WRITER'S STRIKE - explanation for Beysshoe's absence
last week. She atones this week by forwarding various
archives. Kind of like watching TV re-runs but not.
Not sure why there's so much discussion of genitalia
this time. Maybe chat just inevitably ends up there.

LeslieHapablap thinks this column should have some useful
purpose. So she suggested I post an APB for TRBinNorth
Carolina(Ted). If anyone knows his whereabouts, have
him contact Leslie immediately.
Leslie also pointed out that "Puffy Taco" is a restuarant
in San Antonio. Though it sounded funny, I guessed it was
something like that. She isn't one to make bawdy jokes.


(Odd)Man Out:

CordialCactus: when i was in labor with my first
they told me i had a demerol drip.. i KNOW they
were lying... i didnt feel a difference at all..
but staidol.. now thats good
Catpower777: Cactus, they told me I had an epidural,
too -- never happened !
CordialCactus: cat... lol.. now thats bad
Katiesofar: i went for the epidural cordial....
Katiesofar: heavenly
DinosoreVagina: oh I had an epidural
DinosoreVagina: that's why the survival rate was so good
Raskolnikov: whats an epidural?
DinosoreVagina: it's what they give you when you're giving
birth Yoss
Catpower777: yeah, I had natural childbirth and paid for
an epidural
DinosoreVagina: omg Cat
Ta21l: that sucks
Katiesofar: got it for free as i work for them....so i said
bring it on!
BinxB91: bring it on? odd thing to say in the context
DinosoreVagina: I think they should hook up the epidural in
the third trimester
Katiesofar: eventually went to c-section though as he was
right at 2 pounds...
CordialCactus: katie.. i did with my 3rd.. i loved it.. but
... i had to have magnesium sulfate to prevent high blood
pressure induced seizures... so .... i dont know where im
going with this
Ta21l: I think that happened when I had my second, cause I
swear, it didn't feel as good as it did the first time
around
Katiesofar: 2 hours of pushing wasnt doing a thing
Katiesofar: eek cordial
Raskolnikov: oh god, not details, please
Raskolnikov: lalalalallalala


Uniquely Squeaky:

CordialCactus: microwave cheese curds and it makes them
squeak when you eat them
CordialCactus: squeek?
Greatteepo4615: squeak
CordialCactus: make a funny high pitched sound*
Catpower777: Cactus, you may be the only person ever
to speak those words in my presence



Ask Miss Manners:

Ta21l: let me ask you guys something...is it wrong to
invite someone to your wedding just because you know
they'll give you a great gift?
Greatteepo4615: no
Greatteepo4615: is it wrong to propose to a complete
stranger
Catpower777: Ta, do you hate the person?


"no, I really L M A O":

CordialCactus: ok.. dumb queston for youse
CordialCactus: when you see lmao... do you real
L M A O in your head
DinosoreVagina: uh
CordialCactus: or lamayoh
Ta21l: lmao
CordialCactus: whatchoo lmaoing for
CordialCactus: or lamayoh
CordialCactus: or laughing my ass off
Ta21l: no, I really L M A O....


"I totally know those":

BooksIut: When I was a kid, I wanted to grow up to
be a lion.
CordialCactus: neato, books
Phezziwig13: WHEN I WAS A KID, I WANTED TO GROW UP CLAWING
MY WAY TO MIDDLE MANAGEMENT
Phezziwig13: ACTUALLY, I WANTED TO BE A COWBOY AND WEAR FUZZY PANTS
CordialCactus: cowboys wear fuzzy pants?
DinosoreVagina: yes, those cow pants I think
CordialCactus: or just phezzy cowboys?
DinosoreVagina: or that
CordialCactus: that wasnt funny.. dont lol
Phezziwig13: YEAH, THOSE THINGS THEY STRAP ON
Greatteepo4615: yeah
Greatteepo4615: i totally know those


Everything Back to Normal:

Eyez Wide Open 9: he invited me to his house
Eyez Wide Open 9: but I thought he was gay
Eyez Wide Open 9: so I didn't go
Vanda52: he may have been if he was in Key West
Eyez Wide Open 9: I don't like gay people.
Vanda52: ok
Eyez Wide Open 9: I am a gay magnet.
Niontron3: I don't like or dislike gay people...
Vanda52: gay guys like me too but my business is
loaded with gays so i just deal with it
Niontron3: they are just people from a distance...
Lamardlth: I'm a girl. I don't like faggy men they bug me!
Niontron3: I observed the opposite...girls and gays become
good friends
Creepy Loner: This is true. Sometimes we get so tight,
we date.
Niontron3: they say "we share the same interest, men"
Niontron3: so sometimes I tell girl I am gay just to be
with them...
Lamardlth: eewww
Niontron3: then later I start to fondle them...
Niontron3: everything is back to normal



Regularity:
Godwit935: Does anyone in here bake cakes or sechlike
on a regular basis?


Regular Visitor to Convalescent Homes:

Godwit935: I have only seen one person die, I mean,
been there at the moment of death. I can't forget it.
Godwit935: I think it is fascinating, to think and to see
that one moment when life ends.


The Logical Rono:

Niontron3: in this world , I will shoot you then
you will die...but in quantum mechanics you might die
first then I might shoot you
Niontron3: sounds crazy but true!!!
DinosoreVagina: logic is a way of thinking, it's a process
Creepy Loner: Nion's way of saying the kitty is alive and dead.
Niontron3: in this world, by physics, everything is cause
and effect
Niontron3: therfore, everything must be LOGICAL


Prison Break:
CordialCactus: toddler escapee... brb


Hoosier Suspect:
KD81785: My brother went to Indiana U for French
KD81785: the best teachers at IU died while my brother was there


Dying to Stay Out of War:

BooksIut: The recruiting center gave me ---let's say
unique--- ideas for losing weight to join the Army as a
chemical engineer.
BooksIut: Basically, I wore two large Hefty bags underneath
two pairs of sweats in triple digit weather here in Vegas.
BooksIut: Then ran two miles.
BooksIut: I dropped 12 lbs in A SINGLE WEEK.
BooksIut: I was eating Jewish rye bread and tuna, nothing else.
BooksIut: And lots of green tea and water.
BooksIut: I kept losing until I weighted 124 lb.
BooksIut: Went up to MEPS,
BooksIut: and,
BooksIut: guess what?
Rozari: you were underweight?
Lpwfuw: You starved yourself, Book
BinxB91: you failed the psychological tests?
Vanda52: 124 isnt that light, are you tall?
BooksIut: I GOT MY PERIOD AND WAS .05% OVER THE
WEIGHT REQUIREMENTS.
DinosoreVagina: that's not good
BooksIut: Seriously.
KD81785: 124 is light unless you are 5 foot tall
Vanda52: i like my girls around 80 pounds
Vanda52: protruding ribs
BooksIut: It's okay.
BooksIut: I didn't want to go to war.
BooksIut: F that.
Vanda52: haha
Lpwfuw: That's because you like 5th graders, Allan
Vanda52: ok
BooksIut: Yea, I was terribly obsessed with my body and
lost an extreme amount of weight in a very short period
of time.
BooksIut: I used to pass out in class from hunger pains.
BooksIut: Not recommended.
BooksIut: But,
BooksIut: I'd do it again.
BooksIut: Like, for my wedding.
Lpwfuw: You endangered your life, Book


Meet Glue Complexion:

Glue complexion: almost wishing i had something to say
in this conversation.
Hadachoke: Glue, jump in
CordialCactus: are you a senior, glue?
CordialCactus: or out of school?
Glue complexion: but i end up feeling a bit naive.
Hadachoke: s'ok
Glue complexion: i'm a senior.
Hadachoke: better'n sounding stoopid like me :)
BinxB91: we're all naive ... just in different situations
CordialCactus: eh.. one thing i learned about chat rooms is
you will never be the biggest dork.. look to the right..
see those names.. i guarantee there is someone more naive
on there....:)
Hadachoke: Hey, GLUE.. I'm a senior too!
CordialCactus: lol hada
Creepy Loner: [points at self for Cord]
CordialCactus: a card-carrying one too
Glue complexion: hahaha, this is true.
CordialCactus: lol creepy
Glue complexion: hahaha.
BinxB91: C'Loner doesn't talk enough to show her dorkiness
Creepy Loner: Sure I do.
Glue complexion: no worries, i get to be a dork in the morning.
CordialCactus: creepy is too cool to be a dork..
Glue complexion: i'm on academic decathalon. \m/
CordialCactus: im the dork silly
Creepy Loner: Binx...I have been trying to organize pictures
on CDs for the last 4 hours.
Creepy Loner: There's dorkiness.
Hadachoke: ok, cc, i can out-dork you any day
CordialCactus: academic decathalon?
Glue complexion: such a brutal competition.
Glue complexion: yeah, a bunch of kids take tests and see which
school has the smartest kids, i guess.
Glue complexion: but my team never studies, and we somehow made
it to regionals. hahha, it's so dumb.
CordialCactus: cool glue... what subjects interest you the most?
Glue complexion: history. social studies. writing.
Glue complexion: i plan to get my masters in social work.
Glue complexion: and work with middle school kids as a school
social worker.


Secrets:
Hadachoke: julie is sometimes called JadedDrooler


Glue Footnote:

Hadachoke: i sniffed glue in school.. and that was before
the weird stuff was put in glue
Hadachoke: i just liked the way my head spun
Boulshevit: I ate paste...but I'm Protestant
DoomGrl: many children eat paste


Southern Manners:

CordialCactus: roz... what does "bless your little heart" mean?
Rozari: it's the same thing, but with more emphasis.
CordialCactus: gotcha... we need to practice this on GNO
Rozari: and then, there is, "Bless your little pea pickin'
heart."
KD81785: Cordial, did I say that to you?
CordialCactus: kd.. lol.. i hope not
Rozari: and that one is usually sincere
CordialCactus: did you?
KD81785: I didn't think so
Nomdujourxx: Sounds like a refugee phrase from Hee Haw
Phronsie: and a bit over the top
KD81785: cordial, it's one of those context things
Phronsie: Nom, I would ag ree
Phronsie: You have to get pretty far away from the media
to hear that said seriously these days.
KD81785: I can't do it
Rozari: see, southern folks never really want to hurt
someone's feelings, so we come up with these phrases.
Nomdujourxx: Tenn Ernie Ford = The Ol' Pea Picker
Phronsie: Sourtherners vary greatly, however,
KD81785: Roz, don't tell the secrets... just hand out the
sweet tea
Hadachoke: i always wondered why mississippi folks said to
me "It's ok, bobby, you can't help it"
Rozari: yup, Hada...that is along the same lines.
DinosoreVagina: what does that mean hada?
DinosoreVagina: I'm lost
Phronsie: Knowing you, Had, that is perfectly understandable
Hadachoke: means i'm dumber than a rock, i think


Missing Each Other:

Phronsie: re Slut
BooksIut: ...huh?
Phronsie: ?
BooksIut: i think phronsie missed me.
Phronsie: missed? No. Just a rehi
Phronsie: Besides which, not much is happening in here.
BooksIut: she's been stroking the arse niche i made
in the sofa since i ventured to the philosophy room.
Phronsie: I'm not a lesbian, Slut. Sorry.
BooksIut: so THAT'S why you put down the bottle.
Phronsie: I'm sympthetic to female causes in general
Phronsie: but women repulse me physically
BooksIut: really? i couldn't tell



Updating Deb:
ExShelfer: has anyone killed kal or ilove yet?
Hadachoke: nah
Hadachoke: those two are unkillable
Hadachoke: just like repUGLYcans


Updating Beysshoes:

ExShelfer: you guys were so cute together!
Beysshoes: oh, so my fantasy that he's gay is untrue
then. i'm so sad.
Hadachoke: bummer....
Vanda52: stop getting weird sarai
ExShelfer: bobby, are we all still friends?
Hadachoke: sure
Hadachoke: why not?
LynBelle: see allan, that is why I hate it when you aren't
here, you keep order
Hadachoke: (i hope)
Beysshoes: allan, all this time i thought his line ins were
satirical. i'm heartbroken.
Vanda52: i see
PatientOnion3: bey has 17 loose screws
Beysshoes: why do you have to murder my fantasy nags allan?
ExShelfer: lol, nags is never not serious
Beysshoes: truly ex? ty so much
LynBelle: nag isn't gay


You Like Me! You Really Like Me!:

Vanda52: where has binx been?
Vanda52: and why doesn't he run a new katy?
Beysshoes: he's working overtime a lot allan
Beysshoes: holiday rush
Beysshoes: he's saving money to buy a house for me to go
live with him in.


Begging Vanda:

Beysshoes: bbl ... allan please stay up tonight with us.
Vanda52: i doubt it sarai
Beysshoes: we'll let you take masturbation breaks allan.
pulease stay up.


Collateral Damage:

DoomGrl: tom kat
IM0Kurknot: Racing guy... Bartender Guy... End of World Guy
... Futuristic Guy
DoomGrl: the interviews on the collateral dvd were good


The Outer Limits/Re-naming Newbies:

Beysshoes: i just came from a private chat with no socios
or pigs and only decent human beings. i'm traumatized.
Nomdujourxx: We can provide what you need to get over
that, Beys
Beysshoes: nom. it was terrifying.
Beysshoes: they truly were chatting regular like.
decent manners. scary.
Greatteepo4615: how did you manage, beys?
Max The Obscure: That is just wrong
Beysshoes: po46 i had to leave.
Greatteepo4615: we can have a normal serious conversation
Greatteepo4615: ...about pie
Beysshoes: piepo ... you seem very sweet and kind.
why do you come here?
Beysshoes: por46 you're piepo now. cus you wanna talk
about pies.
CordialCactus: got that great...you have been deemed piepo



Waiting for Nagual:
LadyMtnMedic: appears to be Naggy
Beysshoes: its not true. i love nags.
Beysshoes: nags could never be this boring.



Uncareful Comments:

Niontron3: it is very hard to understand the politics
of another country from outside
Beysshoes: yes rono. very very true.
TommyGillooly: I can't imagine what would happen in Musharef
was taken out, if they'd be a quick surge of taliban and
al quada taking over
Beysshoes: we should not be there rono.
Beysshoes: yes tommy. i'm terrified.
LABK: Al queda didn't assasinate her; musarrif 's people did,
you fools
Hadachoke: I think Rono should be there....
Niontron3: tommy, your comment was uncareful...pakistan's
nuclear facilities are being guarded by FBI
TommyGillooly: charachi is twice the size of New York City
Niontron3: karachi...

[Mosieur P. was both chef and owner, never married,
probably only forty as I look back, with a pied-a-terre
above the kitchen. I learned quickly of his unwavering
preference for female helpmates, and too late that he
always liked the newest hire best.
He had a way of squeezing past us, never murmuring,
"Pardon" but placing both hands on shoulders or waists to
move us out of the way. Occaisionally he'd land a kiss on
the back of a head or neck, accompanied by a murmered
endearment. An expert at the phony embrace, he'd circle me
with his arms and lift me off the ground for no reason except
to celebrate the punctual arrival of the cheese purveyor or
the successful unmolding of a chocolate russe. At first I
thought, How warm, how enthusiastic, how well we get along.
He's French; the French act this way. They use their hands.
His are the caresses not of a Casanova but the normal
gestures of a European male.]


The Lost Profession:

DinosoreVagina: so I'm in no hurry to read Wicked now
Catpower777: Dino, I enjoyed the first half of the book
Catpower777: I think it needed editing
Catpower777: which, apparently, is a lost profession
DinosoreVagina: it could have ended half way?


Mr Exacto:

Max 314159265358: I may have been Max314159265358
for 9.5 years
DinosoreVagina: 9.5 not 9.8 or 8.4?


Warren Zevon:

Catpower777: Dino, I want to read the book about
Warren Zevon written by his ex-wife
LynBelle: who is Warren Zevon?
Catpower777: Lyn, he was a musician who died about
3 years ago


Keeper:

Billyray33: Eat Pray Love...I am a guy, and I loved that book
DinosoreVagina: Billy, that's your intro?
Billyray33: hell. Din, you have "sorevagina" in your screen
name...I'm doin' OK
CordialCactus: billy ray sounds interesting.. keep him here


Poet:

Billyray33: Again, I must weigh in here...choosing the words
"sorevagina" as part of your screen name....I'm guessing
someone has not had the baloney poney ridden into tuna town
recently
DinosoreVagina: you're a poet at heart Billy?


Bot?:

Dmadlucy2006: everyone look at my profile
Beysshoes: lucy, peeps in here are too lazy


Not Keepers:

EmpressZ21: why do you care why why why
Fleurdelochi: how do you know? how how how?
EmpressZ21: from what he said said said
Beysshoes: get out please
Fleurdelochi: ok, i was indulging in a blonde moment
EmpressZ21: are you calling me blonde missy?



Grosser Screen Name:

Beysshoes: hey what happed to madamehairymole
anyway???
DinosoreVagina: she plucked
Boulshevit: I think she changed her name to
smallanalfungus


No Offense:

LadyMtnMedic: nice to meet you Bill, I am lady,
welcome to the shelf
Billyray33: Lady, are you out there in cyber space
...to rescue me?
LadyMtnMedic: hmm?
Billyray33: you read that correctly....you are a Dr
....animal or man?
LadyMtnMedic: paramedic
Billyray33: people then
LadyMtnMedic: humans
Billyray33: I'm Bill, what is your name?
LadyMtnMedic: Billy, no, I just dont get very personal,
no offense


An Alta Cooker:

Harryshaw3178: go figure i thought Onion was in the
Victoria's secret catalog with Book
LeslieHapablap: i have never seen a fat furry man in
the victoria's secret catalog.
Beysshoes: actually onions a handsome middle aged man but
he's stoopid and poor
Fleurdelochi: stoopid? nah. eccentric, but not stoopid
Harryshaw3178: leslie onion has fooled you? She's a
nubile young nymphomaniac who lusts after old men
LeslieHapablap: harryshaw3178, patientonion3 is an alta cocker.


A Puffy Taco:

Billyray33: Sarah's profile is wildly contradictory
and interesting....probably Carrie.....is my guess
LeslieHapablap: sarah6553212,when was the last time you
had a puffy taco?
Billyray33: I love your profile page....so many
contradictions......we should really talk
LeslieHapablap: what happened?
Billyray33: Sarah is a sweetheart, probably too young for me
Boulshevit: She seems sane
Beysshoes: well, she's new here ... peeps will fix
dat right quick.
Billyray33: Sarah.....have you simnply jumped in your car
and are currently speeding to Palo Alto to be in my arms?
LadyMtnMedic: has Sarah even said a word tonight?
Beysshoes: why isn't sarah talking to us? we're at our
best here. i know lady.
Billyray33: she spoke with moi


Some Things Just Are Pink:

Rozari: where are these pink people coming from?
Rozari: they are annoying
CordialCactus: roz.. they are the bots of 2008
LadyMtnMedic: how come bots never come in blue?


Waiting Room:

Nomdujourxx: <<are well populated24/7
Billyray33: the shelf?
DinosoreVagina: wait, is this it?
Billyray33: ah, I get it
Beysshoes: lollllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
Billyray33: first time here
DinosoreVagina: they overflow Nom
LadyMtnMedic: Nom, wait, this is not a Mental room?
Nomdujourxx: This is where they go when they are off their meds
Beysshoes: this is the waiting room gina
DinosoreVagina: that could explain it


Sarah Wakes:

Sarah6553212: you called me a self centered brat
Sarah6553212: and i said
Sarah6553212: Hey i resemble that
Billyray33: Sarah, are you talking to me> I nevered
said any such thing....
Sarah6553212: because i wrote something "offensive" in
school, she thought i was a brat
CordialCactus: nah.. that's not why silly girl
DinosoreVagina: well we do respect offensiveness
Beysshoes: lordy sarah...that's sweet talk compared to some
other peeps.
Sarah6553212: then why
LadyMtnMedic: she is a pro-shopper
DinosoreVagina: or is it self centeredness


Bookslut's Porn:
BooksIut: I have a funny picture of a cactus that looks
like it has a penis.
Billyray33: dry and prickly?


We All Sound Like Someone:

BooksIut: I am melanin colored.
LadyMtnMedic: ok Books, you just sounded like someone else there...


Don't Push Me:
WhimsicalField: Well sometimes I am whimsical, but rarely on
command :)


BlueMonk as Neil Hamburger:

Neilhamburger912: vaginia
CordialCactus: you clicked the vagina?
Neilhamburger912: some questions, please
Sarah6553212: i like how celine comes up with 15 different
words for vagina so far in death on the installment plan
Billyray33: "clicked the vagina".....new BEST line of the night
Sarah6553212: "pearl"
Neilhamburger912: neil hamburger = 'america's funnyman'
BlackMediaJones: neil hamburger is like the worst standup comic ever.


Deductions:

DedLettr: I had a big penis once
DinosoreVagina: um
Beysshoes: what happed to it ded?
DinosoreVagina: dare I ask what happened?
FoodSIut: he gave it to the smithsonian
DedLettr: it broke
Beysshoes: wow ... was it worth it?
NonPrphet: Bobbit!
DinosoreVagina: I'd say ouch, but...
NonPrphet: SHE GOT YA
FoodSIut: a tax deduction
DinosoreVagina: how much can you write off for that?
NonPrphet: depends on the size
DinosoreVagina: hey, it's nearly tax time
DinosoreVagina: these things matter
DedLettr: its' always tax time, silly
DinosoreVagina: so, size matters then
NonPrphet: i always thought it was the wallet...
DinosoreVagina: that does make up for shortcomings


No Proust, Thank You:
BooksIut: If I make a lot of money, I will send you
all books for your birthdays.



Vanda's Obnoxious Little Sister:

Vanda52: sarai, why cant you post that yourself?
Beysshoes: i dont know how allan
Vanda52: oh jesus sarai, its very easy, im wondering,
why dont you ask your new boyfriend Nagual ?
Vanda52: ill do it but seriously you need to learn how
Beysshoes: "you hurt my feelings" allan


Things You Should Recall:

Beysshoes: the 'flying penis'
DinosoreVagina: I've never heard it called that before
DinosoreVagina: Ded has a flying penis?
DinosoreVagina: and he lends it out?
Beysshoes: well, it broke gina. you forgot
DinosoreVagina: I didn't recall the anti gravity affects beys
Beysshoes: that was from a deux posting ... i think it was ded.
DinosoreVagina: but I'll defer to you're expertise
Beysshoes: it may have been bly tho
DinosoreVagina: these are things you should recall beys


Beys Gets Decked:

DedLettr: WingedPenis would be a good s/n
DinosoreVagina: always thinking Ded
DedLettr: it's all I have left, Va
Beysshoes: ded da genitalia scholar
DedLettr: from your lips, to gods, Bey...


The United Kingdom of Alcohol:

WarHorseThor: tomorrow its on to irish whiskey, then
Saturday is single malt scotch night
WarHorseThor: its not cheap liquor
CordialCactus: lol thor... that's strikes me funny...
bringing the UK together
WarHorseThor: although I drink it as such
WarHorseThor: im like the jimmy carter of alcohol
DinosoreVagina: I'm not sure if that means successful
CordialCactus: jimmy carter is to_________ as you are to alcohol?
DinosoreVagina: habitat?
WarHorseThor: comes in a 750 ml bottle with a nice protective
sleeve
DinosoreVagina: in case you stumble when you're drunk?
WarHorseThor: no, its used to puke into
DedLettr: I like a protective sleeve myself once in a while
DinosoreVagina: so it's protecting others then


Neutralizing Yahoo Remarks?:

DedLettr: I am all over the place, seems to me
Beysshoes: does your wife have you on a behavioral program?
Beysshoes: you must work harder to neutralize the yahoo
remarks
DedLettr: Bey, I am trying to write less there
Beysshoes: cannot you de-escalate after the general election
tho ded?



The Pinko's Sucker:

Beysshoes: allan ... its what i began with you ... is there
any reason i should switch to someone else?
Vanda52: i see sarai. so im to remain the pinko's sucker?
Beysshoes: pinkos sucker? ya callin me a communist?
Vanda52: seems so
Vanda52: but I must go bathe
DedLettr: it was a referance to your aereola, BEys
Beysshoes: ded!
Beysshoes: omg
DedLettr: LOL. calm down now



Beysshoes and Phronise, Together Again:

Beysshoes: sorry clay. i don't take IMs from strangers
Phronsie: Try money
Phronsie: or an offer to let her critique something
Beysshoes: i dont like money phrons. unlike you.
Phronsie: right. Celebrating poverty
Phronsie: still the critique offer would probably be the way to go.



Right All Along:
ParaMyrrh: I am so happy Iraq is really becoming a success!
ParaMyrrh: Dubya was right all along