Fight Nights on the Shelf


Parole Break?:
Phezziwig13: MOST PRISON BREAKS DON'T TAKE THREE SEASONS


Wanted a T-shirt?:
IM0Kurknot: My friend just got back from AOL and all I
got was this stupid emoticom.


A Big Left-Handed Salute to BonCheeks:
Phezziwig13: PARA CAN GO FROM AN ASTUTE, WELL READ GUY
TO AN INBREAD SLACKJAWED KU KLUX KLAN MEMBER SCRIBBLING
ON A BATHROOM WALL ALL IN ONE SCREEN


Not Making the Team:

LeslieHapablap: binxb91, how many tattoos do you have?
BinxB91: one tattoo
ParaMyrrh: Im shocked
LeslieHapablap: binxb91, what a relief. i did not want
you on my snuggle team anyway.


Two Minds That Beat as One:
LeslieHapablap: creepy loner is not my translator,
though we are like two wonderful mensa minds beating as
two people.


Forgotten Soft Drinks:

BinxB91: Odd calling her "Tab". Makes her sound like
a diet drink
Ta21l: it's what I'm called daily Binx, what can I say
DinosoreVagina: you're just slimming Ta
Ta21l: and oh so sweet...don't forget that....lol
BinxB91: well, Tab cola is rare these days
BinxB91: It was the drink among women in the 70s
Ta21l: hey, I drink it on occaision
DinosoreVagina: what happened to Fresca
Godwit935: Fresca is still around, I think.
BinxB91: Fresca still exists
Ta21l: yeah, I drink that too
BinxB91: It tastes awful
Ta21l: I like it
BinxB91: you probably spike it
DinosoreVagina: that helps
Ta21l: sometimes....lol
DinosoreVagina: ok fresca is improved by vodka
Ta21l: anything is improved by vodka....
Yossarian270: amen, tab
Hadachoke: i'm not improved by Vodka



Support the Troops?:

BooksIut: Like I said, most Nam vets don't mention their
service.
BooksIut: Except for those guys who hold up the signs,
"Vietnam Vet, hungry."
BooksIut: But I suppose that is neither here nor there.
Beysshoes: Book you sound like bill o'reilly there
Tem o Bedlam: Zoe, I think that's what annoys people.
I didn't serve my country. I stayed out of jail.
BooksIut: Good grief.
ZOEaudra: i do not think that you as a soldier need to
worry about that, tem
ZOEaudra: you were drafted, you'd served, period
ZOEaudra: right or wrong? who knows
BooksIut: Who cares.
BooksIut: Is the question.


Fight Tactics:

Phezziwig13: JF IS A PUNK BUT NOW HE IS A PUNK WHO
IS AMUSING US LESS AND LESS
Ta21l: hey...I like JF
JFWaterman: Why thanks, Phezziwig! I see you have picked
out your first foil to contrast how damned efficient.
wonderful and insightful you are?
Godwit935: Phezzi, this guy knows you!
Hadachoke: if i ignore jf and he still babbles, did the
tree really fall?
CordialCactus: lol hada
Greatteepo4615: its too late for philosophy
Hadachoke: ok
Hadachoke: po....
JFWaterman: Hada, do you even have a tree?
Greatteepo4615: what?
Hadachoke: sure
Hadachoke: lotsa trees
Greatteepo4615: jf....what?
Raskolnkov: great ... just wait, "i know you are but
what am i" is coming up next
Phezziwig13: MY TREE IS BIGGER THAN YOURS
DinosoreVagina: wait, hada has a tree?
Greatteepo4615: once that happens, ill break out the rubber
and the glue
Phezziwig13: MY TREE CAN BEAT YOUR TREE UP
CordialCactus: alright... so, besides all this previous
inflammatory malarkey, whats shakin


If Fork is the Answer, What's the Question:

Creepy Loner: She's a bozo.
Creepy Loner: She was mean to Dr. Fork.
BinxB91: mean to Fork?? why is that bad?
Creepy Loner: Because he's remotely interesting.
BinxB91: uh huh
BooksIut: Am I interesting?
Creepy Loner: You have your moments, Slut...sure.
Kamperkenii: Book, you are by far the most interesting
persona I've ever met on AOL
BinxB91: C'Loner in a diplomatic moment
Kamperkenii: (Yoss, notice how I shameless sucked up?
you might want to write that down)
BinxB91: Kamper's first day on AOL
Creepy Loner: It was an honest answer, Binx - she's not
paying me.
Creepy Loner: F*ck*ss.
Kamperkenii: I amaze myself sometimes
Creepy Loner: [crawling through music library]
BinxB91: well, if she were paying you, it'd be like a job
BooksIut: I am very beautiful.
BooksIut: And smart.
BooksIut: And rich.
BooksIut: So.
BooksIut: I suppose you're on the right track.
BinxB91: beautiful, smart, and rich?? Then why are you here?
Creepy Loner: Why be diplomatic unless there's the implication
of some kind of harm? She doesn't know where I live, my number,
nor can she screw with my money...and so on. Hence, the
"honest answer."
Creepy Loner: Christ.
BinxB91: C'Loner, next time cut the valium in half
Greatteepo4615: or double it
Creepy Loner: Teeheeehee
Creepy Loner: I'll cut the valium in half when you finally
f*ck one of your coworker crushes.
Creepy Loner: How's that?
Creepy Loner: A bond?
Creepy Loner: A bet?
BinxB91: Do you use the word "hence" in actual conversation?
Creepy Loner: Yes.
BinxB91: Do you have actual conversations?
Creepy Loner: What is it with you, Binx?
BinxB91: Talking to yourself doesn't count
Creepy Loner: Why do you insist on riding me?
BinxB91: what is it with me?? You like Fork
Creepy Loner: F you and your kid and your sh*t job.
BooksIut: Binx is a miserable creature.
BinxB91: cry baby
Creepy Loner: I've just blown so much time trying to be
nice to you, and it's one f-ing pointless punchline after
another. You have a problem with Fork? Fine. Keep the
problem there.
BooksIut: This room sucks.
Creepy Loner: Jerk.
Creepy Loner: Off.
Creepy Loner: *sshole.
BinxB91: You can dish it out BUT YOU CAN'T TAKE IT
BinxB91: whiner
Creepy Loner: [laughs]
Creepy Loner: I really do want to know what your problem
is with me. Are you kidding? Is "Fork" the answer?


Homesick for BS:

Ta21l: hello bitches
DinosoreVagina: hello bitch
BinxB91: hello Tab Cola
DinosoreVagina: should that be fellow bitch
Raconteurerudite: cheese debate time!
Ta21l: RAC!!! funny see you in here
Ta21l: HELL YEAH!!!
DinosoreVagina: ok, that makes sense?
Raconteurerudite: you made me homesick for bs
Ta21l: fellow bitch...hmmmmm
Ta21l: really...I would have thought I'd scare
you off....lol


What do You Smell Like?:

DoomGrl: what do you smell like?
LeslieHapablap: jasmine.
LeslieHapablap: delicious jasmine.
Creepy Loner: Ta, what set you off on this whole
"bitches" thing?
Kgbirdpaul: I smell like pine cones


[Pepper love: that's how I think of it. Abraham and Aurora fell
in pepper love, up there on the Malabar Gold. They came down
from those high stacks with more than their cloths smelling of
spice. So passionately had they fed upon each other, so
profoundly had sweat and blood and secretions of their bodies
mingled, in that foetid atmosphere heavy with the odours of
cardomon and cumin, so intimately had they conjoined, not only
with each other but what-hung-on-the-air, yes, and with the
spice-sacks themselves --- some of which, it must be said, were
torn, so that peppercorns and elichees poured out and were
crushed between legs and bellies and thighs --- that, for ever
after, they sweated pepper'n' spice sweat, and their bodily
fluids, too, smelled and even tasted of what had been crushed
into their skins, what had mingled with their love waters, what
had been breathed in from the air during that transcendent fuck.]


British Cuisine:

Catpower777: I can't eat that gamey stuff, either
Catpower777: and stay away from steak and kidney pie !
DinosoreVagina: oh
DinosoreVagina: lol cat
Melodramamama22: the sausage man goes: my venison sausages
are nice, i don't let my deer hang for days like some people!
Melodramamama22: and i was all oh, gee, good to know
Catpower777: I thought it was great until I bit into some kidney


A Misunderstood Thanks:

LeslieHapablap: godwit935, i would not recommend dave eggers
to you.
Godwit935: Leslie, describe what Eggers writes.
LeslieHapablap: godwit935, self-important post-post-modern
fiction.
Godwit935: I don't know what that means, Leslie, but thanks
anyway


Godwit as Rapper:
Godwit935: My favorite music video at the moment is the
McNuggest Geek Rappers.


Beysshoes Goes Ghetto:

LadyMtnMedic: is Beys off AOL?
Avoidingstasis: nah
Avoidingstasis: she's still here
Phezziwig13: Probably just on something else
Phezziwig13: She threatened to kill me once
LadyMtnMedic: Beys did?
Greatteepo4615: big deal
Phezziwig13: Even told me the model of the handgun she was
going to use
Greatteepo4615: she threatens to kill everyone
LadyMtnMedic: Beys does?
Harryshaw3178: somehow difficult to take a cyberthreat seriously
Greatteepo4615: take all cyberthreats seriously!
Phezziwig13: I pissed her off something fierce...Jam was there
Avoidingstasis: no kidding, H
Phezziwig13: Long time ago
Phezziwig13: She was trying to invite her BF into the chat room
or something
Phezziwig13: She IMed me
LadyMtnMedic: lots of cyber stalkers about...
Phezziwig13: Somehow he made it in but she wasn't in yet
Phezziwig13: I told her to say something sexy to me
Phezziwig13: and when she did, I posted it in the room
Phezziwig13: cut and paste
Phezziwig13: then I told the guy I was through with her
and he could have her now
Phezziwig13: He split
Nomdujourxx: Welcome to the Shelf
Harryshaw3178: stasis join the crowd, the lost
Dgl310: avoiding we are discussing fiction
Phezziwig13: 8-)
Greatteepo4615: i have a hat that i draw my comments from
Phezziwig13: It made her mad for some reason
Phezziwig13: She threaten ot pop a cap in my ass
Phezziwig13: She gets ghetto when she gets mad


The Perfect Lesbian Zinfandel Chicken:

Beysshoes: creeps are you soaked? you're so angry tonight.
PatientOnion3: bey, who said you could come in this room?
Beysshoes: STFU les
Creepy Loner: You're so angry tonight.
PatientOnion3: gypsy was confessing his gay love
relationship with godwit and you RUINED it
PatientOnion3: and in 2 hours i will make the perfect lesbian
zinfandel chicken thigh chow mein with noodles boiled in fresh
chicken stock, and not a lot of nasty veggies getting in the
way


You Must Choose:

PatientOnion3: a possum comes into creepy's back yard tonight,
there are 3 piles (1) thawed corn, (2) pepperoni pizza,
(3) 4 twinkies. which does the possum eat first?
PatientOnion3: bey, you nosey passionfruit kniver you
PatientOnion3: a twit or a jerk, you must choose!
Beysshoes: shut up homer
PatientOnion3: you can't ignore the world and be happy
PatientOnion3: you must absorb all that is twitty and jerky to
understand the big picture
PatientOnion3: until you reach the ultimate ignorant state
and you become gypsy, godwit, jam
PatientOnion3: and move to texas


Do Woobies Bite?:

PatientOnion3: bey wouldn't know a woobie if it bit her
on the butt
Beysshoes: yah what is a woobie please?
Beysshoes: londo whats a woobie
Londoj: strangely I don't know
Beysshoes: homer if you dont start talking imma have to IM you


Beth Coulda Had One:
Bethliebner: V8 fusion juice is good


Hollywood Video Insults:
BlackMediaJones: i'm insulted. i just got an automated
call from hollywood video and they suggested i'd probably
enjoy "good luck chuck."


Leslie Making Up Words:

LeslieHapablap: blackmediajones, the other day i IMd
you a link, did you get it?
LeslieHapablap: tom cruise ranting about his scientolobotomy.
BlackMediaJones: OH I LOVE THAT
LeslieHapablap: i just made that word up.
BlackMediaJones: he is a class 1 space cadet.
BlackMediaJones: which i think is an actual ranking in
scientology


Irish Porn:

I2DaysInNovember: anyone see Irish Jam?
I2DaysInNovember: I liked it probably becasue I have a
thing for pretty Irish women. I wonder if they have the
internet in Ireland. We don't get many Irish women here
BlackMediaJones: I'm starting a porn channel in Ireland
that's nothing but redheads being doused with pitchers of
beer


Yes, Woobies Bite:

Beysshoes: i got distressed last night and cut all my locks off.
Harryshaw3178: Beys please tell us you're not Britney spears....
EmpressZ21: oh yikes beys
EmpressZ21: how does it look
BinxB91: all your locks off?
DinosoreVagina: Beys!
Beysshoes: i know empress...it looks like a rat bit it off.
DinosoreVagina: how distressed were you?
Beysshoes: yes ... stoopid.
Boulshevit: Distressed why?
Beysshoes: sociopathology of family members bouls


Unfortunately It's Todd Joyce:
BooksIut: Warning. When I drink, I often slip into post-Joycean
rhetoric with little possibility of making sense.



Pushed Into UnCordiality:

CordialCactus: emp... yeah.. i wanted to tell you thanks
alot for my washer breaking.. and for.. um.. yes for my
gray hair!
ThePaIeRlDER: omg you are greying already?
CordialCactus: oh, bite a dead toad, pale!


Other Than Their Mouths:
Treeluva: It never ceases to amaze me. The children know where
to get the food. But they have no Idea where to put the food.


No, I Said Bring a Tool Not ...:
Treeluva: i so should have gotten some last night. Damnit!
Treeluva: i think I told him it had been a while and I didnt
know if my plumbing would work. lol


Perfectly FINZE:
Is She Weird 55: my mom smoked right when i got home
from the hospital and i am PERFECTLY FINZE



Die Tonight:

Phezziwig13: A lot of homeless will probably die tonight
Godwit935: Phezzi, yes, and countless thousands of birds
and forest animals.
Is She Weird 55: and godwit might die in his sleep tonight
because he is heartless.


Frat Boys in Cold Weather:

Phezziwig13: -11 in Chicago
Jam7604801: phezz if you pissed off the sears tower would
it freeze before it hits the ground?


Masks On:
Condorblue: Let's all try to be civil, although we all
despise one another


The Silly Matter:
BinxB91: oh Godwit, could you be any sillier?
You're PatientOnion's angry twin
Godwit935: Cordial, I am in my place when I keep Binx in his.
CordialCactus: i see
Godwit935: Binx, I am a normal man.
CordialCactus: i love it when grown men call each other silly
Godwit935: I haven't called anyone silly. That's not a word
I would use.
BinxB91: normal how?
Condorblue: cordial, do you like it when men slap each other
on the butt?
BinxB91: You talk silly
CordialCactus: condor, no, i cant say that i have taken any
pleasure in that
CordialCactus: godwit, maybe you should. think you are being
inflexible on this matter
Godwit935: Cordial, a normal American man doesn't use the word silly.
Godwit935: Which matter, Cordial?
CordialCactus: the silly matter



The News From Akron:
Is She Weird 55: my hair straightner just beeped


Is She Wired?:
Is She Weird 55: tom petty's playin at the super bowl
Is She Weird 55: hahahahahahahhahaha
CordialCactus: hillary, are you on drugs?
Is She Weird 55: WHAT? WHY DO YOU ASSUME I AM ON DRUGS?
Creepy Loner: I don't think Cordial wants to ask you if you're
stupid, and that would be the only other possible explanation
for your behavior




Take My Wife, Please:
Hadachoke: at my age, sex is like shooting pool with a rope


You Can Do That?:

Avoidingstasis: OH NO Ann Coulter!!!
Lydiaparn8: huh?
Roanstan: UGGGGGGGGGGGG
Avoidingstasis: it's like being haunted
Avoidingstasis: she's GOT to get off my TV!!!!!
Lydiaparn8: Carolyn, just change the station.
Roanstan: I'd shoot the tv.
Roanstan: and hope it goes through to her.
Lydiaparn8: not a chance and they'd you'd have a mess to clean up.
Lydiaparn8: That's why we have remotes.
Avoidingstasis: change the what??? you can DO that????
Lydiaparn8: Am I going to have to come out to E.H. and show
you AGAIN?
Avoidingstasis: LOL I need a really REALLY thin gun



Undecided ... NOT!:
Bgrant444: Speaking of pigs, you can put a pigs head
on a pole and I would vote for it before any of the
republicans


The Enthusiastic Cat Power:

Bgrant444: besides, Jesus was a Democrat and I can prove it
Beysshoes: bg..do tell
Bgrant444: Beyss, Try to get a Republican to say "Blessed are
the poor"
Catpower777: Bg gets a bj for that one
Catpower777: woops did I type that out loud?
Bgrant444: Cat :-)


Intellectual Spat:

Beth3667: I am reading The Robber Bride
Beth3667: it's boring me
BooksIut: Well, aren't you the little aspiring intellectual, Beth.
Beth3667: Bookslut, you eat alphabet soup for lunch and say I aspire



Tough Love:

CordialCactus: i was actually thinking a bullhorn would be
a lovely gift idea for parents of small children
CordialCactus: HOLD IT RIGHT THERE... I SAID NO...
NO.... HEY... YOU! WITH THE DIAPER! GET DOWN