katya was a graduate student in mathematics at UC-Berkeley,
the Russian-born daughter of Jews who'd been allowed to
emigrate out of the Soviet Union in the mid-Sixties, both
of them scientists at Cal Tech. When Patrick introduced me
to Katya, she smiled shyly at me from beneath her oversized
Greek sailor's cap, lovely thick-lashed black eyes, and said,
"Oh Judd! --- I have heard so much about you, from Patrick."
I said, "You have? What?"
Katya bit her lower lip. Like a child who has blundered into
inviting more attention than she wished.
Patrick just laughed. "Go on, Katya, tell him. What?"
Amazing how the Pinch-crease had vanished from between
Patrick's eyebrows, as if it had never been. My brother was
more boyish at the age of thirty-five than he'd been at
fifteen.
"Well ---" Katya smiled at me hesitantly, and frowned, and
touched one of her delicate earlobes where a tiny gold stud
gleamed, "---he has said, you are good brother. He loves
you very much."
I laughed embarressed. "Well."
Impossible to say Patrick hey: I love you.
Patrick I'm angry as hell at you, I'll never forgive you
for abandoning us but now you're back, now I've seen you
and touched you I guess I love you again, so that's it.
Patrick laughed, and let his hand fall on my shoulder.
Brotherkly, affectionate. As if I'd spoken aloud]



'looks like we fucked up':
Melodramamama22: we have some kinda weird hurricaney thing that's
snuck up on us
Melodramamama22: nobody said nuthing, and then all of a sudden
the news goes oh, look at this giant thing on the coast!
Melodramamama22: meanwhile the wind is berserk


Two Steps Forward, One Step Back:
Creepy Loner: [spits fingernail across room / starts drinking fancy beer]