Some Columns Are Inevitably Mediocre
(maybe this one is hurt by Godwit's
and beysshoes' absence. Though often
underestimated, individually either can
be the straw the stirs the drink.
Without them we are left with odd sex
talk, battery licking, and bar jokes)


Leslie Logic:
BinxB91: Leslie, what's on at your house?
LeslieHapablap: binxb91, are you referring to the televisions?
BinxB91: TV ... or music
LeslieHapablap: binxb91, the televisions are not on. the
music is not on.
LeslieHapablap: it is quiet.
LeCorbusier912: i would like some questions, please
LeCorbusier912: light bulbs? vaccuum cleaners?
LeslieHapablap: just the click of the keyboard and the hum of the fan.
LeCorbusier912: answer the fucking question
LeslieHapablap: bluemonk912, you stop it.
LeslieHapablap: why would i run the vacuum at this hour?

The Ghost of Shelvers Past:
Josh Maxwell4: in 2000 there was a guy whose real name was alan,
on all the time, forget his screen name

How Far He's Come:
Josh Maxwell4: i was 16 in 2000 and didnt understand alot
LeCorbusier912: a lot is two words, you dick

Steam of Consciousness:
Tallthinjones: was it parker posey in Goodfellas?
LeslieHapablap: oh, daddy, that reminds me. the other day i was at
target picking up some dental rinse and i thought of you. then i
ate french fries.

Hard Question:
LeslieHapablap: do i look like the sort of person who goes around
dropping shoes?

Can't Get No Satisfaction:
MyStrat: used to like stephen king , but its kinda like the rolling
stones...havent done anything interesting for last 15 years..time
to hang it up

Lady as a School Girl:
LadyMtnMedic: koontz
LadyMtnMedic: you know that kid got beat up a lot in school


Girl Talk:
CordialCactus: Did you decide on an engraving
Anais3233: no
Anais3233: maybe, I think i'll get "i love werewolf cock"
Ooolijay: awesome
CordialCactus: remember, this might get passed down to your son
Creepy Loner: You should make that a bit more subtle, Anais...
get it translated into Latin, or something.
Ooolijay: whatcha doin?
Anais3233: celtic
Anais3233: ya
Creepy Loner: Gaelic.
Anais3233: yea that lol
Creepy Loner: [smirk]
PatientOnion3: fork do you dig Gaelic Bread?
Forkrerereredux: yes
CordialCactus: i had a productive day.. i tickled the uvulas
of all the toy boxes, it was time to purge some playthings
KD81785: how did that work for you Cordial?
PatientOnion3: me 2
CordialCactus: do not confuse uvula with vulva
Ooolijay: alright cactus
CordialCactus: please
Ooolijay: i did just for a second


What Creepy Wants:
I2DaysInNovember: Creepy wants me to give her my spawn
NoraMcKee525: i mean, if i'm going young, i like 18 or 19
I2DaysInNovember: he's very handsome
NoraMcKee525: creepy LIES
NoraMcKee525: creeps doesn't want kids
I2DaysInNovember: I don't know what she wants him for
probably to bait other nonsuspecting women : )
NoraMcKee525: it's 18 or 19 or 48-52
NoraMcKee525: to make art f*g jealous
NoraMcKee525: where do you live?
I2DaysInNovember: or maybe she wants to bait unsuspecting gay
metro men looking for some threesome action
NoraMcKee525: omg! LOL
I2DaysInNovember: I have a devious mind
NoraMcKee525: ::cutting and pasting::
I2DaysInNovember: don't you dare

The Past Is Prologue:
CordialCactus: if the past is any indicator of the future
CordialCactus: i will be here

Emoticons Are Not Subtle:
CordialCactus: im looking to see if there is an emoticon to express
the expression i was just expressing
Tem o Bedlam: Pained resignation?

Cheap Imitation:
Phronsie: I miss Linda Hamlton
Phronsie: That's the reason I can't watch the Sarah Connor chronicles
Phronsie: She's not Linda Hamilton

Not Really the Wilderness:
Melodramamama22: hiked 5 miles out into the wilderness, and ran into
a woman from work

Grammar Jokes?:
Melodramamama22: i wish there was such a thing as a turgid participle
Melodramamama22: then we could get a joke out of it

Bubblegum Bait:
Knishofdeath: some day I'll check out the Jonas Brothers!

Hiccups Paralyze Your Left Side?:
KissMyAsterix: oh those were hiccups, I thought it was a stroke

Has Reached Her Limit:
CordialCactus: the word "thong" said often enough,
really starts to sound silly

Someone Not Getting Questions:
LeCorbusier912: the lounge has become terrible

Imagining Monk's Wife:
Melodramamama22: she says: if he asks me to ask him one more
question, imma plant this hatchet in his head

Cheaper By the Dozen:
Tem o Bedlam: You know what this pace needs?
Some really annoying people

Table of Contents:
Melodramamama22: i just missed the ashtray and put a ciggie out
on the table, because it's pitch dark



Odds and Ends:

SteveIzHere1: my cat is up to no good

LeCorbusier912: i should try to publish my myspace profile

DVDMOGUL7: anybody buy bulk at costco?

CordialCactus: i used to have bartending dreams



Misheard Lyrics:
CordialCactus: ha! that one elvis song.. i thought it was
RETURN LUCINDA
CordialCactus: address unknown
Rafo65: or Jimi Hendrix.. " 'Scuse me, while I kiss this guy. "
CordialCactus: with 4 hundred children and a crop in the fields
CordialCactus: i didnt realize he said hungry
CordialCactus: just like a one winged dove

Thank You for Sharing:
LeCorbusier912: i used to listen to the talking heads a lot in junior
high school, was thinking about that today

Men Feel Left Out of This Exchange:
CordialCactus: women of the room.. i have a question.. did you feel
left out or slightly pissed during the whole joe the plumber exchange?

Music Niche:
DoomGrl: although a symphony for 1000 guitars is not exactly minimalist
BoreUsYelledSin: That's ok Doom, I was a huge fan of Pollyrock.
DoomGrl: sonic youth guitarists played fro branca
BoreUsYelledSin: Polyrock
BoreUsYelledSin: Just me though... I was their only fan.
DoomGrl: omg pollyrock. ersatz philip glass
BoreUsYelledSin: Glass produced them.
BoreUsYelledSin: They were great.
DoomGrl: yes
DoomGrl: my dad has there one lp
DoomGrl: polyrock
BoreUsYelledSin: They were like a more intellectual Joy Division.
BoreUsYelledSin: I'm like Dooms father. How sad is that?
DoomGrl: i would not compare them to Joy Division
BoreUsYelledSin: No, Joy Division was raw. Ok, they were far
more like the Feelies.
DoomGrl: **Hugs Boris**
BoreUsYelledSin: The Feelies... now there was a great band.


Melo Alone:
Melodramamama22: lol bout time somebody turned up
Melodramamama22: i've been sitting here by myself for 45 seconds
Melodramamama22: its a bit frightening to be in here alone with hyp
BinxB91: would you like to dance?
Melodramamama22: yes, but i warn you
Melodramamama22: i dance like a white woman
BinxB91: Madonna is white
ThePaIeRlDER: mel ya fuk, you are a white woman
BinxB91: Ginger Rogers is white
BinxB91: Nellie Furtado is white ... though she tries to deny it
Melodramamama22: er, what i mean was, think sheet of plywood w/ feet
ThePaIeRlDER: ellen degeners is white, shes a sucky dancer
Melodramamama22: heh
BinxB91: oh melo, given the right mood, I am sure you have a style
ThePaIeRlDER: rossane barr too
Melodramamama22: ellen's a classic white woman dancer
ThePaIeRlDER: oprah.......
ThePaIeRlDER: i can dance better than ellen
Melodramamama22: binx, given enough alcohol, i have a style


Refuses to Lose:
Melodramamama22: my husband called me maggie one time
Melodramamama22: maggie's his ex wife
ThePaIeRlDER: jesus mel
Melodramamama22: locked myself in the bathroom for some long time
BinxB91: locked yourself in the bathroom?? You should have
locked him in the bathroom
Melodramamama22: i realized that after about 3 minutes
Melodramamama22: but then its too late. if you come out that
quick you look like a loser

Shopping:
12DaysInNovember: Marie and I went to Saks on Michigan Avenue in
Chicago we were shopping for perfume after sampling five
designer scents I couldn't have passed a breathalyzer
Harryshaw3178: Saks is a great store - if you can handle sticker shock
I2DaysInNovember: I had a hell of a buzz
Melodramamama22: harry, gotta pass on the $300 t-shirt
Harryshaw3178: even if I'm buying, Melo?
I2DaysInNovember: Michael the make up artist kept asking for my
phone number and wanted to know what hotel I was at
Melodramamama22: well no. if you're buying and you insist,
i'll have a peach colored one


Binx's Joke (from Esquire):
Raphael11110: room's boring
Harryshaw3178: raphael look for a more interesting room
Melodramamama22: shh, the grownups are talking
Raphael11110: Harr how about you start cracking some jokes
Harryshaw3178: you're here raphael. joke enough
Melodramamama22: i haven't had a good joke since my brown
animals one
Melodramamama22: anybody got any?
BinxB91: I have a joke:
Harryshaw3178: hard a football joke today. doubt if many
football fans in here
BinxB91: a businessman driving to a make-or-break meeting
BinxB91: can't find a parking spot and fears he'll be late
BinxB91: as he grows ever more anxious he begins praying to God
BinxB91: "jesus, help me find a parking space and let me be on
time for this meeting"
BinxB91: "Jesus, give me a parking space and I promise to
attend church every Sunday from now on"
BinxB91: "Jesus, I'll give up drinking"
BinxB91: "Just give me one space and I'll be a better husband
and father"
BinxB91: Just then a space appears right in front of the building
he's going to
BinxB91: So he says to God:
BinxB91: "never mind, I found one"
Raphael11110: Binx in what kind of neighborhood did all this happen?
Melodramamama22: is that it?
ThePaIeRlDER: jesus, that was a crappy joke
Melodramamama22:

MeloDramama's Joke (from her daughter):
Melodramamama22: okay, to hell with it. here's the brown animal
joke again
Melodramamama22: what do you get when you cross a brown chicken and
a brown cow?
Raphael11110: Hillary clinton
KLMackintosh: brown eggs and ham sam i am
Melodramamama22: brown CHICKen brown cowwwwwwwwwww
Melodramamama22: heehee
Melodramamama22: that still cracks me up, and i tell it like
5 times a day
ThePaIeRlDER: yeah dont quit yer day gig
BinxB91: Melo .....
Melodramamama22: everybody's like nooooooo, don't do it again
BinxB91: no wonder your children treat you bad
Melodramamama22: LOL my daughter's who told it to me
Tammynet: i am rethinking the groupie thing
KLMackintosh: how old is your daughter?
Melodramamama22: er 19
BinxB91: and you've been torturing her ever since
Melodramamama22: i'm not sure you guys get it....
Melodramamama22: you must not get it, cause otherwise you'd be
laughing uproariously


Book & Food Chat Combined:
Swami Hoople BVD: Jack Kerouac decided to marry his first wife
Edie when he saw her eat six hotdogs

You Had to Be Here:
Josh Maxwell4: i bought syrrup today for popcorn balls
Catpower777: Schweaty balls, Josh?

Book Chat:
Catpower777: Carson McCullers
CordialCactus: im ambisextorous when it comes to writers
LeCorbusier912: mccullers is crap
BoreUsYelledSin: So doee Holmes.... but she's not a man either.
LeCorbusier912: dickinson is one of my favorite poets
BinxB91: write differently?? I bet I could select 10 pieces of
prose without revealing the author and you couldn't get the
gender of the writer
LeCorbusier912: there have been studies
CordialCactus: i know ive read deaver, thats why his first name
lept to mind, but i dont recall any of the titles
BinxB91: A.M. Holmes?
Catpower777: Binx, he's just trying to piss me off
Catpower777: he really digs female writers
BoreUsYelledSin: Are there other Holmes?
LeCorbusier912: some men write like women
BinxB91: Anne Tyler often seems to write about men
LeCorbusier912: anne tyler is garbage
BinxB91: Jeffrey Eugenides often writes about women
LeCorbusier912: i hate greeks
BinxB91: Cormac McCarthy says he has trouble writing about woman
... almost never does
BoreUsYelledSin: It's not about me, you dork.
LeCorbusier912: i don't care for mccarthy
BoreUsYelledSin: But McCarthy is a good writer.
BoreUsYelledSin: A very, very good writer.
BinxB91: No Country for Old Women ... or any woman
BoreUsYelledSin: ANd Anne Tyler sucks. She's readable... but she's
really not great.
LeCorbusier912: the book birdy just popped into my head
LeCorbusier912: that was good
LeCorbusier912: william wharton, i think
BoreUsYelledSin: Becaause I've read her "type" of book a million
times before. Because her sentences don't grip me. She doesn't
begin to have a unique way of working with words. She doesn't seem
to like words, and how they can be sculpted originally
LeCorbusier912: i couldn't sleep on the plane
LeCorbusier912: bore's drunk
BoreUsYelledSin: I could go on Binx, but maybe you just don't get it.
CordialCactus: depends on how far i was into it.. whether or not
i would just have to finish it.. could you tell it was crap right off?

The Predictable Anais:
Anais3233: what are you eating from your panty?
CordialCactus: lol
Anais3233: (i mean, really... you KNEW i'd say that, right?)


Anais Was Raised in a Frat House?:
Anais3233: i wonder if jimmy buffet ever drops his pants and says
to his wife
McLaryn5508: Open 24 hours
Anais3233: "all you can eat buffet"

Advice:
Josh Maxwell4: i'll be over anais333 -- really, not kidding,
i'm on my way
KissMyAsterix: load the gun

Extential Conversation:
Phronsie: Bored, you are being childish
BoreUsYelledSin: I can live with it.
Blame the Relish: Get out!
Blame the Relish: Right now!
Catpower777: I usually got plain bagels when I lived in NY
BoreUsYelledSin: Relish, por favor.
BoreUsYelledSin: But where did you get them Cat?
BoreUsYelledSin: Did you have a favorite place?
Phronsie: well, one of those existential moments.
I'll leave you to it.

[I had stayed awake for everything except for a few moments
of unconsciousness after the car had hit the ground, and
during the first examination. On the ambulence cart, unable
to speak or sit up, I looked at Ricky and lifted my hands.
I made the motions of someone playing the guitar. I tried
with my face to convey to him that everything was all right.
I could still play. It could have been worse. A tear
rolled down his face. I dropped my arms, exhausted. I
finally slept on the long ambulence ride to
Williamsport.
Although he never said it to me, Ricky has told family and
friends that at some point early on I told him that I
thought it was better that I was paralyzed, not him. That
he could never have dealt with it. I certainly have not
lived to believe that I, better than anyone else, can
"handle" being paralyzed. I can beleive that I might have
said it to Ricky then. He was the poet. He was the rock
star. In protecting him, I would now live in a way that
required no one's premission. I could not know what that
would be. I could only understand that it would involve
a life's work.
I woke up in the intensive care in Williamsport. There
were tubes everywhere. Around me machines were beeping
and humming. I was in severe pain. I tried to
reconstruct what had happened. I knew that I was pretty
badly injured, but I felt unmistakeably that I would
live. I asked the nurse if I was in serious or fair
condition. She said, "Critical". I immediately looked
over at the screen with my heartbeat on it. I decided I
would keep my eye on this just in case.]
m


Julie Is happy:

Ooolijay: haha
Ooolijay: oh! hold on, let me get my licking battery
Ooolijay: ha!
Ooolijay: done
Boulshevit: I think we should have a run down meter..like a
cell phone battery
Boulshevit: lol..Julie has a licking battery
Melodramamama22: thats just weird
I2DaysInNovember: this is your brain on 9 volt
this is yourbain on 18 volt ::drip::
Boulshevit: Mels..you're drunk!
WildCIAagent: men and batteries... I'm just thinkingggggggg
Melodramamama22: i'm not! (if i thought having a licking
battery was normal, i'd be drunk!)
WildCIAagent:
I2DaysInNovember: varrom baby
Bbrolia: Just dont lick one of those big batteries.
I2DaysInNovember: varoom
I2DaysInNovember: rather
Anais3233: happy birthday whore
WildCIAagent: LOL
Melodramamama22: how old are you, ooli?
Boulshevit: Okay..maybe I'M drunk...?
Ooolijay: thanks
Ooolijay: 39
Anais3233: she's thirteen
Melodramamama22: awwwwwl a wee spring chicken
I2DaysInNovember: Bb I got me a Bosch 18volt Brute drill yesterday
I2DaysInNovember: for installing cabinets
WildCIAagent: 39 for the how many times?
Boulshevit: Mels..12 talked her into licking a 9 volt battery a while back
Ooolijay: this is the first time wild
Ooolijay: next year will be #2
Bbrolia: Thats a nice drill 12 Lots of power/
WildCIAagent: They all say that WHORE
Melodramamama22: i've been 39 8 times
Bbrolia: Better thatn the 12 volt.
Melodramamama22: setting in nicely to being 39
Melodramamama22: it starts to feel right after a while
CordialCactus: i think i would be 28 if i didnt know how i was
Rono's Halloween:
Hyperyon3: let us dress up as police officers on halloween
and scare people with a fake gun or an unloaded gun


Cutting Down On His Meat:
Hyperyon3: Tj, I actually understood why people bmeatecome vegans
Hyperyon3: since then I am cutting down on my meat just recently
Tj34: how is that, hyper
Hyperyon3: I will explain it to you later

End of His Line:
Hyperyon3: I don't wand kids...
Anais3233: it's horrendous what kids were wearing to school
in my district
MsVictoriaLynn1: [thank you god]

Maybe Someone Is Bi-Polar:
CordialCactus: i love how someone who has been known to say
"i wish i had a penguin in my tw*t" can say all that above
was disgusting and idiotic

Maybe Someone Is Bi-Polar:
CordialCactus: i still cant shake the memory of making fries
with you, binx
CordialCactus: weird : )