MARCH MADNESS
(DirtyDogma = PatientOnion
Is She Weird 55 = Hillary
Hillary's Boy Friend = Tyler,the DrugMart Guy
IAintRight = Pale Rider )


First Madness:
Is She Weird 55: Hey, binx. i dont appreciate katytried.
"hillary's boyfriend gave her flowers blah blah i had
jokes haha"


Ya Can't Kill Em:
Lamumsie: students spent half the class doing a
writing sample
IaintRlGHT: a writing sample huh? like they didnt know
how to write............teachers, ya cant kill them!
Lamumsie: lol Rider...its an ESL class


Not Getting the Message:
Prospect26: Lady, I have been trying to have a
conversation with you for many years...but it's not
working


Out With the Boys While She's Reading:
BooksIut: my boyfriend is such a dork.
BooksIut: says he played a couple of drunk white boys
in chess.
BooksIut: won all six games.


Obscure Tripe:

BooksIut: piero heliczer.
BooksIut: "i am the sort of figure meant to be heretic the
stone age seduction girl taking her clothes off i seem
more of an ant than a cigale because i like to sing in
winter
BooksIut: joan of arc the woman astride a prick when i
smoke my shirt turns blue."
Godwit935: Bookslut, what kind of tripe is that.


Inanely Incompetent:

Godwit935: House of Sand and Fog was just an awful movie,
terrible. Mind-numbingly incompetent
BinxB91: Incompetent how?
Godwit935: Binx, it was utterly and completely inane.


Vocabulary Checker:

Godwit935: Bookslut, how much do you read, how much
time do you read per week, say, how many hours?
BooksIut: at least five hours a day.
BooksIut: avaricious reader, see.
Godwit935: You mean, voracious, Bookslut.



What a Weenie:

DAISYTRAIL: I still picture Godwit outside shooting
his cat. What a weenie.
Anais3233: he really really shot his cat?
Anais3233: that's got to be freudian
Anais3233: that's not right at all
Anais3233: did he find it watching something other
than charlie rose on tv?


Max Holding the Line:

DinosoreVagina: Max, did you know that Friday was Pi day.
Max 314159265358: Yes
Max 314159265358: and I gained no new digits


What Kool&the Gang Didn't Know:
CordialCactus: evie.. tonight is ladies night... the time
to commune in a silly manner without offering apologies



Random Scoldings/Warnings:

Sleepy Eyed Evie: heed my warning: stay out of the american idol room

Godwit935: Binx, you fail to see cultural degeneracy.

Niontron3: NONE OF YOU understand women
Niontron3: I love girls who own farms which have horses in them

Melodramamama22: once you puke 3 gallons of green beer,
the thrill goes off st patty's day

Knishofdeath: All sex is sick, if you do it right


Aces High:

Sleepy Eyed Evie: pale, how come you aren't Pale Rider anymore?
IaintRlGHT: that felt odd typing concidering how anais's name
sounds phonically, vagina and anus............oh my my my
CordialCactus: rider... i say it.. UH-nace
IaintRlGHT: evie, the pale rider needed rest
Sleepy Eyed Evie: anai why are you sighing and moaning?
Anais3233: uhnace, that'll work too
IaintRlGHT: anais..........I DO NOT SEE ann eye ease
Anais3233: spring is soo far away
DinosoreVagina: yeah, you really have to want to say anus
DinosoreVagina: I don't get that phoenetically
IaintRlGHT: and well uhnace just sounds like a deaf and dumb
guy sayin anus
Anais3233: annn eye ees
DinosoreVagina: ann ace
IaintRlGHT: yeah but whats with all the numbers/
DinosoreVagina: or uh nace
Sleepy Eyed Evie: i thot it was pronounced ann- uh - eece
Anais3233: vuh jine uh
IaintRlGHT: oh fer gods sake
CordialCactus: LOL
IaintRlGHT: ill just type anais
Anais3233: cor dull
Anais3233: corj ull
Anais3233: cor jull


What I like about you:
ParaMyrrh: I like when my girlfriend calls me
a cock-sucking faggot


"both of you are naked at any given time":

Niontron3: I only like jungle sex...
Niontron3: like primitive people
Nanofaydan: dream on kiddo
LoftOnFire: isnt jungle sex date rape?
Niontron3: sex is very good if you are in a jungle...the
air is cold
Nanofaydan: no..its sex with some who looks neanderthal
Niontron3: you are surrounded by trees
Niontron3: and there is a lake
LoftOnFire: is the foreplay exfoliation then?
Niontron3: then you and your lover swim in the
lake and come back
Niontron3: both of you are naked at any given time



A Woman With Big Hair Walks Into a Bar:

CordialCactus: ohgosh, i have a story... a true story..
i was a bartender working at a small pub and grub...
these two men watched a woman with big hair walk in..
CordialCactus: one said to the other... hair...
CordialCactus: be back later
CordialCactus: so....
CordialCactus: he walked to the woman and
CordialCactus: i have to run home to throw a log on the fire...
Nanofaydan: :-D..and?
CordialCactus: how about i "run one up in ya".......
and SHE LEFT WITH HIM
CordialCactus: romance is not dead



News From the Heartland:
CordialCactus: brb.. stirring hamburger helper dinner

Going Anais on you:
Lamumsie: and well all fly out together
Kamperkenii: but, 'mums, what if Dino, like, goes "Anais" on
us over the mid Atlantic??


KatyTried Hazards:
Catpower777: as my list of people on permanent "ignore" grows,
it makes it hazardous to read KatyTied


KatyTried Fans:

DAISYTRAIL: Binx, those passages of writing that appear
in Katy Tried ... do you write those?
Anais3233: there isn't so much godwit this time
Anais3233: this is funny
DAISYTRAIL: I loved the lima bean things.
Anais3233: HOLY SHIT SOME OF THIS STUFF IS FUNNY


Tell Me Your Name and I'll Tell You What You Are:
BIDET LIVES: well, max - i think you're probably a
pothead and a drunk


Beware of Humans:
Niontron3: if one human can make one mistake with you...
he can make many mistakes with you...you should avoid
those people for they are reprobates, for they would
harm you sooner or later



Thin Mints/Satire/CBC/Wowser:

Tem o Bedlam: I just sent a box of Thin Mints™ to Iraq...
As Russell Baker wrote, "life is hard for a political
satirist, when nothing you can make up is as funny as
what's actually going on."
Tem o Bedlam: When I was a mere wowser (never you mind
when) and the only TV station we could get was CBC in
French, and all they had on was hockey.
Londoj: Hockey night in Canada
Tem o Bedlam: Pretty much anything below waist height
and alive...
Tem o Bedlam: I knew enough French to play hockey when
I started school... You'd think this woulda got me
farther in life.
Ta21l: wowser?


Pudding Girls, OMG!:

BinxB91: The pudding girls have ended their run.
BinxB91: I would sell my mother to the Arabs for one
of those women
BinxB91: j/k
Ta21l: all those that believe he was kidding....
Ta21l: *crickets chirping*
TemporaryKind: sounded serious to me
BinxB91: With my next girl friend, I will make sure there
is never quite enough for dinner and then leave pudding
in the refrigerator
Ta21l: lmao
StarlightStorms: lol
Ta21l: why is it I can see you doing this so clearly in my head?
BinxB91: OMG, I just imagined sharing a refrigerator with a woman
Londoj: This is getting bad
Ta21l: as long as she wasn't living in it, it's still safe
BinxB91: Sharing a refrigerator is a much more solid commitment
than sharing a bed
BinxB91: OMG, TA
Tem o Bedlam: Or toothbrush...
Ta21l: no, sharing a dresser is more then a fridge
StarlightStorms: I served all the moldy old green food for
St. Paddy's Day
Ta21l: that means she's slowly moving in
BinxB91: You've shared a dresser?


Other Men's Daughters:

Tem o Bedlam: Men flip out at the idea their little
darlin's do what they spend their whole life trying
to get someone else's little darlin' to do.
Ta21l: nicely put Tem
Niontron3: tem, what to do when somoen elese's little
darlings wants it BAD


Hillary's Official:

Is She Weird 55: tyler is my official boyfriend starting today
BinxB91: An OFFICIAL boy friend??? That's great!
IaintRlGHT: good hillary
BinxB91: What made it official??
KammaToasted: he didn't chew his arm off


Hillary says "don't be silly":

Is She Weird 55: yeah he JUST started talking to me on friday
Is She Weird 55: i'm like "i'm dating someone" and he got jealous
Is She Weird 55: no i am not dating a black guy with an eight pack
IaintRlGHT: no no hillary you are not just dating
'you have a boy friend'
Is She Weird 55: no but that's before today, aint!
Is She Weird 55: my ex went on vaca
bphilebaum: sooooooooo you cheat
BinxB91: Hillary cheating?? LOL
Is She Weird 55: i'm not cheating!
Is She Weird 55: what the heck?
IaintRlGHT: hillary hasnt had it official long enough to cheat
IaintRlGHT: im not sure though the new bf would be impressed
knowing your talking with the old bf though
IaintRlGHT: thats like the plan b guy
IaintRlGHT: the old bf
DAISYTRAIL: Hillary does fast-track dating. She breaks up with
one, dates a new one, and cheats on him, all in 24 hrs.
Is She Weird 55: no daisy :) lol
IaintRlGHT: nothing wrong with a plan b though
Is She Weird 55: dont be silly

["That was very good," the swami says. "Now let's try a
the love cheer. Repeat Love a hundred times. You don't
really have to count. Just say Love, Love, Love until you
get tired of saying it. We'll do it together ..."
"Love, Love, Love, Love, Love ..."
"That was fine," the swami says. "That was very good.
I could tell you meant it. Let's see if you can sit up."
"It's crazy," Tony says, "I know it's crazy but I do feel
much better. I'd like to try another prayer."
When Nailles hears them chanting Hope,Hope Hope, Hope, he
has another whiskey. Was he a voodoo priest? Would he
put a spell over Tony? Since Nailles claimed not to
believe in magic why should magic have the power to
frighten him? Out of the window he can see his lawns in
the starlight. Hope, hope, hope, hope. Their voices
sound like drums. His lawns and the incantations came
from different kinddoms. Nothing made any sense.]


Please Come to Denver:

Prospect26: Lady...come to Maine.
LadyMtnMedic: why Pros?
Prospect26: Lady...we have been dancing around for years.
Let's meet.
LadyMtnMedic: Pros, what is it with you?
Prospect26: Lady...what?
LadyMtnMedic: why would I want to meet you?
LadyMtnMedic: you are turning into some weird stalker, and
I hate to tell you, I don't swing that way
CordialCactus: oh oh
Prospect26: Lady...why would we not want to meet after all
these years? And I am flying into CO?
LadyMtnMedic: if that is what you are driving at, please stop
LadyMtnMedic: we are not really friends Pros
IaintRlGHT: lady if i had a dime for every enemy i slept with
LadyMtnMedic: you sleep with Men Pale?
Kamperkenii: you'd have 5 cents, Iaint
Prospect26: Lady...yes, we are not really friends.
LadyMtnMedic: Prosp, why do you think you want to meet me?
LadyMtnMedic: Pale personally, my best friends are men, they
dont go thru all the drama and BS that women do
IaintRlGHT: well my best friends are women lady but it can be a
love hate thing
IaintRlGHT: keep your friends close your enemies closer;-)
LadyMtnMedic: pretty aware of that one Pale
LadyMtnMedic: have it down to a fine art
CordialCactus: is the lets meet conversation over?
CordialCactus: im being nosy


Lady Does Something Despicable:

LadyMtnMedic: guys, I did something despicable today
LadyMtnMedic: I bought some perfume.... sadly it is
StarlightStorms: Nice, Lady!
LadyMtnMedic: one of Britney Spears kinds
IaintRlGHT: what are you covering up?
LadyMtnMedic: the fact that I bought a perfume of hers
UntilYouCameBy: What was the perfume called :
Desirable On AOL
LadyMtnMedic: Midnight Pleasures or something like that
Bamagrl10291: lol yall i hate britney but her perfume
really does smell good


Prospect Paying Attention:

Prospect26: i very rarely do lunch outside of my office.
If my girlfriend calls and says "Let's have lunch."
I listen and pay attention.
Prospect26: I have a few good girlfriends...
Prospect26: and we read many different kinds of books...


Book Buyer in Need of Intervention:

Viscid mouth: just ordered two new books.
DirtyDogma: viscid you sexy beast you
DirtyDogma: viscid, did you order two bibles?
Viscid mouth: borges and the eternal orangutans by luis
fernando verissimo and cock-eyed comedy by juan goytisolo.
DinosoreVagina: book, is that you?


Godwit Uncovering Yet Another Fraud:

Godwit935: Lars, you spelled it Sacremento. Is that right?
JFWaterman: It should be Excremento-
LarsSfCalLarsSfCal: Sacramento? My typing skills aren't
the best !
Godwit935: Lars, you say you live there but are not sure
how to spell it?



In the Human Race:

Godwit935: Beys, I don't trust Obama.
Beysshoes: i know this godwit. its a hard time for racists,
i unnerstand
Godwit935: Beys, see that? There you have the problem. I oppose
Obama, I'm a Democrat, so I must be racist. This is the very
problem with Obama. He's all about race.
Beysshoes: no godwit, i've been in here with you lining in
racist stuff for over a year now you silly
Godwit935: Ferraro was right. If Obama were white, he'd not even
be in the ..... excuse me....race.


Pennsylvania Gets It:

Beysshoes: godwit, tell me what PA men are saying please
Godwit935: Obama's candidacy is based on race.
Godwit935: Obama is too damn entitled-seeming. People see it.
Godwit935: JFK had humility. Obama does not have humility


Touche:
JFWaterman: Obama and Clinton are both based on selling
us what we want today for us to pay for later.
DirtyDogma: you mean we are paying for the occupation of
iraq now and not later?


F*ck Puppy?:
Beysshoes: did binx get in here earlier?
DirtyDogma: binx gave up aol, he found a hot asian f*ck puppy
Beysshoes: hush les


We're Soaking In It:

CordialCactus: i was signing of to flirt with my husband
CordialCactus: it went well, he did some dishes
CordialCactus: score!
Nanofaydan: nothing sexier than a man doing the dishes
CordialCactus: nano... you know it
CordialCactus: dishes are great foreplay



What We Learn at the Dinner Table:
Godwit935: You vicious people who learned hatred at the
dinner table will have to learn what it means to be an
American.
DirtyDogma: godwit, shut up, america is tons of stuff:
racist, progressive, union-hating, union-loving, christian,
jew, buddhist, athiest, war-hating, war-loving
Godwit935: You will have to step up and get outside
yourselves, you people who think you have the inside track.
Godwit935: JF, you will have to decide whether you want to
be an American, or not.
Godwit935: You will have to learn how to sacrifice for others,
JF, as others have sacrificed for you.
Beysshoes: amen godwit
DirtyDogma: nobody has to sacrifice nothing, shut up and
enjoy the self-destruction
JFWaterman: You can't even imagine what it's like to sacrifice
for others, Godwit.
Godwit935: JF, I don't bitch about it. You do.
DirtyDogma: i think the floods are sexy, all those hillbillies
floating away
JFWaterman: You have sucked off of the Union tit of entitlement
for so long you have forgotten what it means to work for a
living, godwit, let alone sacrifice anything.



The Fun Couple:

DirtyDogma: more people are moving downward, that is what
jf is referring to about social class mobility, the
freedom to become poorer
DirtyDogma: and the rich more up even higher, while the
poor halfwit hillbillies do their occupation
Niontron3: so basically the people who have no money they
have to do the things that they don't want to do, for the
people who have more money
Niontron3: the poor barely speaks english
Niontron3: or spanish...


More Stuff Only Rono Knows:

Niontron3: did you know they are going to spray toxic
matters on CALIFORNIA
Niontron3: for six years!!!
DirtyDogma: they are gonna spray coca-cola on california?


Precise History:

Beysshoes: JF the roman empire collapsed precisely because
of what america is going through right now.
JFWaterman: I agree, Beysshoes- the middle class was the
only wealth-producers, so they got taxed into oblivion by
the powers that were.
JFWaterman: SO all who were left were peasants and rulers
- feudalism.


But It's His Only Language:

Beysshoes: onion i didn't understand why the katrina blacks
didn't vote. it hurt me.
DirtyDogma: bey, maybe cuz there is no difference between
uncle tom, bill's wife and the senile pow?
Beysshoes: onion stop talking yahoo



"I know what you don't":

JFWaterman: The poor are hardly ever humble, Godwit.
Godwit935: The poor are ever humble.
Beysshoes: when one is poor, all one has at times is
false pride godwit
JFWaterman: The poor are opinonated and nasty and vicious
and easy to take sides because that's all they have-
Godwit935: Beys, you are only off by a word or two.
Godwit935: How wrong you are, JF.
Beysshoes: godwit you're too insular. you see only your
own reality.
Godwit935: Beys, the reason I know you are off by a word
or two, and the reason I know which words, is because I
know what you don't.



Calcutta Power Ball?:
Niontron3: somehow two indians became 2 of the top ten
richest people on earth...


Metaphor Madness:
Beysshoes: godwit, i wish you'd have a better pulse on
PA politics to share !!!
Godwit935: Beys, I did share it with you. Pennsylvanians
don't buy a pig in a poke. We're for Hillary, hard.


Niontron Yells Whacko:

Anais3233: we used to have a really big front yard and the
bunnies would make little hutches in the indentations in
the yard, and then when we went to mow, we'd run over the
baby bunnies
Anais3233: and the ones that weren't too bloody, i'd dress
up in little clothes, so there would be dead baby bunnies
dressed up laying in the yard
Niontron3: anais is a wacko


There will always be Godwit:

Godwit935: Anybody watch that college basketball today?
CordialCactus: isnt that over yet? oh.. wait.. march madness
Godwit935: Is that Dick Enberg Jewish, does anyone know?
Godwit935: He doesn't sound Jewish to me, that Dick Enberg.
My guess is that he's, what do you call those....Nordic,
that's it. I bet Dick Enberg is Nordic.


Onion's Easter Rant:

Yossarian4now: i dont think you are really the guide on
what not to dsay to people, onion
Catpower777: ya think, Yoss? lol
DirtyDogma: actually Yossy I am the OFFICAL AUTHORIZED
AND HIGHLY TRAINED guide on what to say to people you
walmart truck driver
Beysshoes: ha!
Yossarian4now: sure you are onion
DirtyDogma: i have a diploma in what to say to people
DirtyDogma: an advanced degree in fact
Yossarian4now: onion, im tired, and i hurt .. give it a rest
DirtyDogma: I told bush everything he knows about public
speaking, why do you think he got elected TWO TIMES
DirtyDogma: if you are tired and hurt you don't come visit
a vile chatroom your dumb bunny
Beysshoes: DD is our chat guru yossy ... but i'm sorry
he hurt you. oof
Beysshoes: STFU onion
DirtyDogma: go hump a bible or drink a beer
Yossarian4now: i cant walk very well onion .. im sitting
here, while they set up shit
Beysshoes: you had surgeries yoss?
Yossarian4now: yeah, Tuesday
Beysshoes: for what please?
Yossarian4now: my knee
DirtyDogma: he been on his knees in those gay truck stops
DirtyDogma: jesus, zombie son of good, blessor of the
911 terrorists, will heal your knees, JESUS, HEAL
YOSSY'S BUM KNEE!
DirtyDogma: remember the cracker preacher oral sex roberts,
some cripple would wiggle up on the stage, oral would grab
him somewhere and he would dance out of his wheelchair
DirtyDogma: what a fairy tale wack job scam religion is
DirtyDogma: from 911 to billy graham, a bunch of wacked
out bingo heads
DirtyDogma: people in the phillipines nailing themselves
to a cross
DirtyDogma: gypsy knows how to celebrate easter, he drinks
a six pack and beats his wife
Yossarian4now: onion...
DirtyDogma: he's on his third one now
DirtyDogma: they ain't found the other two yet, haven't
looked in the garden though
Yossarian4now: dude are you really this bored? have
absolutely nothing else to do?
DirtyDogma: you should talk
Beysshoes: onion is giving his easter sermon yoss
DirtyDogma: i'm a preaching
DirtyDogma: bey knows
Beysshoes: tell us more reverand radish head.
pulease save us from our sins


The Human Race IS Defective. After All, Look at Me:

DirtyDogma: unfortunately jam can't see past the white
trash racism of his pig farm nascar fume toking
flooded swamp
DirtyDogma: heck, it's not jam's fault, the human race
is defective



She Is Tired:

DirtyDogma: McCain, Bush, Cheney, Rumsburger and aunt
jemima condi rice predicted a quick clean victory
Beysshoes: alright. dats enough. imma go searching foh
a better easter sermon you jingo punk.


Thanks for the Memories/Except For the Felonies:

Glomawr: there are outstanding warrants for me in
Charlottsville
Phronsie: not a good thing, Glo
Phronsie: or so I would think
Glomawr: no fonz
Glomawr: but statute of limitations runs next year
Glomawr: except for the felonies


What Makes a Good American:

Godwit935: I work with a lot of urban Asians these days.
I like them, they're good Americans.
Glomawr: hard workers wit
Godwit935: Glo, no more hard-working than any others,
but they cut up very well. Thety are merciless to each other.
Glomawr: that makes them good americans?



A Sweet Addiction:
JadedDremer: Binx, lately, i've been hooked on Tegan and Sara