What If We Were Breeds of Dogs??
(oh stfu already, Binx)


You Missed Me While You Were Gone:
Ooolijay: i've been brilliant all day ...you've missed it
Ooolijay: i dont know how much more i have in me

Soothe Me:
Ooolijay: i'm just slowing down a little
Ooolijay: my back hurts and i have a headache
Ooolijay: and i'm crabby
LadyQuasi: Poor baby...
BinxB91: crabby??
Ooolijay: yes
Ooolijay: crabby
BinxB91: how could you relieve that?
Ooolijay: i'll have to find someone to take it out on binx
BinxB91: Couldn't you find someone to soothe you?
Ooolijay: that would be soothing

Cheerleading Season:
LadyQuasi: I'm exhausted. It's been one helluva week, but at
least cheerleading is over.
Ooolijay: you're a cheerleader
LadyQuasi: Nope. I coach

South Pacific Reference:
WildCIAagent: Very well.... on the death talk... I'm going to
wash this color from my hair.
Tem o Bedlam: Wild is Mary Martin?

"we both felt funny":
Melodramamama22: my best affair was with an ex pro rugby
player from manchester
Melodramamama22: it had to be an affair because we both felt
funny about actual dating cause he coulda been my kid


There Will Always Be a BookSlut:
B00KGASM: Alans. I am reading Luisa Valenzuela
Alansueton: Book so what
B00KGASM: This is why this room repulses me.
B00KGASM: Enjoy.
Alansueton: I am sorry Book
BOOKGASM has left the room
ThePaIeRlDER: bitch
DoomGrl: they almost never talk about books in
Authors Lounge either
Melodramamama22: good lord she's delicate
Creepy Loner: She's feeling important tonight.


Can You Smell the Love Tonight?:
Anais3233: my child just walked by me and farted

"it's all about the clit":
Alansueton: Cock is like EF Hutton for Oooli. She opens
her legs when she hears it
Phronsie: OOOOOO, why?
Ooolijay: why what phronsie
Phronsie: That's what baffles me
Ooolijay: why do i like sex?
Phronsie: sex and cock are not the same thing precisely
BoreUsYelledSin: What good is penisless sex?
Phronsie: Boreus, for a male, not much
Phronsie: For a woman, it really doesn't matter.
Phronsie: it's all about the clit


Odds and Ends:

BoreUsYelledSin: You can't beat a good baguette

DoomGrl: i like triscuits

Lydiaparn8: My husband doesn't drink.

EighthDensity: the bible has many pseudo teachings, hence forth
much sorrow and distortion it has created

CordialCactus: i hear pabst is making a comeback

Melodramamama22: i googled bubble tea and got 590,000 results

Zoshka5: I collect bookmarks and russian laquer boxes



The End of Freedom Fries:
BoreUsYelledSin: The French are really quite cute.

Getting Rid of Godwit:
Ooolijay: i have good teeth
BoreUsYelledSin: Do you floss... brush... see the dentist regularly?
BoreUsYelledSin: No gum problems?
Ooolijay: i honestly dont know how people do not floss
Tallthinjones: ooli, which are your favorite seven teeth?
Ooolijay: no, my gums are healthy
BoreUsYelledSin: I don't either.
BoreUsYelledSin: But I do the small brushy things more than I floss.
Ooolijay: one of the ones in the front tj
GLG32: i get a little lex on the flossing sometimes but i
defintley brush relgiously
BoreUsYelledSin: The small brushy things are supposedly better
than flossing.
Godwit935: People are talking about flossing their teeth.
Ooolijay: yes godwit
Ooolijay: are you a flosser?
Godwit935: Shove it up there, Ooli.
Ooolijay: shove it up where godwit?
Godwit935: Go obscenity yourself, Oooli.
GLG32: ewww.
Ooolijay: go obscenity myself?
Godwit935: Floss.
Ooolijay: i meant your teeth you perv
CordialCactus: gosh godwit
GLG32: lord my godwit.

A Comedy in No Acts:
LeCorbusier912: i once wrote a comedy entitled wet pants and
broken glass
LeCorbusier912: well, i just had the title

The Hardy Boy:
LeCorbusier912: my favorite hardy is return of the native?
LeCorbusier912: mayor of casterbridge?
Ooolijay: why is that a question?
LeCorbusier912: i'm not sure
LeCorbusier912: tess wasn't a bad movie

Julie and the Nerd Girl:
Heavymetalchix18: hey you guys and girls um im doing a
Best Of 2008 Quiz thing basicaly its like ur favorite food, drink,
color etc uh its really easy takes like 5 or 10 mins depending
on you, if ur intrested let me know
Heavymetalchix18: and ill get it set up for u
Ooolijay: shush chix
Heavymetalchix18: why do i have to shush
Heavymetalchix18: im trying to do this quiz
Heavymetalchix18: you shush
Ooolijay: thanks
Heavymetalchix18: yeh
Heavymetalchix18: ignore me

Fork Laughs:
BinxB91: Last week at a gun show in Westfield, Mass, an 8-year
old accidentally shot himself to death while test firing an Uzi
Forkrerereredux: LOL BINX

Mr Exacto Strikes Again:
Rafo65: I always found the feathers on the shuttlecocks a bit creepy..
Godwit935: The birdies haven't had feathers on them for decades.

More to Come:
Hyperyon3: I finished quarter of a sandwich

A Four-Door Fiat:
Godwit935: JF, we have a social compact here in the United States.

Sugar Daddy:
Wishesyetunspoke: Back with awful Halloween Candy
Wishesyetunspoke: Anyone want?
CordialCactus: wishey, specifically?
Wishesyetunspoke: Well the neice and nephew raided all the chocolates
CordialCactus: ah.. smart kids
Wishesyetunspoke: What remains...dots, Tottsie Rolls sugar babies,
sugar daddies,
CordialCactus: whats the difference between a sugar baby and a
sugar daddy?
Wishesyetunspoke: I wouldn't have bought any of this
Wishesyetunspoke: Daddys you get to suck off a stick
Ooolijay: daddies you get to suck off a stick?
CordialCactus: ::snicker::
Ooolijay: what the hell
CordialCactus: sugar daddies are on a stick
CordialCactus: the candy
Ooolijay: oh
Wishesyetunspoke: "Delicious Milk Caramel Pop"
BoreUsYelledSin: daddies on a schtick
MsVictoriaLynn1: I think Freud just opened an eye.....
Ooolijay: yeah i went to an odd place
Wishesyetunspoke: That did come out wrong

Greg at the Mall:
ThePaIeRlDER: she was married to greg
Lydiaparn8: Oh, yeah. I saw Greg once at the Maas Brothers
in the Desoto Mall, Pale.
Melodramamama22: wait a second. you know the allmans?
Lydiaparn8: I said, "Hey, you're Greg Allman."
Lydiaparn8: And he agreed with me and showed us his broken watch.
He was very high.

Mimi at 14:
Madam Mimi: oh did I tell you guys my crush's best friend said
my crush is love w/me?
Madam Mimi: and I go What exactly does he say?

Mimi at 34:
Madam Mimi: Binx I recently got married... he asked and asked and
asked so I said OK
Madam Mimi: Binx my hubby is very sexy though....and sweet when he
doesnt drink

"Candice! Cover Me!":
Rafo65: OMG.. CC and Creepy both in the room.. (blush)
Creepy Loner: I'm bleeding and in great pain, Rafo...
Creepy Loner: Focus on Cord.
Creepy Loner: It's for the best.


Menstruation is to Godwit What Crucifixes are to Dracula:
Rafo65: aww. what's up, Creepy?
Creepy Loner: I'm bleeding and in great pain.
Godwit935: Put a sock in it, Creepy.
CordialCactus: dry armpit shave, creeps?
Rafo65: is this from surgery, a mugging, or ...erm..
"natural" causes?
Creepy Loner: I was thinking more along the lines of a
handtowel, Godwit...
Muktoshoinik: yea, suck it up, creepy, stupid butt breath
Creepy Loner: "Natural" causes.
Godwit935: Creepy, I mean, keep it to yourself.
StilIJaded: menstrual causes, most likely
Raphael11110: God u r stupid


Celebrating Clay Aiken Day:
Beysshoes: you came out the day of clay aiken.
Creepy Loner: ...?
Beysshoes: you were lying? omg i believed you and was so happy

Still Dicky:
Creepy Loner: That's a fact. I've tried...and, like I said, it
didn't take. I'm not "strictly dickly"...but maybe 95% dickly.

Esquire:
BoreUsYelledSin: I think the best way to propose to a woman is
while very drunk. I guess that might give you a do-over the
next morning.


I bet you say that to all the boys:
Beysshoes: binx are you effing smashed?

Amber's Dad:
Alansueton: women hate men who are all sentimental and treat them
like they're angels
Alansueton: their daddy did that
AmberDevilRay8: My dad made me clean the gutters and work on the car.


Conspiracy Watch:
Beysshoes: binx obama cried in north carolina talking about his
gran dying
BinxB91: His grandmother died??
Alansueton: Stage tears
Alansueton: crying for votes
Alansueton: he probably had her killed because she knew too
much about his Muslim Past

Amber Humbled:
AmberDevilRay8: Watching NOVA never makes me sleepy. It just
makes me feel stupid. =(

The Accidental Parody:
BinxB91: Amber, what are you reading?
AmberDevilRay8: The Kite Rubber.
AmberDevilRay8: *Runner

Spell Check/Northern Lights:
LeCorbusier912: i want to go to alaska to see blue ice glaciers
LeCorbusier912: and the northern lights
Tammynet: the northern lights there are magical jim
CordialCactus: i saw the northern lights 3 years ago
CordialCactus: it made a dome, like a gaudy salad bowl over
the night sky
CordialCactus: gawdy?
LeCorbusier912: everyone's afraid to type aurora borealis
LeCorbusier912: is that right?
LeCorbusier912: looks wrong
CordialCactus: aurora borealis
CordialCactus: thats right according to spell check
LeCorbusier912: i just puked in my mouth

Feel the Love:
Beysshoes: hola you skanks and male ho!
ThePaIeRlDER: wassup my future nookie!


Can You Smell the Love:
ThePaIeRlDER: bey you need to hook up with some rich guy that
likes to travel
Beysshoes: i dont like rich. money is too much responsibility
pale. yw
ThePaIeRlDER: we aint talkin about to marry
ThePaIeRlDER: to vacation with then dump
Beysshoes: yah but the rich vaca is boring. i like the cave
men better
CordialCactus: cave men pick belly button lint and grunt
ThePaIeRlDER: cept the caveman cant afford ta go anywhere
Beysshoes: YES! (and smelly ones candy)

Rider With A Lot to Offer:
ThePaIeRlDER: dingleberries?
Beysshoes: NO dingleberries pale. but i will wash their undies.
ThePaIeRlDER: mmmmmmmmmm
Beysshoes: and they MUST have their own teeth at least
ThePaIeRlDER: i have a full set
Beysshoes: pale i wasn't referring to your sex toys


Onion Getting His Fix:
Tammynet: that onion does have powers doesn't he
Beysshoes: YES> he is the BEST tammy. where is he anymore?
Tammynet: i am not sure beys...
Beysshoes: he's prolly on some street corner in san fran
shouting politics like some religious nut
CordialCactus: he was here last night re: onion
CordialCactus: he was able to vent some, beys, maybe that will
tide him over for a bit


Lopers:
McLaryn5508: As many hits as mccain takes about his looks/age,
can't someone tape obama's ears to his head?
ThePaIeRlDER: yeah he does have some lopers
CordialCactus: the better to hear you with, my dear


Beysshoes's Surprise:
Beysshoes: last year he got mean when i sent him xmas gifts
so i dont know iffin i gonna send him this year
Beysshoes: mebbe just a carton of smokes.
ThePaIeRlDER: send him a butt plug bey
Beysshoes: i heart him but he doesn't like me dat much.
Beysshoes: he's scared imma visit him in san fran wid a years
worth packed
Beysshoes: (which is not out of the realm of possibilities, i suppose)
Beysshoes: dunt tel him i sayud dat
Beysshoes: he gets paranoid and doesn't get that i'm joking


When Your Fantasies Tire You:
ThePaIeRlDER: Lady!
LadyMtnMedic: whats the good word today?
ThePaIeRlDER: SEX!
Beysshoes: pale, now you know lady has class. she aint gonna
do your jiggaho ass
ThePaIeRlDER: beys what makes you think she hasnt already?
LadyMtnMedic: Pale, you dream an awful lot now don't you
ThePaIeRlDER: heh
ThePaIeRlDER: ok im gonna nap
ThePaIeRlDER: im old



Friends of Ellen:
Tammynet: who are we to tell people who they can love ....
LadyMtnMedic: look at ellen degeneris and her show
Beysshoes: i'm SO happy about ellen with porscha ... after
that awful ann heche thing
Beysshoes: yes. ellen DEFINITELY traded up on that one. lol
LadyMtnMedic: Ann went straight and then back again?
Beysshoes: she's strong. i think she rocks. anne heche went
nuts and told the media she was straight and her thing with
ellen was when she was mentally insane.
LadyMtnMedic: ew
LadyMtnMedic: what a horrible thing to do
Beysshoes: it was humiliating for ellen lady
Tammynet: it was horrible


Ghost of Shelfer Past:
Beysshoes: lady, blu told me all the bloggers went and started
another blog and call me an inane fuckwit. sigh
LadyMtnMedic: why listen to blu?
Beysshoes: cus i be stoopid lady

[When I was in the writing part of an important speech I never
read the pertinent reference books. I would read poetry and
biographies, the former because the rush of words would help
loosen the rocks that clogged the words in my head, the latter
because biographies are about the great, and the great lead
lives of struggle, and reading about their epic pain put smaller
discomforts of a speech in a nice perspective.
I always kep Walter Jackson Bates' biography of Samuel Johnson
nearby, and Stephen Vincent Benet's John Brown's Body, and the
Bible (especially the Psalms), and Ezra Pound's Cantos, though
I don't think I ever understood a one. It didn't matter, the
anarchy of language and the sweeping away of syntax had force.]


Onion Checks In:
FoodSIut: BEY, his granny was white, obama hates white people
he is going to take away their guns & bibles


First Reaction to Obama Acceptance Speech:
BoreUsYelledSin: I can't say I love Michelles dress.
BoreUsYelledSin: It looks pretty Halloweenish though


Life at the Hapablap Household:
LeslieHapablap: hapablap is sitting on mr. haablap's lap.
he noticed a tiny wet spot on his pants, pointed and said,
"what's that?" i replied, "feline vaginal fluid." now he
is throwing up.


Skull & Bones Shelf Girls:
Creepy Loner: I don't care about AOL spelling anymore, Face...unless
I start hating you. Then I'll care. Otherwise, I've given up.
Creepy Loner: So, you're safe.
Creepy Loner: From me, anyway.
LeslieHapablap: creepyloner, hi.
Creepy Loner: Leslie.
Creepy Loner: [rolling a cigarette]
LeslieHapablap: we should smoke now.
CordialCactus: Dear Leslie, Im still smarting over alternate status.
I cannot allow you to regress in age 2 years younger. Still,
Best Wishes, CC
Forkrerereredux: hi mrs hapablap. we used to be friends, but now
we're not
DoomGrl: Leslie Creepy thought it was duck tape, and that an essay
was a S.A.
CordialCactus: ps.. dept of redundancy department will fine me
LeslieHapablap: dear spoony, what in the world according to garp
has gotten into you?
Forkrerereredux: fork is an angry young man
Creepy Loner: [laughing]...Doom, you c**t...
Creepy Loner: Evil.
DoomGrl: O:-)
CordialCactus: creeps, knowing that you say duck tape endears me to you
Ooolijay: leslie that is also im talk
CordialCactus: are you to me
CordialCactus: yeah
LeslieHapablap: it is.
Creepy Loner: I USED to damn it! I've stopped! I'm much better now!

Leslie being nasty:
BinxB91: leslie, why are you so attracted to to C'Loner?
LeslieHapablap: binxb91, she makes a wonderful hair pie.


Leslie's History:
DoomGrl: do you know where leslies name is from?
Ooolijay: hapablap?
Creepy Loner: The Simpsons.
CordialCactus: i learned last night
CordialCactus: colonel leslie hapablap, simpsons
DoomGrl: one episode of the simpsons
BinxB91: Leslie's old name was PinkVotary
Ooolijay: and picheesy
Tj34: ooli, where is piecheesy from?
DoomGrl: OMG - she was PinkVotary.
Tj34: yes what is a votary?
Ooolijay: yes doom
DoomGrl: OMFG
Ooolijay: do you think she's different people?
CordialCactus: pink votary was before my time

Carnes Strikes Out:
Rafo65: not the Donner party, you twit.. the Mountain Meadow Massacre
.. Mormons killed about 180 settlers and stole the surviving children
Carnes4432: We just pushed green tree branches through the meat and
held it over a fire
MsVictoriaLynn1: Mormons give me gas... I can't eat them
Ooolijay: hmm
Ooolijay: did you season it with anything?
CordialCactus: same day as the anniversary of the Jonestown massacre
Carnes4432: We didn't see any Mormons, but we would have eaten them
if we did see any
Carnes4432: Dead babies were best, very tender
CordialCactus: ive never liked koolaid
Carnes4432: A grizzly bear ate several of the members of the wagon train
Carnes4432: I killed the bear and ate it
Ooolijay: i dont blame you
Ooolijay: that bear was eating your food

Speak Memory:
DoomGrl: remember when Para use to be smart?

What's She Selling?:
Creepy Loner: I'm starting to think that hanging on to them
is pointless, though. My natural inclination toward
nostalgia seems to be dying...and I'm fairly sure that I
won't have the "happy family / children" set up in this life...
Creepy Loner: So I might sell them...or give them to some
neighborhood kids...
CordialCactus: sell what, creeps?
CordialCactus: im thinking its not your eggs
Creepy Loner: My stuffed animals.
CordialCactus: ah


Brave Man:
Godwit935: I love women, of course, Oooli, and I am not ashamed.

BookShelf Founder?:
Godwit935: Reagan is the reason we are now where we are now.

Relax, You're Abnormal:
Godwit935: Ooli, I don't want to relax anything, being a normal
American man,.

How to Piss Off Binx:
DoomGrl: he doesnt like to be called binky-bonk-a-roo-ga

Getting Creepy:
EmpressZ21: dear penthouse, i never thought this would happen to me
Creepy Loner: [beer through nose]
Creepy Loner: Damn it, Emp.

Dating Advice:
BinxB91: When we go out to the movies she pops a bag of pop
corn just before leaving the house and then sneaks it into
the theater and we have it together
Creepy Loner: That would be more than enough for me...I'd do her.


They Didn't Kiss First?:
DoomGrl: i liked the part in jurassic park where the little girl
wants to pet the nice dinosaur.

Guilt-Stricken:
DoomGrl: i hate when the dentist tells me he can tell im a "snacker"
DoomGrl: like i sneak snacks

Good Girls Don't ...:
DoomGrl: the white stripes are not very nice, as people, if you ask me
Creepy Loner: Thank God I don't deal with them directly, Doom.
Creepy Loner: [crossing self]


No Shit?:
CordialCactus: my mom and i t.p.ed this one girls house after i lost a fight