The Incredible Shrinking Blog/
Thoughts on Hannukah


Hawaiian Encounters:

HCSMAUI: It would be nice if all of you would relax
and enjoy life. It is fun that way. One does not
have to be gay to enjoy life, the ocean, the islands
just enjoy life
Dinosaur Vagina: be nice to do for the heck of it
Beysshoes: sheesh how boring can one get?
HCSMAUI: You can invite me anywhere, I am here in Maui
though. I am happy here
Beysshoes: i knew someone like that maui. always happy.
one day she side sueyed.
HCSMAUI: That was that persons problem. No one tried
to help her/him.


Vagina? ...where ya from?:

Dinosaur Vagina: hmm
ElizabethTudor7: Dinosaur, your name is unappealing to all,
I would think
Creepy Loner: I love it Liz.
Dinosaur Vagina: maybe not
ElizabethTudor7: You love what, creepy?
HCSMAUI: Not me Ms. Vagina, where are you from?


Prescription for Beysshoes:

Beysshoes: you stayed away from us for too long booboo
Beysshoes: we got depressed. we are all on group meds now.
Creepy Loner: We're on Pervasin.
Beysshoes: james the pharmacist is providing them.
ShhJm: beys, I would put you on ativan
ShhJm: ativan is an antipsychotic that basically lays you
down and shuts you up


Leslie Turning Gross:

BinxB91: Leslie's back! I thought she'd found something better
Dinosaur Vagina: something better?
BinxB91: better than BookShelf
LeslieHapablap: hi, binxb91, what are you wearing?
LeslieHapablap: creepy loner, IM.
Dinosaur Vagina: is that possible Binx?
CordialCactus: sweatshirt (red) comfy pants (gray)
BinxB91: Black sweatpants and a hooded grey sweat shirt
Creepin deth68: not much
LeslieHapablap: spoony?
CordialCactus: pony tail (hair)
LeslieHapablap: head hair or pubic hair?


The Saga Continues:
LeslieHapablap: a few weeks ago we bought a new chair.
LeslieHapablap: this morning it arrived.


Sex & the Northwoods:

LeslieHapablap: mr. hapablap bought me the complete
series of "sex & the city". i have been watching it
for days.
LeslieHapablap: it dawned on me that i do not have
those kind of friends.
LeslieHapablap: sit around in restaurants and discuss
sex & vibrators endlessly.
CordialCactus: i have the northwoods equivalent of sex
& the city friends
LeslieHapablap: do you do that with your friends?


[I was grateful for a single uncanny pause, in which
Clooney, driving around Westchester on a wild night,
stops at dawn, walks up a hill, and silently confronts
three horses, as if they were the only instance in a
convulsive world]


What's Real:
MelaniesGuitar: because i'm not, you know, really a writer
MelaniesGuitar: but they are, you know, really on strike


Mixed Message:
CordialCactus: i have a green eggs and ham t-shirt i like
to wear when bartending


Fetish Explained:

Phronsie: One thing I"ve always found odd is that most of
the really tall guys I've known went for the really short
girls
Catpower777: Phrons, they like to be able to pick them up
and twirl them like batons


Orgasmically Ugly:
Geekslinky: I'm nearly orgasmic.
Geekslinky: Umberto Eco's new book "On Ugliness" is out.


Setting a Pattern:
Geekslinky: What the heck! Ugly Betty reruns?
Asia7384: ugly betty reruns are twice as ugly


BLT's body:

Beysshoes: ook james. grosser than usual.
Forkrereredux: it is a nice screen name though
VaginaMangler: thanks fork
Forkrereredux: classy
VaginaMangler: I know
VaginaMangler: I'm all about class, but you already knew that
Dinosaur Vagina: he's going to the S & M room with it,
picking up chicks
PatientOnion3: blt owns land, he will be rich, you can
marry him dino mom
Dinosaur Vagina: Onion, will he be on his deathbed?
PatientOnion3: blt has the body of a 25 year old
Dinosaur Vagina: yes but he should bury it Onion



Jewish Secrets Revealed:

PatientOnion3: Now it's time for making 89 pork meatballs
for the first day of Hannukah!
Beysshoes: i'm proud of you brat
PatientOnion3: the number 89 represents the number of Jewish
families that control the world's banking and military interests


"that is not kosher":

PatientOnion3: i took the magic stock out of the freezer,
i am thawing it over the stove, then i take the holy four pound
hunk of ground pork and start adding happiness to it
PatientOnion3: i will make Nine Happiness Pork Meatballs,
light my menorah and force the dow to drop by 275 points
on Monday
Dinosaur Vagina: I think the happiness left the pork when it
was a pig
LeslieHapablap: that is not kosher.
PatientOnion3: then i will sell 3 stocks short and make
$12.7 million
PatientOnion3: since it is hannukah, I am adding CILANTRO to
the pork meatballs. Cilantro is the herb that the jews ate
with their matzoh when they fled egypt



Replacing Vanda:

PatientOnion3: i hope vanda comes out of his coma and
cleans this chatroom up!
Dinosaur Vagina: I think he says that your job now Onion
Dinosaur Vagina: get to work
PatientOnion3: the doctor said there was a 20% chance
that he would regain full use of his feeble mind!
Nomdujourxx: The Dr was an optimist
Jptos000: *slaps monitor and screams* VANDA WAKE UP!


Where Do Toes Go?:

VaginaMangler: phrons, how is your chopped off diabetic toe?
Phronsie: Blt, it's not there. They didn't tell me where
they sent it
VaginaMangler: did you save the toe?
Phronsie: it doesn't call, it doesn't write.
VaginaMangler: do you look like a monster now when you wear
sandals?
VaginaMangler: do you get a discount on socks?
Phronsie: Why do you think I wear sandal. It's the fucking
end of November in Alabama


Stay Calm and Spell Slowly:

Beysshoes: james you puss infested maggot ... i hope you
accidentally fall on top o' fork and he eats you for bf.
VaginaMangler: *pus
Phronsie: Puss? I expect that's pus
Beysshoes: ty.
Beysshoes: pus
Phronsie: altough it's an interesting concept.
Phronsie: a maggot infested with felines


DoomGirl to Lead Her People Out of the Desert:

Phronsie: he'd better lay a claim to her before Binx
gets here and adds her to his harem.
DoomGrl: who is Binx? cute?
Nomdujourxx: Haven't seen Binx in a while
Phronsie: oh, Binx has been here
DoomGrl: ok. i am very tired
DoomGrl: hard day at the button factory
PatientOnion3: doom, light the menorah, eat a kreplach and
run off to bed
Phronsie: You're not going to ask what she's wearing?
DoomGrl: i have to play with my dreidle first
DoomGrl: black lace-up ankle hi fluevog boots, black issy
miyaki tee with sparkly bunny
PatientOnion3: i love that sparkly bunny, sparkles represent
the stars in the sky that led the jews to the promised land


All International Speaking:

Beysshoes: rachomim
VaginaMangler: su chocha como mismo culo de caballo
VaginaMangler: sorry fork, she thinks she is all
international speaking these silly ass tree root eating
languages to me
Beysshoes: aher yatzar es ha adom b'chochma james... brocha.
VaginaMangler: and she butchers them
Beysshoes: you asked for yiddish you panty waist
VaginaMangler: its like talking to a kid with down syndrome
about particle physics
Beysshoes: bi simcha james ?
Beysshoes: dingdingding ... lost another one james
Beysshoes: stay away from marathons you one note freakshow
VaginaMangler: WELL, THIS 18 PACK ISNT GOING TO DRINK ITSELF


Brain-Storming a Slogan:

CordialCactus: vaginas unite!
CordialCactus: wait.. not a good phrase
VaginaMangler: LETS HAVE A VAGINA MONOLOGUE
Epicureanonymous: ::: joined at the... ?
DoomGrl: for crimeny sakes,
Phronsie: fates deliver us from teen chat please
Beysshoes: candice ... the vagina dialogues
Phronsie: suburban housewives chat too


Self-editing:
CordialCactus: i overuse those dot dot dots..
but other than that... good


Who Would Have Ever Guessed:
Beysshoes: i love ellipses


Alcohol Police:

Epicureanonymous: how mucj have you had to drink, Cactus?
CordialCactus: epic... 1 margarita with dinner.. dats it
Phronsie: good grief again
Epicureanonymous: well, it went right to your head
Dinosaur Vagina: dots enough
CordialCactus: heh
CordialCactus: epic.... i knew it! funny and cute, you are just tipsy and annoying>>



I've Been a Bad Girl:
Beysshoes: darling i didn't know it was you.
Beysshoes: scold me some more meijo



Did It Ever?:
PatientOnion3: without creepy, this room has no creamy
nougat center


Perfect Incoherence:
CordialCactus: that makes no sense
CordialCactus: or little anyway
PatientOnion3: perfect for this chatroom then



World Peas:

Beysshoes: yes candice. egg sackly.
CordialCactus: right.. so im more righter than you
PatientOnion3: it's the first day of hanukah, lighten up
Dinosaur Vagina: I wish people were more indifferent, think
of the peace
Beysshoes: yes candice. you win.
CordialCactus: Word.
Beysshoes: now candice. spell proper pls. you know its wurd
CordialCactus: imagine whirled peas
Beysshoes: creeps told us so
PatientOnion3: i have my first porkball boiling for a taste test,
another batch of chocolate is on the way, i got some oranges,
and mustard greens for the ceremony



Remembering Evel:

VaginaMangler: may we all bow our heads in mourning for
the greatest man since jesus christ, evel knievel?
TDNA983: how did he die?
Beysshoes: da. amen.
VaginaMangler: bow you head dena you filthy miscreant
TDNA983: ok damn its bowed
VaginaMangler: (while you're down there)
VaginaMangler: however he died, you know he is sitting at
the right hand of our lord, eating fried chicken and wearing
that ridiculous red white and blue jumpsuit with the
4 inch collar
Beysshoes: if allan were here, he'd know
Beysshoes: like elvis, james
Beysshoes: how kind you are in your imagination james


Dog-loving, Man-hating:

PatientOnion3: bey bought a chinese-made stuffed dog at toys 4 us
Dinosaur Vagina: I washed and hung my pups to dry
Beysshoes: that's not funny homer.
PatientOnion3: but it ain't the same, cuz when she kicks it,
it doesn't yelp
Dinosaur Vagina: they're swaying on the line right now
Dinosaur Vagina: the yelping is annoying Onion
Dinosaur Vagina: and to be honest
Beysshoes: yes. 'tis
Dinosaur Vagina: sometimes it's more gratifying kicking a man
Dinosaur Vagina: therefore
Dinosaur Vagina: save a dog
Dinosaur Vagina: kick a man
Beysshoes: sometimes more gratifying?
TDNA983: hell yeah
TDNA983: i agree
Dinosaur Vagina: always Beys always
Beysshoes: thare ya go
Dinosaur Vagina: but I wanted to give Onion hope
Beysshoes: iffin he was catholic a st.jude might help. but no.


Sheriff On the Way?:
Gypsyjo47: I have been walking around on my farm in my
boxer shorts but I think that is about to end shortly


Songs You Need to Hear:

Godwit935: I remember that one too, "Fighting soldiers
from the sky, fearless men, who jump and die...."
Godwit935: "Men who mean, just what they say, the brave men,
of the Green Beret..."
EDruezillaB: How can you be drunk and be so boring.
EDruezillaB: I thought alcohol helped make people more interesting.
Godwit935: ED, maybe you need to hear these songs.


Come and Get Me:

Godwit935: I say it right here, as an American, and for all
to hear: Mohammed is an ugly dog, an unkempt poodle! So there.
Godwit935: I'm insulting the prophet. Come and get me.
EDruezillaB: Oh, here, let me break a law in a country 8,000
miles away! Come get me! I'm such a badass!


Cool Date:

LeslieHapablap: creepy loner and i will cruise in the
lexus listening to fiona apple and barfing up our lunch.
ParaMyrrh: haha
ParaMyrrh: cool


3 Teams in Our Bowling League:
CordialCactus: wampetters, foma and granfalloons


French Kissing a Bulimic:

Verneuker: Creepy and Lez are Bulimics?
LeslieHapablap: i prefer the term "weight aware".
ParaMyrrh: Bulimia is a fine life strategy in moderation
Verneuker: nothing like French Kissing a Bulimic...its kinda
like a grab bag
CordialCactus: ew
Dinosaur Vagina: I'll take your word for it
Dinosaur Vagina: gives new meaning to sharing lunch


Koon Cussin:
CordialCactus: there is a writing duo, with books like that,
but i havent been able to think of their names and its
bugging me... they're a cross between cussler and koontz


A Novelty:

BinxB91: Leslie, CordialCactus thinks you're clever
PatientOnion3: cordial lives out in the country, she never
talked to a real live jew married to a homosexual before,
leslie is a novelty
LeslieHapablap: binxb91, she has a poptart in her cd-rom.


BookShelf Diagnosis:

LeslieHapablap: prospect26, why do you suspect you have shingles?
Prospect26: Leslie...numbness at my waist...a hand's width.
Tired, Headache. Trouble expressing some words.
Creepy Loner: Sounds like me, although I've never suspected
that I have shingles.
LeslieHapablap: prospect26, that is not shingles.


KatyTried Live:

BinxB91: LeslieHapablap: godwit935 is my best friend.
BinxB91: LeslieHapablap: doomgrl, you know i am not a pussy eater.
PatientOnion3: binx how did you do that?
BinxB91: BinxB91: Leslie, CordialCactus thinks you're clever
Godwit935: Binx, you must be tanked.
BinxB91: PatientOnion3: cordial lives out in the country, she
never talked to a real live jew married to a homosexual before,
leslie is a novelty
CordialCactus: lol
BinxB91: LeslieHapablap: binxb91, she has a poptart in her cd-rom.
Godwit935: Binx, you're Jewish?
PatientOnion3: wow!
Dinosaur Vagina: this is better than the first time
CordialCactus: tea bag!
CordialCactus: tea bag in my cdrom
PatientOnion3: katy tried live!


The Best Day of BlueMonk's Life:

Henrykrinkle912: one day she said she wanted to wait
until i was done with work so we could take the train
home together
Henrykrinkle912: she lived in fairfield
Henrykrinkle912: with some rich family
Henrykrinkle912: so in the four hours between when she got
off of work and i ended my shift, we hung out and enjoyed
one another's company
Henrykrinkle912: it was great
Henrykrinkle912: then we took the train home
Henrykrinkle912: some spanish kid came up to me one the train
Henrykrinkle912: and he and i started to play
Henrykrinkle912: i think this turned her onto me
Henrykrinkle912: we got off in fairfield and walked to a
nice restaurant
Henrykrinkle912: had a nice dinner
Henrykrinkle912: talked, nicely
Henrykrinkle912: more than nicely
Henrykrinkle912: i remember one story she was telling me about
a dream she had as a little girl that made her pee herself in
her sleep
Henrykrinkle912: then we took a cab to her place
Henrykrinkle912: talked on the couch
Henrykrinkle912: kissed
Henrykrinkle912: and i left
Henrykrinkle912: best date i ever had
Henrykrinkle912: i left my new montblanc pen at her place
Henrykrinkle912: when i called a week or so later, she had left
for norway
Henrykrinkle912: end of story
Forkrereredux: that's gay


Leslie's Question:

LeslieHapablap: godwit935, if you could witness any historical
event what would it be & why?
Godwit935: I'd have to go with the Resurrection of Jesus Christ.
LeslieHapablap: godwit935, i take it you are not jewish.

You Know What's Funny:

EDruezillaB: You know what's funny? The people on AOL who give out
their phone numbers or some crap and no one calls.
Forkrereredux: does that happen to you a lot, ed?


Minority Report:

Godwit935: I had an encounter with a minority man in the
produce department this evening. He was with his white girlfriend
and he said Mf real loud and I called him a jackass.
CordialCactus: did you call him that real loud?
Forkrereredux: lol
Dinosaur Vagina: lol
Godwit935: Cordial, no, just loud enough for him to hear me.
Forkrereredux: a minority man?
CordialCactus: well done


Noted:
CordialCactus: irony is the thinking mans whoopie cushion

When You Come back, Drop the "bunny":
CattiGuen: i plan on coming in here more often though
CattiGuen: yall are funny bunny peeps


Did We Have a Choice?:
McLaryn5508: you guys have a great room...thanks for
letting me sit in...I will come back and visit!