BEYSSHOES Unplugged


Pitifuls:

Beysshoes: do ya see what i mean by the rigor in
the room these days now?
Beysshoes: omg its pitifuls
Verneuker: I dont Beys....
Phezziwig13: You should storm out of the place
Phezziwig13: and never come back
Phezziwig13: would serve us right
Verneuker: IM me beys
Beysshoes: very funny you ass
Beysshoes: NO vern. behave pls.


Law Student:

AA Birthday Pony: Done for the night!
AA Birthday Pony: i studied 12 hours sunday, and 12 sat.
then another 5 between work and class today.
AA Birthday Pony: i feel like a zombie!
BinxB91: Are you retaining anything?
AA Birthday Pony: only the essentials
AA Birthday Pony: i seriously read 4 cases in a row
totally 140 pages on Salmon Hatcheries!
BinxB91: Is that how fine legal minds are trained?
AA Birthday Pony: allegedly!


A True Shelfer:
ManiacEyeball: it is irrelevant whether someone is pompous


Humans Do Not Understand Technologies:
Niontron3: I think I accidentally deleted all my songs


I Coulda Been a Critique:

Niontron3: Phronsie, you wouldn't have been a good
critique either
Phronsie: be a critique?
Niontron3: you think you are important
Phronsie: I never really yearned to be an inanimate object
Phronsie: I mean I will be someday.
Phronsie: but while I am living? No.
Ta21l: that'd be interesting...being critiqued by a
dead person


Book Recommendation Merry-Go-Round:

LeslieHapablap: today i started a book on creepy loner's
recommendation.
LeslieHapablap: i actually thought, "creepy loner liked it,
maybe i will."
Creepy Loner: Uh oh.
Creepy Loner: What mistake did I make?
Creepy Loner: [shudder]
BinxB91: Leslie, I recommended a book to you ... and
Beysshoes ended up reading it instead
LeslieHapablap: which book?
FORKVS MAGNVS: leslie has not read "a hot date"
FORKVS MAGNVS: fork takes that as an insult
Creepy Loner: Really?
Creepy Loner: She hasn't?
Creepy Loner: I thought you sent that to her.
BinxB91: This Book Will Save Your Life ---- A.M. Homes
(because it's based in Santa Monica)
FORKVS MAGNVS: she refuses to
BinxB91: what did C'Loner recommend?
FORKVS MAGNVS: mr. hapablap was more interested
Creepy Loner: He read it?
FORKVS MAGNVS: he at least discussed it
Creepy Loner: What did he have to say about it?
FORKVS MAGNVS: he wondered about the metaphoric meaning
-- why fork is so concerned with random young boy's size


At Least He Noticed Me:

ManiacEyeball: WHO'S THE CHICK WHO PUT US ON HER BLOG?
BinxB91: KatyTried
ManiacEyeball: THERE IS NOTHING MORE VIOLATING THAN
YOUR AOL PUKEAGE BEING DISPLAYED FOR ALL TO SEE ON THE
WORLD WIDE WEB
ManiacEyeball: I RESENT THAT BITCH


Results of Rono Research:
Niontron3: most girls only wear
Niontron3: two colors of panties
Niontron3: LIGHT BLUE
Niontron3: or PINK


Rono as Ta's Muse:

Ta21l: so, because I'm female, I can't distinguish
the difference between horny and comfortable with
one's sexuality?
Niontron3: ta, you can...but a girl is not going to want to
do it to you unless her man ask her to be a lesbian
BinxB91: Come on Ta, keep thinking ---- "Notes From Beyond
the Grave"
BinxB91: Rono will only muddle your story
Ta21l: lol...he might be the type that gets the notes from
beyond the grave...from a horny ghost
Catpower777: who's getting notes from horny ghosts?
BinxB91: Cat, Rono's inflicting himself into a Ta plot line
Ta21l: I think I got it Binx....Rono is trying to get a
romance story published, but keeps getting rejected at each
turn when all of a sudden he hears a whisper from somewhere
saying "If you put sex in it, it will sell"


The Thought of Unsatisfied Women:

Niontron3: sex is for one second
Ta21l: doesn't say much about you Rono
Catpower777: and therein lies the key
CordialCactus: lol to sex being for one second




On Asian Women:

Phezziwig13: What do you think about Fillipina women, Godwit?
Godwit935: Phezzi, not my cup of tea at all, although some
of them at least can be curvy.
Godwit935: The problem with them, Phezzi, is their faces
get all scrunched up as they get older.
Phezziwig13: Godwit, you just pissed her off
Beysshoes: ...i'm not filipina you idjits.
Beysshoes: anyway, g'wit is the last person to know
anything about minorities.
Godwit935: Beys, are you Oriental at all?
Phezziwig13: Godwit, a filipina woman whom you have never
met would like you to know that you are an ass
Godwit935: Phezzi, to each his own. I prefer the Japanese women,
I said that.
Phezziwig13: I prefer sane ones
Beysshoes: so why are you here then fezz?


Beysshoes and the Socios:

Phezziwig13: Am I bothering you, Beys?
Beysshoes: not at all fezz
Phezziwig13: Last time we talked, you threatened to kill me
Beysshoes: i'm glad you're back really. its been rigor in chat.
(i'm sorry fezz)
Beysshoes: i threw away the glock
Phezziwig13: No matter. If I had a nickel for everytime somebody
threatened to shoot me, I'd have about three bucks
Beysshoes: i was new to chat fezz. and didn't realize how bad
it got in here with socios and all.


Hangover Heaven:

Beysshoes: is it Saturday in scotland oscar?
Various704: its Sunday
Beysshoes: ah ... that explains you bein in here instead
of a pub.lol


Prospect Never Forgets:
Prospect26: When I was reading Water for Elephants I knew
I had been in that era before.



Entrance:
ManiacEyeball: hey dipshits.


Imagining Beysshoes:
Godwit935: Beys, lemme guess. Your mom is coming over to
see your new pit bull and your new tattoos and your new
baby and your new boyfriend.


Here I Am, Ladies:
Phezziwig13: <--ordinary, above average, American working man


Beysshoes as a Suspect:
Phezziwig13: Beys was at a Cat Stevens concert.
Open up a government file


Aim High:

Jam7604801: i know a guy whos wife shot him in the thigh
StarlightStorms: bet she wasn't aiming for his thigh.......


"I know I am not alone ..."

Godwit935: I like it when I get the recordings on the phone
when I call someplace, the ones that go, "Po nacho de en Espanol,
presso uno." You know what I say? I shout an obscenity
into the phone.
Godwit935: I know I am not alone in this practice.
Phezziwig13: You and Pat Buchanan Godwit


Fishing By Air Strikes:

Gypsyjo47: I haven't been bird hunting for awhile
JFWaterman: If its a target under 100 meters, my wife
will hit it first go, no matter what she's shooting.
JFWaterman: Rifle, pistol, shotgun- yeah, Storms, she's
the apple of my eye.
Gypsyjo47: JF that sounds dangerous
JFWaterman: I live in fear- what husband doesn't?
Ta21l: hey, that's not fair....
Ta21l: not all husbands live in fear
Gypsyjo47: I am a pretty good shot with any weapon but
I prefer artillery and airstikes
Ta21l: it's not like women are scary or something
JFWaterman: I still master the long ranges, with
rifles. Amen, Gypsy!
Various704: fishing with dynamite gypsy?
Gypsyjo47: Various I don't fish anymore
Various704: ah i like to fish
Ta21l: I miss fishing...I haven't done it in years
JFWaterman: I am still best of my unit with indirect
artillery, long-range rifle fire and airstrikes.
Gypsyjo47: The dupont spinner is pretty good though
JFWaterman: Sometimes problems needed to be solved, and
they wouldn't come up close-
JFWaterman: -so I got called, and I solved them.
JFWaterman: Still solving problems to this day,
though w/out gunfire.
Ta21l: and not nearly as fun, I'm sure
SunNapper55: Since when do fishing problems need to be
solved with airstrikes?
Various704: its the american way sun
JFWaterman: Depends upon what's in the water, Sun-


Candice Getting to Know her Husband:

CordialCactus: i learned something today.....
Ta21l: share with the class cactus
CordialCactus: when my husband says he is going bird
hunting what he is really saying is that he is going
to come home drunk and hungry then pass out on the
couch babbling incoherently


What Makes Hillary Nervous:

Is She Weird 55: my myspace is awesome
Is She Weird 55: i re-did it
CordialCactus: hillary, do you have a linky thingy?
CordialCactus: for your myspace... to clarify
Is She Weird 55: ya.... it is.....
www.myspace.com/farewell_goodnight
Gypsyjo47: I have never been to my space...don't even
know how to get there
Is She Weird 55: oh i broke my spine in ballet
Is She Weird 55: so i gave up
Is She Weird 55: polyester is such a gross word
CordialCactus: hillary... have you tried twitter
Is She Weird 55: what is that?!!
TRBfrom NC: anything made from many esters, weird
CordialCactus: twitter.com you have 120 letters per
message, little blurbs you can post throughout the day
CordialCactus: like a mini blog
Is She Weird 55: no.... i dont like those. they make
me nervous
Ta21l: blogs make you nervous?
CordialCactus: or esters?
Is She Weird 55: no, blogs
Ta21l: ok, I'll bite...why do blogs make you nervous?
Is She Weird 55: i used to keep one but once i update,
i have to update every single minute.... and then i
wonder if someone who is reading it will be bored



From the Land of Lincoln:

Phezziwig13: Our last Governor is days away from
going to jail
Beysshoes: that poor closet bastid
Phezziwig13: something like 5 out of our last 10
governors have been indicted
Phezziwig13: sigh


Stupid Wheather/Stupid Flu Shots:

Ta21l: what can I say...stupid New England weather
will get ya every time
TRBfrom NC: It has been raining for the last three days
here in the Blue Ridge
Ta21l: yeah, been drizzly here, but warm...no wonder
I'm sick
Ta21l: either that or I caught my mom's cold when I talked
to her on the phone the other day
TRBfrom NC: I caught a cold just watching the announcer
on the TV news sneeze
Gypsyjo47: I am stupid! I could have driven 3 miles and
got a flu shot for 12 bucks now I have to drive 25 miles
and sit in line for 2 hours and get one for nothing...Stupid!
Losing money on gas alone!



Godwit Out in Public:
Godwit935: I had some 20-ish punk at a B&N condescend
to me recently when I asked him what frappacino meant.
He acted as if I should have known. I should have belted him.


Frappalappacrappas:

LadyMtnMedic: not all starbucks is bad
knowjuan2: lady tell that to the frapawackoshino grande
Phezziwig13: What did he say it meant, Godwit?
Verneuker: Hey Godwit...I dont buy frappalappacrappas...
I have enough coffee at my AA meetings
Godwit935: Phezzi, I asked him specifically what frap meant,
and he said, "Frap is the coffee base." Bunch of bs.
Knowjuan2: god, you tell him it meant get it quikly or get
slapped up the sidea the head?
Beysshoes: it must've been binx godwit. he's at the grand
opening right now of the new b&n
Godwit935: Knowjuan, I ordered an espresso.
Phezziwig13: I'm beginning to wonder if my stiff neck is
directly related to my caffeine intake



"Give Me the Damn Book. I'm Going Home":
Gypsyjo47: Ever go to B&N and see all those people sitting
around pretending to read? Strange thing is they look out
of the book and stare at everybody that passes by, holding
up what they think is an impressive title. Gheeezzz!
Gypsyjo47: I go to B&N and get the damn book I went to get
and leave and read it at home



Thoughts on Halloween:

Ta21l: so, anyone doing anything for Halloween?
Forkrereredux: graping
Various704: im going door to door with a shot glass
Catpower777: Ta, I wa just sitting here thinking
about buying Twix
DantesTrvlAgent: I don't think my school allows it anymore.
Someone might be offended
Ta21l: just remember Cat...buy the candy you like so you
know it won't go to waste in case you have leftovers
Catpower777: absolutely, Ta
Ta21l: someone is always going to get offended Dante...
I just don't think everyone's figured that out yet
OnlineHost: PatientOnion3 has entered the room.
DantesTrvlAgent: The Halloween candy at my store is
next to the Christmas decorations
Catpower777: Onion !
Ta21l: lol...got to love retail
Beysshoes: why would a school not allow halloween?
Catpower777: Dante, so the candy of the devil is next
to Christ's candy?
PatientOnion3: halloween is evil and pagan, not
christian like war and poverty
Beysshoes: halloween is not religious
Various704: yeah, torture is good for the soul
Beysshoes: ah, the wisdom of our onions back thank goodness
DantesTrvlAgent: Maybe there's a Witches' political lobby??
SunKingSaidSo: Halloween is the only thing stopping shops
from putting Christmas stuff up before November..


Beysshoes Outting the Crocodile:

Verneuker: oh and didn't I tell you Im gay?
Beysshoes: you can't be vern...you're not that
much funneries
Verneuker: aw shucks dont out me as a straight Shoes


Fork's Room:
Forkrereredux: various, if you ever get bored here,
you should check out health mental 9


Why Animals Run Away:

Niontron3: I plan to pet a human, in near future
Creepy Loner: But Nion! This is wildly out of character!
You hate humans!
Creepy Loner: I'm shocked.
Creepy Loner: Frankly, you've just thrown my entire belief
system into disarray.
Forkrereredux: nion, would you like a link to watch a fat
girl eat mc donald's?



Various as a Hair Ball:

Catpower777: oh, Various -- did we ever get an answer as
to your whereabouts last evening?
Various704: i was in my parents house cat.

My Mole Hair:

Madamehairymole: why are you frackers getting so excited
seeing my molehair?
ManiacEyeball: it's hot
Madamehairymole: HOT eh
Beysshoes: CUS mole, we're in and out of rigor here
Madamehairymole: hahhaha
Creepy Loner: [smirk]
ManiacEyeball: hawt
Madamehairymole: vigor more like it
Beysshoes: bring some o' that toxicity from AL in with ya pulease
Madamehairymole: are all the hairy females here pretending to be
burly fat men all gone floppish eh



Economical Thoughts:
Niontron3: Madam, did F8 say something after I left...
my boss came...I had to log off
Niontron3: F8 doesn't know anything about economy and
I started to talk about



Honest Shelfers:

TheAverageChump: any1 smart in here???
Creepy Loner: No.
Beysshoes: clump hey
Ta21l: no, we're all dumb here
ManiacEyeball: we dont talk to pumpkins


On Candles and Strap-Ons:

Beysshoes: boo, did ya get the new job?
Beysshoes: i lit a candle for you !!!
Booboo2240: Bey, are you thinking of someone else?
Beysshoes: nope boo, just being playful
Booboo2240: I like playful. :)
Beysshoes:
Beysshoes: boo, once phronsie gets here no more playful.
Booboo2240: Oh, bummer. Should take his or her time, then.
Beysshoes: she's old and calls you a ho if you play in here.
Phezziwig13: define "play"
Beysshoes: fezz, not your definition i dunt think.
Phezziwig13: Bey and BooBoo sitting in a tree...
Beysshoes: are you a boy or girl?
Phezziwig13: LOL
Booboo2240: girl
Beysshoes: oof sorry i dont do the strap on thingy
Booboo2240: Oh, neither do I. lol
Beysshoes: (playing) (again)
Beysshoes: dunt you wish you could tho boo? life would
be simpler yes?
Booboo2240: In a way. lol


Personal Sex:

Verneuker: Shoes, you and I need to have a deep and
sensual personal sexual relationship simply based on our
taste in music...(I woulda IMed that, but you dont seem
to be IMable...LOL)
Beysshoes: vern put down that glass pls.



"Phezzi, c'mon":
Phezziwig13: If I had a hammer, there'd be no more folk singers
Godwit935: Yo, Vern! lol
Godwit935: Phezzi, and you, the great fan of Royko and Terkel.
How can you not like folk music if you like those guys?
Phezziwig13: They don't sing
Godwit935: Phezzi, c'mon.



If You Could Read My Mind:

Phezziwig13: I like Gordon Lightfoot
Godwit935: That Gordon Lightfoot, he was mezza fanuch.
Beysshoes: whats that wit?
Godwit935: Half a homo.
Phezziwig13: How do you know?
Beysshoes: he's too boring to be even half gay g'wit
Godwit935: He had that "singer" voice you love, Phezzi.
So soft, so romantic.
Phezziwig13: Bite me


Dr. Beysshoes:

Catpower777: is Allan sick?
Beysshoes: yes, cat. he had a toothery pulled
Beysshoes: plus he has a cluster headache
Is She Weird 55: ummmmmmm????
Jhd730: your cat has a cluster headache...???
Beysshoes: fat pipples?
ParaMyrrh: Bey you seem to be incredibly obsessed
with everyone's health
Beysshoes: not yours para


When Talking Doesn't Work:

Godwit935: I'm going to have to leave soon. Have to check
my beaver traps.
Beysshoes: godwit that's very vulgar
Phezziwig13: You should try talking to women instead, Godwit


The New Normal:

Beysshoes: are you seriously expecting us to believe
you're a trapper?
Godwit935: You might be reading what I said the wrong
way, Beys.
Godwit935: I am a normal American man. I like the wet,
split beaver. Shoot me.
Phezziwig13: She's got a gun, Godwit
Phezziwig13: LOL
Beysshoes: lawdy g'wit, fezz comes back and you morph
into a pervy
Godwit935: Phezzi, she misunderstands me.




Z-Phobia:

Is She Weird 55: lol there was a cutline for a photo and
it was like Gutierez thrown out by Ramirez and something
about Martinez
Is She Weird 55: I was like OMG too many ez's
ParaMyrrh: Is She are you hating on the Latino connection
in baseball?
Niontron3: everything is wrong in this life
Is She Weird 55: nooo i was not hating..just pointing the
confusion out
Is She Weird 55: Gutierez, Martinez, Ramerez


Straight Perverts:

Gypsyjo47: Beys you stereotype gays...some are very
brilliant, yes, some are just perverts
Beysshoes: more straight perverts and chimos than gay gyps


Bite me II:

Phezziwig13: I pissed away my Saturday and laundry and
groceries. What was i thinking?
Beysshoes: how does one piss away laundry and groceries?
Beysshoes: oh "ON"
Phezziwig13: Bite me




With a Few Exceptions, NAGS Riocks:

LynBelle: bey, where do you interact with nag?
Beysshoes: lyn, on the deux
Beysshoes: i think he rocks (excepting the homophobia
and catholic jive)



I Prefer Men as People:
Phronsie: boys value boys more
Vanda52: i prefer men, not as sexual beings but as people
Phronsie: I know, Vanda. That is what I meant
Vanda52: women are all games



Beysshoes as a Bully:

Phronsie: I think I cut off what was left of friends when
I was tending my mother
Phronsie: and of course, I had stopped teaching then, too.
Phronsie: so there was isolation.
MadiHolmes: I understand that, Phron
Beysshoes: plus you aint that much funs phrons
Phronsie: Well, Bey, I'm not flirtatious
Beysshoes: anything outside of an impersonal encounter
is flirtatious to you phrons
Beysshoes: whats wrong with flirting anyway? not all women
have to act like bags
LynBelle: bey, now stop
LynBelle: it isn't something you even stop and think about,
when you reach a certain age flirting seems stupid
Beysshoes: nope lyn. its true. you're spending way too
much time with phrons if that's what you think


Beysshoes as a Shrink:

Vanda52: 20s is hot
Beysshoes: i know allan ... its bec you're emotionally
the same age
Vanda52: i am bey, i admit it
Beysshoes: actually, a gal in her 20s would be your 'older woman'
Vanda52: well bey, lets not go there


Beysshoes as a Gossip:

Beysshoes: i was talking to you last time, but you were
off cybering with another chatter you punk!
I2DaysInNovember: Me? cybering? never
Beysshoes: liarliar thingy on fire (to quote onion)


Olive Garden:

FORKVS MAGNVS: fork dated this girl whose family was
throwing a graduation party for her at the olive garden.
fork did not show up
FORKVS MAGNVS: she was "hurt"
Creepy Loner: But you hate parties of all kinds, Dr. Fork.
FORKVS MAGNVS: that still did not make her happy
Vanda52: thats good fork
FORKVS MAGNVS: what did she want from fork?
BinxB91: I'd be hurt to if I had to eat at Olive Garden
LynBelle: I love the Olive Garden
Vanda52: whats the olive garden?






Fork and Leslie Getting Organized:

FORKVS MAGNVS: you know the kind with the hooks on the
file that you put in a filing cabinet?
LeslieHapablap: hanging file folders.
LeslieHapablap: yes.
Creepy Loner: Oh yeah.
FORKVS MAGNVS: yes, yes
FORKVS MAGNVS: that's a Pandaflex
LeslieHapablap: i have some scattered on the floor.
Creepy Loner: Okay; I know what Pendaflex is.
BinxB91: Leslie with a messy house?
FORKVS MAGNVS: leslie is shredding
LeslieHapablap: just this room is messy because i have
been reorganizing & shredding.
FORKVS MAGNVS: fork did organizing today
LeslieHapablap: it is making me nervous. the mess.
FORKVS MAGNVS: fork gets bills in the mail and makes them
into a pile
FORKVS MAGNVS: today, fork took the time to pay them
FORKVS MAGNVS: and balance his checkbook
LeslieHapablap: balance a checkbook?
LeslieHapablap: i have not done that for eons. people
still do that?
FORKVS MAGNVS: why would you not?
LeslieHapablap: why would i?
FORKVS MAGNVS: well you are jewish, right?
BinxB91: Leslie, what's your point?
LeslieHapablap: if i want to know how much money i have in
an account i just look online.






KaL Dreaming of Rono as a Stripper:

ParaMyrrh: butt cheeks jiggling like a fat man's jowls at
a corncob eating contest


["I used to make a deal with myself," Grandpa Sully
explained. "I'd tell myself I'd be brave for exactly
a minute."
Will frowned, studied his grandfather.
"What happened after the minute?"
"Then I let myself be scared again. But at least I could
say I'd been brave for a minute. The next time I'd try
to brave for two minutes. That way I'd be getting braver
and braver all the time."
Will continued to study his grandfather who appeared to be
telling the truth. "What were you scared of?"
His grandfather shrugged. "I don't remember. You won't
either when you're my age."
Will looked out the window at his fear. He didn't beleive
he'd ever forget what he was afraid of. He didn't believe
his grandfather had forgotten. Which meant he hadn't been
afraid.
"Wait here a minute," Sully said getting out of the car and
limping around to the open end of the El Camino. Throwing
open the lid to the big tool box he kept there, Sully
rummaged around in it making a racket. Eventually he must
have found whatever it was he was looking for, because he
let the heavy lid of the tool box fall shut and slid back
into the front seat next to Will. "Here," he said, dropping
something heavy and metallic into Will's lap.
Will caught the thing between his knees, then picked it up
and examined it, confused until he identified the item as a
stop watch.
"You can time yourself," his grandfather explained, showing
Will how it worked. "That way, you'll know exactly how long
you were brave."]


Beysshoes' Tool Box:

Gypsyjo47: I am now having a tool bar that appears on my
screen...anybody know what that is?
LadyMtnMedic: define toolbar Gyps
Beysshoes: gyps we are not interested in your male parts
right now. its rude