BLT(ShhJm) vs CreepyShoes - You'd think a seasoned
brawler like BLT (aka Horsehamburger, etc) would wipe
the floor with Beysshoes and CreepyLoner. But here he
handicapps himself by wrapping himself up in sincerity.
Plus his antics brought out sharp feminist wits from two
usually playful ladies. No worry about BLT though. He'll
live to fight another day. Towards the end of this column
he's already attempting to re-write the outcome of the
fight.

Round I - Eau de Sociopath

ShhJm: im nailing a married nurse that lives on a
nice lake and I might break up her marriage
Beysshoes: i'm so proud of you. i truly am. but are
you lying about this please?
Beysshoes: (no offense)
Creepy Loner: Eau de Sociopath.
ShhJm: people have always been awful to me
Beysshoes: boo hoo
ShhJm: now I just want calm peace and to be safe
Creepy Loner: And nothing says "I want calm..."
like boinking a married woman.
ShhJm: its not sleazy what I am doing
Creepy Loner: No, no...it's very noble.


Round 2 - A Borderline?

ShhJm: I am 44 years old, the fruit I have to pick
from isnt exactly ripe on the tree
Beysshoes: actually james ... women your own age
aren't usually dumb enough. you need to go younger.
Creepy Loner: So, because you're in your mid-40s, you
have to bang married women?
ShhJm: creepy, she and I connect
Beysshoes: uhm ... i think we know how you connect
ShhJm: beys, I dont want an 18 year old, i want a woman
that i can talk to
Beysshoes: find a borderline james ... lots of them around.


Round 3 - In trouble, BLT stands on his manhood

ShhJm: maybe I am a bit more of a man than you want to
admit or realize
Beysshoes: sheesh could i be wrong about you james?
ShhJm: but in my real life, I am not a bad person
Beysshoes: lol whoopsy
ShhJm: I have a deep desire to be loved and to love
Creepy Loner: [flops back down]
ShhJm: you are very insulting beys


Round 4 - C'Loner dodges a clinch

ShhJm: I apologized to you
ShhJm: I like you beys
Creepy Loner: What-the-f.
Beysshoes: Not good enough. But thank you, i do
appreciate the false gesture.
Max The Obscure: Group hug, people
Creepy Loner: No.


Round 5 - The Girls scoring points

ShhJm: beys, when a person asks for forgiveness, its
a way to healing, not only for the offended person,
but for the offender
Creepy Loner: I doubt that. I bet he's mapping out a
plan to:
(a) get in your pants
(b) get you to pay for more medical school.
Creepy Loner: See?
Creepy Loner: Told ya.
Beysshoes: hey your freakshow. i got my own forgiveness
issues to cope with. so fuck off that one.

Round 6 - A Weak Defense

ShhJm: beys, I dont want "girls" I want a partner for life
ShhJm: I dont want to have sex with anyone unless I
completely trust them
Beysshoes: ha. yup trust a married woman who steps out
with you.
ShhJm: you dont know anything about her
Creepy Loner: [poot]...that's a good point there, Shh.
Beysshoes: i know she's married.
Creepy Loner: Yep.
Beysshoes: and she's with you.


Round 7 - BLT down for the count

ShhJm: beys, she is not a pretty or thin woman,
she is not young
Beysshoes: good move james. going after fugly now.
ShhJm: she is beautiful beyond belief on the inside
Creepy Loner: Is she rich?
ShhJm: define rich
Beysshoes: H
Beysshoes: A
Beysshoes: !
Creepy Loner: [grin]
Creepy Loner: Bingo.
Beysshoes: sounds like she's well off enough to support
your ass for a few years while you troll for a better
deal anyways.


Round 8 - BLT up swinging away but hitting ... nothing

ShhJm: beys, I have had about enough of your insults
Beysshoes: oof
Beysshoes: solly jimmys
Beysshoes: i thought i was being helpful.
ShhJm: beys, why cant you just accept the fact that I
have changed?
Beysshoes: i mean its not like you're not paying dues yes?
ShhJm: if paying dues means that I have to be disgraced
by your arrogant comments, then I dont think I can sit here
and let you do this to me
Beysshoes: changed? meaning? you now play the mandolin
instead of the guitar?

Round 9 - Throwing in the Towell

ShhJm: beys, I have tried with a fair amount of
patience to find favor in your sight, but you insist
on being my enemy, I will leave you now, knowing that
I restrained my impulses and I will know that you are
the damaged one
Beysshoes: okay james. smoochies
Creepy Loner: Thank God for small favors, eh Beys?
Creepy Loner: [grin]
Beysshoes: ha
Beysshoes: small is right
Creepy Loner: [tips hat]



[According to the notes Ka made about his lovemaking ---
notes I feel I must share with my readers --- his passion
was finally reciprocated, and they fell upon each other
with such intensity as to leave the rest of the world behind.
The same notes also reveal that Ipek let out a mournful cry
when it was over.]

The ex-bartender:

CordialCactus: hello the room
CordialCactus: what?
Beysshoes: yay candice is here
CordialCactus: yay me
CordialCactus: what?
CordialCactus: oh i hate being drunkish
Beysshoes: candice drunk?
Creepy Loner: no, Drunkish.
Creepy Loner: Like me after two beers.
Creepy Loner: That's when I hit drunkish.
Creepy Loner: I'm a cheap date.
CordialCactus: i dont get out often./...
but when i do... i i...
Beysshoes: i wish i had easilydrunkgenes like that
CordialCactus: i have a modicum of fuj
CordialCactus: fun too
CordialCactus: to the local bar
Beysshoes: did you have fun?
Creepy Loner: She had a modicum of it.
Beysshoes: did you rub up against anything good?
CordialCactus: not really...beys
CordialCactus: i tried


Being Tall Can Suck:

CordialCactus: you are 6 feet tall?
Creepy Loner: Yes I am...on the nose. I actually thought
I was taller than six feet for a while...but I checked
at the gym the other night.
CordialCactus: damn northwoods punies
Beysshoes: you're short next to binx creeps
Beysshoes: he cant fit on da bed
Creepy Loner: Yeah...being tall can suck.
Beysshoes: he must sleep on da floor
Creepy Loner: The two worst things for me are the basketball
question [and no, I don't f-ing play]...and being made to
get things off of shelves [Creepy, the walking ladder].
PatientOnion3: what about being a vogue cover girl model?
PatientOnion3: a cosmo girl?
Beysshoes: onion is so sweet. esp after blt.


The Night in Review:

Creepy Loner: What did you have to drink?
CordialCactus: 2 dirty martinis and 4 blue uvs with sprite
Creepy Loner: Yeah, that would do the trick...
Creepy Loner: Well, for me. I'd be flat on my arse.
CordialCactus: er.... and something else
Creepy Loner: ...?
CordialCactus: 3 shots of tequila
Creepy Loner: LOL
Creepy Loner: Good lord!
CordialCactus: so... im not doing too bad
Creepy Loner: I'm amazed you could find your computer,
let alone type!
CordialCactus: heya tone de sky!!??
CordialCactus: \look at me
Creepy Loner: TONE!
Creepy Loner: Tony, Tone, Toni!
Beysshoes: candice. omg you are sooo soaked chica
CordialCactus: welcome to the shelf
Creepy Loner: Yeah, she's pretty drunk.
CordialCactus: i know itl.. pathetic and sad.. yet the most
funish ive had in awhile
Beysshoes: tone's logging the room for someone you idjits
Creepy Loner: ROFL
CordialCactus: im soberingish up so dont mock me.. lol..
i will be able to keep up soo
CordialCactus: .. thank gosh..lol.. did you know that heck
is the place you go if you dont believe in gosh
Beysshoes: oh no. she's a comin' down creeps
Beysshoes: back to goodygoody town
CordialCactus: lol.. cause im overly censory


See Me:

ParaMyrrh: Creepy everytime I see your SN I think of
the Elvis Costello song "Spooky Girlfriend"

(5 minutes later)

ParaMyrrh: Creepy everytime I see your SN I think of
the Elvis Costello song "Spooky Girlfriend"
Creepy Loner: Yes, I saw that.
ParaMyrrh: I need to be acknowledged
Creepy Loner: Well...got it outta the way, then...



Sack Dances:
LynBelle: the dances these people do on Dancing With the
Stars, i'll bet they are in the sack with each other a
lot of the time


Another Oldie Returns:

Vanda52: you used to come here?
JoYiy: You're right Vanda
JoYiy: Where is everyone?
PatientOnion3: they are writing novels
Vanda52: here and there, the shelf is different now
PatientOnion3: we are all published and famous now
Vanda52: yeah
PatientOnion3: they made our novels into movies too
PatientOnion3: we are filthy rich & sassy
JoYiy: Really?
JoYiy: I think your're pulling my leg
BinxB91: PatientOnion has a walk-on role as the obnoxious waiter
PatientOnion3: would you like pineapple with your salad miss?
PatientOnion3: I wrote wonderful books filled with culilnary
anecdotes from my youth in France and in the fanciest kitchens in
Paris and New York


Down Home Indiana:

I2DaysInNovember: so you're telling me that you went
to school in Terre Haute?
ParaMyrrh: Um Im not saying anything
ParaMyrrh: Terre Haute is my home. I love it that's all
ParaMyrrh: it's my Mother city
I2DaysInNovember: okay
I2DaysInNovember: Terra Houst is like . . . the cross roads
of the midwest
I2DaysInNovember: Haute too
I2DaysInNovember: sorry
ParaMyrrh: great city
I2DaysInNovember: I went with my dad a few times to visit the
college there
I2DaysInNovember: it was deffinately a cool place
I2DaysInNovember: it was back in the early 70's
I2DaysInNovember: so 'cool' meant really cool


You Don't Have Time for Me But ...:

Niontron3: Is she, i don't have time to argue with a
teenage with hormonal problems
Is She Weird 55: But you have time to sit in a swivel chair
staring at a chat room and complain about each and every one
of us


Group Research:

EDruezillaB: We have a foothold in the middle east and we are
never leaving. And if you don't believe me, research Okinawa.
We never left Japan.
BinxB91: research Okinawa???
Phezziwig13: Ok, let's research Okinawa. I'll take restaurants
Phezziwig13: Who wants the parks?


What Rates Color:
Niontron3: I was in the newspaper, in a bengali newspaper
Niontron3: for going to college
Niontron3: the picture was color too


What's in Your Drawer?:

DoomGrl: somebody once gave me LSD
DoomGrl: i put it in my underwear drawer.
BinxB91: Is it still there?
Is She Weird 55: granny panties
Ta21l: did you get a contact high from it...lol
DoomGrl: probly
Forkrereredux: fork used to do lots of acid
Is She Weird 55: o h em gee


Hillary's Protection:

Is She Weird 55: I HATE how they teach abstinence in schools
Is She Weird 55: that just makes kids do it more
Nomdujourxx: Is there a better way to teach it?
Is She Weird 55: dur dur dur
Is She Weird 55: Yes, SAFE s ex. protection
Is She Weird 55: No, they teach safe s ex with
"abstinence is the safest"
Is She Weird 55: I like it that way
DoomGrl: there is no such thing as "Safe Sex"
Creepy Loner: Now there's an unfortunate name.
Is She Weird 55: Doom, SAFER!
Is She Weird 55: It's better than no protection
DoomGrl: i mean emotionally
Is She Weird 55: knowing options
Is She Weird 55: emotionally does NOT equal unsafe
Is She Weird 55: that's dangerous for some teens.
not really literally but ya know?
Is She Weird 55: you need to know your options for protection.
and so they should teach that instead of solely abstinence
Phezziwig13: Don't you guys know anything?
DoomGrl: i try not to eat too much
Is She Weird 55: Doom you sound like a real DUR
Is She Weird 55: I am protected by no one liking me


Topping Fork:

Phezziwig13: ABCDEFG
Phezziwig13: HIJKLMNOP
Phezziwig13: QRSTUV
Phezziwig13: WX
Phezziwig13: YandZ
Phezziwig13: Fork can bite me
Catpower777: hey, I know that song !


Silence of the Lambs as a One-Man Show:

Forkrereredux: mr. fork puts lotion in the basket
Forkrereredux: mr. fork rubs the lotion on his skin


So Touching:

PatientOnion3: bey did you take an extra stupid pill tonight?
Beysshoes: hush onion
ShhJm: bey had a tall glass of carnation instant bitch
Beysshoes: yes creeps. there is an alluring quality with an
abusive man
PatientOnion3: instant stupid
Beysshoes: james, you're losing your touch. that was incredibly
boring.


Is There Never Any Cuddling?:

ShhJm: im wearing spandex batman briefs with the banana hammock
ShhJm: im only abusive in the bedroom
Beysshoes: too many beers today james?
Creepy Loner: How so, Shh?
Creepy Loner: Explain.
Dinosaur Vagina: judging by the outfit, it sounds like self abuse
Creepy Loner: You don't happen to cook, do you?
ShhJm: hair pulling, spanking, abusive language, maybe some
unusual demands
Creepy Loner: What kind of unusual demands?
Creepy Loner: A quiche?
Dinosaur Vagina: maybe he asks if he can vacuum afterwards
Dinosaur Vagina: that would be uncommon
Creepy Loner: Necrophile!


BLT Still Beloved:

Jhd730: B L effin T
ShhJm: boo, some of these people will call me blt
ShhJm: some call me jim
Beysshoes: some call you pig


Re-telling the Fight:

ShhJm: boo, just some background, beys made a play for me
and I rejected her, I wanted to remain her friend, but a
scorned woman....
Beysshoes: lol james. lawd that's what you said about you
know who.
Beysshoes: was that a lie???
Jhd730: lol Blt you think all the female screennames make
a play for you
Beysshoes: omg james. i'm so stupid i believed you
Beysshoes: you told me that was IRL too james!
Beysshoes: you punk!
ShhJm: beys, quit trying to start trouble for me
ShhJm: I have never confided in you
Beysshoes: lol wow. you really do drink too much


Then You're Doing It Wrong:
Beysshoes: lord, men make me puke


Happy:

Is She Weird 55: Oh, so I am asking this kid to the Christmas
dance because [you won't believe this] HE LIKES ME
Hadachoke: 55.. yer likeable
Asia7384: She, your right, it is hard to believes


This Person:
Niontron3: they asked this person why didn't you get the noble
prize before
Niontron3: he said "because the noble commitee is lazy"



If George Bush were a 17-year old girl:
Is She Weird 55: I'm wearin my knit hat
Is She Weird 55: and my new black velvet blazer
Is She Weird 55: I feel really.... braveryesque



Charmin' Rono:
Niontron3: oneday I said to this teenage girl YOU LOOK OK
Niontron3: she cried for two days


Hillary on a roll:
Is She Weird 55: Oh and I got some guys phone number at the mall today.


Silence Is Not an Option:
Niontron3: why should I tell someone that she is pretty if she
is not pretty?
Niontron3: people do that just to have sex
Niontron3: at least I was being honest



Just Desserts:

Hadachoke: As a moral man, I know Idjit here will get his just
desserts some day
Asia7384: Nion, judgment isn't always immediate or apparent
Asia7384: but the moral man knows it eventually comes
Niontron3: Asia, that is what I used to think...but I see evil
wins everyday


Bush to Iraq - "Make Your Own Beds":
Niontron3: asia, 100000 iraqis died
Niontron3: no repayment was maid to america


No Book Marker Needed:
Niontron3: I read the back cover of that book


Ships passing in the Night:
Forkrereredux: i'm starting to hate this room
Is She Weird 55: I'm starting to love you


Hillary's One-Liner:
Is She Weird 55: nion- you are the second hand smoke of
this chat room. you do not seem really dangerous but you
can still kill a few people.


Retardisms:
Is She Weird 55: WHAT THE EFF?
Is She Weird 55: I unblock nion and I am seeing retardisms


He's a Warrior:
Niontron3: I cursed at the supervisor
Niontron3: and walked out of the job
Niontron3: <<<<<<<Niontron3: and they called me back
Niontron3: knowing that it was the supervisors
Niontron3: MISTAKE


Take Your Peek:
Niontron3: two kinds of people are very nice to people
Niontron3: one with low self esteem
Niontron3: who needs to get accepted
Niontron3: the other is a politician
Niontron3: some people in this room
Niontron3: are always nice to other people
Niontron3: they are either politicians
Niontron3: or with low self esteem
Niontron3: take your peek


Stepping Out on Hillary:

Is She Weird 55: I can't go to sleep
Is She Weird 55: and i've been crying for an hour
Is She Weird 55: and my nose and ears are all stuffed up
Jam7604801: weird did you catch subway man eating at Wendy's


The Other Woman:
CordialCactus: the big problem with my birthday is that
it falls on or around opening day for deer season..
so bambi is the other woman


If You Think You're Fitting In ...:

JuggaloSkitz420: does it strike anyone as odd that im hanging
out with people much older than me and fitting in perfectly?
NeuroticAsMyCat: jugg? if you have to point out that you're
fitting in, maybe you're not


We Don't Know You Like That:

ShhJm: you know what I like?
Max The Obscure: Cajun fish
Creepy Loner: Light rum?
ShhJm: I like a woman who is confident enough to make me go
down on her even though she hasnt showered since yesterday
Max The Obscure: No you just wanted to go down regardless


Overcoming:

ShhJm: I was a steelworker in a dying company, I realized
that people will always be sick, so I got a degree in 18
months and now I have a cushy medical job that pays well and
will always give me more
Creepy Loner: Considering you can't even spell clitoris, that
is impressive.


Creepy Mistiming:

Creepy Loner: BRB.
Beysshoes: hb creeps
Beysshoes: you bitch creeps...you had me going
Creepin deth68: why am i a bitch?
Creepin deth68: i just got here


Stealing Fork's act:

ShhJm: whats fun is opening a random car door and
peeing in the front seat
Forkrereredux: i hate you, shhjm


Deer Season Joke:

ShhJm: do you know the difference between deer nuts and beer nuts?
CordialCactus: no
Dinosaur Vagina: with a belated card?
Doralopezaustin: no i dont
ShhJm: deer nuts are under a buck
Creepy Loner: Har har.
Creepy Loner: That's really bad, Shh.
Dinosaur Vagina: lol
Dinosaur Vagina: tough crowd


Even a Blind Squirrel:

Niontron3: always put yourself in others' shoes...
because shoes are expensive