Mostly Onion With a Side of Beys

Blind Date:
forkrererereredx: beys, stop being nice. you don't give a
fuck about me
forkrererereredx: i don't know what you're up to
Beysshoes: i'm not being nice fork. nice is a meaningless
word for one thing
Beysshoes: hows this: i give half a fuck about you?

Snooky Explained:
KissMyAsterix: people love snooky because she's a caricature
of a person


The DoomGrl Diaries:
DoomGrl: Binx should pay attention in case any body says
something funny

DoomGrl: my name is Doom cause my dad was a hippy, but he
is not any more

DoomGrl: my dad said that when they were in college his
friend had a volkwagon bus
DoomGrl: it was named Further
is this good?

What Are You Wearing?
Beysshoes: i told you. shorts and a peasant blouse. sheesh

Strange Roommates;
PatientOnion1: bey and me made a bet, if obama wins in 2012
i have to sell my condo and move in with her, if obama loses,
bey has to sell her condo and move to sf
KissMyAsterix: well that's all good and fine
KissMyAsterix: but neither of you have condos do you


Choking:
Beysshoes: lolomg

Onion as Matchmaker:
PatientOnion1: sent wonderfou
wonderfouI: That's Sable?
PatientOnion1: yes
wonderfouI: Wow, what the fuck.
PatientOnion1: you can see the insanity in her soul
KissMyAsterix: clearly insanity is good for the looks
wonderfouI: She looks attractive there. And not fucking crazy.
PatientOnion1: wonder, you must be really really horny
wonderfouI: I'm not.
KissMyAsterix: my friend had a cat like that, it was painfully
cute and horribly psychotic


Mark Twain:
Boulshevit: Ouch...Dino, I nearly dowloaded the new twain
autobiography...was it re written?
KissMyAsterix: they're trying to bouls
KissMyAsterix: make it more pc
forkrererereredx: fork will accept that
quiet scientist: roger ebert held an online poll and asked
"which would you rather get rid of?: huck finn or every
video game ever made?"
quiet scientist: overwhelming majority of people under 25
picked huck finn :(
forkrererereredx: so are they trying to change every single
of copy of huck finn for good?
quiet scientist: just that one publishing company
forkrererereredx: like you will never be able to get a copy
that says NIGGER
KissMyAsterix: I can't see how it's ethical or legal to rewrite
it when he's dead


If You Miss Christmas:
Tammynet: you could dress the tree up in hearts and presidents
next month


On Banker Street:
Tammynet: "stuck in the middle with you"
BinxB91: Steeler's Wheels?
BinxB91: Jerry Rafferty died this past week
Boulshevit: Yes!
quiet scientist: gerry
BinxB91: Gerry? really?
quiet scientist: yep
quiet scientist: and stealer's
quiet scientist: and wheel
BinxB91: stealers? wheel? really?
BinxB91: Sorry, Gerry. Nothing personal, I'm just a fuck-up
Boulshevit: Binx...we get used to it
quiet scientist: lol, i don't think he minds

Chat Guide Lines:
KissMyAsterix: sometimes you look away and you
shouldn't look back

Also Subject-Verb Agreement:
Niontron9: high expectations and instant gratification is
the biggest cause of failure

Biotech Misheard:
Boulshevit: Okay, someone just said "biotch" in this movie,
I'm not being the proper parent and stopping this quagmire

Bird Brain:
quiet scientist: i'll answer when i come back
quiet scientist: nature calls
BinxB91: Your bird feeders are empty?

Lunch With Rono:
Niontron9: I had lunch with this dumb bitch Jenni...dumbest
broad I have ever met
KissMyAsterix: brevity would assume that was understood by
her having lunch with you


Book Chat 2011:
Bedrock18: read anything good lately?
Bedrock18: i guess that's a no
wonderfouI: Bedrock, tell me first.
Bedrock18: tell you what first?
Bedrock18: if i have?
wonderfouI: Obviously.
Bedrock18: yes, neil gaiman, neverwhere
wonderfouI: Boring.
Bedrock18: k
Bedrock18: that's an opinion
wonderfouI: What are you, some kinda nerd.
Bedrock18: have you read anything good lately?
wonderfouI: Are you a nerd, are ya.
Bedrock18: or do you only read chat?
Bedrock18: sounds like maybe you only read chat.
Bedrock18: is that true?
Bedrock18: you only read chat?
Bedrock18: :-\
wonderfouI: No, shut up and kiss me.
Bedrock18: never
wonderfouI: It's now or never.
Bedrock18: but good line
Bedrock18: well, i already answered that one
Bedrock18: sheesh
Bedrock18: kabob
Bedrock18: a
Bedrock18: louie
wonderfouI: That is so lame.
wonderfouI: Where's my kiss, you awful person.
Bedrock18: lol
Bedrock18: i LAFFFFFF
Bedrock18: i LAFFFF, i tell you
Bedrock18: hahahahahahaha


"If I wanted chat I wouldn't have gotten you drunk":
Traveln on: if i wanted sex, i wouldnt come into book shelf


Unemployment Benefits:
Mg500mv: Last year I read 392 books

Stunned Silence:
Mg500mv: Tomorrow I will read Patterns In The Sand
by Sally Goldenbaum
Mg500mv: How is everyones' weekend? Mine is great
Mg500mv: Why the silence?

Noted:
Onimesh: binx is annoying

Rono Seeking Medical Advice:
Niontron9: your mother was diagonesed with what
Beyssox: parkinsons
Niontron9: how she got that
Niontron9: I mean what causes it
Niontron9: so that I can be careful

Never Saw It Comin':
Beyssox: i went on eBay and tried to do research and ended
up buying stuff.

Navel Onions:
TiaNoi: he's a chopper
TiaNoi: a salad chef on a navy vessel
BinxB91: Onion in the Navy?
Beyssox: onion work? walk about? uhm nolo
Beyssox: unless it's at the whole foods
TiaNoi: Onion and I were ship mates in our last life
TiaNoi: we swabbed the decks and chopped the salads
KissMyAsterix: did he walk the plank voluntarily?
TiaNoi: he walked in back and forth
KissMyAsterix: somehow I see Onion getting seasick.

What Makes a Socio:
Beyssox: okay so continue about that movie pls
Beyssox: why is the guy a socio?
BinxB91: Beys, he just is. He likes a lot of meaningless sex
Beyssox: meaningless sex doesn't make somebody a socio silly
KissMyAsterix: no doesn't that make someone male

Support Tj34:
DoomGrl: he is writing again more!!
Beyssox: on his new book
DoomGrl: sometimes we still email
Beyssox: tell us about the january article
DoomGrl: he almost got hit by a truck while walking Sugar -
like Stephen King
Beyssox: sheesh
DoomGrl: it is called Bomb Shelter Noel and the main girl is
called Doom Girl - a radio host
DoomGrl: one of her friends is a dancer named Dixie
DoomGrl: you could buy the Jan PlayBoy and support writers - haha

What's Really Good for You - Turn off the TV:
Niontron9: you ever wondered why the medias don't tell the
people what is good for them, but where someone gets kiled
is on it before anything else

True North?:
Asia7384: K, I don't know with any degree of certainty, but
seismograph readings around the globe are at disturbing levels
KissMyAsterix: higher than normal?
KissMyAsterix: really, is true north lying again?

Cow Theories:
Asia7384: 200 cows dropped over dead in a Wisconsin field
yesterday
Asia7384: all at once
KissMyAsterix: you sure they're not just napping?
PatientOnion1: the crop circle killed them
Asia7384: no virus I know works like that
KissMyAsterix: maybe they died of boredom, it is wisconsin..
KissMyAsterix: cow tipping gone bad
Rafo65: Maybe they were all cheeseheads, and it was the
effect of.. well.. almost cannibalism
KissMyAsterix: I think they were meditating, and they
managed to lower their heartrates down so low, everyone
thinks they're dead.

Cheese Chat I:
Catpower777: we were very low on snackage
Catpower777: I found myself making a lot of grilled cheese
sandwiches for teens
Catpower777: come to find out vegetarians can't eat Velveeta
Catpower777: apparently Velveeta has gelatin
Catpower777: who knew?
Beysshoes: is gelatin animal based?
Catpower777: yes
Beysshoes: it is? from what animal???
Catpower777: horse hooves and intestines
Beysshoes: some kind of fishy? omg ew
Catpower777: yeah
Beysshoes: well, there goes my liking for jellos.
Catpower777: exactly
Beysshoes: fortunately we'll both prolly forget this
by tomorrow

Cheese Chat II:
Catpower777: well, I don't know about Kraft singles
BinxB91: I once went to a Kraft Singles Bar
Beysshoes: whats a kraft singles bar binky?
Catpower777: oh Bey
Catpower777: you need a cup o' coffee
Catpower777: caffeinated
Beysshoes: what? that was a joke?
Catpower777: yeah, it was a joke
BinxB91: yes, Beys ... there is no Krafts Singles Bar
Beysshoes: oh.
Beysshoes: i'm pretty dull this weekend.
BinxB91: dull ... but cute
Catpower777: bey, do you know what a singles' bar is?
Beysshoes: yes cat. you can shup now
Catpower777: aw, you kissed me
Beysshoes: fugly cute. nolo on the kiss.
BinxB91: Beys used to go to singles bars and try to
order cheese
BinxB91: "can I buy you a drink?" "couldn't I have
some cheese instead"
Beysshoes: okay, i kissed you. cat are the amigos still
there? oh binx. stop it. really. stop.
Beysshoes: what happed? are they done?
Catpower777: I think you have this fantasy of me being
constantly surrounded by hunky workers
BinxB91: I did stop ... though I had one more Krafts Singles line
Beysshoes: okay i wanna hear the line please
BinxB91: oh ... I was just imaginning Beysshoes in nothing
but a couple of Kraft singles
Beysshoes: oh binxb91!
Beysshoes:
BinxB91: YAY ... smirk beats smack
KissMyAsterix: thanks binx, now we've all had to do that

Guess Amber's Work Place:
AmberDevilRay8: I used to work with a guy, and we muted a
baseball game and asked him to provde his own play-by-play.
AmberDevilRay8: After the first pitch, the pitcher was
getting ready to throw it again, and the guy said
"OK...second down..."

Onion Not Moving On:
PatientOnion1: where is that mushroom cloud that condeleeza
and Bush2 were warning us about?
PatientOnion1: bush 2 was our first hillbilly president, he
did a fine job



"is she rich?":
PatientOnion1: alan, how many times are you going to reproduce
with your 25 yo babydoll?
Alansueton: Patient zero
Alansueton: no kids
quiet scientist: were you married?
Alansueton: yes
quiet scientist: is she your soulmate?
quiet scientist: your muse? your flame? your rock?
Alansueton: quiet, partner will do the puffy words wear out
quickly
quiet scientist: is she rich?
Alansueton: quiet I don't know

Refined Guy Talk:
Zachariah957: better to find a wife who comes with the jewels
Alansueton: I'll take a wife who loves my "bijoux indiscrets"
KissMyAsterix: does that mean lengthy absenses Alan?
quiet scientist: are you saying you have a prince albert?
KissMyAsterix: or body odors
Alansueton: no indiscrete jewels slang for genitals


What Most People Think:
Niontron9: Most people think after getting college education
there is nothing else to learn on this planet
PatientOnion1: you have to learn how to pay off your college
loans

The Things That Pass For Knowledge:
Niontron9: the phrase , "knoledge is power" is wrong
Beysshoes: imagination above intellect (einstein)
KissMyAsterix: well spelled that way it sure the hell is
KissMyAsterix: and I suppose what you consider knowledge
is really a deterrent


[First Rule: Do not use semicolons. They are transvestite
hermaphrodites representing abolutely nothing. All they do
is show you've been to college.
And I realize some of you may be having trouble deciding
whether I am kidding or not. So from now on I will tell
you when I'm kidding.
For instance, join the National Guard or the the Marines and
teach democracy. I'm kidding.
We are about to be attacked by Al Qaeda. Wave flags if you
have them. That always seems to scare them away. I'm
kidding.
If you want to really hurt your parents, and you don't have
the nerve to be gay, the least you can do is go into the
arts. I'm not kidding. The arts are not a way to make a
living. They are very human way of making life more bear-
able. Practicing an art, no matter how well or badly, is a
way to make your soul grow, for heaven's sake. Sing in the
shower. Dance to the radio. Tell stories. Write a poem to
a friend, even a lousy poem. Do it as well as you possibly
can. You will get an enormous reward. You will have
created something.]


Roommate Wanted:
quiet scientist: how much is a 2-bedroom apt?
PatientOnion1: $20/month for utilities
PatientOnion1: $1,600.00
PatientOnion1: but you make a lot
quiet scientist: at pizza hut?
PatientOnion1: so it's just 35% of your income
PatientOnion1: quiet, you would get a bf to pay your rent,
and you could finish school and become a nurse or psychiatrist like Jam
KissMyAsterix: I know a psychiatric nurse


Doom Skeptical:
DoomGrl: Im depressed tonite
PatientOnion1: doom, alan is marrying this woman he met
at the homeless shelter they were both staying at
DoomGrl: I think you made that up
PatientOnion1: two vagrants, walking into the sunset, hand in hand
PatientOnion1: go to his blog, it's all poemed out


Like He Used to Be:
DoomGrl: Im so depressed. I wish Fork was still here and
nice like he used to be


Jam and His Drill Sergeant:
PatientOnion1: jam, you should call the alan colmes radio
show, it's on fox, 90% of his callers are halfwits with thick
tea bagger accents, and 3rd grade educations, it's a laugh
riot
Jam7604801: onion i don't listen to fox
PatientOnion1: you need the graphics of beck's blackboard to l
earn?
Jam7604801: onion i don't watch fox either
Jam7604801: onion i have never really understood the whole
concept of the left and the right anyway

Bosom Buddies:
Jam7604801: onion i like watching pbs create hannel
PatientOnion1: what was the best show you saw on it?
Jam7604801: onion i like bob ross and primal grilling

Bosom Buddies and Beyond:
PatientOnion1: bey likes soap operas and oprah
PatientOnion1: i don't have a tv anymore
Jam7604801: why not onion?
PatientOnion1: wasn't anything worth watching I guess
Jam7604801: pbs onion
PatientOnion1: just netflix for movies on the computer
Jam7604801: onion thats a waste of money
PatientOnion1: i listen to npr, on the weekends
PatientOnion1: it's just $10
Jam7604801: go to www.fastpasstv.com
(Keyword to: www.fastpasstv.com) movies and tv are free


Minority Report:
PatientOnion1: mao's terror seemed to have worked, they
have a labor shortage, we have high unemployment. All
we need to do is kill all the poor people, mostly
republican hillbillies in the red states
KissMyAsterix: Onion you're such a forward thinker..
Alansueton: US has no right to talk human rights when
we imprison folks, torture them and hold them without
charges
Beysshoes: onions for president in 2012
Alansueton: Iraq and Afghanistan
KissMyAsterix: you could run the tea party with concepts
like that
Alansueton: Drone bombing Yemen, Pakistan and Yemen
Tammynet: correct alan



Onion as Howard Beale:
Zachariah957: kiss please do i remember when bush was
selected in 2001 i told everyone i knew that america will
be at war by September
Alansueton: Zach nah after the Israeli defense minister
enraged Bibi by stating to the press that Iran won't be
near nuclear capability til 2015
PatientOnion1: it's not war, it's occupation
Alansueton: Lebanon will be the war this year
KissMyAsterix: I'm pretty sure that's a valid defense hickory.
KissMyAsterix: you were off by a month then..
PatientOnion1: it creates jobs, welfare for halfwit hillbillies
AlaPatientOnion1: govt food, govt housing, obamacare, 100%
govt welfare, pigs feeding at the trough
PatientOnion1: that's the military. canada and mexico are
not going to invade us
PatientOnion1: without govt employment, unemployment would
be 42.1%
PatientOnion1: unless they decided to take jobs in the private
sector at $3.15 an hour
PatientOnion1: with no benefits
PatientOnion1: work 10 hours for $40/day
PatientOnion1: six days a week


"that horse is no carnival ride"
Beysshoes: how was the Ukraine?
Alansueton: you all know how much i hate talking about myself
Alansueton: I feel so ABASHED
Alansueton: it's my word of the week
Alansueton: ABASHED
Catpower777: right, far be it from you to enjoy the spotlight
Alansueton: Beys outside of the cold weather and the heroin
users it was wonderful
Alansueton: the people were kind gracious
Catpower777: did you have a big fur Dr. Zhivago chapeau?
Alansueton: and most spoke english tolerably
KissMyAsterix: what have you got against heroin users, the
huddles would have kept you warm
Alansueton: KMA so thin empty eyes and lovely women emaciated
Alansueton: sad sad
Alansueton: that horse is no carnival ride

Cruel Jokes:
KissMyAsterix: he had a double fur muffler
Catpower777: is that a euphemism?
Alansueton: nah I had a Cap
Catpower777: has this gone X-rated?
KissMyAsterix: no cat lol
Alansueton: but a jamaican knit cap
Alansueton: it was funny
KissMyAsterix: he dressed very light
Alansueton: made me look far more exotic than I was
Catpower777: you have your dreds tucked up?
KissMyAsterix: he wanted some tsa action
Alansueton: Cat please talking about hair will only make
certain parties joke about baldness, wigs or toupees
KissMyAsterix: I guess it's cruel to joke about things some
people don't have..like food, heat or.. hair


Teased Hair:
Alansueton: KMA hey my legs above the knee no hair
Alansueton: weird
Alansueton: I still get teased about it
KissMyAsterix: I heard that Alan.. if you wax enough it
won't grow back
KissMyAsterix: it's true huh?

Don't Stop til get (us) Enough:
Beysshoes: did you find some amber or green opals or russian
diopside for her para?
Alansueton: Beys no
Alansueton: I didn't shop
Beysshoes: omg you missed an excellent opportunity to get her
something rare you cheap ass
Tammynet: ahem....beys ...he owes us!!! he missed his chance
to buy us cool stuff
Alansueton: Bey nothing rarer than my love
Alansueton: nothing as valuable
Alansueton: trinkets are for pimps and streetwalkers
Beysshoes: i know tammy. and lets never forget to remind him
about this.
Beysshoes: dat be us yep
Tammynet: it is a pact beys


Exceeding Her Quota:
Beysshoes: how did your geoduck turn out onions?
Beysshoes: dammitall. was that a joke too?
KissMyAsterix: well..
Beysshoes: that's just cruel.
KissMyAsterix: I'm just not sure what to think of a phallic clam beys
KissMyAsterix: but for you it can be a possibility
Beysshoes: omg i really am this stoopid.
Beysshoes: okay. i've embarrASSed meself enough for one night



It's the ears:
Paneweth: i think you are mistaking bush for obama

It's a code:
Paneweth: val is great and i love fish!

Now that Health Care has passed:
Catpower777: we need to make rono laugh

2011-BookShelf Has Risen
spiritual relections/'my feelings are confused'/
parrots/(Authors Lounge Sucks)


Eat Pray and Love?:
Melodramamama22: i still want shelf back
Melodramamama22: but i don't know how to do it

Peace Be With You:
DoomGrl: its so nice to be away from authors lounge
DoomGrl: its a mad house in there


Sez You:
KissMyAsterix: proper grammar compensates for many
earthly sins

Modern Times:
LadyQuasi: Slow night...lots of parkers but not much action.
LadyQuasi: A rare thing in modern times

Saint Tom:
Tom Brite: i feel so bad for the way doom treated onion

The Fat Lady Swings:
Asia7384: I was here at the birth of chat and I'll be here
to watch its demise
Traveln on: its happening in here as we speak
Asia7384: the fat lady is clearing her throat
Tammynet: why do you think that is happening?
Asia7384: no profit in freedom of speech Tammy
Tammynet: oh good point


Missing Beysshoes:
PatientOnion1: when is your half asian concubine
from hawaii going to start chatting again?



Fun Couple Reunited:
Niontron9: fork, shut up
Forkrerereredux: you shut up, you filthy dothead
Niontron9: you miserable exvuse of life...
Niontron9: fork is a homo


Dying, Barfing, and Making Odds:
BethBuy3668: oh pullllease get off of the religion subject
BethBuy3668: I'll barf
Die Slow Hero: no one knows whether god exists, we're gonna
find out after we die
Die Slow Hero: 50/50 chance
PixieCommander: at least we'll die slow, hero
Niontron9: die real fast, a creator exist...but he is not "god"


If Only:
JaneDoeIsMe: hi Binx
BinxB91: Hello Jane. I remember you
JaneDoeIsMe: and I remember you
JaneDoeIsMe: you're sweet
BinxB91: Jane, we could have been a couple
JaneDoeIsMe: and kind
BinxB91: (blush)
JaneDoeIsMe: :O)
BinxB91: if only we'd known each other


It's Not About the Dialogue:
oceansandhs: hi congo
Cognomen98: hi ocean
oceansandhs: sorry i misread it a second
oceansandhs: i thought cog was new sn
oceansandhs: i saw cogno
oceansandhs: and thought congo

Hates Twitter and the Previous Post:
Forkrerereredux: i hate when people talk about their
stupid actions like anyone gives a damn


Did It Hurt?:
Cognomen98: Memphis Beat debuted


[She nods and smiles. She is absurdly beautiful. I
start to slip off my jeans and I feel her gaze as I
stand in my bra and pants. Why am I embarressed about
taking off my clothes in front of a robot? I pull the
dress over my head like a schoolgirl, untie my hair,
and sit down. She is smiling, just a bit, as though she
knows her effect.
To calm myself and appear in control I reverse the
problem. 'Spike, you're a robot, but why are you such a
drop-dead gorgeous robot? I mean, is it necessary to
be the most sophisticated machine ever built and to look
like a movie star?'
She answers simply: 'They thought I would be good for
the boys on the mission.'
I am pondering the implications of this. Like a wartime
pin-up? Like truth is beauty, beauty truth? 'How good?
I mean, I'm assuming you're not talking sexual services
here.'
'What else is there to do in space for three years?'
'But inter-species sex is illegal.'
'Not on another planet it isn't. Not in space it isn't.'
'But you were also the most advanced member of the crew.'
'I'm still a woman.'
Manfred's voice comes booming into the room. 'This is
not public-broadcast material.'
I get up to fetch some water, and as I pass Spike, I say,
so low that she can barely hear me, 'Can we switch him
blank?'
As I return with the water, she whispers, not looking at
me, 'Red panel, blue relay.'
I do it.
'We're still on cam cast.'
'What you did Disables Record.'
'So you had sex with spacemen for three years?"
'Yes. I used up three silicon-lined vaginas."
There is a roar from Somewhere, like a dinosaur in space.
Obviously, Record has not been Disabled. 'Sorry, Manfred!',
I yell. 'I know this a prime time family show.'
While my voice is placating Manfred, my feelings are
confused. I want to be outraged on this woman's behalf,
but she isn't a woman, she's a robot, and isn't it better
that they used a robot instead of dispatching a couple of
sex slaves?
And yet. And yet Robo sapiens are not us, but they may
become a nearer relative than the ape.
'Humans share ninety-seven per cent of their genetic
material with apes,' said Spike 'but they feel no
kinship.'
'Do we feel kinship with robots?'
'In time you will, as the differences between us decrease.'
I decide to ignore the vast implications of this statement
as unsuitable for an In-depth One Minute Special. Instead
I press Record and turn, smiling, to Spike. 'I have a
question that will interest many people,' I say, knowing
that nearly everyone would be more interested to hear
about robot-sex in space.]




Forever Onion:
KissMyAsterix: you share everything jam?
Jam7604801: i share anything
PatientOnion1: even his penis with his pets


Beysshoes Claiming the Sanity High Ground:
forkrererereredx: sdex;''
forkrererereredx: drc''
forkrererereredx: d
Beysshoes: fork. you're drinking too much too long. you're
having trouble spelling sex. not good.
forkrererereredx: .l.
forkrererereredx: m
forkrererereredx: lol



She Just Got That:
Catpower777: bey did you watch the david sedaris clip?
Beyssox: yes. wow he looks so straight in that
KissMyAsterix: he does?
Beyssox: he did to me.
KissMyAsterix: I uh.. see
Catpower777: he always looks like that
KissMyAsterix: er
Beyssox: maybe it was his chubby. he's a genius. who cares.
Catpower777: chubby?
KissMyAsterix: his what?
KissMyAsterix: oh god
Beyssox: omgomgomg i just GOT THAT
KissMyAsterix: she did not just say that
Catpower777: she was focused, dino
Beyssox: he used to be skinny
KissMyAsterix: no kidding
KissMyAsterix: yes but..
KissMyAsterix: where
Catpower777: he didn't look chubby to me
KissMyAsterix: and um, sure sure he was
KissMyAsterix: you weren't looking in the right places cat
Catpower777: apparently


...and Came Here?:
oceansandhs: sorry my son is on his computer and sponsering
a kid in africa and needed info


Pitcher and Catcher On the Rye:
Prospect26: Joyce Maynard and Salinger arew synonomous.

Prospect Being Silly:
ObiWCanoli: Hello, room
KissMyAsterix: hey obi
ObiWCanoli: KIss***
Prospect26: hello obi
Prospect26: hello obi
ObiWCanoli: Hiya Cogno
ObiWCanoli: Hello, Prospect
Prospect26: here in nh it's 11:29.


LOOK! Books!:
MyStrat: anyone read a book called "Sims", this company
changes chimp DNA, and creates a type of superchimp that
is used for working menial jobs
Niontron9: You all should read the book "Blue Blood,
True Blood" ...it is about a guy who were kidnapped by
the government and were made to believe that he was
abducted by the aliens



Apropros of Nothing:

Forkrerereredux: mr fork love to get down

KissMyAsterix: mosquito repellant

Will C Makepeace: i gotta finish school before i can go forward



Nothing You Can Sing:
JMax31: Acoustic Rockabilly with Broadway Pizzazz, the
paper says! :)
quiet scientist: well there's a genre i've never heard of
quiet scientist: acoustic broadway rockabilly
JMax31: well imagine...Ethel Merman and Brian Setzer
JMax31: or Elvis...and you've got us
quiet scientist: yeah i can picture that
quiet scientist: one sings about a jump jivin whale


Sexy Soup:
PatientOnion1: i boiled the dry beans 3 hours, let them
soak in their sexy syrup
PatientOnion1: then, sautee onions, garlic, jalapeno, grind
up cumin & black pepper
PatientOnion1: add lemon juice & sesame substance
LadyQuasi: Sexy bean syrup...that just sounds so wrong.


Boys Will Be Boys:
Forkrerereredux: get with a real man: master fork
Die Slow Hero: watching them go into convulsions is
my favorite part

Now Waiting for the Bomb to Blow:
Tom Brite: I pooped and wiped with so much paper the
plunger wouldnt move it

Waist Not, Want Not:
KatesRainyCabin9: a cute little blue top that ties at the
waste and shorts


Katy Did:
Cicadasng1: Hi Pink
Cicadasng1: Remember Me?
Cicadasng1: It's only been 8 years since I've been in the shelf
Perfektes: CICADA
Perfektes: LIKE A BEE?
Cicadasng1: no, like a bug
Perfektes: BEE,,BUG,,CHILL
GEB714: katydid
Cicadasng1: yes, sort of like a katydid
Perfektes: KATYDID NATALIE WOOD

Giving Head?:
Magne164: where are you gals from?
KissMyAsterix: michigan
Beysshoes: tehran
AmberDevilRay8: Beys is risking a beheading by being here.
Go easy on her.
KissMyAsterix: that's brave of you beys


Persian Girls Are Easy:
Magne164: is there a Iran Online?
Beysshoes: well, magne ... we have cyber spots.
AmberDevilRay8: They have one chat.
AmberDevilRay8: "Ahmadinejad is Great"
KissMyAsterix: that's a chat lol
AmberDevilRay8: One TOS in Iran means you get your tongue cut out.
Beysshoes: amber pls do NOT divulge private convo info in chat
KissMyAsterix: well that's a small sacrifice to swear

The Hawaiian Derby:
Kgbirdpaul: bey what did derby get for supper
Beysshoes: cottage cheese, muenster bits,
roast beef bit,s and kibble
Beysshoes: thank you for asking paul
Kgbirdpaul: bey I would eat that myself


Bulgarian Blues:
Jackmando7: where are you people from?
Melodramamama22: lol, ding dong bouls
Melodramamama22: my daughter lives 2 miles from me and
we like it like that
Melodramamama22: we're needy
Jackmando7: pennsylvania here
Melodramamama22: you dang pennsylvanian you
Boulshevit: Iowa, here...dammit, why couldn't I be sober now?
Melodramamama22: next year she's going to live in bulgaria,
and i'm going to have to move
Melodramamama22: to bulgaria too


There's another election soon:
PatientOnion1: take off your panties, believe in jesus christ,
vote for lower taxes for rich people
PatientOnion1: life is a series of selling something to someone
else, unless you live in some cave all alone
PatientOnion1: like jam
forkrererereredx: plz someone fuck me

What Manner of a Man:
forkrererereredx: if you don't drink or do drugs, you're a pussy
forkrererereredx: master fork had the burritos deluxe at el patron
forkrererereredx: one bean and one chicken
Jam7604801: fork i did drugs as a kid
forkrererereredx: jam, you should do them as an adult
forkrererereredx: that's what real men do
KissMyAsterix: well back then you weren't a p*ssy, now you
gotta man up

Two-faced Jam:
Jam7604801: mom drug me to the wood shed and she drug me to church
KissMyAsterix: drug you to the woodshed?
KissMyAsterix: that sounds ominous
Jam7604801: it was a joke bey i never done illegal drugs
Jam7604801: dino to beat my a$$ with a belt
KissMyAsterix: wait, she beat your ass with a belt for not doing drugs?


It's a Dance:
KissMyAsterix: hey stan
SKYSTN: hi
KissMyAsterix: we're doing the twelve steps tonight


Onion Knows Spooky:
KissMyAsterix: onion said some porn dealer was interviewed
in the movie
PatientOnion1: he just had a couple minutes, a spooky white
older guy with a beard
KissMyAsterix: just the porno perspective on parrots
Beysshoes: i want to know if you've been to telegraph hill
onion
PatientOnion1: no, it's just residential and hilly, no reason
for me to go there
Beysshoes: its where the parrots (mark bittners parrots)live!!
KissMyAsterix: see beys, he's not gonna stalk the parrot guy

Armed Parrots?:
PatientOnion1: i go to chinatown, tenderloin, and occassionally
south of market to grocery stores
KissMyAsterix: but onion had a giant parrot
KissMyAsterix: he didn't need the little dinky bittner parrot
PatientOnion1: 2 of them
PatientOnion1: i fed them apples
Beysshoes: you cut up the apples for them?
PatientOnion1: yes, parrots don't carry knives
forkrererereredx: someone please have sex with my anus

Beysshoes Consoling:
Jam7604801: i guess onion isn't going to answer
Beysshoes: onion answers in his own piggish time.
it may take weeks before he does.

Parrot Redux:
PatientOnion1: oh, yes, a great movie, one of the people
who was interviewed is a famous dealer of porn
PatientOnion1: i have no idea how or why he was interviewed
forkrererereredx: alcohol is a nice drug, but i'd rather have
mescaline, lsd, or dmt
PatientOnion1: but they didn't have those giant parrots like I had
PatientOnion1: they were tiny regular ones, and parakeets




Georgia On My Mind:
Beysshoes: did you go to visit CNN in georgia?
KissMyAsterix: the bey inquisition
Jam7604801: no bey
KissMyAsterix: this has bordered on the bey of pigs
Beysshoes: not even to look at them?
KissMyAsterix: look at cnn lol
Jam7604801: i was just laid over there in atlanta
Beysshoes: thats not fair telling me you went to georgia
jam. get me all over stimulated and all.
KissMyAsterix: yeah
Jam7604801: if i had known cat then i would have invited
her up to the airport for company while i waited



Two and a Half Men:
Jam7604801: i don't think my son had ever been afraid
Jam7604801: and he does share
KissMyAsterix: well there you go, they're different
Jam7604801: if he didn't share when he was little i would
tell him i would cut it in half and then there would be 2
of them
KissMyAsterix: you share everything jam?
PatientOnion1: even his penis with his pets
Beysshoes: LOL omg
Beysshoes: sorry for laughing.


Rehash - Fork Not Following:
KissMyAsterix: but onion had a giant parrot
KissMyAsterix: he didn't need the little dinky bittner parrot
PatientOnion1: 2 of them
Jam7604801: i think the parrot guy is gay onion
PatientOnion1: i fed them apples
Beysshoes: you cut up the apples for them?
PatientOnion1: no, he married the chick with the large bingos
PatientOnion1: yes, parrots don't carry knives
forkrererereredx: someone please have sex with my anus


Sensitive Males R Us:
Jam7604801: there a chick call beach brat she lives in flordia
Jam7604801: she has a bum knee over a car crash
forkrererereredx: can she still squat to suck dick?
forkrererereredx: or ride dick on top?
Jam7604801: i bet she could fork
Jam7604801: fork she like anything funny
forkrererereredx: is she fat because of it or has she watched
what she eats?
Jam7604801: fork she love the beach and wears bikinis
PatientOnion1: Jam, your wife?
PatientOnion1: fork's definition of beauty: "skinny & stupid".


Intolerance Am I:
PatientOnion1: a chick in a republican room is stupid, fat,
ugly, that sounds like a perfect soulmate for you Jam.
PatientOnion1: time to warm up that penis and reproduce
another halfwit


Fork Still Not Following:
PatientOnion1: Politics is convincing poor white trash like
jam to identify with the interests of rich people and make
himself poorer
PatientOnion1: and it's very successful
KissMyAsterix: well that's marketing
PatientOnion1: then everything is marketing, love, religion,
politics, trying to convince another person to alter their
behavior
PatientOnion1: take off your panties, believe in jesus christ,
vote for lower taxes for rich people
PatientOnion1: life is a series of selling something to
someone else, unless you live in some cave all alone
PatientOnion1: like jam
forkrererereredx: plz someone fuck me

Mixed Message:
Jam7604801: onion i didn't want lower taxes for the rich
Jam7604801: i wanted the democrats to tax the hell out of them
Jam7604801: they should have to pay 60% of their paycheck just
for being sucessful


The Only Way He Showers:
forkrererereredx: master fork is taking off all his clothes


Godwit Undercover?:
Beysshoes: ew
Beysshoes: flubberdick. wat kind of nicky is that?
Jam7604801: fork look its dickflibber
KissMyAsterix: maybe it's a first and last name
Jam7604801: flubber
KissMyAsterix: Dick Flubber
DickFlubber: oh my jambam kiss and pathetic onion and
the forkster is still alive, wonders never cease



Dr. Gina/ Patient Fork:
forkrererereredx: someone please have sex with my anus
forkrererereredx: i'm starting to not be able to see straight
forkrererereredx: so now is the time to set it up
KissMyAsterix: I'm pretty sure that's not a solution to
seeing straight
KissMyAsterix: or being straight
forkrererereredx: type more, master fork says

forkrererereredx: fork is in love with himself
KissMyAsterix: that's ok, you'll be faithful


Man Up:
forkrererereredx: how are you mr binx?
BinxB91: I am well ... just a little anxious
forkrererereredx: about what?
BinxB91: oh, uhm, just a passing phase. Maybe I just drank
too much coffee today ... or didn't eat enough.
BinxB91: I must sound fragile
forkrererereredx: yeah, you sound like a pussy

Doctor Fork:
forkrererereredx: i'll tell you, the caffeine and alcohol
combination is really crazy
forkrererereredx: drunk as hell but all wired up
KissMyAsterix: yeah
KissMyAsterix: it's really ingenious for a drink
KissMyAsterix: you'd sell more, people are wired and drunk
KissMyAsterix: so they keep going


The Rules of the Game:
quiet scientist: nerd
NotRed1537: dork
BinxB91: dweeb
forkrererereredx: you only lose your turn if you don't
do what you were supposed to do

Hope Springs Eternal In The Human Beast

LadyQ Unimpressed:
LadyQuasi: It was OK.
LadyQuasi: Nothing great.

Gel Well:
LadyQuasi: I thought the idea was interesting, but it didn't
gel very well.

You Had Me at "The":
Boulshevit: and "stand by me" based on a king short story
LadyQuasi: Or "The Body," the inspiration for the movie Stand By Me
LadyQuasi: Hahaha
Boulshevit: Lady, marry me!


[Just then, I caught sight of a reflection of a woman in the
tilted gilt-edged mirror across the room. She was dressed
similarly to me, so I tilted my head to get a better look at
her. As I did so, the woman tilted her head to match the
movement of mine. I raised my wineglass; she raised hers
along with me.
It was then, in that instant, that I knew that my marriage
was over.]

Scenes From a Marriage:
AmberDevilRay8: He's avoiding me because I check the back
of his head when he gets home.
AmberDevilRay8: I believe he's starting to get a bit of a
bald spot.
KissMyAsterix: I'd avoid you too
KissMyAsterix: and I'd eat the pie!
AmberDevilRay8: Actually, I kind of reach up there and feel
around with my fingers.
AmberDevilRay8: Another thing I would liken to monkey grooming.
BinxB91: Amber, that sounds intimate
KissMyAsterix: or just primate
BinxB91: wish someone would "reach up there and feel around with
my fingers" on me
AmberDevilRay8: Yeah. That's the second act described in here
tonight that reminds us of how primitive we really are.
AmberDevilRay8: Or, at least me.
AmberDevilRay8: Oooo oooo aaaah aaaah aaaaaaaah!
KissMyAsterix: checking for bald spots..
KissMyAsterix: primates probably don't have that problem


How to Look Cute:
BinxB91: Jane Goodall looked so cute back when she first starting
working with chimps
AmberDevilRay8: It's easy to be "the cute one" when you're
surrounded by monkeys.

The Good Student:
DoomGrl: I had a good day of learning stuff

Fork Possessed:
Forkrerereredux: how does one find out about medical hypnosis
seminars?

But Still Under Par:
Tj34: i think it's going to get like hot tomorrow...270

TV Review:
Cognomen98: The Good Guys is a funny series
Cognomen98: or, this episode is funny, lol

Bait?:
Tj34: is death the absolute end?


["Maybe women are expected to behave better than men," I
said, "because we are better than men. The world without
women is Lord of the Flies. The world without men
is Little Women.]


Amused Crab:
InxSovietxRussia: It amuses me that all you seem capable of is
insulting and asking about trivial subjects that are off topic
in the first place.
BinxB91: off topic?
Forkrerereredux: russia is being mean to fork
Forkrerereredux: all fork wanted to do was talk about supermarkets

Victim:
Niontron9: like a man has to provide food, shelter, etc. just ot
get sex...that is a man rape


Rono Learning:
Niontron9: according to science and religios books human can adapt
more than any other species
Niontron9: to the earthly environment
Jam7604801: well rono cockroaches come in second
Niontron9: jam, really?


The Girl Threw a Rock at the Wasp's Nest:
KissMyAsterix: (I broke down and bought my book)
KissMyAsterix: but I had a coupon
Catpower777: which book, Dino?
KissMyAsterix: the third one, the last one
Catpower777: the $27 one?
KissMyAsterix: the girl who kicked the hornets nest
Forkrerereredux: fork has bees nests on his patio
Catpower777: bees make nests?
Catpower777: are you sure those aren't wasps?
KissMyAsterix: it's 30% off at borders too, but hey had a
discount on it this week or today anyway
Forkrerereredux: what do they call those things
Forkrerereredux: beehive
KissMyAsterix: so it was around 15
KissMyAsterix: the mud wasp hives?
Catpower777: sometimes Kroger of all places has 40% off on books
Forkrerereredux: fork gets books on amazon mega cheap
KissMyAsterix: the gray ones, that look like little cylinders?
Catpower777: those are wasp nests
Forkrerereredux: they are outside the staircase to fork's apartment
Catpower777: and I was told not to mess with them
Forkrerereredux: scare fork
Catpower777: but I couldn't resist throwing a rock
Catpower777: from a distance
KissMyAsterix: well you can spray them down
KissMyAsterix: and then break them up


Dr. Seuss Displaced:
Die Slow Hero: dr phil is the most influential doctor of
the 20th century

AC Maintenance:
Niontron9: yea...there is a fan that cools down your cpu...
if that is no good the cpu gets hot real fast...and it is
not good


Rono and Fork Fight:
Niontron9: fork, shut up
Forkrerereredux: you shut up, you filthy dothead
Niontron9: you miserable exvuse of life...
Niontron9: fork is a homo

The Third Vatican Council:
BethBuy3668: oh pullllease get off of the religion subject
Die Slow Hero: no one knows whether god exists, we're gonna
find out after we die
BethBuy3668: I'll barf
Die Slow Hero: 50/50 chance
PixieCommander: at least we'll die slow, hero
Niontron9: die real fast, a creator exist...but he is not "god"


Fork vs Rono, Round II:
Niontron9: fork, prays to the other men's penises
Niontron9: for prays to the other men's penises
Forkrerereredux: boy penis, stupid
Niontron9: fork prays to a dildo
Niontron9: speaking of which I bought a bon jovi and a green
day cd today...
BethBuy3668: that is somewhat redeeming, Niontard
Niontron9: and I so hot I am naked...
Niontron9: +am
Forkrerereredux: let's be friends again, mr nion
Forkrerereredux: fork loves you
Niontron9: fork, i was never your friend...
Forkrerereredux: you fucking bastard

[Suburban growth out there in cupcake land has been such
that a fancy brew pub opened here in the old downtown
area, half a block from Royal Lunch in the old grocery
warehouse next to the train station. I want to be there
when Pootie goes over to investigate what a six-dollar
beer tastes like. He's unavailable right now though,
because he has become a "watermelon broker." So Poot is
down in Florida "putting together" a load, which he will
sell off the back of a flatbed alongside the road.
"There's real money in melons," he swears. But I don't
see how, given that watermelons are so cheap they are
smashed alongside the road for half a mile to announce
to tourists that they are approaching a roadside truck
selling them.]



Fork Hypnotized:
Forkrerereredux: make love make love make love make love
Catpower777: Fork, that is the nicest thing you've ever said
in here
Forkrerereredux: :)
Catpower777: you old softie

Just Runnin On


Arson for Dummies:
PatientOnionSF: my kitchen is not filled with smoke yet,
i must be doing something wrong

The Lion Sleeps Tonight:
Hyperion x3: time to listen to sound of jungle and slowly fall
asleep in the jungle in my mind


Hallucination:
Prospect26: Evening, Jam. Whow...you are the picture!

Declining the Honor:
Prospect26: Jam...so you are the main man here in bookshelf.
Jam7604801: no pros

Little Miss Sunshine:
Prospect26: I guess I don't even care about children roaming the
yard. I have no marriages, no grandchildren. Zero. Zip. Nada.


Born to Be Wild:
AmberDevilRay8: I'm the only person in my neighborhood who lets
their kids wander more than 5 feet beyond the porch.
AmberDevilRay8: Without knee pads and helmets.

I Am Curious Hello:
Prospect26: tom..is this your picture?
Tom Brite: yes prospect
Prospect26: are you happy with this picture?
Tom Brite: yes why
Prospect26: just curious


No, he really keeps pigs:
PatientOnionSF: my landlady told me to clean up my pig sty again
Tom Brite: most older homos keep a clean home

Been there, done that:
AmberDevilRay8: I'm sure I've mentioned my three-legged pig before.
AmberDevilRay8: Elroy
Tom Brite: why are all pet pigs named elroy?
AmberDevilRay8: Not really. =(
AmberDevilRay8: I was just trying to set up a lame joke I've told
in here already.

With Glue?:
Prospect26: I have mant tenants who adhere to their lease,


Joys of Motherhood:
BeaTleBby: oh cause I love reading..I even read in teh shower
HAHA...it's so relaxing
BeaTleBby: this is the most amusing conversation i've had all day
....then again...my 11 month old doesn't talk so...
AmberDevilRay8: Soon you'll regret teaching your kids to speak.
AmberDevilRay8: The sooner they learn to talk the sooner they
learn to talk back.


The Aristocrats:
AmberDevilRay8: Both of my children had uncommon first words.


I do not like that I-sam-appaled!:
Prospect26: I am watching this conversation from New Hampshire
and I sam appaled.

Lincoln Logs?:
Prospect26: I have 30 plus tenants. So I am a good and
log-lived landlord


Book Review:
DoomGrl: The Irresistable Henry House
DoomGrl: henry house is about a practice baby
BinxB91: a practice baby?
DoomGrl: yes, in college home economics classes they would get
babaies from orphanages to practice on
AmberDevilRay8: Man, at my school they just gave us an egg.
DoomGrl: and this novel imagines what would happen to a baby that
had 6 or 7 mommies a year
DoomGrl: they lived in a house with it and the teacher
PatientOnionSF: According to the latest study, a baby can recognize
up to five mothers, but after five the baby goes schizophrenic


Tom's Friends:
Tom Brite: i know several men who first had sex at age 27
BinxB91: with each other?
quiet scientist: or with you?
Tom Brite: no with women
Tom Brite: i am not jewish but was older at my first experience
BinxB91: what took them so long?
Tom Brite: idk
BinxB91: I was 24
PatientOnionSF: i was stoned
BinxB91: I wasn't
PatientOnionSF: and she paid for the motel, and she gave me
crustaceans




Doom's Men:
DoomGrl: I am mean because I do not let them love me, and I am
unfaithful
DoomGrl: to everyone
BinxB91: Doom?
DoomGrl: what
BinxB91: are you quoting?
DoomGrl: no, it was in answer to a question from another nite

Go and Multiply:
PatientOnionSF: doom, i told bob sur mom never to come in this
chatroom again
DoomGrl: why, Onion?
PatientOnionSF: cuz he is dyslexic
PatientOnionSF: a trait common amongst slavs


[Friday night was date night, named for the date Sarah and
Tom would go on while Lyon slept over at my house. But
because they usually stayed home and fought, and Lyon and
I more often went out to dinner and saw a movie, date
night became our code for Night of Endless Fun. Don't
underestimate how much joy an eight-year-old and and
almost-forty-year-old can bring each other. We usually
began at Miso Happy, our favorite Japanese place. We
thought the name was terrible, but we liked the noodles.
We talked about everything, including but not limited to:
My gray hairs, should I dye them? Could I dye them
individully? Could I pay a mouse with a tiny paintbrush
to jump on my head and dye them one by one? And why did
Tom and Sarah have to fight so much? Was it Lyon's fault?
No, absolutely not. Could she stop them from fighting?
Again, no. Also: would they buy her a twenty-four-color
pen set, and, if they did, how jealous would best friend
Claire be when Lyon brought it to school? Our guess was
very. And why had Deb's last boyfriend dumped her?
I dumped him.
Maybe you didn't French-kiss him enough.
I promise you that wasn't it.
Tell me how many times a day you kissed, and I'll say if
it was enough.
Four hundred.
Not enough.]


Doom's Closet:
DoomGrl: my finances are in disarray


Her Morality/His Lexicography:
DoomGrl: the word virgin doesnt really mean anything
PatientOnionSF: DoomGrl, then why bother having the word?



THE BEATLES!!:
DoomGrl: Bea, do you like the Beatles? whose your favorite Beatle?
BinxB91: I read the news today oh boy
DoomGrl: omg, dont mention that song
BinxB91: It's just another day
BinxB91: She came in through the bathroom window
DoomGrl: when he sang, he blew his mind out in the car,
I freaked out
BinxB91: ...
DoomGrl: I was like paralyzed and everybody behind me started honking
DoomGrl: it was horrible
BinxB91: gee Doom
BinxB91: I always imagine you as fairly serene
BinxB91: unflappable
DoomGrl: me? you must be kidding
BinxB91: I guess you can be flapped
BinxB91: kidding? no. I just misjudge you
DoomGrl: and then this nice police lady got in the car and
moved it over
BeaTleBby: I love them
DoomGrl: Who do you love?


And Dreamed of Clocks and Cheese:
Niontron9: i feel asleep watching "swiss family robinson"

Remake Reminder:
quiet scientist: they're remaking yellow submarine
BeaTleBby: ugh really?
DoomGrl: as another cartoon?
BinxB91: He's a real Nowhere man
quiet scientist: i saw that on that "hollywood is running out
of ideas" link i posted earlier
DoomGrl: in Henry House, Henry goes to London and is one of the
animators for the Yellow Submarine.



One Simple Adage:
Niontron9: when you approach a girl, that girl thinks the boy
is going to think she is as great when the boy get to know the
"real" her, so she plays around...so her insecurity does not
allow her to get love

VENT:
GiRL TaLK 874: This chick I work with is pregnant; I need to vent.
GiRL TaLK 874: She's getting BIGGGGG and telling people to eat
crap at work


Meet GiRL TaLK:
GiRL TaLK 874: This chick is pregnant
GiRL TaLK 874: She's pushing crap food on the office
PatientOnionSF: 874 is girl's IQ
KissMyAsterix: you sure that's not her sat score
PatientOnionSF: she can make a nuclear bomb with paper clips and
a box of cookies
GiRL TaLK 874: Kiss are you a male?
PatientOnionSF: we are all gay men
Catpower777: not that there's anything wrong with that...
PatientOnionSF: which is your favorite hot pepper?
GiRL TaLK 874: Chinese mustard
GiRL TaLK 874: Jalapenos i suppose
PatientOnionSF: girl you must live in pennsylvania
BinxB91: She was born in August, 1974
GiRL TaLK 874: ya
GiRL TaLK 874: August 74
PatientOnionSF: wow, you're the oldest one in the chatroom
PatientOnionSF: 36
GiRL TaLK 874: I'm 35
PatientOnionSF: how many times have you reproduced?
GiRL TaLK 874: 2
PatientOnionSF: yikes

Undercover of Course:
GiRL TaLK 874: There are security guards online

KEEPER:
GiRL TaLK 874: I went to author's lounge
GiRL TaLK 874: That's why i'm here

The Zodiac Killer:
xnorthstarx1: the only girl ive ever loved, and ive had
physical relationships /w at least a dozen women, was an
aquarian.
xnorthstarx1: i wonder why it was her


Kingsley and Curley:
GiRL TaLK 874: That book sucked
Pablo Bigasso: Girl, I take it you're female....
Pablo Bigasso: Amis doesn't go down too well with women, generally.
Cognomen98: like the Three Stooges


America Runs on Dunkin:
GiRL TaLK 874: Stop eating donuts
BinxB91: I won't stop eating dounuts. But I might consider
throwing the 2nd half of the dounut out the car window on my
way to work
GiRL TaLK 874: That's a start
PatientOnionSF: binky you got a job!
GiRL TaLK 874: He has a fat boss
PatientOnionSF: throw out the third half, you need your strength
for scanning and bagging books
BinxB91: Onion, I HAVE 2 JOBS!
PatientOnionSF: binky's TWO jobs: (1) scanning the book, and
(2) putting the book in a bag


Occaisonal Attacks Only Please:
color opticsIdea: I need people to stop persistantly attacking me.


Doom Visits a Book Store:
DoomGrl: Hi Binx Bolling. I was in the Tattered Cover and I
almost bought the MovieGoer but I put it back. it cost too much
money. TJs picture is over the Metaphysics section now

Favorite Title:
DoomGrl: did you ever read that annie proulx story
"Tits Up in a Ditch"?

Stay Tuned:
DoomGrl: something gross happened to my friend Eden

Stay Tuned:
BobsurAuntTom: Y'know what's great about jazz?

That Crazy Dixie Strikes Again:
DoomGrl: Dixie had a chocolate fondue party
DoomGrl: Whiskey almost flew into the pot
DoomGrl: Whiskey is her Sugar Glider

Hey, who doesn't?!:
stevedrumsdw: So who in here likes ponies?


The Summer of Her German Shepard:
DoomGrl: I read Gravity Rainbow one summer when I slept on
the floor and decided not to use electric lights
DoomGrl: I read by a coleman lantern and slept with my german
shepherd Wolfgang Amadeus


Amber Opportunity:
AmberDevilRay8: A bee stung me, and the black sheep wrecked
another brother's car.
AmberDevilRay8: Who has pestered me all day to co-sign for a
loan for a new one.
ThralledByTree: is the sting alright?
ThralledByTree: use lotion huh
quiet scientist: i've never been stung by a bee
quiet scientist: or any insect
AmberDevilRay8: It's not as bad as others might make it out.
AmberDevilRay8: I was only trying to fill the entrance to their
nest with liquid foam.
AmberDevilRay8: And one attacked me.
AmberDevilRay8: That meant war.
quiet scientist: did you kill them all?



The Wasteland:
ThralledByTree: busted butt to make this university get there
ThralledByTree: yet Kiss is the president
ThralledByTree: I nothing
ThralledByTree: I know only math.



Playing With Fire:
ThralledByTree: well Fort Adams is secure in Newport RI
ThralledByTree: advanced technologies installed
ThralledByTree: the fort is revolutionary war
ThralledByTree: we updated to star trek
BinxB91: Fort Adams? never heard of that
ThralledByTree: yes yes
ThralledByTree: I know the army guy that works there
ThralledByTree: we went and wandered inside
BinxB91: Maybe he's pulling your leg
ThralledByTree: there are secret tunnels
BinxB91: Sounds like a museum
ThralledByTree: no
ThralledByTree: He has uniforms.
ThralledByTree: and medals and ribbons and a mil ID
BinxB91: and a secret decoder ring?
ThralledByTree: the ID states
ThralledByTree: property of US government
ThralledByTree: are you out of your skull?
ThralledByTree: guy is US ARMY
BinxB91: out of my skull? no, I don't think so
ThralledByTree: My father was.
BinxB91: so it's genetic then
ThralledByTree: My great grandfather an admiral United States Navy.
ThralledByTree: My grnadfather OSS.
BinxB91: Grandfather Oss? Like the Wizard of OSS?
ThralledByTree: Binx you are playing with fire making comments
in refernce to these people.
BinxB91: Did he like to dress in women's clothing?



Newbie Vetting:
balletguy26: hello
Cognomen98: hi balletguy
balletguy26: how are you?
Tom Brite: are you a homosexual?

Draft Legislation

BookShelf Beauty Tips:
EDruezillaB: i want to look hot at 50
BinxB91: Edie, stay out of the sun and avoid sweets
Forkrerereredux: miss edie, let's go on a hot date
EDruezillaB: i'm in the sun a tiny bit and i generally avoid
food altogether
Forkrerereredux: that's good
Forkrerereredux: girls shouldn't eat much
Forkrerereredux: the less, the better
Alansueton: EDrue not good to mix food with so much booze


Had a Bad Day:
Forkrerereredux: what's the point of even signing on?

Paranoia Will Destroy Ya:
Hyperion x3: somebody is telling creepy, aka boulshevit
when I am here or not
Hyperion x3: who is the culprit

Are You Strong Enough to be My Man?:
EDruezillaB: you know, if a man wants me to wear panty hose
and heels, he best be prepared to do the same for me.


Edie and the Cruisers:
BinxB91: Edie, what do you do to look pretty?
EDruezillaB: binx, i look pretty with sweats on. i look pretty
with heels, or nothing but heels.
Forkrerereredux: guys like when girls get dressed up for them
EDruezillaB: fork, true
Forkrerereredux: but girls stop doing that a week into the relationship
Forkrerereredux: they all get lazy
Hyperion x3: fork, I like it when they don't dress at all
Forkrerereredux: show up in sweatpants or some shit
Alansueton: yeah men are known for being overworkers in relationships
EDruezillaB: alan hahahaha
Hyperion x3: alan, true they try too hard to "impress"
Alansueton: fork the only work you did was poor driving and swinging
purses
Forkrerereredux: would you believe fork showed up to pick up his ex one
day and she was wearing sweatpants with some mud on the bottom?

Edie and Cruisers Reject:
Hyperion x3: that is stupid, this gives the women the message that
they don't have to try to do anything to keep the relationship healthy


Diary of a Wimpy Kid:
Hyperion x3: talibans are the progessivest being on earth
Hyperion x3: no television, no women can go to shcool
Hyperion x3: that's the kind of world we want
Alansueton: Hyperion they deny women the right to education and
any form of equality even good Muslims state this
Alansueton: rono you shouldn't watch tv either and the internet
is just a supplement of TV it is viewing a screen
Alansueton: corrupts language
Hyperion x3: no, alan, they mean, women should be only homeschool
...otherwise they would make boys not pay attention to studies
Hyperion x3: as they are always horny
Hyperion x3: michael jackson was homeshooled
Hyperion x3: michael moore never went to college
Hyperion x3: which means education system don't create great people


"or a Muslim chat room?"
Hyperion x3: it has nothing to do with islam...going to war against
a country based on false accusation is wrong
Hyperion x3: not matter what they believe in
Alansueton: Rono I am against the war in Afghanistan myself it
doesn't mean I should support the Pakistani and ISI backed Taliban
Forkrerereredux: that war is still going on?
Hyperion x3: alan, have you ever been to a muslim country?
Hyperion x3: or a muslim chat room?



Round Up the Usual Prospects:
Prospect26: if you have a problem while here...let us know.

Prospect26: gosh...i do not want anyone to think that I am the room.

Prospect26: at some point in time, some one takes over the room.


About Last Night:
Skeleton coat: We did talk, I'm sure of it. How else would
I know you were blonde?
quiet scientist: i don't doubt it
quiet scientist: i just don't remember


Apropos of Nothing:

Beysshoes: i love creamed corn

quiet scientist: why does south park suck now?

quiet scientist: my nipples :-\

Alansueton: I am a gracious person



Unsexy Tongue Kissing:
Forkrerereredux: fork has dated girls with bulimia and could
taste their vomit in the back of his throat

All the Boys Go 'ahhhh':
BinxB91: the girl from Impanema
quiet scientist: i've never heard that song
quiet scientist: because there are no elevators in boise

Her Old School:
quiet scientist: it's like playboy but with girls with tattoos
and piercings
quiet scientist: and a lot of them are actually very pretty


A Crazy 8?:
FoodSIutSF: bey, binky said to say hello
Beysshoes: was he here onions?
FoodSIutSF: he is writing a book on blogs for Harper Row
FoodSIutSF: he quit his job scanning books and as a best buy stock boy
FoodSIutSF: it's his big break in life
Beysshoes: it'll be a best seller
FoodSIutSF: yes, he might even dedicate it to you if you give him
a **** **8



Onion Out-Humbled:
Beysshoes: bullock gave 2 million to haiti...how much did you donate?
FoodSIutSF: the b*tch should have given the money BEFORE the
earthquake you racist pig you
Beysshoes: racist? you're delusional you ass
FoodSIutSF: so they could have PREVENTED all the death and misery,
have you no intelligence?
Rafo65: ?
Beysshoes: well, i'm here on a Friday night yakking with you ...
if that answers your Q



Come On Guys, Lighten Up:
Tom Brite: soo depressed about Sunday
Beysshoes: why Sunday tommy?
Tom Brite: the end of our republic maybe bessy
Tom Brite: obamacare
FoodSIutSF: tom, you are the typical halfwit hillbilly who repeats
what ever your big fat drug addled f*g guy Rush says
FoodSIutSF: you ret*rded parrot you, tom
Alansueton: I mumble, without equivocation, fuck everyone
Beysshoes: okay we'll get in line for you para


BookShelf Poet Laurate:
Alansueton: muffled pain is like the distant call of a bird
of carrion

"where's my Knute Rockne?"
Alansueton: Beys, had 3 wisdom teeth and one tooth removed Thursday
Beysshoes: oh mah poor baaaby are you okay?
FoodSIutSF: alan, that's a lot of stitches and yogurt drinking,
i will call to doom to come over and comfort you
Beysshoes: or should i ask if your maid is okay para? (smile)
FoodSIutSF: [calling doom on pink kitty phone]
Alansueton: yeah Im "set adrift" PM Dawn style on pain meds and
sweets stuff taken in with a straw
Alansueton: where's my Knute Rockne, KMA?
Beysshoes: pain meds! you bastid so that's why you had them pulled.
Alansueton: Bey you can't have any

It's the Pain Talkin':
Alansueton: Beys pain meds and antibiotics anti-inflammatories too
no boners for me
FoodSIutSF: obviously not, load the shotgun alan
Tom Brite: its over well all be pinko pansies like onion
Alansueton: but the world is a warm place that hums
Alansueton: Foodslut is singing to the choir he's correct kick you
selfish anti-social bastards out go be alone on an island and
hoarde shit



Her Dull Life:
DoomGrl: i hardly ever sharpen pencils any more


Onion and a Newbie:
Crazymissmartha: i don't need rescuing
PatientOnionSF: martha, what do you need?
Crazymissmartha: an apple
PatientOnionSF: fuji
Crazymissmartha: please
PatientOnionSF: like eve in the garden of Even
Crazymissmartha: not quite
PatientOnionSF: Martha, are you a good cook?
Crazymissmartha: i don't know
PatientOnionSF: What are you good at?
Crazymissmartha: i don't cook much
PatientOnionSF: you don't cook much, you don't eat much
PatientOnionSF: you are in harmony
Crazymissmartha: i eat enough
Crazymissmartha: what am i good at?
Crazymissmartha: drawing
Crazymissmartha: what are you good at onion?
PatientOnionSF: cooking & romancing
PatientOnionSF: writing & baking
PatientOnionSF: kissing & chocolate
Crazymissmartha: so you say



Author's Lounge Does Not Suffer Fools:
EddieDont: poor slob goes in the authors lounge and makes a
complete fool of himself
EddieDont: they run him out

Delusion #2:
EddieDont: yeah binx seen u make of fool of yourself in there too


So Listen To Me, Will Ya!:
Niontron9: The people who read a lot can help themselves more than
other people
Niontron9: there are some value to most statements...so don't just
brush off people...

The Unbelievable:
BinxB91: Do you really live in Idaho?
quiet scientist: yes
quiet scientist: how come no one ever believes me when i say that?

Doom Trumped:
DoomGrl: i like how in dogs like golden retrievers their tongue
lolls out when they get hot and they look silly
Forkrerereredux: dogs are stupid

JINX kindof:
Forkrerereredux: she is a waitress trying to be an actress
FoodSIutSF: maybe fork's ex-gf is TJ's new muse?
DoomGrl: wouldnt it be funny if there was this actress who wanted
to be a waitress
BinxB91: Any actresses trying to be waitresses?
DoomGrl: jinx binx, kindof


Onion Not So Silly:
FoodSIutSF: Lily Tomlin said she went to Hollywood to become a
waitress, couldn't find a job waiting, and got a job as an actress.
FoodSIutSF: she's the ONLY one

Doom's Big Brother:
DoomGrl: I am kind of melancholy tonite
FoodSIutSF: tonight?????????
FoodSIutSF: EVERY NIGHT

Stuff Rono Knows:
DoomGrl: i got a card that says somebunny loves you
FoodSIutSF: is it one of those cards that talk when you open it up?
FoodSIutSF: how do they do that?
FoodSIutSF: I bet rono knows
FoodSIutSF: rono knows about stuff like that
Niontron9: Human mind always find excuses to not to take the initiatives



Greet the New Girl, Quick!
mrsboonah: hi
KissMyAsterix: hi
KissMyAsterix: here's your chance alan, greet her
BinxB91: mrs boonah, what do you read?
KissMyAsterix: another room, she left
Alansueton: KMA you scared her
Alansueton: accosting her
Various704: saying hi and all that. so bossy
KissMyAsterix: maybe she does that aim thing and was afraid
you'd 'greet' her after reading what you'd said
Alansueton: ha
Alansueton: girls like poo
KissMyAsterix: clearly the whole shit topic is a show stopper
Alansueton: KMA I wrote a new ditty on my blog it's very
"personal" yet wrapped in the trappings of a Universal
Various704: a universal what?
Various704: remote control?
Alansueton: Various something fundamental shared by all

[Halfway down the block, Ruben said, Before you were born,
Deborah and I took walks in the dark. Mary Grace didn't
answer. The store was a little Italian market, brightly
lit, filled with people on their way home from work. Toby
Ruben and Mary Grace chose a round loaf with a thick crust
and some cheese, and waited together on the the long line
to pay, not speaking except when Mary Grace asked if she
could also have olives, and Ruben, delighted to be asked
for something, agreed. When they emerged, Mary Grace took
the bag from Ruben as if Ruben were old and bread were
heavy. Her arms freed, Ruben touched Mary Grace's arm,
and at that, still standing in the light in front of the
store, the girl thrust the groceries back at Ruben after
all, and put her cold hands on Ruben's head, as if she
were an apple she might pick. But she held Ruben's head
tightly, held her hair, then slowly moved her hands
greedily over Ruben's scalp and then her face, while
Ruben held the brown paper bag and felt something
resembling happiness begin in her throat. For a long time
Mary Grace touched the skin and bones of Ruben's face, and
touched her ears, while uncurious shoppers hurried out of
the store and down the street or to their cars. In the
background, car engines caught and cars drove away from
the corner. Soon the store would close. At last Mary
Grace leaned over and kissed Ruben on the mouth. Her face
was wet. Ruben kissed back, then put her free arm around
the girl and turned toward home, and they walked
together.
- You wouldn't mind if I cried everyday, Mary Grace said.
- Hell, no, I cry everyday, said Ruben. You'd better live
with us.
- Peter got tired of it. My Dad hates it.
- Doesn't he cry?
- Yes, but I think he thinks I'm faking after all this time.
My sisters can't believe how much I cry.
- You were the baby. You're too young to be on your own.
- I'm pretty grown-up. I'm older than Stevie.
- Stay with us, sweetie, Ruben pleaded. You must stay at
our house starting this minute.
- I have to take care of my father.
- No, you don't. And anyway, you aren't.
- It's true, I just sleep]



Possessed:
Various704: southern man, better keep your head, dont forget what
your good book said.
Various704: man, i just burst into song



Waiting For the Girls to Show Up:
Forkrerereredux: asia, are you named after the band asia,
or are you from asia, or asian?
Asia7384: Fork, I didn't know how to spell asiatic

Melo as the Explainer:
Forkrerereredux: temple university is a nigger school
BinxB91: jesus Fork
Forkrerereredux: a nigger school in a nigger neighborhood
Melodramamama22: bigger. he means bigger.


Why DoomGrl Sometimes Sleeps In the Closet:
DoomGrl: that guy I met and bath and body works called me last nite
DoomGrl: the one that wanted me to smell the candle for his girl friend

Girls Just Wanna Have _____:
Cognomen98: well, I never eat a whole chocolate bar
Cognomen98: I like to pace myself
Melodramamama22: you must not be a girl

Race to the Bottom:
Various704: hey zach. i resent you taking my place at the bottom
of the room list
Various704: piss off

Keeping 'em Wondering:
Forkrerereredux: last thing fork need is these assholes knowing
what he looks like


Vocabulary Night NOT:
Gleam1946: this room is like the final redoubt of the Nazis, the
room is recalcitrant and they don't even know what that means
DoomGrl: what does recalcitrent mean
BinxB91: I'm not looking up recalitrant
EDruezillaB: me either
EmpressZ21: me either
DoomGrl: me neither
Melodramamama22: don't look it up. it means something along
the lines of abashed/apologetic
Melodramamama22: regretful
Melodramamama22: something like that


AHA! ... Chocolate?:
Melodramamama22: i went out with the trader joes manager the other
night and his phone kept blowing up
Melodramamama22: and he wouldn't answer it
Melodramamama22: which makes me go
Melodramamama22: AHHA! wife/g/f
DoomGrl: i love trader joes dark chocolate almond bark
DoomGrl: could you get me a discount

Like Tar?:
DoomGrl: i like outsider art
DoomGrl: like the kind made out of feathers and stuff like that

So Do Good Dances:
Hyperion x3: I think that mentality comes from racism

Horror Movie Act I:
DoomGrl: i heard this big thump

DOOMGRL and Other Short Stories
(no Trivial Pursuit additions this time)
-I imagine a younger DoomGrl in a 5th grade classroom
being introduced to Haiku poetry. When the class is
turned loose to write independently, Doom raises her
hand and asks the teacher, "can I use just two lines?"
-I imagine PatientOnion in a pre-chef phase when
he tried his hand at abstract art. Jackson Pollack
pays a visit to his class. Stopping in front of Onion's
easel, he bursts, "what the hell is that?"


Rocky Mountain High:
DoomGrl: i bought a shovel at wal marts.
it cost seven dollars

Sorry Boys:
DoomGrl: I am not erotic tonite

A Microphone?:
DoomGrl: I want one of those singamajigs

Her Inner Nerd:
DoomGrl: I am going to join the Aquarium Club

CandyLand:
DoomGrl: this one time, some girl I know got a tootsie roll
with a tooth in it
PatientOnionSF: in middle school?
DoomGrl: yes the same day jake almost choked on a Jolly Rancher

Spearmint Salad:
Melodramamama22: i got a salad with some chewed up gum in it
Melodramamama22: i wasn't very jolly at all
Melodramamama22: it was spearmint, it still had flavor

Think We're Alone Now:
DoomGrl: one nite, creepy and book and me said what names we call
parts of our bodies
DoomGrl: nobody else was here

Screw You Quentin:
DoomGrl: i dont really like tarantinoes hipster cooler-than-thou
cycnicism
DoomGrl: and the fact that he doesnt spell so gud


hehehehe:
Cognomen98: dyslexics untie
NotRed1537: for information, see com.dyslexia.www

Not a Romatic Comedy?:
PatientOnionSF: how does the bible end?
PatientOnionSF: anybody get blown up?

House Beautiful:
DoomGrl: We have a piano in the dining room. above it is an
original signed silk screen of dr seusses ten foot long ally cat


Contagious?:
DoomGrl: david foster wallace wrote an incredible story about
depression
Melodramamama22: oh my god, i bought a david foster wallace book



Apropos of Nothing:

LadyQuasi: I made two Dr. Seuss hats tonight.

EmpressZ21: what do you do for itchy ears

Ragamuffingirl35: i was never toohot

DoomGrl: i have never smoked crack with daddy

PatientOnionSF: i like all hot mentally ill females under 30

Tom Brite: i saw two gay guys buy a dog collar at wal mart




When the Birthers Get Tired:
Neil Orange Peal: obama, is ferrying in his black relatives


If You Have Ask ...:
DoomGrl: my dad says only stupid people get bored
Raphael11110: Doom what does that mean?

Sex Education:
Hadachoke: Shampooing the Boa Constrictor is a euphemism for self-sex
LadyQuasi: OMG. I had never heard that phrase before.
LadyQuasi: Learn something new every day...
DoomGrl: they are nothing like boa constrictors


Her Crazy Samaon Lawyer:
DoomGrl: when we were in texas we saw a binxalotl on the road one day
BinxB91: a binxalotl?
PatientOnionSF: the mythical binxalotl, were you on peote?
DoomGrl: peyote yes
PatientOnionSF: what is peote?
Catpower777: is peyote one of those that makes you throw up?
LadyQuasi: Binxalotl? Is that like a jackalope?
PatientOnionSF: it is a texas unicorn with fish scales
DoomGrl: and in the motel, when I was having a bath, my crazy
samoan lawyer tossed the radio in the tub
DoomGrl: and playing WHITE RABBIT
PatientOnionSF: was the radio on?



Economics 101:
Nishw15: go figure! $8 or 10 for a book is a big chunk out of
someone's finances but they'll stand line all day eager to plunk
down $500 or $600 for the latest electronic gadget
Nishw15: what's wrong with this picture?
PatientOnionSF: yeah but they can have sex with the electronic
sex gadget
PatientOnionSF: i just rented a movie about that
PatientOnionSF: LARS AND THE REAL GIRL
Catpower777: I love that movie !

Geology or Ecology 101:
Catpower777: what's up with all these earthquakes
Catpower777: doesn't it seem like more than usual?
Beysshoes: its part of global warming you idjit
Catpower777: end of days?
Beysshoes: we are broke backing up our earth. yes.
Catpower777: is it time to burn my journals?

Onion Movin On Up:
PatientOnionSF: bey, these are private people who invite strangers
to their house for food and fun
Beysshoes: and you're part of that group onion?
PatientOnionSF: no, not yet
Tom Brite: swingers
PatientOnionSF: i have to further expand my culinary genius, that's
why i did the jerk pork
Beysshoes: cat and i will write you a proper letter of introduction.
Catpower777: so Onion is sending me to an Indian swingers party?
Catpower777: curry and cumin
Catpower777: so to speak


In Your Hometown:
Catpower777: oh they have some time lapse tsunami thing on cnn
website, but I can't figure out what I'm looking at
Beysshoes: you mean it got here cat?
Catpower777: reportedly, Bey
Beysshoes: the tsunami hit us cat?
Catpower777: that's what cnn says
Beysshoes: omg! was it bad?
Catpower777: doesn't look like it



ADHD:
CernutzB: what is happening?
Beysshoes: we're destroying the earth is whats hap
Beysshoes: and onion made some jamaican jerky


Double Entendre:
CernutzB: is anyone reading anything, good?
Beysshoes: i have saunders "braindead megaphone"
Catpower777: is that a book Bey, or are you giving us an update
on your mental status?
Beysshoes: its political satire. binky bought it for me


Godwit Bashing:
Beysshoes: i feel so bad for godwit. he was in love with edwards.
he must be heart broken onions
PatientOnionSF: he will find another man to express his gay love for
CernutzB: hey, i supported Edwards, too.... another regret
Catpower777: I didn't realize Edwards is gay
PatientOnionSF: i made refried brown rice but it stuck to the pan
so i am soaking it
PatientOnionSF: just godwit is gay
Beysshoes: sheesh cat. keep up
PatientOnionSF: not edwards
PatientOnionSF: godwit has a photo of edwards over his bed
Beysshoes: he was enamoured of him
Catpower777: does he have a copy of the sex tape?


Onion Fantasy:
PatientOnionSF: i broiled the jamaican jerk in that sexy pan bey
Beysshoes: omg that rocks onion. thx for telling me.
PatientOnionSF: with the ridges
PatientOnionSF: to simulate a grill experience
PatientOnionSF: like when binky took you to the beach and put
you on those hot rocks

The Attorney General Guys:
Beysshoes: i just received a notice from the attorney generals office
guys
Catpower777: why is that, Bey?
Beysshoes: saying they knew i ordered cigs online and its illegal
Beysshoes: and i could be fined thousands.
Catpower777: are you serious ?
Beysshoes: yes cat. its so so effin' weird i cant tell you
Catpower777: who do you have to sleep with to get out of paying, Bey?
Beysshoes: i'm looking into that cat


Call Screener:
Hyperion x3: I once phone sexed with this girl...and the mom would
listen to our conversation from the other phone
Hyperion x3: later when I called, the mom wouldn't let her talk to me



Onion's neighbors:
PatientOnionSF: i watch my naked neighbors watch tv, they have one
in each room
AngelGardn: i watched my naked neighbors in the shower
Catpower777: Onion, why are your neighbors always nekkid?
Catpower777: is it a nudist apt complex?
PatientOnionSF: just the last two, the previous ones weren't, i
think cuz the rent is so high now, it attracts rich naked people
PatientOnionSF: they refuse to put down their blinds, i like to watch
their cats too
PatientOnionSF: i thought she was pregnant, but just a belly
PatientOnionSF: she does all the laundry and wipes the cat hair
off the bed
PatientOnionSF: he wears sweat pants that always fall down
Catpower777: god
Beysshoes: go on onions. sweat pants falling down ...


Beysshoes' Tsunami:
KissMyAsterix: how did you sleep through the alarms
KissMyAsterix: they started at six
Beysshoes: kissy. i was so stoopid i thought it was my neighbors
house alarm.
KissMyAsterix: see, see where the empty bottle of jose cuervo
gets you beys
KissMyAsterix: and you what
Beysshoes: i thought. wow she has a good one. so of course i ran
over to her house
KissMyAsterix: thought oh hell.. let them fry or die or get robbed?
Hyperion x3: Charles Darwin's wife's name was Emma
Beysshoes: and she looked at me like i was baking mental cakes
upstairs
Melodramamama22: did you run over in your jammies?
Beysshoes: yes mama. well, shorts and a tank top
Melodramamama22: close enough
zomcom81: Are you talking about the tsunami sirens?
KissMyAsterix: you dressed for the occasion?
KissMyAsterix: yeah beys ignored them


The Yawning Watch Dog:
KissMyAsterix: how could derby stand it
Beysshoes: well, she's no security dog. i can tell you that.
she was yawning yawning very loudly for a half hour
Beysshoes: (she doesn't bark)
KissMyAsterix: so she was very anxious and it made her sleepy
Beysshoes: haha. she sounds genetically mine yes?
KissMyAsterix: she probably stressed thinking, jesus.. she's
ignoring the tsunami alarms
zomcom81: A dog that doesn't bark? I need one of those
Beysshoes: kissy. i tried to teach the dog to bark. but yawning
is as far as she went

The Biting Cat:
Melodramamama22: my cat is genetically mine. a man came in here
and she hissed at him
Melodramamama22: then bit him
Melodramamama22: mah baby
Beysshoes: you trained her propers mama
Melodramamama22: i guess pets take on the characteristics of their
owners
Beysshoes: you like to bite your men too mama? lolol
Melodramamama22: well yeah, but i usually save the hissing for the
second date
Melodramamama22: she's just a cat tho, she can't be faulted for
getting it backwards


Cross Words:
MSteelLove: No comprendy|?
KissMyAsterix: comprendyl lol
KissMyAsterix: that's like a cross between spanish and pharmaceuticals


A Beautiful Mind:
MSteelLove: Book shelf, seemes a good place not to have to hear
those weird voices, of ..
Melodramamama22: oh uh oh
Beysshoes: uh oh
Beysshoes: jinx
Beysshoes: okay, please take your meds. pulease
KissMyAsterix: are they attached to a person
KissMyAsterix: these voices
Hyperion x3: Charles Darwin had a daughter who died at the age of 10


Well, not that beautiful:
MSteelLove: I'm trying not to hear... the greater implication,
that all of you know all of you, and have to sit and endure the sick,
hugs of real friendship, and butt sucking of fimiliarity. I'm new.
KissMyAsterix: what kind of friends do you have, that butt sucking
is involved
KissMyAsterix: and beys
Melodramamama22: we don't generally suck butts in here
Beysshoes: there are hugs of real friendship in here? where? when?
Melodramamama22: not literally at least
Beysshoes: tehl us!
KissMyAsterix: he just called you a buttsucker lol

Analyse This:
MSteelLove: All the hugs, how is yer aunt, and who you sleeping with.
MSteelLove: A group of, been together for too long.
Melodramamama22: oh, you mean inane familiar chat amongst friends,
that you are not a part of
Melodramamama22: and that makes you feel disenfranchised and lonely
MSteelLove: Some peep come with open hearts, and knowing nothing of
the drama of a particular room.
MSteelLove: Or, the characters involved.
KissMyAsterix: yeah about that, this is soundling like soap chat
MSteelLove: I seek to be in a place where few can talk, and be
themselves.
Beysshoes: mebbe its not cus you're new. mebbe its cus you're boring
and practically illiterate.
KissMyAsterix: there's that buttsucking
MSteelLove: Crack lickin.
MSteelLove: ::finds a seat, and breeathes deeply:
Beysshoes: okay. taking back the boring part.




That G Word:
Hyperion x3: left ventrolateral prefrontal cortex (VLPFC)
Melodramamama22: AHHA! ventrolateral prefrontal cortex
KissMyAsterix: it was right there on the tip of my
Melodramamama22: mine's all messed up
Melodramamama22: my prefrontal cortex, i mean
KissMyAsterix: ventrolateral prefrontal cortex
Beysshoes: rono its so cool when you're on your aspirin
regiment and doing your genius stuff again.
KissMyAsterix: twenty for that one beys
MSteelLove: So, are impressed my the vocabulary, and intelligence yet?
KissMyAsterix: the genius is over the top buttsucking
KissMyAsterix: I think you're moving into dangerous territory


The Three Little P's:
PatientOnionSF: rono's daily regime
PatientOnionSF: pork, porn and p*nis
PatientOnionSF: the three P's of a happy m*slim in j*w york city


Another Newbie Washes Out:
Hyperion x3: time to listen to sound of jungle and slowly fall asleep
in the jungle in my mind
Hyperion x3: night
MSteelLove: :runs out screaming, these all more terrorists::
Melodramamama22: "these all more terrorists"
KissMyAsterix: another happy customer
PatientOnionSF: terriers
PatientOnionSF: woof woof
zomcom81: That was the voices, see. It's bad for you.
PatientOnionSF: steel and rono got a room at the heartbreak hotel
zomcom81: Voices have bad grammar


Doom and Jena and Toonsis:
DoomGrl: I punched a man in the nose cause he called Jena a slut
Bgrant444: Who is Jena?
DoomGrl: she was my best friend from about 10 to 16
DoomGrl: or 17
DoomGrl: for awhile she did the commercials for the mentally ill
teenager place
Forkrerereredux: died from the consumption
DoomGrl: no, she is fine. she works at the college
Forkrerereredux: is she hot?
DoomGrl: she is pretty
Forkrerereredux: that means fat
BinxB91: the college? University of Colorado?
DoomGrl: no, not that college
DoomGrl: she works in the admissions office
DoomGrl: her cat is named Toonsis


Food Fight:
PatientOnionSF: i found a new hot shelfer, but she has 3 kids
and she's happily married to a millionaire
BinxB91: happily married ...
BinxB91: I can't imagine that
PatientOnionSF: which part?
BinxB91: happily married
PatientOnionSF: you were happily married to your non-white wife
for several months
BinxB91: Melodramamama is the biggest cynic about marriage
BinxB91: Yet she's still funny
PatientOnionSF: melo was happily married until she stopped drinking
BinxB91: Melo's a curie
BinxB91: cutie
PatientOnionSF: melo is not a curry, she's more like a stale poptart


Niontron As Song Mixer:
Niontron9: the reason old songs sound crappy is because they didn't
have digital equipments back then
Catpower777: who said old songs sound crappy?
NotRed1537: Nion did
Cognomen98: yes, the charming hissing and popping sounds
Cognomen98: but a lot of them get remastered
Niontron9: I mean...you can feel it from the drumming
NotRed1537: all those sounds are groovy


Dean Martin Twitches:
NotRed1537: When you start to feel, you've been bit by an eel,
that's a moray

Next Your Sensitivity:
Niontron9: my ignorance paid off

The Soup Nazi?:
PatientOnionSF: it was also theme of the 39th episode of Steinfeld,
when Kramer finds out his p*nis is missing


The Other DoomGrl:
DoomGrl: hi
AngelGardn: hi doom
BinxB91: DoomGrl, Onion needs to be contained. You're the only
one who can help
PatientOnionSF: is this the real DoomGrl or is it DoomGrI?
PatientOnionSF: one is with an L and the other with an I
DoomGrl: it is me
PatientOnionSF: they are two different people
PatientOnionSF: only I can tell them apart
DoomGrl: is there realy someone with an i. I heard about that
PatientOnionSF: the real doom girl is right handed
PatientOnionSF: no, she is very naughty, not prim and proper
Cognomen98: and can teleport!
DoomGrl: really Onion? does she know about me
PatientOnionSF: she comes in here in the AM when you asleep
DoomGrl: do thye come here?
PatientOnionSF: I pretend it's you and talk naughty
PatientOnionSF: yeth
DoomGrl: is she like me?
PatientOnionSF: she talks about all night parties in burger
joints reading horoscopes
DoomGrl: i dont like burger joints
DoomGrl: I can be naughty
PatientOnionSF: yes
PatientOnionSF: doom, you cannot be naughy like the other doom girI

"I drivel tho":
Niontron9: why don't you goggle "shock doctorine book review"
...something should pop up
PatientOnionSF: it's commie drivel
Niontron9: that's why they made google
PatientOnionSF: the stuff klein predicts never comes true
Cognomen98: no, that's why they made book chatrooms, lol
Cognomen98: to discuss the book
Niontron9: no, book chat rooms are for people to lie
Niontron9: or act tough
DoomGrl: i dont act tough
DoomGrl: sometimes I drivel tho

Desperate Housewife:
PatientOnionSF: uh oh, my wife just got home, i have to
pretend i am baking petite fours for her

Hostess Cupcake NOT:
DoomGrl: the democratic convention was here last year. i was
going to be like a hostess but then I didnt
DoomGrl: I got accepted but then i changed my mind
DoomGrl: I wanted Hillary to win

Just Folks:
Jam7604801: evening pros
Prospect26: jam...how grows your garden?
Jam7604801: well pros i have onions
Prospect26: jam...onions are good.
Jam7604801: for the record i'm not married
Prospect26: jam...and I am well also. Thanks for asking.


More Newbie Screening:
PatientOnionSF: come on hannah, now's your chance to shine
hannahxbeex: Oh fine.
Boulshevit: Don't blow this opportunity!
PatientOnionSF: hannah, are you in college?
hannahxbeex: Indeed, I am.
PatientOnionSF: studying something profitable?
hannahxbeex: I'm an English major. Haha.
Boulshevit: Wow! Me two!
Boulshevit: to?
hannahxbeex: too*
Boulshevit: Ah, yes, well played
hannahxbeex: Haha.
PatientOnionSF: just like garrison keilor
PatientOnionSF: hannah, most english majors go on to very lucrative
careers, you made a wise choice
hannahxbeex: I'm fairly content with the decision I made to switch
majors actually.
Boulshevit: And also, they talk good


What Are You Wearing?
Snegurochka Doll: my work cloths
Snegurochka Doll: not so sexy

Kheiron912: i answered you, binx, then deleted


"numerous e-mails":
erstwhile mots: Binx, you sent me numerous e-mails apologizing
and proclaiming my literary superiority. How many did you
receive in return ...

Block That Metaphor:
erstwhile mots: You apologized with all the enthusiasm of a man
licking a woman's cunt



Rememebering Will Hunting:
Boulshevit: Ah, yeah, I haven't seen anything with whatsisnuts in it
since Goodwill Hunting
BinxB91: "it's not your fault"
Boulshevit: "because f*&^ him, that's why"
BinxB91: ???
Boulshevit: Uh..when he chose the wrench to be beaten with, instead
of the belt
BinxB91: oh right
Boulshevit: Yep, good movie
BinxB91: Matt Damon
Boulshevit: Yeah, that's it!
BinxB91: I liked him with Minnie Driver. Cute couple. I see trouble
down the road for them though
BinxB91: "well I got her phone number! How do you like them apples?"
BinxB91: He tells her that he's the youngest of 13 children
BinxB91: Then recites all his sibling's names flawlessly and then
does it again when she pushes him
Boulshevit: Hell, I can't do that with my REAL family


Ambush Questions:
Kheiron912: someone ask me some questions, please
xnorthstarx1: do maggots get drunk when they bury alcoholics?
erstwhile mots: Kheiron. How fucking lame are you?

Bookslut's Day:
erstwhile mots: Anyway, I got eight books in the mail yesterday.

Suck It Up:
Ashratempelebay: anyone ever heard that song by Frank Zappa ?
its called 'Broken Hearts are for Assholes'

Couldn't We Just Cuddle?:
Kheiron912: us Cynics and you Stoics should have a west side story
knife fight dance sequenced tonight


The Book(slut) of Job:
erstwhile mots: Maniac. Since last we spoke, I was hospitalized
for a week for pancreatitis.
erstwhile mots: I'm also engaged to a chatter from Author's Lounge.

"yes but so what":
Alansueton: Snegu were you disgusted with the Russian Hockey
Team's effort in the Olympics?
Snegurochka Doll: yes alan
Snegurochka Doll: the coatch he is fired now
Alansueton: Snegurochka even Putin came out against them
Snegurochka Doll: yes but so what

Right Next to the Economist at B&N:
DGBALTIMORE: Did anyone catch the latest MAD magazine cover

Masochist:
xnorthstarx1: the shit im reading is boring now


BookSlut Goes Rono on Snegurochka Doll!:

erstwhile mots: Doll. I was born in Lodz province, Poland.
I highly doubt you were born in Russia. Wanna know why?
Because my grandmother was born in the land Konwicki
describes as "between Russia and Poland" and your sentence
structure is not
erstwhile mots: synonymous with native Russian speakers.
Snegurochka Doll: you dont know what you are talk about

erstwhile mots: I have been to many Eastern, Central, and Southern
European nations. And Western Europe. I know how to speak several
European languages and I don't bullshit, Doll.

erstwhile mots: Hahahahaha, Doll.
erstwhile mots: You lying cunt.
erstwhile mots: Pazdravlyayu!


No, Saturdays are normal:
Tom Brite: often early in the evening on friday nights before we
go out i feel slightly homosexual and wonder if its normal


[How does anyone ever let go of anything? My book was a long glove
clasping the dark shape I had loved. Inside the glove was one very
pale young hand that had never learned to grip skin. It was so
raw it looked wet. I fell into the eyes of everyone I passed on
the street. Food seemed impossible. Children thought I was a
child and tried to play with me, but I could neither play nor
work, I could only wonder why. Why do people live at all. I read
every single ad in the classifieds section each week. Real Estate,
Employment, Counseling, Home Sevices, Getaways, Musicians Market,
Dating, Women and Men Seeking Each Other and Themselves, Chance
Meetings, and Automotive. I had narrowed it down to either Power
trio seeks excellent 2nd guitar for heavy rock or Angela Mitchell
LCSW, therapy supporting the integration of body, mind, and spirit,
and world. I settled on Angela Mitchell because the power trio
wanted an experienced gigger, and I didn't know what that was. But
as I rose in the elevator towards Angela's office, I whispered the
words "experienced gigger" to myself, and they calmed me.]


Hot Scenes:
Kheiron912: see the white ribbon if only to being sexually
aroused when the little boy with down's sydrome gets his eyes
nearly blinded

What He Hears:
PatientOnionSF: i like the music my microwave makes when i bake
a potato too long, it sounds like a serbian gregorian chant by
Puklovsky

The Continuing Adventures of Dixie:
DoomGrl: My freind Dixie bought a Sugar Glider
DoomGrl: its part kangaroo and part flying squirrel

Denied:
DoomGrl: I wanted to be Amy Blue but they wouldnt let me be



Beysshoes Chat/Onion Rap:
PatientOnionSF: binky, your babydoll was all messed up last night
BinxB91: my babydoll? BookSlut?
PatientOnionSF: bey
BinxB91: bey? How was she messed up?
PatientOnionSF: she was all depressed and drinking about
sandra bullock and tiger woods
BinxB91: Beysshoes drinks?
PatientOnionSF: mindless celebrity worship
PatientOnionSF: she watches too much cable
PatientOnionSF: why else would she fret about movie stars and
golfers gone bad?
Raphael11110: Patient wow I wouldn't drink if an entire country
was swallowed by some earthquake
PatientOnionSF: Raphy, you are not some bikini model in Hawaii
with self-realization problems
PatientOnionSF: she keeps joining and quitting cults too:
PatientOnionSF: moonies, scientology, Catholicism, TM
BinxB91: I have several pictures of beysshoes, none of them are
bathing suit shots
BinxB91: or nudes
PatientOnionSF: binky can't help her get centered
PatientOnionSF: so her mind roams
PatientOnionSF: and her mouth foams
BinxB91: Onion raps!


Not around your neck?:
Prospect26: I hope everyone had a great st. patrick's day.
I wore my green beeds on the slopes.