Sorry, KaLenfer dominates this post.
For those one or two of you who dislike
him, a simple skim of this post may be
in order. On the other hand he does get
pummeled at one point.
A few set jokes were sent my way this
week. Perhaps you'll find them funny.
However, as often the case with such jokes,
you had to be there (or be drunk).
Otherwise the Shelf seems aware of
its own dullness ... and a need to change.
A few newbies tried to make an impression.
But how can they expect to be remembered
when they list their reading preferences
as: "a myriad of things". Try harder,
you guys.

Dumb Joke #1:

Catpower777: Celine Dione goes up to the bar and
orders a drink
Catpower777: the bartender says, "Why the long face?"

Her way of flirting?:

Spendastic: does any body in hr know emmawrites?
whas up wit her?
BinxB91: emma was once a great wit
Spendastic: once?
BinxB91: well, these days she talks mostly about TV
Spendastic: i talked with her once long ago, and then
i'd see her words pop up and they were...well...deranged?

Waiting for Godot:

Swede da lo: i'm turning in early tonight room,
looks like NAG is a no show

Cliff Claven with a severed ear?:

Dreamy0ne uk: I've not been in here for some time
Dreamy0ne uk: not much changes though, only the names
Dreamy0ne uk: its like if David Lynch had directed Cheers

British humor:

Dreamy0ne uk: I've got no problem buying tampons. I'm a
modern man.
But apparently, they're not a "proper present".

Dreamy0ne uk: I got an odd-job man in. He was useless.
Gave him a list of eight things to do and he only did
numbers one, three, five and seven. Had to get an even-man
in to finish it off.

Dreamy0ne uk: If I ever saw an amputee being hanged,
I'd just yell out letters

Dreamy0ne uk: two guys came to my door asking if they could talk
to me about Jesus - I said What's he been up to this time?

Bristle Humor:

Jam7604801: some agency was wanting to hire a saleman
to sell toothbrushes so 3 guys showed up for the job,
so the owner said i tell you what i will let you guy
sell toothbrushes for a week and whoever sells the
most will get the job
Jam7604801: so the first day all three guy came in and
the first sold 30. the 2nd guy sold 40 and the hair lip
sold none but he said he is working on it so thursday
the hairlips still hadn't sold any so he goes home and
Jam7604801: makes some cookies
Jam7604801: so friday he comes in and they asked how
many toothbrushes he sold he said 3,000 so the boss asks
said how'd he do it he said well i baked some cookie
and i went to the airport and i said free cookies
and i would give a person a cookie
Jam7604801: and they would eat it and say that tastes
like shit and i said it is shit want to buy a
toothbrush?
HighTopVL: YOu'd need to sell toothpaste too

Everyone hates KaL:

Catpower777: cats like to curl up together
ParaMyrrh: sleeping with pets is unsanitary
Dreamy0ne uk: in your case Kal, probably for the pets
Catpower777: Para, what's unsanitary about animals?
JaneH56: Kal doesn't like pets. he wants to be the pet.
ParaMyrrh: they're animals hairy vile filthy
they shed it's gross sleeping with pets is gross
to not admit that is disgusting
Catpower777: now you sound like a squeamish Nazi
ParaMyrrh: Jane I don't want to be a slave to a
human's whims a plaything for a humans need for
control and companionship
Dreamy0ne uk: beds are full of creatures anyway a few
more isn't going to make much difference
JaneH56: Kal. you just don't like them. you don't
have to give a reason.
Catpower777: Jane, he claims he loved a weenie dog once
ParaMyrrh: pet ownership is a rather digusting form
of interspecies slavery we selectively breed, control
their reproduction imprison them it's Nazism against
a creature we even euthanize them
TRBfrom NC: yeah, i even swat flies, vicious Nazi that
I am

Lost Innocence:

Swede da lo: mcdonald's nutritional info makes me feel betrayed
BinxB91: betrayed? by whom?
Swede da lo: by mcdonalds!

Lyn is bored:

LynBelle: I can't believe it is only 9:30.

Shelf FAA Inquiry:

LadyMtnMedic: so the plane that crashed went down a
wrong runway?
LynBelle: wait a minute, had it just taken off, or
was it landing?
LadyMtnMedic: taken off, it clipped trees and went
down
ParaMyrrh: I think that's it Lady the sad thing is
by a cruel irony everyone died but the Pilot(Captain)
Swede da lo: communication issues
LadyMtnMedic: you'd think someone in the control tower
coulda said, uh excuse me, you are GOING THE WRONG WAY
LynBelle: you'd think
ParaMyrrh: Lady ever since Reagan broke the
Air Traffic Controller's Union!
BinxB91: Rocky, if it were me, I'd be afraid of hurting
the pilot's feelings

Farrah:

LynBelle: I wish that some of you were watching the emmys
I want to know what you thought about farrah
LadyMtnMedic: was she being a dork again?
BinxB91: There's not much to think about in regards to farrah.
ParaMyrrh: Lyn Farrah has been looking scary lately with
the obvious plastic surgery
BinxB91: Was she coherent?
Vanda52: i never cared for the name faucet, amy aswell
be farrah toilet or farrah bidet

The sound of BookShelf hitting new lows:

ParaMyrrh: Binx sometimes I break wind when I laugh it's
accidental and I try to cover it with a cough afterwards
which only brings more attention, etc..
BinxB91: sounds like you're 12
ParaMyrrh: Binx I try to act as young as possible
LynBelle: 12 yr olds don't have a problem with their anal
sphincter
ParaMyrrh: Id wear diapers if it wasn't demeaning
ParaMyrrh: Lyn I don't either
LynBelle: good
ParaMyrrh: my sphincter is bionic
LadyMtnMedic: when people say Kal you are full of it, you
can just say why yes I am!
ParaMyrrh: it even makes that noice chuh chuh chuh
ParaMyrrh: But what is it?

And the nominees for best Medic in a dramatic role:

LadyMtnMedic: I am opposed to award shows
LadyMtnMedic: do they ever give us awards for doing our jobs? no...
Swede da lo: employee of the month?
Hickory49: ... medic ... true ... they are useless exercises ...
Vanda52: the academy awards are films? thats whats on?
ParaMyrrh: Hickory the Useless is a Luxury a waste pointless as a God
so we honor it the most
LadyMtnMedic: academy is tv I do believe
Vanda52: isnt that emmys roc>?
LynBelle: emmys are tv
Vanda52: and tonys are broardway?
Vanda52: right
LynBelle: Academy is movie theaters
LadyMtnMedic: see, I don't know these things
Vanda52: right
Vanda52: films
Vanda52: i know this stuff roc , i read it
all in the papers
LadyMtnMedic: I can't start the day without reading
the papers and having my coffee
BinxB91: and skipping the entertainment page?

Beach Boys as culturally relevant:

ParaMyrrh: "In My Room" is a song that's about 20 years a
head of its time
ParaMyrrh: as far as cultural relevancy goes

A plea for objectivity:

ParaMyrrh: Vanda I like how every story involving Karr
mentions what a "perv" he is

VANDA is bored:

Vanda52: slow here
Vanda52: better perk things up
Vanda52: hey kal , what should the tire
pressure be on that big lincoln?
ParaMyrrh: what year?
Vanda52: 88 towncar
ParaMyrrh: and does it have 15" or 16" tires?
Vanda52: 32?
Vanda52: oh i dont know
ParaMyrrh: 215/70/15?
Vanda52: maybe
ParaMyrrh: 35lbs

Dumb Joke #2

TRBfrom NC: they are starting to use lawyers instead of
white rats in scientific experiments, i hear
TRBfrom NC: three reasons
IflOnIyHadABrain: rats have much better dispostitions
TRBfrom NC: first there are LOTS of lawyers
TRBfrom NC: second the lab workers don't get emotional
attached to the lawyers
TRBfrom NC: and third there are some thing that white
rats WON'T DO!
Swede da lo: hey lawyers have morals sometimes

No, but you talk too much:

ParaMyrrh: Harvey Fierstein voice
ParaMyrrh: I think I spelled his name wrong
ParaMyrrh: ah well shucks
ParaMyrrh: Lyn are you a Cardinals fan or a Cubs fan?
they are playing
ParaMyrrh: Im a Cardinals fan
ParaMyrrh: They've(Cards) been playing terribly lately
Cards 6 Cubs 4
LynBelle: Cards won last night
ParaMyrrh: Insringhausen has blown more saves than
Marilyn Chambers
has blown men
ParaMyrrh: Oh Id be the first to admit that I ramble on
talk like Im Moses just down from the mount and Im insufferable
ParaMyrrh: I just want to be loved! Is that SO WRONG?