NO NEED TO BE LEARY
OF JHUMPA LAHIRI


Bot Break:
kirstenqa: woohoo its working :) , who wan asee my cam ?
mylivecam.xoxgo.com
Boulshevit: Kirst, go see where what's her nuts just went
Melodramamama22: i bet if we really could see her live cam,
she's picking her nose and heating up a baby bottle
Fifi LeBeouf: ...nuts always follow...
kirstenqa: grrr my cam aint worrrking here, but its working
at mylivecam.xoxgo.com
Boulshevit: grrr
Boulshevit: I hate that!
CordialCactus: you hate when your web cam aint worrrking?
Boulshevit: Damn straight!
CordialCactus: ha
Melodramamama22: i hate when i wan asee and i can't
kirstenqa: ul defeneeetly like this mylivecam.xoxgo.com
Boulshevit: You wanna see MY webcam, Mels??
Fifi LeBeouf: As opposed to yer deadcam.necrophilia.shiOt
kirstenqa: ist free if you are over 18 mylivecam.xoxgo.com
Melodramamama22: if you're a kid, it'll cost ya
Boulshevit: Unfortunatly it ain't working


What are you wearing?:
Melodramamama22: er whatcha got on bouls?
Boulshevit: My work shirt and dirt

Head Start:
Kgbirdpaul: I was unpopular in first grade

The Invisible Prospect:
SteveIzHere7: god, who are these new people?
Prospect26: Stev...I am not a new people.
I have been here for a long time.


Neeker the Conversation Killer:
Neeker54: is there anyone in here that can please, please
please edit an essay for me?
AnnAsphodel: Neeker, do your own homework!
Neeker54: i did, its just editing
Neeker54: is there anyone i can email?
BinxB91: go ahead neeker. I'll try
Neeker54: thanks bin
Neeker54: whats your email?
Neeker54: ill copy and paste it
BinxB91: my name
AnnAsphodel: whoooboy
Neeker54: at aol?
BinxB91: @aol.com yes
Neeker54: ok thank you
BinxB91: lol, Ann
BinxB91: I often do this
AnnAsphodel: How very sweet of you.
BinxB91: I once did this in 2001 ... and we're still in touch
BinxB91: she's 24 now
AnnAsphodel: My goodness.
BinxB91: and ...
BinxB91: she works as an artist model
AnnAsphodel: That's interesting.
BinxB91: reading
Neeker54: please feel free to make whatever corrections you want,
i would appreciate it so much
AnnAsphodel: Ah, the appreciation.
EmpressZ21: what is this paper about
Neeker54: trust and fairness in education
EmpressZ21: hahahahahaha
EmpressZ21: youre kidding
Neeker54: yea
Neeker54: its complicated
Neeker54: hard to explain
AnnAsphodel: It's
EmpressZ21: no it really isnt
Neeker54: its on larry nucci's theory of trust and fariness
Neeker54: in the classroom
Neeker54: for affective education
AnnAsphodel: effective
EmpressZ21: affective education you say
EmpressZ21: do you mean effective
AnnAsphodel: Whew
EmpressZ21: dear god hazel
Summers Eve L: Maybe he means emotional education.
Neeker54: 'nope, it's affective
AnnAsphodel: What is affective education?
Neeker54: google it
EmpressZ21: is this the males vs females thing
Neeker54: no
Summers Eve L: Affective: adj. of, caused by, or expressing
emotion or feeling; emotional.
Summers Eve L: effective: adj. adequate to accomplish a purpose;
producing the intended or expected result: effective teaching
methods; effective steps toward peace
EmpressZ21: self esteem and and all that rot?
Neeker54: yea
AnnAsphodel: I'm going to sleep now.
AnnAsphodel: bye!
(2 minutes later)
Zenchef2006: hello to the shelf
Zenchef2006: echo!! echo!!! echo!!!
Zenchef2006: eve?? hada?? you guys there????


Jane Tested:
Danmagtom: eh.. i am out of here too
JaneH56: see you around dan.
JaneH56: asshole.

Prospect Visions:
Prospect26: I have a life...sorry that you thought I was a loser.
CordialCactus: prospect...no one said you are a loser
RebeccaSWA: Who pasted this judgement?
KammaToasted: i've thought a coupla times that he was a loser,
but by god, i've never typed it
CordialCactus: We like that you come here
Prospect26: Cordial,,,thank you for your kind words.
Don't hear it often.

Cuckoo!:
Sleepy Eyed Evie: its odd, but both of my roommates walk around
singing all the time
Sleepy Eyed Evie: i mean its fine, they actually sing pretty well,
but its weird
Sleepy Eyed Evie: kinda like living with the von trapp family
or something

CausticCactus:
CordialCactus: my poor husband.. ugh.. i should have been more
sympathetic
CordialCactus: laryngitis, a cold and now stomach upset
CordialCactus: i glared when i handed him his chicken and dumplings
CordialCactus: and stomped a little bit when he asked for the hot pad
CordialCactus: rolled my eyes when he wanted tea
MsVictoriaLynn1: look at him and just say... WAAH!
CordialCactus: and harrumphed at the bendy straw request
MsVictoriaLynn1: Ooo a Harrumph...?
Doc Whew: did you buy him sudoku
Tammynet: "Cactus is the darkside" ....boulshevit
MsVictoriaLynn1: thats harsh
BinxB91: gee, among the criminal code of lack of sympathy those
are barely misdemeanors
CordialCactus: doc, lol.. no, but thats a thought
CordialCactus: he will probably want me to fill in the numbers for
him, though

Dating Advice:
RebeccaSWA: Ok who is this Doc Whew guy?
CordialCactus: he's a family doc on the east coast.. older,
married, randy.. hmm..
CordialCactus: republican
RebeccaSWA: He's hitting on my in a instant message, creepy.
CordialCactus: yes.. he does that
CordialCactus: just be boring
CordialCactus: worked for me

[He did not know if he loved her. He said he did when she had
first asked him, one afternoon in Palo Alto as they sat side
by side in a darkened, nearly empty movie theater. Before
the film, something in German that he found extremely
depressing, she had pressed the the tip of her nose to his
so that he could feel the flutter of her mascara-coated eye-
lashes. That afternoon he had replied, yes, he loved her,
and she was delighted, and fed him a piece of popcorn,
letting her finger linger an instant between his lips, as if
were his reward for coming up with the right answer.]



Or Switch to the Animal Channel:
LadyQuasi: BRB...the puppy is trying to eat the remote control.

They're Out There:
Gleam1946: these people take to the streets real fast and that
shit is a problem
Gleam1946: and mars and way out there what is the problem with
acknowledging that?

When Anais comes to dinner, serve the crap steamed:
Anais3233: i don't like fried crap

Wholesome:
Summers Eve L: I've got my laundry all done and my lunch packed.
Clothes laid out for tomorrow.

Unwholesome:
Summers Eve L: I am SO mad.
Summers Eve L: This carton.
Summers Eve L: Expires tomorrow!
Summers Eve L: I just bought organic milk. Only reason I buy it is
b/c it lasts extra long.
EmpressZ21: drink fast MH!

Whaddya Wearing?:
Tallthinjones: i've got a shirt that says, "Goddamn Mosquitos" on
it and
Tallthinjones: i got stopped by a cop in WI, (Cactus) years ago
with a shirt that read, "Fuck the John Birch Society"
CordialCactus: my son is on facebook.. he just went on a winter retreat
with his youth group..his facebook status read: Hittin the slopes
with Jesus, bitches.. im waiting to here what my mom says about that
CordialCactus: tallthin, did that make you sweat a bit?
Tallthinjones: "Hugs Not Drugs" apparel is corny
Tallthinjones: i had to turn it inside out
KissMyAsterix: how about drugs not hugs?
Tallthinjones: any fool can wear that one
KissMyAsterix: not corny?
LadyQuasi: One of my students walked in with a shirt on that had an
eye, a heart, and a picture of a beaver shaving
Tallthinjones: the pusher man has a couple
MsVictoriaLynn1: Hugs are for people who can't face Drugs
LadyQuasi: The administration flipped.
KissMyAsterix: a girl?i kinda wear it around town. i don't if
i'm pushing it tho

[Dev was Bengali, too. At first Miranda thought it was a
religion. But then he pointed it out to her, a place in India
called Bengal in a map printed in an issue of The Economist.
He had brought the magazine specially to her apartment, for
she did not own an atlas, or any other books with maps in them.
He pointed to the city where he'd been born. One of the cities
had a box around it, intended to attract the reader's eye. When
Miranda asked what the box indicated, Dev rolled up the
magazine, and said, "Nothing you'll ever need to worry about,"
and he tapped her playfully on the head.
Before leaving her apartment he'd tossed the magazine in the
garbage, along with the ends of the three cigarettes he always
smoked in the course of his visits. But after she watched his
car disappear down Commonwealth Avenue, back to his house in
the suburbs where he lived with his wife, Miranda retrieved it,
and brushed the ashes off the cover, and rolled it in the
opposite direction to get it to lie flat. She got into bed,
still rumpled from their lovemaking, and studied the borders
of Bengal. There was a bay below and mountains above. The
map was connected to an article about something called the
Grammin Bank. She turned the page, hoping for a photograph
of the city where Dev was born, but all she found was graphs
and grids. Still, she stared at them, thinking the whole
while about Dev, about how only fifteen minutes ago he'd
propped her feet on top of his shoulders, and pressed her
knees to her chest, and told her he couldn't get enough of
her.]



Whore Stories:
HelenaHandbagg: empress is a whore
DebsVersion2006: she is a whore
DebsVersion2006: whoer*
HelenaHandbagg: total whore.\
EmpressZ21: she really is
BinxB91: empress isn't a whore
HelenaHandbagg: oh yes she is
EmpressZ21: she really is binx
DebsVersion2006: she really is binx
BinxB91: She's a lady with a few bawdy moments
EmpressZ21: awww i like that better
DebsVersion2006: it's like Binx doesn't know you at all :(
BinxB91: which I wish she'd share
EmpressZ21: see that tramps! i am a LADY!
BinxB91: no, I don't have a good Empress vision
DebsVersion2006: beer goggles, Binx.
EmpressZ21: yes you cant take it back you do binx!
oh you doooooooooo
BinxB91: No neat Empress story that would help me visualize her
in my mind
BinxB91: CordialCactus tends bar and battles toddlers
BinxB91: like that
BinxB91: So, tell us an Empress story
BinxB91: "think of me and try not to laugh" --- Rod Stewart
EmpressZ21: g'head girls tell him an empress story
DebsVersion2006: well
DebsVersion2006: this one time, at disneyworld...........
DebsVersion2006: .............she had skorts.
DebsVersion2006: pastel skorts.

Innocent:
AnnAsphodel: can you really roll a joint with a tampon wrapper?

Anais's kids:
HelenaHandbagg: the kids are always in my anatomy books
HelenaHandbagg: pointing at weiners

Anais's Man:
HelenaHandbagg: i found a picture of my husband from marching band
and i shit you not, he looks EXACTLY like lord farquaad from shrek

Trace of Sarcasm:
Summers Eve L: Speaking of sunshine, unicorns, stars, and rainbows.
Hi there, Phronsie.


High School Triumphs:
Summers Eve L: I was in the national latin society. And. I was forced
to go to the national latin convention.
Summers Eve L: And.
Summers Eve L: Participate in the costume contest.
EmpressZ21: i didnt do anything dorky in high school
Summers Eve L: Like I know latin. Ok?!
Summers Eve L: And my teacher made us dress as the seven hills of rome.
HelenaHandbagg: HILLS?
DebsVersion2006: were you two of them?
Phronsie: I think that is great, Summer
Summers Eve L: The convention was in Memphis.
Summers Eve L: Anyway.
Phronsie: knowing Latin, that is
Summers Eve L: Shut up, Phronsie. Like seriously.
Summers Eve L: We looked like condoms.
Summers Eve L: And they called us the seven trojans.
Summers Eve L: And we totally won.
HelenaHandbagg: you WON?
HelenaHandbagg: you're shitting me?


B Wear:
PatientOnion3: i get the
PatientOnion3: "B" screen names confused
PatientOnion3: binky, bob, bolshevik
KissMyAsterix: the b's blur?
PatientOnion3: The Bale Rider
PatientOnion3: War Horse Bor
PatientOnion3: Banda52
BinxB91: Becca
RebeccaSWA: Yes?
BinxB91: Just giving you a B name
PatientOnion3: BorkReREdux
PatientOnion3: Breepy Loner
BinxB91: banais
PatientOnion3: BammyNet
RebeccaSWA: Oh no thank you, lol.
PatientOnion3: BamberDevilRay72
BinxB91: Bummers Eve L
RebeccaSWA: I'll be the odd ball.
BinxB91: :LOL
PatientOnion3: Booooo Li Jay w/Broccoli over
Pan Fried Rice Noodles
PatientOnion3: that's her halloween name
PatientOnion3: just like that woman in san jose had
holiday names
PatientOnion3: the one who married the axe murderer at lake tahoe


Skort Story:
HelenaHandbagg: and skorts?
DebsVersion2006: skorts weren't so in
EmpressZ21: my wardrobe was tres chic
EmpressZ21: and a girl needs to be ready to golf at any time

Insult Tips:
BinxB91: Two young women had a shouting match at work the other day.
The more angry one called the other a "douche" as the other walked
out the door. I thought she could have done better than that after
finishing 4 years of college
Summers Eve L: At least add in the word nozzle or something.


Jolly and Sad:
Summers Eve L: I'm addicted to Fats Domino - Ain't That A Shame.
Summers Eve L: I reminded myself of it earlier when I said it.
Summers Eve L: I like jolly tunes with sad lyrics.
BinxB91: Name another example, nathalie
Summers Eve L: 98 Tears
EmpressZ21: it's my party and ill cry if i want to
BinxB91: You don't Own Me


Lack the Iniative for Change:
Jlswilson227: Oh it is truely difficult. Just say what ever
offensive thing comes to mind, and apologize later for your ignorance.
BinxB91: Evereytime I type "wilson" I feel like Tom Hanks talking
to his volleyball
Jlswilson227: I am not fond of the screen name myself, but lack
the iniative for change. Hmmm propably why most americans don't
demand socialized medicine


Fandom:
Forkrerereredux: fork loves mr binx and mr onion

Fork is back:
KissMyAsterix: there are hacking books fork
KissMyAsterix: but most involve cons, and phone calls
Forkrerereredux: are there really?
Forkrerereredux: that's what all the hacking software seemed like
Forkrerereredux: a scam
Forkrerereredux: fork just wants to hack a myspace
Roadofmychoosing: isn't anyone tired of fork's hacking inquiries!
Roadofmychoosing: I'd rather listen to a bot
Forkrerereredux: fork is a bot


Fork as Dr. Phil
Forkrerereredux: people are generally forgiving
Forkrerereredux: fork has done awful things to people
Forkrerereredux: and some of them were okay with it
KissMyAsterix: you find them more forgiving?
KissMyAsterix: or easier to forgive
Forkrerereredux: oh yes
Forkrerereredux: more forgiving
Forkrerereredux: fork is not a forgiving person, however
Forkrerereredux: fork holds grudges
KissMyAsterix: that's very detail oriented of you
KissMyAsterix: for what
Forkrerereredux: just about anything
Forkrerereredux: fork is very angry
KissMyAsterix: do you ever hold a grudge for someone forgiving you?
KissMyAsterix: when you don't deserve it
Forkrerereredux: like girls with low self esteem, for example

Announcement:
Forkrerereredux: hi summers eve
Forkrerereredux: you are fork's friend

Like Visit Chat Rooms?
Forkrerereredux: drinking is bad for fork
Forkrerereredux: makes him do crazy things

That Wild Prospect:
Prospect26: Holo...just finished sending a critique to
Sayulita in Mexico.

What Are You Wearing?:
Prospect26: Binx...I azm not reading right now.

The Unexplained:
tallimom08: any males in here im me
BinxB91: I'd like to IM a woman. But I don't like being referred
to as a "male". Sounds like a police description
Prospect26: Binx...are you a male? No stories? Explanations?

Unpublished Short Story:
Tallthinjones: ha ha. i pulled another caper last night. in the
shower i saw the red sticker of my medilirt bracelet. hmm, where
is the super glue?
Tallthinjones: i found it quickly and
Tallthinjones: super glued the plastic tab to my thumb
Tallthinjones: it wouldn't come
Tallthinjones: there is an impulse to just tear it offoff
Tallthinjones: i tried nail poish remover
Tallthinjones: then i was online trying to type with this thumb deal
Tallthinjones: all over a $3.85 bracelet

She Tried to Buy Consonets:
Yossarian4now: there is prospect, who actually believes shes on a
game show, in newark
Yossarian4now: we let her spin a wheel on occasion

Therapy:
Yossarian4now: how come i'm the only one that says how much
they suck, c'mon

A Work in Progress:
Tallthinjones: Handsome Roaul wakes up with a terrible hangover,
blinded plus an angry fly is whapping against the window on cocaine,
or so it would seen. There is a plate of bacon and eggs Raoul made
in the sheets, whilst drunk-"
EmpressZ21: he made eggs in the sheets
Summers Eve L: Oh no. I don't think you want to ask about that one.
AnnAsphodel: misplacement, I'm sure
Tallthinjones: no, he made eggs on the stove, pitched forward burning
his hand on a red hot electric burner and wrapped a rag on the hand
and spilled the eggs in bed and passed out, drunk again!



Several Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest:
butterfly2357124: Beys I love you
PatientOnion3: i'm cooking me up some class warfare over easy
with a side of lox filled bagelles
Beysshoes: i lubs you too butterfly
PatientOnion3: butterfly = olijay + doom girl - booksl*t
PatientOnion3: me 2
Beysshoes: see butterfly, onion hearts you too. you'll be fine.
PatientOnion3: [loading ketchup burp gun]


Kitchen Dreams:
PatientOnion3: i don't know paula deen from james dean, i just
saw her 3.5 cast iron pot on the computer
PatientOnion3: and it looks my 3 qt pot, and they fell in love,
it is out of my hands



Twitters:
EmpressZ21: k that was a question she asked what is twitter
is that like a blog
PatientOnion3: twitter is a temporary twinky of blog immediacy
Beysshoes: twitter is in real time empy. you can follow
anybody IRL time
PatientOnion3: bey, shut up
EmpressZ21: i need more
Beysshoes: the politicians are all doing it so their constituents
can follow.
PatientOnion3: the only thing real time is you smoking a joint
Beysshoes: you shup homer
PatientOnion3: twitter is just a bubblegum snapshot of bubblegum
people, the britney bubblegum nation



Twitter II:
Beysshoes: that's how reporters got all the scoop during mumbai
... by following twitter
PatientOnion3: bey, we don't NEED immediacy
PatientOnion3: i don't live there
Beysshoes: what do we need then onion?
PatientOnion3: we need chocolate
butterfly2357124: :lap dances:
PatientOnion3: and lots of money


Stalker Foiled:
SteveIzHere7: hi Rebecca
SteveIzHere7: where are you from?
RebeccaSWA: Steve I'm from Seattle.
SteveIzHere7: I lived there for 18 months.
SteveIzHere7: I love Seattle.
SteveIzHere7: where in Seattle?
RebeccaSWA: Washington!


Poem:
Forkrerereredux: ain't no tellin' where fork may be
Forkrerereredux: may see he in DC
Forkrerereredux: the beef between us, we can settle it
Forkrerereredux: with the chrome and metal
Forkrerereredux: s
Forkrerereredux: fork makes it hot like a kettle get
Forkrerereredux: with the chrome and metal shhhhhhhh



BookShelf as Refuge:
CGilbert66: I am getting to like this room
Kan wa ma kan: cg its a nice sedate change from al

If Only:
PatientOnion3: princess, kan, i am meeting with the muslim war council,
i promised them pita cashew butter sandwiches

True That:
RebeccaSWA: Wow we would be terrible hostages.