Out Like a Lamb


Playing It Safe:
Bbrolia: I open my fortune cookie and it read..
"You like Chinese food"

The anti-Rachel Ray:
Ashardymon: i need to start dinner, but i'm not really in the
mood to cook


Family Circus Unplugged:
LadyQuasi: OMG...you guys are NOT going to believe this one.
LadyQuasi: My youngest, who is five, ran into the room crying.
He had fallen and his bottom hurt.
LadyQuasi: He was bouncing up and down.
LadyQuasi: He had been running around naked, fell in his room,
and jammed a toy in his anal region.
LadyQuasi: I had to fish it out.
LadyQuasi: My husband was going to take a picture, but I
wouldn't let him.


Bbrolia: Kids find ways of getting things stuck everywhere.
Summers Eve L: According to the nurses at the ER so do grown men.
LadyQuasi: Yikes

EmpressZ21: gotta ask since no one else is: what was the toy
LadyQuasi: A Ben 10 figurine
LadyQuasi: Used to be clear crystal...
LadyQuasi: a little darker now
Bbrolia: A miniature cave dweller figure?



Natalie In Love:
Summers Eve L: I'm listening to this fabu big band radio station
on Sirius. If I could I would marry it.
Yossarian4now: i'm sure somewhere you could
Yossarian4now: vermont ..

Busy is as Busy Does:
Yossarian4now: damn busy room
Summers Eve L: It's not as busy if you take out people you don't
intend to read. I'm just saying.


Unintentional Physical Therapy:
Kan wa ma kan: was trying to do the star trek hand greeting
with my toes

Couldn't Pretend:
Kan wa ma kan: i was embarressed to see my parents after i got
married because i knew they knew i had sex

Fork's Daughter:
Forkrerereredux: nothing wrong with a father-daughter sex talk

Papa Don't Breach:
AlexaSkelexa: talking about my romantic life with my dad
AlexaSkelexa: that would be my nightmare
KissMyAsterix: that's normal alexa
AlexaSkelexa: or his
KissMyAsterix: even worse
AlexaSkelexa: i would just run screaming from the house and
in front of a passing car


[They were pulling off the rest of their clothes, snuggling under
the sheets in manufactured, fragrant air. "Don't rush," Matt said
against her face. "We have a few minutes. Let me introduce
myself." He was moving his hands over her, circling her legs in
his.
"Ah, foreplay," Kate whispered. "Do that tighter and talk to me.
Tell me what you thought about all these evenings with my father,
out there in the moat of the castle."
He moved his mouth along her collarbone, smooth, quiet touch to
slow them down. "Tonight I thought about the year my father left
my mother, for that woman he met at work."
"You were away at college then." She cupped his face in her
hands and looked at him. "Why did your father go home?"
"At the time I didn't ask. Years later he told me he went back
because he didn't think he could support two families." Matt smiled
wistfully. "So he sent me to medical school, and now I'm
supporting two families.
The words plunged through Kate like little stones. She whispered,
"But you can do it. I can help you." She closed her eyes, tilting
toward him, easing him inside her. Later, turning under him, bound
up in him, enveloped in deaf dumb blindness sex almost brought her,
she wondered if she'd said the words or only thought them.]


Same Ole Same ole:
Yossarian4now: wow, gone 10 min and binx is discussing having sex
with david copperfield and onion is on 9/11 again

Onion:
Yossarian4now: eh, had a friend in town today, making sure they got
to the hotel ok
PatientOnion3: how many kilos did you sell them?

Sarah Palin Says So:
Gypsyjo47: I have never seen a hockey game...they say that the
games are exciting.

19th Century Woman:
Melodramamama22: i am uni-tasking, can't do but one thing at a time

Write Your Own Joke:
Gypsyjo47: Anybody here ever been to a cockfight?

Tile Counting:
Kan wa ma kan: worst vomit story is watching someone in the er
with projectile vomit
Kan wa ma kan: 8 feet no lie
Yossarian4now: cool
Yossarian4now: did you measure
Kan wa ma kan: we counted tiles

They're Out There:
Gleam1946: let's face it they have no game that's worth playing
Gleam1946: Basketball can't cure Cancer
Gleam1946: Hopeless retards, that require constant stroking to keep
them from killing us all
Gleam1946: Get hip It's Darwinism---Science like the Liberals say
Gleam1946: People are animals

Best Simile:
Melodramamama22: Remembrance of Things Past, i got to page 11
Melodramamama22: it was like being dragged through molasses by a slug

Vanda Misidentified:
KD81785: Alan, are you the guy from Long Island with orchids?


Prospect enters. Cue Twilight Zone theme:
Prospect26: ladyjam...have not seen that in some time.
JadedDremer: why is jam a lady?
Prospect26: jamlady?
BinxB91: Julie, I think someone is twasing Prospect again
BinxB91: *teasing
Melodramamama22: tasing prospect?
Melodramamama22: twasing is like tasing someone's twat
le juif errant: kinky
Melodramamama22: i mean that in a nice way
Prospect26: jaded...in my defense...this is a weird situation

What he's always talkin:
Alansueton: Scatological stuff is my expertise

TeenyBopper:
Prospect26: sorry got to leave...the jonas brothers


What Are You Wearing?
JustRhonda39: sweats and a tshirt here now isnt that sexy

MsVictoriaLynn1: Hospital Scrub pants and a Phantom of the
Opera Tour T Shirt



Apropos of Nothing/the Out-Of-Context Blues:

JadedDremer: i hear my dog drinking out of the toilet

Creepy Loner: A German used to steal my lunch money.

Gypsyjo47: Never spend 20 dollar you can hang on to

AnnAsphodel: I prefer slut to whore. It's a little less coarse.



Modern Education:
Melodramamama22: i had a fabulous kindergarten life. i had a
paper dress and fishnet stockings

Joke Critique:
Gypsyjo47: I knew a girl named Mike Hunt and she had all sorts
of problems with that name.
Summers Eve L: No one names their daughter Mike. He just wanted
to use that name in a sentence.
Summers Eve L: It wasn't well thought out.
Summers Eve L: But I'm sure he sees that now.

Her Recalcitant F:
JadedDremer: jo, i only have one at home at the moment, but kate
and her b are over for the night
UntilYouCameBy: is the b for brat ?
JadedDremer: until, my f has been recalictrant lately. it's supposed
to be bf
UntilYouCameBy: ok lol
JadedDremer: er, recalcitrant
the only Seas: Jaded, I have a rebellious W


Onion came, Milk died, Let's eat:
BinxB91: Onion, what are people saying about the film Milk in
San Francisco?
PatientOnion3: milk was killed the same year I came to frisco, 1978,
it's hardly relevant
PatientOnion3: 30 years ago
PatientOnion3: time to chop veggies


A Fake Penrod?:
SBrin6: I've been coming here for over ten years; sometimes
it blows, sometimes it's funny
SBrin6: mostly it's boring
Beysshoes: whats your other nicks SN
Beysshoes: SB?
Brin6: no other sn now
SBrin6: used to SBrinch
KissMyAsterix: you were tossed?
SBrin6: then some other names
SBrin6: then Penrod59
SBrin6: I've been tos'd many times
Beysshoes: you're laying claim to penrod? nolo
Beysshoes: penrod is witty
Beysshoes: that aint you

Jam Betrayed:
Beysshoes: i thought you liked fezz jammers
Jam7604801: not in a few weeks bey
KissMyAsterix: he only has eyes for godwit
Beysshoes: ha. well gina dont tell jam about godwit and cat then
Jam7604801: not after he stuck his head up obamas butt
KissMyAsterix: you felt betrayed?
Beysshoes: good lawd! fezz likes our BLACK PRESIDENT? OMG

Jam Slam:
Jam7604801: i honestly don't miss onion
SBrin6: I like Onion, even if he's a commie punk
KissMyAsterix: I don't know how you can hate onion
Beysshoes: onions the best thing in here
KissMyAsterix: he should be cloned
Beysshoes: well, onion does call him a hillbilly a times
KissMyAsterix: onion calls everyone names
Jam7604801: nothing onion says is real real humor come from
making fun of something real
Jam7604801: bey i like realism not a bunch of fakes
SBrin6: this is fake, Jam


"cunt is only for the brave":
AnnAsphodel: I avoid saying "pussy"
BobsurAuntTom: twat?
BobsurAuntTom: Well, I like pussy.
AnnAsphodel: I always say cunt
BobsurAuntTom: Ann, you really are my kinda gal.
Beysshoes: pussy isn't as bad as beaver ann. twat is fine.
cunt is only for the brave.
Alansueton: the gravity of the vagina has once again pulled the
chat down to its level


oooolijay Usages:
oooolijay: i kinda want to send that to binx
Beysshoes: the pussy cunt twat discussion you mean ooji?
oooolijay: yes beys
oooolijay: i use pussy and cunt most often
oooolijay: i usually save twat for name calling
AnnAsphodel: Pussy seems undignified to me.
Summers Eve L: I'm going to quit drinking and join a convent.
Beatnikspore: i rarely have an instance in which they would be needed
PatientOnion3: Which word do your clients prefer?



men Men men men Manly men:
AnnAsphodel: Bob, I have no problem calling a man a slut.
BobsurAuntTom: Ann, aren't ALL men sluts?
AnnAsphodel: No.
Beysshoes: ann, the term is jiggaho
BobsurAuntTom: And if they're not, just what the hell is worng with them.
Catpower777: doing a little projecting, Bob?

BobsurAuntTom: Not at all Cat.... I think any man that doesn't at
least think about having sex constantly, isn't really a man.
Beatnikspore: bob there is much more than sex to think about
BobsurAuntTom: What is that Beat.
BobsurAuntTom: Spelling dummy?
Beatnikspore: obsession with sex is like brain damage


Crossing New Boundaries of Grossness:
NotNycgirl: jsut saying
Alansueton: Nyc i was being ironic Because if oooli had as
many pricks sticking out of her as she has had tuck in her she'd be
a porcupine
Catpower777: lolol Para
Catpower777: you are so going to hell
oooolijay: he is, and soon, cat
Beysshoes: he already went and they kicked his ass back up here.
Alansueton: Nyc ooooli is lovely and desirable An attractive and
intelligent woman very dangerous
Alansueton: She often vomits on cocks to show power
Beysshoes: omg is vomitting on cocks power? NOW you tell us para!

oooolijay: it might be easy
Summers Eve L: Is that why you confessed that? At random?
So you could get the attention you so desire?
oooolijay: you dont know
oooolijay: and i didn't completely vomit


Rodney King Moment:
BinxB91: Can't we just have a story about kissing sometime?
Beysshoes: a story? que? where binx?
oooolijay: there was kissing
Beysshoes: in this cesspool you want a kissing story binx?


Assholes R Us:
BobsurAuntTom: Ooooli, he's nice to most people. Nice...
a bit creepy... and in my opinion, an asshole.
BobsurAuntTom: But as I've said, it is not remotely personal.
Alansueton: I find Binx kind and honest
Alansueton: he's not perfect
Beysshoes: hey binx is only a creepy asshole with women bigsur.
oh and you.
Alansueton: but who is
BobsurAuntTom: That's true... he is an asshole that I chose to
point as as being such.
Summers Eve L: I tend to like assholes. Especially if they are amusing.
Beysshoes: it appears.
BobsurAuntTom: Oooli, I'm sure that I am an asshole to him.
But, I don't think I would care at all if he called me one.
Alansueton: Can't we all get along?
Beysshoes: what a sissyboy to whine on and on like that.
group hug para?




Binx and Ted's excellent adventure:
Tallthinjones: binx, would you have smelled a rat when ted bundy
offered you a lift?
PatientOnion3: binky, did you model for ted bundy?
NotNycgirl: if there was no handle, you wouldn't be able to shut
the door when you got in
oooolijay: i would have probably been killed by ted bundy
BinxB91: Ted Bundy wasn't interested in men

Onion Rant Number 287:
PatientOnion3: good, all those wacked out bingoheads are watching
tv and out of my way to world domination
PatientOnion3: I am a Paula Deen Cooking Machine
Beysshoes: paula deen? she'll be on qvc on the 14th with her
spring line homer
PatientOnion3: i'm cooking me up some class warfare over easy with a
side of lox filled bagelles


PatientOnion3: MONEY IS THE ROOT OF ALL SHOPPING. MACYS 8:12


Beysshoes names names:
KissMyAsterix: why do they call you oscar
KissMyAsterix: beys? you came up with that
KissMyAsterix: right?
Jam7604801: bey calls everyone oscar
KissMyAsterix: no she doesn't
KissMyAsterix: she calls onion something else
Tammynet: she has never called me oscar
KissMyAsterix: she doesn't call you oscar
Various704: cause i quoted wilde to her
Tammynet: she calls me tamela
KissMyAsterix: oh


[She called LaLeche League every couple of days for new
suggestions. Kate's favorite counselor was in Medford,
a working-class part of Boston Kate didn't remember ever
having seen. But the woman had no accent; she was
someone else far from home. You'll battle through this
she would say, be stubborn and hang on. Women are made
to nurse, she'd declare in each conversation, any woman
can nurse; and then she'd say, in a softer tone, that
people forgot how hard it was to get established the first
time. "Don't let the pain defeat you," were her exact
words. "The uterine pain actually helps you heal, and
your nipples will toughen."
"What about stress?" Kate asked once. "Will I have enough
milk ---"
"Stress?" was the response. "Are you kidding? Any woman
with a new baby is stressed to the max. She doesn't sleep,
she's bleeding, she's sore, she might have other kids or a
job she'll go back to. The baby is sucking for life. As
long as you eat well and drink, drink constantly, your
body responds. You don't need unbroken sleep. You don't
need a perfect situation. Refugees nurse their babies, and
war victims; theirs are the children more likely to survive,
even in the worst of times."
I understand, Kate wanted to say. I understand all about
you, and I understand everything.
"Have your husband buy a Knorr manual breast pump at the
hospital infirmary," the counselor had said, "and a roll of
disposable plastic bottles. The pump is a clear plastic tube,
marked in ounces. Use it each time your breasts aren't
completelt emptied by the baby. Increase production; you
can't have too much milk. Freeze all you express. That's
how some women work full-time and still nurse their babies.
I'll send you some information in the mail. And if you feel
discouraged, call back."
I just wanted to hear your voice, Kate wanted to say.]


4 of 5 chatters here know of Godwit:
Kgbirdpaul: is godwit really in prison?
CordialCactus: godwit is a [insert pejorative of choice here],
but he's an interesting catalyst
Beysshoes: what? godwit in jail?
MsVictoriaLynn1: no, but he should be
ElusvMemry: i think its better to have a guy in the bed...

A Dull Catalyst:
Tem o Bedlam: Actually, he's a dull catalyst. Every reaction
comes out the same.
Kgbirdpaul: insult people is sometimes catalytic
MsVictoriaLynn1: hes a pest
Beysshoes: he's just old school is all that godwit
KissMyAsterix: old school felon?
Various704: he robs from the rich and gives to the poor
MsVictoriaLynn1: a miscreant


Too Much Godwit already!:
KissMyAsterix: this is the man who wanted advice on how to kill his cat
KissMyAsterix: what do you consider a crime
Beysshoes: what? HIS cat? you mean euthanize it?
Tem o Bedlam: Nothing criminal that required minimal competence...
KissMyAsterix: well he was too cheap to pay someone to do it.
Beysshoes: godwit does not get messy tem
Beysshoes: he's like totally sanitized.


bail? bale? ... let's call the whole thing off:
Yossarian4now: and i can only wire so much bail money
Yossarian4now: they have a amount per day limit
Kgbirdpaul: Yoss is going to bail out godwit?
Yossarian4now: not a chance, paul
KissMyAsterix: we'd send godwit a bucket, let him bail himself out
KissMyAsterix: or would that be bale


Twitter:
WildCIAagent: ohhhhhhhhh had to take sox off... hot feet

Many are asked, but few are chosen:
BinxB91: Treeluva, what are you wearing?
MsVictoriaLynn1: ever notice no one ever asks me that?
Beysshoes: cus you hussy you always be nekkid
BinxB91: MsVic, what are you wearing?

Beysshoes naming names again:
BinxB91: Beys, who among us is most likely to be naked?
Beysshoes: you mean in the chatroom binky?
BinxB91: Maybe it would be someone in Hawaii
BinxB91: yes, Beys
Beysshoes: uhm ... tamela
Beysshoes: if she's IMg with onion
MsVictoriaLynn1: sure as hell wouldn't be naked here in February
ElusvMemry: do you mean totally nekkid?
Tammynet: i am not in hawaii
Beysshoes: lordy elus ... goody 2 shoes
MsVictoriaLynn1: Oh and panties.... NOT Speedos!
BinxB91: Tammy is in the Great Northwest
Tammynet: and thanks for thinking it was me beys
Beysshoes: tammy is in seattle binx
Catpower777: yeah, it's too cold for Tammy to be nekkid right now
MsVictoriaLynn1: here too Cat
ElusvMemry: so turn up the heat
MsVictoriaLynn1: Its chilly
Beysshoes: snow in seattle???
Tammynet: yes
Tammynet: we have had lots this year
MsVictoriaLynn1: Good, its about time someone else got it
Catpower777: Bey, where do you think Seattle is...Mississippi?
Beysshoes: omg. so does that mean frasier was canceled.
Beysshoes: seattle is west coast cat
BinxB91: It's geography night on the Shelf


ParaMyrrh on his 2nd beer:
Alansueton: I like the Vintage gals not fake curves
also Nina Hartley is great she's smart watched an interview with
her she was a nurse and became a porn star because she loves sex
she was totally open and talked about responsibility


IRL we're mature:
MsVictoriaLynn1: Beys did it, cybered him to death
KissMyAsterix: so when beys says friend...
Catpower777: yes, she means herself
MsVictoriaLynn1: exactly Cat
KissMyAsterix: that's what i heard
Beysshoes: gina. how many times i gots to tell you nobody IRL
likes me chica?
Zenchef2006: kiss, she means bow chicka wow wow!!
Beysshoes: shut up cat
MsVictoriaLynn1: LOL
Beysshoes: YOU shut up beys
KissMyAsterix: you lie though beys
KissMyAsterix: right zen
Beysshoes: do noooot
KissMyAsterix: do so

I love it already:
Catpower777: wait
Catpower777: who was compared to Raymond Carver?
BinxB91: Raymond carver often wrote about people struggling
with addiction
Beysshoes: binx is yakkin about jones' book cat
Tammynet: TJ
BinxB91: TallThinJones
Catpower777: see now, I'm a major Raymond Carver fan
Beysshoes: binky been drinking ?
Tammynet: the other night someone stated that john updike mentioned
tj too
BinxB91: Jones writes about janitors, boxers, epiletics,
Vietnam Vets struggling with PTSD
Beysshoes: omg binx. send me his book please.
Catpower777: you've read his stuff?
MsVictoriaLynn1: That is VERY cool, thank you Tammy
BinxB91: yes, Updike gave Jones a letter of support
Beysshoes: janitors too? wow
Beysshoes: i love it already
BinxB91: I did read some of Jones' short stories before I ever met
him in this chat room
Beysshoes: does the janitor sweat though?
BinxB91: Jones was a school janitor after he came back from Vietnam

Lost:
ThePaIeRlDER: id do ya bey
Beysshoes: nah uh
Catpower777: Bey and John Updike, sittin in a tree
CordialCactus: whoa, im lost
MsVictoriaLynn1: do so TOO!!! Pfffttt....
Beysshoes: thank you pale. but i thought that was you last night. nolo?
ThePaIeRlDER: might have been........
MsVictoriaLynn1: no Beys it was me


Bad Naked:
Zenchef2006: lynn, back to the subject of nekkid veggie peeling,
i gave up nude bowling
Zenchef2006: they insist that i wear those ridiculous shoes!!!
MsVictoriaLynn1: men do not get periods, they get exclaimation points
ThePaIeRlDER: i have gone through some rough periods vic
Beysshoes: lolol you jigaho
MsVictoriaLynn1: good Zen, getting yourself caught in the ball
return could hurt like hell


"you're so vain":
Beysshoes: yah. btw para next time you send me your pix pls put
some speedos on. anything reallly would be good.
Beysshoes: hey i bet para's gonna think my cabin story is about him gina

European:
Beysshoes: wow oscar. give you a gf and you all worns out
Various704: im oldand grey, bey
KissMyAsterix: that's going to be you're down pat excuse tonight various?
Various704: yep
Beysshoes: oscar haven't you guys in europe heard of viagra?
Various704: we live on oysters and caviar here bey. we need no
american drugs
Beysshoes: buncha stuckups




Been Down So Long Looked Like Up To Me:
Kan wa ma kan: i just got an im from u r a booger
Kan wa ma kan: should i answer it

"Oh, I'm not so good"


BookShelf Poet Laureate:
DoomGrl: monkey boy kissed me in the stair well today
DoomGrl: the whole time I thought, I need a new puppy


What the Center Produces:
PatientOnion3: SF is full of loners, look at the beats in
north beach in the 50s
BinxB91: full of loners ....
BinxB91: Isn't that a paradox?
PatientOnion3: you can be a loner anywhere as long as it's
on the east/west coast, the center produces people like Jam


How Not to Look Gay:
AmberDevilRay8: You can eat anything and not appear gay, as
long as it's raw and get the blood all over your face and
hold raw chunks in the air and look up and shake your head
violently with meat in your teeth.
Jam7604801: well amber i get a little wild with the steak
knife a waitress once came to ask if i needed a refill and
she about lost a finger

Narcissus Break:
Alansueton: Binx Have you seen the picture of my butt on
my blogsite?
Alansueton: it's glorious My butt actually has a halo around it
KissMyAsterix: your butt had a religious experience?
zomcom81: hasn't everyones?

I Bet You Think This Is About You:
Gleam1946: I want to look at the graves in Arlington and count
the Stars of David


Obama's mama and W.?:
Jam7604801: i wish i could go back in time i would shoot
obamas momma in the head before she met that idiot
Ashardymon: thats a little harsh jam

Dr. Fork's Office:
Tom Brite: my dentist has beck, limbaugh, hannity and some other dude
Forkrerereredux: if fork had an office, he would play gangster rap

One More Worry:
Prospect26: I carry a gun

NRA Roast:
Pheziwig: We have the right to bear arms but I don't think the
framers of the Constitution foresaw machine guns etc.
Pheziwig: I think the shot gun and the rifle are sacred
Pheziwig: everyone gets one vote, if you know what I mean
Pheziwig: But an AK sort of stuffs the ballot box


Melo After Dark:
Melodramamama22: i once had a maroon cutlass supreme with
"holemobile" keyed into the side of it
Summers Eve L: You keyed it yourself didn't you?
Melodramamama22: lol, no
Summers Eve L: Thought it was someone else's car while
carrying your shoes?

Singles Ad of the Week:
Melodramamama22: oh dear lord. i'm getting into bed with my
ice cream sandwiches and some gay literature here in a sec


Mixed Message:
Shckltn912: i sold cars for my best friend, he was great at
his job, a real douche

Beckett's Mind?:
Shckltn912: waiting for godot was actually written with laurel
and hardy in mind

Neglected Dishes:
Pheziwig: Any ladies want to email me naked pics? Otherwise
I'm going to surf porno sites or go to bed. I'll do the dishes
tomorrow

Henson Dreams:
Shckltn912: my favorite sesame street anything was something
called 'milk crisis'

Read Between the Lines Lily:
LilysJazz: shck i've got a question. why is it that when i
enter a reading or literature room in numerous chats, no one
is ever talking about literature, books, reading, etc.?

UnFocused:
Gleam1946: Jews and Arabs never were in the news till the
Un created Israel, than the focus suddenly changed.


Ask Me Some Questions!:
Shckltn912: because i asked nicely
Shckltn912: because it's an opportunity to be nice to someone
Shckltn912: to be thoughtful
BinxB91: Lily's, it's what he does. A good question might even
blossom into a discussion
Shckltn912: and a chance to impress binx and make him jealous
LilysJazz: a discussion about what?
Shckltn912: personal matters, lily
BinxB91: Lilys!!! You ARE a fuss budget
LilysJazz: i have no knowledge of his/her personal life so i
wouldn't no were to begin
Shckltn912: lily, you're missing the point by miles
Shckltn912: which is fine, forget i asked
Shckltn912: it's just a request to ask a perfect stranger a
penetrating, thoughtful question
Shckltn912: it's an exercise in something
Shckltn912: most people are too self-involved to ask good questions
of others

Monk Stumped:
LilysJazz: really? i think people have a reason to be a little
self absorbed right now....a few of them may even be wondering
where their next meal is coming from
Shckltn912: lily, ask me some questions, please
LilysJazz: okay is this the end of days?
LilysJazz: as in the bible?
Shckltn912: no such thing
Shckltn912: and if so, who cares
Shckltn912: lily, please leave me alone
Shckltn912: someone ask me some questions, please

Well, he did ask ...:
Jam7604801: monk if you was stranded on gilligans island and the
3 women were not there which guy would you f-ck first?

Jam Unleashed
Jam7604801: ok Monk if you was in this situation what would
you do --- your dick is in a vice the handle is broke off the
vice and some smart guy greased up a pipe and shoved it up
your arse and run barbwire up in the pipe and pull the pipe
out
Jam7604801: and the tied off the barbwire and set the building
on fire and left a axe on the table by the vice what would you
do first?
Doc Whew: i hate when that happens



Portrait of an Artist as an Old Man:
Forkrerereredux: what the hell professor doesn't know how to use
email?
KissMyAsterix: he probably just doesn't want to email students
Forkrerereredux: maybe. i think it's a bunch of bs
Forkrerereredux: anyway, you'd think someone who made a career out
of james joyce could figure out how to use email
KissMyAsterix: maybe after a career of james joyce you don't want
to read anyone's email
KissMyAsterix: perhaps they cannot compare
Forkrerereredux: maybe he'd accept if i write to him in stream of
consciousness

What Fork Finds Inappropriate:
Forkrerereredux: fork's chiropractor had a very political radio show
on in the office
Forkrerereredux: fork found it inappropriate
Forkrerereredux: very right wing
Forkrerereredux: the man said liberals are very angry people
Forkrerereredux: angry over so many "injustices" that aren't actually
happening to them

Gina's Doctor:
Forkrerereredux: who puts on such a thing in a medical office?
KissMyAsterix: dr mengler?

Gina's Dating Advice:
KissMyAsterix: hard to imagine you can't get a date fork
Forkrerereredux: fork would like a hot date with Katherine Robbins
KissMyAsterix: maybe you have to ask her

No One Asked but...:
Forkrerereredux: fork has been sitting here for the last hour
with his pants off

Long Arms:
BobsurAuntTom: I like walking away from the screen

Butterfinger Bashing:
AmberDevilRay8: This Butterfinger is one-inch long.
AmberDevilRay8: Yet, they call it "fun size".
AmberDevilRay8: That should be a crime.
MsVictoriaLynn1: how much fun can that be?
Alansueton: An inch is fun! Whooopeee I am three times fun!
Catpower777: my mom says "I don't see anything fun about that"
AmberDevilRay8: What is this in a Butterfinger, anyway?
AmberDevilRay8: Fossilized sap?


and willing to tell Prospect?:
Prospect26: Is anyone here on facebook?

Mistaken for MortalCombatDoomGrl:
DoomGrl: i am not a video game

Frat Boy Forever:
Catpower777: isn't facebook what they call the directories in college?
Pheziwig: No, that was ass book

Gag:
Prospect26: Summers... I laughed yesterday when I did a face
plant in the snow.

Everyone, Check Your Driveway:
Melodramamama22: o hai, i'm in ur car eatin yer drivethru


Kurosawa Dreams:
BinxB91: I still dream in Japanese sometimes but all characters
ever say are things like "irrashaimasee" or "ohio" or "saiko"
Pheziwig: Binx, you dream in Japanese?
Pheziwig: Do the people in your dreams have lips our of sync with
their voices?

Dale Carnegie Drop-Out:
SteveIzHere8: I'm sick of being nice when people just get on my nerves.

Study Break:
Anais3233: i just finished my socialization paper
Anais3233: for sociology
Anais3233: now i'm working on my psych paper
Anais3233: which is why i'm here freak watching!
Bgrant444: Anais are you logging the chat?
Anais3233: i have worked "Burping the abc's
Anais3233: into my latest paper, thank you very much
KissMyAsterix: what's the paper on?
Anais3233: college classroom ettiquette
Anais3233: I think I might change my name to Emily Pasties.
Anais3233: instead of post.
Anais3233: ok, never mind.

The Better Half:
Neonyma: A chat room loses something when you have to have at
least half of the room on ignore. I think I'll wander along too
NomduSemiLLC: Depends on which half

Overlook Her Flaws:
Creepy Loner: I think that Paris Hilton is physically attractive
...for the most part...although she does have this "I just bit
into a turd" sneer that I can't stand.
Creepy Loner: Otherwise, very good looking.

Goals:
Forkrerereredux: fork wants a wristband with a tiger on it


Monk's Courting:
Shckltn912: my wife stalked me
Shckltn912: probably several weeks
Shckltn912: wasn't really stalking
Shckltn912: we met once, didn't exchange information
Shckltn912: couple weeks later, she showed up at my work
Shckltn912: big, corporate building - all she knew was my first
name and what i looked like
SteveIzHere8: well you're still living
Shckltn912: i happened to be leaving the building to get coffee

["I don't understand why you're trying to deny it," Rosa said.
"He was a liar. He betrayed us, he stole from us. Every time
he saw that woman, he was giving her attention and time that
was rightfully ours."
Karla considered this. Try as she might, she could not think
of herself as a victim of her father's sin. Whatever energy
her father had expended on Bernice, it had surely not been
embezzled from a finite family supply. To the extent that
Bernice had made Joel happy, it was perfectly possible that
Karla and her sister --- even her mother --- had actually
benefitted from the affair. She thought about the glowing
goodwill she had felt toward her patients, toward strangers
on the subway --- toward even Mike --- during the six weeks
that she had been with Khaled. Never had she been filled
with so much reckless magnanimity. It was one of the
discomfiting paradoxes of adultry: sin had made her a better
person.
Rosa turned her to her suddenly. "I'm sorry, Karla," she said.
"I don't why I'm giving you such a hard time. You, of all
people, don't need my lectures one being good."
Karla blushed. "Oh, I'm not so good."]

Holes:
CordialCactus: axel.. i told my daughter that when that one boy
starts picking on her and saying not nice stuff she should say
"So?"
CordialCactus: you could try that
AXELvonAUR: ha
Melodramamama22: axel, what was he mad at you about?
Melodramamama22: or was it just your general you're-breathing
type offense
Boulshevit: lol..yeah, I was married once too, Mels
Melodramamama22: welp, sometimes that IS the greatest crime.
existing.
AXELvonAUR: He thinks I interfered with one of his online affairs
years ago, so he has a permanent grudge
AXELvonAUR: And I know too much about him, and that makes him paranoid
AXELvonAUR: He's a rather nasty online Lothario
AXELvonAUR: But you can't warn women, you just have to let
them find out for themselves.
Melodramamama22: bob is a lothario? is he cute? why did no one
tell me?
Melodramamama22: dammit
AXELvonAUR: Melo, he is a playa
AXELvonAUR: Melo, go for it
Various704: hes gay, melo
EmpressZ21: ive found that about a lot of people axe
no one takes a warning
Melodramamama22: i need another playa like i need a hole in the head

Lothario to the Max:
CordialCactus: what was that movie with Lothario in the title?
CordialCactus: not Dimestore Lothario.. but along those lines
Boulshevit: The Lothario what stoled Christmas?
AXELvonAUR: how about Ditchwater Lothario
CordialCactus: hey that could be fun
CordialCactus: substitute Lothario for a word in a movie title
AXELvonAUR: The Talented Mr Lothario
AXELvonAUR: Being John Lothario
AXELvonAUR: The Last Lothario
AXELvonAUR: The English Lothario
Various704: pulp lothario
Boulshevit: Lothorio does Dallas
AXELvonAUR: Moulin Lothario
Melodramamama22: that's just wishful thinkin there
AXELvonAUR: Key Lothario
EmpressZ21: confessions of a lothario
AXELvonAUR: Diary of a Mad Lothario
EmpressZ21: paul blart mall lothario
Catpower777: good question, Var
Various704: the madness of king lothario III
AXELvonAUR: I have the impression that it is some kind of stock
character from a 17th century play
AXELvonAUR: let's look it up


Thelma and Lothario:
CordialCactus: ha, ive got one.. finally
CordialCactus: The Passion of the Lothario
Boulshevit: Var, you're ffar too coy to be a lothario
CordialCactus: man.. im going to get struck by lightning tonight
Various704: im coy?
AXELvonAUR: Bang the Lothario Slowly
AXELvonAUR: Dances With Lotharios
Boulshevit: lol..hell, I don't know
Various704: i like you man, but
Various704: its me not you
CordialCactus: Lothario VII
AXELvonAUR: Lothario Story
Boulshevit: lol..what?
AXELvonAUR: Seven Brides for Seven Lotharios
AXELvonAUR: West Side Lothario
AXELvonAUR: Operation Lothario
Fifi LeBeouf: :looks up to the bleachers:
AXELvonAUR: Front Page Lothario
CordialCactus: The Lothario King, The Little Lothario, Toy Lothario,
Jungle Lothario, Beauty and the Lothario
Boulshevit: So we do understand each other..lol
Various704: lothario, go home
Melodramamama22: i like that one best var
AXELvonAUR: Various are you stoned on cheap beer?



Noted:
Niontron3:I wouldn't date a short animal doctor



Remembering TooHotDVM(Binx's Obsession):
BinxB91: TooHot posted Bidet's picture several years back
BIDET LIVES: did i look fat in that one?
LadyMtnMedic: Binx why do you still obssess over her?
BinxB91: But you told us how TooHot went on and on about
how great your ass looked
BinxB91: obsess? TooHot was very entertaining
BinxB91: and she could be teased and never got mad
LadyMtnMedic: not really Binx
Niontron3: toohot was a christian fanatic
Niontron3: I like a moderate christians
BinxB91: well, i thought she was funny ... and when she got
tiresome I just stopped reading any maroon font
BIDET LIVES: oh that picture at the restaurant of both of us?
LadyMtnMedic: Hope she found happiness somewhere out there
BIDET LIVES: i was pregnant in that picture
BinxB91: so you were glowing
BIDET LIVES: lady?
BIDET LIVES: she married a gay man
BIDET LIVES: but first he got her pregnant somehow
LadyMtnMedic: what? no!
BIDET LIVES: yes
BIDET LIVES: a gay drug user
LadyMtnMedic: one of her church buddies?
BIDET LIVES: no, but she was going to the gay church
BIDET LIVES: he wrecked a car, had his stomach pumped and went
to jail the second week they were married
CordialCactus: oh... ive heard this story
BinxB91: You know, Bidet, you have been known to invent stories
to have fun with people by
BIDET LIVES: i couldn't make this up, binx
BIDET LIVES: we used to invite her over sometimes
Creepy Loner: Sounds like something that would happen to me.
Creepy Loner: I like this person.
BIDET LIVES: we don't anymore, because this guy is so creepy -
we don't want him around the kids
BinxB91: Well, it's TooHot. Anything's possible
CordialCactus: shady
BinxB91: C'Loner, TooHot is your direct opposite. She would
never shut up
Creepy Loner: Hm.
BinxB91: She was a veterinarian in dallas. And Bidet conned
her into babysitting
BIDET LIVES: she never babysat
BIDET LIVES: are you nuts?
BIDET LIVES: she came over for dinner sometimes
BIDET LIVES: and she watched the cat while we were out of town once
BinxB91: I still have a picture of TooHot. She looked cute putting
a mortar board on her dog. All the later pictures she posted made
her look demented
LadyMtnMedic: as I said, you seem to be obssessing Binx

Paradox:
CordialCactus: creepy, i find myself wanting to offer alternate word
choices to people who use the word creepy for anything else but
talking to you
Creepy Loner: I've tried that Cord, and sometimes still do, but
there's no hope.
Creepy Loner: [shrug]


Cat Manners:
BIDET LIVES: she tried to teach the cat manners
BIDET LIVES: he was a horrible cat
CordialCactus: she was a veterinarian?
BIDET LIVES: very destructive
BIDET LIVES: she would hold him on his back and shriek NOOOOO in his
face


Trivial Pursuit:
Various704: what actor always wore the same coat in every film
AXELvonAUR: hmmm
Melodramamama22: can we have a hint?
Various704: no
AXELvonAUR: Sidney Greenstreet?
Boulshevit: James Dean
Catpower777: charlie chaplin
Various704: lassy, you dimwits
AXELvonAUR: give us a hint
Melodramamama22: chaplin sounds right
AXELvonAUR: Various got us and good
CordialCactus: various, i knew that
Boulshevit: Oh..dammit, when he said Lassie, I though he meant
it was a chick

NO NEED TO BE LEARY
OF JHUMPA LAHIRI


Bot Break:
kirstenqa: woohoo its working :) , who wan asee my cam ?
mylivecam.xoxgo.com
Boulshevit: Kirst, go see where what's her nuts just went
Melodramamama22: i bet if we really could see her live cam,
she's picking her nose and heating up a baby bottle
Fifi LeBeouf: ...nuts always follow...
kirstenqa: grrr my cam aint worrrking here, but its working
at mylivecam.xoxgo.com
Boulshevit: grrr
Boulshevit: I hate that!
CordialCactus: you hate when your web cam aint worrrking?
Boulshevit: Damn straight!
CordialCactus: ha
Melodramamama22: i hate when i wan asee and i can't
kirstenqa: ul defeneeetly like this mylivecam.xoxgo.com
Boulshevit: You wanna see MY webcam, Mels??
Fifi LeBeouf: As opposed to yer deadcam.necrophilia.shiOt
kirstenqa: ist free if you are over 18 mylivecam.xoxgo.com
Melodramamama22: if you're a kid, it'll cost ya
Boulshevit: Unfortunatly it ain't working


What are you wearing?:
Melodramamama22: er whatcha got on bouls?
Boulshevit: My work shirt and dirt

Head Start:
Kgbirdpaul: I was unpopular in first grade

The Invisible Prospect:
SteveIzHere7: god, who are these new people?
Prospect26: Stev...I am not a new people.
I have been here for a long time.


Neeker the Conversation Killer:
Neeker54: is there anyone in here that can please, please
please edit an essay for me?
AnnAsphodel: Neeker, do your own homework!
Neeker54: i did, its just editing
Neeker54: is there anyone i can email?
BinxB91: go ahead neeker. I'll try
Neeker54: thanks bin
Neeker54: whats your email?
Neeker54: ill copy and paste it
BinxB91: my name
AnnAsphodel: whoooboy
Neeker54: at aol?
BinxB91: @aol.com yes
Neeker54: ok thank you
BinxB91: lol, Ann
BinxB91: I often do this
AnnAsphodel: How very sweet of you.
BinxB91: I once did this in 2001 ... and we're still in touch
BinxB91: she's 24 now
AnnAsphodel: My goodness.
BinxB91: and ...
BinxB91: she works as an artist model
AnnAsphodel: That's interesting.
BinxB91: reading
Neeker54: please feel free to make whatever corrections you want,
i would appreciate it so much
AnnAsphodel: Ah, the appreciation.
EmpressZ21: what is this paper about
Neeker54: trust and fairness in education
EmpressZ21: hahahahahaha
EmpressZ21: youre kidding
Neeker54: yea
Neeker54: its complicated
Neeker54: hard to explain
AnnAsphodel: It's
EmpressZ21: no it really isnt
Neeker54: its on larry nucci's theory of trust and fariness
Neeker54: in the classroom
Neeker54: for affective education
AnnAsphodel: effective
EmpressZ21: affective education you say
EmpressZ21: do you mean effective
AnnAsphodel: Whew
EmpressZ21: dear god hazel
Summers Eve L: Maybe he means emotional education.
Neeker54: 'nope, it's affective
AnnAsphodel: What is affective education?
Neeker54: google it
EmpressZ21: is this the males vs females thing
Neeker54: no
Summers Eve L: Affective: adj. of, caused by, or expressing
emotion or feeling; emotional.
Summers Eve L: effective: adj. adequate to accomplish a purpose;
producing the intended or expected result: effective teaching
methods; effective steps toward peace
EmpressZ21: self esteem and and all that rot?
Neeker54: yea
AnnAsphodel: I'm going to sleep now.
AnnAsphodel: bye!
(2 minutes later)
Zenchef2006: hello to the shelf
Zenchef2006: echo!! echo!!! echo!!!
Zenchef2006: eve?? hada?? you guys there????


Jane Tested:
Danmagtom: eh.. i am out of here too
JaneH56: see you around dan.
JaneH56: asshole.

Prospect Visions:
Prospect26: I have a life...sorry that you thought I was a loser.
CordialCactus: prospect...no one said you are a loser
RebeccaSWA: Who pasted this judgement?
KammaToasted: i've thought a coupla times that he was a loser,
but by god, i've never typed it
CordialCactus: We like that you come here
Prospect26: Cordial,,,thank you for your kind words.
Don't hear it often.

Cuckoo!:
Sleepy Eyed Evie: its odd, but both of my roommates walk around
singing all the time
Sleepy Eyed Evie: i mean its fine, they actually sing pretty well,
but its weird
Sleepy Eyed Evie: kinda like living with the von trapp family
or something

CausticCactus:
CordialCactus: my poor husband.. ugh.. i should have been more
sympathetic
CordialCactus: laryngitis, a cold and now stomach upset
CordialCactus: i glared when i handed him his chicken and dumplings
CordialCactus: and stomped a little bit when he asked for the hot pad
CordialCactus: rolled my eyes when he wanted tea
MsVictoriaLynn1: look at him and just say... WAAH!
CordialCactus: and harrumphed at the bendy straw request
MsVictoriaLynn1: Ooo a Harrumph...?
Doc Whew: did you buy him sudoku
Tammynet: "Cactus is the darkside" ....boulshevit
MsVictoriaLynn1: thats harsh
BinxB91: gee, among the criminal code of lack of sympathy those
are barely misdemeanors
CordialCactus: doc, lol.. no, but thats a thought
CordialCactus: he will probably want me to fill in the numbers for
him, though

Dating Advice:
RebeccaSWA: Ok who is this Doc Whew guy?
CordialCactus: he's a family doc on the east coast.. older,
married, randy.. hmm..
CordialCactus: republican
RebeccaSWA: He's hitting on my in a instant message, creepy.
CordialCactus: yes.. he does that
CordialCactus: just be boring
CordialCactus: worked for me

[He did not know if he loved her. He said he did when she had
first asked him, one afternoon in Palo Alto as they sat side
by side in a darkened, nearly empty movie theater. Before
the film, something in German that he found extremely
depressing, she had pressed the the tip of her nose to his
so that he could feel the flutter of her mascara-coated eye-
lashes. That afternoon he had replied, yes, he loved her,
and she was delighted, and fed him a piece of popcorn,
letting her finger linger an instant between his lips, as if
were his reward for coming up with the right answer.]



Or Switch to the Animal Channel:
LadyQuasi: BRB...the puppy is trying to eat the remote control.

They're Out There:
Gleam1946: these people take to the streets real fast and that
shit is a problem
Gleam1946: and mars and way out there what is the problem with
acknowledging that?

When Anais comes to dinner, serve the crap steamed:
Anais3233: i don't like fried crap

Wholesome:
Summers Eve L: I've got my laundry all done and my lunch packed.
Clothes laid out for tomorrow.

Unwholesome:
Summers Eve L: I am SO mad.
Summers Eve L: This carton.
Summers Eve L: Expires tomorrow!
Summers Eve L: I just bought organic milk. Only reason I buy it is
b/c it lasts extra long.
EmpressZ21: drink fast MH!

Whaddya Wearing?:
Tallthinjones: i've got a shirt that says, "Goddamn Mosquitos" on
it and
Tallthinjones: i got stopped by a cop in WI, (Cactus) years ago
with a shirt that read, "Fuck the John Birch Society"
CordialCactus: my son is on facebook.. he just went on a winter retreat
with his youth group..his facebook status read: Hittin the slopes
with Jesus, bitches.. im waiting to here what my mom says about that
CordialCactus: tallthin, did that make you sweat a bit?
Tallthinjones: "Hugs Not Drugs" apparel is corny
Tallthinjones: i had to turn it inside out
KissMyAsterix: how about drugs not hugs?
Tallthinjones: any fool can wear that one
KissMyAsterix: not corny?
LadyQuasi: One of my students walked in with a shirt on that had an
eye, a heart, and a picture of a beaver shaving
Tallthinjones: the pusher man has a couple
MsVictoriaLynn1: Hugs are for people who can't face Drugs
LadyQuasi: The administration flipped.
KissMyAsterix: a girl?i kinda wear it around town. i don't if
i'm pushing it tho

[Dev was Bengali, too. At first Miranda thought it was a
religion. But then he pointed it out to her, a place in India
called Bengal in a map printed in an issue of The Economist.
He had brought the magazine specially to her apartment, for
she did not own an atlas, or any other books with maps in them.
He pointed to the city where he'd been born. One of the cities
had a box around it, intended to attract the reader's eye. When
Miranda asked what the box indicated, Dev rolled up the
magazine, and said, "Nothing you'll ever need to worry about,"
and he tapped her playfully on the head.
Before leaving her apartment he'd tossed the magazine in the
garbage, along with the ends of the three cigarettes he always
smoked in the course of his visits. But after she watched his
car disappear down Commonwealth Avenue, back to his house in
the suburbs where he lived with his wife, Miranda retrieved it,
and brushed the ashes off the cover, and rolled it in the
opposite direction to get it to lie flat. She got into bed,
still rumpled from their lovemaking, and studied the borders
of Bengal. There was a bay below and mountains above. The
map was connected to an article about something called the
Grammin Bank. She turned the page, hoping for a photograph
of the city where Dev was born, but all she found was graphs
and grids. Still, she stared at them, thinking the whole
while about Dev, about how only fifteen minutes ago he'd
propped her feet on top of his shoulders, and pressed her
knees to her chest, and told her he couldn't get enough of
her.]



Whore Stories:
HelenaHandbagg: empress is a whore
DebsVersion2006: she is a whore
DebsVersion2006: whoer*
HelenaHandbagg: total whore.\
EmpressZ21: she really is
BinxB91: empress isn't a whore
HelenaHandbagg: oh yes she is
EmpressZ21: she really is binx
DebsVersion2006: she really is binx
BinxB91: She's a lady with a few bawdy moments
EmpressZ21: awww i like that better
DebsVersion2006: it's like Binx doesn't know you at all :(
BinxB91: which I wish she'd share
EmpressZ21: see that tramps! i am a LADY!
BinxB91: no, I don't have a good Empress vision
DebsVersion2006: beer goggles, Binx.
EmpressZ21: yes you cant take it back you do binx!
oh you doooooooooo
BinxB91: No neat Empress story that would help me visualize her
in my mind
BinxB91: CordialCactus tends bar and battles toddlers
BinxB91: like that
BinxB91: So, tell us an Empress story
BinxB91: "think of me and try not to laugh" --- Rod Stewart
EmpressZ21: g'head girls tell him an empress story
DebsVersion2006: well
DebsVersion2006: this one time, at disneyworld...........
DebsVersion2006: .............she had skorts.
DebsVersion2006: pastel skorts.

Innocent:
AnnAsphodel: can you really roll a joint with a tampon wrapper?

Anais's kids:
HelenaHandbagg: the kids are always in my anatomy books
HelenaHandbagg: pointing at weiners

Anais's Man:
HelenaHandbagg: i found a picture of my husband from marching band
and i shit you not, he looks EXACTLY like lord farquaad from shrek

Trace of Sarcasm:
Summers Eve L: Speaking of sunshine, unicorns, stars, and rainbows.
Hi there, Phronsie.


High School Triumphs:
Summers Eve L: I was in the national latin society. And. I was forced
to go to the national latin convention.
Summers Eve L: And.
Summers Eve L: Participate in the costume contest.
EmpressZ21: i didnt do anything dorky in high school
Summers Eve L: Like I know latin. Ok?!
Summers Eve L: And my teacher made us dress as the seven hills of rome.
HelenaHandbagg: HILLS?
DebsVersion2006: were you two of them?
Phronsie: I think that is great, Summer
Summers Eve L: The convention was in Memphis.
Summers Eve L: Anyway.
Phronsie: knowing Latin, that is
Summers Eve L: Shut up, Phronsie. Like seriously.
Summers Eve L: We looked like condoms.
Summers Eve L: And they called us the seven trojans.
Summers Eve L: And we totally won.
HelenaHandbagg: you WON?
HelenaHandbagg: you're shitting me?


B Wear:
PatientOnion3: i get the
PatientOnion3: "B" screen names confused
PatientOnion3: binky, bob, bolshevik
KissMyAsterix: the b's blur?
PatientOnion3: The Bale Rider
PatientOnion3: War Horse Bor
PatientOnion3: Banda52
BinxB91: Becca
RebeccaSWA: Yes?
BinxB91: Just giving you a B name
PatientOnion3: BorkReREdux
PatientOnion3: Breepy Loner
BinxB91: banais
PatientOnion3: BammyNet
RebeccaSWA: Oh no thank you, lol.
PatientOnion3: BamberDevilRay72
BinxB91: Bummers Eve L
RebeccaSWA: I'll be the odd ball.
BinxB91: :LOL
PatientOnion3: Booooo Li Jay w/Broccoli over
Pan Fried Rice Noodles
PatientOnion3: that's her halloween name
PatientOnion3: just like that woman in san jose had
holiday names
PatientOnion3: the one who married the axe murderer at lake tahoe


Skort Story:
HelenaHandbagg: and skorts?
DebsVersion2006: skorts weren't so in
EmpressZ21: my wardrobe was tres chic
EmpressZ21: and a girl needs to be ready to golf at any time

Insult Tips:
BinxB91: Two young women had a shouting match at work the other day.
The more angry one called the other a "douche" as the other walked
out the door. I thought she could have done better than that after
finishing 4 years of college
Summers Eve L: At least add in the word nozzle or something.


Jolly and Sad:
Summers Eve L: I'm addicted to Fats Domino - Ain't That A Shame.
Summers Eve L: I reminded myself of it earlier when I said it.
Summers Eve L: I like jolly tunes with sad lyrics.
BinxB91: Name another example, nathalie
Summers Eve L: 98 Tears
EmpressZ21: it's my party and ill cry if i want to
BinxB91: You don't Own Me


Lack the Iniative for Change:
Jlswilson227: Oh it is truely difficult. Just say what ever
offensive thing comes to mind, and apologize later for your ignorance.
BinxB91: Evereytime I type "wilson" I feel like Tom Hanks talking
to his volleyball
Jlswilson227: I am not fond of the screen name myself, but lack
the iniative for change. Hmmm propably why most americans don't
demand socialized medicine


Fandom:
Forkrerereredux: fork loves mr binx and mr onion

Fork is back:
KissMyAsterix: there are hacking books fork
KissMyAsterix: but most involve cons, and phone calls
Forkrerereredux: are there really?
Forkrerereredux: that's what all the hacking software seemed like
Forkrerereredux: a scam
Forkrerereredux: fork just wants to hack a myspace
Roadofmychoosing: isn't anyone tired of fork's hacking inquiries!
Roadofmychoosing: I'd rather listen to a bot
Forkrerereredux: fork is a bot


Fork as Dr. Phil
Forkrerereredux: people are generally forgiving
Forkrerereredux: fork has done awful things to people
Forkrerereredux: and some of them were okay with it
KissMyAsterix: you find them more forgiving?
KissMyAsterix: or easier to forgive
Forkrerereredux: oh yes
Forkrerereredux: more forgiving
Forkrerereredux: fork is not a forgiving person, however
Forkrerereredux: fork holds grudges
KissMyAsterix: that's very detail oriented of you
KissMyAsterix: for what
Forkrerereredux: just about anything
Forkrerereredux: fork is very angry
KissMyAsterix: do you ever hold a grudge for someone forgiving you?
KissMyAsterix: when you don't deserve it
Forkrerereredux: like girls with low self esteem, for example

Announcement:
Forkrerereredux: hi summers eve
Forkrerereredux: you are fork's friend

Like Visit Chat Rooms?
Forkrerereredux: drinking is bad for fork
Forkrerereredux: makes him do crazy things

That Wild Prospect:
Prospect26: Holo...just finished sending a critique to
Sayulita in Mexico.

What Are You Wearing?:
Prospect26: Binx...I azm not reading right now.

The Unexplained:
tallimom08: any males in here im me
BinxB91: I'd like to IM a woman. But I don't like being referred
to as a "male". Sounds like a police description
Prospect26: Binx...are you a male? No stories? Explanations?

Unpublished Short Story:
Tallthinjones: ha ha. i pulled another caper last night. in the
shower i saw the red sticker of my medilirt bracelet. hmm, where
is the super glue?
Tallthinjones: i found it quickly and
Tallthinjones: super glued the plastic tab to my thumb
Tallthinjones: it wouldn't come
Tallthinjones: there is an impulse to just tear it offoff
Tallthinjones: i tried nail poish remover
Tallthinjones: then i was online trying to type with this thumb deal
Tallthinjones: all over a $3.85 bracelet

She Tried to Buy Consonets:
Yossarian4now: there is prospect, who actually believes shes on a
game show, in newark
Yossarian4now: we let her spin a wheel on occasion

Therapy:
Yossarian4now: how come i'm the only one that says how much
they suck, c'mon

A Work in Progress:
Tallthinjones: Handsome Roaul wakes up with a terrible hangover,
blinded plus an angry fly is whapping against the window on cocaine,
or so it would seen. There is a plate of bacon and eggs Raoul made
in the sheets, whilst drunk-"
EmpressZ21: he made eggs in the sheets
Summers Eve L: Oh no. I don't think you want to ask about that one.
AnnAsphodel: misplacement, I'm sure
Tallthinjones: no, he made eggs on the stove, pitched forward burning
his hand on a red hot electric burner and wrapped a rag on the hand
and spilled the eggs in bed and passed out, drunk again!



Several Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest:
butterfly2357124: Beys I love you
PatientOnion3: i'm cooking me up some class warfare over easy
with a side of lox filled bagelles
Beysshoes: i lubs you too butterfly
PatientOnion3: butterfly = olijay + doom girl - booksl*t
PatientOnion3: me 2
Beysshoes: see butterfly, onion hearts you too. you'll be fine.
PatientOnion3: [loading ketchup burp gun]


Kitchen Dreams:
PatientOnion3: i don't know paula deen from james dean, i just
saw her 3.5 cast iron pot on the computer
PatientOnion3: and it looks my 3 qt pot, and they fell in love,
it is out of my hands



Twitters:
EmpressZ21: k that was a question she asked what is twitter
is that like a blog
PatientOnion3: twitter is a temporary twinky of blog immediacy
Beysshoes: twitter is in real time empy. you can follow
anybody IRL time
PatientOnion3: bey, shut up
EmpressZ21: i need more
Beysshoes: the politicians are all doing it so their constituents
can follow.
PatientOnion3: the only thing real time is you smoking a joint
Beysshoes: you shup homer
PatientOnion3: twitter is just a bubblegum snapshot of bubblegum
people, the britney bubblegum nation



Twitter II:
Beysshoes: that's how reporters got all the scoop during mumbai
... by following twitter
PatientOnion3: bey, we don't NEED immediacy
PatientOnion3: i don't live there
Beysshoes: what do we need then onion?
PatientOnion3: we need chocolate
butterfly2357124: :lap dances:
PatientOnion3: and lots of money


Stalker Foiled:
SteveIzHere7: hi Rebecca
SteveIzHere7: where are you from?
RebeccaSWA: Steve I'm from Seattle.
SteveIzHere7: I lived there for 18 months.
SteveIzHere7: I love Seattle.
SteveIzHere7: where in Seattle?
RebeccaSWA: Washington!


Poem:
Forkrerereredux: ain't no tellin' where fork may be
Forkrerereredux: may see he in DC
Forkrerereredux: the beef between us, we can settle it
Forkrerereredux: with the chrome and metal
Forkrerereredux: s
Forkrerereredux: fork makes it hot like a kettle get
Forkrerereredux: with the chrome and metal shhhhhhhh



BookShelf as Refuge:
CGilbert66: I am getting to like this room
Kan wa ma kan: cg its a nice sedate change from al

If Only:
PatientOnion3: princess, kan, i am meeting with the muslim war council,
i promised them pita cashew butter sandwiches

True That:
RebeccaSWA: Wow we would be terrible hostages.