PB&J - Penrod, (insert favorite B), JaggedLittlePill


At Last the Shelf is Legitimate:
ParaMyrrh: Allan is Honorary "Father of the Shelf"


I'm Sure I Think:
Niontron3: see...this is what I was talking
about PEOPLE DO NOT HAVE OPEN MINDS
Niontron3: I might be wrong..



50 Million Buying Books They Don't Like:

Niontron3: people don't really like HP books
LegendaireLestat: Harry will drop a house on Voldemort
Niontron3: people only read it because it is famous..
LegendaireLestat: Then Harry will prance off in his ruby slippers
Niontron3: no one enjoys HP books
Niontron3: I don't see the "magic"



Who's Donna?:

Jhd730: Rono is our Fez from that 70's show
Jhd730: doesn't quite now the culture..wants sex
and is funny in his own misguided way
AforAllie: no, blt is our Hyde



Her Name is Helen:

Ta21l: my washer is being a bitch today
Ta21l: she's tripped my curcuit breaker twice
today...I think she's off balance
Raconteurerudite: your washer is a she?
Ta21l: yes, her name is Helen


Book Chat:

Prospect26: The number 1 paperback in the Boston Globe
is The Emperor's Children...Hardcover is A Thousand
Splendid Suns



Needed Someone to Talk With?:
Forkrereredux: fork once cut out a picture from a magazine
Forkrereredux: and cut a hole where the girl's mouth is



People Not Like Us:

PatientOnion3: Everytime i go into a gay apartment
in San Francisco, it always reminds of a Greyhound restroom.
ParaMyrrh: yes the decor is similar
PatientOnion3: that sexy disinfectant aroma, and in the
bathroom there is always some hole drilled in the wall just
below waist level for some reason. maybe to pass secret
messages out of range of the FBI?



He's Not That Easy:

Beysshoes: my fave pipples! blu, bunion and
someone i dunt know!
DForkGrad: i decided to drop by and say hi
PatientOnion3: fork, what r u wearing?
DForkGrad: clothing
Beysshoes: is forkgrad forkredux?
PatientOnion3: no
Beysshoes: hey grad
DForkGrad: hey
Beysshoes: so whatcha wearing?
DForkGrad: clothes
Beysshoes: wow...major trust issues i see



4% of the Nation is Unemployed;

PatientOnion3: i am wearing an AL SHARPTON t-shirt,
Al ain't no sell-out uncle tom house slave
PatientOnion3: al will bitch slap osama back to hell
atientOnion3: then go to crawford and make bush cook him some ribs
PatientOnion3: b4 he locks him up with cheney in gitmo
PatientOnion3: then they gonna make bush/cheney wear bush's
momma's panties on their heads



What Onion Really Wanted to Say:

Vanda52: i see cheney will hold the codes for the bomb soon
Vanda52: as bush has a colonoscomy
EmmaBookshelf: that's scary Sparks
JaneH56: allan. that is chilling.
Vanda52: haha , i thought so too emma
TRBfrom NC: allan, that won't help
TRBfrom NC: allan, maybe they will find his head up there




In the End We All Sleep Alone:

Nomdujourxx: My wife has been married for 41 years as of Jul 9
Dennybegood: Nom..congrates..
EmpressEspresso: I've been married for nearly 8 years
PatientOnion3: 8 years to the same person?
EmpressEspresso: yes
Catpower777: shocking, isn't it Onion?
Nomdujourxx: just a rookie
PatientOnion3: they probably sleep in separate beds
PatientOnion3: like ozzie & harriet
Catpower777: Lucy and Ricki
Dennybegood: John wayne and dennis hopper?
Nomdujourxx: Dagwood & Blondie sleep in the same bed,
for as long as I can remember
Vanda52: i sleep with sparky


What Becomes a Legend Most:
Forkrereredux: baby, sing with fork somehow . . .
LadyMtnMedic: ugh, brb


The Homeless Ranter:

PatientOnion3: i want vietnam, commies were sexy
PatientOnion3: you wish that iraq were as sexy as vietnam
PatientOnion3: iraq is a bore
PatientOnion3: vietnam was hot
PatientOnion3: oh let them have the stupid war, as long as
they don't start a draft
PatientOnion3: they just want to redistribute the wealth
from the middle class to the military industrial complex
PatientOnion3: no big deal
PatientOnion3: Reagan defeated the commies and replaced
them with radical islam, america can thank reagan for 911
PatientOnion3: a case of nuts
PatientOnion3: a barrel of monkeys
PatientOnion3: surprised bush didn't invade saudi arabia,
most of the terrorists are saudis, ooops i forgot,
bush/cheney are whores of the saudi royal family.


Oh Look!! Shelfers Drawing A Line!!:

TRBfrom NC: but do we desrve YOU, onion? not so clear
CCM5556: PO, you need to sit down. Take a deep breath.
I hate war. It was just a war I had to go to. Sorry if
that upsets you.
Gypsyjo47: PO you don't have to confirm your stupidity,
we all know it.
Beysshoes: onion, you need to refine your diction.
Phronsie: Onion, that is getting old
Phronsie: even if you're play-ranting
Vanda52: phrones right pat, i dont even read what you say
Vanda52: stop it pat, ill have you know im probably one
of the most liberal persons in here
Vanda52: i just dont throw it in peoples faces
Gypsyjo47: PO anything you do is mindless
Beysshoes: homer. go cook something pls



The ILOVE School of Who Was Really in Nam:

Gypsyjo47: mkvk what unit were you with?
rnkvk: THIRD BATTALION SEVENTH MARINES...CHULAI, DANANG
Gypsyjo47: mkvk where were you? What was your TAOR?
rnkvk: CHULAI, DANANG, DONG HA, CUA VIET...
GOT HIT JAN 20, 1968
Gypsyjo47: Ted he is a fraud...I know that area and
chulai was not on the beach, it is 20 miles inland...
he is a fraud
Gypsyjo47: Yes I was in Recon
Gypsyjo47: I know exactly where 1st recon was located
and it wasn't chu lai
PatientOnion3: i was in the 69th recon, we went into all
the massage parlors in Hue.
Gypsyjo47: shut up PO there is no such unit


You Misjudge Us:
JaggedMetalPill: what fighting? this is foreplay



Foreplay?:

Bludahlias: Whore shoes?
Beysshoes: i'm sarai blu you phat asseries



You Never Make ME Piss My Pants:

Penrod59: you can download clips of her quotes
Penrod59: I sent one to my friend Kerry and she
pissed her pants
JaggedMetalPill: you never send me clips
Penrod59: you never send me copies of my grandfather's
birth record.
CordialCactus: you dont send me cli-ips, you used to
send me clips (singing)
CordialCactus: <>twas funnier in my head..



I Love the Pause:

Penrod59: my favorite is when she gets to grandma's house
and observes the big bad wolf in grandma's night clothes
and says, in an obnoxious loud Bronx screech, "Hey Grandma.
That's an awfully big nose for you. To Have."
Penrod59: I love the pause between "you" and "to have"



More Foreplay:

JaggedMetalPill: that might have been funny if you
hadn't fucked up the spelling
JaggedMetalPill: but actually, that probably wouldn't
have helped
Penrod59: I just reported Jagged for vulgar language
Penrod59: that fuckin cunt


My Ecounter With Fame;
Vanda52: theres a rumor EdBear601 has died
Vanda52: nice guy
Vanda52: i won a 100 bucks off him on the bush
election and he paid me
Penrod59: I voted for Bushes four times
Penrod59: and no shit, this really happened
Penrod59: Lorena and I were flying back from Houston after
visiting her family
Penrod59: we flew continental
Penrod59: the boarding was delayed...
Penrod59: we get on the plane and in the first seats front
row in first classs at a coule
Penrod59: Lorena whispers to me, "That looks like George Bush"
Penrod59: It was the elder
Penrod59: he flew to Houston to attend ken Lay's funeral and
flew back home on our flight
Penrod59: I said to Lorena, "You're right."
Penrod59: Then I said to George, "I voted for you. Twice."
JaggedMetalPill: suck up
Penrod59: He said "Why thank you, sir."
Penrod59: and he shook my hand
Penrod59: BVarbara never looked up from reading somethijng
Vanda52: that was nice
JaggedMetalPill: that made me vomit into my mouth a little


The Enchanter:

JaggedMetalPill: I got on line to do some work
Penrod59: you must be exhausted by now
JaggedMetalPill: but Penrod beguiled me with his Penrodness


The Penrod Regatta:

Penrod59: and I don't care what anybody says, the Ganges
is polluted
JaggedMetalPill: only if you call dog corpses pollution
Penrod59: I lost my kayak paddle last week on the Ganges
so I tore the arm off a dead body floating by
Penrod59: luckily the guy had big hands, and therefore,
I had a nice big paddle


Who Hasn't?:

Penrod59: Any of you guys do this? Take a dump in the
washing machine and run it through a cycle?
Penrod59: Just for fun?
Penrod59: Huh?
JaggedMetalPill: doesn't everyone?
Bcalera5: only in the laundramat


Now I Don't Have to Read It:

Penrod59: this guy had boxes and boxes of magazines
and comic books
Penrod59: in his cellar
BinxB91: about cellars --- I remember Studs Terkel's book
about a meter reader who entered a house led by a 4-year old
to where the meter was in the cellar and to where his mother
was doing laundry in the nude.
Penrod59: Now I don't have to read it
JaggedMetalPill: there are no meter readers anymore
BinxB91: I guess it was hot
Penrod59: Studs is a commie anyway
Bcalera5: ran outta clothes i guess


Pets:

Penrod59: L'chai, Kikette
Penrod59: Kikette's a pretty good name for a pet,
especially a pet Proboscus monkey
JaggedMetalPill: L'chaim, goyische schmendrick
Penrod59: A FEmale pet proboscus monkey. A cheap one.
Penrod59: It's almost like Coquette, Irma LaDouce's pet poodle
JaggedMetalPill: I have a cheap pet for you
Penrod59: Keep your beaver to yourself


Cheese Steak Hoagies:

JaggedMetalPill: you played tic-tac-toe on me with a Sharpie
JaggedMetalPill: those were the days
JaggedMetalPill: I can't open my mouth due to the scar tissue
JaggedMetalPill: I puree all my food and drink it through a straw
Penrod59: I thought you got into knife fights
Penrod59: the knife fights made sense to me, given your face
Penrod59: why not just buy baby food?
JaggedMetalPill: too expensive, Pen
JaggedMetalPill: besides they don't have pureed cheese
steak hoagies



Penrod Again:

Penrod59: I'll bet everyone has done this: my friends and
I used to open jars of Gerber in grocery stores and put a
hit of LSD into some of them.
Penrod59: Everyone has done that, right?
Penrod59: Right?
JaggedMetalPill: no, I always used rat poison


Would You Like to Be?:
AforAllie: I've never been stalked


ET:lol:
AforAllie: it would be cool if an ET was chatting in this room


I Am Embarressed for You:

Forkrereredux: you mus not know 'bout me. you mus not know
bout me
Forkrereredux: i have another you in a minute
Forkrereredux: matta fact
Forkrereredux: he'll be here in a minute
Jhd730: oh forky...you must be depressed..singing Beyonce songs
..I am embarassed for you


Working Girl:

AforAllie: I am having a terrible time at work
AforAllie: well, they don't want us to help the customers
AforAllie: and it makes me feel bad
ParaMyrrh: no room for idealism in retail


How Chics Are:
CordialCactus: i was just brushing up on Nietzsche...
you know how we chics are


More Stuff I Didn't Know:
ParaMyrrh: Chics dig existential christians



Leslie Interacting With KaL and Fork:

LeslieHapablap: NO YUCKY CHAT ALLOWED!
ParaMyrrh: sorry Miss Pink



Noted:
Forkrereredux: when mr. fork says, "i love you,"
he hardly ever means it


BLT self-destructing:

BinxB91: Welcome, Bold Lips
Rz0rBldeLips: S'posed to be RazorBladeLips.
ShhJm: lips, you better say something interesting
unless you my 44 year old looking like jack palance
ass to ignore you
Jhd730: isn't Jack Palance dead?
Jhd730: and even alive you look nothing like him
ShhJm: my point exactly
Jhd730: maybe Jack Black..but Palance..no
ShhJm: ouch
ShhJm: jack mehoff
Jhd730: I adore Jack Black..and I picture you with
all quirky jerky movements
ParaMyrrh: Jo like Tom Arnold?
Jhd730: you can just look at Tom Arnold and know he
likes dirty sex
ParaMyrrh: Jo he had sex with Roseanne Barr Q.E.D.