WHAT IF GOD(wit) WAS ONE OF US?

Godwit to KatyTried Readers:
Godwit935: Yo Binx, when you go in there, tell them they are
some poor sumbucks, reading about this wasteland.

His Resource:
Alansueton: I don't know where I come up with this stuff
Ooolijay: your ass is an endless resource alan

"No,Interesting TO ME!":
Ooolijay: godwit are you a sinner like me?
Godwit935: Let's talk about something interesting.
Godwit935: Binx, do you have anything interesting to
talk about?
BinxB91: Yes, Godwit, ever hate something you once loved?
Godwit935: Not that I can remember, Binx.
BinxB91: Godwit, ever feel passionate?
Godwit935: Binx, that is a ridiculous question, not bona fide.


What Are You Wearing?

Ooolijay: jeans and a dallas cowboy's hoodie

Eyes Attack: I'm wearing black jogging shorts and a blue tank.

Creepy Loner: I am wearing my pink Hudson Bay "woobie"...an
oversized cardigan, loose-knit, cream-colored...a watch-fob
and moose-tooth as a necklace...and a hair-tie.

Zoshka5: jeans and a sort of knit shirt
LeslieHapablap: lee jeans?

LeslieHapablap: binxb91, sock monkey pajamas.


Twice-Told Jokes:
Forkrerereredux: some girls don't know they are pregnant
until the baby falls out
BinxB91: Fork, the baby doesn't exactly "fall" out
DGBALTIMORE: fork thats a state of denial
Josh Maxwell4: classic joke: a girl goes to the doctor and is
told she is pregnant.
Josh Maxwell4: she asks the doctor: "is it mine?"
RONORELOADED: "I swear I don't have a baby in my belly"
Forkrerereredux: um, who is the doctor here?
RONORELOADED: until he tells the woman "how are you today, Mr."


"you are ridiculous":
Godwit935: Ooli, you are impossible to talk to.
Ooolijay: i am not godwit
Ooolijay: you never try to talk to me
Forkrerereredux: godwit never answer questions
Alansueton: Godwit you ended that sentence with a preposition
Godwit935: Ooli, you make it impossible. You are ridiculous.
Ooolijay: whenever i ask you real questions you dont answer

[Her mother sat by my bed and chatted and urged me to ask
Villanelle to marry me when she was free.
'I had a dream last night,' she said. 'A dream of death.
Ask her, Henri.'
When we were out together that afternoon I did ask her, but
she shook her head.
'I can't give you my heart.'
'I don't have to have it.'
'Perhaps not, but I need to give it. You're my
brother.'
When I told her mother what had happened, she stopped her
baking. 'You're steady for her, she goes for madmen. I tell
her to calm down but she never will. She wants it to be
Pentecost everyday.']


Sandwich Spread:
Ooolijay: i was in a good mood today and felt like spreading
the love today, alan
Alansueton: you whore
Ooolijay: so i sandwiched that book between a dog book and a
picture of doomgirl

Street Preacher:
LucifersWit: God cries for you Godwit
LucifersWit: a lost people
LucifersWit: the people of Godwit


Guess Again, Amber:
AmberDevilRay8: Is this Rono dude the leader?


BookSlut's In Love:
B00KGASM: Just got off work.
BinxB91: what is your job, Book?
B00KGASM: Service industry.
B00KGASM: > grin <
BinxB91: CAN you smile?
B00KGASM: Yesss.
BinxB91: food service?
B00KGASM: No.
B00KGASM: Use your imagination.
B00KGASM: I meet foreigners on a daily basis.
BinxB91: is that like everyday?
Onimesh: translation?
Ooolijay: an airport bar?
Onimesh: airport McDonald
WildCIAagent: Hooker?
B00KGASM: That would be awesome, Oooli.
Onimesh: I was thinking "hooker"
B00KGASM: I am in love with the Phoenix airport.


Gay Vodka:
Creepy Loner: Yes. Art F*g claims that he can drink vodka like
it's water and not get a massive hangover. It has to be a
certain kind of especially gay-vodka, though.
Creepy Loner: Which is very expensive.

Creepy Getting Free Dinners:
Creepy Loner: I had a friend in high school that wouldn't eat
...and I'd take the food after it had been scooted around the
plate a few times.
Creepy Loner: The friend would PRETEND to eat by moving the
food around the plate.
Creepy Loner: I'd sit there and wait until friend was done with
this dance...then I'd eat the food. Free dinner!
Creepy Loner: [grin]


Newbie Vetting:
Eyes Attack: I will settle in.
Creepy Loner: Wurd.
Creepy Loner: Tell us more about yourself, Eyes...what do you like,
apart from vodka?
Creepy Loner: Do you use tobacco products of any kind?
Eyes Attack: I do.
Creepy Loner: Ah ha!
Creepy Loner: What do you use?
BinxB91: Do you live in Ohio?
Eyes Attack: I smoke Marlboro Lights 100's.
Eyes Attack: I live in Tennessee.
Creepy Loner: That's what I started on. How long have you been
smoking?
Forkrerereredux: like boys in sailor costumes?


BOOOOORN TO BE WIIIIIILD:
NoraMcKee525: i had heartburn once after I'd washed down a bag of
sour patch kids with a bottle of chardonnay


Odds & Ends:

B00KGASM: I had a dream about my own funeral.

Ooolijay: your body shouldn't be digesting food this late

Forkrerereredux: fork hate shania twain

Onimesh: I have watched The Matrix again today

Godwit935: It will be interesting to see what happens tomorrow
on the stock market.

CordialCactus: cordon bleu popped in my head

NoraMcKee525: i'm stuffed




Where to Find Nora and Julie:
NoraMcKee525: oooli..the scoot inn has morrissey mondays now

Candice Making Money:
CordialCactus: I just made five bucks
ThePaIeRlDER: jesus candice
Anais3233: YAY five dollars!
CordialCactus: selling baby/toddler/preschooler clothes through
craigslist
Anais3233: i'm looking on craig's list right now
EmpressZ21: what did she get for the 5 bucks cact
CordialCactus: two old navy sweaters and a pair of black
suede clogs
BinxB91: babies wear clogs?
Anais3233: only if they are hippie babies, binx
Anais3233: With their hemp diapers

Studying Hard:
Anais3233: i only read stuff that has pictures of genitals in it
Anais3233: OMG speaking of... i saw so many cocks today
Anais3233: and some vaginas too

SunNapper Meets Fork:
SunNapper55: kind of like a Fork raised with wolves or something


NOT on the same page:
EDruezillaB: Binx, we were about to turn to that page where the
girlfirend lays with her head at the foot of the bed as to
accommodate a good face F while he watches football

Creative in Bed:
EDruezillaB: I'm pretty creative in bed.
Ooolijay: i once made a collage in bed

More Stuff Only Rono Knows:
Onimesh: DId you know gestapo police had lots of jewish members?

Regarding Henry:
Onimesh: did you know Hitler was a good buddy with ford?
SunNapper55: Gerald Ford?
BinxB91: Tennesee Ernie Ford?
Onimesh: Then living ford...
Hadachoke: fjiord
BinxB91: Whitey Ford?
Onimesh: I can find out the name withing FIVE minutes
Onimesh: but unless I get paid for it, why should I ?
BinxB91: "Hey good buddy, Adloph here"
SunNapper55: from the Norway Fjiords


Fast Food Foreigners:
Onimesh: if you are chinese and you come to america
Onimesh: you open up a chinese restaurant
Onimesh: your life is set
Onimesh: you don't have to learn anything new...
SunNapper55: and according to Biden, if you're Indian, you
open a Dunkin Donuts
Onimesh: or a subway
Onimesh: sun, in astoria
Onimesh: this indian lady
Onimesh: her name is SHUKLA DEVI
Onimesh: she owns 16!!!
SunNapper55: wow
Onimesh: dunkin donuts...
Onimesh: I used to know four of them...

SunNapper Meets Rono:
SunNapper55: and according to Biden, if you're Indian, you open
a Dunkin Donuts
Onimesh: not indian indian...
Onimesh: sun, no one told you I was indian
Onimesh: how do you know I am indian?
SunNapper55: you're Indian?
Onimesh: don't play dumb
Onimesh: BOY
SunNapper55: I don't have to play.
Onimesh: or subhuman woman
SunNapper55: I was talking about Biden. And his comments.
Onimesh: I am watching you...
SunNapper55: get this Onimesh offa me!!!


The Geeky Girls:
Summers Eve L: No, but I have "Haunted Places: the
National Directory"
Melodramamama22: you do not
Summers Eve L: I so do.
Summers Eve L: It's by Dennis William Hauck
Melodramamama22: thats kinda dorky. do you look up haunted places
before you go somewhere?
Summers Eve L: I wanted to base a road trip on haunted places.
Melodramamama22: and hit 'em?
Melodramamama22: omg
Summers Eve L: OMG. You didn't know I am geekitronious maximus?
Summers Eve L: Because I like so am.


"Movie Sex Scenes for 600, Alex":
BinxB91: In what movie does Suasan Sarandon go down on James Spader?
Melodramamama22: white palace
Melodramamama22: white something
Summers Eve L: Damn it.
BinxB91: WTG Melo
Melodramamama22: hahahahaha!
Melodramamama22: i should be quiet and let someone else win one
Melodramamama22: snort
Summers Eve L: I want to go down on James Spader. Ok. There's some
trivia for you.
BinxB91: In what movie does Marlon Brando have anal sex with his
lover with the help of a stick of butter?
Melodramamama22: oh, uh, last tango in paris
Summers Eve L: Ok. I need to see more movies.


Tom and Jerry:
Tom Brite: ...notice how masturbation discussion is avoided
CordialCactus: hello Tom
Tom Brite: it's taboo but universally practised
Phronsie: unfortunate. Matrubation is harmless. Rape is not
MyStrat: tom, everyone does it, but no one admits to it
Phronsie: nor is sexual activity consequenceless
Phronsie: I admit to it.
MyStrat: does seem to freak the dogs out when they walk in on
you when you are having some 'alone time'
Phronsie: I'd certainly not want people to think I was engaged
in sex with other people
CordialCactus: lol
Tom Brite: my friend jerry talks about it all the time but then
everyone else is silent or leaves the room
MyStrat: cord, and the cats just seem disgusted by the whole thing

Candice Caught:
AXELvonAUR: Cordial Cactus is IMing me. Should I allow this?
CordialCactus: lol
CordialCactus: you dork


Godwit on the Make:
Godwit935: Annspokdel, you and I ought to get together.
AnnAsphodel: Godwit, why would you say that?
Godwit935: Ann, why not.
AnnAsphodel: You hardly know me.
Ooolijay: ann, godwit is trying to make a date with you
Godwit935: I don't know you at all, Ann. You could be 22.

More or Less:
Godwit935: But Ann, I get the feeling we are in the
same ballpark, more or less.
AnnAsphodel: I'm not sure what ballpark that would be.

"Perfect Ann!":
Godwit935: Ann, just one question is relevant to me: Are you
interested in men in the usual way of human history?
Ooolijay: ann, you should meet godwit. he is a decent american man
LeslieHapablap: i would consider meeting godwit935 but i am
afraid he would try to lick me. that would be icky.
AnnAsphodel: I have never met anyone I first met online.
Godwit935: Perfect, Ann!
Godwit935: Ann, Quakertown sound good to you. That Dutchy diner
at 663?

Coming Closer:
Godwit935: Annpholidelasphodel, do you have pictures of yourself
on your profile?

You Intrigue Me:
Godwit935: Ann, I am just wondering about you. You live so close,
you intrigue me.
AnnAsphodel: That's intriguing?
BinxB91: intrigue??? OMFG
Godwit935: Sure, Ann, you are in the realm of possibility, as far
as I am concerned.
BinxB91: Godwit, give the lady some breathing space
Ooolijay: godwit, if i lived closer to you would i also be intriguing?
Zoshka5: 'you intrigue me and live so close'...classic stalker line
Forkrerereredux: AnnAsphodel: Me change mind. Me want meet and sex :)
AnnAsphodel: ha!

Godwit Strikes Out:
Godwit935: Nuts, that broad left.
Ooolijay: that broad left
Ooolijay: hahhaha
CordialCactus: lol @ broad
Godwit935: Must be a lesbo.

Consoling Godwit:
CordialCactus: godwit, i want you to know that i think you're
charming in your own godwitty way
Forkrerereredux: she doesn't like men in the natural way that
women like men
Zoshka5: what if godwit was one of us


Leslie Glad:
BoreUsYelledSin: Target really has some quite lovely commercials.
BoreUsYelledSin: I appreciate that.
LeslieHapablap: boreusyelledsin, i am glad.

Leslie Does:
Godwit935: So anyway, does anyone here understand what will happen
to the United States, long-term, if the American carmakers go out
of business?
LeslieHapablap: godwit935, what is your telephone number?

Try Matching Ones:
Forkrerereredux: FORK NEVER KNOW WHAT SHOES TO WEAR

Scarier:
AXELvonAUR: Binx you're scary
AXELvonAUR: Binx, did anyone ever suggest to you that that's
a trifle obsessive?
BinxB91: Katy Tried
BinxB91: Axel, it's just fun. By the way, I have two of your
comments already this evening
AXELvonAUR: Binx, what, do you want money?
BinxB91: AXEL, who's scarier ---- me or Godwit?
LeslieHapablap: binxb91 is scarier.
LeslieHapablap: he has a tattoo. godwit935 does not.

Golden Calf:
Godwit935: A woman's calf is defiled by a tattoo. A woman's calf
is the greatest creation of the Almighty, as is.

Stuff Only Leslie Knows:
LeslieHapablap: jews do not wear jeans.
Ooolijay: they dont?
BoreUsYelledSin: They do too.

Leslie Down 35%:
LeslieHapablap: boreusyelledsin, go to neiman marcus and get
some jeans.
BoreUsYelledSin: Leslie is really pissing me off. I may have to
find her new home and get her.
BinxB91: Boreus, Leslie is an acquired taste
BoreUsYelledSin: Leslie, may I acquire you?
LeslieHapablap: boreusyelledsin, i am not publicly traded.


You Have to Admit:
Godwit935: You have to admit, this room is almost worthless.
Ooolijay: not when you're here godwit


Really Long Labia:
BoreUsYelledSin: Y'know what I once heard about Joan Osborne?
Glomawr: what did you hear about Joan Osborne?
BoreUsYelledSin: I really shouldn't even tell anyone this...
because it was told to me by a friend of a friend of someone
in her band.
BoreUsYelledSin: So it isn't coming directly for the horses mouth,
so to speak.
Glomawr: sounds like a source to me
BoreUsYelledSin: Well... supposedly Joan went on for labial surgery.
Ooolijay: labial surgery?
BoreUsYelledSin: She had extremely long labia.... and I guess she
didn't like the "flappin' in the wind" feel to them.
Glomawr: oh..........
Ooolijay: long labia?
Zoshka5: dumbo labia
BoreUsYelledSin: yes Julie... that is a big new thing for women.
Glomawr: bad if you ride motorcycles naked
BoreUsYelledSin: Exactly Zosh.
Glomawr: the flying twat
Artfulcrosstitch: flapping in the wind glomar
Ooolijay: not if you want to slow down glom
Zoshka5: a lip tuck
Glomawr: I'm callin Disney
BoreUsYelledSin: Maybe when she was swimming someone thought
they were undeer attack by a sting ray or something.
Glomawr: a flitter tuck
Glomawr: a sting ray...........LOL
Artfulcrosstitch: thats terrible
Glomawr: worse than terrible
Zoshka5: being attacked by a hirsute dragon
Glomawr: which of course would be terriblest
Zoshka5: lay labia lay, lay across my big brass clit ring
BoreUsYelledSin: Well, I didn't make it up. But who knows if
it's true. But I do know that if god was one of us he'd probably
not have really long labia.
BoreUsYelledSin: But, I can't speak for god.




Julie's Ready:
Godwit935: Has anyone in here made a fallback plan in case the
entire economy collapses?
Ooolijay: i'm thinking of painting my toenails

Vindictive:
BoreUsYelledSin: I can't stand that Mike Huckabee.
BoreUsYelledSin: I hope he regains that 600 pounds he lost.

Populists:
Godwit935: I would like to see the rich lose everything, and be as
poor as the very poor.
Zoshka5: walmart is crowded enough
Doc Whew: the hot dog mustard at walmart tastes like egg roll mustard

Tom Dis'ed:
Tom Brite: everyone is scared
Godwit935: Tom, I am not scared at all. I am getting richer,
relatively speaking.
Ooolijay: tom, your ex wife was in here earlier. she called you
a douchebag

Someone New to Flirt With:
BoreUsYelledSin: if everyone flirts with Oooli, I'm gonna have
to find someone different to flirt with. I hate being one of
the many.
BoreUsYelledSin: Maybe I'll start flirting with Godwit.
BinxB91: BoreUs, flirt with Daisy
BoreUsYelledSin: I don't know Daisy... does she have breasts?
Tom Brite: i would like a nice fire, some warm breasts and a dog
Ooolijay: she has a trail
MsVictoriaLynn1: well, I have warm breasts and a dog
Ooolijay: i have a bird

Godwitisms:
Godwit935: I hear people saying "who knew" on NPR all the time
and it makes me want to crush their windpipes.
Godwit935: Is it abnormal to be angry? Of course not.
Godwit935: Anyone with a head on his shoulders is angry and
negative.
Godwit935: Any normal American man is angry.

Godwit's Dog:
Zoshka5: I imagine he has some sort of drooly hound with
flatulence issues


Charmed:
SecretSkull11: theres two kind of woman hookers and non hookers
hookers get paid up front non hookers get it on the back end


The Unappreciated Rono:
Onimesh: annscrispin blames EVERYONE
Onimesh: once everyone was attacking her and i saved her
Onimesh: the next day she blames me too

Hooters Relection:
Godofodd2: rafo, I just got back from hooters casino, they
are a bit younger than palin

Bengali Pen Pal:
Onimesh: Mimi emailed me from india

And Funny Too?:
CordialCactus: i take after my dad and he's funny looking

Those Crazy Canucks:
KD81785: there is not a damn job that a welfare mother can't
do that Canadians do
KD81785: Ann murray

You Have to Be There:
CordialCactus: the upside down show
Ooolijay: what is the upside down show
CordialCactus: its funny!


Safety Lessons:
CordialCactus: but.. an experience with my niece taught me to
never never put a raisin in your nose
NoraMcKee525: i had an experience that taught me never to leave
manicure scissors on the couch cushion

Shopping for Bras:
WildCIAagent: It the NEW! naturally uplifting!
BoDY LACE FANTASY by Vanity Fair
CordialCactus: underwire?
WildCIAagent: I got the Yes
NoraMcKee525: the yes?
WildCIAagent: Beige one
Ooolijay: yes to underwire i think nora
NoraMcKee525: oh
WildCIAagent: Yes, underwire... she mixed me up.
NoraMcKee525: i prefer cia stirred, not shaken
WildCIAagent: It's light as a feather.
CordialCactus: how much?
CordialCactus: online? or physically at a store
CordialCactus: and dont be embarrassed to tell me how much
WildCIAagent: $30
Ooolijay: i would be afraid to buy a bra online
CordialCactus: ok
CordialCactus: my mom buys my bras
CordialCactus: cia, she just knows
CordialCactus: i am a dork
Ooolijay: your mom buys bras for you?
CordialCactus: she does
WildCIAagent: I tried on about 8 and this one felt the best.
CordialCactus: i dont ask her to
CordialCactus: she sends them
CordialCactus: and i think.. oh hey, i dont have to buy one
NoraMcKee525: you tried them on?
NoraMcKee525: i don't do that
Ooolijay: of course you try them on
Ooolijay: are you insane nora?
NoraMcKee525: it's like underwear!
WildCIAagent: CC, how does she know what will fit just right?
Ooolijay: you dont try panties on
Ooolijay: but you do try bras on
Ooolijay: yes
Ooolijay: yes you do
WildCIAagent: NO, I ALWAYS try them on!



Unsatisfied:
WildCIAagent: Hi CC, o, Nora,
Ooolijay: how come you gave me such a little o?

Pontoon Sex:
CordialCactus: ive never had dressing room sex
CordialCactus: or even dressing room heavy petting
NoraMcKee525: never?
CordialCactus: nope
WildCIAagent: My husband would never.
NoraMcKee525: public bathroom sex?
Ooolijay: i've had that
CordialCactus: thinking
NoraMcKee525: alley sex?
NoraMcKee525: ok...cactus is making ME feel like a ho
CordialCactus: no and no
Ooolijay: behind the beer tent on a picnic table at oktoberfest sex
NoraMcKee525: end of times!!
CordialCactus: lol
NoraMcKee525: lol oooli
BinxB91: car sex?
Ooolijay: yeah car sex
CordialCactus: yes to car sex
NoraMcKee525: duh binx
Ooolijay: everyone has had car sex
WildCIAagent: O?
NoraMcKee525: movie theater sex
Ooolijay: yes
CordialCactus: pontoon sex, backyard sex, back of truck sex,
parents bed sex
WildCIAagent: Eww
BinxB91: sex in the high grass?
CordialCactus: lol no to movie theater sex
NoraMcKee525: sex while driving
CordialCactus: you mean with someone, right?>
Ooolijay: lol pontoon sex
WildCIAagent: That was my eww too, CC
Ooolijay: yes
NoraMcKee525: yes cactus!
CordialCactus: lol
CordialCactus: i was thinking pee wee herman


Jinx or Slug Bug:
Ooolijay: dont stand so close to me
BinxB91: "don't stand so ...."
Ooolijay: is the song you're thinking of
BinxB91: JINX II
CordialCactus: thats it
Ooolijay: in which sting references lolita
CordialCactus: you owe binx a coke
Ooolijay: i'm the girl
Ooolijay: binx buys the drinks
CordialCactus: ok.. but according to the rules of jinx
CordialCactus: the person who says jinx first gets the coke
CordialCactus: duh
CordialCactus: ::eyeroll::
NoraMcKee525: i thought the one who says jinx gets to punch
the other one
CordialCactus: nora, thats slug bug

Nora Draws the Line:
BoreUsYelledSin: I'm against sex in public.
HunterXTC: i could have public sex to the charlie parker tune
on Nora's profile
NoraMcKee525: stop saying that already


Godwit to BookShelf:
Godwit935: Good night, you mostly disgusting pigs.

Wondering Comes to an End:
HunterXTC: well, i WAS wondering, but i guess i no longer have
to wonder. but i think the perfect breast size is 34C.



Was It Good For You Too?
NoraMcKee525: did you just snort me?

Lovely and Amazing

Point of View:
Summers Eve L: I'm not mean! They're just sissies.

What He Heard:
Godwit935: That John Leonard had it all over Crichton,
from what I heard.

What She Found Out:
Creepy Loner: Well, when I was a wee-Creep and in elementary
school, I'd hear people say that we had to write an "SA"...so,
at one point, I wrote just that at the top of a paper...only
to find out that it was "essay."

Found:
Lamumsie: my hubby googled my s/n, and found me in KatyTried

The Discovery Channel:
B00KGASM: Today I discovered that the Passion of the Christ
is my vagina on its period.


Except It Wasn't Called That:
Godwit935: Reagan led the screw-your-neighbor New American Philosophy.

Please Forward To KatyTried:
Melodramamama22: thats the stupidest thing i ever heard any human
being say in a chatroom

Julie's Nightmare:
Ooolijay: i could so fall asleep right now
Ooolijay: i'm so tired
Godwit935: So.
Ooolijay: exhausted really
Godwit935: Look at the way people talk.
Godwit935: I could so fall asleep.
Godwit935: What are we, ten years old.
Ooolijay: i am ten godwit

[By week four, half the class has washed out. The second phase,
in the mountains, is when the sleep deprivation starts to tell.
At night everyone expects hallucinations --- walking dreams, the
subconscious gobbling what mental airtime it can. A grad hears
trees talking to him, flags down the Ranger Instructors. "I'm
out of here," he says, "I'm done." But after some nights the
hallucinations turn manageable, become portable entertainment.
In the final weeks --- patrolling through swamps in Florida ---
Huck's Ranger buddy carefully eyes the sun as it drops behind
vines and leaves. "Let the fun begin," he says. Huck's worst
one comes while while he's squad-leading. He becomes certain
that some sort of aircraft --- a spaceship --- has landed
beside him. He turns to his Ranger buddy. "Damn, dude" he
says. "I'm gonna fail this patrol. I'm gonna kicked out." The
other LT tells him he'll be fine. "No I won't," Huck says.
"They're following us." "Who?" "Little green aliens. I'm
gonna get kicked outta here."
"And that's how Ranger School screws with you," Huck laughs.
"I wasn't upset that little green men were following us. I'm
worried that I'm gonn fail my patrol."]


Gateway Sex:
BoreUsYelledSin: Snuggling is the gateway activity to hard
and violent sex.

Don't Hold Your Breath:
Melodramamama22: i've tried to marry a lot of people out of
sheer brattiness

Intriguing Theory:
LadyMtnMedic: I kinda think Godwit may be a woman
LadyMtnMedic: if you think about it, it would explain so much...
Prospect26: I thjink Godwit is a male...a woman would not be such
a jerk,

Giveing Voice to Shelfers:
BoreUsYelledSin: All the men sound like Darth Vader and all the women
sound like Shelley Duval.

"What! Were You Married in a Barn?":
BoreUsYelledSin: Melo, aren't you married?
BoreUsYelledSin: And if you're not married, why aren't you?
Melodramamama22: bore, i am technically married, yes
Melodramamama22: but i shall technically not be married, at some
point
Melodramamama22: it depends on how fast scotland moves
BinxB91: Scotland?
Melodramamama22: no, i didn't get married on a technicality.
it got married in scotland
BinxB91: he wore a kilt??
Melodramamama22: no, he wore a suit. but were were in a barn.


Rono Dating Advice:
Onimesh: Great way to pick up women is not to use the L word
too much...
Onimesh: and don't constantly say that the woman is beautiful
Melodramamama22: onimesh, i bet she doesn't constantly say you're
beautiful either
Onimesh: and don't laugh too much when you are with someone...that
makes them think you like them

Propspect's Dinner Party:
Prospect26: Just had a great dinner party...talked about our
children still needing money and being 27- 30+ years old.

Going For the Record:
Onimesh: i have binx, bore, hary, spss, melo on ignore

Sad Sick Simulacrum:
Tem o Bedlam: There is undoubtedly some sad sick simulacrum of
power in having everybody on ignore... kinda like not being
online, but with higher energy usage.

Southerner Lesson:
Melodramamama22: what is the only hush puppy mix you should
ever buy at the store?
LadyMtnMedic: what is a hush puppy?
BoreUsYelledSin: Hushpuppie mix, huh?
Ooolijay: what is a hush puppy?
Melodramamama22: house autry, people
Melodramamama22: if you are going to undertake to make hush
puppies at home (which is ill advised)
Melodramamama22: you must have house autry
Melodramamama22: hush puppy mix
Melodramamama22: there. my duty is done.


Odds & Ends:

BoreUsYelledSin: Catfish is pretty good. I like to call it
the other white meat.

B00KGASM: I am eating tomato soup.


Teachers Have It Tough:
NoraMcKee525: melo...i hate school baby showers
Melodramamama22: nora, the principal is having a baby next week.
its enough to make you wanna off yourself. so, agreed

Punchlines:
BoreUsYelledSin: Let me think about a good joke.
BoreUsYelledSin: How about "Oh, wood-eye!"
BoreUsYelledSin: that's a good one.
Ooolijay: hair lip hair lip
BoreUsYelledSin: Big nose big nose
BoreUsYelledSin: I prefer the hair lip one.
Tem o Bedlam: I always liked "YOur sign fell down."
BoreUsYelledSin: SOmetimes just the punchlines are better than
the entire joke.
BoreUsYelledSin: I a frayed knot!
BoreUsYelledSin: Oh yeah, you shoulda seen the other guy
Tem o Bedlam: Wait til he shakes his head.
BoreUsYelledSin: So I got this thing.
BoreUsYelledSin: Relax, you're two tents
CordialCactus: but you screw one goat

An Accident Waiting to Happen:
Tem o Bedlam: Sometime in the next few days, I'm gonna have haggis.
CordialCactus: on purpose, tem?

Because He Hates Humans:
Onimesh: I saw cows having sex...

Her Dodgy Organ:
Creepy Loner: My split with him was, arguably, the worst
heartbreak of my life.
Offpat: ahhh creepy the human heart is a dodgy organ


Dust and Mold or Bodily Fluids:
MsVictoriaLynn1: How have you been Edie?
EDruezillaB: depressed and sick
EDruezillaB: but I'm remarkably better now
EDruezillaB: one was because of the first weekened in October
which I spent visiting someone and the other was because of a
weekend cleaning my garage.
EDruezillaB: the two were not connected, by the way
BinxB91: Cleaning the garage depressed you?
EDruezillaB: Binx, I spent a weekend trading bodily fluids of
every kind and I spent a weekend inhaling dust and mold.
you decide.

[Later, when they are roasting marshmellows, when he's got
the date eating off his stick, Paul will try to touch her.
He'll rest his hand on her thigh.
"I'd rather you not," she'll say. "For now I prefer to touch
myself."]

Connected Events:
Ooolijay: five people on my buddylist have away messages on
Ooolijay: i ordered a jigsaw puzzle tonight

The Long Good Bye:
Offpat: thats a culinary pun
Offpat: cuts like a knife
Offpat: forchette
Offpat: cuteau
Offpat: cuteaou
Offpat: damn
BinxB91: Offpat has been saying good bye for 20 minutes now
Alansueton: he's the James Brown of chat
Alansueton: someone keeps trying to cover him with a cape
But he gets back up to bust new moves
Offpat: HAHAH ALAN PAPAS GOT A BRAND NEW YAM

Career Path:
BinxB91: Evie, how's the waitressing going?
Sleepy Eyed Evie: its a dream come true Binx
Sleepy Eyed Evie: bringing people their food

21st Century Newton:
SteveIzHere5: stuff doesnt just land on your head
StilIJaded: yep, steve is right

Texas Football:
Ooolijay: we're under tornado watch, it's supposed to rain,
lightening, hail possibly, and they still haven't called my
nephew's flag football game

The Girls:
Anais3233: Snausage wallet!
Creepy Loner: I'm not entirely here...give me a second...
Summers Eve L: HamsterPanty!
Anais3233: i read jen lancaster, and you're so her.
Anais3233: bitch on wheels
Summers Eve L: I thought of you this weekend. I almost bought
"Dear Vodka..."
Anais3233: OMG it is SOO good
Summers Eve L: But it's totally hardback and I am too cheap for
that sh*t.
Summers Eve L: I mean she is funny. But not $24.95 funny.

Alternative Universe:
Duwamish Head: do any of you guys remember that record
"baron von toll booth and the crome nun"?
Duwamish Head: or ius it 'chrome'?

Let's Set Things Straight:
Summers Eve L: Ok. First of all. There are no mints in my restroom.

Always Anais:
Anais3233: summers, have you ever pissed in a urinal?

Cynical about KatyTried:
Offpat: a blog of this crap?
Offpat: i mean how lovely

The Shy Girl:
AnnAsphodel: This very interesting font is Palatino Linotype.
AnnAsphodel: I'm too timid to try bold tonight

Veteran's Day Blues:
AnnAsphodel: There is no trash collection tomorrow. That annoys me.
Creepy Loner: No trash-collection tomorrow?
Creepy Loner: Why not?
AnnAsphodel: Veterans' Day.
Creepy Loner: F**k!
Creepy Loner: And I took the trash DOWN.
Creepy Loner: I could have been lazy!
Creepy Loner: Argh!
AnnAsphodel: I take the trash down when I hear the truck in the morning.
Melodramamama22: creepy, lol go get the trash back

The Unexpected Ann:
BinxB91: OMG!! Ann has a Ginsberg quote in her profile!!!
AnnAsphodel: Binx, of course.
BinxB91: Does her Board of Education know??
AnnAsphodel: F**k them.
BinxB91: Geez, Ann You defy expectations
Melodramamama22: what is with all the PROFANITY in here?
AnnAsphodel: I'm famous for that.
Melodramamama22: i'm shocked
Creepy Loner: Watch out; Binx is falling in lust, Ann.
BinxB91: You could almost be CreepyLoner's roommate
BinxB91: (blush)
AnnAsphodel: I could cultivate a good AOL lust right now.
Creepy Loner: Ginsberg quotes in the profile? We'd probably
kill one another inside of a month, Binx.
Creepy Loner: Either that, or start a wild affair.
Creepy Loner: [baffled frown]
BinxB91: Ann seems like many teachers. Social life on hold
until June
Melodramamama22: what the heck's an asphodel?


Unfortunately For Her She Doesn't Mean Penises:
AnnAsphodel: I apparently have a proclivity toward dicks.

Melo Without An Answer:
Melodramamama22: we have this poor old sub, he's about 132
years old, and we had to put him on the do not call list
Melodramamama22: and his 113 year old wife came in today
crying, saying we'd destroyed his confidence
Melodramamama22: i said: um.

Binx's Date:
BinxB91: I was eating out with my daughter this summer and i
wanted to slap the waitress who seemed to be giggling at our
awkward date
Creepy Loner: [stares at Binx]
Creepy Loner: Good thing Dr. Fork missed that comment.
Creepy Loner: I'll keep it from him, Binx.
BinxB91: the waitress misread our relationship
Melodramamama22: binx, i bet she went in the back and said "gasp!
that man's old enough to be her father!"


Hand-Roll:
Creepy Loner: They'd feel bad for you guys...trust me. The moment
I hand-roll in front of anyone, all feelings of pity for me fly
right out the proverbial window.
Creepy Loner: Sucks.
Melodramamama22: i feel your handrolling pain

It Had to Happen:
BinxB91: HA Rono moved on
Creepy Loner: Thank God...
Harryshaw3178: rono got lonely. he had us all on ignore

It Gets Foggy After That:
EmpressZ21: oooo i remember one time my friends and i went
to a frat party

Affixiated:
LeCorbusier912: lull, are you mildly retarded?
LeCorbusier912: any more questions, anyone?
Lullabellee: never been affixiated with that term lecorb
LadyMtnMedic: affixiated with?
LeCorbusier912: leave it be, lady
LeCorbusier912: she's sweet
Creepy Loner: I think that was supposed to be "I've never had
that term affixed to me."
LadyMtnMedic: hoping so
Creepy Loner: Although if you're looking for asphyxiation,
Le's probably your man, Lull...
LeCorbusier912: i never tried that
LeCorbusier912: but once i used a rubber band as a cock ring when
i was jerking off and i had a terrible time getting it off

Rono's Aunties:
RONORELOADED: binx, lots of women like to walk around naked in
their rooms...
RONORELOADED: my aunties used to do it all the time...

Two Left Feet?:
Creepy Loner: Understood...those first attempts at educated
masturbation are always a little clumsy.

Invisible Forces:
Onimesh: Lulla, I think in reality, presidents have no power...
that they are controlled by invisible forces...so election
means very little to me...

Mojo Rising:
Glomawr: could ya fix me a sandwich
Glomawr: I am hungry
BoreUsYelledSin: I could use a sandwich as well.
BoreUsYelledSin: Speaking of which... have most of you had a
Cubano sandwich?
MsVictoriaLynn1: save me a Reuben
Ooolijay: what is a cubano sandwich?
BoreUsYelledSin: Come on... Cubano.
CordialCactus: what
CordialCactus: no, boreus
BoreUsYelledSin: Julie has never had a cubano... nor Cordial...
oh my god, you people HAVE to have one.
BoreUsYelledSin: I'm very serious here.
Ooolijay: what is it first
BoreUsYelledSin: One shouldn't go through life without experiencing
a cubano.
CordialCactus: Cuban sandwich - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
(Keyword to: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cuban_sandwich)
Glomawr: good ole Wikipedia
Ooolijay: is that it boreus?
BoreUsYelledSin: Do any of you have a Cuban restaurant within
driving distance?
CordialCactus: marinated in mojo?
CordialCactus: the meat is marinated in mojo
Glomawr: that is how I decided which way to vote.......wikipedia
CordialCactus: sometimes
BoreUsYelledSin: Its the sandwich that god blessed.
Glomawr: I looked up Republican and Wikipedia said BAD PEOPLE
Glomawr: so I voted democrat
Ooolijay: i dont know if there is a cuban restaurant around here or not
CordialCactus: Mojo (sauce) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
(Keyword to: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mojo_(sauce))
Ooolijay: what makes it so special
Glomawr: got my mojo workin
Ooolijay: that wikipedia thing says it's a ham sandwich
Ooolijay: and i have to tell ya boreus, i'm not a big fan of ham
BoreUsYelledSin: It comes with roast pork, pickle, ham (the ham
cancels out the two forms of pig to make the entire sandwich kosher)
and swiss cheese.
BoreUsYelledSin: It's not JUST ham.
CordialCactus: ham and cheese layered with pickles.. and sometimes
marinated in mojo
BoreUsYelledSin: Don't be silly.
Glomawr: ham comes from dirty pigs
BoreUsYelledSin: This sandwich is also grilled... flattened and grilled.
CordialCactus: lol @ cancels out the two forms
Ooolijay: you're trying to sell it as a kosher ham sandwich
BoreUsYelledSin: I'm sorry... I meant the pickle cancels out
the two forms of ham.
BoreUsYelledSin: I'm telling you that you haven't HAD a sandwich
until you've had a Cubano.
BoreUsYelledSin: That's what I'm telling you.
BoreUsYellSin: No ifs ands or butts.
Ooolijay: i think it's just a ham sandwich
BoreUsYelledSin: You might think that but you would be thinking
incorrectly.
BoreUsYelledSin: CC, where do you live.
Ooolijay: boreus how much have you been drinking tonight?
Ooolijay: you're really awfully excited about a ham sandwich
CordialCactus: west and south of green bay wisconsin.. im
thinking its not so much cuban central
Ooolijay: more so than any sober person would be
BoreUsYelledSin: Hmmmm... CC, how often do you make it to Chicago?
CordialCactus: a couple few times a year
BoreUsYelledSin: Hey, I had a friend that had a pretty big
show at the Green Bay or somewhere in WIsconsin Art Museum.
BoreUsYelledSin: Or at least I think he did.
BoreUsYelledSin: Ok... now I'll have to google.
CordialCactus: appleton has a lot of artsy fartsy stuff
CordialCactus: near green bay

Just Another Night On the Shelf:
Ooolijay: you guys are going to make me throw up

What If We Were Breeds of Dogs??
(oh stfu already, Binx)


You Missed Me While You Were Gone:
Ooolijay: i've been brilliant all day ...you've missed it
Ooolijay: i dont know how much more i have in me

Soothe Me:
Ooolijay: i'm just slowing down a little
Ooolijay: my back hurts and i have a headache
Ooolijay: and i'm crabby
LadyQuasi: Poor baby...
BinxB91: crabby??
Ooolijay: yes
Ooolijay: crabby
BinxB91: how could you relieve that?
Ooolijay: i'll have to find someone to take it out on binx
BinxB91: Couldn't you find someone to soothe you?
Ooolijay: that would be soothing

Cheerleading Season:
LadyQuasi: I'm exhausted. It's been one helluva week, but at
least cheerleading is over.
Ooolijay: you're a cheerleader
LadyQuasi: Nope. I coach

South Pacific Reference:
WildCIAagent: Very well.... on the death talk... I'm going to
wash this color from my hair.
Tem o Bedlam: Wild is Mary Martin?

"we both felt funny":
Melodramamama22: my best affair was with an ex pro rugby
player from manchester
Melodramamama22: it had to be an affair because we both felt
funny about actual dating cause he coulda been my kid


There Will Always Be a BookSlut:
B00KGASM: Alans. I am reading Luisa Valenzuela
Alansueton: Book so what
B00KGASM: This is why this room repulses me.
B00KGASM: Enjoy.
Alansueton: I am sorry Book
BOOKGASM has left the room
ThePaIeRlDER: bitch
DoomGrl: they almost never talk about books in
Authors Lounge either
Melodramamama22: good lord she's delicate
Creepy Loner: She's feeling important tonight.


Can You Smell the Love Tonight?:
Anais3233: my child just walked by me and farted

"it's all about the clit":
Alansueton: Cock is like EF Hutton for Oooli. She opens
her legs when she hears it
Phronsie: OOOOOO, why?
Ooolijay: why what phronsie
Phronsie: That's what baffles me
Ooolijay: why do i like sex?
Phronsie: sex and cock are not the same thing precisely
BoreUsYelledSin: What good is penisless sex?
Phronsie: Boreus, for a male, not much
Phronsie: For a woman, it really doesn't matter.
Phronsie: it's all about the clit


Odds and Ends:

BoreUsYelledSin: You can't beat a good baguette

DoomGrl: i like triscuits

Lydiaparn8: My husband doesn't drink.

EighthDensity: the bible has many pseudo teachings, hence forth
much sorrow and distortion it has created

CordialCactus: i hear pabst is making a comeback

Melodramamama22: i googled bubble tea and got 590,000 results

Zoshka5: I collect bookmarks and russian laquer boxes



The End of Freedom Fries:
BoreUsYelledSin: The French are really quite cute.

Getting Rid of Godwit:
Ooolijay: i have good teeth
BoreUsYelledSin: Do you floss... brush... see the dentist regularly?
BoreUsYelledSin: No gum problems?
Ooolijay: i honestly dont know how people do not floss
Tallthinjones: ooli, which are your favorite seven teeth?
Ooolijay: no, my gums are healthy
BoreUsYelledSin: I don't either.
BoreUsYelledSin: But I do the small brushy things more than I floss.
Ooolijay: one of the ones in the front tj
GLG32: i get a little lex on the flossing sometimes but i
defintley brush relgiously
BoreUsYelledSin: The small brushy things are supposedly better
than flossing.
Godwit935: People are talking about flossing their teeth.
Ooolijay: yes godwit
Ooolijay: are you a flosser?
Godwit935: Shove it up there, Ooli.
Ooolijay: shove it up where godwit?
Godwit935: Go obscenity yourself, Oooli.
GLG32: ewww.
Ooolijay: go obscenity myself?
Godwit935: Floss.
Ooolijay: i meant your teeth you perv
CordialCactus: gosh godwit
GLG32: lord my godwit.

A Comedy in No Acts:
LeCorbusier912: i once wrote a comedy entitled wet pants and
broken glass
LeCorbusier912: well, i just had the title

The Hardy Boy:
LeCorbusier912: my favorite hardy is return of the native?
LeCorbusier912: mayor of casterbridge?
Ooolijay: why is that a question?
LeCorbusier912: i'm not sure
LeCorbusier912: tess wasn't a bad movie

Julie and the Nerd Girl:
Heavymetalchix18: hey you guys and girls um im doing a
Best Of 2008 Quiz thing basicaly its like ur favorite food, drink,
color etc uh its really easy takes like 5 or 10 mins depending
on you, if ur intrested let me know
Heavymetalchix18: and ill get it set up for u
Ooolijay: shush chix
Heavymetalchix18: why do i have to shush
Heavymetalchix18: im trying to do this quiz
Heavymetalchix18: you shush
Ooolijay: thanks
Heavymetalchix18: yeh
Heavymetalchix18: ignore me

Fork Laughs:
BinxB91: Last week at a gun show in Westfield, Mass, an 8-year
old accidentally shot himself to death while test firing an Uzi
Forkrerereredux: LOL BINX

Mr Exacto Strikes Again:
Rafo65: I always found the feathers on the shuttlecocks a bit creepy..
Godwit935: The birdies haven't had feathers on them for decades.

More to Come:
Hyperyon3: I finished quarter of a sandwich

A Four-Door Fiat:
Godwit935: JF, we have a social compact here in the United States.

Sugar Daddy:
Wishesyetunspoke: Back with awful Halloween Candy
Wishesyetunspoke: Anyone want?
CordialCactus: wishey, specifically?
Wishesyetunspoke: Well the neice and nephew raided all the chocolates
CordialCactus: ah.. smart kids
Wishesyetunspoke: What remains...dots, Tottsie Rolls sugar babies,
sugar daddies,
CordialCactus: whats the difference between a sugar baby and a
sugar daddy?
Wishesyetunspoke: I wouldn't have bought any of this
Wishesyetunspoke: Daddys you get to suck off a stick
Ooolijay: daddies you get to suck off a stick?
CordialCactus: ::snicker::
Ooolijay: what the hell
CordialCactus: sugar daddies are on a stick
CordialCactus: the candy
Ooolijay: oh
Wishesyetunspoke: "Delicious Milk Caramel Pop"
BoreUsYelledSin: daddies on a schtick
MsVictoriaLynn1: I think Freud just opened an eye.....
Ooolijay: yeah i went to an odd place
Wishesyetunspoke: That did come out wrong

Greg at the Mall:
ThePaIeRlDER: she was married to greg
Lydiaparn8: Oh, yeah. I saw Greg once at the Maas Brothers
in the Desoto Mall, Pale.
Melodramamama22: wait a second. you know the allmans?
Lydiaparn8: I said, "Hey, you're Greg Allman."
Lydiaparn8: And he agreed with me and showed us his broken watch.
He was very high.

Mimi at 14:
Madam Mimi: oh did I tell you guys my crush's best friend said
my crush is love w/me?
Madam Mimi: and I go What exactly does he say?

Mimi at 34:
Madam Mimi: Binx I recently got married... he asked and asked and
asked so I said OK
Madam Mimi: Binx my hubby is very sexy though....and sweet when he
doesnt drink

"Candice! Cover Me!":
Rafo65: OMG.. CC and Creepy both in the room.. (blush)
Creepy Loner: I'm bleeding and in great pain, Rafo...
Creepy Loner: Focus on Cord.
Creepy Loner: It's for the best.


Menstruation is to Godwit What Crucifixes are to Dracula:
Rafo65: aww. what's up, Creepy?
Creepy Loner: I'm bleeding and in great pain.
Godwit935: Put a sock in it, Creepy.
CordialCactus: dry armpit shave, creeps?
Rafo65: is this from surgery, a mugging, or ...erm..
"natural" causes?
Creepy Loner: I was thinking more along the lines of a
handtowel, Godwit...
Muktoshoinik: yea, suck it up, creepy, stupid butt breath
Creepy Loner: "Natural" causes.
Godwit935: Creepy, I mean, keep it to yourself.
StilIJaded: menstrual causes, most likely
Raphael11110: God u r stupid


Celebrating Clay Aiken Day:
Beysshoes: you came out the day of clay aiken.
Creepy Loner: ...?
Beysshoes: you were lying? omg i believed you and was so happy

Still Dicky:
Creepy Loner: That's a fact. I've tried...and, like I said, it
didn't take. I'm not "strictly dickly"...but maybe 95% dickly.

Esquire:
BoreUsYelledSin: I think the best way to propose to a woman is
while very drunk. I guess that might give you a do-over the
next morning.


I bet you say that to all the boys:
Beysshoes: binx are you effing smashed?

Amber's Dad:
Alansueton: women hate men who are all sentimental and treat them
like they're angels
Alansueton: their daddy did that
AmberDevilRay8: My dad made me clean the gutters and work on the car.


Conspiracy Watch:
Beysshoes: binx obama cried in north carolina talking about his
gran dying
BinxB91: His grandmother died??
Alansueton: Stage tears
Alansueton: crying for votes
Alansueton: he probably had her killed because she knew too
much about his Muslim Past

Amber Humbled:
AmberDevilRay8: Watching NOVA never makes me sleepy. It just
makes me feel stupid. =(

The Accidental Parody:
BinxB91: Amber, what are you reading?
AmberDevilRay8: The Kite Rubber.
AmberDevilRay8: *Runner

Spell Check/Northern Lights:
LeCorbusier912: i want to go to alaska to see blue ice glaciers
LeCorbusier912: and the northern lights
Tammynet: the northern lights there are magical jim
CordialCactus: i saw the northern lights 3 years ago
CordialCactus: it made a dome, like a gaudy salad bowl over
the night sky
CordialCactus: gawdy?
LeCorbusier912: everyone's afraid to type aurora borealis
LeCorbusier912: is that right?
LeCorbusier912: looks wrong
CordialCactus: aurora borealis
CordialCactus: thats right according to spell check
LeCorbusier912: i just puked in my mouth

Feel the Love:
Beysshoes: hola you skanks and male ho!
ThePaIeRlDER: wassup my future nookie!


Can You Smell the Love:
ThePaIeRlDER: bey you need to hook up with some rich guy that
likes to travel
Beysshoes: i dont like rich. money is too much responsibility
pale. yw
ThePaIeRlDER: we aint talkin about to marry
ThePaIeRlDER: to vacation with then dump
Beysshoes: yah but the rich vaca is boring. i like the cave
men better
CordialCactus: cave men pick belly button lint and grunt
ThePaIeRlDER: cept the caveman cant afford ta go anywhere
Beysshoes: YES! (and smelly ones candy)

Rider With A Lot to Offer:
ThePaIeRlDER: dingleberries?
Beysshoes: NO dingleberries pale. but i will wash their undies.
ThePaIeRlDER: mmmmmmmmmm
Beysshoes: and they MUST have their own teeth at least
ThePaIeRlDER: i have a full set
Beysshoes: pale i wasn't referring to your sex toys


Onion Getting His Fix:
Tammynet: that onion does have powers doesn't he
Beysshoes: YES> he is the BEST tammy. where is he anymore?
Tammynet: i am not sure beys...
Beysshoes: he's prolly on some street corner in san fran
shouting politics like some religious nut
CordialCactus: he was here last night re: onion
CordialCactus: he was able to vent some, beys, maybe that will
tide him over for a bit


Lopers:
McLaryn5508: As many hits as mccain takes about his looks/age,
can't someone tape obama's ears to his head?
ThePaIeRlDER: yeah he does have some lopers
CordialCactus: the better to hear you with, my dear


Beysshoes's Surprise:
Beysshoes: last year he got mean when i sent him xmas gifts
so i dont know iffin i gonna send him this year
Beysshoes: mebbe just a carton of smokes.
ThePaIeRlDER: send him a butt plug bey
Beysshoes: i heart him but he doesn't like me dat much.
Beysshoes: he's scared imma visit him in san fran wid a years
worth packed
Beysshoes: (which is not out of the realm of possibilities, i suppose)
Beysshoes: dunt tel him i sayud dat
Beysshoes: he gets paranoid and doesn't get that i'm joking


When Your Fantasies Tire You:
ThePaIeRlDER: Lady!
LadyMtnMedic: whats the good word today?
ThePaIeRlDER: SEX!
Beysshoes: pale, now you know lady has class. she aint gonna
do your jiggaho ass
ThePaIeRlDER: beys what makes you think she hasnt already?
LadyMtnMedic: Pale, you dream an awful lot now don't you
ThePaIeRlDER: heh
ThePaIeRlDER: ok im gonna nap
ThePaIeRlDER: im old



Friends of Ellen:
Tammynet: who are we to tell people who they can love ....
LadyMtnMedic: look at ellen degeneris and her show
Beysshoes: i'm SO happy about ellen with porscha ... after
that awful ann heche thing
Beysshoes: yes. ellen DEFINITELY traded up on that one. lol
LadyMtnMedic: Ann went straight and then back again?
Beysshoes: she's strong. i think she rocks. anne heche went
nuts and told the media she was straight and her thing with
ellen was when she was mentally insane.
LadyMtnMedic: ew
LadyMtnMedic: what a horrible thing to do
Beysshoes: it was humiliating for ellen lady
Tammynet: it was horrible


Ghost of Shelfer Past:
Beysshoes: lady, blu told me all the bloggers went and started
another blog and call me an inane fuckwit. sigh
LadyMtnMedic: why listen to blu?
Beysshoes: cus i be stoopid lady

[When I was in the writing part of an important speech I never
read the pertinent reference books. I would read poetry and
biographies, the former because the rush of words would help
loosen the rocks that clogged the words in my head, the latter
because biographies are about the great, and the great lead
lives of struggle, and reading about their epic pain put smaller
discomforts of a speech in a nice perspective.
I always kep Walter Jackson Bates' biography of Samuel Johnson
nearby, and Stephen Vincent Benet's John Brown's Body, and the
Bible (especially the Psalms), and Ezra Pound's Cantos, though
I don't think I ever understood a one. It didn't matter, the
anarchy of language and the sweeping away of syntax had force.]


Onion Checks In:
FoodSIut: BEY, his granny was white, obama hates white people
he is going to take away their guns & bibles


First Reaction to Obama Acceptance Speech:
BoreUsYelledSin: I can't say I love Michelles dress.
BoreUsYelledSin: It looks pretty Halloweenish though


Life at the Hapablap Household:
LeslieHapablap: hapablap is sitting on mr. haablap's lap.
he noticed a tiny wet spot on his pants, pointed and said,
"what's that?" i replied, "feline vaginal fluid." now he
is throwing up.


Skull & Bones Shelf Girls:
Creepy Loner: I don't care about AOL spelling anymore, Face...unless
I start hating you. Then I'll care. Otherwise, I've given up.
Creepy Loner: So, you're safe.
Creepy Loner: From me, anyway.
LeslieHapablap: creepyloner, hi.
Creepy Loner: Leslie.
Creepy Loner: [rolling a cigarette]
LeslieHapablap: we should smoke now.
CordialCactus: Dear Leslie, Im still smarting over alternate status.
I cannot allow you to regress in age 2 years younger. Still,
Best Wishes, CC
Forkrerereredux: hi mrs hapablap. we used to be friends, but now
we're not
DoomGrl: Leslie Creepy thought it was duck tape, and that an essay
was a S.A.
CordialCactus: ps.. dept of redundancy department will fine me
LeslieHapablap: dear spoony, what in the world according to garp
has gotten into you?
Forkrerereredux: fork is an angry young man
Creepy Loner: [laughing]...Doom, you c**t...
Creepy Loner: Evil.
DoomGrl: O:-)
CordialCactus: creeps, knowing that you say duck tape endears me to you
Ooolijay: leslie that is also im talk
CordialCactus: are you to me
CordialCactus: yeah
LeslieHapablap: it is.
Creepy Loner: I USED to damn it! I've stopped! I'm much better now!

Leslie being nasty:
BinxB91: leslie, why are you so attracted to to C'Loner?
LeslieHapablap: binxb91, she makes a wonderful hair pie.


Leslie's History:
DoomGrl: do you know where leslies name is from?
Ooolijay: hapablap?
Creepy Loner: The Simpsons.
CordialCactus: i learned last night
CordialCactus: colonel leslie hapablap, simpsons
DoomGrl: one episode of the simpsons
BinxB91: Leslie's old name was PinkVotary
Ooolijay: and picheesy
Tj34: ooli, where is piecheesy from?
DoomGrl: OMG - she was PinkVotary.
Tj34: yes what is a votary?
Ooolijay: yes doom
DoomGrl: OMFG
Ooolijay: do you think she's different people?
CordialCactus: pink votary was before my time

Carnes Strikes Out:
Rafo65: not the Donner party, you twit.. the Mountain Meadow Massacre
.. Mormons killed about 180 settlers and stole the surviving children
Carnes4432: We just pushed green tree branches through the meat and
held it over a fire
MsVictoriaLynn1: Mormons give me gas... I can't eat them
Ooolijay: hmm
Ooolijay: did you season it with anything?
CordialCactus: same day as the anniversary of the Jonestown massacre
Carnes4432: We didn't see any Mormons, but we would have eaten them
if we did see any
Carnes4432: Dead babies were best, very tender
CordialCactus: ive never liked koolaid
Carnes4432: A grizzly bear ate several of the members of the wagon train
Carnes4432: I killed the bear and ate it
Ooolijay: i dont blame you
Ooolijay: that bear was eating your food

Speak Memory:
DoomGrl: remember when Para use to be smart?

What's She Selling?:
Creepy Loner: I'm starting to think that hanging on to them
is pointless, though. My natural inclination toward
nostalgia seems to be dying...and I'm fairly sure that I
won't have the "happy family / children" set up in this life...
Creepy Loner: So I might sell them...or give them to some
neighborhood kids...
CordialCactus: sell what, creeps?
CordialCactus: im thinking its not your eggs
Creepy Loner: My stuffed animals.
CordialCactus: ah


Brave Man:
Godwit935: I love women, of course, Oooli, and I am not ashamed.

BookShelf Founder?:
Godwit935: Reagan is the reason we are now where we are now.

Relax, You're Abnormal:
Godwit935: Ooli, I don't want to relax anything, being a normal
American man,.

How to Piss Off Binx:
DoomGrl: he doesnt like to be called binky-bonk-a-roo-ga

Getting Creepy:
EmpressZ21: dear penthouse, i never thought this would happen to me
Creepy Loner: [beer through nose]
Creepy Loner: Damn it, Emp.

Dating Advice:
BinxB91: When we go out to the movies she pops a bag of pop
corn just before leaving the house and then sneaks it into
the theater and we have it together
Creepy Loner: That would be more than enough for me...I'd do her.


They Didn't Kiss First?:
DoomGrl: i liked the part in jurassic park where the little girl
wants to pet the nice dinosaur.

Guilt-Stricken:
DoomGrl: i hate when the dentist tells me he can tell im a "snacker"
DoomGrl: like i sneak snacks

Good Girls Don't ...:
DoomGrl: the white stripes are not very nice, as people, if you ask me
Creepy Loner: Thank God I don't deal with them directly, Doom.
Creepy Loner: [crossing self]


No Shit?:
CordialCactus: my mom and i t.p.ed this one girls house after i lost a fight