WHAT IF GOD(wit) WAS ONE OF US?

Godwit to KatyTried Readers:
Godwit935: Yo Binx, when you go in there, tell them they are
some poor sumbucks, reading about this wasteland.

His Resource:
Alansueton: I don't know where I come up with this stuff
Ooolijay: your ass is an endless resource alan

"No,Interesting TO ME!":
Ooolijay: godwit are you a sinner like me?
Godwit935: Let's talk about something interesting.
Godwit935: Binx, do you have anything interesting to
talk about?
BinxB91: Yes, Godwit, ever hate something you once loved?
Godwit935: Not that I can remember, Binx.
BinxB91: Godwit, ever feel passionate?
Godwit935: Binx, that is a ridiculous question, not bona fide.


What Are You Wearing?

Ooolijay: jeans and a dallas cowboy's hoodie

Eyes Attack: I'm wearing black jogging shorts and a blue tank.

Creepy Loner: I am wearing my pink Hudson Bay "woobie"...an
oversized cardigan, loose-knit, cream-colored...a watch-fob
and moose-tooth as a necklace...and a hair-tie.

Zoshka5: jeans and a sort of knit shirt
LeslieHapablap: lee jeans?

LeslieHapablap: binxb91, sock monkey pajamas.


Twice-Told Jokes:
Forkrerereredux: some girls don't know they are pregnant
until the baby falls out
BinxB91: Fork, the baby doesn't exactly "fall" out
DGBALTIMORE: fork thats a state of denial
Josh Maxwell4: classic joke: a girl goes to the doctor and is
told she is pregnant.
Josh Maxwell4: she asks the doctor: "is it mine?"
RONORELOADED: "I swear I don't have a baby in my belly"
Forkrerereredux: um, who is the doctor here?
RONORELOADED: until he tells the woman "how are you today, Mr."


"you are ridiculous":
Godwit935: Ooli, you are impossible to talk to.
Ooolijay: i am not godwit
Ooolijay: you never try to talk to me
Forkrerereredux: godwit never answer questions
Alansueton: Godwit you ended that sentence with a preposition
Godwit935: Ooli, you make it impossible. You are ridiculous.
Ooolijay: whenever i ask you real questions you dont answer

[Her mother sat by my bed and chatted and urged me to ask
Villanelle to marry me when she was free.
'I had a dream last night,' she said. 'A dream of death.
Ask her, Henri.'
When we were out together that afternoon I did ask her, but
she shook her head.
'I can't give you my heart.'
'I don't have to have it.'
'Perhaps not, but I need to give it. You're my
brother.'
When I told her mother what had happened, she stopped her
baking. 'You're steady for her, she goes for madmen. I tell
her to calm down but she never will. She wants it to be
Pentecost everyday.']


Sandwich Spread:
Ooolijay: i was in a good mood today and felt like spreading
the love today, alan
Alansueton: you whore
Ooolijay: so i sandwiched that book between a dog book and a
picture of doomgirl

Street Preacher:
LucifersWit: God cries for you Godwit
LucifersWit: a lost people
LucifersWit: the people of Godwit


Guess Again, Amber:
AmberDevilRay8: Is this Rono dude the leader?


BookSlut's In Love:
B00KGASM: Just got off work.
BinxB91: what is your job, Book?
B00KGASM: Service industry.
B00KGASM: > grin <
BinxB91: CAN you smile?
B00KGASM: Yesss.
BinxB91: food service?
B00KGASM: No.
B00KGASM: Use your imagination.
B00KGASM: I meet foreigners on a daily basis.
BinxB91: is that like everyday?
Onimesh: translation?
Ooolijay: an airport bar?
Onimesh: airport McDonald
WildCIAagent: Hooker?
B00KGASM: That would be awesome, Oooli.
Onimesh: I was thinking "hooker"
B00KGASM: I am in love with the Phoenix airport.


Gay Vodka:
Creepy Loner: Yes. Art F*g claims that he can drink vodka like
it's water and not get a massive hangover. It has to be a
certain kind of especially gay-vodka, though.
Creepy Loner: Which is very expensive.

Creepy Getting Free Dinners:
Creepy Loner: I had a friend in high school that wouldn't eat
...and I'd take the food after it had been scooted around the
plate a few times.
Creepy Loner: The friend would PRETEND to eat by moving the
food around the plate.
Creepy Loner: I'd sit there and wait until friend was done with
this dance...then I'd eat the food. Free dinner!
Creepy Loner: [grin]


Newbie Vetting:
Eyes Attack: I will settle in.
Creepy Loner: Wurd.
Creepy Loner: Tell us more about yourself, Eyes...what do you like,
apart from vodka?
Creepy Loner: Do you use tobacco products of any kind?
Eyes Attack: I do.
Creepy Loner: Ah ha!
Creepy Loner: What do you use?
BinxB91: Do you live in Ohio?
Eyes Attack: I smoke Marlboro Lights 100's.
Eyes Attack: I live in Tennessee.
Creepy Loner: That's what I started on. How long have you been
smoking?
Forkrerereredux: like boys in sailor costumes?


BOOOOORN TO BE WIIIIIILD:
NoraMcKee525: i had heartburn once after I'd washed down a bag of
sour patch kids with a bottle of chardonnay


Odds & Ends:

B00KGASM: I had a dream about my own funeral.

Ooolijay: your body shouldn't be digesting food this late

Forkrerereredux: fork hate shania twain

Onimesh: I have watched The Matrix again today

Godwit935: It will be interesting to see what happens tomorrow
on the stock market.

CordialCactus: cordon bleu popped in my head

NoraMcKee525: i'm stuffed




Where to Find Nora and Julie:
NoraMcKee525: oooli..the scoot inn has morrissey mondays now

Candice Making Money:
CordialCactus: I just made five bucks
ThePaIeRlDER: jesus candice
Anais3233: YAY five dollars!
CordialCactus: selling baby/toddler/preschooler clothes through
craigslist
Anais3233: i'm looking on craig's list right now
EmpressZ21: what did she get for the 5 bucks cact
CordialCactus: two old navy sweaters and a pair of black
suede clogs
BinxB91: babies wear clogs?
Anais3233: only if they are hippie babies, binx
Anais3233: With their hemp diapers

Studying Hard:
Anais3233: i only read stuff that has pictures of genitals in it
Anais3233: OMG speaking of... i saw so many cocks today
Anais3233: and some vaginas too

SunNapper Meets Fork:
SunNapper55: kind of like a Fork raised with wolves or something


NOT on the same page:
EDruezillaB: Binx, we were about to turn to that page where the
girlfirend lays with her head at the foot of the bed as to
accommodate a good face F while he watches football

Creative in Bed:
EDruezillaB: I'm pretty creative in bed.
Ooolijay: i once made a collage in bed

More Stuff Only Rono Knows:
Onimesh: DId you know gestapo police had lots of jewish members?

Regarding Henry:
Onimesh: did you know Hitler was a good buddy with ford?
SunNapper55: Gerald Ford?
BinxB91: Tennesee Ernie Ford?
Onimesh: Then living ford...
Hadachoke: fjiord
BinxB91: Whitey Ford?
Onimesh: I can find out the name withing FIVE minutes
Onimesh: but unless I get paid for it, why should I ?
BinxB91: "Hey good buddy, Adloph here"
SunNapper55: from the Norway Fjiords


Fast Food Foreigners:
Onimesh: if you are chinese and you come to america
Onimesh: you open up a chinese restaurant
Onimesh: your life is set
Onimesh: you don't have to learn anything new...
SunNapper55: and according to Biden, if you're Indian, you
open a Dunkin Donuts
Onimesh: or a subway
Onimesh: sun, in astoria
Onimesh: this indian lady
Onimesh: her name is SHUKLA DEVI
Onimesh: she owns 16!!!
SunNapper55: wow
Onimesh: dunkin donuts...
Onimesh: I used to know four of them...

SunNapper Meets Rono:
SunNapper55: and according to Biden, if you're Indian, you open
a Dunkin Donuts
Onimesh: not indian indian...
Onimesh: sun, no one told you I was indian
Onimesh: how do you know I am indian?
SunNapper55: you're Indian?
Onimesh: don't play dumb
Onimesh: BOY
SunNapper55: I don't have to play.
Onimesh: or subhuman woman
SunNapper55: I was talking about Biden. And his comments.
Onimesh: I am watching you...
SunNapper55: get this Onimesh offa me!!!


The Geeky Girls:
Summers Eve L: No, but I have "Haunted Places: the
National Directory"
Melodramamama22: you do not
Summers Eve L: I so do.
Summers Eve L: It's by Dennis William Hauck
Melodramamama22: thats kinda dorky. do you look up haunted places
before you go somewhere?
Summers Eve L: I wanted to base a road trip on haunted places.
Melodramamama22: and hit 'em?
Melodramamama22: omg
Summers Eve L: OMG. You didn't know I am geekitronious maximus?
Summers Eve L: Because I like so am.


"Movie Sex Scenes for 600, Alex":
BinxB91: In what movie does Suasan Sarandon go down on James Spader?
Melodramamama22: white palace
Melodramamama22: white something
Summers Eve L: Damn it.
BinxB91: WTG Melo
Melodramamama22: hahahahaha!
Melodramamama22: i should be quiet and let someone else win one
Melodramamama22: snort
Summers Eve L: I want to go down on James Spader. Ok. There's some
trivia for you.
BinxB91: In what movie does Marlon Brando have anal sex with his
lover with the help of a stick of butter?
Melodramamama22: oh, uh, last tango in paris
Summers Eve L: Ok. I need to see more movies.


Tom and Jerry:
Tom Brite: ...notice how masturbation discussion is avoided
CordialCactus: hello Tom
Tom Brite: it's taboo but universally practised
Phronsie: unfortunate. Matrubation is harmless. Rape is not
MyStrat: tom, everyone does it, but no one admits to it
Phronsie: nor is sexual activity consequenceless
Phronsie: I admit to it.
MyStrat: does seem to freak the dogs out when they walk in on
you when you are having some 'alone time'
Phronsie: I'd certainly not want people to think I was engaged
in sex with other people
CordialCactus: lol
Tom Brite: my friend jerry talks about it all the time but then
everyone else is silent or leaves the room
MyStrat: cord, and the cats just seem disgusted by the whole thing

Candice Caught:
AXELvonAUR: Cordial Cactus is IMing me. Should I allow this?
CordialCactus: lol
CordialCactus: you dork


Godwit on the Make:
Godwit935: Annspokdel, you and I ought to get together.
AnnAsphodel: Godwit, why would you say that?
Godwit935: Ann, why not.
AnnAsphodel: You hardly know me.
Ooolijay: ann, godwit is trying to make a date with you
Godwit935: I don't know you at all, Ann. You could be 22.

More or Less:
Godwit935: But Ann, I get the feeling we are in the
same ballpark, more or less.
AnnAsphodel: I'm not sure what ballpark that would be.

"Perfect Ann!":
Godwit935: Ann, just one question is relevant to me: Are you
interested in men in the usual way of human history?
Ooolijay: ann, you should meet godwit. he is a decent american man
LeslieHapablap: i would consider meeting godwit935 but i am
afraid he would try to lick me. that would be icky.
AnnAsphodel: I have never met anyone I first met online.
Godwit935: Perfect, Ann!
Godwit935: Ann, Quakertown sound good to you. That Dutchy diner
at 663?

Coming Closer:
Godwit935: Annpholidelasphodel, do you have pictures of yourself
on your profile?

You Intrigue Me:
Godwit935: Ann, I am just wondering about you. You live so close,
you intrigue me.
AnnAsphodel: That's intriguing?
BinxB91: intrigue??? OMFG
Godwit935: Sure, Ann, you are in the realm of possibility, as far
as I am concerned.
BinxB91: Godwit, give the lady some breathing space
Ooolijay: godwit, if i lived closer to you would i also be intriguing?
Zoshka5: 'you intrigue me and live so close'...classic stalker line
Forkrerereredux: AnnAsphodel: Me change mind. Me want meet and sex :)
AnnAsphodel: ha!

Godwit Strikes Out:
Godwit935: Nuts, that broad left.
Ooolijay: that broad left
Ooolijay: hahhaha
CordialCactus: lol @ broad
Godwit935: Must be a lesbo.

Consoling Godwit:
CordialCactus: godwit, i want you to know that i think you're
charming in your own godwitty way
Forkrerereredux: she doesn't like men in the natural way that
women like men
Zoshka5: what if godwit was one of us


Leslie Glad:
BoreUsYelledSin: Target really has some quite lovely commercials.
BoreUsYelledSin: I appreciate that.
LeslieHapablap: boreusyelledsin, i am glad.

Leslie Does:
Godwit935: So anyway, does anyone here understand what will happen
to the United States, long-term, if the American carmakers go out
of business?
LeslieHapablap: godwit935, what is your telephone number?

Try Matching Ones:
Forkrerereredux: FORK NEVER KNOW WHAT SHOES TO WEAR

Scarier:
AXELvonAUR: Binx you're scary
AXELvonAUR: Binx, did anyone ever suggest to you that that's
a trifle obsessive?
BinxB91: Katy Tried
BinxB91: Axel, it's just fun. By the way, I have two of your
comments already this evening
AXELvonAUR: Binx, what, do you want money?
BinxB91: AXEL, who's scarier ---- me or Godwit?
LeslieHapablap: binxb91 is scarier.
LeslieHapablap: he has a tattoo. godwit935 does not.

Golden Calf:
Godwit935: A woman's calf is defiled by a tattoo. A woman's calf
is the greatest creation of the Almighty, as is.

Stuff Only Leslie Knows:
LeslieHapablap: jews do not wear jeans.
Ooolijay: they dont?
BoreUsYelledSin: They do too.

Leslie Down 35%:
LeslieHapablap: boreusyelledsin, go to neiman marcus and get
some jeans.
BoreUsYelledSin: Leslie is really pissing me off. I may have to
find her new home and get her.
BinxB91: Boreus, Leslie is an acquired taste
BoreUsYelledSin: Leslie, may I acquire you?
LeslieHapablap: boreusyelledsin, i am not publicly traded.


You Have to Admit:
Godwit935: You have to admit, this room is almost worthless.
Ooolijay: not when you're here godwit


Really Long Labia:
BoreUsYelledSin: Y'know what I once heard about Joan Osborne?
Glomawr: what did you hear about Joan Osborne?
BoreUsYelledSin: I really shouldn't even tell anyone this...
because it was told to me by a friend of a friend of someone
in her band.
BoreUsYelledSin: So it isn't coming directly for the horses mouth,
so to speak.
Glomawr: sounds like a source to me
BoreUsYelledSin: Well... supposedly Joan went on for labial surgery.
Ooolijay: labial surgery?
BoreUsYelledSin: She had extremely long labia.... and I guess she
didn't like the "flappin' in the wind" feel to them.
Glomawr: oh..........
Ooolijay: long labia?
Zoshka5: dumbo labia
BoreUsYelledSin: yes Julie... that is a big new thing for women.
Glomawr: bad if you ride motorcycles naked
BoreUsYelledSin: Exactly Zosh.
Glomawr: the flying twat
Artfulcrosstitch: flapping in the wind glomar
Ooolijay: not if you want to slow down glom
Zoshka5: a lip tuck
Glomawr: I'm callin Disney
BoreUsYelledSin: Maybe when she was swimming someone thought
they were undeer attack by a sting ray or something.
Glomawr: a flitter tuck
Glomawr: a sting ray...........LOL
Artfulcrosstitch: thats terrible
Glomawr: worse than terrible
Zoshka5: being attacked by a hirsute dragon
Glomawr: which of course would be terriblest
Zoshka5: lay labia lay, lay across my big brass clit ring
BoreUsYelledSin: Well, I didn't make it up. But who knows if
it's true. But I do know that if god was one of us he'd probably
not have really long labia.
BoreUsYelledSin: But, I can't speak for god.




Julie's Ready:
Godwit935: Has anyone in here made a fallback plan in case the
entire economy collapses?
Ooolijay: i'm thinking of painting my toenails

Vindictive:
BoreUsYelledSin: I can't stand that Mike Huckabee.
BoreUsYelledSin: I hope he regains that 600 pounds he lost.

Populists:
Godwit935: I would like to see the rich lose everything, and be as
poor as the very poor.
Zoshka5: walmart is crowded enough
Doc Whew: the hot dog mustard at walmart tastes like egg roll mustard

Tom Dis'ed:
Tom Brite: everyone is scared
Godwit935: Tom, I am not scared at all. I am getting richer,
relatively speaking.
Ooolijay: tom, your ex wife was in here earlier. she called you
a douchebag

Someone New to Flirt With:
BoreUsYelledSin: if everyone flirts with Oooli, I'm gonna have
to find someone different to flirt with. I hate being one of
the many.
BoreUsYelledSin: Maybe I'll start flirting with Godwit.
BinxB91: BoreUs, flirt with Daisy
BoreUsYelledSin: I don't know Daisy... does she have breasts?
Tom Brite: i would like a nice fire, some warm breasts and a dog
Ooolijay: she has a trail
MsVictoriaLynn1: well, I have warm breasts and a dog
Ooolijay: i have a bird

Godwitisms:
Godwit935: I hear people saying "who knew" on NPR all the time
and it makes me want to crush their windpipes.
Godwit935: Is it abnormal to be angry? Of course not.
Godwit935: Anyone with a head on his shoulders is angry and
negative.
Godwit935: Any normal American man is angry.

Godwit's Dog:
Zoshka5: I imagine he has some sort of drooly hound with
flatulence issues


Charmed:
SecretSkull11: theres two kind of woman hookers and non hookers
hookers get paid up front non hookers get it on the back end


The Unappreciated Rono:
Onimesh: annscrispin blames EVERYONE
Onimesh: once everyone was attacking her and i saved her
Onimesh: the next day she blames me too

Hooters Relection:
Godofodd2: rafo, I just got back from hooters casino, they
are a bit younger than palin

Bengali Pen Pal:
Onimesh: Mimi emailed me from india

And Funny Too?:
CordialCactus: i take after my dad and he's funny looking

Those Crazy Canucks:
KD81785: there is not a damn job that a welfare mother can't
do that Canadians do
KD81785: Ann murray

You Have to Be There:
CordialCactus: the upside down show
Ooolijay: what is the upside down show
CordialCactus: its funny!


Safety Lessons:
CordialCactus: but.. an experience with my niece taught me to
never never put a raisin in your nose
NoraMcKee525: i had an experience that taught me never to leave
manicure scissors on the couch cushion

Shopping for Bras:
WildCIAagent: It the NEW! naturally uplifting!
BoDY LACE FANTASY by Vanity Fair
CordialCactus: underwire?
WildCIAagent: I got the Yes
NoraMcKee525: the yes?
WildCIAagent: Beige one
Ooolijay: yes to underwire i think nora
NoraMcKee525: oh
WildCIAagent: Yes, underwire... she mixed me up.
NoraMcKee525: i prefer cia stirred, not shaken
WildCIAagent: It's light as a feather.
CordialCactus: how much?
CordialCactus: online? or physically at a store
CordialCactus: and dont be embarrassed to tell me how much
WildCIAagent: $30
Ooolijay: i would be afraid to buy a bra online
CordialCactus: ok
CordialCactus: my mom buys my bras
CordialCactus: cia, she just knows
CordialCactus: i am a dork
Ooolijay: your mom buys bras for you?
CordialCactus: she does
WildCIAagent: I tried on about 8 and this one felt the best.
CordialCactus: i dont ask her to
CordialCactus: she sends them
CordialCactus: and i think.. oh hey, i dont have to buy one
NoraMcKee525: you tried them on?
NoraMcKee525: i don't do that
Ooolijay: of course you try them on
Ooolijay: are you insane nora?
NoraMcKee525: it's like underwear!
WildCIAagent: CC, how does she know what will fit just right?
Ooolijay: you dont try panties on
Ooolijay: but you do try bras on
Ooolijay: yes
Ooolijay: yes you do
WildCIAagent: NO, I ALWAYS try them on!



Unsatisfied:
WildCIAagent: Hi CC, o, Nora,
Ooolijay: how come you gave me such a little o?

Pontoon Sex:
CordialCactus: ive never had dressing room sex
CordialCactus: or even dressing room heavy petting
NoraMcKee525: never?
CordialCactus: nope
WildCIAagent: My husband would never.
NoraMcKee525: public bathroom sex?
Ooolijay: i've had that
CordialCactus: thinking
NoraMcKee525: alley sex?
NoraMcKee525: ok...cactus is making ME feel like a ho
CordialCactus: no and no
Ooolijay: behind the beer tent on a picnic table at oktoberfest sex
NoraMcKee525: end of times!!
CordialCactus: lol
NoraMcKee525: lol oooli
BinxB91: car sex?
Ooolijay: yeah car sex
CordialCactus: yes to car sex
NoraMcKee525: duh binx
Ooolijay: everyone has had car sex
WildCIAagent: O?
NoraMcKee525: movie theater sex
Ooolijay: yes
CordialCactus: pontoon sex, backyard sex, back of truck sex,
parents bed sex
WildCIAagent: Eww
BinxB91: sex in the high grass?
CordialCactus: lol no to movie theater sex
NoraMcKee525: sex while driving
CordialCactus: you mean with someone, right?>
Ooolijay: lol pontoon sex
WildCIAagent: That was my eww too, CC
Ooolijay: yes
NoraMcKee525: yes cactus!
CordialCactus: lol
CordialCactus: i was thinking pee wee herman


Jinx or Slug Bug:
Ooolijay: dont stand so close to me
BinxB91: "don't stand so ...."
Ooolijay: is the song you're thinking of
BinxB91: JINX II
CordialCactus: thats it
Ooolijay: in which sting references lolita
CordialCactus: you owe binx a coke
Ooolijay: i'm the girl
Ooolijay: binx buys the drinks
CordialCactus: ok.. but according to the rules of jinx
CordialCactus: the person who says jinx first gets the coke
CordialCactus: duh
CordialCactus: ::eyeroll::
NoraMcKee525: i thought the one who says jinx gets to punch
the other one
CordialCactus: nora, thats slug bug

Nora Draws the Line:
BoreUsYelledSin: I'm against sex in public.
HunterXTC: i could have public sex to the charlie parker tune
on Nora's profile
NoraMcKee525: stop saying that already


Godwit to BookShelf:
Godwit935: Good night, you mostly disgusting pigs.

Wondering Comes to an End:
HunterXTC: well, i WAS wondering, but i guess i no longer have
to wonder. but i think the perfect breast size is 34C.



Was It Good For You Too?
NoraMcKee525: did you just snort me?