Katy Tried

2011-01-22T14:13:00.000-08:00

Mostly Onion With a Side of Beys

Blind Date:
forkrererereredx: beys, stop being nice. you don't give a
fuck about me
forkrererereredx: i don't know what you're up to
Beysshoes: i'm not being nice fork. nice is a meaningless
word for one thing
Beysshoes: hows this: i give half a fuck about you?

Snooky Explained:
KissMyAsterix: people love snooky because she's a caricature
of a person

The DoomGrl Diaries:
DoomGrl: Binx should pay attention in case any body says
something funny

DoomGrl: my name is Doom cause my dad was a hippy, but he
is not any more

DoomGrl: my dad said that when they were in college his
friend had a volkwagon bus
DoomGrl: it was named Further
is this good?

What Are You Wearing?
Beysshoes: i told you. shorts and a peasant blouse. sheesh

Strange Roommates;
PatientOnion1: bey and me made a bet, if obama wins in 2012
i have to sell my condo and move in with her, if obama loses,
bey has to sell her condo and move to sf
KissMyAsterix: well that's all good and fine
KissMyAsterix: but neither of you have condos do you

Choking:
Beysshoes: lolomg

Onion as Matchmaker:
PatientOnion1: sent wonderfou
wonderfouI: That's Sable?
PatientOnion1: yes
wonderfouI: Wow, what the fuck.
PatientOnion1: you can see the insanity in her soul
KissMyAsterix: clearly insanity is good for the looks
wonderfouI: She looks attractive there. And not fucking crazy.
PatientOnion1: wonder, you must be really really horny
wonderfouI: I'm not.
KissMyAsterix: my friend had a cat like that, it was painfully
cute and horribly psychotic

Mark Twain:
Boulshevit: Ouch...Dino, I nearly dowloaded the new twain
autobiography...was it re written?
KissMyAsterix: they're trying to bouls
KissMyAsterix: make it more pc
forkrererereredx: fork will accept that
quiet scientist: roger ebert held an online poll and asked
"which would you rather get rid of?: huck finn or every
video game ever made?"
quiet scientist: overwhelming majority of people under 25
picked huck finn :(
forkrererereredx: so are they trying to change every single
of copy of huck finn for good?
quiet scientist: just that one publishing company
forkrererereredx: like you will never be able to get a copy
that says NIGGER
KissMyAsterix: I can't see how it's ethical or legal to rewrite
it when he's dead

If You Miss Christmas:
Tammynet: you could dress the tree up in hearts and presidents
next month

On Banker Street:
Tammynet: "stuck in the middle with you"
BinxB91: Steeler's Wheels?
BinxB91: Jerry Rafferty died this past week
Boulshevit: Yes!
quiet scientist: gerry
BinxB91: Gerry? really?
quiet scientist: yep
quiet scientist: and stealer's
quiet scientist: and wheel
BinxB91: stealers? wheel? really?
BinxB91: Sorry, Gerry. Nothing personal, I'm just a fuck-up
Boulshevit: Binx...we get used to it
quiet scientist: lol, i don't think he minds

Chat Guide Lines:
KissMyAsterix: sometimes you look away and you
shouldn't look back

Also Subject-Verb Agreement:
Niontron9: high expectations and instant gratification is
the biggest cause of failure

Biotech Misheard:
Boulshevit: Okay, someone just said "biotch" in this movie,
I'm not being the proper parent and stopping this quagmire

Bird Brain:
quiet scientist: i'll answer when i come back
quiet scientist: nature calls
BinxB91: Your bird feeders are empty?

Lunch With Rono:
Niontron9: I had lunch with this dumb bitch Jenni...dumbest
broad I have ever met
KissMyAsterix: brevity would assume that was understood by
her having lunch with you

Book Chat 2011:
Bedrock18: read anything good lately?
Bedrock18: i guess that's a no
wonderfouI: Bedrock, tell me first.
Bedrock18: tell you what first?
Bedrock18: if i have?
wonderfouI: Obviously.
Bedrock18: yes, neil gaiman, neverwhere
wonderfouI: Boring.
Bedrock18: k
Bedrock18: that's an opinion
wonderfouI: What are you, some kinda nerd.
Bedrock18: have you read anything good lately?
wonderfouI: Are you a nerd, are ya.
Bedrock18: or do you only read chat?
Bedrock18: sounds like maybe you only read chat.
Bedrock18: is that true?
Bedrock18: you only read chat?
Bedrock18: :-\
wonderfouI: No, shut up and kiss me.
Bedrock18: never
wonderfouI: It's now or never.
Bedrock18: but good line
Bedrock18: well, i already answered that one
Bedrock18: sheesh
Bedrock18: kabob
Bedrock18: a
Bedrock18: louie
wonderfouI: That is so lame.
wonderfouI: Where's my kiss, you awful person.
Bedrock18: lol
Bedrock18: i LAFFFFFF
Bedrock18: i LAFFFF, i tell you
Bedrock18: hahahahahahaha

"If I wanted chat I wouldn't have gotten you drunk":
Traveln on: if i wanted sex, i wouldnt come into book shelf

Unemployment Benefits:
Mg500mv: Last year I read 392 books

Stunned Silence:
Mg500mv: Tomorrow I will read Patterns In The Sand
by Sally Goldenbaum
Mg500mv: How is everyones' weekend? Mine is great
Mg500mv: Why the silence?

Noted:
Onimesh: binx is annoying

Rono Seeking Medical Advice:
Niontron9: your mother was diagonesed with what
Beyssox: parkinsons
Niontron9: how she got that
Niontron9: I mean what causes it
Niontron9: so that I can be careful

Never Saw It Comin':
Beyssox: i went on eBay and tried to do research and ended
up buying stuff.

Navel Onions:
TiaNoi: he's a chopper
TiaNoi: a salad chef on a navy vessel
BinxB91: Onion in the Navy?
Beyssox: onion work? walk about? uhm nolo
Beyssox: unless it's at the whole foods
TiaNoi: Onion and I were ship mates in our last life
TiaNoi: we swabbed the decks and chopped the salads
KissMyAsterix: did he walk the plank voluntarily?
TiaNoi: he walked in back and forth
KissMyAsterix: somehow I see Onion getting seasick.

What Makes a Socio:
Beyssox: okay so continue about that movie pls
Beyssox: why is the guy a socio?
BinxB91: Beys, he just is. He likes a lot of meaningless sex
Beyssox: meaningless sex doesn't make somebody a socio silly
KissMyAsterix: no doesn't that make someone male

Support Tj34:
DoomGrl: he is writing again more!!
Beyssox: on his new book
DoomGrl: sometimes we still email
Beyssox: tell us about the january article
DoomGrl: he almost got hit by a truck while walking Sugar -
like Stephen King
Beyssox: sheesh
DoomGrl: it is called Bomb Shelter Noel and the main girl is
called Doom Girl - a radio host
DoomGrl: one of her friends is a dancer named Dixie
DoomGrl: you could buy the Jan PlayBoy and support writers - haha

What's Really Good for You - Turn off the TV:
Niontron9: you ever wondered why the medias don't tell the
people what is good for them, but where someone gets kiled
is on it before anything else

True North?:
Asia7384: K, I don't know with any degree of certainty, but
seismograph readings around the globe are at disturbing levels
KissMyAsterix: higher than normal?
KissMyAsterix: really, is true north lying again?

Cow Theories:
Asia7384: 200 cows dropped over dead in a Wisconsin field
yesterday
Asia7384: all at once
KissMyAsterix: you sure they're not just napping?
PatientOnion1: the crop circle killed them
Asia7384: no virus I know works like that
KissMyAsterix: maybe they died of boredom, it is wisconsin..
KissMyAsterix: cow tipping gone bad
Rafo65: Maybe they were all cheeseheads, and it was the
effect of.. well.. almost cannibalism
KissMyAsterix: I think they were meditating, and they
managed to lower their heartrates down so low, everyone
thinks they're dead.

Cheese Chat I:
Catpower777: we were very low on snackage
Catpower777: I found myself making a lot of grilled cheese
sandwiches for teens
Catpower777: come to find out vegetarians can't eat Velveeta
Catpower777: apparently Velveeta has gelatin
Catpower777: who knew?
Beysshoes: is gelatin animal based?
Catpower777: yes
Beysshoes: it is? from what animal???
Catpower777: horse hooves and intestines
Beysshoes: some kind of fishy? omg ew
Catpower777: yeah
Beysshoes: well, there goes my liking for jellos.
Catpower777: exactly
Beysshoes: fortunately we'll both prolly forget this
by tomorrow

Cheese Chat II:
Catpower777: well, I don't know about Kraft singles
BinxB91: I once went to a Kraft Singles Bar
Beysshoes: whats a kraft singles bar binky?
Catpower777: oh Bey
Catpower777: you need a cup o' coffee
Catpower777: caffeinated
Beysshoes: what? that was a joke?
Catpower777: yeah, it was a joke
BinxB91: yes, Beys ... there is no Krafts Singles Bar
Beysshoes: oh.
Beysshoes: i'm pretty dull this weekend.
BinxB91: dull ... but cute
Catpower777: bey, do you know what a singles' bar is?
Beysshoes: yes cat. you can shup now
Catpower777: aw, you kissed me
Beysshoes: fugly cute. nolo on the kiss.
BinxB91: Beys used to go to singles bars and try to
order cheese
BinxB91: "can I buy you a drink?" "couldn't I have
some cheese instead"
Beysshoes: okay, i kissed you. cat are the amigos still
there? oh binx. stop it. really. stop.
Beysshoes: what happed? are they done?
Catpower777: I think you have this fantasy of me being
constantly surrounded by hunky workers
BinxB91: I did stop ... though I had one more Krafts Singles line
Beysshoes: okay i wanna hear the line please
BinxB91: oh ... I was just imaginning Beysshoes in nothing
but a couple of Kraft singles
Beysshoes: oh binxb91!
Beysshoes:
BinxB91: YAY ... smirk beats smack
KissMyAsterix: thanks binx, now we've all had to do that

Guess Amber's Work Place:
AmberDevilRay8: I used to work with a guy, and we muted a
baseball game and asked him to provde his own play-by-play.
AmberDevilRay8: After the first pitch, the pitcher was
getting ready to throw it again, and the guy said
"OK...second down..."

Onion Not Moving On:
PatientOnion1: where is that mushroom cloud that condeleeza
and Bush2 were warning us about?
PatientOnion1: bush 2 was our first hillbilly president, he
did a fine job

"is she rich?":
PatientOnion1: alan, how many times are you going to reproduce
with your 25 yo babydoll?
Alansueton: Patient zero
Alansueton: no kids
quiet scientist: were you married?
Alansueton: yes
quiet scientist: is she your soulmate?
quiet scientist: your muse? your flame? your rock?
Alansueton: quiet, partner will do the puffy words wear out
quickly
quiet scientist: is she rich?
Alansueton: quiet I don't know

Refined Guy Talk:
Zachariah957: better to find a wife who comes with the jewels
Alansueton: I'll take a wife who loves my "bijoux indiscrets"
KissMyAsterix: does that mean lengthy absenses Alan?
quiet scientist: are you saying you have a prince albert?
KissMyAsterix: or body odors
Alansueton: no indiscrete jewels slang for genitals

What Most People Think:
Niontron9: Most people think after getting college education
there is nothing else to learn on this planet
PatientOnion1: you have to learn how to pay off your college
loans

The Things That Pass For Knowledge:
Niontron9: the phrase , "knoledge is power" is wrong
Beysshoes: imagination above intellect (einstein)
KissMyAsterix: well spelled that way it sure the hell is
KissMyAsterix: and I suppose what you consider knowledge
is really a deterrent

[First Rule: Do not use semicolons. They are transvestite
hermaphrodites representing abolutely nothing. All they do
is show you've been to college.
And I realize some of you may be having trouble deciding
whether I am kidding or not. So from now on I will tell
you when I'm kidding.
For instance, join the National Guard or the the Marines and
teach democracy. I'm kidding.
We are about to be attacked by Al Qaeda. Wave flags if you
have them. That always seems to scare them away. I'm
kidding.
If you want to really hurt your parents, and you don't have
the nerve to be gay, the least you can do is go into the
arts. I'm not kidding. The arts are not a way to make a
living. They are very human way of making life more bear-
able. Practicing an art, no matter how well or badly, is a
way to make your soul grow, for heaven's sake. Sing in the
shower. Dance to the radio. Tell stories. Write a poem to
a friend, even a lousy poem. Do it as well as you possibly
can. You will get an enormous reward. You will have
created something.]

Roommate Wanted:
quiet scientist: how much is a 2-bedroom apt?
PatientOnion1: $20/month for utilities
PatientOnion1: $1,600.00
PatientOnion1: but you make a lot
quiet scientist: at pizza hut?
PatientOnion1: so it's just 35% of your income
PatientOnion1: quiet, you would get a bf to pay your rent,
and you could finish school and become a nurse or psychiatrist like Jam
KissMyAsterix: I know a psychiatric nurse

Doom Skeptical:
DoomGrl: Im depressed tonite
PatientOnion1: doom, alan is marrying this woman he met
at the homeless shelter they were both staying at
DoomGrl: I think you made that up
PatientOnion1: two vagrants, walking into the sunset, hand in hand
PatientOnion1: go to his blog, it's all poemed out

Like He Used to Be:
DoomGrl: Im so depressed. I wish Fork was still here and
nice like he used to be

Jam and His Drill Sergeant:
PatientOnion1: jam, you should call the alan colmes radio
show, it's on fox, 90% of his callers are halfwits with thick
tea bagger accents, and 3rd grade educations, it's a laugh
riot
Jam7604801: onion i don't listen to fox
PatientOnion1: you need the graphics of beck's blackboard to l
earn?
Jam7604801: onion i don't watch fox either
Jam7604801: onion i have never really understood the whole
concept of the left and the right anyway

Bosom Buddies:
Jam7604801: onion i like watching pbs create hannel
PatientOnion1: what was the best show you saw on it?
Jam7604801: onion i like bob ross and primal grilling

Bosom Buddies and Beyond:
PatientOnion1: bey likes soap operas and oprah
PatientOnion1: i don't have a tv anymore
Jam7604801: why not onion?
PatientOnion1: wasn't anything worth watching I guess
Jam7604801: pbs onion
PatientOnion1: just netflix for movies on the computer
Jam7604801: onion thats a waste of money
PatientOnion1: i listen to npr, on the weekends
PatientOnion1: it's just $10
Jam7604801: go to www.fastpasstv.com
(Keyword to: www.fastpasstv.com) movies and tv are free

Minority Report:
PatientOnion1: mao's terror seemed to have worked, they
have a labor shortage, we have high unemployment. All
we need to do is kill all the poor people, mostly
republican hillbillies in the red states
KissMyAsterix: Onion you're such a forward thinker..
Alansueton: US has no right to talk human rights when
we imprison folks, torture them and hold them without
charges
Beysshoes: onions for president in 2012
Alansueton: Iraq and Afghanistan
KissMyAsterix: you could run the tea party with concepts
like that
Alansueton: Drone bombing Yemen, Pakistan and Yemen
Tammynet: correct alan

Onion as Howard Beale:
Zachariah957: kiss please do i remember when bush was
selected in 2001 i told everyone i knew that america will
be at war by September
Alansueton: Zach nah after the Israeli defense minister
enraged Bibi by stating to the press that Iran won't be
near nuclear capability til 2015
PatientOnion1: it's not war, it's occupation
Alansueton: Lebanon will be the war this year
KissMyAsterix: I'm pretty sure that's a valid defense hickory.
KissMyAsterix: you were off by a month then..
PatientOnion1: it creates jobs, welfare for halfwit hillbillies
AlaPatientOnion1: govt food, govt housing, obamacare, 100%
govt welfare, pigs feeding at the trough
PatientOnion1: that's the military. canada and mexico are
not going to invade us
PatientOnion1: without govt employment, unemployment would
be 42.1%
PatientOnion1: unless they decided to take jobs in the private
sector at $3.15 an hour
PatientOnion1: with no benefits
PatientOnion1: work 10 hours for $40/day
PatientOnion1: six days a week

"that horse is no carnival ride"
Beysshoes: how was the Ukraine?
Alansueton: you all know how much i hate talking about myself
Alansueton: I feel so ABASHED
Alansueton: it's my word of the week
Alansueton: ABASHED
Catpower777: right, far be it from you to enjoy the spotlight
Alansueton: Beys outside of the cold weather and the heroin
users it was wonderful
Alansueton: the people were kind gracious
Catpower777: did you have a big fur Dr. Zhivago chapeau?
Alansueton: and most spoke english tolerably
KissMyAsterix: what have you got against heroin users, the
huddles would have kept you warm
Alansueton: KMA so thin empty eyes and lovely women emaciated
Alansueton: sad sad
Alansueton: that horse is no carnival ride

Cruel Jokes:
KissMyAsterix: he had a double fur muffler
Catpower777: is that a euphemism?
Alansueton: nah I had a Cap
Catpower777: has this gone X-rated?
KissMyAsterix: no cat lol
Alansueton: but a jamaican knit cap
Alansueton: it was funny
KissMyAsterix: he dressed very light
Alansueton: made me look far more exotic than I was
Catpower777: you have your dreds tucked up?
KissMyAsterix: he wanted some tsa action
Alansueton: Cat please talking about hair will only make
certain parties joke about baldness, wigs or toupees
KissMyAsterix: I guess it's cruel to joke about things some
people don't have..like food, heat or.. hair

Teased Hair:
Alansueton: KMA hey my legs above the knee no hair
Alansueton: weird
Alansueton: I still get teased about it
KissMyAsterix: I heard that Alan.. if you wax enough it
won't grow back
KissMyAsterix: it's true huh?

Don't Stop til get (us) Enough:
Beysshoes: did you find some amber or green opals or russian
diopside for her para?
Alansueton: Beys no
Alansueton: I didn't shop
Beysshoes: omg you missed an excellent opportunity to get her
something rare you cheap ass
Tammynet: ahem....beys ...he owes us!!! he missed his chance
to buy us cool stuff
Alansueton: Bey nothing rarer than my love
Alansueton: nothing as valuable
Alansueton: trinkets are for pimps and streetwalkers
Beysshoes: i know tammy. and lets never forget to remind him
about this.
Beysshoes: dat be us yep
Tammynet: it is a pact beys

Exceeding Her Quota:
Beysshoes: how did your geoduck turn out onions?
Beysshoes: dammitall. was that a joke too?
KissMyAsterix: well..
Beysshoes: that's just cruel.
KissMyAsterix: I'm just not sure what to think of a phallic clam beys
KissMyAsterix: but for you it can be a possibility
Beysshoes: omg i really am this stoopid.
Beysshoes: okay. i've embarrASSed meself enough for one night

It's the ears:
Paneweth: i think you are mistaking bush for obama

It's a code:
Paneweth: val is great and i love fish!

Now that Health Care has passed:
Catpower777: we need to make rono laugh

2011-01-08T12:33:00.000-08:00

2011-BookShelf Has Risen
spiritual relections/'my feelings are confused'/
parrots/(Authors Lounge Sucks)

Eat Pray and Love?:
Melodramamama22: i still want shelf back
Melodramamama22: but i don't know how to do it

Peace Be With You:
DoomGrl: its so nice to be away from authors lounge
DoomGrl: its a mad house in there

Sez You:
KissMyAsterix: proper grammar compensates for many
earthly sins

Modern Times:
LadyQuasi: Slow night...lots of parkers but not much action.
LadyQuasi: A rare thing in modern times

Saint Tom:
Tom Brite: i feel so bad for the way doom treated onion

The Fat Lady Swings:
Asia7384: I was here at the birth of chat and I'll be here
to watch its demise
Traveln on: its happening in here as we speak
Asia7384: the fat lady is clearing her throat
Tammynet: why do you think that is happening?
Asia7384: no profit in freedom of speech Tammy
Tammynet: oh good point

Missing Beysshoes:
PatientOnion1: when is your half asian concubine
from hawaii going to start chatting again?

Fun Couple Reunited:
Niontron9: fork, shut up
Forkrerereredux: you shut up, you filthy dothead
Niontron9: you miserable exvuse of life...
Niontron9: fork is a homo

Dying, Barfing, and Making Odds:
BethBuy3668: oh pullllease get off of the religion subject
BethBuy3668: I'll barf
Die Slow Hero: no one knows whether god exists, we're gonna
find out after we die
Die Slow Hero: 50/50 chance
PixieCommander: at least we'll die slow, hero
Niontron9: die real fast, a creator exist...but he is not "god"

If Only:
JaneDoeIsMe: hi Binx
BinxB91: Hello Jane. I remember you
JaneDoeIsMe: and I remember you
JaneDoeIsMe: you're sweet
BinxB91: Jane, we could have been a couple
JaneDoeIsMe: and kind
BinxB91: (blush)
JaneDoeIsMe: :O)
BinxB91: if only we'd known each other

It's Not About the Dialogue:
oceansandhs: hi congo
Cognomen98: hi ocean
oceansandhs: sorry i misread it a second
oceansandhs: i thought cog was new sn
oceansandhs: i saw cogno
oceansandhs: and thought congo

Hates Twitter and the Previous Post:
Forkrerereredux: i hate when people talk about their
stupid actions like anyone gives a damn

Did It Hurt?:
Cognomen98: Memphis Beat debuted

[She nods and smiles. She is absurdly beautiful. I
start to slip off my jeans and I feel her gaze as I
stand in my bra and pants. Why am I embarressed about
taking off my clothes in front of a robot? I pull the
dress over my head like a schoolgirl, untie my hair,
and sit down. She is smiling, just a bit, as though she
knows her effect.
To calm myself and appear in control I reverse the
problem. 'Spike, you're a robot, but why are you such a
drop-dead gorgeous robot? I mean, is it necessary to
be the most sophisticated machine ever built and to look
like a movie star?'
She answers simply: 'They thought I would be good for
the boys on the mission.'
I am pondering the implications of this. Like a wartime
pin-up? Like truth is beauty, beauty truth? 'How good?
I mean, I'm assuming you're not talking sexual services
here.'
'What else is there to do in space for three years?'
'But inter-species sex is illegal.'
'Not on another planet it isn't. Not in space it isn't.'
'But you were also the most advanced member of the crew.'
'I'm still a woman.'
Manfred's voice comes booming into the room. 'This is
not public-broadcast material.'
I get up to fetch some water, and as I pass Spike, I say,
so low that she can barely hear me, 'Can we switch him
blank?'
As I return with the water, she whispers, not looking at
me, 'Red panel, blue relay.'
I do it.
'We're still on cam cast.'
'What you did Disables Record.'
'So you had sex with spacemen for three years?"
'Yes. I used up three silicon-lined vaginas."
There is a roar from Somewhere, like a dinosaur in space.
Obviously, Record has not been Disabled. 'Sorry, Manfred!',
I yell. 'I know this a prime time family show.'
While my voice is placating Manfred, my feelings are
confused. I want to be outraged on this woman's behalf,
but she isn't a woman, she's a robot, and isn't it better
that they used a robot instead of dispatching a couple of
sex slaves?
And yet. And yet Robo sapiens are not us, but they may
become a nearer relative than the ape.
'Humans share ninety-seven per cent of their genetic
material with apes,' said Spike 'but they feel no
kinship.'
'Do we feel kinship with robots?'
'In time you will, as the differences between us decrease.'
I decide to ignore the vast implications of this statement
as unsuitable for an In-depth One Minute Special. Instead
I press Record and turn, smiling, to Spike. 'I have a
question that will interest many people,' I say, knowing
that nearly everyone would be more interested to hear
about robot-sex in space.]

Forever Onion:
KissMyAsterix: you share everything jam?
Jam7604801: i share anything
PatientOnion1: even his penis with his pets

Beysshoes Claiming the Sanity High Ground:
forkrererereredx: sdex;''
forkrererereredx: drc''
forkrererereredx: d
Beysshoes: fork. you're drinking too much too long. you're
having trouble spelling sex. not good.
forkrererereredx: .l.
forkrererereredx: m
forkrererereredx: lol

She Just Got That:
Catpower777: bey did you watch the david sedaris clip?
Beyssox: yes. wow he looks so straight in that
KissMyAsterix: he does?
Beyssox: he did to me.
KissMyAsterix: I uh.. see
Catpower777: he always looks like that
KissMyAsterix: er
Beyssox: maybe it was his chubby. he's a genius. who cares.
Catpower777: chubby?
KissMyAsterix: his what?
KissMyAsterix: oh god
Beyssox: omgomgomg i just GOT THAT
KissMyAsterix: she did not just say that
Catpower777: she was focused, dino
Beyssox: he used to be skinny
KissMyAsterix: no kidding
KissMyAsterix: yes but..
KissMyAsterix: where
Catpower777: he didn't look chubby to me
KissMyAsterix: and um, sure sure he was
KissMyAsterix: you weren't looking in the right places cat
Catpower777: apparently

...and Came Here?:
oceansandhs: sorry my son is on his computer and sponsering
a kid in africa and needed info

Pitcher and Catcher On the Rye:
Prospect26: Joyce Maynard and Salinger arew synonomous.

Prospect Being Silly:
ObiWCanoli: Hello, room
KissMyAsterix: hey obi
ObiWCanoli: KIss***
Prospect26: hello obi
Prospect26: hello obi
ObiWCanoli: Hiya Cogno
ObiWCanoli: Hello, Prospect
Prospect26: here in nh it's 11:29.

LOOK! Books!:
MyStrat: anyone read a book called "Sims", this company
changes chimp DNA, and creates a type of superchimp that
is used for working menial jobs
Niontron9: You all should read the book "Blue Blood,
True Blood" ...it is about a guy who were kidnapped by
the government and were made to believe that he was
abducted by the aliens

Apropros of Nothing:

Forkrerereredux: mr fork love to get down

KissMyAsterix: mosquito repellant

Will C Makepeace: i gotta finish school before i can go forward

Nothing You Can Sing:
JMax31: Acoustic Rockabilly with Broadway Pizzazz, the
paper says! :)
quiet scientist: well there's a genre i've never heard of
quiet scientist: acoustic broadway rockabilly
JMax31: well imagine...Ethel Merman and Brian Setzer
JMax31: or Elvis...and you've got us
quiet scientist: yeah i can picture that
quiet scientist: one sings about a jump jivin whale

Sexy Soup:
PatientOnion1: i boiled the dry beans 3 hours, let them
soak in their sexy syrup
PatientOnion1: then, sautee onions, garlic, jalapeno, grind
up cumin & black pepper
PatientOnion1: add lemon juice & sesame substance
LadyQuasi: Sexy bean syrup...that just sounds so wrong.

Boys Will Be Boys:
Forkrerereredux: get with a real man: master fork
Die Slow Hero: watching them go into convulsions is
my favorite part

Now Waiting for the Bomb to Blow:
Tom Brite: I pooped and wiped with so much paper the
plunger wouldnt move it

Waist Not, Want Not:
KatesRainyCabin9: a cute little blue top that ties at the
waste and shorts

Katy Did:
Cicadasng1: Hi Pink
Cicadasng1: Remember Me?
Cicadasng1: It's only been 8 years since I've been in the shelf
Perfektes: CICADA
Perfektes: LIKE A BEE?
Cicadasng1: no, like a bug
Perfektes: BEE,,BUG,,CHILL
GEB714: katydid
Cicadasng1: yes, sort of like a katydid
Perfektes: KATYDID NATALIE WOOD

Giving Head?:
Magne164: where are you gals from?
KissMyAsterix: michigan
Beysshoes: tehran
AmberDevilRay8: Beys is risking a beheading by being here.
Go easy on her.
KissMyAsterix: that's brave of you beys

Persian Girls Are Easy:
Magne164: is there a Iran Online?
Beysshoes: well, magne ... we have cyber spots.
AmberDevilRay8: They have one chat.
AmberDevilRay8: "Ahmadinejad is Great"
KissMyAsterix: that's a chat lol
AmberDevilRay8: One TOS in Iran means you get your tongue cut out.
Beysshoes: amber pls do NOT divulge private convo info in chat
KissMyAsterix: well that's a small sacrifice to swear

The Hawaiian Derby:
Kgbirdpaul: bey what did derby get for supper
Beysshoes: cottage cheese, muenster bits,
roast beef bit,s and kibble
Beysshoes: thank you for asking paul
Kgbirdpaul: bey I would eat that myself

Bulgarian Blues:
Jackmando7: where are you people from?
Melodramamama22: lol, ding dong bouls
Melodramamama22: my daughter lives 2 miles from me and
we like it like that
Melodramamama22: we're needy
Jackmando7: pennsylvania here
Melodramamama22: you dang pennsylvanian you
Boulshevit: Iowa, here...dammit, why couldn't I be sober now?
Melodramamama22: next year she's going to live in bulgaria,
and i'm going to have to move
Melodramamama22: to bulgaria too

There's another election soon:
PatientOnion1: take off your panties, believe in jesus christ,
vote for lower taxes for rich people
PatientOnion1: life is a series of selling something to someone
else, unless you live in some cave all alone
PatientOnion1: like jam
forkrererereredx: plz someone fuck me

What Manner of a Man:
forkrererereredx: if you don't drink or do drugs, you're a pussy
forkrererereredx: master fork had the burritos deluxe at el patron
forkrererereredx: one bean and one chicken
Jam7604801: fork i did drugs as a kid
forkrererereredx: jam, you should do them as an adult
forkrererereredx: that's what real men do
KissMyAsterix: well back then you weren't a p*ssy, now you
gotta man up

Two-faced Jam:
Jam7604801: mom drug me to the wood shed and she drug me to church
KissMyAsterix: drug you to the woodshed?
KissMyAsterix: that sounds ominous
Jam7604801: it was a joke bey i never done illegal drugs
Jam7604801: dino to beat my a$$ with a belt
KissMyAsterix: wait, she beat your ass with a belt for not doing drugs?

It's a Dance:
KissMyAsterix: hey stan
SKYSTN: hi
KissMyAsterix: we're doing the twelve steps tonight

Onion Knows Spooky:
KissMyAsterix: onion said some porn dealer was interviewed
in the movie
PatientOnion1: he just had a couple minutes, a spooky white
older guy with a beard
KissMyAsterix: just the porno perspective on parrots
Beysshoes: i want to know if you've been to telegraph hill
onion
PatientOnion1: no, it's just residential and hilly, no reason
for me to go there
Beysshoes: its where the parrots (mark bittners parrots)live!!
KissMyAsterix: see beys, he's not gonna stalk the parrot guy

Armed Parrots?:
PatientOnion1: i go to chinatown, tenderloin, and occassionally
south of market to grocery stores
KissMyAsterix: but onion had a giant parrot
KissMyAsterix: he didn't need the little dinky bittner parrot
PatientOnion1: 2 of them
PatientOnion1: i fed them apples
Beysshoes: you cut up the apples for them?
PatientOnion1: yes, parrots don't carry knives
forkrererereredx: someone please have sex with my anus

Beysshoes Consoling:
Jam7604801: i guess onion isn't going to answer
Beysshoes: onion answers in his own piggish time.
it may take weeks before he does.

Parrot Redux:
PatientOnion1: oh, yes, a great movie, one of the people
who was interviewed is a famous dealer of porn
PatientOnion1: i have no idea how or why he was interviewed
forkrererereredx: alcohol is a nice drug, but i'd rather have
mescaline, lsd, or dmt
PatientOnion1: but they didn't have those giant parrots like I had
PatientOnion1: they were tiny regular ones, and parakeets

Georgia On My Mind:
Beysshoes: did you go to visit CNN in georgia?
KissMyAsterix: the bey inquisition
Jam7604801: no bey
KissMyAsterix: this has bordered on the bey of pigs
Beysshoes: not even to look at them?
KissMyAsterix: look at cnn lol
Jam7604801: i was just laid over there in atlanta
Beysshoes: thats not fair telling me you went to georgia
jam. get me all over stimulated and all.
KissMyAsterix: yeah
Jam7604801: if i had known cat then i would have invited
her up to the airport for company while i waited

Two and a Half Men:
Jam7604801: i don't think my son had ever been afraid
Jam7604801: and he does share
KissMyAsterix: well there you go, they're different
Jam7604801: if he didn't share when he was little i would
tell him i would cut it in half and then there would be 2
of them
KissMyAsterix: you share everything jam?
PatientOnion1: even his penis with his pets
Beysshoes: LOL omg
Beysshoes: sorry for laughing.

Rehash - Fork Not Following:
KissMyAsterix: but onion had a giant parrot
KissMyAsterix: he didn't need the little dinky bittner parrot
PatientOnion1: 2 of them
Jam7604801: i think the parrot guy is gay onion
PatientOnion1: i fed them apples
Beysshoes: you cut up the apples for them?
PatientOnion1: no, he married the chick with the large bingos
PatientOnion1: yes, parrots don't carry knives
forkrererereredx: someone please have sex with my anus

Sensitive Males R Us:
Jam7604801: there a chick call beach brat she lives in flordia
Jam7604801: she has a bum knee over a car crash
forkrererereredx: can she still squat to suck dick?
forkrererereredx: or ride dick on top?
Jam7604801: i bet she could fork
Jam7604801: fork she like anything funny
forkrererereredx: is she fat because of it or has she watched
what she eats?
Jam7604801: fork she love the beach and wears bikinis
PatientOnion1: Jam, your wife?
PatientOnion1: fork's definition of beauty: "skinny & stupid".

Intolerance Am I:
PatientOnion1: a chick in a republican room is stupid, fat,
ugly, that sounds like a perfect soulmate for you Jam.
PatientOnion1: time to warm up that penis and reproduce
another halfwit

Fork Still Not Following:
PatientOnion1: Politics is convincing poor white trash like
jam to identify with the interests of rich people and make
himself poorer
PatientOnion1: and it's very successful
KissMyAsterix: well that's marketing
PatientOnion1: then everything is marketing, love, religion,
politics, trying to convince another person to alter their
behavior
PatientOnion1: take off your panties, believe in jesus christ,
vote for lower taxes for rich people
PatientOnion1: life is a series of selling something to
someone else, unless you live in some cave all alone
PatientOnion1: like jam
forkrererereredx: plz someone fuck me

Mixed Message:
Jam7604801: onion i didn't want lower taxes for the rich
Jam7604801: i wanted the democrats to tax the hell out of them
Jam7604801: they should have to pay 60% of their paycheck just
for being sucessful

The Only Way He Showers:
forkrererereredx: master fork is taking off all his clothes

Godwit Undercover?:
Beysshoes: ew
Beysshoes: flubberdick. wat kind of nicky is that?
Jam7604801: fork look its dickflibber
KissMyAsterix: maybe it's a first and last name
Jam7604801: flubber
KissMyAsterix: Dick Flubber
DickFlubber: oh my jambam kiss and pathetic onion and
the forkster is still alive, wonders never cease

Dr. Gina/ Patient Fork:
forkrererereredx: someone please have sex with my anus
forkrererereredx: i'm starting to not be able to see straight
forkrererereredx: so now is the time to set it up
KissMyAsterix: I'm pretty sure that's not a solution to
seeing straight
KissMyAsterix: or being straight
forkrererereredx: type more, master fork says

forkrererereredx: fork is in love with himself
KissMyAsterix: that's ok, you'll be faithful

Man Up:
forkrererereredx: how are you mr binx?
BinxB91: I am well ... just a little anxious
forkrererereredx: about what?
BinxB91: oh, uhm, just a passing phase. Maybe I just drank
too much coffee today ... or didn't eat enough.
BinxB91: I must sound fragile
forkrererereredx: yeah, you sound like a pussy

Doctor Fork:
forkrererereredx: i'll tell you, the caffeine and alcohol
combination is really crazy
forkrererereredx: drunk as hell but all wired up
KissMyAsterix: yeah
KissMyAsterix: it's really ingenious for a drink
KissMyAsterix: you'd sell more, people are wired and drunk
KissMyAsterix: so they keep going

The Rules of the Game:
quiet scientist: nerd
NotRed1537: dork
BinxB91: dweeb
forkrererereredx: you only lose your turn if you don't
do what you were supposed to do

2010-06-25T14:12:00.000-07:00

Hope Springs Eternal In The Human Beast

LadyQ Unimpressed:
LadyQuasi: It was OK.
LadyQuasi: Nothing great.

Gel Well:
LadyQuasi: I thought the idea was interesting, but it didn't
gel very well.

You Had Me at "The":
Boulshevit: and "stand by me" based on a king short story
LadyQuasi: Or "The Body," the inspiration for the movie Stand By Me
LadyQuasi: Hahaha
Boulshevit: Lady, marry me!

[Just then, I caught sight of a reflection of a woman in the
tilted gilt-edged mirror across the room. She was dressed
similarly to me, so I tilted my head to get a better look at
her. As I did so, the woman tilted her head to match the
movement of mine. I raised my wineglass; she raised hers
along with me.
It was then, in that instant, that I knew that my marriage
was over.]

Scenes From a Marriage:
AmberDevilRay8: He's avoiding me because I check the back
of his head when he gets home.
AmberDevilRay8: I believe he's starting to get a bit of a
bald spot.
KissMyAsterix: I'd avoid you too
KissMyAsterix: and I'd eat the pie!
AmberDevilRay8: Actually, I kind of reach up there and feel
around with my fingers.
AmberDevilRay8: Another thing I would liken to monkey grooming.
BinxB91: Amber, that sounds intimate
KissMyAsterix: or just primate
BinxB91: wish someone would "reach up there and feel around with
my fingers" on me
AmberDevilRay8: Yeah. That's the second act described in here
tonight that reminds us of how primitive we really are.
AmberDevilRay8: Or, at least me.
AmberDevilRay8: Oooo oooo aaaah aaaah aaaaaaaah!
KissMyAsterix: checking for bald spots..
KissMyAsterix: primates probably don't have that problem

How to Look Cute:
BinxB91: Jane Goodall looked so cute back when she first starting
working with chimps
AmberDevilRay8: It's easy to be "the cute one" when you're
surrounded by monkeys.

The Good Student:
DoomGrl: I had a good day of learning stuff

Fork Possessed:
Forkrerereredux: how does one find out about medical hypnosis
seminars?

But Still Under Par:
Tj34: i think it's going to get like hot tomorrow...270

TV Review:
Cognomen98: The Good Guys is a funny series
Cognomen98: or, this episode is funny, lol

Bait?:
Tj34: is death the absolute end?

["Maybe women are expected to behave better than men," I
said, "because we are better than men. The world without
women is Lord of the Flies. The world without men
is Little Women.]

Amused Crab:
InxSovietxRussia: It amuses me that all you seem capable of is
insulting and asking about trivial subjects that are off topic
in the first place.
BinxB91: off topic?
Forkrerereredux: russia is being mean to fork
Forkrerereredux: all fork wanted to do was talk about supermarkets

Victim:
Niontron9: like a man has to provide food, shelter, etc. just ot
get sex...that is a man rape

Rono Learning:
Niontron9: according to science and religios books human can adapt
more than any other species
Niontron9: to the earthly environment
Jam7604801: well rono cockroaches come in second
Niontron9: jam, really?

The Girl Threw a Rock at the Wasp's Nest:
KissMyAsterix: (I broke down and bought my book)
KissMyAsterix: but I had a coupon
Catpower777: which book, Dino?
KissMyAsterix: the third one, the last one
Catpower777: the $27 one?
KissMyAsterix: the girl who kicked the hornets nest
Forkrerereredux: fork has bees nests on his patio
Catpower777: bees make nests?
Catpower777: are you sure those aren't wasps?
KissMyAsterix: it's 30% off at borders too, but hey had a
discount on it this week or today anyway
Forkrerereredux: what do they call those things
Forkrerereredux: beehive
KissMyAsterix: so it was around 15
KissMyAsterix: the mud wasp hives?
Catpower777: sometimes Kroger of all places has 40% off on books
Forkrerereredux: fork gets books on amazon mega cheap
KissMyAsterix: the gray ones, that look like little cylinders?
Catpower777: those are wasp nests
Forkrerereredux: they are outside the staircase to fork's apartment
Catpower777: and I was told not to mess with them
Forkrerereredux: scare fork
Catpower777: but I couldn't resist throwing a rock
Catpower777: from a distance
KissMyAsterix: well you can spray them down
KissMyAsterix: and then break them up

Dr. Seuss Displaced:
Die Slow Hero: dr phil is the most influential doctor of
the 20th century

AC Maintenance:
Niontron9: yea...there is a fan that cools down your cpu...
if that is no good the cpu gets hot real fast...and it is
not good

Rono and Fork Fight:
Niontron9: fork, shut up
Forkrerereredux: you shut up, you filthy dothead
Niontron9: you miserable exvuse of life...
Niontron9: fork is a homo

The Third Vatican Council:
BethBuy3668: oh pullllease get off of the religion subject
Die Slow Hero: no one knows whether god exists, we're gonna
find out after we die
BethBuy3668: I'll barf
Die Slow Hero: 50/50 chance
PixieCommander: at least we'll die slow, hero
Niontron9: die real fast, a creator exist...but he is not "god"

Fork vs Rono, Round II:
Niontron9: fork, prays to the other men's penises
Niontron9: for prays to the other men's penises
Forkrerereredux: boy penis, stupid
Niontron9: fork prays to a dildo
Niontron9: speaking of which I bought a bon jovi and a green
day cd today...
BethBuy3668: that is somewhat redeeming, Niontard
Niontron9: and I so hot I am naked...
Niontron9: +am
Forkrerereredux: let's be friends again, mr nion
Forkrerereredux: fork loves you
Niontron9: fork, i was never your friend...
Forkrerereredux: you fucking bastard

[Suburban growth out there in cupcake land has been such
that a fancy brew pub opened here in the old downtown
area, half a block from Royal Lunch in the old grocery
warehouse next to the train station. I want to be there
when Pootie goes over to investigate what a six-dollar
beer tastes like. He's unavailable right now though,
because he has become a "watermelon broker." So Poot is
down in Florida "putting together" a load, which he will
sell off the back of a flatbed alongside the road.
"There's real money in melons," he swears. But I don't
see how, given that watermelons are so cheap they are
smashed alongside the road for half a mile to announce
to tourists that they are approaching a roadside truck
selling them.]

Fork Hypnotized:
Forkrerereredux: make love make love make love make love
Catpower777: Fork, that is the nicest thing you've ever said
in here
Forkrerereredux: :)
Catpower777: you old softie

2010-05-14T19:03:00.000-07:00

Just Runnin On

Arson for Dummies:
PatientOnionSF: my kitchen is not filled with smoke yet,
i must be doing something wrong

The Lion Sleeps Tonight:
Hyperion x3: time to listen to sound of jungle and slowly fall
asleep in the jungle in my mind

Hallucination:
Prospect26: Evening, Jam. Whow...you are the picture!

Declining the Honor:
Prospect26: Jam...so you are the main man here in bookshelf.
Jam7604801: no pros

Little Miss Sunshine:
Prospect26: I guess I don't even care about children roaming the
yard. I have no marriages, no grandchildren. Zero. Zip. Nada.

Born to Be Wild:
AmberDevilRay8: I'm the only person in my neighborhood who lets
their kids wander more than 5 feet beyond the porch.
AmberDevilRay8: Without knee pads and helmets.

I Am Curious Hello:
Prospect26: tom..is this your picture?
Tom Brite: yes prospect
Prospect26: are you happy with this picture?
Tom Brite: yes why
Prospect26: just curious

No, he really keeps pigs:
PatientOnionSF: my landlady told me to clean up my pig sty again
Tom Brite: most older homos keep a clean home

Been there, done that:
AmberDevilRay8: I'm sure I've mentioned my three-legged pig before.
AmberDevilRay8: Elroy
Tom Brite: why are all pet pigs named elroy?
AmberDevilRay8: Not really. =(
AmberDevilRay8: I was just trying to set up a lame joke I've told
in here already.

With Glue?:
Prospect26: I have mant tenants who adhere to their lease,

Joys of Motherhood:
BeaTleBby: oh cause I love reading..I even read in teh shower
HAHA...it's so relaxing
BeaTleBby: this is the most amusing conversation i've had all day
....then again...my 11 month old doesn't talk so...
AmberDevilRay8: Soon you'll regret teaching your kids to speak.
AmberDevilRay8: The sooner they learn to talk the sooner they
learn to talk back.

The Aristocrats:
AmberDevilRay8: Both of my children had uncommon first words.

I do not like that I-sam-appaled!:
Prospect26: I am watching this conversation from New Hampshire
and I sam appaled.

Lincoln Logs?:
Prospect26: I have 30 plus tenants. So I am a good and
log-lived landlord

Book Review:
DoomGrl: The Irresistable Henry House
DoomGrl: henry house is about a practice baby
BinxB91: a practice baby?
DoomGrl: yes, in college home economics classes they would get
babaies from orphanages to practice on
AmberDevilRay8: Man, at my school they just gave us an egg.
DoomGrl: and this novel imagines what would happen to a baby that
had 6 or 7 mommies a year
DoomGrl: they lived in a house with it and the teacher
PatientOnionSF: According to the latest study, a baby can recognize
up to five mothers, but after five the baby goes schizophrenic

Tom's Friends:
Tom Brite: i know several men who first had sex at age 27
BinxB91: with each other?
quiet scientist: or with you?
Tom Brite: no with women
Tom Brite: i am not jewish but was older at my first experience
BinxB91: what took them so long?
Tom Brite: idk
BinxB91: I was 24
PatientOnionSF: i was stoned
BinxB91: I wasn't
PatientOnionSF: and she paid for the motel, and she gave me
crustaceans

Doom's Men:
DoomGrl: I am mean because I do not let them love me, and I am
unfaithful
DoomGrl: to everyone
BinxB91: Doom?
DoomGrl: what
BinxB91: are you quoting?
DoomGrl: no, it was in answer to a question from another nite

Go and Multiply:
PatientOnionSF: doom, i told bob sur mom never to come in this
chatroom again
DoomGrl: why, Onion?
PatientOnionSF: cuz he is dyslexic
PatientOnionSF: a trait common amongst slavs

[Friday night was date night, named for the date Sarah and
Tom would go on while Lyon slept over at my house. But
because they usually stayed home and fought, and Lyon and
I more often went out to dinner and saw a movie, date
night became our code for Night of Endless Fun. Don't
underestimate how much joy an eight-year-old and and
almost-forty-year-old can bring each other. We usually
began at Miso Happy, our favorite Japanese place. We
thought the name was terrible, but we liked the noodles.
We talked about everything, including but not limited to:
My gray hairs, should I dye them? Could I dye them
individully? Could I pay a mouse with a tiny paintbrush
to jump on my head and dye them one by one? And why did
Tom and Sarah have to fight so much? Was it Lyon's fault?
No, absolutely not. Could she stop them from fighting?
Again, no. Also: would they buy her a twenty-four-color
pen set, and, if they did, how jealous would best friend
Claire be when Lyon brought it to school? Our guess was
very. And why had Deb's last boyfriend dumped her?
I dumped him.
Maybe you didn't French-kiss him enough.
I promise you that wasn't it.
Tell me how many times a day you kissed, and I'll say if
it was enough.
Four hundred.
Not enough.]

Doom's Closet:
DoomGrl: my finances are in disarray

Her Morality/His Lexicography:
DoomGrl: the word virgin doesnt really mean anything
PatientOnionSF: DoomGrl, then why bother having the word?

THE BEATLES!!:
DoomGrl: Bea, do you like the Beatles? whose your favorite Beatle?
BinxB91: I read the news today oh boy
DoomGrl: omg, dont mention that song
BinxB91: It's just another day
BinxB91: She came in through the bathroom window
DoomGrl: when he sang, he blew his mind out in the car,
I freaked out
BinxB91: ...
DoomGrl: I was like paralyzed and everybody behind me started honking
DoomGrl: it was horrible
BinxB91: gee Doom
BinxB91: I always imagine you as fairly serene
BinxB91: unflappable
DoomGrl: me? you must be kidding
BinxB91: I guess you can be flapped
BinxB91: kidding? no. I just misjudge you
DoomGrl: and then this nice police lady got in the car and
moved it over
BeaTleBby: I love them
DoomGrl: Who do you love?

And Dreamed of Clocks and Cheese:
Niontron9: i feel asleep watching "swiss family robinson"

Remake Reminder:
quiet scientist: they're remaking yellow submarine
BeaTleBby: ugh really?
DoomGrl: as another cartoon?
BinxB91: He's a real Nowhere man
quiet scientist: i saw that on that "hollywood is running out
of ideas" link i posted earlier
DoomGrl: in Henry House, Henry goes to London and is one of the
animators for the Yellow Submarine.

One Simple Adage:
Niontron9: when you approach a girl, that girl thinks the boy
is going to think she is as great when the boy get to know the
"real" her, so she plays around...so her insecurity does not
allow her to get love

VENT:
GiRL TaLK 874: This chick I work with is pregnant; I need to vent.
GiRL TaLK 874: She's getting BIGGGGG and telling people to eat
crap at work

Meet GiRL TaLK:
GiRL TaLK 874: This chick is pregnant
GiRL TaLK 874: She's pushing crap food on the office
PatientOnionSF: 874 is girl's IQ
KissMyAsterix: you sure that's not her sat score
PatientOnionSF: she can make a nuclear bomb with paper clips and
a box of cookies
GiRL TaLK 874: Kiss are you a male?
PatientOnionSF: we are all gay men
Catpower777: not that there's anything wrong with that...
PatientOnionSF: which is your favorite hot pepper?
GiRL TaLK 874: Chinese mustard
GiRL TaLK 874: Jalapenos i suppose
PatientOnionSF: girl you must live in pennsylvania
BinxB91: She was born in August, 1974
GiRL TaLK 874: ya
GiRL TaLK 874: August 74
PatientOnionSF: wow, you're the oldest one in the chatroom
PatientOnionSF: 36
GiRL TaLK 874: I'm 35
PatientOnionSF: how many times have you reproduced?
GiRL TaLK 874: 2
PatientOnionSF: yikes

Undercover of Course:
GiRL TaLK 874: There are security guards online

KEEPER:
GiRL TaLK 874: I went to author's lounge
GiRL TaLK 874: That's why i'm here

The Zodiac Killer:
xnorthstarx1: the only girl ive ever loved, and ive had
physical relationships /w at least a dozen women, was an
aquarian.
xnorthstarx1: i wonder why it was her

Kingsley and Curley:
GiRL TaLK 874: That book sucked
Pablo Bigasso: Girl, I take it you're female....
Pablo Bigasso: Amis doesn't go down too well with women, generally.
Cognomen98: like the Three Stooges

America Runs on Dunkin:
GiRL TaLK 874: Stop eating donuts
BinxB91: I won't stop eating dounuts. But I might consider
throwing the 2nd half of the dounut out the car window on my
way to work
GiRL TaLK 874: That's a start
PatientOnionSF: binky you got a job!
GiRL TaLK 874: He has a fat boss
PatientOnionSF: throw out the third half, you need your strength
for scanning and bagging books
BinxB91: Onion, I HAVE 2 JOBS!
PatientOnionSF: binky's TWO jobs: (1) scanning the book, and
(2) putting the book in a bag

Occaisonal Attacks Only Please:
color opticsIdea: I need people to stop persistantly attacking me.

Doom Visits a Book Store:
DoomGrl: Hi Binx Bolling. I was in the Tattered Cover and I
almost bought the MovieGoer but I put it back. it cost too much
money. TJs picture is over the Metaphysics section now

Favorite Title:
DoomGrl: did you ever read that annie proulx story
"Tits Up in a Ditch"?

Stay Tuned:
DoomGrl: something gross happened to my friend Eden

Stay Tuned:
BobsurAuntTom: Y'know what's great about jazz?

That Crazy Dixie Strikes Again:
DoomGrl: Dixie had a chocolate fondue party
DoomGrl: Whiskey almost flew into the pot
DoomGrl: Whiskey is her Sugar Glider

Hey, who doesn't?!:
stevedrumsdw: So who in here likes ponies?

The Summer of Her German Shepard:
DoomGrl: I read Gravity Rainbow one summer when I slept on
the floor and decided not to use electric lights
DoomGrl: I read by a coleman lantern and slept with my german
shepherd Wolfgang Amadeus

Amber Opportunity:
AmberDevilRay8: A bee stung me, and the black sheep wrecked
another brother's car.
AmberDevilRay8: Who has pestered me all day to co-sign for a
loan for a new one.
ThralledByTree: is the sting alright?
ThralledByTree: use lotion huh
quiet scientist: i've never been stung by a bee
quiet scientist: or any insect
AmberDevilRay8: It's not as bad as others might make it out.
AmberDevilRay8: I was only trying to fill the entrance to their
nest with liquid foam.
AmberDevilRay8: And one attacked me.
AmberDevilRay8: That meant war.
quiet scientist: did you kill them all?

The Wasteland:
ThralledByTree: busted butt to make this university get there
ThralledByTree: yet Kiss is the president
ThralledByTree: I nothing
ThralledByTree: I know only math.

Playing With Fire:
ThralledByTree: well Fort Adams is secure in Newport RI
ThralledByTree: advanced technologies installed
ThralledByTree: the fort is revolutionary war
ThralledByTree: we updated to star trek
BinxB91: Fort Adams? never heard of that
ThralledByTree: yes yes
ThralledByTree: I know the army guy that works there
ThralledByTree: we went and wandered inside
BinxB91: Maybe he's pulling your leg
ThralledByTree: there are secret tunnels
BinxB91: Sounds like a museum
ThralledByTree: no
ThralledByTree: He has uniforms.
ThralledByTree: and medals and ribbons and a mil ID
BinxB91: and a secret decoder ring?
ThralledByTree: the ID states
ThralledByTree: property of US government
ThralledByTree: are you out of your skull?
ThralledByTree: guy is US ARMY
BinxB91: out of my skull? no, I don't think so
ThralledByTree: My father was.
BinxB91: so it's genetic then
ThralledByTree: My great grandfather an admiral United States Navy.
ThralledByTree: My grnadfather OSS.
BinxB91: Grandfather Oss? Like the Wizard of OSS?
ThralledByTree: Binx you are playing with fire making comments
in refernce to these people.
BinxB91: Did he like to dress in women's clothing?

Newbie Vetting:
balletguy26: hello
Cognomen98: hi balletguy
balletguy26: how are you?
Tom Brite: are you a homosexual?

2010-04-02T19:35:00.000-07:00

Draft Legislation

BookShelf Beauty Tips:
EDruezillaB: i want to look hot at 50
BinxB91: Edie, stay out of the sun and avoid sweets
Forkrerereredux: miss edie, let's go on a hot date
EDruezillaB: i'm in the sun a tiny bit and i generally avoid
food altogether
Forkrerereredux: that's good
Forkrerereredux: girls shouldn't eat much
Forkrerereredux: the less, the better
Alansueton: EDrue not good to mix food with so much booze

Had a Bad Day:
Forkrerereredux: what's the point of even signing on?

Paranoia Will Destroy Ya:
Hyperion x3: somebody is telling creepy, aka boulshevit
when I am here or not
Hyperion x3: who is the culprit

Are You Strong Enough to be My Man?:
EDruezillaB: you know, if a man wants me to wear panty hose
and heels, he best be prepared to do the same for me.

Edie and the Cruisers:
BinxB91: Edie, what do you do to look pretty?
EDruezillaB: binx, i look pretty with sweats on. i look pretty
with heels, or nothing but heels.
Forkrerereredux: guys like when girls get dressed up for them
EDruezillaB: fork, true
Forkrerereredux: but girls stop doing that a week into the relationship
Forkrerereredux: they all get lazy
Hyperion x3: fork, I like it when they don't dress at all
Forkrerereredux: show up in sweatpants or some shit
Alansueton: yeah men are known for being overworkers in relationships
EDruezillaB: alan hahahaha
Hyperion x3: alan, true they try too hard to "impress"
Alansueton: fork the only work you did was poor driving and swinging
purses
Forkrerereredux: would you believe fork showed up to pick up his ex one
day and she was wearing sweatpants with some mud on the bottom?

Edie and Cruisers Reject:
Hyperion x3: that is stupid, this gives the women the message that
they don't have to try to do anything to keep the relationship healthy

Diary of a Wimpy Kid:
Hyperion x3: talibans are the progessivest being on earth
Hyperion x3: no television, no women can go to shcool
Hyperion x3: that's the kind of world we want
Alansueton: Hyperion they deny women the right to education and
any form of equality even good Muslims state this
Alansueton: rono you shouldn't watch tv either and the internet
is just a supplement of TV it is viewing a screen
Alansueton: corrupts language
Hyperion x3: no, alan, they mean, women should be only homeschool
...otherwise they would make boys not pay attention to studies
Hyperion x3: as they are always horny
Hyperion x3: michael jackson was homeshooled
Hyperion x3: michael moore never went to college
Hyperion x3: which means education system don't create great people

"or a Muslim chat room?"
Hyperion x3: it has nothing to do with islam...going to war against
a country based on false accusation is wrong
Hyperion x3: not matter what they believe in
Alansueton: Rono I am against the war in Afghanistan myself it
doesn't mean I should support the Pakistani and ISI backed Taliban
Forkrerereredux: that war is still going on?
Hyperion x3: alan, have you ever been to a muslim country?
Hyperion x3: or a muslim chat room?

Round Up the Usual Prospects:
Prospect26: if you have a problem while here...let us know.

Prospect26: gosh...i do not want anyone to think that I am the room.

Prospect26: at some point in time, some one takes over the room.

About Last Night:
Skeleton coat: We did talk, I'm sure of it. How else would
I know you were blonde?
quiet scientist: i don't doubt it
quiet scientist: i just don't remember

Apropos of Nothing:

Beysshoes: i love creamed corn

quiet scientist: why does south park suck now?

quiet scientist: my nipples :-\

Alansueton: I am a gracious person

Unsexy Tongue Kissing:
Forkrerereredux: fork has dated girls with bulimia and could
taste their vomit in the back of his throat

All the Boys Go 'ahhhh':
BinxB91: the girl from Impanema
quiet scientist: i've never heard that song
quiet scientist: because there are no elevators in boise

Her Old School:
quiet scientist: it's like playboy but with girls with tattoos
and piercings
quiet scientist: and a lot of them are actually very pretty

A Crazy 8?:
FoodSIutSF: bey, binky said to say hello
Beysshoes: was he here onions?
FoodSIutSF: he is writing a book on blogs for Harper Row
FoodSIutSF: he quit his job scanning books and as a best buy stock boy
FoodSIutSF: it's his big break in life
Beysshoes: it'll be a best seller
FoodSIutSF: yes, he might even dedicate it to you if you give him
a **** **8

Onion Out-Humbled:
Beysshoes: bullock gave 2 million to haiti...how much did you donate?
FoodSIutSF: the b*tch should have given the money BEFORE the
earthquake you racist pig you
Beysshoes: racist? you're delusional you ass
FoodSIutSF: so they could have PREVENTED all the death and misery,
have you no intelligence?
Rafo65: ?
Beysshoes: well, i'm here on a Friday night yakking with you ...
if that answers your Q

Come On Guys, Lighten Up:
Tom Brite: soo depressed about Sunday
Beysshoes: why Sunday tommy?
Tom Brite: the end of our republic maybe bessy
Tom Brite: obamacare
FoodSIutSF: tom, you are the typical halfwit hillbilly who repeats
what ever your big fat drug addled f*g guy Rush says
FoodSIutSF: you ret*rded parrot you, tom
Alansueton: I mumble, without equivocation, fuck everyone
Beysshoes: okay we'll get in line for you para

BookShelf Poet Laurate:
Alansueton: muffled pain is like the distant call of a bird
of carrion

"where's my Knute Rockne?"
Alansueton: Beys, had 3 wisdom teeth and one tooth removed Thursday
Beysshoes: oh mah poor baaaby are you okay?
FoodSIutSF: alan, that's a lot of stitches and yogurt drinking,
i will call to doom to come over and comfort you
Beysshoes: or should i ask if your maid is okay para? (smile)
FoodSIutSF: [calling doom on pink kitty phone]
Alansueton: yeah Im "set adrift" PM Dawn style on pain meds and
sweets stuff taken in with a straw
Alansueton: where's my Knute Rockne, KMA?
Beysshoes: pain meds! you bastid so that's why you had them pulled.
Alansueton: Bey you can't have any

It's the Pain Talkin':
Alansueton: Beys pain meds and antibiotics anti-inflammatories too
no boners for me
FoodSIutSF: obviously not, load the shotgun alan
Tom Brite: its over well all be pinko pansies like onion
Alansueton: but the world is a warm place that hums
Alansueton: Foodslut is singing to the choir he's correct kick you
selfish anti-social bastards out go be alone on an island and
hoarde shit

Her Dull Life:
DoomGrl: i hardly ever sharpen pencils any more

Onion and a Newbie:
Crazymissmartha: i don't need rescuing
PatientOnionSF: martha, what do you need?
Crazymissmartha: an apple
PatientOnionSF: fuji
Crazymissmartha: please
PatientOnionSF: like eve in the garden of Even
Crazymissmartha: not quite
PatientOnionSF: Martha, are you a good cook?
Crazymissmartha: i don't know
PatientOnionSF: What are you good at?
Crazymissmartha: i don't cook much
PatientOnionSF: you don't cook much, you don't eat much
PatientOnionSF: you are in harmony
Crazymissmartha: i eat enough
Crazymissmartha: what am i good at?
Crazymissmartha: drawing
Crazymissmartha: what are you good at onion?
PatientOnionSF: cooking & romancing
PatientOnionSF: writing & baking
PatientOnionSF: kissing & chocolate
Crazymissmartha: so you say

Author's Lounge Does Not Suffer Fools:
EddieDont: poor slob goes in the authors lounge and makes a
complete fool of himself
EddieDont: they run him out

Delusion #2:
EddieDont: yeah binx seen u make of fool of yourself in there too

So Listen To Me, Will Ya!:
Niontron9: The people who read a lot can help themselves more than
other people
Niontron9: there are some value to most statements...so don't just
brush off people...

The Unbelievable:
BinxB91: Do you really live in Idaho?
quiet scientist: yes
quiet scientist: how come no one ever believes me when i say that?

Doom Trumped:
DoomGrl: i like how in dogs like golden retrievers their tongue
lolls out when they get hot and they look silly
Forkrerereredux: dogs are stupid

JINX kindof:
Forkrerereredux: she is a waitress trying to be an actress
FoodSIutSF: maybe fork's ex-gf is TJ's new muse?
DoomGrl: wouldnt it be funny if there was this actress who wanted
to be a waitress
BinxB91: Any actresses trying to be waitresses?
DoomGrl: jinx binx, kindof

Onion Not So Silly:
FoodSIutSF: Lily Tomlin said she went to Hollywood to become a
waitress, couldn't find a job waiting, and got a job as an actress.
FoodSIutSF: she's the ONLY one

Doom's Big Brother:
DoomGrl: I am kind of melancholy tonite
FoodSIutSF: tonight?????????
FoodSIutSF: EVERY NIGHT

Stuff Rono Knows:
DoomGrl: i got a card that says somebunny loves you
FoodSIutSF: is it one of those cards that talk when you open it up?
FoodSIutSF: how do they do that?
FoodSIutSF: I bet rono knows
FoodSIutSF: rono knows about stuff like that
Niontron9: Human mind always find excuses to not to take the initiatives

Greet the New Girl, Quick!
mrsboonah: hi
KissMyAsterix: hi
KissMyAsterix: here's your chance alan, greet her
BinxB91: mrs boonah, what do you read?
KissMyAsterix: another room, she left
Alansueton: KMA you scared her
Alansueton: accosting her
Various704: saying hi and all that. so bossy
KissMyAsterix: maybe she does that aim thing and was afraid
you'd 'greet' her after reading what you'd said
Alansueton: ha
Alansueton: girls like poo
KissMyAsterix: clearly the whole shit topic is a show stopper
Alansueton: KMA I wrote a new ditty on my blog it's very
"personal" yet wrapped in the trappings of a Universal
Various704: a universal what?
Various704: remote control?
Alansueton: Various something fundamental shared by all

[Halfway down the block, Ruben said, Before you were born,
Deborah and I took walks in the dark. Mary Grace didn't
answer. The store was a little Italian market, brightly
lit, filled with people on their way home from work. Toby
Ruben and Mary Grace chose a round loaf with a thick crust
and some cheese, and waited together on the the long line
to pay, not speaking except when Mary Grace asked if she
could also have olives, and Ruben, delighted to be asked
for something, agreed. When they emerged, Mary Grace took
the bag from Ruben as if Ruben were old and bread were
heavy. Her arms freed, Ruben touched Mary Grace's arm,
and at that, still standing in the light in front of the
store, the girl thrust the groceries back at Ruben after
all, and put her cold hands on Ruben's head, as if she
were an apple she might pick. But she held Ruben's head
tightly, held her hair, then slowly moved her hands
greedily over Ruben's scalp and then her face, while
Ruben held the brown paper bag and felt something
resembling happiness begin in her throat. For a long time
Mary Grace touched the skin and bones of Ruben's face, and
touched her ears, while uncurious shoppers hurried out of
the store and down the street or to their cars. In the
background, car engines caught and cars drove away from
the corner. Soon the store would close. At last Mary
Grace leaned over and kissed Ruben on the mouth. Her face
was wet. Ruben kissed back, then put her free arm around
the girl and turned toward home, and they walked
together.
- You wouldn't mind if I cried everyday, Mary Grace said.
- Hell, no, I cry everyday, said Ruben. You'd better live
with us.
- Peter got tired of it. My Dad hates it.
- Doesn't he cry?
- Yes, but I think he thinks I'm faking after all this time.
My sisters can't believe how much I cry.
- You were the baby. You're too young to be on your own.
- I'm pretty grown-up. I'm older than Stevie.
- Stay with us, sweetie, Ruben pleaded. You must stay at
our house starting this minute.
- I have to take care of my father.
- No, you don't. And anyway, you aren't.
- It's true, I just sleep]

Possessed:
Various704: southern man, better keep your head, dont forget what
your good book said.
Various704: man, i just burst into song

Waiting For the Girls to Show Up:
Forkrerereredux: asia, are you named after the band asia,
or are you from asia, or asian?
Asia7384: Fork, I didn't know how to spell asiatic

Melo as the Explainer:
Forkrerereredux: temple university is a nigger school
BinxB91: jesus Fork
Forkrerereredux: a nigger school in a nigger neighborhood
Melodramamama22: bigger. he means bigger.

Why DoomGrl Sometimes Sleeps In the Closet:
DoomGrl: that guy I met and bath and body works called me last nite
DoomGrl: the one that wanted me to smell the candle for his girl friend

Girls Just Wanna Have _____:
Cognomen98: well, I never eat a whole chocolate bar
Cognomen98: I like to pace myself
Melodramamama22: you must not be a girl

Race to the Bottom:
Various704: hey zach. i resent you taking my place at the bottom
of the room list
Various704: piss off

Keeping 'em Wondering:
Forkrerereredux: last thing fork need is these assholes knowing
what he looks like

Vocabulary Night NOT:
Gleam1946: this room is like the final redoubt of the Nazis, the
room is recalcitrant and they don't even know what that means
DoomGrl: what does recalcitrent mean
BinxB91: I'm not looking up recalitrant
EDruezillaB: me either
EmpressZ21: me either
DoomGrl: me neither
Melodramamama22: don't look it up. it means something along
the lines of abashed/apologetic
Melodramamama22: regretful
Melodramamama22: something like that

AHA! ... Chocolate?:
Melodramamama22: i went out with the trader joes manager the other
night and his phone kept blowing up
Melodramamama22: and he wouldn't answer it
Melodramamama22: which makes me go
Melodramamama22: AHHA! wife/g/f
DoomGrl: i love trader joes dark chocolate almond bark
DoomGrl: could you get me a discount

Like Tar?:
DoomGrl: i like outsider art
DoomGrl: like the kind made out of feathers and stuff like that

So Do Good Dances:
Hyperion x3: I think that mentality comes from racism

Horror Movie Act I:
DoomGrl: i heard this big thump

2010-03-20T19:57:00.000-07:00

DOOMGRL and Other Short Stories
(no Trivial Pursuit additions this time)
-I imagine a younger DoomGrl in a 5th grade classroom
being introduced to Haiku poetry. When the class is
turned loose to write independently, Doom raises her
hand and asks the teacher, "can I use just two lines?"
-I imagine PatientOnion in a pre-chef phase when
he tried his hand at abstract art. Jackson Pollack
pays a visit to his class. Stopping in front of Onion's
easel, he bursts, "what the hell is that?"

Rocky Mountain High:
DoomGrl: i bought a shovel at wal marts.
it cost seven dollars

Sorry Boys:
DoomGrl: I am not erotic tonite

A Microphone?:
DoomGrl: I want one of those singamajigs

Her Inner Nerd:
DoomGrl: I am going to join the Aquarium Club

CandyLand:
DoomGrl: this one time, some girl I know got a tootsie roll
with a tooth in it
PatientOnionSF: in middle school?
DoomGrl: yes the same day jake almost choked on a Jolly Rancher

Spearmint Salad:
Melodramamama22: i got a salad with some chewed up gum in it
Melodramamama22: i wasn't very jolly at all
Melodramamama22: it was spearmint, it still had flavor

Think We're Alone Now:
DoomGrl: one nite, creepy and book and me said what names we call
parts of our bodies
DoomGrl: nobody else was here

Screw You Quentin:
DoomGrl: i dont really like tarantinoes hipster cooler-than-thou
cycnicism
DoomGrl: and the fact that he doesnt spell so gud

hehehehe:
Cognomen98: dyslexics untie
NotRed1537: for information, see com.dyslexia.www

Not a Romatic Comedy?:
PatientOnionSF: how does the bible end?
PatientOnionSF: anybody get blown up?

House Beautiful:
DoomGrl: We have a piano in the dining room. above it is an
original signed silk screen of dr seusses ten foot long ally cat

Contagious?:
DoomGrl: david foster wallace wrote an incredible story about
depression
Melodramamama22: oh my god, i bought a david foster wallace book

Apropos of Nothing:

LadyQuasi: I made two Dr. Seuss hats tonight.

EmpressZ21: what do you do for itchy ears

Ragamuffingirl35: i was never toohot

DoomGrl: i have never smoked crack with daddy

PatientOnionSF: i like all hot mentally ill females under 30

Tom Brite: i saw two gay guys buy a dog collar at wal mart

When the Birthers Get Tired:
Neil Orange Peal: obama, is ferrying in his black relatives

If You Have Ask ...:
DoomGrl: my dad says only stupid people get bored
Raphael11110: Doom what does that mean?

Sex Education:
Hadachoke: Shampooing the Boa Constrictor is a euphemism for self-sex
LadyQuasi: OMG. I had never heard that phrase before.
LadyQuasi: Learn something new every day...
DoomGrl: they are nothing like boa constrictors

Her Crazy Samaon Lawyer:
DoomGrl: when we were in texas we saw a binxalotl on the road one day
BinxB91: a binxalotl?
PatientOnionSF: the mythical binxalotl, were you on peote?
DoomGrl: peyote yes
PatientOnionSF: what is peote?
Catpower777: is peyote one of those that makes you throw up?
LadyQuasi: Binxalotl? Is that like a jackalope?
PatientOnionSF: it is a texas unicorn with fish scales
DoomGrl: and in the motel, when I was having a bath, my crazy
samoan lawyer tossed the radio in the tub
DoomGrl: and playing WHITE RABBIT
PatientOnionSF: was the radio on?

Economics 101:
Nishw15: go figure! $8 or 10 for a book is a big chunk out of
someone's finances but they'll stand line all day eager to plunk
down $500 or $600 for the latest electronic gadget
Nishw15: what's wrong with this picture?
PatientOnionSF: yeah but they can have sex with the electronic
sex gadget
PatientOnionSF: i just rented a movie about that
PatientOnionSF: LARS AND THE REAL GIRL
Catpower777: I love that movie !

Geology or Ecology 101:
Catpower777: what's up with all these earthquakes
Catpower777: doesn't it seem like more than usual?
Beysshoes: its part of global warming you idjit
Catpower777: end of days?
Beysshoes: we are broke backing up our earth. yes.
Catpower777: is it time to burn my journals?

Onion Movin On Up:
PatientOnionSF: bey, these are private people who invite strangers
to their house for food and fun
Beysshoes: and you're part of that group onion?
PatientOnionSF: no, not yet
Tom Brite: swingers
PatientOnionSF: i have to further expand my culinary genius, that's
why i did the jerk pork
Beysshoes: cat and i will write you a proper letter of introduction.
Catpower777: so Onion is sending me to an Indian swingers party?
Catpower777: curry and cumin
Catpower777: so to speak

In Your Hometown:
Catpower777: oh they have some time lapse tsunami thing on cnn
website, but I can't figure out what I'm looking at
Beysshoes: you mean it got here cat?
Catpower777: reportedly, Bey
Beysshoes: the tsunami hit us cat?
Catpower777: that's what cnn says
Beysshoes: omg! was it bad?
Catpower777: doesn't look like it

ADHD:
CernutzB: what is happening?
Beysshoes: we're destroying the earth is whats hap
Beysshoes: and onion made some jamaican jerky

Double Entendre:
CernutzB: is anyone reading anything, good?
Beysshoes: i have saunders "braindead megaphone"
Catpower777: is that a book Bey, or are you giving us an update
on your mental status?
Beysshoes: its political satire. binky bought it for me

Godwit Bashing:
Beysshoes: i feel so bad for godwit. he was in love with edwards.
he must be heart broken onions
PatientOnionSF: he will find another man to express his gay love for
CernutzB: hey, i supported Edwards, too.... another regret
Catpower777: I didn't realize Edwards is gay
PatientOnionSF: i made refried brown rice but it stuck to the pan
so i am soaking it
PatientOnionSF: just godwit is gay
Beysshoes: sheesh cat. keep up
PatientOnionSF: not edwards
PatientOnionSF: godwit has a photo of edwards over his bed
Beysshoes: he was enamoured of him
Catpower777: does he have a copy of the sex tape?

Onion Fantasy:
PatientOnionSF: i broiled the jamaican jerk in that sexy pan bey
Beysshoes: omg that rocks onion. thx for telling me.
PatientOnionSF: with the ridges
PatientOnionSF: to simulate a grill experience
PatientOnionSF: like when binky took you to the beach and put
you on those hot rocks

The Attorney General Guys:
Beysshoes: i just received a notice from the attorney generals office
guys
Catpower777: why is that, Bey?
Beysshoes: saying they knew i ordered cigs online and its illegal
Beysshoes: and i could be fined thousands.
Catpower777: are you serious ?
Beysshoes: yes cat. its so so effin' weird i cant tell you
Catpower777: who do you have to sleep with to get out of paying, Bey?
Beysshoes: i'm looking into that cat

Call Screener:
Hyperion x3: I once phone sexed with this girl...and the mom would
listen to our conversation from the other phone
Hyperion x3: later when I called, the mom wouldn't let her talk to me

Onion's neighbors:
PatientOnionSF: i watch my naked neighbors watch tv, they have one
in each room
AngelGardn: i watched my naked neighbors in the shower
Catpower777: Onion, why are your neighbors always nekkid?
Catpower777: is it a nudist apt complex?
PatientOnionSF: just the last two, the previous ones weren't, i
think cuz the rent is so high now, it attracts rich naked people
PatientOnionSF: they refuse to put down their blinds, i like to watch
their cats too
PatientOnionSF: i thought she was pregnant, but just a belly
PatientOnionSF: she does all the laundry and wipes the cat hair
off the bed
PatientOnionSF: he wears sweat pants that always fall down
Catpower777: god
Beysshoes: go on onions. sweat pants falling down ...

Beysshoes' Tsunami:
KissMyAsterix: how did you sleep through the alarms
KissMyAsterix: they started at six
Beysshoes: kissy. i was so stoopid i thought it was my neighbors
house alarm.
KissMyAsterix: see, see where the empty bottle of jose cuervo
gets you beys
KissMyAsterix: and you what
Beysshoes: i thought. wow she has a good one. so of course i ran
over to her house
KissMyAsterix: thought oh hell.. let them fry or die or get robbed?
Hyperion x3: Charles Darwin's wife's name was Emma
Beysshoes: and she looked at me like i was baking mental cakes
upstairs
Melodramamama22: did you run over in your jammies?
Beysshoes: yes mama. well, shorts and a tank top
Melodramamama22: close enough
zomcom81: Are you talking about the tsunami sirens?
KissMyAsterix: you dressed for the occasion?
KissMyAsterix: yeah beys ignored them

The Yawning Watch Dog:
KissMyAsterix: how could derby stand it
Beysshoes: well, she's no security dog. i can tell you that.
she was yawning yawning very loudly for a half hour
Beysshoes: (she doesn't bark)
KissMyAsterix: so she was very anxious and it made her sleepy
Beysshoes: haha. she sounds genetically mine yes?
KissMyAsterix: she probably stressed thinking, jesus.. she's
ignoring the tsunami alarms
zomcom81: A dog that doesn't bark? I need one of those
Beysshoes: kissy. i tried to teach the dog to bark. but yawning
is as far as she went

The Biting Cat:
Melodramamama22: my cat is genetically mine. a man came in here
and she hissed at him
Melodramamama22: then bit him
Melodramamama22: mah baby
Beysshoes: you trained her propers mama
Melodramamama22: i guess pets take on the characteristics of their
owners
Beysshoes: you like to bite your men too mama? lolol
Melodramamama22: well yeah, but i usually save the hissing for the
second date
Melodramamama22: she's just a cat tho, she can't be faulted for
getting it backwards

Cross Words:
MSteelLove: No comprendy|?
KissMyAsterix: comprendyl lol
KissMyAsterix: that's like a cross between spanish and pharmaceuticals

A Beautiful Mind:
MSteelLove: Book shelf, seemes a good place not to have to hear
those weird voices, of ..
Melodramamama22: oh uh oh
Beysshoes: uh oh
Beysshoes: jinx
Beysshoes: okay, please take your meds. pulease
KissMyAsterix: are they attached to a person
KissMyAsterix: these voices
Hyperion x3: Charles Darwin had a daughter who died at the age of 10

Well, not that beautiful:
MSteelLove: I'm trying not to hear... the greater implication,
that all of you know all of you, and have to sit and endure the sick,
hugs of real friendship, and butt sucking of fimiliarity. I'm new.
KissMyAsterix: what kind of friends do you have, that butt sucking
is involved
KissMyAsterix: and beys
Melodramamama22: we don't generally suck butts in here
Beysshoes: there are hugs of real friendship in here? where? when?
Melodramamama22: not literally at least
Beysshoes: tehl us!
KissMyAsterix: he just called you a buttsucker lol

Analyse This:
MSteelLove: All the hugs, how is yer aunt, and who you sleeping with.
MSteelLove: A group of, been together for too long.
Melodramamama22: oh, you mean inane familiar chat amongst friends,
that you are not a part of
Melodramamama22: and that makes you feel disenfranchised and lonely
MSteelLove: Some peep come with open hearts, and knowing nothing of
the drama of a particular room.
MSteelLove: Or, the characters involved.
KissMyAsterix: yeah about that, this is soundling like soap chat
MSteelLove: I seek to be in a place where few can talk, and be
themselves.
Beysshoes: mebbe its not cus you're new. mebbe its cus you're boring
and practically illiterate.
KissMyAsterix: there's that buttsucking
MSteelLove: Crack lickin.
MSteelLove: ::finds a seat, and breeathes deeply:
Beysshoes: okay. taking back the boring part.

That G Word:
Hyperion x3: left ventrolateral prefrontal cortex (VLPFC)
Melodramamama22: AHHA! ventrolateral prefrontal cortex
KissMyAsterix: it was right there on the tip of my
Melodramamama22: mine's all messed up
Melodramamama22: my prefrontal cortex, i mean
KissMyAsterix: ventrolateral prefrontal cortex
Beysshoes: rono its so cool when you're on your aspirin
regiment and doing your genius stuff again.
KissMyAsterix: twenty for that one beys
MSteelLove: So, are impressed my the vocabulary, and intelligence yet?
KissMyAsterix: the genius is over the top buttsucking
KissMyAsterix: I think you're moving into dangerous territory

The Three Little P's:
PatientOnionSF: rono's daily regime
PatientOnionSF: pork, porn and p*nis
PatientOnionSF: the three P's of a happy m*slim in j*w york city

Another Newbie Washes Out:
Hyperion x3: time to listen to sound of jungle and slowly fall asleep
in the jungle in my mind
Hyperion x3: night
MSteelLove: :runs out screaming, these all more terrorists::
Melodramamama22: "these all more terrorists"
KissMyAsterix: another happy customer
PatientOnionSF: terriers
PatientOnionSF: woof woof
zomcom81: That was the voices, see. It's bad for you.
PatientOnionSF: steel and rono got a room at the heartbreak hotel
zomcom81: Voices have bad grammar

Doom and Jena and Toonsis:
DoomGrl: I punched a man in the nose cause he called Jena a slut
Bgrant444: Who is Jena?
DoomGrl: she was my best friend from about 10 to 16
DoomGrl: or 17
DoomGrl: for awhile she did the commercials for the mentally ill
teenager place
Forkrerereredux: died from the consumption
DoomGrl: no, she is fine. she works at the college
Forkrerereredux: is she hot?
DoomGrl: she is pretty
Forkrerereredux: that means fat
BinxB91: the college? University of Colorado?
DoomGrl: no, not that college
DoomGrl: she works in the admissions office
DoomGrl: her cat is named Toonsis

Food Fight:
PatientOnionSF: i found a new hot shelfer, but she has 3 kids
and she's happily married to a millionaire
BinxB91: happily married ...
BinxB91: I can't imagine that
PatientOnionSF: which part?
BinxB91: happily married
PatientOnionSF: you were happily married to your non-white wife
for several months
BinxB91: Melodramamama is the biggest cynic about marriage
BinxB91: Yet she's still funny
PatientOnionSF: melo was happily married until she stopped drinking
BinxB91: Melo's a curie
BinxB91: cutie
PatientOnionSF: melo is not a curry, she's more like a stale poptart

Niontron As Song Mixer:
Niontron9: the reason old songs sound crappy is because they didn't
have digital equipments back then
Catpower777: who said old songs sound crappy?
NotRed1537: Nion did
Cognomen98: yes, the charming hissing and popping sounds
Cognomen98: but a lot of them get remastered
Niontron9: I mean...you can feel it from the drumming
NotRed1537: all those sounds are groovy

Dean Martin Twitches:
NotRed1537: When you start to feel, you've been bit by an eel,
that's a moray

Next Your Sensitivity:
Niontron9: my ignorance paid off

The Soup Nazi?:
PatientOnionSF: it was also theme of the 39th episode of Steinfeld,
when Kramer finds out his p*nis is missing

The Other DoomGrl:
DoomGrl: hi
AngelGardn: hi doom
BinxB91: DoomGrl, Onion needs to be contained. You're the only
one who can help
PatientOnionSF: is this the real DoomGrl or is it DoomGrI?
PatientOnionSF: one is with an L and the other with an I
DoomGrl: it is me
PatientOnionSF: they are two different people
PatientOnionSF: only I can tell them apart
DoomGrl: is there realy someone with an i. I heard about that
PatientOnionSF: the real doom girl is right handed
PatientOnionSF: no, she is very naughty, not prim and proper
Cognomen98: and can teleport!
DoomGrl: really Onion? does she know about me
PatientOnionSF: she comes in here in the AM when you asleep
DoomGrl: do thye come here?
PatientOnionSF: I pretend it's you and talk naughty
PatientOnionSF: yeth
DoomGrl: is she like me?
PatientOnionSF: she talks about all night parties in burger
joints reading horoscopes
DoomGrl: i dont like burger joints
DoomGrl: I can be naughty
PatientOnionSF: yes
PatientOnionSF: doom, you cannot be naughy like the other doom girI

"I drivel tho":
Niontron9: why don't you goggle "shock doctorine book review"
...something should pop up
PatientOnionSF: it's commie drivel
Niontron9: that's why they made google
PatientOnionSF: the stuff klein predicts never comes true
Cognomen98: no, that's why they made book chatrooms, lol
Cognomen98: to discuss the book
Niontron9: no, book chat rooms are for people to lie
Niontron9: or act tough
DoomGrl: i dont act tough
DoomGrl: sometimes I drivel tho

Desperate Housewife:
PatientOnionSF: uh oh, my wife just got home, i have to
pretend i am baking petite fours for her

Hostess Cupcake NOT:
DoomGrl: the democratic convention was here last year. i was
going to be like a hostess but then I didnt
DoomGrl: I got accepted but then i changed my mind
DoomGrl: I wanted Hillary to win

Just Folks:
Jam7604801: evening pros
Prospect26: jam...how grows your garden?
Jam7604801: well pros i have onions
Prospect26: jam...onions are good.
Jam7604801: for the record i'm not married
Prospect26: jam...and I am well also. Thanks for asking.

More Newbie Screening:
PatientOnionSF: come on hannah, now's your chance to shine
hannahxbeex: Oh fine.
Boulshevit: Don't blow this opportunity!
PatientOnionSF: hannah, are you in college?
hannahxbeex: Indeed, I am.
PatientOnionSF: studying something profitable?
hannahxbeex: I'm an English major. Haha.
Boulshevit: Wow! Me two!
Boulshevit: to?
hannahxbeex: too*
Boulshevit: Ah, yes, well played
hannahxbeex: Haha.
PatientOnionSF: just like garrison keilor
PatientOnionSF: hannah, most english majors go on to very lucrative
careers, you made a wise choice
hannahxbeex: I'm fairly content with the decision I made to switch
majors actually.
Boulshevit: And also, they talk good

What Are You Wearing?
Snegurochka Doll: my work cloths
Snegurochka Doll: not so sexy

Kheiron912: i answered you, binx, then deleted

"numerous e-mails":
erstwhile mots: Binx, you sent me numerous e-mails apologizing
and proclaiming my literary superiority. How many did you
receive in return ...

Block That Metaphor:
erstwhile mots: You apologized with all the enthusiasm of a man
licking a woman's cunt

Rememebering Will Hunting:
Boulshevit: Ah, yeah, I haven't seen anything with whatsisnuts in it
since Goodwill Hunting
BinxB91: "it's not your fault"
Boulshevit: "because f*&^ him, that's why"
BinxB91: ???
Boulshevit: Uh..when he chose the wrench to be beaten with, instead
of the belt
BinxB91: oh right
Boulshevit: Yep, good movie
BinxB91: Matt Damon
Boulshevit: Yeah, that's it!
BinxB91: I liked him with Minnie Driver. Cute couple. I see trouble
down the road for them though
BinxB91: "well I got her phone number! How do you like them apples?"
BinxB91: He tells her that he's the youngest of 13 children
BinxB91: Then recites all his sibling's names flawlessly and then
does it again when she pushes him
Boulshevit: Hell, I can't do that with my REAL family

Ambush Questions:
Kheiron912: someone ask me some questions, please
xnorthstarx1: do maggots get drunk when they bury alcoholics?
erstwhile mots: Kheiron. How fucking lame are you?

Bookslut's Day:
erstwhile mots: Anyway, I got eight books in the mail yesterday.

Suck It Up:
Ashratempelebay: anyone ever heard that song by Frank Zappa ?
its called 'Broken Hearts are for Assholes'

Couldn't We Just Cuddle?:
Kheiron912: us Cynics and you Stoics should have a west side story
knife fight dance sequenced tonight

The Book(slut) of Job:
erstwhile mots: Maniac. Since last we spoke, I was hospitalized
for a week for pancreatitis.
erstwhile mots: I'm also engaged to a chatter from Author's Lounge.

"yes but so what":
Alansueton: Snegu were you disgusted with the Russian Hockey
Team's effort in the Olympics?
Snegurochka Doll: yes alan
Snegurochka Doll: the coatch he is fired now
Alansueton: Snegurochka even Putin came out against them
Snegurochka Doll: yes but so what

Right Next to the Economist at B&N:
DGBALTIMORE: Did anyone catch the latest MAD magazine cover

Masochist:
xnorthstarx1: the shit im reading is boring now

BookSlut Goes Rono on Snegurochka Doll!:

erstwhile mots: Doll. I was born in Lodz province, Poland.
I highly doubt you were born in Russia. Wanna know why?
Because my grandmother was born in the land Konwicki
describes as "between Russia and Poland" and your sentence
structure is not
erstwhile mots: synonymous with native Russian speakers.
Snegurochka Doll: you dont know what you are talk about

erstwhile mots: I have been to many Eastern, Central, and Southern
European nations. And Western Europe. I know how to speak several
European languages and I don't bullshit, Doll.

erstwhile mots: Hahahahaha, Doll.
erstwhile mots: You lying cunt.
erstwhile mots: Pazdravlyayu!

No, Saturdays are normal:
Tom Brite: often early in the evening on friday nights before we
go out i feel slightly homosexual and wonder if its normal

[How does anyone ever let go of anything? My book was a long glove
clasping the dark shape I had loved. Inside the glove was one very
pale young hand that had never learned to grip skin. It was so
raw it looked wet. I fell into the eyes of everyone I passed on
the street. Food seemed impossible. Children thought I was a
child and tried to play with me, but I could neither play nor
work, I could only wonder why. Why do people live at all. I read
every single ad in the classifieds section each week. Real Estate,
Employment, Counseling, Home Sevices, Getaways, Musicians Market,
Dating, Women and Men Seeking Each Other and Themselves, Chance
Meetings, and Automotive. I had narrowed it down to either Power
trio seeks excellent 2nd guitar for heavy rock or Angela Mitchell
LCSW, therapy supporting the integration of body, mind, and spirit,
and world. I settled on Angela Mitchell because the power trio
wanted an experienced gigger, and I didn't know what that was. But
as I rose in the elevator towards Angela's office, I whispered the
words "experienced gigger" to myself, and they calmed me.]

Hot Scenes:
Kheiron912: see the white ribbon if only to being sexually
aroused when the little boy with down's sydrome gets his eyes
nearly blinded

What He Hears:
PatientOnionSF: i like the music my microwave makes when i bake
a potato too long, it sounds like a serbian gregorian chant by
Puklovsky

The Continuing Adventures of Dixie:
DoomGrl: My freind Dixie bought a Sugar Glider
DoomGrl: its part kangaroo and part flying squirrel

Denied:
DoomGrl: I wanted to be Amy Blue but they wouldnt let me be

Beysshoes Chat/Onion Rap:
PatientOnionSF: binky, your babydoll was all messed up last night
BinxB91: my babydoll? BookSlut?
PatientOnionSF: bey
BinxB91: bey? How was she messed up?
PatientOnionSF: she was all depressed and drinking about
sandra bullock and tiger woods
BinxB91: Beysshoes drinks?
PatientOnionSF: mindless celebrity worship
PatientOnionSF: she watches too much cable
PatientOnionSF: why else would she fret about movie stars and
golfers gone bad?
Raphael11110: Patient wow I wouldn't drink if an entire country
was swallowed by some earthquake
PatientOnionSF: Raphy, you are not some bikini model in Hawaii
with self-realization problems
PatientOnionSF: she keeps joining and quitting cults too:
PatientOnionSF: moonies, scientology, Catholicism, TM
BinxB91: I have several pictures of beysshoes, none of them are
bathing suit shots
BinxB91: or nudes
PatientOnionSF: binky can't help her get centered
PatientOnionSF: so her mind roams
PatientOnionSF: and her mouth foams
BinxB91: Onion raps!

Not around your neck?:
Prospect26: I hope everyone had a great st. patrick's day.
I wore my green beeds on the slopes.

2010-03-01T12:31:00.000-08:00

Ch-Ch-Ch- Changing

Round Up the Usual Suspects:
Alansueton: Elizaveta e-mailed me "What did you do to kill
the Bookshelf?"

The Final Night on BookShelf:
Apple4212: ok
Apple4212: ok
BinxB91: Apple is a bot?
Apple4212: o cool
Apple4212: hey whats up
Apple4212: ok
BinxB91: Apple, will you be my Valentine?
Apple4212: ya
BinxB91: really?
Apple4212: yeah my aols all messed up just talk to me
on my aim screen name its sexibellazz
i hate aol sometimes just im me on sexibellazz
BinxB91: what are you wearing?
Apple4212: i hate aol sometimes just im me on sexibellazz

The Next to Final Night on Bookshelf:
BinxB91: hello Deli
BinxB91: Why BookShelf
Delilah1199: Authors Lounge was full

Overheard in DoomGrl's Bedroom:
DoomGrl: why are you almost upside down?

Among the Record Albums:
DoomGrl: I slept in the closet last nite

Eastern European Mysteries:
KissMyAsterix: he's uh, who's the antagonist in the story
Snegurochka Doll: no author is the folk storeys
KissMyAsterix: is there a troll or a witch
KissMyAsterix: no antagonist, the bad guy/girl
Snegurochka Doll: Snegurochka and Vasilisa is folk storeys

"yes there's one in there":
Snegurochka Doll: yes Vasilisa has the bad step mother
Alansueton: KMA witch yeah there's one in here
KissMyAsterix: there you go, alan is the wicked step mother
KissMyAsterix: perfect baba yaga
Snegurochka Doll: Alan is he Baba Yaga
Snegurochka Doll: on the chicken legs

Pat Benatar turning 50:
Melodramamama22: i need a lover that won't hog my remote

Loosers:
Melodramamama22: it's amusing to be psychoanalyzed cause i'm
picky about boyfriends and happy living alone
Melodramamama22: if the alternative is to be loose and miserable
on my own, i'll take the abnormality
Hadachoke: i could be loose and happy

Amber Confessions:
AmberDevilRay8: I was a secretary once. I practically ran the company.
AmberDevilRay8: ...into the ground. =(

BookSlut and Friends:
erstwhile mots: From James Scott's "Seeing Like a State."
erstwhile mots: I'm reading it for class.
NotRed1537: Of course you are
erstwhile mots: Earlier I was reading about social banditry in
pre-capitalist, pre-industrialist (mostly) Italian rural villages.
Billw0314: Ohhhhhhh. Good for you.
NotRed1537: I was reading about Levinasian hermeneutics and their
relationship to Sugar Smacks

Dubious Talents:
Lukas5090: I can burp the alphabet

Manly Skaters:
Unclgar: I think I will root for any male ice skater who doesn't
look like he used elton john's tailor

Reunion:
HelenaHandbagg: whores!!
HelenaHandbagg: vadge!
HelenaHandbagg: harlot!
KissMyAsterix: wow, they released you, I thought surely the kids had
you locked up in solitary somewehre

What Onion Thinks:
PatientOnionSF: i am making kimchee, i think i bought
a daikon radish

DoomGrl Jerks Tears:
DoomGrl: he was a wonderful psychiatrist
DoomGrl: one time he cried when I was telling him some things
that happened. I mean kind of he did. i could see tears well up
in his eyes
DoomGrl: he even gave me his cell phone number

Pro-Life:
DoomGrl: dont eat veal!!!!! its made out of babies

Waiting For the Other Shoe:
Alansueton: clear skin saved my life

Amy Tan Jinx Binx:
DoomGrl: amy tan is in a rock band
Cognomen98: the Rock Bottom Remainders
BinxB91: The Rock Bottom Remainders
BinxB91: JINX
DoomGrl: binx went jinx
DoomGrl: you have to buy him dinner now

DoomGrl and the Cock and Balls Set:
Alansueton: I am in a Rock band "The Clitoral Hoods"
DoomGrl: ugh
Alansueton: what it's catchy
Alansueton: and sexy
DoomGrl: it will appeal to the cock and balls set, Im sure
Alansueton: Doom nah men have clit envy
DoomGrl: i know
Alansueton: they also resent how elusive the clit seems to be
though it doesn't move makes men feel stupid

Syntax Error:
TufrThanu: bronx are you seriously doing brady trivia?
Whoson1st: how many bradys could drive by the last episode ?
NotRed1537: they had drive-bys?

"Google is going to beg me":
DoomGrl: whats 650 time 1.75
PatientOnionSF: 1137.50
Niontron9: 975
Niontron9: plus 12.25
PatientOnionSF: 1.75 x 650 = 1137.50
PatientOnionSF: rono can't even multiply
PatientOnionSF: that's why google wouldn't hire you
Niontron9: google would love to have me
Niontron9: some day google is going to beg me to work for them

Southern Education Products:
DoomGrl: there is a girl at work who isnt good at arithmetic,
I have to help her
DoomGrl: her name is Dixie

Rono on the Cutting Edge:
DoomGrl: there is a long article in the new New York Review of
Books about how soon there wont hardly be any bookstores. A book
will be printed out for you if you need one, otherwise just
on line
Alansueton: Doom true
DoomGrl: they have machines already that will make a book for you
if you need one, from the down loaded text
Alansueton: buying books will either be a boutique thing or made
by demand in cheap binding
Kan wa ma kan: They are saying it is a disservice to the writing
world, and that the new ebook trend will eliminate publishing as
we know it
Kan wa ma kan: That new authors would be discouraged
Niontron9: this chat is so 1991
Niontron9: everyone knows that
Niontron9: you two geniuses
Niontron9: should focus your energy on something else
Alansueton: "focus energy" haha powerplant tropes
Niontron9: I fear music cds might becomes obsolete too so I am
buying as many cds as possible
Kan wa ma kan: Nion, I would miss the feel of a book in my hand,
the physical presence and sturdy tradition, ebooks seem ephmeral
Niontron9: I did the same thing with audio tapes
DoomGrl: yes, they say all music will be available from
"the cloud' in a few years. no physical discs any more
Niontron9: history is always rewritten
Kan wa ma kan: Nion, revisionist history has always been halted
by the evidence of hard truths
Niontron9: so for last few months i've been buying all the good
cds from classics to country to rock
Niontron9: cds and computers will
Niontron9: eradicate books

["Can I turn on the light?" he asked suddenly.
"No," said Portia.
"I want to see you."
She shook her head and pushed the shirt up over his head. Then,
realizing that he couldn't see that she had shaken her head, she
said, "I don't want to."
"What?" He stopped everything. His hands on her back, his mouth
at her throat. "Do you want me to stop?"
"No." She smiled. "Don't stop. Just ... I don't want to turn the
light on."
"But you're beautiful," he said, not understanding.
That's beside the point, she nearly said. Instead, she kissed him.
Already, she loved kissing him. She loved the roughness of his
lips and then the dark softness inside his mouth. She loved the
way his tongue knew how, to glide against her own tongue. She
loved the language, first faltering, then fluent, their mouths
had devised and how they were congratulating each other for their
cleverness. She tried to remember if she had ever been so deeply
kissed. She couldn't, suddenly, remember if she had been kissed
at all.
"Let me," he said, somewhat indistinctly, as if she were preventing
him. She nearly tore off her sweater, she was so impatient. Every
part of her seemed to be caterwauling, selfish, whining. She felt
crude and pushy. She wanted to make him do what she wanted, and
he knew exactly what that was, only he wasn't doing it fast enough,
and that was maddening. She found his head at her abdomen: not
high enough, not low enough. His cheek turned against her skin as
if the universe attended his wishes. She moved against him,
thinking, come on.
From outside, the night-splitting noise of a motorcycle, out of
nowhere, heading off somewhere. It was a rude noise, like
something guttural and enraged. It stopped them both. "Born
to be wild," said John. She understood that he was smiling.
She tugged at his shirt.
"We don't have to rush," said John.
But we do, she thought, actually disliking him for an
instant.
The bed seemed to tip in the darkness. It felt contrived,
controlled, as on a fun-house ride. She nearly rolled away
from him and had to pull herself back, hauling heer own
weight against his length. Why was he so contained? Wasn't
he the one with the long-ago crush? Wasn't lust cumulative?
She had the briefest instinct to slap him, but then she felt
his hands between her legs and she forgot what she was so
angry about.]

Tea Time:
Tom Brite: everyday glenn beck makes more sense

Holding His Own:
Tom Brite: ive been comparing my penis to penis pictures on
google and holding my own

The Top Forte:
ThralledByTree: creative writing is my worst forte

Rono Does Not Suffer Fools:
Niontron9: I have always noticed humans only know how to say
bad things about others...they feel it takes them to a upper
position
Tj34: how so, nion?
Niontron9: higher**
Niontron9: what do you mean "how so"
Niontron9: I say what I see
Niontron9: and look around you might see it too

Studying and Hoping:
Niontron9: I plan to move to switzerland or france...so i am
learning french
Niontron9: I hope they speak french in switzerland

Another Reason Wny BookShelf Must Go On:
Niontron9: I am planning a long trip...first grand canyon..then
california and then vegas...and then what happens in vegas
Niontron9: will be all over the inter
Niontron9: net

The DoomGrl Diet:
DoomGrl: my tummy is making woodchucka sounds

Midnight Mass:
Niontron9: you idiot, potential energy is not mass

Failed Arsonist:
PatientOnionSF: my kitchen is not filled with smoke yet, i must
be doing something wrong

IMPatient Onion:
PatientOnionSF: binky is a wife and a mother of three teen
children, she has her hands full
PatientOnionSF: empress*
PatientOnionSF: binky is a broken doon book scanner for B&N
PatientOnionSF: down*

Fill-in-the-Blank Trivia:
secondtime22557: SS433 was the first ____-______ to be discovered
BinxB91: German Comedian

Pun of the Month:
NotRed1537: "Belize, sir, I want Samoa."
--Oliver Twist in geography class

BookSlut Fresh From Trivial Pursuit:
BinxB91: I am reading Admission by Jean Hanff Koelitz
erstwhile mots: of course you are Binx

What About Breakfest at Tiffany's:
EmpressZ21: i have an admission. if i thumb through a book and the
characters have stupid names, i dont buy it

2010-02-01T08:25:00.000-08:00

SCRAPS AT THE HOMESICK RESTAURANT - In order to
fill out this column, 4 clips were lifted from
Arts & Entertainment - Trivial Pursuit. Does
that make KatyTried impure? Maybe. But I felt
such a compromise was acceptable after recognizing
several gentle shelfers there as well as BookSlut.
If AuthorLounge clips start appearing, then the
apocalypse has truly arrived.

Uhm ... Sears?:
bookish dude 21: what cataloging philosphy do you use

BookSlut as Von Troyer:
erstwhile mots: Everyone I know is tall.

Name That Tune:
Daaydream: bonzo dog doo dah band?

Dr Seuss Takes a Bet:
Daaydream: and did you know dr. seuss wrote green eggs and ham
to win a bet that he couldn't write a book using only 50 words?

Cuddling Be Damned:
erstwhile mots: Doom. I always desire relationships that rival
Leda and the Swan's.
BinxB91: You want to be raped by a swan???
MyStrat: been there, done that

Enter Laughing:
jakobinarina: get
jakobinarina: imeant 'hey'

One or None?:
Cognomen98: it's kind of crazy that there are a thousand
socialization sites on AOL and ONE book chatroom
Beysshoes: there are others ... private ones cogno ... and
semiprivate
JonnyDuffy: well, many AOL chat rooms PRETEND to be bookchat rooms
Cognomen98: yes indeed
Beysshoes: yes like this one jonny lol

What It Means to be an Artist:
CountAbility008: I just put yours in my Fav....and will look and
comment later....thanks
Beysshoes: thank you counta!!!
Beysshoes: btw who are you ?
Beysshoes: (not that it matters, just visit me i'm needy counta)
CountAbility008: lol...I'm just your usual modest artist orbiting
the chat rooms
Beysshoes: yay. an artist. score!

Mismatched Mines:
Tj34: after a bath the skin is completely white as they never
see sunshine
EmpressZ21: what skin
EmpressZ21: you lost me somewhere
Tj34: also they get a hump on the back crawling thru low tunnels
to get to the digging site, often a mile or more
Tj34: you don't get paid until you start work
Tj34: george orwell wrote about it
Beysshoes: well, we do other stuffs in those tunnels jones.
Tj34: read the paper with your carbite headlights
Beysshoes: yes and fornicating.

She Really Blows:
Tj34: she's a good writer, i already told her that
Beysshoes: oh jones. wow. how did i ever live without you?
Beysshoes: jones. i can't tell you how much your commets mean to me.
Beysshoes: hey, i owe you like at least a bj for that.
Tj34: well, o.k.
Beysshoes: haha. that's understated. i guess you haven't heard
about my bj's.haha

Compassionate Conservatives:
Tj34: i slept in a shelter once
Forkrerereredux: fork has slept in a jail
Forkrerereredux: fork didn't like getting arrested
Tom Brite: we visited the poor once at the salvation army
Beysshoes: how elite of you tommy
Tom Brite: a lot of them had coughs
Tom Brite: they need separate rooms
Forkrerereredux: malnourished people cough a lot
Forkrerereredux: they also have blood in their urine
Forkrerereredux: and in the stool
Forkrerereredux: and produce milk from the nipple
KissMyAsterix: whose?
Tom Brite: yeah they need better medical care
Beysshoes: we're talking about homeless, not drunken sots of
sewage like you here
Forkrerereredux: fuck that
Forkrerereredux: throw bleach in your eye

Mixed Mesasage:
Tom Brite: fork is the way he is for a reason
Beysshoes: are we changing topics to crystal meth?
KissMyAsterix: why, are you selling or buying beys?

Onion and the Hillbillies:
Tammynet: my uncle and aunts are almost the same age as me
actually.. one is even younger
PatientOnionSF: tammy that sounds very hillbilly
Tammynet: it is kind of, onion
PatientOnionSF: your father is your brother's son
Tammynet: you know teen grandparents ....and then teen parents
Tammynet: i made my g'ma a g'ma at 35
PatientOnionSF: we need jam to explain it
PatientOnionSF: he explained our depression by the banks being
"forced" to make bad loans to poor people

Strange At First:
MyStrat: my aunt and her husband do carpet installation..they did
a nudist colonly once...that was strange at first

Except For Tucking a Napkin:
HelenaHandbagg: there's nothing wrong with eating naked.

Doctor Melissa:
Melodramamama22: i say break it down to teeny tiny parts
Melodramamama22: what you can change, what you can't
Melodramamama22: what you have control over, what you don't
Melodramamama22: cause the stuff you don't? will eat you alive
if you let it

What Channel?:
NotNycgirl: i like watching nonsense on tv

The Glib Godwit:
Oncewasbird: Phez, are you in favor of the healthcare thing?

Random Fan:
Lilmisscutie1266: im listening to shiny toy guns right now
Lilmisscutie1266: i randomly met them last year

The Anti-Godwit:
NotNycgirl: i'm politically clueless

Obama Fanatic:
Oncewasbird: I remember Bush taking three days to resopond to the
tsunami in Indonesia, long before 9-11.
Oncewasbird: Obama is right on it. he was must faster, much more
vigoruous than Bush.

The Down Low:
Pheziwig: Obama received the Nobel Prize for not being George Bush

Scape Goat:
Daaydream: michael cera embodies everything that is wrong with
today's young males

Harsh Commas:
Tom Brite: i like w
Oncewasbird: Tom, you horrible, ignorant dog.

Well-Informed:
Lilmisscutie1266: i read entertainment every wee
Lilmisscutie1266: i can tell you the top rated anything

Tongue Deep In Cheek:
Kgbirdpaul: Gilligan's Island is an immortal classic

Tom and David:
Tom Brite: i dont think im homosexual but i do enjoy seeing
a naked man now and then

Gyp:
DeeZbornac: what bugs me about pro wrestling is... theres 20
minutes of talking and 5 minutes of wrestling ! wotta gyp

Were They Ever Clever?:
WhitBissel: why are all car dealership tv ads so lame ??????

Interesting Baredom?:
HidinginNY: the funny thing about madame bovary, is it's about
a woman's boredom. and during the parts describing her boredom,
its really boring

Terrybiohazard: We are sorry, but your application to e-Harmony
has been denied. You failed question #14 "What do you like in most
women?" Your answer "My dick" was unacceptable.

Hope Springs Eternal:
BinxB91: I thought BookShelf had ended
Alansueton: Binx nah it went on hiatus President Obama
earmarked some stimulus for the Shelf

[As Fusan and I, still silent, walked up to Aladdin's shop a cool
wind hit us passing Tesvikiye Mosque and I felt almost as if it
was my disquiet that made me shiver.
"Did that frighten you back there?" I asked. "We shouldn't have
looked ..."
"The poor lamb," she said.
"You know why they sacrifice the lamb, don't you?"
"One day, when we go to heaven, that lamb will take us over the
Strat bridge, which is as thin as hair and sharp as a sword ..."
That was a version for children and people with no education.
"There's more to the story," I said, with a teacherly air. "Do
you know how it begins?"
"No."
"The prophet Abraham was childless. He prayed to God, saying,
'O Lord, if you give me a child, I'll do anything you ask.' In
the end his prayers were answered, and one day his son Ishmail
was born. The prophet Abraham was filled with joy. He adored
his son; kissing and caressing him all day long, the prophet was
exultant and everyday he thanked God. One day God came to him
in his dream and God said, 'Now slit your son's throat and
sacrifice him.'"
"Why did he say that?"
"Listen now ...The prophet Abraham did as God instructed. He
took out his knife, and just as he was about to slit his son's
throat ... at that very moment a lamb appeared."
"Why?"
"God showed mercy on Abraham: He sent him a lamb so that he
could sacrifice it in his son's place. God saw that Abraham had
been obedient."
"If God hadn't sent the lamb, would the prophet Abraham really
have slit his son's throat?" asked Fusan.
"He treally would have," I said uneasily. "It was because He was
sure that Abraham would slit his son's throat that God loved him
so much and sent the lamb to spare him terrible grief."
I could see that I had not told the story in such a way as to
make it clear to a twelve-year-old girl why a doting father would
try to kill his son. My unease was now turning to annoyance at
my failure to explain the sacrifice.]

The Replacements:
Catpower777: what are you reading, Binx?
KissMyAsterix: cat if you're filling in for onion, you should be
asking what he's wearing
Catpower777: and calling him Binky?

Fowever ParaMyrrh:
Alansueton: I like Burkas draws attention to the eyes

2010-01-01T18:39:00.000-08:00

Onion On the Cutting Edge:
PatientOnionSF: it's easier to store 500 pieces of paper
than 825 cookbooks

Smuggler's Blues:
princessslayah42: i can fit a two liter up in there

Good Ideas That Weren't:
BinxB91: I have a plan for the next KatyTried --- true
information of various Shelfers who have gone MIA during 2009
PatientOnionSF: name one who was smart enough to leave
Beysshoes: well, one just died onion

Ouch:
Anais3233: do you think binx makes stuff up for his blog?

Secret Shopper:
DoomGrl: i went to staples today and i saw they still call them
jotters, but not t balls

Then again, it's 2010:
Melodramamama22: one day katy tried will consist of this:
Melodramamama22: melodramamama22: hello? hello?

Brando for Breakfest:
HelenaHandbagg: stewart little is packed with big name stars.

Expert Advice:
EmpressZ21: are any of you in the legal field
EmpressZ21: and being arrested doesnt count
I2DaysInNovember: Emp what is legal field?
BinxB91: Summers Eve L works in a Law office, I think
EmpressZ21: yeah i already talked to her Bonx
EmpressZ21: snow storm is coming what happens if youre
subpeoned to court
EmpressZ21: and technically you werent served personally
Melodramamama22: call the clerk of court!
Melodramamama22: well, tomorrow
Melodramamama22: my boss gets subpoena'd a lot, and sometimes
he can't go
Melodramamama22: subpoenaed?
Melodramamama22: subpeonaed?
Melodramamama22: gahhhh
EmpressZ21: how much trouble are you in if you cant get there

"damn straight":
BinxB91: Melo would be a fun co-worker
Melodramamama22: damn straight i'm a fun co-worker
Melodramamama22: my ladies luff me cause i come in with my
clothes on backwards
Melodramamama22: and straighten them out in the front office
Melodramamama22: it's a good job. i get to scare them and then
do stupid shit like the staff stomp routine, which then flips
them out
PatientOnionSF: then the kids go on to college and shoot up
auditoriums

Top This:
EmpressZ21: i once went to work with pantyhose stuffed in the leg
of my pants and didnt know it till like

Turtleneck
Melodramamama22: we went to the thrift store and i got a really
ugly stripey turtleneck sweater
BlackHeartedCur: Turtlenecks are hot.
BlackHeartedCur: Depending.
BlackHeartedCur: On the woman.
Melodramamama22: well, not hot like that
Melodramamama22: they're hot like, they make you tug and pull
to get 'em away from yer neck
EmpressZ21: big hair
Melodramamama22: got the big hair covered
EmpressZ21: aqua net
BlackHeartedCur: Well, that can be hot
BlackHeartedCur: Women tugging and pulling
Melodramamama22: ya, upside down head, half a can of aqua net
BlackHeartedCur: A turtleneck wouldn't be hot on, for example,
Rosie O'Donnell
Melodramamama22: well no. nor would big hair.
BlackHeartedCur: On the other hand, a turtleneck could be hot on,
for example, Kristen Stewart
Melodramamama22: or small hair
BlackHeartedCur: Hmm. Maybe its just the woman who is hot.
Boulshevit: Or Martha Stewart 3 o clock

Turtleneck Bottleneck:
BlackHeartedCur: Did you bust your head while tugging and
pulling at your turtleneck?
Melodramamama22: no, that would have been one small turtleneck neck
BlackHeartedCur: Well you could have accidentally hurled yourself
to the ground, while tugging and pulling
Melodramamama22: that's possible
BlackHeartedCur: And busted your head in the process
EmpressZ21: yeah you know those popcorn looking stuff
Boulshevit: Mels, you drink in a turtleneck?
Melodramamama22: i hate turtlenecks, no!
Melodramamama22: did you ever get stuck in one?? horrible
BlackHeartedCur: Do you ever rock a turtleneck, DoomGrl?
PatientOnionSF: Doom, too many old cooters in the room

Abusing Tom:
Tom Brite: Dont have much time right now. Anyone need anything?
BlackHeartedCur: Yes, we need beer
BlackHeartedCur: And a fast car
BlackHeartedCur: And fake IDs
EmpressZ21: and ice cream peppermint
Melodramamama22: and some money, can you swing by the atm?

Good Morning Sunshine:
Onimesh: things are not what they used to be...missing one
inside of me...
Onimesh: emptyness filling me to the point of agony

Christmas Stand-up:

LadyQuasi: What is the one thing women DON'T want to find in their
stockings on Christmas morning?
LadyQuasi: their husband

LadyQuasi: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa?
LadyQuasi: Claustrophobic

LadyQuasi: Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
LadyQuasi: You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets
all the credit.

BlackHeartedCur: Lady Quasi will be here all week, folks.
BlackHeartedCur: Don't forget to tip your waitress

Incoherence Can Be Hot:
SparrowAtPeace: women in their 40's are the hottest ..at least
until i turn 50
BinxB91: hotness is a quality than can come and go. Who looks
hot when they get out of bed first in the morning?
DoomGrl: i like ok in the morning I think, i like the morning
DoomGrl: that was all messed up, what i said

Vodka Dreams:
BinxB91: HOW old would you be if you didn't know how old you were?
DoomGrl: I like when I wake up in the middle and realize I have
as many hours to stay in bed as I have already been
Melodramamama22: ok, i can't take it no mo. bed with a book,
nite all (34)
bookish dude 21: you would be the same age binx
DoomGrl: you would be the same age I guess. is this a trick question?
BinxB91: In my dreams i tell people I'm 30
Boulshevit: How old would you feel, I think
BinxB91: Doom, I mean like having amnesia
DoomGrl: oh, maybe 19
BinxB91: my daughter says she can't get past 14
bookish dude 21: i think most people feel 18
DoomGrl: thats a good answer, 14
DoomGrl: 14 is an important age
BinxB91: I said "really? So why are you buying Vodka"
DoomGrl: i drank vodka when i was 14
bookish dude 21: people at that age drink cherry vodka
BinxB91: ah, but I bet you didn't talk about it with your Dad
in casual conversation
DoomGrl: no, i didnt

When You Think of DoomGrl What Comes to Mind?:
DoomGrl: if you drink it too fast it squirts out your nose
LadyQuasi: Tequila out the nose burns...a lot.
Boulshevit: If you lose your glasses while puking in the snow,
you can find them by looking for the red spot
bookish dude 21: if you drink it slow you puke
BinxB91: lol dude
BinxB91: ok, DoomGrl, you are banned from ever talking about
liquid through the nose ever again
DoomGrl: oops I did it again

When You Think of Beysshoes ...:
DoomGrl: i forget what I said before a lot, sorry
BinxB91: It's OK Doom it's a funny story
BinxB91: It's like Beysshoes who I barely noticed for a year ...
wasn't even sure that she was female
BinxB91: Until she told a story about getting fired as a shift
manager at a motel
BinxB91: for skinny dipping with some of the guests
BinxB91: after that, I had a fixed-image of her
Boulshevit: Now I do too

Onion Making Friends:
TYOTR: Onion I was never Red Toyota, where did you get that from?
PatientOnionSF: tyot is toyota, and R is red
BinxB91: More than one x indicates a bot
PatientOnionSF: so, red toyota
XkAySiSx: im not a bot,i got distracted,sorry

TYOTR on the Make:
TYOTR: Quiet would you object if I IMed you?
Alansueton: say yes
quiet scientist: we can talk here
Alansueton: good for quiet not hating
TYOTR: okay quiet, but when the time comes I might not be in
this room much longer
quiet scientist: not all that busy
quiet scientist: is bgrant male or female?
Alansueton: i think male
Alansueton: gender is a slippery slope here
quiet scientist: how do you mean by a slippery slope?
TYOTR: So...where you from Quiet?
quiet scientist: are people here easily offended it you guess wrong?
Alansueton: quiet well gender is difficult to apply
Alansueton: quiet yes and it's silly
quiet scientist: from idaho
quiet scientist: originally from michigan
TYOTR: neat
Jam7604801: i da ho?
Alansueton: Boise State got shafted in the BCS
quiet scientist: that's why i always add a "from" in front of it

DoomGrl and Noses:
DoomGrl: this one time, i punched some guy in the nose cause he
called my freind

What Are You Wearing?
DoomGrl: issy miyaki aparkly bunny t shirt, pfleuvog boots with
rococo heels

Make me Simile:
DoomGrl: anne rices books are much better
DisassembIy line: saying anne rice's books are better is like
saying you'd prefer the guillotine to being bludgeoned pinata
style by blindfolded midgets
snickerslol04: weird metaphor
DoomGrl: i met anne rice at the tattered cover. thats where I
met TJ too
Tj34: that one threw me aback
DisassembIy line: technically it's a simile

Flirts:
princessslayah42: are you stalking me fubar?
Fubar817: I wouldn't touch you with Fork's dick

What's Love Got to Do With It?
Forkrerereredux: fork had sex with her
Forkrerereredux: jizzed right in her eye

Beyond the Author's Lounge:
PatientOnionSF: it's like a toilet overflowing when AL'ers
come in here
KissMyAsterix: so otherwise we're just like a toilet

The Virgin Suicides:
zomcom81: The name yvonne reeks of... bad hygine.
Alansueton: Zom she was a beautiful girl nice body beautiful
teeth we were going to go to Spain together had it al planned
everything and then we broke up
PatientOnionSF: she caught you with another blow-up doll?
zomcom81: Beautiful, nice sure... bad hygine.. I can smell her from here
ManiacEyeball: except she dumped you before going to spain
Alansueton: Yvonne did dump me
KissMyAsterix: ee von
Alansueton: because I spent too much time at clubs
PatientOnionSF: alan is still a virgin

Legs:
PatientOnionSF: alan do you still shave your legs?
KissMyAsterix: wax lasts longer
PatientOnionSF: did bey's photo turn you gayer?
Alansueton: Patient I have very little body hair hair
doesn't grow on my legs above my knees
PatientOnionSF: alan cuz you are 64 and it all fell off
Beysshoes: omg para does brazilians on he'self

Beysshoes' Fiancee:
Alansueton: Beys how do you feel about Midget Porn?
Beysshoes: well para. i'm pretty specific about my porn. and it
don't included midgets.
Alansueton: Beys I was just asking about midgets
Beysshoes: the answer was no
Alansueton: okay
Beysshoes: but this guy i was engaged to had sex with a midget
and loved it
Beysshoes: he said it was handy bouncing her in his lap

Word Power:
Alansueton: Beys you're imperious as a spoilt little girl

The Possessive Beysshoes:
BinxB91: Lady Q! Edie! How nice!
BinxB91: did I scare everyone?
BinxB91: Angel's back!
EDruezillaB: good evening binx :)
BinxB91: evening Edie
Beysshoes: you said hi to edie twice. she's not talking
to you binx. and now you scared ladyQ off with your !!!'s
BinxB91: well ...
BinxB91: I'm indelicate
Beysshoes: yes, truism
EDruezillaB: i addressed binx
Beysshoes: nobody cares edrue

The Reader:
Beysshoes: who is henny yongman?
PatientOnionSF: a j*w comedian
Beysshoes: we got some funny genes in here finally?
BinxB91: Beys, you don't know who Henny Youngman is. Last month
you didn't know who Eugene Debs was.
BinxB91: I think I need to come to Hawaii and read to you
BinxB91: like in that movie
BinxB91: beysshoes as Kate Winslett
BinxB91: ... at least we could have a bath

Beys Splayed?
PatientOnionSF: you missed all the fun congo man
Cognomen98: I often do
PatientOnionSF: binky gave the url for his naked shelfer cam
PatientOnionSF: beys splayed on the beach

Edie Has the Answer:
EDruezillaB: beys, i thought you and binky were.. you know.
Melodramamama22: are you?
Beysshoes: you know? edrue? conjoined?
EDruezillaB: beys, yeah!
Beysshoes: well, i didn't want to do jiggy stuff to him so he
is threatening to dump me.
EDruezillaB: beys, that's nonsense
EDruezillaB: don't take that
Beysshoes: he's blackmailing me with my nekkids now.
EDruezillaB: hahahaha
Beysshoes: hit him for me edrue please!
EDruezillaB: i know how to handle that!
EDruezillaB: mass mail them yourself

Roofies:
EmpressZ21: anais come up here and wrap these gifts
Anais3233: I WOULD!
EmpressZ21: ill make you something festive to drink
Anais3233: does it involve a roofie?
Anais3233: if so, i'll have to shave my netherparts
EmpressZ21: heh heh now why would you think i would roofie you
KissMyAsterix: you shave for roofies?

Book Chat:
Cognomen98: it's kind of crazy that there are a thousand
socialization sites on AOL and ONE book chatroom
Beysshoes: there are others ... private ones cogno ... and semiprivate
JonnyDuffy: well, many AOL chat rooms PRETEND to be bookchat rooms
Cognomen98: yes indeed

Her PatientOnion Impression:
Beysshoes: i grilled some sliced sausages on it and it turned
out perfectly. do you hate it?
PatientOnionSF: and practical
Beysshoes: yes, its one that sits on the stove and you can cook all
kinds of stuff on it.
PatientOnionSF: it's good cuz it keeps the food off the bottom and
makes those sexy grill marks
Beysshoes: do you like it? YAY!!!
PatientOnionSF: binky has those grill marks, did he ever send you
a pic of them?
Beysshoes: i'm so happy you like it (oh he told you his ex wife stabbed
him did he?)
Beysshoes: he's not as nice as he seems in this chat room. lol

[She waits her turn in a blush of listening.]

Try a Little Tenderness:
Beysshoes: binky and i fone fuck several times daily.

Wholesale Husband:
EmpressZ21: my husband always gives me a huge box of socks

The Nightjar Blues:
Tj34: i like good writing and cuban recipies

2009-12-07T14:30:00.000-08:00

Short Cuts - Intellectual Property/Editing/Patents/
Fake Arguments/Real Book Clubs/DoomGrl Diatribes

The Corrections:
Alansueton: maniac I took offense at you calling the shirt
I donned in the pic a "granny shirt"
ManiacEyeball: i didn't say that.
Alansueton: Maniac you did
Alansueton: I was so upset I couldn't sleep
ManiacEyeball: grandma chic
ManiacEyeball: get it right
Alansueton: Oh sorry

Bandied About the Internet:
Alansueton: doom you didn't like the picture of other women
Alansueton: jealous
DoomGrl: of course I wasnt jealous, thats silly
Alansueton: Doom then why a Britney Spears post that makes fun
of America's worship of the sexuality of young women?
Alansueton: Doom you're intolerant like an only child
DoomGrl: your more intolerant than me
Alansueton: maybe you're
AmeliaF0220: but its easier for me to talk on my aim screen
name so just im me there its sexcibella09
DoomGrl: an im not an only child, so there
Alansueton: well you seem like it
BinxB91: In the last 5 minutes you've called DoomGrl intolerant
and jealous.
BinxB91: that's just wrong
Alansueton: Binx she is
Alansueton: her way or the highway she's imperious
BinxB91: imperious? LOL
Alansueton: yes
AmeliaF0220: ya
Alansueton: see Amelia agrees
DoomGrl: i am just a strong person, is all, & you dont like that.
you want be to be like im 14 forever
Alansueton: but I still adore her in a Platonic way like the kid
sister I never got to torment
DoomGrl: see
Alansueton: Doom not true
BinxB91: you'd torment an older sister as well
AmeliaF0220: hey whats up
DoomGrl: oh amelia, be quiet
Alansueton: being strong is being offended by a Britney Spears
post on a blog?
Alansueton: seriously?
DoomGrl: i wasnt offended, i just decided not to be associated
with your sexist little silly business
AmeliaF0220: ya i know just im me on sexcibella09
Alansueton: "sexist" the post assaulted and criticized sexism
are you ignorant?
DoomGrl: anyways, you just did it to make fun of me
Alansueton: I never thought of you making that post
DoomGrl: i meant the one on me
DoomGrl: you chose a picture where I looked like a squirrel
Alansueton: lol
Alansueton: Im just glad you didn't say ferrett
DoomGrl: and my bra was showing. you never asked permission to
use that picture
Alansueton: and I apologized to you for it
Alansueton: then you said it's okay to leave it
Alansueton: and then after the Britney Spears thing
DoomGrl: i changed my mind after britney
Alansueton: you changed your mind
DoomGrl: jinx
Alansueton: and btw you sent me the picture
DoomGrl: 2 dinners
Alansueton: you sent me the picture of "your bra showing"
was that for my private "delectation"?
DoomGrl: when you send some one your picture, it doesnt mean that
person can bandy it about the whole internet

Seed Rules:
Jam7604801: basically anything with seeds is a fruit
DoomGrl: pumpkins have seeds in them an their a vegetable
Jam7604801: sorry doom they have to be a fruit
DoomGrl: so do zucchinis and eggplants
Jam7604801: anything like carrots and potatoes and lettuce
onions are veggies

What LadyQuasi Wonders:
Melodramamama22: i get my feelings hurt, say fuck off,
and move along
BinxB91: You say "fuck off"?! Well good
LadyQuasi: I wonder about the origin of the phrase.

Book Clubs Without Borders:
EmpressZ21: im starting a bookclub with my gf
EmpressZ21: we named it
Melodramamama22: named it what?
EmpressZ21: Angry Housewives eating Bon Bons like the book
Melodramamama22: woohoo! that's the sort of event where its
okay to have a bowl of valium on the table
EmpressZ21: and we are making these bitches read that first so
they get with the program
EmpressZ21: everyone hosts! themed nights! whine all you want!
hell dont even read the book! we dont care! as long as there
is plenty o' wine
Melodramamama22: lol its obvious who set this club up
EmpressZ21: weve really thought this through you see

Both Shoes Dropped:
EmpressZ21: i hate him so much if i were starving he was food,
i wouldnt eat him
EmpressZ21: and
Melodramamama22: waiting for the and
EmpressZ21: the "and" goes between the starving and he
Melodramamama22: oh
Melodramamama22: i see
Melodramamama22: i thought there was more

Patented:
Hyperion x3: If you google "webticles", my site shows up first!!!
Alansueton: rono cool

GodWiticisms:
Oncewasbird: It's a sickness, a culuttural and social sickness.

Oncewasbird: I accept homosexuality, but not the behavior.

Editor's Meeting:
DoomGrl: "....the sidereal hue of your panties." wtf???
Alansueton: lol
DoomGrl: lol you

Unexpected School Reunion:
BlueEagle2000: yes i have had to fight it was the only way to
get the other kids to not pick on me and my friends and yes
my name is jet
BlueEagle2000: well jet is one of my names
BlueEagle2000: i was undefeated
spitandvinegar52: There was a girl at my school named Holly and
she changed her name to jet

[Julie laughed. She still had not made a decision. I waited.
Then at last she said, "All right."
"All right?," I asked.
She nodded.
"All right,." I said.
So we left the museum and went back to my apartment. We had
another drink; slow-danced in the living room. And then I led
Julie to the bedroom, where I hadn't led anyone in quite a long
time.
She switched off the lights.
"Wait a minute," I said. "Are you turning out the lights because
of me?"
"Because of me."
"Why?"
"Because I'm a shy, modest Oriental lady. Just don't expect me to
bathe you."
"No bathing?"
"Not unless you do a Zorba dance."
"Where did I put that bouzouki of mine, anyway?" I was trying to
keep up the banter. I was taking off my clothes. So was Julie.
It was like jumping into cold water. You had to do it without
thinking too much. We got under the covers and held each other,
petrified, happy.
"I might be your last stop, too," I said, clinging to her. "Did
you ever think of that?"
And Julie Kikuchi answered, "It crossed my mind."]

Young People With Dreams:

BinxB91: hello BookSlut. What's on your mind?
erstwhile mots: The domination of Western academia

Forkrerereredux: i want to fuck a prostitute

DoomGrl: I want to write a story in the style of Samuel Beckett,
but with more action

Book Discussion:
Athena2719: hi everyone
Athena2719: anyone fans of TWLIGHT
Athena2719: what about the movie NEW MOON SAGA
Athena2719: ?

Serves You Right:
Onimesh: men and women has the same chance of being enlisted...
as far as my knowledge serve me...
BlackHeartedCur: That doesn't appear to be very far ...

"the feel good hit of the shelf":
Onimesh: titanic, show me few points where men are more privileged
...I have said few to prove my point
Sleepy Eyed Evie: The whole world is run by men Onimesh
TITANICKK: bullshit! lol thats so funny oni i think its cute you
think men are smarter than women
Onimesh: I have illustrated my point...all you said is "bullsh*"
in response to that
SparrowAtPeace: evie do not confuse him with reason
Onimesh: but couldn't come up with ANY valid point
Sleepy Eyed Evie: Every single president has been a man
Sleepy Eyed Evie: Most corporations are run by men
Onimesh: sleepy, that's because women don't want to work
Sleepy Eyed Evie: Oh, never mind. I thought you were making a
serious argument
Onimesh: truth hurts
Alansueton: Rono is the feel good hit of the shelf

Combinations:
PatientOnionSF: i'd let them keep their guns, but they have to
give up their bibles
quiet scientist: but you always hear about some guy whose pocket
bible stops a bullet from entering his heart
Alansueton: quiet really?
PatientOnionSF: the bullet came from god?
PatientOnionSF: the wife who caught him cheating?
Alansueton: Ive heard more about pocket flasks of liquid spirits s
aving someone
quiet scientist: well it's settled
quiet scientist: booze better than religion
PatientOnionSF: okay, they can keep their bibles, but they have to
give up their guns
PatientOnionSF: can't have both, a bad combination

I Know What Boys Want:
Alansueton: Hello Doom!
PatientOnionSF: doom, do you know what boys want?
Tammynet: yay
Alansueton: I know what guys love
DoomGrl: what do they want?

Menstruation Stream of Consciousness:
Alansueton: Menstruation would terrify me
Alansueton: if I had it blood it's gross BTW there's a great
Canadian Horror film based on the social trauma of Girls entering
Menstruation I forget the name but it's great and funny

Doom & Fork:
DoomGrl: I wish my name were Deirdre. or Ishbelle/ or Myfanwy
Forkrerereredux: fork drank beer for breakfast
DoomGrl: murakami is one of my fave authors
Forkrerereredux: 4 bottles of natural light
DoomGrl: TJ knows him and says he is really nice
PatientOnionSF: did he write miso soup? i read that one
DoomGrl: no
Forkrerereredux: miso horny

Whatever:
PatientOnionSF: not food and politics?
SparrowAtPeace: a lot of people are fascinated by crime and killers
SparrowAtPeace: sure that too

DoomGrl Lowering Her Standards:
DoomGrl: i think 2010 will be the year of falling in love
DoomGrl: fork, wake up. i think i need you

What Are You Wearing?:
DoomGrl: my pajamas and a hat
DoomGrl: its minus 3 here

Doom Connects:
Entailor: Binx, what does "Binx" mean?
BinxB91: Binx is Binx Bolling from the novel The MovieGoer by
Walker Percy
Entailor: Oh I havent read that one
DoomGrl: its a shortened form of Binky-Bonk-A-Rooga
BinxB91: Binx feels more comfortable in a movie -- even a bad movie
--- than in real life
DoomGrl: omg, i read that, i never connected it - Binx-Binx
BinxB91: Doom's silly pills just kicked in
DoomGrl: :-)
BinxB91: Doom, I've read it ... 12 times

What If?:
Bgrant444: Whats new and exciting?
BlackHeartedCur: Alan is writing a poem, Liz is gazing fondly at
her wrists, Empress is watching Jeopardy, Fork is passed out on the
floor, Fubar is cogitating, Hadachoke fell asleep, KMA is waiting for
the right moment to launch another bon mot
BlackHeartedCur: Maniac Eyeball is too angry to type, Onimesh is
beating his dog, Onion is tending to his Chicken Napoean and Tom Brite
is waxing lyrical about his lost love

What Are You Wearing ... Kinda:
BlackHeartedCur: How are those flawless wrists tonight, Liz?
ElizavetaTheRed: I can't gaze at my wrists, I'm wearing a long
sleeve sweater
ElizavetaTheRed: Im all bundled up

Have Pun:
Alansueton: I got the rings of my notebook caught in your sweater
and as I walked away a thread of you kept coming
Bgrant444: Alan, that's some yarn

Potential PatientOnion Harem:
SparrowAtPeace: i had a baked potato for dinner?
ElizavetaTheRed: I had cold pizza

Who's Cryin' Now?:
BinxB91: erika, why bookshelf?
Erikat892508: just trying to find someplace
Erikat892508: why bookshelf for you?
ElizavetaTheRed: why not book shelf?
Alansueton: Book Shelf or bust
BinxB91: Erika, a place where everybody knows my name
BinxB91: Cheers
Erikat892508: which is?
BinxB91: like a pub, Erika
Erikat892508: i know but what is your name?
ElizavetaTheRed: his name is Binx
BinxB91: So erika, what's next to your key board?
ElizavetaTheRed: her mouse?
Erikat892508: i wish jager
Erikat892508: but my phone
BinxB91: what music is playing?
Erikat892508: i don't have a mouse. i'm on my laptop
Bgrant444: Pet mouse?
Erikat892508: i'm watching 300
Hadachoke: 300 is too many to watch
Erikat892508: what's beside your computer?
Alansueton: hand lotion
ElizavetaTheRed: 300 mice
Bgrant444: Glass of water
Erikat892508: i love 300
BinxB91: Ever had a walk-in?
Bgrant444: dish of nuts
SparrowAtPeace: a poem
ElizavetaTheRed: i have too many things next to my computer to
even name
ElizavetaTheRed: my desk is a mess
Hadachoke: i hada mouse but my tiger ate it....
ElizavetaTheRed: books, papers, crap of all sorts
BinxB91: when was the last time you cried?
ElizavetaTheRed: she's probably crying right now
ElizavetaTheRed: having to answer all these questions

Me Too:
Bgrant444: I get so excited

2009-11-19T20:11:00.000-08:00

Pre-existing Conditions/Does Your bf Know?/
Red Boots/Gnostic Trepidism/

Scary Throwbacks:
Tom Brite: parades always bother me
DoomGrl: i hate parades they are scary
DoomGrl: especially when they have bag pipes in them
Tom Brite: like arent they a throw-back to a simpler time

Everybody Has One:
DoomGrl: I am in my french realist phase

Art Discussion:
BobsurAuntTom: Sure, you can sell a shitload of Monet prints.
BobsurAuntTom: Money cups
BobsurAuntTom: Money posters.
BobsurAuntTom: I don't even know what his shit is like.
BobsurAuntTom: See... I can't take that seriously.
BobsurAuntTom: So, I can't discuss him.
KissMyAsterix: it's actually not bad, it's interesting how they
play with the lighting in his galleries
DoomGrl: is "sh*tload" a measure of art prints?

And His Mom Was the Best White Cheerleader in Detroit:
PatientOnionSF: i was the best pre-microsoft secretary in san francisco

Gina's Good Idea:
PatientOnionSF: i was a marine sniper in nam
BinxB91: You're too young to have been in nam
KissMyAsterix: he was
KissMyAsterix: but we could send him now

Pre-existing Condition:
PatientOnionSF: breasts are a pre-existing condition, so insurance
companies will no longer cover breast cancer

Deniability:
raven of rapha: the meaning is not my intention

Strip Poetry:
BlackHeartedCur: is this the poetry reading?
KissMyAsterix: you're just in time cur
KissMyAsterix: you're on
PatientOnionSF: cur, we are playing strip poetry
PatientOnionSF: if we don't like your poem, you have to take
something off
PatientOnionSF: jam is totally naked

That's so raven:
raven of rapha: studies the nice panty lines
raven of rapha: aw see: pissed you off
raven of rapha: you must hurt me
raven of rapha: this is my diagnosis
raven of rapha: I want to die in my lover's arms.
Hadachoke: i want you to die too, raven

What Melo Suspects:
Melodramamama22: we were supposed to go see the cult tonight,
and it got sold out, and i bailed
Melodramamama22: so i could sit home in my jammies and knit
PatientOnionSF: does your bf know you are a knitter?
Melodramamama22: yes
PatientOnionSF: does he brag to his buddies that you knit?
Melodramamama22: onion, naw, he just tells 'em he's got a hot gf
who's good with her hands
Melodramamama22: (i don't know this for a fact, that he says this,
but i suspect it)

What If DoomGrl Was One of Us?
Angelcutie12189: lol
BinxB91: oh DoomGrl!! I thought AngelCutie was DoomGrl under a
new screen name
DoomGrl: no, I'm still me
Angelcutie12189: lol
DoomGrl: why did you think that?
PatientOnionSF: Binky is obsessed with you that's why
BinxB91: I was being silly, DoomGrl, I think Angel is a bot
Angelcutie12189: lol
PatientOnionSF: he caught the doom virus from Alan
DoomGrl: does she say anything other than lol?
PatientOnionSF: she says her url too
DoomGrl: lol
PatientOnionSF: but you have to say pretty please and give her
your credit card number
Angelcutie12189: lol
DoomGrl: lol

Onion Accepts Compliments:
DoomGrl: Onion, I liked that picture on alans blog. its nice
PatientOnionSF: the photo of you?
DoomGrl: no, of YOU
PatientOnionSF: oh, thank you cupcake

Look Who's Stalking:
KimberlysCabin09: is stan hiding in here?
KimberlysCabin09: im kind of tired and dont feel like working too
hard to stalk him tonight

Who Knew:
Anais3233: yes, mama needs to go birdwatching in washington

Christmas Season 2009:
PatientOnionSF: i went to goodwill, they had FOUR bread machines,
more bad xmas presents

Humility Points:
FutureDetritus: it's also sacred, a rare thing, to admit to not
understanding

Look at the Bright Side Alan:
Alansueton: Kg it does mass shottings war incivility a mjority
of the world living under the poverty level words can't feed them
Alansueton: Kg and to declare war swindle people use mass
propaganda to prop a war machine
Kgbirdpaul: alan, still , it is better now than it was 1000 years ago

More of DoomGrl's Closet:
DoomGrl: i have books in my closet too, and that picture of
albert einstein sticking his tongue out

Let's Dialogue:
KimberlysCabin09: i doubt anyone else smells so vanillaoee yummy as me
PatientOnionSF: i made my meatball mix too thin, so i am adding
dry things like oatmeal and a toasted/ground corn tortilla
FutureDetritus: linksys unstable

Onion Speechless:
KimberlysCabin09: parsley is a good ingredient, people dont know
the benefits of it

Strange But True:
PatientOnionSF: blt, binky and myself were all born in the same
5 mile radius of the detroit suburbs

True Confessions:
Steve Iz Here 0: I never thought Mel Gibson was that good looking.

Jam's School:
Jam7604801: i remember all the girls at school talking about
mel gibsons butt in lethal weapon

Like Your Brain:
Steve Iz Here 0: Bravehart sucked
Jam7604801: how can brave heart suck it was based on a true story
Steve Iz Here 0: it was based loosely

Empress's Closet:
EmpressZ21: my sister is so full of shit she smokes but she
is a closet smoker she goes to this church too

Melo's Church:
Melodramamama22: everybody what goes to church has naughty habits,
i'm convinced
Melodramamama22: when i lived in bubbaville, we went to church and
i'd laugh cause i could see people in there i'd seen the night before
Melodramamama22: snarfing up somebody else's wife cause she had on
red boots
Melodramamama22: red boots are the sign that somebody else's wife
is hotter than your own
EmpressZ21: i need some red boots

Vent:
Tom Brite: sick of the bullshit by all the bullshitters: accountants,
lawyers, real estate brokers, government creeps, title asswipes,
all of it
PatientOnionSF: tom, are you about to go postal? is there a
military base nearby?
Tom Brite: these people have no limits
EmpressZ21: what happened
Tom Brite: sale didnt close but i got huge bills from everyone
Bgrant444: Tom, welcome to America
EmpressZ21: why didnt it close
PatientOnionSF: cuz of the dead body stench?
PatientOnionSF: where are they buried?
PatientOnionSF: basement?
PatientOnionSF: attic?

The New Miss Manners:
BlackHeartedCur: Is it wrong for me to flirt with the girl at Starbucks?
DoomGrl: you can flirt with whomever you care too, as far as I
am concerned

What If BookSlut Talked Back?
MiriamsDance: so clearly no dostoevsky fans
Bgrant444: Miriam, the best part of that is the dream where the
grand inquisitor visits Christ in his jail cell
MiriamsDance: oh yes
MiriamsDance: that's a great part
Bgrant444: Miriam, yes, especially where Christ slinks off never
to be heard from again
Hadachoke: how about where the drunken cart driver beats his horse
to death? That wqas sentimental
MiriamsDance: oh yeah
Melodramamama22: i'm reading a load of obscure but brilliant writers
that none of you have ever head of
Melodramamama22: so there
MiriamsDance: that part was pretty bad
Bgrant444: Hada, PETA is still protesting

Tsunami Base:
Catpower777: Bey was oblivious of the tsunami yesterday
Alansueton: that's what I say before I ejaculate "Here comes the Tsunami!"
Beysshoes: omg. ew ew ew
Catpower777: oh, thanks for sharing, Para
Alansueton: just kidding and I apologize to anyone who has lost
family or friends to a Tsunami

[... the two viewers are long gone, the television muted, Candace up
and astride Russell, bobbing herself to a pulse they find together,
Russell her fuse beneath her. They end up shattered, crumpled into
each other, a double collapse, both grateful to be back here, after
so long away.
Then they're in her bed. The second time is slow. They turn each
other all ways, tasting, playing, giving over --- all either of them
ever wanted. Whatever the first reason, there's no other point than
to fit togather. It takes all his will not to tell her he loves her,
over and over. And he would, if words weren't as hindering as fur on
fish. But this what he thinks, curled up safely into her amazing
back, plummeting into sleep: Thank you. Thank you for raising me
from the dead.]

Veteran's Day Blues:
Beysshoes: so fubar, were you in 'nam?
Fubar817: for a couple of months, Bey
Beysshoes: (what happed? 2 months?)
Fubar817: TDY
Beysshoes: ted offense? just before?
Fubar817: Temporary Duty
Beysshoes: oic
Beysshoes: thank you for serving fubar
Fubar817: no, I was just a Sgt
Beysshoes: may i ask what you do on veterans day please?
Fubar817: Not much
Beysshoes: i hope you have somebody to tend to you fubar.
Fubar817: but then I don't do too much on any day

Giving Beys the News:
KissMyAsterix: hey beys, how was the tidal wave?
Beysshoes: was it here kissy?
Beysshoes: cat won't tell me if it came yet
Catpower777: Bey didn't even realize she got tsunamied
KissMyAsterix: oh you're floating away right now beys
Beysshoes: we really got hit cat?
KissMyAsterix: can't you tell?
KissMyAsterix: hope you can fish
Beysshoes: trynna send me over to ms vicky kiss? how rude
KissMyAsterix: not at all
Catpower777: there actually were some scary warning earlier in
the day yesterday, Bey
Catpower777: but they downgraded them
KissMyAsterix: I just knew you wanted a world cruise

Rider Pierced
Roldda: anyone ever heard of susan fast?
PaIeRlDER2: susan fast?
PaIeRlDER2: yeah i did her slow once
Roldda: well that must be why shes a lesbian now

Funeral Food:
EmpressZ21: a funeral we went to today beys
Beysshoes: ah funeral food is supposed to be the best yes?
EmpressZ21: it wasnt
Beysshoes: it wasn't? that is poor manners empy. or cheapness
EmpressZ21: lack of money i think
PatientOnionSF: you don't need a lot of money to make something delicious
EmpressZ21: well the family wasn't exactly cooking
PatientOnionSF: somebody could have cooked for the family
EmpressZ21: very impersonal funeral

Imagine There's No Onion:
I2DaysInNovember: OnionHead took 4 dollars out of the Shelf cookie
jar to go to Chinatown to buy some stinky tofu

The Old Urinary Tract:
Melodramamama22: that's okay tho, the old urinary tract is in good shape!
Beysshoes: mama, dunt lie. you had chlamydia last week
Melodramamama22: i cured it with jagermeister
BlackHeartedCur: yo. ho. ho.
Melodramamama22: beys, he's callin ya
Boulshevit: Mels!
Beysshoes: stop it mama. you know i'm fake engaged.
Melodramamama22: you are??
BlackHeartedCur: that's ok i'm real married
Melodramamama22: who's your fake almost husband?
Beysshoes: well, binky. but i think we broke the fake engage.
still, i have hope. its the age of obama. yes we can. loL
Melodramamama22: so you're going to be beysbinx?
Hadachoke: beysB91
Beysshoes: lol nope binkysbeybey
BlackHeartedCur: What?? I thought Binx was gay?
Beysshoes: binx is flexible blackcurd. as onions says
Melodramamama22: is he bendy too?
Beysshoes: yep
BlackHeartedCur: flexible = gay?

Should Have Said Fruit?:
Boulshevit: Now now, the fag's not here to defend himself!
Beysshoes: boulsy i cannot believe you said fag

Popcorn Piglets:
Melodramamama22: the piglets are cute, when you put a load of them
into a tiny piglet pen, they pop up in the air like popcorn
DoomGrl: baby pigs are cute
Tammynet: trying to imagine a state fair in October in Seattle....
it would be a fairgrounds full of umbrellas and no one on the fairways
Boulshevit: How do you have a fair without popcorn piglets?
Melodramamama22: it just wouldn't be a fair
Melodramamama22: popcorn piglets and footlong pigdogs

Elephany Ears:
Tammynet: elephant ears!
Boulshevit: Tammy, how did you know my high school nick name?
Tammynet: lol
Tammynet: wasn't that elephant nose?
Tammynet: (just kidding)
DoomGrl: do elephants have noses?
Boulshevit: No, actually it was, nevermind, lol
DoomGrl: there was this kid in 10th grade that would inside out
his pockets and then say do you want to see the elephants nose?

Violent but Stupid:
ManiacEyeball: where the wild things are sucked
ManiacEyeball: a lot
ManiacEyeball: horrible
Anais3233: i've never laughed harder at a movie then I did at the hangover.
ManiacEyeball: it's violent in a really unattractive way
Anais3233: i'll never be the same after seeing that movie. omg.
i . cant. stand. how. funny. that. movie. is...
Anais3233: violent in where the wild things are?
Anais3233: huh i didn't know
ManiacEyeball: it wasnt marketed towards a childrens audience for
a reason
ManiacEyeball: i dont mind violent but it was pretty stupid anyway
Anais3233: i wanted to take my kid to that but everyone was like DON"T
Anais3233: actually the baby and i watched big trouble in little china
last night
Anais3233: now he wants to be a ninja

Subtlety:
EmpressZ21: my stepwhore made the fairy tale moms look like June Cleaver
Bgrant444: Empress, don't beat around the bush

Dem Columns:
Gleam1946: The Dem fifth column within the Obama administration is going
to be the subject of "ethnic cleansing"

Empress Analysis:
DGBALTIMORE: somepeople are incapable of staying married to anyone
DGBALTIMORE: due to an internal psychological struggle based in
childhood trauma
EmpressZ21: or they're just assholes

LadyQ's Cat:
BinxB91: Q, I'm sorry about your cat then
LadyQuasi: Thanks, Binx.
LadyQuasi: That's considerate of you...to mourn the imaginary cat.
LadyQuasi: His death was traumatic.
DoomGrl: maybe it was imaginary sympathy
LadyQuasi: in an imaginary sort of way
BinxB91: I can cry at Hallmark card commercials
LadyQuasi: ::hands Binx tissue::
Beysshoes: binx the tissue is for your eye tears
BinxB91: I once dated a woman who cried at the first 4 movies we
saw together

Lesbians For 800, Alex:
DoomGrl: wasn't anne heche ellens girl friend?
Beysshoes: yes dooms
DoomGrl: what ever happened to that?
Beysshoes: heche is a borderline
BinxB91: true about Anne Heche. Select the next category
Beysshoes: she humiliated ellen. but ellen upgraded to porsha anyway
BinxB91: It puts the lotion in the basket
Hadachoke: jeezuz, is heche gay

What Are You Wearing BookSlut?:
erstwhile mots: I'm wearing an old Raiders sweatshirt that I cut
above my navel.
PatientOnionSF: mots, cut it higher por favor
erstwhile mots: Laugh.
erstwhile mots: You should see me - I look so cute.
PatientOnionSF: cut it higher, and use the cut stuff as a headband

Remembering CreepyLoner:
DoomGrl: i liked how creepy always inserted her actions
Hadachoke: [frowns]
PatientOnionSF: action insertion?
DoomGrl: exactly Hada
Beysshoes: [perching on ledge and lighting a fag]
Hadachoke: lol
BinxB91: [wiggles eye brows]
DoomGrl: (scratching a**)
BinxB91: [flops back down]
Beysshoes: oooh lala
Hadachoke: [wipes ass ]
Beysshoes: ew ew EW

Ok, but who's gonna eat it?:
PatientOnionSF: tonight i will experiment with pumpernickel
loaded with dried cherries, cranberries & walnuts
PatientOnionSF: old loaves are great for bread crumbs

BookSlut Back Lash:
erstwhile mots: I made zucchini nut pound cake yesterday.
BinxB91: BookSlut can cook? who knew?
erstwhile mots: I made it for my mother and I.
PatientOnionSF: binky, it's called baking
PatientOnionSF: you don't cook bread
erstwhile mots: Oh, I can cook.
BinxB91: what's your mother like?
erstwhile mots: Binx. Unavailable - to you.
Tom Brite: only indians cook bread
BinxB91: B'slut, trying answering straight
Beysshoes: binx is strong and handsome mots.
erstwhile mots: Beysshoes. Really? Cause I see him as this
guy suffering from Gnostic trepidism.
Beysshoes: what is gnostic trepidism?
DoomGrl: a gnostic
BinxB91: oh man, double word score
erstwhile mots: Lol, Doom. Shhh.
DoomGrl: ag nostic
Beysshoes: oh. yeah mebbe that too. but he's a marathon runner.
so its okay
BinxB91: oh oh, Bookslut make a fox paw??
erstwhile mots: Faux pas.

P.S.:
DoomGrl: is trepidism that thing where they drill a whole in your head

Folk Songs:
Tom Brite: autistic savants are the coolest
Hyperion x3: FCC won't let me be or let me be...
Hyperion x3: so it feels empty
Beysshoes: tommy boy, just about everybody's cooler than you hon.
Hyperion x3: everybody just follow me
Tom Brite: boxcar counters
Hyperion x3: 'cause we need a little controversy

Hunter Thompson and Patient Onion:
BlackHeartedCur: I had a drink at the Woody Creek Tavern when
thompson was alive, but I picked the one night he wasn't there
Melodramamama22: well yes, that goes without saying
BlackHeartedCur: Patient Onion was there, however, and he was
bombed out of his skull
DoomGrl: did he come across as a bon vivant? (whats a bon vivant?)
BlackHeartedCur: Patient Onion? No.
Catpower777: no, I think he's a serious person, Doom
Catpower777: thoughtful
BlackHeartedCur: He came across as a neurotic, food-obsessed
san franciscan
BlackHeartedCur: with anger management issues

Food Fights:
HollyGoI23: Onion, I made cauliflower graten
PatientOnionSF: what kind of cheese did you use?
HollyGoI23: guerreare & chedder and parm
PatientOnionSF: sharp?
HollyGoI23: extra
DoomGrl: do you think cheese is good for you?
PatientOnionSF: was the date stinkier than aged provolone?
HollyGoI23: I think it's ok if you don't have a meat course
PatientOnionSF: that is the stinkiest cheese i have ever used

Remembering CreepyLoner II:
Fubar817: Where is Creepy when we need her?
DoomGrl: lol
BinxB91: [cuts thigh]
DoomGrl: BINX!
BinxB91: sorry sorry
BinxB91: Doom keeping us in line
Beysshoes: binx you are mean
DoomGrl: Creepy was fun

BinxB91: (sigh)
LadyQuasi: ::ties tourniquet around Binx's thigh::
BinxB91: yes, I liked Creepy
LadyQuasi: Anything to get someone to touch your thigh, huh?
Fubar817: ---cuts off circulation & foot falls off
Beysshoes: ladyq you are doing the wrong appendage there
BinxB91: even if she never smiled
LadyQuasi: Hahaha
Beysshoes: get offa my boo
PatientOnionSF: cur is eating dinner with his hot wife
Beysshoes: fubar are you iranian?
PatientOnionSF: Elvarina
Fubar817: No, but I've been there
Beysshoes: did you love it fubar?
LadyQuasi: I just saw a promo for Nightmare on Elm Street
and wondered...how does Freddy Krueger(sp?) wipe his butt?
LadyQuasi: That would be painful.
DoomGrl: fubar is almost rabbit spelled back wards
Fubar817: Yes, nice country, say about 40 yrs ago
Beysshoes: ladyq that was crass. ahem
LadyQuasi: Crass? I used no curse words.

Acronym:
BinxB91: fubar? fucked up beyond any repair? Not a very
optimistic screen name
Beysshoes: oh is that what that is?
Fubar817: all recognition, but close enough

Cyber Me:
BinxB91: If you have to cyber, insert a few of the lines here
BinxB91: For example, "touches cheek"
Beysshoes: BINX!
BinxB91: "moaning
BinxB91: "moaning"
LadyQuasi: Damn...out of batteries.
Beysshoes: hahaha
LadyQuasi: Like that, Binx?

Who Do You Miss:
Beysshoes: what happed to creeps anyway? does anybody know?
DoomGrl: bookie adored creepy
Fubar817: She ran off with Arais
Fubar817: Anais
HollyGoI23: anais...that name is familiar
DoomGrl: unless they were fighting
DoomGrl: i doubt she would run off with Anais
Beysshoes: i miss at.
DoomGrl: i miss leslie haplabap and Oolijay the most
Beysshoes: where did oojie go?
Fubar817: Ooooly was a lot of fun
DoomGrl: i should have given her my address so she could send me
the darn socks
BinxB91: ooolijay is having an affair, I think
Fubar817: With her parrot

It's Mourning in America:
HollyGoI23: all great societies fall. It's the States turn
DoomGrl: isnt the world supposed to end in 2012, anyways
PatientOnionSF: we closed down thousands of factories and set
up a bunch of casinos to make bets on the price of oil and
toxic mortgages
BinxB91: Gee Holly, you're a ray of sunshine
Fubar817: Ah, finally, it's Clinton's fault
DoomGrl: the number of India's honor students is more than all
the students in the USA
Beysshoes: rome fell because they lost the middle classes. just like
we did
PatientOnionSF: the hillbillies just care about their guns
BinxB91: Holly, I was worried in 1974 too
DoomGrl: I agree it may be the beginning of the decline and fall of
the american empire
PatientOnionSF: doom, it's closer to the end than the beginning

Vonnegut Night:
BinxB91: Fubar, name a beloved book
Fubar817: Breakfast of Champions
BinxB91: oh good!!! and long is your cock??? DON'T ANSWER THAT
Beysshoes: binky?
Fubar817: Not So Wild A Dream (Severeid)
Beysshoes: lots of stuff is wrong. binx what in the world?
BinxB91: Beys, it's in Breakfest of Champions. Vonnegut describes
each male character's cock as soon as they appear in the book

"it's a cruel to role play":
PatientOnionSF: macs were designed for the intellectually challenged,
e.g., point and click instead of typing the command
PatientOnionSF: for some reason they like to think that makes them
smarter
Beysshoes: cat has a mac homer
PatientOnionSF: cuz she teaches the pre-literate
Hadachoke: what's a mac homer?
Beysshoes: macs are for artists onoins
Beysshoes: macintosh and onions bobby
Hadachoke: JOKING
Beysshoes: pipples are pretty stoopid in here bobby.
its cruel to role play a fucktard.

Too boring to be gay:
Tom Brite: glenn beck had a nice edgar allen poe reading today
PatientOnionSF: glenn heck is my favorite homosexual right wing crackpot
Beysshoes: he's not gay. he's too boring to be gay. sheesh

Unclear on the Concept:
PatientOnionSF: all the fancy artisan breads here are made from
white flour, not very sophisticated
PatientOnionSF: bolshevik, you getting ready for winter?
PatientOnionSF: you got lots of corn and taters in the cellar?
Beysshoes: onions, they came out with a wheat grain fudge now.
PatientOnionSF: bey, you live on a rock
Beysshoes: oh you knew this already?

Heywud, he knew you'd be watching:
Heywud U: good lord is the ole onion ever not here??? came in the
other nite and he was the only one here argueing with hisself

In Tom's Orbit:
Tom Brite: Are you a conservative, Bessy?
Beysshoes: tom? why do you call me bessy?
KissMyAsterix: tom's a libertarian beys
Tom Brite: I feel close to you Bessy.
Beysshoes: tom. you're big. you're close to everybody.
KissMyAsterix: in a planetary way, he's got gravitational pull beys?

Getting Right With God:
Catpower777: time to get right with god, Bey?
Beysshoes: cat! did you lie when you told me there wasn't a god?
or heaven?
Catpower777: I am one of those people who admit to not knowing, Bey
Beysshoes: cat. you laffed at me. for talking about heaven. !!!
Catpower777: I didn't laugh at you
Beysshoes: you did so!
KissMyAsterix: scoffed?
Catpower777: no, I wouldn't do that
Beysshoes: sneered.
KissMyAsterix: chortled?
KissMyAsterix: she coughed beys
KissMyAsterix: she's under the weather
KissMyAsterix: coughed and scoffed
Beysshoes: nope kiss. she laffed
Catpower777: Bey, if you thought i was laughing at you, it was
because I thought you were kidding
Catpower777: I wouldn't laugh at someone's religious beliefs
Beysshoes: cat told me heaven was like the easter bunny. it traumatized me.
Catpower777: unless they're Mormon
KissMyAsterix: it's hopping away and smells like rotten eggs?
Catpower777: oh did I invoke the Easter bunny?
Beysshoes: yes kitkat you did. kissy is horridly worse tho.
KissMyAsterix: well I did have different afterlife plans beys
KissMyAsterix: but if there's chocolate involved, I can take a detour
Beysshoes: what different plans.
Beysshoes: there's a choice?
Catpower777: she's realistic, Bey...she knows the bus is idling for her
KissMyAsterix: well if there's a heaven, there's a hell
KissMyAsterix: I'm packing lite

Child Actor:
SSingActress: Thanks, I did Courtship of Eddie's Father there as a
Guest Star
SSingActress: 88 lines were mine, Raven, it was about my character.
SSingActress: i played a kid from the ghetto.
Hadachoke: Millionaire Singdog

How Do You Act?:
BinxB91: Were you REALLY a kid from the ghetto?
SSingActress: Not at all. Quite the opposite.
SSingActress: I sure did a good job playing one, though.
BinxB91: So how did you "act"?
SSingActress: I just 'played' my sister Cindy, the fat pig. With a
chip on her shoulder.

People With Live Libidos:
EDruezillaB: i think a wedding kiss should be sort of a make out,
not just a kiss
BlackHeartedCur: Especially if its a lesbian couple. Lets face it,
thats hot.

Prologue:
Jam7604801: getting ready to start the book Dandeilion Wine by
Ray Bradbury anyone ever read it?

Tom Terrific:
Tom Brite: Like now that youre hitched its ok finally to kiss and
everyone claps
Tom Brite: and everyone know in reality they fucked on the first date
Hadachoke: tom is a slut
Tom Brite: where white, be all giggly, pretend to be a virgin for the crowd
BinxB91: Tom, I hope you never have daughters
BlackHeartedCur: Or even cats

Tom and Erma:
KissMyAsterix: Tom, you're a little combative, did erma hide the metamucil
BinxB91: Tom, is your wife sweet?
Tom Brite: no binkx why
BlackHeartedCur: Probably Binx. She's inflatable, after all
Tom Brite: and what is mtamaxul
Hadachoke: poop meds tom
KissMyAsterix: are you drinking tom
BinxB91: I just wonder what kind of couple you are
Tom Brite: we are like every couple. we hate each other
BlackHeartedCur: Can't imagine why ....

Why KatyTried Often Sucks:
DoomGrl: yes, before you came in
DoomGrl: i was hilarious

2009-11-06T06:32:00.000-08:00

DoomGrl Out of the Closet

Oh Boy!!:
VioletDeliriums: i cant wait to see what the onion does

Well-Adjusted Daughter:
HollyGoI23: my father once told me to go out and fuck because
that was how to make friends.
mourning bread: Did you take his advice.
HollyGoI23: no I shot him
HollyGoI23: in my mind

No Room For Skeltons:
DoomGrl: my dad has almost 2000 record albums stored in the
hall closet

Out-of-Context Blues:

Im2charming: I RATHER SIT AROUND WITH THE BEER AND SMILE AND FART

Toujourspc: it is so odd how something mundane like a bubble
blower or a sewing machine can make you filthy filthy rich

raven of rapha: When I was young my father wroked for the government.

W4p25m25: i still think they'll have football on Mars someday

Gleam1946: Are we not Devo?

Hey, I'm there!:
niontron8: a soft violin song, played live:niontron.com/onekrat.mp3

Goes right to his head:
Melodramamama22: damn. i lol'd alan

Doesn't Work With "Vero":
Melodramamama22: i like it when people say "boca" all nonchalantly

But 'ha ha ha':
quiet scientist: i don't mean to laugh at arthritis or anything

Would you like them on a train, or in the rain?:
ManiacEyeball: i hate 'jokes', i prefer spontaneous humor

Who Loves Ya Baby?:
Melodramamama22: binx, i went to see paranormal activity at the weekend
BlackHeartedCur: I would respond to that, because I'm interested in
that movie, but the comment was directed only at Binx
Melodramamama22: oh.
BlackHeartedCur: So I'll just sit here and drum my fingers on the table
Melodramamama22: cur, i went to see paranormal activity at the weekend.
BlackHeartedCur: Oh, really? How was it?
Melodramamama22: skeery!

IT'S NOT OVER YET!!:
Melodramamama22: i was skeert. i asked this, approx 43 times:
NOW what are they doing?
Melodramamama22: cause i didn't watch a lot of it
BlackHeartedCur: You must have been annoying to watch the movie with
Melodramamama22: yes, hugely annoying
Melodramamama22: but i'm worth it
Melodramamama22: i watched none of the end, and everyone was still
gasping and i was hollering HOW DID IT END?!

What else is scary?:
Melodramamama22: actually i like baseball, but i don't like to watch
it alone

Dance Discussion:
Alansueton: of course not Maniac you should do "The Petulant Child"
ballet and free style your inability to convey your secret to us
ManiacEyeball: i didn't say free style.
ManiacEyeball: you're retarded.
ManiacEyeball: you don't know anything about dance, apparently
BlackHeartedCur: When people decided to break out of the rules of
ballet, it became another kind of dance

Snob Baiting:
ManiacEyeball: arguing about ballet, when you probably couldn't
even describe what a brise-vole is.
Melodramamama22: brise vole sounds like some pickled rodent meat
DoomGrl: its like dancing about architcture
ManiacEyeball: i know, its missing the accent
Toujourspc: brise vole sounds like a jewish rat
Alansueton: brise marine Sea Breeze brise is a breeze wind

What Are You Wearing:
BlackHeartedCur: Jeans and a t-shirt

So Is Brokeback Mountain but ...:
DoomGrl: tits up in a ditch is an annie proulx story

Cue Cards:
Toujourspc: Patient writes for Dave Letterman
PatientOnionSF: i pick out the interns too
Melodramamama22: did he write the part when letterman said "oh fuck"

Uncertain Geography:
Toujourspc: I never realized Wisconsin was so close to Pa until I
got a map for my grand daughter

Beginning the CreepyLoner Quest:
DoomGrl: whats that nice city in Ohio?

Sex With Jeff:
quiet scientist: my roommate is having sex and yelling "nick!"
quiet scientist: this is awkward

Bubble Burster:
raven of rapha: My father is the remote for Howard H.
raven of rapha: At one time the wealthiest man in the world.
raven of rapha: He designed the Cia.
quiet scientist: then he spent a month peeing in jars
quiet scientist: what's the moral of that story?

Halloween Dreams:
DoomGrl: qui, what are you going to be for Halloween
quiet scientist: i don't know yet
PatientOnionSF: what were you last year?
DoomGrl: Howard Hughes?
PatientOnionSF: a scientist again?
quiet scientist: but a lady came to our door yesterday asking me
to sign a petition to ban trick or treating at our apartments
quiet scientist: last year i was an angel
quiet scientist: boring i know

[He stood at the table, looking down at the handkerchief case
and stud box, and was afraid. Upstairs was a girl who was a
person. That he loved her seemed unimportant to what she was.
He only loved her, which really made him a lot less than a
friend or an acquaintance. Other people saw her or talked to
her when she was herself, her great, important self. It was
wrong, this idea that you know someone better because you have
shared a bed and a bathroom with her. He knew, and not another
human being knew, that she cried "I" or "high" in moments of
great ecstasy. He knew, he alone knew her when she let herself
go, when she herself was not sure whether she was wildly gay or
wildly sad, but one or the other. But that did not mean that he
knew her. Far from it. It only meant that he was closer to her
when he was close, but (and this was the first time the thought
had come to him) maybe farther away from anyone else when he was
not close. It certainly looked that way now. "Oh, I'm a son of
a bitch," he said.]

DoomGrl Undercover:

DoomGrl: I feel funny with such a big font. wait a minute

DoomGrl: baby can you blow my heart upmaybe i will be Lady Gaga

DoomGrl: I bought 4 coloring books today

DoomGrl: i am drinks beer

DoomGrl: in my tanks top and jean

BookSlut Just Back From Writing Seminar:
erstwhile mots: Gawd, the Redskins suck almost as bad as the Psycho
remake with Anne Heche.

Scandavian Syndromes:
HollyGoI23: isn't there a psychosis that enables you to fall for
your rescuer? like that kidnapping thing...
Catpower777: like the Stockholm Syndrome?
Hadachoke: Copenhagen Syndrome?
Catpower777: Holly, I think with men it's called horny?

The Answer Man:
Gleam1946: Are you at all cognizant? Is the tail now wagging the dog?

Tolerance:
Gleam1946: Obama is a nice guy who just fell in with a real
nefarious crowd

Stream of Consciousness:
HollyGoI23: I have a hard time with some older films
HollyGoI23: ohh and smell good too

Stop listening to AM radio?:
Gleam1946: When the aliens get here and tell us we are all
sub-human what will the liberals say?

Onion Says "obscene":
PatientOnionSF: across the street from where I grew up was built
the very first mall in america, by that scumbag Taubman, then
about 20 years later they covered it, making it even more obscene

Our Better Angels:
AngelGardn:
AngelGardn:
AngelGardn:
AngelGardn:
AngelGardn:
BinxB91: Angel, white font does not work
AngelGardn:
PatientOnionSF: the only murders we have here are drug/gang related
AngelGardn:
AngelGardn:
AngelGardn:
AngelGardn:
AngelGardn:
PatientOnionSF: angel's font is naked just like herself

[The dinner guests stood up and he looked for Caroline. He saw
she was too far away to have it worth making a point of of going
to her. That turned out to be an error of judgement.]

Onion's World:

PatientOnionSF: empress and her tycoon husband are going to visit
thor and ****** in the spring for some kinda orgy

PatientOnionSF: never try to make mashed potatoes in a food processor,
it gives it a pasty unappetizing texture
PatientOnionSF: just mash 'em

PatientOnionSF: i am testing out a pork filling for bitter melon
stuffed w/pork
PatientOnionSF: i have a friend that likes the bitter flavor, I can
live without it

But Only If I Have a Coupon:
DoomGrl: if they have the swine flu vaccine at the super market,
maybe I will get it

The Real End of the Cold War:
BlackHeartedCur: Binx, lets have more of the Eastern Euro-hotties

DoomGrl at 13:
DoomGrl: johnny depp plays all different kinds of people, like
with scissors as hands and stuff
DoomGrl: and the cuban transvestite
DoomGrl: he was sooo pretty in that movie

Blackmailer:
HollyGoI23: ah...my parents were hippies.... I have photos

One Flew in a Taxi, One Saved Time in a Bottle:
DoomGrl: i get harry chapin and jim croce mixed up

Favorite Book Club:
Fubar817: Say what youwill about Vonnegut, you always get a reaction
MyStrat: you have to be in the right mood to read kurt
Fubar817: Stoned is good

I even got the month of May:
Alansueton: methinks Binx is a SteelyDan fan
Beysshoes: binx isn't a fan of anyone bonbon
Beysshoes: mebbe me. but nobody else.

Deciphering Boulshevit:
Boulshevit: Wow, see, that's why I quit driving
Beysshoes: you quit for alcohol boulsy? alcohol is a jealous lover.
Boulshevit: Yeah, no shit, Beys..she was probably a mean drunk
Boulshevit: Nah, I just quit driving
Beysshoes: just? like 2 hours ago?
Boulshevit: Just like 15 minutes ago
SemiLitterate: (his car reposessed)
Beysshoes: aaah. well, its good you're making such a monumental
effort boulsy
Boulshevit: Hey, you know me, trying to give back
Beysshoes: always the philanthropist.

Attack of The Penis Boys:
Beysshoes: sue sue nobody could zoom in on your teenie peenie
so you be safe
PatientOnionSF: "I can't stop touching it. I can't find it.
Please help me"
Alansueton: I know a small penis is an adaptative advantage if you
wish to masturbate in public
Alansueton: I have availed myself of the advantage on numerous occasions
Alansueton: Onion Im not a Deli side order cook
PatientOnionSF: especially at baskin robbins before they close and
all the soccer moms come in
Beysshoes: thanks for sharing suesue

... and that she's not LadyMountainMedic:
Prospect26: hi beys...do you know that i am a woman?
Beysshoes: yes pros i do.
Prospect26: thanks

Newbie With No Promise:
v70mattg: so do people here talk about books?
v70mattg: lol

Piling On Prospect:
Prospect26: I am reading The Story of Edgar Sawtelle.
PatientOnionSF: you have been reading that stupid book since 2002
Hadachoke: pros, you've been reading that for a year
PatientOnionSF: it is one million pages long?
PatientOnionSF: it's like eating a pizza as big as ohio

The Self-effacing Beysshoes:
Hadachoke: Beyss came to my house once... stood in the doorway
and said "Hi, I'm here to give you super sex"
Hadachoke: I said ok, i'll take the soup
Beysshoes: i did not bobby. i only offerred a bj
Beysshoes: don't exaggerate
KissMyAsterix: what are you clinton
KissMyAsterix: that's not sex?

Group Therapy:
SkylerThompson22: why do you two hate your mothers?

Sexual Confusion:
KissMyAsterix: just because you don't want to talk to someone
doesn't mean you hate them
Beysshoes: egg sackly. you can love somebody and not like them ya know
SkylerThompson22: you cant talk to her?
KissMyAsterix: I prefer the term try not to
SkylerThompson22: because shes overbearing?
KissMyAsterix: mine, no
SkylerThompson22: a busybody?
Beysshoes: its rude to probe skyler.
Beysshoes: unless its sexual probing
KissMyAsterix: nah, and honestly it's shrink stuff.. unless you can
write scripts
KissMyAsterix: eww
KissMyAsterix: beys geez
KissMyAsterix: skyler is still questioning his sexuality
Beysshoes: gina you ingrate
Beysshoes: so be a good citizen and hep him.
KissMyAsterix: he's still in denial
Beysshoes: oh skyler. you're in the perfect chat. a lot of
sexual confusion in here.
SkylerThompson22: mom sent me to a therapist
Beysshoes: not now, but when the trannies get here you'll see

Heard It:
SkylerThompson22: the contraction is "clit"
KissMyAsterix: been dying to use that huh

Flirting 2009:
KimberlysCabin09: hes not into trailer trash like me
Boulshevit: Stanley from Three's Company was kind of creepy
KimberlysCabin09: oh yeah boul
PaIeRlDER2: yer trailer trash too kim?
PaIeRlDER2: mmmmmmmmmm intriguing
PaIeRlDER2: Kim, is it just me or are you a tad 'paranoid'?
KimberlysCabin09: are you trailer trash pale?
KimberlysCabin09: at least youre my equal
KimberlysCabin09: tad paranoid
PaIeRlDER2: I live in a house , I am redneck trash
KimberlysCabin09: oh a house... does it have bugs?
PaIeRlDER2: NO
KimberlysCabin09: good i hate bugs
PaIeRlDER2: and i'm a neat freak
KimberlysCabin09: man i got like nine skeeter bites on the deck OUCH
KimberlysCabin09: does mold make you sleepy and clog your nose up?
KimberlysCabin09: good i like neatness too
PaIeRlDER2: Mold will make you ill
KimberlysCabin09: i think this mold might have been contributing
to some of my health problems
PaIeRlDER2: probably kim
KimberlysCabin09: rescue me
KimberlysCabin09: take me outta this dump
PaIeRlDER2: lol
KimberlysCabin09: see i knew you werent serious
PaIeRlDER2: NOT WITHOUT A LOOK SEE FIRST
KimberlysCabin09: you can see when you prove to me who you are
PaIeRlDER2: OK, HOW COULD I PROVE I AM ME?
Hadachoke: go ahead, Pale, send her the dick pic
KimberlysCabin09: send me 25 grand
princessslayah42: stop yelling, Rider
PaIeRlDER2: she said she dont open mail had
KimberlysCabin09: ill send it back i promise :-D

A Chick Magnet:
PatientOnionSF: kman, you smooth talker you, how do you do it?
Kman3x3: id just do
PatientOnionSF: you are irresistible, a CHICK MAGNET
KissMyAsterix: lol onion
KissMyAsterix: you win
KissMyAsterix: he's all yours
PatientOnionSF: kman, bey is hot too, a hawaii surfer/suntan
lotion model
Kman3x3: o yeah
Beysshoes: yah that's me alright
PatientOnionSF: rub some on her
KissMyAsterix: wait, don't give away my beys
Kman3x3: ]hey bey want to talk
Catpower777: Kman, you faithless cad
Catpower777: you dumped Kiss that easily?
Beysshoes: you mean cyber kman? i already did 5 today. i'm tired.
sorry raincheck?
KissMyAsterix: he knows a good thing when he sees it
Kman3x3: she wasn't talkin

The Chick Magnet Strikes Out:
Kman3x3: so who want to talk to kman
Kman3x3: anybody
Catpower777: Kman, I think you're barking up the wrong chatroom
KissMyAsterix: we can't
KissMyAsterix: we'll fight over you
KissMyAsterix: and no one will win
Kman3x3: why is that
KissMyAsterix: you should save us from ourselves
KissMyAsterix: and well, try another room
Melodramamama22: i hear author's lounge is good for that sort of thing
Chick Magnet Reflections:
Catpower777: Dino hurt him, Bey
Beysshoes: lol he IMd me; dino took him? ty kiss
KissMyAsterix: uh no beys
KissMyAsterix: I closed him
KissMyAsterix: he can't spell what
KissMyAsterix: that's a requirement
Beysshoes: i'm over my quota today, you're so lazy and uncharitable kiss
KissMyAsterix: I am
Beysshoes: oh i see, like me and the toothless. yes, its good
you have standards.
KissMyAsterix: I was already nauseated beys

Svengali?:
Jam7604801: onion you sound jealous
PatientOnionSF: jam, I am only jealous of your charm and wisdom
PatientOnionSF: and your svengali hold you have over book shelf chix

First Question?
quiet scientist: uhhhhhhhh...underwear? :-[
quiet scientist: and to answer the first question i'll have
to say the dartboard

Naked Darts?
Catpower777: ok, sitting there in underwear with a dartboard sounds
more male than "scientist"
Beysshoes: he said he didn't use his undies cat. pay attention pls
quiet scientist: this is just like salem
quiet scientist: weeeeeee
Bgrant444: Salem?
Bgrant444: Are we going to burn a witch?
Beysshoes: cat? are you going over to quiets place?
Catpower777: to play darts in my undies?
BinxB91: Salem? maybe we could just dunk her
Beysshoes: no undies cat
Catpower777: well, I'm not playing darts nekkid
Catpower777: that just sounds dangerous

Niontron Out and About:
Niontron9: I see a chinese lady walking towards me...what do i do
Niontron9: quick
Niontron9: someone tell me quick
Niontron9: the chinese lady approaching
Niontron9: she looks mad
Boulshevit: Run, Nion
PatientOnionSF: she's jewish, they look chinese

Enhance Your Life:
PatientOnionSF: it's gay slang for ****** *************
Beysshoes: ACTDF you mean?
PatientOnionSF: alan wrote a poem about it
PatientOnionSF: *** 2 ******
Boulshevit: ACTDF? Is that an alternate guitar tuning?
Beysshoes: A cock to die for (ACTDF)
Boulshevit: lol jesus
PatientOnionSF: don't be coy bolshevik, you knew what it meant
Boulshevit: Hell, I wouldn't die for my own
PatientOnionSF: you shrekster you
Beysshoes: then i guess you don't got one o' those (ACTDF). so sorry
PatientOnionSF: with your lost beer-encrusted weekends
Beysshoes: not to fret, they have those male enhancements for free now.
PatientOnionSF: enhance your life

Alan's muse:
princessslayah42: i have one incredibly sharp toenail
princessslayah42: i can't stop touching it
PatientOnionSF: sounds like one of alan's poems
Beysshoes: there are better things to not stop touching layah

[They played for another fifteen minutes. On the final play,
after a long steady drive that took the offense down to the
8-yard line, Taft fumbled the hand-off. Defense recovered,
whistles blew, and that was it for the day. The three of us
headed back together.
"Hobbsie laid it right in his gut and he goes and loses it,"
Rector said. "I attribute that kind of error to lack of
concentration. Coloreds can run and leap but they can't
concentrate. A colored is a runner and a leaper. You're making
a big mistake if you ask him to concentrate."
A very heavy girl wearing an orange dress came walking toward
us across a wide lawn. There was a mushroom cloud appliqued
on the front of dress. I recognized the girl; we had classes
together. I let the others walk on ahead and I stood for a
moment watching her walk past me and move into the distance.
I was wearing a smudge of lampblack under each eye to reduce
the sun's glare. I didn't know whether the lampblack was very
effective but I liked the idea of painting myself in a barbaric
manner before going forth to battle in the mud. I wondered if
the fat girl knew I was still watching her. I had a vivid picture
of myself standing there holding my helmet at my side, my left leg
bent slightly, hair all mussed up and lampblack under my eyes. Her
dress was the brightest orange. I thought she must be a little
crazy to wear a dress like that with her figure.]

Unclear on the Concept:
quiet scientist: my friend works at a drug store and the anorexics
steal the laxatives
VioletDeliriums: wow
VioletDeliriums: why dont they just buy them?

"it's like slutty"
VioletDeliriums: i'm a musician...i play stringed instruments
ManiacEyeball: you should not do every genre, it's like slutty

Intellectual:
VioletDeliriums: i like to look at things and think about them

Nostradamus:
HollyGoI23: I knew there would be transformers

Love the One You're With:
Tom Brite: take advantage of being alone and masturbate

Scary Halloween:
DoomGrl: i think i will stay home, halloween was too traumatic last year
erstwhile mots: Doom. Did you become a woman then.
DoomGrl: no, i broke up with my boyfreind, i got angry and broke a
giant mirror and then my dad almost threw me out
DoomGrl: remember?

Why Cur Is Planning a Vacation in China:
BlackHeartedCur: Its probably hard to get a Russian girl drunk

More So When You're Rocking Them With Someone:
Tom Brite: the sounds of rocking springs is so exciting

Warmth:
AmberDevilRay8: I had to get some snacks and a blanket.
AmberDevilRay8: Now I'm all wrapped up. I could use one of those
"slankets" right about now.
AmberDevilRay8: One the bright side, I'm like a toasty cinnamonbun. =)

Rhymin' Simon:
Alansueton: I was "busy"
ManiacEyeball: alan does anyone call you al?
AmberDevilRay8: Would you be my bodyguard?

2009-10-16T14:59:00.000-07:00

BOOKSHELF - The Lean Years

Floozie:
ElizavetaTheRed: i was in author's lounge for the last hour

International Beer:
Boulshevit: I work enough to afford to drink, I guess
Various704: oh hey, boul. im drinking beer from thailand.
its like water
Various704: chang beer
Boulshevit: lol, jesus, I had a room mate from Laos, but he
drank bud, lol

Members Only:
DGBALTIMORE: i hate the lounge recently
DGBALTIMORE: too exclusive
BinxB91: How can a chat room be exclusive?
PaIeRlDER2: binx i think he means he types and they ignore him

Uhm, 'where' as in 'State'!:
quiet scientist: alone in my parents basement eating cheetos

No, State!:
DoomGrl: what stadium

What Are You Wearing?:
quiet scientist: uhhhhhhhh...underwear?

Try Sharing the Cheetos:
quiet scientist: i am boyfriendless

Cause and Effect:
PatientOnionSF: A man with his one year old in a stroller
came over to buy a le creuset saucepan from me, my apartment
is FINALLY cleaned up!

Apropos of Nothing:

Bidet Luv: i know shit

DoomGrl: i really think ashley and mary kate are so cool

quiet scientist: what if a bunch of librarians went bowling?

MyStrat: cant use Eharmony anymore, since the incident

Josh Maxwell4: they new guy that sells the chopper is hard
to resist

Hello In There:
Niontron9: in order for your mind to do something the matter
needs to pass thru your level of memories and enter your long
term memory...otherwise your mind avoids the thing that you
want to do or accomplish
Tj34: how many friends do you have, nion?

Bidet IS a Lady After All:
Niontron9: i bet I can give you guys a riddle which none of
you can solve...
Niontron9: you have TWENTY littres of water...how can you move it
from one place to another without putting in a pot or anything...
you have to carry it only using both your hands...
Bidet Luv: freeze it, dumbass

Bidet as Travel Writer:
Bidet Luv: vancouver wa is the cloth diaper capital of the u.s.
Bidet Luv: portland is a smug town

[It must be that for all of us there has to be an apology
available that we can make to ourselves for anything we do.
It doesn't matter so much about an apology to others, pride
may block this, but we must have that one for ourselves, to
be able to say: 'Yes, I did that, but...' If you can't put
the 'but' after what you did then you are in a sort of way
lost. There is no 'but' that I did not know what I was
doing when I went up that path to take tea with Kentaro.
I went knowing what he was going to think of any woman who
accepted an invitation as he had done. In his eyes she was
there to be used. Also, I don't think I really wanted what
was to come, for I had no idea of what this was going to
mean to me. I wanted an end to what I had ...]

What Are You Wearing?:
Mmikea76: I am wearing a hazmat suit...I am paranoid...

How Ann Rolls:
Anncrispin: Ann doesn't talk in here.

The Esoterics:
Alansueton: it sounded like Garbage out of tune
DoomGrl: hey, i like Garbage

The Scotish Rock 'n Roll Scene:
Various704: the MOBO'S were held in glasgow last night. what
a mess some of those acts are. the cult of uk hip hop is
a complete joke now
zomcom81: I haven't heard it :( I'm a slacker
AA Birthday Pony: it's great, don't mind them
Alansueton: Various any awards for God Help the Girl?
Alansueton: (lol)
DoomGrl: i like so many scotland bands, like from glasgow
- like glasvegas, camera obscura
DoomGrl: jesus and mary chain, lol
AA Birthday Pony: isn't the twilight sad from glasgow?
AA Birthday Pony: i just saw them
Alansueton: Belle and Sebastian is still the best and
The Life Pursuit is still one of the best records to come out
of the Isles for years

Globe Trotting Girl:
BinxB91: How did you get into Scottish rock 'n roll
DoomGrl: my dad took me to ireland and scotland and stuff
DoomGrl: he wanted to see sites van morrison song about
DoomGrl: like the streets of arklow an all
DoomGrl: and there were all these skinny dogs
DoomGrl: running about, like where the mic mac indians lived
up in nova scotia
DoomGrl: remember, and the coca cola truck turned over
DoomGrl: and the bears lapped up the coca cola

Ewww:
MyStrat: i had a crush on my teacher when i was in high school,
no big deal, except i was home schooled

Homework Help?
Will C Makepeace: i gotta finish school before i can go forward

Beyond Scottish Rock:
JMax31: Acoustic Rockabilly with Broadway Pizzazz, the paper says! :)
quiet scientist: well there's a genre i've never heard of
quiet scientist: acoustic broadway rockabilly
JMax31: lol well imagine...Ethel Merman and Brian Setzer
JMax31: or Elvis...and you've got us
quiet scientist: yeah i can picture that
quiet scientist: one sings about a jump jivin whale

Onion's Disappointment:
PatientOnionSF: elizaveta bares her naked wrists in a very risque
photo montage

New From Romco!:
BlackHeartedCur: Liz, can you summon the Russian girl somehow?
I like it when you two bicker about eastern european politics
and history
ElizavetaTheRed: no I can't summon her. i dont have a dog whistle
for russian women

Next Time, Try the Meatballs:
Melodramamama22: i tried to watch the seventh seal this weekend,
lasted 5 minutes
Melodramamama22: all that swedish put me into a coma

Join Us:
fragilefirew0rks: hinduism is a beautiful religion. I could never
join though
DoomGrl: i dont think many people "join"

The Texas 500:
Bidet Luv: i probably took 500 pictures at the state fair of texas
this year
Bidet Luv: and one of them, out of all those pictures
Bidet Luv: is frameworthy in a big way
the rest are okay
PatientOnionSF: was george bush doing something homosexual?

All of a Sudden:
Melodramamama22: they have all these brazilian places that serve you
piles of meat
Melodramamama22: all of a sudden, meat meat meat

2009-09-17T13:18:00.000-07:00

Sign of Economic Recovery?:
Josh Maxwell4: The price of Trix is outrageous

Women in the Work Place:
KimberlysCabin09: even recently went back and worked a temp job
at a place id worked before and hated
shrtfnnybrunette: so why did you go back?
KimberlysCabin09: i needed some money in august
shrtfnnybrunette: aww august that foul month
KimberlysCabin09: iT was the place where i had to put fruit rollups
in a box really fast on a conveyor belt.. but this time...
shrtfnnybrunette: yes?
KimberlysCabin09: i got to work in the lab room, and make cereal
boxes and shove bags of cereal into the box really fast
KimberlysCabin09: the last time i worked there i couldnt keep up
on the rollup line so they moved me to the little ketchup packet
line and i kept getting packages that were opened and ketchup
all over
shrtfnnybrunette: darn ketchup
KimberlysCabin09: it was like that episode of lucy where her and
ethel work in the chocolate factory
KimberlysCabin09: and they eat the chocolate and stuff it in their
clothes

Norma Rae Lives On:
KimberlysCabin09: it was standing on the cement for 12 hours that
killed me
KimberlysCabin09: and the stupid people that kept goofing off
throwing products at each other
KimberlysCabin09: i think the people was the worst part of it
shrtfnnybrunette: wow 12 hrs standing i wouldn't want to do it
Josh Maxwell4: i worked in a factory one summer. they timed the
pee breaks.
KimberlysCabin09: yep josh, they are hard on temps

We Can Multi-Joke:
Catpower777: hey Binx
Hadachoke: Blonde tells her coworkers "I'm not stupid, tonight
i'm gonna study and memorize all the state capitols... you can
test me tomorrow"
Alansueton: ah Binx is here
BinxB91: A middle-aged woman is walking through the woods and
comes upon a frog
Alansueton: Binx don't step on Hada's joke
Alansueton: please
Hadachoke: Next day one of 'em says "Blondie, ok, whats\'s the
capital of Wyoming?"
Beysshoes: we can multijoke.
Beysshoes: asseries
KissMyAsterix: you know if not even one is funny
Hadachoke: She says "Doh, it's W"
BinxB91: who says to the woman, "kiss me! and I'll turn into
a handsome prince."
Beysshoes: loL bobby
BinxB91: The woman hestitates.
BinxB91: "kiss me! I'll turn into a handsome prince. what are
you waiting for??"
BinxB91: The woman ponders, "at this point in my life I was
thinking I'd be more interested in a talking frog."
Beysshoes: omg binx. you're too fun. i love that! hahaha
Beysshoes: actually, i thought the joke ended 2 lines back binx
BinxB91: LOL Beys
Hadachoke: beys, he hasn't gotten to the punch line yet
Alansueton: (let them die together)
Beysshoes: heee
KissMyAsterix: lol
BinxB91: Beys is the Salvador Dali of joke-telling
Alansueton: More like the Kevorkian

Beysshoes' Gentleman Caller:
Beysshoes: omg binx. what was the title?
Alansueton: Beys if you type omg one more time I will fly to
hawaii and remove those letters from your keyboard

A New Series:
HeRsHeYbAbYxO11: ehh theres still a few gampire books good teen
vampire books. its just repetitive
KissMyAsterix: oh see that alan, a new series for you grampire books

What Are You Wearing?
HeRsHeYbAbYxO11: pj bottoms...whats it matter

Really, That Was Enough:
HeRsHeYbAbYxO11: okie pink pj bottoms and a black cami

I Didn't Ask!!:
HeRsHeYbAbYxO11: .......ummm is the next question what color are
my undies?

Women Love Vampires:
ookish dude 21: not exactly sure why women love vamps so much
HeRsHeYbAbYxO11: iternal love obviously

What Are You Wearing Russian Girl?
Snegurochka Doll: tanks top
Snegurochka Doll: and my jean

Awesome:
Beysshoes: last night it was awesome talking to you about hating
phonies, para.
Alansueton: Beys it was I don't like phonies people who can't
even call their dying father

The Importance of Being Godwit:
Oncewasbird: These people are too happy in their Lexi and gated
communities. Time to roust 'em out.
Oncewasbird: I'm in earnest. We need mass demonstrations.
Alansueton: Once "Earnest" Victorian England code word for
homosexual?
Alansueton: are you trying to tell us something?
AmberDevilRay8: "Earnest" really meant that?
Alansueton: Amber yes

What If Godwit and Niontron Had a Baby?:
Oncewasbird: The doctors should be rioting, but they are just whores.

Jam and Obama Are Like That:
Jam7604801: Wit I have sold about 2,000 lbs of tomatos this year
Oncewasbird: I like Obama. He wants to do things.

Beysshoes' Place of Refuge:
Beysshoes: gina, the pipples in the blog beat me up so i'm here.
KissMyAsterix: which pipples
KissMyAsterix: wasn't me
KissMyAsterix: I wasn't there
AmberDevilRay8: The hell's a pipple?
Tammynet: which pipple should i beat up, beys

Literary Discussion ... kinda:
DoomGrl: lord byron was a rake
ElizavetaTheRed: And then I think he lived in France
Alansueton: the funny thing Lord Byron was a stud and all
But he short and had a club foot He also had barely any hair
on his head at 35
KissMyAsterix: a relative?
Alansueton: he must have had a honker between his legs
Beysshoes: kinda like cheney?
ElizavetaTheRed: I would have a hard time dating a bald guy
SkylerThompson22: wasnt byron gay?
Alansueton: Skyler rumors
Alansueton: he wasn't
Alansueton: the guy f*cked his sister

Poke Him Again:
Beysshoes: is that you godwit?

Either Asexual or Nympho:
ElizavetaTheRed: ALan do you flirt with Judah?
Kat2834d: hi room F/29
Alansueton: Eliza no
Alansueton: I do not flirt with anyone
Alansueton: I flirt with disaster
Kat2834d: :-) aww Alan
Beysshoes: sue sue is asexual
KissMyAsterix: I think that other guy.. condor
KissMyAsterix: but I really don't know
Beysshoes: or multisexual. one o' those
KissMyAsterix: multi but not metro
KissMyAsterix: well that sounded a little gay

What Josh Noticed:
Josh Maxwell4: i notice the interstate sex stores are vacant,
must be the web

Josh Calls For Help:
Josh Maxwell4: had a terrible tuna salad, awful
Beysshoes: was it spoiled josh
Josh Maxwell4: i think so
Josh Maxwell4: i may die
Beysshoes: que josh??? call 611

Sympathy:
Beysshoes: josh do you have benadryl? or just mix baking soda
with water
Beysshoes: do something!
Beysshoes: yoss hep that poor slob!
Yossarian4now: i don't know. i've had my stomach pumped before.
beyond that ..
Yossarian4now: just make yourself hurl, josh
Beysshoes: omg josh vanished. mebbe he died
Yossarian4now: maybe so
Beysshoes: lets plan a funeral then.
Beysshoes: a funeral for friends?

Numberology:
Yossarian4now: skkyer has a fascinating theory, beys
Beysshoes: wats that?
Yossarian4now: he believes that what version you have of aol,
tells you if you have good relationships or not
Yossarian4now: like if you have 9.0, you must have shitty ones
Yossarian4now: because you're a loser or such
Yossarian4now: and if you have 9.5, you must be wealthy
Yossarian4now: and have all good relationships
Beysshoes: hmmmm. josh2 must be like mensa yes?
SkylerThompson22: so far its panned out
Beysshoes: i'm aol 2.0 pick me pick meeeeeeee josh2!

Gomer Pyle Guide to Happiness:
Beysshoes: gutter? my fantasy is to find a quonset hut.
i want to live in one.
Yossarian4now: dream big
Beysshoes: say you want one too josh2!
SkylerThompson22: im sorry for your setbacks beysshoes
Beysshoes: josh2. you just dont understand. i knew a family in
a quonset hut. and they were happy.
SkylerThompson22: whats a quonset hut?
Beysshoes: NO. its like if you cut a cucumber down lengthwise.
turn one side upside down
Beysshoes: voila
Beysshoes: quonset hut
Yossarian4now: with less seeds

Why We Can't Recruit Newbies:
Various704: im trying to figure out what you are all talking
about and failing miserably
Beysshoes: that's because we're not talking about nuttin'
Beysshoes: just throwing lines in space
Beysshoes: skyler just informed us we're losers for not having
aol 9.5 so we don't care.
Various704: ah
Beysshoes: skyler got some poor slob to marry him and bear his
chillens so he counts
Various704: wow. im a loser for more reasons than that. get it
right skyler
SkylerThompson22: im not married
Beysshoes: you lied? omgomgomg
Yossarian4now: someone lying online? the shock
SkylerThompson22: its an old tv show
Beysshoes: tamela you hear dat? skyler fakes being married so you
and me won't harrass him.
Tammynet: like that will stop us?
Beysshoes: tilly boy
Yossarian4now: meg tilly's?

Aim Up and See Me Sometime:
Beysshoes: somebody misses you legs. i forget who though.
Yossarian4now: yeah yeah
Legs029: they need better aim then bey ; )
Yossarian4now: that would be me, beys
Beysshoes: wow you sound even more slutty than tamela

Teaching Onion:
PatientOnionSF: Alan said that Czeslaw Milosz is his great inspiration
ElizavetaTheRed: You cant believe anything Alan says

You Send Me:
Beysshoes: sue sue has begun to comment on my blog onion. so that
leaves you you punk
PatientOnionSF: who is sue sue? alan's poodle girlfriend?
Beysshoes: tamela just did too. don't be such an anal assful pls
PatientOnionSF: he only does it cuz he feels guilty
PatientOnionSF: red only does it for the cash money alan sends her
Beysshoes: guilty about what? that's just stoopid.
ElizavetaTheRed: Alan doesn't send me money, he sends me poems
ElizavetaTheRed: and poems don't pay my rent
Beysshoes: you must cyber with him eliza. then he'll pay.
Hadachoke: lol
Hadachoke: roR
Beysshoes: oh bobby. you're precious.

Picture This:
ElizavetaTheRed: You can insult anyone you like online, but it
has consequences. They won't then send you their pictures

Beysshoes' Suitor:
Beysshoes: sheesh that was so long ago manik
ManiacEyeball: you didn't even read my email
PatientOnionSF: russian is okay, soviet is bad bad evil bad
KissMyAsterix: oh that dwarf thing never did work for me
ManiacEyeball: i'm talking to bey
PatientOnionSF: bey is not a dwarf thing she is 4'9"
ManiacEyeball: i sent her an email, she hasnt read it yet.
Beysshoes: what email manik?
KissMyAsterix: maybe she's discerning
Beysshoes: and when did you send it?
ManiacEyeball: there you go again
Beysshoes: are you still talking like a year back?
SkylerThompson22: dont open it it has a virus
ManiacEyeball: first you pretend not to remember my mom, now you
pretend to not see my email
Beysshoes: i never got an email from you .
Beysshoes: i wouldn't have deleted it manik
KissMyAsterix: she says that when i mail her too maniac
KissMyAsterix: she never reads my mail
ElizavetaTheRed: Maybe it went into spam
KissMyAsterix: I think she tosses me

"send me pics" is an insult:
SkylerThompson22: eliza dont be offended but
SkylerThompson22: could u send me some pics please
ElizavetaTheRed: Skyler I would have sent you pictures but you
insulted me yesterday

Know Thyself:
Beysshoes: you're kinda creepy
KissMyAsterix: I try beys

Not Even Polish Jokes:
ElizavetaTheRed: I'm sure you felt "I'll just rip on this girl,
make her feel bad. It will be fun"
PatientOnionSF: I like the Patroshka, the famous bird-eating shark
of the Piast Dynasty, a pet of Casimir III the Great
ElizavetaTheRed: And that's fine, I can't stop you. But don't now
ask me for pictures
SkylerThompson22: no
ElizavetaTheRed: Or did you think I'd forget in 24 hours?
PatientOnionSF: Those carefree days in Silesia

Your Sex and Preference:
SkylerThompson22: maniac...what is your sex and preference?
Beysshoes: wow skyler. probing.
ElizavetaTheRed: you mean orientation
ElizavetaTheRed: its not a preference
SkylerThompson22: yeah
Beysshoes: skyler everyone knows this is a tranny chat.
Beysshoes: don't be nosy
AngelGardn: amen

If You Have to Ask:
Jam7604801: why are you in a hotel?

On a Scale of 0 to 100:
Jam7604801: beys speak for yourself and don't include me
Beysshoes: i do speak for myself and i never include you jam
Beysshoes: jam, its understood you're sexless. dont fret.
Jam7604801: bs bey i'm 100% heterosexual
Beysshoes: bs? you're bi?

A Truth Then a Hopeless Effort:
Beysshoes: nobody here is cool. stfu onion

Bisexual is cool:
Beysshoes: he's trynna pretend to be bisexual
PatientOnionSF: bey and jam are bi, lady jam and lady bey knock
their tranny sox 2gether
Jam7604801: bey i don't pretend to be anything other than what i
am unlike onion and a few others i will not name
AngelGardn: no one is cool anymore, there's a boycott on cool
Beysshoes: i realize you think that's cool jam. which is pitifuls.
Jam7604801: whats cool?
Beysshoes: you've pushed the envelop a tad too far homer
AngelGardn: bahaha
Jam7604801: bey you're the onion lover not me
AngelGardn: peppers and onions
Beysshoes: everybody loves onion. we're sick in here stoopids

Beys and the Fucktard:
Jam7604801: onion is just mad obama is taking his social
security away and giving it to all the aids infested faggots
Beysshoes: jam you're a fucktard.

Daniellee at the Brawl:
DanielleeLoko78: that was mildly insulting....
PatientOnionSF: Bey, he is just expressing his intellect,
please you are showing disrespect, that is the highest level
of thought the christian right winger can come up with
Beysshoes: bragging on throwing tomatoes at obama.
hillbilly fucktard
PatientOnionSF: white, low self esteem, low iq, low ambition,
bibles, guns, god, nascar
Beysshoes: i have a sweet fantasy that jams son will grow up to
be a tranny like ms vicky.
PatientOnionSF: from jam up onto bush cheney palin, they are backwards
PatientOnionSF: they need their own sewer to swim in
DanielleeLoko78: im confused

Beys in a Street Fight:
Jam7604801: bey if you want asian culture so bad go back to asia
Beysshoes: jam you are too retarded. you're embarrassing yourself
Jam7604801: if blacks want african culture so bad they can go back
to africa
Beysshoes: what about retards like you jam? where do we send you?
back to yoh mommas belly?

Beyond Waterboarding:
EmpressZ21: dear lord they have the golf channel on and
put it in slow motion

The Unexpected Melodramama:
BinxB91: who here is in pain?
Melodramamama22: i am, i have tennis elbow
BinxB91: how did you get tennis elbow?
Melodramamama22: opening a stuck drawer

Kinda Odd:
BinxB91: what do you do to be romantic?
Melodramamama22: the guys are all thinking: "hold in farts"
Boulshevit: lol
KissMyAsterix: kinda odd to bring up romance in the middle of
tennis elbow chat binx

The Unspoken One?
Hadachoke: quick, make up a good lie
Hadachoke: ok, that'll work
KissMyAsterix: the best lie is the unspoken one?

Onion is Never Done:
Mmikea76: Why is Onion obsessed with Penis...
Mmikea76: thats my question
Mmikea76: dude...
PatientOnionSF: mike, cuz i am gay in San francisco, duh
Mmikea76: ah...well...er...more power to you...um...
PatientOnionSF: i had to spell it out for you
Mmikea76: ok I have concluded my chat with Onion...
Mmikea76: one line is enough

Greg Tries:
GregAndru41: are any of you people actually bookish?
PatientOnionSF: greg, just me, the rest are book-hating peasants
Beysshoes: just porn greg
GregAndru41: peasants, so they love Charles Bukowski and hate
JD Salinger? or they Wolverine should marry Jean Grey?
Beysshoes: nobody cares about you greg. or what you read.

They Wanted to Wait Til the Children Were All Dead:
Hadachoke: i was married almost 50 yrs.. divorced now
EmpressZ21: you divorced after 50 yrs?
Hadachoke: yeah
EmpressZ21: wow
EmpressZ21: what goes wrong after 50 yrs
Beysshoes: you're 73 bobby? omg you're the age of my parents.
we prolly should stop cybering yes?

An Argument for Forced Sterilization:
ManiacEyeball: yeah, so i'm asking ever
bookish dude 21: sure
ManiacEyeball: oh ok.
ManiacEyeball: i don't.
ManiacEyeball: teehee
ManiacEyeball: nyc do you?
bookish dude 21: u wanna make a baby with me if i raise it?
CRlSTlNASAYS: I would like to have a baby, but I don't think
I want to be married
CRlSTlNASAYS: I mean I guess I would get married, but I want a baby more
Beysshoes: pitch the marriage. chillens are less work

Love Ya Ride:
Josh Maxwell4: sara wants to have a baby
Beysshoes: whos sara?
Josh Maxwell4: my gf
Beysshoes: are you going to do it josh? shouldn't you fix your
gender issues first? nolo?
Josh Maxwell4: nah
Beysshoes: well, it may be better if you breed before da operation.
Josh Maxwell4: funny
ShanesRide07: do you really believe any of these people should breed???

In Your Dreams:
THEPaierlder4: ok i think im goin ta bed
Beysshoes: xox
THEPaierlder4: i will think of you though bey
THEPaierlder4: ;-)repeatedly
Beysshoes: don't "think" too fast
THEPaierlder4: oh i wont

WTF Are They Talking About:
Beysshoes: you know i was joking in that email right tamela?
Tammynet: of course
Beysshoes: okay. just checking. loLLL
Tammynet: lol
Beysshoes: (i'd never stop cybering bonbon)
Beysshoes: HAHAHA
Tammynet: lol
Tammynet: who would?
Beysshoes: wow. scaring me here.

[John recalled Scott as he had been. Scott had been fat, so
ridiculously fat, John recalled with a keen pleasure, and he
was still fat really, lean and muscular appearances aside.
He closed his eyes and listened to the trickle of the
washcloth twisted over its bowl. She spoke of Scott's life
from the kitchen as she poured him a cold drink, fondly
retold Scott's exploits to his brother without thinking he
would have already heard them, an obtuseness John found
endearing. She spoke of athletic accomplishments that had
never happened, regaled John with acts of adolescents
rebellion he recognized as the feats of their childhood
friends, but all Scott in the leading roles --- Scott's
misaligned fireworks, Scott's outrageous nudity, Scott's
spray paint, Scott's guitar. Now quite near him, she
offered ice water and healthy food, urged him to eat, asked
him what he liked best about California, then (John somehow
knew this was coming next, could have finished her next sen-
tence for her) Maria told the story of the little girl in the
swimming pool after dark who had been saved, but in her version,
wet, clothed John, gasping for air as he dragged the girl to
the deck, metamorphosed into wet, clothed, gasping, dragging
Scott. "It was very bravery, was it not?"
"A brave man, our Scott," he agreed, and touched her cheek.
John sat up straight, as if a weight had been taken from him,
and old wounds scarred up smoothly in time-lapse haste: Scott
had nothing to offer, no furture potential. John had for years
been pursuing a receding back: Now he had caught it, turned it
to face him, and found he had the wrong fellow all along. Scott
wanted John's past? My God, he could have it: John certainly
wasn't using it. John would happily trade it for the present:
It was only too bad that Scott didn't take grasping Maria
seriously, because that would make this even funnier: the flower
scent and her nearness. The licensing smile. Her lips did not
move immediately away. A tentative response. Then a soft cheek,
perhaps a gentle rejection. But then the lips again. His hand
against the outsize T-shirt of his brother's alma mater, the
picture of the college mascot, flaky from careless laundry,
distorted over her shape, itchy against his palm. Her smiling
reference to the clock and the time remaining until Scott's
return: "A brave man, our John."]

If It Helps His Cause:
Kan wa ma kan: alan you disparage the entire female population?

UnButtoned:
DoomGrl: i believe in mystical connections

Then Ask For a Compliment :
Niontron9: hada takes two years to think up an insult and
that is still no good

DoomGrl Worries:
DoomGrl: i think that if everybodies soul srayed it would
be sooo crowded

Conversation Non-Starter:
Tweetygirl21146: does anyone got a pet in painful?

More Stuff Only Rono Knows:
Niontron9: there are many greek "gods" who has the same
profile as jesus...

Tell It, Rono:
Niontron9: the invisible force that controls human origninated
from sumer to greek
Niontron9: that is the same force controlling us to this day

They:
Niontron9: in the begining the spreader of christian used to
worship satan...they were into occult

'you are not right':
Niontron9: you are thinking allah and god is synonyms...you are
not right
Alansueton: Rono is the Official Mullah of the Shelf

Those Wacky Prophets:
Alansueton: I think whores are sacred
Alansueton: Jesus hung out with whores And Muhammad made women
sheltered whores with the Koran
Kan wa ma kan: alan worships at aphrodite's altar
AmberDevilRay8: Those wacky prophets.

And After That I'll Send You all My Money:
Niontron9: alan, I will ignore you permanently if you say
something like that again

When You Assume:
Hadachoke: i've no experience with unspoken lies

2009-08-31T07:56:00.000-07:00

I love You

Reflections on an AL'er Visit:
EmpressZ21: i just love when they stomp off

Cyber Only, Thank You:
KissMyAsterix: I found out years ago
KissMyAsterix: that the online experience does not improve
with visual and voice

Hada Went to MIT?:
Hadachoke: i had a tat on my dick.. everyone used to laugh,
cuz it said "MITY"
Hadachoke: then one day i got an erection and it said
"Massachusets Institute of Technology"

William Wallace Lives:
Various704: a boy and his dad were driving trhough a safari park
just outside glasgow.......
Boulshevit: Glasgow?
Various704: they saw 2 lions. one was licking the others ass...
misscalichica90: its in scotland right?
Various704: the boy asked "why is that lion doing that dad"?
Various704: the father replied
PaIeRlDER2: not much gets by you does it miss
Various704: well son, its just ate an englishman and is trying to
get the taste out of its mouth
misscalichica90: well i hear everyone out
Hadachoke: ROFL
Boulshevit: lol, jesus
PaIeRlDER2: jesus
Various704: ah well.

Staying Power or ...:
Various704: hello again, miss
Boulshevit: Wb, Missy
misscalichica90: yes hello agaim
BinxB91: misscali has staying power?
KissMyAsterix: or just bad taste

Bram Stoker Turns in his Grave:
SkyPawnLP: I'm so sick of vampires

Movie Review:
SkyPawnLP: The Hurt Locker?
AmberDevilRay8: Excellent movie.
Waggonercj: The Hurt Locker is scary
AmberDevilRay8: It's probably the most nerve-wracking movie
I've ever seen.
AmberDevilRay8: It's about the bomb squad,
AmberDevilRay8: In Iraq.
AmberDevilRay8: But it has none of that dumb "red wire or blue
wire?!" crap in it.

On Locations:
AmberDevilRay8: It's my favorite movie since "Zodiac"
SkyPawnLP: Zodiac was superb!
SkyPawnLP: I loved! that moved
AmberDevilRay8: After I saw it we went out and made my husband
drive me to all the places where he killed someone.
AmberDevilRay8: I felt morbid. =\
SkyPawnLP: lol. I did that when I moved to Chicago
SkyPawnLP: "this is where Batman made Joker's truck flip over"

"sex" is a 12-pointer:
Bklyngeezer: I like books with thorny good guys and likable
villians
SkyPawnLP: "thorny"?
AmberDevilRay8: You know...
AmberDevilRay8: "vexacious"
SkyPawnLP: dont be throwing words worth more than 8 points in
Scrabble at me

Amber's Oven:
AmberDevilRay8: Two muffins are in an oven. One looks to the other
and says "Hey man, it's getting kind of hot in here, eh?"
AmberDevilRay8: The other muffin says "Holy crap! A talking muffin!"

Trust me:
Bklyngeezer: I am very funny

The Playful Elizaveta:
ElizavetaTheRed: Hello
BinxB91: good evening, Elizaveta
ElizavetaTheRed: good evening
BinxB91: Shouldn't we have a chaperone?
ElizavetaTheRed: yes but they are all drunk

The Cat is a Bitch:
BinxB91: Elizaveta, what music are you listening to?
ElizavetaTheRed: At the moment its quiet in here
BinxB91: quiet?? Is someone sleeping in the next room?
Alansueton: silence is music nobody ever criticizes
ElizavetaTheRed: no I live alone
ElizavetaTheRed: I just felt like having it quiet
Alansueton: it's a oriental bazaar here
BinxB91: you live alone?? not even a cat?
ElizavetaTheRed: she ran away, the little bitch

Book Discussion:
DoomGrl: has TJ been around this week?
BinxB91: I have been reading TJ's stories recently
DoomGrl: which ones Binx?
BinxB91: The Pugilist at Rest
DoomGrl: they are good stories in there
BinxB91: Tj looked very handsome (and a little dangerous) in his
author's picture
DoomGrl: yes, his old pictures are pretty hot
DoomGrl: that one was picked by john updike as one of the best
stories of the century or something
DoomGrl: like that
BinxB91: when reading stories like the ones Tj wrote I wonder things
like how many great novels and poems died right there in the mud
BinxB91: or were created in the hearts of those who survived
DoomGrl: you mean by the potential authors dying?
BinxB91: right, Doom
DoomGrl: TJs stories in the new yorker are probably his best ones,
i think,
DoomGrl: except the doom girl story wasnt in the new yorker
BinxB91: thr doom girl story?
DoomGrl: you dont know about the doom girl story?
BinxB91: no (furrowed brow)
DoomGrl: he wrote it after he met me
Alansueton: Doom you met someone from AOL?
DoomGrl: there is a character in it called Doom Girl
DoomGrl: just TJ alan, you know that

"be still my beating heart":
Alansueton: Doom will you marry me? As part of a practical plan
to convince my parents I am not gay?

Odds and Ends:

ElizavetaTheRed: A sleeping pill sounds nice

DoomGrl: I am so not into S & M

Jam7604801: i sold 125 pounds of tomatos

Prospect26: why would anyone eat poptarts?

NotNycgirl: autism fascinates me

Hiding Her Disappointment:
Alansueton: Doom I don't think we should ever meet
DoomGrl: ok

To be Determined:
Permanent I: what's this room about

Rono Redux:
Permanent I: the summer of love began the long slide into total
degeneration, ending with the modern hipster
Alansueton: Perm sound slike Rono
What Jam Knows:
Prospect26: Jam...as you must know , we've had no summer here
in the East.?

What's to Love About Brazil:
Permanent I: brazilian women have mutated so all their erotic
sensations are in their anuses, their vaginas are numb
Alansueton: Perm I don't agree
AmberDevilRay8: Well...they onviosuly have a tolerance for those
waxes.
AmberDevilRay8: Maybe it's true.
Permanent I: I love the way they sniff glue and shoot one
another in braSil

The Eternal Question:
Prospect26: Jam...so where is Lady?

Lourdes Got Nothing On Her Pool:
AmberDevilRay8: I swam in a public pool once and didn't get sick
for 10 years.

Epiphany:
AmberDevilRay8: You know what I realized...
AmberDevilRay8: ...no one uses the word "morbidly".

Glibberish
BinxB91: David might buy you a slice of pizza ... but then gross
you out so you couldn't eat it
DoomGrl: if you spend 30 dollars at Twist & Shout they give you
a coupon for a medium sub next store
Alansueton: Binx I am a Gentleman
Alansueton: And Im quite Glib
Hadachoke: alan speaks glibberish

Twisted Question:
AlexaSkelexa: you think i'm pretending to be sober?

Looking For a Partner:
Prospect26: So who is drinking here?

Russians Are Like That:
DoomGrl: this russian guy was going to buy my car when i sold it
and so he called me and asked about and i said he should come
look at it and he said he couldnt because he didnt have a car

Short Book Review:
Alansueton: Prospect what book are you reading presently?
Prospect26: Alan...The Story of Edgar Sawttelle,5elle\\\\\\
BinxB91: DoomGrl's review of Edgar Sawtelle:
"I cried so much I almost threw up"
Prospect26: Binx...I have not finished the book.
Please do not comment.
BinxB91: When the book ends, DoomGrl still has her cookies

The Humble David?:
Prospect26: Alan...I am not finished with the book, It is a
first novel and I think it is very large.
Alansueton: Prospect my first time with a woman had quite an
opposite review . First, not novel and not large

Listen to your Webmaster:
ATsnapkik: I created this screen name at the recomendation of
the webmaster for our website

Jailhouse Rock:
AmberDevilRay8: I was a DJ for 2+ years.
AmberDevilRay8: Until I got fired for taking collect calls from
prison inmates making song requests.

James Brown Revisited:
axislovejimi67: if papa's got a brand new bag...what is in that bag?
IonDeSparrow: and what did he do with the old one
IonDeSparrow: and where is mama???? omg, she's in the old bag!!!

Pending:
AmberDevilRay8: I have a 5-year-old cat that I haven't named yet.

Gina's Boy:
KissMyAsterix: my son watched some show yesterday, on animal planet
KissMyAsterix: and this guy had his arm bit off by an alligator
KissMyAsterix: or a croc, I don't know which
Various704: oh dear
KissMyAsterix: but he cried
KissMyAsterix: not because the guy lost an arm
KissMyAsterix: but because they went out and killed the gator

Simon Cried:
EmpressZ21: my nephew simon cried yesterday because his virtual
penguin Floppy ran away D
KissMyAsterix: ran away?
KissMyAsterix: on what, the computer?
EmpressZ21: apparently if you dont put the thing on vacation when
you leave for a while they run away
EmpressZ21: yep
BinxB91: penguins run?
KissMyAsterix: funny
EmpressZ21: well ambled away
KissMyAsterix: waddled off
KissMyAsterix: back to the arctic
KissMyAsterix: penguin's gotta eat too
EmpressZ21: flappin his arms
EmpressZ21: fins
EmpressZ21: wings
KissMyAsterix: that seems cruel, any kid would cry over that
BinxB91: Simon has an interesting future
EmpressZ21: oh he certainly does i see broadway

Poland vs Russia vs Onion:
ElizavetaTheRed: I wanted to see Drag Me to Hell but its gone from
the theatres
Snegurochka Doll: Is that a movie about a trip to Poland?
PatientOnionSF: Drag Me to Hell is like asking someone to take you
to Russia
ElizavetaTheRed: I agree Mr Onion
Snegurochka Doll: Thats to steale my joke
PatientOnionSF: That is the American way
PatientOnionSF: you stole capitalism, i steal your shutkas
ElizavetaTheRed: Thats to conjugate verbs wrong
PatientOnionSF: that's russian for Joke
Snegurochka Doll: america is not capitolist
PatientOnionSF: are you a rush limbaugh doll now?
Snegurochka Doll: no i hate him
Snegurochka Doll: and also Bush
ElizavetaTheRed: Don't start Elena
PatientOnionSF: Elena, I will bake you some xleb tonight
PatientOnionSF: that's russian for bread
Snegurochka Doll: its a kind of russian bred
PatientOnionSF: call me up, you can give me english lessons
ElizavetaTheRed: You don't want that Mr Onion
ElizavetaTheRed: No one will understand you
PatientOnionSF: I speak an international language of delicious
cuisine
PatientOnionSF: Elena is sending her photos to all the men, they
have fallen in love
ElizavetaTheRed: Look Elena, another doll
PatientOnionSF: i am making pizza
Snegurochka Doll: i shold have it a new screen name
PatientOnionSF: and selling books to pay Red's next rent
PatientOnionSF: since she is so busy painting sleeping pigeons
PatientOnionSF: wait till they wake up, boy will they be upset and angry
ElizavetaTheRed: ha
ElizavetaTheRed: they will understand that its art
PatientOnionSF: yes, even pigeons understand the work of a great
Polish Artist
Snegurochka Doll: if you call it art
ElizavetaTheRed: The pigeons understand but the russkies dont
Snegurochka Doll: we know art when we see art

Is it ever logic nite?:
Beysshoes: my neighborhood is dull binx. 'burbs. ick
KissMyAsterix: somehow it defies logic to think there are projects
on the hawaiian islands
Melodramamama22: tell me it's not logic nite
KissMyAsterix: no it's defy logic night

Beys World:
PaIeRlDER2: im named after a toilet
Beysshoes: commode?
Beysshoes: bidet?
Melodramamama22: commode rider!
PaIeRlDER2: JOHN|
Beysshoes: oooooh duh

Twatty:
Melodramamama22: i maintain that logic is like scripture,
and can be tweaked to prove a point
Melodramamama22: no matter how twatty of a point it is

A Team of Oxy:
PaIeRlDER2: omg i heard a spoof on billy mayes on you tube
where he is in heaven selling oxyclean
PaIeRlDER2: trying to get the blood off jesuss robe
Babigurl10155: oxyclean making sure everything is nice an white
PaIeRlDER2: heard one for oxycottin too
Melodramamama22: oh, that oycontin is nasty bidness
Babigurl10155: save that for the oxymorons

Not Regularly Published:
PBowden204: published but not reg basis gri diff inn emm grin

A Milk Junkie:
Melodramamama22: not personal experience, somebody close to me
got a addiction problem
PaIeRlDER2: mel, that stuff runs them down fast
Melodramamama22: ok he was a junkie and i din't know it
Melodramamama22: he kept walking into the house,going straigt after
a quart of milk

Dream Girls:
BinxB91: Last Summer Summary - Starpulse.com
jam7604802: binky, that's your favorite porno?
BinxB91: no ...
BinxB91: but it does involve a sociopathic girl goading boys into
a gang rape
jam7604802: binky is channelling creepy loner
PaIeRlDER2: gawd binx thats my dream girl

But He's Invisible:
jam7604802: occasionally an idiot does sneak in

Author Author Author:
PBowden204: Pale iots a beer can and its down sceww balls
like you spreading rumors not facts bad for USA
AmberDevilRay8: PB is an author?
PaIeRlDER2: a drunk too amber
jam7604802: obviously
jam7604802: multi-platinum best seller his bebo says
PBowden204: Yup biker mags and natur mags and opthers
PaIeRlDER2: hooked on phonics huh pb
jam7604802: amber lives and dies for Biker Chick Monthly
PBowden204: plus know my own mind not tell others how should think
AmberDevilRay8: Why is it that everyone who is an "author" in here is
about as articulate as a can of paint?
jam7604802: lead-based paint?

In Jam's Bedroom:
Jam7604801: she told me to leave them on
LadyMtnMedic: Jam, sometimes you have to think as well
Jam7604801: it was no biggy

In Binx's Bedroom:
NotNycgirl: binx please do not post me

Tough Question:
Melodramamama22: in our paper we have a column called "ask a gay"
Melodramamama22: the question this week was: is it okay for a
straight person to call a gay person bitch
Melodramamama22: answer: no

Lunaticky:
Melodramamama22: one time when my lunatic ex husband was being
especially lunaticky, he tried to convince people i was autistic
Melodramamama22: i suck at math

Melo Can't Resist Lunatics:
Alansueton: Chemical Imbalances etc all hypotheses never proven
Melodramamama22: more claims than any other medical science
Alansueton: Mapping the Brain Hemispheres all quess work
Melodramamama22: can you prove this?

Beysshoes Revealed:
BinxB91: "Last night when we were sitting in the park were you excited?" "Excited?" "sexually excited"
Beysshoes: "yes. sexually excited"
BinxB91: She said she wasn't and decided it was time to leave
Beysshoes: well, binx, i guess she wasn't a slutbag like me.
BinxB91: Beys ....
BinxB91: don't be so hard on yourself
Beysshoes:

When You Peek, You Win:
Catpower777: Bey you live in paradise
Beysshoes: well, as you know cat, i wouldn't know since i dunt
go out.
Catpower777: peek out the window, Bey

ASSonance:
PatientOnionSF: binky dated tons of nuns

[Isabelle enters, radiant in her white dress, walking unescorted
down the aisle, a halo of plae tea roses in her hair.
She ascends the few steps to stand beneath the chupa, and as
she encircles me, gliding around me the requisite seven times,
everything slows down, my vision fractures, and I seem to see
her from all sides at once. It's as though I were standing
inside a perfectly formed circle of light, and an odd feeling
wells up inside my chest. I experience a kind of shattering
in my heart, which, had I only been another person or myself
at another time, I might have recognized as joy.]

The 7-year Itch:
DoomGrl: will you guys all still be here in 7 years?

The Ironic Geneva:
DoomGrl: i have a freind named Geneva, her dad is departmnet
chairman but wouldnt buy her clothes for school, so she worked
as a stripper after school

The Spy's Daughter:
DoomGrl: i had to take apart a computer tonite and destroy the
hard drive so nobody would steal my dads secrets

The Colorful Melo:
Alansueton: guess work I like q's
Melodramamama22: or are you just spouting twatty blather?

Melo Stonewalled:
Alansueton: I don't doubt people are Manic Depressive but
positing a chemical imbalance in the brain?
Melodramamama22: this is like talking to a cinder block

Post This:
NotNycgirl: you know i really like you if i put my finger in
your belly button

The Unavoidable:
SparrowAtPeace: eh we have lots of soul mates
SparrowAtPeace: you cant avoid em lol

2009-07-31T08:04:00.000-07:00

THE CUPBOARD IS BARE
Binx is Gay/Onion Overdose/Ta is back/
too much Binx&Beys/soft core/Polish joke

Seeking Balance:
Prospect26: Gosh, it's Friday night. Really wanted some normal
people here.

His Gay Dull Life:
Yossarian4now: you dont find it completely gay, binx, taht you
spend time copying conversations and posting them there
BinxB91: How is that gay?
Yossarian4now: don't you have a life? a hobby? a family?
Yossarian4now: it's sad
BinxB91: sad? Some people laugh about it
Yossarian4now: it's sad you have such a dull life, taht that is
part of it

Bare Your Soul:
BinxB91: OK, the KatyTried files are getting rather thin.
Someone say something stupid ... or clever
LadyQuasi: Poor Binx...
LadyQuasi: the old Mother Hubbard of Bookshelf...

Keep Your Eye On:
IonDeSparrow: well--think I'm gonna head off to bed--got a
12 hour shift tomorrow
IonDeSparrow: loaf, lounge, and retier
Catpower777: night Ion
Beysshoes: we should try to get her to stay cat. you know?
Beysshoes: she keeps the trolls away
Catpower777: Ion is a woman?
BinxB91: Ion is a she?
Beysshoes: omg yessssssss
BinxB91: JINX!
Catpower777: I didn't think so
Catpower777: I've been cybering with "him" for months now, damn it

Ta21l is Back:
BinxB91: and Ta!!!!
Ta21l: hey Binx
Beysshoes: binkyboo
Ta21l: I know, I'm building the ark
Beysshoes: ta os BACL!
Beysshoes: back
BinxB91: and DinosaurVagina!
Beysshoes: is
Ta21l: yeah...the day shift got boring
KissMyAsterix: I like bacl
Beysshoes: i'm overly excited
Beysshoes: lolgina
Ta21l: you can be sexy Bacl...lol

Summer Cuisine:
Catpower777: I wish i had a banana laffy taffy
Jam7604801: ---- eating orange serbert push-up

Saving Food:
AmberDevilRay8: I found a Now & Later.
AmberDevilRay8: Cherry.
zomcom81: lol, where do you find a thing like that amber?
AmberDevilRay8: Stuck to my leg.
BinxB91: Now & Later is a soap opera?
AmberDevilRay8: Nope. Candy.
AmberDevilRay8: It was actually in the jar of pens and pencils.
zomcom81: that's a lot less disgusting
AmberDevilRay8: The leg thing...
zomcom81: mhmm
AmberDevilRay8: ...that's where I find money.

Gonna party like it's 1956:
AmberDevilRay8: Why do they still sell Coke in glass bottles?
AmberDevilRay8: Is it so people can be all
"Oooh, this is just like 1956!" ::glug glug::
zomcom81: do they? i thought that was just in mexico?
AmberDevilRay8: They do here.

The Girls:
Catpower777: Ana - effin- is !!!
Beysshoes: we have miiiiissed you!!!
Anais3233: hello
Anais3233: whores
Catpower777: that ho's to you
Beysshoes: da dum dum

"get it for me":
Beysshoes: binxox! augusten has released a new book
Beysshoes: pulease get it for me please!!!
Catpower777: bey, I saw no evidence of that
BinxB91: augusten has written too many books
Beysshoes: cat its on his blog. what are you jigahos doing here?
IonDeSparrow: augusten??
IonDeSparrow: what does he/she write?
BinxB91: Ion, Burroughs writes about his extremely dysfunctional
childhhod
Catpower777: not just that Binx
Catpower777: he also writes about his dysfunctional adulthood, too
Beysshoes: he's a comedic genius sparrow. kinda like our onion
Beysshoes: but better of course

I need your "stfu"s:
IonDeSparrow: I'd rather do a memoir of my work with DD adults
IonDeSparrow: but I'm not energetic enough
Beysshoes: you doing a book on this chatroom peeps sparrow?
IonDeSparrow: hmmm a book on the shelf--it just might work
Beysshoes: kitkat, say something to help sparrow huney
Beysshoes: you are really lax on your 'stfu's today cat
Catpower777: stfu
Catpower777: twice

What are you reading?:
BinxB91: The Great Man - Kate Christensen
Beysshoes: your third christensen?
BinxB91: my fourth!!!

Hadachoke: Binx has discovered religion
Beysshoes: why do you love her so much binx?
Catpower777: Bey, she's HOT
BinxB91: She includes a small discription of lesbian sex
in a parathesis
Beysshoes: oic that makes sense. binx da jigaho
BinxB91: and i thought, "gee, does that work?"
BinxB91: I need a woman to practice on
Beysshoes: wow binx. smooth.

[My mother jumped in: "Does anyone have any idea how high
the adult illiteracy rate in this country is?" I doubted
she herself knew. Like me, my mother didn't learn facts or
acquire knowledge; instead she had feelings ---
insecurity about not being knowledgeable, for example.
She looked around the table; none of us knew how high the
adult illiteracy rate was.
She said, "Seventeen percent."
I thought, Eighty-five percent of statistics are made up on
the spot.]

Idle Thoughts:
VioletDeliriums: i'll bet if you put "pretty vacant" in a
google search you will find something
Hadachoke: LeslieHapabasketcase
Beysshoes: we're lazy that way violet. we'll just sit here for
months until you tell us.

Gotta Problem? Call the Catholics:
Pheziwig: Have you guys heard much about a little problem we've
been having at a local cemetery?
Catpower777: I saw something about bones protruding?
Beysshoes: oh the grave diggers fezz?
Pheziwig: That's less than two miles from where I live
Pheziwig: It's a fraking circus over there
Catpower777: you have zombies in the 'hood?
Beysshoes: fezz? did you lose your job and get mixed up with
the wrong crowd again?
Pheziwig: Beys, stop sucking pencils
Pheziwig: I don't know how they are going to figure that ouy
Pheziwig: they called in the catholics to take care of the
cemetery
Beysshoes: sprinkle holy water fezz?

[After she told me about losing her virginity to a Swiss ski
instructor, she looked over to me. I knew she she was waiting
for me to tell her my story, and it occurred to me to make
one up. Instead, I admitted that I had never skied.]

Feel the Love:
Rafo65: Cordial! My fave roomie of all time! yaay!
CordialCactus: hi rafo...how are ya?
Beysshoes: wow. is rafo one o' yoh chillens candy?

Onion Through the Looking Glass:
PatientOnionSF: i took a cable car to a safeway and had my
gift card, so i could buy three packs, i forgot i had it and
already started having dreams about finding $20 bills and
running to the crack house
Rafo65: The Onion's back, and you're gonna be in trouble..
Hey now, Hey now, the Onion's back
PatientOnionSF: or i have a dream that right under the bed is
a rock, i wake up, get my crack pipe, and no rock, it was just
a dream, but the dream of an addict in heat is very real.
Beysshoes: onion, i found some high end smokes in my china
stash. i'll send them off okay?
PatientOnionSF: bey, just cigs, i haven't touched the other
stuff since nam
KissMyAsterix: nam lol

Butterflies Are Free:
Rafo65: Patient.. you are not exactly sober at the moment, are you?
PatientOnionSF: rafo, i haven't touched a drop since 1974 moscow
when i was in an orgy with gay balerina dudes
Beysshoes: Rafo, sadly, onion is sober.
PatientOnionSF: i haven't taken a cable car to the end in years,
all the hot tourist guys from euro land
PatientOnionSF: i had my bus pass so it was free
Beysshoes: onion its Friday. you're not allowed to do reruns of
bragging on your bus pass and food stamps

Taking Onion Seriosly:
PatientOnionSF: ask Bobo, her dad was in \our unit
PatientOnionSF: ask thor, he was there in nam with us
PatientOnionSF: thor, remember jam's daddy in our unit?
Pheziwig: guess not
Bobophet1: Patient? My dad was in what unit?
PatientOnionSF: in nam bobo
Bobophet1: Pateint, my Dad isn't an American, and never lived in
this country or Viet Nam.

[She's always trying to fatten me up ---she feeds me constantly.
The rest of the family talks about sports and God and politics,
and Carlene floats above it all like an angel --- and she's
helping with prayer. She really knows how to pray --- and it's
very cool to be able to pray without someone in your family
coming into the room and (a)passing wind and (b)shouting (c)
analysing the 'phoney metaphysics' of prayer (d)singing loudly
(e)laughing]

Amber Wronged:
AmberDevilRay8: This box of cereal has blueberries in the picture.
AmberDevilRay8: But, alas, there are no blueberries in the cereal.
AmberDevilRay8: I feel wronged!

The Godwit Saga:
Beysshoes: so did godwit. he's oncewasabird or something
KissMyAsterix: oh yeah, he said he got tossed by 'queers' or
something like that
Ta21l: really? Godwit?
KissMyAsterix: shocking, since he was so pc
KissMyAsterix: but after they stole his dignity
Ta21l: man I've missed a lot
Catpower777: of COURSE that's what happened
KissMyAsterix: I guess he had nothing to lose
Catpower777: It couldn't be that he said anything offensive
KissMyAsterix: he probably got shitty when they wouldn't meet
him in the park
Beysshoes: omg i wonder if it was ms vicky who reported him. loL
KissMyAsterix: I don't think it was here beys
Beysshoes: some other chat room lets godwit in?

All Girl Group - The One Name Onlys:
Alansueton: goodnight folks "He stopped loving AOL today!
Alansueton: He put a wreath upon his mouse
Alansueton: and then he carried his laptop away
Alansueton: He stopped loving AOL today
Beysshoes: yah bye already
Ta21l: lol...ok, so that was Para?
KissMyAsterix: bey's is throwing dirt on him already
Catpower777: oh yeah
Catpower777: Ta, can you believe Para was tos'd and had to come
up with a new name?
Ta21l: ok, that's it...I'm now forming a club ... "One Name Only"
Catpower777: shocking, isn't it

More Like a Lay-Up:
Tom Brite: Ta, have you a large member?
Ta21l: yes, but he's working now
Tom Brite: lol
Beysshoes: dingdingding 50 points

Soft Core IS a present:
Beysshoes: binx please get me augusten's 'sellavision' okay?
BinxB91: when I fetched it for him and was checking him and
his wife out at the register, his wife teased him about his
mumbling
BinxB91: as he massaged her shoulders seemingly trying to get
her to stop
Beysshoes: wow
Beysshoes: that's like soft porn.
BinxB91: Beysshoes, I'll have to choose between presents for
you and shoes
Beysshoes: okay. just present without the S so one book and
shoes you punk
Beysshoes: sellavision
Beysshoes: its old. you can prolly get a deal.
BinxB91: sometimes couples in love are soft porn ... the woman
kissed her boy friend's bicep two times while he was talking
with me and exchanging money and such
Beysshoes: see what you have done? you're embarrassing peeps
with your cheapness convo here
BinxB91: ... like she couldn't go with out tasting him longer
than 5 minutes
BinxB91: Beys, I am always thinking of stuff you would like
Beysshoes: liar

Artsy-Fartsy:
BinxB91: the idea of giving pleasure as pleasurable
AmberDevilRay8: Is it one of those artsy-fartsy naked people movies?
BinxB91: artsy-fartsy usually means there's too much talking
BinxB91: In this case there's a lot of talking but the characters
are too stupid to say anything deep
Alansueton: Fidelity infidelity choices
Beysshoes: oh binx, you didn't say you were acting in it.
i'll rent it then.
BinxB91: LOL Beys
Alansueton: Binx are you a man?
Alansueton: you laughed at that lame insult?
BinxB91: Binx is a man. Green eggs and ham.
BinxB91: Alan, inside joke
Beysshoes: well, unless that nekkid photo he sent me was fake,
he's a man.

Feel the Love:
Forkrerereredux: beys, i hate you so much
Beysshoes: callate la boca y'tu cavrone chinga tu madre fork

Feign the Love:
KissMyAsterix: go on hada, say it.. I'll feign surprise

Gina Takes a Pass:
Catpower777: Obsession by Gloria Vanderbilt
Catpower777: it was supposed to be erotica
KissMyAsterix: I thought obsession was by calvin klein
Hadachoke: aka clit lit
BinxB91: Anderson Cooper's mom?
Catpower777: yes
KissMyAsterix: I don't know, someone who produced anderson cooper
KissMyAsterix: should they be writing erotica
KissMyAsterix: I feel a little soiled after thinking abou that
BinxB91: Imagine your mom writing erotica
KissMyAsterix: nah I'm gonna pass on that
KissMyAsterix: 'and then she ripped open her bodice and made a
peanut butter and jelly sandwich"
KissMyAsterix: see it never ends well

Catpower's Opening Act:
Catpower777: my favorite band name is "Drive By Spankin' "

Steve's Resume:
SteveIzHere8: I build rapport easily.

Binx's Next Girl Friend:
BinxB91: Elizaveta, you're Polish born?
ElizavetaTheRed: Yes Binx
BinxB91: I'm sweating
PatientOnionSF: Binky the slavofile

Eastern European Musings:
ElizavetaTheRed: My mother's first name is Agata
ElizavetaTheRed: She almost named me Agnieszka
KissMyAsterix: were those the names of the munsters
ElizavetaTheRed: My father wanted to name me Elisabeta,
which is the Romanian spelling

AOL Poland Ignore Feature:
ElizavetaTheRed: Go ahead and talk about me, I'll close my eyes

2009-07-16T07:59:00.000-07:00

Just A Water Stop along the Suckathon

Recession Date:
LadyQuasi: We're going to get ready to catch some fireflies.

A Smile:
LadyQuasi: So, Binx, what are you wearing?

My Immortal:
Summers Eve L: Shake it off, Encyclopedia. Shake it off. My work
is a suckathon as well.

Would You Smile If He Said There Was One:
Beysshoes: onion made me cry last night saying my life had no purpose

Hawaiian King Crab:
CordialCactus: i went shopping for swim suits today
NoraMcKee525: were you sober?
Beysshoes: candy i hope you didn't catch any crabs
NoraMcKee525: ewww beys
CordialCactus: oh beys.. you are always worried about crabs

Our Beysshoes - Slow But Not Stupid:
CordialCactus: im not all that keen on getting my girly parts
measured and stuff
NoraMcKee525: girl, when it comes to the twins, i DO got money
CordialCactus: lol nora
Beysshoes: nora has twins??? how old?
Beysshoes: oh duhhhhhhhh

BookSlut Evolving:
BinxB91: Yes, Tea-ja. Have you mellowed at all?
tired faucet: No.
tired faucet: I've hardened.
tired faucet: * giggles *
Gleam1946: The Shelf is the proving grounds
Beysshoes: oh faucet ... has life been unkind to you?
Beysshoes: i'm so sorry.
tired faucet: Bey, I mean Circe. Yes, very. Please let me suckle
your breast to make the past year, two an aberration.
Speechless2009: suckle my balls

Literate Ones:
Oldskewl18: SO IF YOUR ALL BOOKS WHAT TYPES ARE YOU?

Round Table Discussion:
BinxB91: No Nick, Gleam makes Goldwater look like Joan Baez
princessslayah42: with flawless fine features
BinxB91: (sorry for the 60s reference)
Nickvanden1: Binx, I used to think Joan was hot during her
Happy Days stuff
BinxB91: Joan Baez was on Happy Days?
Nickvanden1: is Gleam hot and a female Mechanic?
Speechless2009: Binx, I don't get you
Speechless2009: I don't get you at all

Likes His Jokes ... A LOT:
Nickvanden1: << has need of a femal Genius Hottie who likes
traveling and motel living and money
Speechless2009: must be able to spell female, nick?
Speechless2009: you're a dumb dumb lollipop
Nickvanden1: not necessarily Speech , I dont know how to spell so
what does it matter , Im not wanting her to do my short hand for
me /..... lol .. get it .. short hand .. Gfawwww BwahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHhahahahaha

What's Sexy:
mourning bread: Say something witty and charming with just a hint
of sexual innuendo.
CordialCactus: wOOt
princessslayah42: i am smashing my fingers with a hammer

What's Cute:
Catpower777: my 13-year-old told me today she thinks it's "cute"
that I still say record

What's Random:
LadyQuasi: I'm looking for my random thought for the day to post...
any ideas?
BinxB91: hmmm ...
LadyQuasi: like "Do fish get cramps after eating?"
BinxB91: well, I had some thoughts on anger
KissMyAsterix: angry thoughts?
Catpower777: well, that pisses me off, Binx !

DELightful:
BlackHeartedCur: Women have a lower degree of degeneration
BinxB91: just ask Courtney Love
KissMyAsterix: higher degree of desperation
KissMyAsterix: is that what you mean?
Rafo65: Talkin 'bout De-ge ge generation!

Scruples:
Rafo65: My friend once asked why I don't play tennis.
How, I replied, would I ever want to play a game where love
means nothing?

If It Works For You:
Melodramamama22: i wrote a poem yesterday in which the moon was
a fragile skull boiling with dreams
Melodramamama22: that's a bit overwrought isn't it?

"so I undid that bitch's air tank and watched her shrivel":
Jam7604801: binx i can't wait until Survivor MOON

Your Mom?:
Jam7604801: i write some poetry although not all is good but some
people thinks that the ones i think are bad are actually better

Flip Side of "you had me at hello":
EDruezillaB: i knew you were a liar after one word.

What Are You Wearing?:
PatientOnionSF: a depression era t-shirt and the boxers
of amber's iranian husband

One Natalie's Ex's:
Summers Eve L: "Son what's your name?" "I don't remember."
"Where are you from?" "I don't remember" "Well what DO you
rememeber?" "I. Remember. The Alamo."

Try Turning the Channel On Her:
spanishkid996: mi grandma is boring she doesnt do anything...
EndTheFed09: she may be dead

I Just Look At My Name Tag:
DETRASH: I dont have to think what I am

The Valid Victorians:
DETRASH: lets just say I usually end up teaching the valid victorians
Oncewasbird: What does that mean, Det?
DETRASH: people move thier children for me to teach too weird
Oncewasbird: Hard to believe.
DETRASH: the highest scorer in high school
Hadachoke: 'high scorer' in high school is the guy who gets laid the most...

Godwit, Prospect, and a newbie:
DETRASH: Once I have been asked numerous times to defend my statments
now the other peole envolved in the statements are coming forward and
saying hey I aint no chopped liver
DETRASH: Once conversation different than formal writing
DETRASH: spin yer wheels see where it gets ya
Various704: lala land
Various704: its my spiritual home
Prospect26: Detrash...I have been here for many years.
Various704: consider the lilys of the valley
Prospect26: Once and Gleam...you are new here.
LadyQuasi: Detrash gives teachers a bad name...even if he/she
WASN'T a teacher, but claimed he/she was...
Prospect26: no historyu.
Oncewasbird: Prospect, I am the late Godwit, and so, one who knows you.

Gleam and Godwit:
Gleam1946: to know how to do something that yeilds tangible results
is far superior to "acting"
Oncewasbird: Well, you might not be right, Gleam.
Oncewasbird: I am not sure what you are talking about, Gleam.
Oncewasbird: You said the source was you, Gleam.

Godwit and Trust Issues:
Oncewasbird: Gleam, I don't trust your judgment, after you equated
liberal thought with acceptance of homosexual behavior.

Godwit Experiences Intolerance:
Prospect26: I'm always amazed that people need to change their names.
Oncewasbird: Prospect, I was kicked off AOL by intolerant homosexuals.
That is why I had to change my name.

The Straight Pride Parade:
Gleam1946: To be proud of one's sexuality is tantamount to being a pimp
Gleam1946: who fucken cared? why do you need a parade down fifth Ave?

Captain Kidd? Bluebeard? Jack Sparrow?:
Prospect26: I originally came to Bookshelf to talk about books.
This space has been pirated by ..look at the names.

What About Reading In Bed?:
Gleam1946: Reading is way too much attention unless the author
is present

Putting It In Paula's Thing Is Not For Sissies:
PatientOnionSF: bey i used paula dean's mean chicken machine
last night to make the world's best buttermilk chicken, I won
first prize!
Catpower777: how long did you soak the chicken?
PatientOnionSF: i soak it 8 hours or longer
PatientOnionSF: in buttermilk garlic sour cream and a swirled
mess of sage, salt, dried red chiles & white pepper
Beysshoes: 8 HOURS????
Catpower777: Bey, that's nothing...one chef here soaks it for
24 hours
PatientOnionSF: then i put it in paula's thing, on top of chopped
potatoes, carrots & onions, pour in ALL the buttermilk marinade,
cover it for one hour at 450, take cover off and 45 mins till chicken
is done, and then you have to soak the pan all
Catpower777: was it as tasty as it sounds?
PatientOnionSF: the main flavors are white pepper & sage
PatientOnionSF: so it's not for sissies

What Paula is Afraid To Say:
PatientOnionSF: 50% of the potatoes get burnt to a crisp, they are
just there to keep the chicken from getting burnt, they sacrifice
their spud souls for the chicken

Onion Loves Beysshoes:
PatientOnionSF: white rice is bad, that's why bey couldn't get married
Beysshoes: stfu stoopids
PatientOnionSF: her dowry had 3 tons of white rice
PatientOnionSF: and her fiances wanted brown
Beysshoes: i love jasmine rice. i confess
PatientOnionSF: you can buy brown jasmine rice, white rice is brown
rice that has been ********

La La La La La Land:
PatientOnionSF: I sold my whole wheat twinkies recipe to Hostess
for $4.5 million, now i am looking to buy a wife
Catpower777: everything Onion touches turns to $$$

"lol" after the jokes, thank you:
jknapp689: so what does everyone like to read?
jknapp689: lol
Beysshoes: we're reading augusten
Beysshoes: what else is there???
PatientOnionSF: cookbooks and reagan biographies
PatientOnionSF: the most evil american ever born

As if:
PatientOnionSF: tammy, how was your hot sex date 2nite at the beach?
Alansueton: Tammay?
Tammynet: it was great Onion
PatientOnionSF: i loved your tweets about it, it got me really ****************

Sharing:
Alansueton: I just had an excellent bowel movement
Beysshoes: omg alansue that is bookoo excellente`
Alansueton: it is I feel "light as air"
KissMyAsterix: when don't you feel bouyant alan
KissMyAsterix: what really weighs you down
Alansueton: KMA My feet and some other extremities
KissMyAsterix: want them removed?
Alansueton: no
Various704: like them, dino?
KissMyAsterix: I hate to see you down though
Catpower777: so kind, Dino
Catpower777: offering to separate him from the ballast
KissMyAsterix: well I try

She Once Kissed Harry Chapin:
PatientOnionSF: Beys just got out of the nuthouse, she has
new meds and promises not to take hostages on international
flights ever again
KissMyAsterix: fine, then I'm not flying with beys again

No Top On Her Tease:
Beysshoes: tamela are you cookin' in an IM wid our onion bulb?
Tammynet: nope
Catpower777: aren't we all, Bey?
Beysshoes: liar. you prolly have no top on you tease.
PatientOnionSF: i am always cooking and baking
PatientOnionSF: i don't have time for IMs with regular humans
zomcom81: just the irregular ones?

Knob HillBillies:
Catpower777: you import hillbillies to SF, Onion?
PatientOnionSF: they are everywhere, we have one for governor
PatientOnionSF: my landlady is a chinese hillbilly
PatientOnionSF: my mom is a jewish one
PatientOnionSF: she watches kate plus eight and CRIES!
Catpower777: oh, it's so comforting to know that moms are moms
all over the world

On Michael Jackson's Funeral:
Alansueton: anyone who watched that tasteless spectacle needs to
be taken to a field and shot
Beysshoes: stfu suesue
Alansueton: seriously
PatientOnionSF: alan and me are the hillbilly killers
Beysshoes: MLK's daughter and son spoke.
Catpower777: I wonder if my mom watched any of it
Alansueton: tabloid driven grief?
PatientOnionSF: mlk's daughter is a homophobe
Beysshoes: liar!
Alansueton: yes and they are both criminals and have sued the estate

Raw Meat For the Onion Oven:
MassageGirl82: This is my first day on aol I was wondering if
someone could answer a question for me
KissMyAsterix: the answer is almost always no
zomcom81: sometimes it is 'i don't know'
MassageGirl82: Since I have aol as my internet service provider
do I need to download aim or do I already have it?
PatientOnionSF: massage girl, only i can help you
PatientOnionSF: you need to download it
PatientOnionSF: http://dashboard.aim.com/aim
PatientOnionSF: go there to download it
PatientOnionSF: and then you can instant message everybody
Beysshoes: he means him, naturally
PatientOnionSF: massage doesn't cook or bake

Not Stirred:
PatientOnionSF: brownies isn't food
PatientOnionSF: it's a dessert
PatientOnionSF: you just squeezed them out of a tube
Catpower777: what else would I bother to bake, Onion?
Beysshoes: she made mashed potatos earlier onion
Catpower777: if not something chocolate
Catpower777: no, I actually stirred the batter, Onion
Catpower777: STIRRED
Beysshoes: that deserves a cam session for catpower. HA
zomcom81: indeed, stirring is tough on arms
Catpower777: thank you, Zom
Beysshoes: cat using words like stirred in caps. well, that's
just over the top.
Catpower777: jealous, Bey?
Beysshoes: well cat. look at what you did. onion isn't
talking anymore.
KissMyAsterix: the caps did him in

Quayle Did That:
Catpower777: he's just waiting for someone to mention mashed potatoes
Beysshoes: i thought no E on the potatos kitkat?
Beysshoes: didn't dan quail do that?
zomcom81: no e in potato, e in potatoes
Beysshoes: you sure?
Catpower777: yes
zomcom81: i'm sure
Catpower777: I could make it less stressful Bey and say taters

Peer Review:
JFWaterman: Does Onion have the ability to peer up his own butt-hole?
JFWaterman: Seems so-
Beysshoes: onion is a comedic genius jf
JFWaterman: Indeed, Beys.
KissMyAsterix: do you want to peer up onion's butthole jf?
KissMyAsterix: maybe if you ask him nice
Beysshoes: loL gina you are bad
KissMyAsterix: what
KissMyAsterix: it's a valid inquiry
zomcom81: it's not
KissMyAsterix: is so
KissMyAsterix: he showed an interest
KissMyAsterix: I was merely trying to give him courage to pursue it
JFWaterman: Kiss, Onion likes to show his often enough- can one
help but wonder?
KissMyAsterix: sorry I was trying to use logic, my mistake
KissMyAsterix: I've never once wondered about his butthole
KissMyAsterix: but I get your point
Catpower777: sure, sure, Dino

Onion Finds A Friend:
PatientOnionSF: twisty, you need a gf, you can have mine
TwistyDark98037: sorry i only date boys, can i have you instead
PatientOnionSF: yes, i only date boys too
Beysshoes: omg 50 pointer
PatientOnionSF: we are soulmates
Catpower777: speaking of buttholes, what happened to Para?

A Low GPA Date:
PatientOnionSF: and this hot guy with this hot chick was buying her
dinner at whole foods from the deli section, how sleazy
Catpower777: why was that sleazy?
PatientOnionSF: can't he take her to a restaurant?
Catpower777: oh
PatientOnionSF: he proably wants to take her back to his fancy
apartment and boink her, she looked like she had a low GPA
Beysshoes: onion is so old fashioned.
Catpower777: I see your point
Catpower777: lol
Beysshoes: such a gent he is.
Catpower777: low gpa
PatientOnionSF: yeah, like she would be impressed by a whole foods
hummus salad
AmberDevilRay8: I'd be.

You Are What You Eat:
PatientOnionSF: amber, you are 20 times hotter, and you have
a genius GPA, this chick was slut city
PatientOnionSF: 24.5
AmberDevilRay8: Not as impressed though by...say...nachos
from 7-Eleven.
AmberDevilRay8: And a Big Gulp.
PatientOnionSF: most likely the first time she got her food from
anyplace but taco bell
Catpower777: amazing what Onion can glean in a glance

Envious Onion:
PatientOnionSF: i think she was latin with dyed blonde hair
PatientOnionSF: she couldn't anagram or diagram a sentence
like amber can
Beysshoes: wow you have strong feelings about this chick for
just seeing her in whole foods.
Beysshoes: she steal yoh tamale?
Catpower777: it's his old gf, Bey
Catpower777: he forgot to mention that part
PatientOnionSF: and she had this weird cut out top with bingo
exposure, very low class, Saturday night live style
PatientOnionSF: like bey wore on her first date with binky
Catpower777: lol
Beysshoes: oh well that splains it. shut up you assful
Beysshoes: you laffed too loud cat
Catpower777: I'm going to wake up people here laughing
Catpower777: jinx

Imitation British:
JFWaterman: I'm going to have to whack this cricket.
Catpower777: I've never heard it phrased that way, JF
JFWaterman: The cats won't even get near it.
Beysshoes: no jf. take it outside!

Nevermind the Forecast:
Tammynet: lightening just happened

If You Had Sex For the First Time, Would
you Immediately IM Onion About It:
PatientOnionSF: tammy, apocalpyse is around the corner, thank
god you lost your virginity tonight on the beach

Actually, this is kinda true:
PatientOnionSF: back in the manson days, BEFORE REAGANITE FASCISTS
TOOK OVER, TIME mag had a piece on the manson clan with TOPLESS photos
of the manson chicks

Batter Up:
Beysshoes: doom onion's been waiting for you
DoomGrl: whats onion want?
PatientOnionSF: doom girl, i want the truth
zomcom81: he wants pictures of you stirring batter
PatientOnionSF: once an for all
PatientOnionSF: buttermilk pancake batter
DoomGrl: like for waffles
PatientOnionSF: where are they?
PatientOnionSF: oui, Sunday brunch is just hours away
PatientOnionSF: are you ready?
PatientOnionSF: a chain of denver omelette breakfast huts

Chasing His Tail:
PatientOnionSF: bey, you are always out of touch with reality
for some reason, you gossip monger you
PatientOnionSF: bey makes up chatters, she is easily confused
Beysshoes: gossip monger? que? what are you talking about you assful.
PatientOnionSF: doom, bey is older than your grandmother
Beysshoes: you lying punkass
Beysshoes:
DoomGrl: he just likes other people better than me now
PatientOnionSF: she has surly gray hair
Beysshoes: why do you think he doesn't like you then?
(STFU you mentalcake)
PatientOnionSF: jones just needs new toys, he is easily distracted by
shiny objects
Beysshoes: you're projecting on that one you stoopid ass

[...while most of my junior high school classmates began asserting
themselves through academics, sports or troublemaking, I decided
to follow in the footsteps of the ancient masters, whose
knowledge was described in the fifth century B.C. classic
Tao Te Ching as:
... unfathomable
Because it is unfathomable,
All we can do is describe their appearance.
Watchful like men crossing a winter stream.
Alert, like men aware of danger.
Courteous, like visiting guests.
Yielding, like ice about to melt.
Simple, like uncarved blocks of wood.
Hollow, like caves.
Opaque, like muddy pools.
When I read this passage aloud to my father to acquaint
him with my new philosphy, he didn't respond immediately.
He pushed his coffee cup across the kitchen table, first
to the left, then to the right, then tried to center it
in front of him. When he did this it usually meant he was
about to deliver a sobering lecture. I steeled myself for
his gentle but devestating rational critique of the
unfathomable of old, but it never came. He found a satis-
factory place for the cup, nodded in a way I knew meant he
wasn't enthusiastic but wasn't going to rain on my parade
either, then said, "My son, the block of wood. Let me
know if it works."]

Indiana Wants You:
Anais3233: indianapolis is truly the asshole of the universe
Alansueton: Anais you ever been to Terre Haute?
PatientOnionSF: there is a big statue of alan in TH
Anais3233: yes
PatientOnionSF: he is the poet laureate of TH
Alansueton: Terre Haute smells like a
Anais3233: i've never stopped there
PatientOnionSF: they made his childhood home into a museum
Anais3233: i've been to the state park just south of there.
Alansueton: yeah on 41
Anais3233: i HATE hwy 41
Anais3233: that is the LONGEST drive from evansville to chicago
Alansueton: yes it is
Alansueton: Evansville isn't too attractive either
Anais3233: i like rivertowns
Alansueton: anais you ever had to go to Mooresville?
Anais3233: but no, it's not a purty place
Anais3233: no, i haven't
Alansueton: Mooresville is known in Indiana because it has an
entire Hospital devoted to people with Butt Problems and lower
intestinal tract issues
Alansueton: so if someone is "going to Mooresville" it means
"elbows deep in the ass"
PatientOnionSF: which is 97.5% from frozen corporate processed tv dinners
Anais3233: part of my family moved to evansville, and i moved with them.
Alansueton: it cares for such problems the Hospital does
known and specializes world class
PatientOnionSF: of all the states, Indiana has the highest
consumption level of TV dinners: 92.4%
Anais3233: i didn't know that

Baking Up With Facts:
Alansueton: My cousing Junior had real bad Hemorrhoids I had to
drive him there for surgery
Alansueton: he was embarrassed
Anais3233: i think you're making this up
Alansueton: I am not
Anais3233: junior?
Alansueton: yes he's named after his father Marvin we always
called him Junior

Edie Unamused:
EDruezillaB: poor poor alan with no facts and his pants down

The Telephone Book Is Thick Too:
ThaliaAnna: Reading the pillers of the earth ( its a thick book)

You Had Us At "yo":
Firecrotch5959: yo yo yo

Anais' Kids:
HelenaHandbagg: i'm making the kids do the dishes.
they are laughing way too muchHelena
Handbagg: they're probably pooping in my coffee cup

Anais and the Good German:
HelenaHandbagg: but i can't talk, i have a super large bushfro.
HelenaHandbagg: looks like i'm smuggling the sugarhill gang into
the pool
ThaliaAnna: Watch your language, I´m trying to practice my English
in here
ThaliaAnna: I dont want to learn any nasty words

Rono Screening Imposters:
PatientOnionSF: Thalia, what is your native language?
ThaliaAnna: Patient I told you before, my native language is German
Niontron9: thalia, what is gymnasium
Niontron9: thalia, what is a gymnasium, in german
Alansueton: school
Niontron9: alan, you fool
Niontron9: I was testing her

The Berlin Wall and Transformers:
Niontron9: Ich denke, dass Deutsch eine sehr gute Nation ist.
...but der Brechen der Berliner Mauer war ein trauriges Ding. ..
I Wunsch, der sie zusammen bleiben würden
Niontron9: thalia, what did I say
ThaliaAnna: Niotron on the contrary, it was the greatest thing
that happened, that the Berlin wall was torn down
Niontron9: thalia, I don't think so...
Niontron9: what people believe might be what they want people to
believe
ThaliaAnna: it ment the reunification of Germans in East and West,
it ment freedom for the peopel in Eastern Germany
ThaliaAnna: Niontron, why not?
ThaliaAnna: East Berlin was a communist country, people wanted out
and they made it
Niontron9: i want to watch, the trANSFORMERS MOVIE
Niontron9: the new one..

Hadachoke's Joke:
Hadachoke: NPR interviewd a member of the Dutch air force recently..
He said "I was flying along and three fokkers jumped me" The NPR
lady said "I should explain to the radio audience that FOKKER was
a German Fighter aircraft" Then the dutch
Hadachoke: guy said Ja, but dem fokkers was Mezzerschmidts"

Punk Magnet:
PatientOnionSF: Melo, why all of a sudden does america DESPERATELY
NEED "QUALIFIED" PEOPLE TO FILL THE JOBS, CUZ YOU THINK YOU MIGHT
NOT GET IT? that 's the reason why
PatientOnionSF: admit it punk
BinxB91: Onion called melo a punk??? lol
Melodramamama22: onion, i don't need a job, i already have one
PatientOnionSF: an intellectual punk, pea-brain, hillbilly
Melodramamama22: if i'm not mistaken, an UNEMPLOYED punk!
Melodramamama22: onion, heh
Melodramamama22: yer getting worked up, baby
Catpower777: hey Tammy
KissMyAsterix: hey tammy
Tammynet: Hi Cat
KissMyAsterix: mention punks and in comes tammy

Deep Thoughts:
Kgbirdpaul: chat rooms are safe havens for the terminally annoying

On Cue:
Niontron9: apparently, ding means thing

2009-06-27T21:44:00.000-07:00

HEY!!! Many of the Shelfers believed missing have
since made appearances!!
Beysshoes wrote this past week to say:
"I have Nora in an IM box" Given Beys' past,
I was expecting the next line to be a ransom
demand.
Bookslut has a new screen name with only an
oblique rference to sex. Good to see all
that literature has had an effect on her.
Godwit has new screen name but I can't remember
what it is.
Good to see that neither Onion nor David have
modified their screen names recently. Perhaps
budget cuts have reached the witness protection
program.
Someone claimed to have spotted CreepyLoner under
a new screen name. Like UFO sightings though, the
sighting was somewhat dubious.

Onion's Band:
Catpower777: does anyone in here have a yamaha keyboard?
PatientOnionSF: i have a dell keyboard i use for my band,
THE TYPISTS
PatientOnionSF: office waiting room muzak

Quest:
Greeneyecat10: i come here like al the time just to see if
this persom i met is here

"thought she was moisturizing":
Roojerz: The coolest ppl hang out in book shelf, to be sure
PatientOnionSF: roger, then why are you here? we are famous
authors, you are not
Roojerz: oh, someone was talking about that earlier, i thought
she was moisturizing

The Price of Fun:
Kgbirdpaul: I had fun for 5 days, then I spent 3 days in bed

Go Gentile Through the Night:
BobsurAuntTom: NonYids learn how to at least immitate a Jew
when they're in New York.

Catching the Prospect Disease:
Niontron9: I was just checking, if you guys were awake and
noticed that I said hello to a person
Niontron9: who was not here

Why Julie Avoids Office Romances:
oooolijay: it's 9:30 on sunday night. what a sad time
SteveIzHere8: you're sad?
oooolijay: i have to work in the morning
SteveIzHere8: start having sex with upper management
SteveIzHere8: and your job will become easy and fun
oooolijay: upper management is an old guy on a scooter and his
two crazy daughters

[It was sundown in Ohio and Sister Anne Aurora was doing a
special walk around her prayer circle. She didn't do it
everyday. Just when the spirit moved her. She would try to
recite the names of all the people she was praying for in
one very slow revolution, then say them one at a time for
twelve revolutions apiece. Frederick Sydney Harwood of
Berkely, California, I send you my energy and my love, I send
you stength and wisdom. In the midst of your fear I know joy
can grow and flourish. Joy can rise up from fear and overcome
it. Joy is in every atom of creation. It is life. It is
wisdom. Let it in. It wants to be with you. Strength
guards you. Strength heals you. You are not alone. You
are going to make it.
I might start writing down some of my prayers, Sister Anne
decided, stopping at the top of a prayer circle to look down
at the row of crosses, then up into the beautiful skies of
subdown. Some of them are pretty good.]

What Are You Wearing?
Roojerz: a band aid

Evie and the Boys:
KissMyAsterix: Evie!
BlackHeartedCur: Oh look the hot lesbian is back
Sleepy Eyed Evie: thanks?
BlackHeartedCur: AlanSueton put me up to that

BookSlut and the Boys:
tired faucet: My current project? To reduce writing to a seaman's
language. Short, without any unnecessary phrase.
mourning bread: tired faucet is doing what Hemingway perfected.
Speechless2009: you know all about the language of seaman, huh tired?
tired faucet: Laughing, Speechless.
tired faucet: You fuck

Gina Being Discreet:
KissMyAsterix: I met optimus prime today
KissMyAsterix: at bigboy
Forkrerereredux: really?
KissMyAsterix: yes
Forkrerereredux: that makes fork jealous
princessslayah42: wow, was he sexy miss asterix?
KissMyAsterix: sorry, he was quite nice
Roojerz: bigboy is what they call the buxom singles chat
KissMyAsterix: not as sexy as wolverine
Forkrerereredux: did you make out?
KissMyAsterix: no he was surrounded by kids
KissMyAsterix: passing out balloons
KissMyAsterix: but if it's any consolation, he was shorter
than I expected
zomcom81: making out would have been inappropriate
KissMyAsterix: especially near the salad bar zom

Reason to Go On Living:
Tom Brite: larry king is having a jonas brothers special

Sign of the Apocalypse:
Bidet Luv: i have busted out laughing several times, and
i never do that

Unclear on the Concept:
GelasiusIII: so... the whole "Book Shelf" thing, that's just never
acknowleged? lol

In the Nile:
KimberlysCabin09: ha ha im not a bot

Extemes Meet:
JLBorges912: i was drunk and/or high every day in high school
SteveIzHere8: now look at you
SteveIzHere8: you're in a chat room
princessslayah42: i tripped on acid at my prom
JLBorges912: everyone is shocked i am still alive
Alansueton: Jose I know I am
JLBorges912: much less have a hot wife and a cool car, etc.
Madam Mimi: Now look at you.......you're here with me who Never
smoked or drank.....AND graduated yr and a half before my class

[That night Mitzi Ozburt dressed in her most conservative navy
blue pleated skirt and a blue cashmere sweater with a white
collar and cuffs. She looked like a Catholic schoolgirl when
Donovan came to pick her up. She had intended to show him what
a good girl she was, but of course the sexiest thing in the world
to a Catholic man is a woman dressed in something that looks like
a school uniform. If her slip had been showing a little bit or
she had worn saddle oxfords, it might have taken less than an
hour for them to get into Mitzi's cherry four-poster bed, but
as it was they had a glass of wine and talked about feeling
guilty for a while before they made love, and vowed devotion,
and said will you marry me, and this is crazy, no it's not,
you're right, it's not, and do you want some babies, I do,
I do too.
"God forgives everything and we are not sinners," Mitzi said.
"Those old guys who want to keep people from being happy are
the sinners."
"We will live lives that are good," he said.
"And live right now," she answered. "My client, Sui Wong, is
a physicist and she says living in the present is the most
spiritual and Zen thing anyone can do. It teaches other
people to do the same, and if you can teach that to suicide
bombers they wouldn't blow themseves up."
"Amen to that."
"I am really hungry," Mitzi said. "I'd like to go somewhere
and get something to eat, and I mean fast. I haven't eaten
in days, it seems like. Could we go to a fast-food place and
get something if you don't mind?"
"We can do whatever you want."
"Come on. Get dressed. I'll show the real me."
On their way out of the house, Mitzi stopped and picked up a
handful of crackers and ate them on the way to the car.
Fifteen minutes later they were at Arby's Drive-Thru window
collecting roast beef sandwiches and Jamocha milkshakes.
They sat in the car and ate their dinners, and Donovan decided
it was like coming back from a trip to Antarctica and finding
himself in heaven instead.]

Which One of these 5 people is an imposter?:

Tom Brite: i like to watch masturbation but i feel guilty
Bidet Luv: people cannot believe i was and am a good girl
princessslayah42: i want a leg gun
JLBorges912: i like shaving my genitals
Madam Mimi: Do you guys watch Rachel Ray?

David Finds His Limits:
Alansueton: Typographically I can't do accents or the
little housetops

BabyBoomers vs Xers:
AmberDevilRay8: Long live the great baby boomers.
AmberDevilRay8: FOr giving us Vietnam and disco.
FoodSIut2: that's right i forgot 911 and hannah montana are so
much better
FoodSIut2: i am jealous
AmberDevilRay8: Don't look at me!

David Unleashed:
BinxB91: Life, name a favorite book of late
HisUnwantedLife: Jude the Obscure
Tj34: pretty good, life
Alansueton: Teej Ive had a craze for reading Plutarch lately
I started with his Moralia(Moral Essays) and now Im on to his
Lives
Alansueton: great stuff great revisit!
Tj34: i read him way long ago alan
Alansueton: Plutarch rocks
Tj34: yes, and you can't skim with him
Alansueton: seriously the fucker is like Filet Mignon steak
cooked perfctly

David's Jail House Rumination:
Alansueton: I was in jail once and the guy in the bunk next to me
(overcrowded I was on a mat on the floor) was reading the Modern
Library edition of Flaubert's "Madame Bovary"
Alansueton: it made the jail disappear we talked about Charles
Bovary and the first time he meets Emma sets her father's broken
leg
Alansueton: the scene painting it was cool

Pickled:
Niontron9: I am in a dillemma

We'll Have Intelligent Chat Later:

LadyQuasi: All that talk made me hungry.

EmpressZ21: my nieghbor called and i threw out my frozen
snickers bar dammit

LadyQuasi: My dog thinks he's a goat.

EmpressZ21: my dog ate my chair

EmpressZ21: colbert's shaved head makes his ear more sticky outty

Kan wa ma kan: can i tell y'all how excited i am about the new
smiley face bags

Anti-Immigrant:
oooolijay: i hate when al is full

New Discovery:
Kgbirdpaul: the bible has some nice prose poetry

The Anti-Panty:
CordialCactus: purchased! successful swim suit shopping
CordialCactus: and shorts and shirts and sunglasses and bras
CordialCactus: first time ive shopped just for me in FOREVER
NoraMcKee525: are you expecting the pool boy?
CordialCactus: tankinis
SteveIzHere8: I need you.
Beysshoes: cute candy
CordialCactus: almost a one piece but not
NoraMcKee525: tankinis are so CUTE
CordialCactus: its fun to say, too
CordialCactus: tankini

oooolijay absent, Gleam gets his pundit on:
Gleam1946: Dems spend money to investigate the most obscure
iterations of behaviour. It's a sickness

Super Hero:
CordialCactus: omgosh.. i rescued my neighbors cat from the
leash law police

But everything you say sounds weird:
Niontron9: as weird as it sounds, einstein is the one who made
the atomic bomb

Friday Night Fights:
LadyQuasi: Both cats ran off...there is some blood and hair on
the deck.
LadyQuasi: Hubby is cleaning up the mess.
CordialCactus: ladyQ .. big yikes

They're Out There:
Gleam1946: Emmeit Till should have not insulted a white chick

Solipism
Gleam1946: If we cant see it is not real

Gleam's Fellow Traveller:
Speechless2009: you know the french are notorious for being
cowardly homosexuals?

"please do not post me""
NOTNycgirl: its not anethma its anathema
BinxB91: oh oh, NYCgirl is back!!!
NOTNycgirl: no
NOTNycgirl: please binx do not post me
I2DaysInNovember: national anthema

Yes, it's "y":
Katie Ann 010101: upgrading spell-checker

Flip Side of Billie Jean:
Gleam1946: Listen to some M.J. Lyrics and you will learn gems
like "JEW-SUE"

New Sandwich From Sonic:
I2DaysInNovember: I had a huge epiphany today it was awesome

Liberal Bias Joke:
I2DaysInNovember: quick someone say something really stupid
NoraMcKee525: fox news

Why Her Therapist Nods Off:
princessslayah42: i had a dream about apple jacks

Truth in Sales:
I2DaysInNovember: there were two kids that rang our doorbell
earlier this evening. they were selling candybars for a dollar
each. Marie and I bought five
I2DaysInNovember: as we were picking them out they said that
we should put them in the freezer becasue they had melted

What a Fool Believes:
BinxB91: Elizabeth Taylor must have thought she had to marry man
in order to have sex with him
oooolijay: i'm glad i never believed that

2009-06-11T19:23:00.000-07:00

Theories on Absent Shelfers

CreepyLoner - has become a TA for her Milton professor
(TA means teaching assistant)

CordialCactus - has a summer job driving a Good Humor truck

Beysshoes - detained in Japan after she lost her passport

NoraMcKee - named interim principal of her school, trying
to figure ways to stop co-workers giggling during staff
meetings

Godwit - stalking Terri Gross

Bidet - taking a Dale Carnegie course

Ta21 - switched to days

IsSheWeird55(Hillary) - became less weird

Anais - never mix banana bread and margaritas

Sleepyeyed Evie - out in the desert

oooolijay - had a ... (oops she's back)

What a Concept!:
Asia7384: this core group could make the Book Shelf cool
again. For a small fee I could compile cool things you
guys say and distribute them across the web as a sort of
chat pheremone

No Strings:
PrincessSlayah42: wearing a bean bikini

Steve Alone:
SteveIzHere8: I miss the fat mexican girl who used to be
friendly with me at the taco bell drive thru in Seattle.
SteveIzHere8: she made good quesadillas with chicken
or steak

That Fold-outs Can Be Held Up With One Hand:
Niontron9: took me three months to figure out one simple thing

Innovative Picking:
Niontron9: i think it is easier for my mouth to reach the
fruits when it is upside down...don't have waste time tearing
it from the plants

Princess through the Looking Glass:
KD81785: Princess, what is your favorite book?
PrincessSlayah42: the SAS survival handbook
KD81785: What is SAS?
PrincessSlayah42: special air service
KD81785: England has an air force?
PrincessSlayah42: it's england's equivalent of the Special Services
style10star: oh James Bond
PrincessSlayah42: special forces
KD81785: They changed the letters after James Bond spilled the beans
PrincessSlayah42: i am wearing a bikini made from beans

Declaration:
style10star: I hate brussel sprouts.
PrincessSlayah42: I like Binx

[ ... he met another girl. This time he determined that Cait would
never know, and the new girl would never see Cait. But this new
girl, a gypsy dressed as a real estate agent, alarmingly intuitive
and proud of it, just kept guessing correctly. She was drawn to the
gaps in his stories like cigarette smoke sliding between the fibers
of his gig shirts, and as soon as her glance caressed a weak joint,
his life cracked and tender secrets spilled out. "My man is a mean
man," she purred when she left him for the last time.]

Maria Muldaur Uncovered:
style10star: send your camels to bed
style10star: midnight at the oasis
style10star: that was a great song
Tom Brite: that never made sense

Onion Getting Binx's Goats:
BinxB91: Onion's counselor is trying to find him a job but so far
he can't help annoying his way out of every interview
oooolijay: i would hire onion
BinxB91: hire Onion? as what?
FSCETT: binky, what if she never comes back, what will you do?
BinxB91: find someone else
FSCETT: cook/pitbull security
EmpressZ21: who is she
BinxB91: security against pit bulls?
FSCETT: oui
BinxB91: probably Beysshoes
FSCETT: she's a pit bull?
oooolijay: beysshoes as what?
oooolijay: pitbull or security
oooolijay: or both
FSCETT: cuisine
BinxB91: as the woman who is away
FSCETT: she has a dark miso taste
oooolijay: asian fusion
oooolijay: you're going to hire her as the woman who is away

What Would Make you Gay:
FSCETT: now binky is gay
BinxB91: how could I be gay?
oooolijay: you could have anal sex
oooolijay: that could be pretty gay

Julie Getting Close:
oooolijay: i saw a guy with a man camel toe at the beach once
oooolijay: i tried to get a picture, but couldn't get close enough

Julie Fan Letter:
oooolijay: i'm good, and just waiting for everyone to show up
oooolijay: this room died
Alansueton: Oooli!
Godofodd2: yes, the book shelf is less than a shadow of its robust self
Alansueton: the CD I sent was botched my assistant sent out a new
one yesterday
oooolijay: i got the message
oooolijay: believe it or not i listened to my messages
Alansueton: I only sent 200 messages
Alansueton: just 200
oooolijay: well, i got one
Godofodd2: someone has a crush on someone
Alansueton: God not really I missed Oooli she's da bomb
the shelf and AOL sucks without her

Share Your Joke:
Grisfelt: raptor jesus is come
oooolijay: that's funnier to me than you know gris

Alan Fan Letter:
Alansueton: eh I got range and I love it when people kiss my ass
oooolijay: don't look at me

[He knew some of the dogs by name now, the owners personalities
as well. This evening a young woman who had for some days been
looking miserable complained bitterly that other dogs were taking
her pit bull's squeaky crocodile toy, and when other owners
laughed at her gripe, she sat down and burst into tears. Julian
comforted her, introduced himself, scratched the timid pit under
its chin, fetched its toy for her. "It'll be okay," he said,
probably the right thing to say no matter what was troubling her.]

Same Ole Bidet Entrance:
Bidet Luv: stfu, binx
Bidet Luv: i'm tired of your shit

Apropos of Something:

Grisfelt: I love trees

Alansueton: I am not a huge fan of Jose Luis Borges

oooolijay: i dont like this ad with the talking bikini

oooolijay: i hate motorola

oooolijay: i need to get extensions

Kan wa ma kan: did anyone here ever inhale saltwater taffy

Godofodd2: I got a big vein sticking out of the back of my hand,
I never noticed it before

Say "you're full of ****"
EDruezillaB: what do you say to an ex telling you how wonderful
you are and amazing you are but they aren't going to DO anything
about it

Edie Explained:
EDruezillaB: i need sex.
EDruezillaB: GOOD sex
EDruezillaB: really really dirty sex
EDruezillaB: with someone i love
EDruezillaB: really really really love
JLBorges912: sounds awful

Melo, see above:
Melodramamama22: i tried the responsible adult route and it sucks

Monk's Best Line:
JLBorges912: but i say, 'do you freckle in the summer?'
JLBorges912: and if they do, they are affected deeply by me having
asked that
JLBorges912: and want to fuck me

Said I was full of s***:
EDruezillaB: binx knows how caustic and blunt i can be

Cottage Industry:
PrincessSlayah42: i make my own t-shirts
PrincessSlayah42: they have funny sayings
PrincessSlayah42: my favorite says "talk nerdy to me"

Sure There's Room?:
EmpressZ21: i have to stay past 10 ciz melo is gonna tattoo my
name on her ass if i do

Monk on the Way to Fatherhood:
BinxB91: Monk, how is your wife?
JLBorges912: she's eating way too much fucking pizza
JLBorges912: she's starting to blow up
JLBorges912: other than that, fine, due in september
AngelGardn: JL tell her not to eat the crust
JLBorges912: she starts with the crust, and leaves that last
triangular bite on the plate
JLBorges912: she's a freak
EmpressZ21: oh wow she leaves the best bite?
JLBorges912: empo, i made that up, no one would do that
EmpressZ21: okay phew

Monk Surprised, Steve Hungry:
JLBorges912: but between the baby and the placenta being delivered,
i should have been warned about the gushing torrent of viscous
blood spewing from my wife's gaping vagina
AngelGardn: i want some fried chicken
JLBorges912: that part no one told me about
JLBorges912: i thought she was hemorrhaging or something
AngelGardn: i must be real hungry; i still want some fried chicken

Call Me:
Asia7384: ooool, could I refer to you as 4o to simplify things?
oooolijay: i suppose
oooolijay: but i might not answer

Black Belt Critics:
Asia7384: rumor has it David Carradine was beaten to death by
chinese martial arts secret society film critics

Who Do They Think They Are?:
Niontron9: columnists don't do anything...they just bad mouth
others...it is not fair...

Be Strong Bob:
BobsurAuntTom: It does get tough to read the scroll and not see
a large number of people being complete assholes.

Lisztmania:
Alansueton: Franz Liszt was the Beatles of his age

Prefers Higher Forms of Prostitution:
Alansueton: Ive been published anonymously in various publications
and have 3 books published of poetry and short stories I refuse
to accept money for my writing it would be the lowest form of
prostitution

David Brings That Out in People:
Melodramamama22: that's the word i wanted. disparage.

I am from New Hampshire therefore:
Prospect26: Any Jodi Picoult readers out ther?
Prospect26: there?
BinxB91: Picoultists?
BinxB91: a Picoultist - One who belongs to the cult of Jodi Picoult
MattNashVegas: as opposed to an Anncoultist ha
Prospect26: Bixn...I read Jodi. I am from New Hampshire.

.. and pretending I wrote them:
Prospect26: My Sister's Keeper is coming out shortly in the
movies... I was just entering many passages from the book into
my author's journal.

Binx Saves Jam:
Prospect26: Jam come clean. Are you ladymtnmedic?
Prospect26: I am blown away that all these years I thought I was
talking to ladymtnmedic and it was jam....whoever. Scam
Prospect26: And Lady Mountain Medic for all the grief you gave me
about my daughter? Shame on you.
Prospect26: Fork, Jam, Lady, etc, you obviously get off e-mailing
people under one name and then being someone else.
BobsurAuntTom: There's a whole lotta mindfucking going on.
Prospect26: Jam...so what do you have to say for yourself?
BinxB91: Prospect, Jam is Jam. He's never pretended to be
someone else. Someone is pulling your leg.
Prospect26: Who are you?
Jam7604801: thanks binx
FSCETT: This just in, binky rescues Jam, details at 11

Was Too Medicated to Remember for Sure:
KissMyAsterix: I'm pretty sure aol is free in asylums.

Next Time - the Line Goes in the Water:
Niontron9: I want to take my fishing to the next level

Martha Stewart Living:
PrincessSlayah42: learning how to blow stuff up with ordinary
household products

Socrates Reincarnated:
Prospect26: My #1 book of all time will never be yours. But does
that make one of us better than the other? No, because we both
read.

Christina Aquiliera Never Intended:
Niontron9: I am a genie in a bottle...you gotta rub me the right way

Soup Nazi Fans:
BobsurAuntTom: I think my favorite thing about Seinfeld(that Jew)
is seeing his cordless phone with the really huge antenna.
oooolijay: the way he always pushes the antenna back down
forcefully when he's through with the call
oooolijay: so final

Ask CreepyLoner:
Niontron9: I just not the paranoid kind

We Love You Already:
CLITERATE: Hello
oooolijay: wow, i wish i'd thought of that name
Kan wa ma kan: hiya c literate
Alansueton: CLITERATE! great name!
CLITERATE: It is?
Alansueton: yes
CLITERATE: I had no idea
PrincessSlayah42: wait, someone said that earlier!
PrincessSlayah42: who is cliterate?
BobsurAuntTom: You could always go with IllCliterate... guess.
CLITERATE: brb, I am in the middle of something

Gunther Grass and Godwit - Always Unannounced:
Asia7384: I recall the surprise visit of Gunther Grass in here.
Always recruiting for the Hitler youth

DoomGrl Meets Anne Rice
DoomGrl: when i met anne rice at a book signing she asked me what
was my favorite and i said and she said it was her favorite and it
made me feel so good. I know what you mean BOb
BinxB91: I bet Anne Rice says that to all the girls
BobsurAuntTom: Ann Rice too became converted.
DoomGrl: she signed 3 books for me. i brought a whole shopping
bag full, but then wouldnt let me take them up, but she said it
was fine
DoomGrl: she was willing to sign them all, but i got embarased
FSCETT: embarassed of what?
DoomGrl: her handlers only wanted you to take 2 books
DoomGrl: so i caused a scene, kind of
DoomGrl: cause i had about 20
DoomGrl: yes,it was mobbed
BobsurAuntTom: You caused a scene?
DoomGrl: i guess i cried some

2009-05-28T18:34:00.000-07:00

(sigh)

Reunion:
Catpower777: omg Cactus !
CordialCactus: How are ya?
Catpower777: I'm out of school...woohoo
Catpower777: Cactus how have you been?
CordialCactus: fine as frog hair
KissMyAsterix: frog hair..

Duck:
KapeFeer54: i used to have a button on my jacket that said
"guess how many donuts i can fit on my d**k"
Alansueton: Kape How many?
oooolijay: 3
PrincessSlayah42: not munkins i hope

Julie & DoomGrl as Dance Partners:

oooolijay: i've wet many a wrapper

DoomGrl: i dont think Ooli seems texasey
oooolijay: should i throw in some yeehaws?

DoomGrl: i dont think i ever polkaed

DoomGrl: if you drink vodka real fast it squirts out your nose

oooolijay: i should have been born a princess

Got Steve's Goat:
SteveIzHere8: I was promised if I convert to Islam I can get
70 gorgeous virgins in heaven.
FSCETT: gorgeous virgin GOATS

BookSlut Taken to the Wood Shed:
DoomGrl: i gave bookie a good talking to on saturday

BookShelf 1966:
DoomGrl: we found on line a real real old wiki site that had all
of the old book shelf people and a descriion of them
DoomGrl: pinkvotary, amnon
DoomGrl: it even had Picheesy

[It was one of the biggest scandals of Life, to learn the cruelest
thing someone could say to you was that you were a terrible
kisser.
One would think it would be worse to be a Traitor, Hypocrite,
Bitch, Whore or any other foul person, worse even to be a Way-out-
there, a Welcome Mat, a Was-Girl, a Weasel. I suspect one would
fare better with "bad in bed", because everyone has an off day, a
day when his/her mind hitchhikes on each and every thought that
cruises by, and even champion racehorses such as Couldn't Be
Happier, who won both the Derby and the Preakness in 1971, could
suddenly come in dead last, as he did in the Belmont Stakes. But
to be a terrible kisser --- to be tuna --- was the worst of all,
because it meant you were without passion, well you might as well
be dead.
I walked home (4.1 miles), replaying the humiliating remark again
and again in my head(in slo-mo, so I could mentally draw agonizing
circles around my every instance of fumbling, holding, intentional
grounding and personal foul). In my room, I broke down into one
of those headachy weeps one would think would be reserved for the
death of a family member, for terminal illness, the end of the
world. I cried into my clammy pillowcase for over an hour, the
darkness swelling in the room, the night slinking up and crouching
in the windows. Our house, the elaborate, empty 24 Armor Street,
seemed to wait for me, wait like bats in the darkness, an orchestra
for a conductor, waiting for me to calm myself, to proceed.]

Rono's Haiku:
Niontron9: when the invisible force introduce its agenda, to destroy
people, in the begining it seems innovative that does something good
for the people...that is why the masses without realizing help their
agenda...

Old Man and the Sea:
Niontron9: i caught TWO sun fish today
Niontron9: I took pictures of them and named them

Cranky Steve:
SteveIzHere8: MsVictoriaLynn, we used to get along and be civil
towards each other.
SteveIzHere8: and then I got into an argument with edie and you
had to stick your two cents in
SteveIzHere8: and she has no respect for you either
SteveIzHere8: that's why she laughs when I call you a cross dressing homo
Forkrerereredux: what are you complaining about now, steve?
SteveIzHere8: she laughs at you
SteveIzHere8: that's who you stick up for

Rono's World:
Niontron9: american people are fatter than the rest of the world
(of course than the people who live in that part too)

On Unemployment:
Niontron9: anyways, in my lot, I fired the
Niontron9: person who tried to do voodoo majic on me

Funny Thing:
Niontron9: funny thing happened
Niontron9: it has been so long since I updated my ronorealm site...
now I even forgot the hosting service name

Rono's Case:
Niontron9: one day , when I got a ticket in the subway, for
blocking people while thy were getting up and down, by sitting on
the stair, me and my friend
Niontron9: decided to fight it
Niontron9: and we decided we would tell the court
Niontron9: that there was a white man sitting on the stair too
Niontron9: but the police gave the ticket to the indian man only
Niontron9: this is pure racism
Niontron9: but
Niontron9: that never happened
Anais3233: i wish i had some skittles

Apropos of Nothing:

Melodramamama22: mash is a good and underrated word

PrincessSlayah42: i don't need my thumb to type

Summers Eve L: I can't wait to see the new Terminator movie.

BinxB91: I just like the feeling of being bitten and sucked on

PrincessSlayah42: i love duct tape

AXELvonAUR: now I am myself no despiser of the hearty female stench

Everybody Loves Binx:
TreeSquish: does binx still come in?
PaIeRlDER2: from time to time tree
Beysshoes: yes tree. do you miss him?
TreeSquish: yes, i do miss binx
PaIeRlDER2: tree , if you need a webcam..'partner' i am free
TreeSquish: pale, not that kind of "missing"

Beysshoes and PatientOnion:
FSCETT: fork are you binx?
Beysshoes: homer you know we're talking binky here
Forkrerereredux: i fucked a sheep
Catpower777: the poetry of Fork
TreeSquish: beys, i rarely ever go to that blog
TreeSquish: i can't take it anymore
FSCETT: blog smlog
Beysshoes: why tree? is the old blog any better with emma and co?
FSCETT: read the newspapers online, twitter this
TreeSquish: beys, it's different
TreeSquish: and limited
FSCETT: twitter blogs myspace facebook = ZERO
Beysshoes: those bitties were mean and bitter.
FSCETT: anybody can blog
FSCETT: even bey
Beysshoes: shup homer you assful
FSCETT: if you could really write then somebody would PAY you
TreeSquish: snort
Beysshoes: stfu homer

Melo's Missed man:
Melodramamama22: okay. here is a nice thing then. this man, who's
out of town in the uk?
Melodramamama22: made a pilgrimage to where i used to live, just
because
Summers Eve L: Oh. Very very nice.
Melodramamama22: drove all the hell the way out to the turnip field
Melodramamama22: just to have a scone
Melodramamama22: ya, he is
Summers Eve L: Nice. Very nice.
Melodramamama22: am fairly gobsmacked
Catpower777: so he got there and found you gone?
Melodramamama22: he was there today, in devizes, and i was here
peeling turnips with a peeler i got in devizes
Melodramamama22: weirdness
Summers Eve L: Very romantic in a weird way.
BinxB91: Is weirdness good?
Melodramamama22: good weird is good. bad weird is bad.

Univited baggage:
Catpower777: you know, I think I'm getting some uninvited baggage
on twitter because they think I'm Chan

Gotcha:
Summers Eve L: astigmatisms hahaha

An ear for it:
AnaisNlNja: i just know bs when i hear bs

Anias as Prude:
AXELvonAUR: Anais, don't tell me you are one of those pruding
Euro-leftists.....

The Silly Champ:
AXELvonAUR: Onion has no nuance
MsVictoriaLynn1: Can anyone really be as silly as Onion?
AXELvonAUR: comparing me to him is just stupid and with that sn?

Our Day:
Melodramamama22: its mothers day and we're mothers, so we can do
shit like that

Melo's Golpher:
Yossarian4now: hows my boy doion
Melodramamama22: he's doing good, he got in at 3:30
Yossarian4now: good
Melodramamama22: refused to say one word about what he'd been up to,
other than that they nearly have finished 2 songs
Melodramamama22: jake's going to school in chapel hill, where the
studio is, next fall
Melodramamama22: so he's gonna pitch in and do some gopher stuff and
learn

Best Book Review:
JFWaterman: I'm still looking for 'Finger Pointing Solward',
by Donald Kingsbury.
JFWaterman: Kingsbury has only published a few books during the
past 50 years, but those he has are like to make your brains squirt out
your ears, they are sooooo good-

From What Planet:
JFWaterman: I do exactly what I'm told, and everything goes OK with
my boss. We've been working together since I was a mech in the Screw
MFG dep't and she was my line's Engineer.
JFWaterman: In return, the boss gives me everything I need to get the
job done, and explains everything that I need to do.

Verb:
LadyMtnMedic: we are gritching about work

Performance Art:
MsVictoriaLynn1: Blowing their heads off with a shot gun always
looks good

You'd Better:
Summers Eve L: 3 Love ya'll. Mean it.

2009-05-07T20:02:00.000-07:00

Waiting For God(ot)wit

This is a Bust:
Gleam1946: Onion is Oooooooli and slut combined into a
multifarious role of chat and chit
Melodramamama22: gleam, it totally freaks me out when you
bust out vocabulary words

Noted:
Tom Brite: I am an attractive man.

In Debt:
Tammynet: you know, i already owe you one ass beating
i wouldn't push it

Trademark Infringement:
Niontron9: hai
Forkrerereredux: lol
Forkrerereredux: hai
Forkrerereredux: haylo
Niontron9: forky
Niontron9: those are trademarks of Rono
Forkrerereredux: um, i've seen others say hai
Forkrerereredux: sorry bud
Forkrerereredux: they beat you to it
Niontron9: they COPIED it fro me
Forkrerereredux: sure, sure
Niontron9: come on
EDruezillaB: well, i invented "hi" and "hello" and "hey"
EDruezillaB: so there
Niontron9: I only
Niontron9: go to
Niontron9: the AL and come
Niontron9: here

Blusher:
Phronsie: We watched Gray Gardens Sat. night
Phronsie: kind of a touching movie, but it made me feel
embarrassed to be a woman

Harking at the Moon:
Gleam1946: Onion just the sight of your font makes me hark back
to the first Sunday night I ventured into this room

GayDog:
JadedDremer: mine is half lab and half english bulldog
Various704: thats the gayest dog ive ever heard of

Tony:
JadedDremer: if a man ever loved me like Tony does,
I would be his helpless victim

Who Knew:
PatientOnion3: humans are slaves to marketing geniuses, TJ
is a slave to his muse Doom Girl

Who Knew II:
Gleam1946: Marketing is Jewish science

A Few of Her Favorite Things:
Summers Eve L: I love sweating out a hangover.

Dark Despair:
SteveIzHere8: everything I make comes out bad
SteveIzHere8: mac & cheese
SteveIzHere8: horrible

Hemmingway's Offspring:
Anais3233: i went fishing today
Anais3233: i'm sunburnt
Anais3233: and i caught nothing

Try Sending Him Postage:
Beysshoes: tamela i told our bunion boy i wanted him to pls
send me chocolates
Beysshoes: and he ran away from me tamela.
Tammynet: ah sorry beys
Beysshoes: he only hearts you enough to make chocolates
for tammy. oofsh
Tammynet: he owed me chocolates beys
Beysshoes: loL okay. thats already TMI chica. hahaha

Leading With His Chin:
Shckltn912: i might read a book soon
Shckltn912: i actually bought one
Catpower777: Penthouse Forum is in book form now?

Lyricist:
Gleam1946: Look if we are going to play games the problem
wont get solved. Stop the B.S.

Waiting for Godwit:
Pheziwig: maybe godwit will come back to us with a slightly
different SN, like godot
Pheziwig: We'll wait
Gleam1946: Waiting for Godot?
Gleam1946: fuck that
Pheziwig: That would be a killer chat room name, Waiting for Godot
Shckltn912: waiting for godot was actually written with laurel and
hardy in mind
Melodramamama22: you could just have one filled with us, called
waiting for godwit

Like When His Lot is Full:
Gleam1946: There are times when even a used car salesman sees
the truth

Maggie Mae Rough Draft:
Shckltn912: i don't want to go back to school, but i have to,
i guess

Another Fun Couple:
Pheziwig: You guys, so predictable
Pheziwig: Good night
Beysshoes: bye you assful of fuzz fezz
Catpower777: Bey, does that mean no nekkids for him?
Beysshoes: kit its yoh turn chica
BinxB91: Beysshoes and Phezziwig would be a great episode of
Blind Date
Beysshoes: shut up binx
Catpower777: Binx, that's just a scary thought

Natalie Finds Her Handle:
BinxB91: Beys, you're telling everyone to shut up. You've lost
both your imagination and your swetness
BinxB91: sweetness
Beysshoes: Uzendayo binx
Summers Eve L: sweatness!

Yuck:
PatientOnion3: yossy, you sexy freakshow
Yossarian4now: only for you, dude
PatientOnion3: i miss your warm wet kisses
Yossarian4now: thats what they all say
PatientOnion3: I get **** thinking about htem
Yossarian4now: lol
Beysshoes: yuck
SparrowAtPeace: but hey 4 out of five stars that's good

Out of Context Blues:

Beysshoes: i had a friend in maine who got divorced from her
first hub "finch"

Frailty Thine Name is Woman:
Melodramamama22: i married my first husband dick, divorced him,
and married my second husband, dick

Restaurant Encounters:
Beysshoes: i just got your nick pale. do you like clint eastwood?
ThePaIeRlDER: i am clint eastwoood bey
Beysshoes: oh. then you've been to your restaurant in carmel yes?
PaIeRlDER: Beys please, one never dines where one shts
Beysshoes: "Hogs Breath Inn" ... I got engaged there. and had it
inscribed in my wedding band.
Beysshoes: peeps thought it was my nickname
Melodramamama22: oh, i ate there once. some tuna salad in an avocado
Melodramamama22: then we drove out to the desert and had a mud bath

Audition:
KissMyAsterix: where are you from
Beysshoes: and you chose us? wow
brizz36: i'm from pa
KissMyAsterix: she got lost, beys.. another one with no map and
poor judgement
Beysshoes: brizz...our new godwit!
brizz36: i'll try

Jennifer Paige:
CordialCactus: so.. i have a girl crush to confess
CordialCactus: Rachel Maddow... yes? do you see it?
zomcom81: ohh.... cactus.....
KissMyAsterix: hmm
CordialCactus: just a little one
Beysshoes: you heart rachel maddow???
CordialCactus: a twee crush
zomcom81: how 'twee'
CordialCactus: well.. i follow her on twitter
CordialCactus: but i dont stalk her
KissMyAsterix: ahh
KissMyAsterix: yet
CordialCactus: she reminds me of me but smarter
CordialCactus: SO
Beysshoes: she seemed better as a guest somehow
CordialCactus: maybe im just a narcissist projecting
KissMyAsterix: perhaps
CordialCactus: beys, whatever do you mean?
Beysshoes: hush you lezbo candy

I'm Candice. Fly Me:
CordialCactus: Zom.. I am Candice.. live in Wisconsin..
have 2 teenagers and 2 small children.. hm.. im a homebound
mother, occasional bartender, sesquipedalian wanna be, and..
not really a lezbo
CordialCactus: married for years
CordialCactus: and.. Nice to meet you
zomcom81: and have a crush on a lezbo?
zomcom81: wow
KissMyAsterix: a twee crush

What Matters in a Man:
Beysshoes: i met this man recently. he looked like a male model
i swear.
KissMyAsterix: which male model
KissMyAsterix: details beys
Beysshoes: like forties-fifties male model. he came over to me gina
KissMyAsterix: pics, info.. email
Beysshoes: i lost my breath
Beysshoes: then he smiles.
KissMyAsterix: oh crap
Beysshoes: no teeferies
KissMyAsterix: boy that kills a romance
Beysshoes: i don't have very high standards but teeth. they
kinda matter
KissMyAsterix: how many
zomcom81: good teeth are a necessity
KissMyAsterix: is the number negotiable
Beysshoes: only gums. nolo
Beysshoes: fake teef mebbe a possibility
KissMyAsterix: they can be bought though
KissMyAsterix: like boobs
zomcom81: as long as they're not ugly teeth

Rite:
CordialCactus: I got a new couch through craigslist
CordialCactus: It is soo cute
CordialCactus: microfiber...eggshell color...huge and cushy
Beysshoes: couch. did you fumigate it candy?
CordialCactus: $50
KissMyAsterix: good price
CordialCactus: no, but we just christened it

Beys Worries Candice:
Beysshoes: i'm serious here candy. we don't wanna read about you
being in the ER for crabs infestation.
KissMyAsterix: although
CordialCactus: whats the opposite of a germaphobe... im that...
i dont like dirty.. but germs got no hold on me
Beysshoes: dirty = grungy?
CordialCactus: i vacuumed it
CordialCactus: does that count
KissMyAsterix: it all counts
Beysshoes: not really. you need to flea bomb yoh entire parlor now
CordialCactus: ifin i start itchin then i'll worry
Beysshoes: funky. that's another grungy word.

Out of the Picture:
CordialCactus: hey zom...you want a picture of my clean but not
fumigated craigslist fiddy dollah couch?
CordialCactus: you can just say no...if you want
KissMyAsterix: I got no pic
CordialCactus: im waiting to hit send
zomcom81: sure, but not if it's covered in blood stains
CordialCactus: oh man
CordialCactus: fine
Beysshoes: shup you ingrate. candy is fragile about rejection.
KissMyAsterix: be like that
zomcom81: no picture then
CordialCactus: you've got mail
Beysshoes: candy, you really should've taken that used condom
wrapper out before taking the shoot though.
CordialCactus: that kid you see in the picture is what happens
when you take the condom out of the picture

Candice's Son:
Beysshoes: omg what a cutey pie
KissMyAsterix: yeah
KissMyAsterix: he's in focus and everything

Here's the Story:
zomcom81: and candy is...... cactus?
CordialCactus: Im candy..candi candice cactus
CordialCactus: here is the story of my screen name
CordialCactus: ahem
CordialCactus: My name is candice.. i was a bartender..i got
people drunk..they slurred my name...called me cactus... a
cordial is a drink and a demeanor
CordialCactus: Voila
zomcom81: okay... i will try to remember that
CordialCactus: Hence the name

a short vagina:
zomcom81: and gina is asterix
zomcom81: and i'm emily or zomcom
CordialCactus: zom.. gina=dinov=kiss
KissMyAsterix: I'm really not a gina
Beysshoes: gina is short for vagina
KissMyAsterix: this is like mpd
Beysshoes: see, she has a syndrome that left her with a short
vagina. thus, gina.

Pardon My Disorder:
zomcom81: sometimes, asterix, it's nice to shhhh...
Beysshoes: zom you're rude and boring and an ingrate. get out already
zomcom81: sheesh, just a bit ago you wanted me to heart you
Beysshoes: well, i have a mood disorder zom.
KissMyAsterix: potato .. potahhto

It Keeps You Runnin':
KissMyAsterix: beys is protective
KissMyAsterix: but Cactus likes everyone
zomcom81: well that's sweet.
KissMyAsterix: so you could be a real ass and still not know
where you stand with these two
KissMyAsterix: no offense
zomcom81: i feel good so it's okay
CordialCactus: no no.. i know an ass.. but im not going to
dislike someone for being an ass
CordialCactus: the world needs asses
KissMyAsterix: see
CordialCactus: im sure they have purposes
Beysshoes: candycane. that seems unecessarily mean.
apologize to zom please.

Gina as Pundit:
KissMyAsterix: she's like shirley temple.. an ambassador
KissMyAsterix: and beys is like um..Vladmir Putin..
Beysshoes: putin? gina. why do you say such a hurtful
fuckish thang to me?
KissMyAsterix: oh beys, it was a compliment

Fork's Mom is Easy:
Forkrerereredux: i made love to my mother

Just Breathe:
Forkrerereredux: everyone take a deep breath
Alansueton: count to ten

KissMyAsterix: how bad is it when fork is the peacemaker
Alansueton: I think it is pill time!
KissMyAsterix: we're low on doses
KissMyAsterix: someone underprescribed
Beysshoes: that's how i felt when i began missing godwit gina.
Beysshoes: totally frightening
Forkrerereredux: someone misses godwit?
KissMyAsterix: ok yeah, you missed a dose
Cognomen98: yes, that is frightening
KissMyAsterix: breathe beys

Whatever Happened to Godwit:
Forkrerereredux: godwit called fork a poof
KissMyAsterix: well...
KissMyAsterix: I think it was a come on fork
KissMyAsterix: he was jealous of your mom
Alansueton: I heard Godwit was arrested during a
Operation Candyman net sweep
Forkrerereredux: godwit never wanted to meet fork
Forkrerereredux: we live in like the same town
Forkrerereredux: fork invited him to eat a hoagie at lee's
hoagie house and then go tanning at hollwood tans

Knowing Beys:
khadijahekohgf: wow it looks yammmmy :) hereismycam.xoxgo.com
Beysshoes: khadija...luegos. we're busy just now
Tell A Story 78: of course, bey likes to be paranoid evidently
and accuse people on whims
Beysshoes: okay, take up a collection to send tell over to
khadija's tent

Killing Time:
Tell A Story 78: I'm just killing time before bed in a few minutes
Tell A Story 78: I am Para
Tell A Story 78: as I said
Forkrerereredux: hi para
Alansueton: Para what?
KissMyAsterix: hi para
Tell A Story 78: hi
KissMyAsterix: parasite
Tj34: hi para
KissMyAsterix: paragraph
Alansueton: Paradigm?

South of the Border:
Sweet Disorder 2: It does make sense...no wonder the multiple
personality thing...hum, borderline personality disorder...maybe.
Tj34: what a clever dude. he sure put on over on us.
Beysshoes: so lets take a vote: is it a sober blt here?
Beysshoes: hands hands please

Tell You What:
Tell A Story 78: I bet I could put out a bologna stick and
you guys would follow me to hell, lol
Tell A Story 78: I"d expect that from your mentality
Beysshoes: okay you guys. listen up please. if i was this person,
i'd be side suey. so just stop it already.
Beysshoes: lets be kind please
Tell A Story 78: lol, these guys are cotton puffs
KissMyAsterix: I was being kind
Tell A Story 78: reminds me of my puppy barking at my feet for
more water
Beysshoes: lol gina.

[...one night early in February as I read The Aeneid, my roommate,
Soo-Jin, mentioned without looking up from her Organic Chemistry
textbook that some of the freshmen on our hall were planning to
crash an off-campus party at some doctor of philosphy's but I
wasn't invited because I was considered more than a little
"bleak" in demeanor: "Especially in the morning when you're on
your way to Intro to 60s Counterculture and the New Left. You
looked so like, afflicted."
This, of course, was only Soo-Jin talking(Soo-Jin whose face
employed the same countenance for both Anger and Elation). I
did my best to wave away this remark, as if it were no more
than an unpleasant odor coming off a beaker or test tube, but
then I did start to notice all kinds of unquestionably bleak
things. For example, when Bethany brought people into her
room for a Friday night Audrey Hepburn marathon, I was
distinctly aware, at the end of Breakfest at Tiffany's,
unlike the other girls sitting on pillows chain-smoking with
tears in their eyes, I was actually hoping Holly didn't find
the Cat. No, if I was completely honest with myself, I
realized that I wanted Cat to stay lost and abandoned, mewing
and shivering all by its Cat self in those splintery crates
in that awful Tin Pan Alleyway, which from the rate of that
Hollywood downpour would be submerged under the Pacific
Ocean in less than an hour. (This I disguised, of course,
smiling gaily when George Peppard feverishly grasped Audrey
feverishly grasping Cat who no longer looked like a cat but
a drowned squirrel. I believe I even uttered one of those
girly, high-pitched, "Ewws," in perfect harmony with
Bethany's sighs)]

Interview Practice:
Forkrerereredux: god fork went a good job

As if:
Tammynet: shut up!

Puppy Love:
Melodramamama22: everybody always thinks their dog is best

2009-04-18T19:58:00.000-07:00

What I Remember

Rules of the Game:
DoomGrl: wheres Binx, I want to be on the television
Beysshoes: television?
DoomGrl: the katy tried show
Beysshoes: well, first you gots to say somethin' inneresting

Julie Come Back:
Gleam1946: Without Ooooooli this romm sucks and blows

Siren:
Rafo65: --- thinks Creepy is soooooo cute!

Nada is the Adopted One?:
Prospect26: My son is zip, zero, nada.

Push Her Button:
Summers Eve L: So, tell us about Mexico.
Summers Eve L: Or can you? Are you still on mute?
EmpressZ21: im here i think
Summers Eve L: Good.
Summers Eve L: That would suck.
Summers Eve L: You get back and can't speak.
EmpressZ21: it doesnt affect my ims
Yossarian4now: wait .. women have mute buttons??
Yossarian4now: WHERE ARE THEY LOCATED???
Summers Eve L: Sometimes I wish I could locate my own
mute button.

Shameless:
Alansueton: in 2 days I turn 40

Always the Last to Know:
Beysshoes: lol? is somebody funny in here that i dunt know about??

Want better sex? Try mouthwash:
KissMyAsterix: new fangs anais?
Anais3233: just one
Anais3233: and i guess it would be my third molar
Beysshoes: how can you put a new one in? anais, you're too young
KissMyAsterix: she needs a sharper one
Anais3233: it cracked and would need endo and crown lengthening
Anais3233: so i'm getting an implant
Anais3233: ::sigh::
Beysshoes: i hope you got some drugs anais
Beysshoes: anais. use strong mouthwash if you still want your
hub to give you sex.
KissMyAsterix: she's taking the night off

Betrayed:
Beysshoes: i thought you liked fezz jammers
Jam7604801: not after he stuck his head up obamas butt
KissMyAsterix: you felt betrayed?

Quiver and Onions:
Jam7604801: i honestly don't miss onion
Beysshoes gina he hates onion.
SBrin6: I like Onion, even if he's a commie punk
KissMyAsterix: I don't know how you can hate onion
Beysshoes: onions the best thing in here
KissMyAsterix: he should be cloned
Beysshoes: well, onion does call him a hillbilly a times
KissMyAsterix: onion calls everyone names
Jam7604801: nothing onion says is real. real humor come from
making fun of something real
Jam7604801: bey i like realism not a bunch of fakes
SBrin6: this is fake, Jam

BookShelf Charades:
Tj34: people drinking cloroform?

Back to the Future:
oooolijay: i kinda want to send that to binx
Beysshoes: the pussy cunt twat discussion you mean ooji?
oooolijay: yes beys
oooolijay: i use pussy and cunt most often
oooolijay: i usually save twat for name calling
AnnAsphodel: Pussy seems undignified to me.
Summers Eve L: I'm going to quit drinking and join a convent.
Beatnikspore: i rarely have an instance in which they would be needed
PatientOnion3: Which word do your clients prefer?

Google Search:
AmberDevilRay8: "Saucerdick" turned up nothing.

Sex as Alternative:
BinxB91: British people have sex, don't they
NomduSemiLLC: might as well, they don't know how to cook

Beys not getting it:
BinxB91: XO, the real difference between a lady and a ho ---
BinxB91: One man with a big mouth
Beysshoes: i dont get that joke binx
BinxB91: what joke? about the parking space?
Beysshoes: the big mouth thing.

BinxB91: Beys, a man tells a woman's secrets ... thus ruining
her proper surface
Beysshoes: "proper surface" ? what does this mean binky? you
talking ukrainian to me baby?
BinxB91: Reputation
BinxB91: Onna no kao, Beysshoes-kun
Beysshoes: binky you didn't teach me that one
BinxB91: kao = face
BinxB91: To be a lady is to have face
Hadachoke: kao is indeed face
LadyMtnMedic: Binx what does that mean?
BinxB91: Face = reputation
Hadachoke: to lose face
LadyMtnMedic: to have a good reputation
LadyMtnMedic: a face you can hold up
Dickenzian: zzzzzzzzzzzz

Beys Rides Horse:
WarHorseThor: sweet, I know where allan is in italy, want me
to cause him some trouble?
Beysshoes: allan lives in italy? que?
WarHorseThor: im not talking to you beys
Beysshoes: sweet, he says he has dry runs of DTs
Beysshoes: he hallucinated that sebilius was named the veepee
Sweet Disorder 2: Dry runs of DT's? What is that?
Barely poet: whats it mean when you find a bear with a wet nose
Beysshoes: delirium tremors sweet
Beysshoes: what blt has
Barely poet: youre to damn close to the bear
Beysshoes: 'cept blt's are not dry runs
WarHorseThor: see julie, this is what I mean
WarHorseThor: I didnt provoke beys and she wants to insult me

The Brother She Never Had:
WarHorseThor: julie, beys is an adopted asian lady with saddlebag
thighs
Ooolijay: that's unfortunate
WarHorseThor: yes
Beysshoes: sadly yes ... i've been on steroids for 3 months and
got phat. sigh
Ooolijay: did your birth parents not want you because you were a girl
Beysshoes: ooji. blt is a sociopath and he lies. surprise.

Sweet Talkin Julie:
Beysshoes: ooji stick with jam. less damage.
Beysshoes: blt going after jammies left overs. lol
WarHorseThor: I will dream, with reckless abandon of the day I can
hold you close and feel your babies breath on my chest
Ooolijay: i dont have any babies
WarHorseThor: ouch

Tongue in Cheek?:
WarHorseThor: look at all of the rejected women wishing they were
julie, how funy!
DinosoreVagina: you have that right
DinosoreVagina: yes, you're one hot commodity

Onion Through the Looking Glass:
FoodSIut: i am teaching at risk youth that it's more fun to roll
out dough than to sell crack and do drive bys
DinosoreVagina: no one would buy that
FoodSIut: flour, organic blueberries, cherries, tomatoes, chilies
DinosoreVagina: I'm a suburban mother and I don't even think that
FoodSIut: free range chickens
Beysshoes: you are such a great mentor onion.
FoodSIut: you have a soy bean patch for the organic tofu
FoodSIut: back to the food stampers and their bread and chance for
a peaceful organic life thanks to dino's organic detroit produce

Girl Friends:
Jam7604801: i just got up
Ooolijay: oh
Ooolijay: that's right
Ooolijay: you said you had to get up early
Beysshoes: blt was here hitting on your gf ooji
Jam7604801: i have to go to the city this morning
Beysshoes: for what?
Ooolijay: i am not jam's girlfriend beys nut
Ooolijay: gawd
DinosoreVagina: jams girlfriend is named bones something or other
Jam7604801: no bey i have a girl on pogo
Ooolijay: see
Beysshoes: i'm playing you sillies
DinosoreVagina: well one of them, didn't you say you had two jam?

BookSlut's Uncle:
Gypsyjo47: Balzac is interesting for four or five novels...
then it is just drawing room boring stuff

Zola Changed His Screen Name:
Tj34: zola is also a mixed bag
Niontron9: who is zola again?
Niontron9: I don't know who is zola

Silence Is Consent:
Chris185432678: anyone mind a poem?
Chris185432678: I shall try if you let me.
Chris185432678: speak up
Chris185432678: alright, no one said not to
Chris185432678: I proceed.

The Sentence That Wouldn't Die:
WANDCHANTRESS: ok let me jut say for the part 90% all of you
are better read than me however i had 2 people in publishing,
woman in thier firties recommend twight to me so i bought it
and I just have to say Are you kidding?

Freshman Dorm:
Gypsyjo47: Any of you ever read the I Ching while stoned?
That is an amazing experience.

South Beach Diet Modified:
EDruezillaB: I had wine for dinner
EDruezillaB: I think, all I had today was some lettuce and wine

David Revealed:
Alansueton: I know I love attention
Catpower777: no way, Para !
Catpower777: I'd never have guessed

Out of Context Blues:

Tj34: is there a Scientology bot?

LadyMtnMedic: pondering getting one of those big high powered
kids squirt guns

Tj34: i think Inspector Gadget would make the perfect Romeo

zomcom81: hm. i was wrong

Phronsie: why would one feel impelled to eat lice?

I Know That Guy!:
Melodramamama22: do men really buy blow up dolls?
RiverTrail Kat: some men do.
BinxB91: Melo, there's a movie called Lars and the Real Girl
where a man starts believing his doll is real
Melodramamama22: binx, lars chats in here don't he?

Small Talk:
B00KGASM: I am more interested in Poe's works as reflections
of the intermittence of modern life.

Are You Tough Enough?:
Tj34: poe liked to swim the River Charles.
he wasn't a little crybaby

Well-Rehearsed:
B00KGASM: Gyp. You read like the Parade version of the Arts
section of the NYT.

Melo Does Britain:
Melodramamama22: binx, i liked a lot of stuff. i liked that
every bump in the ground had a name and a rich history
Melodramamama22: i liked the ww2 bomb crack in my kitchen in
london
Melodramamama22: i like the bleakness of cornwall

Why We Don't Talk Books:
Book4friend25: I read Hemingway's "In Our Time" in college.
I really enjoyed it.

What Are Yiou Wearing?:
Book4friend25: I'm wearing a business suit.

Tj34: wool pants and no underwear

One-Woman Chat:
Prospect26: prospect...what is your impression of the president
in Great Britain?

Keeper:
Book4friend25: Anyway, the chat here seems more intelligble than
that of the Author's lounge.

Was the Safety On?:
LadyQuasi: I almost shot diet Cherry Coke out my nose.

How Empress Knows:
EmpressZ21: my dog is farting and i know because i can hear them

Empress Into the Testosterone:
EmpressZ21: vin deisel is kinda badass
EmpressZ21: mostly because of his name
EmpressZ21: except now im watcing him on jimmy kimmel and he
is kinda pussy

Philapinnas are like that:
KD81785: I was talking to a lady today who I think is maybe
Philapinna, but, I think she is hard of hearing

Bey Watch:
Beysshoes: ded! you're here!
Beysshoes: i've never ever seen you here before ded.
DedLettr: yes, Bey
Beysshoes: i'm jazzed. where's onion?
DedLettr: I should have my head examined
Beysshoes: lolol
DedLettr: he's here
Beysshoes: get in line ded
PatientOnion3: bey, what sexy lingerie you wearing?
Beysshoes: nada ... old navy tank top and drawstring shorts brat
DedLettr: no sexier than mine, I hope
Beysshoes: lol. nope
DedLettr: what's the math question, Onion?
Beysshoes: bunion is prolly cooking ded ... i just wanted to
say 'hey' ded
DedLettr: well, I am not that Patient
DedLettr: hey Bey
Beysshoes: gotta run ... a momentous occasion. pls come by more often ded
DedLettr: so this is Bey Watch

What Was She Thinking:
EDruezillaB: Beys, if you're happy, you'll have to pay a fine.
Beysshoes: haha. edrue dunt be stoopid. that's not possible.
Beysshoes: i'm in here ain't i?
EDruezillaB: What was I thinking!

Beys Happy:
Beysshoes: binkybippys!!!
BinxB91: bippys?
Beysshoes: yes. a nice way of saying assful

The Oreohead:
Jam7604801: if obama was really smart he would have split this tax
with tobacco and alcohol
BinxB91: what tax?
Jam7604801: the smoking tax binx
BinxB91: there's a smoking tax?
Jam7604801: half the people in the usa smokes and he just pissed
them off
Jam7604801: now 2/3 of the people who smokes will now quit so what
kind of tax money will the oreohead get binx

Fork Offended:
BinxB91: oreohead .... geez
Forkrerereredux: oreohead sound racist
Forkrerereredux: and one thing fork doesn't like is racism!
KissMyAsterix: oh man

Beys Catching the Bot Virus:
Beysshoes: you don't like your new nicky binx? oofsh.
Beysshoes: i'm sorry binky. c'mere lemme lick your face.
pls don't be mad at me.
BinxB91: lick my face?
Beysshoes: or whatever binky. (smile)
millicenttrici: woohoo its working :) , who wana see my cam ?
hereismycam.xoxgo.com

Beys Unplugged:
Beysshoes: gina, candycane ... woot happed to nora?
Beysshoes: did binx send her his white star anus porn and scare her?
BinxB91: Beys, what you latch on to

Meet Lindy90909:
Lindy90909: no binx u have a serious honker going on
Beysshoes: lindy knows about your honker binky?
BinxB91: a serious honker??? I used to always get one when i
was about 14 and walked by the linergerie counter
EDruezillaB: Send a picture
Beysshoes: nolo binx! you showed lindy your sex you pig. yeah what
edrue just said.
BinxB91: So Lindy, what are you wearing?

For Want of a Comma:
BinxB91: I think Jam and Onion should go back to college and be
roommates
Jam7604801: nah binx me and blt would be better roomies
Beysshoes: binx jam and blt? omg jam has a man crush on binky and james
BinxB91: Beys!! Down girl
Jam7604801: bey i should have put a comma after binx
KissMyAsterix: jam, aren't you a little old to room with a guy

Jam7604801: dino binx said me and onion should go back to college
KissMyAsterix: and the first thing you thought of was shacking up
with blt jam?
Beysshoes: dingdingding 50 pointer

Various704: hey now. 50 points? i think not. that may have to go
to a tribunual
KissMyAsterix: well various, put the kilt away.. jam won't room
with you

Beys Getting East Coast:
Beysshoes: please say hey for me candy
BinxB91: Beys eats hey?
Beysshoes: binx. what are you yammering about eating hey?
BinxB91: hey for me
Beysshoes: oh its a euphemism binx?
Beysshoes: wow binx. you are so street savvy darling.
Beysshoes: i'm impressed.

The Roommate Thing Won't Die:
Jam7604801: dino, binx said me an onion should go back to
college and be roomies
Various704: damn it jam!!
KissMyAsterix: I see jam, but you'd rather room with two other men.
Jam7604801: Various i only would room with people who shared half
my views
KissMyAsterix: and the same anatomy

Lindy Cheap Shot:
BinxB91: I loved in the movie The Sixt Sense when the Bruce Willis
character says to his wife's suitor, "keep on going, cheese dick"
BinxB91: would a psychiatrist use that phrase?
Beysshoes: especially a shrink would use that phrase binx
Lindy90909: sixt???
Lindy90909: what a douche
BinxB91: OK Lindy I fucked up!! Get over it
Beysshoes: WOW

Lindy Issues:
Lindy90909: bay hoes??????
Beysshoes: shut up you skanky lindyloo
Lindy90909: lolololol
Lindy90909: ok hoes
BinxB91: lolololol looks like a suspension bridge
CordialCactus: lindy...do you also run with scissors? I see you
failed the "plays well with others"

SaucerDick II:
AmberDevilRay8: "Saucerdick" turned up nothing.
AmberDevilRay8: But there are 5 men in the U.S. named "Dick Saucer"
KissMyAsterix: and jam has roomed with them?
KissMyAsterix: so it wasn't even an insult?

Bot why?:
Beysshoes: gracie milli wants you to IM her
Beysshoes: NOW
Beysshoes: wow it worked.
Beysshoes: okay lemme try again. gracie, jam wants you to IM him.
KissMyAsterix: who's gracie
Beysshoes: she's the bot in here gina
Jam7604801: bey i reported that ho
KissMyAsterix: you reported a bot?

Just Whistle:
Various704: amber, im so poor that when i want music i give a
tramp 20 pence to whistle
KissMyAsterix: and I whistle too dammit
KissMyAsterix: I'm broke, what can I say
Beysshoes: you bastid oscar. so dat was what those 2 dimes were
you mailed me. punkass
Various704: heh

Imagine If We Discussed Books:
Known8265: half the time i don't know whether anyone
is *actually* reading what's said...so small nuances like that...
the acknowledgement thereof...is an attempt to create something
better....boring still?
Beysshoes: even more boring known.
Beysshoes: pls stop. imma beggin' you
Tallthinjones: known that was a right good speech
KissMyAsterix: maybe you could work on shorter sentences
KissMyAsterix: less preachy
KissMyAsterix: more conversational
marine2783: i read me some new york times the other day
AmberDevilRay8: I think he might be a saucerdick.
Beysshoes: okay know. we like you. but heres the thing you must pay
cover charge to stay more than 3 lines.

Picking On the New Guy:
KissMyAsterix: that's your only acronym?
KissMyAsterix: all this time here and you have tyvm
marine2783: i ain the best reader but grandma says with due time
i learn me some good words
Beysshoes: you can apply for a discount of 20% marine. just send
gina and i nekkid pics with your application.
KissMyAsterix: grandmas lie

Tallthinjones: anything to shut him up
Various704: i blocked it after the first sentence. i think so
Beysshoes: oscar. must you disgrace me in public like dat? oof
marine2783: i love me some taters, with that taters sauce
Various704: my apologise. if i was drunk id be more tactful

marine2783: i aint not bot
Beysshoes: well, its a sad thing when i find a bot more interesting
than the rest of youza
Various704: life is sad, bey. :(
Beysshoes: mebbe i'm just hungry

Tallthinjones: marine, are you handicapped?
marine2783: do i look handi capped
Tallthinjones: you sound handicapped
Beysshoes: jones. we welcome newbies now. that be the new policy.
even bots.
Tallthinjones: oh, well being nice is cool
marine2783: i love me some chocolates
Beysshoes: shut up already please marine.

Oh I didn't recognize you DonkeyShit!:
funkstank@yahoo.com: so, how many post menopausal withered ovaries
in here tonight?
Summers Eve L: Just yours.
BinxB91: Funk, you're quite the ray of sunshine
funkstank@yahoo.com: summer, your'e giving me a not so fresh feeling
funkstank@yahoo.com: sunshine is for faggots
Lamumsie: it's so sad that they allowed the Yahoos to escape
funkstank@yahoo.com: trust me i'm not proud of being here
Summers Eve L: Wait a minute, is that you BloatedSackofDonkeySh*t?

Penelope Crews:
I2DaysInNovember: Penelope is really hot I wonder how
she got her name
Lamumsie: those big soulful eyes
I2DaysInNovember: and pouty lips
I2DaysInNovember: and beautkful shoulders
Lamumsie: oh yeah, the lips
Lamumsie: lol
I2DaysInNovember: - k of course
BinxB91: she was topless in Abra Los Ojos (Open Yoy Eyes) which
was remade in America as Vanilla Sky
I2DaysInNovember: + i while you're at it
Lamumsie: that was the weirdest movie
Summers Eve L: I like the typos you gentlemen make when you start
talking about hot broads.
I2DaysInNovember: nop
I2DaysInNovember: ee
PaIeRlDER2: me too i2
BinxB91: I was wondering aboyt a too Natalie
BinxB91: *that
Summers Eve L: Oh you will need to cut that out, Mr. Brown. haha

Yeshiva University:
Gleam1946: Obsessive is a college word frought with Jewish
psychological bull-shit attenuation

Underappreciated:
Phronsie: Gleam, are you attempting to intimidate people?
Gleam1946: not at all
BinxB91: Gleam swallowed a vocabulary builder?
Phronsie: bingo,Binx
MsVictoriaLynn1: he is free basing a thesaurus
Gleam1946: you guys are just dumb

Broke Bot:
PatientOnion3: i have very very strict rules concerning the objects
of my obsession
PatientOnion3: i will tell you what they are, brb
Tj34: oh god
PatientOnion3: a woman can be as fine as can be with kisses sweet
as honey, but that don't mean a thing to me if she don't got no
money, if her purse is fat, that's where it's at.
PatientOnion3: I don't care if her eyes are red, I don't care if
her nose is long, I don't care if she's underfed, i don't care if
her clothes are worn, first i look at the purse.
PatientOnion3: I don't care if her legs are big, i don't care if
her teeth are big, i don't care if her hair is a wig, why waste
time looking at the waist line, first I look at the purse.
zomcom81: amen.
Alansueton: Patient keep on
PatientOnion3: very simple
PatientOnion3: precise
PatientOnion3: and ooli is the same way
Beysshoes: homer you sound like a broke bot
PatientOnion3: they must have a purse as big as the sky
zomcom81: dun dun dun
PatientOnion3: bey, shut up, smoke another joint

David's Ass:
Alansueton: Bey tell the truth have you visited my Blog to gaze
upon my derriere today?
Beysshoes: para, i don't need to . i've blown it up poster style
in my boudoir
Alansueton: Bey word
KissMyAsterix: (tell him he needs spray tan beys)
Alansueton: that butt has a halo
KissMyAsterix: I think he should do a before and after shot
Tj34: where is my well worn Koran?
Alansueton: KMA I like it white it's an Aristocratic Butt
Beysshoes: bonbon thank you ever so much for washing it before
shooting.
zomcom81: alan's butt gets a lot of screen time in here
Alansueton: oh my not a flaw no red bumps
PatientOnion3: the only "boudoir" you have is a crappy orange shag
carpet with 42 bong water stains
Beysshoes: oh homer. you're contrary tonight are you?
PatientOnion3: and maybe a bean bag chair that is leaking "beans"

Sloth:
PatientOnion3: it's better to burn out, than fade away, you guys
just want to fade into your couch with the tv turned on and the
bong lying on the floor, sideways, yet another bong water stain
PatientOnion3: bey, you need to repent for your sins of sloth
JustRhonda39: onion bong's arent in any more
Beysshoes: shut up you punk ass
PatientOnion3: jam is out in the garden GROWING things, all you
do bey is smoke things
Beysshoes: you're the epitome of sloth homer
Alansueton: three toed sloth?

Seal the Rocks:
Tj34: it's the midnight hour hear in olympia, WA
zomcom81: tj i'm in king co
Tj34: that's when my love begins to shine
JustRhonda39: it's 3AM in NY
Tj34: you need to leave those behind in Plato's cave, rhonda.
the blinding sunlight of truth awaits
Tj34: painful at first
Beysshoes: thare he goes again ... jones is in primo form
KissMyAsterix: god not platos cave
KissMyAsterix: someone seal the rocks

The Multitudes:
zomcom81: david is kal and para and alan?
Beysshoes: yes zom. he's MPD
zomcom81: he has too many names.
Alansueton: I am Multitudes
Beysshoes: well, he's overcompensating for his
Alansueton: that too

In the Wee Wee Hours of the Morning:
KissMyAsterix: beys
KissMyAsterix: don't make me club you like a baby seal
Beysshoes: yes gina
KissMyAsterix: seriously
zomcom81: you're vote no longer counts.
zomcom81: your even
Beysshoes: okay. lemme try again. shup you zommy

zomcom81: two's a good time to quit
Beysshoes: lawd zom you're lazy. you need a wide spectrum sampling
to find one near okay.
KissMyAsterix: quit what?
zomcom81: collecting husbands.
KissMyAsterix: well it's not exactly some mad pile up
JustRhonda39: my motto with ex's is NEXT!
zomcom81: i'll stick with zero
KissMyAsterix: I sad that at 27 too
zomcom81: it's a political decision
zomcom81: i don't think it will change
KissMyAsterix: we'll ask obama

Tj34: bey, who will drive you to the hospital when youre old?
Tj34: a cabbie?
Beysshoes: yes jones.
Beysshoes: i have his card, in fact
KissMyAsterix: prepared
zomcom81: sheesh.. if you're nice anyone will take you
zomcom81: unless goodness runs out by then
Beysshoes: zom. i'm not nice.
KissMyAsterix: but she tips well
zomcom81: someone will take ya

zomcom81: you guys are... old
zomcom81: and bitter
zomcom81: ....and i'm sorry.
Beysshoes: bitter? who's bitter?
KissMyAsterix: about what?
zomcom81: people are good tho
zomcom81: people are very good.
JustRhonda39: not bitter just experienced
KissMyAsterix: oh brother
KissMyAsterix: some people are good enough the rest of us can
slack off
KissMyAsterix: so I'm ok with that

zomcom81: i refuse to think you're all that bad asterix
KissMyAsterix: why must I be labeled
KissMyAsterix: I'm human
Beysshoes: gina isn't bad. she's just stoopid. i mean look at
where she be?

zomcom81: i think gina's smart. she's the top performer in the
'special' class
KissMyAsterix: if I woke in the morings, I'd reinvent the a-bomb
KissMyAsterix: so I try an sleep in
Tj34: yes, i'm not around mornings but i've heard about them
KissMyAsterix: the birds are just as good singing you to sleep
as waking you up
zomcom81: that's terrible
zomcom81: truly terrible
zomcom81: asterix...
Beysshoes: omg that's like pro-fucking-found gina!

The Button Girl:
Beysshoes: what kind of work doom?
DoomGrl: I work in the button factory, I do editorial work,
I do a web cam
Beysshoes: well, you're a diversely talented gal doom. no
one can accuse you of being boring

Check Out My Web Cam:
DoomGrl: if you are intersted you could watch Miranda July's
How to Make Buttons vid on YOuTube

"you guys don't think hard":
JustRhonda39: hey the other night we had a girls night at my house,
question if you had to be stranded on an island with a famous
woman who would it be and why
JustRhonda39: now your not starving or in danger just stranded
JustRhonda39: the same question for a famous man and why
Beysshoes: okay ... dead or alive?
zomcom81: i pick anias nin
Beysshoes: can she be fictional?
DoomGrl: i would want to be stranded with Johnny depp
Beysshoes: liam neeson
Beysshoes: andy garcia
zomcom81: man i pick john locke
Beysshoes: william hurt
zomcom81: you guys don't think hard

diappointment:
JustRhonda39: for a woman i said Cher shes funny and probably
has a million stories and could entertain and she has slept
with everyone you could get the scoop on how the famous guys are
in bed
DoomGrl: a philosopher would probaby talk to o much and get on
my nerves
zomcom81: ew
Beysshoes: i'd choose augusten burroughs. hands down.
JustRhonda39: for a man i said robin williams
zomcom81: i'm suddenly disappointed in all of you
Beysshoes: we dunt care zom
zomcom81: honestly
Beysshoes: go away you buzzkill.

Essentially Emily:
DoomGrl: i want to be stranded with emily bronte and emily dickinson
zomcom81: emily emily emily
DoomGrl: yes, a band of emilies
JustRhonda39: auntie em auntie em
Beysshoes: i'd choose that ugly wife of prince charles
Beysshoes: seriously rhonda. that woman has GOT to have special secrets
JustRhonda39: bey absolutely
JustRhonda39: of all sorts
Beysshoes: i am transfixed by their coupling.
JustRhonda39: shes slept with a lot of famous men
Beysshoes: seriously
JustRhonda39: and hey to be honest they would have to swing both ways
if it was a really longgggggggggggg time

Silly:
JustRhonda39: patientonion the sanfransisco treat!
PatientOnion3: rhonda, can you taste the goodness?
Beysshoes: yuck

Button Down:
PatientOnion3: Bey, is your homework done?
Beysshoes: you missed dooomsgirl
Beysshoes: yes onion
JustRhonda39: patientonion the sanfransisco treat!
Beysshoes: she said she works in a button factory. and writes.
and also cams
PatientOnion3: what is a button factory?
Beysshoes: i have no idea. but she said she works at one
zomcom81: i think that
zomcom81: a button factory
PatientOnion3: i work at a zipper factory, rhonda works at a pocket
factory, fork works at a spoon factory
zomcom81: would totally be outsourced.
zomcom81: by now.
PatientOnion3: doom lives in india
JustRhonda39: you know the new word for the clitoris is the button

Onion Beating Up Beysshoes:
PatientOnion3: don't tell bey, she has NOSE problems, e.g., she is nosy
Beysshoes: i am not nosy and i do not get why you're saying this homer.
Beysshoes: you're upsetting me. this is the second time.
PatientOnion3: bey, take a pamprin'
PatientOnion3: or another bong hit
PatientOnion3: i will tell binx that you are disrupting the chatroom

Beware of Onion:
PatientOnion3: i will tell para not to change his poetry
blog url and you won't be able to write your insipid comments.
Beysshoes: see, this is why rhonda leaves for 3 years.
Beysshoes: brat
zomcom81: you guys are endeering. when you're not together.
zomcom81: ^ together
JustRhonda39: zom dont play with him he will make your eyes water

I Feel Ya:
Grinning Woman: I fell in love with the wrong person
Melodramamama22: grinning, take a number and get in line

Three Wishes:
Melodramamama22: two phones, beer, and a book of french poetry

"i thought you were an asshole":
Melodramamama22: quand les mah, quand les mah, les marecages
Melodramamama22: translation: when the mar, when the mar,
when the marshymorasswamps
Melodramamama22: that would be henri micaux, and let me just say
Melodramamama22: WTF?
Melodramamama22: michaux, scuse me
Alansueton: Henri Michaux
AXELvonAUR: Melo is my new best pal
Melodramamama22: the maledictions, when the mahahahahas,
the hahahatorrors
Alansueton: Henri Michaux did experiments with Mescaline and wrote
about it under the influence
Melodramamama22: the mahagonorrhyphilohahas
Melodramamama22: the matratrimatratrihahas
Catpower777: well, there you go, Para
Alansueton: Melo Henri Michaux
Melodramamama22: (seriously, this is a real poem)
Melodramamama22: alan, yes
Melodramamama22: everything else seems fairly coherent but that one
Melodramamama22: alan, how did you know that? i thought you were
an asshole
Catpower777: Melo, para is the most well-read person online
Melodramamama22: gosh, whe knew?
Melodramamama22: who, i mean
Melodramamama22: jesus
Catpower777: I guess just me
Alansueton: Im an erudite asshole
Melodramamama22: okay, here's a test alan
Melodramamama22: ______ ponge
Bbrolia: I find it hard to sit still and read very long
Alansueton: (nervous)
Catpower777: lol
Catpower777: easy
Melodramamama22: heehee
Catpower777: sponge bob square pants
Melodramamama22: LOL
Alansueton: I know Ponge and I want to say Francis or Francois
Catpower777: :)
Melodramamama22: its francis. well done!
Alansueton: Merci Beuacoup
Melodramamama22: dammit, now i can't be as annoyed at you as i
generally like to be

UrbanStarGazer Welcomed Back:
FoodSIut: urbs, the shelf now is populated by the likes of Fork
UrbanStarGazer: Food -- aren't you fork?
Beysshoes: he's the poster boy for cultural retardation and the
need for proper socialization.
FoodSIut: only one keyboard here in frisco
UrbanStarGazer: I think there are more than one

UrbanStarGazer Won't Be Back For Another 2 Years:
Beysshoes: food is onion urbs!
FoodSIut: urb can see the truth
UrbanStarGazer: Beys -- I know, that's why I'm ignoring him
FoodSIut: the same ol' urb
FoodSIut: married a serial killer hillbilly w/no teeth that
beats her with a shovel nightly
FoodSIut: like patty hearst, she has the opportunity to leave
but doesn't, stockholm syndrome

Anti-Asian Fetish:
Forkrerereredux: forky lovers you all, except beysshoes and
urbanstargazer

What's Not to Like?:
UrbanStarGazer: although, I'm beginning to suspect I might be
slightly sociopathic
Beysshoes: why?
UrbanStarGazer: I dunno. I don't get as upset about things as
most folk
Beysshoes: mebbe you related to our president urbs?

Fork Misses:
KissMyAsterix: I think they're talking about something else entirely fork
Forkrerereredux: oh :(
KissMyAsterix: besides women don't worry about that, men usually put out
KissMyAsterix: it's why gay men really are happier
Beysshoes: loL
Beysshoes: dingdingding another 50 pointer!

Gina Being Tough:
KissMyAsterix: I find it difficult to judge people in extraordinary
circumstances
KissMyAsterix: the mind has too many unknowns
Jam7604801: i once dated a girl for a few months and although i
put some moves on her and made out a few times i told her i really
didn't want to have sex until i got to know her, i never heard from
her again after that
KissMyAsterix: that's because.. that's textbook gay jam

Ruminations:
Forkrerereredux: people used to use the n word a lot, but not so
much now
Forkrerereredux: it's out of fashion
Beysshoes: petty thoughts from a petty man.

Silly Too:
FoodSIut: Jam came out of the closet too, and now we are
happy lovers in Topeka, raising our corn & zukes
Beysshoes: oh onion congrats!!! you scored big!
KissMyAsterix: I still think you should do herbs, you and jam .. food
Jam7604801: onion only in your dreams
Beysshoes: what should i send you for your housewarming gifts
please say?
KissMyAsterix: a stack of fifties a foot thick

Silly OD:
Beysshoes: jam don't you order online? its much cheaper
FoodSIut: 3 month supply of what?
Jam7604801: no beys all of it went up
FoodSIut: condoms?
FoodSIut: a 3 month supply of chocolate pork rinds?
FoodSIut: of corn jerky?
Jam7604801: tobacco, onion
FoodSIut: you have cartons of cigarettes stashed under your bed?
Jam7604801: no onion
Jam7604801: i roll my own

Urban Showing Class:
Beysshoes: you IM'g with onion boy again?
UrbanStarGazer: me?
UrbanStarGazer: I've never imed with onion
Beysshoes: you should leave him be urbs ... now that he and
jam are a couple.
UrbanStarGazer: I generally put him immediately on ignore
KissMyAsterix: wow
Beysshoes: why? he's the best thing in this chatroom urbs. truly

Wallowing:
UrbanStarGazer: Beys -- we're all entitled to our opinions, that's
what makes life interesting
Beysshoes: we voted on this jam. yes its true. onion is king of
the cesspool chat

BookShelf Blues:
Jam7604801: bey if me wit and fezz was here for that vote Godwit
would be the man
Beysshoes: mebbe, mebbe not jam.
FoodSIut: Jam, if pigs could fly
KissMyAsterix: and that may be the second chapter in textbook gay jam
FoodSIut: 40 mins to FS bliss

Saucerdick III:
AmberDevilRay8: His name's not "Saucerdick"? =(
AmberDevilRay8: -$
AmberDevilRay8: I have no idea how that got in there.
Beysshoes: well amber. i guess you were repressing it.

Are You My Mother?:
Prospect26: I have two adult children in school...not happy
about it.
BinxB91: Prospect, better than prison
Anais3233: well, if they are adults and still in middle school,
then there's something to be unhappy about
Anais3233: but be glad they are feeding their minds
Anais3233: wait.
Anais3233: prospect? are you my mom?
Anais3233: wouldn't that be awkward
Anais3233: mom?
Prospect26: Anais...your name is?

Dr Fork meet Dr Beys:
Forkrerereredux: beys, what is wrong with you?
Forkrerereredux: what do you do for an occupation?
Beysshoes: lots of stuff fork. i'm a psychiatric social worker
on indefinite sabbatical.
Beysshoes: peeps like you burnt me out.

I recommend your thing:
AmberDevilRay8: "Knowing" has lots of people running around on
fire and stuff getting blowed up real good.
AmberDevilRay8: I'd recommend it if that's your thing.

[The fact is I am quite happy in a movie, even a bad movie.
Other people, so I have read, treasure memorable moments in
their lives: the time one climbed the Parthenon at sunrise,
the summer night one met a lonely girl in Central Park and
achieved with her a sweet and natural relationship, as they
say in books. I too once met a girl in Central Park but it
is not much to remember. What I remember is the time John
Wayne killed three men with a carbine as he was falling to
the dusty street in Stagecoachand the time the kitten
found Orson Welles in the doorway in The Third Man.]

Fork's Sister:
Forkrerereredux: Fork hath a little sister, and she hath no
breasts: what shall he do for his sister on the day when she
shall be spoken for? (Solomon 8.8)

Mafia Greeting Cards:
LadyQuasi: An old friend will help you move. A good friend will
help you move a dead body

Alan's Girl:
Alansueton: One guy was in her cooch and another in her a
Alansueton: and 5 guys were gangbanging her
Alansueton: I admire her

Her Fork in the Road:
Creepy Loner: Dr. Fork...my mom wants me to go back to school...
muttering s**t about a "lit major"...
Creepy Loner: Your vote?
Forkrerereredux: yes, major in lit
Creepy Loner: Okay. I will do it.

2009-03-30T20:10:00.000-07:00

Out Like a Lamb

Playing It Safe:
Bbrolia: I open my fortune cookie and it read..
"You like Chinese food"

The anti-Rachel Ray:
Ashardymon: i need to start dinner, but i'm not really in the
mood to cook

Family Circus Unplugged:
LadyQuasi: OMG...you guys are NOT going to believe this one.
LadyQuasi: My youngest, who is five, ran into the room crying.
He had fallen and his bottom hurt.
LadyQuasi: He was bouncing up and down.
LadyQuasi: He had been running around naked, fell in his room,
and jammed a toy in his anal region.
LadyQuasi: I had to fish it out.
LadyQuasi: My husband was going to take a picture, but I
wouldn't let him.

Bbrolia: Kids find ways of getting things stuck everywhere.
Summers Eve L: According to the nurses at the ER so do grown men.
LadyQuasi: Yikes

EmpressZ21: gotta ask since no one else is: what was the toy
LadyQuasi: A Ben 10 figurine
LadyQuasi: Used to be clear crystal...
LadyQuasi: a little darker now
Bbrolia: A miniature cave dweller figure?

Natalie In Love:
Summers Eve L: I'm listening to this fabu big band radio station
on Sirius. If I could I would marry it.
Yossarian4now: i'm sure somewhere you could
Yossarian4now: vermont ..

Busy is as Busy Does:
Yossarian4now: damn busy room
Summers Eve L: It's not as busy if you take out people you don't
intend to read. I'm just saying.

Unintentional Physical Therapy:
Kan wa ma kan: was trying to do the star trek hand greeting
with my toes

Couldn't Pretend:
Kan wa ma kan: i was embarressed to see my parents after i got
married because i knew they knew i had sex

Fork's Daughter:
Forkrerereredux: nothing wrong with a father-daughter sex talk

Papa Don't Breach:
AlexaSkelexa: talking about my romantic life with my dad
AlexaSkelexa: that would be my nightmare
KissMyAsterix: that's normal alexa
AlexaSkelexa: or his
KissMyAsterix: even worse
AlexaSkelexa: i would just run screaming from the house and
in front of a passing car

[They were pulling off the rest of their clothes, snuggling under
the sheets in manufactured, fragrant air. "Don't rush," Matt said
against her face. "We have a few minutes. Let me introduce
myself." He was moving his hands over her, circling her legs in
his.
"Ah, foreplay," Kate whispered. "Do that tighter and talk to me.
Tell me what you thought about all these evenings with my father,
out there in the moat of the castle."
He moved his mouth along her collarbone, smooth, quiet touch to
slow them down. "Tonight I thought about the year my father left
my mother, for that woman he met at work."
"You were away at college then." She cupped his face in her
hands and looked at him. "Why did your father go home?"
"At the time I didn't ask. Years later he told me he went back
because he didn't think he could support two families." Matt smiled
wistfully. "So he sent me to medical school, and now I'm
supporting two families.
The words plunged through Kate like little stones. She whispered,
"But you can do it. I can help you." She closed her eyes, tilting
toward him, easing him inside her. Later, turning under him, bound
up in him, enveloped in deaf dumb blindness sex almost brought her,
she wondered if she'd said the words or only thought them.]

Same Ole Same ole:
Yossarian4now: wow, gone 10 min and binx is discussing having sex
with david copperfield and onion is on 9/11 again

Onion:
Yossarian4now: eh, had a friend in town today, making sure they got
to the hotel ok
PatientOnion3: how many kilos did you sell them?

Sarah Palin Says So:
Gypsyjo47: I have never seen a hockey game...they say that the
games are exciting.

19th Century Woman:
Melodramamama22: i am uni-tasking, can't do but one thing at a time

Write Your Own Joke:
Gypsyjo47: Anybody here ever been to a cockfight?

Tile Counting:
Kan wa ma kan: worst vomit story is watching someone in the er
with projectile vomit
Kan wa ma kan: 8 feet no lie
Yossarian4now: cool
Yossarian4now: did you measure
Kan wa ma kan: we counted tiles

They're Out There:
Gleam1946: let's face it they have no game that's worth playing
Gleam1946: Basketball can't cure Cancer
Gleam1946: Hopeless retards, that require constant stroking to keep
them from killing us all
Gleam1946: Get hip It's Darwinism---Science like the Liberals say
Gleam1946: People are animals

Best Simile:
Melodramamama22: Remembrance of Things Past, i got to page 11
Melodramamama22: it was like being dragged through molasses by a slug

Vanda Misidentified:
KD81785: Alan, are you the guy from Long Island with orchids?

Prospect enters. Cue Twilight Zone theme:
Prospect26: ladyjam...have not seen that in some time.
JadedDremer: why is jam a lady?
Prospect26: jamlady?
BinxB91: Julie, I think someone is twasing Prospect again
BinxB91: *teasing
Melodramamama22: tasing prospect?
Melodramamama22: twasing is like tasing someone's twat
le juif errant: kinky
Melodramamama22: i mean that in a nice way
Prospect26: jaded...in my defense...this is a weird situation

What he's always talkin:
Alansueton: Scatological stuff is my expertise

TeenyBopper:
Prospect26: sorry got to leave...the jonas brothers

What Are You Wearing?
JustRhonda39: sweats and a tshirt here now isnt that sexy

MsVictoriaLynn1: Hospital Scrub pants and a Phantom of the
Opera Tour T Shirt

Apropos of Nothing/the Out-Of-Context Blues:

JadedDremer: i hear my dog drinking out of the toilet

Creepy Loner: A German used to steal my lunch money.

Gypsyjo47: Never spend 20 dollar you can hang on to

AnnAsphodel: I prefer slut to whore. It's a little less coarse.

Modern Education:
Melodramamama22: i had a fabulous kindergarten life. i had a
paper dress and fishnet stockings

Joke Critique:
Gypsyjo47: I knew a girl named Mike Hunt and she had all sorts
of problems with that name.
Summers Eve L: No one names their daughter Mike. He just wanted
to use that name in a sentence.
Summers Eve L: It wasn't well thought out.
Summers Eve L: But I'm sure he sees that now.

Her Recalcitant F:
JadedDremer: jo, i only have one at home at the moment, but kate
and her b are over for the night
UntilYouCameBy: is the b for brat ?
JadedDremer: until, my f has been recalictrant lately. it's supposed
to be bf
UntilYouCameBy: ok lol
JadedDremer: er, recalcitrant
the only Seas: Jaded, I have a rebellious W

Onion came, Milk died, Let's eat:
BinxB91: Onion, what are people saying about the film Milk in
San Francisco?
PatientOnion3: milk was killed the same year I came to frisco, 1978,
it's hardly relevant
PatientOnion3: 30 years ago
PatientOnion3: time to chop veggies

A Fake Penrod?:
SBrin6: I've been coming here for over ten years; sometimes
it blows, sometimes it's funny
SBrin6: mostly it's boring
Beysshoes: whats your other nicks SN
Beysshoes: SB?
Brin6: no other sn now
SBrin6: used to SBrinch
KissMyAsterix: you were tossed?
SBrin6: then some other names
SBrin6: then Penrod59
SBrin6: I've been tos'd many times
Beysshoes: you're laying claim to penrod? nolo
Beysshoes: penrod is witty
Beysshoes: that aint you

Jam Betrayed:
Beysshoes: i thought you liked fezz jammers
Jam7604801: not in a few weeks bey
KissMyAsterix: he only has eyes for godwit
Beysshoes: ha. well gina dont tell jam about godwit and cat then
Jam7604801: not after he stuck his head up obamas butt
KissMyAsterix: you felt betrayed?
Beysshoes: good lawd! fezz likes our BLACK PRESIDENT? OMG

Jam Slam:
Jam7604801: i honestly don't miss onion
SBrin6: I like Onion, even if he's a commie punk
KissMyAsterix: I don't know how you can hate onion
Beysshoes: onions the best thing in here
KissMyAsterix: he should be cloned
Beysshoes: well, onion does call him a hillbilly a times
KissMyAsterix: onion calls everyone names
Jam7604801: nothing onion says is real real humor come from
making fun of something real
Jam7604801: bey i like realism not a bunch of fakes
SBrin6: this is fake, Jam

"cunt is only for the brave":
AnnAsphodel: I avoid saying "pussy"
BobsurAuntTom: twat?
BobsurAuntTom: Well, I like pussy.
AnnAsphodel: I always say cunt
BobsurAuntTom: Ann, you really are my kinda gal.
Beysshoes: pussy isn't as bad as beaver ann. twat is fine.
cunt is only for the brave.
Alansueton: the gravity of the vagina has once again pulled the
chat down to its level

oooolijay Usages:
oooolijay: i kinda want to send that to binx
Beysshoes: the pussy cunt twat discussion you mean ooji?
oooolijay: yes beys
oooolijay: i use pussy and cunt most often
oooolijay: i usually save twat for name calling
AnnAsphodel: Pussy seems undignified to me.
Summers Eve L: I'm going to quit drinking and join a convent.
Beatnikspore: i rarely have an instance in which they would be needed
PatientOnion3: Which word do your clients prefer?

men Men men men Manly men:
AnnAsphodel: Bob, I have no problem calling a man a slut.
BobsurAuntTom: Ann, aren't ALL men sluts?
AnnAsphodel: No.
Beysshoes: ann, the term is jiggaho
BobsurAuntTom: And if they're not, just what the hell is worng with them.
Catpower777: doing a little projecting, Bob?

BobsurAuntTom: Not at all Cat.... I think any man that doesn't at
least think about having sex constantly, isn't really a man.
Beatnikspore: bob there is much more than sex to think about
BobsurAuntTom: What is that Beat.
BobsurAuntTom: Spelling dummy?
Beatnikspore: obsession with sex is like brain damage

Crossing New Boundaries of Grossness:
NotNycgirl: jsut saying
Alansueton: Nyc i was being ironic Because if oooli had as
many pricks sticking out of her as she has had tuck in her she'd be
a porcupine
Catpower777: lolol Para
Catpower777: you are so going to hell
oooolijay: he is, and soon, cat
Beysshoes: he already went and they kicked his ass back up here.
Alansueton: Nyc ooooli is lovely and desirable An attractive and
intelligent woman very dangerous
Alansueton: She often vomits on cocks to show power
Beysshoes: omg is vomitting on cocks power? NOW you tell us para!

oooolijay: it might be easy
Summers Eve L: Is that why you confessed that? At random?
So you could get the attention you so desire?
oooolijay: you dont know
oooolijay: and i didn't completely vomit

Rodney King Moment:
BinxB91: Can't we just have a story about kissing sometime?
Beysshoes: a story? que? where binx?
oooolijay: there was kissing
Beysshoes: in this cesspool you want a kissing story binx?

Assholes R Us:
BobsurAuntTom: Ooooli, he's nice to most people. Nice...
a bit creepy... and in my opinion, an asshole.
BobsurAuntTom: But as I've said, it is not remotely personal.
Alansueton: I find Binx kind and honest
Alansueton: he's not perfect
Beysshoes: hey binx is only a creepy asshole with women bigsur.
oh and you.
Alansueton: but who is
BobsurAuntTom: That's true... he is an asshole that I chose to
point as as being such.
Summers Eve L: I tend to like assholes. Especially if they are amusing.
Beysshoes: it appears.
BobsurAuntTom: Oooli, I'm sure that I am an asshole to him.
But, I don't think I would care at all if he called me one.
Alansueton: Can't we all get along?
Beysshoes: what a sissyboy to whine on and on like that.
group hug para?

Binx and Ted's excellent adventure:
Tallthinjones: binx, would you have smelled a rat when ted bundy
offered you a lift?
PatientOnion3: binky, did you model for ted bundy?
NotNycgirl: if there was no handle, you wouldn't be able to shut
the door when you got in
oooolijay: i would have probably been killed by ted bundy
BinxB91: Ted Bundy wasn't interested in men

Onion Rant Number 287:
PatientOnion3: good, all those wacked out bingoheads are watching
tv and out of my way to world domination
PatientOnion3: I am a Paula Deen Cooking Machine
Beysshoes: paula deen? she'll be on qvc on the 14th with her
spring line homer
PatientOnion3: i'm cooking me up some class warfare over easy with a
side of lox filled bagelles

PatientOnion3: MONEY IS THE ROOT OF ALL SHOPPING. MACYS 8:12

Beysshoes names names:
KissMyAsterix: why do they call you oscar
KissMyAsterix: beys? you came up with that
KissMyAsterix: right?
Jam7604801: bey calls everyone oscar
KissMyAsterix: no she doesn't
KissMyAsterix: she calls onion something else
Tammynet: she has never called me oscar
KissMyAsterix: she doesn't call you oscar
Various704: cause i quoted wilde to her
Tammynet: she calls me tamela
KissMyAsterix: oh

[She called LaLeche League every couple of days for new
suggestions. Kate's favorite counselor was in Medford,
a working-class part of Boston Kate didn't remember ever
having seen. But the woman had no accent; she was
someone else far from home. You'll battle through this
she would say, be stubborn and hang on. Women are made
to nurse, she'd declare in each conversation, any woman
can nurse; and then she'd say, in a softer tone, that
people forgot how hard it was to get established the first
time. "Don't let the pain defeat you," were her exact
words. "The uterine pain actually helps you heal, and
your nipples will toughen."
"What about stress?" Kate asked once. "Will I have enough
milk ---"
"Stress?" was the response. "Are you kidding? Any woman
with a new baby is stressed to the max. She doesn't sleep,
she's bleeding, she's sore, she might have other kids or a
job she'll go back to. The baby is sucking for life. As
long as you eat well and drink, drink constantly, your
body responds. You don't need unbroken sleep. You don't
need a perfect situation. Refugees nurse their babies, and
war victims; theirs are the children more likely to survive,
even in the worst of times."
I understand, Kate wanted to say. I understand all about
you, and I understand everything.
"Have your husband buy a Knorr manual breast pump at the
hospital infirmary," the counselor had said, "and a roll of
disposable plastic bottles. The pump is a clear plastic tube,
marked in ounces. Use it each time your breasts aren't
completelt emptied by the baby. Increase production; you
can't have too much milk. Freeze all you express. That's
how some women work full-time and still nurse their babies.
I'll send you some information in the mail. And if you feel
discouraged, call back."
I just wanted to hear your voice, Kate wanted to say.]

4 of 5 chatters here know of Godwit:
Kgbirdpaul: is godwit really in prison?
CordialCactus: godwit is a [insert pejorative of choice here],
but he's an interesting catalyst
Beysshoes: what? godwit in jail?
MsVictoriaLynn1: no, but he should be
ElusvMemry: i think its better to have a guy in the bed...

A Dull Catalyst:
Tem o Bedlam: Actually, he's a dull catalyst. Every reaction
comes out the same.
Kgbirdpaul: insult people is sometimes catalytic
MsVictoriaLynn1: hes a pest
Beysshoes: he's just old school is all that godwit
KissMyAsterix: old school felon?
Various704: he robs from the rich and gives to the poor
MsVictoriaLynn1: a miscreant

Too Much Godwit already!:
KissMyAsterix: this is the man who wanted advice on how to kill his cat
KissMyAsterix: what do you consider a crime
Beysshoes: what? HIS cat? you mean euthanize it?
Tem o Bedlam: Nothing criminal that required minimal competence...
KissMyAsterix: well he was too cheap to pay someone to do it.
Beysshoes: godwit does not get messy tem
Beysshoes: he's like totally sanitized.

bail? bale? ... let's call the whole thing off:
Yossarian4now: and i can only wire so much bail money
Yossarian4now: they have a amount per day limit
Kgbirdpaul: Yoss is going to bail out godwit?
Yossarian4now: not a chance, paul
KissMyAsterix: we'd send godwit a bucket, let him bail himself out
KissMyAsterix: or would that be bale

Twitter:
WildCIAagent: ohhhhhhhhh had to take sox off... hot feet

Many are asked, but few are chosen:
BinxB91: Treeluva, what are you wearing?
MsVictoriaLynn1: ever notice no one ever asks me that?
Beysshoes: cus you hussy you always be nekkid
BinxB91: MsVic, what are you wearing?

Beysshoes naming names again:
BinxB91: Beys, who among us is most likely to be naked?
Beysshoes: you mean in the chatroom binky?
BinxB91: Maybe it would be someone in Hawaii
BinxB91: yes, Beys
Beysshoes: uhm ... tamela
Beysshoes: if she's IMg with onion
MsVictoriaLynn1: sure as hell wouldn't be naked here in February
ElusvMemry: do you mean totally nekkid?
Tammynet: i am not in hawaii
Beysshoes: lordy elus ... goody 2 shoes
MsVictoriaLynn1: Oh and panties.... NOT Speedos!
BinxB91: Tammy is in the Great Northwest
Tammynet: and thanks for thinking it was me beys
Beysshoes: tammy is in seattle binx
Catpower777: yeah, it's too cold for Tammy to be nekkid right now
MsVictoriaLynn1: here too Cat
ElusvMemry: so turn up the heat
MsVictoriaLynn1: Its chilly
Beysshoes: snow in seattle???
Tammynet: yes
Tammynet: we have had lots this year
MsVictoriaLynn1: Good, its about time someone else got it
Catpower777: Bey, where do you think Seattle is...Mississippi?
Beysshoes: omg. so does that mean frasier was canceled.
Beysshoes: seattle is west coast cat
BinxB91: It's geography night on the Shelf

ParaMyrrh on his 2nd beer:
Alansueton: I like the Vintage gals not fake curves
also Nina Hartley is great she's smart watched an interview with
her she was a nurse and became a porn star because she loves sex
she was totally open and talked about responsibility

IRL we're mature:
MsVictoriaLynn1: Beys did it, cybered him to death
KissMyAsterix: so when beys says friend...
Catpower777: yes, she means herself
MsVictoriaLynn1: exactly Cat
KissMyAsterix: that's what i heard
Beysshoes: gina. how many times i gots to tell you nobody IRL
likes me chica?
Zenchef2006: kiss, she means bow chicka wow wow!!
Beysshoes: shut up cat
MsVictoriaLynn1: LOL
Beysshoes: YOU shut up beys
KissMyAsterix: you lie though beys
KissMyAsterix: right zen
Beysshoes: do noooot
KissMyAsterix: do so

I love it already:
Catpower777: wait
Catpower777: who was compared to Raymond Carver?
BinxB91: Raymond carver often wrote about people struggling
with addiction
Beysshoes: binx is yakkin about jones' book cat
Tammynet: TJ
BinxB91: TallThinJones
Catpower777: see now, I'm a major Raymond Carver fan
Beysshoes: binky been drinking ?
Tammynet: the other night someone stated that john updike mentioned
tj too
BinxB91: Jones writes about janitors, boxers, epiletics,
Vietnam Vets struggling with PTSD
Beysshoes: omg binx. send me his book please.
Catpower777: you've read his stuff?
MsVictoriaLynn1: That is VERY cool, thank you Tammy
BinxB91: yes, Updike gave Jones a letter of support
Beysshoes: janitors too? wow
Beysshoes: i love it already
BinxB91: I did read some of Jones' short stories before I ever met
him in this chat room
Beysshoes: does the janitor sweat though?
BinxB91: Jones was a school janitor after he came back from Vietnam

Lost:
ThePaIeRlDER: id do ya bey
Beysshoes: nah uh
Catpower777: Bey and John Updike, sittin in a tree
CordialCactus: whoa, im lost
MsVictoriaLynn1: do so TOO!!! Pfffttt....
Beysshoes: thank you pale. but i thought that was you last night. nolo?
ThePaIeRlDER: might have been........
MsVictoriaLynn1: no Beys it was me

Bad Naked:
Zenchef2006: lynn, back to the subject of nekkid veggie peeling,
i gave up nude bowling
Zenchef2006: they insist that i wear those ridiculous shoes!!!
MsVictoriaLynn1: men do not get periods, they get exclaimation points
ThePaIeRlDER: i have gone through some rough periods vic
Beysshoes: lolol you jigaho
MsVictoriaLynn1: good Zen, getting yourself caught in the ball
return could hurt like hell

"you're so vain":
Beysshoes: yah. btw para next time you send me your pix pls put
some speedos on. anything reallly would be good.
Beysshoes: hey i bet para's gonna think my cabin story is about him gina

European:
Beysshoes: wow oscar. give you a gf and you all worns out
Various704: im oldand grey, bey
KissMyAsterix: that's going to be you're down pat excuse tonight various?
Various704: yep
Beysshoes: oscar haven't you guys in europe heard of viagra?
Various704: we live on oysters and caviar here bey. we need no
american drugs
Beysshoes: buncha stuckups

Been Down So Long Looked Like Up To Me:
Kan wa ma kan: i just got an im from u r a booger
Kan wa ma kan: should i answer it