Theories on Absent Shelfers

CreepyLoner - has become a TA for her Milton professor
(TA means teaching assistant)

CordialCactus - has a summer job driving a Good Humor truck

Beysshoes - detained in Japan after she lost her passport

NoraMcKee - named interim principal of her school, trying
to figure ways to stop co-workers giggling during staff
meetings

Godwit - stalking Terri Gross

Bidet - taking a Dale Carnegie course

Ta21 - switched to days

IsSheWeird55(Hillary) - became less weird

Anais - never mix banana bread and margaritas

Sleepyeyed Evie - out in the desert

oooolijay - had a ... (oops she's back)



What a Concept!:
Asia7384: this core group could make the Book Shelf cool
again. For a small fee I could compile cool things you
guys say and distribute them across the web as a sort of
chat pheremone

No Strings:
PrincessSlayah42: wearing a bean bikini

Steve Alone:
SteveIzHere8: I miss the fat mexican girl who used to be
friendly with me at the taco bell drive thru in Seattle.
SteveIzHere8: she made good quesadillas with chicken
or steak

That Fold-outs Can Be Held Up With One Hand:
Niontron9: took me three months to figure out one simple thing

Innovative Picking:
Niontron9: i think it is easier for my mouth to reach the
fruits when it is upside down...don't have waste time tearing
it from the plants

Princess through the Looking Glass:
KD81785: Princess, what is your favorite book?
PrincessSlayah42: the SAS survival handbook
KD81785: What is SAS?
PrincessSlayah42: special air service
KD81785: England has an air force?
PrincessSlayah42: it's england's equivalent of the Special Services
style10star: oh James Bond
PrincessSlayah42: special forces
KD81785: They changed the letters after James Bond spilled the beans
PrincessSlayah42: i am wearing a bikini made from beans

Declaration:
style10star: I hate brussel sprouts.
PrincessSlayah42: I like Binx

[ ... he met another girl. This time he determined that Cait would
never know, and the new girl would never see Cait. But this new
girl, a gypsy dressed as a real estate agent, alarmingly intuitive
and proud of it, just kept guessing correctly. She was drawn to the
gaps in his stories like cigarette smoke sliding between the fibers
of his gig shirts, and as soon as her glance caressed a weak joint,
his life cracked and tender secrets spilled out. "My man is a mean
man," she purred when she left him for the last time.]

Maria Muldaur Uncovered:
style10star: send your camels to bed
style10star: midnight at the oasis
style10star: that was a great song
Tom Brite: that never made sense

Onion Getting Binx's Goats:
BinxB91: Onion's counselor is trying to find him a job but so far
he can't help annoying his way out of every interview
oooolijay: i would hire onion
BinxB91: hire Onion? as what?
FSCETT: binky, what if she never comes back, what will you do?
BinxB91: find someone else
FSCETT: cook/pitbull security
EmpressZ21: who is she
BinxB91: security against pit bulls?
FSCETT: oui
BinxB91: probably Beysshoes
FSCETT: she's a pit bull?
oooolijay: beysshoes as what?
oooolijay: pitbull or security
oooolijay: or both
FSCETT: cuisine
BinxB91: as the woman who is away
FSCETT: she has a dark miso taste
oooolijay: asian fusion
oooolijay: you're going to hire her as the woman who is away

What Would Make you Gay:
FSCETT: now binky is gay
BinxB91: how could I be gay?
oooolijay: you could have anal sex
oooolijay: that could be pretty gay

Julie Getting Close:
oooolijay: i saw a guy with a man camel toe at the beach once
oooolijay: i tried to get a picture, but couldn't get close enough

Julie Fan Letter:
oooolijay: i'm good, and just waiting for everyone to show up
oooolijay: this room died
Alansueton: Oooli!
Godofodd2: yes, the book shelf is less than a shadow of its robust self
Alansueton: the CD I sent was botched my assistant sent out a new
one yesterday
oooolijay: i got the message
oooolijay: believe it or not i listened to my messages
Alansueton: I only sent 200 messages
Alansueton: just 200
oooolijay: well, i got one
Godofodd2: someone has a crush on someone
Alansueton: God not really I missed Oooli she's da bomb
the shelf and AOL sucks without her

Share Your Joke:
Grisfelt: raptor jesus is come
oooolijay: that's funnier to me than you know gris

Alan Fan Letter:
Alansueton: eh I got range and I love it when people kiss my ass
oooolijay: don't look at me

[He knew some of the dogs by name now, the owners personalities
as well. This evening a young woman who had for some days been
looking miserable complained bitterly that other dogs were taking
her pit bull's squeaky crocodile toy, and when other owners
laughed at her gripe, she sat down and burst into tears. Julian
comforted her, introduced himself, scratched the timid pit under
its chin, fetched its toy for her. "It'll be okay," he said,
probably the right thing to say no matter what was troubling her.]


Same Ole Bidet Entrance:
Bidet Luv: stfu, binx
Bidet Luv: i'm tired of your shit



Apropos of Something:

Grisfelt: I love trees

Alansueton: I am not a huge fan of Jose Luis Borges

oooolijay: i dont like this ad with the talking bikini

oooolijay: i hate motorola

oooolijay: i need to get extensions

Kan wa ma kan: did anyone here ever inhale saltwater taffy

Godofodd2: I got a big vein sticking out of the back of my hand,
I never noticed it before


Say "you're full of ****"
EDruezillaB: what do you say to an ex telling you how wonderful
you are and amazing you are but they aren't going to DO anything
about it

Edie Explained:
EDruezillaB: i need sex.
EDruezillaB: GOOD sex
EDruezillaB: really really dirty sex
EDruezillaB: with someone i love
EDruezillaB: really really really love
JLBorges912: sounds awful

Melo, see above:
Melodramamama22: i tried the responsible adult route and it sucks

Monk's Best Line:
JLBorges912: but i say, 'do you freckle in the summer?'
JLBorges912: and if they do, they are affected deeply by me having
asked that
JLBorges912: and want to fuck me

Said I was full of s***:
EDruezillaB: binx knows how caustic and blunt i can be



Cottage Industry:
PrincessSlayah42: i make my own t-shirts
PrincessSlayah42: they have funny sayings
PrincessSlayah42: my favorite says "talk nerdy to me"

Sure There's Room?:
EmpressZ21: i have to stay past 10 ciz melo is gonna tattoo my
name on her ass if i do

Monk on the Way to Fatherhood:
BinxB91: Monk, how is your wife?
JLBorges912: she's eating way too much fucking pizza
JLBorges912: she's starting to blow up
JLBorges912: other than that, fine, due in september
AngelGardn: JL tell her not to eat the crust
JLBorges912: she starts with the crust, and leaves that last
triangular bite on the plate
JLBorges912: she's a freak
EmpressZ21: oh wow she leaves the best bite?
JLBorges912: empo, i made that up, no one would do that
EmpressZ21: okay phew

Monk Surprised, Steve Hungry:
JLBorges912: but between the baby and the placenta being delivered,
i should have been warned about the gushing torrent of viscous
blood spewing from my wife's gaping vagina
AngelGardn: i want some fried chicken
JLBorges912: that part no one told me about
JLBorges912: i thought she was hemorrhaging or something
AngelGardn: i must be real hungry; i still want some fried chicken

Call Me:
Asia7384: ooool, could I refer to you as 4o to simplify things?
oooolijay: i suppose
oooolijay: but i might not answer

Black Belt Critics:
Asia7384: rumor has it David Carradine was beaten to death by
chinese martial arts secret society film critics


Who Do They Think They Are?:
Niontron9: columnists don't do anything...they just bad mouth
others...it is not fair...

Be Strong Bob:
BobsurAuntTom: It does get tough to read the scroll and not see
a large number of people being complete assholes.

Lisztmania:
Alansueton: Franz Liszt was the Beatles of his age

Prefers Higher Forms of Prostitution:
Alansueton: Ive been published anonymously in various publications
and have 3 books published of poetry and short stories I refuse
to accept money for my writing it would be the lowest form of
prostitution

David Brings That Out in People:
Melodramamama22: that's the word i wanted. disparage.

I am from New Hampshire therefore:
Prospect26: Any Jodi Picoult readers out ther?
Prospect26: there?
BinxB91: Picoultists?
BinxB91: a Picoultist - One who belongs to the cult of Jodi Picoult
MattNashVegas: as opposed to an Anncoultist ha
Prospect26: Bixn...I read Jodi. I am from New Hampshire.


.. and pretending I wrote them:
Prospect26: My Sister's Keeper is coming out shortly in the
movies... I was just entering many passages from the book into
my author's journal.


Binx Saves Jam:
Prospect26: Jam come clean. Are you ladymtnmedic?
Prospect26: I am blown away that all these years I thought I was
talking to ladymtnmedic and it was jam....whoever. Scam
Prospect26: And Lady Mountain Medic for all the grief you gave me
about my daughter? Shame on you.
Prospect26: Fork, Jam, Lady, etc, you obviously get off e-mailing
people under one name and then being someone else.
BobsurAuntTom: There's a whole lotta mindfucking going on.
Prospect26: Jam...so what do you have to say for yourself?
BinxB91: Prospect, Jam is Jam. He's never pretended to be
someone else. Someone is pulling your leg.
Prospect26: Who are you?
Jam7604801: thanks binx
FSCETT: This just in, binky rescues Jam, details at 11


Was Too Medicated to Remember for Sure:
KissMyAsterix: I'm pretty sure aol is free in asylums.


Next Time - the Line Goes in the Water:
Niontron9: I want to take my fishing to the next level

Martha Stewart Living:
PrincessSlayah42: learning how to blow stuff up with ordinary
household products

Socrates Reincarnated:
Prospect26: My #1 book of all time will never be yours. But does
that make one of us better than the other? No, because we both
read.

Christina Aquiliera Never Intended:
Niontron9: I am a genie in a bottle...you gotta rub me the right way


Soup Nazi Fans:
BobsurAuntTom: I think my favorite thing about Seinfeld(that Jew)
is seeing his cordless phone with the really huge antenna.
oooolijay: the way he always pushes the antenna back down
forcefully when he's through with the call
oooolijay: so final


Ask CreepyLoner:
Niontron9: I just not the paranoid kind


We Love You Already:
CLITERATE: Hello
oooolijay: wow, i wish i'd thought of that name
Kan wa ma kan: hiya c literate
Alansueton: CLITERATE! great name!
CLITERATE: It is?
Alansueton: yes
CLITERATE: I had no idea
PrincessSlayah42: wait, someone said that earlier!
PrincessSlayah42: who is cliterate?
BobsurAuntTom: You could always go with IllCliterate... guess.
CLITERATE: brb, I am in the middle of something

Gunther Grass and Godwit - Always Unannounced:
Asia7384: I recall the surprise visit of Gunther Grass in here.
Always recruiting for the Hitler youth


DoomGrl Meets Anne Rice
DoomGrl: when i met anne rice at a book signing she asked me what
was my favorite and i said and she said it was her favorite and it
made me feel so good. I know what you mean BOb
BinxB91: I bet Anne Rice says that to all the girls
BobsurAuntTom: Ann Rice too became converted.
DoomGrl: she signed 3 books for me. i brought a whole shopping
bag full, but then wouldnt let me take them up, but she said it
was fine
DoomGrl: she was willing to sign them all, but i got embarased
FSCETT: embarassed of what?
DoomGrl: her handlers only wanted you to take 2 books
DoomGrl: so i caused a scene, kind of
DoomGrl: cause i had about 20
DoomGrl: yes,it was mobbed
BobsurAuntTom: You caused a scene?
DoomGrl: i guess i cried some