KATY TRIED - The 100th Column!

"Fork is no child":
PatientOnion3: binky, all the hot chix have been talking about you
Summers Eve L: Encyclopedia Brown. Hi there.
Phronsie: hi Binx
Forkrerereredux: but sex is the primary motivator
Summers Eve L: Butt sex. I knew it.
Phronsie: Fork, you are such a child
Alansueton: Dr Fork as Pat Benatar once sang
"stop using sex as a weapon"
Forkrerereredux: fork is no child, phronsie


StealItBack.com:
Anais3233: has anyone ever bought anything from stealitback.com
Anais3233: it's online police auction
Anais3233: it's like ebay but ... confiscated items
Anais3233: there is a LOT of grow lights on there
Summers Eve L: She wants to buy her virginity back.
Nomdujourxx: Do you think it a good idea to buy grow lites
from the cops?

Immmaculate Deception:
Anais3233: can you imagine what circumstances a nativity scene
would be impounded??

I Never Sang For My Father:
Prospect26: We all have a father. Mine died when I was 6 months old.
BinxB91: Prospect, I was being ironic. Fork's origin are
mysterious. Of course I realize he has a father. But I like to
imagine him raised by wolves, kidnapped by gypsies, or a reject
from a government study group
Forkrerereredux: the show "my two dads" was about the problem of
homos trying to raise kids
Prospect26: Binx...it's nice that you can be ironic. I never had
a father.

Miss Manners of Book Shelf:
Anais3233: Oh, just a side note for you all. Ann Crispin does NOT
like it when you greet her like "Hello Whore!"

Grief Counselor of Book Shelf:
Summers Eve L: Oh brother. I'm not buying into Prospect's game.
Always the martyr.
CordialCactus: hurry
CordialCactus: say something nasty
EmpressZ21: cact you ignorant slut
Hadachoke: Cc, yoou IGNORANT SLUT
CordialCactus: ha!
CordialCactus: lol
CordialCactus: wow
EmpressZ21: okay weird
CordialCactus: syncronized slams!
Hadachoke: ok?
AnonyMitch: weirdly ok
CordialCactus: woohoo
EmpressZ21: i swear we didnt plan that
CordialCactus: impressive
Summers Eve L: Hm. Touche.
CordialCactus: prospect, see
CordialCactus: thats all you have to do
CordialCactus: let it slide off and move on
CordialCactus: laugh a bit
CordialCactus: its fun
Anais3233: are you talking about Dick skin?
CordialCactus: ok


Laughter Explained:
BinxB91: Hardest Shelvers to get an LOL from: Prospect,
Lesliehapablap, Godwit, PatientOnion, GypsyJo,
oooolijay: tj, in what part of the brain do you find irony and humor?
MsVictoriaLynn1: Jo won't laugh and twit CAN'T laugh
oooolijay: i got several lol's from godwit
oooolijay: well, not several, two or three though
Tj34: an integument at the 30th parallel horizontal ish
Tj34: it's like a little acorn
MsVictoriaLynn1: TWADDLE!
oooolijay: a humor acorn?
Tj34: yes, you have a little seizure, uncontrolled often and
your face muscles convulse
AnonyMitch: so, the act is the reason for the act.
CordialCactus: lol tj
MsVictoriaLynn1: Holy Twadding Wombats Batman!
CordialCactus: and tiny barking snuffly sounds are emitted from
your face
oooolijay: hmm, can you be born without that humor acorn? or can
it just dry up and die?
Tj34: most people have dopey large (acorns)? hardly! brazil nuts


Whorecoles:
Prospect26: Summers...don't even go there.
Summers Eve L: Too late, Prospect. I'm there.

What About e-mail?:
Tj34: schopenhauer says you can tell if you like someone gauging
your emotional response when you receive a letter from someone
you didn't expect a letter from

For Real?:
MsVictoriaLynn1: So, besides fly, what can a bird do, that a
man can not do?
oooolijay: rejuvenated hymens
CordialCactus: thats it!

Philosophy:
Alansueton: Descartes is at dinner and a servant comes up and asks
"Pardon, Monsieur Descartes, but would you like dessert?"
Alansueton: Descartes pauses and replies, "I think not", and disappears.

Prospect's Daughter is Kelly Ripa?:
Prospect26: lady...just got back from Mexic with my daughter...she is
very psyched about Regis on 1/1/09.

Plea for Tolerance:
fleurdeho3: if you're not gonna fuck sombody, what does it MATTER
if they're gay or straight?

Whaddya Want, a Medal?:
Onimesh: I finished a grapefruit

Julie Has an Opinion:
AnonyMitch: so, does anyone like or dislike that David Gregory guy
for taking over Meet the Press?
oooolijay: yes

From Eating Lamb Chops?:
LaNudie: When I was in high school my mom had a few sheep and our
hands were always soft

Like Crying Wolf:
LaNudie: The skin on my armpits is turning black and scaley
oooolijay: black and scaley?
LaNudie: Not really, I just wanted to see what you would say


Odd & Ends:

LadyMtnMedic: This room seems to be contradicting the Bible tonight

DoomGrl: my heart is a lonely hunter

CordialCactus: no one puts baby in a corner just popped in my head

Anais3233: i think i need to go to clown school

Melodramamama22: jiggling is part of getting dressed binx

BobsurAuntTom: I've never fucked a clown, but now I think I need to
add that to my list.

Melodramamama22: david beckham is gorgeous long as he doesn't speak

Summers Eve L: I hate Jay Leno

Fleurdelochi: i'm an adorable fucking sweetheart




Not Just a Mental Midget:
Godwit935: Oh Oscar, you are bleeding. I want to see you bleed
more, Oscar. Bleed more.
Godwit935: The blood, the blood.
EmpressZ21: Godwit is sounding very tattooish from fantasy island

Weird Science:
Godwit935: The closer you live to the Equator, the more excited
you get when you see blood.
oooolijay: the effect of hte equator on people?
oooolijay: what does that mean godwit?
LadyMtnMedic: what do you think?
oooolijay: i live in texas
Godwit935: I mean Equatorial people.
oooolijay: wow, godwit
oooolijay: that's an odd statement to make
Godwit935: Oooli, it's a known fact. It affects Texans to a
great degree.
oooolijay: so you're saying i get more excited by blood than you do?

Normal Rolls, Not Those Weird Croissants;
WildCIAagent: Godwit is like the Pillsbury Dough Boy. Except when
you poke him in the belly, he doesn't giggle, he says
"it's a known fact"

Candice the Bedazzler:
Tammynet: i am in my grey sweats and blue pull over sweatshirt
CordialCactus: tammy, embellish it a bit
oooolijay: cactus wants to take a bedazzler to tammy


Julie the Fertility Consultant:

Kursk912: no one is asking me any questions
Kursk912: i'll have to leave
EDruezillaB: good
BinxB91: Have you kissed your wife today?
Kursk912: yeah, she's upset, though
oooolijay: why is she upset?
Kursk912: because she's not pregnant yet
oooolijay: oh
Kursk912: some cousin just got pregnant again
oooolijay: kiss her with more sperm

Welcome Newbies:
Kursk912: who are these random weird dumb people?

There's Camps for That:
Annie77772: how does someone become ungay

AA Meetings:
LZOOKEEPER: be i cant sleep go at night and he wakes up really
early so i dont like to wake him up ever time i move
Tj34: provoke some fun, evilooli
Bobophet1: LZOOO, that's bad news.
Bobophet1: Newlyweds who can't sleep together.
oooolijay: there's no one yet tj
Tj34: this is like an old timer AA meeting, god!
LZOOKEEPER: well i love to sleep with him not at night
Tj34: where one guy talks for a solid hours in a sonorous voice
Tj34: i was a drunk and it was just awful the things i did
LZOOKEEPER: i uesd to drink alot
Tj34: i talked to the devil even
Tj34: he was my pal
oooolijay: that would be me


Julie's Latest Quirk:
WildCIAagent: Oooo, in your house... when the phone rings... do
you run to answer it first or hope someone else gets it?
oooolijay: i never answer the phone
oooolijay: rarely
WildCIAagent: Why?
oooolijay: even my cell
oooolijay: i hate it
WildCIAagent: Why?
oooolijay: i dont know
Tj34: i don't like cell phones
oooolijay: i only occasionally want to talk on the phone
Alansueton: I hate cell phones
oooolijay: are you thinking of calling me wild?
Tj34: plus you can get ear tumors from them
WildCIAagent: How about in person?
Forkrerereredux: fork's phone tapped

Boxing:
DoomGrl: boxing is too violent
Alansueton: Boxing is a wonderful sport when it is quality
DoomGrl: whats so wonderful about hitting people?
oooolijay: i'd like to watch a fight between alan and tonya harding
MsVictoriaLynn1: I'd loan Harding a new pipe
Tj34: people fight all the time adn it's a relief for me to see
them do it publically
Forkrerereredux: fork watched 27 dresses

[However much he had botched things so far, he had to keep talking.
Something. Anything. Let Rach know he was just across the seat
from her. He changed the topic, burying what he could not hope
to tell her even in private circumstances. "Ever hear of a Dr.
Wolff, of Cornell? Harold, I think the first name is. Harry,
maybe?"
"No." Rachel sensed current underneath, and let it run. "Why?"
Artie should have remembered sooner that nothing consoles better
than a mystery. "It's probably nothing," he said. A name Dad
called after me on our way out. I'm suppose to be a detective,
see? Figure out what he has figured out about what nobody can
figure out.
"Taken to crying Wolff, has he?" Rachel slid back into form. Her
voice was once more Rach's voice. Artie felt safety return, and for
the next twenty miles, the two kicked around the enigma. The world
became pitch dark. After the toll plaza at Oak Park, they underwent
the gradual escalation of nothing into vacancy, vacancy into
sparsity, sparsity into FOR LEASE signs, lease signs into industrial
parks, parks into complexes, complexes into into conglomerates and
skyscrapers and finally into the Sears Tower. Winding along the
inbound Eisenhower into the Dan Ryan, "Damn Ryan" in Rachel's
private vocabulary, they picked up traffic until they were bumper
to bumper. They began to breathe easier in the anonymity of
overcrowding. Artie co-piloted Rach into Hyde Park and up to his
old brownstone off Cottage Grove. She had taken him there scores
of times and should have been able to locate the building herself,
even in the dark. But she never could. Each time, he patiently
marveled over how any townee, even an adopted one, familiar as
she was with the Chicago grid system, could still lose herself
amid all the indelible logic.
"North Sider," he razzed her. "Coming up?" Artie's sudden
invitation surprised them both. Normally, after a weekend of
Hobson's choices, he couldn't wait to sequester himself with the
law books. Maybe he habituated to companionship, maybe he was
afraid to leave Rach alone so soon. Whatever the reason, he
asked her, curtly, not to take off right away.
Rach tipped her head at him, quizzically, the way a parakeet some-
times will. Only she kept tilting, through 180 degrees, until she
sat completely twisted in the driver's seat, craned all the way
upside down, head to the cushion, looking at him as he dangled one
foot on the curb. Vintage Rachel, returned fully from the tremor
moment. "Say that again."
"Coming Up?"
"God. From this angle, it looks as if your mouth is in your
forehead."
Losing his patience, he grabbed his rucksack, assembled his stuff,
and closed the car door in disgust. He had done all he could for
her in the car, and now that she felt better, she fell back into
sight gags. He completed his send-off brusquely and was halfway
up the walk when Rachel rolled down the window and called him
back.
"Artie." He knew, because she used his real name and not some
coinage, that he was in for a dressing down. He dragged back to
the car wronged but nevertheless cooperative. He thought, somehow,
that she was about to speak directly to the issue, the thing that,
in the drive back through open fields, they had avoided touching
on. He knew, by the tone of her voice, that subject was friction,
was fishing, or forgiveness, something fricative.
She would call him out, he thought. Implore him to forgive the
old man. Tell him not to hold it against the guy for both falling
ill and then evading differential diagnosis. But Artie wasn't
ready to forgive, even for his favorite Rach of all Rachs.
But he had guessed entirely wrong about his sister's scolding. He
had guessed wrong about everything. He had guessed wrong in the
car, in thinking that he had to hold her together. "Artie," she
said gently. 'I'll see you soon. Go easy on yourself, okay?"]



BookSlut in cognito:
PatientOnion3: muerte barbie is creepy
DoomGrl: creepyloner
Muerte Barbie: Since when has Doom been cultured?
Forkrerereredux: that's not miss creepy
oooolijay: i dont think so either fork
BinxB91: LOOK!! IT IS BookSlut!!!!
oooolijay: oh, i forgot about bookslut
WildCIAagent: Forgot what about her?
BinxB91: M'Barbie is BookSlut. She would be more often.
But she has been busy reading the Twilight series
DoomGrl: Bookie knows how cultured I am
PatientOnion3: name ONE cultured attribute you got Doom Chick
Muerte Barbie: Doom. Are you familiar with Anne Pigalle?
DoomGrl: see, it is Bookie

Found in Her father's bedroom:
DoomGrl: i watched a movie in serbo-croatian last week. i found
it in my dads room

Lower Than a Slut:
Muerte Barbie: Doom. I am dating a Lounger.

Julie Once taught Self-defense:
Tj34: but first let me say you can get a crocodile to let go of you
if you press your thumbs in its eyes
oooolijay: you can get almost anything to let go if you press your
thumbs in it's eyes

Why DoomGrl Sleeps on the Floor:
DoomGrl: i thought there was a werewolf under my bed who would grab
my ankle if i got up

Scary Because She Doesn't Own a Car:
DoomGrl: sean penn changes my tires in my nite mares

So You Go Down on Me First:
I2DaysInNovember: I am more a Thinker and you're more a Feeler

Low-grade ESP:
Summers Eve L: I knew you were going to say something!

Low-grade Love:
Tom Brite: creepie i love you
Creepy Loner: Yes, yes...spell my name right.

Use Body Language:
CordialCactus: well, how tough can you be when you
sound like minnie mouse

Tom, NO 3rd chance!:
Tom Brite: ...then i wont say what i did last night thinking
of creepie
Creepy Loner: Damn it...if you're going to think about me
while humping your dog, please, spell my SN right!

Flip side of bookSlut watching football:
Forkrerereredux: fork likes to look at cat pictures

Axel provoking Mormons:
AXELvonAUR: I have a Xmas greeting for the enemies of Prop 8. I think
they should all say "Merry Queerness"
AXELvonAUR: or "Marry Queerness"

Ronoism:
Onimesh: news are there to make you believe the lies

Deliverance Fans:
BobsurAuntTom: Yeah, you guys should meet somewhere where you can
all find someone that might make you want to squeel like a pig.
oooolijay: we're girls bob
BobsurAuntTom: Oooli, I'd be willing to bet most of these gals
aren't all that much into anal.
oooolijay: neither was ned beatty

Mystery I
Summers Eve L: I don't take kindly to freezing pine water.
EbMajor999: pine water?
CordialCactus: what is pine water?

Mystery II
Summers Eve L: I'm not allowed to go to Birmingham, Alabama again.

Gilbert & Sullivan Turning Over:
Onimesh: men, men, men, men, men, men...manly men

Rono's World:
Onimesh: the whole world knows about hat stone...one of the
seven wonders( I can't figure out how many times they changed the
seven wonders)


A Man of Depth:
ThePaIeRlDER: creepy, you have no clue the depth this cock has
shrunk too

The Joker:
AXELvonAUR: Heath Ledger seemed to me to be channelling
Al Franken in that movie

Vegan Consequence:
Creepy Loner: RIDER, you really must give up this whole
vegan thing...your brain is going bye-bye.
ThePaIeRlDER: creepy, i have never felt better or been in as
good as shape in all my years
ThePaIeRlDER: thats the truth too
ThePaIeRlDER: veganism wrks
Creepy Loner: Clearly.
Sleepy Eyed Evie: yes but all you can talk about is your thingy
Creepy Loner: I can see where this is going to go...
Creepy Loner: RIDER's red-winging history.
ThePaIeRlDER: naw axel, my dick is still long enough to get
splashed when i flush
Sleepy Eyed Evie: see what i mean?
ThePaIeRlDER: sometimes even tikled by a log
Creepy Loner: You're a log-tickler?
Creepy Loner: Perhaps I will have an affair with you.
Creepy Loner: Huh.
Sleepy Eyed Evie: he's all yours



Julie's Men:
oooolijay: i've had pretty guys who weren't funny or smart