BookShelf - A Sunny, Happy Place


Orientating Snerts:

DarthXKitten: how are u all tonite!?!?
Ta21l: just ducky Darth
DarthXKitten: is ducky good!?!?


Author's Lounge Refugee:

BinxB91: So Darth, why book shelf???
DarthXKitten: causeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee all the other rooms
has creepy people binx
Creepy Loner: What's wrong with creepy people, eh?



Topping Penrod:

CordialCactus: In order to maintain air-speed velocity,
a swallow needs to beat its wings forty-three times every
second, right?
Gypsyjo47: Cactus a swallow doesn't beat its wings anywhere
near 43 times a second...a hummingbird maybe...swallow, no.
Penrod59: Do you swallow
CordialCactus: i chew first


Mood Killer:

Mendogrl: my date yesterday was pleasant until his car
was hit by a truck in the parking lot


Because TooHot Needs adventure:

Wobbetta: bidet do you see rachel at all
BlDET: no, she married a super creepy drug user gay guy
Wobbetta: druge user?
BlDET: and she has a baby now
BlDET: oh yes
Wobbetta: thats awful
BlDET: the week they got married he landed in jail
BlDET: wrecked the car
BlDET: had his stomach pumped


Your son's girl friend:

Wobbetta: my older son has a girlfriend and i simply
love her go figure
JaneH56: wobbs. great.
SCHELL37: That's good, Wobb. Imagine if you didn't.
Wobbetta: oh dear lord schell lol
SCHELL37: My oldest has been dating someone new, but I
haven't met her yet
Wobbetta: beleive it or not shes a lot like me
BinxB91: Wobbs, expect your son to dump her then
Wobbetta: lol binx
SCHELL37: Or else don't tell him you like her
Wobbetta: she is very outgoing just like me
Wobbetta: oh schell too late lol they been dating almost a year
JaneH56: ahh. smart boy, he dates someone like his mother.
Wobbetta: it is very difficult not to like her my mom adores her


Handling Husbands:

SCHELL37: Just today I bought a yellow leather loveseat
from someone on Craig's list for $25.00
SCHELL37: Keith hates it....but, I told him that if he didn't
like it, he could take me to a furniture store, and buy me a
brand new one. Suddenly, he hated it less
BlDET: put some pillows on it, and he'll get used to it


The Color of Dirt:

BlDET: that's pretty, schell
SCHELL37: I love it.
BlDET: and most importantly, you'll never have to mop it
SCHELL37: I know.
BlDET: because who would know
SCHELL37: It's the color of dirt


If She Doesn't Type, Don't Take It Personally:

Wobbetta: this RA is really getting to me damnnnnnnnn
Wobbetta: im going to take ahot bath inhopes that my
joints will feel better
Wobbetta: nite all nice seeing everyone



Can One be Sued For Food Stamps?:

PatientOnion3: I am looking at saul's bikini pics
Catpower777: thong?
SaWeb22: what
PatientOnion3: he's wearing a buttercup thong
Catpower777: nice
SaWeb22: prove it or you WILL BE SUE FOR LIBEL/SLANDER


Or when he Got Bigger:

Ragamuffingirl35: he went and applied for a job looking
like a homeless person today
Ragamuffingirl35: i should have beat him more when he
was little


Ride Him All the Way to the Bank:

Vanda52: people like you shouldnt ride bey
Beysshoes: STFU allan. i was only 8 yrs old
KimberlysCabin2: i wanna ride you vanda
PatientOnion3: vanda, kimberly wants to ride your bank account
KimberlysCabin2: onion not if yours has more


I Love Bats:

Vanda52: i love bats
CordialCactus: i dont mind if they want to hang out
near my house, allan... i just object when the bats start
reading over my shoulder

The Next Day (pass the biscuits):

CordialCactus: i caught a bat tonight
Ta21l: you did?
Ta21l: what'd you do with it?
CordialCactus: i did.... with a butterfly net... released it
BinxB91: a bat?? was it reading over your shoulder?
Ta21l: good job!!
CordialCactus: greeted us at the door when we come home
from camp
Ta21l: yuck
CordialCactus: swoopy little suckers
CordialCactus: heck, opening biscuits makes me scream
.... this was quite an accomplishment
BinxB91: opening biscuits?? what's scary about that?
CordialCactus: when you unpeel the tube... you know?
CordialCactus: you cant tell me that the "POP" doesnt
make you jump just a little
Ta21l: makes me close my eyes everytime


An Uncontrolled Study:

KimberlysCabin2: study came out today that smoking pot
long term causes psychosis
ShhJm: people who smoke pot are idiots to begin with so
how do they know for sure?

A Bit Later:

KimberlysCabin2: man i had a good thought and forgot it



Catti enters - Duck!:

CattiGuen: gaaahhhhh.......some recommend a very crazy book


I need a book:

Max 314159265358: I need a book
CordialCactus: max, what genre?
Creepy Loner: [flops back down w/ coffee]
Ta21l: wb Creepy
Creepy Loner: Thank you.
Creepy Loner: Are we all waiting on MAX?/
Nonny0201: i think he went to look up the word genre


Memorable KatyTried Columns:

Creepy Loner: I know that there's a phenomonem called
"Google Lacking" which actually points out those rare
cases when Google can't crap back at least one result...


P.S. Your Cat is Dead:

Creepy Loner: Argh! I got kicked off, mangled my toe,
have forgotten in the past 20 minutes how to spell...
Creepy Loner: [weeps]
Creepy Loner: Help!
CordialCactus: and your font is wrong


About Last Night:

Max 314159265358: I remember the nights some Shelfers
would come in drunker than a Skunk


Not a contradiction in terms?:

CordialCactus: just came in from a marital date
Ta21l: marital date?
Ta21l: that's a great idea
CordialCactus: you know.. the time squeezed in between
getting the kids ready for a babysitter and taking her home
Ta21l: lol...I don't have that problem...my kids just
end up spending the night with someone


What's Your Sign?:

BinxB91: Do mothers sometimes induce premature labor to
change the zodiac sign of their children?
Creepy Loner: Probably...
Creepy Loner: Sounds like some weird crap they'd do.
Creepy Loner: They would need another excuse, I'm sure.
CordialCactus: binx... i think maybe the motivation may be
to just get the whole thing over with
Catpower777: well, if doctors can do it to accomodate their
schedules...
CordialCactus: at 9 months you are ready!


He meant interREAD:

Max 314159265358: Shelfers shouldn't interbreed


I'm Done:

Creepy Loner: <---29
BinxB91: 29!!!!!!!!!!! and you've already dropped out!
Creepy Loner: Yep.
Creepy Loner: I'm done!
Jam7604801: 32
Max 314159265358: 29?! you're a bit behind
BinxB91: I thought at 29 a woman is still looking forward
to her sexual peak
Jam7604801: has had sex since i was divorced in 95
Ta21l: no...at 33 she gets ready for it
Jam7604801: hasn't
Creepy Loner: I'll just touch myself more often, Binx...
that'll be my peak.
Max 314159265358: 27 is when women should know where they're goin
Creepy Loner: Heh.
Ta21l: why is that Max...guys don't so, why should women?
BinxB91: touch yourself??? And what will you think about
while you touch yourself?
Ta21l: me of course Binx :-D
Max 314159265358: that's when all the friends are being married off
Creepy Loner: So, "where women are going" is to an altar?
Jam7604801: i bet she thinks about bald headed britney binx
Max 314159265358: I touch myself every morning


What's in a Name:

Creepy Loner: Hang on...I'm being bothered by a drunk ex-con
Ta21l: I wasn't bothering her...
Creepy Loner: No, no...it's not a shelfer. It's this poor
bozo that keeps talking about his dreams of being a recognized
conspiracy theorist between boiler-makers.
Creepy Loner: I don't know how this idiot got attached to me.
Ta21l: it must be the name...lol
BinxB91: Creepy, where do you meet these people?
PrettyLush702: weird
Max 314159265358: must be confused with Creepy Boner


Get Off:

Godwit935: I got the hiccups once while hitchhiking and
the queer driver said he knew a way to cure it. I told
him I was getting off just up ahead, right here.
Jam7604801: getting off ha


Thought it Was a Cat:

ShhJm: I accidently ate a puppy in Korea



On Menstruation and Midgets:

ShhJm: allie, creepy is about to menstruate
ShhJm: anything that bleeds for a week and doesnt
die cant be trusted
Creepy Loner: Yes...I'm crying here and there, eating
chocolate, and am kind of horny although completely obnoxious.
Creepy Loner: Terrible mood.
BinxB91: It would be more interesting if BLT were about
to menstruate
AforAllie: I thought only men could be creepy loners
Creepy Loner: You thought wrong.
BinxB91: horny though completely obnoxious??? Now that's
a contradiction
Creepy Loner: It is to a degree, Binx...I'm not able to
reel anyone in for sex...I'd just as soon punch 'em.
ShhJm: but I think I am in love with her
AforAllie: well, that's nice, blt
AforAllie: maybe you should meet her
Creepy Loner: [raised brow]
ShhJm: im not lookin for ms right, I am looking for ms right now
Jam7604801: creepy needs a midget that way when she swings
she will miss hitting him
Ta21l: why should she have to miss?
Creepy Loner: Actually...someone once dumped me for a
same-sex midget.
Creepy Loner: I'm not kidding.
ShhJm: and I am a menstrual vampire, I love that
AforAllie: there was this midget guy back in New Zealand
AforAllie: this woman left her normal-sized husband and
kids for the midget
AforAllie: then the midget eventually dumped her
AforAllie: it was weird
AforAllie: you would think he would've been grateful
AforAllie: but he was a playa
ShhJm: when you get dumped by a midget, its time to do some
soul searching
Ta21l: it takes all kinds Allie
Creepy Loner: Yeah...the guy I was dating was 8 years my
senior and bisexual...guess the midget wasn't such a shock,
now that I think about it.
Jam7604801: sounds like the movie me myself and irene, allie



Menagerie de Troix:

Creepy Loner: Actually, JG wouldn't be a bad comparison
for me...I'm just taller...
Creepy Loner: Same kind of tone, though.
BinxB91: JG has a lovely lower lip
Ta21l: ^$#%$ cat...brb
BinxB91: taller? how tall?
Creepy Loner: Depending on the tape by the convenience
store door...6'0" - 6'2"...
BinxB91: wow
Creepy Loner: Yep.
Creepy Loner: I'm a moose.
BinxB91: I'm taller than that though
BinxB91: I'm a giraffe


At Least It Gets You Get Clean:

Creepy Loner: I never did get into the whole
"screw in the shower" thing...it was just uncomfortable...
Creepy Loner: Give me a bed...or at least a floor.
Ta21l: I agree Creepy...foreplay in the shower is good
ExShelfer: agreed creepy


Three Dear Abby's, No Waiting:

Londoj: ok, since there is a fair amount of female
perspective and dorkiness. can ask your angle on something?
CordialCactus: shoot
Ta21l: ask away Lon
Londoj: this is in regard to my undecided ex-girlfriend . . .
Creepy Loner: Undecided ex?
CordialCactus: type faster
Ta21l: you're still dealing with her? what about the new one?
ExShelfer: this is taking too long
ExShelfer: goodnight
Londoj: that other one i was just hanging out with and
i can't fool myself. i'm in love w/ this one
BinxB91: so what's the question?
CordialCactus: get to the meat
Londoj: anyway . . .sad , i know
Londoj: anyway she still has never really broken it off
however it's not continuing either. I told her
Creepy Loner: Sounds like my best friend / ex, Lon...
just let it go.
Londoj: that look , this ridulous, i'll get my stuff
from your place and you won't have to see me anymore
Londoj: anyway, now she says she wants to stay in touch
and is all warmth


No Waves:

Penrod59: Allie, there are no waves on the equator
because gravity and wind are balanced along the 0 degree
line.
AforAllie: oh, interesting, I didn't know that
AforAllie: I guess that's the doldrums, right ?
Penrod59: No, Allie; this is the doldrums.


While Blu Was Sleeping:

Nonny0201: i gotta go to bed, but you guys are the
friendliest chat room i've been in

THE KILLER B'S


Aren't We All?

Beysshoes: binx...can you remember the word i want?
BinxB91: no ... not even on the tip of my tongue
Beysshoes: drats!
BinxB91: Divining Rod????????????
Beysshoes: omgggggggggggggg you tease!
Beysshoes: YESYESYES
BinxB91: Beys is always on the verge of orgasm apparently
Ta21l: Binx, aren't we all?



A Different Kind of Tar Baby:

BinxB91: It seems FOX is ready to grant Beysshoes and
NAGS their own TV show
Beysshoes: lolol binx. what a sorry assery i've become.
Beysshoes: binx, he started getting abusive so i left
BinxB91: Beysshoes, it's fighting with the tar baby
Beysshoes: i thought tar babies were silent binx?


Name-Calling or Word-Giving?

Beysshoes: (allan i love that word you gave me)
Vanda52: punk?


NAGS is Coming Back?:

Beysshoes: ta did you know nags is back?
soon fezz will be back as well yes?
Ta21l: I missed Nags glorious comeback....
Beysshoes: give me money and i'll take you to him ta.
Ta21l: wait...isn't that one of the signs of the Apocolypse?



Not NAGS, but even better:


(Binx, please post this as soon as possible,
thanks , allan)


Vanda52: your back on AOL?
BIDET LIVES: no, not back on aol
Vanda52: hmmm, then how are you iming me?
BIDET LIVES: through AIM
Vanda52: ah ok
BIDET LIVES: i don't really know how it works, though
BIDET LIVES: how've you been?
Vanda52: im ok
BIDET LIVES: get this
Vanda52: ok, good
BIDET LIVES: i was in the grocery store this
afternoon with the kids
BIDET LIVES: and this little old lady was watching
me talk with gord
BIDET LIVES: and discipline nora when she smacked stella
Vanda52: and she left you her fortune?
BIDET LIVES: while i tried to shop
BIDET LIVES: how'd you know?
Vanda52: ah
Vanda52: im smart
BIDET LIVES: she sure did
Vanda52: i thought you knew that
BIDET LIVES: not all of it
BIDET LIVES: but she came up to me a few aisles over
and was making small talk about the kids, telling me
she remembered when hers were that young and her
husband had to work so hard and it was nearly impossible
to make ends meet
Vanda52: i think you can get in the quiz room im in with aim
Vanda52: and
BIDET LIVES: and then she put 6 one hundred dollar bills
in my hand
Vanda52: wow
BIDET LIVES: she told me the bible told her that she had
too much and needed to share it with others
Vanda52: thats impressive
BIDET LIVES: i know!
Vanda52: fuuny too
BIDET LIVES: it's because i'm a good person
BIDET LIVES: she sensed it
Vanda52: maybe
BIDET LIVES: i thought she might be crazy
Vanda52: so what
BIDET LIVES: i was actually checking her cart for loads of cat food
Vanda52: crazys fine
BIDET LIVES: to make sure she wasn't senile and just giving
out money she couldn't afford to lose
Vanda52: ah
BIDET LIVES: but she was wearing very expensive clothes
BIDET LIVES: and we were shopping in a ratty store in a depressed
area of town, just because we were over there for something else
Vanda52: she had money, its no big deal, i used to give
topless dancers hundred dollar bills years ago
BIDET LIVES: ha ha
Vanda52: haha
BIDET LIVES: i wasn't topless
Vanda52: i know, i know, just pointing it out
Vanda52: you want me to put this im in the site
BIDET LIVES: i have been working on a new mural at the
school, though
BIDET LIVES: and i wonder if she recognized me from being
up there - it's next to the church
Vanda52: better if you po there
BIDET LIVES: i wonder if she is someone from the church
BIDET LIVES: you can put it there
Vanda52: ok
BIDET LIVES: they seem to handle news about me better
when it comes from another source
BIDET LIVES: and i'm too busy spending my money
Vanda52: maybe
BIDET LIVES: i'm going to get me a new purse and some nails
Vanda52: hmm,ok
BIDET LIVES: that's what i told david
Vanda52: well that was a nice surprize
BIDET LIVES: i'm actually putting it toward nora's tuition.
nothin fun
Vanda52: hmmm
BIDET LIVES: how's your mutt?
Vanda52: hes fine, hes right here, hes big and stuppid
Vanda52: as is my cat, shes old and stupid
Vanda52: ok, im going
Vanda52: ims annoy me
BIDET LIVES: okay
Vanda52: bye
BIDET LIVES: i'll send a picture of stella's chickens
BIDET LIVES: she has 5 now
Vanda52: ok
BIDET LIVES: later gator
Vanda52: good deal

PB&J - Penrod, (insert favorite B), JaggedLittlePill


At Last the Shelf is Legitimate:
ParaMyrrh: Allan is Honorary "Father of the Shelf"


I'm Sure I Think:
Niontron3: see...this is what I was talking
about PEOPLE DO NOT HAVE OPEN MINDS
Niontron3: I might be wrong..



50 Million Buying Books They Don't Like:

Niontron3: people don't really like HP books
LegendaireLestat: Harry will drop a house on Voldemort
Niontron3: people only read it because it is famous..
LegendaireLestat: Then Harry will prance off in his ruby slippers
Niontron3: no one enjoys HP books
Niontron3: I don't see the "magic"



Who's Donna?:

Jhd730: Rono is our Fez from that 70's show
Jhd730: doesn't quite now the culture..wants sex
and is funny in his own misguided way
AforAllie: no, blt is our Hyde



Her Name is Helen:

Ta21l: my washer is being a bitch today
Ta21l: she's tripped my curcuit breaker twice
today...I think she's off balance
Raconteurerudite: your washer is a she?
Ta21l: yes, her name is Helen


Book Chat:

Prospect26: The number 1 paperback in the Boston Globe
is The Emperor's Children...Hardcover is A Thousand
Splendid Suns



Needed Someone to Talk With?:
Forkrereredux: fork once cut out a picture from a magazine
Forkrereredux: and cut a hole where the girl's mouth is



People Not Like Us:

PatientOnion3: Everytime i go into a gay apartment
in San Francisco, it always reminds of a Greyhound restroom.
ParaMyrrh: yes the decor is similar
PatientOnion3: that sexy disinfectant aroma, and in the
bathroom there is always some hole drilled in the wall just
below waist level for some reason. maybe to pass secret
messages out of range of the FBI?



He's Not That Easy:

Beysshoes: my fave pipples! blu, bunion and
someone i dunt know!
DForkGrad: i decided to drop by and say hi
PatientOnion3: fork, what r u wearing?
DForkGrad: clothing
Beysshoes: is forkgrad forkredux?
PatientOnion3: no
Beysshoes: hey grad
DForkGrad: hey
Beysshoes: so whatcha wearing?
DForkGrad: clothes
Beysshoes: wow...major trust issues i see



4% of the Nation is Unemployed;

PatientOnion3: i am wearing an AL SHARPTON t-shirt,
Al ain't no sell-out uncle tom house slave
PatientOnion3: al will bitch slap osama back to hell
atientOnion3: then go to crawford and make bush cook him some ribs
PatientOnion3: b4 he locks him up with cheney in gitmo
PatientOnion3: then they gonna make bush/cheney wear bush's
momma's panties on their heads



What Onion Really Wanted to Say:

Vanda52: i see cheney will hold the codes for the bomb soon
Vanda52: as bush has a colonoscomy
EmmaBookshelf: that's scary Sparks
JaneH56: allan. that is chilling.
Vanda52: haha , i thought so too emma
TRBfrom NC: allan, that won't help
TRBfrom NC: allan, maybe they will find his head up there




In the End We All Sleep Alone:

Nomdujourxx: My wife has been married for 41 years as of Jul 9
Dennybegood: Nom..congrates..
EmpressEspresso: I've been married for nearly 8 years
PatientOnion3: 8 years to the same person?
EmpressEspresso: yes
Catpower777: shocking, isn't it Onion?
Nomdujourxx: just a rookie
PatientOnion3: they probably sleep in separate beds
PatientOnion3: like ozzie & harriet
Catpower777: Lucy and Ricki
Dennybegood: John wayne and dennis hopper?
Nomdujourxx: Dagwood & Blondie sleep in the same bed,
for as long as I can remember
Vanda52: i sleep with sparky


What Becomes a Legend Most:
Forkrereredux: baby, sing with fork somehow . . .
LadyMtnMedic: ugh, brb


The Homeless Ranter:

PatientOnion3: i want vietnam, commies were sexy
PatientOnion3: you wish that iraq were as sexy as vietnam
PatientOnion3: iraq is a bore
PatientOnion3: vietnam was hot
PatientOnion3: oh let them have the stupid war, as long as
they don't start a draft
PatientOnion3: they just want to redistribute the wealth
from the middle class to the military industrial complex
PatientOnion3: no big deal
PatientOnion3: Reagan defeated the commies and replaced
them with radical islam, america can thank reagan for 911
PatientOnion3: a case of nuts
PatientOnion3: a barrel of monkeys
PatientOnion3: surprised bush didn't invade saudi arabia,
most of the terrorists are saudis, ooops i forgot,
bush/cheney are whores of the saudi royal family.


Oh Look!! Shelfers Drawing A Line!!:

TRBfrom NC: but do we desrve YOU, onion? not so clear
CCM5556: PO, you need to sit down. Take a deep breath.
I hate war. It was just a war I had to go to. Sorry if
that upsets you.
Gypsyjo47: PO you don't have to confirm your stupidity,
we all know it.
Beysshoes: onion, you need to refine your diction.
Phronsie: Onion, that is getting old
Phronsie: even if you're play-ranting
Vanda52: phrones right pat, i dont even read what you say
Vanda52: stop it pat, ill have you know im probably one
of the most liberal persons in here
Vanda52: i just dont throw it in peoples faces
Gypsyjo47: PO anything you do is mindless
Beysshoes: homer. go cook something pls



The ILOVE School of Who Was Really in Nam:

Gypsyjo47: mkvk what unit were you with?
rnkvk: THIRD BATTALION SEVENTH MARINES...CHULAI, DANANG
Gypsyjo47: mkvk where were you? What was your TAOR?
rnkvk: CHULAI, DANANG, DONG HA, CUA VIET...
GOT HIT JAN 20, 1968
Gypsyjo47: Ted he is a fraud...I know that area and
chulai was not on the beach, it is 20 miles inland...
he is a fraud
Gypsyjo47: Yes I was in Recon
Gypsyjo47: I know exactly where 1st recon was located
and it wasn't chu lai
PatientOnion3: i was in the 69th recon, we went into all
the massage parlors in Hue.
Gypsyjo47: shut up PO there is no such unit


You Misjudge Us:
JaggedMetalPill: what fighting? this is foreplay



Foreplay?:

Bludahlias: Whore shoes?
Beysshoes: i'm sarai blu you phat asseries



You Never Make ME Piss My Pants:

Penrod59: you can download clips of her quotes
Penrod59: I sent one to my friend Kerry and she
pissed her pants
JaggedMetalPill: you never send me clips
Penrod59: you never send me copies of my grandfather's
birth record.
CordialCactus: you dont send me cli-ips, you used to
send me clips (singing)
CordialCactus: <>twas funnier in my head..



I Love the Pause:

Penrod59: my favorite is when she gets to grandma's house
and observes the big bad wolf in grandma's night clothes
and says, in an obnoxious loud Bronx screech, "Hey Grandma.
That's an awfully big nose for you. To Have."
Penrod59: I love the pause between "you" and "to have"



More Foreplay:

JaggedMetalPill: that might have been funny if you
hadn't fucked up the spelling
JaggedMetalPill: but actually, that probably wouldn't
have helped
Penrod59: I just reported Jagged for vulgar language
Penrod59: that fuckin cunt


My Ecounter With Fame;
Vanda52: theres a rumor EdBear601 has died
Vanda52: nice guy
Vanda52: i won a 100 bucks off him on the bush
election and he paid me
Penrod59: I voted for Bushes four times
Penrod59: and no shit, this really happened
Penrod59: Lorena and I were flying back from Houston after
visiting her family
Penrod59: we flew continental
Penrod59: the boarding was delayed...
Penrod59: we get on the plane and in the first seats front
row in first classs at a coule
Penrod59: Lorena whispers to me, "That looks like George Bush"
Penrod59: It was the elder
Penrod59: he flew to Houston to attend ken Lay's funeral and
flew back home on our flight
Penrod59: I said to Lorena, "You're right."
Penrod59: Then I said to George, "I voted for you. Twice."
JaggedMetalPill: suck up
Penrod59: He said "Why thank you, sir."
Penrod59: and he shook my hand
Penrod59: BVarbara never looked up from reading somethijng
Vanda52: that was nice
JaggedMetalPill: that made me vomit into my mouth a little


The Enchanter:

JaggedMetalPill: I got on line to do some work
Penrod59: you must be exhausted by now
JaggedMetalPill: but Penrod beguiled me with his Penrodness


The Penrod Regatta:

Penrod59: and I don't care what anybody says, the Ganges
is polluted
JaggedMetalPill: only if you call dog corpses pollution
Penrod59: I lost my kayak paddle last week on the Ganges
so I tore the arm off a dead body floating by
Penrod59: luckily the guy had big hands, and therefore,
I had a nice big paddle


Who Hasn't?:

Penrod59: Any of you guys do this? Take a dump in the
washing machine and run it through a cycle?
Penrod59: Just for fun?
Penrod59: Huh?
JaggedMetalPill: doesn't everyone?
Bcalera5: only in the laundramat


Now I Don't Have to Read It:

Penrod59: this guy had boxes and boxes of magazines
and comic books
Penrod59: in his cellar
BinxB91: about cellars --- I remember Studs Terkel's book
about a meter reader who entered a house led by a 4-year old
to where the meter was in the cellar and to where his mother
was doing laundry in the nude.
Penrod59: Now I don't have to read it
JaggedMetalPill: there are no meter readers anymore
BinxB91: I guess it was hot
Penrod59: Studs is a commie anyway
Bcalera5: ran outta clothes i guess


Pets:

Penrod59: L'chai, Kikette
Penrod59: Kikette's a pretty good name for a pet,
especially a pet Proboscus monkey
JaggedMetalPill: L'chaim, goyische schmendrick
Penrod59: A FEmale pet proboscus monkey. A cheap one.
Penrod59: It's almost like Coquette, Irma LaDouce's pet poodle
JaggedMetalPill: I have a cheap pet for you
Penrod59: Keep your beaver to yourself


Cheese Steak Hoagies:

JaggedMetalPill: you played tic-tac-toe on me with a Sharpie
JaggedMetalPill: those were the days
JaggedMetalPill: I can't open my mouth due to the scar tissue
JaggedMetalPill: I puree all my food and drink it through a straw
Penrod59: I thought you got into knife fights
Penrod59: the knife fights made sense to me, given your face
Penrod59: why not just buy baby food?
JaggedMetalPill: too expensive, Pen
JaggedMetalPill: besides they don't have pureed cheese
steak hoagies



Penrod Again:

Penrod59: I'll bet everyone has done this: my friends and
I used to open jars of Gerber in grocery stores and put a
hit of LSD into some of them.
Penrod59: Everyone has done that, right?
Penrod59: Right?
JaggedMetalPill: no, I always used rat poison


Would You Like to Be?:
AforAllie: I've never been stalked


ET:lol:
AforAllie: it would be cool if an ET was chatting in this room


I Am Embarressed for You:

Forkrereredux: you mus not know 'bout me. you mus not know
bout me
Forkrereredux: i have another you in a minute
Forkrereredux: matta fact
Forkrereredux: he'll be here in a minute
Jhd730: oh forky...you must be depressed..singing Beyonce songs
..I am embarassed for you


Working Girl:

AforAllie: I am having a terrible time at work
AforAllie: well, they don't want us to help the customers
AforAllie: and it makes me feel bad
ParaMyrrh: no room for idealism in retail


How Chics Are:
CordialCactus: i was just brushing up on Nietzsche...
you know how we chics are


More Stuff I Didn't Know:
ParaMyrrh: Chics dig existential christians



Leslie Interacting With KaL and Fork:

LeslieHapablap: NO YUCKY CHAT ALLOWED!
ParaMyrrh: sorry Miss Pink



Noted:
Forkrereredux: when mr. fork says, "i love you,"
he hardly ever means it


BLT self-destructing:

BinxB91: Welcome, Bold Lips
Rz0rBldeLips: S'posed to be RazorBladeLips.
ShhJm: lips, you better say something interesting
unless you my 44 year old looking like jack palance
ass to ignore you
Jhd730: isn't Jack Palance dead?
Jhd730: and even alive you look nothing like him
ShhJm: my point exactly
Jhd730: maybe Jack Black..but Palance..no
ShhJm: ouch
ShhJm: jack mehoff
Jhd730: I adore Jack Black..and I picture you with
all quirky jerky movements
ParaMyrrh: Jo like Tom Arnold?
Jhd730: you can just look at Tom Arnold and know he
likes dirty sex
ParaMyrrh: Jo he had sex with Roseanne Barr Q.E.D.

RONO and Other Critters

RONO - Straight Line Delivery Boy:

Niontron3: I LIED on my resume..
Creepy Loner: Uh oh. Did you indicate that you have
a functioning cerebral cortex?


Cow Chat:

LeslieHapablap: mr. hapablap speaks fluent french.
BinxB91: How did he learn French?
DAISYTRAIL: I think men sound so sexy speaking French.
LeslieHapablap: first school french & then travels.
LeslieHapablap: mr. hapablap is bright.
BinxB91: he better be bright with such a goofy name
LeslieHapablap: mr. hapablap went to stanford.
BinxB91: where did you go?
LeslieHapablap: nebraska.
LeslieHapablap: go big red!
BinxB91: gee ... how long have you been married?
LeslieHapablap: 4 years.
Ragamuffingirl35: leslie is a cornhusker?
LeslieHapablap: although, we went to junior high & high
school together.
LeslieHapablap: see, we "dated" in junior high but mr.
hapablap dumped me for being prude.
DAISYTRAIL: hmmm
LeslieHapablap: then after college we ran into one another.
LeslieHapablap: and he decided to buy the cow.
BinxB91: I think Mr Hapablap is bright too. He knows
enough to stay out of chat rooms
LeslieHapablap: since i was not giving the milk for free.
DAISYTRAIL: Well, cows are a necessity in Nebraska, I guess.
LeslieHapablap: we live in santa monica.
BinxB91: Leslie, awful metaphor


Cow Chat II

Lydiaparn8: I was Lydia88888 many years ago.
Lydiaparn8: then I moved from Florida and married my
Jersey guy and changed my name.
DAISYTRAIL: Jersey? That's a type of cow too.
Lydiaparn8: It is, Daisy. I recently saw them when we
were driving home from Indiana.


Cow Chat III

KubrickianHitch: pity about BRANDO squandering away his
talent for the last 2 or 3 decades of his life, he could
have made and acted in a lot of movies during that time
BinxB91: Post-Godfather. Was there much?
AttitudeF0rEvEr6: they dont have alot of roles for manatees
DAISYTRAIL: hahaha Att
BinxB91: what's a manatee?
LeslieHapablap: binxb91, most women on aol.
Phronsie: Binx, some say , a siren
BinxB91: OK, I'll research this
KubrickianHitch: not really, just APOCAPYSE NOW, THE FRESHMAN,
ISLAND OF DR. MOREAU, DON JUAN DEMARCO, and THE SCORE
BinxB91: a siren??? like Rita Hayworth?
DAISYTRAIL: It's a big clumsy seal-like sea creature, Binx.
BinxB91: Don Juan Demarco was fun
Phronsie: no, like a Circe type Siren
KubrickianHitch: RITA HAYWORTH was very pretty
Phronsie: A siren of Ulysses
AttitudeF0rEvEr6: everyone knows what a manatee is
LeslieHapablap: a manatee is a water cow.
DAISYTRAIL: Cows again.


So It Was Cartoon Turkey?:

Raconteurerudite: cause the thing to the right of the chat
gave me a gun and a bunch of turkeys running by, so i shot
one
Godwit935: Oh okay, Racon. That sounds like poaching.
Raconteurerudite: well i didn't eat it
Godwit935: What'd you just throw it away, Racon?
Raconteurerudite: no, it disappeared
Godwit935: You wounded a turkey, Racon?
Raconteurerudite: now there are a bunch of cars there in
place of the turkey
Raconteurerudite: i think i more than wounded it
Raconteurerudite: but it was quite silent about the whole thing
Godwit935: I don't believe you, Racon.
Raconteurerudite: why not?
Raconteurerudite: i should have taken a screenshot
Godwit935: It has the ring of untruth, Racon.
Raconteurerudite: turkeys don't wear rings
Godwit935: Racon, was it a tom turkey or a hen?
Ta21l: Godwit...let me explain it to you
Raconteurerudite: i think it was a tom
Godwit935: Racon, why do you think that?
Ta21l: under the names of the people in the chat is a box of ads
Raconteurerudite: it was running too fast to tell
Ta21l: one of them is for PCH...shoot the turkey and enter to win
Godwit935: It's bs, Racon
Raconteurerudite: i didn't enter to win
Raconteurerudite: i just shot the turkey
Jam7604801: it says no turkeys are harmed in the making of this ad
Ta21l: well, that's what it says anyways
Godwit935: So it was a cartoon turkey.


"i knew beys would tell everyone":

Ta21l: so, how's the wrist and back?
Ta21l: heard you got hurt at work
Raconteurerudite: got me home early today
Raconteurerudite: ah i knew bey would tell everyone
Ta21l: lol...oh yeah
Raconteurerudite: getting me to the doctor's tomorrow
Ta21l: said you hurt them lifting boxes...I had my
own theory
Raconteurerudite: and might get me a lawsuit >.>
Ta21l: lawsuit, huh....big bucks, no whammies STOP!
Raconteurerudite: but there goes my dream of being a
kung fu master with a minor in boxing
Ta21l: the road of recovery maybe long, but we'll get
you back into fighting shape
Raconteurerudite: they were paying me 15$/hr to sit
in a chair today
Ta21l: it's a hard thing to give up
Raconteurerudite: eh, it hurt to much to stay
Ta21l: yeah, you don't appreciate your back till you
hurt it
Raconteurerudite: yea, it sucks
Raconteurerudite: now i can't go on cruises like i used to
Ta21l: could be worse
Raconteurerudite: yea
Raconteurerudite: i could be missing my foot
Ta21l: or a hand
Raconteurerudite: like two people who worked there are
Ta21l: are you serious?
Raconteurerudite: yea
Ta21l: someone get OSHA on the phone
Raconteurerudite: they had their foot ran over by a forklift
Raconteurerudite: they did
Ta21l: sick sick world
Raconteurerudite: yar
Raconteurerudite: if i really wanted to go get hurt i could
stand under one of the falling pallets on the conventional
racks for 12hrs
BobbyBell55: hi
Ta21l: falling pallets....seriously, has anyone died there yet?
Raconteurerudite: not yet
Ta21l: nothig much Bobby...
Raconteurerudite: some one got KO'd by a teir rack though
Ta21l: unreal


The Jungle Book:

Niontron3: in my jungle I also have a yacht...some deers
Niontron3: rabbits
Niontron3: horses...
Ta21l: rabbits...in the jungle
Niontron3: I want to live very close to nature..
Niontron3: far away from the cities..
Jam7604801: a yacht in a jungle?
Niontron3: in the lake...


Why is This Woman Laughing?:
CordialCactus: i dont know.. male genetalia.. while useful..
is pretty humorous


One Little Detail:

PatientOnion3: Neraiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
PatientOnion3: Nerai is the daughter of beysshoes
Nerai 08: good evening
PatientOnion3: hi nerai
Ta21l: hi Nerai
Nerai 08: though im not aware of the reference
BinxB91: Nerai, where do you live??
PatientOnion3: we were waiting for you to get here,
now we can talk about literature
Nerai 08: well thank the heavens i showed up when i did
Nerai 08: Albuquerque, NM
BinxB91: Nerai, Beysshoes is a regular
PatientOnion3: bey lives in NM too
Nerai 08: ah, afraid im not her daughter then
Nerai 08: the penis sort of negates that


Try "Dissecting":

CordialCactus: i was perusing Katy Tried
CordialCactus: you know.. now that i've said it out loud..
perusing just doesnt sound right



Dating a Mortician:

Ta21l: I had a guy once that wanted me to lay there,
perfectly still, and not make a sound while we has sex.


Niontron's Jungle Girl:

Niontron3: I happen to like librarians...one day I stole a
book from the queens libray
Niontron3: so I ripped the cover that had the sticker that
can be detected
Niontron3: but I didn't know there was another one inside it
Niontron3: so the thing started to blare
PatientOnion3: and you snuck in the airport with your fatwah?
Niontron3: and the librarian came to me...she knew I stole the book
Scarletprynne33: It's sacriligious to steal a book from the library.
Londoj: we send guido and knuckles after you for that nion
Niontron3: but she went like "Oh, that is from another library"?
PatientOnion3: it was a harry potter book he wanted to burn
Niontron3: "you can go"
Niontron3: she saw the look on my face
Niontron3: and I was so scared
Niontron3: since then I thought "I have to marry a librarian'



Rono's Sister Not Getting Any:

Niontron3: I advice anyone to NOT TO read HP books
Niontron3: My sister asked me to buy her the latest
HP books, I said "NO"...


Ex-wife Moving On ... and Outward:

Londoj: my ex-wife wants to move to NM with a guy she has
known for less than a month. they are both involved in a
org. whose leader talks about a galactic confederation
Londoj: and likes to make himself out to be a messiah
Ta21l: and they do the same thing every night...try to take
over the world!!!



Right Next to the Guns:

Catpower777: I have a confession
Catpower777: it's been weighing on my soul
Catpower777: I shopped at Walmart yesterday
PatientOnion3: walmart sells sex toys?


Not Pedestrian:

Vanda52: hey, she started it, i just picked up on it
Vanda52: no big deal
Catpower777: that's what all the peds say, Allan


Onion The Controller:

Catpower777: Onion frequently makes me spit coffee onto
my computer


The Weekly Blu:

Bludahlias: i may steal her boyfriend, the mothers
Bludahlias: that would seal the deal
Vanda52: hes cute?
Bludahlias: no
Bludahlias: fucking him over her head
Bludahlias: but thats how much i hate her


I Need Big Butts:

Niontron3: I don't like skinny girls
Niontron3: I need big butts
Niontron3: big boobs
Niontron3: I only loved one person in my whole life...
she my first and she is my last...I will not love anyone else
Niontron3: most of my relations are because I need companion
and sex
Niontron3: not because of love...
BinxB91: Rono, does she have a big butt?
Niontron3: Binx, I don't love because of big butts...I love
because of big heart and competency...


Candance Gets Free to Chat:
CordialCactus: i fed him steak for dinner.. he's
fat happy and sleeping


Uneasy Romance:

ParaMyrrh: Book I sent you e-mail
BooksIut: Para. Now why would you go and do a thing like that?
Niontron3: what's wrong wiht slut
Niontron3: I like slut
ParaMyrrh: Book because I think you'd like it?
Niontron3: I like slut(s)
ParaMyrrh: I like slut too
ParaMyrrh: oooh
BooksIut: Para. You're not flattering me. You haven't met a slut
you didn't like!

Let's Hate Bert:

Jhd730: I wish Bert would blog again
Bludahlias: ugh bert
Bludahlias: bert is such a woman
Bludahlias: a whiny one too
Bludahlias: no balls
Bludahlias: and all he talks about are his mexican balls
Vanda52: personally i never found bert the least bit
funny, all his humor is about stupid sex stuff or as blu
called it "penis" jokes
Bludahlias: he obnoxious
Jhd730: I found HIM funny because he thought he was funny
Bludahlias: like watching a train wreck
Bludahlias: and all the cows herding around him
Bludahlias: as if he were the last penis on earth
Jhd730: his 5 wives though so
Vanda52: hes been married 5 times?
Jhd730: at least 3 times
Bludahlias: at least twice
Vanda52: ok
Bludahlias: or 3
Vanda52: maybe hes hung
Bludahlias: hes slimy
Jhd730: maybe he's not..that's why the marriages fail
Vanda52: ah
Vanda52: good point
Jhd730: I've been reading your posts Blu..it's been
awhile that you've seen a penis right?



Something Off? ... Yes, if you're the anti-Christ

Bludahlias: verbs an attractive woman
Bludahlias: but she sings in a church choir so
something must be off


"Have you ever masturbated thinking of me?"

Bludahlias: vanda my dog is getting his nuts cracked
in two weeks
Vanda52: good blu, that damn thing is over sexed
Bludahlias: erection nightly
Bludahlias: and then he spend ten minutes licking it
ParaMyrrh: Blu if only your dog was a handsome man
Vanda52: i get erections nightly too, i should
get fixed
ParaMyrrh: well without licking his privates
Jhd730: too bad you couldn't find a man like that huh?
Jhd730: Kal beat me
ParaMyrrh: there is a first time for everything
Bludahlias: vanda you're 60
Bludahlias: youll be fixed soon enough
Vanda52: right
Bludahlias: better enjoy them now
Vanda52: i dont think so blu, i still masturbate daily
ParaMyrrh: that's a sign of vigor, Vanda You're healthy
Bludahlias: you do not
Bludahlias: who masturbates daily
ParaMyrrh: vanda do you think of shelf hotties? like
Miss Pink on the swing?
Bludahlias: who has the time
Vanda52: i do blu. i have the time
Bludahlias: have you masturbated thinking about me
ParaMyrrh: Mastrubation is healthy and it can protect men
from prostate problems
Vanda52: i have various fantacies. none about the shelf,
mostly creations ive made using local shop girls
Bludahlias: you dont masturbate about emma and her navel oranges
Vanda52: its all quite natural
Vanda52: no
Jhd730: has Sparky ever seen you?
Vanda52: sparky has been there of course but i really
hate when an animal watches
Bludahlias: schell is a hottie
Vanda52: never mind
Bludahlias: looks damn good
Vanda52: schell is cute


Let's All Ignore Each Other:

Niontron3: Bey, I am trying to ignore you
Beysshoes: oh blessings my child!!!
Holinessdude17: Then why be in a chat room?
Niontron3: holi, you don't get to ask that.
you are a newbie
Beysshoes: uhm dude. cus we are social misfits why else?
Godwit935: Speak for yourself, Beys.
Holinessdude17: Dont limit me with a tag
Beysshoes: godwit, geniuses often are.
Godwit935: Beys, just speak for yourself.
Beysshoes: okay dude, you're out.
Ta21l: <-------social misfit, and proud of it
Holinessdude17: Beys, are you trying to address me?


Immigration Chat:

Godwit935: Is anyone watching Charlie Rose? This
Nancy Pelosi is on.
Godwit935: The fact that this woman is maybe the most
powerful Democrat says a lot about the party....what a mess.
Godwit935: she is typical of the Democratic leadership.
LeslieHapablap: a former housewife from the bay area?
BinxB91: a vowel at the end of her name?
Godwit935: She is soft on this immigration bill. Democrats
should be attacking this problem at its source -- the demand,
which is to say, employers.
Godwit935: Democrats are supposed to be for working Americans.
You don't help working Americans by letting in 12 million
illegal workers. You hurt American workers by doing that.
LeslieHapablap: maybe instead of a fence we should build a
glass dome to keep out the unwanted.
LeslieHapablap: well, maybe not glass.
Godwit935: The answer is to start telling each other the
truth. If a head of lettuce costs $3, so be it.
LeslieHapablap: have you watched "a day without a mexican"?


The Magic Mountain and a Salad:

Baker77787: Waldorf and Mann...a plethora of journeys
to be had!!


Oolijay:

ParaMyrrh: props to Oolijay she gave me the idea
stating she used to work with a lady that smelled
like she douched with whiskey
ParaMyrrh: and voila
Phronsie: Para, you have such a lousy understanding
of women
LeslieHapablap: i miss oolijay.
ParaMyrrh: Phronsie nope I disagree
Vanda52: i never liked oolijay
ParaMyrrh: my main misunderstanding is with misery
Phronsie: that is one of the things that I find
irritating about cross-dressers, and transvestites
ParaMyrrh: because Ive had an easy life
Phronsie: They seem to think being a woman is all
about the clothes and jewelery and make up
ParaMyrrh: Im not a transvestite or cross dresser
ParaMyrrh: though I look pretty as a woman


[Why Hector loved Gabriel was harder to say.
He was so tired of people who talked ...
and Gabriel talked more than any of them...]


But Don't Fall in Love:

Creepy Loner: I met a former priest online. He
loved talking about ancient Rome.
Forkrereredux: did he touch boys?
Creepy Loner: I'm not sure. I don't think so. Since he
escaped the priesthood, he got into screwing around with
strippers.
Creepy Loner: He was in love with one, last I heard.
orkrereredux: stripper not good to fall in love with
Creepy Loner: Yeah. He didn't seem happy about his affection
for the stripper. But he acted like he couldn't help himself.
Creepy Loner: I didn't care that much. I figure if you've
lost your faith and your career, you might have earned a
little action with a woman that can stick to the upper part
of a 15-foot pole with the help of vinyl boots.
Forkrereredux: oh that all sounds good. but mixing in love
is bad
Creepy Loner: Like I said, he didn't seem happy about it.
They'll break up and he'll attempt suicide and then he'll
et better and life will march on.
Forkrereredux: fork has been mixed up with whores
Forkrereredux: no more whores
Creepy Loner: Why won't you go back to whores?
Forkrereredux: fork falls in love with them


It's Your Fault:

Ta21l: my daughter wakes up cause she had a nightmare i
told her she shouldn't have watched Jurassic Park before
going to sleep, and she said it was my fault for
letting her



An Hour Later and We'll Want to Buy Something Again:

Godwit935: I don't like the idea of China becoming the
economic powerhouse of the world.


The Ultimate Shut-in:

Londoj: sometimes I'm afraid to read my e-mail



Where ya From?:

ALISE4now: from the U.S.-- east coast
ALISE4now: philadelphia
Godwit935: Alise, you are in Philadelphia? What area?
Godwit935: Alise, in what part of Philadelphia do you live?
PatientOnion3: alise, never get out info to serial killers,
make them work for it
ALISE4now: i live in montgomery county.....one of the
five counties surrounding philly
Godwit935: In what part of that county, Alise, if you don't
mind saying. What town?
PatientOnion3: Wilkes-Barre
PatientOnion3: don't tell them Alise, run while you still can
ALISE4now: thanks for your concern patient onion3
PatientOnion3: You wouldn't be the first female shelfer to
disappear in Montgomery County, PA
ALISE4now: i have a tight firewall
Godwit935: So, Alise, in what town?
ALISE4now: montgomery county.....
Londoj: the question that won't die
Godwit935: Alise, it's a big county....are you down east,
near Willow Grove, or out west near the Limerick
cooling towers?
PatientOnion3: alise i hope that wasn't the truth
PatientOnion3: next he will want your cross-street
Ta21l: maybe she doesn't want to answer...ease down guys..
ALISE4now: near limerick
ALISE4now: but not TOO CLOSE....
Godwit935: Okay, Alise, thanks.
PatientOnion3: then you glance to the bedroom window,
his pasty face pasted up against it
Godwit935: Cheeses.
Londoj: you can give a fake address
PatientOnion3: godwit will ring your doorbell at 3am
with a big basket of pasties
Godwit935: Not everyone is as fearful as you
quaking queers.



Hoping Jam's a Trapper:

Godwit935: Jam, did you get any beaver this weekend?
CordialCactus: Godwit.. what an uncharacteristic question
coming from you
Ta21l: ok, thank you Cordial...I thought I was the only
one taking that comment from Godwit that way
Godwit935: I was asking Jam.
CordialCactus: now im thinking jam may be a trapper..thats
the only way i can make ammends with that question



If You Had Only One Line on BookShelf ...:

Loon dog running: the last two pages in
Shondora Crasslo's novella


How Do You Like It:

Godwit935: Binx, how do you like it?
BinxB91: a well-told story
Ta21l: that doesn't make it sound good
Londoj: very few books grow on you. if it doesn't
interest you it's good to move on
BinxB91: Ta, I like books that answer the question,
"How the hell did this happen?"
Ta21l: Binx, my life continously asks that question,
I can't read it too


Ethnic Cooking?:

ALISE4now: not pennsylvania dutch.....though i do
like a apple butter on cottage cheese


Curing Writer's Block:

Chloelavalock: i 've written a little myself, but
i suffer from writers block, cure anyone?
JFWaterman: Write more, Chloe.
Ta21l: I wish I could help Chloe....I suffered from
writer's block for a year
Chloelavalock: but it seems if i push on, the story starts to suck.
Ta21l: suck or not...at least you're writting
JFWaterman: Let it suck, Chloe. You have to keep the gears turning
Ta21l: I read that walking is a good cure for it
Prospect26: Chloe...Hemingway would simply copy other writer's
works...until his words clicked in.
Chloelavalock: walking huh?
Ta21l: it sounded stupid to me too...

[Through all our days together my father returned time and
and again to a favorite saying.
"Suck in that gut and go harder."
He never suggested that that this saying of his ranked with
the maxims of Teddy Roosevelt. Still, he was dedicated to it.
He believed in the idea that a simple but lasting reward,
something just short of a presidential handshake, awaited
the extra effort, the persevering act of a tired man.
Backbone, will, mental toughness, desire --- these were his
themes, the qualities that insured success. He was a
pharmaceutical salesman with a lazy son.]

SOMETIMES THIS GETS BORING
(Do you ever wonder what you miss when you're
off BookShelf? Well then, you probably
don't have much of a life. Still I had
to imagine last week that someone had bet
Vanda that he couldn't get 10 people who
claimed not to care about Paris Hilton to
to comment on her release from jail (see
"Irony"). So Vanda won his bet. I hope
that the ladies that were taken in took it
with a laugh. Because I like ladies who
can enjoy being taken.


God Works in Mysterious Ways:

Gypsyjo47: Godwit your whining is incessant and
relentless and I am tired of it...besides, my
hemhorroids are bothering me
Godwit935: Gypsy, have you ever thought God is
speaking to you?
Gypsyjo47: Through my ass?


Onion's world:

PatientOnion3: I got married in my fictional world
Beysshoes: congrats onion!
Niontron3: even in my fantasy, I don't get married
Beysshoes: did you receive many gifts? i hope so
you got lots of kitchen gadgets.
Niontron3: I can't imagine rest of my life only with
one person
Niontron3: and having kids
PatientOnion3: i got a potato peeler and a box of
garbage bags
AforAllie: that's nice, Onion
PatientOnion3: your mother said the same thing Rono


Rono's Book Chat:

Niontron3: people actually talking about books!!!
Ta21l: I know Rono...and wb btw
Niontron3: it's been a while since I read any novel
...I stopped reading novels
Niontron3: novels don't interest me any more..
JFWaterman: No time, eh, Niontron?
Niontron3: no... I just read different kinds of books
Niontron3: oh, I read too...
Niontron3: just not novels..
JFWaterman: I stopped time and have been reading
C. S. Lewis- his series of 'Out Of The SIlent Planet',
'Perelandra', and 'This Terrible Strength'.
Niontron3: I read, math, computers, biology, etc...
Niontron3: if you read novels too much, that means you
are too lazy to read hard subjects


Aloof Sexuality:

JFWaterman: Fitzgerald lived too far up his own ass
for my tastes . . .
Baker77787: Fitzgerald was a madman to be true.....
aloof and sexual with anything that would have him
Prospect26: a...I love Zelda...


"I have to watch when I type":

Phronsie: Maybe I should start winding down a
little early
Phronsie: Y'all have fun
DAISYTRAIL: nite Phronsie
Vanda52: hey phrone, heres some trivia, cheetahs
are the only cats with claws that dont retract, like
a dog s claws, the reason is they use their claws
like cleats on running shoes when they chase down prey
Vanda52: jesus
Vanda52: she left
Vanda52: after all that typing
DAISYTRAIL: hahaha, I hate when that happens
Vanda52: i have to watch when i type so i know whats
going on in here


The Low-down on pre-marital sex:

JaneH56: condor are you an LDS?
Condorblue: no, but i've worked with a group of mormons,
they gave me the lowdown on pre-marital sex
Hickory49: ... Nostradamus never masturbated ...
Condorblue: apparently everything is ok, except intercourse


KaL Not Getting Enough Attention:

ParaMyrrh: I support Clitorectomy for Hygienic purposes


Make Pretend:

Condorblue: I'd like to own a gun, maybe even shoot at
some small animals, much like our next president, mitt romney
ParaMyrrh: My religion is titled "Pulled Down White Cotton
Panty Spankerism"
Lazy Energy: oh geez
Lazy Energy: i'm going to pretend i didn't hear that


Sausage Standards:
Condorblue: I only eat bratwurst, anything else is poop



Especially When They're Free;

Creepy Loner: I tried to act like a whore for a while.
Jam7604801: why creepy
Creepy Loner: I was bored and wanted to date someone.
Prospect26: Creepy...well...good on you. Men like whores.


"I am doing something very complex":

Niontron3: Creepy, who comes in here and talks about
brillian autistic kids?
DAISYTRAIL: Your mom, Rono.
Niontron3: by "in here" you meant aol?
Niontron3: Daisy, at least I am brilliant
Creepy Loner: I never said "in here" Nion.
DAISYTRAIL: uh huh
Creepy Loner: You might want to take that back about being
brilliant.
Niontron3: creepy, take back?
Niontron3: I am multitasking, creepy...
Niontron3: I am not only talking here...
Niontron3: I am doing something very complex


Hobbies?
Bludahlias: eating, shitting and sleeping and complaining
about kids


Things that make you go "hmmm":
Max 314159265358: Y'know I come online to avoid perversion


Mistaken Identity:
Condorblue: as a black man with a small penis, I've been
mistaken for an oriental all my life


Crank it Up:

Ragamuffingirl35: my sister put her cell phone number on
her blog because she wants to see what kind of messages
she gets
Ragamuffingirl35: so, i'm crank calling her phone continuously
ShhJm: mel, is that the sister who thinks I am a freak?
Ragamuffingirl35: yes horse
Ragamuffingirl35: spawn is crank calling her now
ShhJm: email me her number
ShhJm: and her underpants size


Curing Hiccups:

AttitudeF0rEvEr6: And, which do you prefer in a bird,
colorful of feather, or thrilling of song?
AttitudeF0rEvEr6: And, is that how you would have
punctuated that sentence?
AttitudeF0rEvEr6: Where does this bird wade?
Godwit935: Shallow water, Attitude.
CordialCactus: lol attitude.. you know who you remind me of?
AttitudeF0rEvEr6: Cordial, what?
CordialCactus: my father would ask these questions when
i had the hiccups.. would cure them everytime


Wannabe Biker Chic:
CordialCactus: i went to a biker rally thingie..
oh my goodness.. im trying not to slur in type


Rono Getting the Better of Carlos;

Niontron3: I asked this guy, named carlos, at my work
place, "Does your wife know that you are gay?"
Niontron3: he could't answer because if he said "no",
that would mean he is gay but his wife doesn't knwo it
Niontron3: and he couldn't say "yes", because that
would also make him gay


Can I, George?:

Niontron3: someday, I would like to own a farm
Niontron3: where there would be rabbits, cows
Niontron3: deers
Niontron3: and my private jungle
Niontron3: will be together
Ta21l: can I tend the rabbits George?
Ta21l: sorry, couldn't help myself


Noted:
LeslieHapablap: i hate movies with horses or corsets


Failed Negotiations:

LeslieHapablap: let me tell you about the time i babysat.
Niontron3: k, leslie
Niontron3: after that you leave me alone
LeslieHapablap: niontron3, in any contract time is of the
essence.
LeslieHapablap: for how long?
Niontron3: until I talk to you agian
LeslieHapablap: no deal.
LeslieHapablap: skip that story.


ReHab on the Cheap:

Forkrereredux: fork doing just without beer
Ta21l: what's wrong Dux...wanna talk about it?
Forkrereredux: he ate a cup of yogurt instead of
drinking 12 beers

["Do you like me for who I am?" she asks.
"do you want something to eat?" he replies.]


Giving Ta a Story Idea:

BinxB91: once I was with a girl in Thailand
BinxB91: a young girl, very sweet
BinxB91: but still a professional you know
Creepy Loner: Hmm...now THAT'S creepy.
Ta21l: ok, bad pun in my head...lol
BinxB91: not a word of english
BinxB91: not one word
BinxB91: until we were
BinxB91: at a very intense moment
Ta21l: no Jam.... she asked him "Would you like
to put your rooster in me now?"
Creepy Loner: LOL
Jam7604801: then he demostrated what it was and
how it works
BinxB91: and ... uhm ... you know (LOL)
BinxB91: together
BinxB91: she said one English word
Ta21l: ok, I have to ask...what did she say
BinxB91: "finished?"
Ta21l: LMAO
Ta21l: brb
BinxB91: Ta, picking up her ass up off the floor?
Jam7604801: finished as in are you finished yet
or finished as in man you're already finished
BinxB91: she wanted me to be finished
Jam7604801: dern binx
Jam7604801: too bad for you
Jam7604801: binx i always got the ones that never
got enough
Ta21l: ha ha...no, I was chocking
Ta21l: lol...choking even
Jam7604801: choking
BinxB91: chocking?? some kind of odd sport?
Ta21l: if you don't know that girl in Thialand wasn't
that professional
Jam7604801: chocking just remove the h and we see
what she was thinking
Ta21l: sorry...my mind's in the gutter and refuses
to leave
Jam7604801: see
BinxB91: I've been in the gutter a few times
Ta21l: of course, you did just give me a great idea
for a story
FoggyRomantic: at a bowling alley?
Ta21l: no Foggy, they yell at you when you do that
Jam7604801: i was never any good at bowling


If you thought that was gross, skip this one:

ParaMyrrh: Kimberly one gal told me it was incredibly
pleasureable she said "it's like taking a crap after
holding it for a long time over and over and magnify
the pleasure over and over" I didn't hear rest because
it's hard to hear when
ParaMyrrh: your dick is hard


But Hopefully Not With KaL:
KimberlysCabin2: i havent had sex since 1994 BUT that
is hopefully going to change soon


Theories on Kimberly's Draught:

ParaMyrrh: Kimberly "The 6 Million Dollar Pussy"
"We can rebuild it!"
Jhd730: some peoples best protection against bodily harm is
to start stripping
Jhd730: seriously


Shameless:

Jam7604801: jo ann had had more lover than i have
Jhd730: Jam can I include produce?


Allie Update:

AforAllie: yes, still working full time and going to
school full time
AforAllie: 18 months to go
Niontron3: Afore, you are a super human
Niontron3: I did that once...
AforAllie: hah
AforAllie: you don't know the half of it
Niontron3: I did badly in my classes
AforAllie: my bosses are evil
AforAllie: and twisted
Niontron3: I took 15 credits and went to work full time..
AforAllie: it's not easy, Rono
Vanda52: you still date condor ?
Vanda52: he comes in here from time toi time
AforAllie: I can neither confirm nor deny, Allan


Then Don't Talk to Jo-ann:

Jam7604801: onion i'm 32 like i really do book reports
LeslieHapablap: 32 with a 14 year old son??
Jam7604801: yes leslie
LeslieHapablap: S L U T !
Jam7604801: leslie his mom is a year younger than me


Sharing:

FoggyRomantic: how can you talk about what you read?
it's totally personal what you bring to the book how
you enjoy it, it is unique from everybody else that
reads it
Ta21l: and FYI Foogy...I just picked up two new books
today, so bite me bitch
BinxB91: Foggy, there are some aspects that can be shared
FoggyRomantic: name ONE aspect that can be shared Binky.
BinxB91: Some reactions that can be shared
LeslieHapablap: i have been busy with sudoku.
FoggyRomantic: name one
BinxB91: How a book explained the actions of the opposite sex
BinxB91: women are a great mystery to me
FoggyRomantic: Binx, all you have to do is read their mind. Duh!
Ta21l: we're not that hard to figure out Binx
BinxB91: Books help me understand a little bit
Ta21l: read "Women for Dummies"


Latest Theory on BookShelf Decline:
Godwit935: That's what happens to readers. They come in here,
get confronted by homosexual silliness, and leave.


Graceful Exit:
CordialCactus: thanks for not berating me



Leslie's Dad:
LeslieHapablap: one night i caught my dad crying.
LeslieHapablap: he did not know i was watching him.
LeslieHapablap: two nights later i caught him crying again.
LeslieHapablap: the following week, again he was crying.
LeslieHapablap: so i left him a note on his nightstand.
"dad, see a psychiatrist. in fact, see several."
LeslieHapablap: that is a jack handy story.




When a Joke Fails, Claim Genius:

Godwit935: Beys, if you were in Mensa, you'd have given
me a devastating retort by now.
Beysshoes: godwit, if someone says i'm purple why bother
to argue yes?
Godwit935: Beys, I speak to your directly.
Beysshoes: do ya need me to explain the analogy godwit?
Ta21l: lmao
Beysshoes:
Beysshoes: godwit. it takes a higher level of IQ to get
and make jokes. don't feel bad, we unnerstand.
Godwit935: Beys, I go by what you say.



Looking Forward to Immersion:
CordialCactus: binx.... that is some funny stuff
re:Katy Tried... i shall immerse myself at a later time