Just A Water Stop along the Suckathon


Recession Date:
LadyQuasi: We're going to get ready to catch some fireflies.

A Smile:
LadyQuasi: So, Binx, what are you wearing?

My Immortal:
Summers Eve L: Shake it off, Encyclopedia. Shake it off. My work
is a suckathon as well.

Would You Smile If He Said There Was One:
Beysshoes: onion made me cry last night saying my life had no purpose


Hawaiian King Crab:
CordialCactus: i went shopping for swim suits today
NoraMcKee525: were you sober?
Beysshoes: candy i hope you didn't catch any crabs
NoraMcKee525: ewww beys
CordialCactus: oh beys.. you are always worried about crabs


Our Beysshoes - Slow But Not Stupid:
CordialCactus: im not all that keen on getting my girly parts
measured and stuff
NoraMcKee525: girl, when it comes to the twins, i DO got money
CordialCactus: lol nora
Beysshoes: nora has twins??? how old?
Beysshoes: oh duhhhhhhhh


BookSlut Evolving:
BinxB91: Yes, Tea-ja. Have you mellowed at all?
tired faucet: No.
tired faucet: I've hardened.
tired faucet: * giggles *
Gleam1946: The Shelf is the proving grounds
Beysshoes: oh faucet ... has life been unkind to you?
Beysshoes: i'm so sorry.
tired faucet: Bey, I mean Circe. Yes, very. Please let me suckle
your breast to make the past year, two an aberration.
Speechless2009: suckle my balls


Literate Ones:
Oldskewl18: SO IF YOUR ALL BOOKS WHAT TYPES ARE YOU?

Round Table Discussion:
BinxB91: No Nick, Gleam makes Goldwater look like Joan Baez
princessslayah42: with flawless fine features
BinxB91: (sorry for the 60s reference)
Nickvanden1: Binx, I used to think Joan was hot during her
Happy Days stuff
BinxB91: Joan Baez was on Happy Days?
Nickvanden1: is Gleam hot and a female Mechanic?
Speechless2009: Binx, I don't get you
Speechless2009: I don't get you at all


Likes His Jokes ... A LOT:
Nickvanden1: << has need of a femal Genius Hottie who likes
traveling and motel living and money
Speechless2009: must be able to spell female, nick?
Speechless2009: you're a dumb dumb lollipop
Nickvanden1: not necessarily Speech , I dont know how to spell so
what does it matter , Im not wanting her to do my short hand for
me /..... lol .. get it .. short hand .. Gfawwww BwahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHhahahahaha


What's Sexy:
mourning bread: Say something witty and charming with just a hint
of sexual innuendo.
CordialCactus: wOOt
princessslayah42: i am smashing my fingers with a hammer

What's Cute:
Catpower777: my 13-year-old told me today she thinks it's "cute"
that I still say record

What's Random:
LadyQuasi: I'm looking for my random thought for the day to post...
any ideas?
BinxB91: hmmm ...
LadyQuasi: like "Do fish get cramps after eating?"
BinxB91: well, I had some thoughts on anger
KissMyAsterix: angry thoughts?
Catpower777: well, that pisses me off, Binx !


DELightful:
BlackHeartedCur: Women have a lower degree of degeneration
BinxB91: just ask Courtney Love
KissMyAsterix: higher degree of desperation
KissMyAsterix: is that what you mean?
Rafo65: Talkin 'bout De-ge ge generation!

Scruples:
Rafo65: My friend once asked why I don't play tennis.
How, I replied, would I ever want to play a game where love
means nothing?

If It Works For You:
Melodramamama22: i wrote a poem yesterday in which the moon was
a fragile skull boiling with dreams
Melodramamama22: that's a bit overwrought isn't it?


"so I undid that bitch's air tank and watched her shrivel":
Jam7604801: binx i can't wait until Survivor MOON

Your Mom?:
Jam7604801: i write some poetry although not all is good but some
people thinks that the ones i think are bad are actually better


Flip Side of "you had me at hello":
EDruezillaB: i knew you were a liar after one word.

What Are You Wearing?:
PatientOnionSF: a depression era t-shirt and the boxers
of amber's iranian husband

One Natalie's Ex's:
Summers Eve L: "Son what's your name?" "I don't remember."
"Where are you from?" "I don't remember" "Well what DO you
rememeber?" "I. Remember. The Alamo."

Try Turning the Channel On Her:
spanishkid996: mi grandma is boring she doesnt do anything...
EndTheFed09: she may be dead

I Just Look At My Name Tag:
DETRASH: I dont have to think what I am

The Valid Victorians:
DETRASH: lets just say I usually end up teaching the valid victorians
Oncewasbird: What does that mean, Det?
DETRASH: people move thier children for me to teach too weird
Oncewasbird: Hard to believe.
DETRASH: the highest scorer in high school
Hadachoke: 'high scorer' in high school is the guy who gets laid the most...


Godwit, Prospect, and a newbie:
DETRASH: Once I have been asked numerous times to defend my statments
now the other peole envolved in the statements are coming forward and
saying hey I aint no chopped liver
DETRASH: Once conversation different than formal writing
DETRASH: spin yer wheels see where it gets ya
Various704: lala land
Various704: its my spiritual home
Prospect26: Detrash...I have been here for many years.
Various704: consider the lilys of the valley
Prospect26: Once and Gleam...you are new here.
LadyQuasi: Detrash gives teachers a bad name...even if he/she
WASN'T a teacher, but claimed he/she was...
Prospect26: no historyu.
Oncewasbird: Prospect, I am the late Godwit, and so, one who knows you.


Gleam and Godwit:
Gleam1946: to know how to do something that yeilds tangible results
is far superior to "acting"
Oncewasbird: Well, you might not be right, Gleam.
Oncewasbird: I am not sure what you are talking about, Gleam.
Oncewasbird: You said the source was you, Gleam.


Godwit and Trust Issues:
Oncewasbird: Gleam, I don't trust your judgment, after you equated
liberal thought with acceptance of homosexual behavior.

Godwit Experiences Intolerance:
Prospect26: I'm always amazed that people need to change their names.
Oncewasbird: Prospect, I was kicked off AOL by intolerant homosexuals.
That is why I had to change my name.

The Straight Pride Parade:
Gleam1946: To be proud of one's sexuality is tantamount to being a pimp
Gleam1946: who fucken cared? why do you need a parade down fifth Ave?



Captain Kidd? Bluebeard? Jack Sparrow?:
Prospect26: I originally came to Bookshelf to talk about books.
This space has been pirated by ..look at the names.

What About Reading In Bed?:
Gleam1946: Reading is way too much attention unless the author
is present



Putting It In Paula's Thing Is Not For Sissies:
PatientOnionSF: bey i used paula dean's mean chicken machine
last night to make the world's best buttermilk chicken, I won
first prize!
Catpower777: how long did you soak the chicken?
PatientOnionSF: i soak it 8 hours or longer
PatientOnionSF: in buttermilk garlic sour cream and a swirled
mess of sage, salt, dried red chiles & white pepper
Beysshoes: 8 HOURS????
Catpower777: Bey, that's nothing...one chef here soaks it for
24 hours
PatientOnionSF: then i put it in paula's thing, on top of chopped
potatoes, carrots & onions, pour in ALL the buttermilk marinade,
cover it for one hour at 450, take cover off and 45 mins till chicken
is done, and then you have to soak the pan all
Catpower777: was it as tasty as it sounds?
PatientOnionSF: the main flavors are white pepper & sage
PatientOnionSF: so it's not for sissies

What Paula is Afraid To Say:
PatientOnionSF: 50% of the potatoes get burnt to a crisp, they are
just there to keep the chicken from getting burnt, they sacrifice
their spud souls for the chicken



Onion Loves Beysshoes:
PatientOnionSF: white rice is bad, that's why bey couldn't get married
Beysshoes: stfu stoopids
PatientOnionSF: her dowry had 3 tons of white rice
PatientOnionSF: and her fiances wanted brown
Beysshoes: i love jasmine rice. i confess
PatientOnionSF: you can buy brown jasmine rice, white rice is brown
rice that has been ********


La La La La La Land:
PatientOnionSF: I sold my whole wheat twinkies recipe to Hostess
for $4.5 million, now i am looking to buy a wife
Catpower777: everything Onion touches turns to $$$


"lol" after the jokes, thank you:
jknapp689: so what does everyone like to read?
jknapp689: lol
Beysshoes: we're reading augusten
Beysshoes: what else is there???
PatientOnionSF: cookbooks and reagan biographies
PatientOnionSF: the most evil american ever born


As if:
PatientOnionSF: tammy, how was your hot sex date 2nite at the beach?
Alansueton: Tammay?
Tammynet: it was great Onion
PatientOnionSF: i loved your tweets about it, it got me really ****************


Sharing:
Alansueton: I just had an excellent bowel movement
Beysshoes: omg alansue that is bookoo excellente`
Alansueton: it is I feel "light as air"
KissMyAsterix: when don't you feel bouyant alan
KissMyAsterix: what really weighs you down
Alansueton: KMA My feet and some other extremities
KissMyAsterix: want them removed?
Alansueton: no
Various704: like them, dino?
KissMyAsterix: I hate to see you down though
Catpower777: so kind, Dino
Catpower777: offering to separate him from the ballast
KissMyAsterix: well I try


She Once Kissed Harry Chapin:
PatientOnionSF: Beys just got out of the nuthouse, she has
new meds and promises not to take hostages on international
flights ever again
KissMyAsterix: fine, then I'm not flying with beys again

No Top On Her Tease:
Beysshoes: tamela are you cookin' in an IM wid our onion bulb?
Tammynet: nope
Catpower777: aren't we all, Bey?
Beysshoes: liar. you prolly have no top on you tease.
PatientOnionSF: i am always cooking and baking
PatientOnionSF: i don't have time for IMs with regular humans
zomcom81: just the irregular ones?


Knob HillBillies:
Catpower777: you import hillbillies to SF, Onion?
PatientOnionSF: they are everywhere, we have one for governor
PatientOnionSF: my landlady is a chinese hillbilly
PatientOnionSF: my mom is a jewish one
PatientOnionSF: she watches kate plus eight and CRIES!
Catpower777: oh, it's so comforting to know that moms are moms
all over the world


On Michael Jackson's Funeral:
Alansueton: anyone who watched that tasteless spectacle needs to
be taken to a field and shot
Beysshoes: stfu suesue
Alansueton: seriously
PatientOnionSF: alan and me are the hillbilly killers
Beysshoes: MLK's daughter and son spoke.
Catpower777: I wonder if my mom watched any of it
Alansueton: tabloid driven grief?
PatientOnionSF: mlk's daughter is a homophobe
Beysshoes: liar!
Alansueton: yes and they are both criminals and have sued the estate


Raw Meat For the Onion Oven:
MassageGirl82: This is my first day on aol I was wondering if
someone could answer a question for me
KissMyAsterix: the answer is almost always no
zomcom81: sometimes it is 'i don't know'
MassageGirl82: Since I have aol as my internet service provider
do I need to download aim or do I already have it?
PatientOnionSF: massage girl, only i can help you
PatientOnionSF: you need to download it
PatientOnionSF: http://dashboard.aim.com/aim
PatientOnionSF: go there to download it
PatientOnionSF: and then you can instant message everybody
Beysshoes: he means him, naturally
PatientOnionSF: massage doesn't cook or bake



Not Stirred:
PatientOnionSF: brownies isn't food
PatientOnionSF: it's a dessert
PatientOnionSF: you just squeezed them out of a tube
Catpower777: what else would I bother to bake, Onion?
Beysshoes: she made mashed potatos earlier onion
Catpower777: if not something chocolate
Catpower777: no, I actually stirred the batter, Onion
Catpower777: STIRRED
Beysshoes: that deserves a cam session for catpower. HA
zomcom81: indeed, stirring is tough on arms
Catpower777: thank you, Zom
Beysshoes: cat using words like stirred in caps. well, that's
just over the top.
Catpower777: jealous, Bey?
Beysshoes: well cat. look at what you did. onion isn't
talking anymore.
KissMyAsterix: the caps did him in

Quayle Did That:
Catpower777: he's just waiting for someone to mention mashed potatoes
Beysshoes: i thought no E on the potatos kitkat?
Beysshoes: didn't dan quail do that?
zomcom81: no e in potato, e in potatoes
Beysshoes: you sure?
Catpower777: yes
zomcom81: i'm sure
Catpower777: I could make it less stressful Bey and say taters


Peer Review:
JFWaterman: Does Onion have the ability to peer up his own butt-hole?
JFWaterman: Seems so-
Beysshoes: onion is a comedic genius jf
JFWaterman: Indeed, Beys.
KissMyAsterix: do you want to peer up onion's butthole jf?
KissMyAsterix: maybe if you ask him nice
Beysshoes: loL gina you are bad
KissMyAsterix: what
KissMyAsterix: it's a valid inquiry
zomcom81: it's not
KissMyAsterix: is so
KissMyAsterix: he showed an interest
KissMyAsterix: I was merely trying to give him courage to pursue it
JFWaterman: Kiss, Onion likes to show his often enough- can one
help but wonder?
KissMyAsterix: sorry I was trying to use logic, my mistake
KissMyAsterix: I've never once wondered about his butthole
KissMyAsterix: but I get your point
Catpower777: sure, sure, Dino

Onion Finds A Friend:
PatientOnionSF: twisty, you need a gf, you can have mine
TwistyDark98037: sorry i only date boys, can i have you instead
PatientOnionSF: yes, i only date boys too
Beysshoes: omg 50 pointer
PatientOnionSF: we are soulmates
Catpower777: speaking of buttholes, what happened to Para?



A Low GPA Date:
PatientOnionSF: and this hot guy with this hot chick was buying her
dinner at whole foods from the deli section, how sleazy
Catpower777: why was that sleazy?
PatientOnionSF: can't he take her to a restaurant?
Catpower777: oh
PatientOnionSF: he proably wants to take her back to his fancy
apartment and boink her, she looked like she had a low GPA
Beysshoes: onion is so old fashioned.
Catpower777: I see your point
Catpower777: lol
Beysshoes: such a gent he is.
Catpower777: low gpa
PatientOnionSF: yeah, like she would be impressed by a whole foods
hummus salad
AmberDevilRay8: I'd be.


You Are What You Eat:
PatientOnionSF: amber, you are 20 times hotter, and you have
a genius GPA, this chick was slut city
PatientOnionSF: 24.5
AmberDevilRay8: Not as impressed though by...say...nachos
from 7-Eleven.
AmberDevilRay8: And a Big Gulp.
PatientOnionSF: most likely the first time she got her food from
anyplace but taco bell
Catpower777: amazing what Onion can glean in a glance


Envious Onion:
PatientOnionSF: i think she was latin with dyed blonde hair
PatientOnionSF: she couldn't anagram or diagram a sentence
like amber can
Beysshoes: wow you have strong feelings about this chick for
just seeing her in whole foods.
Beysshoes: she steal yoh tamale?
Catpower777: it's his old gf, Bey
Catpower777: he forgot to mention that part
PatientOnionSF: and she had this weird cut out top with bingo
exposure, very low class, Saturday night live style
PatientOnionSF: like bey wore on her first date with binky
Catpower777: lol
Beysshoes: oh well that splains it. shut up you assful
Beysshoes: you laffed too loud cat
Catpower777: I'm going to wake up people here laughing
Catpower777: jinx

Imitation British:
JFWaterman: I'm going to have to whack this cricket.
Catpower777: I've never heard it phrased that way, JF
JFWaterman: The cats won't even get near it.
Beysshoes: no jf. take it outside!


Nevermind the Forecast:
Tammynet: lightening just happened

If You Had Sex For the First Time, Would
you Immediately IM Onion About It:
PatientOnionSF: tammy, apocalpyse is around the corner, thank
god you lost your virginity tonight on the beach


Actually, this is kinda true:
PatientOnionSF: back in the manson days, BEFORE REAGANITE FASCISTS
TOOK OVER, TIME mag had a piece on the manson clan with TOPLESS photos
of the manson chicks


Batter Up:
Beysshoes: doom onion's been waiting for you
DoomGrl: whats onion want?
PatientOnionSF: doom girl, i want the truth
zomcom81: he wants pictures of you stirring batter
PatientOnionSF: once an for all
PatientOnionSF: buttermilk pancake batter
DoomGrl: like for waffles
PatientOnionSF: where are they?
PatientOnionSF: oui, Sunday brunch is just hours away
PatientOnionSF: are you ready?
PatientOnionSF: a chain of denver omelette breakfast huts


Chasing His Tail:
PatientOnionSF: bey, you are always out of touch with reality
for some reason, you gossip monger you
PatientOnionSF: bey makes up chatters, she is easily confused
Beysshoes: gossip monger? que? what are you talking about you assful.
PatientOnionSF: doom, bey is older than your grandmother
Beysshoes: you lying punkass
Beysshoes:
DoomGrl: he just likes other people better than me now
PatientOnionSF: she has surly gray hair
Beysshoes: why do you think he doesn't like you then?
(STFU you mentalcake)
PatientOnionSF: jones just needs new toys, he is easily distracted by
shiny objects
Beysshoes: you're projecting on that one you stoopid ass

[...while most of my junior high school classmates began asserting
themselves through academics, sports or troublemaking, I decided
to follow in the footsteps of the ancient masters, whose
knowledge was described in the fifth century B.C. classic
Tao Te Ching as:
... unfathomable
Because it is unfathomable,
All we can do is describe their appearance.
Watchful like men crossing a winter stream.
Alert, like men aware of danger.
Courteous, like visiting guests.
Yielding, like ice about to melt.
Simple, like uncarved blocks of wood.
Hollow, like caves.
Opaque, like muddy pools.
When I read this passage aloud to my father to acquaint
him with my new philosphy, he didn't respond immediately.
He pushed his coffee cup across the kitchen table, first
to the left, then to the right, then tried to center it
in front of him. When he did this it usually meant he was
about to deliver a sobering lecture. I steeled myself for
his gentle but devestating rational critique of the
unfathomable of old, but it never came. He found a satis-
factory place for the cup, nodded in a way I knew meant he
wasn't enthusiastic but wasn't going to rain on my parade
either, then said, "My son, the block of wood. Let me
know if it works."]


Indiana Wants You:
Anais3233: indianapolis is truly the asshole of the universe
Alansueton: Anais you ever been to Terre Haute?
PatientOnionSF: there is a big statue of alan in TH
Anais3233: yes
PatientOnionSF: he is the poet laureate of TH
Alansueton: Terre Haute smells like a
Anais3233: i've never stopped there
PatientOnionSF: they made his childhood home into a museum
Anais3233: i've been to the state park just south of there.
Alansueton: yeah on 41
Anais3233: i HATE hwy 41
Anais3233: that is the LONGEST drive from evansville to chicago
Alansueton: yes it is
Alansueton: Evansville isn't too attractive either
Anais3233: i like rivertowns
Alansueton: anais you ever had to go to Mooresville?
Anais3233: but no, it's not a purty place
Anais3233: no, i haven't
Alansueton: Mooresville is known in Indiana because it has an
entire Hospital devoted to people with Butt Problems and lower
intestinal tract issues
Alansueton: so if someone is "going to Mooresville" it means
"elbows deep in the ass"
PatientOnionSF: which is 97.5% from frozen corporate processed tv dinners
Anais3233: part of my family moved to evansville, and i moved with them.
Alansueton: it cares for such problems the Hospital does
known and specializes world class
PatientOnionSF: of all the states, Indiana has the highest
consumption level of TV dinners: 92.4%
Anais3233: i didn't know that


Baking Up With Facts:
Alansueton: My cousing Junior had real bad Hemorrhoids I had to
drive him there for surgery
Alansueton: he was embarrassed
Anais3233: i think you're making this up
Alansueton: I am not
Anais3233: junior?
Alansueton: yes he's named after his father Marvin we always
called him Junior

Edie Unamused:
EDruezillaB: poor poor alan with no facts and his pants down

The Telephone Book Is Thick Too:
ThaliaAnna: Reading the pillers of the earth ( its a thick book)

You Had Us At "yo":
Firecrotch5959: yo yo yo

Anais' Kids:
HelenaHandbagg: i'm making the kids do the dishes.
they are laughing way too muchHelena
Handbagg: they're probably pooping in my coffee cup

Anais and the Good German:
HelenaHandbagg: but i can't talk, i have a super large bushfro.
HelenaHandbagg: looks like i'm smuggling the sugarhill gang into
the pool
ThaliaAnna: Watch your language, I´m trying to practice my English
in here
ThaliaAnna: I dont want to learn any nasty words

Rono Screening Imposters:
PatientOnionSF: Thalia, what is your native language?
ThaliaAnna: Patient I told you before, my native language is German
Niontron9: thalia, what is gymnasium
Niontron9: thalia, what is a gymnasium, in german
Alansueton: school
Niontron9: alan, you fool
Niontron9: I was testing her


The Berlin Wall and Transformers:
Niontron9: Ich denke, dass Deutsch eine sehr gute Nation ist.
...but der Brechen der Berliner Mauer war ein trauriges Ding. ..
I Wunsch, der sie zusammen bleiben würden
Niontron9: thalia, what did I say
ThaliaAnna: Niotron on the contrary, it was the greatest thing
that happened, that the Berlin wall was torn down
Niontron9: thalia, I don't think so...
Niontron9: what people believe might be what they want people to
believe
ThaliaAnna: it ment the reunification of Germans in East and West,
it ment freedom for the peopel in Eastern Germany
ThaliaAnna: Niontron, why not?
ThaliaAnna: East Berlin was a communist country, people wanted out
and they made it
Niontron9: i want to watch, the trANSFORMERS MOVIE
Niontron9: the new one..


Hadachoke's Joke:
Hadachoke: NPR interviewd a member of the Dutch air force recently..
He said "I was flying along and three fokkers jumped me" The NPR
lady said "I should explain to the radio audience that FOKKER was
a German Fighter aircraft" Then the dutch
Hadachoke: guy said Ja, but dem fokkers was Mezzerschmidts"


Punk Magnet:
PatientOnionSF: Melo, why all of a sudden does america DESPERATELY
NEED "QUALIFIED" PEOPLE TO FILL THE JOBS, CUZ YOU THINK YOU MIGHT
NOT GET IT? that 's the reason why
PatientOnionSF: admit it punk
BinxB91: Onion called melo a punk??? lol
Melodramamama22: onion, i don't need a job, i already have one
PatientOnionSF: an intellectual punk, pea-brain, hillbilly
Melodramamama22: if i'm not mistaken, an UNEMPLOYED punk!
Melodramamama22: onion, heh
Melodramamama22: yer getting worked up, baby
Catpower777: hey Tammy
KissMyAsterix: hey tammy
Tammynet: Hi Cat
KissMyAsterix: mention punks and in comes tammy


Deep Thoughts:
Kgbirdpaul: chat rooms are safe havens for the terminally annoying

On Cue:
Niontron9: apparently, ding means thing