Katy Tried

2009-11-06T06:32:00.000-08:00

DoomGrl Out of the Closet

Oh Boy!!:
VioletDeliriums: i cant wait to see what the onion does

Well-Adjusted Daughter:
HollyGoI23: my father once told me to go out and fuck because
that was how to make friends.
mourning bread: Did you take his advice.
HollyGoI23: no I shot him
HollyGoI23: in my mind

No Room For Skeltons:
DoomGrl: my dad has almost 2000 record albums stored in the
hall closet

Out-of-Context Blues:

Im2charming: I RATHER SIT AROUND WITH THE BEER AND SMILE AND FART

Toujourspc: it is so odd how something mundane like a bubble
blower or a sewing machine can make you filthy filthy rich

raven of rapha: When I was young my father wroked for the government.

W4p25m25: i still think they'll have football on Mars someday

Gleam1946: Are we not Devo?

Hey, I'm there!:
niontron8: a soft violin song, played live:niontron.com/onekrat.mp3

Goes right to his head:
Melodramamama22: damn. i lol'd alan

Doesn't Work With "Vero":
Melodramamama22: i like it when people say "boca" all nonchalantly

But 'ha ha ha':
quiet scientist: i don't mean to laugh at arthritis or anything

Would you like them on a train, or in the rain?:
ManiacEyeball: i hate 'jokes', i prefer spontaneous humor

Who Loves Ya Baby?:
Melodramamama22: binx, i went to see paranormal activity at the weekend
BlackHeartedCur: I would respond to that, because I'm interested in
that movie, but the comment was directed only at Binx
Melodramamama22: oh.
BlackHeartedCur: So I'll just sit here and drum my fingers on the table
Melodramamama22: cur, i went to see paranormal activity at the weekend.
BlackHeartedCur: Oh, really? How was it?
Melodramamama22: skeery!

IT'S NOT OVER YET!!:
Melodramamama22: i was skeert. i asked this, approx 43 times:
NOW what are they doing?
Melodramamama22: cause i didn't watch a lot of it
BlackHeartedCur: You must have been annoying to watch the movie with
Melodramamama22: yes, hugely annoying
Melodramamama22: but i'm worth it
Melodramamama22: i watched none of the end, and everyone was still
gasping and i was hollering HOW DID IT END?!

What else is scary?:
Melodramamama22: actually i like baseball, but i don't like to watch
it alone

Dance Discussion:
Alansueton: of course not Maniac you should do "The Petulant Child"
ballet and free style your inability to convey your secret to us
ManiacEyeball: i didn't say free style.
ManiacEyeball: you're retarded.
ManiacEyeball: you don't know anything about dance, apparently
BlackHeartedCur: When people decided to break out of the rules of
ballet, it became another kind of dance

Snob Baiting:
ManiacEyeball: arguing about ballet, when you probably couldn't
even describe what a brise-vole is.
Melodramamama22: brise vole sounds like some pickled rodent meat
DoomGrl: its like dancing about architcture
ManiacEyeball: i know, its missing the accent
Toujourspc: brise vole sounds like a jewish rat
Alansueton: brise marine Sea Breeze brise is a breeze wind

What Are You Wearing:
BlackHeartedCur: Jeans and a t-shirt

So Is Brokeback Mountain but ...:
DoomGrl: tits up in a ditch is an annie proulx story

Cue Cards:
Toujourspc: Patient writes for Dave Letterman
PatientOnionSF: i pick out the interns too
Melodramamama22: did he write the part when letterman said "oh fuck"

Uncertain Geography:
Toujourspc: I never realized Wisconsin was so close to Pa until I
got a map for my grand daughter

Beginning the CreepyLoner Quest:
DoomGrl: whats that nice city in Ohio?

Sex With Jeff:
quiet scientist: my roommate is having sex and yelling "nick!"
quiet scientist: this is awkward

Bubble Burster:
raven of rapha: My father is the remote for Howard H.
raven of rapha: At one time the wealthiest man in the world.
raven of rapha: He designed the Cia.
quiet scientist: then he spent a month peeing in jars
quiet scientist: what's the moral of that story?

Halloween Dreams:
DoomGrl: qui, what are you going to be for Halloween
quiet scientist: i don't know yet
PatientOnionSF: what were you last year?
DoomGrl: Howard Hughes?
PatientOnionSF: a scientist again?
quiet scientist: but a lady came to our door yesterday asking me
to sign a petition to ban trick or treating at our apartments
quiet scientist: last year i was an angel
quiet scientist: boring i know

[He stood at the table, looking down at the handkerchief case
and stud box, and was afraid. Upstairs was a girl who was a
person. That he loved her seemed unimportant to what she was.
He only loved her, which really made him a lot less than a
friend or an acquaintance. Other people saw her or talked to
her when she was herself, her great, important self. It was
wrong, this idea that you know someone better because you have
shared a bed and a bathroom with her. He knew, and not another
human being knew, that she cried "I" or "high" in moments of
great ecstasy. He knew, he alone knew her when she let herself
go, when she herself was not sure whether she was wildly gay or
wildly sad, but one or the other. But that did not mean that he
knew her. Far from it. It only meant that he was closer to her
when he was close, but (and this was the first time the thought
had come to him) maybe farther away from anyone else when he was
not close. It certainly looked that way now. "Oh, I'm a son of
a bitch," he said.]

DoomGrl Undercover:

DoomGrl: I feel funny with such a big font. wait a minute

DoomGrl: baby can you blow my heart upmaybe i will be Lady Gaga

DoomGrl: I bought 4 coloring books today

DoomGrl: i am drinks beer

DoomGrl: in my tanks top and jean

BookSlut Just Back From Writing Seminar:
erstwhile mots: Gawd, the Redskins suck almost as bad as the Psycho
remake with Anne Heche.

Scandavian Syndromes:
HollyGoI23: isn't there a psychosis that enables you to fall for
your rescuer? like that kidnapping thing...
Catpower777: like the Stockholm Syndrome?
Hadachoke: Copenhagen Syndrome?
Catpower777: Holly, I think with men it's called horny?

The Answer Man:
Gleam1946: Are you at all cognizant? Is the tail now wagging the dog?

Tolerance:
Gleam1946: Obama is a nice guy who just fell in with a real
nefarious crowd

Stream of Consciousness:
HollyGoI23: I have a hard time with some older films
HollyGoI23: ohh and smell good too

Stop listening to AM radio?:
Gleam1946: When the aliens get here and tell us we are all
sub-human what will the liberals say?

Onion Says "obscene":
PatientOnionSF: across the street from where I grew up was built
the very first mall in america, by that scumbag Taubman, then
about 20 years later they covered it, making it even more obscene

Our Better Angels:
AngelGardn:
AngelGardn:
AngelGardn:
AngelGardn:
AngelGardn:
BinxB91: Angel, white font does not work
AngelGardn:
PatientOnionSF: the only murders we have here are drug/gang related
AngelGardn:
AngelGardn:
AngelGardn:
AngelGardn:
AngelGardn:
PatientOnionSF: angel's font is naked just like herself

[The dinner guests stood up and he looked for Caroline. He saw
she was too far away to have it worth making a point of of going
to her. That turned out to be an error of judgement.]

Onion's World:

PatientOnionSF: empress and her tycoon husband are going to visit
thor and ****** in the spring for some kinda orgy

PatientOnionSF: never try to make mashed potatoes in a food processor,
it gives it a pasty unappetizing texture
PatientOnionSF: just mash 'em

PatientOnionSF: i am testing out a pork filling for bitter melon
stuffed w/pork
PatientOnionSF: i have a friend that likes the bitter flavor, I can
live without it

But Only If I Have a Coupon:
DoomGrl: if they have the swine flu vaccine at the super market,
maybe I will get it

The Real End of the Cold War:
BlackHeartedCur: Binx, lets have more of the Eastern Euro-hotties

DoomGrl at 13:
DoomGrl: johnny depp plays all different kinds of people, like
with scissors as hands and stuff
DoomGrl: and the cuban transvestite
DoomGrl: he was sooo pretty in that movie

Blackmailer:
HollyGoI23: ah...my parents were hippies.... I have photos

One Flew in a Taxi, One Saved Time in a Bottle:
DoomGrl: i get harry chapin and jim croce mixed up

Favorite Book Club:
Fubar817: Say what youwill about Vonnegut, you always get a reaction
MyStrat: you have to be in the right mood to read kurt
Fubar817: Stoned is good

I even got the month of May:
Alansueton: methinks Binx is a SteelyDan fan
Beysshoes: binx isn't a fan of anyone bonbon
Beysshoes: mebbe me. but nobody else.

Deciphering Boulshevit:
Boulshevit: Wow, see, that's why I quit driving
Beysshoes: you quit for alcohol boulsy? alcohol is a jealous lover.
Boulshevit: Yeah, no shit, Beys..she was probably a mean drunk
Boulshevit: Nah, I just quit driving
Beysshoes: just? like 2 hours ago?
Boulshevit: Just like 15 minutes ago
SemiLitterate: (his car reposessed)
Beysshoes: aaah. well, its good you're making such a monumental
effort boulsy
Boulshevit: Hey, you know me, trying to give back
Beysshoes: always the philanthropist.

Attack of The Penis Boys:
Beysshoes: sue sue nobody could zoom in on your teenie peenie
so you be safe
PatientOnionSF: "I can't stop touching it. I can't find it.
Please help me"
Alansueton: I know a small penis is an adaptative advantage if you
wish to masturbate in public
Alansueton: I have availed myself of the advantage on numerous occasions
Alansueton: Onion Im not a Deli side order cook
PatientOnionSF: especially at baskin robbins before they close and
all the soccer moms come in
Beysshoes: thanks for sharing suesue

... and that she's not LadyMountainMedic:
Prospect26: hi beys...do you know that i am a woman?
Beysshoes: yes pros i do.
Prospect26: thanks

Newbie With No Promise:
v70mattg: so do people here talk about books?
v70mattg: lol

Piling On Prospect:
Prospect26: I am reading The Story of Edgar Sawtelle.
PatientOnionSF: you have been reading that stupid book since 2002
Hadachoke: pros, you've been reading that for a year
PatientOnionSF: it is one million pages long?
PatientOnionSF: it's like eating a pizza as big as ohio

The Self-effacing Beysshoes:
Hadachoke: Beyss came to my house once... stood in the doorway
and said "Hi, I'm here to give you super sex"
Hadachoke: I said ok, i'll take the soup
Beysshoes: i did not bobby. i only offerred a bj
Beysshoes: don't exaggerate
KissMyAsterix: what are you clinton
KissMyAsterix: that's not sex?

Group Therapy:
SkylerThompson22: why do you two hate your mothers?

Sexual Confusion:
KissMyAsterix: just because you don't want to talk to someone
doesn't mean you hate them
Beysshoes: egg sackly. you can love somebody and not like them ya know
SkylerThompson22: you cant talk to her?
KissMyAsterix: I prefer the term try not to
SkylerThompson22: because shes overbearing?
KissMyAsterix: mine, no
SkylerThompson22: a busybody?
Beysshoes: its rude to probe skyler.
Beysshoes: unless its sexual probing
KissMyAsterix: nah, and honestly it's shrink stuff.. unless you can
write scripts
KissMyAsterix: eww
KissMyAsterix: beys geez
KissMyAsterix: skyler is still questioning his sexuality
Beysshoes: gina you ingrate
Beysshoes: so be a good citizen and hep him.
KissMyAsterix: he's still in denial
Beysshoes: oh skyler. you're in the perfect chat. a lot of
sexual confusion in here.
SkylerThompson22: mom sent me to a therapist
Beysshoes: not now, but when the trannies get here you'll see

Heard It:
SkylerThompson22: the contraction is "clit"
KissMyAsterix: been dying to use that huh

Flirting 2009:
KimberlysCabin09: hes not into trailer trash like me
Boulshevit: Stanley from Three's Company was kind of creepy
KimberlysCabin09: oh yeah boul
PaIeRlDER2: yer trailer trash too kim?
PaIeRlDER2: mmmmmmmmmm intriguing
PaIeRlDER2: Kim, is it just me or are you a tad 'paranoid'?
KimberlysCabin09: are you trailer trash pale?
KimberlysCabin09: at least youre my equal
KimberlysCabin09: tad paranoid
PaIeRlDER2: I live in a house , I am redneck trash
KimberlysCabin09: oh a house... does it have bugs?
PaIeRlDER2: NO
KimberlysCabin09: good i hate bugs
PaIeRlDER2: and i'm a neat freak
KimberlysCabin09: man i got like nine skeeter bites on the deck OUCH
KimberlysCabin09: does mold make you sleepy and clog your nose up?
KimberlysCabin09: good i like neatness too
PaIeRlDER2: Mold will make you ill
KimberlysCabin09: i think this mold might have been contributing
to some of my health problems
PaIeRlDER2: probably kim
KimberlysCabin09: rescue me
KimberlysCabin09: take me outta this dump
PaIeRlDER2: lol
KimberlysCabin09: see i knew you werent serious
PaIeRlDER2: NOT WITHOUT A LOOK SEE FIRST
KimberlysCabin09: you can see when you prove to me who you are
PaIeRlDER2: OK, HOW COULD I PROVE I AM ME?
Hadachoke: go ahead, Pale, send her the dick pic
KimberlysCabin09: send me 25 grand
princessslayah42: stop yelling, Rider
PaIeRlDER2: she said she dont open mail had
KimberlysCabin09: ill send it back i promise :-D

A Chick Magnet:
PatientOnionSF: kman, you smooth talker you, how do you do it?
Kman3x3: id just do
PatientOnionSF: you are irresistible, a CHICK MAGNET
KissMyAsterix: lol onion
KissMyAsterix: you win
KissMyAsterix: he's all yours
PatientOnionSF: kman, bey is hot too, a hawaii surfer/suntan
lotion model
Kman3x3: o yeah
Beysshoes: yah that's me alright
PatientOnionSF: rub some on her
KissMyAsterix: wait, don't give away my beys
Kman3x3: ]hey bey want to talk
Catpower777: Kman, you faithless cad
Catpower777: you dumped Kiss that easily?
Beysshoes: you mean cyber kman? i already did 5 today. i'm tired.
sorry raincheck?
KissMyAsterix: he knows a good thing when he sees it
Kman3x3: she wasn't talkin

The Chick Magnet Strikes Out:
Kman3x3: so who want to talk to kman
Kman3x3: anybody
Catpower777: Kman, I think you're barking up the wrong chatroom
KissMyAsterix: we can't
KissMyAsterix: we'll fight over you
KissMyAsterix: and no one will win
Kman3x3: why is that
KissMyAsterix: you should save us from ourselves
KissMyAsterix: and well, try another room
Melodramamama22: i hear author's lounge is good for that sort of thing
Chick Magnet Reflections:
Catpower777: Dino hurt him, Bey
Beysshoes: lol he IMd me; dino took him? ty kiss
KissMyAsterix: uh no beys
KissMyAsterix: I closed him
KissMyAsterix: he can't spell what
KissMyAsterix: that's a requirement
Beysshoes: i'm over my quota today, you're so lazy and uncharitable kiss
KissMyAsterix: I am
Beysshoes: oh i see, like me and the toothless. yes, its good
you have standards.
KissMyAsterix: I was already nauseated beys

Svengali?:
Jam7604801: onion you sound jealous
PatientOnionSF: jam, I am only jealous of your charm and wisdom
PatientOnionSF: and your svengali hold you have over book shelf chix

First Question?
quiet scientist: uhhhhhhhh...underwear? :-[
quiet scientist: and to answer the first question i'll have
to say the dartboard

Naked Darts?
Catpower777: ok, sitting there in underwear with a dartboard sounds
more male than "scientist"
Beysshoes: he said he didn't use his undies cat. pay attention pls
quiet scientist: this is just like salem
quiet scientist: weeeeeee
Bgrant444: Salem?
Bgrant444: Are we going to burn a witch?
Beysshoes: cat? are you going over to quiets place?
Catpower777: to play darts in my undies?
BinxB91: Salem? maybe we could just dunk her
Beysshoes: no undies cat
Catpower777: well, I'm not playing darts nekkid
Catpower777: that just sounds dangerous

Niontron Out and About:
Niontron9: I see a chinese lady walking towards me...what do i do
Niontron9: quick
Niontron9: someone tell me quick
Niontron9: the chinese lady approaching
Niontron9: she looks mad
Boulshevit: Run, Nion
PatientOnionSF: she's jewish, they look chinese

Enhance Your Life:
PatientOnionSF: it's gay slang for ****** *************
Beysshoes: ACTDF you mean?
PatientOnionSF: alan wrote a poem about it
PatientOnionSF: *** 2 ******
Boulshevit: ACTDF? Is that an alternate guitar tuning?
Beysshoes: A cock to die for (ACTDF)
Boulshevit: lol jesus
PatientOnionSF: don't be coy bolshevik, you knew what it meant
Boulshevit: Hell, I wouldn't die for my own
PatientOnionSF: you shrekster you
Beysshoes: then i guess you don't got one o' those (ACTDF). so sorry
PatientOnionSF: with your lost beer-encrusted weekends
Beysshoes: not to fret, they have those male enhancements for free now.
PatientOnionSF: enhance your life

Alan's muse:
princessslayah42: i have one incredibly sharp toenail
princessslayah42: i can't stop touching it
PatientOnionSF: sounds like one of alan's poems
Beysshoes: there are better things to not stop touching layah

[They played for another fifteen minutes. On the final play,
after a long steady drive that took the offense down to the
8-yard line, Taft fumbled the hand-off. Defense recovered,
whistles blew, and that was it for the day. The three of us
headed back together.
"Hobbsie laid it right in his gut and he goes and loses it,"
Rector said. "I attribute that kind of error to lack of
concentration. Coloreds can run and leap but they can't
concentrate. A colored is a runner and a leaper. You're making
a big mistake if you ask him to concentrate."
A very heavy girl wearing an orange dress came walking toward
us across a wide lawn. There was a mushroom cloud appliqued
on the front of dress. I recognized the girl; we had classes
together. I let the others walk on ahead and I stood for a
moment watching her walk past me and move into the distance.
I was wearing a smudge of lampblack under each eye to reduce
the sun's glare. I didn't know whether the lampblack was very
effective but I liked the idea of painting myself in a barbaric
manner before going forth to battle in the mud. I wondered if
the fat girl knew I was still watching her. I had a vivid picture
of myself standing there holding my helmet at my side, my left leg
bent slightly, hair all mussed up and lampblack under my eyes. Her
dress was the brightest orange. I thought she must be a little
crazy to wear a dress like that with her figure.]

Unclear on the Concept:
quiet scientist: my friend works at a drug store and the anorexics
steal the laxatives
VioletDeliriums: wow
VioletDeliriums: why dont they just buy them?

"it's like slutty"
VioletDeliriums: i'm a musician...i play stringed instruments
ManiacEyeball: you should not do every genre, it's like slutty

Intellectual:
VioletDeliriums: i like to look at things and think about them

Nostradamus:
HollyGoI23: I knew there would be transformers

Love the One You're With:
Tom Brite: take advantage of being alone and masturbate

Scary Halloween:
DoomGrl: i think i will stay home, halloween was too traumatic last year
erstwhile mots: Doom. Did you become a woman then.
DoomGrl: no, i broke up with my boyfreind, i got angry and broke a
giant mirror and then my dad almost threw me out
DoomGrl: remember?

Why Cur Is Planning a Vacation in China:
BlackHeartedCur: Its probably hard to get a Russian girl drunk

More So When You're Rocking Them With Someone:
Tom Brite: the sounds of rocking springs is so exciting

Warmth:
AmberDevilRay8: I had to get some snacks and a blanket.
AmberDevilRay8: Now I'm all wrapped up. I could use one of those
"slankets" right about now.
AmberDevilRay8: One the bright side, I'm like a toasty cinnamonbun. =)

Rhymin' Simon:
Alansueton: I was "busy"
ManiacEyeball: alan does anyone call you al?
AmberDevilRay8: Would you be my bodyguard?

2009-10-16T14:59:00.000-07:00

BOOKSHELF - The Lean Years

Floozie:
ElizavetaTheRed: i was in author's lounge for the last hour

International Beer:
Boulshevit: I work enough to afford to drink, I guess
Various704: oh hey, boul. im drinking beer from thailand.
its like water
Various704: chang beer
Boulshevit: lol, jesus, I had a room mate from Laos, but he
drank bud, lol

Members Only:
DGBALTIMORE: i hate the lounge recently
DGBALTIMORE: too exclusive
BinxB91: How can a chat room be exclusive?
PaIeRlDER2: binx i think he means he types and they ignore him

Uhm, 'where' as in 'State'!:
quiet scientist: alone in my parents basement eating cheetos

No, State!:
DoomGrl: what stadium

What Are You Wearing?:
quiet scientist: uhhhhhhhh...underwear?

Try Sharing the Cheetos:
quiet scientist: i am boyfriendless

Cause and Effect:
PatientOnionSF: A man with his one year old in a stroller
came over to buy a le creuset saucepan from me, my apartment
is FINALLY cleaned up!

Apropos of Nothing:

Bidet Luv: i know shit

DoomGrl: i really think ashley and mary kate are so cool

quiet scientist: what if a bunch of librarians went bowling?

MyStrat: cant use Eharmony anymore, since the incident

Josh Maxwell4: they new guy that sells the chopper is hard
to resist

Hello In There:
Niontron9: in order for your mind to do something the matter
needs to pass thru your level of memories and enter your long
term memory...otherwise your mind avoids the thing that you
want to do or accomplish
Tj34: how many friends do you have, nion?

Bidet IS a Lady After All:
Niontron9: i bet I can give you guys a riddle which none of
you can solve...
Niontron9: you have TWENTY littres of water...how can you move it
from one place to another without putting in a pot or anything...
you have to carry it only using both your hands...
Bidet Luv: freeze it, dumbass

Bidet as Travel Writer:
Bidet Luv: vancouver wa is the cloth diaper capital of the u.s.
Bidet Luv: portland is a smug town

[It must be that for all of us there has to be an apology
available that we can make to ourselves for anything we do.
It doesn't matter so much about an apology to others, pride
may block this, but we must have that one for ourselves, to
be able to say: 'Yes, I did that, but...' If you can't put
the 'but' after what you did then you are in a sort of way
lost. There is no 'but' that I did not know what I was
doing when I went up that path to take tea with Kentaro.
I went knowing what he was going to think of any woman who
accepted an invitation as he had done. In his eyes she was
there to be used. Also, I don't think I really wanted what
was to come, for I had no idea of what this was going to
mean to me. I wanted an end to what I had ...]

What Are You Wearing?:
Mmikea76: I am wearing a hazmat suit...I am paranoid...

How Ann Rolls:
Anncrispin: Ann doesn't talk in here.

The Esoterics:
Alansueton: it sounded like Garbage out of tune
DoomGrl: hey, i like Garbage

The Scotish Rock 'n Roll Scene:
Various704: the MOBO'S were held in glasgow last night. what
a mess some of those acts are. the cult of uk hip hop is
a complete joke now
zomcom81: I haven't heard it :( I'm a slacker
AA Birthday Pony: it's great, don't mind them
Alansueton: Various any awards for God Help the Girl?
Alansueton: (lol)
DoomGrl: i like so many scotland bands, like from glasgow
- like glasvegas, camera obscura
DoomGrl: jesus and mary chain, lol
AA Birthday Pony: isn't the twilight sad from glasgow?
AA Birthday Pony: i just saw them
Alansueton: Belle and Sebastian is still the best and
The Life Pursuit is still one of the best records to come out
of the Isles for years

Globe Trotting Girl:
BinxB91: How did you get into Scottish rock 'n roll
DoomGrl: my dad took me to ireland and scotland and stuff
DoomGrl: he wanted to see sites van morrison song about
DoomGrl: like the streets of arklow an all
DoomGrl: and there were all these skinny dogs
DoomGrl: running about, like where the mic mac indians lived
up in nova scotia
DoomGrl: remember, and the coca cola truck turned over
DoomGrl: and the bears lapped up the coca cola

Ewww:
MyStrat: i had a crush on my teacher when i was in high school,
no big deal, except i was home schooled

Homework Help?
Will C Makepeace: i gotta finish school before i can go forward

Beyond Scottish Rock:
JMax31: Acoustic Rockabilly with Broadway Pizzazz, the paper says! :)
quiet scientist: well there's a genre i've never heard of
quiet scientist: acoustic broadway rockabilly
JMax31: lol well imagine...Ethel Merman and Brian Setzer
JMax31: or Elvis...and you've got us
quiet scientist: yeah i can picture that
quiet scientist: one sings about a jump jivin whale

Onion's Disappointment:
PatientOnionSF: elizaveta bares her naked wrists in a very risque
photo montage

New From Romco!:
BlackHeartedCur: Liz, can you summon the Russian girl somehow?
I like it when you two bicker about eastern european politics
and history
ElizavetaTheRed: no I can't summon her. i dont have a dog whistle
for russian women

Next Time, Try the Meatballs:
Melodramamama22: i tried to watch the seventh seal this weekend,
lasted 5 minutes
Melodramamama22: all that swedish put me into a coma

Join Us:
fragilefirew0rks: hinduism is a beautiful religion. I could never
join though
DoomGrl: i dont think many people "join"

The Texas 500:
Bidet Luv: i probably took 500 pictures at the state fair of texas
this year
Bidet Luv: and one of them, out of all those pictures
Bidet Luv: is frameworthy in a big way
the rest are okay
PatientOnionSF: was george bush doing something homosexual?

All of a Sudden:
Melodramamama22: they have all these brazilian places that serve you
piles of meat
Melodramamama22: all of a sudden, meat meat meat

2009-09-17T13:18:00.000-07:00

Sign of Economic Recovery?:
Josh Maxwell4: The price of Trix is outrageous

Women in the Work Place:
KimberlysCabin09: even recently went back and worked a temp job
at a place id worked before and hated
shrtfnnybrunette: so why did you go back?
KimberlysCabin09: i needed some money in august
shrtfnnybrunette: aww august that foul month
KimberlysCabin09: iT was the place where i had to put fruit rollups
in a box really fast on a conveyor belt.. but this time...
shrtfnnybrunette: yes?
KimberlysCabin09: i got to work in the lab room, and make cereal
boxes and shove bags of cereal into the box really fast
KimberlysCabin09: the last time i worked there i couldnt keep up
on the rollup line so they moved me to the little ketchup packet
line and i kept getting packages that were opened and ketchup
all over
shrtfnnybrunette: darn ketchup
KimberlysCabin09: it was like that episode of lucy where her and
ethel work in the chocolate factory
KimberlysCabin09: and they eat the chocolate and stuff it in their
clothes

Norma Rae Lives On:
KimberlysCabin09: it was standing on the cement for 12 hours that
killed me
KimberlysCabin09: and the stupid people that kept goofing off
throwing products at each other
KimberlysCabin09: i think the people was the worst part of it
shrtfnnybrunette: wow 12 hrs standing i wouldn't want to do it
Josh Maxwell4: i worked in a factory one summer. they timed the
pee breaks.
KimberlysCabin09: yep josh, they are hard on temps

We Can Multi-Joke:
Catpower777: hey Binx
Hadachoke: Blonde tells her coworkers "I'm not stupid, tonight
i'm gonna study and memorize all the state capitols... you can
test me tomorrow"
Alansueton: ah Binx is here
BinxB91: A middle-aged woman is walking through the woods and
comes upon a frog
Alansueton: Binx don't step on Hada's joke
Alansueton: please
Hadachoke: Next day one of 'em says "Blondie, ok, whats\'s the
capital of Wyoming?"
Beysshoes: we can multijoke.
Beysshoes: asseries
KissMyAsterix: you know if not even one is funny
Hadachoke: She says "Doh, it's W"
BinxB91: who says to the woman, "kiss me! and I'll turn into
a handsome prince."
Beysshoes: loL bobby
BinxB91: The woman hestitates.
BinxB91: "kiss me! I'll turn into a handsome prince. what are
you waiting for??"
BinxB91: The woman ponders, "at this point in my life I was
thinking I'd be more interested in a talking frog."
Beysshoes: omg binx. you're too fun. i love that! hahaha
Beysshoes: actually, i thought the joke ended 2 lines back binx
BinxB91: LOL Beys
Hadachoke: beys, he hasn't gotten to the punch line yet
Alansueton: (let them die together)
Beysshoes: heee
KissMyAsterix: lol
BinxB91: Beys is the Salvador Dali of joke-telling
Alansueton: More like the Kevorkian

Beysshoes' Gentleman Caller:
Beysshoes: omg binx. what was the title?
Alansueton: Beys if you type omg one more time I will fly to
hawaii and remove those letters from your keyboard

A New Series:
HeRsHeYbAbYxO11: ehh theres still a few gampire books good teen
vampire books. its just repetitive
KissMyAsterix: oh see that alan, a new series for you grampire books

What Are You Wearing?
HeRsHeYbAbYxO11: pj bottoms...whats it matter

Really, That Was Enough:
HeRsHeYbAbYxO11: okie pink pj bottoms and a black cami

I Didn't Ask!!:
HeRsHeYbAbYxO11: .......ummm is the next question what color are
my undies?

Women Love Vampires:
ookish dude 21: not exactly sure why women love vamps so much
HeRsHeYbAbYxO11: iternal love obviously

What Are You Wearing Russian Girl?
Snegurochka Doll: tanks top
Snegurochka Doll: and my jean

Awesome:
Beysshoes: last night it was awesome talking to you about hating
phonies, para.
Alansueton: Beys it was I don't like phonies people who can't
even call their dying father

The Importance of Being Godwit:
Oncewasbird: These people are too happy in their Lexi and gated
communities. Time to roust 'em out.
Oncewasbird: I'm in earnest. We need mass demonstrations.
Alansueton: Once "Earnest" Victorian England code word for
homosexual?
Alansueton: are you trying to tell us something?
AmberDevilRay8: "Earnest" really meant that?
Alansueton: Amber yes

What If Godwit and Niontron Had a Baby?:
Oncewasbird: The doctors should be rioting, but they are just whores.

Jam and Obama Are Like That:
Jam7604801: Wit I have sold about 2,000 lbs of tomatos this year
Oncewasbird: I like Obama. He wants to do things.

Beysshoes' Place of Refuge:
Beysshoes: gina, the pipples in the blog beat me up so i'm here.
KissMyAsterix: which pipples
KissMyAsterix: wasn't me
KissMyAsterix: I wasn't there
AmberDevilRay8: The hell's a pipple?
Tammynet: which pipple should i beat up, beys

Literary Discussion ... kinda:
DoomGrl: lord byron was a rake
ElizavetaTheRed: And then I think he lived in France
Alansueton: the funny thing Lord Byron was a stud and all
But he short and had a club foot He also had barely any hair
on his head at 35
KissMyAsterix: a relative?
Alansueton: he must have had a honker between his legs
Beysshoes: kinda like cheney?
ElizavetaTheRed: I would have a hard time dating a bald guy
SkylerThompson22: wasnt byron gay?
Alansueton: Skyler rumors
Alansueton: he wasn't
Alansueton: the guy f*cked his sister

Poke Him Again:
Beysshoes: is that you godwit?

Either Asexual or Nympho:
ElizavetaTheRed: ALan do you flirt with Judah?
Kat2834d: hi room F/29
Alansueton: Eliza no
Alansueton: I do not flirt with anyone
Alansueton: I flirt with disaster
Kat2834d: :-) aww Alan
Beysshoes: sue sue is asexual
KissMyAsterix: I think that other guy.. condor
KissMyAsterix: but I really don't know
Beysshoes: or multisexual. one o' those
KissMyAsterix: multi but not metro
KissMyAsterix: well that sounded a little gay

What Josh Noticed:
Josh Maxwell4: i notice the interstate sex stores are vacant,
must be the web

Josh Calls For Help:
Josh Maxwell4: had a terrible tuna salad, awful
Beysshoes: was it spoiled josh
Josh Maxwell4: i think so
Josh Maxwell4: i may die
Beysshoes: que josh??? call 611

Sympathy:
Beysshoes: josh do you have benadryl? or just mix baking soda
with water
Beysshoes: do something!
Beysshoes: yoss hep that poor slob!
Yossarian4now: i don't know. i've had my stomach pumped before.
beyond that ..
Yossarian4now: just make yourself hurl, josh
Beysshoes: omg josh vanished. mebbe he died
Yossarian4now: maybe so
Beysshoes: lets plan a funeral then.
Beysshoes: a funeral for friends?

Numberology:
Yossarian4now: skkyer has a fascinating theory, beys
Beysshoes: wats that?
Yossarian4now: he believes that what version you have of aol,
tells you if you have good relationships or not
Yossarian4now: like if you have 9.0, you must have shitty ones
Yossarian4now: because you're a loser or such
Yossarian4now: and if you have 9.5, you must be wealthy
Yossarian4now: and have all good relationships
Beysshoes: hmmmm. josh2 must be like mensa yes?
SkylerThompson22: so far its panned out
Beysshoes: i'm aol 2.0 pick me pick meeeeeeee josh2!

Gomer Pyle Guide to Happiness:
Beysshoes: gutter? my fantasy is to find a quonset hut.
i want to live in one.
Yossarian4now: dream big
Beysshoes: say you want one too josh2!
SkylerThompson22: im sorry for your setbacks beysshoes
Beysshoes: josh2. you just dont understand. i knew a family in
a quonset hut. and they were happy.
SkylerThompson22: whats a quonset hut?
Beysshoes: NO. its like if you cut a cucumber down lengthwise.
turn one side upside down
Beysshoes: voila
Beysshoes: quonset hut
Yossarian4now: with less seeds

Why We Can't Recruit Newbies:
Various704: im trying to figure out what you are all talking
about and failing miserably
Beysshoes: that's because we're not talking about nuttin'
Beysshoes: just throwing lines in space
Beysshoes: skyler just informed us we're losers for not having
aol 9.5 so we don't care.
Various704: ah
Beysshoes: skyler got some poor slob to marry him and bear his
chillens so he counts
Various704: wow. im a loser for more reasons than that. get it
right skyler
SkylerThompson22: im not married
Beysshoes: you lied? omgomgomg
Yossarian4now: someone lying online? the shock
SkylerThompson22: its an old tv show
Beysshoes: tamela you hear dat? skyler fakes being married so you
and me won't harrass him.
Tammynet: like that will stop us?
Beysshoes: tilly boy
Yossarian4now: meg tilly's?

Aim Up and See Me Sometime:
Beysshoes: somebody misses you legs. i forget who though.
Yossarian4now: yeah yeah
Legs029: they need better aim then bey ; )
Yossarian4now: that would be me, beys
Beysshoes: wow you sound even more slutty than tamela

Teaching Onion:
PatientOnionSF: Alan said that Czeslaw Milosz is his great inspiration
ElizavetaTheRed: You cant believe anything Alan says

You Send Me:
Beysshoes: sue sue has begun to comment on my blog onion. so that
leaves you you punk
PatientOnionSF: who is sue sue? alan's poodle girlfriend?
Beysshoes: tamela just did too. don't be such an anal assful pls
PatientOnionSF: he only does it cuz he feels guilty
PatientOnionSF: red only does it for the cash money alan sends her
Beysshoes: guilty about what? that's just stoopid.
ElizavetaTheRed: Alan doesn't send me money, he sends me poems
ElizavetaTheRed: and poems don't pay my rent
Beysshoes: you must cyber with him eliza. then he'll pay.
Hadachoke: lol
Hadachoke: roR
Beysshoes: oh bobby. you're precious.

Picture This:
ElizavetaTheRed: You can insult anyone you like online, but it
has consequences. They won't then send you their pictures

Beysshoes' Suitor:
Beysshoes: sheesh that was so long ago manik
ManiacEyeball: you didn't even read my email
PatientOnionSF: russian is okay, soviet is bad bad evil bad
KissMyAsterix: oh that dwarf thing never did work for me
ManiacEyeball: i'm talking to bey
PatientOnionSF: bey is not a dwarf thing she is 4'9"
ManiacEyeball: i sent her an email, she hasnt read it yet.
Beysshoes: what email manik?
KissMyAsterix: maybe she's discerning
Beysshoes: and when did you send it?
ManiacEyeball: there you go again
Beysshoes: are you still talking like a year back?
SkylerThompson22: dont open it it has a virus
ManiacEyeball: first you pretend not to remember my mom, now you
pretend to not see my email
Beysshoes: i never got an email from you .
Beysshoes: i wouldn't have deleted it manik
KissMyAsterix: she says that when i mail her too maniac
KissMyAsterix: she never reads my mail
ElizavetaTheRed: Maybe it went into spam
KissMyAsterix: I think she tosses me

"send me pics" is an insult:
SkylerThompson22: eliza dont be offended but
SkylerThompson22: could u send me some pics please
ElizavetaTheRed: Skyler I would have sent you pictures but you
insulted me yesterday

Know Thyself:
Beysshoes: you're kinda creepy
KissMyAsterix: I try beys

Not Even Polish Jokes:
ElizavetaTheRed: I'm sure you felt "I'll just rip on this girl,
make her feel bad. It will be fun"
PatientOnionSF: I like the Patroshka, the famous bird-eating shark
of the Piast Dynasty, a pet of Casimir III the Great
ElizavetaTheRed: And that's fine, I can't stop you. But don't now
ask me for pictures
SkylerThompson22: no
ElizavetaTheRed: Or did you think I'd forget in 24 hours?
PatientOnionSF: Those carefree days in Silesia

Your Sex and Preference:
SkylerThompson22: maniac...what is your sex and preference?
Beysshoes: wow skyler. probing.
ElizavetaTheRed: you mean orientation
ElizavetaTheRed: its not a preference
SkylerThompson22: yeah
Beysshoes: skyler everyone knows this is a tranny chat.
Beysshoes: don't be nosy
AngelGardn: amen

If You Have to Ask:
Jam7604801: why are you in a hotel?

On a Scale of 0 to 100:
Jam7604801: beys speak for yourself and don't include me
Beysshoes: i do speak for myself and i never include you jam
Beysshoes: jam, its understood you're sexless. dont fret.
Jam7604801: bs bey i'm 100% heterosexual
Beysshoes: bs? you're bi?

A Truth Then a Hopeless Effort:
Beysshoes: nobody here is cool. stfu onion

Bisexual is cool:
Beysshoes: he's trynna pretend to be bisexual
PatientOnionSF: bey and jam are bi, lady jam and lady bey knock
their tranny sox 2gether
Jam7604801: bey i don't pretend to be anything other than what i
am unlike onion and a few others i will not name
AngelGardn: no one is cool anymore, there's a boycott on cool
Beysshoes: i realize you think that's cool jam. which is pitifuls.
Jam7604801: whats cool?
Beysshoes: you've pushed the envelop a tad too far homer
AngelGardn: bahaha
Jam7604801: bey you're the onion lover not me
AngelGardn: peppers and onions
Beysshoes: everybody loves onion. we're sick in here stoopids

Beys and the Fucktard:
Jam7604801: onion is just mad obama is taking his social
security away and giving it to all the aids infested faggots
Beysshoes: jam you're a fucktard.

Daniellee at the Brawl:
DanielleeLoko78: that was mildly insulting....
PatientOnionSF: Bey, he is just expressing his intellect,
please you are showing disrespect, that is the highest level
of thought the christian right winger can come up with
Beysshoes: bragging on throwing tomatoes at obama.
hillbilly fucktard
PatientOnionSF: white, low self esteem, low iq, low ambition,
bibles, guns, god, nascar
Beysshoes: i have a sweet fantasy that jams son will grow up to
be a tranny like ms vicky.
PatientOnionSF: from jam up onto bush cheney palin, they are backwards
PatientOnionSF: they need their own sewer to swim in
DanielleeLoko78: im confused

Beys in a Street Fight:
Jam7604801: bey if you want asian culture so bad go back to asia
Beysshoes: jam you are too retarded. you're embarrassing yourself
Jam7604801: if blacks want african culture so bad they can go back
to africa
Beysshoes: what about retards like you jam? where do we send you?
back to yoh mommas belly?

Beyond Waterboarding:
EmpressZ21: dear lord they have the golf channel on and
put it in slow motion

The Unexpected Melodramama:
BinxB91: who here is in pain?
Melodramamama22: i am, i have tennis elbow
BinxB91: how did you get tennis elbow?
Melodramamama22: opening a stuck drawer

Kinda Odd:
BinxB91: what do you do to be romantic?
Melodramamama22: the guys are all thinking: "hold in farts"
Boulshevit: lol
KissMyAsterix: kinda odd to bring up romance in the middle of
tennis elbow chat binx

The Unspoken One?
Hadachoke: quick, make up a good lie
Hadachoke: ok, that'll work
KissMyAsterix: the best lie is the unspoken one?

Onion is Never Done:
Mmikea76: Why is Onion obsessed with Penis...
Mmikea76: thats my question
Mmikea76: dude...
PatientOnionSF: mike, cuz i am gay in San francisco, duh
Mmikea76: ah...well...er...more power to you...um...
PatientOnionSF: i had to spell it out for you
Mmikea76: ok I have concluded my chat with Onion...
Mmikea76: one line is enough

Greg Tries:
GregAndru41: are any of you people actually bookish?
PatientOnionSF: greg, just me, the rest are book-hating peasants
Beysshoes: just porn greg
GregAndru41: peasants, so they love Charles Bukowski and hate
JD Salinger? or they Wolverine should marry Jean Grey?
Beysshoes: nobody cares about you greg. or what you read.

They Wanted to Wait Til the Children Were All Dead:
Hadachoke: i was married almost 50 yrs.. divorced now
EmpressZ21: you divorced after 50 yrs?
Hadachoke: yeah
EmpressZ21: wow
EmpressZ21: what goes wrong after 50 yrs
Beysshoes: you're 73 bobby? omg you're the age of my parents.
we prolly should stop cybering yes?

An Argument for Forced Sterilization:
ManiacEyeball: yeah, so i'm asking ever
bookish dude 21: sure
ManiacEyeball: oh ok.
ManiacEyeball: i don't.
ManiacEyeball: teehee
ManiacEyeball: nyc do you?
bookish dude 21: u wanna make a baby with me if i raise it?
CRlSTlNASAYS: I would like to have a baby, but I don't think
I want to be married
CRlSTlNASAYS: I mean I guess I would get married, but I want a baby more
Beysshoes: pitch the marriage. chillens are less work

Love Ya Ride:
Josh Maxwell4: sara wants to have a baby
Beysshoes: whos sara?
Josh Maxwell4: my gf
Beysshoes: are you going to do it josh? shouldn't you fix your
gender issues first? nolo?
Josh Maxwell4: nah
Beysshoes: well, it may be better if you breed before da operation.
Josh Maxwell4: funny
ShanesRide07: do you really believe any of these people should breed???

In Your Dreams:
THEPaierlder4: ok i think im goin ta bed
Beysshoes: xox
THEPaierlder4: i will think of you though bey
THEPaierlder4: ;-)repeatedly
Beysshoes: don't "think" too fast
THEPaierlder4: oh i wont

WTF Are They Talking About:
Beysshoes: you know i was joking in that email right tamela?
Tammynet: of course
Beysshoes: okay. just checking. loLLL
Tammynet: lol
Beysshoes: (i'd never stop cybering bonbon)
Beysshoes: HAHAHA
Tammynet: lol
Tammynet: who would?
Beysshoes: wow. scaring me here.

[John recalled Scott as he had been. Scott had been fat, so
ridiculously fat, John recalled with a keen pleasure, and he
was still fat really, lean and muscular appearances aside.
He closed his eyes and listened to the trickle of the
washcloth twisted over its bowl. She spoke of Scott's life
from the kitchen as she poured him a cold drink, fondly
retold Scott's exploits to his brother without thinking he
would have already heard them, an obtuseness John found
endearing. She spoke of athletic accomplishments that had
never happened, regaled John with acts of adolescents
rebellion he recognized as the feats of their childhood
friends, but all Scott in the leading roles --- Scott's
misaligned fireworks, Scott's outrageous nudity, Scott's
spray paint, Scott's guitar. Now quite near him, she
offered ice water and healthy food, urged him to eat, asked
him what he liked best about California, then (John somehow
knew this was coming next, could have finished her next sen-
tence for her) Maria told the story of the little girl in the
swimming pool after dark who had been saved, but in her version,
wet, clothed John, gasping for air as he dragged the girl to
the deck, metamorphosed into wet, clothed, gasping, dragging
Scott. "It was very bravery, was it not?"
"A brave man, our Scott," he agreed, and touched her cheek.
John sat up straight, as if a weight had been taken from him,
and old wounds scarred up smoothly in time-lapse haste: Scott
had nothing to offer, no furture potential. John had for years
been pursuing a receding back: Now he had caught it, turned it
to face him, and found he had the wrong fellow all along. Scott
wanted John's past? My God, he could have it: John certainly
wasn't using it. John would happily trade it for the present:
It was only too bad that Scott didn't take grasping Maria
seriously, because that would make this even funnier: the flower
scent and her nearness. The licensing smile. Her lips did not
move immediately away. A tentative response. Then a soft cheek,
perhaps a gentle rejection. But then the lips again. His hand
against the outsize T-shirt of his brother's alma mater, the
picture of the college mascot, flaky from careless laundry,
distorted over her shape, itchy against his palm. Her smiling
reference to the clock and the time remaining until Scott's
return: "A brave man, our John."]

If It Helps His Cause:
Kan wa ma kan: alan you disparage the entire female population?

UnButtoned:
DoomGrl: i believe in mystical connections

Then Ask For a Compliment :
Niontron9: hada takes two years to think up an insult and
that is still no good

DoomGrl Worries:
DoomGrl: i think that if everybodies soul srayed it would
be sooo crowded

Conversation Non-Starter:
Tweetygirl21146: does anyone got a pet in painful?

More Stuff Only Rono Knows:
Niontron9: there are many greek "gods" who has the same
profile as jesus...

Tell It, Rono:
Niontron9: the invisible force that controls human origninated
from sumer to greek
Niontron9: that is the same force controlling us to this day

They:
Niontron9: in the begining the spreader of christian used to
worship satan...they were into occult

'you are not right':
Niontron9: you are thinking allah and god is synonyms...you are
not right
Alansueton: Rono is the Official Mullah of the Shelf

Those Wacky Prophets:
Alansueton: I think whores are sacred
Alansueton: Jesus hung out with whores And Muhammad made women
sheltered whores with the Koran
Kan wa ma kan: alan worships at aphrodite's altar
AmberDevilRay8: Those wacky prophets.

And After That I'll Send You all My Money:
Niontron9: alan, I will ignore you permanently if you say
something like that again

When You Assume:
Hadachoke: i've no experience with unspoken lies

2009-08-31T07:56:00.000-07:00

I love You

Reflections on an AL'er Visit:
EmpressZ21: i just love when they stomp off

Cyber Only, Thank You:
KissMyAsterix: I found out years ago
KissMyAsterix: that the online experience does not improve
with visual and voice

Hada Went to MIT?:
Hadachoke: i had a tat on my dick.. everyone used to laugh,
cuz it said "MITY"
Hadachoke: then one day i got an erection and it said
"Massachusets Institute of Technology"

William Wallace Lives:
Various704: a boy and his dad were driving trhough a safari park
just outside glasgow.......
Boulshevit: Glasgow?
Various704: they saw 2 lions. one was licking the others ass...
misscalichica90: its in scotland right?
Various704: the boy asked "why is that lion doing that dad"?
Various704: the father replied
PaIeRlDER2: not much gets by you does it miss
Various704: well son, its just ate an englishman and is trying to
get the taste out of its mouth
misscalichica90: well i hear everyone out
Hadachoke: ROFL
Boulshevit: lol, jesus
PaIeRlDER2: jesus
Various704: ah well.

Staying Power or ...:
Various704: hello again, miss
Boulshevit: Wb, Missy
misscalichica90: yes hello agaim
BinxB91: misscali has staying power?
KissMyAsterix: or just bad taste

Bram Stoker Turns in his Grave:
SkyPawnLP: I'm so sick of vampires

Movie Review:
SkyPawnLP: The Hurt Locker?
AmberDevilRay8: Excellent movie.
Waggonercj: The Hurt Locker is scary
AmberDevilRay8: It's probably the most nerve-wracking movie
I've ever seen.
AmberDevilRay8: It's about the bomb squad,
AmberDevilRay8: In Iraq.
AmberDevilRay8: But it has none of that dumb "red wire or blue
wire?!" crap in it.

On Locations:
AmberDevilRay8: It's my favorite movie since "Zodiac"
SkyPawnLP: Zodiac was superb!
SkyPawnLP: I loved! that moved
AmberDevilRay8: After I saw it we went out and made my husband
drive me to all the places where he killed someone.
AmberDevilRay8: I felt morbid. =\
SkyPawnLP: lol. I did that when I moved to Chicago
SkyPawnLP: "this is where Batman made Joker's truck flip over"

"sex" is a 12-pointer:
Bklyngeezer: I like books with thorny good guys and likable
villians
SkyPawnLP: "thorny"?
AmberDevilRay8: You know...
AmberDevilRay8: "vexacious"
SkyPawnLP: dont be throwing words worth more than 8 points in
Scrabble at me

Amber's Oven:
AmberDevilRay8: Two muffins are in an oven. One looks to the other
and says "Hey man, it's getting kind of hot in here, eh?"
AmberDevilRay8: The other muffin says "Holy crap! A talking muffin!"

Trust me:
Bklyngeezer: I am very funny

The Playful Elizaveta:
ElizavetaTheRed: Hello
BinxB91: good evening, Elizaveta
ElizavetaTheRed: good evening
BinxB91: Shouldn't we have a chaperone?
ElizavetaTheRed: yes but they are all drunk

The Cat is a Bitch:
BinxB91: Elizaveta, what music are you listening to?
ElizavetaTheRed: At the moment its quiet in here
BinxB91: quiet?? Is someone sleeping in the next room?
Alansueton: silence is music nobody ever criticizes
ElizavetaTheRed: no I live alone
ElizavetaTheRed: I just felt like having it quiet
Alansueton: it's a oriental bazaar here
BinxB91: you live alone?? not even a cat?
ElizavetaTheRed: she ran away, the little bitch

Book Discussion:
DoomGrl: has TJ been around this week?
BinxB91: I have been reading TJ's stories recently
DoomGrl: which ones Binx?
BinxB91: The Pugilist at Rest
DoomGrl: they are good stories in there
BinxB91: Tj looked very handsome (and a little dangerous) in his
author's picture
DoomGrl: yes, his old pictures are pretty hot
DoomGrl: that one was picked by john updike as one of the best
stories of the century or something
DoomGrl: like that
BinxB91: when reading stories like the ones Tj wrote I wonder things
like how many great novels and poems died right there in the mud
BinxB91: or were created in the hearts of those who survived
DoomGrl: you mean by the potential authors dying?
BinxB91: right, Doom
DoomGrl: TJs stories in the new yorker are probably his best ones,
i think,
DoomGrl: except the doom girl story wasnt in the new yorker
BinxB91: thr doom girl story?
DoomGrl: you dont know about the doom girl story?
BinxB91: no (furrowed brow)
DoomGrl: he wrote it after he met me
Alansueton: Doom you met someone from AOL?
DoomGrl: there is a character in it called Doom Girl
DoomGrl: just TJ alan, you know that

"be still my beating heart":
Alansueton: Doom will you marry me? As part of a practical plan
to convince my parents I am not gay?

Odds and Ends:

ElizavetaTheRed: A sleeping pill sounds nice

DoomGrl: I am so not into S & M

Jam7604801: i sold 125 pounds of tomatos

Prospect26: why would anyone eat poptarts?

NotNycgirl: autism fascinates me

Hiding Her Disappointment:
Alansueton: Doom I don't think we should ever meet
DoomGrl: ok

To be Determined:
Permanent I: what's this room about

Rono Redux:
Permanent I: the summer of love began the long slide into total
degeneration, ending with the modern hipster
Alansueton: Perm sound slike Rono
What Jam Knows:
Prospect26: Jam...as you must know , we've had no summer here
in the East.?

What's to Love About Brazil:
Permanent I: brazilian women have mutated so all their erotic
sensations are in their anuses, their vaginas are numb
Alansueton: Perm I don't agree
AmberDevilRay8: Well...they onviosuly have a tolerance for those
waxes.
AmberDevilRay8: Maybe it's true.
Permanent I: I love the way they sniff glue and shoot one
another in braSil

The Eternal Question:
Prospect26: Jam...so where is Lady?

Lourdes Got Nothing On Her Pool:
AmberDevilRay8: I swam in a public pool once and didn't get sick
for 10 years.

Epiphany:
AmberDevilRay8: You know what I realized...
AmberDevilRay8: ...no one uses the word "morbidly".

Glibberish
BinxB91: David might buy you a slice of pizza ... but then gross
you out so you couldn't eat it
DoomGrl: if you spend 30 dollars at Twist & Shout they give you
a coupon for a medium sub next store
Alansueton: Binx I am a Gentleman
Alansueton: And Im quite Glib
Hadachoke: alan speaks glibberish

Twisted Question:
AlexaSkelexa: you think i'm pretending to be sober?

Looking For a Partner:
Prospect26: So who is drinking here?

Russians Are Like That:
DoomGrl: this russian guy was going to buy my car when i sold it
and so he called me and asked about and i said he should come
look at it and he said he couldnt because he didnt have a car

Short Book Review:
Alansueton: Prospect what book are you reading presently?
Prospect26: Alan...The Story of Edgar Sawttelle,5elle\\\\\\
BinxB91: DoomGrl's review of Edgar Sawtelle:
"I cried so much I almost threw up"
Prospect26: Binx...I have not finished the book.
Please do not comment.
BinxB91: When the book ends, DoomGrl still has her cookies

The Humble David?:
Prospect26: Alan...I am not finished with the book, It is a
first novel and I think it is very large.
Alansueton: Prospect my first time with a woman had quite an
opposite review . First, not novel and not large

Listen to your Webmaster:
ATsnapkik: I created this screen name at the recomendation of
the webmaster for our website

Jailhouse Rock:
AmberDevilRay8: I was a DJ for 2+ years.
AmberDevilRay8: Until I got fired for taking collect calls from
prison inmates making song requests.

James Brown Revisited:
axislovejimi67: if papa's got a brand new bag...what is in that bag?
IonDeSparrow: and what did he do with the old one
IonDeSparrow: and where is mama???? omg, she's in the old bag!!!

Pending:
AmberDevilRay8: I have a 5-year-old cat that I haven't named yet.

Gina's Boy:
KissMyAsterix: my son watched some show yesterday, on animal planet
KissMyAsterix: and this guy had his arm bit off by an alligator
KissMyAsterix: or a croc, I don't know which
Various704: oh dear
KissMyAsterix: but he cried
KissMyAsterix: not because the guy lost an arm
KissMyAsterix: but because they went out and killed the gator

Simon Cried:
EmpressZ21: my nephew simon cried yesterday because his virtual
penguin Floppy ran away D
KissMyAsterix: ran away?
KissMyAsterix: on what, the computer?
EmpressZ21: apparently if you dont put the thing on vacation when
you leave for a while they run away
EmpressZ21: yep
BinxB91: penguins run?
KissMyAsterix: funny
EmpressZ21: well ambled away
KissMyAsterix: waddled off
KissMyAsterix: back to the arctic
KissMyAsterix: penguin's gotta eat too
EmpressZ21: flappin his arms
EmpressZ21: fins
EmpressZ21: wings
KissMyAsterix: that seems cruel, any kid would cry over that
BinxB91: Simon has an interesting future
EmpressZ21: oh he certainly does i see broadway

Poland vs Russia vs Onion:
ElizavetaTheRed: I wanted to see Drag Me to Hell but its gone from
the theatres
Snegurochka Doll: Is that a movie about a trip to Poland?
PatientOnionSF: Drag Me to Hell is like asking someone to take you
to Russia
ElizavetaTheRed: I agree Mr Onion
Snegurochka Doll: Thats to steale my joke
PatientOnionSF: That is the American way
PatientOnionSF: you stole capitalism, i steal your shutkas
ElizavetaTheRed: Thats to conjugate verbs wrong
PatientOnionSF: that's russian for Joke
Snegurochka Doll: america is not capitolist
PatientOnionSF: are you a rush limbaugh doll now?
Snegurochka Doll: no i hate him
Snegurochka Doll: and also Bush
ElizavetaTheRed: Don't start Elena
PatientOnionSF: Elena, I will bake you some xleb tonight
PatientOnionSF: that's russian for bread
Snegurochka Doll: its a kind of russian bred
PatientOnionSF: call me up, you can give me english lessons
ElizavetaTheRed: You don't want that Mr Onion
ElizavetaTheRed: No one will understand you
PatientOnionSF: I speak an international language of delicious
cuisine
PatientOnionSF: Elena is sending her photos to all the men, they
have fallen in love
ElizavetaTheRed: Look Elena, another doll
PatientOnionSF: i am making pizza
Snegurochka Doll: i shold have it a new screen name
PatientOnionSF: and selling books to pay Red's next rent
PatientOnionSF: since she is so busy painting sleeping pigeons
PatientOnionSF: wait till they wake up, boy will they be upset and angry
ElizavetaTheRed: ha
ElizavetaTheRed: they will understand that its art
PatientOnionSF: yes, even pigeons understand the work of a great
Polish Artist
Snegurochka Doll: if you call it art
ElizavetaTheRed: The pigeons understand but the russkies dont
Snegurochka Doll: we know art when we see art

Is it ever logic nite?:
Beysshoes: my neighborhood is dull binx. 'burbs. ick
KissMyAsterix: somehow it defies logic to think there are projects
on the hawaiian islands
Melodramamama22: tell me it's not logic nite
KissMyAsterix: no it's defy logic night

Beys World:
PaIeRlDER2: im named after a toilet
Beysshoes: commode?
Beysshoes: bidet?
Melodramamama22: commode rider!
PaIeRlDER2: JOHN|
Beysshoes: oooooh duh

Twatty:
Melodramamama22: i maintain that logic is like scripture,
and can be tweaked to prove a point
Melodramamama22: no matter how twatty of a point it is

A Team of Oxy:
PaIeRlDER2: omg i heard a spoof on billy mayes on you tube
where he is in heaven selling oxyclean
PaIeRlDER2: trying to get the blood off jesuss robe
Babigurl10155: oxyclean making sure everything is nice an white
PaIeRlDER2: heard one for oxycottin too
Melodramamama22: oh, that oycontin is nasty bidness
Babigurl10155: save that for the oxymorons

Not Regularly Published:
PBowden204: published but not reg basis gri diff inn emm grin

A Milk Junkie:
Melodramamama22: not personal experience, somebody close to me
got a addiction problem
PaIeRlDER2: mel, that stuff runs them down fast
Melodramamama22: ok he was a junkie and i din't know it
Melodramamama22: he kept walking into the house,going straigt after
a quart of milk

Dream Girls:
BinxB91: Last Summer Summary - Starpulse.com
jam7604802: binky, that's your favorite porno?
BinxB91: no ...
BinxB91: but it does involve a sociopathic girl goading boys into
a gang rape
jam7604802: binky is channelling creepy loner
PaIeRlDER2: gawd binx thats my dream girl

But He's Invisible:
jam7604802: occasionally an idiot does sneak in

Author Author Author:
PBowden204: Pale iots a beer can and its down sceww balls
like you spreading rumors not facts bad for USA
AmberDevilRay8: PB is an author?
PaIeRlDER2: a drunk too amber
jam7604802: obviously
jam7604802: multi-platinum best seller his bebo says
PBowden204: Yup biker mags and natur mags and opthers
PaIeRlDER2: hooked on phonics huh pb
jam7604802: amber lives and dies for Biker Chick Monthly
PBowden204: plus know my own mind not tell others how should think
AmberDevilRay8: Why is it that everyone who is an "author" in here is
about as articulate as a can of paint?
jam7604802: lead-based paint?

In Jam's Bedroom:
Jam7604801: she told me to leave them on
LadyMtnMedic: Jam, sometimes you have to think as well
Jam7604801: it was no biggy

In Binx's Bedroom:
NotNycgirl: binx please do not post me

Tough Question:
Melodramamama22: in our paper we have a column called "ask a gay"
Melodramamama22: the question this week was: is it okay for a
straight person to call a gay person bitch
Melodramamama22: answer: no

Lunaticky:
Melodramamama22: one time when my lunatic ex husband was being
especially lunaticky, he tried to convince people i was autistic
Melodramamama22: i suck at math

Melo Can't Resist Lunatics:
Alansueton: Chemical Imbalances etc all hypotheses never proven
Melodramamama22: more claims than any other medical science
Alansueton: Mapping the Brain Hemispheres all quess work
Melodramamama22: can you prove this?

Beysshoes Revealed:
BinxB91: "Last night when we were sitting in the park were you excited?" "Excited?" "sexually excited"
Beysshoes: "yes. sexually excited"
BinxB91: She said she wasn't and decided it was time to leave
Beysshoes: well, binx, i guess she wasn't a slutbag like me.
BinxB91: Beys ....
BinxB91: don't be so hard on yourself
Beysshoes:

When You Peek, You Win:
Catpower777: Bey you live in paradise
Beysshoes: well, as you know cat, i wouldn't know since i dunt
go out.
Catpower777: peek out the window, Bey

ASSonance:
PatientOnionSF: binky dated tons of nuns

[Isabelle enters, radiant in her white dress, walking unescorted
down the aisle, a halo of plae tea roses in her hair.
She ascends the few steps to stand beneath the chupa, and as
she encircles me, gliding around me the requisite seven times,
everything slows down, my vision fractures, and I seem to see
her from all sides at once. It's as though I were standing
inside a perfectly formed circle of light, and an odd feeling
wells up inside my chest. I experience a kind of shattering
in my heart, which, had I only been another person or myself
at another time, I might have recognized as joy.]

The 7-year Itch:
DoomGrl: will you guys all still be here in 7 years?

The Ironic Geneva:
DoomGrl: i have a freind named Geneva, her dad is departmnet
chairman but wouldnt buy her clothes for school, so she worked
as a stripper after school

The Spy's Daughter:
DoomGrl: i had to take apart a computer tonite and destroy the
hard drive so nobody would steal my dads secrets

The Colorful Melo:
Alansueton: guess work I like q's
Melodramamama22: or are you just spouting twatty blather?

Melo Stonewalled:
Alansueton: I don't doubt people are Manic Depressive but
positing a chemical imbalance in the brain?
Melodramamama22: this is like talking to a cinder block

Post This:
NotNycgirl: you know i really like you if i put my finger in
your belly button

The Unavoidable:
SparrowAtPeace: eh we have lots of soul mates
SparrowAtPeace: you cant avoid em lol

2009-07-31T08:04:00.000-07:00

THE CUPBOARD IS BARE
Binx is Gay/Onion Overdose/Ta is back/
too much Binx&Beys/soft core/Polish joke

Seeking Balance:
Prospect26: Gosh, it's Friday night. Really wanted some normal
people here.

His Gay Dull Life:
Yossarian4now: you dont find it completely gay, binx, taht you
spend time copying conversations and posting them there
BinxB91: How is that gay?
Yossarian4now: don't you have a life? a hobby? a family?
Yossarian4now: it's sad
BinxB91: sad? Some people laugh about it
Yossarian4now: it's sad you have such a dull life, taht that is
part of it

Bare Your Soul:
BinxB91: OK, the KatyTried files are getting rather thin.
Someone say something stupid ... or clever
LadyQuasi: Poor Binx...
LadyQuasi: the old Mother Hubbard of Bookshelf...

Keep Your Eye On:
IonDeSparrow: well--think I'm gonna head off to bed--got a
12 hour shift tomorrow
IonDeSparrow: loaf, lounge, and retier
Catpower777: night Ion
Beysshoes: we should try to get her to stay cat. you know?
Beysshoes: she keeps the trolls away
Catpower777: Ion is a woman?
BinxB91: Ion is a she?
Beysshoes: omg yessssssss
BinxB91: JINX!
Catpower777: I didn't think so
Catpower777: I've been cybering with "him" for months now, damn it

Ta21l is Back:
BinxB91: and Ta!!!!
Ta21l: hey Binx
Beysshoes: binkyboo
Ta21l: I know, I'm building the ark
Beysshoes: ta os BACL!
Beysshoes: back
BinxB91: and DinosaurVagina!
Beysshoes: is
Ta21l: yeah...the day shift got boring
KissMyAsterix: I like bacl
Beysshoes: i'm overly excited
Beysshoes: lolgina
Ta21l: you can be sexy Bacl...lol

Summer Cuisine:
Catpower777: I wish i had a banana laffy taffy
Jam7604801: ---- eating orange serbert push-up

Saving Food:
AmberDevilRay8: I found a Now & Later.
AmberDevilRay8: Cherry.
zomcom81: lol, where do you find a thing like that amber?
AmberDevilRay8: Stuck to my leg.
BinxB91: Now & Later is a soap opera?
AmberDevilRay8: Nope. Candy.
AmberDevilRay8: It was actually in the jar of pens and pencils.
zomcom81: that's a lot less disgusting
AmberDevilRay8: The leg thing...
zomcom81: mhmm
AmberDevilRay8: ...that's where I find money.

Gonna party like it's 1956:
AmberDevilRay8: Why do they still sell Coke in glass bottles?
AmberDevilRay8: Is it so people can be all
"Oooh, this is just like 1956!" ::glug glug::
zomcom81: do they? i thought that was just in mexico?
AmberDevilRay8: They do here.

The Girls:
Catpower777: Ana - effin- is !!!
Beysshoes: we have miiiiissed you!!!
Anais3233: hello
Anais3233: whores
Catpower777: that ho's to you
Beysshoes: da dum dum

"get it for me":
Beysshoes: binxox! augusten has released a new book
Beysshoes: pulease get it for me please!!!
Catpower777: bey, I saw no evidence of that
BinxB91: augusten has written too many books
Beysshoes: cat its on his blog. what are you jigahos doing here?
IonDeSparrow: augusten??
IonDeSparrow: what does he/she write?
BinxB91: Ion, Burroughs writes about his extremely dysfunctional
childhhod
Catpower777: not just that Binx
Catpower777: he also writes about his dysfunctional adulthood, too
Beysshoes: he's a comedic genius sparrow. kinda like our onion
Beysshoes: but better of course

I need your "stfu"s:
IonDeSparrow: I'd rather do a memoir of my work with DD adults
IonDeSparrow: but I'm not energetic enough
Beysshoes: you doing a book on this chatroom peeps sparrow?
IonDeSparrow: hmmm a book on the shelf--it just might work
Beysshoes: kitkat, say something to help sparrow huney
Beysshoes: you are really lax on your 'stfu's today cat
Catpower777: stfu
Catpower777: twice

What are you reading?:
BinxB91: The Great Man - Kate Christensen
Beysshoes: your third christensen?
BinxB91: my fourth!!!

Hadachoke: Binx has discovered religion
Beysshoes: why do you love her so much binx?
Catpower777: Bey, she's HOT
BinxB91: She includes a small discription of lesbian sex
in a parathesis
Beysshoes: oic that makes sense. binx da jigaho
BinxB91: and i thought, "gee, does that work?"
BinxB91: I need a woman to practice on
Beysshoes: wow binx. smooth.

[My mother jumped in: "Does anyone have any idea how high
the adult illiteracy rate in this country is?" I doubted
she herself knew. Like me, my mother didn't learn facts or
acquire knowledge; instead she had feelings ---
insecurity about not being knowledgeable, for example.
She looked around the table; none of us knew how high the
adult illiteracy rate was.
She said, "Seventeen percent."
I thought, Eighty-five percent of statistics are made up on
the spot.]

Idle Thoughts:
VioletDeliriums: i'll bet if you put "pretty vacant" in a
google search you will find something
Hadachoke: LeslieHapabasketcase
Beysshoes: we're lazy that way violet. we'll just sit here for
months until you tell us.

Gotta Problem? Call the Catholics:
Pheziwig: Have you guys heard much about a little problem we've
been having at a local cemetery?
Catpower777: I saw something about bones protruding?
Beysshoes: oh the grave diggers fezz?
Pheziwig: That's less than two miles from where I live
Pheziwig: It's a fraking circus over there
Catpower777: you have zombies in the 'hood?
Beysshoes: fezz? did you lose your job and get mixed up with
the wrong crowd again?
Pheziwig: Beys, stop sucking pencils
Pheziwig: I don't know how they are going to figure that ouy
Pheziwig: they called in the catholics to take care of the
cemetery
Beysshoes: sprinkle holy water fezz?

[After she told me about losing her virginity to a Swiss ski
instructor, she looked over to me. I knew she she was waiting
for me to tell her my story, and it occurred to me to make
one up. Instead, I admitted that I had never skied.]

Feel the Love:
Rafo65: Cordial! My fave roomie of all time! yaay!
CordialCactus: hi rafo...how are ya?
Beysshoes: wow. is rafo one o' yoh chillens candy?

Onion Through the Looking Glass:
PatientOnionSF: i took a cable car to a safeway and had my
gift card, so i could buy three packs, i forgot i had it and
already started having dreams about finding $20 bills and
running to the crack house
Rafo65: The Onion's back, and you're gonna be in trouble..
Hey now, Hey now, the Onion's back
PatientOnionSF: or i have a dream that right under the bed is
a rock, i wake up, get my crack pipe, and no rock, it was just
a dream, but the dream of an addict in heat is very real.
Beysshoes: onion, i found some high end smokes in my china
stash. i'll send them off okay?
PatientOnionSF: bey, just cigs, i haven't touched the other
stuff since nam
KissMyAsterix: nam lol

Butterflies Are Free:
Rafo65: Patient.. you are not exactly sober at the moment, are you?
PatientOnionSF: rafo, i haven't touched a drop since 1974 moscow
when i was in an orgy with gay balerina dudes
Beysshoes: Rafo, sadly, onion is sober.
PatientOnionSF: i haven't taken a cable car to the end in years,
all the hot tourist guys from euro land
PatientOnionSF: i had my bus pass so it was free
Beysshoes: onion its Friday. you're not allowed to do reruns of
bragging on your bus pass and food stamps

Taking Onion Seriosly:
PatientOnionSF: ask Bobo, her dad was in \our unit
PatientOnionSF: ask thor, he was there in nam with us
PatientOnionSF: thor, remember jam's daddy in our unit?
Pheziwig: guess not
Bobophet1: Patient? My dad was in what unit?
PatientOnionSF: in nam bobo
Bobophet1: Pateint, my Dad isn't an American, and never lived in
this country or Viet Nam.

[She's always trying to fatten me up ---she feeds me constantly.
The rest of the family talks about sports and God and politics,
and Carlene floats above it all like an angel --- and she's
helping with prayer. She really knows how to pray --- and it's
very cool to be able to pray without someone in your family
coming into the room and (a)passing wind and (b)shouting (c)
analysing the 'phoney metaphysics' of prayer (d)singing loudly
(e)laughing]

Amber Wronged:
AmberDevilRay8: This box of cereal has blueberries in the picture.
AmberDevilRay8: But, alas, there are no blueberries in the cereal.
AmberDevilRay8: I feel wronged!

The Godwit Saga:
Beysshoes: so did godwit. he's oncewasabird or something
KissMyAsterix: oh yeah, he said he got tossed by 'queers' or
something like that
Ta21l: really? Godwit?
KissMyAsterix: shocking, since he was so pc
KissMyAsterix: but after they stole his dignity
Ta21l: man I've missed a lot
Catpower777: of COURSE that's what happened
KissMyAsterix: I guess he had nothing to lose
Catpower777: It couldn't be that he said anything offensive
KissMyAsterix: he probably got shitty when they wouldn't meet
him in the park
Beysshoes: omg i wonder if it was ms vicky who reported him. loL
KissMyAsterix: I don't think it was here beys
Beysshoes: some other chat room lets godwit in?

All Girl Group - The One Name Onlys:
Alansueton: goodnight folks "He stopped loving AOL today!
Alansueton: He put a wreath upon his mouse
Alansueton: and then he carried his laptop away
Alansueton: He stopped loving AOL today
Beysshoes: yah bye already
Ta21l: lol...ok, so that was Para?
KissMyAsterix: bey's is throwing dirt on him already
Catpower777: oh yeah
Catpower777: Ta, can you believe Para was tos'd and had to come
up with a new name?
Ta21l: ok, that's it...I'm now forming a club ... "One Name Only"
Catpower777: shocking, isn't it

More Like a Lay-Up:
Tom Brite: Ta, have you a large member?
Ta21l: yes, but he's working now
Tom Brite: lol
Beysshoes: dingdingding 50 points

Soft Core IS a present:
Beysshoes: binx please get me augusten's 'sellavision' okay?
BinxB91: when I fetched it for him and was checking him and
his wife out at the register, his wife teased him about his
mumbling
BinxB91: as he massaged her shoulders seemingly trying to get
her to stop
Beysshoes: wow
Beysshoes: that's like soft porn.
BinxB91: Beysshoes, I'll have to choose between presents for
you and shoes
Beysshoes: okay. just present without the S so one book and
shoes you punk
Beysshoes: sellavision
Beysshoes: its old. you can prolly get a deal.
BinxB91: sometimes couples in love are soft porn ... the woman
kissed her boy friend's bicep two times while he was talking
with me and exchanging money and such
Beysshoes: see what you have done? you're embarrassing peeps
with your cheapness convo here
BinxB91: ... like she couldn't go with out tasting him longer
than 5 minutes
BinxB91: Beys, I am always thinking of stuff you would like
Beysshoes: liar

Artsy-Fartsy:
BinxB91: the idea of giving pleasure as pleasurable
AmberDevilRay8: Is it one of those artsy-fartsy naked people movies?
BinxB91: artsy-fartsy usually means there's too much talking
BinxB91: In this case there's a lot of talking but the characters
are too stupid to say anything deep
Alansueton: Fidelity infidelity choices
Beysshoes: oh binx, you didn't say you were acting in it.
i'll rent it then.
BinxB91: LOL Beys
Alansueton: Binx are you a man?
Alansueton: you laughed at that lame insult?
BinxB91: Binx is a man. Green eggs and ham.
BinxB91: Alan, inside joke
Beysshoes: well, unless that nekkid photo he sent me was fake,
he's a man.

Feel the Love:
Forkrerereredux: beys, i hate you so much
Beysshoes: callate la boca y'tu cavrone chinga tu madre fork

Feign the Love:
KissMyAsterix: go on hada, say it.. I'll feign surprise

Gina Takes a Pass:
Catpower777: Obsession by Gloria Vanderbilt
Catpower777: it was supposed to be erotica
KissMyAsterix: I thought obsession was by calvin klein
Hadachoke: aka clit lit
BinxB91: Anderson Cooper's mom?
Catpower777: yes
KissMyAsterix: I don't know, someone who produced anderson cooper
KissMyAsterix: should they be writing erotica
KissMyAsterix: I feel a little soiled after thinking abou that
BinxB91: Imagine your mom writing erotica
KissMyAsterix: nah I'm gonna pass on that
KissMyAsterix: 'and then she ripped open her bodice and made a
peanut butter and jelly sandwich"
KissMyAsterix: see it never ends well

Catpower's Opening Act:
Catpower777: my favorite band name is "Drive By Spankin' "

Steve's Resume:
SteveIzHere8: I build rapport easily.

Binx's Next Girl Friend:
BinxB91: Elizaveta, you're Polish born?
ElizavetaTheRed: Yes Binx
BinxB91: I'm sweating
PatientOnionSF: Binky the slavofile

Eastern European Musings:
ElizavetaTheRed: My mother's first name is Agata
ElizavetaTheRed: She almost named me Agnieszka
KissMyAsterix: were those the names of the munsters
ElizavetaTheRed: My father wanted to name me Elisabeta,
which is the Romanian spelling

AOL Poland Ignore Feature:
ElizavetaTheRed: Go ahead and talk about me, I'll close my eyes

2009-07-16T07:59:00.000-07:00

Just A Water Stop along the Suckathon

Recession Date:
LadyQuasi: We're going to get ready to catch some fireflies.

A Smile:
LadyQuasi: So, Binx, what are you wearing?

My Immortal:
Summers Eve L: Shake it off, Encyclopedia. Shake it off. My work
is a suckathon as well.

Would You Smile If He Said There Was One:
Beysshoes: onion made me cry last night saying my life had no purpose

Hawaiian King Crab:
CordialCactus: i went shopping for swim suits today
NoraMcKee525: were you sober?
Beysshoes: candy i hope you didn't catch any crabs
NoraMcKee525: ewww beys
CordialCactus: oh beys.. you are always worried about crabs

Our Beysshoes - Slow But Not Stupid:
CordialCactus: im not all that keen on getting my girly parts
measured and stuff
NoraMcKee525: girl, when it comes to the twins, i DO got money
CordialCactus: lol nora
Beysshoes: nora has twins??? how old?
Beysshoes: oh duhhhhhhhh

BookSlut Evolving:
BinxB91: Yes, Tea-ja. Have you mellowed at all?
tired faucet: No.
tired faucet: I've hardened.
tired faucet: * giggles *
Gleam1946: The Shelf is the proving grounds
Beysshoes: oh faucet ... has life been unkind to you?
Beysshoes: i'm so sorry.
tired faucet: Bey, I mean Circe. Yes, very. Please let me suckle
your breast to make the past year, two an aberration.
Speechless2009: suckle my balls

Literate Ones:
Oldskewl18: SO IF YOUR ALL BOOKS WHAT TYPES ARE YOU?

Round Table Discussion:
BinxB91: No Nick, Gleam makes Goldwater look like Joan Baez
princessslayah42: with flawless fine features
BinxB91: (sorry for the 60s reference)
Nickvanden1: Binx, I used to think Joan was hot during her
Happy Days stuff
BinxB91: Joan Baez was on Happy Days?
Nickvanden1: is Gleam hot and a female Mechanic?
Speechless2009: Binx, I don't get you
Speechless2009: I don't get you at all

Likes His Jokes ... A LOT:
Nickvanden1: << has need of a femal Genius Hottie who likes
traveling and motel living and money
Speechless2009: must be able to spell female, nick?
Speechless2009: you're a dumb dumb lollipop
Nickvanden1: not necessarily Speech , I dont know how to spell so
what does it matter , Im not wanting her to do my short hand for
me /..... lol .. get it .. short hand .. Gfawwww BwahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHhahahahaha

What's Sexy:
mourning bread: Say something witty and charming with just a hint
of sexual innuendo.
CordialCactus: wOOt
princessslayah42: i am smashing my fingers with a hammer

What's Cute:
Catpower777: my 13-year-old told me today she thinks it's "cute"
that I still say record

What's Random:
LadyQuasi: I'm looking for my random thought for the day to post...
any ideas?
BinxB91: hmmm ...
LadyQuasi: like "Do fish get cramps after eating?"
BinxB91: well, I had some thoughts on anger
KissMyAsterix: angry thoughts?
Catpower777: well, that pisses me off, Binx !

DELightful:
BlackHeartedCur: Women have a lower degree of degeneration
BinxB91: just ask Courtney Love
KissMyAsterix: higher degree of desperation
KissMyAsterix: is that what you mean?
Rafo65: Talkin 'bout De-ge ge generation!

Scruples:
Rafo65: My friend once asked why I don't play tennis.
How, I replied, would I ever want to play a game where love
means nothing?

If It Works For You:
Melodramamama22: i wrote a poem yesterday in which the moon was
a fragile skull boiling with dreams
Melodramamama22: that's a bit overwrought isn't it?

"so I undid that bitch's air tank and watched her shrivel":
Jam7604801: binx i can't wait until Survivor MOON

Your Mom?:
Jam7604801: i write some poetry although not all is good but some
people thinks that the ones i think are bad are actually better

Flip Side of "you had me at hello":
EDruezillaB: i knew you were a liar after one word.

What Are You Wearing?:
PatientOnionSF: a depression era t-shirt and the boxers
of amber's iranian husband

One Natalie's Ex's:
Summers Eve L: "Son what's your name?" "I don't remember."
"Where are you from?" "I don't remember" "Well what DO you
rememeber?" "I. Remember. The Alamo."

Try Turning the Channel On Her:
spanishkid996: mi grandma is boring she doesnt do anything...
EndTheFed09: she may be dead

I Just Look At My Name Tag:
DETRASH: I dont have to think what I am

The Valid Victorians:
DETRASH: lets just say I usually end up teaching the valid victorians
Oncewasbird: What does that mean, Det?
DETRASH: people move thier children for me to teach too weird
Oncewasbird: Hard to believe.
DETRASH: the highest scorer in high school
Hadachoke: 'high scorer' in high school is the guy who gets laid the most...

Godwit, Prospect, and a newbie:
DETRASH: Once I have been asked numerous times to defend my statments
now the other peole envolved in the statements are coming forward and
saying hey I aint no chopped liver
DETRASH: Once conversation different than formal writing
DETRASH: spin yer wheels see where it gets ya
Various704: lala land
Various704: its my spiritual home
Prospect26: Detrash...I have been here for many years.
Various704: consider the lilys of the valley
Prospect26: Once and Gleam...you are new here.
LadyQuasi: Detrash gives teachers a bad name...even if he/she
WASN'T a teacher, but claimed he/she was...
Prospect26: no historyu.
Oncewasbird: Prospect, I am the late Godwit, and so, one who knows you.

Gleam and Godwit:
Gleam1946: to know how to do something that yeilds tangible results
is far superior to "acting"
Oncewasbird: Well, you might not be right, Gleam.
Oncewasbird: I am not sure what you are talking about, Gleam.
Oncewasbird: You said the source was you, Gleam.

Godwit and Trust Issues:
Oncewasbird: Gleam, I don't trust your judgment, after you equated
liberal thought with acceptance of homosexual behavior.

Godwit Experiences Intolerance:
Prospect26: I'm always amazed that people need to change their names.
Oncewasbird: Prospect, I was kicked off AOL by intolerant homosexuals.
That is why I had to change my name.

The Straight Pride Parade:
Gleam1946: To be proud of one's sexuality is tantamount to being a pimp
Gleam1946: who fucken cared? why do you need a parade down fifth Ave?

Captain Kidd? Bluebeard? Jack Sparrow?:
Prospect26: I originally came to Bookshelf to talk about books.
This space has been pirated by ..look at the names.

What About Reading In Bed?:
Gleam1946: Reading is way too much attention unless the author
is present

Putting It In Paula's Thing Is Not For Sissies:
PatientOnionSF: bey i used paula dean's mean chicken machine
last night to make the world's best buttermilk chicken, I won
first prize!
Catpower777: how long did you soak the chicken?
PatientOnionSF: i soak it 8 hours or longer
PatientOnionSF: in buttermilk garlic sour cream and a swirled
mess of sage, salt, dried red chiles & white pepper
Beysshoes: 8 HOURS????
Catpower777: Bey, that's nothing...one chef here soaks it for
24 hours
PatientOnionSF: then i put it in paula's thing, on top of chopped
potatoes, carrots & onions, pour in ALL the buttermilk marinade,
cover it for one hour at 450, take cover off and 45 mins till chicken
is done, and then you have to soak the pan all
Catpower777: was it as tasty as it sounds?
PatientOnionSF: the main flavors are white pepper & sage
PatientOnionSF: so it's not for sissies

What Paula is Afraid To Say:
PatientOnionSF: 50% of the potatoes get burnt to a crisp, they are
just there to keep the chicken from getting burnt, they sacrifice
their spud souls for the chicken

Onion Loves Beysshoes:
PatientOnionSF: white rice is bad, that's why bey couldn't get married
Beysshoes: stfu stoopids
PatientOnionSF: her dowry had 3 tons of white rice
PatientOnionSF: and her fiances wanted brown
Beysshoes: i love jasmine rice. i confess
PatientOnionSF: you can buy brown jasmine rice, white rice is brown
rice that has been ********

La La La La La Land:
PatientOnionSF: I sold my whole wheat twinkies recipe to Hostess
for $4.5 million, now i am looking to buy a wife
Catpower777: everything Onion touches turns to $$$

"lol" after the jokes, thank you:
jknapp689: so what does everyone like to read?
jknapp689: lol
Beysshoes: we're reading augusten
Beysshoes: what else is there???
PatientOnionSF: cookbooks and reagan biographies
PatientOnionSF: the most evil american ever born

As if:
PatientOnionSF: tammy, how was your hot sex date 2nite at the beach?
Alansueton: Tammay?
Tammynet: it was great Onion
PatientOnionSF: i loved your tweets about it, it got me really ****************

Sharing:
Alansueton: I just had an excellent bowel movement
Beysshoes: omg alansue that is bookoo excellente`
Alansueton: it is I feel "light as air"
KissMyAsterix: when don't you feel bouyant alan
KissMyAsterix: what really weighs you down
Alansueton: KMA My feet and some other extremities
KissMyAsterix: want them removed?
Alansueton: no
Various704: like them, dino?
KissMyAsterix: I hate to see you down though
Catpower777: so kind, Dino
Catpower777: offering to separate him from the ballast
KissMyAsterix: well I try

She Once Kissed Harry Chapin:
PatientOnionSF: Beys just got out of the nuthouse, she has
new meds and promises not to take hostages on international
flights ever again
KissMyAsterix: fine, then I'm not flying with beys again

No Top On Her Tease:
Beysshoes: tamela are you cookin' in an IM wid our onion bulb?
Tammynet: nope
Catpower777: aren't we all, Bey?
Beysshoes: liar. you prolly have no top on you tease.
PatientOnionSF: i am always cooking and baking
PatientOnionSF: i don't have time for IMs with regular humans
zomcom81: just the irregular ones?

Knob HillBillies:
Catpower777: you import hillbillies to SF, Onion?
PatientOnionSF: they are everywhere, we have one for governor
PatientOnionSF: my landlady is a chinese hillbilly
PatientOnionSF: my mom is a jewish one
PatientOnionSF: she watches kate plus eight and CRIES!
Catpower777: oh, it's so comforting to know that moms are moms
all over the world

On Michael Jackson's Funeral:
Alansueton: anyone who watched that tasteless spectacle needs to
be taken to a field and shot
Beysshoes: stfu suesue
Alansueton: seriously
PatientOnionSF: alan and me are the hillbilly killers
Beysshoes: MLK's daughter and son spoke.
Catpower777: I wonder if my mom watched any of it
Alansueton: tabloid driven grief?
PatientOnionSF: mlk's daughter is a homophobe
Beysshoes: liar!
Alansueton: yes and they are both criminals and have sued the estate

Raw Meat For the Onion Oven:
MassageGirl82: This is my first day on aol I was wondering if
someone could answer a question for me
KissMyAsterix: the answer is almost always no
zomcom81: sometimes it is 'i don't know'
MassageGirl82: Since I have aol as my internet service provider
do I need to download aim or do I already have it?
PatientOnionSF: massage girl, only i can help you
PatientOnionSF: you need to download it
PatientOnionSF: http://dashboard.aim.com/aim
PatientOnionSF: go there to download it
PatientOnionSF: and then you can instant message everybody
Beysshoes: he means him, naturally
PatientOnionSF: massage doesn't cook or bake

Not Stirred:
PatientOnionSF: brownies isn't food
PatientOnionSF: it's a dessert
PatientOnionSF: you just squeezed them out of a tube
Catpower777: what else would I bother to bake, Onion?
Beysshoes: she made mashed potatos earlier onion
Catpower777: if not something chocolate
Catpower777: no, I actually stirred the batter, Onion
Catpower777: STIRRED
Beysshoes: that deserves a cam session for catpower. HA
zomcom81: indeed, stirring is tough on arms
Catpower777: thank you, Zom
Beysshoes: cat using words like stirred in caps. well, that's
just over the top.
Catpower777: jealous, Bey?
Beysshoes: well cat. look at what you did. onion isn't
talking anymore.
KissMyAsterix: the caps did him in

Quayle Did That:
Catpower777: he's just waiting for someone to mention mashed potatoes
Beysshoes: i thought no E on the potatos kitkat?
Beysshoes: didn't dan quail do that?
zomcom81: no e in potato, e in potatoes
Beysshoes: you sure?
Catpower777: yes
zomcom81: i'm sure
Catpower777: I could make it less stressful Bey and say taters

Peer Review:
JFWaterman: Does Onion have the ability to peer up his own butt-hole?
JFWaterman: Seems so-
Beysshoes: onion is a comedic genius jf
JFWaterman: Indeed, Beys.
KissMyAsterix: do you want to peer up onion's butthole jf?
KissMyAsterix: maybe if you ask him nice
Beysshoes: loL gina you are bad
KissMyAsterix: what
KissMyAsterix: it's a valid inquiry
zomcom81: it's not
KissMyAsterix: is so
KissMyAsterix: he showed an interest
KissMyAsterix: I was merely trying to give him courage to pursue it
JFWaterman: Kiss, Onion likes to show his often enough- can one
help but wonder?
KissMyAsterix: sorry I was trying to use logic, my mistake
KissMyAsterix: I've never once wondered about his butthole
KissMyAsterix: but I get your point
Catpower777: sure, sure, Dino

Onion Finds A Friend:
PatientOnionSF: twisty, you need a gf, you can have mine
TwistyDark98037: sorry i only date boys, can i have you instead
PatientOnionSF: yes, i only date boys too
Beysshoes: omg 50 pointer
PatientOnionSF: we are soulmates
Catpower777: speaking of buttholes, what happened to Para?

A Low GPA Date:
PatientOnionSF: and this hot guy with this hot chick was buying her
dinner at whole foods from the deli section, how sleazy
Catpower777: why was that sleazy?
PatientOnionSF: can't he take her to a restaurant?
Catpower777: oh
PatientOnionSF: he proably wants to take her back to his fancy
apartment and boink her, she looked like she had a low GPA
Beysshoes: onion is so old fashioned.
Catpower777: I see your point
Catpower777: lol
Beysshoes: such a gent he is.
Catpower777: low gpa
PatientOnionSF: yeah, like she would be impressed by a whole foods
hummus salad
AmberDevilRay8: I'd be.

You Are What You Eat:
PatientOnionSF: amber, you are 20 times hotter, and you have
a genius GPA, this chick was slut city
PatientOnionSF: 24.5
AmberDevilRay8: Not as impressed though by...say...nachos
from 7-Eleven.
AmberDevilRay8: And a Big Gulp.
PatientOnionSF: most likely the first time she got her food from
anyplace but taco bell
Catpower777: amazing what Onion can glean in a glance

Envious Onion:
PatientOnionSF: i think she was latin with dyed blonde hair
PatientOnionSF: she couldn't anagram or diagram a sentence
like amber can
Beysshoes: wow you have strong feelings about this chick for
just seeing her in whole foods.
Beysshoes: she steal yoh tamale?
Catpower777: it's his old gf, Bey
Catpower777: he forgot to mention that part
PatientOnionSF: and she had this weird cut out top with bingo
exposure, very low class, Saturday night live style
PatientOnionSF: like bey wore on her first date with binky
Catpower777: lol
Beysshoes: oh well that splains it. shut up you assful
Beysshoes: you laffed too loud cat
Catpower777: I'm going to wake up people here laughing
Catpower777: jinx

Imitation British:
JFWaterman: I'm going to have to whack this cricket.
Catpower777: I've never heard it phrased that way, JF
JFWaterman: The cats won't even get near it.
Beysshoes: no jf. take it outside!

Nevermind the Forecast:
Tammynet: lightening just happened

If You Had Sex For the First Time, Would
you Immediately IM Onion About It:
PatientOnionSF: tammy, apocalpyse is around the corner, thank
god you lost your virginity tonight on the beach

Actually, this is kinda true:
PatientOnionSF: back in the manson days, BEFORE REAGANITE FASCISTS
TOOK OVER, TIME mag had a piece on the manson clan with TOPLESS photos
of the manson chicks

Batter Up:
Beysshoes: doom onion's been waiting for you
DoomGrl: whats onion want?
PatientOnionSF: doom girl, i want the truth
zomcom81: he wants pictures of you stirring batter
PatientOnionSF: once an for all
PatientOnionSF: buttermilk pancake batter
DoomGrl: like for waffles
PatientOnionSF: where are they?
PatientOnionSF: oui, Sunday brunch is just hours away
PatientOnionSF: are you ready?
PatientOnionSF: a chain of denver omelette breakfast huts

Chasing His Tail:
PatientOnionSF: bey, you are always out of touch with reality
for some reason, you gossip monger you
PatientOnionSF: bey makes up chatters, she is easily confused
Beysshoes: gossip monger? que? what are you talking about you assful.
PatientOnionSF: doom, bey is older than your grandmother
Beysshoes: you lying punkass
Beysshoes:
DoomGrl: he just likes other people better than me now
PatientOnionSF: she has surly gray hair
Beysshoes: why do you think he doesn't like you then?
(STFU you mentalcake)
PatientOnionSF: jones just needs new toys, he is easily distracted by
shiny objects
Beysshoes: you're projecting on that one you stoopid ass

[...while most of my junior high school classmates began asserting
themselves through academics, sports or troublemaking, I decided
to follow in the footsteps of the ancient masters, whose
knowledge was described in the fifth century B.C. classic
Tao Te Ching as:
... unfathomable
Because it is unfathomable,
All we can do is describe their appearance.
Watchful like men crossing a winter stream.
Alert, like men aware of danger.
Courteous, like visiting guests.
Yielding, like ice about to melt.
Simple, like uncarved blocks of wood.
Hollow, like caves.
Opaque, like muddy pools.
When I read this passage aloud to my father to acquaint
him with my new philosphy, he didn't respond immediately.
He pushed his coffee cup across the kitchen table, first
to the left, then to the right, then tried to center it
in front of him. When he did this it usually meant he was
about to deliver a sobering lecture. I steeled myself for
his gentle but devestating rational critique of the
unfathomable of old, but it never came. He found a satis-
factory place for the cup, nodded in a way I knew meant he
wasn't enthusiastic but wasn't going to rain on my parade
either, then said, "My son, the block of wood. Let me
know if it works."]

Indiana Wants You:
Anais3233: indianapolis is truly the asshole of the universe
Alansueton: Anais you ever been to Terre Haute?
PatientOnionSF: there is a big statue of alan in TH
Anais3233: yes
PatientOnionSF: he is the poet laureate of TH
Alansueton: Terre Haute smells like a
Anais3233: i've never stopped there
PatientOnionSF: they made his childhood home into a museum
Anais3233: i've been to the state park just south of there.
Alansueton: yeah on 41
Anais3233: i HATE hwy 41
Anais3233: that is the LONGEST drive from evansville to chicago
Alansueton: yes it is
Alansueton: Evansville isn't too attractive either
Anais3233: i like rivertowns
Alansueton: anais you ever had to go to Mooresville?
Anais3233: but no, it's not a purty place
Anais3233: no, i haven't
Alansueton: Mooresville is known in Indiana because it has an
entire Hospital devoted to people with Butt Problems and lower
intestinal tract issues
Alansueton: so if someone is "going to Mooresville" it means
"elbows deep in the ass"
PatientOnionSF: which is 97.5% from frozen corporate processed tv dinners
Anais3233: part of my family moved to evansville, and i moved with them.
Alansueton: it cares for such problems the Hospital does
known and specializes world class
PatientOnionSF: of all the states, Indiana has the highest
consumption level of TV dinners: 92.4%
Anais3233: i didn't know that

Baking Up With Facts:
Alansueton: My cousing Junior had real bad Hemorrhoids I had to
drive him there for surgery
Alansueton: he was embarrassed
Anais3233: i think you're making this up
Alansueton: I am not
Anais3233: junior?
Alansueton: yes he's named after his father Marvin we always
called him Junior

Edie Unamused:
EDruezillaB: poor poor alan with no facts and his pants down

The Telephone Book Is Thick Too:
ThaliaAnna: Reading the pillers of the earth ( its a thick book)

You Had Us At "yo":
Firecrotch5959: yo yo yo

Anais' Kids:
HelenaHandbagg: i'm making the kids do the dishes.
they are laughing way too muchHelena
Handbagg: they're probably pooping in my coffee cup

Anais and the Good German:
HelenaHandbagg: but i can't talk, i have a super large bushfro.
HelenaHandbagg: looks like i'm smuggling the sugarhill gang into
the pool
ThaliaAnna: Watch your language, I´m trying to practice my English
in here
ThaliaAnna: I dont want to learn any nasty words

Rono Screening Imposters:
PatientOnionSF: Thalia, what is your native language?
ThaliaAnna: Patient I told you before, my native language is German
Niontron9: thalia, what is gymnasium
Niontron9: thalia, what is a gymnasium, in german
Alansueton: school
Niontron9: alan, you fool
Niontron9: I was testing her

The Berlin Wall and Transformers:
Niontron9: Ich denke, dass Deutsch eine sehr gute Nation ist.
...but der Brechen der Berliner Mauer war ein trauriges Ding. ..
I Wunsch, der sie zusammen bleiben würden
Niontron9: thalia, what did I say
ThaliaAnna: Niotron on the contrary, it was the greatest thing
that happened, that the Berlin wall was torn down
Niontron9: thalia, I don't think so...
Niontron9: what people believe might be what they want people to
believe
ThaliaAnna: it ment the reunification of Germans in East and West,
it ment freedom for the peopel in Eastern Germany
ThaliaAnna: Niontron, why not?
ThaliaAnna: East Berlin was a communist country, people wanted out
and they made it
Niontron9: i want to watch, the trANSFORMERS MOVIE
Niontron9: the new one..

Hadachoke's Joke:
Hadachoke: NPR interviewd a member of the Dutch air force recently..
He said "I was flying along and three fokkers jumped me" The NPR
lady said "I should explain to the radio audience that FOKKER was
a German Fighter aircraft" Then the dutch
Hadachoke: guy said Ja, but dem fokkers was Mezzerschmidts"

Punk Magnet:
PatientOnionSF: Melo, why all of a sudden does america DESPERATELY
NEED "QUALIFIED" PEOPLE TO FILL THE JOBS, CUZ YOU THINK YOU MIGHT
NOT GET IT? that 's the reason why
PatientOnionSF: admit it punk
BinxB91: Onion called melo a punk??? lol
Melodramamama22: onion, i don't need a job, i already have one
PatientOnionSF: an intellectual punk, pea-brain, hillbilly
Melodramamama22: if i'm not mistaken, an UNEMPLOYED punk!
Melodramamama22: onion, heh
Melodramamama22: yer getting worked up, baby
Catpower777: hey Tammy
KissMyAsterix: hey tammy
Tammynet: Hi Cat
KissMyAsterix: mention punks and in comes tammy

Deep Thoughts:
Kgbirdpaul: chat rooms are safe havens for the terminally annoying

On Cue:
Niontron9: apparently, ding means thing

2009-06-27T21:44:00.000-07:00

HEY!!! Many of the Shelfers believed missing have
since made appearances!!
Beysshoes wrote this past week to say:
"I have Nora in an IM box" Given Beys' past,
I was expecting the next line to be a ransom
demand.
Bookslut has a new screen name with only an
oblique rference to sex. Good to see all
that literature has had an effect on her.
Godwit has new screen name but I can't remember
what it is.
Good to see that neither Onion nor David have
modified their screen names recently. Perhaps
budget cuts have reached the witness protection
program.
Someone claimed to have spotted CreepyLoner under
a new screen name. Like UFO sightings though, the
sighting was somewhat dubious.

Onion's Band:
Catpower777: does anyone in here have a yamaha keyboard?
PatientOnionSF: i have a dell keyboard i use for my band,
THE TYPISTS
PatientOnionSF: office waiting room muzak

Quest:
Greeneyecat10: i come here like al the time just to see if
this persom i met is here

"thought she was moisturizing":
Roojerz: The coolest ppl hang out in book shelf, to be sure
PatientOnionSF: roger, then why are you here? we are famous
authors, you are not
Roojerz: oh, someone was talking about that earlier, i thought
she was moisturizing

The Price of Fun:
Kgbirdpaul: I had fun for 5 days, then I spent 3 days in bed

Go Gentile Through the Night:
BobsurAuntTom: NonYids learn how to at least immitate a Jew
when they're in New York.

Catching the Prospect Disease:
Niontron9: I was just checking, if you guys were awake and
noticed that I said hello to a person
Niontron9: who was not here

Why Julie Avoids Office Romances:
oooolijay: it's 9:30 on sunday night. what a sad time
SteveIzHere8: you're sad?
oooolijay: i have to work in the morning
SteveIzHere8: start having sex with upper management
SteveIzHere8: and your job will become easy and fun
oooolijay: upper management is an old guy on a scooter and his
two crazy daughters

[It was sundown in Ohio and Sister Anne Aurora was doing a
special walk around her prayer circle. She didn't do it
everyday. Just when the spirit moved her. She would try to
recite the names of all the people she was praying for in
one very slow revolution, then say them one at a time for
twelve revolutions apiece. Frederick Sydney Harwood of
Berkely, California, I send you my energy and my love, I send
you stength and wisdom. In the midst of your fear I know joy
can grow and flourish. Joy can rise up from fear and overcome
it. Joy is in every atom of creation. It is life. It is
wisdom. Let it in. It wants to be with you. Strength
guards you. Strength heals you. You are not alone. You
are going to make it.
I might start writing down some of my prayers, Sister Anne
decided, stopping at the top of a prayer circle to look down
at the row of crosses, then up into the beautiful skies of
subdown. Some of them are pretty good.]

What Are You Wearing?
Roojerz: a band aid

Evie and the Boys:
KissMyAsterix: Evie!
BlackHeartedCur: Oh look the hot lesbian is back
Sleepy Eyed Evie: thanks?
BlackHeartedCur: AlanSueton put me up to that

BookSlut and the Boys:
tired faucet: My current project? To reduce writing to a seaman's
language. Short, without any unnecessary phrase.
mourning bread: tired faucet is doing what Hemingway perfected.
Speechless2009: you know all about the language of seaman, huh tired?
tired faucet: Laughing, Speechless.
tired faucet: You fuck

Gina Being Discreet:
KissMyAsterix: I met optimus prime today
KissMyAsterix: at bigboy
Forkrerereredux: really?
KissMyAsterix: yes
Forkrerereredux: that makes fork jealous
princessslayah42: wow, was he sexy miss asterix?
KissMyAsterix: sorry, he was quite nice
Roojerz: bigboy is what they call the buxom singles chat
KissMyAsterix: not as sexy as wolverine
Forkrerereredux: did you make out?
KissMyAsterix: no he was surrounded by kids
KissMyAsterix: passing out balloons
KissMyAsterix: but if it's any consolation, he was shorter
than I expected
zomcom81: making out would have been inappropriate
KissMyAsterix: especially near the salad bar zom

Reason to Go On Living:
Tom Brite: larry king is having a jonas brothers special

Sign of the Apocalypse:
Bidet Luv: i have busted out laughing several times, and
i never do that

Unclear on the Concept:
GelasiusIII: so... the whole "Book Shelf" thing, that's just never
acknowleged? lol

In the Nile:
KimberlysCabin09: ha ha im not a bot

Extemes Meet:
JLBorges912: i was drunk and/or high every day in high school
SteveIzHere8: now look at you
SteveIzHere8: you're in a chat room
princessslayah42: i tripped on acid at my prom
JLBorges912: everyone is shocked i am still alive
Alansueton: Jose I know I am
JLBorges912: much less have a hot wife and a cool car, etc.
Madam Mimi: Now look at you.......you're here with me who Never
smoked or drank.....AND graduated yr and a half before my class

[That night Mitzi Ozburt dressed in her most conservative navy
blue pleated skirt and a blue cashmere sweater with a white
collar and cuffs. She looked like a Catholic schoolgirl when
Donovan came to pick her up. She had intended to show him what
a good girl she was, but of course the sexiest thing in the world
to a Catholic man is a woman dressed in something that looks like
a school uniform. If her slip had been showing a little bit or
she had worn saddle oxfords, it might have taken less than an
hour for them to get into Mitzi's cherry four-poster bed, but
as it was they had a glass of wine and talked about feeling
guilty for a while before they made love, and vowed devotion,
and said will you marry me, and this is crazy, no it's not,
you're right, it's not, and do you want some babies, I do,
I do too.
"God forgives everything and we are not sinners," Mitzi said.
"Those old guys who want to keep people from being happy are
the sinners."
"We will live lives that are good," he said.
"And live right now," she answered. "My client, Sui Wong, is
a physicist and she says living in the present is the most
spiritual and Zen thing anyone can do. It teaches other
people to do the same, and if you can teach that to suicide
bombers they wouldn't blow themseves up."
"Amen to that."
"I am really hungry," Mitzi said. "I'd like to go somewhere
and get something to eat, and I mean fast. I haven't eaten
in days, it seems like. Could we go to a fast-food place and
get something if you don't mind?"
"We can do whatever you want."
"Come on. Get dressed. I'll show the real me."
On their way out of the house, Mitzi stopped and picked up a
handful of crackers and ate them on the way to the car.
Fifteen minutes later they were at Arby's Drive-Thru window
collecting roast beef sandwiches and Jamocha milkshakes.
They sat in the car and ate their dinners, and Donovan decided
it was like coming back from a trip to Antarctica and finding
himself in heaven instead.]

Which One of these 5 people is an imposter?:

Tom Brite: i like to watch masturbation but i feel guilty
Bidet Luv: people cannot believe i was and am a good girl
princessslayah42: i want a leg gun
JLBorges912: i like shaving my genitals
Madam Mimi: Do you guys watch Rachel Ray?

David Finds His Limits:
Alansueton: Typographically I can't do accents or the
little housetops

BabyBoomers vs Xers:
AmberDevilRay8: Long live the great baby boomers.
AmberDevilRay8: FOr giving us Vietnam and disco.
FoodSIut2: that's right i forgot 911 and hannah montana are so
much better
FoodSIut2: i am jealous
AmberDevilRay8: Don't look at me!

David Unleashed:
BinxB91: Life, name a favorite book of late
HisUnwantedLife: Jude the Obscure
Tj34: pretty good, life
Alansueton: Teej Ive had a craze for reading Plutarch lately
I started with his Moralia(Moral Essays) and now Im on to his
Lives
Alansueton: great stuff great revisit!
Tj34: i read him way long ago alan
Alansueton: Plutarch rocks
Tj34: yes, and you can't skim with him
Alansueton: seriously the fucker is like Filet Mignon steak
cooked perfctly

David's Jail House Rumination:
Alansueton: I was in jail once and the guy in the bunk next to me
(overcrowded I was on a mat on the floor) was reading the Modern
Library edition of Flaubert's "Madame Bovary"
Alansueton: it made the jail disappear we talked about Charles
Bovary and the first time he meets Emma sets her father's broken
leg
Alansueton: the scene painting it was cool

Pickled:
Niontron9: I am in a dillemma

We'll Have Intelligent Chat Later:

LadyQuasi: All that talk made me hungry.

EmpressZ21: my nieghbor called and i threw out my frozen
snickers bar dammit

LadyQuasi: My dog thinks he's a goat.

EmpressZ21: my dog ate my chair

EmpressZ21: colbert's shaved head makes his ear more sticky outty

Kan wa ma kan: can i tell y'all how excited i am about the new
smiley face bags

Anti-Immigrant:
oooolijay: i hate when al is full

New Discovery:
Kgbirdpaul: the bible has some nice prose poetry

The Anti-Panty:
CordialCactus: purchased! successful swim suit shopping
CordialCactus: and shorts and shirts and sunglasses and bras
CordialCactus: first time ive shopped just for me in FOREVER
NoraMcKee525: are you expecting the pool boy?
CordialCactus: tankinis
SteveIzHere8: I need you.
Beysshoes: cute candy
CordialCactus: almost a one piece but not
NoraMcKee525: tankinis are so CUTE
CordialCactus: its fun to say, too
CordialCactus: tankini

oooolijay absent, Gleam gets his pundit on:
Gleam1946: Dems spend money to investigate the most obscure
iterations of behaviour. It's a sickness

Super Hero:
CordialCactus: omgosh.. i rescued my neighbors cat from the
leash law police

But everything you say sounds weird:
Niontron9: as weird as it sounds, einstein is the one who made
the atomic bomb

Friday Night Fights:
LadyQuasi: Both cats ran off...there is some blood and hair on
the deck.
LadyQuasi: Hubby is cleaning up the mess.
CordialCactus: ladyQ .. big yikes

They're Out There:
Gleam1946: Emmeit Till should have not insulted a white chick

Solipism
Gleam1946: If we cant see it is not real

Gleam's Fellow Traveller:
Speechless2009: you know the french are notorious for being
cowardly homosexuals?

"please do not post me""
NOTNycgirl: its not anethma its anathema
BinxB91: oh oh, NYCgirl is back!!!
NOTNycgirl: no
NOTNycgirl: please binx do not post me
I2DaysInNovember: national anthema

Yes, it's "y":
Katie Ann 010101: upgrading spell-checker

Flip Side of Billie Jean:
Gleam1946: Listen to some M.J. Lyrics and you will learn gems
like "JEW-SUE"

New Sandwich From Sonic:
I2DaysInNovember: I had a huge epiphany today it was awesome

Liberal Bias Joke:
I2DaysInNovember: quick someone say something really stupid
NoraMcKee525: fox news

Why Her Therapist Nods Off:
princessslayah42: i had a dream about apple jacks

Truth in Sales:
I2DaysInNovember: there were two kids that rang our doorbell
earlier this evening. they were selling candybars for a dollar
each. Marie and I bought five
I2DaysInNovember: as we were picking them out they said that
we should put them in the freezer becasue they had melted

What a Fool Believes:
BinxB91: Elizabeth Taylor must have thought she had to marry man
in order to have sex with him
oooolijay: i'm glad i never believed that

2009-06-11T19:23:00.000-07:00

Theories on Absent Shelfers

CreepyLoner - has become a TA for her Milton professor
(TA means teaching assistant)

CordialCactus - has a summer job driving a Good Humor truck

Beysshoes - detained in Japan after she lost her passport

NoraMcKee - named interim principal of her school, trying
to figure ways to stop co-workers giggling during staff
meetings

Godwit - stalking Terri Gross

Bidet - taking a Dale Carnegie course

Ta21 - switched to days

IsSheWeird55(Hillary) - became less weird

Anais - never mix banana bread and margaritas

Sleepyeyed Evie - out in the desert

oooolijay - had a ... (oops she's back)

What a Concept!:
Asia7384: this core group could make the Book Shelf cool
again. For a small fee I could compile cool things you
guys say and distribute them across the web as a sort of
chat pheremone

No Strings:
PrincessSlayah42: wearing a bean bikini

Steve Alone:
SteveIzHere8: I miss the fat mexican girl who used to be
friendly with me at the taco bell drive thru in Seattle.
SteveIzHere8: she made good quesadillas with chicken
or steak

That Fold-outs Can Be Held Up With One Hand:
Niontron9: took me three months to figure out one simple thing

Innovative Picking:
Niontron9: i think it is easier for my mouth to reach the
fruits when it is upside down...don't have waste time tearing
it from the plants

Princess through the Looking Glass:
KD81785: Princess, what is your favorite book?
PrincessSlayah42: the SAS survival handbook
KD81785: What is SAS?
PrincessSlayah42: special air service
KD81785: England has an air force?
PrincessSlayah42: it's england's equivalent of the Special Services
style10star: oh James Bond
PrincessSlayah42: special forces
KD81785: They changed the letters after James Bond spilled the beans
PrincessSlayah42: i am wearing a bikini made from beans

Declaration:
style10star: I hate brussel sprouts.
PrincessSlayah42: I like Binx

[ ... he met another girl. This time he determined that Cait would
never know, and the new girl would never see Cait. But this new
girl, a gypsy dressed as a real estate agent, alarmingly intuitive
and proud of it, just kept guessing correctly. She was drawn to the
gaps in his stories like cigarette smoke sliding between the fibers
of his gig shirts, and as soon as her glance caressed a weak joint,
his life cracked and tender secrets spilled out. "My man is a mean
man," she purred when she left him for the last time.]

Maria Muldaur Uncovered:
style10star: send your camels to bed
style10star: midnight at the oasis
style10star: that was a great song
Tom Brite: that never made sense

Onion Getting Binx's Goats:
BinxB91: Onion's counselor is trying to find him a job but so far
he can't help annoying his way out of every interview
oooolijay: i would hire onion
BinxB91: hire Onion? as what?
FSCETT: binky, what if she never comes back, what will you do?
BinxB91: find someone else
FSCETT: cook/pitbull security
EmpressZ21: who is she
BinxB91: security against pit bulls?
FSCETT: oui
BinxB91: probably Beysshoes
FSCETT: she's a pit bull?
oooolijay: beysshoes as what?
oooolijay: pitbull or security
oooolijay: or both
FSCETT: cuisine
BinxB91: as the woman who is away
FSCETT: she has a dark miso taste
oooolijay: asian fusion
oooolijay: you're going to hire her as the woman who is away

What Would Make you Gay:
FSCETT: now binky is gay
BinxB91: how could I be gay?
oooolijay: you could have anal sex
oooolijay: that could be pretty gay

Julie Getting Close:
oooolijay: i saw a guy with a man camel toe at the beach once
oooolijay: i tried to get a picture, but couldn't get close enough

Julie Fan Letter:
oooolijay: i'm good, and just waiting for everyone to show up
oooolijay: this room died
Alansueton: Oooli!
Godofodd2: yes, the book shelf is less than a shadow of its robust self
Alansueton: the CD I sent was botched my assistant sent out a new
one yesterday
oooolijay: i got the message
oooolijay: believe it or not i listened to my messages
Alansueton: I only sent 200 messages
Alansueton: just 200
oooolijay: well, i got one
Godofodd2: someone has a crush on someone
Alansueton: God not really I missed Oooli she's da bomb
the shelf and AOL sucks without her

Share Your Joke:
Grisfelt: raptor jesus is come
oooolijay: that's funnier to me than you know gris

Alan Fan Letter:
Alansueton: eh I got range and I love it when people kiss my ass
oooolijay: don't look at me

[He knew some of the dogs by name now, the owners personalities
as well. This evening a young woman who had for some days been
looking miserable complained bitterly that other dogs were taking
her pit bull's squeaky crocodile toy, and when other owners
laughed at her gripe, she sat down and burst into tears. Julian
comforted her, introduced himself, scratched the timid pit under
its chin, fetched its toy for her. "It'll be okay," he said,
probably the right thing to say no matter what was troubling her.]

Same Ole Bidet Entrance:
Bidet Luv: stfu, binx
Bidet Luv: i'm tired of your shit

Apropos of Something:

Grisfelt: I love trees

Alansueton: I am not a huge fan of Jose Luis Borges

oooolijay: i dont like this ad with the talking bikini

oooolijay: i hate motorola

oooolijay: i need to get extensions

Kan wa ma kan: did anyone here ever inhale saltwater taffy

Godofodd2: I got a big vein sticking out of the back of my hand,
I never noticed it before

Say "you're full of ****"
EDruezillaB: what do you say to an ex telling you how wonderful
you are and amazing you are but they aren't going to DO anything
about it

Edie Explained:
EDruezillaB: i need sex.
EDruezillaB: GOOD sex
EDruezillaB: really really dirty sex
EDruezillaB: with someone i love
EDruezillaB: really really really love
JLBorges912: sounds awful

Melo, see above:
Melodramamama22: i tried the responsible adult route and it sucks

Monk's Best Line:
JLBorges912: but i say, 'do you freckle in the summer?'
JLBorges912: and if they do, they are affected deeply by me having
asked that
JLBorges912: and want to fuck me

Said I was full of s***:
EDruezillaB: binx knows how caustic and blunt i can be

Cottage Industry:
PrincessSlayah42: i make my own t-shirts
PrincessSlayah42: they have funny sayings
PrincessSlayah42: my favorite says "talk nerdy to me"

Sure There's Room?:
EmpressZ21: i have to stay past 10 ciz melo is gonna tattoo my
name on her ass if i do

Monk on the Way to Fatherhood:
BinxB91: Monk, how is your wife?
JLBorges912: she's eating way too much fucking pizza
JLBorges912: she's starting to blow up
JLBorges912: other than that, fine, due in september
AngelGardn: JL tell her not to eat the crust
JLBorges912: she starts with the crust, and leaves that last
triangular bite on the plate
JLBorges912: she's a freak
EmpressZ21: oh wow she leaves the best bite?
JLBorges912: empo, i made that up, no one would do that
EmpressZ21: okay phew

Monk Surprised, Steve Hungry:
JLBorges912: but between the baby and the placenta being delivered,
i should have been warned about the gushing torrent of viscous
blood spewing from my wife's gaping vagina
AngelGardn: i want some fried chicken
JLBorges912: that part no one told me about
JLBorges912: i thought she was hemorrhaging or something
AngelGardn: i must be real hungry; i still want some fried chicken

Call Me:
Asia7384: ooool, could I refer to you as 4o to simplify things?
oooolijay: i suppose
oooolijay: but i might not answer

Black Belt Critics:
Asia7384: rumor has it David Carradine was beaten to death by
chinese martial arts secret society film critics

Who Do They Think They Are?:
Niontron9: columnists don't do anything...they just bad mouth
others...it is not fair...

Be Strong Bob:
BobsurAuntTom: It does get tough to read the scroll and not see
a large number of people being complete assholes.

Lisztmania:
Alansueton: Franz Liszt was the Beatles of his age

Prefers Higher Forms of Prostitution:
Alansueton: Ive been published anonymously in various publications
and have 3 books published of poetry and short stories I refuse
to accept money for my writing it would be the lowest form of
prostitution

David Brings That Out in People:
Melodramamama22: that's the word i wanted. disparage.

I am from New Hampshire therefore:
Prospect26: Any Jodi Picoult readers out ther?
Prospect26: there?
BinxB91: Picoultists?
BinxB91: a Picoultist - One who belongs to the cult of Jodi Picoult
MattNashVegas: as opposed to an Anncoultist ha
Prospect26: Bixn...I read Jodi. I am from New Hampshire.

.. and pretending I wrote them:
Prospect26: My Sister's Keeper is coming out shortly in the
movies... I was just entering many passages from the book into
my author's journal.

Binx Saves Jam:
Prospect26: Jam come clean. Are you ladymtnmedic?
Prospect26: I am blown away that all these years I thought I was
talking to ladymtnmedic and it was jam....whoever. Scam
Prospect26: And Lady Mountain Medic for all the grief you gave me
about my daughter? Shame on you.
Prospect26: Fork, Jam, Lady, etc, you obviously get off e-mailing
people under one name and then being someone else.
BobsurAuntTom: There's a whole lotta mindfucking going on.
Prospect26: Jam...so what do you have to say for yourself?
BinxB91: Prospect, Jam is Jam. He's never pretended to be
someone else. Someone is pulling your leg.
Prospect26: Who are you?
Jam7604801: thanks binx
FSCETT: This just in, binky rescues Jam, details at 11

Was Too Medicated to Remember for Sure:
KissMyAsterix: I'm pretty sure aol is free in asylums.

Next Time - the Line Goes in the Water:
Niontron9: I want to take my fishing to the next level

Martha Stewart Living:
PrincessSlayah42: learning how to blow stuff up with ordinary
household products

Socrates Reincarnated:
Prospect26: My #1 book of all time will never be yours. But does
that make one of us better than the other? No, because we both
read.

Christina Aquiliera Never Intended:
Niontron9: I am a genie in a bottle...you gotta rub me the right way

Soup Nazi Fans:
BobsurAuntTom: I think my favorite thing about Seinfeld(that Jew)
is seeing his cordless phone with the really huge antenna.
oooolijay: the way he always pushes the antenna back down
forcefully when he's through with the call
oooolijay: so final

Ask CreepyLoner:
Niontron9: I just not the paranoid kind

We Love You Already:
CLITERATE: Hello
oooolijay: wow, i wish i'd thought of that name
Kan wa ma kan: hiya c literate
Alansueton: CLITERATE! great name!
CLITERATE: It is?
Alansueton: yes
CLITERATE: I had no idea
PrincessSlayah42: wait, someone said that earlier!
PrincessSlayah42: who is cliterate?
BobsurAuntTom: You could always go with IllCliterate... guess.
CLITERATE: brb, I am in the middle of something

Gunther Grass and Godwit - Always Unannounced:
Asia7384: I recall the surprise visit of Gunther Grass in here.
Always recruiting for the Hitler youth

DoomGrl Meets Anne Rice
DoomGrl: when i met anne rice at a book signing she asked me what
was my favorite and i said and she said it was her favorite and it
made me feel so good. I know what you mean BOb
BinxB91: I bet Anne Rice says that to all the girls
BobsurAuntTom: Ann Rice too became converted.
DoomGrl: she signed 3 books for me. i brought a whole shopping
bag full, but then wouldnt let me take them up, but she said it
was fine
DoomGrl: she was willing to sign them all, but i got embarased
FSCETT: embarassed of what?
DoomGrl: her handlers only wanted you to take 2 books
DoomGrl: so i caused a scene, kind of
DoomGrl: cause i had about 20
DoomGrl: yes,it was mobbed
BobsurAuntTom: You caused a scene?
DoomGrl: i guess i cried some

2009-05-28T18:34:00.000-07:00

(sigh)

Reunion:
Catpower777: omg Cactus !
CordialCactus: How are ya?
Catpower777: I'm out of school...woohoo
Catpower777: Cactus how have you been?
CordialCactus: fine as frog hair
KissMyAsterix: frog hair..

Duck:
KapeFeer54: i used to have a button on my jacket that said
"guess how many donuts i can fit on my d**k"
Alansueton: Kape How many?
oooolijay: 3
PrincessSlayah42: not munkins i hope

Julie & DoomGrl as Dance Partners:

oooolijay: i've wet many a wrapper

DoomGrl: i dont think Ooli seems texasey
oooolijay: should i throw in some yeehaws?

DoomGrl: i dont think i ever polkaed

DoomGrl: if you drink vodka real fast it squirts out your nose

oooolijay: i should have been born a princess

Got Steve's Goat:
SteveIzHere8: I was promised if I convert to Islam I can get
70 gorgeous virgins in heaven.
FSCETT: gorgeous virgin GOATS

BookSlut Taken to the Wood Shed:
DoomGrl: i gave bookie a good talking to on saturday

BookShelf 1966:
DoomGrl: we found on line a real real old wiki site that had all
of the old book shelf people and a descriion of them
DoomGrl: pinkvotary, amnon
DoomGrl: it even had Picheesy

[It was one of the biggest scandals of Life, to learn the cruelest
thing someone could say to you was that you were a terrible
kisser.
One would think it would be worse to be a Traitor, Hypocrite,
Bitch, Whore or any other foul person, worse even to be a Way-out-
there, a Welcome Mat, a Was-Girl, a Weasel. I suspect one would
fare better with "bad in bed", because everyone has an off day, a
day when his/her mind hitchhikes on each and every thought that
cruises by, and even champion racehorses such as Couldn't Be
Happier, who won both the Derby and the Preakness in 1971, could
suddenly come in dead last, as he did in the Belmont Stakes. But
to be a terrible kisser --- to be tuna --- was the worst of all,
because it meant you were without passion, well you might as well
be dead.
I walked home (4.1 miles), replaying the humiliating remark again
and again in my head(in slo-mo, so I could mentally draw agonizing
circles around my every instance of fumbling, holding, intentional
grounding and personal foul). In my room, I broke down into one
of those headachy weeps one would think would be reserved for the
death of a family member, for terminal illness, the end of the
world. I cried into my clammy pillowcase for over an hour, the
darkness swelling in the room, the night slinking up and crouching
in the windows. Our house, the elaborate, empty 24 Armor Street,
seemed to wait for me, wait like bats in the darkness, an orchestra
for a conductor, waiting for me to calm myself, to proceed.]

Rono's Haiku:
Niontron9: when the invisible force introduce its agenda, to destroy
people, in the begining it seems innovative that does something good
for the people...that is why the masses without realizing help their
agenda...

Old Man and the Sea:
Niontron9: i caught TWO sun fish today
Niontron9: I took pictures of them and named them

Cranky Steve:
SteveIzHere8: MsVictoriaLynn, we used to get along and be civil
towards each other.
SteveIzHere8: and then I got into an argument with edie and you
had to stick your two cents in
SteveIzHere8: and she has no respect for you either
SteveIzHere8: that's why she laughs when I call you a cross dressing homo
Forkrerereredux: what are you complaining about now, steve?
SteveIzHere8: she laughs at you
SteveIzHere8: that's who you stick up for

Rono's World:
Niontron9: american people are fatter than the rest of the world
(of course than the people who live in that part too)

On Unemployment:
Niontron9: anyways, in my lot, I fired the
Niontron9: person who tried to do voodoo majic on me

Funny Thing:
Niontron9: funny thing happened
Niontron9: it has been so long since I updated my ronorealm site...
now I even forgot the hosting service name

Rono's Case:
Niontron9: one day , when I got a ticket in the subway, for
blocking people while thy were getting up and down, by sitting on
the stair, me and my friend
Niontron9: decided to fight it
Niontron9: and we decided we would tell the court
Niontron9: that there was a white man sitting on the stair too
Niontron9: but the police gave the ticket to the indian man only
Niontron9: this is pure racism
Niontron9: but
Niontron9: that never happened
Anais3233: i wish i had some skittles

Apropos of Nothing:

Melodramamama22: mash is a good and underrated word

PrincessSlayah42: i don't need my thumb to type

Summers Eve L: I can't wait to see the new Terminator movie.

BinxB91: I just like the feeling of being bitten and sucked on

PrincessSlayah42: i love duct tape

AXELvonAUR: now I am myself no despiser of the hearty female stench

Everybody Loves Binx:
TreeSquish: does binx still come in?
PaIeRlDER2: from time to time tree
Beysshoes: yes tree. do you miss him?
TreeSquish: yes, i do miss binx
PaIeRlDER2: tree , if you need a webcam..'partner' i am free
TreeSquish: pale, not that kind of "missing"

Beysshoes and PatientOnion:
FSCETT: fork are you binx?
Beysshoes: homer you know we're talking binky here
Forkrerereredux: i fucked a sheep
Catpower777: the poetry of Fork
TreeSquish: beys, i rarely ever go to that blog
TreeSquish: i can't take it anymore
FSCETT: blog smlog
Beysshoes: why tree? is the old blog any better with emma and co?
FSCETT: read the newspapers online, twitter this
TreeSquish: beys, it's different
TreeSquish: and limited
FSCETT: twitter blogs myspace facebook = ZERO
Beysshoes: those bitties were mean and bitter.
FSCETT: anybody can blog
FSCETT: even bey
Beysshoes: shup homer you assful
FSCETT: if you could really write then somebody would PAY you
TreeSquish: snort
Beysshoes: stfu homer

Melo's Missed man:
Melodramamama22: okay. here is a nice thing then. this man, who's
out of town in the uk?
Melodramamama22: made a pilgrimage to where i used to live, just
because
Summers Eve L: Oh. Very very nice.
Melodramamama22: drove all the hell the way out to the turnip field
Melodramamama22: just to have a scone
Melodramamama22: ya, he is
Summers Eve L: Nice. Very nice.
Melodramamama22: am fairly gobsmacked
Catpower777: so he got there and found you gone?
Melodramamama22: he was there today, in devizes, and i was here
peeling turnips with a peeler i got in devizes
Melodramamama22: weirdness
Summers Eve L: Very romantic in a weird way.
BinxB91: Is weirdness good?
Melodramamama22: good weird is good. bad weird is bad.

Univited baggage:
Catpower777: you know, I think I'm getting some uninvited baggage
on twitter because they think I'm Chan

Gotcha:
Summers Eve L: astigmatisms hahaha

An ear for it:
AnaisNlNja: i just know bs when i hear bs

Anias as Prude:
AXELvonAUR: Anais, don't tell me you are one of those pruding
Euro-leftists.....

The Silly Champ:
AXELvonAUR: Onion has no nuance
MsVictoriaLynn1: Can anyone really be as silly as Onion?
AXELvonAUR: comparing me to him is just stupid and with that sn?

Our Day:
Melodramamama22: its mothers day and we're mothers, so we can do
shit like that

Melo's Golpher:
Yossarian4now: hows my boy doion
Melodramamama22: he's doing good, he got in at 3:30
Yossarian4now: good
Melodramamama22: refused to say one word about what he'd been up to,
other than that they nearly have finished 2 songs
Melodramamama22: jake's going to school in chapel hill, where the
studio is, next fall
Melodramamama22: so he's gonna pitch in and do some gopher stuff and
learn

Best Book Review:
JFWaterman: I'm still looking for 'Finger Pointing Solward',
by Donald Kingsbury.
JFWaterman: Kingsbury has only published a few books during the
past 50 years, but those he has are like to make your brains squirt out
your ears, they are sooooo good-

From What Planet:
JFWaterman: I do exactly what I'm told, and everything goes OK with
my boss. We've been working together since I was a mech in the Screw
MFG dep't and she was my line's Engineer.
JFWaterman: In return, the boss gives me everything I need to get the
job done, and explains everything that I need to do.

Verb:
LadyMtnMedic: we are gritching about work

Performance Art:
MsVictoriaLynn1: Blowing their heads off with a shot gun always
looks good

You'd Better:
Summers Eve L: 3 Love ya'll. Mean it.

2009-05-07T20:02:00.000-07:00

Waiting For God(ot)wit

This is a Bust:
Gleam1946: Onion is Oooooooli and slut combined into a
multifarious role of chat and chit
Melodramamama22: gleam, it totally freaks me out when you
bust out vocabulary words

Noted:
Tom Brite: I am an attractive man.

In Debt:
Tammynet: you know, i already owe you one ass beating
i wouldn't push it

Trademark Infringement:
Niontron9: hai
Forkrerereredux: lol
Forkrerereredux: hai
Forkrerereredux: haylo
Niontron9: forky
Niontron9: those are trademarks of Rono
Forkrerereredux: um, i've seen others say hai
Forkrerereredux: sorry bud
Forkrerereredux: they beat you to it
Niontron9: they COPIED it fro me
Forkrerereredux: sure, sure
Niontron9: come on
EDruezillaB: well, i invented "hi" and "hello" and "hey"
EDruezillaB: so there
Niontron9: I only
Niontron9: go to
Niontron9: the AL and come
Niontron9: here

Blusher:
Phronsie: We watched Gray Gardens Sat. night
Phronsie: kind of a touching movie, but it made me feel
embarrassed to be a woman

Harking at the Moon:
Gleam1946: Onion just the sight of your font makes me hark back
to the first Sunday night I ventured into this room

GayDog:
JadedDremer: mine is half lab and half english bulldog
Various704: thats the gayest dog ive ever heard of

Tony:
JadedDremer: if a man ever loved me like Tony does,
I would be his helpless victim

Who Knew:
PatientOnion3: humans are slaves to marketing geniuses, TJ
is a slave to his muse Doom Girl

Who Knew II:
Gleam1946: Marketing is Jewish science

A Few of Her Favorite Things:
Summers Eve L: I love sweating out a hangover.

Dark Despair:
SteveIzHere8: everything I make comes out bad
SteveIzHere8: mac & cheese
SteveIzHere8: horrible

Hemmingway's Offspring:
Anais3233: i went fishing today
Anais3233: i'm sunburnt
Anais3233: and i caught nothing

Try Sending Him Postage:
Beysshoes: tamela i told our bunion boy i wanted him to pls
send me chocolates
Beysshoes: and he ran away from me tamela.
Tammynet: ah sorry beys
Beysshoes: he only hearts you enough to make chocolates
for tammy. oofsh
Tammynet: he owed me chocolates beys
Beysshoes: loL okay. thats already TMI chica. hahaha

Leading With His Chin:
Shckltn912: i might read a book soon
Shckltn912: i actually bought one
Catpower777: Penthouse Forum is in book form now?

Lyricist:
Gleam1946: Look if we are going to play games the problem
wont get solved. Stop the B.S.

Waiting for Godwit:
Pheziwig: maybe godwit will come back to us with a slightly
different SN, like godot
Pheziwig: We'll wait
Gleam1946: Waiting for Godot?
Gleam1946: fuck that
Pheziwig: That would be a killer chat room name, Waiting for Godot
Shckltn912: waiting for godot was actually written with laurel and
hardy in mind
Melodramamama22: you could just have one filled with us, called
waiting for godwit

Like When His Lot is Full:
Gleam1946: There are times when even a used car salesman sees
the truth

Maggie Mae Rough Draft:
Shckltn912: i don't want to go back to school, but i have to,
i guess

Another Fun Couple:
Pheziwig: You guys, so predictable
Pheziwig: Good night
Beysshoes: bye you assful of fuzz fezz
Catpower777: Bey, does that mean no nekkids for him?
Beysshoes: kit its yoh turn chica
BinxB91: Beysshoes and Phezziwig would be a great episode of
Blind Date
Beysshoes: shut up binx
Catpower777: Binx, that's just a scary thought

Natalie Finds Her Handle:
BinxB91: Beys, you're telling everyone to shut up. You've lost
both your imagination and your swetness
BinxB91: sweetness
Beysshoes: Uzendayo binx
Summers Eve L: sweatness!

Yuck:
PatientOnion3: yossy, you sexy freakshow
Yossarian4now: only for you, dude
PatientOnion3: i miss your warm wet kisses
Yossarian4now: thats what they all say
PatientOnion3: I get **** thinking about htem
Yossarian4now: lol
Beysshoes: yuck
SparrowAtPeace: but hey 4 out of five stars that's good

Out of Context Blues:

Beysshoes: i had a friend in maine who got divorced from her
first hub "finch"

Frailty Thine Name is Woman:
Melodramamama22: i married my first husband dick, divorced him,
and married my second husband, dick

Restaurant Encounters:
Beysshoes: i just got your nick pale. do you like clint eastwood?
ThePaIeRlDER: i am clint eastwoood bey
Beysshoes: oh. then you've been to your restaurant in carmel yes?
PaIeRlDER: Beys please, one never dines where one shts
Beysshoes: "Hogs Breath Inn" ... I got engaged there. and had it
inscribed in my wedding band.
Beysshoes: peeps thought it was my nickname
Melodramamama22: oh, i ate there once. some tuna salad in an avocado
Melodramamama22: then we drove out to the desert and had a mud bath

Audition:
KissMyAsterix: where are you from
Beysshoes: and you chose us? wow
brizz36: i'm from pa
KissMyAsterix: she got lost, beys.. another one with no map and
poor judgement
Beysshoes: brizz...our new godwit!
brizz36: i'll try

Jennifer Paige:
CordialCactus: so.. i have a girl crush to confess
CordialCactus: Rachel Maddow... yes? do you see it?
zomcom81: ohh.... cactus.....
KissMyAsterix: hmm
CordialCactus: just a little one
Beysshoes: you heart rachel maddow???
CordialCactus: a twee crush
zomcom81: how 'twee'
CordialCactus: well.. i follow her on twitter
CordialCactus: but i dont stalk her
KissMyAsterix: ahh
KissMyAsterix: yet
CordialCactus: she reminds me of me but smarter
CordialCactus: SO
Beysshoes: she seemed better as a guest somehow
CordialCactus: maybe im just a narcissist projecting
KissMyAsterix: perhaps
CordialCactus: beys, whatever do you mean?
Beysshoes: hush you lezbo candy

I'm Candice. Fly Me:
CordialCactus: Zom.. I am Candice.. live in Wisconsin..
have 2 teenagers and 2 small children.. hm.. im a homebound
mother, occasional bartender, sesquipedalian wanna be, and..
not really a lezbo
CordialCactus: married for years
CordialCactus: and.. Nice to meet you
zomcom81: and have a crush on a lezbo?
zomcom81: wow
KissMyAsterix: a twee crush

What Matters in a Man:
Beysshoes: i met this man recently. he looked like a male model
i swear.
KissMyAsterix: which male model
KissMyAsterix: details beys
Beysshoes: like forties-fifties male model. he came over to me gina
KissMyAsterix: pics, info.. email
Beysshoes: i lost my breath
Beysshoes: then he smiles.
KissMyAsterix: oh crap
Beysshoes: no teeferies
KissMyAsterix: boy that kills a romance
Beysshoes: i don't have very high standards but teeth. they
kinda matter
KissMyAsterix: how many
zomcom81: good teeth are a necessity
KissMyAsterix: is the number negotiable
Beysshoes: only gums. nolo
Beysshoes: fake teef mebbe a possibility
KissMyAsterix: they can be bought though
KissMyAsterix: like boobs
zomcom81: as long as they're not ugly teeth

Rite:
CordialCactus: I got a new couch through craigslist
CordialCactus: It is soo cute
CordialCactus: microfiber...eggshell color...huge and cushy
Beysshoes: couch. did you fumigate it candy?
CordialCactus: $50
KissMyAsterix: good price
CordialCactus: no, but we just christened it

Beys Worries Candice:
Beysshoes: i'm serious here candy. we don't wanna read about you
being in the ER for crabs infestation.
KissMyAsterix: although
CordialCactus: whats the opposite of a germaphobe... im that...
i dont like dirty.. but germs got no hold on me
Beysshoes: dirty = grungy?
CordialCactus: i vacuumed it
CordialCactus: does that count
KissMyAsterix: it all counts
Beysshoes: not really. you need to flea bomb yoh entire parlor now
CordialCactus: ifin i start itchin then i'll worry
Beysshoes: funky. that's another grungy word.

Out of the Picture:
CordialCactus: hey zom...you want a picture of my clean but not
fumigated craigslist fiddy dollah couch?
CordialCactus: you can just say no...if you want
KissMyAsterix: I got no pic
CordialCactus: im waiting to hit send
zomcom81: sure, but not if it's covered in blood stains
CordialCactus: oh man
CordialCactus: fine
Beysshoes: shup you ingrate. candy is fragile about rejection.
KissMyAsterix: be like that
zomcom81: no picture then
CordialCactus: you've got mail
Beysshoes: candy, you really should've taken that used condom
wrapper out before taking the shoot though.
CordialCactus: that kid you see in the picture is what happens
when you take the condom out of the picture

Candice's Son:
Beysshoes: omg what a cutey pie
KissMyAsterix: yeah
KissMyAsterix: he's in focus and everything

Here's the Story:
zomcom81: and candy is...... cactus?
CordialCactus: Im candy..candi candice cactus
CordialCactus: here is the story of my screen name
CordialCactus: ahem
CordialCactus: My name is candice.. i was a bartender..i got
people drunk..they slurred my name...called me cactus... a
cordial is a drink and a demeanor
CordialCactus: Voila
zomcom81: okay... i will try to remember that
CordialCactus: Hence the name

a short vagina:
zomcom81: and gina is asterix
zomcom81: and i'm emily or zomcom
CordialCactus: zom.. gina=dinov=kiss
KissMyAsterix: I'm really not a gina
Beysshoes: gina is short for vagina
KissMyAsterix: this is like mpd
Beysshoes: see, she has a syndrome that left her with a short
vagina. thus, gina.

Pardon My Disorder:
zomcom81: sometimes, asterix, it's nice to shhhh...
Beysshoes: zom you're rude and boring and an ingrate. get out already
zomcom81: sheesh, just a bit ago you wanted me to heart you
Beysshoes: well, i have a mood disorder zom.
KissMyAsterix: potato .. potahhto

It Keeps You Runnin':
KissMyAsterix: beys is protective
KissMyAsterix: but Cactus likes everyone
zomcom81: well that's sweet.
KissMyAsterix: so you could be a real ass and still not know
where you stand with these two
KissMyAsterix: no offense
zomcom81: i feel good so it's okay
CordialCactus: no no.. i know an ass.. but im not going to
dislike someone for being an ass
CordialCactus: the world needs asses
KissMyAsterix: see
CordialCactus: im sure they have purposes
Beysshoes: candycane. that seems unecessarily mean.
apologize to zom please.

Gina as Pundit:
KissMyAsterix: she's like shirley temple.. an ambassador
KissMyAsterix: and beys is like um..Vladmir Putin..
Beysshoes: putin? gina. why do you say such a hurtful
fuckish thang to me?
KissMyAsterix: oh beys, it was a compliment

Fork's Mom is Easy:
Forkrerereredux: i made love to my mother

Just Breathe:
Forkrerereredux: everyone take a deep breath
Alansueton: count to ten

KissMyAsterix: how bad is it when fork is the peacemaker
Alansueton: I think it is pill time!
KissMyAsterix: we're low on doses
KissMyAsterix: someone underprescribed
Beysshoes: that's how i felt when i began missing godwit gina.
Beysshoes: totally frightening
Forkrerereredux: someone misses godwit?
KissMyAsterix: ok yeah, you missed a dose
Cognomen98: yes, that is frightening
KissMyAsterix: breathe beys

Whatever Happened to Godwit:
Forkrerereredux: godwit called fork a poof
KissMyAsterix: well...
KissMyAsterix: I think it was a come on fork
KissMyAsterix: he was jealous of your mom
Alansueton: I heard Godwit was arrested during a
Operation Candyman net sweep
Forkrerereredux: godwit never wanted to meet fork
Forkrerereredux: we live in like the same town
Forkrerereredux: fork invited him to eat a hoagie at lee's
hoagie house and then go tanning at hollwood tans

Knowing Beys:
khadijahekohgf: wow it looks yammmmy :) hereismycam.xoxgo.com
Beysshoes: khadija...luegos. we're busy just now
Tell A Story 78: of course, bey likes to be paranoid evidently
and accuse people on whims
Beysshoes: okay, take up a collection to send tell over to
khadija's tent

Killing Time:
Tell A Story 78: I'm just killing time before bed in a few minutes
Tell A Story 78: I am Para
Tell A Story 78: as I said
Forkrerereredux: hi para
Alansueton: Para what?
KissMyAsterix: hi para
Tell A Story 78: hi
KissMyAsterix: parasite
Tj34: hi para
KissMyAsterix: paragraph
Alansueton: Paradigm?

South of the Border:
Sweet Disorder 2: It does make sense...no wonder the multiple
personality thing...hum, borderline personality disorder...maybe.
Tj34: what a clever dude. he sure put on over on us.
Beysshoes: so lets take a vote: is it a sober blt here?
Beysshoes: hands hands please

Tell You What:
Tell A Story 78: I bet I could put out a bologna stick and
you guys would follow me to hell, lol
Tell A Story 78: I"d expect that from your mentality
Beysshoes: okay you guys. listen up please. if i was this person,
i'd be side suey. so just stop it already.
Beysshoes: lets be kind please
Tell A Story 78: lol, these guys are cotton puffs
KissMyAsterix: I was being kind
Tell A Story 78: reminds me of my puppy barking at my feet for
more water
Beysshoes: lol gina.

[...one night early in February as I read The Aeneid, my roommate,
Soo-Jin, mentioned without looking up from her Organic Chemistry
textbook that some of the freshmen on our hall were planning to
crash an off-campus party at some doctor of philosphy's but I
wasn't invited because I was considered more than a little
"bleak" in demeanor: "Especially in the morning when you're on
your way to Intro to 60s Counterculture and the New Left. You
looked so like, afflicted."
This, of course, was only Soo-Jin talking(Soo-Jin whose face
employed the same countenance for both Anger and Elation). I
did my best to wave away this remark, as if it were no more
than an unpleasant odor coming off a beaker or test tube, but
then I did start to notice all kinds of unquestionably bleak
things. For example, when Bethany brought people into her
room for a Friday night Audrey Hepburn marathon, I was
distinctly aware, at the end of Breakfest at Tiffany's,
unlike the other girls sitting on pillows chain-smoking with
tears in their eyes, I was actually hoping Holly didn't find
the Cat. No, if I was completely honest with myself, I
realized that I wanted Cat to stay lost and abandoned, mewing
and shivering all by its Cat self in those splintery crates
in that awful Tin Pan Alleyway, which from the rate of that
Hollywood downpour would be submerged under the Pacific
Ocean in less than an hour. (This I disguised, of course,
smiling gaily when George Peppard feverishly grasped Audrey
feverishly grasping Cat who no longer looked like a cat but
a drowned squirrel. I believe I even uttered one of those
girly, high-pitched, "Ewws," in perfect harmony with
Bethany's sighs)]

Interview Practice:
Forkrerereredux: god fork went a good job

As if:
Tammynet: shut up!

Puppy Love:
Melodramamama22: everybody always thinks their dog is best

2009-04-18T19:58:00.000-07:00

What I Remember

Rules of the Game:
DoomGrl: wheres Binx, I want to be on the television
Beysshoes: television?
DoomGrl: the katy tried show
Beysshoes: well, first you gots to say somethin' inneresting

Julie Come Back:
Gleam1946: Without Ooooooli this romm sucks and blows

Siren:
Rafo65: --- thinks Creepy is soooooo cute!

Nada is the Adopted One?:
Prospect26: My son is zip, zero, nada.

Push Her Button:
Summers Eve L: So, tell us about Mexico.
Summers Eve L: Or can you? Are you still on mute?
EmpressZ21: im here i think
Summers Eve L: Good.
Summers Eve L: That would suck.
Summers Eve L: You get back and can't speak.
EmpressZ21: it doesnt affect my ims
Yossarian4now: wait .. women have mute buttons??
Yossarian4now: WHERE ARE THEY LOCATED???
Summers Eve L: Sometimes I wish I could locate my own
mute button.

Shameless:
Alansueton: in 2 days I turn 40

Always the Last to Know:
Beysshoes: lol? is somebody funny in here that i dunt know about??

Want better sex? Try mouthwash:
KissMyAsterix: new fangs anais?
Anais3233: just one
Anais3233: and i guess it would be my third molar
Beysshoes: how can you put a new one in? anais, you're too young
KissMyAsterix: she needs a sharper one
Anais3233: it cracked and would need endo and crown lengthening
Anais3233: so i'm getting an implant
Anais3233: ::sigh::
Beysshoes: i hope you got some drugs anais
Beysshoes: anais. use strong mouthwash if you still want your
hub to give you sex.
KissMyAsterix: she's taking the night off

Betrayed:
Beysshoes: i thought you liked fezz jammers
Jam7604801: not after he stuck his head up obamas butt
KissMyAsterix: you felt betrayed?

Quiver and Onions:
Jam7604801: i honestly don't miss onion
Beysshoes gina he hates onion.
SBrin6: I like Onion, even if he's a commie punk
KissMyAsterix: I don't know how you can hate onion
Beysshoes: onions the best thing in here
KissMyAsterix: he should be cloned
Beysshoes: well, onion does call him a hillbilly a times
KissMyAsterix: onion calls everyone names
Jam7604801: nothing onion says is real. real humor come from
making fun of something real
Jam7604801: bey i like realism not a bunch of fakes
SBrin6: this is fake, Jam

BookShelf Charades:
Tj34: people drinking cloroform?

Back to the Future:
oooolijay: i kinda want to send that to binx
Beysshoes: the pussy cunt twat discussion you mean ooji?
oooolijay: yes beys
oooolijay: i use pussy and cunt most often
oooolijay: i usually save twat for name calling
AnnAsphodel: Pussy seems undignified to me.
Summers Eve L: I'm going to quit drinking and join a convent.
Beatnikspore: i rarely have an instance in which they would be needed
PatientOnion3: Which word do your clients prefer?

Google Search:
AmberDevilRay8: "Saucerdick" turned up nothing.

Sex as Alternative:
BinxB91: British people have sex, don't they
NomduSemiLLC: might as well, they don't know how to cook

Beys not getting it:
BinxB91: XO, the real difference between a lady and a ho ---
BinxB91: One man with a big mouth
Beysshoes: i dont get that joke binx
BinxB91: what joke? about the parking space?
Beysshoes: the big mouth thing.

BinxB91: Beys, a man tells a woman's secrets ... thus ruining
her proper surface
Beysshoes: "proper surface" ? what does this mean binky? you
talking ukrainian to me baby?
BinxB91: Reputation
BinxB91: Onna no kao, Beysshoes-kun
Beysshoes: binky you didn't teach me that one
BinxB91: kao = face
BinxB91: To be a lady is to have face
Hadachoke: kao is indeed face
LadyMtnMedic: Binx what does that mean?
BinxB91: Face = reputation
Hadachoke: to lose face
LadyMtnMedic: to have a good reputation
LadyMtnMedic: a face you can hold up
Dickenzian: zzzzzzzzzzzz

Beys Rides Horse:
WarHorseThor: sweet, I know where allan is in italy, want me
to cause him some trouble?
Beysshoes: allan lives in italy? que?
WarHorseThor: im not talking to you beys
Beysshoes: sweet, he says he has dry runs of DTs
Beysshoes: he hallucinated that sebilius was named the veepee
Sweet Disorder 2: Dry runs of DT's? What is that?
Barely poet: whats it mean when you find a bear with a wet nose
Beysshoes: delirium tremors sweet
Beysshoes: what blt has
Barely poet: youre to damn close to the bear
Beysshoes: 'cept blt's are not dry runs
WarHorseThor: see julie, this is what I mean
WarHorseThor: I didnt provoke beys and she wants to insult me

The Brother She Never Had:
WarHorseThor: julie, beys is an adopted asian lady with saddlebag
thighs
Ooolijay: that's unfortunate
WarHorseThor: yes
Beysshoes: sadly yes ... i've been on steroids for 3 months and
got phat. sigh
Ooolijay: did your birth parents not want you because you were a girl
Beysshoes: ooji. blt is a sociopath and he lies. surprise.

Sweet Talkin Julie:
Beysshoes: ooji stick with jam. less damage.
Beysshoes: blt going after jammies left overs. lol
WarHorseThor: I will dream, with reckless abandon of the day I can
hold you close and feel your babies breath on my chest
Ooolijay: i dont have any babies
WarHorseThor: ouch

Tongue in Cheek?:
WarHorseThor: look at all of the rejected women wishing they were
julie, how funy!
DinosoreVagina: you have that right
DinosoreVagina: yes, you're one hot commodity

Onion Through the Looking Glass:
FoodSIut: i am teaching at risk youth that it's more fun to roll
out dough than to sell crack and do drive bys
DinosoreVagina: no one would buy that
FoodSIut: flour, organic blueberries, cherries, tomatoes, chilies
DinosoreVagina: I'm a suburban mother and I don't even think that
FoodSIut: free range chickens
Beysshoes: you are such a great mentor onion.
FoodSIut: you have a soy bean patch for the organic tofu
FoodSIut: back to the food stampers and their bread and chance for
a peaceful organic life thanks to dino's organic detroit produce

Girl Friends:
Jam7604801: i just got up
Ooolijay: oh
Ooolijay: that's right
Ooolijay: you said you had to get up early
Beysshoes: blt was here hitting on your gf ooji
Jam7604801: i have to go to the city this morning
Beysshoes: for what?
Ooolijay: i am not jam's girlfriend beys nut
Ooolijay: gawd
DinosoreVagina: jams girlfriend is named bones something or other
Jam7604801: no bey i have a girl on pogo
Ooolijay: see
Beysshoes: i'm playing you sillies
DinosoreVagina: well one of them, didn't you say you had two jam?

BookSlut's Uncle:
Gypsyjo47: Balzac is interesting for four or five novels...
then it is just drawing room boring stuff

Zola Changed His Screen Name:
Tj34: zola is also a mixed bag
Niontron9: who is zola again?
Niontron9: I don't know who is zola

Silence Is Consent:
Chris185432678: anyone mind a poem?
Chris185432678: I shall try if you let me.
Chris185432678: speak up
Chris185432678: alright, no one said not to
Chris185432678: I proceed.

The Sentence That Wouldn't Die:
WANDCHANTRESS: ok let me jut say for the part 90% all of you
are better read than me however i had 2 people in publishing,
woman in thier firties recommend twight to me so i bought it
and I just have to say Are you kidding?

Freshman Dorm:
Gypsyjo47: Any of you ever read the I Ching while stoned?
That is an amazing experience.

South Beach Diet Modified:
EDruezillaB: I had wine for dinner
EDruezillaB: I think, all I had today was some lettuce and wine

David Revealed:
Alansueton: I know I love attention
Catpower777: no way, Para !
Catpower777: I'd never have guessed

Out of Context Blues:

Tj34: is there a Scientology bot?

LadyMtnMedic: pondering getting one of those big high powered
kids squirt guns

Tj34: i think Inspector Gadget would make the perfect Romeo

zomcom81: hm. i was wrong

Phronsie: why would one feel impelled to eat lice?

I Know That Guy!:
Melodramamama22: do men really buy blow up dolls?
RiverTrail Kat: some men do.
BinxB91: Melo, there's a movie called Lars and the Real Girl
where a man starts believing his doll is real
Melodramamama22: binx, lars chats in here don't he?

Small Talk:
B00KGASM: I am more interested in Poe's works as reflections
of the intermittence of modern life.

Are You Tough Enough?:
Tj34: poe liked to swim the River Charles.
he wasn't a little crybaby

Well-Rehearsed:
B00KGASM: Gyp. You read like the Parade version of the Arts
section of the NYT.

Melo Does Britain:
Melodramamama22: binx, i liked a lot of stuff. i liked that
every bump in the ground had a name and a rich history
Melodramamama22: i liked the ww2 bomb crack in my kitchen in
london
Melodramamama22: i like the bleakness of cornwall

Why We Don't Talk Books:
Book4friend25: I read Hemingway's "In Our Time" in college.
I really enjoyed it.

What Are Yiou Wearing?:
Book4friend25: I'm wearing a business suit.

Tj34: wool pants and no underwear

One-Woman Chat:
Prospect26: prospect...what is your impression of the president
in Great Britain?

Keeper:
Book4friend25: Anyway, the chat here seems more intelligble than
that of the Author's lounge.

Was the Safety On?:
LadyQuasi: I almost shot diet Cherry Coke out my nose.

How Empress Knows:
EmpressZ21: my dog is farting and i know because i can hear them

Empress Into the Testosterone:
EmpressZ21: vin deisel is kinda badass
EmpressZ21: mostly because of his name
EmpressZ21: except now im watcing him on jimmy kimmel and he
is kinda pussy

Philapinnas are like that:
KD81785: I was talking to a lady today who I think is maybe
Philapinna, but, I think she is hard of hearing

Bey Watch:
Beysshoes: ded! you're here!
Beysshoes: i've never ever seen you here before ded.
DedLettr: yes, Bey
Beysshoes: i'm jazzed. where's onion?
DedLettr: I should have my head examined
Beysshoes: lolol
DedLettr: he's here
Beysshoes: get in line ded
PatientOnion3: bey, what sexy lingerie you wearing?
Beysshoes: nada ... old navy tank top and drawstring shorts brat
DedLettr: no sexier than mine, I hope
Beysshoes: lol. nope
DedLettr: what's the math question, Onion?
Beysshoes: bunion is prolly cooking ded ... i just wanted to
say 'hey' ded
DedLettr: well, I am not that Patient
DedLettr: hey Bey
Beysshoes: gotta run ... a momentous occasion. pls come by more often ded
DedLettr: so this is Bey Watch

What Was She Thinking:
EDruezillaB: Beys, if you're happy, you'll have to pay a fine.
Beysshoes: haha. edrue dunt be stoopid. that's not possible.
Beysshoes: i'm in here ain't i?
EDruezillaB: What was I thinking!

Beys Happy:
Beysshoes: binkybippys!!!
BinxB91: bippys?
Beysshoes: yes. a nice way of saying assful

The Oreohead:
Jam7604801: if obama was really smart he would have split this tax
with tobacco and alcohol
BinxB91: what tax?
Jam7604801: the smoking tax binx
BinxB91: there's a smoking tax?
Jam7604801: half the people in the usa smokes and he just pissed
them off
Jam7604801: now 2/3 of the people who smokes will now quit so what
kind of tax money will the oreohead get binx

Fork Offended:
BinxB91: oreohead .... geez
Forkrerereredux: oreohead sound racist
Forkrerereredux: and one thing fork doesn't like is racism!
KissMyAsterix: oh man

Beys Catching the Bot Virus:
Beysshoes: you don't like your new nicky binx? oofsh.
Beysshoes: i'm sorry binky. c'mere lemme lick your face.
pls don't be mad at me.
BinxB91: lick my face?
Beysshoes: or whatever binky. (smile)
millicenttrici: woohoo its working :) , who wana see my cam ?
hereismycam.xoxgo.com

Beys Unplugged:
Beysshoes: gina, candycane ... woot happed to nora?
Beysshoes: did binx send her his white star anus porn and scare her?
BinxB91: Beys, what you latch on to

Meet Lindy90909:
Lindy90909: no binx u have a serious honker going on
Beysshoes: lindy knows about your honker binky?
BinxB91: a serious honker??? I used to always get one when i
was about 14 and walked by the linergerie counter
EDruezillaB: Send a picture
Beysshoes: nolo binx! you showed lindy your sex you pig. yeah what
edrue just said.
BinxB91: So Lindy, what are you wearing?

For Want of a Comma:
BinxB91: I think Jam and Onion should go back to college and be
roommates
Jam7604801: nah binx me and blt would be better roomies
Beysshoes: binx jam and blt? omg jam has a man crush on binky and james
BinxB91: Beys!! Down girl
Jam7604801: bey i should have put a comma after binx
KissMyAsterix: jam, aren't you a little old to room with a guy

Jam7604801: dino binx said me and onion should go back to college
KissMyAsterix: and the first thing you thought of was shacking up
with blt jam?
Beysshoes: dingdingding 50 pointer

Various704: hey now. 50 points? i think not. that may have to go
to a tribunual
KissMyAsterix: well various, put the kilt away.. jam won't room
with you

Beys Getting East Coast:
Beysshoes: please say hey for me candy
BinxB91: Beys eats hey?
Beysshoes: binx. what are you yammering about eating hey?
BinxB91: hey for me
Beysshoes: oh its a euphemism binx?
Beysshoes: wow binx. you are so street savvy darling.
Beysshoes: i'm impressed.

The Roommate Thing Won't Die:
Jam7604801: dino, binx said me an onion should go back to
college and be roomies
Various704: damn it jam!!
KissMyAsterix: I see jam, but you'd rather room with two other men.
Jam7604801: Various i only would room with people who shared half
my views
KissMyAsterix: and the same anatomy

Lindy Cheap Shot:
BinxB91: I loved in the movie The Sixt Sense when the Bruce Willis
character says to his wife's suitor, "keep on going, cheese dick"
BinxB91: would a psychiatrist use that phrase?
Beysshoes: especially a shrink would use that phrase binx
Lindy90909: sixt???
Lindy90909: what a douche
BinxB91: OK Lindy I fucked up!! Get over it
Beysshoes: WOW

Lindy Issues:
Lindy90909: bay hoes??????
Beysshoes: shut up you skanky lindyloo
Lindy90909: lolololol
Lindy90909: ok hoes
BinxB91: lolololol looks like a suspension bridge
CordialCactus: lindy...do you also run with scissors? I see you
failed the "plays well with others"

SaucerDick II:
AmberDevilRay8: "Saucerdick" turned up nothing.
AmberDevilRay8: But there are 5 men in the U.S. named "Dick Saucer"
KissMyAsterix: and jam has roomed with them?
KissMyAsterix: so it wasn't even an insult?

Bot why?:
Beysshoes: gracie milli wants you to IM her
Beysshoes: NOW
Beysshoes: wow it worked.
Beysshoes: okay lemme try again. gracie, jam wants you to IM him.
KissMyAsterix: who's gracie
Beysshoes: she's the bot in here gina
Jam7604801: bey i reported that ho
KissMyAsterix: you reported a bot?

Just Whistle:
Various704: amber, im so poor that when i want music i give a
tramp 20 pence to whistle
KissMyAsterix: and I whistle too dammit
KissMyAsterix: I'm broke, what can I say
Beysshoes: you bastid oscar. so dat was what those 2 dimes were
you mailed me. punkass
Various704: heh

Imagine If We Discussed Books:
Known8265: half the time i don't know whether anyone
is *actually* reading what's said...so small nuances like that...
the acknowledgement thereof...is an attempt to create something
better....boring still?
Beysshoes: even more boring known.
Beysshoes: pls stop. imma beggin' you
Tallthinjones: known that was a right good speech
KissMyAsterix: maybe you could work on shorter sentences
KissMyAsterix: less preachy
KissMyAsterix: more conversational
marine2783: i read me some new york times the other day
AmberDevilRay8: I think he might be a saucerdick.
Beysshoes: okay know. we like you. but heres the thing you must pay
cover charge to stay more than 3 lines.

Picking On the New Guy:
KissMyAsterix: that's your only acronym?
KissMyAsterix: all this time here and you have tyvm
marine2783: i ain the best reader but grandma says with due time
i learn me some good words
Beysshoes: you can apply for a discount of 20% marine. just send
gina and i nekkid pics with your application.
KissMyAsterix: grandmas lie

Tallthinjones: anything to shut him up
Various704: i blocked it after the first sentence. i think so
Beysshoes: oscar. must you disgrace me in public like dat? oof
marine2783: i love me some taters, with that taters sauce
Various704: my apologise. if i was drunk id be more tactful

marine2783: i aint not bot
Beysshoes: well, its a sad thing when i find a bot more interesting
than the rest of youza
Various704: life is sad, bey. :(
Beysshoes: mebbe i'm just hungry

Tallthinjones: marine, are you handicapped?
marine2783: do i look handi capped
Tallthinjones: you sound handicapped
Beysshoes: jones. we welcome newbies now. that be the new policy.
even bots.
Tallthinjones: oh, well being nice is cool
marine2783: i love me some chocolates
Beysshoes: shut up already please marine.

Oh I didn't recognize you DonkeyShit!:
funkstank@yahoo.com: so, how many post menopausal withered ovaries
in here tonight?
Summers Eve L: Just yours.
BinxB91: Funk, you're quite the ray of sunshine
funkstank@yahoo.com: summer, your'e giving me a not so fresh feeling
funkstank@yahoo.com: sunshine is for faggots
Lamumsie: it's so sad that they allowed the Yahoos to escape
funkstank@yahoo.com: trust me i'm not proud of being here
Summers Eve L: Wait a minute, is that you BloatedSackofDonkeySh*t?

Penelope Crews:
I2DaysInNovember: Penelope is really hot I wonder how
she got her name
Lamumsie: those big soulful eyes
I2DaysInNovember: and pouty lips
I2DaysInNovember: and beautkful shoulders
Lamumsie: oh yeah, the lips
Lamumsie: lol
I2DaysInNovember: - k of course
BinxB91: she was topless in Abra Los Ojos (Open Yoy Eyes) which
was remade in America as Vanilla Sky
I2DaysInNovember: + i while you're at it
Lamumsie: that was the weirdest movie
Summers Eve L: I like the typos you gentlemen make when you start
talking about hot broads.
I2DaysInNovember: nop
I2DaysInNovember: ee
PaIeRlDER2: me too i2
BinxB91: I was wondering aboyt a too Natalie
BinxB91: *that
Summers Eve L: Oh you will need to cut that out, Mr. Brown. haha

Yeshiva University:
Gleam1946: Obsessive is a college word frought with Jewish
psychological bull-shit attenuation

Underappreciated:
Phronsie: Gleam, are you attempting to intimidate people?
Gleam1946: not at all
BinxB91: Gleam swallowed a vocabulary builder?
Phronsie: bingo,Binx
MsVictoriaLynn1: he is free basing a thesaurus
Gleam1946: you guys are just dumb

Broke Bot:
PatientOnion3: i have very very strict rules concerning the objects
of my obsession
PatientOnion3: i will tell you what they are, brb
Tj34: oh god
PatientOnion3: a woman can be as fine as can be with kisses sweet
as honey, but that don't mean a thing to me if she don't got no
money, if her purse is fat, that's where it's at.
PatientOnion3: I don't care if her eyes are red, I don't care if
her nose is long, I don't care if she's underfed, i don't care if
her clothes are worn, first i look at the purse.
PatientOnion3: I don't care if her legs are big, i don't care if
her teeth are big, i don't care if her hair is a wig, why waste
time looking at the waist line, first I look at the purse.
zomcom81: amen.
Alansueton: Patient keep on
PatientOnion3: very simple
PatientOnion3: precise
PatientOnion3: and ooli is the same way
Beysshoes: homer you sound like a broke bot
PatientOnion3: they must have a purse as big as the sky
zomcom81: dun dun dun
PatientOnion3: bey, shut up, smoke another joint

David's Ass:
Alansueton: Bey tell the truth have you visited my Blog to gaze
upon my derriere today?
Beysshoes: para, i don't need to . i've blown it up poster style
in my boudoir
Alansueton: Bey word
KissMyAsterix: (tell him he needs spray tan beys)
Alansueton: that butt has a halo
KissMyAsterix: I think he should do a before and after shot
Tj34: where is my well worn Koran?
Alansueton: KMA I like it white it's an Aristocratic Butt
Beysshoes: bonbon thank you ever so much for washing it before
shooting.
zomcom81: alan's butt gets a lot of screen time in here
Alansueton: oh my not a flaw no red bumps
PatientOnion3: the only "boudoir" you have is a crappy orange shag
carpet with 42 bong water stains
Beysshoes: oh homer. you're contrary tonight are you?
PatientOnion3: and maybe a bean bag chair that is leaking "beans"

Sloth:
PatientOnion3: it's better to burn out, than fade away, you guys
just want to fade into your couch with the tv turned on and the
bong lying on the floor, sideways, yet another bong water stain
PatientOnion3: bey, you need to repent for your sins of sloth
JustRhonda39: onion bong's arent in any more
Beysshoes: shut up you punk ass
PatientOnion3: jam is out in the garden GROWING things, all you
do bey is smoke things
Beysshoes: you're the epitome of sloth homer
Alansueton: three toed sloth?

Seal the Rocks:
Tj34: it's the midnight hour hear in olympia, WA
zomcom81: tj i'm in king co
Tj34: that's when my love begins to shine
JustRhonda39: it's 3AM in NY
Tj34: you need to leave those behind in Plato's cave, rhonda.
the blinding sunlight of truth awaits
Tj34: painful at first
Beysshoes: thare he goes again ... jones is in primo form
KissMyAsterix: god not platos cave
KissMyAsterix: someone seal the rocks

The Multitudes:
zomcom81: david is kal and para and alan?
Beysshoes: yes zom. he's MPD
zomcom81: he has too many names.
Alansueton: I am Multitudes
Beysshoes: well, he's overcompensating for his
Alansueton: that too

In the Wee Wee Hours of the Morning:
KissMyAsterix: beys
KissMyAsterix: don't make me club you like a baby seal
Beysshoes: yes gina
KissMyAsterix: seriously
zomcom81: you're vote no longer counts.
zomcom81: your even
Beysshoes: okay. lemme try again. shup you zommy

zomcom81: two's a good time to quit
Beysshoes: lawd zom you're lazy. you need a wide spectrum sampling
to find one near okay.
KissMyAsterix: quit what?
zomcom81: collecting husbands.
KissMyAsterix: well it's not exactly some mad pile up
JustRhonda39: my motto with ex's is NEXT!
zomcom81: i'll stick with zero
KissMyAsterix: I sad that at 27 too
zomcom81: it's a political decision
zomcom81: i don't think it will change
KissMyAsterix: we'll ask obama

Tj34: bey, who will drive you to the hospital when youre old?
Tj34: a cabbie?
Beysshoes: yes jones.
Beysshoes: i have his card, in fact
KissMyAsterix: prepared
zomcom81: sheesh.. if you're nice anyone will take you
zomcom81: unless goodness runs out by then
Beysshoes: zom. i'm not nice.
KissMyAsterix: but she tips well
zomcom81: someone will take ya

zomcom81: you guys are... old
zomcom81: and bitter
zomcom81: ....and i'm sorry.
Beysshoes: bitter? who's bitter?
KissMyAsterix: about what?
zomcom81: people are good tho
zomcom81: people are very good.
JustRhonda39: not bitter just experienced
KissMyAsterix: oh brother
KissMyAsterix: some people are good enough the rest of us can
slack off
KissMyAsterix: so I'm ok with that

zomcom81: i refuse to think you're all that bad asterix
KissMyAsterix: why must I be labeled
KissMyAsterix: I'm human
Beysshoes: gina isn't bad. she's just stoopid. i mean look at
where she be?

zomcom81: i think gina's smart. she's the top performer in the
'special' class
KissMyAsterix: if I woke in the morings, I'd reinvent the a-bomb
KissMyAsterix: so I try an sleep in
Tj34: yes, i'm not around mornings but i've heard about them
KissMyAsterix: the birds are just as good singing you to sleep
as waking you up
zomcom81: that's terrible
zomcom81: truly terrible
zomcom81: asterix...
Beysshoes: omg that's like pro-fucking-found gina!

The Button Girl:
Beysshoes: what kind of work doom?
DoomGrl: I work in the button factory, I do editorial work,
I do a web cam
Beysshoes: well, you're a diversely talented gal doom. no
one can accuse you of being boring

Check Out My Web Cam:
DoomGrl: if you are intersted you could watch Miranda July's
How to Make Buttons vid on YOuTube

"you guys don't think hard":
JustRhonda39: hey the other night we had a girls night at my house,
question if you had to be stranded on an island with a famous
woman who would it be and why
JustRhonda39: now your not starving or in danger just stranded
JustRhonda39: the same question for a famous man and why
Beysshoes: okay ... dead or alive?
zomcom81: i pick anias nin
Beysshoes: can she be fictional?
DoomGrl: i would want to be stranded with Johnny depp
Beysshoes: liam neeson
Beysshoes: andy garcia
zomcom81: man i pick john locke
Beysshoes: william hurt
zomcom81: you guys don't think hard

diappointment:
JustRhonda39: for a woman i said Cher shes funny and probably
has a million stories and could entertain and she has slept
with everyone you could get the scoop on how the famous guys are
in bed
DoomGrl: a philosopher would probaby talk to o much and get on
my nerves
zomcom81: ew
Beysshoes: i'd choose augusten burroughs. hands down.
JustRhonda39: for a man i said robin williams
zomcom81: i'm suddenly disappointed in all of you
Beysshoes: we dunt care zom
zomcom81: honestly
Beysshoes: go away you buzzkill.

Essentially Emily:
DoomGrl: i want to be stranded with emily bronte and emily dickinson
zomcom81: emily emily emily
DoomGrl: yes, a band of emilies
JustRhonda39: auntie em auntie em
Beysshoes: i'd choose that ugly wife of prince charles
Beysshoes: seriously rhonda. that woman has GOT to have special secrets
JustRhonda39: bey absolutely
JustRhonda39: of all sorts
Beysshoes: i am transfixed by their coupling.
JustRhonda39: shes slept with a lot of famous men
Beysshoes: seriously
JustRhonda39: and hey to be honest they would have to swing both ways
if it was a really longgggggggggggg time

Silly:
JustRhonda39: patientonion the sanfransisco treat!
PatientOnion3: rhonda, can you taste the goodness?
Beysshoes: yuck

Button Down:
PatientOnion3: Bey, is your homework done?
Beysshoes: you missed dooomsgirl
Beysshoes: yes onion
JustRhonda39: patientonion the sanfransisco treat!
Beysshoes: she said she works in a button factory. and writes.
and also cams
PatientOnion3: what is a button factory?
Beysshoes: i have no idea. but she said she works at one
zomcom81: i think that
zomcom81: a button factory
PatientOnion3: i work at a zipper factory, rhonda works at a pocket
factory, fork works at a spoon factory
zomcom81: would totally be outsourced.
zomcom81: by now.
PatientOnion3: doom lives in india
JustRhonda39: you know the new word for the clitoris is the button

Onion Beating Up Beysshoes:
PatientOnion3: don't tell bey, she has NOSE problems, e.g., she is nosy
Beysshoes: i am not nosy and i do not get why you're saying this homer.
Beysshoes: you're upsetting me. this is the second time.
PatientOnion3: bey, take a pamprin'
PatientOnion3: or another bong hit
PatientOnion3: i will tell binx that you are disrupting the chatroom

Beware of Onion:
PatientOnion3: i will tell para not to change his poetry
blog url and you won't be able to write your insipid comments.
Beysshoes: see, this is why rhonda leaves for 3 years.
Beysshoes: brat
zomcom81: you guys are endeering. when you're not together.
zomcom81: ^ together
JustRhonda39: zom dont play with him he will make your eyes water

I Feel Ya:
Grinning Woman: I fell in love with the wrong person
Melodramamama22: grinning, take a number and get in line

Three Wishes:
Melodramamama22: two phones, beer, and a book of french poetry

"i thought you were an asshole":
Melodramamama22: quand les mah, quand les mah, les marecages
Melodramamama22: translation: when the mar, when the mar,
when the marshymorasswamps
Melodramamama22: that would be henri micaux, and let me just say
Melodramamama22: WTF?
Melodramamama22: michaux, scuse me
Alansueton: Henri Michaux
AXELvonAUR: Melo is my new best pal
Melodramamama22: the maledictions, when the mahahahahas,
the hahahatorrors
Alansueton: Henri Michaux did experiments with Mescaline and wrote
about it under the influence
Melodramamama22: the mahagonorrhyphilohahas
Melodramamama22: the matratrimatratrihahas
Catpower777: well, there you go, Para
Alansueton: Melo Henri Michaux
Melodramamama22: (seriously, this is a real poem)
Melodramamama22: alan, yes
Melodramamama22: everything else seems fairly coherent but that one
Melodramamama22: alan, how did you know that? i thought you were
an asshole
Catpower777: Melo, para is the most well-read person online
Melodramamama22: gosh, whe knew?
Melodramamama22: who, i mean
Melodramamama22: jesus
Catpower777: I guess just me
Alansueton: Im an erudite asshole
Melodramamama22: okay, here's a test alan
Melodramamama22: ______ ponge
Bbrolia: I find it hard to sit still and read very long
Alansueton: (nervous)
Catpower777: lol
Catpower777: easy
Melodramamama22: heehee
Catpower777: sponge bob square pants
Melodramamama22: LOL
Alansueton: I know Ponge and I want to say Francis or Francois
Catpower777: :)
Melodramamama22: its francis. well done!
Alansueton: Merci Beuacoup
Melodramamama22: dammit, now i can't be as annoyed at you as i
generally like to be

UrbanStarGazer Welcomed Back:
FoodSIut: urbs, the shelf now is populated by the likes of Fork
UrbanStarGazer: Food -- aren't you fork?
Beysshoes: he's the poster boy for cultural retardation and the
need for proper socialization.
FoodSIut: only one keyboard here in frisco
UrbanStarGazer: I think there are more than one

UrbanStarGazer Won't Be Back For Another 2 Years:
Beysshoes: food is onion urbs!
FoodSIut: urb can see the truth
UrbanStarGazer: Beys -- I know, that's why I'm ignoring him
FoodSIut: the same ol' urb
FoodSIut: married a serial killer hillbilly w/no teeth that
beats her with a shovel nightly
FoodSIut: like patty hearst, she has the opportunity to leave
but doesn't, stockholm syndrome

Anti-Asian Fetish:
Forkrerereredux: forky lovers you all, except beysshoes and
urbanstargazer

What's Not to Like?:
UrbanStarGazer: although, I'm beginning to suspect I might be
slightly sociopathic
Beysshoes: why?
UrbanStarGazer: I dunno. I don't get as upset about things as
most folk
Beysshoes: mebbe you related to our president urbs?

Fork Misses:
KissMyAsterix: I think they're talking about something else entirely fork
Forkrerereredux: oh :(
KissMyAsterix: besides women don't worry about that, men usually put out
KissMyAsterix: it's why gay men really are happier
Beysshoes: loL
Beysshoes: dingdingding another 50 pointer!

Gina Being Tough:
KissMyAsterix: I find it difficult to judge people in extraordinary
circumstances
KissMyAsterix: the mind has too many unknowns
Jam7604801: i once dated a girl for a few months and although i
put some moves on her and made out a few times i told her i really
didn't want to have sex until i got to know her, i never heard from
her again after that
KissMyAsterix: that's because.. that's textbook gay jam

Ruminations:
Forkrerereredux: people used to use the n word a lot, but not so
much now
Forkrerereredux: it's out of fashion
Beysshoes: petty thoughts from a petty man.

Silly Too:
FoodSIut: Jam came out of the closet too, and now we are
happy lovers in Topeka, raising our corn & zukes
Beysshoes: oh onion congrats!!! you scored big!
KissMyAsterix: I still think you should do herbs, you and jam .. food
Jam7604801: onion only in your dreams
Beysshoes: what should i send you for your housewarming gifts
please say?
KissMyAsterix: a stack of fifties a foot thick

Silly OD:
Beysshoes: jam don't you order online? its much cheaper
FoodSIut: 3 month supply of what?
Jam7604801: no beys all of it went up
FoodSIut: condoms?
FoodSIut: a 3 month supply of chocolate pork rinds?
FoodSIut: of corn jerky?
Jam7604801: tobacco, onion
FoodSIut: you have cartons of cigarettes stashed under your bed?
Jam7604801: no onion
Jam7604801: i roll my own

Urban Showing Class:
Beysshoes: you IM'g with onion boy again?
UrbanStarGazer: me?
UrbanStarGazer: I've never imed with onion
Beysshoes: you should leave him be urbs ... now that he and
jam are a couple.
UrbanStarGazer: I generally put him immediately on ignore
KissMyAsterix: wow
Beysshoes: why? he's the best thing in this chatroom urbs. truly

Wallowing:
UrbanStarGazer: Beys -- we're all entitled to our opinions, that's
what makes life interesting
Beysshoes: we voted on this jam. yes its true. onion is king of
the cesspool chat

BookShelf Blues:
Jam7604801: bey if me wit and fezz was here for that vote Godwit
would be the man
Beysshoes: mebbe, mebbe not jam.
FoodSIut: Jam, if pigs could fly
KissMyAsterix: and that may be the second chapter in textbook gay jam
FoodSIut: 40 mins to FS bliss

Saucerdick III:
AmberDevilRay8: His name's not "Saucerdick"? =(
AmberDevilRay8: -$
AmberDevilRay8: I have no idea how that got in there.
Beysshoes: well amber. i guess you were repressing it.

Are You My Mother?:
Prospect26: I have two adult children in school...not happy
about it.
BinxB91: Prospect, better than prison
Anais3233: well, if they are adults and still in middle school,
then there's something to be unhappy about
Anais3233: but be glad they are feeding their minds
Anais3233: wait.
Anais3233: prospect? are you my mom?
Anais3233: wouldn't that be awkward
Anais3233: mom?
Prospect26: Anais...your name is?

Dr Fork meet Dr Beys:
Forkrerereredux: beys, what is wrong with you?
Forkrerereredux: what do you do for an occupation?
Beysshoes: lots of stuff fork. i'm a psychiatric social worker
on indefinite sabbatical.
Beysshoes: peeps like you burnt me out.

I recommend your thing:
AmberDevilRay8: "Knowing" has lots of people running around on
fire and stuff getting blowed up real good.
AmberDevilRay8: I'd recommend it if that's your thing.

[The fact is I am quite happy in a movie, even a bad movie.
Other people, so I have read, treasure memorable moments in
their lives: the time one climbed the Parthenon at sunrise,
the summer night one met a lonely girl in Central Park and
achieved with her a sweet and natural relationship, as they
say in books. I too once met a girl in Central Park but it
is not much to remember. What I remember is the time John
Wayne killed three men with a carbine as he was falling to
the dusty street in Stagecoachand the time the kitten
found Orson Welles in the doorway in The Third Man.]

Fork's Sister:
Forkrerereredux: Fork hath a little sister, and she hath no
breasts: what shall he do for his sister on the day when she
shall be spoken for? (Solomon 8.8)

Mafia Greeting Cards:
LadyQuasi: An old friend will help you move. A good friend will
help you move a dead body

Alan's Girl:
Alansueton: One guy was in her cooch and another in her a
Alansueton: and 5 guys were gangbanging her
Alansueton: I admire her

Her Fork in the Road:
Creepy Loner: Dr. Fork...my mom wants me to go back to school...
muttering s**t about a "lit major"...
Creepy Loner: Your vote?
Forkrerereredux: yes, major in lit
Creepy Loner: Okay. I will do it.

2009-03-30T20:10:00.000-07:00

Out Like a Lamb

Playing It Safe:
Bbrolia: I open my fortune cookie and it read..
"You like Chinese food"

The anti-Rachel Ray:
Ashardymon: i need to start dinner, but i'm not really in the
mood to cook

Family Circus Unplugged:
LadyQuasi: OMG...you guys are NOT going to believe this one.
LadyQuasi: My youngest, who is five, ran into the room crying.
He had fallen and his bottom hurt.
LadyQuasi: He was bouncing up and down.
LadyQuasi: He had been running around naked, fell in his room,
and jammed a toy in his anal region.
LadyQuasi: I had to fish it out.
LadyQuasi: My husband was going to take a picture, but I
wouldn't let him.

Bbrolia: Kids find ways of getting things stuck everywhere.
Summers Eve L: According to the nurses at the ER so do grown men.
LadyQuasi: Yikes

EmpressZ21: gotta ask since no one else is: what was the toy
LadyQuasi: A Ben 10 figurine
LadyQuasi: Used to be clear crystal...
LadyQuasi: a little darker now
Bbrolia: A miniature cave dweller figure?

Natalie In Love:
Summers Eve L: I'm listening to this fabu big band radio station
on Sirius. If I could I would marry it.
Yossarian4now: i'm sure somewhere you could
Yossarian4now: vermont ..

Busy is as Busy Does:
Yossarian4now: damn busy room
Summers Eve L: It's not as busy if you take out people you don't
intend to read. I'm just saying.

Unintentional Physical Therapy:
Kan wa ma kan: was trying to do the star trek hand greeting
with my toes

Couldn't Pretend:
Kan wa ma kan: i was embarressed to see my parents after i got
married because i knew they knew i had sex

Fork's Daughter:
Forkrerereredux: nothing wrong with a father-daughter sex talk

Papa Don't Breach:
AlexaSkelexa: talking about my romantic life with my dad
AlexaSkelexa: that would be my nightmare
KissMyAsterix: that's normal alexa
AlexaSkelexa: or his
KissMyAsterix: even worse
AlexaSkelexa: i would just run screaming from the house and
in front of a passing car

[They were pulling off the rest of their clothes, snuggling under
the sheets in manufactured, fragrant air. "Don't rush," Matt said
against her face. "We have a few minutes. Let me introduce
myself." He was moving his hands over her, circling her legs in
his.
"Ah, foreplay," Kate whispered. "Do that tighter and talk to me.
Tell me what you thought about all these evenings with my father,
out there in the moat of the castle."
He moved his mouth along her collarbone, smooth, quiet touch to
slow them down. "Tonight I thought about the year my father left
my mother, for that woman he met at work."
"You were away at college then." She cupped his face in her
hands and looked at him. "Why did your father go home?"
"At the time I didn't ask. Years later he told me he went back
because he didn't think he could support two families." Matt smiled
wistfully. "So he sent me to medical school, and now I'm
supporting two families.
The words plunged through Kate like little stones. She whispered,
"But you can do it. I can help you." She closed her eyes, tilting
toward him, easing him inside her. Later, turning under him, bound
up in him, enveloped in deaf dumb blindness sex almost brought her,
she wondered if she'd said the words or only thought them.]

Same Ole Same ole:
Yossarian4now: wow, gone 10 min and binx is discussing having sex
with david copperfield and onion is on 9/11 again

Onion:
Yossarian4now: eh, had a friend in town today, making sure they got
to the hotel ok
PatientOnion3: how many kilos did you sell them?

Sarah Palin Says So:
Gypsyjo47: I have never seen a hockey game...they say that the
games are exciting.

19th Century Woman:
Melodramamama22: i am uni-tasking, can't do but one thing at a time

Write Your Own Joke:
Gypsyjo47: Anybody here ever been to a cockfight?

Tile Counting:
Kan wa ma kan: worst vomit story is watching someone in the er
with projectile vomit
Kan wa ma kan: 8 feet no lie
Yossarian4now: cool
Yossarian4now: did you measure
Kan wa ma kan: we counted tiles

They're Out There:
Gleam1946: let's face it they have no game that's worth playing
Gleam1946: Basketball can't cure Cancer
Gleam1946: Hopeless retards, that require constant stroking to keep
them from killing us all
Gleam1946: Get hip It's Darwinism---Science like the Liberals say
Gleam1946: People are animals

Best Simile:
Melodramamama22: Remembrance of Things Past, i got to page 11
Melodramamama22: it was like being dragged through molasses by a slug

Vanda Misidentified:
KD81785: Alan, are you the guy from Long Island with orchids?

Prospect enters. Cue Twilight Zone theme:
Prospect26: ladyjam...have not seen that in some time.
JadedDremer: why is jam a lady?
Prospect26: jamlady?
BinxB91: Julie, I think someone is twasing Prospect again
BinxB91: *teasing
Melodramamama22: tasing prospect?
Melodramamama22: twasing is like tasing someone's twat
le juif errant: kinky
Melodramamama22: i mean that in a nice way
Prospect26: jaded...in my defense...this is a weird situation

What he's always talkin:
Alansueton: Scatological stuff is my expertise

TeenyBopper:
Prospect26: sorry got to leave...the jonas brothers

What Are You Wearing?
JustRhonda39: sweats and a tshirt here now isnt that sexy

MsVictoriaLynn1: Hospital Scrub pants and a Phantom of the
Opera Tour T Shirt

Apropos of Nothing/the Out-Of-Context Blues:

JadedDremer: i hear my dog drinking out of the toilet

Creepy Loner: A German used to steal my lunch money.

Gypsyjo47: Never spend 20 dollar you can hang on to

AnnAsphodel: I prefer slut to whore. It's a little less coarse.

Modern Education:
Melodramamama22: i had a fabulous kindergarten life. i had a
paper dress and fishnet stockings

Joke Critique:
Gypsyjo47: I knew a girl named Mike Hunt and she had all sorts
of problems with that name.
Summers Eve L: No one names their daughter Mike. He just wanted
to use that name in a sentence.
Summers Eve L: It wasn't well thought out.
Summers Eve L: But I'm sure he sees that now.

Her Recalcitant F:
JadedDremer: jo, i only have one at home at the moment, but kate
and her b are over for the night
UntilYouCameBy: is the b for brat ?
JadedDremer: until, my f has been recalictrant lately. it's supposed
to be bf
UntilYouCameBy: ok lol
JadedDremer: er, recalcitrant
the only Seas: Jaded, I have a rebellious W

Onion came, Milk died, Let's eat:
BinxB91: Onion, what are people saying about the film Milk in
San Francisco?
PatientOnion3: milk was killed the same year I came to frisco, 1978,
it's hardly relevant
PatientOnion3: 30 years ago
PatientOnion3: time to chop veggies

A Fake Penrod?:
SBrin6: I've been coming here for over ten years; sometimes
it blows, sometimes it's funny
SBrin6: mostly it's boring
Beysshoes: whats your other nicks SN
Beysshoes: SB?
Brin6: no other sn now
SBrin6: used to SBrinch
KissMyAsterix: you were tossed?
SBrin6: then some other names
SBrin6: then Penrod59
SBrin6: I've been tos'd many times
Beysshoes: you're laying claim to penrod? nolo
Beysshoes: penrod is witty
Beysshoes: that aint you

Jam Betrayed:
Beysshoes: i thought you liked fezz jammers
Jam7604801: not in a few weeks bey
KissMyAsterix: he only has eyes for godwit
Beysshoes: ha. well gina dont tell jam about godwit and cat then
Jam7604801: not after he stuck his head up obamas butt
KissMyAsterix: you felt betrayed?
Beysshoes: good lawd! fezz likes our BLACK PRESIDENT? OMG

Jam Slam:
Jam7604801: i honestly don't miss onion
SBrin6: I like Onion, even if he's a commie punk
KissMyAsterix: I don't know how you can hate onion
Beysshoes: onions the best thing in here
KissMyAsterix: he should be cloned
Beysshoes: well, onion does call him a hillbilly a times
KissMyAsterix: onion calls everyone names
Jam7604801: nothing onion says is real real humor come from
making fun of something real
Jam7604801: bey i like realism not a bunch of fakes
SBrin6: this is fake, Jam

"cunt is only for the brave":
AnnAsphodel: I avoid saying "pussy"
BobsurAuntTom: twat?
BobsurAuntTom: Well, I like pussy.
AnnAsphodel: I always say cunt
BobsurAuntTom: Ann, you really are my kinda gal.
Beysshoes: pussy isn't as bad as beaver ann. twat is fine.
cunt is only for the brave.
Alansueton: the gravity of the vagina has once again pulled the
chat down to its level

oooolijay Usages:
oooolijay: i kinda want to send that to binx
Beysshoes: the pussy cunt twat discussion you mean ooji?
oooolijay: yes beys
oooolijay: i use pussy and cunt most often
oooolijay: i usually save twat for name calling
AnnAsphodel: Pussy seems undignified to me.
Summers Eve L: I'm going to quit drinking and join a convent.
Beatnikspore: i rarely have an instance in which they would be needed
PatientOnion3: Which word do your clients prefer?

men Men men men Manly men:
AnnAsphodel: Bob, I have no problem calling a man a slut.
BobsurAuntTom: Ann, aren't ALL men sluts?
AnnAsphodel: No.
Beysshoes: ann, the term is jiggaho
BobsurAuntTom: And if they're not, just what the hell is worng with them.
Catpower777: doing a little projecting, Bob?

BobsurAuntTom: Not at all Cat.... I think any man that doesn't at
least think about having sex constantly, isn't really a man.
Beatnikspore: bob there is much more than sex to think about
BobsurAuntTom: What is that Beat.
BobsurAuntTom: Spelling dummy?
Beatnikspore: obsession with sex is like brain damage

Crossing New Boundaries of Grossness:
NotNycgirl: jsut saying
Alansueton: Nyc i was being ironic Because if oooli had as
many pricks sticking out of her as she has had tuck in her she'd be
a porcupine
Catpower777: lolol Para
Catpower777: you are so going to hell
oooolijay: he is, and soon, cat
Beysshoes: he already went and they kicked his ass back up here.
Alansueton: Nyc ooooli is lovely and desirable An attractive and
intelligent woman very dangerous
Alansueton: She often vomits on cocks to show power
Beysshoes: omg is vomitting on cocks power? NOW you tell us para!

oooolijay: it might be easy
Summers Eve L: Is that why you confessed that? At random?
So you could get the attention you so desire?
oooolijay: you dont know
oooolijay: and i didn't completely vomit

Rodney King Moment:
BinxB91: Can't we just have a story about kissing sometime?
Beysshoes: a story? que? where binx?
oooolijay: there was kissing
Beysshoes: in this cesspool you want a kissing story binx?

Assholes R Us:
BobsurAuntTom: Ooooli, he's nice to most people. Nice...
a bit creepy... and in my opinion, an asshole.
BobsurAuntTom: But as I've said, it is not remotely personal.
Alansueton: I find Binx kind and honest
Alansueton: he's not perfect
Beysshoes: hey binx is only a creepy asshole with women bigsur.
oh and you.
Alansueton: but who is
BobsurAuntTom: That's true... he is an asshole that I chose to
point as as being such.
Summers Eve L: I tend to like assholes. Especially if they are amusing.
Beysshoes: it appears.
BobsurAuntTom: Oooli, I'm sure that I am an asshole to him.
But, I don't think I would care at all if he called me one.
Alansueton: Can't we all get along?
Beysshoes: what a sissyboy to whine on and on like that.
group hug para?

Binx and Ted's excellent adventure:
Tallthinjones: binx, would you have smelled a rat when ted bundy
offered you a lift?
PatientOnion3: binky, did you model for ted bundy?
NotNycgirl: if there was no handle, you wouldn't be able to shut
the door when you got in
oooolijay: i would have probably been killed by ted bundy
BinxB91: Ted Bundy wasn't interested in men

Onion Rant Number 287:
PatientOnion3: good, all those wacked out bingoheads are watching
tv and out of my way to world domination
PatientOnion3: I am a Paula Deen Cooking Machine
Beysshoes: paula deen? she'll be on qvc on the 14th with her
spring line homer
PatientOnion3: i'm cooking me up some class warfare over easy with a
side of lox filled bagelles

PatientOnion3: MONEY IS THE ROOT OF ALL SHOPPING. MACYS 8:12

Beysshoes names names:
KissMyAsterix: why do they call you oscar
KissMyAsterix: beys? you came up with that
KissMyAsterix: right?
Jam7604801: bey calls everyone oscar
KissMyAsterix: no she doesn't
KissMyAsterix: she calls onion something else
Tammynet: she has never called me oscar
KissMyAsterix: she doesn't call you oscar
Various704: cause i quoted wilde to her
Tammynet: she calls me tamela
KissMyAsterix: oh

[She called LaLeche League every couple of days for new
suggestions. Kate's favorite counselor was in Medford,
a working-class part of Boston Kate didn't remember ever
having seen. But the woman had no accent; she was
someone else far from home. You'll battle through this
she would say, be stubborn and hang on. Women are made
to nurse, she'd declare in each conversation, any woman
can nurse; and then she'd say, in a softer tone, that
people forgot how hard it was to get established the first
time. "Don't let the pain defeat you," were her exact
words. "The uterine pain actually helps you heal, and
your nipples will toughen."
"What about stress?" Kate asked once. "Will I have enough
milk ---"
"Stress?" was the response. "Are you kidding? Any woman
with a new baby is stressed to the max. She doesn't sleep,
she's bleeding, she's sore, she might have other kids or a
job she'll go back to. The baby is sucking for life. As
long as you eat well and drink, drink constantly, your
body responds. You don't need unbroken sleep. You don't
need a perfect situation. Refugees nurse their babies, and
war victims; theirs are the children more likely to survive,
even in the worst of times."
I understand, Kate wanted to say. I understand all about
you, and I understand everything.
"Have your husband buy a Knorr manual breast pump at the
hospital infirmary," the counselor had said, "and a roll of
disposable plastic bottles. The pump is a clear plastic tube,
marked in ounces. Use it each time your breasts aren't
completelt emptied by the baby. Increase production; you
can't have too much milk. Freeze all you express. That's
how some women work full-time and still nurse their babies.
I'll send you some information in the mail. And if you feel
discouraged, call back."
I just wanted to hear your voice, Kate wanted to say.]

4 of 5 chatters here know of Godwit:
Kgbirdpaul: is godwit really in prison?
CordialCactus: godwit is a [insert pejorative of choice here],
but he's an interesting catalyst
Beysshoes: what? godwit in jail?
MsVictoriaLynn1: no, but he should be
ElusvMemry: i think its better to have a guy in the bed...

A Dull Catalyst:
Tem o Bedlam: Actually, he's a dull catalyst. Every reaction
comes out the same.
Kgbirdpaul: insult people is sometimes catalytic
MsVictoriaLynn1: hes a pest
Beysshoes: he's just old school is all that godwit
KissMyAsterix: old school felon?
Various704: he robs from the rich and gives to the poor
MsVictoriaLynn1: a miscreant

Too Much Godwit already!:
KissMyAsterix: this is the man who wanted advice on how to kill his cat
KissMyAsterix: what do you consider a crime
Beysshoes: what? HIS cat? you mean euthanize it?
Tem o Bedlam: Nothing criminal that required minimal competence...
KissMyAsterix: well he was too cheap to pay someone to do it.
Beysshoes: godwit does not get messy tem
Beysshoes: he's like totally sanitized.

bail? bale? ... let's call the whole thing off:
Yossarian4now: and i can only wire so much bail money
Yossarian4now: they have a amount per day limit
Kgbirdpaul: Yoss is going to bail out godwit?
Yossarian4now: not a chance, paul
KissMyAsterix: we'd send godwit a bucket, let him bail himself out
KissMyAsterix: or would that be bale

Twitter:
WildCIAagent: ohhhhhhhhh had to take sox off... hot feet

Many are asked, but few are chosen:
BinxB91: Treeluva, what are you wearing?
MsVictoriaLynn1: ever notice no one ever asks me that?
Beysshoes: cus you hussy you always be nekkid
BinxB91: MsVic, what are you wearing?

Beysshoes naming names again:
BinxB91: Beys, who among us is most likely to be naked?
Beysshoes: you mean in the chatroom binky?
BinxB91: Maybe it would be someone in Hawaii
BinxB91: yes, Beys
Beysshoes: uhm ... tamela
Beysshoes: if she's IMg with onion
MsVictoriaLynn1: sure as hell wouldn't be naked here in February
ElusvMemry: do you mean totally nekkid?
Tammynet: i am not in hawaii
Beysshoes: lordy elus ... goody 2 shoes
MsVictoriaLynn1: Oh and panties.... NOT Speedos!
BinxB91: Tammy is in the Great Northwest
Tammynet: and thanks for thinking it was me beys
Beysshoes: tammy is in seattle binx
Catpower777: yeah, it's too cold for Tammy to be nekkid right now
MsVictoriaLynn1: here too Cat
ElusvMemry: so turn up the heat
MsVictoriaLynn1: Its chilly
Beysshoes: snow in seattle???
Tammynet: yes
Tammynet: we have had lots this year
MsVictoriaLynn1: Good, its about time someone else got it
Catpower777: Bey, where do you think Seattle is...Mississippi?
Beysshoes: omg. so does that mean frasier was canceled.
Beysshoes: seattle is west coast cat
BinxB91: It's geography night on the Shelf

ParaMyrrh on his 2nd beer:
Alansueton: I like the Vintage gals not fake curves
also Nina Hartley is great she's smart watched an interview with
her she was a nurse and became a porn star because she loves sex
she was totally open and talked about responsibility

IRL we're mature:
MsVictoriaLynn1: Beys did it, cybered him to death
KissMyAsterix: so when beys says friend...
Catpower777: yes, she means herself
MsVictoriaLynn1: exactly Cat
KissMyAsterix: that's what i heard
Beysshoes: gina. how many times i gots to tell you nobody IRL
likes me chica?
Zenchef2006: kiss, she means bow chicka wow wow!!
Beysshoes: shut up cat
MsVictoriaLynn1: LOL
Beysshoes: YOU shut up beys
KissMyAsterix: you lie though beys
KissMyAsterix: right zen
Beysshoes: do noooot
KissMyAsterix: do so

I love it already:
Catpower777: wait
Catpower777: who was compared to Raymond Carver?
BinxB91: Raymond carver often wrote about people struggling
with addiction
Beysshoes: binx is yakkin about jones' book cat
Tammynet: TJ
BinxB91: TallThinJones
Catpower777: see now, I'm a major Raymond Carver fan
Beysshoes: binky been drinking ?
Tammynet: the other night someone stated that john updike mentioned
tj too
BinxB91: Jones writes about janitors, boxers, epiletics,
Vietnam Vets struggling with PTSD
Beysshoes: omg binx. send me his book please.
Catpower777: you've read his stuff?
MsVictoriaLynn1: That is VERY cool, thank you Tammy
BinxB91: yes, Updike gave Jones a letter of support
Beysshoes: janitors too? wow
Beysshoes: i love it already
BinxB91: I did read some of Jones' short stories before I ever met
him in this chat room
Beysshoes: does the janitor sweat though?
BinxB91: Jones was a school janitor after he came back from Vietnam

Lost:
ThePaIeRlDER: id do ya bey
Beysshoes: nah uh
Catpower777: Bey and John Updike, sittin in a tree
CordialCactus: whoa, im lost
MsVictoriaLynn1: do so TOO!!! Pfffttt....
Beysshoes: thank you pale. but i thought that was you last night. nolo?
ThePaIeRlDER: might have been........
MsVictoriaLynn1: no Beys it was me

Bad Naked:
Zenchef2006: lynn, back to the subject of nekkid veggie peeling,
i gave up nude bowling
Zenchef2006: they insist that i wear those ridiculous shoes!!!
MsVictoriaLynn1: men do not get periods, they get exclaimation points
ThePaIeRlDER: i have gone through some rough periods vic
Beysshoes: lolol you jigaho
MsVictoriaLynn1: good Zen, getting yourself caught in the ball
return could hurt like hell

"you're so vain":
Beysshoes: yah. btw para next time you send me your pix pls put
some speedos on. anything reallly would be good.
Beysshoes: hey i bet para's gonna think my cabin story is about him gina

European:
Beysshoes: wow oscar. give you a gf and you all worns out
Various704: im oldand grey, bey
KissMyAsterix: that's going to be you're down pat excuse tonight various?
Various704: yep
Beysshoes: oscar haven't you guys in europe heard of viagra?
Various704: we live on oysters and caviar here bey. we need no
american drugs
Beysshoes: buncha stuckups

Been Down So Long Looked Like Up To Me:
Kan wa ma kan: i just got an im from u r a booger
Kan wa ma kan: should i answer it

2009-03-19T13:11:00.000-07:00

"Oh, I'm not so good"

BookShelf Poet Laureate:
DoomGrl: monkey boy kissed me in the stair well today
DoomGrl: the whole time I thought, I need a new puppy

What the Center Produces:
PatientOnion3: SF is full of loners, look at the beats in
north beach in the 50s
BinxB91: full of loners ....
BinxB91: Isn't that a paradox?
PatientOnion3: you can be a loner anywhere as long as it's
on the east/west coast, the center produces people like Jam

How Not to Look Gay:
AmberDevilRay8: You can eat anything and not appear gay, as
long as it's raw and get the blood all over your face and
hold raw chunks in the air and look up and shake your head
violently with meat in your teeth.
Jam7604801: well amber i get a little wild with the steak
knife a waitress once came to ask if i needed a refill and
she about lost a finger

Narcissus Break:
Alansueton: Binx Have you seen the picture of my butt on
my blogsite?
Alansueton: it's glorious My butt actually has a halo around it
KissMyAsterix: your butt had a religious experience?
zomcom81: hasn't everyones?

I Bet You Think This Is About You:
Gleam1946: I want to look at the graves in Arlington and count
the Stars of David

Obama's mama and W.?:
Jam7604801: i wish i could go back in time i would shoot
obamas momma in the head before she met that idiot
Ashardymon: thats a little harsh jam

Dr. Fork's Office:
Tom Brite: my dentist has beck, limbaugh, hannity and some other dude
Forkrerereredux: if fork had an office, he would play gangster rap

One More Worry:
Prospect26: I carry a gun

NRA Roast:
Pheziwig: We have the right to bear arms but I don't think the
framers of the Constitution foresaw machine guns etc.
Pheziwig: I think the shot gun and the rifle are sacred
Pheziwig: everyone gets one vote, if you know what I mean
Pheziwig: But an AK sort of stuffs the ballot box

Melo After Dark:
Melodramamama22: i once had a maroon cutlass supreme with
"holemobile" keyed into the side of it
Summers Eve L: You keyed it yourself didn't you?
Melodramamama22: lol, no
Summers Eve L: Thought it was someone else's car while
carrying your shoes?

Singles Ad of the Week:
Melodramamama22: oh dear lord. i'm getting into bed with my
ice cream sandwiches and some gay literature here in a sec

Mixed Message:
Shckltn912: i sold cars for my best friend, he was great at
his job, a real douche

Beckett's Mind?:
Shckltn912: waiting for godot was actually written with laurel
and hardy in mind

Neglected Dishes:
Pheziwig: Any ladies want to email me naked pics? Otherwise
I'm going to surf porno sites or go to bed. I'll do the dishes
tomorrow

Henson Dreams:
Shckltn912: my favorite sesame street anything was something
called 'milk crisis'

Read Between the Lines Lily:
LilysJazz: shck i've got a question. why is it that when i
enter a reading or literature room in numerous chats, no one
is ever talking about literature, books, reading, etc.?

UnFocused:
Gleam1946: Jews and Arabs never were in the news till the
Un created Israel, than the focus suddenly changed.

Ask Me Some Questions!:
Shckltn912: because i asked nicely
Shckltn912: because it's an opportunity to be nice to someone
Shckltn912: to be thoughtful
BinxB91: Lily's, it's what he does. A good question might even
blossom into a discussion
Shckltn912: and a chance to impress binx and make him jealous
LilysJazz: a discussion about what?
Shckltn912: personal matters, lily
BinxB91: Lilys!!! You ARE a fuss budget
LilysJazz: i have no knowledge of his/her personal life so i
wouldn't no were to begin
Shckltn912: lily, you're missing the point by miles
Shckltn912: which is fine, forget i asked
Shckltn912: it's just a request to ask a perfect stranger a
penetrating, thoughtful question
Shckltn912: it's an exercise in something
Shckltn912: most people are too self-involved to ask good questions
of others

Monk Stumped:
LilysJazz: really? i think people have a reason to be a little
self absorbed right now....a few of them may even be wondering
where their next meal is coming from
Shckltn912: lily, ask me some questions, please
LilysJazz: okay is this the end of days?
LilysJazz: as in the bible?
Shckltn912: no such thing
Shckltn912: and if so, who cares
Shckltn912: lily, please leave me alone
Shckltn912: someone ask me some questions, please

Well, he did ask ...:
Jam7604801: monk if you was stranded on gilligans island and the
3 women were not there which guy would you f-ck first?

Jam Unleashed
Jam7604801: ok Monk if you was in this situation what would
you do --- your dick is in a vice the handle is broke off the
vice and some smart guy greased up a pipe and shoved it up
your arse and run barbwire up in the pipe and pull the pipe
out
Jam7604801: and the tied off the barbwire and set the building
on fire and left a axe on the table by the vice what would you
do first?
Doc Whew: i hate when that happens

Portrait of an Artist as an Old Man:
Forkrerereredux: what the hell professor doesn't know how to use
email?
KissMyAsterix: he probably just doesn't want to email students
Forkrerereredux: maybe. i think it's a bunch of bs
Forkrerereredux: anyway, you'd think someone who made a career out
of james joyce could figure out how to use email
KissMyAsterix: maybe after a career of james joyce you don't want
to read anyone's email
KissMyAsterix: perhaps they cannot compare
Forkrerereredux: maybe he'd accept if i write to him in stream of
consciousness

What Fork Finds Inappropriate:
Forkrerereredux: fork's chiropractor had a very political radio show
on in the office
Forkrerereredux: fork found it inappropriate
Forkrerereredux: very right wing
Forkrerereredux: the man said liberals are very angry people
Forkrerereredux: angry over so many "injustices" that aren't actually
happening to them

Gina's Doctor:
Forkrerereredux: who puts on such a thing in a medical office?
KissMyAsterix: dr mengler?

Gina's Dating Advice:
KissMyAsterix: hard to imagine you can't get a date fork
Forkrerereredux: fork would like a hot date with Katherine Robbins
KissMyAsterix: maybe you have to ask her

No One Asked but...:
Forkrerereredux: fork has been sitting here for the last hour
with his pants off

Long Arms:
BobsurAuntTom: I like walking away from the screen

Butterfinger Bashing:
AmberDevilRay8: This Butterfinger is one-inch long.
AmberDevilRay8: Yet, they call it "fun size".
AmberDevilRay8: That should be a crime.
MsVictoriaLynn1: how much fun can that be?
Alansueton: An inch is fun! Whooopeee I am three times fun!
Catpower777: my mom says "I don't see anything fun about that"
AmberDevilRay8: What is this in a Butterfinger, anyway?
AmberDevilRay8: Fossilized sap?

and willing to tell Prospect?:
Prospect26: Is anyone here on facebook?

Mistaken for MortalCombatDoomGrl:
DoomGrl: i am not a video game

Frat Boy Forever:
Catpower777: isn't facebook what they call the directories in college?
Pheziwig: No, that was ass book

Gag:
Prospect26: Summers... I laughed yesterday when I did a face
plant in the snow.

Everyone, Check Your Driveway:
Melodramamama22: o hai, i'm in ur car eatin yer drivethru

Kurosawa Dreams:
BinxB91: I still dream in Japanese sometimes but all characters
ever say are things like "irrashaimasee" or "ohio" or "saiko"
Pheziwig: Binx, you dream in Japanese?
Pheziwig: Do the people in your dreams have lips our of sync with
their voices?

Dale Carnegie Drop-Out:
SteveIzHere8: I'm sick of being nice when people just get on my nerves.

Study Break:
Anais3233: i just finished my socialization paper
Anais3233: for sociology
Anais3233: now i'm working on my psych paper
Anais3233: which is why i'm here freak watching!
Bgrant444: Anais are you logging the chat?
Anais3233: i have worked "Burping the abc's
Anais3233: into my latest paper, thank you very much
KissMyAsterix: what's the paper on?
Anais3233: college classroom ettiquette
Anais3233: I think I might change my name to Emily Pasties.
Anais3233: instead of post.
Anais3233: ok, never mind.

The Better Half:
Neonyma: A chat room loses something when you have to have at
least half of the room on ignore. I think I'll wander along too
NomduSemiLLC: Depends on which half

Overlook Her Flaws:
Creepy Loner: I think that Paris Hilton is physically attractive
...for the most part...although she does have this "I just bit
into a turd" sneer that I can't stand.
Creepy Loner: Otherwise, very good looking.

Goals:
Forkrerereredux: fork wants a wristband with a tiger on it

Monk's Courting:
Shckltn912: my wife stalked me
Shckltn912: probably several weeks
Shckltn912: wasn't really stalking
Shckltn912: we met once, didn't exchange information
Shckltn912: couple weeks later, she showed up at my work
Shckltn912: big, corporate building - all she knew was my first
name and what i looked like
SteveIzHere8: well you're still living
Shckltn912: i happened to be leaving the building to get coffee

["I don't understand why you're trying to deny it," Rosa said.
"He was a liar. He betrayed us, he stole from us. Every time
he saw that woman, he was giving her attention and time that
was rightfully ours."
Karla considered this. Try as she might, she could not think
of herself as a victim of her father's sin. Whatever energy
her father had expended on Bernice, it had surely not been
embezzled from a finite family supply. To the extent that
Bernice had made Joel happy, it was perfectly possible that
Karla and her sister --- even her mother --- had actually
benefitted from the affair. She thought about the glowing
goodwill she had felt toward her patients, toward strangers
on the subway --- toward even Mike --- during the six weeks
that she had been with Khaled. Never had she been filled
with so much reckless magnanimity. It was one of the
discomfiting paradoxes of adultry: sin had made her a better
person.
Rosa turned her to her suddenly. "I'm sorry, Karla," she said.
"I don't why I'm giving you such a hard time. You, of all
people, don't need my lectures one being good."
Karla blushed. "Oh, I'm not so good."]

Holes:
CordialCactus: axel.. i told my daughter that when that one boy
starts picking on her and saying not nice stuff she should say
"So?"
CordialCactus: you could try that
AXELvonAUR: ha
Melodramamama22: axel, what was he mad at you about?
Melodramamama22: or was it just your general you're-breathing
type offense
Boulshevit: lol..yeah, I was married once too, Mels
Melodramamama22: welp, sometimes that IS the greatest crime.
existing.
AXELvonAUR: He thinks I interfered with one of his online affairs
years ago, so he has a permanent grudge
AXELvonAUR: And I know too much about him, and that makes him paranoid
AXELvonAUR: He's a rather nasty online Lothario
AXELvonAUR: But you can't warn women, you just have to let
them find out for themselves.
Melodramamama22: bob is a lothario? is he cute? why did no one
tell me?
Melodramamama22: dammit
AXELvonAUR: Melo, he is a playa
AXELvonAUR: Melo, go for it
Various704: hes gay, melo
EmpressZ21: ive found that about a lot of people axe
no one takes a warning
Melodramamama22: i need another playa like i need a hole in the head

Lothario to the Max:
CordialCactus: what was that movie with Lothario in the title?
CordialCactus: not Dimestore Lothario.. but along those lines
Boulshevit: The Lothario what stoled Christmas?
AXELvonAUR: how about Ditchwater Lothario
CordialCactus: hey that could be fun
CordialCactus: substitute Lothario for a word in a movie title
AXELvonAUR: The Talented Mr Lothario
AXELvonAUR: Being John Lothario
AXELvonAUR: The Last Lothario
AXELvonAUR: The English Lothario
Various704: pulp lothario
Boulshevit: Lothorio does Dallas
AXELvonAUR: Moulin Lothario
Melodramamama22: that's just wishful thinkin there
AXELvonAUR: Key Lothario
EmpressZ21: confessions of a lothario
AXELvonAUR: Diary of a Mad Lothario
EmpressZ21: paul blart mall lothario
Catpower777: good question, Var
Various704: the madness of king lothario III
AXELvonAUR: I have the impression that it is some kind of stock
character from a 17th century play
AXELvonAUR: let's look it up

Thelma and Lothario:
CordialCactus: ha, ive got one.. finally
CordialCactus: The Passion of the Lothario
Boulshevit: Var, you're ffar too coy to be a lothario
CordialCactus: man.. im going to get struck by lightning tonight
Various704: im coy?
AXELvonAUR: Bang the Lothario Slowly
AXELvonAUR: Dances With Lotharios
Boulshevit: lol..hell, I don't know
Various704: i like you man, but
Various704: its me not you
CordialCactus: Lothario VII
AXELvonAUR: Lothario Story
Boulshevit: lol..what?
AXELvonAUR: Seven Brides for Seven Lotharios
AXELvonAUR: West Side Lothario
AXELvonAUR: Operation Lothario
Fifi LeBeouf: :looks up to the bleachers:
AXELvonAUR: Front Page Lothario
CordialCactus: The Lothario King, The Little Lothario, Toy Lothario,
Jungle Lothario, Beauty and the Lothario
Boulshevit: So we do understand each other..lol
Various704: lothario, go home
Melodramamama22: i like that one best var
AXELvonAUR: Various are you stoned on cheap beer?

Noted:
Niontron3:I wouldn't date a short animal doctor

Remembering TooHotDVM(Binx's Obsession):
BinxB91: TooHot posted Bidet's picture several years back
BIDET LIVES: did i look fat in that one?
LadyMtnMedic: Binx why do you still obssess over her?
BinxB91: But you told us how TooHot went on and on about
how great your ass looked
BinxB91: obsess? TooHot was very entertaining
BinxB91: and she could be teased and never got mad
LadyMtnMedic: not really Binx
Niontron3: toohot was a christian fanatic
Niontron3: I like a moderate christians
BinxB91: well, i thought she was funny ... and when she got
tiresome I just stopped reading any maroon font
BIDET LIVES: oh that picture at the restaurant of both of us?
LadyMtnMedic: Hope she found happiness somewhere out there
BIDET LIVES: i was pregnant in that picture
BinxB91: so you were glowing
BIDET LIVES: lady?
BIDET LIVES: she married a gay man
BIDET LIVES: but first he got her pregnant somehow
LadyMtnMedic: what? no!
BIDET LIVES: yes
BIDET LIVES: a gay drug user
LadyMtnMedic: one of her church buddies?
BIDET LIVES: no, but she was going to the gay church
BIDET LIVES: he wrecked a car, had his stomach pumped and went
to jail the second week they were married
CordialCactus: oh... ive heard this story
BinxB91: You know, Bidet, you have been known to invent stories
to have fun with people by
BIDET LIVES: i couldn't make this up, binx
BIDET LIVES: we used to invite her over sometimes
Creepy Loner: Sounds like something that would happen to me.
Creepy Loner: I like this person.
BIDET LIVES: we don't anymore, because this guy is so creepy -
we don't want him around the kids
BinxB91: Well, it's TooHot. Anything's possible
CordialCactus: shady
BinxB91: C'Loner, TooHot is your direct opposite. She would
never shut up
Creepy Loner: Hm.
BinxB91: She was a veterinarian in dallas. And Bidet conned
her into babysitting
BIDET LIVES: she never babysat
BIDET LIVES: are you nuts?
BIDET LIVES: she came over for dinner sometimes
BIDET LIVES: and she watched the cat while we were out of town once
BinxB91: I still have a picture of TooHot. She looked cute putting
a mortar board on her dog. All the later pictures she posted made
her look demented
LadyMtnMedic: as I said, you seem to be obssessing Binx

Paradox:
CordialCactus: creepy, i find myself wanting to offer alternate word
choices to people who use the word creepy for anything else but
talking to you
Creepy Loner: I've tried that Cord, and sometimes still do, but
there's no hope.
Creepy Loner: [shrug]

Cat Manners:
BIDET LIVES: she tried to teach the cat manners
BIDET LIVES: he was a horrible cat
CordialCactus: she was a veterinarian?
BIDET LIVES: very destructive
BIDET LIVES: she would hold him on his back and shriek NOOOOO in his
face

Trivial Pursuit:
Various704: what actor always wore the same coat in every film
AXELvonAUR: hmmm
Melodramamama22: can we have a hint?
Various704: no
AXELvonAUR: Sidney Greenstreet?
Boulshevit: James Dean
Catpower777: charlie chaplin
Various704: lassy, you dimwits
AXELvonAUR: give us a hint
Melodramamama22: chaplin sounds right
AXELvonAUR: Various got us and good
CordialCactus: various, i knew that
Boulshevit: Oh..dammit, when he said Lassie, I though he meant
it was a chick

2009-03-05T17:15:00.000-08:00

NO NEED TO BE LEARY
OF JHUMPA LAHIRI

Bot Break:
kirstenqa: woohoo its working :) , who wan asee my cam ?
mylivecam.xoxgo.com
Boulshevit: Kirst, go see where what's her nuts just went
Melodramamama22: i bet if we really could see her live cam,
she's picking her nose and heating up a baby bottle
Fifi LeBeouf: ...nuts always follow...
kirstenqa: grrr my cam aint worrrking here, but its working
at mylivecam.xoxgo.com
Boulshevit: grrr
Boulshevit: I hate that!
CordialCactus: you hate when your web cam aint worrrking?
Boulshevit: Damn straight!
CordialCactus: ha
Melodramamama22: i hate when i wan asee and i can't
kirstenqa: ul defeneeetly like this mylivecam.xoxgo.com
Boulshevit: You wanna see MY webcam, Mels??
Fifi LeBeouf: As opposed to yer deadcam.necrophilia.shiOt
kirstenqa: ist free if you are over 18 mylivecam.xoxgo.com
Melodramamama22: if you're a kid, it'll cost ya
Boulshevit: Unfortunatly it ain't working

What are you wearing?:
Melodramamama22: er whatcha got on bouls?
Boulshevit: My work shirt and dirt

Head Start:
Kgbirdpaul: I was unpopular in first grade

The Invisible Prospect:
SteveIzHere7: god, who are these new people?
Prospect26: Stev...I am not a new people.
I have been here for a long time.

Neeker the Conversation Killer:
Neeker54: is there anyone in here that can please, please
please edit an essay for me?
AnnAsphodel: Neeker, do your own homework!
Neeker54: i did, its just editing
Neeker54: is there anyone i can email?
BinxB91: go ahead neeker. I'll try
Neeker54: thanks bin
Neeker54: whats your email?
Neeker54: ill copy and paste it
BinxB91: my name
AnnAsphodel: whoooboy
Neeker54: at aol?
BinxB91: @aol.com yes
Neeker54: ok thank you
BinxB91: lol, Ann
BinxB91: I often do this
AnnAsphodel: How very sweet of you.
BinxB91: I once did this in 2001 ... and we're still in touch
BinxB91: she's 24 now
AnnAsphodel: My goodness.
BinxB91: and ...
BinxB91: she works as an artist model
AnnAsphodel: That's interesting.
BinxB91: reading
Neeker54: please feel free to make whatever corrections you want,
i would appreciate it so much
AnnAsphodel: Ah, the appreciation.
EmpressZ21: what is this paper about
Neeker54: trust and fairness in education
EmpressZ21: hahahahahaha
EmpressZ21: youre kidding
Neeker54: yea
Neeker54: its complicated
Neeker54: hard to explain
AnnAsphodel: It's
EmpressZ21: no it really isnt
Neeker54: its on larry nucci's theory of trust and fariness
Neeker54: in the classroom
Neeker54: for affective education
AnnAsphodel: effective
EmpressZ21: affective education you say
EmpressZ21: do you mean effective
AnnAsphodel: Whew
EmpressZ21: dear god hazel
Summers Eve L: Maybe he means emotional education.
Neeker54: 'nope, it's affective
AnnAsphodel: What is affective education?
Neeker54: google it
EmpressZ21: is this the males vs females thing
Neeker54: no
Summers Eve L: Affective: adj. of, caused by, or expressing
emotion or feeling; emotional.
Summers Eve L: effective: adj. adequate to accomplish a purpose;
producing the intended or expected result: effective teaching
methods; effective steps toward peace
EmpressZ21: self esteem and and all that rot?
Neeker54: yea
AnnAsphodel: I'm going to sleep now.
AnnAsphodel: bye!
(2 minutes later)
Zenchef2006: hello to the shelf
Zenchef2006: echo!! echo!!! echo!!!
Zenchef2006: eve?? hada?? you guys there????

Jane Tested:
Danmagtom: eh.. i am out of here too
JaneH56: see you around dan.
JaneH56: asshole.

Prospect Visions:
Prospect26: I have a life...sorry that you thought I was a loser.
CordialCactus: prospect...no one said you are a loser
RebeccaSWA: Who pasted this judgement?
KammaToasted: i've thought a coupla times that he was a loser,
but by god, i've never typed it
CordialCactus: We like that you come here
Prospect26: Cordial,,,thank you for your kind words.
Don't hear it often.

Cuckoo!:
Sleepy Eyed Evie: its odd, but both of my roommates walk around
singing all the time
Sleepy Eyed Evie: i mean its fine, they actually sing pretty well,
but its weird
Sleepy Eyed Evie: kinda like living with the von trapp family
or something

CausticCactus:
CordialCactus: my poor husband.. ugh.. i should have been more
sympathetic
CordialCactus: laryngitis, a cold and now stomach upset
CordialCactus: i glared when i handed him his chicken and dumplings
CordialCactus: and stomped a little bit when he asked for the hot pad
CordialCactus: rolled my eyes when he wanted tea
MsVictoriaLynn1: look at him and just say... WAAH!
CordialCactus: and harrumphed at the bendy straw request
MsVictoriaLynn1: Ooo a Harrumph...?
Doc Whew: did you buy him sudoku
Tammynet: "Cactus is the darkside" ....boulshevit
MsVictoriaLynn1: thats harsh
BinxB91: gee, among the criminal code of lack of sympathy those
are barely misdemeanors
CordialCactus: doc, lol.. no, but thats a thought
CordialCactus: he will probably want me to fill in the numbers for
him, though

Dating Advice:
RebeccaSWA: Ok who is this Doc Whew guy?
CordialCactus: he's a family doc on the east coast.. older,
married, randy.. hmm..
CordialCactus: republican
RebeccaSWA: He's hitting on my in a instant message, creepy.
CordialCactus: yes.. he does that
CordialCactus: just be boring
CordialCactus: worked for me

[He did not know if he loved her. He said he did when she had
first asked him, one afternoon in Palo Alto as they sat side
by side in a darkened, nearly empty movie theater. Before
the film, something in German that he found extremely
depressing, she had pressed the the tip of her nose to his
so that he could feel the flutter of her mascara-coated eye-
lashes. That afternoon he had replied, yes, he loved her,
and she was delighted, and fed him a piece of popcorn,
letting her finger linger an instant between his lips, as if
were his reward for coming up with the right answer.]

Or Switch to the Animal Channel:
LadyQuasi: BRB...the puppy is trying to eat the remote control.

They're Out There:
Gleam1946: these people take to the streets real fast and that
shit is a problem
Gleam1946: and mars and way out there what is the problem with
acknowledging that?

When Anais comes to dinner, serve the crap steamed:
Anais3233: i don't like fried crap

Wholesome:
Summers Eve L: I've got my laundry all done and my lunch packed.
Clothes laid out for tomorrow.

Unwholesome:
Summers Eve L: I am SO mad.
Summers Eve L: This carton.
Summers Eve L: Expires tomorrow!
Summers Eve L: I just bought organic milk. Only reason I buy it is
b/c it lasts extra long.
EmpressZ21: drink fast MH!

Whaddya Wearing?:
Tallthinjones: i've got a shirt that says, "Goddamn Mosquitos" on
it and
Tallthinjones: i got stopped by a cop in WI, (Cactus) years ago
with a shirt that read, "Fuck the John Birch Society"
CordialCactus: my son is on facebook.. he just went on a winter retreat
with his youth group..his facebook status read: Hittin the slopes
with Jesus, bitches.. im waiting to here what my mom says about that
CordialCactus: tallthin, did that make you sweat a bit?
Tallthinjones: "Hugs Not Drugs" apparel is corny
Tallthinjones: i had to turn it inside out
KissMyAsterix: how about drugs not hugs?
Tallthinjones: any fool can wear that one
KissMyAsterix: not corny?
LadyQuasi: One of my students walked in with a shirt on that had an
eye, a heart, and a picture of a beaver shaving
Tallthinjones: the pusher man has a couple
MsVictoriaLynn1: Hugs are for people who can't face Drugs
LadyQuasi: The administration flipped.
KissMyAsterix: a girl?i kinda wear it around town. i don't if
i'm pushing it tho

[Dev was Bengali, too. At first Miranda thought it was a
religion. But then he pointed it out to her, a place in India
called Bengal in a map printed in an issue of The Economist.
He had brought the magazine specially to her apartment, for
she did not own an atlas, or any other books with maps in them.
He pointed to the city where he'd been born. One of the cities
had a box around it, intended to attract the reader's eye. When
Miranda asked what the box indicated, Dev rolled up the
magazine, and said, "Nothing you'll ever need to worry about,"
and he tapped her playfully on the head.
Before leaving her apartment he'd tossed the magazine in the
garbage, along with the ends of the three cigarettes he always
smoked in the course of his visits. But after she watched his
car disappear down Commonwealth Avenue, back to his house in
the suburbs where he lived with his wife, Miranda retrieved it,
and brushed the ashes off the cover, and rolled it in the
opposite direction to get it to lie flat. She got into bed,
still rumpled from their lovemaking, and studied the borders
of Bengal. There was a bay below and mountains above. The
map was connected to an article about something called the
Grammin Bank. She turned the page, hoping for a photograph
of the city where Dev was born, but all she found was graphs
and grids. Still, she stared at them, thinking the whole
while about Dev, about how only fifteen minutes ago he'd
propped her feet on top of his shoulders, and pressed her
knees to her chest, and told her he couldn't get enough of
her.]

Whore Stories:
HelenaHandbagg: empress is a whore
DebsVersion2006: she is a whore
DebsVersion2006: whoer*
HelenaHandbagg: total whore.\
EmpressZ21: she really is
BinxB91: empress isn't a whore
HelenaHandbagg: oh yes she is
EmpressZ21: she really is binx
DebsVersion2006: she really is binx
BinxB91: She's a lady with a few bawdy moments
EmpressZ21: awww i like that better
DebsVersion2006: it's like Binx doesn't know you at all :(
BinxB91: which I wish she'd share
EmpressZ21: see that tramps! i am a LADY!
BinxB91: no, I don't have a good Empress vision
DebsVersion2006: beer goggles, Binx.
EmpressZ21: yes you cant take it back you do binx!
oh you doooooooooo
BinxB91: No neat Empress story that would help me visualize her
in my mind
BinxB91: CordialCactus tends bar and battles toddlers
BinxB91: like that
BinxB91: So, tell us an Empress story
BinxB91: "think of me and try not to laugh" --- Rod Stewart
EmpressZ21: g'head girls tell him an empress story
DebsVersion2006: well
DebsVersion2006: this one time, at disneyworld...........
DebsVersion2006: .............she had skorts.
DebsVersion2006: pastel skorts.

Innocent:
AnnAsphodel: can you really roll a joint with a tampon wrapper?

Anais's kids:
HelenaHandbagg: the kids are always in my anatomy books
HelenaHandbagg: pointing at weiners

Anais's Man:
HelenaHandbagg: i found a picture of my husband from marching band
and i shit you not, he looks EXACTLY like lord farquaad from shrek

Trace of Sarcasm:
Summers Eve L: Speaking of sunshine, unicorns, stars, and rainbows.
Hi there, Phronsie.

High School Triumphs:
Summers Eve L: I was in the national latin society. And. I was forced
to go to the national latin convention.
Summers Eve L: And.
Summers Eve L: Participate in the costume contest.
EmpressZ21: i didnt do anything dorky in high school
Summers Eve L: Like I know latin. Ok?!
Summers Eve L: And my teacher made us dress as the seven hills of rome.
HelenaHandbagg: HILLS?
DebsVersion2006: were you two of them?
Phronsie: I think that is great, Summer
Summers Eve L: The convention was in Memphis.
Summers Eve L: Anyway.
Phronsie: knowing Latin, that is
Summers Eve L: Shut up, Phronsie. Like seriously.
Summers Eve L: We looked like condoms.
Summers Eve L: And they called us the seven trojans.
Summers Eve L: And we totally won.
HelenaHandbagg: you WON?
HelenaHandbagg: you're shitting me?

B Wear:
PatientOnion3: i get the
PatientOnion3: "B" screen names confused
PatientOnion3: binky, bob, bolshevik
KissMyAsterix: the b's blur?
PatientOnion3: The Bale Rider
PatientOnion3: War Horse Bor
PatientOnion3: Banda52
BinxB91: Becca
RebeccaSWA: Yes?
BinxB91: Just giving you a B name
PatientOnion3: BorkReREdux
PatientOnion3: Breepy Loner
BinxB91: banais
PatientOnion3: BammyNet
RebeccaSWA: Oh no thank you, lol.
PatientOnion3: BamberDevilRay72
BinxB91: Bummers Eve L
RebeccaSWA: I'll be the odd ball.
BinxB91: :LOL
PatientOnion3: Booooo Li Jay w/Broccoli over
Pan Fried Rice Noodles
PatientOnion3: that's her halloween name
PatientOnion3: just like that woman in san jose had
holiday names
PatientOnion3: the one who married the axe murderer at lake tahoe

Skort Story:
HelenaHandbagg: and skorts?
DebsVersion2006: skorts weren't so in
EmpressZ21: my wardrobe was tres chic
EmpressZ21: and a girl needs to be ready to golf at any time

Insult Tips:
BinxB91: Two young women had a shouting match at work the other day.
The more angry one called the other a "douche" as the other walked
out the door. I thought she could have done better than that after
finishing 4 years of college
Summers Eve L: At least add in the word nozzle or something.

Jolly and Sad:
Summers Eve L: I'm addicted to Fats Domino - Ain't That A Shame.
Summers Eve L: I reminded myself of it earlier when I said it.
Summers Eve L: I like jolly tunes with sad lyrics.
BinxB91: Name another example, nathalie
Summers Eve L: 98 Tears
EmpressZ21: it's my party and ill cry if i want to
BinxB91: You don't Own Me

Lack the Iniative for Change:
Jlswilson227: Oh it is truely difficult. Just say what ever
offensive thing comes to mind, and apologize later for your ignorance.
BinxB91: Evereytime I type "wilson" I feel like Tom Hanks talking
to his volleyball
Jlswilson227: I am not fond of the screen name myself, but lack
the iniative for change. Hmmm propably why most americans don't
demand socialized medicine

Fandom:
Forkrerereredux: fork loves mr binx and mr onion

Fork is back:
KissMyAsterix: there are hacking books fork
KissMyAsterix: but most involve cons, and phone calls
Forkrerereredux: are there really?
Forkrerereredux: that's what all the hacking software seemed like
Forkrerereredux: a scam
Forkrerereredux: fork just wants to hack a myspace
Roadofmychoosing: isn't anyone tired of fork's hacking inquiries!
Roadofmychoosing: I'd rather listen to a bot
Forkrerereredux: fork is a bot

Fork as Dr. Phil
Forkrerereredux: people are generally forgiving
Forkrerereredux: fork has done awful things to people
Forkrerereredux: and some of them were okay with it
KissMyAsterix: you find them more forgiving?
KissMyAsterix: or easier to forgive
Forkrerereredux: oh yes
Forkrerereredux: more forgiving
Forkrerereredux: fork is not a forgiving person, however
Forkrerereredux: fork holds grudges
KissMyAsterix: that's very detail oriented of you
KissMyAsterix: for what
Forkrerereredux: just about anything
Forkrerereredux: fork is very angry
KissMyAsterix: do you ever hold a grudge for someone forgiving you?
KissMyAsterix: when you don't deserve it
Forkrerereredux: like girls with low self esteem, for example

Announcement:
Forkrerereredux: hi summers eve
Forkrerereredux: you are fork's friend

Like Visit Chat Rooms?
Forkrerereredux: drinking is bad for fork
Forkrerereredux: makes him do crazy things

That Wild Prospect:
Prospect26: Holo...just finished sending a critique to
Sayulita in Mexico.

What Are You Wearing?:
Prospect26: Binx...I azm not reading right now.

The Unexplained:
tallimom08: any males in here im me
BinxB91: I'd like to IM a woman. But I don't like being referred
to as a "male". Sounds like a police description
Prospect26: Binx...are you a male? No stories? Explanations?

Unpublished Short Story:
Tallthinjones: ha ha. i pulled another caper last night. in the
shower i saw the red sticker of my medilirt bracelet. hmm, where
is the super glue?
Tallthinjones: i found it quickly and
Tallthinjones: super glued the plastic tab to my thumb
Tallthinjones: it wouldn't come
Tallthinjones: there is an impulse to just tear it offoff
Tallthinjones: i tried nail poish remover
Tallthinjones: then i was online trying to type with this thumb deal
Tallthinjones: all over a $3.85 bracelet

She Tried to Buy Consonets:
Yossarian4now: there is prospect, who actually believes shes on a
game show, in newark
Yossarian4now: we let her spin a wheel on occasion

Therapy:
Yossarian4now: how come i'm the only one that says how much
they suck, c'mon

A Work in Progress:
Tallthinjones: Handsome Roaul wakes up with a terrible hangover,
blinded plus an angry fly is whapping against the window on cocaine,
or so it would seen. There is a plate of bacon and eggs Raoul made
in the sheets, whilst drunk-"
EmpressZ21: he made eggs in the sheets
Summers Eve L: Oh no. I don't think you want to ask about that one.
AnnAsphodel: misplacement, I'm sure
Tallthinjones: no, he made eggs on the stove, pitched forward burning
his hand on a red hot electric burner and wrapped a rag on the hand
and spilled the eggs in bed and passed out, drunk again!

Several Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest:
butterfly2357124: Beys I love you
PatientOnion3: i'm cooking me up some class warfare over easy
with a side of lox filled bagelles
Beysshoes: i lubs you too butterfly
PatientOnion3: butterfly = olijay + doom girl - booksl*t
PatientOnion3: me 2
Beysshoes: see butterfly, onion hearts you too. you'll be fine.
PatientOnion3: [loading ketchup burp gun]

Kitchen Dreams:
PatientOnion3: i don't know paula deen from james dean, i just
saw her 3.5 cast iron pot on the computer
PatientOnion3: and it looks my 3 qt pot, and they fell in love,
it is out of my hands

Twitters:
EmpressZ21: k that was a question she asked what is twitter
is that like a blog
PatientOnion3: twitter is a temporary twinky of blog immediacy
Beysshoes: twitter is in real time empy. you can follow
anybody IRL time
PatientOnion3: bey, shut up
EmpressZ21: i need more
Beysshoes: the politicians are all doing it so their constituents
can follow.
PatientOnion3: the only thing real time is you smoking a joint
Beysshoes: you shup homer
PatientOnion3: twitter is just a bubblegum snapshot of bubblegum
people, the britney bubblegum nation

Twitter II:
Beysshoes: that's how reporters got all the scoop during mumbai
... by following twitter
PatientOnion3: bey, we don't NEED immediacy
PatientOnion3: i don't live there
Beysshoes: what do we need then onion?
PatientOnion3: we need chocolate
butterfly2357124: :lap dances:
PatientOnion3: and lots of money

Stalker Foiled:
SteveIzHere7: hi Rebecca
SteveIzHere7: where are you from?
RebeccaSWA: Steve I'm from Seattle.
SteveIzHere7: I lived there for 18 months.
SteveIzHere7: I love Seattle.
SteveIzHere7: where in Seattle?
RebeccaSWA: Washington!

Poem:
Forkrerereredux: ain't no tellin' where fork may be
Forkrerereredux: may see he in DC
Forkrerereredux: the beef between us, we can settle it
Forkrerereredux: with the chrome and metal
Forkrerereredux: s
Forkrerereredux: fork makes it hot like a kettle get
Forkrerereredux: with the chrome and metal shhhhhhhh

BookShelf as Refuge:
CGilbert66: I am getting to like this room
Kan wa ma kan: cg its a nice sedate change from al

If Only:
PatientOnion3: princess, kan, i am meeting with the muslim war council,
i promised them pita cashew butter sandwiches

True That:
RebeccaSWA: Wow we would be terrible hostages.

2009-02-23T08:31:00.000-08:00

Life After Death (leftovers)

You know ... I'm not really interested in what you
all are wearing. Through KatyTried entries
(somewhat enlarged by my own imagination), I do
have my pictures of activities some of you may be
involved in. The clothes you're wearing are
secondary.

Cordialcactus - Furiously peddling her bicycle
with two toddlers in tow trying to catch the
ice cream truck.

NoraMcKee - Riding on a dolly being crashed into
a wall by a co-worker.

SleepyEyedEvie - Gently smiling at a customer's graceless
comments while resisting pressing a plate of pancakes into
his chest.

SummersEveL - Shaking her head trying not to say "I told you
so" while observing the front end of the receptionist's car
through the opposite side of the office wall.

Melodramamama - Pouting while her children gobble their
desserts leaving her with none.

Anais - Dreaming of her husband coming home from work while
picking up the toys

CreepyLoner - Walking through a graveyard at midnight carrying
a glow stick on her way to buy creamer at the convenience store.

Beysshoes - Counting the houses she's walked by as her whippet
pulls ever forward. Seeing all of Hawaii's green, as she vaguely
misses Maine's frozen pines.

PatientOnion - Spilling a bag of groceries on a hill and noting
that oranges roll further in San Francisico than they would in most
other cities.

ParaMyrh (AlanSueton) - Drafting a new manual for his company's
improved Customer Sevices practices.

Godwit - Instructing his diner waitress that it isn't proper
for her to address him as "you guys"

DoomGrl - Reading poetry with her father

Candy Girl:
AmberDevilRay8: I wish humans had more than one set of teeth
to lose.

BookSlut Blues:
BinxB91: Can anyone recommend an obscure and obtuse Eastern European
novelist?
Fleurdelochi: uh.....
CordialCactus: lol, binx, i most definitely cannot
BinxB91: oh shoot, BookSlut already moved on
BinxB91: that little dickens
Fleurdelochi: i can recomend an obscure and obtuse latin american
novelist, will that work?
Fleurdelochi: i'm not really hip to eastern europe
BinxB91: Never mind, Fleur. I was just messing with BOOKGASM
Fleurdelochi: well damn
Fleurdelochi: i feel so USED

After Years of Nursing Training:
Fleurdelochi: herpes is not a good idea

Looking for Friends in All the Wrong Places:
Jessied200010400: B00KGASM [12:25 A.M.]: Don't contact me any
more you needy suckling.

Anagram?:
PatientOnion3: the wrestler was just a remake of the gladiator

TMI:
Melodramamama22: binx, i have pneumonia. i'm wearing some yoga
pants and my daughter's t-shirt

"you two are freaks"
Melodramamama22: my kids made me laugh, they put their money together
and bought the soundtract to o brother
Melodramamama22: when it first came out
Melodramamama22: they were like preteens
Melodramamama22: i was all omg, you two are freaks!

Because They'd Spoil the Recipe:
PatientOnion3: i have no minions

Book Contract:
JFWaterman: -signed a contract for one of my books today, too-
Raphael11110: what's it about?
JFWaterman: Sci-fi, time travel, law enforcement all in one, Raph.
JFWaterman: My agent wants to pitch it, so we'll see who bites.

Helpful Onion and Oooolijay??:
Dehft m19u3l: well i have to get ready to watch friday 13 with my gf.
thanks ONION AND OOOOLIJAY for your guys's help!!

Second Opinion:
BobsurAuntTom: Chatrooms are stupid and I'm a moron for being in one.
JadedDremer: especially in that color, bob

Evolution:
AmberDevilRay8: The evolution of the chatroom is what fascinated me.
BinxB91: evolution?
AmberDevilRay8: I'm sure the programmers of the chat room were all
excitied about allowing people from all around the world to share ideas
and culture and whatnot...
AmberDevilRay8: ...instead they get a bunch of people sitting around
going "I like cookies! LOLOMG I M l33t h4><0r!"

Published:
oooolijay: i think half the people in author's lounge consider typing
into a chatroom being 'published'
BobsurAuntTom: I have had really good reviews in important publications,
but I've never published anything.

The Pain of Poetry:
Raphael11110: so Lil why you like poetry?
LilPoet1624: idk i have so much emotion and its liek i put all my
emotion into my work and thats how i relieve stress.........or i
just argue with ppl 4 no reason
oooolijay: wow, like, even that sentence was poetic

Odd Drinking Songs:
McLaryn5508: CONDOM CONDOM CONDOM CONDOM CONDOM CONDOM
CordialCactus: snip snip snip snip snip snip snip
MsVictoriaLynn1: VASECTOMY!
Tammylovesooli: Yeah what vicky said!
ThePaIeRlDER: they fit to tight mary
ThePaIeRlDER: im cloisterphobic
McLaryn5508: hurl
oooolijay: that's a funny typo
McLaryn5508: get a vasectomy
CordialCactus: lol
MsVictoriaLynn1: try a damn fire hose then

Fandom:
Tammylovesooli: Hi Ooooli

What About Leaving the Mold On?:
KissMyAsterix: this guy I used to work with
KissMyAsterix: I was saying he'd scrape mold off of anything
KissMyAsterix: nothing phased him, food wise
KissMyAsterix: holocaust survivor
Tallthinjones: he could handle it

Next Pi to the 26th place:
KissMyAsterix: my son has memorized 911

Can You Top This?:
Condorblues: they got some real ball busters in here
Tallthinjones: condor ate tainted peanut butter served on hardtac
MsVictoriaLynn1: with extra Vermin

Trust Her on this One:
Condorblues: ooools!
Condorblues: I'm shrinking
oooolijay: how can we tell

Movie Reviews That Never Happened:
Condorblues: I saw coraline today, a weird flick
Tallthinjones: how so, condor?
MsVictoriaLynn1: isn't that a pasta dish, Vermincelli?

Gina As Drill Sergeant:
Yossarian4now: staring at a plate of cassarole
Yossarian4now: i havent had a cassarole since i was like
Yossarian4now: 12?
KissMyAsterix: it won't eat itself
KissMyAsterix: get to work
Yossarian4now: not hungry

I Thought Zen meant "peace":
Zenchef2006: and one of the students asked if i would teach him
some mixed martial arts stuff today
KissMyAsterix: how'd that work out zen
Zenchef2006: scraped my knuckles while punching him in the ribs,
forgot to tell him to take off his gi
Zenchef2006: was great kiss, got to choke and armbar alot of people
today
KissMyAsterix: I'm envious zen
KissMyAsterix: I didn't get to choke anyone today
Zenchef2006: although i did get slammed on my head pretty hard
tonite too

ParaMyrrh Power:
Catpower777: oh, did Para win an Oscar?
KissMyAsterix: no
KissMyAsterix: but he said if he did
KissMyAsterix: he would pick on people who didn't like him
Beysshoes: lol that punk para
Catpower777: he already does that
KissMyAsterix: that's what I said
Catpower777: he'd just do it in front of a bigger audience?
KissMyAsterix: but apparently it means more if you're successful
Catpower777: oh, I see
Beysshoes: the pig would never leave the stage.

["The apocalyptic crotch himself."
"Don't be funny," he said. "Do that one thing for me, Bucky.
Avoid all funny stuff. I'm cold and tired. I need to be
talked to seriously. Jet lag, fear, anxiety, depession. You
know my history."
"Want some cocoa? Good and hot."]

Speak of the Devil:
Catpower777: Para !
Catpower777: were your ears burning?
Beysshoes: we was just trashin' yoh ass
Alansueton: nope just my loins
Beysshoes: ew
Beysshoes: ew
Beysshoes: and ew
Alansueton: cool
Alansueton: i need to be humbled

Mysteries That No One wants Solved:
PatientOnion3: bey, how come you are the only one to comment on kal's
poems?
PatientOnion3: and why did he change his sn?
PatientOnion3: anybody know?
Catpower777: I wonder how many Sn's he's had over the years
PatientOnion3: do you guys like chicken nuggets? i am doing 3 THREE!!!
diff batters
PatientOnion3: indian, mexican, hillbilly

Onion's World:
PatientOnion3: we had TWO days of rain, our budget problem is solved,
there is light at the end of the tunnel, so i have to get rich and
famous before the obama cures the depression
PatientOnion3: time is running out
KissMyAsterix: somehow I think you could still take a day or two off
PatientOnion3: it was funny last night, poor halfwit jam blaming the
govt for screwing up his mortgage
PatientOnion3: he said he had to sell veggies from his garden to make
the payments
PatientOnion3: i almost cried
PatientOnion3: yes, his cardboard shack that he paid $350.00 for
Catpower777: I'm choking

Another Onion Straight Man:
SemiLitterate: Wife made bean soup today with a ham bone in it
----Campbells eat your heart out
PatientOnion3: semi, you lucky dog you
PatientOnion3: you must be some catch
SemiLitterate: leftover from a baked ham, duh
PatientOnion3: from xmas?
PatientOnion3: is it green?

When Beysshoes is Away:
PatientOnion3: is bey suicidal again?
PatientOnion3: it's from reading kal's poetry
KissMyAsterix: no, homicidal
Catpower777: she's probably cooking a steak for her pup
Catpower777: it's Sunday night

He Can't Really Cook:
PatientOnion3: 95% of previous attempts at deep frying have
miserably failed, but 2nite i got lucky
PatientOnion3: it must be the rain
Catpower777: how can deep frying fail?
Catpower777: did you forget to batter?
SemiLitterate: Oil was congealed
SemiLitterate: rancid
PatientOnion3: i took a walk in the rain, a nap, and am ready to
deep fry again

ParaMyrrh Exposed:
PatientOnion3: bey, how much does kal pay you to read his poems
Beysshoes: not a lot onion
Beysshoes: fiddy cents a pome

Onion Ecstatic:
SemiLitterate: put the mayo in a plastic baggie, insert meat & coat
PatientOnion3: semi, when you said "insert meat" i got a B*NER. STOP IT!
PatientOnion3: you are married, don't be a tease
Beysshoes: semi, you don't have to fabricate a wife to keep onion at bay.
PatientOnion3: oh
Beysshoes: we're here to protect you
PatientOnion3: he has cable
KissMyAsterix: we are?
Beysshoes: you lazy beach gina

Thoughts on Missing Shelfers:
SemiLitterate: I think Godwit ran off with Creepy
KissMyAsterix: interesting theory semi
NotNycgirl: how did you come to this semi?
KissMyAsterix: so the park thing was just a date then
SemiLitterate: no Creepy, no Godwit, simple deduction
KissMyAsterix: yes but fork is missing
KissMyAsterix: and who else..
SemiLitterate: Fork is missing when he is here
Beysshoes: that makes sense. the no-sex couple. yes.
some symmetry.
KissMyAsterix: beys, godwit says he's a 'normal' man
KissMyAsterix: with a predilection for watching men get it on
in the park and a love of daniel day lewis
Beysshoes: well, sadly gina...in this cesspool of a chatroom
he's pretty near norm.

The anit-Brad Pitt Crowd:
Beysshoes: onion did you watch the oscars? i wanted mickey rourke
to win. but sean penn was a good second for me

Oscar and Homer:
Beysshoes: sorry. i forgot you dont have a tv homer
PatientOnion3: i have a perfectly fine tv w/a knob to change the
channels, and a high-tech converter box
SemiLitterate: If I had to watch the oscars I would have to off
myself---bunch of egotistical perverts
Beysshoes: wow onion. you must've made some money over the holidays
PatientOnion3: money?
PatientOnion3: it's only $20
PatientOnion3: if you get the $40 coupon from obama
KissMyAsterix: cool
KissMyAsterix: I never have coupons when I need them

Muskrats are like that:
Jimberkeley: anything by captain & tenniel makes me cry...
especially 'muskrat love'

Sweetness:
Anais3233: it's like, "hey, will you lick my pussy" and he does.
and likewise

2009-02-16T20:28:00.000-08:00

This is the End.

Mystery Solved:
Will C Makepeace: howdy
Will C Makepeace: thought i'd come online for a bit

WELCOME BACK BEYSSHOES:
Beysshoes: i dont get the funnies in this one.
Jam7604801: one flew over the coo coo's nest in beys pants
Beysshoes: uhm thats spelled cuckoo stoopid jam
MsVictoriaLynn1: A Beautiful Mind in my pants
NotNycgirl: Saving Private Ryan.....in my pants
AmberDevilRay8: The Iron Giant in my pants
NotNycgirl: Some Like It Hot, in my pants
Pheziwig: The Grapes of Wrath in my Pants
oooolijay: beys this is fun, just try it in my pants
Catpower777: Bey, I have missed you
NotNycgirl: The Sting in my pants
Catpower777: I'm so glad you're back
oooolijay: beys just made me laugh in my pants
Pheziwig: The Audacity of Hope in my Pants
AmberDevilRay8: Journey to the Center of my pants.
oooolijay: good try in my pants
AmberDevilRay8: Are we allowed to take words out?
NotNycgirl: Cool Hand Luke in my pants....what we have here,
is a failure to communicate in my pants
Pheziwig: Websters Dictionary in my Pants
MsVictoriaLynn1: Grays Anatomy in my pants
oooolijay: there are no rules in my pants
Tammynet: doing it with kid movies is just wrong...toy story
in my pants, finding nemo in my pants
Summers Eve L: What you people are doing is just sad. In my pants.
Pheziwig: Skinny Bitch in my Pants
oooolijay: finding nemo in my pants hahaha
AmberDevilRay8: So I could be all "Nuts.....in my pants."
Beysshoes: damn it kitkat i'm freezing up ... i missed you MORE!
MsVictoriaLynn1: Monsters Inc in my pants
Summers Eve L: Sleeping Beauty in my pants.
Jam7604801: mission impossible in oooli's pants
Tammynet: jack and the beanstalk in my pants
MsVictoriaLynn1: Seven Dwarves in my pants
Pheziwig: The Devil Wears Prada in my Pants
oooolijay: it's only impossible for some in my pants
MsVictoriaLynn1: The Devil wears Prada because she can afford to
MsVictoriaLynn1: I would not, could not, in my pants
Pheziwig: tune in next week when we do major appliances
oooolijay: i will unfortunately be unable to attend the party in
your pants rider
AmberDevilRay8: Death Comes for the Archbishop in my pants.
MsVictoriaLynn1: Death takes a Holiday in my pants
oooolijay: jaws in my pants
ThePaIeRlDER: ouch

Bob's Wish:
BobsurAuntTom: I'm just hoping someone is logging all this to
send to Binx
Catpower777: Bob, that's your job
BobsurAuntTom: That asshole in my pants

Pot/Poot/Fishman:
BobsurAuntTom: I don't even like pot.. but what's the big deal.
oooolijay: when your kid starts smoking pot he'll like
michael phelps again
Beatnikspore: phelps is a dumby who thinks playing poker and
dating a topless dancer is mature
BobsurAuntTom: The guy trains 15 hours a day... who cares if he
gets high.
oooolijay: michael phelps is a kid
AnnAsphodel: My 13 year-old son does, Bob
Alansueton: AA I can't wait for the new record to come out
NotNycgirl: micheal phelps is a 14 time olympic medalist lol
oooolijay: how many guys his age dont want to play poker and
date a topless dancer
Alansueton: Ive heard two singles off of it good stuff
NotNycgirl: if he wants to smoke pot, let him snoke pot
BobsurAuntTom: I wonder how Phelps spells dummy?
BobsurAuntTom: Anyone care to venture a guess?
Beatnikspore: if my wealth was attached to my image i would not
play it up in the press
Summers Eve L: If he wants to snoke poot, I say let him.
oooolijay: he just became wealthy...he's not used to it yet
BobsurAuntTom: Ann, I need to speak to that boy. Ann, I never
even enjoyed getting high... and I've got to say that I am NOT
getting 100 million in endorsement deals.
Alansueton: people who smoke pot are losers Now if you snort
coke that's cool
Beatnikspore: whissing and pasting and pooting all the way,
ronnie helping kenny burn is poots away
NotNycgirl: i love phelps,he's my man fish
Summers Eve L: haha
Summers Eve L: Beatnik. Wtfever you just said. It made me laugh.

Texas Fun Facts:
Summers Eve L: There's no basement in the Alamo!

Leave It To Ozzie:
Pheziwig: Speaking of the Alamo, I remember when Ozzy Osbourne
got arrested for taking a leak against the wall of the Alamo.
As the cops lead him away, he said, "I didn't know anybody
lived there."

Why 12 Isn't Often on This Blog:
I2DaysInNovember: I knew this guy once... and
I2DaysInNovember: it turned out
I2DaysInNovember: that
I2DaysInNovember: I didn't really know him at all

What the Hell Are They Talking About
(category I wish I thought of before):

Prospect26: so m. phelsh was just on tv/

Mdm Mel: Now Faye Dunnaway is spinning out. The cheese is
sliding off the cracker all over the place....

Gleam1946: Like darwinism everbody is equal
Gleam1946: you guys are the final arbiters
Gleam1946: I have facts others say are contrived and bogus

Niontron9: it does not matter what other people think about you
...because they will never be YOU

BobsurAuntTom: Many many Vonneguts
BobsurAuntTom: All too many.
BobsurAuntTom: But, the guy was a damn good and even important
writer, so why not.

Katie and Sarah - together again:
BinxB91: Butterfly, name a favorite book
ButterflyBikini: i just finished Heart of the Sea
BinxB91: Heart of the Sea?
ButterflyBikini: it's not my favorite
ButterflyBikini: Stolen lives was pretty good
ButterflyBikini: and Reading Lolita in Tehran
ButterflyBikini: i'd prefer family guy
Pheziwig: This is like a Palin interview

Apropos of Nothing:
Prospect26: I don't really care anymore
EmpressZ21: dont care about what prospect

What are you wearing?:

Summers Eve L: I am wearing fuzzy PJs.
Summers Eve L: And fuzzy socks.

MsVictoriaLynn1: Les Miz tour T shirt, pajama pants and
slippers, what did you Expect?

What's Your Genre?:
Spookyfish2: I loved pre-1996 Simpsons.

Hoosier Daddy?:
MyStrat: summer, ever read a book by Kurt Vonnegut,
God Bless you Mr Rosewater
Anais3233: i have a signed copy of that downstairs, strat
Anais3233: me lovie kurt
Anais3233: heart heart heart him

Make Her an Offer She Can't ...:
Prospect26: Lady...can I talk to you off line?

Johnny Carsonisms:
Pheziwig: It was so cold in chicago for so long, I walked
past a statue and it was shivering
Pheziwig: It was so cold in Chicago, I saw a lawyer with his
hands in his own pockets

Don Rickle's daughter:
Poor Bidet: speaking of nasty details, there's bgrant

Poor Bidet: when you get fat, you turn to pbs

So There:
BobsurAuntTom: And dipship Mel, if you want to compare reading
lists, go ahead. But yes, I know far more about art or
literature than you would ever know.

Get This:
Alansueton: Bidet why can't Ray Charles read?
Poor Bidet: because he's a nigger?
Poor Bidet: i'm sorry, i meant because he's blind

Flexible Bigot:
Poor Bidet: i'm switching to mexicans

Authors Lounge's Slum:
WildCIAagent: I find it idiotic when AL comes through.
Catpower777: oh, when they stop by to tell us this room sucks?
I2DaysInNovember: well I think the shelf is sometimes a holding
pattern for those who are circling around the AL when it's full
Catpower777: yes and they make that plain, 12
Catpower777: CIA, I'm thinking it's just their friendly reminder
that we're the nerd chatroom
I2DaysInNovember: <~~~putting on nerd glasses and pocket
protector and IMing Cat for some hot cyber calculator chat

Nerd Cyber Sex:
I2DaysInNovember: Cat did you get my IM where I said the
new TI2x did linear equations in polar notation and limicon radial
counter vortixes? it's really Hot!!!
Catpower777: oh 12, don't get me all worked up in front of the
whole chatroom !

Except in the Extreme:
I2DaysInNovember: boring isn't gossip worthy

To Tell the Truth:
WildCIAagent: How was your day, Lam?
Lamumsie: this is Laura
EmpressZ21: no this is Laura
AXELvonAUR: Laura Petrie?
Lamumsie: nooooooo, THIS is Laura
AXELvonAUR: I'm jumpy
EmpressZ21: yes this is Laura
I2DaysInNovember: :::drool::: Laura was
WildCIAagent: Someone call DR LAURA!
AXELvonAUR: what is Laura's last name in that Gene Tierny movie?

Medical Dictionary Fun:
OderusMobius: the body also releases prolactin when it sneezes
Spookyfish2: Oderus must have picked up the Medical
Encyclopedia that I threw away.
Spookyfish2: The one that grossed me out with its entries on
"Jogger's Nipple" and "smegma"

PatientOnion's Most Excellent Set-Up:
BinxB91: I've had jogger's nipple a lot
AnnAsphodel: Binx, use band-aids
BobsurAuntTom: Ann, what is your favorite city in Europe that
you've been to?
AnnAsphodel: Lucerne Switzerland
BinxB91: I used cole cream too ... but sometimes you're a few
miles out, then what
AnnAsphodel: It's cold cream, Binxie
BinxB91: cold cream??? I felt I had it wrong
BinxB91: I knew it wasn't coal cream
BobsurAuntTom: Really... what about Lucerne dis you especially
like?
AnnAsphodel: I enjoyed the lovely bridge across Lake Lucerne.
It's since burned down, I think.
FoodSIut: the bridge burned down after the coal cream dust explosion

Suicide Prevention:
Spookyfish2: They're building a net under the Golden Gate bridge.
Spookyfish2: Which is dumb.
MsVictoriaLynn1: in case it falls Amber?
Spookyfish2: People will just find another place to kill themselves.
BinxB91: why is it dumb?
BinxB91: Spooky is Amber?
MsVictoriaLynn1: they will jump off the edge of the net

Impressing Her Husband:
Spookyfish2: When I moved to California I had my friend in
Florida record Jeopardy and then email it to me.
Spookyfish2: And when it aired here 3 hours later I'd impress my
husband by getting every single answer right.

Cheese Danish?:
Spookyfish2: Every cheese snack sounds dirty.
Spookyfish2: Cheese whiz.
Spookyfish2: Cheese doodle.

OctoMom moments:
Pheziwig: So, what you are saying is that this single woman
who already had six kids was getting pumped up with fertility
drugs?
I2DaysInNovember: Amber can you imagine? you probably
don't have any kids yet but 14 kids how can she breast
feed that many?
Beysshoes: one can hire a wet nurse nova
Pheziwig: Six wasn't enough?
Beysshoes: obama says the enough number is eight.
I2DaysInNovember: Beys she'll need more than one

Bathroom Blues:
Pheziwig: If they are all girls, they'll need at least four bathrooms
Pheziwig: I got a buddy who has a wife and three daughters. He walks
over to the gas station every evening to get the paper and sit in
their mens room.

Beysshoes and Phezziwhig - together again:
Beysshoes: 1 in 15 peeps are now unemployed in our country
Pheziwig: 1 in 15 people are unemployed in this country but I just
heard why from Bush. The chick with the 14 kids blew out the
stats

12Days' Joke:
12DaysInNovember: "Good morning or afternoon sir or maddam, Thanks
you for calling the Hewlet Packard technical support hotline. My
namd is Trivanpradesh Vittontwawtanasatid Kalalripalalyatu -
I am wanting to be telling you that all or portions of
I2DaysInNovember: this discussion may be recorded for quality purposes"
I2DaysInNovember: Wai!!1 what did you say your name was?
I2DaysInNovember: "Trivanpradesh Vittontwawtanasatid Kalalripalalyatu"
I2DaysInNovember: uhhh how do you spell that?
I2DaysInNovember: T
I2DaysInNovember: R
I2DaysInNovember: I
I2DaysInNovember: sir nevermind that now
I2DaysInNovember: plaease slowly and clearly state your name and phone
number and the problem you are experiencing with your Hewlet Packard
product
I2DaysInNovember: Bill

There's a joke in here somewhere:
JadedDremer: i bought all 3 seasons of Arrested Development

Amber's Friends:
AmberDevilRay8: I'm worried where this might lead...this guy has
already told me little green men come to this planet to suck my
toes. =\
MsVictoriaLynn1: Damn Amber that's MY job...:(
AmberDevilRay8: Egad.
MsVictoriaLynn1: Never let me have any fun
MsVictoriaLynn1: brb I'm going to pout and get coffee

Men Will Brag About Anything:
Beatnikspore: Lynn i have never needed a laxative
Beatnikspore: but i can eat a string of figs and hold my own.
so to speak
MsVictoriaLynn1: Damn it, I like a man who can hold his figs

Amber on the Edge:
AmberDevilRay8: Just when I get my wee one to sleep, she wakes
back up.
AmberDevilRay8: I'm considering spiking her food with NyQuil.
AmberDevilRay8: I'm kidding. Please don't report me. brb
Beatnikspore: amber goes to dump the nyquil

Who Do You Love:
Condorblues: small room tonight
Condorblues: who scared them away?
Beysshoes: well, i heard phrons was here earlier condor

Deep Thoughts by Condorblues:
Condorblues: I was thinking about how people say they would
rather die than be paralyzed and have someon wiping their butt
for them
Condorblues: and I thought, if I was paralyzed, the highlight of
the day would be someone wiping my butt, I would be looking
forward to it

The Best Defence is:
MsVictoriaLynn1: mend any fences that need mending
KissMyAsterix: you don't have to forgive everyone or mend every fence
MsVictoriaLynn1: Some can't be mended
KissMyAsterix: some shouldn't
Beysshoes: fences serve a lot of purposes. really.
KissMyAsterix: high ones
Beysshoes: and you can't just go tearing down someone elses fence
you know?
Condorblues: a fence is a fence

[They had talked many words before but never the right words that
might have brought them close beyond suspense.]

What Binx Thinks:
Beysshoes: do you know binx doesn't think that rono is sick? sheesh.
KissMyAsterix: he thinks he's dead?
MsVictoriaLynn1: Rono sane is even more frightening
KissMyAsterix: that's the only other alternative

Generation Xers:
MsVictoriaLynn1: Lighten up, bucky
Yossarian4now: ok dude

Sympathy Lacking:
Yossarian4now: god i'm lost
Beysshoes: get a st jude pendant yoss

They Should Have Been Army:
KissMyAsterix: what color will you get me
Beysshoes: pink of course silly
KissMyAsterix: pink huh
KissMyAsterix: I'm not really a pink person
Beysshoes: okay, you can have the purple
KissMyAsterix: how about green
Beysshoes: the olive or sage?
Beysshoes: mint i should say
Beysshoes: okay so i'm boring. just be rude and not answer. oof
KissMyAsterix: sage
KissMyAsterix: I was thinking
Beysshoes: bye already. i have writing to do. nolo you're
too rude and late. its olive for you
KissMyAsterix: dammit olive
KissMyAsterix: I'm not sure I like that
Beysshoes: don't complain or you be back on pink
KissMyAsterix: pink may be better than olive

Women and Math:
MsVictoriaLynn1: This kind of sucks
Beysshoes: how much vicky?

European Tales:
Alansueton: I feel like I am being made fun of In Europe
it's normal to wear speedos
oooolijay: that would really just be a band
AmberDevilRay8: Yeah, but...that's Europe.
oooolijay: okay brb...i'm going to get some popcorn
Alansueton: yeah where people respect and show off their bodies
and where most people aren't waddling lard asses like here
AnnAsphodel: I'm going to sleep.
Tammynet: nite ann
AmberDevilRay8: European men are God's gag gift to women.
AmberDevilRay8: Well...the French men.
CordialCactus: im just not mature enough to rise above the speedo
Tammynet: where at in europe does this speedo thing happen alan
CordialCactus: its me, not you, alan
CordialCactus: though, surf shorts are sexier
JunkedLTD: he had a zeppelin in his speedo
Alansueton: Cannes, France Sitges, Spain Greece everywhere
Alansueton: everywhere
JunkedLTD: redneck riviera
AmberDevilRay8: Any country where the residents would commit
suicide during a brie shortage.
JunkedLTD: lol!
JunkedLTD: latvia
JunkedLTD: i'm out
JunkedLTD: happy schlong chattng
AmberDevilRay8: I'm assuming it's mostly the Mediterranean area.
Alansueton: yeah
Alansueton: where men are real men

Various Commits Manslaughter:
Calalily742: any writers?
Calalily742: any advice for the aspiring kind?
MsVictoriaLynn1: just write, practice and have fun with it,
write anything that comes to mind
BinxB91: Cala, write every day
MsVictoriaLynn1: Yes, what Binx said
Beysshoes: Cala, join some online writers groups and workshops
BinxB91: Cala, write letters to people
Various704: cala, ask the authors lounge. they are very kind and
helpful in there
KissMyAsterix: and you say I'm mean various

News Crawl Gone Wild:
Prospect26: s...our secretary of commerce is from NH...
check your stats.

Making Selah Feel Good:
BobsurAuntTom: I mean, once you get a job unless you're a
complete fuck-up, you don't get fired.
Selah3221: really? that's.....not my experience
SteveIzHere7: I've never been fired.
Selah3221: maybe I am a complete fuck up
SteveIzHere7: but I've quit a few times
Selah3221: I was fired twice in NYC
SteveIzHere7: if the job sucks
BobsurAuntTom: Did you show up for your job?
Selah3221: yes

Phezi Having a Bad Day:
MerlinTheSmarty: Please check my profile.
MerlinTheSmarty: I am 1469 years old.
MerlinTheSmarty: My gender is WIZARD
Pheziwig: I swear to God, every crackpot on the internet

BeeGees:
Pheziwig: You can tell by the way I use my wok, I'm a chinese
cook, no time to talk

America the Beautiful:
Pheziwig: We are a tolerant nation, otherwise we would have hunted
the BeeGees for sport

Phezi as Dating Expert:
Kan wa ma kan: xenes you are pretty
Xenesthis41886: lol ty
Xenesthis41886: how come i cant find a guy then
Pheziwig: You want a guy? Find a woman who has two and make
friends with her

Like Shindler's List With Curry:
Rafo65: I liked Slumdog Millionaire very much
Rafo65: It made my own life look almost bearable..

Best Simile:
Pheziwig: <---listening to 21st Century Schizoid Man by
King Krimson and you guys are not fitting in with the music
Pheziwig: It's like the kmher rouge walks into a tupperware party

Best Metaphor:
Alansueton: and the funny thing is most of the truth, info,
is from Israeli Newspapers US papers are afraid to print the truth
Poor Bidet: u.s. papers are pussies
Poor Bidet: is that what you're trying to say?
Poor Bidet: u.s. papers are the BINXB91 of international journalism

Best Typo:
AmberDevilRay8: I'm eating rice cakes. I'm boring. =(
AmberDevilRay8: I like 'em 'cause they're crunchy.
AmberDevilRay8: I have to eat the flavored ones though.
AmberDevilRay8: Eating the palin ones is like munching on styrofoam.
AmberDevilRay8: *plain
Fleurdelochi: palin makes rice cakes now?
Kan wa ma kan: they are moose flavored

Divine Intervention:
Kan wa ma kan: i am eating a butterscotch candy
Kan wa ma kan: i do believe this is the first i have had in
over a decade
Kan wa ma kan: i forgot how divine they are

Phezi at a Funeral:
Pheziwig: I have a friend who speaks Latin and his daughter's
goldfish died. We had a funeral, and he spoke over the fish
in Latin. It was the lyrics to the Beatles song Let it Be.
I almost lost it. LOL

I Got the Spurs That Don't Jingle Jangle:
Beysshoes: binx is very trusty ms vicky.
MsVictoriaLynn1: yes I know, I like him
MsVictoriaLynn1: we IM on occasion
Beysshoes: yes. he's decent.
MsVictoriaLynn1: I probably should have just had sense to ask
HIM why he did the blog..
Beysshoes: its okay. he doesn't jangle easily
Beysshoes: he's like a white obama. ha

[Clearly he was destroying himself, and knew it but couldn't stop.
It was all made so easy. His world was narrow, stifling narrow,
and yet he knew no alternatives. He honestly faced up to all the
questions, and asked them ruthlessly over and over, but they were
the wrong questions. Round and round he went: you need new ques-
tions before you can get new answers.
It appeared, however, that for the time being Hector would survive.
He didn't know why. Perhaps because he had a sense of humor, and
therefore his thoughts began to bore him and he could allow himself
to be charmed and calmed by the water. Perhaps life just wasn't
tough enough for him.]

BookShelf History:
MsVictoriaLynn1: I sometimes wonder about Binx
Beysshoes: vicky what is there to wonder about binx?
MsVictoriaLynn1: I can not fathom why the blog is so important,
but then again, I do not have to
MsVictoriaLynn1: so its rhetorical wondering, I guess
Beysshoes: he's unusual in that he's one of the rare regular guys
who don't game. the blog?
Beysshoes: many of us love the blog vicky
Beysshoes: and its part of the chatrooms history
MsVictoriaLynn1: it makes more sense now
MsVictoriaLynn1: Oh its fun to read but its a lot of work
MsVictoriaLynn1: Ahh... see, that I did not know
Beysshoes: binx likes work vicky
MsVictoriaLynn1: now I see the light, so to speak
MsVictoriaLynn1: makes perfect sense now then

BookShelf Explained
Ttwifan4ever: so is this a room to talk about rooms and authors and
stuff?
oooolijay: and stuff

2009-02-03T22:08:00.000-08:00

SORTA FUN

Any questions?:
oooolijay: knock your wife up yet?
Trvsbckl912: yeah, she's pregnant

Freed from the Cellar:
Tammynet: i just got invited to dinner upstairs!
woo hoo! bbl

Julie and Alan - together again:
oooolijay: i would have probably been killed by ted bundy
BinxB91: Julie, you accept rides from strangers?
Alansueton: binx what do you mean by "rides"?

Crossing Anais's Line:
Melodramamama22: sometimes you do stuff cause somebody else
thinks its the dogs bollocks, you know?
Anais3233: uh
KissMyAsterix: yeah, what's wrong with them
AnonyMitch: hells bells
Melodramamama22: and hey, woohoo
EmpressZ21: she means cat's ass trollop
Anais3233: let's not talk about the dog's bollocks, that
crosses MY line.

Lost and Found:
Melodramamama22: i don't have a gspot i can't find it and
nobody else can either
oooolijay: you do melo
Melodramamama22: hell no i don't, lol
Anais3233: well, there are no other fluids that would be
secreted from the urinary tract or bladder.
Melodramamama22: if i do, it's defective
Anais3233: i have never been able to find my g spot either
EmpressZ21: yes trollop butim speaking of fluids from another
bathing suit area
Anais3233: and that's not for trying
KissMyAsterix: lack of you mean?
KissMyAsterix: usually someone else finds it for you anais
oooolijay: where are you guys looking for it?
Anais3233: i've had a million probes in search of it
AnonyMitch: bathing suit area. nice euphemism.
oooolijay: it's right where they say it is
Melodramamama22: this is no shit. we printed instructions for
finding it off the internet.
Anais3233: um, vaginal discharges would not shoot out of your
urethra
LadyQuasi: ejaculation is merely either stress incontinence or
vaginal lubrication
LadyQuasi: according to Wikipedia
Melodramamama22: it involved squatting over a mirror, if you
were on your own
EmpressZ21: ummm but they would mix with other fluids trollop
EmpressZ21: you see what im sayin here
EmpressZ21: they dont stay unmixed like beans and mashed potatos
oooolijay: beans and mashed potatoes
Anais3233: lol right, but if it was dribbling
PRobin5478: melo -- women squatting is already a good thing
Melodramamama22: not such a good visual
Anais3233: but this shoots out
Anais3233: have you seen a squirter porn

Doom, see above:
DoomGrl: we just had a real long discussion about button making

Best Singles Ad:
Djangette: --- can bite my own toenails

It Just Doesn't Add Up:
Tom Brite: damn this is one homoerotic room
Alansueton: sorry Tom
oooolijay: that's only because you're here, tom
Djangette: Speak for yourself Tom - I'm 100% heterosexual and comfy
Tom Brite: i'm 95/15
oooolijay: i'm about 85/15
oooolijay: maybe 90/10
oooolijay: it's a sliding scale
Alansueton: tom that equals 110

Book Discussion(almost):
Tj34: i just read a kingsley amis book on alcohol
Djangette: which one TJ?
Tj34: it was-hmm
Tj34: a comprehensive book not the diet one
Tj34: lucky jim is a great book
Djangette: loads of olduns in a pub?
Tj34: i like it when the tractor with the bedsprings slows him
down on the way to the train station
Djangette: yeah, I can't remember either ... too much Guinness
Tj34: and when he burned the matress and flipped it over
Djangette: yes TJ - it was called The something or others
Djangette: Companions?

Dj meets Rono:
Djangette: a sandwich short of a picnic?

What Are You Wearing?:

AnnAsphodel: Binx, I'm in my usual minx attire.

Calhounman9: im wearing blue jeans
Calhounman9: im a simple man

Summers Eve L: I'm wayaring my pjs.

Djangette: Binx - my usual gear

AmberDevilRay8: Pants and stuff.

oooolijay: black yoga pants and a grey Elizabet Ney t-shirt
Beysshoes: who's elizabeth ney?
oooolijay: she was a sculptor

Beysshoes: some new flannel shorts and new old navy tank tops
and white sox

Tammynet: I am in my purple tweetie pjs

No one asked but ...:
Creepy Loner: Tonight Creepy is wearing a very fashionable
Pepto-Bismol-pink, four-point, Hudson's Bay blanket with an
olive green "rugby" shirt featuring a one-button, off-white
collar (the button is unbuttoned)...slightly greasy hair...and
Creepy Loner: socks with a penguin pattern.
Creepy Loner: [posing]

Not reaching O:
Summers Eve L: So. Do you all have plans for this weekend?
EmpressZ21: well i d but i dnt knw what they are all the
secret calls
EmpressZ21: my O is sticking and im gonna quit beating the
keyboard and correcting

Great Literature In the Works:
AmberDevilRay8: Perhaps you can help...
CordialCactus: i can sure try
AmberDevilRay8: Okay, you know how little kids will twist their
AmberDevilRay8: Heh. It's taken me all day.
CordialCactus: ok.. im going to throw out some words.,....maybe
that will lead to more thoughtstoe in the dirt, with their hands
behind their back?
AmberDevilRay8: ANd they're all "golly gee" and whatnot...
CordialCactus: right
AmberDevilRay8: If you wanted to describe that as a posture,
or a demeanor, what word would you use?
CordialCactus: oh.. hm.. this will take a moment
CordialCactus: garsh
AmberDevilRay8: Garsh.
AmberDevilRay8: Melikes that word.
CordialCactus: ok.. first thing i thought was bashful, shy, timid,
CordialCactus: but.. there has to be a phrase that would capture it
CordialCactus: in a clever way
AmberDevilRay8: I contemplated bashful.

The Old College Try:
AmberDevilRay8: Make something up and run with it. That's what
college is all about.

Doesn't Want to Play:
NotNycgirl: binx i would like to be removed
NotNycgirl: i dont want to be on it
Alansueton: [name deleted]this is a public chat room
NotNycgirl: i dont want my name involved in that

DOES Want to Play:
oooolijay: know what would be cool? if you glowed in the dark

Amber, Try Italian:
AmberDevilRay8: I used to think French was sexy until I had
a French neighbor.
AmberDevilRay8: "Ah-low, Ohm-bee-air!"

Julie Economizing:
oooolijay: i'm thinking of stopping the shaving

Julie's Inspiration?:
WildCIAagent: You know... that dog whisper show is almost good.
WildCIAagent: I love a man in need of a shave

Shaving Comes in Threes This Week:
Niontron9: one day I was shaving, when I was in school, in the
school bathroom, and the teacher saw me, after a test...and he
was like
Niontron9: "hey man, don't cut yourself because you did bad
on the test"

In Tj's posse:
Tallthinjones: fella gets out of a mental hospital, he keeps
shaving his body
Tallthinjones: the telephone wires were singing all the time.
it was a good approximation of mental illness
Tallthinjones: to cap it off he pried off his thumbnail

Cut then Pull:
Tallthinjones: well, what is the deal with these "cutters"?
AmberDevilRay8: Every "cutter" I've seen on the internet tells
me the same thing.
AmberDevilRay8: "Pain is a feeling, and I want to feel."
AmberDevilRay8: Something like that.
Tallthinjones: next it will be toothless "Pullers"

Beysshone Reaction - One Size Fits all:
Zenchef2006: beys, i had a tempura shrimp blow up in my face and
got an oil burn on my eye
Beysshoes: OMGOMGOMG

Serious Scag:
Bongoso: any good books?
Bongoso: I am reading:" 10 ways the ACLU is ruining america"
PRobin5478: lol bong -- must be a comic book
Bongoso: nope
Bongoso: serious scag

Hillary down with it:
Is She Weird 55: i just IMmed you dawg

Rememmbering Thinkers:
EDruezillaB: peggy?
Summers Eve L: You don't remember the nutjob that had an affair
with Beachpotato that began the asshat war of Thinkers? Really?
McLaryn5508: What were her other sn's one was REALTOR
EmpressZ21: how could you forget peggy
McLaryn5508: yup! That was one
EmpressZ21: the drama dominated that room for a month
until it imploded

What's in a Number?
CordialCactus: how far are you from major water?
ThePaIeRlDER: 5 minutes to gulf of mexico
WildCIAagent: WOW PALE
WildCIAagent: That is freaking close!
ThePaIeRlDER: yeah its not far
WildCIAagent: YIKES
ThePaIeRlDER: 5-7 min
WildCIAagent: deary me!
Tallthinjones: tammy, how close are you to water?
ThePaIeRlDER: depending where ya go
CordialCactus: how far inland are you, cia?
ThePaIeRlDER: the boat launch is about 15
Tammynet: I am 176 steps away from the beach
WildCIAagent: I just knew that was coming!
CordialCactus: lol tammy
CordialCactus: i love that
WildCIAagent: I'm guessing half an hour or more???
ThePaIeRlDER: thats close tammy
Tammynet: that is the stairs going down to the beach
WildCIAagent: I'll ask the MAN tomorrow... he's my map guy
Tammynet: yes
Tallthinjones: o.k. then how tall are you?
CordialCactus: loltall
CordialCactus: whats your stride length
WildCIAagent: I'm 5' 6"
Tammynet: i am 4' 10.5"
Tammynet: lol
WildCIAagent: OMG you are a shrimp!
CordialCactus: petite
ThePaIeRlDER: jesus tammy
WildCIAagent: hug hug
ThePaIeRlDER: doll size
CordialCactus: way to go guys
Tallthinjones: this is earthshaking news, tammy
WildCIAagent: How big are your feet, Tam?
Tammynet: apparently so Tall
Tammynet: i wear a 5
ThePaIeRlDER: thats small right?
Tallthinjones: chinese foot binding
ThePaIeRlDER: womans 5?
Tammynet: yes
ThePaIeRlDER: i have 11's
Tammynet: but i have wide feet
Tallthinjones: i saw a hoof print in my yard this morning.
babe the blue ox action
CordialCactus: alright.. tammy, you will always be my favorite
dork in the whole wide world... there are no height requirements
Tammynet: thank you Cactus!!!!
WildCIAagent: WOW... and you call me dork sometimes... I'm not
your fav?
CordialCactus: you are welcome
ThePaIeRlDER: do you need a pillow to drive tammy?
Tammynet: someone needs to send that to Katy Tried..it would be
silly if i did it

Natalie and the Boys:
Summers Eve L: Oh! Just so you know! I am totally excited about
seeing the new Friday the 13th on Friday the 13th.
Summers Eve L: I'm going with my best gurlfriends' boyfriends/
husbands. They don't want to go. So they are doing a gurls dinner
and we are meeting them after for drinks.

Apropos of Nothing:

Summers Eve L: I love those Life Savors suckers that come out
around Easter.

CordialCactus: i cant remember my sound

oooolijay: i loved when the hillbillies came into town to talk
to andy taylor

Tallthinjones: i like books where people don't have enough to eat

CordialCactus: I wonder why nyquil still makes the green flavor

Spookyfish2: My favorite smell in the world is a tennis ball. =\

Alansueton: I would never send a pic of my penis

Tom Brite: my therapist has moved to tokyo

Weight Watching:
EDruezillaB: one of the girls at my office was on weight watchers
and she had a "checkbook" of points to eat for the month of january
and she was out of points on jan 5

Slow Night on the Shelf:
Summers Eve L: I wonder how this banana/strawberry juice smoothie
would be mixed in with a glass of milk.

[Married, they'd stayed in her room for days before he left,
taking longer and longer as time ran out. He shoved the bed
against the wall and put the mattress on the floor. There
they woke and slept on a stable continent whose silence never
betrayed them, turning each other in circles like a clock
whose two hands remained in circular, continuous alarm.
Crying, Lola was nearly impassive, her face wet as though she
couldn't or wouldn't give into sobs. He'd never known a woman
who cried like her, like she'd forgotten she was ever a child.
Holding him with her silky hands, her face an inch from his,
she breathed into his mouth through parted lips, and her eyes
showed faint lines at the corners when she smiled. In five
years, she told him, she'd begin to look her age. Good, he'd
said, I'll be ready. They've been apart now longer than they
were together and he feels he's more than made up the eight
years between them. He can protect her now, even from herself,
from him.]

Playing With Your Food:
oooolijay: i swear, i get maybe half the popcorn in my mouth
oooolijay: the rest ends up in a pile all around me
oooolijay: in my hair
oooolijay: i get food in my bra
Summers Eve L: When I stir sauce.
Summers Eve L: I accidentally dip my damn boobs in it.
McLaryn5508: Do you cook naked?

Crabby Does Not Put Her in the Mood:
McLaryn5508: Dave is whiny and crabby. He wants sex and I am
SO NOT in the mood.

Creepy's Motivation:
Creepy Loner: I just finished reading THE RING...which was
sorta fun.
Creepy Loner: I'm into tacky and scary things at the moment.
oooolijay: that's why she came back to the shelf

Prospect's joke:
Prospect26: I am white, black and red.
oooolijay: a newspaper!
oooolijay: a zebra with a sunburn!

American Idol Forever:
Anais3233: what is up with simon's hair???

Odd Couple:
AXELvonAUR: The Shopaholic trailer on tv uses Disturbia

Beauty Knows No Pain:
Hickory49: plucking snatch just does not sound like a good time
AXELvonAUR: Hickory, probly nicer than waxing
Hickory49: ... waxing's gotta be easier than plucking ...
Summers Eve L: Why don't you boys go try both and report back to us.

Lady Mirth:
EmpressZ21: sunshine and rainbows and unicorns!
EmpressZ21: = Laura world
EmpressZ21: no Laura me
LadyMtnMedic: even unicorns have to take a sh*t

Wake Up Ralph!:
Raphael11110: I am going to venture into speculating that
Ana karenina was a remarkable woman surrounded by jerks
Raphael11110: or something like that
Sleepy Eyed Evie: not really raphael
Sleepy Eyed Evie: she's a married woman who has an affair and it
destroys her life
Sleepy Eyed Evie: and his
Raphael11110: Lady what was the novel about then?
Sleepy Eyed Evie: i just told you raphael
Sleepy Eyed Evie: and actually i found it to be a pretty easy read.
its long but its not hard to read
Raphael11110: Sleep Lady said it was a long book it has to have
some sort of story to it
Sleepy Eyed Evie: i just told you what the story was dude

The News From Down Under:
Sleepy Eyed Evie: so federer destroyed roddick

Yours or Someone Else's?:
BobsurAuntTom: When I see the name Hermann Hesse, I feel like
popping zits

Jumping the Punchline:
BobsurAuntTom: I used to play tennis... then I found squash.
BobsurAuntTom: Squash is much, much better than tennis.
BobsurAuntTom: Y'know why?
Sleepy Eyed Evie: its a vegetable?

Future Poet Laureate:
CordialCactus: oh hey.. mom bragging moment.. 3 year old said
rice krispies sound like a campfire

Bob hits a triple:
BobsurAuntTom: Jesus was a bot in his day.
BobsurAuntTom: Apparently
LadyMtnMedic: he was?
BinxB91: what?
EmpressZ21: yeah huh?

Consumer Warning:
Tallthinjones: the ingredients in microwave popcorn are poison

Into the Microwave Popcorn:
oooolijay: there is a song about a houseboat i like
oooolijay: well, it's not about a houseboat
oooolijay: but it mentions a houseboat
oooolijay: i'd like to have a houseboat

Newbie Vs BookShelf:

1. Intro:
BarbareLMyKeeper: My name is not Barbarel
BarbareLMyKeeper: She is a friend.
BarbareLMyKeeper: They call me that.

2. Initial Contact:
BarbareLMyKeeper: common sense and use of some discrete intellect
BarbareLMyKeeper: Man people show basic lacks of higher education
these days.
Anais3233: uh
Anais3233: who invited the buzz kill?

3. Conflict:
BarbareLMyKeeper: Anais you would be kicked out of Princeton.
Anais3233: if i'm smart about something, i'm going to be one
indiscrete mofo about it, and that's for sure!!
Catpower777: is that like multiple intelligences?
BobsurAuntTom: My intellect is so discrete as to be impossible
to find.
BarbareLMyKeeper: My father went to Harvard and Columbia.
Anais3233: wow
BobsurAuntTom: And?
Anais3233: that's amazing
Beysshoes: WTF cares
BarbareLMyKeeper: I'm good stock.
Anais3233: like harvard avenue and columbia street?
BobsurAuntTom: As in soup stock?
BarbareLMyKeeper: Make fun of me fine.
BobsurAuntTom: Vegetable stock?
KissMyAsterix: what would you be discrete about
BobsurAuntTom: Chicken stock?
Anais3233: um
KissMyAsterix: right
Anais3233: about my grey beaver hairs
BarbareLMyKeeper: Use knowledge and insight not street
fighting techniques!
Beysshoes: sheesh dat is too pitifuls bragging on yoh daddy barb
BobsurAuntTom: Anais, please don't refer to your beaver hairs as
beaver hairs.
Beysshoes: waitwait. harvard and columbia. you trynna lay claim
to obama being yoh daddy?
BarbareLMyKeeper: Kiss for that the fed will ask you politely to
take english brush up courses.
BarbareLMyKeeper: Learn to speak clearly.
BarbareLMyKeeper: : )
Beysshoes: barb bore us summore pls
BarbareLMyKeeper: gutter verbs
KissMyAsterix: you know, I ennunciate fuck off pretty well
Beysshoes: omg gina is in primo form today!

4. Hurt:
BarbareLMyKeeper: Like no one will offer any of you any more TRUST.
Beysshoes: you go bigsur

5. Resolution (love you Anais):
BobsurAuntTom: The failed legacy... oh my.
KissMyAsterix: don't let us keep you
KissMyAsterix: and we know you're too busy to write
BarbareLMyKeeper: THis is not about your personal feelings.
Beysshoes: TRUST? dammit all. dat be da only reason we're here
... questing foh trust.
EmpressZ21: k hold up people do we care really
Anais3233: no we don't
Anais3233: next topic.
Beysshoes: nolo empy

6. Epilogue:
Anais3233: I go to community college
Anais3233: whoa
Anais3233: that stopped the room
BobsurAuntTom: Anais... I went to really great colleges...
and for the most part it has done squat for me.
KissMyAsterix: I go to the library
KissMyAsterix: it was too hard to compete anais

7. WHAT! She's still here?
EmpressZ21: you have a new dialect i like it
Beysshoes: okay, barb iffin you wanna stay...you gotta pay a
boring penalty to empy. solly
Beysshoes: empy. it's sophisticated ebonics.
Beysshoes: and thank you
EmpressZ21: grand idea beys <3
Anais3233: is it zoeyesque?
Beysshoes: (joshing with you barb)
Beysshoes: okay. so i lie.
KissMyAsterix: no wonder why you get no trust

8. OK, Beysshoes finishes her
Beysshoes: oh noooooooooooooo barb left us!
Beysshoes: you meanie gina. it be yoh fault.
Anais3233: hey ooliwhore
Beysshoes: someone IM her and fetch her back! oojieeee
oooolijay: fetch who back
Anais3233: no no, that's ok
Beysshoes: some idjit
oooolijay: oh
Beysshoes: newbie
EmpressZ21: no we're good beys

Mixed feelings:
EmpressZ21: we have a respite from nuttiness we must refresh
Anais3233: ::splashing sanity water by evian on my face::
Beysshoes: bring in da box wine empy
EmpressZ21: ya know ive never had wine out of a box
Anais3233: when you're in indy
Anais3233: you'll drink box wine
Beysshoes: empy, you've lead a sheltered life. poor thang
EmpressZ21: i have i really have
Beysshoes: i feel bad about barb. should i email her gina?
Beysshoes: no no wait. you should email her gina

Rono as Secretary of State:
Onimesh: we need a borderless world
KissMyAsterix: actually I think I want bigger fences
KissMyAsterix: maybe electric ones
Beysshoes: with cattle prods at the ready?
Onimesh: Rockefeller in his book said he is going to make a
borderless world
KissMyAsterix: we're definetly thinking alike beys

Yuck:
KissMyAsterix: that was too visual for me
KissMyAsterix: pop pop pop
Beysshoes: godwit is playful that way ... with popcorn and charlie rose.
Catpower777: what, me and godwit under the blanket with a bowl of popcorn?
Beysshoes: yes cat. nekkid
Catpower777: hey Bob
KissMyAsterix: cat... being as you said it
KissMyAsterix: I feel you should be medicated
BobsurAuntTom: Hi Cat. Cat is making me kina ill.
Catpower777: Bey, it's the only way I can get him to disrobe
KissMyAsterix: she's unwell

Coy Mistress:
Anais3233: i have a youtube account
Anais3233: harlotty harlotness!
EmpressZ21: trollopy tramp

Mixed Messages:
Beysshoes: ah empy. the golden rule. hugs after a smack
Beysshoes: binky taught me that one

Spanairds and Mexicans:
Catpower777: oh, Binx is into S&M?
EmpressZ21: yes like that just like that
Anais3233: Duh!
Beysshoes: kitkat you know i told you dat one in confidence!
Anais3233: he likes to be spanked with books
Beysshoes: 25 points
Beysshoes: so anais he had you doing that to him too???
Beysshoes: dammit and i thought i was special
Anais3233: no. i'm married.
Anais3233: but i got the hidden video
Beysshoes: oh, he is too uptight for the married thing. hidden video?
Beysshoes: i wanna see!
Anais3233: www.beysshoesspankingbinxwithbooks.com

Baiting the Cock:
Beysshoes: gyps you're crashing a girl pahty here! hola
Gypsyjo47: Beys Yeah I know a hen party when I see one.
EmpressZ21: so you were saying about the yeast infection anais
Anais3233: yes, a cock at a hen party
Anais3233: it was very lumpy
Anais3233: and burning
Beysshoes: anais. dunt get him started

Homes Remedies:
Anais3233: you know what helps with the itching?
Anais3233: yogurt
EmpressZ21: vinegar?
EmpressZ21: oh see now i heard vinegar
Beysshoes: you chicas got it wrong iffin you think this is
gonna turn gyps off. he's relentless.
EmpressZ21: something about the acid of the discharge
Anais3233: vinagar makes the skin on sensitive girly parts
toughen up and calous
Gypsyjo47: Anais hate to tell you this, but yeast feeds on yogurt...
Beysshoes: see, he knows more than you even.
Beysshoes: oofsh

Oh Mandy:
BobsurAuntTom: That Barry Manilow sure in one hell of an attractive man
Condorblues: he's kinda old isn't he
Catpower777: Bob, is that payback?
Condorblues: in his 70s
BobsurAuntTom: Payback?
Catpower777: for me making you feel nauseated?
KissMyAsterix: manilow.. geez
KissMyAsterix: paid in full
Alansueton: already?
BobsurAuntTom: There was just a Barry Manilow commercial.. I just
think he's a very handsome guy.
Alansueton: Barry Manilow looks like a Lizard now
Beysshoes: barry? handsome? WOW
Catpower777: Bob, this is not meant to be in any way judgmental
but he looks like he was drawn by Matt Groening

His Fickle Bowell:
Alansueton: I refuse to sleep or crap in the open air(except in
the case of emergency)--I must be in Air Conditioned or Well
Heated environment
Kan wa ma kan: alan they have collapsable toilets now
Condorblues: geez alan, talk about high maintenance
Alansueton: I am high maintenance
Condorblues: I will go to the bathroom just about anywhere
Alansueton: I like Artificial Paradises

Natlie's Friend:
Summers Eve L: I buy him playdough every year for xmas
Summers Eve L: He loves me.

Author's Lounge Exile:
Madam Mimi: dang Im stuck in here again

The Next Danish Cartoonist:
Zachariah957: not a Muslim god and bugs bunny are about equal to
me both are hilarious

Is she insulting us?:
Madam Mimi: let's talk about the difference between MOOT and MUTE...
Madam Mimi: oh sorry Im not in the Author's Lounge......we cant
talk about moot and mute

Defensive About Drinking:
BobsurAuntTom: I guess people get defensive when you ask them about
their drinking.
Zachariah957: not if your irish
BobsurAuntTom: I can understand that.

Might Be:
BobsurAuntTom: Mimi might be the dumbest person I've ever read online.

Mimi We Hardly Know You:
Madam Mimi: Damage was good. I like it intense and short like
my past love

Mr Sensitivty:
oooolijay: do you flirt with the psych patients?
Trvsbckl912: not yet, no
Trvsbckl912: when i was a student, doing my clinical rotation,
one of the patients was a stripper from the bar i used to go to

Rono's World:
Niontron9: I would slap my wife to uncosciousness if she was
flirting in front of me
Niontron9: you gotta be tough on women..otherwise they think
you are weak
Niontron9: and take advantage of you
Alansueton: Rono tough is not losing your cool
Niontron9: I am cool tough
Alansueton: lol
Pheziwig: If you have to slap your wife, you failed to pick a good one
AnGeLEyZ1617: woman will take advantage or men no matter what...its lame
Niontron9: I've been taken advantage but I am better equipped now

Julie Cares:
AnGeLEyZ1617: it's an expression...sorry...let me rephrase if for you
....you can do whatever you like married or not but you don't have to
tell other people who probably don't care
oooolijay: i care. i want to know when everyone masturbates
MsVictoriaLynn1: Should I keep a log Julie?
Alansueton: ooooli you know my Mastr-Clock
oooolijay: unfortunately i do, alan
AnGeLEyZ1617: welll that is good for you....but a little disturbing

Acme Products Rep:
oooolijay: now i want to look up more roadrunner cartoons on youtube

Alan Selling His Virginity:
Alansueton: nah like Blago said on the tap I ain't gonna fucking
give this up for nothing
Alansueton: (holding my jock)

Labor Negotiations:
Alansueton: ooooli in lovemaking I demand full attention from my
lady-partner and she demands and receives likewise

Born Again:
oooolijay: i hope my hymen regenerates

Love Is a Nose:
CordialCactus: i can tell you which one of my children passed gas
just by the odor
oooolijay: you're a good mom, cactus

DOES Anyone shit rainbows?:
NOTNycgirl: at work, i stick my finger up elderly people's butts
to perform disempactionsoooolijay: that is a job i would never have
Alansueton: Nyc do you wear gloves?
CordialCactus: lol
oooolijay: any job that involves sticking my finger in an old
person's ass
NOTNycgirl: ky jelly and gloves
oooolijay: or anyone's ass
Tallthinjones: is there any useful tool for that job, nyc?
CordialCactus: im thinking about phlebotomy
NOTNycgirl: it helps them and they feel much better afterwards
CordialCactus: as a job
oooolijay: i wouldn't care if it made them shit rainbows

Girls Gone Wild:
Spookyfish2: The weirdest craigslist ad I ever saw was a women
seeking to be impregnated by a homosexual atheist.
Spookyfish2: Just so she could promptly have an abortion.
oooolijay: what
oooolijay: that's just freakin weird
CordialCactus: ew to munging and lol to oooli
PatientOnion3: that's what sarah palin's daughter did
Alansueton: Spooky she hit three no no's
Spookyfish2: She wanted to piss off her conservative father, I think.
oooolijay: she couldn't just get a tattoo?

Mix and Match:
MsVictoriaLynn1: I'm reading three books
MsVictoriaLynn1: and writing two

Anais Excited:
Anais3233: i'm going to be a nurse one day. and you know what
i'm going to do then?
Fleurdelochi: go to disneyworld?
BinxB91: change sheets?
KissMyAsterix: medicate people?
Anais3233: well, i have no idea actually
Anais3233: but
Anais3233: it'll be exciting.

2009-01-22T13:37:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I Want to Cry. But I never do.

BookShelf as Toxic Waste Site:
oooolijay: my god we have a lot of AL spillover

Inaugural Thoughts:

AnnAsphodel: I do love Aretha's hat

CordialCactus: i said this earlier, but want to say it again,
Cheney in his wheelchair looked just like Mr Potter from
Its a Wonderful Life

Doc Whew: obama should make the oreo the national cookie

Onimesh: I am going to miss bush because there is not going to
be bush jokes anymore

AnGeLEyZ1617: ...obama seems so serious and unapproachable...of
course I will never talk to him but I think it helps to have a
pres you can relate to/feel comfy with

Alansueton: the Arizona Cardinals are in the Superbowl wow
Change indeed this Inauguaral is getting scary like
Nuremberg and Triumph of the Will

The Simon Cowell of BookShelf:
oooolijay: who the fuck are these people?

Another Missed Connection:
Prospect26: night room...sorry we did not talk,

Condensed Haiku:
DoomGrl: dont bats bite?

A Woman of Various Appetites:
Anais3233: i'm good! just made chili cheese fries, then brownies
with peanut butter chocolate chips in them and then banana bread..

Table for One:
Tom Brite: i love to dine alone

Planning for the Dry Years:
BobsurAuntTom: I'm crying proactively

He Can Dish It Out but ...:
Alansueton: I am very protective of Culture Club lyrics
oooolijay: that's only because you resemble boy george, alan
Alansueton: no I do not
oooolijay: he's a body double in the videos
oooolijay: or when he's picking up male prostitutes
Alansueton: oooli you are not funny
oooolijay: i'm a little funny

Self-Awareness:
AnnAsphodel: I'm sometimes a witty drunk, at least to myself.

Try Sending it to Switzerland then:
BobsurAuntTom: I just sent a watch back to Germany today.
I don't think I'm ever satisfied.

A Little Bit:
BobsurAuntTom: I'll admit it... I think Binx is a bit of an ass.
Perhaps he's a nice ass.. and a good guy. I just think he's a
bit of an ass.

Alan & Julie, Episode 18:
Alansueton: We were talking about Droooolijay And how she'd be
a great polisher of nobs
oooolijay: i would have spelled that with a k

A MidSummers(Eve L) Night Dream:
Summers Eve L: One time. Coming down these steep mountains in
North Carolina on the way home from Nantahala.
Summers Eve L: I was puking every so often. Because the night
before I drank a bottle of champagne all to myself.
Summers Eve L: Anywho.
Summers Eve L: We get to the bottom and stop at a gas station.
Where I couldn't make it in. I just opened the door and hurled
in the parking lot.
Alansueton: careful ooooli is a sympathy puker
AnonyMitch: ack. sweet tasting vomit. what a terrible thought.
oooolijay: oh god anony
Summers Eve L: I look up and there is, no lie, a midget dressed
like a cowboy looking at ME like *I* am crazy.
oooolijay: he musta forgot he was a cowboy midget
Summers Eve L: I said "What?!"
oooolijay: there used to be a cowboy midget who walked around
my neighborhood in cali
Alansueton: it would've been funny if he said "Howdy pardner."
Summers Eve L: No. He never said anything.
Summers Eve L: Little bastard.
Summers Eve L: He didn't have to.
NomduSemiLLC: or, What's up, Chuck?
I2DaysInNovember: he was probably trying to hold back from
reflex vomiting
Summers Eve L: His beady little eyes said it all.
oooolijay: that woulda been funny
Alansueton: Midgets are fearlessly inquisitive

Reflections on Summers' Story:

NomduSemiLLC: I have seen serial reflex vomiting----not a pretty sight
Alansueton: can we change the subject
oooolijay: from midgets?
oooolijay: no way
Alansueton: no, puking
I2DaysInNovember: Nom we had seven kids in our family
it was awful
NomduSemiLLC: This was in a class room during AF tech school
CordialCactus: nom.. i will ask you about that sometime
CordialCactus: hey, what year and where were you in tech school?
NomduSemiLLC: Greenville, MS, 1964
NomduSemiLLC: you already have the gist of it, not much more to tell
EmpressZ21: im gonna ask now what set off the vomiting
I2DaysInNovember: champagne
EmpressZ21: and how does an adult not get to a bathroom
oooolijay: while you guys are talking about vomit, i'm gonna take
my grape bowl to the kitchen
NomduSemiLLC: Can we go back to our regular convo of hiding the salami,
felching and queefing now?

Glinda saying Goodbye to the Munchkins:
Sleepy Eyed Evie: i have to go to work
Sleepy Eyed Evie: good night everyone
KissMyAsterix: make lots of money and send for me
Sleepy Eyed Evie: haha ok
Sleepy Eyed Evie: i'll save you a tecate
Sleepy Eyed Evie: in the fridge
KissMyAsterix: ok
AA Birthday Pony: tecate
AA Birthday Pony: boo
AA Birthday Pony: dude, any chick beer drinkers?
AA Birthday Pony: i found the best chick import beer ever.
AA Birthday Pony: crap, now i can't remember the name.
AnonyMitch: pony boy is really toning up the room. and i, for one,
am grateful.

Summers Spa:
Summers Eve L: I just completed stage one of my spa night.
CordialCactus: what was stage one?
Alansueton: ooooli you an athlete too?
Summers Eve L: Hot bath, scrub, shave legs, glass of wine, candles,
read a book in my bubble bath.
Summers Eve L: Or some of a book.
Summers Eve L: You get me.
oooolijay: well, not the world class athelete you are, alan
CordialCactus: wow, whats stage two
Summers Eve L: Facial waxing.

Julie Down:
oooolijay: but this particular injury happened when i stepped
off a curb onto broken asphalt
Alansueton: in heels?
Summers Eve L: Hooker heels, Oli?
oooolijay: no
oooolijay: tennies
oooolijay: just hit it wrong
Summers Eve L: Oh. Well hooker heels are always my excuse.
oooolijay: it was at a art fair
Alansueton: you're fragile
CordialCactus: did you end up eating asphalt in public?
oooolijay: yes, cactus
Summers Eve L: I'm a dumbass and I go trotting around at the
grocery in my heels.
Alansueton: Summers because you're looking for men
Tammynet: pick up on aisle 3
Summers Eve L: Right. At the grocery. Because that's where we all
go when we are on a manhunt.
oooolijay: i went down on my right knee, but my left ankle was hurt
oooolijay: so i couldnt' stand up
Summers Eve L: Did someone help you?
oooolijay: i couldn't put any weight on my left ankle, so i just
had to sit there like that
Summers Eve L: Did you squirt some big ol' tears?
Alansueton: ooooli you are a whimp
oooolijay: all these people just walked around me
oooolijay: and dig this
oooolijay: a freakin clown stopped juggling to come help me
AnonyMitch: summers...i'm sure it doesn't look like a dumb one.
i can easily imagine you walking slowly down the frozen dairy aisle.
Summers Eve L: Yes, Alan. I get the general concept.
CordialCactus: aw
oooolijay: i know
CordialCactus: wait.. dont you hate clowns?
oooolijay: not that one
Alansueton: I played one half of a basketball game with a sprained
ankle by the end of the game it had swollen to the size of a melon
Summers Eve L: haha a clown
oooolijay: he was more of a street performer
oooolijay: but he was a clown and doing balloon animals too

Evie's Game:
Sleepy Eyed Evie: i think we should just add the phrase "in bed"
to everything we type in chat rooms
CordialCactus: ok
Sleepy Eyed Evie: that would spice things up. um, in bed.
Boulshevit: That works for me in bed, Evie
BobsurAuntTom: What use it is to have a cell phone with no
working charger?
BobsurAuntTom: I ask of you?
CordialCactus: Evie, you are full of clever ideas, in bed
Sleepy Eyed Evie: see!
Boulshevit: I have to go pee in bed
BobsurAuntTom: Amazing... my fucking cell phone charger decides
to stop working.
BobsurAuntTom: Aint life grand?
Melodramamama22: in bed?
CordialCactus: aw, im sorry, in bed
I2DaysInNovember: I am so glad you all are here to chat with me
I2DaysInNovember: in bed
CordialCactus: Hiya Nov, Whats shakin? in bed
I2DaysInNovember: Hi Cactus! : ) everything inbed
Boulshevit: I couldn't sleep last night in bed
Sleepy Eyed Evie: ok maybe that was a bad idea. now nobody is
talking in bed
CordialCactus: im afraid to say something really perverted in bed
Tom Brite: brb going to go eat a muffin, in bed
Boulshevit: What's different about now, Cord in bed?
CordialCactus: bouls, im confused.. in bed
KissMyAsterix: maybe we could start the sentences with in bed
Sleepy Eyed Evie: damn. they took off tennis and put on basketball
Sleepy Eyed Evie: in bed
Tom Brite: i would like to see creepie loner, in bed
CordialCactus: tom.. TOM! i thought you were new here, in bed
KissMyAsterix: no way tom is new
Boulshevit: In bed?
CordialCactus: its agreeing with you, i am, in bed
CordialCactus: lol bouls
WildCIAagent: Back with hot tea
CordialCactus: in bed
KissMyAsterix: or out of it
CordialCactus: tom could be onion after a severe head injury
CordialCactus: in bed

Garlic Dreams:
CordialCactus: lobster sauce or garlic sauce?
Boulshevit: Garlic sauce
KissMyAsterix: vodka sauce?
EmpressZ21: garlic
Sleepy Eyed Evie: too bad, i like Chocolatenazi
KissMyAsterix: what is it
CordialCactus: 2 for garlic.. cool.. I ordered shrimp with
garlic sauce, rangoon, and egg rolls
CordialCactus: i was torn between the two
Sleepy Eyed Evie: garlic gives you weird dreams
Sleepy Eyed Evie: if you eat too much late at night
CordialCactus: i like weird dreams
Sleepy Eyed Evie: usually weird dreams involving Larry King
KissMyAsterix: larry king?
Sleepy Eyed Evie: and 'garlique'
Sleepy Eyed Evie: ok i'm joking about the Larry King part. but
garlic really does give me weird dreams. either that or i'm
just insane
KissMyAsterix: let me think about that one
Boulshevit: Maybe garlic makes you insane
CordialCactus: ice cream before bed makes me have weird dreams
Sleepy Eyed Evie: but garlic makes me think of Larry King because
he's always talking about that "garlique" stuff
KissMyAsterix: actually retracting the larry king thing, makes
you a little more sane.
Alansueton: Sleepy are you a Vampire?
Sleepy Eyed Evie: Alan: no, i'm a pirate

That Reminds Me:
Sleepy Eyed Evie: and that reminded you of me?
Alansueton: about leeches that crawl up your nose
Sleepy Eyed Evie: what is gris-gris, cc?
CordialCactus: yuck
CordialCactus: i think its a voodoo thing
Alansueton: and the danger of Tics and people almost dying
I don't know what gris gris other than en francais grey-grey
KissMyAsterix: a voodoo thing?
CordialCactus: a voodoo talisman or charm
Boulshevit: Oh, I thought you said boo boo
KissMyAsterix: ok I'm confusing gris gris with leeches
and tics now
Sleepy Eyed Evie: i'm somehow imagining lesbian mormons discussing
gris-gris and leeches on larry king

Fortune Cookies (in bed):
CordialCactus: i need some fortune cookie ground rules
Sleepy Eyed Evie: you are supposed to read your fortune to the
person across the table from you and add the words "in bed" to
the end of it
KissMyAsterix: "you will be admired by many" in bed
BobsurAuntTom: You'll be desired by everyone you have no desire
to be with.
Sleepy Eyed Evie: oh wait that wasnt a fortune
BobsurAuntTom: You'll be wanted for everything but your body

Saving Lives:
Anais3233: i hate driving all the way to campus for just one class
KissMyAsterix: what class anais
Anais3233: anatomy
CordialCactus: how far?
Anais3233: twenty minutes
Anais3233: not too bad
KissMyAsterix: won't it be twenty minutes alone
KissMyAsterix: there
KissMyAsterix: and twenty minutes alone back
Anais3233: yeah
CordialCactus: is education tax deductable?
KissMyAsterix: and maybe a stop off at starbucks or something
SteveIzHere7: you get lonely in 20 minutes?
Anais3233: interest on students loans are tax deductible
SteveIzHere7: big whoopdie doo
oooolijay: no it's a good alone steve
KissMyAsterix: are you insane
KissMyAsterix: she has kids
KissMyAsterix: twenty minutes can save lives
oooolijay: it's precious alone time
KissMyAsterix: forty can save two

["Well, you decided your fate," sighed the young man,
weighing each word. "So you had better know the
consequences of your actions. During the coma brought on
by the pills you took, your heart was irreversibly damaged.
There was a necrosis of the ventricle ---"
"Put it in layman's terms," said the older man. "Get
straight to the point."
"Your heart is irreversibly damaged, and soon it will stop
beating altogether."
"What does that mean?" she asked, frightened.
"If your heart stops beating, that means only one thing,
death. I don't know what your religious beliefs are, but ---"
"When will my heart stop beating?" asked Veronika,
interrupting him.
"Within five days, a week at most."
Veronika realized that behind his professional appearance
and behavior, behind the concerned manner, the young man
was taking immense pleasure in what he was saying, as if
she deserved the punishment and would serve as an example
to all the others.
During her life Veronika had noticed that a lot of people
she knew would talk about the horrors in other people's
lives as if they were genuinely trying to help them, but
the truth was that they took pleasure in the suffering of
others, because that made them believe that they were
happy and that life had been generous with them. She
hated that kind of person, and she wasn't going to give
the young man an opportunity to take advantage of her
state in order to mask his own frustrations.
She kept her eyes fixed on his and, smiling, said: "So
I succeeded, then."
"Yes," came the reply. But any pleasure he had taken in
giving her the tragic news had vanished.]

Animation Review:
Anais3233: you know, for a computer animated princess, fiona has
some saggy tits

Excitement by the Numbers:
oooolijay: i like fives and times you can read backwards...such
as 11:11 or 12:21
oooolijay: when it's 11:11 on 11/11/11 i'm going to pass out from
all the excitement

E-nailing Cactus:
CordialCactus: haha
CordialCactus: i cant breath
CordialCactus: e
CordialCactus: omgosh,
CordialCactus: thank you binx
CordialCactus: that was better than sex
CordialCactus: well
oooolijay: um
CordialCactus: better than some sex

In Bed?:
oooolijay: i say fancy shmancy!

Because They Didn't Fire?:
CordialCactus: like dueling banjos, which we all know is a misnomer

Still Waiting on the Emmy:
Rafo65: Al Gore and G.B. Shaw are the only two people ever to have
won both an Oscar and a Nobel Prize

For Best Alliteration in a Supporting Role:
BletheringMan: The best seductive dance scene was Selma Hayek in
Dust to Dawn
CordialCactus: she's cute in a smirky swarthy way

Based on Experience?:
SteveIzHere7: being nice all the time gets annoying

Two-sided Advice:
BletheringMan: I can hear the music and see her dancing with the
snake in my mind's eye
CordialCactus: blethering, get a hold of yourself man
CordialCactus: wait wait.. disregard that

Lazers Can Be Like That:
BletheringMan: The scene where he is looking a Catherine's tight
butt slipping under the lazer beams was priceless

Author's Lounge Refugee?:
JOKER777773: Stallone bought the movie rights to my last book. wants
to star, direct, write the screenplay
AnGeLEyZ1617: joker you write book?
JOKER777773: yeah, Angel. i have nine bestsellers
JOKER777773: 3 NY times bestsellers. doing okay in the biz
AnGeLEyZ1617: thats cool...what are they called if you don't mind me asking?
JOKER777773: sure, ANGEL. RORA is my best book. you can google it.

Son of a Pun:
MsVictoriaLynn1: No mitch, those big buildings are sitting on
the biggest H shaped steel columns driven to bedrock you have
ever seen, most of Manhattan is called Manhattan Schist, a
type of granite
Mentros: Never take any schist for granite
MsVictoriaLynn1: Hey Mentros... Schist Happens

My Little Runaway:
SteveIzHere7: I knew a gal from Yakima.
SteveIzHere7: met her in New Orleans

St Helens Day Story:
BletheringMan: Mt St Helens ... yes but no one pays attention for
the next 125 years
BletheringMan: I was watching Fiddler On The Roof the night before
it blew
BletheringMan: That next morning I went out for breakfast
BletheringMan: but didn't have any cash for the restaurant
BletheringMan: So I went to a local supermarket to cash a check
BletheringMan: When i ask to cash the check the wide-eyed cashier
said
BletheringMan: "Do you know what happened?"
BletheringMan: ash cloud I said I heard that the mountain blew
another ash cloud
BletheringMan: No she said the whole mountain blew up
BletheringMan: I had asked her to cash a check for $20 when she
told me that
BletheringMan: I said in that case make it for a $1000 bucks

Apropos of Nothing:

AnnAsphodel: I especially enjoy the Mormon Space Doctrine

Onimesh: I like amish life style
Onimesh: I think they do have a point

CordialCactus: you dont mind crimes commited with icicles do you?

Bible Study:
JOKER777773: "Do not loudly bless your neighbor in the morning,
for to him it will seem as a curse."
JOKER777773: Meaning, when someone is just waking up, don't
go "GOOD MORNING!"
JOKER777773: shit. give him a chance to wake up

Homemade Electolytes:
CordialCactus: ive tried the homemade electrolyte solution, they
like that a little more than the pedialyte, but i feel like
something is missing
CordialCactus: but, it's wet

Funeral Reflections:

oooolijay: i've laughed at a funeral before!'
oooolijay: omg
oooolijay: my grandmother's

AnonyMitch: oh, god. i once hit on a girl at her mother's funeral.
AnonyMitch: it was an accident. honest.

oooolijay: i always act appropriately at funerals
oooolijay: except for the laughing

Cat Sports:
EmpressZ21: we have juggled the cat
oooolijay: throwing the cats wouldn't be as bad as catching the cats

Sarah Palin?:
LEELOULOLLIPOP: Anony, yep, for sure....I plan to be a Spirit Guide
in my next life serving God! and helping lost souls on earth with
out having the luxury of actually living on Earth, but a much more
beautiful, crime, disease, war free world!
AnonyMitch: LeeLou...good luck on that.

What Are You Wearing?

EmpressZ21: a crown
EmpressZ21: and a smile

Blondestar86: uh stewie pj's

CordialCactus: two pairs of socks, sweatshirt and wifebeater
CordialCactus: and polartec happy pants
CordialCactus: which, i now know are made out of recycled plastic

Don't Underestimate Yourself:
CordialCactus: i just realized how inadvertently clever that was

End of the Bush-Onion Era:
CordialCactus: i like that tom comes here, sort of a surragate
replacement for our absent strange personalities
CordialCactus: surrogate
KissMyAsterix: he can't replace onion
Jam7604801: you guys should have met nagual4a
Tammynet: no one can replace Onion
KissMyAsterix: no
CordialCactus: he cant replace them, no.. but he can add that
weirdness aura
Jam7604801: nag made onion look bad
Tammynet: Onion is the one who got me to come here...he told me too
KissMyAsterix: no one makes onion look bad
KissMyAsterix: me too tammy
Jam7604801: trust me nag did
KissMyAsterix: well he's the reason I came back
oooolijay: i adore onion
KissMyAsterix: it's not even possible jam, I miss onion
oooolijay: i miss him coming here
Jam7604801: and the funny thing about nag he truely believed
what he said
CordialCactus: some people just dont get onion.. i lurve him
Tammynet: he use to hang out in thinkers..then i left for a
couple of years and soon as i came back he told me about the shelf
KissMyAsterix: that's part of his charm cactus
Jam7604801: the first bush election for instance
Tammynet: exactly dino
oooolijay: onion is brilliant
KissMyAsterix: he really is
KissMyAsterix: amazingly so
oooolijay: yes
Jam7604801: he would not stop saying how bush cheated and on
and on for four freaking years
KissMyAsterix: he's like pinky and the brain, all rolled into one
Jam7604801: just dawned on me i been coming here for nine years

[Their casualties were high, but they could easily have been
worse. Someone later told Vaughn West that when Beahler saw
the list of names he wept, and later someone back at Battalion,
filled with a dumb macho spirit, made a condescending remark
about what kind of company commander broke down and cried, but
West thought when you lost that many men in battle, maybe you
should cry.]

Jam's Joke:
Jam7604801: A blond goes into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender
says "Anheuiser-Bush".
The Blonde replies "Why it's just dandy. Thank you so much for asking.
Hows your cock?".

Binx's Joke
BinxB91: A pirate walks into a bar with the ship's steering wheel
hanging from his penis.
BinxB91: The stunned bartender asks, "do you realize the ship's
steering wheel is hanging from your penis?"
BinxB91: "Aye", answers the pirate, "it's driving me nuts."
AnonyMitch: binx..."ba da boom!"
MsVictoriaLynn1: Oh christ Binx
Tammynet: haha binx
Zenchef2006: binx, i think that punchline is a phallusy

Her Woman Bowl:
WildCIAagent: Emmm I ate my oats in my WOMAN bowl.
CordialCactus: your woman bowl?
JadedDremer: woman bowl?
JadedDremer: wtf is that?
CordialCactus: is it shaped like a boob?
Alansueton: a woman's bowl, big enough for a man, but made
for a woman
CordialCactus: cia, type faster
WildCIAagent: My sis gave me an I AM WOMAN bowl... YOu are
StRONG invinclible You can do anything
CordialCactus: ah
WildCIAagent: I once caught my man with it!
WildCIAagent: I was like.... HELLOOOOOOO
WildCIAagent: I just killed a spider.
WildCIAagent: That bowl makes one powerful!
CordialCactus: cia, put the spider outside
CordialCactus: i double dog dare you

You're Suppose to Look Into Her EYES:
Tallthinjones: i had a girlfriend once with size ten feet and
it was a big turnoff

After All These Years!!:
CordialCactus: no way
ThePaIeRlDER: hillary!
CordialCactus: Hillary!
Is She Weird 55: so i hear you miss me
MsVictoriaLynn1: Hi Hillary
ThePaIeRlDER: yup
KissMyAsterix: hillary!
WildCIAagent: Hi Weird is she
Is She Weird 55: hello everyone
Tallthinjones: does anyone buy online shoes?
Catpower777: how is college, Hillary?
LadyQuasi: Hello Weird
Is She Weird 55: guess what? i'm poor

Rider I:
AnonyMitch: i know a woman who is the granddaughter of one of
Stalin's architects. (building architecture)
ThePaIeRlDER: is she hot?

Rider II:
Melodramamama22: you know who kelly osborne looks like?
Melodramamama22: the campbell's soup girl come to life right
offa the can
ThePaIeRlDER: id do kelly

Rider III:
Susiq2S: I like this room..it's calm and interesting
ThePaIeRlDER: susi do you webcam too/

Her Boss is a Chat Nerd:
Melodramamama22: my boss said on the phone the other day to someone,
this exact thing...
Melodramamama22: "i mean, double you tee eff?"

Book Recommendation:
EmpressZ21: anyone that has anything by jen lancaster know it

Funny ha ha?:
Melodramamama22: i read a hugely funny made up thing that someone posted
on craigslist about having done ann coulter in the arse

But You Look Good in White:
JadedDremer: but it's not just blonde. i have streaks of grey, like the
bride of frankenstein

Alan & Julie - Drooling Banjos:
AnonyMitch: prim tart...that was Your drool? i wish i had known.
i would have saved the pillow from being washed.
oooolijay: i drool
oooolijay: i'm not proud of it
WildCIAagent: I don't drool
BobsurAuntTom: I like droolers.
oooolijay: but i can't help it
Primatart: battery acid drool
AnonyMitch: prim tart...ha.
WildCIAagent: I don't sleep with my mouth open.
BobsurAuntTom: I don't know why... I don't really love sloopy
kissers.. but an occassional drool is very sweet.
AnonyMitch: oooli...why do you think you drool in your sleep?
BobsurAuntTom: When you get too excited to remember to swallow.
oooolijay: sinuses is my guess, anony
Alansueton: Hey ma! Wanna meet my Fiancee? She drools and has
big feet! She also likes guns and is a sympathy puker!
oooolijay: yes, omg
Primatart: im sorry an out of control sloppy kisser is so not
gonna get kissed again by me
AnonyMitch: oooli...hmmm. so you have a lot of sinus problems?
WildCIAagent: Some have nasal problems and they sleep with
their mouths open.
oooolijay: bob, i've drooled wide awake talking to peopole
CordialCactus: bob, sometimes you say the sweetest things
BobsurAuntTom: That's what I mean Oooli. I like that.
Alansueton: Oooli are you a tard?
BobsurAuntTom: I find it extremely endearing
oooolijay: you'd think, alan
oooolijay: but no
oooolijay: sometimes i suck it back in
Alansueton: I like sloppy kissers
oooolijay: as if no one notices
oooolijay: hahaha
oooolijay: my ex used to make fun of me for that
Primatart: really you like a sloppy kisser?
Alansueton: oooli I bet you never have to worry about lubricating
as you perform fellatio?
Primatart: ick
oooolijay: no
CordialCactus: ooli, you're killing me
BobsurAuntTom: My wife does it.
oooolijay: i'm pretty juicy
CordialCactus: in a good way
Alansueton: I bet you make beat boxing sounds because of all
the slobber
CordialCactus: ok, you're tall, what size shoes do you wear?
WildCIAagent: Oooo, you told meeeeeeeee that it was snot, not drool.
BobsurAuntTom: So Oooli, when you kiss does the guy need a dental dam?

Let's Get Lame:
BobsurAuntTom: I can't believe how lame AOL is.
oooolijay: this isn't even aol at it's lamest, bob
CordialCactus: im feeling a creeping lame sensation, myself

Filling the Godwit Void:
AnonyMitch: this guy who played nixon in the movie is waxing
philosophical on the charlie rose show. and he sounds somewhat
like a sleepy, possibly slightly inebriated chatter.

Overheard in Our Bedrooms:

oooolijay: omgomgomg

Anais3233: "fock me like you hate me!!!"

Fleurdelochi: >snortlaff<
WildCIAagent: hahahahasnort

AnonyMitch: we run all over the jungle trying to avoid the lion and
still end up in its mouth.

Too Excited to Type:
Bbrolia: I just put some bracoli in the micro....boiled some linguini
...mixed them together with some maranara sauce, garlic ind some
shrooms.

Goose Bumps are Hot:
Anais3233: IT'S 54 degrees in my bedroom right now

Newbie Auditions:
Susiq2S: I made some veggie chili...
Susiq2S: it's very good

Conspiracy Theory:
Alansueton: The birds that took out the US Airways Plane and made
it land in the Hudson were Muslims!
Alansueton: FOXNews has just reported
Alansueton: A group suicide attack on a plane by Muslim
indoctrinated pigeons! How dastardly!
Alansueton: What's next?
EUPHORICHATE: i would have figured it would have been hard to
spot the turbans
Alansueton: Witness's claim they flew into the Engines with an arc
that formed a Crescent
Alansueton: Obvious
Alansueton: The Birds last calls were "Allahu Akbar!"
EUPHORICHATE: and they were screaming "alalalalalalalalalalalalalala"
Alansueton: ringing over the cold Hudson
Lamumsie: yes not much warmer for a while yet, Bb
Boulshevit: So, do they get to spend eternity with 70 virgin
unlucky pigeons?
Bbrolia: I think the polar bears are to blame...... They arnt eating
enough seals and the seals are eating too much sea weed. Thats
causing a change in the climate,
Alansueton: Boul I don't know if Koranic laws includes Pigeons
Alansueton: Hold on Let me check my Sha'ria Law Guidebook
Alansueton: Nope Pigeons are cited as being "Rats with Rings"
Alansueton: They died for the cause only
EUPHORICHATE: my face hurts from laughing. i neve knew people
online could get me laughing like this
Bbrolia: Alfred Hitchcock must share some of the blame?!!
Boulshevit: What a waste
Alansueton: A lone pigeon flew into the NY Times building and left
a message claiming responsibility

Graduating From Britney:
BobsurAuntTom: I watched some of that Britney Spears show on
TV at the gym.
BobsurAuntTom: I would have preferred to just watch the woman
directly to my left.

Tell Me All Your Thoughts on God:
Jam7604801: i didn't know anyone could die by a visitation of god
oooolijay: if god visited me, i'm pretty sure i'd die
oooolijay: i'd at least be pretty damned embarrassed
CordialCactus: ha
Tem o Bedlam: Depends on which God...
BinxB91: If God visited me, I'd probably ask some dumb question ...
oooolijay: i stopped believing in god and santa clause right around
the same time
CordialCactus: i used to worry that my guardian angels would hang
out in the bathroom with me, or catch me picking my nose or
something
oooolijay: so i'd be screwed
CordialCactus: ah
Tem o Bedlam: You're God? Nice shoes.

"the truck is Eleanor"
CordialCactus: my son just fell in love with the name juniper from a book
oooolijay: juniper is very cute
BinxB91: Juniper is a fun name
CordialCactus: he was going to name his truck juniper, then changed his
mind to save it for a future child
CordialCactus: the truck is Eleanor

Binx's Box:
BinxB91: when I was in college and used to have a mail box which
rarely ever had any mail in it. I used to pretend there was a
post card there and read it to myself. It said:
BinxB91: "Dear Neil, I love you!"
BinxB91: and i'd be so pleased
oooolijay: that's really weird, binx. love, julie
KissMyAsterix: is your name neil
BinxB91: Yes, I am Neil
KissMyAsterix: (it'd be weirder if his name wasn't neil)

John Waters and Me:
BobsurAuntTom: John Waters is creepy
oooolijay: it's the moustache, bob
oooolijay: at least
BobsurAuntTom: No, it's him.
BobsurAuntTom: He's just creepy.
oooolijay: the moustache doesn't help
BobsurAuntTom: The mustache is just stupid
BobsurAuntTom: I used to get Christmas cards from him.
BobsurAuntTom: But, that's not why I got the cards.
oooolijay: okay
oooolijay: why
BobsurAuntTom: I knew him in a somewhat professional manner, so
to speak.
oooolijay: really?
BobsurAuntTom: He did have some damn nice Christmas cards
BobsurAuntTom: Yeah..
oooolijay: why did you get cards from him?
BobsurAuntTom: He's an artist
BobsurAuntTom: On Christmas thing he sent was a tree ornament
BobsurAuntTom: It was a globe... small, plastic globe with a
cockroach in it.

KatyTried Rule:Always Close on a Positive Note:
oooolijay: i'm eating a banana

2009-01-09T12:27:00.000-08:00

Help me make It through the Night

Hell Freezes Over:
Anais3233: wow, even I'M grossed out a little

His Anus Has the Night Off?:
Sleepy Eyed Evie: all i know is that we've been talking about
alan's feet for way too long

Which Is a Horror Show in Itself:
Tj34: sometimes you go to a movie and your seat plunges down like
it wants to swallow you

So Where Does the Pastry Go?:
Tj34: danish girls have thin legs

Odd Fertility Methods:
The Meagre: I applied too much hot sauce on my eggs

Will the Chocolate Help?:
WildCIAagent: I'm back with a piece of chocolate
WildCIAagent: The carpet people are coming back at 8 in the morning.

BookShelf Homie:
WildCIAagent: I didn't know EVERYONE didn't chat that way!

Marriage Counselor:
Gypsyjo47: Mc there is something about a financial agreement with
poontang...if usually doesn't pursue you through the courts for
years just because you got your dick slick there.

Godwit As Guide:
Godwit935: I'm in the eastern time zone. I'll let you know when
it's 2009, peoples.

Who Charlie Rose Replaced:
Godwit935: I used to watch that American Bandstand.

Before Scrub Brushes:
CordialCactus: does anyone else have memories of going outside at
midnight and banging on pots and pans

The SingActress Saga:

SingActress: I think my son wanted to get back at me for poking
a long knife in the side of his drivers' seat.

SingActress: I'm hated by the fat lady who parks next to me, must
buy a car cover.

SingActress: And someone got into my car and turned the overhead
light on, cost me 114 bucks to replace through triple A, but
Austin wasn't here at that time, but DAVID was, and I know he
stole a hundred dollar bill outta my purse.

SingActress: Sometimes kids do the weirdest things. I think
some of them think of me as a MILF, and in their frustration,
hurt my car, take stuff
oooolijay: yeah....i'm sure that's what it is
oooolijay: sexual frustration
SingActress: Guys, whom I've watched grow up, who have made
passes at me.

BinxB91: So SingActress, why BookShelf?
oooolijay: author's lounge is full
SingActress: AL is full. BRB
oooolijay: so we get the psycho spillover

oooolijay: stop being a psycho cunt and they might be nicer to you

On-Line Scrabble as Metaphor:
Phronsie: I don't want to play with personalities....just the game
and chance
oooolijay: a metaphor for your life, phronsie

Anais on Edge:
Anais3233: i'm kind of emotional right now
LadyMtnMedic: why Anais, are you okay?
Anais3233: i don't know!
Anais3233: that whole maxwell house commercial

["You see how far we've come?" said Veronika to Mari.
Some madman decided it was possible to grow flowers
in winter, and nowadays thoughout Eyrope, we have roses
all year round. Do you think eben a Sufi master, with
all his knowledge could do that?"
Mari seemed to guess her thoughts.
"Save your criticisms for later."
"I'll try to, although I have is the present, and a very
brief one too, it seems."
"That's all anyone has, and it's always very brief,
although, of course, some believe they have a past where
they can accumulate things and a future where they will
still accumulate still more. By the way, speaking of the
present moment, do you masturbate a lot?"]

Seduction:
Anais3233: he just shook his cock at me and told me to meet him
in the shower

The News From Abroad:
AXELvonAUR: there is a Gail orgy going on in the AL
AXELvonAUR: it gets boring after a while

Can't Just Say "gtg":
Anais3233: ok, i have to go mambo dogface in my husband's bananapatch

And if you don't, you still know I am right:
Godwit935: Fleur, if you listen to Fresh Air, you know I am right.

Godwit Takes the Bait:
Anais3233: i listen to fresh air almost every day
Godwit935: Same here, Anais.
Anais3233: right after masturbating to charlie rose

I am Woman hear me roar:
WildCIAagent: I went to pay for our carpet
WildCIAagent: And the man said it was in my husband's name
... just sign his name.
WildCIAagent: IS that evil?
Lamumsie: lol not even illegal

3 Bags Full:
oooolijay: hickory made me laugh harder than i have in a long
time this morning
Tammynet: what did hickory say, oooli and/or hickory
oooolijay: he made a comment about john derek, tammy
Tammynet: oh, sorry i missed that
oooolijay: it was in author's lounge
AnonyMitch: john derek of bo derek fame?
oooolijay: yes
oooolijay: i saved it, hickory, do you mind if i paste it to the
room? i emailed it to myself and looked at it three times today
oooolijay: haha
Hickory49: ... oooli ... don't mind at all ...
oooolijay: maybe it's only funny to me, but i've laughed at it all day
WildCIAagent: Who is John Derek?
oooolijay: Hickory49: John Derek bagged some major wool in his life
oooolijay: that's still making me laugh
LadyQuasi: Wild, he was a Hollywood director (I think)
LadyQuasi: married Bo Derek
oooolijay: and linda evans and ursula andress and some italian actress
oooolijay: they all looked alike, at least the three i know of did
ThePaIeRlDER: kinda makes ya want to webcam huh julie
oooolijay: no rider

Recess Was a Wash-Out:
Fleurdelochi: the snow was melting faster than the storm drains
could accomodate the water and we had a large accumulation on the
playground today

Enthusiastic Student:
Anais3233: i'm studying the histology of the intestines, ools.
Fleurdelochi: ain't goblet cells fun anais?
Anais3233: columnar epithelium ROCKS!
Fleurdelochi: just the fact that you can spell columnar epithelium
makes me love you

The News From Wisconsin:
Anais3233: oh yay, it's cactus!
CordialCactus: Hi oooli, dinov, tallthin, anais, binx, jam, fleur etc
Fleurdelochi: CACTUS!!!!!!!
CordialCactus: anais! i wanted to tell you something
Anais3233: that you love my boobs?
CordialCactus: i had a door to door MEAT salesmen come by.. and yes,
sure, ok i love your boobs
Anais3233: was he a serial killer?
CordialCactus: no, just wanted to sell some meat

Rectumreation:
Anais3233: right now i'm studying the digestive system.
Anais3233: and the word 'rectum' makes me giggle
Anais3233: anus isn't that funny... but rectum... very funny

Rono Gets in Hillary's Face:
Onimesh: hillary's face is very wrinkled...you can only see it when
you are looking very closely
Onimesh: which I have ...I have seen her from six inches away
Onimesh: I thought they wouldn't let me go that close because I
look "muslim"

Apropos of Nothing:

oooolijay: i want a pet crow

AnonyMitch: i think my attempt to reset my bio clock is succeeding.

Anais3233: obama is kind of hot.

Josh Maxwell4: epistemological discussions rearley go anywhere

How to Save Your Marriage:
Phronsie: Well, I remember back in my married days, we had a set of
Encyclopedia Britannica

Anais Anxiety:
Anais3233: Ok. Indianapolis and surrounding area has a bazzillion
retention ponds. All these subdivisions have houses surrounding
these ponds.
Anais3233: there are always moms in minivans with children dying
in these ponds in winter.
Anais3233: drowning in a car sounds like a bad way to go
Anais3233: i have a Rock that i keep in my car just in case

More Stuff Only Rono Knows:
Onimesh: Einstein stole many of his ideas from this sceintist
Onimesh: it is an open secret that einstein was a freemason....
he was given knowledge...he did NOT invent anything
Jam7604801: well rono darwin stole his theory from God

Clown School PR:
Anais3233: did you know that juggling makes your brain grow??

It's used less when you're not here:
Onimesh: within last 15 minutes the word idiot was used at least 8 times

Fantasy:
Jam7604801: Anais i could see you having sex on stilts with a
harry furball

Bengali Proverb:
Onimesh: binx, a dead tiger is no good

For the Record:
Anais3233: i'm sober and not taking pictures of my beav tonight.

Just Imagine:
BlueSapien: A kind of kinky haiku
BlueSapien: where what is not said speaks volumes

Thought She Was at the Movies:
Summers Eve L: The first thing I learned in college was where the
exits were located.

In a pool?:
Anais3233: you know what the sexiest thing on earth is? Men
(preferably muscular ones) doing the butterfly stroke

Overly fond:
AnonyMitch: you know you're fond of your cats when you smell their
crap and think, "aw, ain't that cute!"

He Was Asking for It:
Poor Bidet: i stuck my son on a mechanical bull in mesquite
when he was 3

The Bird Women:
oooolijay: and earlier, charlie was aggressively playing with his bell
and knocked his perch off
oooolijay: so he and the perch went crashing to the bottom of the cage
oooolijay: scared him
oooolijay: but he's fine
AnonyMitch: cool. charlie is spirited. good for charlie.
Poor Bidet: what is charlie?
oooolijay: charlie is a parrot
Poor Bidet: yours?
oooolijay: yes
Fleurdelochi: >sniffle< i miss my parrot. his name was frankie
Poor Bidet: i like birds
oooolijay: charlie's name was almost frankie
oooolijay: but charlie is a better fit
Poor Bidet: we have 4 parakeets
Poor Bidet: and all the chickens
oooolijay: how did that chicken make out, bidet
CordialCactus: the one with the spinal stuff showing
Poor Bidet: the big one that was bleeding was the worst
Fleurdelochi: mmmmmm, chicken
Anais3233: chicken poop stinks
Poor Bidet: he was just playing, but she fought
Fleurdelochi: i had chicken salad for lunch
Summers Eve L: Really? Poop stinks? This just in.
Summers Eve L: Stay tuned for more late breaking updates.
Poor Bidet: she's still alive
oooolijay: oh good
Poor Bidet: she seems to have healed up, but she's still moving slowly

Give Him a Wide Berth:
The Meagre: I need to mount the bog
The Meagre: brb

Julie & Alan:
Alansueton: ooooli I do not need you to speak for me Prospect
has a right to answer any question the way she sees fit. I respect
that.
oooolijay: i wasn't speaking for you alan.
Alansueton: ooooli you were using ME to insult and make Prospect
feel bad. That is unseemly.
oooolijay: bitch, i dont need to use you to insult prospect

Instead of Wings:
Tom Brite: here at joes after 2 the girls sit on the edge of the
stage and u can eat them for change
BinxB91: yuck, Tom
Wjc430: change?
CordialCactus: instead of hot wings
CordialCactus: change
CordialCactus: nevermind.. ack ack
Fleurdelochi: "for change", or "for a change"

What He Found Out:
AnonyMitch: ok. g'nite, children. i found out recently i get stupid
if i miss too much sleep.

Let's Get Shabby:
BobsurAuntTom: I'm shabby
BobsurAuntTom: But for me shabby is a step up.
Fleurdelochi: shabby chic
CordialCactus: Shabby is the new black

Benevolence:
DoomGrl: alan is my friend again. i guess i forgave him for making
fun of my crotch
DoomGrl: whatever

Likes Perky:
Tom Brite: to me rachel ray is the ideal woman

Fired For Reading D.H. Lawrence to Callers:
Zoshka5: most nyc professors are former phone sex operators

No Scotch?
CordialCactus: whats in scotch broth?

Lessons from Burroughs:
Zoshka5: burroughs also had poor aim...lesson, don't let junkies
do target practice on top of your head
DharmaToad: naked lunch hold the mayo
DoomGrl: especially if you wear Strawberry Shortcake pajamas

Almost Famous:
BobsurAuntTom: I have a "friend" who's daughter went to the same
school as Katherine Harrison.

LOOK!! Book Discussion:
Zoshka5: the moral...if you're young and affected and can spurt out
a few novels that capture teen angst and ennui, you can write
anything and people will praise you...see Coupland also
DoomGrl: in england thty recognize that each of ellis' books is a
critique of an aspect of american society
DoomGrl: wall street, corrupt youth, consumerism, etc
Alansueton: Doom he ladens his character with a hamhanded polemic
which gives the narrative clay feet
Tom Brite: in reality a self help book was the greatest of the century
BobsurAuntTom: I'm amazed every time I read American Psycho...
that whole fugue in the department store... his reveries about
Whitney Houston and other singers.
Zoshka5: sure, there are thousands of books critiquing American
society, I just don't think they do it in any depth or with good
writing
Alansueton: Dooom of course snooty english people love to read
Ellis and think "that's America" as they hold their nose up
Alansueton: perfidious Albion!
DoomGrl: i hate the part where he puts a hamster in some body

Footnote Oddly:
Tom Brite: burroughs lived in kansas oddly

2008-12-29T10:04:00.000-08:00

I wish you all a Merry CHRISTMAS & a rich 2009.
I wish I could send you all presents.
Maybe next year.
This column does not seem very clever.
Been doing retail combat for the past few weeks. I
had some funny stories from Barnes but they all slip
my mind at the moment... I am so tired.

Jail Him for His Hair:
Tom Brite: i dont see what belokabevich did thats so worng
Creepy Loner: [smirk]
Sleepy Eyed Evie: his hair is wrong.
Sleepy Eyed Evie: he should be thrown in jail for his hair.

The Trouble With Classics:
Sleepy Eyed Evie: well i just finished a biography of
marilyn monroe and "twilight"
Sleepy Eyed Evie: and now i'm going to read anna karenina again
Sleepy Eyed Evie: the middle part of AK is the part i have trouble
with
Sleepy Eyed Evie: well i tend to stop reading during the 400 pages
of discussion of farming
Sleepy Eyed Evie: that guy who has a farm and goes on for hundreds
of pages about the right way to harvest wheat, or whatever
Creepy Loner: You should read "Growth Of The Soil" Evie...that s**t
will push you over the edge.
Sleepy Eyed Evie: i have a similar problem with Moby Dick. i can't
get past the 300 pages describing every type of whale and blubber
Sleepy Eyed Evie: i'm serious. right in the middle he starts
talking about different kinds of whales and it goes on for pages
and pages and pages

Mentally Dangerous:
Melodramamama22: i like someone who looks a bit dangerous.
if not physically, then mentally
AXELvonAUR: I'm a bit dangerous myself
Melodramamama22: how are you dangerous?
AXELvonAUR: you would find out

Off the Planet:
BobsurAuntTom: I really used to find Meg Tilly sexy.
BobsurAuntTom: I LOVE those incredibly simple, good looks.
BobsurAuntTom: She fell off the planet.
Melodramamama22: i think she did a chucky movie

The Elusive Onion:
PatientOnion3: i banished the b*tches back to Thinkers
where they came from
BinxB91: Evicted the women??
PatientOnion3: they are abused republican skanks
Prospect26: what is a skanks?

The Cute Couple - Julie and Bangladesh:
oooolijay: no i wasn't born in '78. i was 9 in 78'
Onimesh: someone is two years older than my country

Mix That Metaphor:
BinxB91: So what kind of work did you first do in
San Francisco, Onion?
PatientOnion3: i followed in my mother's footsteps and typed
Onimesh: your mother used to type using her feet?

Onionism:
PatientOnion3: they pushed the button in baghdad for the
SHOE MISSILE DEFENSE SHIELD, but I guess it failed

Blunt:
oooolijay: prospect, stop being stupid

Blunter:
Prospect26: my daughter is not sleeping with anyone but her
designated man.
oooolijay: prospect, i have a serious question to ask you
oooolijay: are you just a little bit insane?

Blunt Back:
Prospect26: Binx...zero, zip nada
Fleurdelochi: you forgot no way jose

Lesbian Sex Explained:
Anais3233: who asked how lesbians have sex?
Anais3233: wait
Anais3233: i want to know
Anais3233: how do they?
Anais3233: i mean, i've seen porns
Sleepy Eyed Evie: we dont actually
oooolijay: i think if you dont know how lesbians have sex, you
should begin experimenting for yourself
Catpower777: those aren't real, Anais
Anais3233: but.. how do the real ones do it?
Sleepy Eyed Evie: we just watch Xena, Warrior Pricess together
CordialCactus: lol
oooolijay: haha
Catpower777: lol Evie
Boulshevit: Should I go somewhere?
Tom Brite: now thats funny evie
CordialCactus: i just lurve you, evie
Sleepy Eyed Evie: and wait for Xena and her sidekick to finally
make out
Sleepy Eyed Evie: but they never do, dammit

["Hey," Beth says, walking in the front door. She looks
terrible.
"My, my," I cluck. "Look what the cat dragged in."
"Gimme a break," Beth grumbles. "You got hammered last
night, too."
"Not like you, darling," I say. "I wasn't dancing on tables."
"Was I?"
"The video I took will be all over the Internet tomorrow."
Beth flips me the bird. "You're full of shit."
"At least you got home all right."
"I didn't get home," Beth groans. "I'm wearing the same
clothes I had on last night."
"How delightfully skanky."
"I washed my shirt in the sink, so I'm not totally skanky."
"Don't sweat it," I reply. "I had no clean pants this
morning, so I ironed the ones I got on with Febreeze."
"Ew."
"They're so dirty I thought they'd get off the floor under
their own power and commit suicide."
Beth laughs. I like it when Beth laughs. Her face lights up
with a radiance that could dispel the darkness of human sin.
Even hungover she's still pretty.]

Food Network Rejects:
BobsurAuntTom: Liver is like eating an internal bottom dweller.
oooolijay: do you eat shrimp, bob?
Kursk912: tom hates lobster
BobsurAuntTom: Sure Ooooli, I love bottom feeders.
oooolijay: see
BobsurAuntTom: Including liver.
oooolijay: you eat the liver of the sea
Bobophet1: Americans waste tons of food. They don't eat organs
like we do in other countries. In other countries, nothing is
wasted.
oooolijay: i like liver
PRobin5478: I just ordered some lobster from Omaha Steaks
Kursk912: i haven't eaten out my wife's ass in ages
oooolijay: chicken and beef
Bobophet1: In the US they throw away everything but the
choicest cuts.
DGBALTIMORE: simple hamburger may contain as many as 500
different cows depending on what processor made the product

Mrs Monk:
BinxB91: If your wife came here, what would she say about you?
Kursk912: that i should be in bed
Kursk912: that i like talking about myself
Kursk912: that i'm cheesy
Kursk912: that i should put a baby in her belly and not
her eyes and ears

You wish I were shy:
Summers Eve L: I'm reserved only for a very short period when I
first meet you face to face and then you wish that I were shy.
Summers Eve L: You really do.

Anglo-American Relations:
Various704: im only shy in here cause americans scare me
BinxB91: Brits make me feel inferior
Various704: good.
Various704: thats the idea

High Tech Reject:
Summers Eve L: They're yelling at each other across the office again.
I really hate it.
Summers Eve L: There is a reason why we have phones with intercoms.

Could You Repeat the Question:
BinxB91: Nathalie, what goes on in your office?
Summers Eve L: All kinds of nutty crap. But are you asking what
kind of office I work for?

It depends on the definition of "in":
Summers Eve L: I work in a law office.
Summers Eve L: Ealier this year our 72 year old receptionist was
coming back from lunch.
Summers Eve L: And she drove through the side of the building.
Summers Eve L: I'm just giving you an example of what I mean by
"nutty crap"
BinxB91: Technically that wasn't "in"" the office
Summers Eve L: Her car ended up IN our office so technically
yes it was.

Bagdad Bazaar:
Onimesh: yesterday they were throwing shoess at bush's dummy
Onimesh: and whoever can knock down the dummy with fewest shoes
gets a prize

More Stuff Only Rono Knows:
Onimesh: the word fascist came from mussolinis shirt

"beam me up, Summers":
Summers Eve L: I love William Shatner. I just can't help myself.

Future Wino:
Summers Eve L: OMG. Did I tell you? I bought a $5 bottle of
sauvignon blanc that I discovered and it's not bad.

Pub Golf:
EDruezillaB: Pub golf is where you get a group of friends together
and dress up like you're going golfing. Everyone wears an ugly
sweater. Then you hop from pub to pub all day as a group.
EDruezillaB: you get wasted
Summers Eve L: Sounds fun.
EDruezillaB: in an ugly sweater!
CordialCactus: oh.. i didnt know it had a name
EDruezillaB: I'm going to wear skinny jeans and oxfords and
an ugly sweater
EmpressZ21: edie at a goodwill yeah i dont see that happeneng
EDruezillaB: and big huge sunglasses
Various704: thats um. silly

Rono Exposes Stephen Hawking:
Onimesh: Stephen Hawkins lies about Time, big bang...for which he
later accepted in public that he was wrong about few things, about
big bang theories

Nobody Knows the Trouble I Seen:
AXELvonAUR: if you only knew the nonsense I put up with today

Goodness:
BinxB91: Urbon, name a favorite book
Urbonpiglet1: Nora Roberts, James Paterson goodness lots of them

Bidet's Motivation for Visiting the Shelf:
Poor Bidet: the ufo dudes are in the lounge with ann crispin

ah ah ha:
Poor Bidet: someone sent me a pornographic book bag yesterday
Poor Bidet: which i carried to a political meeting
Poor Bidet: in a fancy hotel
Poor Bidet: ah ah ha

Got Athena's Number:
Athena2719: someone please talk to me
BinxB91: Athena ...
KissMyAsterix: is this going to be about a tv show
Athena2719: nm

["So," I say, shaking myself out of my fugue, "what's going on
with you?"
"My boyfriend and I are fighting," Beth says sadly.
"Sorry to hear that."
"We never get to spend any time together."
"Restaurant schedules can be a problem."
"It's not that," Beth says. "I don't think we're in love anymore.
It's like we're brother and sister."
"You've been going out with him since how old?"
"Nineteen."
"Five years is a long time."
"I just think it's not going to last."
I want to tell Beth that the odds are good that the person you
fall for at nineteen is going to be a very different person at
twenty-five. Most relationships don't survive the process.
Telling her that won't do any good, though.
"I want something better for myself," Beth continues, looking me
dead in the eye. "I want to be in love with someone who's crazy
about me. I'm worth it."
I suddenly feel my breath catch in my throat. Beth is certainly
worth it. I think about telling her that. Then I remember the
difference in our ages. There's a moment, but I let it pass. I
keep my feelings to myself. Beth and I live in different worlds.]

Saving on Dog Toys:
Tammynet: nah, zosh, but i did make some snowballs for the
dogs to chase

Couldn't Have Been THAT Interesting:
Godwit935: He was an interesting chap, I forget his name.

Japanese Literature Discussion:
BobsurAuntTom: I don't really love Murikami either...
or Obi or Obe, or whatever his name is.

Masturbation Arts:
AgIaophonos: gabriel was attractive
AgIaophonos: he was probably never alone in bed
Zoshka5: yeah, he didn't get as much as Llosa though
AgIaophonos: being alone in bed can be beneficial
BinxB91: beneficial how?
Zoshka5: indeed, ag
BobsurAuntTom: Artists tend to look at art much, much
differently than nonartists.
AgIaophonos: no regret
oooolijay: mastering the art of masturbation. art for art's sake.

No, but I have their Punk CD:
Fleurdelochi: have you read marquez and his meloncholy whores?

Non Sequiturs Mostly:
AgIaophonos: my cats don't cuddle
AgIaophonos: neither does my dog
AgIaophonos: but i've had great conversations with my vibrator

Halloween VIII:
Fleurdelochi: god, i was in some room one night and made a comment
about a loud plane flying overhead and a girl told me she was
right down the street from me

OSHA Warnings:
AgIaophonos: but there is nothing quite like being in the company
of penetration without getting carpal tunnel

Mixed Messages:
SteveIzHere5: I worked out today.
SteveIzHere5: my lower body is sore
oooolijay: good job steve
SteveIzHere5: soon I'll be one of those bodybuilder freaks
SteveIzHere5: thanks
SteveIzHere5: yeah, I'm going to bed in a few when I finish this beer.

Steve as Discussion Leader:
SteveIzHere5: I'm drinking munich beer.
SteveIzHere5: beer from Munich
SteveIzHere5: very good
AnonyMitch: oooli
oooolijay: ed, do you live in dallas or just close to dallas

Anony's World:
AnonyMitch: i'm wtchign tv
AnonyMitch: again and again
oooolijay: okay anony
AnonyMitch: still
AnonyMitch: when ahnuld says "get. out." you do what he says.

Grammar Uncertainty as PMS symptom:
CordialCactus: i have some honey statistics from a bee hive
keeping honey maker, its unbelievable how little each bee makes
oooolijay: it's pure and sweet
CordialCactus: oh oooli, im really pms-y.. i have moments
of supreme unsweetness
oooolijay: but you probably feel really badly about it
oooolijay: bad? badly?
CordialCactus: badly
oooolijay: thank you
oooolijay: i never know which one
CordialCactus: poorly would be the most proper, i bet
oooolijay: probably
Tom Brite: it modifies a verb, making it an "ly" adverb, love
CordialCactus: thanks tom.. i knew you had a use

Tom's Joke(with commetary):
Tom Brite: a 40 year old man meets a 16 year old girl in the park
Tom Brite: the 40 year old says he is embarassed to be a virgin
at his age
Doc Whew: is this a true story tom
Tom Brite: the 16 year old girl says not to worry everyone is
embarassed about something
Doc Whew: he had a small penis
Tom Brite: the girl says that she never takes her top off because
she is embarassed
Doc Whew: so he said go ahead
Alansueton: Doc shush
Doc Whew: sorry
Doc Whew: :-X
Tom Brite: and the man says he never has taken his pants off in
front of a woman because he is hung like a baby
Tom Brite: so they make a deal
Tom Brite: the girl takes her top off
Doc Whew: and its big
Tom Brite: the man says he likes what he sees
Doc Whew: :-X
Tom Brite: the girl persuades the 40 year old man to then take
his pants down
BinxB91: this all happened in a park?
BobsurAuntTom: And she says, I can see why you'd be embarassed?
Alansueton: everyone shush
Doc Whew: werent they loitering at this point
Tom Brite: when the girl sees the man she passes out
oooolijay: this is a long story
BobsurAuntTom: He's a slow typer.
Doc Whew: and dahmer comes along and says
Doc Whew: are you gonna eat that
BobsurAuntTom: Punchline, please
BobsurAuntTom: por favor
Tom Brite: i told u i was hung like a baby the man says:
9 pounds and 5 ounces
Doc Whew: a lotta effort for
Alansueton: good one
BobsurAuntTom: Now wait... why was his being a virgin important
in this joke?
BinxB91: I liked Doc Whew's punch line better
oooolijay: maybe i'll tell that one to my niece
BobsurAuntTom: I mean, it was good and all but the whole virgin
thing was a bit silly.
Tom Brite: dont amnalyze it bobsur
BobsurAuntTom: Tom, I'm sorry... I need to.
Doc Whew: was she really a virgin

Candice Distracted:
CordialCactus: oh! i found a person on twitter who is very funny
and acerbic.. just fun to read

Get Back to Sex Talk Then:
Doc Whew: we already had most of this discussion earlier

21 More Dresses and She'll Have a Screenplay:
Tammynet: i have been a maid of honor 6 times ....that kind of sucks

India Report:
Madam Mimi: Binx the most surprising was the subway system in calcutta.
Amazing. Clean, cool, marble floors, trains on time

In a Rut:
CordialCactus: i havent had a date that didnt involve
chicken wings in soooo long

You Really Can't:
oooolijay: you can't just say OMGOMGOMG and then complain
about my carrot

Betting That's Not a Navel:
Summers Eve L: I don't want lint in my hoohoo.

What Qualifies as Fancy:
Summers Eve L: I am the FANCY one who uses them newfangled TAMPONS.

Rono's world:
Niontron9: Chinese people created lots of stuff for the world
oooolijay: like chinese food.
Niontron9: oooli
Niontron9: that is not an invention
oooolijay: it's still good

Julie's Talent:
oooolijay: my mother once told me that one of my most
interesting talents is being able to insult people without
their ever knowing it
Condorblues: oooolijay, that's a wonderful trait

There's a Special Section for Those at Border's:
Vskmjk: Anyone here enjoy reading novels that explore the
ugliness and gut wrenching compromise of humanity while
constantly keeping a level tone and at times comedic feeling
in the reader?
Condorblues: vskmjk, I watch the brady bunch for that stuff

On I-40 East Bound:
Niontron9: Bush Insider Who planned to tell all Killed in a
plain crash:www.niontron.com

Freudian Slip:
oooolijay: rono, i tried to im you just now
oooolijay: would you rather i emailed?
Niontron9: hole on

Julie's day:
BinxB91: not watching football?
oooolijay: nah, i've been busy today
BinxB91: busy doing what?
I2DaysInNovember: wife is watching the second Jurrasic Park movie
on SciFi
oooolijay: taking care of my iguana who is under the weather
oooolijay: laundry
oooolijay: getting stuff ready for the interview tomorrow

Texas People:
oooolijay: my parents had a longhorn skull over the fireplace
when i was growing up

I love categories:
DETRASH: hubby loves to cook he is in his bliss now
DETRASH: at the beach hous we have an open kitchen so I can
watch him cook
BinxB91: DET, what kind of cuisine?
I2DaysInNovember: I love cuisine

Apropos of Nothing:

Tallthinjones: i couldn't stand being a siamese fraternal twin with
lucile ball

CGilbert66: Getting old is worse then trying to get layed
when your 15

Tom Brite: i have written a short story about my first
masturbatory expereience

PatientOnion3: I haven't driven a car in over 30 years

Poor Bidet: the missing half of my giant purple couch arrived today

AXELvonAUR: I had to miss the cleavage episode of Seinfeld tonight

Noted:
oooolijay: sometimes i like nasty

Prospect's Concerned:
Prospect26: I am always concerned when I see The Bell Jar....
because I see suicide and the thought there.

Welcome to Book Shelf:
Im2charming: this is chat room for why you hate people and
wiite it down and dig a hole and bury it

Gee Did She Get a Wrong Number:
Im2charming: HI Bidet what to hear my story I am sure you will like me

Gin!:
Im2charming: I was dealt my hand and played it with a big lost
hand that I had to come back with four aces

That's That:
Poor Bidet: i went to the farm store today
Poor Bidet: and the owner wasn't there
Poor Bidet: because her son-in-law was t-boned by an 18-year-old
on his way to work this morning and died instantly
AnonyMitch: uh oh
AnonyMitch: terrible.
Poor Bidet: and that's that.

2008-12-12T08:29:00.000-08:00

KATY TRIED - The 100th Column!

"Fork is no child":
PatientOnion3: binky, all the hot chix have been talking about you
Summers Eve L: Encyclopedia Brown. Hi there.
Phronsie: hi Binx
Forkrerereredux: but sex is the primary motivator
Summers Eve L: Butt sex. I knew it.
Phronsie: Fork, you are such a child
Alansueton: Dr Fork as Pat Benatar once sang
"stop using sex as a weapon"
Forkrerereredux: fork is no child, phronsie

StealItBack.com:
Anais3233: has anyone ever bought anything from stealitback.com
Anais3233: it's online police auction
Anais3233: it's like ebay but ... confiscated items
Anais3233: there is a LOT of grow lights on there
Summers Eve L: She wants to buy her virginity back.
Nomdujourxx: Do you think it a good idea to buy grow lites
from the cops?

Immmaculate Deception:
Anais3233: can you imagine what circumstances a nativity scene
would be impounded??

I Never Sang For My Father:
Prospect26: We all have a father. Mine died when I was 6 months old.
BinxB91: Prospect, I was being ironic. Fork's origin are
mysterious. Of course I realize he has a father. But I like to
imagine him raised by wolves, kidnapped by gypsies, or a reject
from a government study group
Forkrerereredux: the show "my two dads" was about the problem of
homos trying to raise kids
Prospect26: Binx...it's nice that you can be ironic. I never had
a father.

Miss Manners of Book Shelf:
Anais3233: Oh, just a side note for you all. Ann Crispin does NOT
like it when you greet her like "Hello Whore!"

Grief Counselor of Book Shelf:
Summers Eve L: Oh brother. I'm not buying into Prospect's game.
Always the martyr.
CordialCactus: hurry
CordialCactus: say something nasty
EmpressZ21: cact you ignorant slut
Hadachoke: Cc, yoou IGNORANT SLUT
CordialCactus: ha!
CordialCactus: lol
CordialCactus: wow
EmpressZ21: okay weird
CordialCactus: syncronized slams!
Hadachoke: ok?
AnonyMitch: weirdly ok
CordialCactus: woohoo
EmpressZ21: i swear we didnt plan that
CordialCactus: impressive
Summers Eve L: Hm. Touche.
CordialCactus: prospect, see
CordialCactus: thats all you have to do
CordialCactus: let it slide off and move on
CordialCactus: laugh a bit
CordialCactus: its fun
Anais3233: are you talking about Dick skin?
CordialCactus: ok

Laughter Explained:
BinxB91: Hardest Shelvers to get an LOL from: Prospect,
Lesliehapablap, Godwit, PatientOnion, GypsyJo,
oooolijay: tj, in what part of the brain do you find irony and humor?
MsVictoriaLynn1: Jo won't laugh and twit CAN'T laugh
oooolijay: i got several lol's from godwit
oooolijay: well, not several, two or three though
Tj34: an integument at the 30th parallel horizontal ish
Tj34: it's like a little acorn
MsVictoriaLynn1: TWADDLE!
oooolijay: a humor acorn?
Tj34: yes, you have a little seizure, uncontrolled often and
your face muscles convulse
AnonyMitch: so, the act is the reason for the act.
CordialCactus: lol tj
MsVictoriaLynn1: Holy Twadding Wombats Batman!
CordialCactus: and tiny barking snuffly sounds are emitted from
your face
oooolijay: hmm, can you be born without that humor acorn? or can
it just dry up and die?
Tj34: most people have dopey large (acorns)? hardly! brazil nuts

Whorecoles:
Prospect26: Summers...don't even go there.
Summers Eve L: Too late, Prospect. I'm there.

What About e-mail?:
Tj34: schopenhauer says you can tell if you like someone gauging
your emotional response when you receive a letter from someone
you didn't expect a letter from

For Real?:
MsVictoriaLynn1: So, besides fly, what can a bird do, that a
man can not do?
oooolijay: rejuvenated hymens
CordialCactus: thats it!

Philosophy:
Alansueton: Descartes is at dinner and a servant comes up and asks
"Pardon, Monsieur Descartes, but would you like dessert?"
Alansueton: Descartes pauses and replies, "I think not", and disappears.

Prospect's Daughter is Kelly Ripa?:
Prospect26: lady...just got back from Mexic with my daughter...she is
very psyched about Regis on 1/1/09.

Plea for Tolerance:
fleurdeho3: if you're not gonna fuck sombody, what does it MATTER
if they're gay or straight?

Whaddya Want, a Medal?:
Onimesh: I finished a grapefruit

Julie Has an Opinion:
AnonyMitch: so, does anyone like or dislike that David Gregory guy
for taking over Meet the Press?
oooolijay: yes

From Eating Lamb Chops?:
LaNudie: When I was in high school my mom had a few sheep and our
hands were always soft

Like Crying Wolf:
LaNudie: The skin on my armpits is turning black and scaley
oooolijay: black and scaley?
LaNudie: Not really, I just wanted to see what you would say

Odd & Ends:

LadyMtnMedic: This room seems to be contradicting the Bible tonight

DoomGrl: my heart is a lonely hunter

CordialCactus: no one puts baby in a corner just popped in my head

Anais3233: i think i need to go to clown school

Melodramamama22: jiggling is part of getting dressed binx

BobsurAuntTom: I've never fucked a clown, but now I think I need to
add that to my list.

Melodramamama22: david beckham is gorgeous long as he doesn't speak

Summers Eve L: I hate Jay Leno

Fleurdelochi: i'm an adorable fucking sweetheart

Not Just a Mental Midget:
Godwit935: Oh Oscar, you are bleeding. I want to see you bleed
more, Oscar. Bleed more.
Godwit935: The blood, the blood.
EmpressZ21: Godwit is sounding very tattooish from fantasy island

Weird Science:
Godwit935: The closer you live to the Equator, the more excited
you get when you see blood.
oooolijay: the effect of hte equator on people?
oooolijay: what does that mean godwit?
LadyMtnMedic: what do you think?
oooolijay: i live in texas
Godwit935: I mean Equatorial people.
oooolijay: wow, godwit
oooolijay: that's an odd statement to make
Godwit935: Oooli, it's a known fact. It affects Texans to a
great degree.
oooolijay: so you're saying i get more excited by blood than you do?

Normal Rolls, Not Those Weird Croissants;
WildCIAagent: Godwit is like the Pillsbury Dough Boy. Except when
you poke him in the belly, he doesn't giggle, he says
"it's a known fact"

Candice the Bedazzler:
Tammynet: i am in my grey sweats and blue pull over sweatshirt
CordialCactus: tammy, embellish it a bit
oooolijay: cactus wants to take a bedazzler to tammy

Julie the Fertility Consultant:

Kursk912: no one is asking me any questions
Kursk912: i'll have to leave
EDruezillaB: good
BinxB91: Have you kissed your wife today?
Kursk912: yeah, she's upset, though
oooolijay: why is she upset?
Kursk912: because she's not pregnant yet
oooolijay: oh
Kursk912: some cousin just got pregnant again
oooolijay: kiss her with more sperm

Welcome Newbies:
Kursk912: who are these random weird dumb people?

There's Camps for That:
Annie77772: how does someone become ungay

AA Meetings:
LZOOKEEPER: be i cant sleep go at night and he wakes up really
early so i dont like to wake him up ever time i move
Tj34: provoke some fun, evilooli
Bobophet1: LZOOO, that's bad news.
Bobophet1: Newlyweds who can't sleep together.
oooolijay: there's no one yet tj
Tj34: this is like an old timer AA meeting, god!
LZOOKEEPER: well i love to sleep with him not at night
Tj34: where one guy talks for a solid hours in a sonorous voice
Tj34: i was a drunk and it was just awful the things i did
LZOOKEEPER: i uesd to drink alot
Tj34: i talked to the devil even
Tj34: he was my pal
oooolijay: that would be me

Julie's Latest Quirk:
WildCIAagent: Oooo, in your house... when the phone rings... do
you run to answer it first or hope someone else gets it?
oooolijay: i never answer the phone
oooolijay: rarely
WildCIAagent: Why?
oooolijay: even my cell
oooolijay: i hate it
WildCIAagent: Why?
oooolijay: i dont know
Tj34: i don't like cell phones
oooolijay: i only occasionally want to talk on the phone
Alansueton: I hate cell phones
oooolijay: are you thinking of calling me wild?
Tj34: plus you can get ear tumors from them
WildCIAagent: How about in person?
Forkrerereredux: fork's phone tapped

Boxing:
DoomGrl: boxing is too violent
Alansueton: Boxing is a wonderful sport when it is quality
DoomGrl: whats so wonderful about hitting people?
oooolijay: i'd like to watch a fight between alan and tonya harding
MsVictoriaLynn1: I'd loan Harding a new pipe
Tj34: people fight all the time adn it's a relief for me to see
them do it publically
Forkrerereredux: fork watched 27 dresses

[However much he had botched things so far, he had to keep talking.
Something. Anything. Let Rach know he was just across the seat
from her. He changed the topic, burying what he could not hope
to tell her even in private circumstances. "Ever hear of a Dr.
Wolff, of Cornell? Harold, I think the first name is. Harry,
maybe?"
"No." Rachel sensed current underneath, and let it run. "Why?"
Artie should have remembered sooner that nothing consoles better
than a mystery. "It's probably nothing," he said. A name Dad
called after me on our way out. I'm suppose to be a detective,
see? Figure out what he has figured out about what nobody can
figure out.
"Taken to crying Wolff, has he?" Rachel slid back into form. Her
voice was once more Rach's voice. Artie felt safety return, and for
the next twenty miles, the two kicked around the enigma. The world
became pitch dark. After the toll plaza at Oak Park, they underwent
the gradual escalation of nothing into vacancy, vacancy into
sparsity, sparsity into FOR LEASE signs, lease signs into industrial
parks, parks into complexes, complexes into into conglomerates and
skyscrapers and finally into the Sears Tower. Winding along the
inbound Eisenhower into the Dan Ryan, "Damn Ryan" in Rachel's
private vocabulary, they picked up traffic until they were bumper
to bumper. They began to breathe easier in the anonymity of
overcrowding. Artie co-piloted Rach into Hyde Park and up to his
old brownstone off Cottage Grove. She had taken him there scores
of times and should have been able to locate the building herself,
even in the dark. But she never could. Each time, he patiently
marveled over how any townee, even an adopted one, familiar as
she was with the Chicago grid system, could still lose herself
amid all the indelible logic.
"North Sider," he razzed her. "Coming up?" Artie's sudden
invitation surprised them both. Normally, after a weekend of
Hobson's choices, he couldn't wait to sequester himself with the
law books. Maybe he habituated to companionship, maybe he was
afraid to leave Rach alone so soon. Whatever the reason, he
asked her, curtly, not to take off right away.
Rach tipped her head at him, quizzically, the way a parakeet some-
times will. Only she kept tilting, through 180 degrees, until she
sat completely twisted in the driver's seat, craned all the way
upside down, head to the cushion, looking at him as he dangled one
foot on the curb. Vintage Rachel, returned fully from the tremor
moment. "Say that again."
"Coming Up?"
"God. From this angle, it looks as if your mouth is in your
forehead."
Losing his patience, he grabbed his rucksack, assembled his stuff,
and closed the car door in disgust. He had done all he could for
her in the car, and now that she felt better, she fell back into
sight gags. He completed his send-off brusquely and was halfway
up the walk when Rachel rolled down the window and called him
back.
"Artie." He knew, because she used his real name and not some
coinage, that he was in for a dressing down. He dragged back to
the car wronged but nevertheless cooperative. He thought, somehow,
that she was about to speak directly to the issue, the thing that,
in the drive back through open fields, they had avoided touching
on. He knew, by the tone of her voice, that subject was friction,
was fishing, or forgiveness, something fricative.
She would call him out, he thought. Implore him to forgive the
old man. Tell him not to hold it against the guy for both falling
ill and then evading differential diagnosis. But Artie wasn't
ready to forgive, even for his favorite Rach of all Rachs.
But he had guessed entirely wrong about his sister's scolding. He
had guessed wrong about everything. He had guessed wrong in the
car, in thinking that he had to hold her together. "Artie," she
said gently. 'I'll see you soon. Go easy on yourself, okay?"]

BookSlut in cognito:
PatientOnion3: muerte barbie is creepy
DoomGrl: creepyloner
Muerte Barbie: Since when has Doom been cultured?
Forkrerereredux: that's not miss creepy
oooolijay: i dont think so either fork
BinxB91: LOOK!! IT IS BookSlut!!!!
oooolijay: oh, i forgot about bookslut
WildCIAagent: Forgot what about her?
BinxB91: M'Barbie is BookSlut. She would be more often.
But she has been busy reading the Twilight series
DoomGrl: Bookie knows how cultured I am
PatientOnion3: name ONE cultured attribute you got Doom Chick
Muerte Barbie: Doom. Are you familiar with Anne Pigalle?
DoomGrl: see, it is Bookie

Found in Her father's bedroom:
DoomGrl: i watched a movie in serbo-croatian last week. i found
it in my dads room

Lower Than a Slut:
Muerte Barbie: Doom. I am dating a Lounger.

Julie Once taught Self-defense:
Tj34: but first let me say you can get a crocodile to let go of you
if you press your thumbs in its eyes
oooolijay: you can get almost anything to let go if you press your
thumbs in it's eyes

Why DoomGrl Sleeps on the Floor:
DoomGrl: i thought there was a werewolf under my bed who would grab
my ankle if i got up

Scary Because She Doesn't Own a Car:
DoomGrl: sean penn changes my tires in my nite mares

So You Go Down on Me First:
I2DaysInNovember: I am more a Thinker and you're more a Feeler

Low-grade ESP:
Summers Eve L: I knew you were going to say something!

Low-grade Love:
Tom Brite: creepie i love you
Creepy Loner: Yes, yes...spell my name right.

Use Body Language:
CordialCactus: well, how tough can you be when you
sound like minnie mouse

Tom, NO 3rd chance!:
Tom Brite: ...then i wont say what i did last night thinking
of creepie
Creepy Loner: Damn it...if you're going to think about me
while humping your dog, please, spell my SN right!

Flip side of bookSlut watching football:
Forkrerereredux: fork likes to look at cat pictures

Axel provoking Mormons:
AXELvonAUR: I have a Xmas greeting for the enemies of Prop 8. I think
they should all say "Merry Queerness"
AXELvonAUR: or "Marry Queerness"

Ronoism:
Onimesh: news are there to make you believe the lies

Deliverance Fans:
BobsurAuntTom: Yeah, you guys should meet somewhere where you can
all find someone that might make you want to squeel like a pig.
oooolijay: we're girls bob
BobsurAuntTom: Oooli, I'd be willing to bet most of these gals
aren't all that much into anal.
oooolijay: neither was ned beatty

Mystery I
Summers Eve L: I don't take kindly to freezing pine water.
EbMajor999: pine water?
CordialCactus: what is pine water?

Mystery II
Summers Eve L: I'm not allowed to go to Birmingham, Alabama again.

Gilbert & Sullivan Turning Over:
Onimesh: men, men, men, men, men, men...manly men

Rono's World:
Onimesh: the whole world knows about hat stone...one of the
seven wonders( I can't figure out how many times they changed the
seven wonders)

A Man of Depth:
ThePaIeRlDER: creepy, you have no clue the depth this cock has
shrunk too

The Joker:
AXELvonAUR: Heath Ledger seemed to me to be channelling
Al Franken in that movie

Vegan Consequence:
Creepy Loner: RIDER, you really must give up this whole
vegan thing...your brain is going bye-bye.
ThePaIeRlDER: creepy, i have never felt better or been in as
good as shape in all my years
ThePaIeRlDER: thats the truth too
ThePaIeRlDER: veganism wrks
Creepy Loner: Clearly.
Sleepy Eyed Evie: yes but all you can talk about is your thingy
Creepy Loner: I can see where this is going to go...
Creepy Loner: RIDER's red-winging history.
ThePaIeRlDER: naw axel, my dick is still long enough to get
splashed when i flush
Sleepy Eyed Evie: see what i mean?
ThePaIeRlDER: sometimes even tikled by a log
Creepy Loner: You're a log-tickler?
Creepy Loner: Perhaps I will have an affair with you.
Creepy Loner: Huh.
Sleepy Eyed Evie: he's all yours

Julie's Men:
oooolijay: i've had pretty guys who weren't funny or smart